Brittany Runs a Marathon (2019) - full transcript

Hold it! Hold it!

Okay, hold it, please!

And good morning to you.

♪ Enjoy the show ♪
Yeah, thanks.

♪ Enjoy the show ♪

♪ Enjoy the show ♪
Thank you.

I'm not
a part of the show.

- Unfortunately for you guys.
- Oh.

Hi. Oh, my God,
it's so good to...

No, we don't know each other.

The intermission is just a
woman screaming for ten minutes.



- Thank you so much.
- Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

There's no hats allowed
in the theater.

Okay.

♪ There are no refunds ♪

♪ And have the best time ♪

Okay, Brittany, we got to talk.
Oh.

Come on. Sorry. I just got to take
this very important phone call.

Okay, I'll hold.

Just hold the phone
for one second.

Okay, I'm all yours,
but first, quick question:

Why do you keep
calling me Brittany

when you know
my name is Babe?

I am lost in the city,

and I can't find my farm.



- You're late every day.
- That'll do, Shannon.

Stop.
That'll do.

Brittany, this is a job.

I'm just trying
to make you laugh.

Do you know
what that means?

Everyone else has to pick up
after you and do your stuff.

I just feel like you don't know the things that
have to happen to take care of your being late.

Hang on one second.
Like the things that I have to do.

Sorry, I'm just...
Got to take this.

Hello?

Oh, no.

Everyone I know is dead.

The New York City Marathon
is getting underway right now.

Live on
Staten Island this morning.

50,000 people from around
the world are racing today.

So, what brings you in today?

Uh, I have a hard time
focusing. Mm.

You get enough sleep
every night?

How much is enough?

Mm, six to eight hours.

Oh, way more than that.

That's not the problem.

Uh...

But I... I had a friend who
was also just very out of it,

and she was prescribed,
um...

Oh, what is it? Adderall?

And now she's very alert.

You know...

some people abuse Adderall
for recreational purposes.

What?
Yeah.

That's crazy.
It's true.

I'm sorry you have to
deal with that.

Well, I do.
Yeah.

All the time.

Yeah, but she's
a good girl like me.

Yeah, we met at church,
serving soup to the homeless.

But, uh, what did...

This happens all the time.
Wh-What were we saying?

Do you snore?
Snore?

Maybe you're not getting
good quality sleep.

This is not about sleep.

We're getting off track.

Maybe we both need
some Adderall.

Maybe.

All right.

Uh,
you're five-six, 197 pounds.

Your body mass index is high, and that
can cause a disruptive sleep pattern.

My wh-wh-what is what?

A healthy BMI is around 25.

Yours is 31, 32.

Uh...

Yelp said you were
a great, cheap doctor,

and I feel like you're sort of
slinging labels at me all of a sudden.

Just a diagnosis.

Diagnosing me
as what, fat?

All body types
are beautiful.

That's true.

And you also want
to be healthy.

Okay. I feel like you totally
missed the point of those Dove ads.

Brittany, I'm not gonna
give you Adderall,

but I am glad
that you're seeing a doctor.

Your resting heart rate
is elevated.

Your blood pressure's
very high,

especially
for a 28-year-old.

For you, I'm worried about
fatty liver disease.

Oh, even my liver's fat,
huh?

Let's get you healthy.
Diet, exercise.

I want you to try losing
between 45 and 55 pounds.

That's the weight of a Siberian husky.

You want me to pull a medium-sized
working dog off of my body. Is that right?

Hey, I know
it's hard to hear.

And look, a lot of people
struggle with their weight

because of thyroid issues
and genetic predispositions,

and in many cases,
they're heavy but healthy.

But you left a lot
of your history blank,

and I can only go off
what you're telling me.

Would you say that you make
healthy lifestyle choices?

♪ Don't wipe this smile
Right off my face ♪

♪ Don't want this fragile heart To break ♪

♪ Ah, emoji
Ah, ah, emoji ♪

♪ Boy, I think
You must be cool ♪

♪ 'Cause you use
The alien face... ♪

Alexander, drinks on me
for this side of the room.

This girl's fucking awesome!

Nobody listen to her.
She doesn't have any money.

Hey, you're f... you're fine. Mm.

You're fine.
Thank you.

My girlfriend dumped me.

Well, your girlfriend's
stupid.

- You want to go to the bathroom?
- Maybe. You're pretty cute.

You... You can rest
your knees on these.

♪ I'd rather stay emoji ♪
♪ Ah, emoji, ah, ah... ♪

We're, like,
full-blown adults.

- I don't wanna.
- Promise me that we'll keep in touch.

Gretchen, you're gonna hit
25,000 followers.

- Oh, thanks, girl.
- And, Brittany.

You'll always be
the funniest person I know.

Who, me?

That's right, bitches!
Suck it!

I'm the funniest person
she knows.

♪ I'd rather stay emoji ♪
♪ Ah, emoji ♪

♪ Ah, ah, emoji
Ah, emoji ♪

♪ I'd rather stay emoji ♪

♪ Ah, emoji
Ah, ah, emoji ♪

♪ Ah, emoji, ah, ah ♪

♪ I'd rather stay emoji ♪

♪ Don't wipe this smile
Right off my face ♪

♪ Ah, emoji ♪

♪ Ah, ah, emoji ♪
♪ I'd rather stay emoji ♪

♪ Don't wipe this smile
Right off my face ♪

Girls, I got to go to the
bathroom real quick.

♪ I'd rather stay emoji ♪

♪ Don't wipe this smile ♪

♪ Right off my face ♪

♪ Just when you think
Of me ♪

Oh, look.
Moneybags Martha.

With a lecture,
no doubt.

Hey, guys.

Listen,
when you're disrobing,

try not to leave all
your shit in the hallway.

That'd be the third time
this month.

Just saying,
change is possible.

Right? I get going out,
having fun, but...

got to be respectful
of others.

I got to take off
my jacket.

Starting to feel like everyone's
lives are going places

and mine's sort of stuck.

What?
You've got a job,

um, a top-notch best friend
and roommate.

Right?
No, I know. I know.

Did I tell you about that old,
bald asshole at the school

who was rude to me and then
asked to see a teacher?

I was like,
"I am a teacher."

Like, what the fuck,
right?

Is that stupid of me?
To be mad? No, he's a dick.

He was such a dick.
Yeah.

- Should we let it dry?
- Yeah.

- We'll do the rest tomorrow.
- All right. Night, Gretch.

Night.

Oh, what a beautiful cake.

You made this for me, did you?

- Oh, I love it!
- Beautiful.- Happy birthday!

Make a wish, Dad.

There are so many ways

you can have an extravagant
lifestyle in any space.

Like us right now!

Mm!

Fucking Martha.

Good morning, New York

and all of my international followers.

There are so many
ways you can have an extrav...

I see, under
"What are your fitness goals?"

you just drew
a frowny face.

Yeah.

Yeah, uh... I just...

I need to get
a teeny bit healthier.

Doc says
I'm a big fat pig.

Well, I mean,
we can help you with that.

Could've at
least faked a compliment, like,

"No, you don't...
you don't need to come here in the gym."

Oh, I'm sorry. Um...
I mean, I like your shirt.

You can go ahead with whatever
you're gonna... what the spiel is.

We have a bunch of membership options
to fit all your fitness needs,

with rates as low
as $129 a month.

I'm sorry, I thought you
said, um, "as low,"

and then
$129 for a month.

Yeah,
that's a starting rate.

$129 a month,
and for that you get access

to everything in the gym
except half of it.

That's... So, every person
we've walked by

has $129
to just give to you?

Is there a sliding scale for
people in debt up to their tits?

Uh...

Okay, you do know that people
can go outside, though,

and just be outside
and, like, do things?

Absolutely.

And that's the same
fitness experience.

You know, you pay
for our facilities.

But going for a run outside, that is zero,
and then this one is... What is it again?

Okay.

What the fuck are you doing?

- Oh!
- Excuse me. Sorry.

♪ Cold rain ♪

Mm. Oh, my God.

Sea salt.

That's what you have.
You have sea salt.

Perfect.

Hello.

Hello in there.

It's Catherine.

Who?

I think you call me
Moneybags Martha in 3-S.

I don't have
any of my shit out there.

No, I know. I just want to
know if you're okay, or...

Well, I can make some coffee
if you need...

Are you okay?

I don't...
need your pity, so...

Thank you, though.
No pity.

Really?

I Google-stalked you
when I moved in.

A husband, two kids,
a penthouse on 51st and 7th.

You got an Astoria apartment
that you bought 20 years ago

that you just, like,
use as your photography studio.

Zero pity?

It's nice to hear someone
thinks my life is so idyllic.

I'm not trying to flatter you,
you fucking narcissist.

Your life is easier than mine.

I'm broke.

I'm fat.

My liver's shutting down
or something.

And I applied to rescue a
dog from a kill shelter...

and they told me that I couldn't
give the dog the kind of future it deserved.

A kill shelter.

I am sure that you have
a lot to offer.

I'm almost 30,

and everyone's
falling in love or...

getting great jobs
or having kids

who are fucking adorable
and get 10,000 likes.

Life's hard.

I mean, when I was your age,
I was such a wreck.

Have you ever woken up
on the ground

and realized that the pillow
that you were sleeping on

was... was a dead rat?

It's New York City.

I've slept...
Yes, I've slept on a rat.

Well, I've got secrets.

I've got things that I'm not gonna
tell my kids until they're older.

I was in rehab.

For alcohol or for, like,
a sprained ankle?

For, like, needle stuff.

Wh... Heroin?

Are you gloating
about it?

Congratulations. You really
scrubbed that off your Web presence.

Hey, I was 23. I was...

Oh, you don't...

insecure about everything.

It's dirty.

I found what I thought was a
group of real artists, so...

We find validation in very
unhealthy places sometimes.

'Cause life's overwhelming,
and every single day,

I'm just trying
to get through it...

just minute by minute,
day by day...

and try not
to get overwhelmed

by giving myself...

little goals.

Please let me be
in my apartment alone.

Okay.

One block.

One block.

- Oh.
- Oh!

Whoa.

Aah! Damn!

Fucking New York.

Wow.

Look at you.

That step's broken,
so just be careful.

Oh. They should put a sign up.

Hey, um, listen, I'm part of this
runners' group on Saturdays, and...

You give me judgmental
looks for three years,

and now you want me to join
a running group with you?

I thought
we had a thing.

Sorry about
the olive branch.

Bruno!

- Oh, my God, Demetrius he's gotten so big.
- Hi, Aunt Brittany!

Look at him.
He's got a little Afro and everything.

Looking like
a civil rights attorney.

Come here.
Hey, go get changed.

I'm taking Bruno
to the bank today.

Go upstairs
and get changed, boy.

I'm taking you to the bank just
the same way I took youto the bank

when you opened
your first account.

Bruno and I'll have about the
same balance as of right now.

Brittany,
you're gonna be fine, okay?

Everything's gonna
work out for you.

You were smart and creative even when you
was a kid, and that'll take you places.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, man, what happened to you?
You get caught in the rain?

Oh. It's sweat.

I, uh... I ran today.

Why the hell you do that?
Was somebody chasing you or something?

Philadelphia misses you,
honey!

Cici, hey.

Oh, you look so good.

I look like I happened to be under
a woman when her water broke.

I don't get it.

No? Just... Oh.

Eh. Bye.

Your sister is always
moving and shaking

and walking around
and doing stuff.

She won't sit down
for nothing.

On Saturday, she's spearheading
a Habitat for Humanity.

What are you doing
this weekend?

My legs are so sore.

Would you ever want to go
for a run with me?

I just got in my head.

I want to find a way
to distract myself

so I can get to the point
where I can run a mile.

If I do too much cardio,
I get too skinny too quickly. Remember?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, don't do that.

Boink.

Okay, welcome, or welcome back,
to Astoria Runners Group.

Hoody-hoo!

I'm Tesla, the organizer.
We're going a light two miles today.

Oh, my God.

Springing
for nine-minute miles,

so if that's your goal,
keep up with me.

You ready?
Yeah!

- On your marks, get set...
- Hoody-hoo!

Fuck.

You can do it.

Yeah, I know.
I'm doing it.

Oh, sorry.
I'm talking to myself.

I can't give up,
or my kid'll judge me.

I hyperventilated after a potato
sack race at his preschool.

He was like,
"Papa, are you my mommy?"

And I was like,
"No, I'm your papa."

And he was like,
"Well, why are you so girly?"

So, I taught him about
gender stereotyping.

I went on my first run,
and in six weeks, I'm running a 5K.

Why are you doing that
to yourself?

You're gonna
lose that thing.

The race?
Yeah.

You don't do it to win it.
You do it to finish it.

You can do it, Seth.
You're a goddamn gazelle.

Adherence
is half the battle.

Wait.
That was two miles?

I've never done that before
in my life.

Hoody-hoo!

Yeah.
What's your name?

I'm Brittany.

♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

♪ Hey, it's Brittany ♪

♪ She needs to take A shit-nee ♪

On the harmony.
♪ Best part of running ♪

♪ Is nothing, I hate it ♪

♪ But when I get home,
I'm happy I made it ♪

♪ Doom, doom, doom, doom ♪

- And she had the same dress on as me.
- Sure, sure, sure.

- Britt!
- Gretch!

Britt, let's blaze.

Fucking New York.

What was it
my friend wanted?

Uh...

Oh, that's on backwards.

Come on, it's funny.

Okay, I'll fix it.

What? Brittany, oh, my God.

Oh, hey, we need shots.

My roommate here literally
lost a hundred pounds.

Well, 22.

Still, that's, like,
the same weight as 11 MacBooks.

I got a dozen
less laptops in me stomach.

19-20.

I, uh... I found this
health calculator online,

which is kind of cool,
and I have a goal weight now.

Yeah? What is it, like 120?

Uh, 152.

My blood pressure's down,
and I even signed up for my first 5K.

Shut up.
You're gonna run a marathon?

No, a marathon's 26 miles.
5K's only three.

Oh, my gosh, thank you
for the support, Terrence.

Well, cool.

Are you gonna try and run faster
than the other people or...

Oh, it's just about
finishing it.

Oh, you should come out after with
me and my running friend, Seth.

Uh, wait.

- Running friend, Seth?
- Yeah.

You never mentioned him
before.

Is he a serious runner,
or is he like you?

He's like me, I guess.

Terrence, babe,
tell Brittany you're excited for her.

Yeah.

20-20.

And seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one.

Oh, my God.

We're going backwards.

Oh, my God.

- All right! Good job!
- Proud of you guys.

How's my baby?
Doing okay?

I'm so tired.

I know. I'm a rock star.

Um, so we'll just do
a large cheese pizza.

That should be enough,
yeah?

Oh, do you want to do
the appetizer trio, too?

We'll do the appetizer trio
as well.

Brittany.

You want to go see Daddy
by the flowers?

Go see Daddy by the flowers?

- Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, you're in
our runners' group.

Yeah.
Did you run the 5K?

- Hey, that's great.
- You should join us.

Oh, she has kids.
It's a Saturday.

Oh, no, they're at
their dad's this weekend.

Oh, I didn't... I didn't
know you were divorced.

Soon. That's why I'm
crashing at the studio.

I'm a photographer,

and I've got the apartment
right above Brittany's.

Oh, smell you.

Wait, so you know this
much-talked-about Gretchen.

I thought she was gonna be
at the finish line.

She had a late night.

Oh, I wanted to meet
your best friend.

It's not
the end of the world.

Oof.

Jesus Christ, is that me?

Brittany.

Oh, my God,
Terrence is in Boston.

- Let's go out.
- Oh, I-I can't.

I got a runners' group
in the morn.

Come on.

Hey, don't you deserve
a little bit of fun?

Just a little Addy.

I wanted to go to your thing
this morning,

but there was an Ace of Base
cover band at Vintage last night,

and they didn't go on
until, like, 2:00 a.m.

It's fine.
You don't need to come to those.

"Those"?

You are so cute
with this whole running thing.

- I'm a runner now.
- Me, too.

I mean, we've all got legs.

We're all in a hurry sometimes.

We're all runners when we
need to be, right?

A marathon?

We don't have to win it.
We just have to finish it.

The New York City Marathon?

I think that is
such a good idea.

Catherine,
you're 40 times faster than us.

- Why are you running back here?
- I like talking to you guys.

They're very, very intense at the front.
Not a lot of chitchat.

I don't want you to feel bad for us or
something, and that's why you're back here.

No, I don't. You know, I trained for
the marathon about four years ago.

But I had to quit
because I got pregnant.

And my ex-husband's really dragging
me through the mud right now,

so I'd really love
to do this with you guys.

Mm-hmm. You girls have fun.
Come on.

Don't you want to
accomplish something epic?

Or be taken seriously and
change how people look at you?

I don't need to pee myself on
a 26.2-mile race to feel proud.

Literally no one knows
what you're talking about.

People get so tired,
they piss themselves during it.

No, they don't.

Yes. Yes.
That's disgusting.

When my cousin ran it,
she shat her pants,

came back to her apartment
for the party we threw for her,

and had to kick everyone out
so she could clean herself.

I have a child, hopes for another.
It's all I need in life.

Tons of people
don't shit themselves.

You ever think of that?
Okay, listen.

Marathon's next November.

That gives us
less than a year to train.

Brittany and I
will run the marathon.

Seth, you stay home,
you eat ice cream,

and you just look
at pictures on Facebook

of the two of us at the finish line.
How's that?

While your husband and son pick out
mountain bikes after his football practice.

You bitch.

Fine.

We'll never actually do it,
but fine.

Yes!

You know,
a lot of people fail at this,

but, guys,
I have faith in this group.

Hmm.
That's a bad omen.

Okay, so I'm guaranteed a slot because
I joined a marathon group a while ago,

but for you two to get a slot,
you have to join the lottery.

Oh, I love lotteries.

Yeah, but if you don't win,
then you got to raise money for a charity,

and then they get you
a slot.

And we should probably join a gym
so we can do some cross-training.

Whoa, wait, excuse me.

What?
Uh, ka-ching.

'Cause all that costs a lot of money.
Can we do it on a shoestring?

Well, even the lottery
costs money.

I'm fine with skipping all
this, if it's too much for you.

Hold it!

Okay.
Debbie's down for her nap.

Oh, "Debbie Does Napping."

It's a reference.

It's fine. Um...
Oh.

I'm so happy we could sit down and
talk about this nanny position.

Yeah.
I'm psyched.

Uh, so this would be
the room.

Oh, this is the room?
Yeah.

And this would be your bed.

Oh. Look at that surprise.

Your résumé
is really impressive.

Yeah, people rag on Cornell,
but it's still an Ivy, right?

- You majored in education.
- Anyway...

And you babysat
for the Bidens.

Uh, listen, I love kids
and thinking of fun projects,

and I actually kind of flourish
in chaotic atmospheres,

so this is, like...

I just... I have a couple
little questions.

Oh, yeah. Shoot.

I would love you
to walk me through...

uh, the age-appropriate CPR
for this doll.

Okay. Let's do that now.

The first step
is to obviously...

check to see if the child
is breathing.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah. So...

Ooh, I'm sorry,
this child is dead.

I know it's...

Oh, my God.
It's 'cause the doll.

God, you are hilarious.

Oh, my God.

You have a great personality,
which I love,

but to be honest,
my husband's kind of looking for a nanny

who will fade
into the background.

Thank you so much
for coming, though.

Can I get you a bottle
of water for the...

I'm just fading in the background.
Oh, that's so funny. Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

No, it's fine.

It's just, I keep
interviewing at places,

and no one thinks
I'm the right fit.

Except for dive bars, and I'm sort
of trying to stay out of that scene.

Oh, my goodness.
Who is this gentleman?

Oh, this is a foster.

Ooh, someone's gonna come along
and love you. I just know it.

You know, if you like animals,
I should refer you to my sister.

Is she a dog?

Uh, no, no, she, um...
she owns a company.

They do house-sitting
and pet-sitting.

If a homeowner is out of town for a
while and they can't take their pet,

they hire people to be around
for 100 bucks a day.

Oh, my goodness.

You must be Milo.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

Fuck you.

♪ I do my hair toss
Check my nails ♪

♪ Baby, how you feelin'? ♪
♪ Feelin' good as hell ♪

♪ Hair toss, check my nails ♪

♪ Baby, how you feelin'? ♪
♪ Feelin' good as hell ♪

♪ Whoo, child
Tired of the bullshit ♪

♪ Go on Dust your shoulders
off Keep it moving ♪

♪ Yes, Lord, tryin'
To get some new shit ♪

♪ In there, swimwear
Going-to-the-pool shit ♪

♪ Come now
Come dry your eyes ♪

♪ You know you a star
You can touch the sky ♪

♪ I know that it's hard
But you have to try ♪

♪ If you need advice
Let me simplify ♪

♪ Feelin' good as hell ♪

♪ Baby, how you feelin'? ♪
♪ Feelin' good as hell ♪

All right, I'll stay.

♪ Where are you going?
Going? ♪

♪ Where are you going?
Going? ♪

What the hell?

Bad taste in music.

You the new girl?
I'm the nighttime guy, Jern.

"Jairm"? Like "Jeremy"?
Hello, Milo.

Mwah.
No, it's Jern.

I didn't know
there was a nighttime guy.

I'm sorry. What are you doing
here in the middle of the day?

Oh. I moved in.

- Hey.
- Yo.

You're living here, yeah?

I sleep here
for the gig anyway,

so now I just chill here
during the day, too.

You just kind of put me in a weird
position, 'cause I have to report this.

Like, contractually,
I have to.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah.

But wouldn't it be shitty
if they told the owner,

and then he canceled
the service altogether?

That would suck.

I mean, I'd get fired,
yeah,

but who knows when another
opening would come around for you?

Is this what you do
full-time, then?

Oh, fuck.

How old are you?

Thirty, 35.
Somewhere in there.

Doesn't matter.
You know what?

Stop asking me questions,
all right?

My life is dope.

Look at my house.
I live in a fucking mansion.

Where'd you get that?

The mailbox.

I hate him.
Like, I very much hate him.

You're gonna have sex
with him.

- What?
- You're gonna have sex with him.

Trust me, any tension
is sexual tension.

Once I figured that out,
I got along way better with my uncle.

Joke.

When I'm with him, I have this crazy
urge to eat cake, cookies, candy.

Just let that sexual tension propel
you while the three of us train.

What if we made it
just the two of us?

Look, I know Catherine's athleticism
and intensity is intimidating,

but she's getting a divorce, and she needs
something to channel her energy into.

I just hate when
people, like, pity me.

Cut her some slack.
She only sees her kids two days a week.

She's got maternal energy
to spare.

I just don't need a coach.

And I definitely don't need her
to, like, be my mom.

Brittany, come on.

She's trying.

It's hard
to start a new life.

Morning.

Flashback Friday
continues right now with moreDoug.

I have a fun question.

Do you ever actually work
at this job?

Do you like Doug?

I've been here for weeks,
and you haven't checked

one thing off
the homeowner's task list.

I got my first boners
'cause of Patti.

Jesus. Yeah, I know.
It gets weirder.

I'd be lying down
with my stepmom,

we'd be all cuddled up
on the couch,

and then Patti Mayonnaise
would come on TV,

and I got busted
'cause that blanket would move.

It'd be like...

Oh, it would move 'cause you
got a boner for Patti?

Exactly.

Way to brag about your dick size
while watching cartoons.

Why... Goddamn it.

You know what?
Cartoons are fun.

And they're colorful
and vibrant,

and they help people actually
get through real-life shit.

Did you know that?

Because when my parents
got divorced, Doug...

Dougis the only thing
that saved me.

How long ago was that?
All right, listen.

Divorce sends shock waves
through a young man's life,

a-and I need certain considerations
taken for my particular circumstances.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't think about the fact that you're
the only person this has ever happened to.

My bad.

Oh, shit. Your dad cheated? No.

- My dad did not cheat.
- Oh, my God. Your mom?

I don't ask you
personal questions,

like why the fuck
your parents named you Jern.

That's racist.

Is Jern an Indian name?

I mean, I don't even know.
Could be.

Fuck you, man.

So your dad doesn't cheat on your
mom, but he definitely leaves her.

And then she...
remarries, right?

Yeah, yeah,
she remarries that dude

that you keep Skyping with all
the time... What's his name?

It's like Desmond
or something, right?

- Demetrius?
- I was close.

He's my sister's husband.
He's basically like my stepdad.

Okay. How does that work?

I...

I don't...

Oh, come on.
Don't get...

Okay. Let's make a deal.
All right?

'Cause I need that
juicy, juicy info

that's hidden deep
in your soul,

and you need me to
take out the trash.

Huh? And also clean out,
uh, sections of the fridge.

The whole fridge.

Okay. For you, yes, let's do it.

Okay.

Um, my mom wanted
to be an actress.

She couldn't do that in Philly,
so she left.

My dad got really depressed,
gave up on everything.

A few years later,
he died.

My sister was studying
to become a nurse,

so Demetrius and her...
moved in,

and he basically raised me,

which is awesome
because he himself is awesome.

Yeah,
that sounds awesome.

That sounds like
a Norman Rockwell panting.

I mean,
just totally normal.

- Jern...
- My dad fell in love with another woman.

At least that's how they explained
it to me when I was a kid.

But that's
probably bullshit, right?

I bet she just caught him
banging somebody,

and then
we had to sell our house.

That sucks.

What are you doing?

I'll throw that shit out after
I'm done with this episode.

Jern, grow up.

Oh, my God, girl.
Holy shit.

Drake, third row.
It was, like, so fucking good.

I was, like, almost
making eye contact with him,

and I was like,
"I don't know." He's...

I almost barfed
on the train, girl.

Hold it! Hold it!

Miss?
Oh.

God. Thank you so much.

David's picking me up.
Our two-year anniversary. Ah.

He's taking me to this
Mexican restaurant in Brooklyn

where they make this guac
with sunflower seeds.

Ooh, that'll either be
really good or terrible.

Hey, babe.
Hey.

I'm David.

Yeah. I'm Brittany.

Been working here six years.

Brittany?

You look great.

You're like
a whole new person.

I'm
trainin' for the marathon.

- Many will try.
Few will succeed. -

Okay, babe, let's do this. Yeah.

Who's the, uh,
lucky guy tonight?

Well, you're not going home
alone looking like that, are you?

David.

Yo, girl.

Hey.

It's Tuesday. Why aren't you
snoozing at Terrence's?

Um, we broke up.

When?

Last week.
I posted about it.

I haven't been on.

Why didn't you tell me?
Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just...

You know, I just watched, like,
I don't even know, 22 YouTube videos

by this girl
who's, like, 4'11",

and she has
a full-blown lazy eye,

and she has sponsorship deals.

I mean, like...

I'm just confused and annoyed.

What a slut.
We hate her.

Is being annoyed
stupid of me?

Hey, want to get a drink?

What do you want?
Tequila? Beer?

Whatever you want.

I mean, I-I can't drink.

Okay, what about ice cream?

This is your night,
so you... you pick what you want.

Okay, but I want to know
what sounds good to you.

Okay. Well...

I'm sorry.

I'm just... busy now.

I'm working two jobs.

I'm exhausted.

I've lost 34 pounds.

Okay.

It's a big deal.

I'm just trying
to get my life in order.

Are you saying that
my life is not in order?

No.

Because I'm
a teacher's assistant

for deaf, gifted kids
on the Lower East Side.

You're incredible.
I just...

I just mean, like...

the weeknight drinking
is hard for me.

- You're calling me an alcoholic now?
- No.

Because you're the only one
with the problem around here.

- Problems, plural.
- Oh, that's mean.

You're fucking mean,
Brittany.

Don't come in here
and judge me.

I have never judged you, and trust
me, there was a lot to judge.

Wow. We're on the same page that
right now you are judging me, right?

You know what, just go take a
run with your loser friends.

You're a loser.

I make fun of people like you who spend
all day humble-bragging on Instagram.

Okay, I'm not humble-bragging.
That's my life.

I'm sorry no one
likes your life.

Those people don't know you.

I know you.

And you may be
naturally pretty,

but your whole life is about
being fucking insecure.

I'm starting to feel good
about myself,

and every time that happens,

you have to tear me down.

I'm not gonna be
your fat sidekick anymore.

Don't throw away
your fat clothes.

What did you say?

I've seen girls like you
do this before.

Doesn't even matter
if you keep the weight off.

You'll always be a fat girl.
It's just who you are.

Do you want to see what
a human koala bear feels like?

Like this.

What's up, roomie?

Hey.

Who's she?

My family wanted to adopt a white
woman, so they brought her in.

Jesus, what happened?
You come up short on rent?

Just a little bit of a heads-up.
That's all I need, okay?

I told that girl I was
an early investor in Uber.

Come on, if we are
gonna be roommates,

you got to be
a little bit nicer to me.

Also, is that OkCupid
that I saw?

Can you just...
Leave me alone.

You know what?
You got Hinge. You got Bumble.

You got Tinder.
Pick one of those.

No, I don't want it to match me with
people I'm friends with through Facebook.

Okay.
I want to start over.

I'm really good
at making profiles.

Okay.

And you cock-blocked me,
and now I have nothing to do, so...

Team-building exercise?

What the fuck?

What? It's the truth.

Why would you lead with
your insecurities like this?

When I look at this,
you know what I think to myself?

I don't know if I care,
but what?

"Ew, gross."
No.

Here, do this.

There.

All right, it's kind of
vague, but it's fine.

Next one is...
Jesus, God, woman.

It's not that bad.

What are you doing
to yourself here?

Just fix it.

I'm just gonna
give you mine, okay?

Do you know how to
spell "herpes"?

This is foolproof
and fail-safe and STD-free.

Really?
Uh-huh.

That sounds like you're really
rich and don't need a job.

No.
I'm taking everything in.

I am in seek of irreverence.

Okay, so that's what you're
doing all day on the couch.

I'm not a bum, okay?
I went to NYU.

I created my own major.

Art and utilitarian design.

And all my professors
were like,

"Yo, that kid's
got mad potential."

I don't think
professors talk like that.

But in the field of what?

I was gonna create a line of
functional pieces of modern art,

like you see
in the MoMA gift shop.

What do you do
when you're not here?

Do you wander around
museums wearing a monocle?

No, man.
I'm Jeff Koons meets Target.

You're sitting in a chair
in someone else's townhome.

I'm enhancing your life
as we speak, okay?

Which I appreciate.

This next question
is definitely all you.

Oh.

No, not that one.

Mmm... "average."

Just say "average."

Boom.

I'm not doing any more.

♪ I'm moving up the coast ♪

♪ Light can be freeing... ♪

Oh. Do you want to switch seats?

No.
Sure?

Yeah.
Okay.

Bon appétit.

There you go.

Tacos in candlelight.
Yeah.

God, that restaurant
was so loud.

I love that you were cool
with just, like,

walking out of there and
letting me cook something up.

Lot of girls wouldn't be.

Right.

So, I mean, I don't know
any of the basics.

Mm.

So, um...
born and raised in Philly.

Ohio here.
I moved to the city when I was 16.

My parents let me crash with one of
my aunts while I finished high school.

Nice. Um, I moved here
when I was 21

for an internship
at Barden and Rose.

Oh, wow. I...

You know, I don't know anything about
advertising, but I do know them.

That's, like, the best
in the city, right?

Yeah. They're, um...
I wanted to get into jingles.

Jingles? Like TV jingles?

Not, like, singing them.
Like, writing them.

The words or the music or both?
Um, like...

♪ Drinks and tacos
And candlelight ♪

♪ Ryan knows how
To make a night right ♪

Oh, my God,
that's incredible.

The wink was bonus.

Was the internship great?

Took a bit of a detour.

Oh. But...

Um...

Um, anywaysies...

Okay. I have something
to tell you.

Hmm?
That is not meat.

Not meat?
Yeah.

Doesn't it taste real?

♪ Your eyes are two moons ♪

♪ I hope this voyage ♪

♪ Will not be ending
Very soon ♪

♪ To scry in orbit ♪

♪ With these mirrors
Of perfection ♪

♪ To die in the arms ♪

♪ Of your affection... ♪

Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Not yet, not yet.

What?

I want you to go to my bed.

Okay.

Oh, all right, then.

Hey,
no more of this British stuff.

You can talk
in your real voice.

You don't need to be
guarded with me.

Oh, would you look at that?

So late in the eve.

I gotta get...

I gotta... I gotta...

Come in.

Hey.
Hey.

How'd it go?

It was good.
Yeah?

Yeah.
Did he kiss you?

Uh, yeah.

We had sex, actually.

Whoa. Okay.

Great.
Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna get rid of this girl, 'cause she
keeps talking about Casey Anthony. Ugh.

So, uh,
you want to get high?

Oh, I've got to run
in the morning.

What? Come on.
It'll help you sleep.

And it'll, you know,
relax the muscles

or however
body chemistry works.

I don't know.

All right.

Well, I respect
your discipline.

Hey.

How strong's the weed?

What do you want to watch?

Dating sucks.

What?
It's just not for me.

I was always jealous of girls who
were, like, always going on dates,

and it's such a time suck.

Like, we all end up
single anyway.

Have you heard of marriage?

Yes.

Okay, I know marriage,
but it's like,

in my experience,
it doesn't end well.

I'll tell you what I learned
from my parents' divorce.

Okay. In life,
we're ultimately alone.

It's true. We're alone.
That is so dark.

Marriage doesn't work.
Nah. Nah-nah-nah.

Oh, and if it does, somebody
dies, so you're still alone.

Look, I want to get married.

Really?
Even after your parents?

Yeah. My parents fucked up,
but I don't have to.

I want to be with somebody.
It's not just that.

The saddest part about being
a girl who is not a size zero

is sometimes guys talk to you
like you're one of the boys.

You're privileged enough to get
to hear the uncensored thoughts

that they would never
tell a woman.

Fuck those guys.

Like the stagehands
at my theater,

they'll stand
right in front of me

and talk so much shit
about girls on Instagram

that are slutty or ugly or fat.

Look, not all men
are that immature.

Said the man-child.

Don't do that. Nah-ah. Well...

And also, just so you
know, people...

they like all kinds
of people, okay?

Okay.

All right, let's just...

Good morning.

What if I want
to sleep with Jern?

Then I'd be
a fortune-teller.

Honey, get all the cardio
you can get.

You'll need stamina
for the race.

When's the last time
you, uh, you know...

Had sexual intercourse, Catherine?
Yeah.

Four years.
Ooh.

Okay, so this is big.

Yeah. I think I'm ready
to go there with someone.

I don't know.

I always thought Jern and I were a
brother/sister act, but I'm open to whatever.

I mean, it's not like
I'm gonna force anything.

Hey.
Yo!

Jesus!

- Holy fucking shit, Brittany!
- Sorry.

You are too pale to be fucking
sneaking up on me, okay?

That shit
is fucking terrifying.

Not a ghost.
Just a woman.

Do you want a glass of wine?
Yes, I'd love one.

Will that calm you down?
That's a heavy pour.

Wow, you were, like,
crazy just then.

Why are you
looking at me like that?

Yeah, you were, like,
so scared.

You're not blinking.

Blink.

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the ♪

♪ It's all right... ♪

What's up?
Is your neck okay?

It's just from running.

Would you mind, actually...
Would you rub it for me?

It's just this spot
I can't get.

Sure.

Oh.

All right.

Ooh.

I know. It's bad, right?

You are tight.

What is that?

What are you wearing?

Nothing.
It's just me.

Mmm.

You usually
smell like sweat,

but right now
you smell like grandmas.

Yeah. I got it.
That was good.

Neck's better?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I'll take
four boxes of Thin Mints.

Do you know
how humiliating this day was?

I need to go to bed soon.

I have to get up early to run.

The blanket just moved.

No, it didn't.

I don't think it did.

You want to
check on that?

Mm. Let me just get something, okay?
Okay.

You fucking... You stay
right the fuck there.

Ah, fuck.
Uh, I'll be right back.

How does this thing even work?

Wait, lean back a little.

Lean back?
Yeah, just so I can...

Wait, wait. I can do that.

No, no, no.
I got it. I got it.

Fuck.

Mm, mm, good.

Oh, my God.

No, no. What's wrong?

It's fine. I just...

I just enjoyed that
very much.

I could go again.

I'm recharged.

So, I slept with Jern.

How many times?

Every day this week.

You're gonna fall
in love with each other.

Yeah, no way.

Enjoy this.

Have fun.

This is fun, Brittany.

Whoa, look at you.
You look beautiful.

I'm five pounds away
from my goal weight.

Good for you, Brittany,
for going after your goals.

I told myself, by the time I hit this
age, I would have my college degree.

That there frame is up
there just collecting dust.

So, instead of throwing a graduation party
this year, I'm throwing a birthday party.

I know I ain't do it last year at 40,

but this year, I'm getting it crackin'.

So, the Sunday after my birthday...
we're roasting a pig.

Oh, I'll pick you up
at the bus station.

You guys, that...
that's the day of the marathon.

Well, it's for dinner,

so after you run,
just hop on the bus.

Oh, please.
It's for Demetrius.

I'd love to be there
for you, D,

but I'm gonna need, like,
an ice bath that day.

I'm making
a whole new Brittany,

and I can't really
disrupt that right now.

I'm, uh... I'm gonna get back
into advertising again.

I'm doing it.

I'm just...
I'm doing it. Me.

Brittany?

Hey.

You look amazing.

Uh, babe, Brittany.

Wow, you...
you look incredible.

Thank you, Terrence,
but on the inside,

I'll always be
who I always was.

I thought you guys broke up.

That was just a dramatic fight.

You know, the guy I subletted your room
to, he's never home.

You should sleep there
sometime.

I mean, I'm at Terrence's
most nights,

but maybe we can grab
dinner or something?

I'm running a marathon,

so I don't really have time
for anything right now.

Well, this is my stop.

Me and all these other runners
are headed to the half marathon.

I guess you could call us
serious runners.

Very real, very serious,

athletic,
marathon-training runners.

Bye.

What was that about?

Hey.

I got a spot... the lottery.

Oh, my God,
I'm running to my computer.

Seth, I'm so happy for you.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I didn't get one.

But it's okay.

I just have to raise money
for a charity now.

Totally doable.

I mean, I can't save money for
myself, but I'll figure it out.

Shit.

Let's talk about it at
Catherine's housewarming party.

She found a great place
with room for her kids.

We're gonna go and support her,
and I'm gonna help you.

Wh-Why would you want
to do that?

Because I'm your
friend, Brittany.

Did you see Rodrigo's
fire installation?

Uh, Tina saw
it, and she liked it.

Really?
Yeah. Believe so.

What'd you think?

I found
the whole showing cold.

Very cold.

And in no way subversive;
very literal.

Oh, you guys are talking
about The Walking Dead?

Very literal.

This is...
This is Brittany.

I have the studio
above her apartment.

And we're training
for the marathon together.

Uh... okay.

- I'm gonna get another job.
- What?

You're stretched thinner
than a Listerine strip.

Just tell her.

Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So, my family
has this trust,

and every year,
I get to make a donation

to an organization
that I pick.

So, Seth wanted to pitch in,

because we wouldn't even be running
this marathon if it wasn't for you.

You really inspired us,
Britt.

You're gonna do it.

You're gonna
run the marathon.

This money should be going
to something you care about.

It is.

Okay.

I don't need you to, like,
force your way into my life

and give me pep talks
and checks.

I don't need your pity.

We're just trying to help.

I don't need that.

I can do this on my own.

Do you know what time it is?

I forgot, I...
I have to go to something.

I thought we were
gonna get dinner with Jern.

I told Peter we were gonna
meet your boyfriend.

He's not
my fucking boyfriend.

Don't know why
you keep saying that.

Your place is great.
I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm starving.
Finally. I'm famished.

Where are your friends?

Uh, something happened
with their kid.

Parents.

Yeah.

All right, well,
I'm always happy

when it's just
the two of us anyway.

We're just having sex,
right?

I mean, we're not dating.

Uh-uh, no, uh... We don't
have to define anything.

Right.

Okay, so we're not.

I could never date you.

Okay, then.

Thank you.
What do you want to eat?

Chips and salsa
are just fine, so...

- I thought you were starving.
- Well, maybe I'm just thirsty.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

You've made such
incredible progress.

You're giving me sympathy?
It's that bad?

You have a stress fracture.

Okay.
Uh, from overuse.

Next time, you got to pay
attention to your pain. Sure. Fine.

What do I have to do to make
sure I can run the marathon?

It's in five weeks.
I'm sorry.

You're gonna have to stay off
your foot for eight weeks.

Maybe more, depending.

But the good news is that your
blood pressure, your BMI...

I'm sorry, what do...
what do you mean?

Then how do I
run the marathon?

How am I supposed
to run the marathon?

Well, in six weeks, you'll come
back, and we'll see what's next.

You may have suffered
permanent damage.

Brittany, ugh.

How can I help? How can you help me?

How can you help
a former-turned-future fat girl

with a bum leg
and chafed armpits?

Hey, everything's
gonna be fine.

I was trying
to turn my life around.

And now you'll be the man
who proved himself to his son

by running
the New York City Marathon,

and Catherine will be the woman who got out of
a bad marriage and ran a freaking marathon,

and I'm gonna be a girl who was stupid enough
to think she could turn her life around

and instead needed
a fucking seat belt extender

and couldn't even walk dogs for a living.

Don't... Don't say that.
Stop.

Oh, I got to go.

Hey.

You got to come with me.

I want to show you
something, okay?

Come with me real quick.
I just want you to see the...

What happened to your leg?

What, you wouldn't fuck
a girl with an Aircast?

Wh-What?

How about a girl who weighs
50 pounds more than me, Jern?

Because guess what... the pounds
are coming back from vacation.

Did you hurt yourself?

Yes, Jern,
I hurt myself.

It was really
nice to be a woman for once.

People held doors for me.

I'll hold doors for you.

You're not a man, Jern.
You're a misguided little boy.

Milo!

Milo, come here.
Come here.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Daddy missed you.

Hey, Milo.

Oh, I missed you so much.

The plants out front
are dead.

Did you pieces of shit
move in to our house?

Fuck.

♪ Fuck the world ♪

♪ I don't care anymore ♪
Jesus.

♪ If you're feelin' like I... ♪

This is the bus
to Philly, right?

Yeah.

Oh. Sorry.

♪ Both feet on the ground
And a ♪

Okay.
♪ Head up in the clouds ♪

♪ How low can you go?
Let me know ♪

♪ Hey, nothing lasts forever ♪

♪ I just gotta tell it
To myself ♪

♪ So one day I can wave it ♪

No.
♪ Sayonara ♪

♪ I'll be gone tomorrow ♪

♪ I just need to say
what's on my mind ♪

Potty, potty.

♪ So finally I can wave it
Sayonara ♪

Well, um...

you know, we're really happy
that you're here.

Well, thanks for having me.

We put Caroline in the room
with the boys,

so you can stay in her room,
you know, while you're here.

- Oh.
- No big deal.

She can sleep with me or
whatev... We'll figure it out.

And, um,
a-also, me and Cici

was just talking about this,
but, you know,

if you decide to make Philly
your permanent home again,

you can stay down
in the basement.

It'd be your own apartment
just to yourself.

I'm-I'm not gonna need that.

I'm just gonna be here
a few weeks.

Just need some time to heal.
But thanks.

♪ Hey, I've got
something good... ♪

Brittany, can you
come upstairs and help me?

Coming, honey.

♪ I've got something good ♪

♪ Baby, I got
Something good for you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna save it for you ♪

♪ And only you ♪

Wow.

♪ 'Cause that love
Is good as gold ♪

♪ And you won't even know
It's cold ♪

♪ Hey, I've got
Something good ♪

♪ I've got something good ♪

Do you love birds?

Majestic creatures,

descendants of the
dinosaurs?

Me, too.

But when it rains, all the birds go away.

Introducing...

The bird poncho.

It's art meets utility.

What is this?

And it's not just
for liberal elitists.

It's for businessmen
and schoolchildren

and business-children
and school-men.

That's his life's dream?

The fucking bird poncho?

That is so fucking dumb.
We got hats. We're gonna do boots.

I slept with him.

Mmm, mmm!

I ordered a pig.
Is the pig here?

What happened to the pig?
It never came.

We've been
waiting on this pig.

That's why we're eating
lasagna and cheesesteaks.

This don't even match.

I wanted a pig ass.

Oh. Sorry.

Oh.
Sorry.

- Hey, hey, guys!
- Hey.

Look who it is.
My favorite people.

Yeah, it's the birthday boy.
How are you?

It's good to see you. Hi.

Happy birthday, Dem.
We made it.

We got this for you.
Thank you.

- Matty!
- Look at this guy.

Wow, they got me
a gift and everything.

Hold this for me.
Thank you.

Don't open it here. Save it.

- Go back and, uh, enjoy...
- Good to see y'all. Thanks for coming, man.

You look great. Look at you.

Hold this for me, baby.

Oh, man.
Glad to see y'all.

Uh, we're-we're so lucky
that you could all be here

to celebrate this day
with us.

And we're so grateful that my little
sister, Brittany, is here with us now.

I would, uh,
like to say a few words

about the man
known as Demetrius.

How'd you two meet?

Us?

Uh, Brittany,
let Cici finish the speech.

She's saying a lot
of amazing things about me.

Keep going, baby.

When it comes to the man I
love, the man who is...

They're just, like, an odd couple.
That's why I wonder.

Um, we first met at the showroom.
Matty came in to just...

Like, a long time ago?

I don't like
what you're getting at.

I'm just getting at
what everyone thinks

when they see you guys
together.

Brittany, that's enough.
Just shut up, okay?

Stop it right now.

Did you just tell me
to shut up?

Don't tell me to shut up
in front of everybody.

I'm gonna set up some games
inside, if you want to...

I'm having a conversation
with a nice overweight woman.

Stop it.

Her BMW is high,
or whatever.

The chart.
There's a chart.

I'm sorry. Can you guys
excuse me for a second?

No, don't leave. Jas.

- Brittany!
- Wouldn't you rather know the truth

than walk around
with a dumb smile on your face?

I mean, it's okay
to keep him around, honey,

but someone needs to tell you
what everyone really thinks.

- He doesn't love you.
- That's enough!

You can't love someone
that you don't respect.

Covered in rolls.

Jelly rolls.

Dinner rolls, body rolls.

Happy birthday, Dem.

Come on, man,
I'm just being funny.

People love fat people
when they're being funny.

Your wife's probably
fucking hilarious.

Advil?

What the fuck was that?

I was drunk.

You know you got to go
over there and apologize.

Yeah, I know.

When did you become
so judgmental?

Jasmine is one of
the nicest women I know.

I thought you two would
hit it off and be friends.

I don't need you to, like,

matchmake friends for me,
Demetrius.

That's not what it's about.

Everybody need good people
to have around.

I get by fine on my own.

Look, chum, I know it's a bummer
being back here in Philly, but...

I'm here for you.

You're a good person,
Demetrius, but...

my life is what it is.

So, everything I did for you
was for nothing?

All those dance team shows I went
to and parent/teacher conferences?

Oh, oh, going to the store
at 10:00 p.m.

to buy tampons for you
meant nothing?

I guess I'm the idiot,
right?

I'm the stupid one.

Who withdrew my college application
to make sure you were okay,

because I wanted to help
make up for your mom.

And after all that, you still just
want to get through life alone.

How am I supposed to
fix that?

You got to let people in,
Brittany.

You think I don't see you hitting
"ignore" when people call you?

I'm embarrassed.

So, because you're embarrassed,
you're just gonna be an island?

That's your solution?

When your mom left your dad,
he was humiliated.

He was a puddle.

But you stroked his hair,

and you put paper towels
on your head

and danced around him
and made him laugh.

And every day, you'd wake up and do something
just like that 'cause you knew he needed you.

Your dad found happiness
because of that.

And I'm not gonna lie to you... if he would've
rejected that, he would've been a damn fool.

I used to do that?

Put paper towels
on my head and dance?

You still do that.

I'm serious. You did it on
Skype, like, three months ago.

The kids are still
talking about it.

You changing your life
and wanting to run this marathon

was never about your weight.

It was about you taking
responsibility for yourself.

I know.

You got to stop being mean.

Some people actually want
good things for you.

If someone wants
to support you...

I should let them.

Here you go.

I want to thank you for...

the lovely flowers
and the note.

But I want you
to know something.

I know your pain.

'Cause it was my pain, too.

I think about my body
every day.

I have my whole life.

But I decided
that even with my pain,

my fear, my self-judgment,

other people's judgments,
I wanted to be happy.

And I am.

Best wishes. Jasmine.

How are you guys?

Let's start there.
I feel like I never ask you that.

How are you doing?

Yeah.

There's a lot
to catch up on.

Yeah.

I mean, you guys did it.
So proud of you.

Saw the pictures and...

We reached out.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm just, um,
really fucked-up in life.

So is everyone.

We missed you,
Brittany.

Why does it say
you relapsed?

I didn't.

But it-it says that you did.

Mm.
I was... doing a shoot.

I fell. I broke my wrist.

This was months before
we started running.

And then the doctor
prescribed me oxycodone.

I took it.
I didn't tell my husband,

because he gets weird
about these things.

He found the bottle.

And he kept that
misleading trump card

in his back pocket
until last month.

You don't even have
visitation rights? No.

I'm just... I'm trying
really, really hard

to just focus on the things
that I can control,

so I started running a lot.

I stand up for myself in
mediation, but Marco's a fighter.

I... This divorce is,
like, killing me.

I mean, he pushed me out of the
house, and he's gonna keep pushing.

I haven't slept
in three weeks.

I just don't think
I can fight him anymore.

Your kids will never forgive
you if you give up on them.

I know.

This could take years.

Start with this one hearing,

and then you just take it
step by step.

Little goals.

Thank you.

Goddamn!
It's upsetting how good this is.

Like, it's so good.

I ate a dry salad for lunch to feel
okay about this. Mm. Delicious.

Yeah, it was, like, very dry.

Like, I looked like
a brontosaurus eating it.

You looked like a little brontosaurus?
Mm-hmm. I was like...

- Care to see a dessert menu?
- Uh, uh, fuck yes.

Yes, please.
Thank you.

So, I owe you an apology.
No, you don't.

Mm-mm. No apologies.
We're all good.

I just think we should celebrate
a fancy advertising lady.

It's just a coordinator position...
basically a glorified intern.

But...
the office is in Tribeca.

Ooh.
There's room for growth.

And I, uh... I'll be able
to get my own place.

You're really doing it.
Yeah.

Oh, my God, your Kickstarter
bird poncho video.

Oh, God, no. Why?

No, I thought the
idea behind it was hilarious.

I sent it to
my college professor,

and he basically said
he doesn't think

somebody like me
could even get into

the individualized study
school at NYU,

which is shocking because I
literally graduated from there.

Yeah. Well, that's...
You know, someone still...

Stop. Stop.
I'll stop talking.

Tonight
is about celebrating.

This is the part where I get
nervous 'cause I have to be honest.

Um...

I don't think
we should have sex anymore.

It's not the best thing
for me right now.

Okay. Yeah, I get that.

What if it was
more than sex?

Because we have, um...

I mean,
I think that if...

You... You're not making
eye contact with me.

I'm sorry.
Wow.

I try to
get my shit together,

and it's just one rejection
after another.

I get it.
Do you?

Yes. I very much get it.

I'm so sorry.

My whole life has changed
so much this past year,

and I'm just trying to take
responsibility for myself,

and I'm not at a place where I can
be responsible for someone else, too.

You don't need to be
responsible for me.

But I would want to be.

I-I would.

Okay. That's so nice.

We need to figure our shit
out, you know?

Can we be friends?

Gross.
I know.

Does it... Do you get sick
when you say it?

Yeah, I feel nauseous.
'Cause it hurts my ears.

- Could we be friends, though?
- Yuck.

Is there a world...
Yeah, sure.

In which we could be friends?
Yes.

Should've just told the Uber to
come right to the restaurant.

No, it's fine. It's fine.

I actually went to the
doctor this morning, and, uh,

he says I'll be able
to start training soon.

Are you crazy?
You still want to?

Yeah, I still want to.

I want to run the goddamn
New York City Marathon.

My whole life,
the world told me I was lazy

because of
the way I looked.

And I told myself
the same thing.

Fuck that.

I said I was gonna run
that race, and I'm going to.

Okay.

So, what now?

You're just gonna go home
and hang with Gretchen?

Oh, she moved in
with Terrence.

Oh.

You have the place
to yourself.

I could come over.

But you're not...
you're not going to.

I'm homeless.

Homeless?
Yes.

You have whatever couch
you've been sleeping on.

Oh.

That's me.

Bye, friend.

Hey.

Call me tomorrow?

Go on.

Hold it, please!

Thank you.

Runners!

On your mark!

One block.

Good morning, runners.

Welcome.

You are 50,000 strong,

from over 125 nations,

all 50 states,

all here at the crossroads
of the world.

Today, you are taking part
in something very special,

a day that
brings together people

from all walks of life,

all backgrounds
and beliefs,

all ages and ability.

Today,
the spirit of humanity

takes center stage.

Wakey, wakey.

Rise from your slumber.

Young one, rise.

And the spirit of humanity

has no borders,
only start lines.

So, welcome
to the start line

of the TCS
New York City Marathon.

It is raining out here.

A light drizzle.
It's perfect for you, right?

Loving it.
The runners are loving it.

This is where the marathon and
the party collide... the eight-mile mark.

They still have a lot
of pep in their step.

We still got a lot of...

Ah, that's what
I'm talking about!

And the elite athletes

are finding their stride in
the final paces of the race,

with over 50,000 runners
behind them

hoping to go the distance
themselves.

Are you hurt?

Are you okay?

It's just a cramp.

I've never run further...
further than 22 miles before.

Do you need a medic?
No, I'm good. I got this.

I just need a second.

Are you okay?

You want to leave the race?

You made it
a really long way.

I really wanted
to finish, though.

Do you need any help?

We should be able to find her.

- The app says she's right here.
- There she is!

- Go, Brittany!
- That's her!

- Go, Brittany!
- Come on, Britt!

Go! Keep running!

- Come on, you can do it!
- You can do this!

Come on, Brittany!

Go! You can do it!

- Come on!
- That's her!

Come on, Brittany!

Go, Brittany!

We love you, Brittany!

You got this. Go, Brittany.
You got this.

Go, Brittany!

Go, Brittany!
Go, Brittany!

Yes, Brittany! Go!

Whoo!
You can do it!

Yes! Brittany!

You're doing it!
You're doing it, Brittany!

Yes! Whoo!

I love you! Yeah!

She's gonna do it.

Okay.

Be back in 30.
Okay.

We got a big problem.
What?

I can't keep having sex
out of wedlock.

Oh, well,
that is a problem.

I guess we'll just go back
to not having sex, then.

Love you.

Are you...
Are you serious?

I'm not fucking
marrying anyone.

Love you.

♪ Praise cool ♪

♪ I'm sorry,
But there's no can do ♪

♪ My youth ain't tangled up
In bad decisions ♪

♪ Poor you, you thought You
could dictate the rules ♪

♪ Boo-hoo ♪

♪ Oh, my
The world's on fire ♪

♪ And maybe I'm just
Chasing rhymes ♪

♪ Taking is easy ♪

♪ And I don't care
Where it leads me, baby ♪

♪ Oh, my, the more I try ♪

♪ The closer I get
To wasting time ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Oh, na
Na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ Hot glam seems far away
From where I am, yeah ♪

♪ I can neither understand
it Nor demand it ♪

♪ Your tears
Don't shake my world ♪

♪ Like Britney Spears ♪

♪ She's fierce ♪

♪ Yeah, you're only 18 ♪

♪ With stomps to the beat ♪

♪ But a killing machine ♪

♪ With stomps to the beat ♪

♪ Drain the noise
Of the bullshit ♪

♪ Stomps to the beat ♪

♪ With stomps to the beat ♪

♪ With stomps
To the beat ♪

♪ Oh, my
The world's on fire ♪

♪ And maybe I'm just
Chasing rhymes ♪

♪ Taking is easy ♪

♪ And I don't care
Where it leads me, baby ♪

♪ Oh, my, the more I try ♪

♪ The closer I get
To wasting time ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ Oh, na
Na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ I can't praise your cool ♪

♪ There's just no can do ♪

♪ And it's that easy ♪

♪ Baby, can't you see ♪

♪ You got nothing on me ♪

♪ It's just that easy ♪

♪ Oh, my
The world's on fire ♪

♪ And maybe I'm just
Chasing rhymes ♪

♪ Taking is easy ♪

♪ And I don't care
Where it leads me, baby ♪

♪ Oh, my, the more I try ♪

♪ The closer I get
To wasting time ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Oh, na
Na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ Everybody loves
A number one ♪

♪ No one ever wants
To give you some ♪

♪ But everybody loves
A number one ♪