Brutal Realty, Inc. (2019) - full transcript
The Summoner is a heavy metal demon rocker, but that's just his day job. He works a 9 to 5 like every other average Joe (or in this case average ghoul). He's become a little disappointed with his direction in life. He wants to be more than just a weapon wielded for evil and rock, and would like to focus on his true passion: flipping houses. But soon enough an attack from a vicious gang of realtors forces him to embrace his awesome powers of destruction, and gain the confidence to achieve his dreams.
As dusk approaches,
the ethereal winds bring forth the minions
of bedlam and chaos.
And it is I who plays the siren song
which calls these beasts
to the mortal realms.
For I am The Summoner!
Hey, that was great, Summoner.
I think we got it.
You can clock off now.
Thanks guys, see you Monday.
Nope.
Nope.
Damn it!
Hello, Donald.
It was a presence.
This thing was fucking horny!
What can I say.
You can clock off now.
Fuck!
Damn it!
This thing was fucking horny!
You can clock off now.
Damn it!
This thing was fucking horny!
- You can clock off now.
- Damn it!
This thing was fucking horny!
- Fuck!
- Damn it!
I said possess her?
I hardly knew her!
Hey, what's wrong man?
Nothin'.
No, I'm serious.
You can talk to me.
It's just, Balthazar,
have you ever wanted more in your life?
Like a promotion?
No, well, not exactly.
It's just that I feel like
I'm doing the same thing
over and over again.
There's no change, there's no diversity,
there's no freedom.
It's just repetition
and I feel empty inside.
That's because you don't have a soul.
Would you just listen for one second?
I've been playing metal
and promoting depravity for
as long as I can remember
and now it seems like that's
all that I'm good for.
I can't be destined to bring songs
of suffering to all of
humanity for eternity.
I think it's time I started
working on my passion.
Oh no, this isn't another
Fred from accounting tries
selling mix tapes, is it?
No, it's even better.
Selling affordable
single-family real estate.
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
Good morning sir!
Would you be interested
in buyin' a house today?
That's not how you
start a pitch, rookie.
I'm here to inform you
you're on my territory.
The name's Chadly Derekson,
and you'd best not forget it.
I'm the Real Estate King of LA.
No one even looks at a house
here without my say so.
With all due respect, Mr. Derekson,
you're blocking my view
of a potential customer.
Hey, you wanna buy a house?
You know what?
I was planning on running you out of town,
but it seems like you're
doin' a good enough job
puttin' yourself out of business.
I'll be going for now,
but know just one thing:
you won't last one day in this business.
And this is the kitchen.
It's really nice because
you can make food here.
But I think my favorite
room is the basement.
Really, why's that?
Well, it's soundproof.
You know, for all the screaming.
Oh, you know what,
I just realized I have a
chiropractors appointment.
I gotta go.
It's right now.
Here's the bedroom.
You'll notice it has a bed.
It's very soft.
I can actually guarantee that
you'll go right to.
Um, excuse me?
Are you...
And as you will see,
the closet is already
stocked with necessities.
And you'll feel safe inside
because this door can
really take a beating.
Trust me, I know.
And that concludes the tour.
Can I answer any questions you might have?
- Nope.
- No.
Thank you, we really appreciate
the tour, Mr. Summoner.
Please, call me Summoner.
Right, um, you know, I just
don't think we're really ready
to buy a house right now.
No, don't worry, it's
a worthy investment.
The property value can
only go up from here.
See that's just the thing.
I'm not sure I really could
trust financial advice from,
what would you call yourself, a monster?
What's wrong with that?
I'm not sure you have my
family's best interests at heart.
The answer is no.
Hey, do you wanna see a magic trick?
You know the game got your nose?
Well...
Ta da!
Summoner, I don't think
that's appropriate to show a child.
You know, Chadly was right about you.
Chadly?
Chadly Derekson?
Yes and when we got here
he was outside telling us
that there was some demon trying
to sell dangerous property.
Let's go!
I swear to God,
they were able to give
Jim the house for free.
It was so good!
Chadly!
You've been sabotaging my business.
Aw that's rich.
I wasn't sabotaging it,
I'm merely helping move you to retirement.
What's your problem?
What's my problem?
I already told you, I'm
the Real Estate King,
and I can't have some ghoul
mucking up the playing field.
It's bad for business.
Could you imagine what
customers would think
of real estate if they
saw some undead freak
trying to hawk property next to us?
There's nothing wrong
with being a ghoul.
Are you kidding?
The only thing your kind is
good for is spooking kids.
No one would listen to
what you have to say.
You know what?
I think you're wrong about that.
It seems like you'll need
some physical persuasion.
Meet the Sunset Drive gang:
Tiffany Balderdash and The Mongoose.
The best real estate agents
this side of Beverly Hills.
We'll kick your ass and
still have time for coffee.
I may be the physical
manifestation of evil
and that ain't so bad.
My guest tonight is someone
you all know and fear.
He's the undead prince of real estate.
Ladies and gentleman, it's The Summoner.
Welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me, Jimmy.
Alright, be honest,
what took you so long to get over here?
If I told you, Jimmy,
I'd have to kill ya.
And he means it, folks.
Now, you were in a bit
of controversy recently.
Oh, uh huh.
So, what are your plans now
that you've been fired
from the White House?
Oh, well the president
and I disagreed on a few key issues.
But in all seriousness, Jimmy,
I really was fired from Hell!
And this is right after
you killed Chadly Derekson
and the Sunset Drive Gang?
Yep.
And if I'm not mistaken,
this left a power vacuum
in the regional real estate community.
Indeed it did.
So how does it feel to replace them
as the most powerful
entity in house flipping?
To be perfectly honest,
it's actually quite humbling.
The whole situation has
given me an opportunity
to reflect on the work that led me here.
I started out with very
little self-confidence,
and it took a while,
but eventually I was able
to embrace who I really was.
And the real me is really
good at sellin' houses.
Now I'm sure we've got a lot
of young people watching tonight
wanting to make a name for themselves.
Do you have any words of advice
you could offer these
enterprising individuals?
Never forget where you came from
and it might sound corny, but it's true.
You really can do anything
you put your mind to.
the ethereal winds bring forth the minions
of bedlam and chaos.
And it is I who plays the siren song
which calls these beasts
to the mortal realms.
For I am The Summoner!
Hey, that was great, Summoner.
I think we got it.
You can clock off now.
Thanks guys, see you Monday.
Nope.
Nope.
Damn it!
Hello, Donald.
It was a presence.
This thing was fucking horny!
What can I say.
You can clock off now.
Fuck!
Damn it!
This thing was fucking horny!
You can clock off now.
Damn it!
This thing was fucking horny!
- You can clock off now.
- Damn it!
This thing was fucking horny!
- Fuck!
- Damn it!
I said possess her?
I hardly knew her!
Hey, what's wrong man?
Nothin'.
No, I'm serious.
You can talk to me.
It's just, Balthazar,
have you ever wanted more in your life?
Like a promotion?
No, well, not exactly.
It's just that I feel like
I'm doing the same thing
over and over again.
There's no change, there's no diversity,
there's no freedom.
It's just repetition
and I feel empty inside.
That's because you don't have a soul.
Would you just listen for one second?
I've been playing metal
and promoting depravity for
as long as I can remember
and now it seems like that's
all that I'm good for.
I can't be destined to bring songs
of suffering to all of
humanity for eternity.
I think it's time I started
working on my passion.
Oh no, this isn't another
Fred from accounting tries
selling mix tapes, is it?
No, it's even better.
Selling affordable
single-family real estate.
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
Good morning sir!
Would you be interested
in buyin' a house today?
That's not how you
start a pitch, rookie.
I'm here to inform you
you're on my territory.
The name's Chadly Derekson,
and you'd best not forget it.
I'm the Real Estate King of LA.
No one even looks at a house
here without my say so.
With all due respect, Mr. Derekson,
you're blocking my view
of a potential customer.
Hey, you wanna buy a house?
You know what?
I was planning on running you out of town,
but it seems like you're
doin' a good enough job
puttin' yourself out of business.
I'll be going for now,
but know just one thing:
you won't last one day in this business.
And this is the kitchen.
It's really nice because
you can make food here.
But I think my favorite
room is the basement.
Really, why's that?
Well, it's soundproof.
You know, for all the screaming.
Oh, you know what,
I just realized I have a
chiropractors appointment.
I gotta go.
It's right now.
Here's the bedroom.
You'll notice it has a bed.
It's very soft.
I can actually guarantee that
you'll go right to.
Um, excuse me?
Are you...
And as you will see,
the closet is already
stocked with necessities.
And you'll feel safe inside
because this door can
really take a beating.
Trust me, I know.
And that concludes the tour.
Can I answer any questions you might have?
- Nope.
- No.
Thank you, we really appreciate
the tour, Mr. Summoner.
Please, call me Summoner.
Right, um, you know, I just
don't think we're really ready
to buy a house right now.
No, don't worry, it's
a worthy investment.
The property value can
only go up from here.
See that's just the thing.
I'm not sure I really could
trust financial advice from,
what would you call yourself, a monster?
What's wrong with that?
I'm not sure you have my
family's best interests at heart.
The answer is no.
Hey, do you wanna see a magic trick?
You know the game got your nose?
Well...
Ta da!
Summoner, I don't think
that's appropriate to show a child.
You know, Chadly was right about you.
Chadly?
Chadly Derekson?
Yes and when we got here
he was outside telling us
that there was some demon trying
to sell dangerous property.
Let's go!
I swear to God,
they were able to give
Jim the house for free.
It was so good!
Chadly!
You've been sabotaging my business.
Aw that's rich.
I wasn't sabotaging it,
I'm merely helping move you to retirement.
What's your problem?
What's my problem?
I already told you, I'm
the Real Estate King,
and I can't have some ghoul
mucking up the playing field.
It's bad for business.
Could you imagine what
customers would think
of real estate if they
saw some undead freak
trying to hawk property next to us?
There's nothing wrong
with being a ghoul.
Are you kidding?
The only thing your kind is
good for is spooking kids.
No one would listen to
what you have to say.
You know what?
I think you're wrong about that.
It seems like you'll need
some physical persuasion.
Meet the Sunset Drive gang:
Tiffany Balderdash and The Mongoose.
The best real estate agents
this side of Beverly Hills.
We'll kick your ass and
still have time for coffee.
I may be the physical
manifestation of evil
and that ain't so bad.
My guest tonight is someone
you all know and fear.
He's the undead prince of real estate.
Ladies and gentleman, it's The Summoner.
Welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me, Jimmy.
Alright, be honest,
what took you so long to get over here?
If I told you, Jimmy,
I'd have to kill ya.
And he means it, folks.
Now, you were in a bit
of controversy recently.
Oh, uh huh.
So, what are your plans now
that you've been fired
from the White House?
Oh, well the president
and I disagreed on a few key issues.
But in all seriousness, Jimmy,
I really was fired from Hell!
And this is right after
you killed Chadly Derekson
and the Sunset Drive Gang?
Yep.
And if I'm not mistaken,
this left a power vacuum
in the regional real estate community.
Indeed it did.
So how does it feel to replace them
as the most powerful
entity in house flipping?
To be perfectly honest,
it's actually quite humbling.
The whole situation has
given me an opportunity
to reflect on the work that led me here.
I started out with very
little self-confidence,
and it took a while,
but eventually I was able
to embrace who I really was.
And the real me is really
good at sellin' houses.
Now I'm sure we've got a lot
of young people watching tonight
wanting to make a name for themselves.
Do you have any words of advice
you could offer these
enterprising individuals?
Never forget where you came from
and it might sound corny, but it's true.
You really can do anything
you put your mind to.