Broken Side of Time (2013) - full transcript
Over a million women have modeling portfolios online. BROKEN SIDE OF TIME is the story of Dolce, one of the models who've made a career of it. But now 30, and tired of competing with 18-year-olds, Dolce realizes what makes her feel most alive is also killing her. Before starting a new career behind the camera, she embarks on a long road trip home, shooting with her favorite photographers one last time, and shedding her lifestyle-acquired vices along the way. Combing real photoshoots shot cinéma vérité-style with a narrative based on some very real-life adventures in front of the lens, BROKEN SIDE OF TIME is a dark, sexual glimpse into a world never before captured in a film. A world where any woman can play the role of a model, and any man can be a photographer, and where even the best of them must consider whether the fame and money is worth the cost.
I don't have enough money
to buy more cigarettes.
He took my money.
That son of a bitch.
John... Hi, it's Jane...
Sorry, yeah Dolce...
Yeah I'm okay, how are you?
Actually, I'm going
to be leaving town...
Well, I was hoping
that maybe we could set up...
Yeah, one last time...
Oh, I was... I was thinking
You would? Thank you...
Yeah, sure that would be great...
Yeah, I'll see you then.
Hi, I saw your ad for models...
I have a lot of experience...
My name is Dolce...
Where are you?
Alright, yeah I can be there...
Okay, I'll see ya.
Hi, I just read your ad online...
You're looking for nude models?
I like that.
Zack! Hi, it's Dolce.
How are you?
Yeah, well, I'm good...
No, I am not drunk... much...
That's not why I'm calling...
How've you been?
Yeah, actually I have been...
And my equipment sucks,
but I'm working on that
and I'm going to make some money
and fix it...
In fact, I was wondering
if that job was still open?
I know it was a long time ago, come on!
You don't want to work with me anymore?
No I am, I'm coming back to Michigan...
No, I'm not going to flake out
Come on Zack...
Of course I want to work with you,
who else would I work with?
Okay... Yes... Yes!
Oh, yes I have a project...
I could send you some shots.
Thinking I could maybe make a book...
Alright... Yeah, I'll do that...
No, soon, so... I'll be in touch?
Thank you Zack...
That was cool. Put your arm back up
on the pole there...
Mom, Hi. How are you?
No, no, no, no, nothing's wrong.
Actually, I'm, I'm coming home...
Mom? Are you there?
Yes, yes I know what that means...
No, no I haven't touched anything
Yes, the booze too.
I even quit smoking...
No, no one's here...
I quit that too...
I don't know I guess
I knew where I was headed...
Actually I have a job set up...
Yes, I think it's going to be good.
Something that I, I'm good at...
Yes, I have some money...
I wouldn't come home otherwise...
No, I won't, I wouldn't do that again...
How is he?
Well I think about him all the time...
Yeah, could you, could you tell him
that I, that I miss him,
and that I, I'm coming home...
I don't know a few weeks, or something...
Yeah, okay, sure...
No, I'm, I'm okay... I am...
So I should go
but I will see you soon...
No, let me stop you...
Don't ever call me again.
It's right there, right there...
Oh, yes, yes, hold that, hold that.
Yes, right there...
I like that one.
Do you think maybe you could
put your hand on your shoulder?
Wouldn't you rather I put my hand
Maybe my face? My neck?
My breast? Maybe somewhere lower?
I, I should get that.
Of course you should.
Oh my fucking God!
Bob, why didn't you tell me
Dolce was the other model?
I didn't think
you knew who she was.
Are you kidding me?
It is such an honor to meet you.
I am such a fan. You're the whole
reason I started modeling.
Dolce, if you could put your hand
on Viral's shoulder, please? Thank you...
Oh yeah, this one's beautiful...
Yes, yes, right there.
Oh, yes, yes. Perfection.
You have any plans?
Dinner, then drive a bit,
then get a cheap room.
- I've got a better idea. Shoot me.
- I don't think so.
Please? You're as good behind the camera
as you are in front of it.
So practice with me.
It would mean everything to me to have
some of your pictures in my port.
And I'll pose however you want.
The craziest thing you can think of,
I'll pay for the room, and buy dinner...
Please, please, please, please?
You're a persistent little thing,
You're the best, Bob.
- I, I'll email you my favorite pictures.
- Great, thank you.
- See you in a few weeks?
- Oh, oh, you're leaving now?
- Dolce's going to shoot me, right?
- Sure, what the fuck.
That a deal?
We have to stop at a liquor store first.
If there is anything special
you'd like me to wear,
Bob just bought me
all these new panties...
- Cute, no?
Here's mud in your eye....
- You sleeping with him?
No. Not really...
Okay, if you really want to know,
he likes to eat me out,
but that's all we've ever done...
I do owe him a blow job next time.
- You really do want to shoot with me?
- You have no idea.
I do sleep with a lot of them though.
I mean, it's where I meet guys.
I don't really like going out
to clubs or parties.
- You're a stay-at-home type?
- I guess.
The good ones always expect it,
The pictures turn out better.
Or maybe that's in my mind...
And the bad ones, I guess I used to
feel sorry for them.
Go for it.
He was, I don't know.
Had a shoulder fetish?
Yeah. I was going to say pathetic
He has a great tongue though.
You said you used to feel sorry
for the bad ones?
Yeah, I felt more like a therapist
Like they were these really lonely guys
who couldn't get a girl no matter what,
and I was their one chance
to see one naked.
Here I'd be posing on the bed
or the floor,
usually naked or in a thong.
We'd be spending most of our couple hours
I started to feel like an Angel of Mercy.
Like I'd be their one chance to sleep
with a really pretty girl.
Like I'd be making a fantasy
of their's come true,
they'd remember forever.
Now, when I work with a GWC,
it makes me not want to model anymore.
I started realizing, it's like
they hired their own personal stripper
which they got to pick out online,
choose what I'm going to wear,
or not wear, how I'm going to be posed.
And they get to keep
these pictures forever, to jerk off to...
It made me feel a lot less sorry
Had me questioning my worth
and what I was doing with my life.
I mean don't get me wrong,
when I see my pictures its like,
'fuck, if I was a guy
I'd jerk off right now'.
I always assume most of them
jerk off to the photos, don't you?
It's just that I'd rather them not
take them with that in mind exactly...
Okay I feel like I'm saying
all the wrong things...
Do you want me to just leave?
I want you to take your clothes off.
The last GWC I worked with, made me pose
while watching this video
of an old black and white football game
with my clothes coming off,
as if I was getting turned on
by watching it.
And the whole time
he's shooting me from behind.
Telling me not to turn around, at all.
'Whatever you do, just don't turn around.'
So, here I am watching
this stupid football game, stripping,
and I can't even see the guy
who I am supposed to be posing for.
So, it's like really freaking weird.
And when I finally decide
that I am going to turn around,
sure enough he has his camera
in one hand, and his dick in the other.
And he is jerking off
while he is taking photos of me.
Talk about multi-tasking.
I know, right?
I was just so grossed out.
And the thing is,
he didn't even stop or anything.
He just kept whacking off,
telling me to turn back around,
as if I was really going
to let this situation continue.
So that's when I decided
right then and there,
no more guys with cameras.
Six hundred dollars for two hours.
I spend most of my time
just rolling around in bed teasing him.
And he always has free clothes for me.
- Like the panties?
- Like the panties.
And he makes me cum.
He's a dork, but he's a keeper dork...
Are you really going to quit modeling?
I'm quitting the lifestyle.
What will you do?
I mean I've only been doing it
for a year
but, I can't imagine
doing anything else.
It's been over ten years for me.
It's just time to do something else.
I want you to shoot something with me
you've never shot with any other model.
Something you'd never have
the nerve to ask.
What makes you think there is something
I haven't had the nerve to ask?
Well how about you
ask for what you want,
and, and I'll ask for what I want?
Aren't you going to miss the money?
Did one shoot with a photographer
who flew me to Monty Carlo for a week.
Made twenty five thousand dollars.
Yeah. He didn't even try
to sleep with me.
Bought my jeep the day after I got back.
Paid in cash.
That was a long time ago.
There were a couple years there
where I was averaging
eight to ten thousand dollars a month
though. So, yeah.
I average like, three grand.
Unless I'm on a road trip.
Then it's usually double that.
I'm about the same place.
I did a shoot a few weeks ago,
made four hundred dollars
just for washing my hair.
Yeah, I didn't even have to be nude.
Okay, that is a new one, even to me.
It's a whole site devoted to girls
just washing their hair.
I do some foot fetish work too.
That's the easiest money.
See, and I have good feet...
and great nipples, or so I've been told.
I was twelve when I first saw you.
I was playing on my older brother's
computer, clicked on Internet Explorer,
and up popped your Model Domination page.
Is your brother a photographer?
My brother? No.
He was like fourteen.
I saw you and became obsessed.
I wanted to be you.
All those costumes and make up.
Oh my god, the nudes of you
in those old abandoned buildings.
The way you could bend yourself in half.
I printed out all your pictures
and made a modeling book.
I used to practice your poses
so that one day I could have
a modeling book of my own...
The Pile Driver.
Straighten your right leg.
- Do your parents know?
- Are you kidding? Do yours?
- They found out eventually.
- How'd that turn out?
Exactly as you think.
My mom found a book
of your pictures one time.
She asked what it was.
And I told her I think that the body
is natural and beautiful
and we should be proud of who we are.
I think she was just glad
I wasn't into girls.
- I want to see you turned on.
- I am.
You know that grainy
black and white photo of me?
I'm writhing back on the bed.
My left arm over my head.
This is what the photographer did
to get that shot.
- Hurt me.
- Why would I want to do that?
'Cause I need you to.
Whatcha doin' over there?
Take me with you.
Even if it's only for a little while.
Like a road trip.
We'd have so much fun together.
We'd make a lot of money.
Why would I do that?
- What is your real name?
- My name is Jane.
I am here today with Dolce
and first off let me say
that it is an honor to shoot
this little interview with you.
This, as you probably know,
will go along with the photo shoot
so people can look at the pictures
and get to know you a little bit better.
what brings you to Pittsburgh?
I'm on my way home. I am driving
to Michigan, where I am from, Bay City.
And I am stopping along the way
to meet all the photographers
I've always wanted to work with,
and some of my old favorites.
This is my last blast.
- You're retiring.
- I am.
So, will this actually be
your last foot fetish shoot?
Actually, I think it will be.
I am even more honored,
and completely privileged.
Well, I mean, you, you're legendary
and yes, I've wanted to shoot you
for a long time.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
What's your favorite food?
I love candy. So, Twizzlers...
I would say is my favorite.
But what exactly do they taste like?
It is a great mystery!
I don't know. They don't really taste
like strawberry, but I love them.
Do you Dolce,
have a favorite pair of shoes?
Well, they may not be sexy but,
I'm sure they're completely adorable.
Now, are you personally into feet?
Well, I like feet, I suppose.
- Do you like having your toes sucked?
What about... well has a lover
ever ejaculated onto your feet?
Have you ever been toe fucked?
I think that's enough... sorry.
Want to do some blow?
- I thought you weren't...
- I changed my mind.
No more of this... no more.
- How you feeling?
- I feel good.
- Not good?
- I'm a little tired... But I'm good.
Oh, you are good? Okay.
Well, the photos are looking,
the images are coming out great.
Like, you've got a great...
You're not looking tired,
you're not looking like you're ready
to be done with this.
Ever just wake up and feel like
it's time to do something else?
Well, I went through that
for a long time.
I don't know if I settled in
to what I do
because I couldn't really think
of something that would make me happier,
but it's not realistically.
So, I kept doing what I do.
And I thank God everyday that I can do
what I do
because it's really not a bad job.
How long did it take you before
you felt comfortable doing this?
- You mean...
- Being a photographer.
Well, what kind of photographer?
Well, this kind.
Well this kind, it took a little time
with beautiful women
who are taking their clothes off for you,
and there's a certain adjustment period,
we'll put it that way.
And so it took some time but
at the end of the day,
you get used to it after a little while
and it's not a novelty anymore,
you realize it's part of your profession,
and part of your art
and you think of it in a completely
different element at that point.
Only time it still seems a little bit
uncomfortable for me
is if I'm working with a brand new model
who's never done that before
or done glamour or, artistic nude,
and you feel her awkwardness,
and it translates to me.
And I think I'm pretty good
at playing it out and you know,
acting like I'm comfortable
because obviously I need to.
But, I don't know if I answered
your question or not.
I'm really not doing this on purpose.
Hey, Kim. Hi, it's Dolce.
How are you?
Great. I'm confirming for Wednesday.
Right, two o'clock... Good.
Is there anything I should know?
Yeah I can stay still for a long time...
Because of your cameras. That's so cool.
Great, I'm really looking forward to it...
Excellent, I will see you soon...
Hi is this Anthony?
Yes, how are you? This is Dolce.
Yeah, kinda, kinda manage to get your...
I know your backbone
doesn't turn that way.
Which way do you want it to turn?
Let me try to see.
Kind of facing that way but just kind of
rotate around with your waist
I feel like the theme from the Olympics
playing for some reason.
You should be holding a discus or...
That is what I feel like actually
now that you say it.
... have a medallion of some kind
around your neck.
So we'll kind of develop a tempo here.
Be a little more compact.
Oh, okay. Sure.
Okay, now just a little bit more
on your right... Okay, good!
Alrighty, here we go. Here we go.
There you go, good, good, good!
Good. Phyllis give me a smile.
Okay, I need you to move over
just a little bit this way... yeah, yeah,
now do that same feel where your hip
is on the other, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Right at me, good.
Watch as this hand tells a story.
And the shadows in the hand,
the way they accentuate the shadows
in the background here,
it's like ink running into the hand.
You look like a painting...
Nice, you can't even tell
where you're at in it.
It's my general idea on most of them,
is to try to make it to where
there isn't any sensuality,
it's just paint to where people look
in a gallery they don't know there is
a naked person there at first.
I don't want it to be about sex,
I want it to be about art.
I mean, obviously when there is tits
it's about sex to somebody looking at it.
- Place it all over your body.
Just spread it out as much as you can.
Just go ahead
and be as generous as you'd like.
Just take your hands in it as if you're
applying a lotion all over your skin.
Try to get every part of your body,
including your hair,
also be careful not to get it
in your eyes and your mouth as well.
And then once you're done with this,
then we have the ashes.
Which the ashes are actually gently
sifted ashes from my fireplace
which were burnt I guess you want to say
burnt discards of old love letters,
photos, and poems, and so there is
a certain, to me an emotional aspect
with that essence of yourself that you're
going to also place all over your body.
And hopefully that will kind of guide
the emotive aspect of the shoot, so.
I love it.
In short, what we're going to be doing
is focusing on the tragic victims
of Mt Vesuvius exploding...
- And destroying Pompeii, Herculaneum.
And the series is not to glorify
but it's more to tribute the compassion
they had for each other
in their final hours of life.
And so what I want you to do with
is I want more of your images to kind of
try to focus on what they might have felt,
listen to the music that's playing
and listen to like,
what's inside of you as far as
the sorrow, the, the reaching out
to possibly for help or to save someone.
So I want like a lot of poses
that are kind of a little bit
a little bit more internalized.
Everything is going to have a single,
what I call a divine light,
coming down on you, and you can focus
on that if you want,
as if reaching for the light,
or you can just kind of shield
your eyes from the light.
My favorites? I mean for just not having
to think about it
and just going out and shooting,
would be any of the box cameras
because none of them have any kind
of aperture control, shutter speeds,
it's you just basically point it
and click it.
Now I can't see you at all.
You do it to be more conscious
of how much sunlight you're getting in,
and that kind of thing,
but they're the easiest ones to use.
Your leg's going to be sore
by the end of this.
Feels good actually right now.
Probably after sitting in the car
for so long.
I like the drive
but I'm definitely stiff.
I like driving
if I am on my way to something.
I shoot all one twenty film,
I don't shoot any thirty five millimeter,
but thirty fives, are usually kind of
like an entry point
for getting into that kind of thing.
A lot of these I don't even,
I have never even tried using,
because it got to the point where people
just started giving them to me
and finding them in their dad's basement,
and finding them at garage sales
and, I think I got this one,
like a week ago for like a dollar.
And it's funny because there is still
a spool inside it,
and a spool themselves are worth
about twenty five dollars on eBay.
Because once I get this open
it's going to be...
and if you could just hold still for...
and blinking doesn't matter,
don't worry about that,
it won't even register.
You made this one?
Yeah, this one I made
just out of a tea canister.
What's inside of it?
Just a piece of paper right now.
A piece of photo paper
that's just kind of like wrapped
around the interior of it.
So I end up with like an eight by ten
that I contact print
to make a positive image.
But with the pinhole,
it comes out all distorted and...
- May I look through one of these?
- Oh, sure, go right ahead.
So a lot of the brownies are,
like you hold them at waist level.
And so you would be looking through...
From this position
I would look through it?
Yep, and you'd just be looking
which might be kind of difficult in here
because we don't have
a whole lot of light.
The view of that light is nice.
So if I were to be shooting now,
do I have to keep it steady
the whole time?
The shutter speed on these
is usually pretty slow.
It's like about a fifteenth
of a second to a thirtieth of a second,
so you can't be moving a whole lot
and your subject
can't be moving a whole lot,
but enough that you can hand hold it and
not be concerned with blurring the image.
I've got a stereo in the other room,
I could play some music if you want.
What kind of music do you like?
Old punk, or the Stones maybe?
Something loud and obnoxious?
I think we've got Elton John, Billy Joel,
I've got Journey's Greatest Hits?
I think I've got some Katy Perry too
if you want.
- Don't worry about it.
- I'm fine. Unless you want to hear some?
- No, I don't really listen to music.
I never would have guessed.
What the hell is going on in here?
What are you doing home?
Why is there a naked girl in my kitchen?
What happened between you and my husband?
Did he try anything with you?
- He's not the type.
- What do you mean by that?
He just doesn't seem like the kind
of photographer who would do that.
- There's a type?
- It's not Gary.
But, how can you be sure?
For one, he never offered me a drink.
What, you sleep with every photographer
who gives you something to drink?
No. But on occasion, one drink
will lead to two and then three...
I get it. Does it matter
if they're married?
- Apparently not.
- I've never asked.
That doesn't make it right.
I think that's Gary's.
Yes. Target. On sale.
I buy all of his clothes.
He's a goddamned accountant.
What does he need pictures
of naked girls for?
- So he can masturbate to them?
- I never ask.
You don't ask much, do you?
Don't you want to know what
people do with your photos?
You're degrading yourself.
I don't find it degrading.
Posing naked for someone else's husband?
He is a photographer. I'm a model.
That works for you?
I'm very proud of some
of the photographs taken of me.
Some of the photographs taken of you.
It depends a lot on the photographer.
- What about Gary?
- He's a hobbyist.
- Is he any good?
- Probably not.
- At least you're honest.
- It's a job.
If I only pose for the best photographers,
I wouldn't be able to pay the bills.
- So instead you take my bill money.
- Gary hired me.
I posted a travel notice on my page
and he emailed me.
Not the other way around.
I made it out to cash.
What do you mean you're surprised?
Mom, I'm serious this time.
I told you that.
I will be there in two days...
Well how's he holding up?
Yeah, I'm good...
I will, see you in two days...
Ten years later and you're still
not locking your front door.
Well you never know who's just going
to wonder in off the street.
- Honestly? Yeah.
And I mean,
looking as sexy as ever, right?
- Hi, I'm Fresh.
Now, Fresh is her modeling alias.
Krista, this is Jane.
Jane is the very first model I ever shot.
- Nice to meet you.
- Krista's just starting out.
I remember what that's like.
How old were you
when you first started shooting?
We were both eighteen.
So I was in like, first grade.
Well, let's wrap it up for today.
We'll set up a shoot
later in the week, alright?
You don't want to hang out?
Not tonight, babe.
- She's cute.
- They all are.
- And young.
- Well, they don't get any older.
Only we do.
Whatever happened to that shy boy
who was afraid to ask me
to take my clothes off?
Well, I think he grew up.
That's a shame.
So, can I tell you about my book idea?
- Sure, over a cold beer.
- Ah, thanks, I'm not drinking.
Okay. Is there anything else you gave up
that I should be aware of?
Hey, come on. I'm kidding.
I missed you.
Fuck you, Zack.
- What will it be?
- Cranberry juice...that's it.
Please, go away.
I just wanted to see
if I could buy you a drink.
You can't buy me a drink.
You can't buy me anything.
You can't buy me.
Nothing is for sale in this little
perimeter around me
I like to think of as personal space.
You have yourself a nice evening.
My name is Maggie Stinson.
I'd like to thank my friend Dean
for helping me out on the bass tonight.
We've got one more for you.
You were so beautiful
when I was drunk.
And I'm sure we could have been
something good if I hadn't sobered up.
There's the door with your name on it.
Don't let it hit your ass.
Yes, I know we both
could have gotten lucky
but I think I'll have to pass.
'Cause you're not my type.
You are not the boy that I like but...
You were so beautiful
when I was drunk.
And I'm sure we could have been
something good if I hadn't sobered up.
Could I get one
of whatever she's having?
It's not often someone claps in here.
- Top it off?
- No, I'm good.
- I like the song. You write it?
- I did. Thank you.
Don't remember hearing much
in the way of original music in Bay City.
Usually just bad cover bands
playing Journey or Skynyrd.
- You from here?
- Born and raised.
Then, I escaped
on my eighteenth birthday.
Been back just a couple of times.
It's always a disaster.
So, what brings you back again?
A job. I thought.
A friend I thought.
The need to start over,
to reconnect with my past,
to reconnect with life,
to reconnect before it's too late.
All of the above. None of the above...
I don't fucking know.
It sounds like something
I'd write a song about.
- You? You from here?
- I'm from Detroit, originally.
Needed to get away from there,
but still wanted to be able to visit
my family on occasion,
followed a boy up here about a year ago,
found a job I love,
the boy moved on, I stayed.
I just quit a job I love.
Oh, mine's in an animal shelter.
Where was yours?
These are like, something you'd see
in a magazine.
I only put the best shots
in my portfolio.
Remember this is ten years of shooting
at a minimum of five times a week, so.
- How old were you here?
- Ah, there? Nineteen? Maybe twenty.
- But why would you give this up?
- The side effects.
Warning, nude modeling
may lead to alcoholism, drug use,
random sex with strangers to whom
you'd never give the time of day,
disownment by family members,
sleeplessness, delusions of grandeur,
and the inability to ever cut your hair.
Because every fucking photographer
wants you to look
exactly as you do in your portfolio
no matter if the photos are 10 years old.
And I'm not getting any younger.
But, you're beautiful.
I just don't have the energy
to compete with eighteen year olds.
And it's changed so much
since when I started.
I mean back then, girls were
really serious about modeling.
If I lost out on a job to someone,
it was because they were a better model,
and now it's like, it's like this place
where anyone with photos
can call themselves a model.
A place where anyone can feel beautiful,
but there's just so many of these girls.
And it's to the point now
where if I lose out of a job
to someone with a good photographer,
it's because I wouldn't sleep with them.
What's it like, modeling nude?
Ah, taking my clothes off
for complete strangers?
- If you want to put it that way.
- It depends, honestly.
Sometimes it's exciting, or funny,
or a little weird.
Or a lot weird.
Sometimes it's boring. It depends.
Completely on the photographer,
on the setting,
on what I'm wearing, or not wearing,
if there's a story
to what we're shooting.
Some shoots are amazing, and they
make me feel like I'm six feet tall.
Those I will remember
for the rest of my life.
Others I feel like I'm going
through the motions,
although I try not to do that.
I always try to give the photographer
even if he's giving me nothing.
Even if he's the worst sort of GWC.
- Guy With Camera.
He's a hobbyist who doesn't have a clue
how to work his camera,
but he likes the idea
of shooting naked girls.
Can I see the photos you take now?
It's, it's this idea I have
for a book. Interior, exterior.
It's a shot of all the signs
from the hotels and motels
that I've found myself in
and a shot of me, inside the room.
Something that speaks to what's going on
in my head.
In that place, at that moment.
You look, so alone,
in all of these photos.
You really are beautiful...
And I really should get going.
You can stay... if you want.
- Next time.
- Next time?
Yeah, I'm playing Friday night
at a house party... you're going to come.
I am, huh?
I hope so.
I'm on the broken side of time.
Fifteen years out of my skin,
out of my mind.
And there's no explaining
why I went where I've been,
except that some of us are little more
than burnt fuel on the wind.
My first kiss was stolen,
my first love was drunk.
I'm on my back on the ceiling
where the first pain was sunk.
- Hi, what can I get you?
- Cranberry juice.
And when I say that,
I don't mean
that I was lifted or free,
I was more like a dead dolphin
at the bottom of the sea.
This place never changes, huh?
I'm on the broken side of time.
Out of my skin, out of my mind.
I sing hallelujah
from the darkest of rooms.
Until the cold light of nothing
shivers and blooms.
I don't long for forgiveness,
for you to even understand.
In this there's no difference
between a fist and a hand.
It had nothing to do with you,
and the truth is that it never did.
I've been inches from the surface
since I was a kid.
But I'm holding my breath
and I'm quiet and loud.
Been on the broken side of time
afraid until now,
afraid until now.