Bud Abbott Lou Costello Meet the Invisible Man (1951) - full transcript

All hail beloved
alma mater

Steadfast and loyal
we will be

This is the greatest thing that ever
happened to me. How did I ever graduate?

I slipped the guy 20 bucks.
Now, keep quiet.

...detective training

And now we graduate
from Dugan's

Experts in criminology

And since they say
that crime won't pay

We will fight crime
with good old

D.D.T.

Men, I have taught you
all I know.



You've studied hard and
learned well, most of you.

You have earned the Dugan
Detective Training diploma.

And the D.D.T. diploma
on an office wall...

means a steady
stream of clients.

Bud Alexander.

In accordance with my agreement
with the students who graduate...

you'll receive a trial with
a recognized detective agency.

Report to the MacQuillan
Agency in the Fort building.

Give him this card. Thank you.

Louis Francis.

Thank you.
Thank you!

You've been seeing too many
Sherlock Holmes pictures lately.

Take off
that cap.!

A detective has to dress so
he won't attract much attention.



Put that down,
that is not a lollipop.!

Turn on the
police calls.

Hurry up, it might
tip us off to something.

I'm glad MacQuillan
gave us the night shift.

Maybe we can grab a case
and solve it ourselves.

We get a tip on a bank robbery,
better yet, a murder...

and we follow the murderer
to his hideout. Yeah.

We go to his hideout and
we start searching the place.

Remember, death lurks
in every corner.

And suddenly,
the murderer comes in.

Fellas interested in a case? A case?

A case of what? Shh, quiet!
You want us to handle a case!

Which one of you is MacQuillan? I am. I am.

Who's who? He's Mac, I'm Quillan.

Just call us Bud and Lou.
Attention.

Be on the lookout for
Tommy Nelson, escaped murderer.

He is 5'11", weighs 165,
blue eyes, brown hair.

When last seen, was wearing
dark felt hat, overcoat...

Nelson? Isn't that
the middleweight...

who killed his manager after his
last fight? That's what they said.

If we weren't taking your case,
I'd grab that murderer.

I don't think you have to
look very far. Keep quiet!

5'10", weight 165,
blue eyes, sandy hair.

Put down...
turned-up collar and soft hat.

Quiet, the man
wants a telephone.

If that ain't Tommy Nelson,
it's Frankenstein.

Frankenstein!

Hello, Helen,
is anyone around?

Good.

I must see the doctor at once.
I'll be right over.

There's money in this for you. How much?

Plenty. Take me
to 823 Maple St...

and I'll tell you
all about it. Let's go.

That's him.
Who?

Tommy Nelson. I'd love
to get my hands on him.

Come on,
let's go.

I can't see a thing. Turn it around!

Bud, I-I-look!
What?

It's only a moth.
Come on!

Tommy, I've been
so worried.

I want to see the
doctor right away.

Fellas, wait the in library.
I'll be right back.

Excuse me.

She called him Tommy. That's
Tommy Nelson, the escaped killer.

Stop jumping
at conclusions.

What would an escaped killer
want private detectives for?

So he can catch himself? So... Oh, come on!

Tommy,
is this wise?

The police know
about you and Helen.

This is the first place
they'll look.

Those men you brought with you...
It was my only way of getting here.

Can you trust them? If you'd brought the
serum, I wouldn't need to trust anybody.

What did happen?

Did you make up your minds that
I killed O'Hara? That's not fair.

Uncle Phil's been working on the
formula. You told me you had it developed.

I do, my boy.
You can see for yourself...

Pripitane serum was discovered
years ago and it works.

One injection, and the cell
structure becomes transparent.

What are you
waiting for?

Jab me with one of those and
the police will never catch me.

I'll be free to find out
who really killed O'Hara.

And inside of a week,
you'd be a raving maniac...

just like its discoverer,
John Griffin. No.

I've got to take
that chance.

Do you want to go insane,
as John Griffin did?

Shot down like a mad dog
as he was?

He never regained his visibility
until he was dead.

When he willed
me this formula...

I swore I'd never use it until
I'd found some safe reagent...

some means of
bringing a man back...

avoiding insanity,
perhaps restoring visibility.

Doc, unless I clear myself,
it means "the chair. "

So what difference
does it make?

Come on, that's a boy!
You can make it.

Did you see that?
What happened?

The halfback just ran around
his own end. Some trick.

We interrupt our program to
give you a police bulletin.

Have you seen this man? He's
Tommy Nelson, escaped murderer.

There's a $5,000 reward. If you
have any information, phone...

What number?
Rlver-8-1-8-1.

Thank you. You're right,
this guy is the killer.

Let's get outta here. No,
we've got a great case.

We'll grab the murderer and get
the reward. We can't do that.

This guy hired you and I...
Nevertheless, he's a rat.

Because he killed his manager? Because he
didn't tell us there was a reward for him.

I'm sorry, Tommy,
I can't do it.

It's the police. Let's
sneak out the back way.

Good, let's go.
Wait.

We're detectives.
What am I running for?

Am I a crook? You want me to answer that?

It's the police. Stall them off and
I'll try to get out the back way.

All right, men,
take your positions.

It's a legal search
warrant. But it's ridiculous.

I've been ridiculous
before, beautiful.

Roy, you and I'll
take the upstairs.

Joe, you cover the back.
Eddie, you stay right here.

We've got to catch Nelson
before the cops do...

and collect
that reward.

I'll watch in the hall and you watch
here. You ain't gonna do that to me.

You watch here and I'll
watch in the hall. Okay.

That's the same thing! Shh.

We've got him.
He can't get away.

Look.
N-N-Now...

Bud.! Bud.!

Don't worry,
he can't get out.

Neither can I!
Bud!

Mr. Nelson,
I don't want the reward.

I'm for you.
Let's shake hands on it.

Atta boy.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

Don't forget,
we get the reward.

My pal's got him covered.
That boy is always on his toes.

Well,
where is he?

Always on his toes,
huh? Lou, snap out of it.

Come on, boy. I'll give
him a whiff of this.

Oh, Bud, I want
to tell you something.

Here's Bud.
Hi-ya, Bud.

Where did Tommy Nelson go? He disappeared.

How did he get out? In installments.

Installments? Yeah, he
did a Gypsy Rose Lee.

That... That's all
that's left of him.

Evidently Nelson
changed clothes.

What was he wearing the
last time you saw him?

Air.
Nothin' but air.

And then he asked me
how he looked.

Wearing air? What
are you talkin'about?

He was standing right here
and then I shook hands with him.

His hand was gone.

I went to speak to him,
his head was gone.

He took off his shirt,
his body was gone.

He took off his pants,
his legs were gone.

Then he spoke to me,
I was gone.

This guy's a psycho
if I've ever seen one.

Would you mind coming
to the police station...

and telling a real nice man
just what you told us?

Don't you believe what I saw? Sure I do.

Things like this happen every day. They do?

Where have I been? I don't
know where you've been...

but I know where
you're going.

So you let him get away!
Now we can't collect the reward.

Double-crosser.!

You kicked me!

And what's the idea of
calling me a double-crosser?

That wasn't me, that
was him. Don't lie! Ow!

Break it up.

Don't keep the nice
man waiting. Come on.

I know, you saw this man
disappear into space.

That's right.

Do you always see things?
Only when my eyes are open.

Have you ever seen anyone
disappear before? Yes. My brother.

Ah-ha, this may have been
the start of seeing things.

Tell me
about it.

My brother and I were
walking down the street.

All of a sudden, he
disappeared. Into thin air?

No, into
a manhole.

Oh!

How about voices? Do you ever
hear strange voices? Yes, sir.

When does this happen? When I
get the wrong number on the phone.

Oh!

Got a headache? Suppose you
go over there and lie down.

Why? Don't you
believe me sittin' here?

Would you get over
there, please? All right.

Here, lie down.

Perhaps we can find out
something from your subconscious.

Tell me, what's wrong
with me? Well, you see...

Would you
get down there?

Often the conscious
mind will lie...

but from the subconscious
we get the truth.

You know where the subconscious
comes from? The subway?

Look into my eyes.
You're going to sleep.

You're going to sleep. Sleep.
Sleep. One, two, three, four...

What are you doing? I'm countin' cows.

Cows? I'm allergic to sheep.

Sleep. Sleep.

Sleep.

And now you are asleep. I am?

Go to sleep. We must find
out why you are seeing things.

Now, watch this.
Concentrate on this.

Tick-tock.

You forgot to say,
"The mouse ran up the clock. "

You've got to go to sleep! I can't,
I'm too busy looking at this clock.

Concentrate on that.
We've got to help you.

We've got to
make you better.

First we've got to find out
what causes these things.

We must
find out...

What's with that psycho? Nothing yet.

Well, find out what's cooking. Okay.

Wake up, will ya, please?
Wake up. Please wake up.

What's happened here? He was trying
to put me to sleep with this watch.

He kept saying,
"Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. "

Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.

You see, officer? I was...
Where's your head? Oooh!

Wonder what the doc
is doin' here so late.

Somebody's gotta be there. You
think anything happened to him?

I hope so.
Come on, we'll find out.

Why don't you all
get up?

Doc, will you help me
to get them up?

Will you get up, fellas?
Mmm-hmm, tick-tock.

Doc! Doc! What's the matter?

What happened? You were trying to
put me to sleep with your watch.

Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.

Oh, no. Give me that
watch. Get out of here.

Get out of here!
Take it easy.

Did you find out anything? Yes, once
before, he saw his brother disappear.

Into thin air? No, into a sewer!

A fine detective
you are!

You not only mess up
our first case...

but you prove to the cops that
you're a moron. I did not, they did.

I didn't mean to frighten you.
I have a message from Tommy.

He wants you to prove
that he's innocent.

I have a $500 retainer for you. 500 bucks?

You're to take this grip to
the south end of Riverside Park...

that deeply
wooded section.

Leave the grip there and
Tommy will contact you.

Here's
the $500.

We'll get in touch
with you at your house.

Any messages for Tommy? Yes. Tell Tommy
my uncle is working on the reagent.

Thanks for
the $500.

Well, that's that.
Now all we...

So.!

He's invisible,
eh?

Then why take
clothes to him?

What are you two
cooking up on me?

What did this guy
give you to escape?

Don't lie to me.

Ah-ha,
just as I thought.

500 dollars.

You'll get no parts of this $500
or the $500 the dame gave me.

That'll teach you to
be honest, someday or other.

Oh, yeah?
No, you don't.

No, you don't!
You leave that alone!

Touch that again, I'll
break both of your arms.

You take this grip...
I told you not to touch it!

Give me
that bill.

Put it there and leave it there.
That's better. Now you...

Give me that bill.
Give me your hand.

Put it in my hand like that
and leave it there!

Take this grip down to the car,
and I'll be right with you.

Hurry up.

Wise guy.

Hello, operator?
Give me police headquarters.

Tommy?

Tommy?

Here's your grip,
Tommy.

Was he in there? Yeah, he
was unpackin' and I'm packin'.

What did you see? An empty
woods full ofTommy Nelson.

Don't give me that invisible
stuff again. Honest.

And there were
footsteps with no feet.

And the grip that was unpackin'
itself. All right, let's go.

That's some disguise. The cops
will never recognize you.

I'm not gonna
get near any cops.

And I'm counting on you guys
to help me. You can trust me.

Tommy.

You can trust me, too.
Thanks. Let's shake on it.

Come on, let's
get out of here!

If I'd known it was you,
I wouldn't have come.

If it's a wild goose chase... There's
a sitting duck right in my car.

You bag him and I'll bag the
reward. I want Tommy Nelson!

I got the keys
in my pocket.

Don't get excited. There's
no use you losing your head.

Cause, I mean...

Oh, Tommy.

Not again.

Come out with your hands up.
What! You again?

I knew you'd do something like
this. Take me to the station!

You gonna see that nice man? Yes,
I'm gonna have my head examined.

I saw another man
in the car when we drove up.

And I'll have your head
examined, too! Come on.

What's your
alibi now?

He did it again. And you did it again...

after me phoning
the cops to be here.

And you did that again!
Now, don't be smart.

I told you not to
get smart, didn't I?

Now, I'll show you
who is the boss.

No, I'll show
you who's boss.

Who said that? The voice is familiar,
but I can't quite place the face.

You brought the cops here and
tried to double-cross me again.

Oh, no, it's Tommy Nelson.
Lou, he's here!

- I touched him.
- I think he touched you back.

If either of you
ever cross me again...

I'll break every bone
in your bodies.

Tommy, I didn't do anything.
Don't give me excuses.

Get in the car.
Yes, sir.

Not in the front,
in the back!

Give me the keys.
Hurry, the keys!

Fine pal
you are!

Stand there and
watch me get beat up.

Bud, believe me, I
didn't see a thing. Yeah.

Boy, I sure
scared that guy.

If we get in an accident,
do you bleed, too?

Mr. Nelson,
I want to apologize.

Okay, from now on,
we'll work together.

You didn't kill your fight manager,
did you? The evidence says I did.

When I stepped out of
the shower that night...

I found O'Hara on the dressing
room floor, beaten to death.

The officer at the door swore no
one else had entered the room.

So, they hung
it on me.

We believe you,
Tommy.

I forgot to tell you, Miss Grace's
uncle is working on the reagent.

Without it, I could become
a raving maniac...

with an uncontrollable
urge to kill.

He ain't kidding.

I hope he's got his driver's
license. I hope he's in the car.

Pull over
to the side.

Tell him,
he's drivin'.

I said,
pull over to the...

Now, tell it
to me again.

But I've told you three
times. Tell him again!

I saw a car with nobody,
drivin' somebody.

Sorry, Tommy, I didn't
know you was behind me.

Hey,
what're you doin'?

Rowin'. I gotta be at
Staten Island in twenty minutes.

You better hurry,
the tide's goin' out.

Now, in preparation...

for his fight
with young Malloy...

the leading contender
for the middleweight crown...

the East Side's favorite son,
Rocky Hanlon.

He couldn't lick
Tommy Nelson.

So, that's Rocky Hanlon?
Yeah.

The night I fought him,
my manager O'Hara...

and a gambler named Morgan made
a deal for me to take a dive.

I crossed them and knocked
Rocky out in the second round.

So, that's why they
killed your manager. Yeah.

That announcer there. It was
Stillwell, he runs this place.

I need you guys around
the gym to help me out.

Tell him you'd like to train
here. Leave it to me, Tommy.

Mr. Stillwell...

In close,
Rocky.

Watch that jab. That's it.
Keep puttin' 'em in there.

Keep that
left up.

Keep him workin'.

Morgan,
the colonel's down front.

It ain't smart if it gets
around that you own Rocky.

I know what
I'm doin'.

This fight will put us all
in the blue chips. Yeah?

That's what you said before
Rocky fought Tommy Nelson.

This time there'll be no slipup.
Malloy dives in the sixth round.

Does his manager understand?
I keep asking him if he does.

Keep asking him if he knows what
happened to O'Hara. Beat it.

You don't look like
much of a fighter to me.

You can train him here as
long as you pay me. Thanks.

In case a substitute is
needed on a fight card...

should I give him a bout? Sure.

Give me a bout? Give me about
20 minutes to get out of town.

Listen. We told him
you were a fighter.

You've gotta live up to
the name. I'm no fighter.

What's the difference? Look, watch this.

Tommy...

you here? Yeah, this is our first move.

Stick close to that bag
and I'll do the rest.

I've never seen
anything like him.

Why, the little
guy's wonderful.

You're missin' the greatest
exhibition I've ever seen... look!

Stay down.
Stay down.

Great stuff, fella. You punch
a bag just like Tommy Nelson.

That's what I've
been tellin' myself.

Steve, get a picture of
this fella. Wait a minute!

I made 40 grand last year.
What was your take?

About 10% of that.
Then pay attention to me.

You, make with
the camera.

He's ready to blow up.
Start workin' on him.

Just a minute, chum.

This butterball could smear you all
over the map. Bud, don't say that.

I'll repeat it. He can
smear you all over the map.

That's it.
Steam him up.

While he's doin' that, what
do you think I'll be doin'?

Smearin' my map all over
the place. You said it.

Shove off.
Shove off?

That's sailor talk,
like taking a dive.

Nobody has to take
a dive for me.

I can whip anybody in my weight.
That includes you!

Let him smear your map
all over the place.

So, now you
wanna fight me?

If you're looking for a fight,
I'll give you one.

Lou, take
a poke at him.

Me? Do you want him to think I'm a coward?

I'll fight
the two of ya.

You couldn't even lick him. Yes, he could.

Take a punch at him.
I dare you...

I double dare you!
Stop coaxin' him!

What a slugger.!
I couldn't even see the punch.

It was a right cross.
No, it was an uppercut.

What punch did you use? It was a
half-Nelson, maybe a whole-Nelson.

What's your name? Louie Francis.

Louie the Looper!
What a story!

Where've you fought?
Well, I-I-I...

Tell 'em something. Okay, Tommy.

I haven't had a fight since I
went to school. Say something.

I can remember the classes,
but I can't remember the names.

I licked Chucky Lemange
in the fourth...

and Chuck Grant
in the sixth.

And the teacher
licked me in the eighth.

The teacher? He means his trainer.

Are you his manager? Sure.

Would you consider a fight
between your boy and Rocky Hanlon?

Yes!

What're you talkin' about?
Rocky fights Malloy next week.

That's right, I'm fightin'
Malloy next week.

Sure, Rocky's fightin'
Malloy next week.

After the story I'm writing, the
Hanlon-Malloy waltz wouldn't draw flies.

Attention, sports fans.
My first exclusive.

The Rocky Hanlon,
Louie the Looper fight is set.

And I say, watch this boy,
Louie the Looper.

His looks are deceiving, but there's
no denying his punching ability.

I was the first
to recognizeJoe Louis.

And in studying Louie
the Looper's deceptive style...

halfTony Galento,
half Benny Leonard...

I say, watch this boy.

I'll call.

What do ya got, Lou? Pair of jacks.

And you, Bud?
Queens up.

No good.
Three tens, you lose.

Tommy, you are
the luckiest guy.

What's the idea of living
in this high-class joint?

For the benefit of our
gambling friend, Morgan.

Cut the cards. What's the
matter, don't you trust me?

How do you like that?
I think somebody's cheating.

You can say
that again.

What're you doin'? You gotta ante, Tommy.

Okay, I'm dealin'. By the
way, Tommy, what is your plan?

Morgan will hear that you guys
are a couple of free spenders...

and figure
you can be reached.

He'll make a contact
and we'll lead him on.

Then, the night
of the fight...

Do I have to go in the ring
with Rocky Hanlon?

What're you worryin' about?
I'll be there every minute.

I'm dyin' to take
a crack at Rocky.

And I'll be in there
just dyin'.

I open.

I'll stay.

Cards?

One.

Give me two.

One, two, three.

I bet.

I'll raise
your bet.

I'll raise you.

I see that,
and I raise you.

That lets
me out.

I raise again.

What're you doin'? I wanna
make sure you're not peekin'.

Oh, Miss Gray.

Is Tommy here?

Yes.
Please come in.

Tommy,
Helen is here.

Hello, Helen.
Tommy.

We oughta hang a bell
around this boy's neck.

Maybe he's inside changing
his clothes... what clothes?

I'll be right out, Helen.

Lou... I guess you two
want to be alone.

Bud, not Helen and me,
Helen and Tommy. Come on.

Good-bye, Helen. Good...

I still think somebody's cheating. Come on.

Helen, you shouldn't
have come here.

You may have been followed, and
the police could spoil my plans.

I'm sorry, dear.

I've been so worried.
Last night there was fog.

In fog or smoke, they can
see you. I'll be careful.

It isn't only that, Tommy.
My uncle is worried about...

About the effect of
the drug on my mind?

Tell him I never thought
more clearly in my life.

I've never
felt so free.

Invisibility gives me a sense
of power, for good or for evil.

Tommy, that...
That feeling of power...

It might be a symptom.

Please come back to
the laboratory. I can't.

I must have time
to clear myself.

Another day,
a week at the most.

Then your uncle can
try whatever he wants.

All right, Tommy.

But for my sake,
please be careful.

I will.

Good-bye, boys.
Good-bye, Miss Gray.

Good-bye, Helen. If he starts
acting strangely, call me.

If he starts acting strangely, I
won't be able to open up my mouth.

We'll call you if anything
happens. Thanks. Good-bye.

Where're we goin'? To the Bubble
Room. That's Morgan's hangout.

The quicker you meet Morgan,
the quicker we'll get action...

and I crave action.!

Who is it? Detective Roberts.

You craved action, you're
gonna get it. Get out of here!

Just a minute,
Detective Roberts.

You stand there.
He won't be able to see you.

On your knees.
On your knees!

Atta boy.

What can we do for you?
Nothing, nothing at all.

I just wanted to check up
on what you've seen today.

Are you still seeing men
disappear into thin air?

Or is it flying saucer day?
This guy needs a pie-chiatrist.

What I need is information,
and I want it quick!

I trailed
Nelson's girl here.

I know she didn't come to
see you. Where's Nelson?

You can believe me.

I have not seen him since last
night. That goes for me, too.

You haven't seen him,
huh?

Okay, Nelson,
get your hands up!

What...
What's this?

My laundry. I'm sending
it out. Your laundry!

Don't forget to say hello to
that nice man with the watch.

A-tick-a-tock.

Tommy... Tommy!

The glass
belongs here.

Tommy, it's not polite to make
noise when you eat. But I'm starved!

I'll have the lamb chop luncheon. Yes, sir.

I know what I want. Spaghetti. And a steak.

What do
you want?

Spaghetti.
And a steak.

You said you knew
what you wanted.

Do you want
spaghetti or steak?

I'll have a spaghetti...
and a steak. Yes, sir.

I used to be a juggler.
Many, many times...

You care for
anything else, sir?

Yeah, yes. You can get me
that swell-lookin' dish.

Waiter,
bring two dishes.

I want
to go halffies.

That's Boots Marsden. I had
a hunch she was with Morgan.

But he doesn't even
look like a fighter.

He's fat and short. So, he won't have
so far to fall when he takes a dive.

Start workin', baby.

Hey, she's
coming this way.

I must have
caught her eye.

May I join you? Sure, sure.

Sit here,
Miss Marsden.

Move over.
Move over.

I hope you don't get
the wrong impression of me...

but I have two good reasons
for wanting to meet you.

The first one is,
when I read what...

Louie the Looper
did to Rocky Hanlon...

I said to myself,
"There's a man!"

That's the first time
anybody ever said that about me.

And the
second reason?

I'm a woman. That's even
better than the first one.

- How about a little drink?
- No, thank you.

Not here.

I like privacy.

There's nothing like wearing
something comfortable...

and turning
the lights down low...

and having a nice cool drink
with a nice warm person.

Yeah, but my place at the
Carlton Towers is overcrowded.

The Carlton Towers?
Now, isn't that...

a coincidence
or fate or something?

I live at the Towers, too.
Hey, I live there, too.

I hope you
like your room.

I'll be home
all evening.

Boots, Boots, Boots.

Ah, shut up.
You sound like Gunga Din.

Morgan's made his first move.

Tonight he'll make his second.
Or I should say, she will.

Boots, spaghetti.
What a combination.

What are you
stuffing in your mouth?

No.

Bud.
What's the matter?

I don't want to do this. Now, listen.

All we're trying to do is
prove that Tommy was framed.

You see this recording machine.
All you have to do is start it.

Then we'll get
a record of what she says.

And then you'll get
a record of what I say.

No, come here. All you
have to do is lead her on.

Come in.

- Good evening.
- Good night.

What did you say
good night for?

I think she's getting
ready to go to bed. So!

Come in, Louie.
Aw...

You shouldn't
have done that.

I know, I'm just
a little squirt.

Flowers? For me? Yes, ma'am.

How thoughtful. Put them
over there on the table.

Mm-mm.

I just love flowers.

They're like true friends.

They see so much and
hear so much...

and yet they never talk.

It sure would surprise people,
if they did.

Don't move.
Stand where you are.

I'm caught.
I didn't mean anything.

Don't talk.

That light on your profile...

it shows your iron will,
your rugged individuality...

your indomitable courage.

Oh, darling.
I always want to see you...

the way you are now.

It's your looks
I'm worried about.

Oh, not that you
can't beat Rocky...

but one lucky punch from him
could ruin that profile.

And then I'd
lose all interest.

You mean, you wouldn't
like me if I wasn't pretty.

Of course, I mean it.

When it's so unnecessary.

There's more money to be made
losing a fight than winning one.

All you have to do is
agree to get knocked out.

You can even name the round.

First round?
Mm-mm.

Second round?
Mm-mm.

Third round?

How many
rounds can you last?

Suppose you agree to
three rounds.

Then some nice friend will
deposit a lot of money for you.

How am I gonna know the nice man
that's gonna put the money in.

Maybe I can
arrange a meeting.

I'll phone, but remember...

all of this is off the record.

Louie.!

Everything's set.
We're to go to the Bubble Room.

Oh, Louie.
You won't regret this.

Oh, Boots.
Let's fight another round.

What was that noise? That's off the record.

Tommy, please listen.

He must be made to realize the
danger of his mental condition.

Tommy, the doctor is afraid.

Afraid?
Afraid of what?

That he'll never find
the reagent?

That I'll never
be visible again?

Well, tell
him not to worry.

I feel I feel
much better this way.

No one can touch me,
not even the cops.

That makes me a nemesis.
It makes me a dictator.

Tommy, please, Tommy.
Take it easy.

Hello, he's all right, Helen.

I'll take care of him.
He's just a little drunkey.

Sure, sure, I'm drunk.

Drunk with the power
of invisibility.

I am the ruler of
an invisible empire.

My loyal subjects I will reward.
My enemies I will destroy.

To be or not to be.
Alas, poor Yorick.

A horse, a horse,
my kingdom for a horse.

Put that down.
Pour us a drink.

You heard me.
Pour a drink.

Look, what's
the matter with this one?

That one?
Yes, that one.

I'm a two-fisted drinker.

Put it in there.

Well, well, Boots Marsden
and Louie the Looper.

Let's have a picture, huh?
Help yourselves. Take a couple.

Champ, how about a picture
of you drinking champagne...

out ofher slipper?
Why not?

We'll call the picture,
uh, "Puss in the Boots. "

Oh, Louie,
what a sense of humor.

Yeah.
Ready, folks?

Thanks.

Ohhh!
Trying to be smart?

Don't fool with a buzz saw.
This is Louie the Looper.

Oh, okay, Louie.

I'm sorry I spilled the champagne
on you. Oh, that's nothing.

Thank you. Compared to the blood
that Rocky's gonna spill over you.

If you wasn't here,
I'd sock him.

That's all right. I'm
leaving now. I'll go with you.

You stay here. I just made
contact with the money man.

Bud, I done everything you told
me to do. Well, that's swell.

Get off of me.
I'm sorry, Tommy.

Did you get the record? I did. And
very fast, too. I broke a record.

When I hired you I thought
I was getting good detectives.

We may not be
good detectives...

but we're very,
very good friends.

Friends!
Excuse me.

Did it ever occur to you that
friendship is, at its best...

a rather doubtful asset?

I don't want friends.
I shall have followers...

worshippers, people who will obey
me because they realize my greatness.

To arms, to arms...
Four score and six...

Seven.
Five.

Five, three, two. Three, two.

Would ya put
your hand down.

Tommy, if you don't pipe down,
we'll all get into trouble.

And another thing. You didn't
give me a chance to tell you...

that Boots is contacting
the money man.

Well, in that case, let's
celebrate. Pour us a drink.

No, Tommy. Do you realize every time you
go into a saloon, the devil goes with ya?

Well, if he does,
he pays for his own drink.

Excuse me.

This time we'll
do things my way.

There's a lady present.

The Looper will get his
dough the night of the fight.

Why don't you save
your dough, boss?

That guy just got in
a lucky punch at the gym.

I can take 'em. Yeah, sure,
sure. Like you could take Nelson.

Only Nelson took you,
and O'Hara took my money.

This time there'll
be no slipups.

But he thinks he's going
to meet you. He is...

if he tries
to double-cross me.

Thank you.

Tommy, don't you think
you've had enough?

Tommy, you shouldn't
drink other people's drinks.

Oh, it's you, again.

Wait a minute, just a minute.
Don't get excited.

This happens to be
Louie the Looper.

I know, he's
a buzz saw.

Here's where he's gonna
lose a couple of teeth.

Why didn't you duck?

Duck? I didn't even
see the punch coming.

Come on.
Let's get outta here.

Save your punches for tomorrow
night, Looper. You'll need 'em.

Let's have a nightcap.
Sure, Looper.

Tommy, you've had enough drinks.
Oh, is that so?

Yeah, that's so.

Excuse me, sir.
Don't mention it.

Oh, Tommy. I'm only
telling you for your own good.

Hey, Lou.

He's down there.

Tommy!

What are you doing with my
drink? I thought it was mine.

Oh, yeah. I've heard that
one before. Wait a minute.

Bud, I'll handle this. I'll take
care of this myself. Right, Tommy?

Go ahead and
start something.

Double crosser.

Hey. You hit my friend. Yeah, I hit him.

Break it up, fellas. The
boss don't like no rough stuff.

You heard him.

Lou, Lou.
Come out of it, Lou.

Here, see if this'll help.

That didn't help him.

Tommy, we've got to get
him out of here.

Here,
I'll give you a hand.

Come on.
Get ahold of him.

Come on.
Atta boy, Tommy.

What happened?
Tommy got knocked out.

That's funny. I thought it was me. Shut up.

He got knocked out by the
door. He was hit on the head.

Where is he? I don't know.
We got to get him out of here.

Tommy, Tommy, tommy.
Tommy.

Where is he?

Wait a minute. Pick him up.
Come on. Pick him up.

Atta boy.
Pick him up.

Get in that door.
Hurry up.

I don't think I'm gonna
make it. You'll make it.

Bring him over to me.
Fold him up.

Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. Fold 'em. Fold 'em.

Get in there.
Get inside.

Now, tell it to me, again.

I saw two men
carrying no man.

Imagine my trying to solve
this riddle in a week.

The harder I work,
the more impossible it seems.

Tommy!

Hey, where am I?

You know,
I don't know.

You're home
with me, darling.

Helen, baby.
Oh, it's good to see you.

It's good to...

To have you here
with us, Tommy.

Us?

Oh, hello, fellas.

Gee, I sure poured one
on last night, didn't I?

You said it.
A king-sized one.

Boy, you were sure crazy... Uh, uh.

What's the matter with you? I was
gonna tell him that he was great.

What'd you think I was
gonna say? Crazy?

He means about you trying
to drink everybody's drinks.

Yeah.
I don't remember that.

I drank so much I don't
remember seeing anybody.

We're even.
We didn't even see you.

But I do remember that
deal with Boots Marsden.

Now, what about the money?

Well, we didn't have
time to close the deal yet.

Well, get in touch with her.
Close the deal.

Tell her you'll take the
count any round she wants.

When we get into the ring with Rocky we
double-cross Morgan and knock his boy cold.

Hey, this Morgan.
Is he mean?

He's a killer.
He's mean.

And if my hunch is right, he'll
try to do what he did to O'Hara.

Bump Bud off
and put the blame on you, Lou.

Fight postponed.

Don't worry, Lou.

As long as I'm in there
with you, you're a cinch to win.

I'm gonna
make sure of it.

Phew!
What's that?

Perfume. If I can't see you,
at least I'm gonna smell you.

I'll show you out.

Doctor. Doctor!

Yes, Tommy?

I tried to sit up, but
I'm paralyzed! I can't move.

Take it easy, Tommy.
I have you strapped down.

It's just a precaution against
a possible mental relapse.

But the fight tonight.

I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't
afford to take any chances.

You can't take any chances?
What about the chance I took?

Helen said you were afraid.

You're not afraid for me.
You're afraid for yourself.

Afraid of what the medical
profession would do to you.

You want to keep me chained like
a mad dog to save your name...

but you won't give me a chance
to clear mine.

And now, sports fans, my
prediction for tonight's fight...

between Rocky Hanlon and
Louie the Looper.

Louie the Looper was still in
training late last night.

Evidently, he ran out of
sparring partners.

Midnight found him
completely exhausted.

Perhaps this accounts for the
wise money being switched...

in favor of Hanlon
late this afternoon.

Both men lack defense,
but are strong on offense.

I predict this will be the most
offensive fight of the year.

Tommy!
Oh, Tommy.

Tommy!

Relax!
He said he'd be here.

So, he'll be here.

Yeah?

Tommy.

Tommy, Tommy.

A black cat.

Smoke.

Give me that.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Remember? Helen
said you could see him in smoke or fog?

Smoking will make you sick,
then you won't be able to fight.

I won't be able to fight.
No.

Mmm.
Give me that cigar.

Tommy.
Tommy.

Compliments
of a friend.

Oh.

Well, do tell.

"You can smell them
or wear them.

The fifth round
will tell. "

And you lay down
in the fifth round.

IfTommy don't get here,
I'm gonna lay down right now.

Hey.

Hey, hey.
Hey, money.

Real money, oh!

Here's $1,000 for you, $1,000 for me,
and one, two, three, $4,000 for him.

$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me, and
one, two, three, $4,000 for him.

Wait a minute.
Who's getting a bigger share?

Him.
Who's him?

The income tax man.
The...

Tommy, Tommy.

Tommy.

You're on next. All set?
All set. What's the odds?

Five to two that Rocky
smears him. Oh, oh-oh.

Where you going? To get a cop.
Somebody's gonna get murdered.

Come here, stupid!

People work a lifetime
and never get $15,000.

You're getting it for
just lying down! Yeah.

Lying down?
That's got me worried.

The big question is,
will I be able to get up?

Don't let me go in
that ring without Tommy.

Lou, ifTommy goes
in the ring with you...

he'll knock out Rocky
and Morgan will bump you off!

No. You'll get bumped off.
I get the hot seat!

One way or the other,
I'm gonna get it in the end.

Lou, here's what
we've got to do.

You go in the ring and
lay down like Morgan wants.

Everybody will be happy and
we'll be into fifteen grand.

We promised Tommy.
Sure, sure.

He promised to be here.
Did he show up? Yeah.

That's what I'm trying to tell
you. I heard you telling him.

I'm sorry, Tommy.
I thought you ran out on us.

Doc had me tied in his lab.
I broke the straps.

Are you guys
gonna play on my side...

or does Louie the Looper
want to fight Rocky by himself?

I'm on your side,
Tommy.

My heart's in the right place
and I wanna keep it there.

When we get in the ring,
I'll do the pitching.

As long as I don't do
any catching.

Semifinal's over.
Let's go.

Come on, champ.
Follow me!

Chest out,
stomach in.

I said,
"stomach in"!

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the main attraction...

ten rounds of boxing.
Introducing at 160 pounds...

the leading contender
for the middleweight crown...

Rocky Hanlon!

In this corner,
that new sensation...

Louie the Looper!

Morgan.

We still got a chance
to change our minds.

I'd rather argue with Tommy than
try and outrun Morgan's bullets.

I'm gonna lay down
without sayin' my prayers.

What are you guys whispering
about? W-W-We were...

We were what?

We were saved
by the bell.

Your referee,
Frankie Van.

I want a
good, clean fight.

We ought to clean up. Every
dollar the syndicate has...

is riding on The Looper
not going five rounds.

When I say, "break,"
I want you to break clean.

Now shake hands.

Go to your corners and
come out fighting at the bell.

Feint at his chin, Lou.
I'll do the rest.

Sit down.

Fight's on.
No-no-no. Over there!

Believe me, folks.
There'll be an investigation.

I'll swear there
wasn't a blow struck.

He never touched you. What are
you doing? You told me to faint.

Get up, get up!
Eight... nine.

Wait! That's no fair
hitting there.

If you're trying
to throw this fight...

I'll hold you up for ten rounds
and let him cut you to ribbons!

Now get up!
Five... six.

Do as I told you. Okay,
Tommy, I'll be good.

Tommy?
Tommy he calls me.

Hearing the birdies
already, pal?

Either these old eyes are failing or
that boy hits like greased lightning.

Go to your corner.

One... two...

Go to your corner.

three...

four...

five...
six...

seven...
eight...

nine.

Left jab.
Left jab.

Left jab! Left jab!
Right cross.

Go to your corner.

Did you deliver that money? Sure, boss.

Tommy, let me finish
him off, will ya?

I can do it!
Grr!

Eight... nine.

Oh!
Ooo!

Tommy, I didn't see
what I was doing.

Go to your corner.

One...
two...

three...
four...

five...
six...

seven...
eight...

nine.

Tommy,
will you get up?

Open your eyes
before he closes mine.

Watch where you're
punching. Are you kidding?

Rocky,
knock him out!

The first round ends. I'm Frank
to say that I don't get it.

Get up there!

Every punch Rocky gets
shortens my life.

What about my life?
Let me handle this.

Sure! Look at the condition of
the guy in that other corner.

What's the matter?
Rocky, what's the matter?

There's something phony
about this.

Get over to
Rocky's corner.

He hits from nowhere
and hard!

I can feel
the guy's knuckles.

It's like I'm fighting
two guys!

I keep hearing voices
like someone's talking to him.

Hearin' voices, eh?
That's bad.

I wonder what
they're up to.

Yeah.
So do I.

Rocky's been hit so hard,
he's hearing voices.

Every one ofThe Looper's
punches has been short.

I told you we couldn't
trust those two guys.

- Get me the torpedo.
- Yes, boss.

Okay, Tommy...

here's where we
ring down the curtain.

One... two... three...
Tommy? Tommy? Start punching.

Four... five.

Tommy? Tommy?
One... two...

three...
what are you doing?

I'm smellin'. It's poor
English, but you sure do!

Seven...

- eight... nine.
- Tommy?

Hey, Bud,
throw in the towel.

It's too dirty.
Besides, you're doing great.

He hasn't laid a glove on you.
Keep your eye on the referee.

Somebody in there's cloutin' me. Six...

seven... eight...

What's wrong, boss? I'm not sure.

Tell Milt to get into
a cop's uniform.

If those guys try
to pull anything...

we'll give 'em the
same treatment we gave O'Hara.

Louie the Looper has again
been knocked for a loop.

The bell saved him. He'll never
come out for the next round.

Atta, boy.
You're doing great.

You're doing swell.

Stop stalling and give him
the smelling salts.

Uh-oh.
He blew his top!

Come on, Lou.
Snap out of it!

Tommy, you're here!
Yeah.

Good. You fight him.
I'm tired.

Get in and
make it look good!

Louie looks like
he's out on his feet...

but he's managing to avoid
Rocky's punches.

Rocky's swinging wild.

One... two...

three... four.

Right cross.
Left cross.

Right cross.
Right to the stomach.

Upper cut.

One...

Milt all set?
Yes.

Let's go.
Stay where you are.

Seven... eight...
nine...

ten!

I'll see you guys later. But, Tommy?

Let's get out. No. The press
boys wanna shoot my picture.

And Morgan's boys wanna shoot
me. Let's get outta here.

Be sure nobody comes into
that dressing room...

except Louie
and his manager.

Same as last time.

You sure look pretty
in that cop's uniform.

I hope my mother
don't see me.

Lou, Bud, where is he?
He said he'd see us later.

I found the reagent.
We've got to get him.

You better or you're gonna have
two more patients.

Doctor, let's the three of us
have a fireside chat.

About what? Oh, let's say arithmetic.

Every time I add up you two
with those two guys...

the correct answer comes
out Tommy Nelson. Really?

Yeah, really.
I don't know how it was done...

but if you think that I think Louie
the Looper knocked out Rocky Hanlon...

you must think that I am a fool!
You have the correct answer.

That's what I say.
Hey, wait a minute, Doc.

Are we glad
you're here!

Morgan's a crook
and so is his whole gang!

But we're safe as long as
you're here. Don't worry.

Morgan won't be going
in your dressing room.

Where are you going? The
Looper's dressing room.

It's urgent. Nobody's allowed inside...

but The Looper
and his manager.

Wait a minute. You wait a minute.

Boy, I'm glad the cop
was outside the door.

I'm not scared anymore. A cop didn't
save O'Hara from getting the works...

or Tommy from
going tojail.

But they can't give me
the hot seat 'til you're dead...

which won't
be long now.

I've got one
thing in my favor.

Morgan don't know that we know
how he framed Tommy Nelson.

And he don't know that
we're private detectives!

He does now.

Neither of you will get a
chance to tell the cops anything.

Let's talk this over.
There's no...

This is the payoff,
Morgan.

Who's talkin'?
Tommy Nelson.

I'm taking you
to the cops.

Not as long as
this gun's in my hand.

Get the gun, Lou.

Confess that you framed me
or I'll break your arm!

Come on, Morgan,
talk! Talk!

Play smart
and confess.

Okay, Tommy,
I got him covered.

Tommy? Huh? Let him have it.

Let him have it. Oh, no! Okay.

All right, Tommy Nelson,
or whatever you are...

the minute you touch me,
he gets it.

Tommy!

Ha-ha! You missed! Tommy, don't laugh.

If you get killed,
it'll be through me!

Tommy? Only two shots left, Morgan.

Ha-ha-ha.
Try it again, Morgan!

Ah-ha!

Fellas, looks like
I'm in the clear.

We've cleaned up my case
pretty well.

Tommy?

I think
I can see you.

I can, too!

Tommy?

Hold on
to that phony.

Tommy Nelson is innocent.
These men killed O'Hara.

Lock 'em up.
Get these mugs outta here.

Lou, where's Tommy?

Tommy? We'll have to
get him to the hospital.

Get who to the hospital? Him.

Him?
Yeah, him.

This transfusion should give him
strength enough to stand the reagent.

Anyway,
we'll soon find out.

The reagent, nurse.

It's lucky you had the
same type blood as Tommy.

Why can't you be lucky
sometime?

Helen.

Tommy.

Hey, this
is impossible.

Lou,
I can see Tommy!

Quiet, Bud.
You're in a hospital.

You shouldn't make
any noise.

It's catching!
My hand is gone!

Doc, help!
Doc!

Don't worry.
Some ofTommy's blood...

may have backed up during the
transfusion. I'm not worried.

I'm gonna like
being invisible.

I'll be the greatest detective.
I'll be able to find anybody.

But you can't
find yourself.

That's what you think.
Come on, Bud.

Can't you do something? I don't
think his invisibility will last.

He couldn't have gotten that
much serum. Come on, Bud!

Come on, Bud.

Get in!

All right!

It wasn't me.
Please!

Lou, wherever you are,
let's go.

Wait a minute.
I got unfinished business.

Aaah!

Aaah!
Uh-oh!

Oh no!

Doc? Oh, Doc!

My feet are on wrong.

That's just like you.

You get everything
backwards! Come on!