Brother Nature (2016) Movie Script

Wow.

The inset is perfect.

All right, it's ready.

And you're positive?

Yes, thank you

for your patience.

I know I've sent it back a few times for adjustments...

Five.

Five times.

Yeah.

Well, I hope you and your future bride will live happily ever after.

I hope you live happily ever after yourself.

Nothing's gonna happen for me until I get these bangs figured out.

- Roger!

- Hey.

Congressman McClaren

should be here at 11:41.

Is this the rewrite on his speech?

Yeah.

Good. Good.

Let's cut this section.

Start with "Born in Seattle"

and go into the dedication of troops.

Okay so, wait...

Actually no,

I'll do that. Okay.

Do you want me

to run a sound check?

Already did that.

Are there too many red balloons on this side?

Um. Maybe.

Do you want me to do something?

Yeah.

Grab the raw veggies out of my car and put them on ice?

Okay.

Roger.

Hey, Riggleman,

are these balloons

symmetrical?

We have a situation.

This is the a cappella group,

The Founding Fathers.

They're the opening act

for Frank.

Ah. Gentlemen,

I'm Roger Fellner,

Congressman McClaren's

Chief of Staff.

What seems to be

the problem?

Well, our bass

is drunk.

If it's talk about me,

I'm right here.

You have

a problem, Gabe!

Don't provoke him,

please.

Uh, if I may

suggest something?

If you three switch your baritone to a bassitone

and then you transpose it up half a step,

you'll still have a nice,

clean three-part harmony.

It's not going to be perfect,

but they won't know the difference.

* My girl's got an independent type of constitution

* I tried to amend her

but there's nothin' doin'

I see why one of

them had to drink.

* ...and now Congressman

Frank McClaren! *

I've been coming

to this festival

for longer than

I can remember,

but somehow the funnel cake

keeps getting tastier.

I was born and raised

here in Seattle...

Whoo!

No, no, no.

Guess what?

I'm the best!

Cowabunga!

Oh!

Is he okay?

Might be time to check the prescription on those bifocals, Ben.

Frank, I take

full responsibility.

I don't think any clips will end up on YouTube...

Roger, lighten up.

I recovered.

That bifocal line destroyed.

And just off the top of your head I was like,

"Am I watching

Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Oh. Thank you.

That's my favorite show.

I've decided not to

run for re-election.

Oh, my... Are you okay?

Is it your health or...

I'm fine.

My wife left me...

Oh! That bitch!

...a note, Roger.

She left me a note

saying that she missed me.

You know,

it made me realize I miss her, too.

Now, I know it doesn't give you much time...

You've given me more than time,

you've given me...

You need to let me complete my sentences, Roger.

Time to campaign.

I think that you

should run for my seat.

There's no one

more qualified...

Yes. I will do it.

You don't need to

give me an answer now.

You can discuss it with your family.

I'll do it. I want it.

I'm definitely prepared.

I think education reform should be my...

Roger, take

a deep breath.

I want you to really

think about this.

This job consumes

every part of you.

Now, I'm telling you now so you have the vacation to consider.

And when we get back,

if you still want it,

you have my full

endorsement.

Sir, I cannot

thank you enough.

This is my dream... My whole life...

Since fifth-grade student council

I knew that...

I'm sorry if I seem a little distracted but drunk Ben Franklin is back,

and I just want to make sure that baby he's holding is his baby.

Yes, you should do that.

Okay!

See you in a week.

So grateful. Thank you!

Hey, is that your baby?

Yes, it is.

Is that your baby?

This is my baby.

I am speechless. Come on.

I couldn't do it without you.

That's not true.

No, that's not entirely true.

I could probably do

a fair amount, but...

Riggleman, will you

be my campaign manager?

Of course, Roger! Yes.

A hundred times, yes!

Sure, sure.

I'll get started right away.

I'll get a scout,

get headquarters...

Well don't break your back,

you know, enjoy your vacation.

Uh, all I have planned

is Mother's birthday.

Well, that's nice.

No, it's not nice.

All she wanted this year was to take me to get a haircut.

Which means we will go to a salon,

of her choosing,

and she will watch me receive a haircut,

of her choosing.

Moms,

gotta love them, right?

I don't love my mom.

I fear her.

Uh-huh. Well,

I gotta go. I'm late.

...and because

of your generous donations,

the Read the World

Foundation

can continue its work

traveling the globe,

and building libraries

in under-developed countries.

This year,

we're asking for your help to raise money

for our trip

to Bangladesh,

where we'll spend three months establishing literacy programs

in the Sundarbans.

Thank you for the $5.

Great to see you!

Okay, take care. Bye.

So great,

start to finish...

I saw you come in late.

I know. I'm sorry.

Drunk Ben Franklin stole a baby.

That old excuse?

I know.

But I would like to make a very generous donation as an apology.

Ooh! Accepted.

Now we only mostly didn't reach our goal.

Oh, no, is it bad?

Well, we have a big

fundraiser next month,

but we are so far behind.

Well, I guess maybe

you just don't leave your boyfriend for three months?

Maybe you come with me?

Will you settle for a week with your folks at the lake?

I can't wait for you to see it,

it's so wonderful there.

And we deserve a break.

Absolutely. Yes.

Is now a bad time to tell you I'm running for Congress?

Hi, Gwennie!

Hi, guys! Hi, kiddo,

how are you?

Ew! Dad, what are you chewing on?

Back away from the camera!

Melon.

What are you packing for?

Come on, get here!

Did you get my email

about packing your own towels?

Because for some reason the only ones that aren't being used

have these weird

stains on them.

I packed towels.

- Oh! Hi, Roger!

Hey, guys.

Hi!

Guys, Roger is running for Congress!

Oh...

Congratulations!

Oh, my God!

Mr. President in the making!

You're the man!

Oh!

I gotta go get the stuff out of the dryer.

I love you guys, I'll see you tomorrow!

No, don't, uh, hang up.

I just got to ask them...

Just about,

um... Because the weather was, uh...

Hey, guys. Um, actually,

when we get up there,

I would love to find a moment alone with the two of you

to discuss something.

You're going down!

Oh, my God,

we're under attack!

Gotta go. Under attack!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

That one hit

my boob, Todd!

Oh, man, it's a war zone

over there

Uh...

Hello.

Who is this?

Tomorrow, you're mine.

Hey, Gwen...

Mmm-hmm.

Your sister's

boyfriend Todd

sent me a friend request on Facebook.

Oh. That's nice.

I mean, we haven't

met before, right?

No, because

they live in Colorado

and he wasn't at Thanksgiving because he had something at the camp.

"The camp"? Yeah, he's a counselor.

You knew that.

I just didn't realize it was like a year-round thing.

I mean, he seems

like a fun guy.

Are you ready for your first political scandal,

Mr. Future-Congressman?

I love you so much.

No, don't get romantic because then I'm going to get self-conscious.

Sorry. Keep the fantasy.

Get over here.

Mmm. Scandal me!

Mom! Mom!

What now?

Mom, I got a splinter.

Oh! Jesus, Spencer,

that looks awful.

Probably going

to scar.

I'm going to get some disinfectant.

Mel, watch them.

Love you too, babe.

Oh! It's so cute!

Are you in love

already or what?

I am. I am.

They're here!

Hey, Roger!

How are you?

Good. Good.

So good to see you!

Tell me everything.

What's going on?

Okay.

Well, Aunt Pam is going through menopause...

Roger!

Hi, Roger.

How are you? Very good.

Very happy to be here.

So are we, hon.

And dinner's almost ready.

Oh! You're not

a vegetarian, are you?

Oh! No.

Okay, good.

Because look

at this beast.

It looks so good

I could nut!

Right.

Did your mom just

say, "I could nut"?

Yeah.

It's her fun spin on "I'm going nuts."

She's said it

since we were kids.

Don't worry,

she doesn't mean it the other way.

Ugh!

Great. I have lake hair.

I just threw on this sweatshirt.

I look freakish.

I didn't realize I'd be meeting him like this, Gwen.

You look great to me.

Okay, well, that's a lie.

I'm Pam.

Hi. Roger.

Of course he's lying,

he's a politician.

Gwen.

What are you doing with all my taxes?

Just lining the pockets

of corporate America.

Oh, yeah? More like...

Should be cargo pants.

I'm sorry?

You said "pockets"...

I thought...

A lot of... I'm Mel.

Hey. Roger.

Hey, little man.

What is wrong with you?

He got a splinter, guy!

I'm so sorry. Come on, honey,

let's go inside.

He's only 11, guy.

- I mean, really!

I didn't see the splinter.

I thought he was going for like a low five...

I thought he was

going for a low five.

So did I.

Should I go in there?

No. No. No. Give them

a moment to cool down.

Because Mel and Pam are kind of angry people.

They're hateful.

No way!

He's here!

Don't leave!

I'm coming!

Oh, yeah!

Hey, man.

He's here! Whoo!

Watch your feet,

you've got open toes on.

Hey, buddy, I'm Roger.

Yes! I knew it!

I'm so happy

you're here!

Hi, Gwen.

Thank you for bringing me

a new toy to play with.

Okay!

Man, I'm so happy

you're here!

I'm doing it again!

I know. Just go easy.

Sorry.

They haven't even unpacked yet.

On it.

You, with me. We carry heavy things,

for this is man's work.

It's Tim Allen.

Home Improvement?

Oh! Sure. "I don't

think so, Tim."

You're my Al.

Let's do this.

Come on! Great show.

Oh, yeah!

Hey, did you get

my friend request?

Yeah.

I noticed you

didn't accept it.

Oh, yeah. I haven't

really had a chance.

You got time now.

Yeah. Can we

unpack first?

Totally.

I love unpacking.

Oh, man, it's just so good to finally meet you,

you know. I got that.

How long have you and Gwen

been together now?

Uh. Almost two years.

Two years!

Oh, wow!

And at last

we are united.

Good things take time,

I guess. I got that.

Sorry. I should know, man.

I've been dating Margie for what, five years now?

Still don't see

a ring on it.

Hey, man,

just don't beat me to the proposal punch. Okay?

Because I got seniority.

And it'll make me

look nada so good.

Spanish.

You speak Spanish?

It was. Yeah.

And then I went like that...

For the sombrero.

Yeah.

Don't get me wrong.

Margie is most def the one.

Them Turley girls,

they yummy.

They're lovely women.

I just want to do

it right, you know?

I think everybody has to propose when it feels best for them.

Beautiful.

I'll dap on that.

Whoa!

No, man. Dap it.

I'm a dapper.

Pew, pew!

Oh!

You got me.

Shot you in the face.

Would never do it.

Hey, let me grab that for you.

No, I got it.

No, let me grab it.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, everyone,

meat's ready!

Whoa!

Look at this.

Honey, it's so good. Beautiful!

Salt and pepper.

Dibs on the seat

next to Roger!

It's only a week.

Baby Gwen!

Oh! Don't look

at that. Oh, God!

No!

You're so cute though,

I want to kiss it.

Hey, Rog.

Hey, Jerry. Great.

Oh! I see you found

the Wall of Gill.

Oh, yeah,

Gill is the fish.

Oh!

Largest trout in the lake.

He's kind of an unofficial town mascot, too. Oh!

Everybody in the family's

caught him. Look.

There's Melster

and Todd. Pam.

He's gigantic!

Yeah.

I mean, he's like

the size of a small...

'84 Olympics.

Is that you?

Mmm-hmm.

Looking good, Jerry.

Almost medaled but

the French beat us.

Ah.

They were kind of so

smug about it, too.

They started kissing their medals in front of me.

Uh...

You aren't French,

are you?

No, sir.

Attaboy.

Yeah.

Hey, let's eat.

Check this out.

I also prefer to

eat my dessert first.

No, actually,

Grandma Hibby has severe sciatica. Oh.

So I put together a completely legal "herbal" snack pack.

Special candy bars and chips and stuff,

you know.

All with a little THC,

a little...

You feeling good,

Hibby?

Flyin'.

I saw her talking to an old boot the other day.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

Gwen, how'd you meet

the high-five king?

It was New Year's Eve.

Neither one of us had anyone to kiss.

So I told him if we started at 11:59,

our first kiss would last for two years.

How could I say no?

Yeah, but it wasn't a two-year kiss,

it was probably like a minute.

Hey, everybody,

can I have the floor?

Uh...

Being the baby in a family

of six sisters, you know,

I've always wanted

a brother.

I guess I was a good boy,

because my wish finally came true.

Roger Rabbit over here.

Uno more thing, sir.

Rich Spanish guy, um...

I actually have

some big news.

Margie's pregnant.

I told you she was showing.

No, Pam.

I'm not pregnant.

No. Guys, I'm leaving

my job at the camp.

What?

But it's for a good reason.

I'm going to be taking

a higher paying gig

as a program director

at the new Youth Center...

In Seattle!

What? Are you moving

to Seattle?

Yes. It was so hard

not to say anything.

You're dead to me.

Get used to seeing

this face, sir.

Because you are going to be seeing it all the time!

All the time!

Everybody!

All the time!

So, you guys

are in this cabin.

And that one is

Todd and Margie's.

You know, I forgot my satchel back in the house,

I'll be right back.

Did he just say "satchel"?

Unfortunately, yes.

Ooh!

Oh, no.

My God. Look,

they're so cute.

Oh! I want to hold

them close to my face.

No, you do not.

You know that their sacks

are primed to spray

and that scent can

linger for months!

Todd, go get a box

and some syrup.

Got it. Look at the little one.

He's my friend.

Ooh!

His name's Langdon.

No. Don't name them.

Don't get attached.

I'm not naming them.

That is his name.

I'm sensing it.

Oh, no, it's the mom.

Nobody. Move.

Got the satchel!

Okay, on three.

Jerry, I'm standing right here, buddy.

Cathy,

I am so sorry.

I will pay for whatever cleaning service you need for the cabin...

Oh! Stop it, please.

That thing needed renovating anyway.

Luckily, we have two.

- Look!

Dream Phone!

- Oh, my God.

Does that thing

still work?

You tell me.

Phone call.

- I think your face is cute.

Well, your room

is all set.

And if you need anything,

you know where to find us.

Thank you so much. Yeah.

Actually, uh,

Cathy, sorry.

I would love to find that moment alone with you and Jerry,

sometime tomorrow,

maybe just the three of us.

Oh! Absolutely.

Jerry and I always go for a morning hike.

Oh! That's great.

Consider me your co-hiker.

It's early.

7:00 a.m. sharp.

That's okay. I am an early bird.

I will be there.

All right, I can't wait.

I'm gonna nut! Me too.

7:00 a.m.!

7:00 a.m.

Nutting.

Welcome to

the free hostel.

It's Todd.

Yeah, I recognized you from the denim pajama pants.

Mmm. Thank you,

they're pa-jean-as! Ooh!

I see you brought the camping essentials of wig and funny glasses.

Wrong-o. I brought

a bunch of them.

Behold the wig museum.

Seriously though, they're communal.

So, feel free to take whatever you want.

I highly suggest

raptor head.

Oh! Thank goodness,

because I left my raptor head at home.

You have a raptor head

at home?

Shut it down.

You got me, bro.

Gwen, I think we're

going to keep this one.

Let me get that for you,

clear a little space.

Sorry. It's my

white noise machine.

Need this bad boy

to sleep.

My roommate had one of those.

She played forest sounds.

Oh, nice.

I use Casino Floor.

"Casino Floor"?

Yeah. I grew up in Reno.

My mom was a blackjack dealer,

so I spent a lot

of time at casinees.

The sounds are just

soothing to me I guess.

I hated it when he first

started staying over,

but now I can't

sleep without it.

Yeah.

Oh. Is this going to bother you?

I didn't even think of asking.

I'm a heavy sleeper, so I'm fine,

but did you bring earplugs?

I did not.

Rog-Mahal,

trust me.

This thing is going to conk your butt right out!

Need I say more?

No more bets.

Mommy!

No!

...flying home,

'cause I got a text on my pager...

...oh, this is not

my mess.

- It was so his mess!

Hey, Roger!

I slept in.

- Don't worry about it.

You're on vacation.

Not a problem.

I'm so sorry. I just...

I had a hard time falling asleep last night.

Oh, Rog, if you want to switch beds, man,

you just let me know. Okay?

Aw, beautiful.

Hey, Rog...

I got the squirrel bite

on my nuts to prove it.

Oh! Oh!

That's why

the walks are fun.

I'm gonna go

check on Margie.

I feel awful that

I missed this hike,

just because it would have been a better setting than this.

I want to talk to you

about something important...

Good morning, Turleys!

Good morning!

Miesha!

This is Gwen's boyfriend, Roger.

Welcome.

Magic is real.

And it lives

right here.

You know,

Miesha lives here all year long

and he takes care of the place when we're gone.

And that's Laerke.

It's a pleasure

to meet both of you.

And that's a lovely painting, Laerke.

Oh, Laerke speaks

no English.

But I will relay your kindness.

Please believe me.

Have a good one!

What were you saying?

He interrupted.

Well, yeah, actually,

if you're free right now

I'd love to take

you out to breakfast.

You guys want waffles

or French toast?

Oh! You've got to try

his legendary French toast.

Jer, can I put you

on the crumble topping?

I've been summoned.

Hey, listen, don't worry about it.

We'll find some time. We have all day.

Sure, totally.

No, I just would love to find a moment...

Because it's important.

Whoa! Mel magic!

Good morning.

I made you

breakfast in bed.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Roger? Oh!

Yeah.

I am so sorry.

I saw someone

standing over us.

I didn't mean to throw

Shogun at your face.

Oh. That's okay. It's paperback.

Come on. Are you okay, honey?

I didn't mean to scare you,

I just literally don't think

there will be another moment for the three of us to be alone.

But I'll keep it brief.

Okay.

I love your daughter.

I think she is the most extraordinary, strong, intelligent,

fun person I know,

and I live

to make her happy.

So, I wanted

to ask you two

for your blessing

to ask her to marry me.

Of course, yes.

Of course, honey.

That means a lot.

I would be misty right now,

but I really can't get my eyes open.

Okay, I'm going to get out of your hair.

You guys get back to sleep.

Oh, uh,

and if you wouldn't mind keeping it under wraps,

because I have a whole thing planned,

so maybe don't say anything.

Our lips

are zipped, Rog.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Get some sleep.

Sweet dreams.

Oh.

I got your book...

Oh, my God!

Roger, you have

to knock!

Yeah. God,

that was so fast.

That's how we do

it in this family.

Oh! Hubba hubba!

Where you going?

I'm going swimming.

You want to come?

I do. Let me grab

my trunks.

Why are you in

such a good mood?

I'm on vacation.

And when I'm on vacation, I, uh,

kind of turn into Dr. Happy.

Do you also turn

into an idiot?

Okay, well,

that's your opinion.

Hey, what do you think about you and me going on a date this week?

When was the last time

we went on a date?

Yeah. That's what

I'm saying.

So, how about Thursday

I take you out for

the night of your life?

All right.

I think I like Dr. Happy.

I mean, he's kind of

the best, right?

And he's a doctor so you've got to trust him.

You know what's the worst though?

What?

Whatever those

are on your feet.

They're my aqua-toesies.

That's a deal-breaker

as hell!

They're sleek,

what are you talking about?

They're for balance and traction.

They're hideous.

I don't know what's at the bottom of that lake.

They're useless.

Yeah, and you can't push me over because I'm sturdy as heck.

Yes, I can.

Super grip!

Here, feel the super

grip on the bottom.

No, don't put those near me.

Feel the super grip.

That feels terrible. No. No.

Here, just try them on.

Kiss my toesies. No!

I'm not gonna kiss your...

Daddy, what're you

doing to Mommy?

Ohh.

Hi, Todd.

Hey.

Sorry to interrupt. Roy Rogers,

you've got a phone call.

Whoa!

To be continued.

Okay.

I can smell it

through my mask, dude.

Get right down

those edges.

Oh. This smells like

this inside of a butt.

Hello? Ah!

You're a hard man to reach.

Hey, yes, sorry.

Reception sucks up here.

What's going on?

Bit of a crisis.

It got out.

What got out?

Frank's retirement.

His daughter

freaking tweeted it.

And now I'm getting phone calls asking if Frank is dying.

Okay. I'll call Frank

right now.

I just talked to him,

he's getting on a plane.

But he wants to call you

today or tomorrow.

Can I give him this phone number?

Yes. Yes, please.

Did he sound upset? No.

He was actually pretty chill.

You know, I like About-To-Retire Frank.

He doesn't give a...

Anwar!

Yes, Mother?

That's gutter language!

You are an educated man.

Not a gangbanger.

"Gangbanger"?

What,

are you listening to NPR?

Sounds like you're getting the haircut.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

It's her birthday.

Which is why none of the birds are singing today.

How are things over there?

Great. Great. Yeah.

Gwen's family

is fantastic. Um...

Her sister's boyfriend

is a little...

A little what?

Well, right now he has a face painted on his belly.

He's laughing hysterically

and he's all by himself.

Wow. You really

hate this guy.

Yeah, but, uh,

keep me updated.

And tell your

mother I say hello.

I will not do that.

Thank you.

In the back,

do you want it straight across or a V?

Let's go with a V.

Straight across!

Straight across...

No. It's my head.

V? No... I guess...

Let's go straight across.

That's fine.

Do it! Do it!

Hi, Roger!

Come on in!

Isn't this the life?

You get a chance to accept my friend request yet?

No. Not yet.

I'm actually just doing a little work here.

Understood.

Hey, can I talk to

you about something?

I thought you weren't

gonna propose before me.

And I heard that you were thinking about asking Gwen,

and I just...

Got confused, I guess.

Where did you hear that?

On the roof.

I was up there

watching the sunrise

and I heard something

through the window.

I'm a curious

little monkey.

Listen, Todd,

I've had this proposal planned since before I even met you.

So, I am gonna do it.

Yeah. I get it.

Yeah.

I just have a really fun idea that I think you'd like.

Hear me out.

What about a dual proposal?

We could even like,

make a suit with two heads in it...

We could be like one person but with two heads.

Uh...

No.

Just because it's

kind of a whole thing.

I planned for us to

go horseback riding,

a sunset picnic with champagne on her favorite bluff

where she used

to hike to as a kid.

What's a bluff?

It's kind of like a cliff.

You can kind of

see it from there.

You could just call it a cliff.

You know...

I even hired a caterer to have a dessert reception for the family.

There's going to be vintage port,

so... Mmm.

Sounds classy

as fug.

I could go halvsies?

That's not going

to work,

because it's very,

very specifically designed to Gwen and I.

You know,

she's leaving soon,

so I would really like it

to go as planned.

I get it.

You just want to get married to her before she gets away.

I got it.

I just figured since we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together,

that we could propose

to our girls together.

What do you mean,

we're spending the rest of our lives together?

Look at them, man,

they're inseparable.

And when we move

next to each other

they're going to be

even more inseparable.

We're gonna to be doing

everything together.

We're gonna be

brother-in-laws.

Brothers-in-law.

"Brothers" is plural.

It's one "law".

Exactly.

We are brothers now.

Technically,

we're not even that yet.

Tell that to my heart.

Oh, my God.

I can't wait.

Ooh!

My lady,

I lick you very much.

Stop, you're getting it

on the goatee.

Belly Bob Thornton!

When did you get here?

Can I get some French fry potatoes?

Mmm-hmm.

Give me a kiss,

Roger.

Give me a kiss.

No, thank you.

I'm spoken for.

Give me a kiss,

Roger.

I'll blow you one.

You'll blow me?

Belly Bob Thornton

want a kiss from you.

You kissed

my belly! Ew!

You know,

I'm glad we can all laugh about this because as we all know

this lake was the site

of a horrific tragedy.

Todd, if you talk

about scary stuff

I'm going to have nightmares and I'm leaving.

Fraidy cat!

Meow.

What was it,

13, 14 years ago now?

What happened?

A whole family was murdered

right here on this lake.

By a crazy person

with a chainsaw.

One by one

in the dark.

That is not true.

Stop.

It is true, Pam.

Bing it.

I'm not going

to Bing it.

And the scary thing is,

they never found the guy.

Last thing I heard,

they found him hiding under a...

Did you hear that?

Hibby, you heard

that, right?

I'm going to go

check this out.

Spencer, maybe you

should go with him?

No way!

Go on. Go.

No! Please!

Help me.

I loved you.

Todd, that is even better

than last year!

He got blood

on my sweater.

Roger! Roger,

stop! It's me!

It's me. Margie.

Dude. We got you!

He screamed so high.

Oh. Spencer.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You broke a table

with my son.

So, how's little

Spencer doing?

He's got a really

bad sprain.

Pam's putting a bandage

on him right now.

What a putz!

Now, your entire family

hates me.

Spencer does hate you,

but he has a pretty good reason.

I'm pretty sure

Cody hates me, too.

Wow, he's giving you the double.

Todd did that to make me look like an idiot.

But that wasn't just for you.

That was for everybody.

No, he said... Remember,

he said, "We got you."

Because he did.

Because you screamed like a little girl.

No, he's trying

to get back at me.

For what?

I don't know what.

He's been combative with me

since we got here.

Todd is a lot of things,

but combative is not one of them.

You got to relax.

Remember, that's why

we came up here.

That, and so you could bond with my family,

but you've tanked that.

I'm trying to be...

It's a joke, Roger. It's a joke.

Hey,

why don't you

come with me?

Where are we going?

I'm going to take you

to a pet cemetery.

Come on,

you big puss.

Can you see where

you're stepping?

Shh. Why don't you

just relax?

You might actually have

a really good time.

What does that mean?

I think you'll

find out soon enough.

Oh! There's mud here.

Be careful.

What am I gonna... Oh.

This mud? Yeah, found it.

It's the sticky kind.

Gwen?

Where did you go?

Gwen?

What are you doing?

What do you

think I'm doing?

Come on in,

you creep.

Roger.

Come out and play.

Faster.

Here I come.

Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it!

Stop fighting!

This is why we don't have

candy for breakfast.

Maybe today we give each other a little breathing room.

What do you think?

Let's go. Let's go.

Hey there,

early bird. Hey, you.

Hey. Morning.

Hey, Dad.

You going to go catch us some dinner?

No.

I'm just going to throw a couple of lines out from the dock.

Catch and release,

you know.

Roger, you want to join me?

Um...

Yeah. I've never

done it before.

Oh! It's a blast.

I'll show you the ropes.

Great. Let me

get changed.

Come on, Gill.

Where are you?

Hey, gentlemen.

Hey.

Is this seat taken?

No. Just for you.

No, Rog. Join us.

Grab that pole.

Thank you, Jer.

Thanks so much, Jerry.

This is the life.

I'm glad you guys

could make it.

Both of you.

It's kind of a tricky thing,

a father meets his daughter's boyfriends.

You know, after all,

you're sexing up my little girls.

What?

No, me and Margie just hold hands.

Nice try. Roger?

Oh, I...

I promise,

I'm the most respectful, um...

Hey, Godspeed.

Because at

a certain moment

you got to just trust that you've raised your kids to have good taste.

And I think mine do.

I really appreciate that, Jerry.

It means a lot.

Choosing who to

share your life with,

that's the most important decision you'll ever make in your whole lives.

I remember me,

it was after the '84 Olympics,

I flipped this super-charged golf cart

and completely destroyed my shoulder.

Cath came down

to the hospital.

I said, "What now?"

She said,

"We'll figure it out."

And then, right there,

in the hospital...

She tugged it.

Yeah.

That's beautiful.

Your father is probably telling the hospital tugged-it story.

I love that story.

It's so romantic.

Yeah, it's a beautiful story.

Now the left side.

It just stinks that you're gonna be gone for three months

the second I move

to Seattle.

It'll be over

before you know it.

Hey, honey, where are you

going again? Bulgaria?

Bangladesh.

Oh!

Bangladesh is gorgeous in the summertime.

You must avoid eating

the Dolpudi fish though.

It causes insanity.

And circle the hips.

Wow. Gwen, you know,

if Roger gets elected,

you're gonna be

dating a public figure.

That's a lot

of pressure.

You know, when Todd

was head camp counselor

I had to share the spotlight with him,

it was so hard on us.

We almost broke up.

And now

squat position.

Use your bo for balance.

I don't know.

We haven't even really talked about it.

What does a congressman's girlfriend do?

All right.

Are we all loose and ready?

Yeah.

Begin!

Well, guess what,

guys?

I had these two beers,

and now I've got to pee.

Need anything?

Anybody?

I'm good.

I'll take a hot milk.

Thank you.

You know, I didn't get

a lot of this growing up.

Fishing?

No. Guy time.

With six sisters,

you'd think I'd get at least a boyfriend or a brother-in-law.

But, alas,

all lesbians.

All six of your

sisters are lesbians?

Indeed. But I got my

little bros at camp. So...

They keep me going.

Check this out.

That's Oscar.

He's got like

a really sucky home life.

But he's

an amazing artist.

I told him if he drew me a picture every day for the whole summer

I would get him

off of cleaning duty.

By the end of the summer

he had a whole portfolio.

Now, he's going to art school on a scholarship.

Wow.

Yeah.

He drew that for me.

Isn't that amazing? Oh!

That's great.

That's you?

Yeah. He got the neck

just right.

Looks just like it.

Yeah. That's incredible.

Are those grenades?

Yeah.

I have a grenade

collection at home.

So he's just working from real life,

he's amazing.

He made me

a superhero.

Busting through a wall

like the Kool-Aid Man.

"Oh, yeah!"

More precious

than gold.

Todd, that's... Oh.

Oh!

Here we go.

I think I caught a fish!

Yeah, you did.

Okay. So what do I do?

Reel that bitch in. Come on.

Just keep turning?

Yeah.

Just reel it for three seconds then pull real hard to set the hook.

Reel, reel, reel.

Pull.

Reel... Oh, boy.

Oh, man!

That is a big one,

huh?

Oh! No way.

That stripe...

Gill! That's Gill!

That's Gill?

You caught Gill!

I caught Gill!

Jerry!

Roger got Gill!

I got Gill! All right.

I'll get everybody.

Oh! There he is!

There he is!

Okay, I got it.

Yes, it's Gill!

You put on some pounds,

you big fat bastard.

Good job, honey.

I'm so proud of you.

Gilly boy,

good to see you.

Good job, Roger!

Thanks, buddy.

Triumphant smile.

It's going on

the wall!

All right, now we've

got to put him back.

Okay, so I just...

Pull the hook out?

Yeah. Take the hook out

and send him home.

Okay. He's not going to bite me, right?

You got it, man.

No. Come on, Rog,

just grab it.

Yeah, come on,

just pull back real hard.

You just got to

finesse it a little bit.

Let's go. Take it out.

Take it out.

It's stuck in

there really good.

Okay, man,

you just got to give it a quick up-shimmy and then pull back.

What is an

up-shimmy?

Up-shimmy,

it's an up-shimmy...

Down, and then

up-shimmy!

Up-shimmy, Roger.

Up-shimmy.

It's stuck on a bone.

Roger, please...

You please! You please!

You're killing him!

Take it out!

Just give it an up-shimmy and then pull it as hard as you can!

I am up-shimmying!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Stop it!

We can stop the bleeding!

We can save...

He's okay. He's okay!

He's gonna be fine.

Gill...

Please, will you just kick that into the water.

Please.

It's on my foot.

I can't...

I'm going to expel.

Out of my way!

Here, here, here!

Get it off!

Gill.

Good night,

sweet prince.

Was that my fault?

No, Roger.

It was Gill's fault.

Todd said to just pull

as hard as I could...

Well, after

an up-shimmy.

Boys, boys, boys.

It was nobody's fault.

It was just a very,

very, very,

tragic accident.

And, uh,

we don't blame you, Roger, at all.

Maybe... Maybe that

wasn't Gill.

Maybe Gill

had a twin.

No. Gill's

an only child.

Roger,

telephone call.

It's Frank.

Frank.

I got to take

this call.

Right now?

I'm so sorry.

I'll come back

to clean.

Take your call, Roger.

Take your phone call.

Say goodbye.

Hello?

Roger, it's Frank.

Is there any possible way I could call you back in 30 minutes?

Nope.

The party is pressing me to make a statement.

The media thinks

a scandal is involved.

"McClaren dick pic"

is trending on Twitter.

Sir, please tell me

there's no such picture.

Oh! Of course not!

But the party's not going

to wait until next week

and they are understandably forcing my hand.

Which means I have

to force yours.

So, are you in?

Yes. Yes, of course.

I'm in.

Fantastic!

Hey look,

Channel 3 is interviewing me on the 4th

and I'd like you

here with me

to announce that you're running for my seat.

Well, I'm actually

still up at Trout Lake.

And I'm planning

on proposing tomorrow...

You know what,

this could work in our favor.

Newly engaged

family man.

Beautiful outdoor setting

in Washington State.

I mean, it's a nice

introduction.

Are you saying we

should do it up here?

Of course. We'll send

a camera crew to you.

We'll satellite you in.

Um...

I think I could

make that work.

Your life is going

to change.

Thank you, sir.

I'll talk to you soon.

* I would swallow my pride

I would choke on the rinds

* But the lack thereof would

leave me naked inside

* Swallow it down

Turn it inside out

* Find nothin' but faith

in nothin' *

Where are Pam

and the boys?

Oh!

They just decided to have a little quiet night in.

You know, little Spencer

was still pretty upset

about the whole

Gill thing.

Yeah.

That was rough.

Gill would not want us to be a bunch of mopey dopes.

I think he would

want us to celebrate.

To future

Congressman Roger!

All right. A celebration.

Absolutely.

I can't thank you enough

for being so supportive.

And particularly for allowing a camera crew

to come crash

your vacation.

Listen, we weren't going to let you leave.

And now we get to be a part of this big moment.

We're excited.

And I know this goes

without saying, but,

please don't say anything to anyone before the announcement because...

Ladies and gentlemen.

Tonight is a very special night.

I won't say who because it's not official yet,

but someone here,

Roger Fellner,

is running

for Congress.

So I'd like you all to put your hands together like this,

and help me

get him on up here.

Roger!

Roger! Roger! Roger!

We'd like to dedicate this song to two very special ladies.

It's Deuce Princes

by Spin Doctors.

* Well, one, two princes

kneel before you

* That's what I said now

* Princes,

princes who adore you

* Just go ahead now

- Come on, Roger!

- Sing it, Rog!

* That's some bread, now

* This one said he wants

to buy you rockets

* Ain't in his head, now

Yeah!

* You marry him,

you marry me

* I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see

* I ain't got no future

or family tree but...

* I know what a prince

and lover ought to be

* I know what a prince

and lover ought to be, said

* Want to call me

baby just go ahead now

* And if you like to tell me maybe just go ahead now

* And if you want to buy me flowers just go ahead now

* And if you want to talk for hours just go ahead now *

Look at him go!

He's on fire!

Yeah, baby!

Move the strawberry

into the cart.

No. That's...

No. No.

Hey! Hey, hey, um...

Hey.

Are we still on for our date tonight?

Mmm-hmm.

I was thinking pizza

on Main Street.

Awesome. How about 5:30, but, like,

be ready at 5:00?

What is that?

Let's get ready

to go tubing!

Oh, my God!

You two. On here.

Pronto.

Yeah, I'll go grab

our bathing suits.

How long do you

think we'll be?

Once you get

on this ride,

you ain't never gonna

want to come back.

Yes, I want a goddamn

glass of wine!

I've got you,

brother.

Yeah, I really was happy just sitting on the boat.

But you're going

to love it.

Whoo!

All right.

Whoo!

You trying

to bump me?

You're going down!

I'm coming

for you, Rog.

Oh! This is so much fun!

Roger! Roger!

Look out, Roger!

No! No! No!

Oh! Oh!

Roger,

are you okay?

Hey, sorry about

your mug, bro.

It'll be better

by Friday.

Hey, for what it's worth...

Before you ate it, you hit some serious air.

You looked like a rock skipped a human across the lake.

You were like...

Speaking of

big splashes, um,

how are you going to make your announcement?

What do you mean?

I mean, you gotta make a good first impression,

you know.

You've got to wow the voters.

Get them to remember you.

Well, I'm going to announce that I'm running

and then the endorsement

from Congressman McClaren

should be more

than enough.

Bro, hear me out.

All right?

What if you like...

What if you like rose out of the lake,

you know, like, "People of Washington,

I am here to lead you, you, you..."

Well, I'm going to say no to that for two reasons.

One, I'm not here to lead them,

I'm here to represent them.

That's how

government works.

And two,

how would I rise out of the water?

I know a guy. His name's Makev.

I could have him here in an hour.

Forty-five minutes if you've got some cash on you.

It's not going

to happen.

Well, I know you've got a lot of work to do,

so maybe this will turn that frown upside down.

Todd, where'd you get that?

You got a speech to write, man!

Put that down, Todd!

You've gotta write...

No! No! No!

No...

No, please...

I'm so sorry, honey.

I gotta ask, though,

why was that bag on the boat?

Ask him that.

Still want to go

on our date night?

I don't know.

I think I just need

a moment alone.

Okay.

Right.

Careful.

Hey, Roger,

I'm sorry, man.

I'll replace

the satchel.

The engagement ring

was in the satchel.

The engagement ring that I was going to use to propose to Gwen,

right now, is now at

the bottom of the lake,

because of you!

Shit.

Oh! What's this?

A horse.

He was supposed

to wait out front.

He's beautiful.

Honey,

are you okay?

Duder...

Oh. Honey,

you woke up!

Well...

What happened?

You ate an entire bag of Grandma Hibby's THC chips.

Todd said it was the equivalent of nine joints hitting you at once.

I'm so sorry, Roger.

Those weren't potato chips.

They were Pot-ate-O chips.

It says so

right on the bag.

What was I thinking?

Where is Todd?

You really

don't remember?

Remember what?

It is me

or is he talking?

Hello, Roger.

High-five, horse.

High-five, horse!

Whoa. Whoa, Roger!

You're going to spook the horse.

Please, Artax!

You have to try.

Look out!

Margie!

Are you okay?

I'm okay. Are you okay?

Oh, my God,

I thought I was going to lose you!

Oh, my God, Todd.

You just saved my life!

Margie, I love you

so much.

I love you, Todd.

Will you marry me?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes, I'll marry you!

I want an army of your babies!

Oh, Margie.

I'm glad we sat

in the front!

Yeah, why sit in the back?

Roger dodger, hey.

Oh, Roger,

our evening was so romantic.

We had champagne and strawberries and we saw the most perfect,

beautiful sunset ever.

Beautiful.

I mean, just amazing.

How could it not be?

Gwen and I are going to sleep in the house tonight

because we thought the two of you would like to be alone.

Being newly engaged

and all.

Oh! Roger,

you're the best!

Hey, I'll meet

you inside.

I'm just going to talk to the R man for a sec.

Yeah, that'll be fine.

It will give me time to prepare.

Plug your ears,

Roger.

Didn't hear a thing.

Oh, you will.

Tonight on Dotch TV,

Dotch is going to touch a butt.

You okay, brother?

I am not your brother.

I am not your friend.

I am not your anything.

And after this trip,

I hope I never have to see you again.

Okay, um,

you seem upset.

Because you sabotaged

and then stole my proposal.

I didn't steal your proposal.

You gave it to me.

Are you delusional?

You don't remember?

Cowabunga!

You okay, buddy?

Good.

Do you still want to do your thing?

I don't know

if you're up for it, but...

Ben, what do you say, man?

No way, man.

No way!

Are you joking me?

You can't propose now!

If you do it,

you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Take it from me,

I'm rock bottom, hoss.

Dude, check this out.

No. No. No.

Just hear me out, okay.

I'm just saying I don't want

this all to go to waste.

There's a horse here.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

would you mind

if Margie and I

go instead?

I won't do it if

you don't want me to.

Yeah, let him take the horse.

What are you going to do with it?

Nothing.

You look like junk!

You look like some jerk-off socked you right in the face!

Let him take it, man.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I didn't know what I was saying because you drugged me!

I did not drug you.

The bag clearly said "Pot-ate-o"...

I know what the bag said!

But you got what you wanted,

didn't you, Todd?

You got to propose first.

I didn't get...

It just happened, Roger.

I'm so sorry.

No more words.

No more anything.

For the rest of this trip,

you stay away from me.

Oh.

And I'm declining

your friend request.

No, don't do that.

Ah! He's here!

Oh! Hugs. That's new.

I have literally never been more happy to see you in my life.

Don't worry, Riggy's here.

He's going to make everything okay.

The news gets in

tomorrow at 3:00.

I brought blazer options.

I like navy, it's powerful.

But...

You know what?

I can handle all of that now.

What I need you to do,

your sole purpose

in being here,

is to keep Todd away from me all the time.

Belly-man? You won't know he's here.

Thank you.

Riggleman!

Hey! Gwen!

Oh, my God!

Congratulations!

On what?

On your...

English-style vacation home.

The architecture...

I've seen that in England.

You're holding swords.

Oh, yeah.

Miesha is teaching us

combat yoga.

It's stretching

but with weapons.

He's a free thinker.

Sounds great. Sounds great.

Honey, Margie and I are going to go into town to give you time to focus.

Thank you so much.

If you forget anything,

just let me know and I'll pick it up.

Same goes for you, Riggleman.

Thank you so much.

It's great to see you. Oh.

Great to see you. You're a treasure.

I'm afraid to ask.

Why did you not propose to that exceptional woman?

I'm coming

to get you!

Because of that.

That's him?

He literally has been

ruining my life all week.

And last night he stole

my proposal to Gwen.

Please, keep him

out of my hair.

All right, you go.

I'll take care of this thing.

I am the king!

Whoo!

This is the most scared

I've ever been in my life.

And I grew up

in Pakistan.

The Little Mermaid.

Part of your world now.

Hey, you must be Todd.

You're Roger's

best friend, huh?

What's your name?

I'm Riggleman.

I said how much do you bench?

I don't work out,

so I wouldn't... Me neither.

Great. Glad that's

out of the way.

Whoa!

I don't know what

you're going for,

but there doesn't seem to be much definition there.

I'm not a dictionary

so I don't need definition.

That word means a few things.

So does "thesaurus".

Thesaurus means different things?

I think it just means one thing.

Prove it.

I'm in town

for a few days

and Roger said you're the man to show me around.

Roger said

I was the man?

To show me around.

I am the man.

To show me around.

I feel like there's a part of the sentence you're not listening to.

I am the man.

To show me around.

Let's do it!

Just let me bust

a piss right quick.

Oh. You're...

Going right now.

What's up?

Um.

It's just the un-breaking eye contact is a little off-putting.

That's also

off-putting.

Let me just go

get my wrist-cuffs.

Oh, boy.

Poor Roger.

Ripped his head

right off.

Murderer.

- What a bastard.

Who murders a fish?

Roger does.

Hey, Roger?

Hey, Cathy.

Hey. We're making

beer-garitas.

They're margaritas with beer in them.

You want one?

No, I'm all right,

but thank you, Cathy.

Okay. Hey, how are

you holding up?

Not bad.

No, I think pretty good.

You know,

just going over the speech.

Making sure I say everything I want to say.

Oh.

Well, yeah, you know,

I know that that's going to be fine.

But I meant,

how are you holding up with the whole Todd thing?

What do you mean?

It's pretty clear

that he took your proposal

or maybe you

gave it to him?

But dessert and port

aren't exactly Todd's style.

A ball-pit, maybe.

But not port.

You know,

when I first met him

I thought,

"This guy has got to take it down all the notches."

But then I realized, you know,

that the reason he's got that much energy

is because he's

got such a big heart.

And I guess

a guy with a big heart

isn't the worst thing

you could wish

for your daughter.

Yeah, sure. Of course.

This is probably

none of my business,

but can I give you

some friendly advice?

Certainly.

Okay.

As someone who has known Gwen her entire life,

she really loves you.

You could ask her to marry you in a parking lot and she'd nut.

So, try not to put too much pressure on the "how" of it.

Thank you, Cathy.

Oh!

Well, excuse you!

I'm a little buzzed.

That burp smelled delicious.

Can I get a beer-garita?

You sold me.

The burp sold me.

You're going to be good

in this family. Come on.

Hey, honey, look.

I got a giant donut! Whoa!

That's amazing.

Aw!

My ice cream!

She dropped her ice cream.

How do we clean it?

It's okay.

Problem solved.

Wash it away.

It's okay.

Todd cleaned the ice cream with soda and his shoe.

It's all better.

I'll get you

more ice cream.

Good as new.

Hello, "Giggleman."

Oh. Yeah. Todd gave it to me.

The nickname and the shirt.

I assumed.

That guy is pure

good times, man.

We met up with Gwen and Margie.

We went go-kart racing.

Except he called it

"go-fart racing".

'Cause it's powered

by gas.

Do you get it?

It really was

just go-kart racing.

Oh! We did a Chinese fire drill,

check this out.

He did, like,

a Chinese accent the whole time.

But it didn't

feel racist.

It felt more like a tribute to an ancient culture.

He got to you, too.

You really got to give him

another chance, man.

It feels good

to do this. Try it.

All right.

Well, I'm going to go inside.

Apparently, I'm staying here tonight.

Todd would not let me

stay at a motel.

Classic Todd.

So, you and Gwen are back rooming with Todd and Margie, okay?

Todd, do you want to

teach me how to swim?

Cool.

Roger? Roger, wake up!

You're covered in ants!

They're biting!

Ew! I can see his butt.

That's what they want.

That's my ice cream.

Oh. Look, he's skinny-dipping!

Good for him.

Dad, the news van is here.

Shut up!

Hi there.

Dana Curlman. Hi.

I feel like I might be wearing too much makeup.

No, Margie did a great job.

You can't see any of the bites, honey.

I look like

a peach mime.

I think it's going to read differently on camera, okay?

God, they really got in here.

I know.

Thank you

for doing this.

It's not my first time.

Remember when I got attacked by all those mites

when we were building

that library in Peru?

Yeah. Hey.

I'm really gonna miss you

when you leave.

I'm going

to miss you, too.

And I'm very sorry for how this week has panned out.

I wanted things to

go very differently.

And I actually was planning to ask you to...

Hey, Roger. Oh.

Was I interrupting?

Um. No? No.

We should get you mic'd up.

All right. Um.

Wish me luck?

Good luck!

Wait, where's Todd?

I don't know.

He said he knew this was big for you,

so he had to

get out of here.

Good.

Kind of miss him.

Hi. Dana Curlman.

Cascade News 3.

Let's hit it.

I'm jazzed and we're going to be live very, very soon.

Can I ask you,

is the makeup intentional?

Do you think it's too much?

Yes, it is.

But it is too late. Here we go, guys.

Let's do this dang thing.

We're live. Go.

Welcome, Roger.

Hi, Tom. Hi, Jules.

Ooh! Look at Roger. He looks good.

Well, thanks for having me.

Does he look

too orange?

His face looks like it's covered in Cheetos dust.

There's an ant coming out of his nose!

- What? Oh, my God...

There's an ant...

Uh.

Do you need a tissue?

Sorry.

No. Just an ant.

No. He's done.

With the ant thing,

it's over.

I grew up in Seattle.

It's a city I love.

It's a city I know.

I've been working with Congressman McClaren

these last five years and in that time unemployment has dropped 2 %.

High school graduation rates

are at an all-time high.

Wait, is that Todd?

Is that Todd?

Yeah. That's Todd.

Wow! He's got some height.

Roger Fellner for Congress!

America loves this man!

America needs this man!

I can't even dream this stuff,

get the freak in the back.

Roger! It's me, Todd!

Roger Fellner

for Congress!

Just having fun up here

on vacation with the fam.

Leave! Leave!

I can't hear you

over the jet shoes.

I said turn it off!

Turn that off!

You're ruining it!

Do you hate this?

Yes!

The innovation of the people of Washington.

If you don't leave I'm going to kill you!

I'm gonna kill you!

Leave!

Makev! Let's go!

Okay, he is going

to hit him.

Roger, I'm sorry!

Watch out!

Roger, I'm sorry!

Roger!

Whoa!

Roger!

Roger Fellner

is now unconscious.

He's like Iron Man.

This is amazing!

All right!

Now that's news!

Roger Fellner.

Guy worth saving.

Guy worth voting for.

Hell of a tagline.

I felt like a superhero!

- God, Todd!

It was the best,

it was...

I don't even know where it came from.

I don't know how I did it.

I mean,

that was awesome.

And I gotta tell you,

seeing your face now.

It is busted. Honestly,

that makeup was not that bad.

Well, thank you for today

and we will catch you later.

Todd, you my dude!

Roger, are you okay?

All things considered,

that went okay.

And Todd said we can try

his water boots.

This is even worse than ripping off Gill's head.

I'm just glad

he had clothes on.

Roger, I wouldn't go to sleep tonight.

I'm sure you're concussed.

You know I can't vote for you now, guy. Right?

How many times did I tell you to leave me alone?

How many times

did I say stay away?

Easy. Easy.

You punched me?

Yes, and it felt

wonderful!

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with me?

Him!

He just destroyed my political career on live television!

Looks to me like

he saved your ass.

That's because

you're an idiot!

You're out of line,

Roger.

I'm the only one

being honest, Jerry!

You should not be content with this man marrying your daughter.

She could do

so much better.

You need to apologize

to Todd right now.

How are you not

on my side?

I am on your side,

but it is not okay to assault people!

Gwen, if anything,

he should apologize to me!

I'm sorry.

I don't want your apology!

Do you hear yourself

right now?

You've completely

lost your mind!

He knocked me into the water!

He didn't save me! He caused it!

I know, but that

was an accident.

He doesn't have

a mean bone in his body.

He is a menace!

There's one person right now who's a screaming,

raving lunatic

and that is you.

Why would that be?

Do you understand

what I am going through?

Gwen, you don't know half

of what's transpired, okay?

Well, why don't

you tell me!

No. You don't tell me

anything that's going on.

I can't tell you

everything!

Things affect me, too!

And when you decide out of the blue that you're gonna run for Congress

that has an effect

on me!

And so does you leaving the country for three months at a time!

Have you communicated with me,

or asked how I feel about that?

Well, how do you feel about it?

I hate it!

I think if you really

want to help people

you should give them something like food,

not young-adult novels.

All right.

Gwen...

No. I hear you.

I'm sorry.

You think I'm a joke,

and you hate my family.

I'm really glad to know,

a couple of years in,

that this whole time

you thought I'm a fool.

I don't...

So I think,

now would be a perfect time for you to go.

You want me

to go home?

Great.

That's great.

Oh. And by the way,

"I'm gonna nut"

means ejaculate!

Let's go.

That's disgusting.

Why would he say that?

Cathy,

that part's true.

Hey, Roger.

I just want to say thank you for a wonderful couple of days.

Switching gears

a little bit, um,

I lost my cell

phone charger in there.

It's a Samsung Android S3.

It's like the S4

but a fewer prongs.

You know how they just change the chargers for no reason.

I know this is a weird time to bring it up,

but it is a discontinued model.

It's got

metal gray...

It's our candidate,

folks!

I just want to thank all of you for all your hard work.

I really appreciate it.

Place isn't much,

but it's the best I could do on short notice.

No. No, the place

is wonderful.

I just hope everyone realizes

I'm going to lose.

Why would you say that?

I fell into a lake

on live television.

Yeah. People love it. It's gone viral.

Where have you been?

Purposely avoiding all media.

Look at this.

It's got three

million views on YouTube.

Roger Fellner.

Guy worth saving.

Guy worth voting for.

And you've

become a meme, look.

There's you being rescued from the Titanic.

There's you with

the water-skiing squirrel.

Your own

commemorative cereal.

That's just you

coming out of a toilet.

That's also...

A bunch of just different toilets.

It's really so flattering to have the entire country making fun of me.

Roger, this is a good thing.

This is a real human moment.

People look at this and go, "Well,

I could fall into a lake.

"I should vote

for this guy."

Hey, Pete, play

the Maddow piece.

And finally tonight,

I'm sure you've all seen the Seattle politician fall into a lake

while announcing his run

for a congressional seat.

Yes, a near-drowning on live TV is a bit of a blunder,

but the quick thinking of a family member saved his life,

and with it, his chance

at public office.

Well, now,

new footage has surfaced of the accident-prone candidate

and his rescuer just crushing

the Spin Doctors on karaoke.

Somebody smart once said,

"Judge a person's character by who he surrounds himself with."

Well, with friends

like these,

Roger Fellner seems like

a stand-up guy.

Or rather, "A guy worth saving.

A guy worth voting for."

So, we are all set for the fundraiser on Friday.

And this is for you,

it was sent to my house.

Good night, Roger.

Is that your

boyfriend?

Oh. Hey, man, sorry.

I didn't realize anyone was still here.

You look happy.

You and your boyfriend.

No. He's not my boyfriend.

No, no. He's, um...

He's a...

Do you want me to move?

No. No. No. You're good.

All right,

ready, zip!

What is it?

"Cabbie Penny

needs a potty."

Wait, what did it

start as?

"Katy Perry's

a hottie."

Yeah, she is!

Don't tell your parents

I said that, okay?

'Cause I could

get in big trouble.

Hi.

Do you think I could

talk to you for a second?

Hey, Micah.

Can you please tell our guest that these are not visiting hours?

These are not

visiting hours.

Thank you, Micah.

I can hear him.

I just need two minutes.

Hear me out.

And if you don't want to see me again,

I'll leave you alone.

Hey, Micah.

Can you please

tell our guest

that if he would like to arrange a time

to talk that's not during our hang time

that would be

much better?

He said... Yeah,

I heard him, Micah. Thank you.

Um...

Okay.

Okay, little homies.

Where were we?

Red-hair Ralph.

Mickey got another one.

Give it to me,

brother.

Hey, Micah.

Can you please

tell our guest

that if he would like

to talk to me right now

that he could call me up

on the telephone.

Todd, I've tried calling...

"Limes harden in a lunch room.

Nine times a night."

What did it start as?

"I'm sorry that I punched you.

I had no right."

I acted like such a jerk

and there are no excuses,

but if you give me a second chance I would love...

Your round is over.

Okay.

Guys, thank you very much for letting me interrupt.

I hope you have fun.

You deserve a better

brother-in-law than me.

You're not safe here.

None of you are!

That beam

is the safe zone.

And he is it!

Freeze Tag!

It's on!

Hit him.

I take it you got

my package.

I did. Todd, that was amazing.

Thank you so much.

Though I don't know if I'll have much use for it now.

Gwen won't even

return my calls.

Come on, buddy.

You know she still loves you.

She's been moping around the house for like two weeks.

Makes for

an awful roommate.

You know, her big

fundraiser's tomorrow night.

I do know this.

In fact, part of the reason I came here...

Is I need your help.

Say it again.

I need your help.

Say it real loud this time.

I need your help!

Now, say it...

Say it like a weird baby.

I need your help!

Let's do it!

Without funding,

thousands of people won't have access to books

and the priceless knowledge

contained within their pages.

We view every book in our libraries as a chance.

A chance to learn.

Help give that chance to the people of the Sundarbans.

Because when a book is in your hands,

the world is at your fingertips.

All right,

I would like to call upon our pledge donations.

Can I get the house

lights up, please?

Let's start with our golden

bookmark donors.

Who here is willing

to pledge $10,000?

Really? Nobody?

Oh! We have one.

Yes! Thank you so much.

No, you are a waiter.

Um.

Okay, let's move on to our next...

What just happened?

This is ridiculous.

* Just go donate now!

Aw, yeah,

give it up for books!

Put your hands in your pockets,

get the cash out!

Put your hands in your pockets,

get the cash out!

Yo, these kids

are books!

* Well, this lady's

standing here before you

* And she seems swell now

* Listen to her I implore you because she's smart as hell now

* She's tryin' to arrange

some money for libraries

* So help us out now

Ladies and gentlemen,

the actual Spin Doctors!

That's not

the Spin Doctors.

Now we're talking.

* Why not make a small donation just go donate now

* Bring your checkbooks up to the station just go donate now

* Bring books to an under-privileged nation,

just go donate now

* Help Rog help Gwen make things right here,

just go donate now

* I learned these lyrics on the flight here just go donate now!

*

Hey.

I don't know when I started

taking you for granted,

but shame on me.

I don't hate that you do this.

I don't.

I love you

because you do this.

What I hate is

being away from you.

Being with you will always be my greatest accomplishment.

I love being with you so much,

I am willing to say in front of all these people,

that I am okay with having him for a brother-in-law.

It's me.

Gwen Elaine Turley,

will you marry me?

Yes!

Now, I'm going

to ask one more time.

Who here is now willing

to pledge $10,000

for some literacy?

If you think just because you had the Spin Doctors play a hit from 1993

that's suddenly going to inspire me to write a check for $10,000

I have one question

for you, sir.

Do you have a pen?

Oh, my God!

Thank you.

I now pronounce

you husband and wife.

I also now pronounce you

husband and wife.

You may kiss

the brides.

Oh, oh!

You've got an ant...

Now, can we please

go party?

Guys, she's all mine!

She's all mine!

Hey, I like the facial

adjustments, Uncle Mel.

Thanks. It's easier to maintain,

and it's a little more classy.

More handsome.

You think so?

Uh-huh.

Mel! Oh!

Whoa!

Ooh! Careful, Spencer!

Thanks, Roger.

No problem.

Hey, Roger?

They tell a story.

Go, Giggleman!

Go, Giggleman! Go, Giggleman!

How was Bangladesh, guys?

Oh, I think it was

the trip we needed.

Yeah, we helped

a lot of people.

We built a school

and we dug a well.

And we put in

a Wi-Fi tower.

Now, they have a full,

electronic library.

This guy thinks

of everything.

I feel sort of guilty

that you lost the election.

No.

It was pretty hard to come back once it came out that I murdered Gill.

Yeah. People loved

that fish.

Todd!

I owed you one.

It's just like the one we had.

Get on up there, man.

Ride off into the sunset.

Actually just to the end

of the driveway

'cause that horse

isn't allowed on the street.

But I did get you a limo to take you to the airport, so...

There you go.

Thank you, brother.

Come here.

Oh. I have

something for you.

I love you.

I know. Just let the moment happen.

There's no words...

We'll see you

when we get back.

Adorable.

You'll see me on the plane.

The plane?

Surprise!

Dual honeymoon!

We booked the room right next to yours!

Oh!

The party continues.

It always does.

We can get walkie talkies.

We can do everything together.

Do you like pizza?

I can't believe I've never asked you that before.

Roger.

Look at me.

Mmm-hmm.

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm doing it, Roger!

Roger! I'm helping!

You're not helping.

Do you hate this?

Come on, Pam.

Ow!

It's been two years,

which is a very acceptable time.

Two years is nothing.

I could sit on one box for two years

and it wouldn't phase me...

You will sit on a box for two years?

I have done it.

Where were you when you sat on a box for two years?

Cleveland.

Yes!

Oh!

Nobody gets

Dana Curlman wet.

Unless I

want them to.

Be the Riggleman that you've always wanted to be.

'Cause that's

what you deserve.

Every day look at yourself and go,

"I did it."

Oh. You dropped

your ice cream!

* Roger Fellner

is my man

* He can do it

like no one can

* It's a rap song or

something like that *

Okay. Bye.

What are you doing?

Making a movie?

How did you...

What just happened?

Brother Nature (2016) - full transcript