Bronco Billy (1980) - full transcript

Bronco Billy McCoy is the proud owner of a small traveling Wild West show. But the business isn't doing too well: for the past six months he hasn't paid his employees. At a gas station he picks up Antoinette, a stuck-up blonde from a rich family, who was left behind without a penny by her husband on their wedding night. Billy likes her looks and hires her as his assistant. She seems to bring them bad luck and the business gets even worse. In these hard times she loses her reluctance and starts to like her new way of life... and Bronco Billy.

Ladies and gentlemen...

boys and girls...

we welcome you this evening...

to the greatest, the
most authentic...

Wild West Show in America.

So hang on...

to your hats and boots...

or your loved one's hand.

Let us take you back to a time...

when the cowboys and Indians
roamed our great land.

And now, for our first
act this evening...

Chief Big Eagle...

the great-great grandson of the

great Apache Indian
chief, Geronimo...

will perform his legendary
Rattlesnake Dance...

that no white man has
ever seen before.

And that's for sure.

Chief Big Eagle.

I'm awful scared, Bronco Billy.

Everybody's a little nervous their
first night in show business.

You just do what we rehearsed
and everything will be fine.

Yeah, but I'm awful
scared, Bronco Billy.

Take a swig of this, it'll
make you feel great.

The Chief got bit again
by the rattlesnake.


Running Water took him
to their truck and

gave him a shot of
Doc's Snake Bite.

I don't know why he can't just do

the Great Apache
Flaming Arrow Act.

Didn't you tell him to
use the gopher snake?

I did, but he's a proud Indian.

The only good Indian
is a dead Indian.

Let's go, girl.

How about it?

How about a big hand for
Lasso Leonard James?

The greatest rope
artist in the West.

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

it is my privilege and honour...

to present to you this evening...

the greatest trick shooter...

the fastest draw...

the toughest man...

the one and only
Bronco Billy McCoy.

How about it?


Thank you, folks. Thank you,
my little pardners out there.

Always great to be back in Montana
and see all of our friends.

Now I'd like to introduce
you to my new assistant.

It's her first night
in the big tent.

So how about a big Montana
welcome for Miss Mitzi Fritts.

Throw up the plates.

Throw up another plate.

How about it, ladies and
gentlemen? Bronco Billy.

And now I want all
of you settlers...

and all of you little pardners...

to sit tight...

because Bronco Billy is
getting ready to do...

his death-defying "Wheel
of Fortune" shootout.

Are those real bullets?

It's a special buckshot.
It doesn't go too far.

But don't worry, I never miss.

Miss Mitzi, would you
like a blindfold?

No, Bronco Billy.

You're the best shot
in the Old West.

Very well, but I will wear one.

Are you ready, Miss Mitzi?

Yes, Bronco Billy.

All right.

Spin the wheel.

How much money we
got in the kitty?

$19 and some change.

Nobody can ever say
we're getting rich.

I'll just be glad when
we get to the next town.

That's good, too. But, I...

if something's
sticking in your craw,

why don't you just spit it out?

Me and the boys have
been with you down

the road through
hell and high water.

If there's a fight, we
stick together, right?

We know you've done
the same for us.

Doc, if it's about
that little gal...

you know how hard it is to find
a good assistant nowadays.

You tell the boys that
I'll find us an angel...

who will make us proud
to have her in the show.

Heck, they understand about
all that, Billy, but...

What the hell are
you talking about?

You know the boys love
you and so do I...

but unless we get paid, we have to

quit because it's been six months.

What's going on?

Get out of my truck, you
yellow-bellied sidewinders.

- It's raining.
- Get out.

What in carnation is he
all heated up about?

I just told him we was all
gonna quit unless we got paid.

Why'd you tell him
while it was raining?

Get out of my truck, you ingrates.

Don't you swear at my wife, Boss.

Get out of my truck.

We never should have elected you
to tell him in the first place.

What are you talking about? We
drew straws and I lost. Remember?


So it's money you want, huh?

I'm not gonna have
a pack of wolves

snapping at my heels for money.

You think when I look
at the faces of those

little pardners smiling
in the audience...

I'm thinking about money?

All the good times we've been
through, and all the bad times...

it breaks my heart
to think that the

only reason you came
with me was for money.

I thought I had the
best bunch, but I

guess I've been dealt
a crooked hand.

It ain't what you're thinking.

Nobody wants to quit the outfit.

I ain't had enough
money to go into a bar

and buy a girl a drink
in over a month.

You think I have?

You promised I'd have enough money
to buy a wooden hand this year.

You shouldn't have
blown that hand off. I

told you that shotgun
act wouldn't work.

Running Water and I
want to buy a new bed.

We're tired of sleeping on straw.

You two would still
be in the reservation

drinking bad whiskey
if it wasn't for me.

I'm sick of being
on the waggon and

I'm sick of drinking plain water.

We all know what
you used to do for

a drink and we forgive you for it.

If you want to go
back to wool blankets

and dirty sheets, it's
all right with me.

I need new ropes.

You young cowpunchers today
don't take care of your gear.

I've told you a hundred times,
wrap your ropes after every show.

I know my job.

Then know it better. You hear?

Why don't we get back in the
truck and get on down the trail?

We're getting hungry.

I say we get it over, right now.

Nobody wants it over.

How about the rest of you?

You're right, Boss.

Running Water and I
owe you our lives.

Where would I go?

But soon as we get some
money, I'll get some ropes.

You're all gonna get what
you want, I promise you.

I save every dime, every nickel

that goes into that
little tin box.

One day we'll get
that ranch we want,

so city kids could come out...

and see what cowboys and
Indians are really like.

Then we can all settle down.

You're the best bunch
of wranglers in

America, don't you ever forget it.

You ride with Bronco Billy,
the fastest draw in the West.

Now let's hit the trail.

I'll go get the permit.

You all go get something to eat.

All right, Mr
Arlington, if you will

both sign right there
and pay me $10...

then you can go upstairs to Judge

Carbon's office and be married.


Thank you.


Don't walk so fast.

I shall walk as fast as I please.

Light me.

Antoinette, darling...

you know how much I love you.

Please, John, let's
not be maudlin.

But I do love you, my pet.

We need each other.

I need to marry someone...

anyone, before Saturday, when I

reach the disgusting age of 30...

or I shall lose many wonderful

millions of dollars
my daddy left me.

And you need my money.

I know you're as broke as
these vulgar Idaho farmers...

so let's not talk about love...

and get this thing over with
as painlessly as possible.

Is there an auto mechanic on duty?

What's the problem?

I believe my engine's burning up.

Pop the hood.

Just exactly how long
is this going to take?

There's a hole in your
radiator the size of a potato.

Repair it.

It won't be ready till tomorrow.



Got to make a trip into town
to pick up a new radiator.

I'll pay you double
what you normally get,

if you'll have it
repaired by tonight.

I could sure use
the extra money...

but your car won' be
ready till tomorrow.

Marvellous. You and
your rented limousines.

Why in the hell did we
get married in Idaho?

I thought Sun Valley would be
a good place for a honeymoon.

I just want to get
back to New York.

You want her fixed?

Sometimes she makes me so
mad, I could kill her.

Stick 'em up or I'll plug you.

I ought to have the whole bunch of

you strung up for cattle-rustling.

We just wanted to
talk to Bronco Billy.

All right, turn around,
nice and easy.

You little pards played Hooky
from school just to come see me?

Look at his guns.

He really is Bronco Billy.

Put your hands down.

Are you really the
fastest gun in the West?

Ain't nobody faster
than Bronco Billy.

I don't take kindly to kids
playing Hooky from school.

I think every kid in
America should go

to school at least
up to eighth grade.

But we don't go to school
today. It's Saturday.

I'd been riding late last night.

A man's brain gets kind of fuzzy
when he's been on the range.

I'll tell you what.

Because you're such good hearted,
little cowboys and cowgirls...

and you say your
prayers each night...

I'll give you one
free ticket each to

the greatest Wild
West Show on Earth.

I want you to bring your
folks tonight, huh?

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Don't come late. You
might not get a seat.

- Billy, where are you heading?
- I'm going into town.

I got to find a woman who can
shoot like Annie Oakley...

ride like Belle Starr, and
who ain't afraid of nothing.

I hope you find one,
but be careful.

Are you Bronco Billy?

I sure am, ma'am.

You sure got a neat car.

Woman, what's your name?

Dolores. Dolores Duke.

It's pleasure meeting
you, Miss Dolores.

Would you like to go for a little
ride, when you get off work?


I'm certainly glad someone
is enjoying our honeymoon.

You really should've come to
the Wild West Show, darling.

It was wonderfully corny.

You would've gotten a
big laugh out of it.

Turn out your light.
I want to go to bed.

Yes, dear.

Aren't you...

going to wash that
stuff off your face?

I shall wash my face when
I want to wash my face.

Will you take your wet
tongue out of my ear?

But I'm your husband.

That doesn't give you
licence to maul me.

You frigid spinster.

If you had any blood in your
veins, you'd know what to do.

No wonder you've never
gotten married.

Are you finished with
your little speech?

Honey, I just want
to make you happy.

But you frustrate me to no end.



If you ever lay a
hand on me again,

without first asking
my permission...

I shall cut you out of my
universe. Starting at the bank.

Yes, dear.


May I put my hand on your breast?


Wait here. I'm gonna
go cash a $3 check.

All right.

Watch yourself.

- Be back in a minute.
- Right.

Thank you, sir.

Cash a check here?


Yeah. I'd like it in two
singles and four quarters.

No, wait a second, make that
two quarters and five dimes.

What's it gonna be, fella?

It's a stickup.

Everybody up against the
wall. You, too, Tex.

- Tex?
- Come on, move.


Do hurry, I want to take my bath.

I hope your rented
limousine's been repaired.

Oh, my God.

Hello? I've been robbed.

News Beat 7, Mr Bronco.

Bronco Billy's the name.

Me and my Wild West Show
are camped off I-80.

When did you feel it was
time to take action?

It's always time to take
action when there's danger.

I want to invite you
pardners to come

and see Bronco Billy's
Wild West Show.

Right off I-80.

Here's Mr Collarton,
manager of the bank.

I want to shake your hand
and I want to thank you...

The first show is
at 7:30 and I want

you to come and see
Bronco Billy...

the quickest draw, fastest shot,

quickest man this
side of the Pecos.

Right out off I-80.


How charming.


Attendant. You, there.

Heard you the first time.

Did my husband, the man
in the limousine...

did he say when he'd be back?


Could I use your telephone?

It's right outside there.
It works on dimes.

My husband seems to
be playing a little

joke on me. He's taken my purse.

Run off, has he?

Could you lend me a dime? I
just want to dial the operator.


Why not?

Because I ain't got a dime.

But you have a telephone.

It works on dimes.

Why don't you take a dime out of

your stupid little
cash register...

and let me use it to
call the operator?

I'll give it right back to you.

Ain't mine to give.

Nice looking, ain't she?

At my age, that's about
all I can do is look.

She live around here?

Her husband run off and
left her this morning.

The man's got to be a fool to run

off and leave something like that.

Maybe, maybe not.

Sir, you have a good day.

Same to you, young feller.

Good morning, ma'am.

Can I be of service to you?


Would you be kind enough
to lend me a dime?

Sure. Come on across
the street, that's

where I keep my
money, in my truck.


My name is Bronco Billy
McCoy. And yours?

Bronco. What an amusing name.

My friends call me Billy.

Come and get it.

Where's the dime you promised me?

- I wanted an orange soda.
- I wanted a strawberry.

Boys, this is...

Antoinette Lily.

Miss Antoinette Lily.

You're the prettiest assistant
the boss ever hired.

I sure hope you can ride
better than the last gal.

Wait. Wait.

Chief Big Eagle and his wife,
Lorraine Running Water.

Miss Antoinette Lily.

All right, boys. We got to get
moving. Let's get to work.

What an honour.

The dime.

I wanted a Dr Pepper.

Doc Lynch, this is
Miss Antoinette Lily.

Welcome to Bronco
Billy's Wild West Show.

I hope you'll be happy with us.

Quit chewing the fat,
we've got work to do.

We'll talk later, my dear.


You'll be paid a good wage
for an honest day's work.

Room and board are free.

You promised me a dime.

Do you ride?

Ride? You mean a horse?

This dime will be deducted
from your first week's salary.

Now, go ahead and make your call.

We got to hit the trail.

You sure are pretty.

Operator, thank God you're there.

I'd like to place
a collect call to

New York. Area code 212-966-7058.

To Mrs Irene Lily.

- Your name, please?
- This is Antoinette Lily.

I'm sorry, that line is busy.
Would you like to try later?


Damn you. Give me back my dime.

This isn't happening.

Would you drive me
to the next town?

Certainly, ma'am.

I tell you that John Arlington has

murdered my helpless
little stepdaughter.

I never should've let them marry.

- What could you have done?
- Well, I am the family attorney.

All of his wives seem to
disappear so mysteriously.

Now, don't go getting
yourself upset.

Edgar, what will become of
me if she has met her end?

If that is the case...

you are next in line for her
departed father's fortune.

I just want her back,
safe in my arms.

But we both know Antoinette would
want me to carry on, chin up.

I'll call the police immediately.

You're such a comfort.

♪ We're bar-room buddies
and that's the best kind ♪

♪ Nobody fools with
a buddy of mine ♪

♪ I laugh when you're happy
I cry when you're blue ♪

Must you sing that
disgusting music?

Would you want to sing a
duet of Bar-room Buddies?

No, I don't want to sing a
duet of Bar-room Buddies.

If I'd known you were
going to the next town...

instead of the one
nearest the motel, I

would've never gotten
into this vehicle.

It must be tough
having the man you

love run off with another woman.

It'll be better now that
you are with the show.

My husband did not run
off with another woman.

I have no intention of
working in your show.

Were you messing with another man?

No, I wasn't messing
with another man.

Furthermore, my life
is not your concern.

You'll wake up Doc.

Don't tell me what to do.

I'm your boss and
don't you forget it.

You are nothing but
an illiterate cowboy.

Nobody ever talks that
way to Bronco Billy.

Take your hands off me.

You'd better get in. It's a
long way to the next town.

What happened to Miss Lily?

I threw her out on the road.

I'll have him thrown
in jail for the

rest of his life for kidnapping.

Who does he think he is,
treating me this way?

He's Bronco Billy, the best
friend a man ever had...

besides his wife.

Best friend? He hasn't understood
a word I've said to him all day.

The boss has a lot of
responsibilities running the show.

When do we get to
the next village?

Just try to get some
shut eye, Miss Lily.

How dare he put his hands on me.

Nobody says that about a cowboy.

Miss Lily, I thought you
left us last night.

Well, that lunatic
tried to kill me.

He's a very good man
once you know him.

Where are we?

We put on a lot of
shows for orphanages

and hospitals
throughout the country.

Children. Children.

Let's all have our lunch and then
we can thank Bronco Billy...

for his Wild West Show.

Billy, I hope you and your friends

will join us for lunch and prayer.

If you don't mind a few
sinners at the table, ma'am.

We'd love to, thank you.

All right, boys, let's take
a break, have some chow.

I realise you ain't
with the show, but...

you're welcome to
have lunch with us.

Would Bronco Billy
give the prayer?

Lord, we ask You to forgive
us for our sins...

and we want to thank you,
Lord, for the great chow...

food that we're having here today.

We ask You, Lord,
to look after these

little cowboys and cowgirls...

and show them the
way to a good life,

so they don't get
tangled up with...

hard liquor and cigarettes.


Sister, may I use your telephone?

I'm sorry, we don't have a
telephone. We can't afford one.

Exactly how much do you pay Mr
Bronco for this performance?


Billy and his friends
come here every

year. They make the
children happy...

but they don't get paid.

I said to One-Eyed Charlie,
this famous desperado:

"if you mess with me, you should
make peace with the Lord...

"because I'm faster and tougher
than you, you dirty varmint."

What did he do to make you
so mad, Bronco Billy?

He talked dirty about my mother.

So you killed One-Eyed Charlie?

I didn't, but I shot his
holsters right off his hips.

You should never kill a man
unless it's absolutely necessary.

May I speak with you for a moment?

Sure. See you in a little bit.

Thanks for the show, Bronco Billy.

You're welcome.

You promised to take
me to the next town.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll take you to the next town and

you work the first show for me...

till I can get a replacement.
Then you're on your own. Deal?


Buster and I come riding in
after Doc announces me...

then I ride around the arena
here doing my tricks.

When I announce you,
you'll come out

here and walk up to this table.

Then, I'll nod my head and
you pick up two plates.

When I ride by you, throw
up the first plate...

count to three and then throw
up the second plate. Got that?

I'll show you what it looks
like when the plates go off.

No problem.

It takes hours of practise
to learn to do that.

Mighty fine shooting, Miss Lily.

Beginner's luck.

Where on earth did you learn
how to shoot like that?

Haven't you got
something better to do

than hang around
like a dog in heat?

As a matter of fact, I do.


You don't do the shooting
around here, I do that.

All right.

Now pretend I've
done all my tricks.

I'll come back...

I'll get on Buster...

and we ride around the arena.

I'll come right around here.

I'll swing down and
pick you up and

you slide right on in back of me.

You what?

You reach your arm out and I
lift you right up in back of me.

That's all I have to do?

That's all you have to do.

What happens if I fall?

Trust me.


If you can't get it
right, we'll go over

and over it until you
do get it right.

No problem.

All right, here I come.

"No problem"?

Hello, Eloise.

- Mrs Lily in?
- I'll tell her you are here.

Mr Lipton is here
to see you, ma'am.

Thank you, dear.

Edgar, darling.

The FBI has just arrested
John Arlington in Arizona.

What was he doing in Arizona?

I have a suspicion
he was getting ready

to flee across the Mexican border.

He was wearing several of
Antoinette's diamond bracelets.

They are formally
charging him with

the murder of your step-daughter.

I'm going out there to see him.

Has he confessed?

At the time of his arrest he was

suffering from amoebic
dysentery and...

wasn't able to talk.

As soon as he confesses, I
want you to file a petition...

requesting me to be named
benefactor of the estate.

Of course.


I want to extend my deepest
sympathy in this hour of tragedy.

That is sweet of you, Edgar.

Just do what I told you.


Miss Lily, would you
like a blindfold?

Oh no, Bronco Billy.

For you most certainly are the
finest marksman in all the West.

Very well.

But I will wear one.

Must you, Bronco Billy?

Are you ready, Miss Lily?

Yes, Bronco Billy.

Spin the wheel.

Next time you change the dialogue
on that piece of paper...

you're fired.

How dare you come in here.

Where's that piece of paper?

I'm not accustomed
to being yelled at.

Where's that piece of paper?


I say, "Would you like a
blindfold, Miss Lily?"

You say, "No, Bronco Billy,
because you're the best shot."

Not, "the best marksman".

And when I say, "I'll use
one," where does it say:

"Must you, Bronco Billy?" it
doesn't say that here, does it.


Every assistant I've had
for the last 10 years...

has said exactly
what's on this paper.

That's the way I
want it continued.

Do you understand?

And another thing,
I own this tent.

Are you finished with
your little speech?

Yes, I'm finished.

I do not work for you.

And if you ever raise
your voice to me

again, I will scratch
out your eyes.

Are we camping here
tonight or moving on?

We're hitting the trail, now.

He is a madman.

Is he?

John Arlington, I am going to
murder you for doing this to me.

How's Buster feeling?

Kind of poorly, Doc.

It's just his arthritis
acting up again.

I'll give him a couple of
swigs of my snakebite remedy.

Just fix the old boy
up, just like new.

One of these days
we'll get that ranch.

Old Buster can go out to pasture.

Running Water was telling me about

the run in you had with Miss Lily.

I say good riddance to that woman.
She just couldn't cut the bacon.

I'm glad she got out
of the frying pan

before I wasted that
much time on her.

It's a shame, because
I thought she

did pretty good for
her first show.

She couldn't take orders.

I gave her the piece of paper and
she couldn't memorise her words.

But she was a damn good shot.

I don't want to talk
about her, ever again.

Okay, you're the boss.

She got her ride to the next town
and her breakfast on the house.

Mighty kind of you.

Her kind don't want to work.

No wonder her husband
ran off and left her.

Excuse me, miss.

"Heiress murdered."

Can I see the Sports section?

You may.

Thank you.

'Bye, ma'am.

Goodbye, Miss Lily.

It's too bad you can't
come along with us.

So long. Happy trails.

You have a visitor from New York.

Is it my wife?

Hello, Edgar.

You've got five minutes.

You're looking well.

That's easy for you to say. You
don't have amoebic dysentery.

I've known Antoinette since
she was just a little girl...

and believe me, I
don't blame you...

for murdering her.

But I didn't murder that
cold-blooded viper.

The sooner you confess, the
sooner we can all benefit.


I know how much you
must have loved

her to have done such a thing.

But the living must go on living.

What has happened, has happened.

I'm facing the electric chair...

or something...

and you're standing here talking

about "the living
must go on living".

I guarantee...

that if you plead
temporary insanity...

you won't spend more than three
years in a mental institution.

What are you getting at?

If you confess to
Antoinette's murder...

the day that you are released
from the institution...

you will receive half
a million dollars.

But what if they
don't buy that and I

go to the electric chair anyway...

or something?

They will buy it.

I can arrange anything.
You know that.

But those mental institutions,
they're supposed to be maddening.

I know of some out here that have

tennis courts and
swimming pools...

your own private
room, colour TV...

maid service.


How much is that after taxes?

Well, if you invest wisely,
you won't have to pay a dime.

I didn't mean to kill her, but
she was driving me crazy.

What are you doing here?

You still need an
assistant, don't you?

I'm the head ramrod.
I give the orders.

Yes, Bronco Billy.

Get out of this truck.

Why? Aren't we heading
down the old trail?

You got to prove that
you can work hard

before you ride with
the head ramrod.

I do, do I?

Do you want the job or don't you?

Is that your real name, Lefty?

What's it to you?

Well, I was just trying to
make time pass more quickly.

Why do you want to make
the time pass quickly?

Because I find life
rather boring. Don't you?


Well, I can see we have
very little to talk about.

I reckon not.

Light me.

Leonard, how long have you
been with Bronco Billy?

Must be going on nine years.

Oh, please.

Did your father teach you
your little lasso tricks?

My father taught me nothing.

My father gave me
nothing but whippings.

Billy taught me everything
I know. He gave me a home.

That's very touching.

I don't know where
you come from...

but they must not have given you

much love when you
was a little girl.

Well, it's good to be back.

I'm hungry.

You're always hungry.
Let's set up the

big tent before we
put on the feedbag.

Big tent, let's get it.

What would you like for me to do?

You go help the boys.

What are you going to do?

I do the thinking around here.

I hadn't noticed.


Excuse me.

Is everything all fixed up?

We still have some patch
work to do on the tent.

All right. Good.

I don't want you to get bit by
those rattlesnakes any more.

Why don't you use
the gopher snakes?

That's what I bought
the damn things for.

- Tell him. He'll understand.
- I hope so.

Tell me what?

Spit it out. That's what
I'm here for, is to help.

Running Water's gonna have a baby.

I'm gonna be an uncle?

You ain't mad?

Mad? That's the best
news I've ever heard.

We know money's tight.

We got to get a
trailer for you and

some clothes for the little pard.

What's all the shooting about?

Big Eagle and Running Water
are gonna have a baby.

Why don't we get into our duds and

go into town and raise some hell?

We plan to name the
little critter Billy.

Well, I'm really honoured.

In fact, what we'll
have to do is get a

raise for you when
the critter's born.

Thanks, Boss.

Here's a toast to the fastest
gun in the West, Bronco Billy.

Bottoms up.

Miss Lily, why don't
you put a little

fire between your
legs and join in?

I've matched you beer
for beer all night.

You're the coldest
fish I've ever met.

How dare you call me a fish.

"How dare you call me a
fish." You are, you know.

You don't know how to have fun.

You call your life fun?

Your daddy should've taken
a belt to your backside...

when you were little and
you'd have had some respect.

My father was a great man.

He went to heaven when
I was 9 years old.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

Yes, there's a whole
wide world you

don't know about, Mr Bronco Billy.

Mr Bronco Billy, I'll
walk over to the bar

and introduce myself
to that fine lady.

People are such idiots.

Go ahead, let the tears
fall in that beer.

- I'm not crying.
- Nothing's wrong with crying.

The smoke in here
is hurting my eyes.

Did you ever think what it would
be like to be nice to folks?

Folks just want to take.

Girl, you sure are mixed up.

No, I'm not.

Miss Lily, get up.


Because I want to dance
with you, that's why.


Come on.

Once you take the first
step or two, it's easy.

If you could only shoot straight.

I can outshoot you
any day of the week.

You sure are pretty.

I bet you say that to all
the girls, Bronco Billy.

How dare you.

Jesus, I only kissed you.

Watch it, lady.

Don't shove the lady.

You stay out of this.

We're family. We fight
together. We stick together.

On second thought,
I'll stick with you.

Good idea.

We're gonna take a
five-minute break.

Don't go away.

Hey, pretty thing, how
about a little old drink?

Get lost.

Now my friend, back there, he
asked you if you wanted a drink.

How about that little
old drink, honey?

Please, don't.

Come on, we just
want a little fun.


- We got us a wildcat.
- Have we ever.

Wait a minute, I've had enough.

Like hell you have.

Don't kill me.

Killing's too good for you.

You all right, Miss Lily?

Of course she ain't.

I'll take her back
in the panel truck.

The night's young, so
am I and full of more

fight than any man
west of the Pecos.

Come on, let's go back
and have some more fun.

She'll be all right.

No, Running Water and
I are going back.

Go kick up a storm.

I ain't going back.


Sorry, it ain't too hot.

Are you okay?

I'm still shaking.

Everybody gets scared
once in a while.

Have you been married?


Long time ago.

Did you love her?

With all my heart.

Sometimes that just isn't enough.

What happened?

I caught her in bed
with my best friend.

What did you do to him?

I shot her.

What? What about him?

He was my best friend.

My God.

Don't worry, I didn't kill
her. She was all right.

But I spent seven
years in Folsom...

for attempted murder.

I ain't complaining.

I met a lot of nice
people there like...

Doc Lynch, Lefty LeBow,
and Big Eagle...

who was doing five to
ten for armed robbery.

My God. Convicts.

What did Doc and Lefty do?

Doc was in for practising
medicine without a licence.

Lefty was a former bank teller
whose wife had expensive habits.

He said he was going to give
the money back. I believe him.

None of you look like convicts.

We did our time.

Are you for real?

I'm who I want to be.

I've never been this close
to a convict before.

Sorry. I didn't mean to say that.

I paid my price.


That's all right.

You'll know when the time comes.

The Sheriff called
the front gate and

told me he's got
Leonard in his jail.

Sheriff, you've got
one of my wranglers

housed up in your calaboose here.

- What was his name?
- Leonard James.

You two waiting to see me?

They're with me, Sheriff. I run
the Bronco Billy Wild West Show.

In fact, we're playing over
at the fairgrounds tonight.

Let's see.

"James, Leonard. Age 28.

"Drunk and disorderly
in a public place.

"Resisting arrest..."

We kicked up our heels
a bit last night.

I guess Leonard kicked
his up too high.

We ran a routine
check on your boy.

Found that he's
wanted for desertion

from the United States Army.

You must have the
wrong man, Sheriff.

Prints don't lie.

Your boy's a coward.

He didn't want to
fight in Vietnam.

- Can we see him?
- Yeah.

Just you.

You two can wait outside.

Why did you become a deserter?
I got a show to run.

Where am I gonna find a wrangler
who can rope like you by showtime?

I'm sorry, Boss.

I was just a little kid then.

You're really in
trouble this time.

Do they still shoot deserters?

It would teach you a
lesson if they did.

A missing deserter with my show.

What about the little
pardners that look up to you?

What will they think
when they find out?

Couldn't you just tell them
that I died with my boots on?

What happened to your eye?

A couple of deputies, when they
found out that I was a deserter...

they took me in the back room.

Why didn't you tell me about it?

I was on the run nine years ago.

You took me in, you
gave me a home...

I couldn't just let you
stand out in the rain.

I didn't want you to get involved.

Looks like it's the
end of the trail now.

You take care.

You can't leave him here.

He's a deserter. He
deserves what he gets.

I don't believe Billy will
just let him rot in jail.

What can he do?

The Army's too powerful
even for Bronco Billy.

No, it's not like him just to
leave a friend in jail like that.

Desertion is a tough
charge to beat.

What if you have an
attorney to defend Leonard?


Miss Lily, an
attorney costs money.

That's one luxury
we ain't never had.

- Billy, where are you going?
- Get ready for the show.

I appreciate you coming out here
and meeting me like this, Sheriff.

It was a rather
interesting phone call.

I figure if my man's
sent up for desertion...

there ain't no profit
in that for any of us.

What kind of profit
are we talking about?


Just how fast are you
with that pea-shooter?

Fast enough.

I'm pretty fast myself.

You know, $500 isn't
very much money

for me to take such a big risk.

All right.

This is all I have.

This comes to $1,100. That's
all I've got in the world.

Is that so?

You think you're faster than I am?

I wouldn't want to find
that out, Sheriff.

Why, aren't you Bronco Billy,
the fastest in the West?

The roughest, toughest man
this side of Dodge City?

I'm just making a living
like everyone else.

I could outdraw you
any day in the week.

Couldn't I?

I reckon.


Let me hear you say it.

Or do you want to find out
just how fast I really am?

You want a go at it?

You want to get with it, boy?

Or are you a coward like that
deserter friend of yours?

- You're faster than I am.
- What did you say?

I said, you're faster than I am.

All right.

Just take out that gun
nice and easy and

throw it right there
on the ground.

Bronco Billy.

You're nothing but a
yellow-bellied egg sucker.


Coca Cola.

Here you go.

Two? All right.

- Have you seen the boss?
- Nope. He hasn't shown up yet.

Ten minutes till showtime.

Shoot. It's the first full
house since Dodge City.

Step right in, folks.

- Any sign of Billy?
- He'll show up.

What if he doesn't?

You'll do the longest
Rattlesnake Dance of your life.

He'll show up.

I've sold everything,
except the empty box.

Any sign of Bronco Billy?

Never known Bronco
Billy to miss a show.

- He's not on the midway.
- No?

Well, in that case, I
suggest we put on the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, we
welcome you this evening...

to the greatest, the
most authentic...

Wild West Show in America.

I'd better change my costume.

- She sure brought us bad luck.
- Don't talk that way.

- It's true. You know it.
- It ain't.

Will perform his legendary
Rattlesnake Dance...

that no white man has ever seen.
That's exactly what I mean.

Chief Big Eagle.

Stand aside, woman.
We've got a show to do.

Leonard, you're hurt.

Those yahoos couldn't
hurt Lasso Leonard James.

Quit chewing the
cud and get going.

Fire. Fire.

Bronco Billy will be here.

The show's going on.

Calm down. Slow
down. Take it easy.

Don't panic, folks.

The show's gonna go on.

How did he get you out of jail?

He can do anything.

The tent's on fire.

The tent's on fire.

Billy, the tent's on fire.

Take it easy. Take it
easy, little buckaroos.

Take it easy.

Walk those little
pardners out of here.

Slow down, there's time.

Give me a hand with this poster.


I got it.

The other side.

Thank the Lord nobody got hurt.

It's Miss Lily's fault.
She brought us bad luck.

The sooner the boss
gets rid of her,

the sooner our luck will change.

Miss Lily did not start that fire.

She's bad luck, I tell you.

Honey, Lefty's right.
She's bad luck.

Hi, King. Get you some coffee?

Thank you, Running Water.

Well, Lady Luck didn't
shine on you this time.

You can say that again.

Good morning, King.

What's your plans?

I don't know.

The sun's always shining
over the next valley.

Maybe that's where we'll
find our pot of gold.

We took up a little
collection along

the midway and it
ain't a lot, but...

it'll help you start and help
you get back on your feet.

That's nice.


Appreciate it if you'd...

thank the rest of them for us,

too. We're pulling
out this morning.

Sure thing.

Let's get out of here.

It's all my fault,
the tent burnt down.

If I hadn't got thrown in the

calaboose, Billy would
have been there.

He could've stopped it.

Boy, are you blind?

Ever since she's been with
us our luck's gone rotten.

You're mean.

You're just a mean old ornery old
cuss and you don't like nobody.

Don't you just love
these wide open spaces

where the deer and
the antelope roam?

Boss, the boys wanted
me to talk to you.

Look, Doc, you can tell the boys
that nobody's gonna get laid off.

We'll pull in our belts
and pull up our boots.

We'll see this through together.

We've been through
worse than this.

I'm sure they'd be glad to
hear that. I know I am.


You got a chicken
bone in your throat?

It's the boys. They want you
to get rid of Miss Lily.

They think she's bad luck.

Who do they think they are
telling me what to do?

It's my show. I do the hiring
and firing around here.

Anybody that don't like it, they
can pick up their pay and get out.

You know, things ain't so
good since she joined us.

I know, but that poor little
gal's been through hell.

I didn't like her too well
myself at the beginning, but...

she's coming around to
my way of thinking now.

What are we gonna do? We can't put
on no show without a big tent.

I know that.

What shall I tell the boys?

Tell them we're gonna rob a train.


"Rob a train"?

But how are we gonna stop a train?

Stopping the train is easy.

It's carting off all that money
that's gonna be the hard part.

No outfit's tried robbing
a train in over 90 years.

They were smart, that's
why. You people are crazy.

You could all go to
jail for the rest

of your lives for robbing a train.

Appreciate your concern.

You may be right about
us being crazy...

but we're at the end of our rope.

This is not a game.
People could get hurt.

Nobody will get hurt.

You don't even know if
it's the right train.

If you want out, just say so.

You're all gonna get caught.

I'd say Miss Lily's out.

You're living in a dream world.

There are no more cowboys and
Indians. That's in the past.

I was raised in a one-room
tenement in New Jersey.

As a kid, I never
even saw a cowboy,

much less the wide open spaces...

except when I could scrounge up
a quarter for a picture show.

I was a shoe salesman
until I was 31 years old.

Deep down in my heart I
always wanted to be a cowboy.

One day I laid down my shoehorn...

and swore I'd never
live in the city again.

You only live once.

You got to give it your best shot.

Don't do it, Billy. I'll
give you the money.

That'd be a neat trick,
considering I haven't

paid you since you
started working for me.

I have money. Lots of it.

If you say you do, I believe you.

But I'm head ramrod here and
I've already made my decision.

You all know what you have to do.

Get ready.

Wait for me.

Cowboys and Indians.

Of course, dear.

Billy, where are we?

I've got an idea that might
get us back in business.

What is this place?

It's a home for the
criminally insane.

They should love your act.

Dr Canterbury, you look spright.

- This is Miss Lily here.
- Hello.

- You remember Doc.
- My friend and colleague.

Get back to work, you nut.

I'm not nuts.

I'd like to see Dr Canterbury.

How would you like to take
a trip to the yellow room?

Could I talk with you for a
moment? I need a favour, badly.

Sure. You know I'm
a good listener.

I'll be right back.

My diagnosis is that you have the

worst ailment known
to man: no money.

How can I help?

How can my staff and my patients
best serve you and your people?

I know you have a
giant sewing room...

and your patients sew American
flags for the military.

If it's a flag you
want, you've got one.

No, it's a tent that I need.

Without it, I'm
afraid, it's the end

of Bronco Billy Wild West Show.

You and your friends
have come here

year in year out,
always a free show.

I don't know why, but you do come.

Now, after all you've
done for us...

it would be a pleasure for
us to do this for you.

But I have a price.

You name it.

I want you to teach me how
to twirl a six-shooter.

You got that, old pard.

All right.

You and your gang can hole up
in the guest wing. Come in.

And you can take your meals with
the staff, or the patients...

whichever you feel
most comfortable with.

This place gives me the creepers
every time we come here.

Some of these people in here
are just as sane as you or I.

- What're you talking about?
- That ain't saying much.

They've just had a tough
break, that's all.

Yeah, they were born
sane in a crazy world.

Get your gear, buckaroos.
We're back in business.

How long we got to stay here?

As long as it takes
to get the tent made.

How long will that take?

If you have something
better to do, do it.

Just asking, Boss.

This is the Rose Room.

It has two single beds and
a black-and-white TV.

Lefty, Leonard.

Why is it called the Rose Room?

Because it's always been
called the Rose Room.

At least the rates are reasonable.

This is the Carnation Room. It
has a single bed and a radio.

I have returned home.

And this is one of our
most requested rooms...

by guests who frequently
come to Mineral Wells.

By the way, you are
the first two Indians

ever allowed to stay
in the guest wing.

- What's the name of this room?
- It doesn't have one.

We call this our Honeymoon Room.

You can't be serious?

Dr Canterbury ordered me to put
you and your wife in this room.

- Wife?
- Come, my dear.

I forgot to tell
them about the view.

Everything's coming up roses.

Come on over here and give
Bronco Billy a big kiss.

Don't you find anything
about your life bizarre?

The only thing strange
I find is that

you and I haven't made love yet.

Let go of me.

I'm crazy about you. Kiss me.

You're as nutty as the
fruitcakes in this place.

You love me, don't you?

I find your timing
less than appropriate.

Is it that time of the month?

No, it is not that
time of the month.

Kiss me, then.

Leave me alone.

That's all you ever think about.

You said I'd know when
the time is right.

I don't know it yet.

There must be 13 year-olds who
are more woman than you are.

At least I'm not a phoney
cowboy from New Jersey.

What's it take to melt that
heart of stone of yours?

I'd like to see the boss.

He's not here.

When you see him, would you
tell him I want to talk to him?

Running Water...

- Do you have a moment?
- Sure.

So this is the honeymoon room.

Not much of a honeymoon.

Why does that man make me so
angry every time we're together?

The boss is a funny guy.

He's like all men, a big
kid in a man's body.

But why do I hate him so?

The Apaches have a word for
that. It's called love.

That's what the Apaches
call what I have?

When I first met Big Eagle...

I hated his guts.

He was so dedicated to preserving
the heritage of his ancestors...

I felt rejected.

Late at night, when
everyone else is

asleep he's up
working on his book.

Big Eagle is a writer?

He hasn't had anything published,
but he's written three books.

My God.

Big Eagle is a writer, Leonard,
a Vietnam War deserter...

Lefty, a bank teller,
Doc, a doc...

and Billy, a shoe
salesman from New Jersey.

- He told you that?
- Yes.

You're the first assistant
he's ever told.

But we're so different.

I hate to tell you what I
come from, Antoinette...

but I sure am not
an Indian by blood.

I am Big Eagle's squaw and that
makes me an Indian at heart.

Don't you understand
what Bronco Billy

and the Wild West
Show are all about?

You can be anything you want.

All you have to do is
go out and become it.

I didn't mean to bring
bad luck to the show.

You didn't.

What am I going to do?

I can't tell you that.

But I do know you're running
away from yourself...

and until you know who
you want to be...

you're never gonna get very far.

I want you to take me in your
arms and make love to me.

I would, but unless you love
me, it wouldn't be any good.

I love you, Bronco Billy.

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

We got the rest of
the night and the

rest of our lives to
enjoy each other.

♪ We are bar-room buddies
and that's the best kind ♪

♪ Nobody fools with
a buddy of mine ♪

♪ Laugh when you're happy ♪

♪ Cry when you're blue ♪

In two days, you shall
have your big tent.

Do you think it would
be all right if I

said a few words to
your patients here?

Yeah, certainly.


I'd like to...

I'd like to thank you from
the bottom of my heart...

for the great work you're
doing for me and my outfit.

Three cheers for Bronco Billy.

Hip hip hooray.

Good morning, Lefty.

What's so good about it?

Smell that fresh air. Look
at the blue sky above.

Have you been drinking
some of Doc's Snake Bite?

I know you think I've brought
bad luck to the show.

I'll shoot straight
with you. You have.

Maybe I have brought
bad luck and I know

I've been very hard
to get along with...

but I'd like to change. I want
to be part of the outfit.

Would you give me a
second chance, please?

One rotten apple can
spoil the whole barrel.

I know, but I've been like a
scared little calf in a herd.

A man has to prove himself on the
range. That holds for a woman.

Could we have a cup
of coffee, Mr LeBow?

If you got a calling for it.

Practise one hour in the morning,
one hour in the evening...

and you'll be like Bronco Billy.

I will.

Howdy, pard.

Please come in, Mr Atherton.


Sit down, please.

I like to hold these informal

sessions with all
the new patients...

so that I can get to
know their problems.

As you know, I have been
sent here for life...

for murdering my wife,
but I was framed.

My wife is the woman in Bronco
Billy's Wild West Show.

I know. I've seen her.

You've got to believe me.

Why don't you start at the
beginning? Tell me all about it.

Her stepmother's lawyer
offered me $500,000...

if I would confess to the murder.

How was I last
night, Bronco Billy?

You weren't performing, Miss Lily.

That's not what I meant.

You did just great.

I did?

Yeah. You know why?

- Because you're a cowboy?
- No.

I could've been a sailor or a
lumberjack or the President.

We felt that good because
we love each other.

The Apaches have a word for it.

- They do?
- Yep.

My God, I'm even beginning
to talk like you.

You mean, you're
becoming a cowgirl?

I'm a rooting tooting cowgirl
from the Rio Grande.

You know, I've been thinking...

with just a little
time, I could teach

you to draw and
twirl a gun. Shoot.

"Takes hours of practise
to learn that."

"No problem."

Whatever you say, Bronco Billy.

Excuse me, Billy.

Could I have a moment of your
time? Also the young lady's?

Shoot, Doc.

It's me, John Arlington.
Tell them you're alive.

Back off, stranger.

Try to control yourself,
Mr Arlington.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Mr Arlington believes
you to be his wife.

Whenever a patient has
an hallucination, I

try to confront them
with the facts of life.

What on earth are you doing here?

I was framed.

You mean, he really
is your husband?

What'd you run off
and leave her for?

If you knew what she was
like, you'd run off, too.

- You really are Antoinette Lily?
- Who else would she be?

Would somebody tell me
what's going on here?

I'll have to call the authorities.

I'm so glad you're alive.

Because I'm going to sue
you and your stepmother...

and that crooked lawyer of
yours for all you've got.

Do you mind telling me
what's going on here?

She's my wife.

And I was just
beginning to like her.

They look like a herd of buffalo.

Are you patients here
at Mineral Wells?

Have the doctors treated you well?

Can you tell me anything
about John Arlington?

Didn't you know the entire country
thought you had been murdered?

I never read newspapers.

This man, your husband, has been
convicted of murdering you...

and now you show up alive. I
don't know what to think.

I find it a small
misunderstanding, Lieutenant.

Maybe you do and maybe I do...

but I doubt the FBI will
find it a misunderstanding.

The FBI?

They'll be here tonight...

to transport you, Mr McCoy and

his people back to
New York City...

for an inquiry.

What do I have to
go to New York for?

For harbouring a fugitive.

How can I be a fugitive
if I were dead?

I don't know what you are,
but the FBI will know.

I hope they throw the book at you.

Shut up, you little termite.

Newspaper reporters are
crawling all over the place.

Tell them...

an official statement
will be forthcoming.

All right.

I have nothing more to say.

Get ready to pull out
of here tonight.

Suits me fine.

What did they ask?

I ain't going back
to New York City.

What about Antoinette?

She's bad luck.

What was I supposed to think?

You missing, he was alive...

I knew he was only
after your money.

Good evening, ladies.

I am happy to report that
everything has been taken care of.


Isn't that wonderful, darling?

She hasn't spoken a
word since her return.

She's been through
a terrible ordeal.

My poor little baby.

John Arlington has been
compensated for his discomfort.

If Antoinette would
like the marriage

annulled, I'd be
happy to arrange it.

What about the inheritance money?

I'm afraid, my dear,
you are at the

mercy of your loving stepdaughter.

Antoinette, my poor, poor baby.

What do you want?


now that you're home, I want
us so much to become friends.

We've never been friends
and we never will be.

But don't worry, I won't throw you

out on the streets
where you belong.

So long, Bronco Billy.

How soon do you think before
we can show our faces?

I would say that last round put
us very close to the poorhouse.

We show our faces...

those Feds are gonna
be on us like flies.

Nothing in the paper about us.

That's just an old
FBI trick, Princess,

trying to make us think
the coast is clear.

You figuring on us shooting
it out with the FBI?

Bronco Billy ain't afraid
of no tin-horn sheriff.

What about if we hide
out in the mountains?

Have you ever hidden
in the mountains?


It snows in the mountains.
Get the picture?


Maybe we could live
happily ever after...

in this bar.

That ain't too funny, Doc.

What do you say we show
the folks in this town...

the first class Wild West Show?

Bronco Billy ain't
afraid of nothing.

I ain't never seen the
boss drink so much.

He ain't never been in love with
a woman like Miss Lily before.

Keep the change, buddy.

You owe me another buck here.

I'll catch up to you later.

A collect call for Miss Antoinette
Lily from Running Water.

Will you accept the charges?


Go ahead.


Running Water, where are you?

Boise, Idaho.

How's Bronco Billy?

He needs you, badly.

We'll cut the show a little bit
tonight. You can be my assistant.

It's a shame Miss Lily's not here.

Miss Lily? I thought
you didn't like her?

I never said I didn't like her, I

just said she brought us bad luck.

Well, she did.

No, she didn't.

She was the best
assistant we ever had.

She could take a plate
and throw it...

Haven't you got
something better to do,

besides hang around
like a coyote in heat?

Yeah. Sure, Boss.

So that's how they built the tent.

That's the best they know how.

Something must be
bringing us luck.

We're almost sold out for tonight.

The fastest draw...

the toughest man...

who ever rode the range...

Bronco Billy McCoy and
his horse, Buster.

Thank you, folks.

Thank you, folks.


my little pardners out there.

Before we start, I'd
like to introduce

you to my assistant
for the evening...

Mr Two Gun Lefty LeBow.

Miss Antoinette Lily.

Get over here.

A little late, ain't you?

I was waiting for you
to come and get me.

I got you. I'm never
letting you go.

Come on.

She's back.

Lasso Leonard James.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Lasso Leonard James.

So we come to the end of our
show, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for being so kind to us.

I've got a special message, for
you little pardners out there.

Finish your oatmeal at breakfast.

Do as your mum and pa tell you...

because they know best.

Don't ever tell a lie and say your

prayers at night
before you go to bed.

And so, as our friends...

south of the border say:

Adiós, friends.