Bring It On: Again (2004) - full transcript

Like, wow. Like, crap.

Last year I was

a high school brat.

But now I'm here.

Hope I'm the one

you pick to cheer!

-Fantastic!

-I'm sorry. What?

Oh, nothing. Don't let me

slow you down. It's just,

Well, you're a surprise.



-How do you mean?

-You have great spirit.

But just a tad more volume,

if you would.

-I apologize.

-Continue.

Like, whoo. Like, whee.

I'm at the university.

I'm psyched. I'm here.

Hope I'm the one

you choose to cheer.

I yell real loud and make

the Stingers super proud!

Brilliant!



My dear, you are wonderful,

Cheer genius personified.

A real individual.

I'm joking, you spaz!

-Pardon me?

-That was a cheer?

That was the most boring,

unoriginal, biggest

piece of crap I've ever seen!

-You suck!

-[gasps]

[cackling]

[whimpering]

[cackling continues]

[screaming]

-Mom, where are we?

-Where are you, dear?

You finally made it.

You're in college.

[chattering]

Oh, man!

[techno music playing]

[hip-hop music playing]

C-Come on

The big game is just about

rockin'

[chattering]

Hi. Can you guys tell me

how to get to Bancroft Hall?

Hi. Can you tell me

how to get to,

Hi, girls.

Can you guys tell me

how to get to Bancroft,

Excuse me!

Hi. It's where some

of the cheerleaders

are staying.

Um, I'm trying out

for the team.

You girls don't cheer, do you?

First of all, it's women,

not girls.

-Oh.

-Second, um, we do

neo-modern ballet.

We don't wave pom-poms.

And third, we can't direct you

to Bancroft Hall,

because Nathaniel Bancroft

was a slave owner

and an imperialist!

Okay. Thanks.

Appreciate it.

-You're not giving up already,

are you?

-Monica!

[both giggling]

First day of college,

I'm already saving my roommate.

-You did not have to save me.

-I have been saving

your butt ever

since cheerleader camp.

Have not!

Really? I remember a time,

a spotter was out of position

and one of our cheerleaders,

was gonna do a face-plant.

-Who was that cheerleader

again?

-Okay. Okay. I get it.

[laughing] I think the score

is Monica, two.

Whittier, zero.

And, Bancroft Hall

is this way.

Did you know that

Nathaniel Bancroft

was a slave owner,

-and an imperialist?

-Our room has a ceiling fan.

[man] As well as paint

balloons, panty trees,

super-gluing faculty doors,

releasing lab animals,

and most important,

I'd like to remind you,

That if you must,

urinate,

please, do it in a toilet.

Do not, I repeat,

Do not urinate,

on an original manuscript

of The Canterbury Tales,

located in the school library.

-You writing this down?

-You'd think I wouldn't have

to say that.

The Nutcracker

is a patriarchal ballet.

Okay? The only good thing in

The Nutcracker are the rats,

and they die.

[grunting]

Shakespeare. Hamlet?

[chuckles sarcastically]

"Euripidie," Euri, Eur,

Euripides.

Lastly, we hope that

you take advantage

of the many extracurriculars,

here at the university.

Although I must report

we've had to cut funding,

to some of the more

non-essential programs,

on campus such

as the martial arts club,

the ballet society,

[gasps] Wha?

And the entire musical theater

department.

[man] That's a worthwhile

program!

Fortunately, we haven't

had to cut any money

from our two prized programs,

-The football team,

-That's right! [barking]

-Yeah!

-And, your seven-time,

defending collegiate champion

Stinger cheerleading squad!

-Yea!

-Let's hear it for our heroes!

[cheering continues]

[students chanting]

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Hey, everybody!

I'm Tina Hammersmith!

[excited squeal]

Y'all ready to rock

the body electric?

-Ahhh!

-Let's get this party started!

Five, six, seven, eight!

[techno pop playing]

[girl] Whoo!

[girl] Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

You go, girl!

[cheerleaders]

Two, three, four,

Stingers in the house!

We're on the attack!

-That's right!

-Got no extra fat!

-We don't eat Big Macs!

-It's gross!

-Step to us!

You might get smacked!

-[Tina] Whacked!

We got more game

than the man they call Shaq!

The moonwalk! The twist!

The shake and bake!

The what?

We can do it all right here

at State!

Strap yourself in

so your mind won't blow!

Sit back,

relax and enjoy the show!

What's wrong with you people?

Stop it!

Yeah! Stingers!

-This is terrible.

-What do you mean "terrible"?

-They're perfect.

-I know.

That's what's terrible.

They are perfect.

Speaking of perfect.

You ever checked out

your own ass?

-Whoa!

-Gross!

-Just pay him no mind.

-No. No. I think

we should pay him mind.

-I mean, this,

this man has a lot to say.

-I do.

-I have a lot to say.

-He's a unique individual.

-Very unique individual.

-With his own thoughts

and ideas.

My own thoughts. My own ideas.

-Who would never make

a fool of himself.

-Never ever,

make a fool of myself.

Even if he was blindly

mimicking whatever I said.

-Even if I was blindly...

-[laughs]

Hey, punk. Be watchin' you.

Smart guy.

-Thank you.

-No problem.

Belly ring? No belly ring?

It's a cheerleading tryout.

They're going to be looking

at your moves,

-not your body jewelry.

-Oh, I know.

But here's my theory,

if they concentrate

on my belly,

they won't recognize

if I mess up on my back

handsprings.

Whit, you're not gonna mess up.

I've seen your cheer skills.

They're for real.

Maybe for high school,

but this is college.

And in college

you have to be the poo.

Well, that shaggy boy

at orientation

sure thought you were the poo.

[giggles]

He was all on you like ugly

on an Osbourne.

Him?

You think?

He did smile at me.

Mm-hmm.

But I can't lose

my concentration. I've really

got to focus on tomorrow.

I got to work on my cheer

moves. Hit it, girl.

[rock music playing]

[giggling]

Before we begin,

I want you to know

that just by trying out today,

you're already a winner.

[giggling]

Unless, of course, you get cut.

In which case,

technically you're a loser.

[clears throat]

-[camera whirs]

-So, go for it.

Okay, I'll start with

a simple aerial.

No, I was thinking more

of a front handspring,

back handspring,

front handspring,

back handspring,

back handspring,

front handspring,

back handspring,

Okay! Give me an "S-S."

Give me a "T-R." Err!

[man rapping]

[indistinct]

[rapping continues]

That was awesome.

So, do you got any good cheers?

-I got something for ya.

I got a little shout out.

-You got a what?

I got to give a shout out to

all my people, baby! Whoo!

I'm flossin'! You can't see me.

I got the ice.

It's just blindin' ya!

Peace, and I'm out!

Back handspring,

front handspring, cartwheel,

back handspring, cartwheel,

[continues]

Give me an "S-S."

Give me a "T-R."

I just screwed up again!

Dang it! I can't believe it!

No!

Just kill me right now! Bam!

Haha! Please?

Front handspring, cartwheel,

back handspring, back

handspring, cartwheel,

Ooh.

-Ohh, yeah!

-Oh, my God.

Thanks for coming.

[camera whirs]

And lastly, Smith, comma,

Whittier.

-Okay. So,

-Wait.

-What is it?

-That thing.

That shiny offensive thing,

midsection.

-Oh, that's my belly ring.

-Lose it immediately.

Okay. Sorry.

[scoffs]

[ring rattles]

[rolls across floors]

[Whittier] Okay.

-Um.

-[clattering]

-Okay. Are you ready?

-How about, are you ready?

I think so.

Here I go! Hit it!

[up-tempo scratch mix playing]

[panting]

-How's that?

-Thank you.

-[woman] Sheila.

-[Tina] Too fat.

-Kenny.

-Too dorky.

-Brenda.

-[together] Psycho!

-Cindy.

-Snaggletooth.

-Carol-Ann.

-Eczema.

It's called lotion.

-Theo.

-Too gay!

-Patrick?

-Not gay enough.

[chuckles] And finally,

Whittier.

-She's okay.

-Okay?

Marni, she's future head

cheerleader material.

Memo, pink ink, we already

have our

future head cheerleader. Hi.

[chuckles] The only difference

being, she's cute.

Yeah, she's cute the way

a smushed-up bug on the bottom

of your shoe is cute.

Oh, and excuse me.

Did you see her blond hair?

So fake!

[scoffs]

Well, if that's not the pot

calling the kettle blond.

Ohh! I was,

I was born with dark roots.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, anyway,

I'd be all over her.

-You know,

if she had a schwinger.

-Maybe she does.

[Tina] Enough!

You two bitches can catfight

all night long, but I'm the one

that makes the decisions here.

Until I do, you're dismissed.

Leave me.

Ow! [coughs]

-No time for rest, cherub.

-Dean Sebastian.

-I didn't know you were here.

-I've been here six hours.

Saw every last peppy pigtail

that passed through this place.

-Pretty ugly, huh? [chuckles]

-Some were ugly.

Some were hideous.

While others were sublime.

I'm talking about State's

next head cheerleader.

Smith, comma, Whittier.

Whittier can't be head

cheerleader next year.

-She's just a freshman.

-She's just good is

what she is.

But the head cheerleader spot

is reserved for Marni.

Tina!

The State cheerleading squad

has won,

seven consecutive national

titles,

which over that time has

tripled alumni donations,

and allowed me the life

to which I am accustomed.

Just last year, I upgraded,

from an '88 Jetta

to a 2003 Passat.

-Wow.

-I'm not about to throw

all that away,

over some brown-nosing

mediocrity named Marni.

Whittier might have

what it takes,

but she's awfully raw.

That, dear,

is why you must mold her.

Shape her.

Twist her like Silly Putty.

If you make her half as great

as you are,

the national title

will stay here

for years to come.

-Remember the school motto,

-Whatever it takes.

-I can't hear you.

-[stamps floor]

Whatever it takes!

Welcome to the team.

[Whittier squealing]

Welcome to the team.

[girls squealing]

Welcome to the,

Oh, uh, this is a size four.

Is that gonna be too small

for you? Kidding!

Kidding! Get outta here.

Welcome to the team.

Wait! This isn't a uniform.

These are towels.

You're very perceptive,

aren't you?

But aren't I on the team?

Of course you're on the team.

As a towel girl.

It's an honor.

How is it an honor?

[incredulous chuckle]

Say there is no towel girl.

Say Greg hoists Tina

up into a cupie,

and there is no one

to towel off his sweaty hands.

Tina slips. Tina falls and,

and lands on her spinal cord,

and she spends the rest

of her life doing watercolors

with her teeth.

Do you want that to happen?

I guess not.

Hmm.

I didn't think so.

[chattering]

Man, these colors are hype!

I am never taking this off.

-Even after you're dead

in the ground?

-Totally.

-[both laughing]

-[locker door slams]

Congratulations,

my little pumpkins.

You have now joined

the best of the best

of the best.

Here's Marni with some

light reading.

Now, study those rule books and

wear those uniforms with pride.

People have given their ankles,

ligaments, collarbones,

in service to those

very uniforms you have on

your taut little bodies.

'Cause from here on out

you must be

the "bomb diggity."

You must eat leaner,

train meaner, jump higher,

yell louder and out-pep anyone

who stands in your way.

You must brush better,

floss better, lather,

rinse and repeat better,

In other words,

you must be better

in every aspect of your life.

Are you ready for all that?

Whittier?

Uh. Uh. Uh,

[up-tempo pop rock plays]

-I'm gonna

catch you guys later.

-All right.

Is, [clears throat]

Is everything okay up there?

Again. Four, five, six,

seven, eight.

Is everything okay up there?

Hey, you're the orientation

guy!

Yeah, Orientation Guy

is my given name.

But, um, it's not my real name.

My friends call me Derek.

Well, hi, Derek. I'm Whittier.

Whittier? I like it.

It's nice.

Thank you.

-You want to do something

illegal?

-What?

Do you want to

do something illegal?

[man] Shut up!

Uhh. Okay.

Really?

What kind of girl are you?

[laughs] Stop!

Whoa!

[grunts]

No way. No.

You're a cheerleader.

You get thrown three stories

in the air every day.

Tina would kill me

if I sprained an ankle.

-Who's Tina?

-Our head cheerleader.

She's got rules against this

kind of thing.

It's all in the manual.

And you've gotta

follow the rules.

Well, do you see Tina

anywhere around here?

No.

[giggles]

[Derek groaning]

[Whittier] Sorry. Are you okay?

Are we allowed to be in here?

2:00 a.m.'s the only good time

to swim.

The rest of the time,

I'm working.

Where?

Well, I do work-study

in the cafeteria.

Part-time in an audio store.

Full-time as a student.

And the rest of the time

as a mix-master.

What's a mix-master?

It's a turn-tablist.

What's a turn-tablist?

It's a DJ.

I knew that.

[both laughing]

Oh, hey. I'm not into you

like that. I,

No, I didn't, I,

[both laughing]

-Well, then I'm leaving.

I'm out.

-Okay. Fine. Fine.

It's over.

Okay. Well, okay, [laughs]

Why do you work so much?

I work so much,

because my dad wouldn't pay my

tuition unless

I declared premed.

And you didn't want

to be a doctor, so...

So, I work.

Well, you know what they say

about men who work too hard.

They become tired, boring,

and in the process they lose

all their spontaneity.

Derek, are you tired?

No. You're boring! [giggling]

You are boring.

-Boring, my ass!

-[squeals]

-Whoo!

-[laughs]

God, you look great

under water.

Well, did I tell you

I'm a cheerleader?

[laughs] Yeah.

I think we covered that.

Did we talk about

your 10,000 part-time jobs?

Yeah. I think a while back.

Oh.

Well, was there anything else

that we needed to cover?

Well, there was

one thing I wanted to.

[whimpers]

I gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait.

Don't you want to stay and,

you know, swim a little more?

I think my roommate might be

getting worried about me.

Why would she be worried?

Because you're turning me

into a criminal.

Whit, Whittier,

I could get hypothermia

without you here!

[yells]

And five, six, seven, eight!

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight!

One!

Girls, put your hands

on your hips.

Suzy, how about suckin'

in the arm flab?

Thank you.

Claire, sweetie,

two eyebrows

are better than one.

Think I gave you the memo.

Oh, my God! Monica!

Time for some damage control

on that ass!

For a minute there,

I thought I was looking

at a Hefty Bag

full of chili dogs! Ha!

Greg! How about

the happy cheer face

now, huh?

This is my happy cheer face.

That's not a happy smile!

That's a hate smile.

[whispers] Is it that obvious,

-bitch?

-All right. Pop-off on two.

One, two and, down.

[grunting]

[snickering]

[Tina] Five, six, seven, eight!

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, again!

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, again!

One, two, three, four,

You suck so much,

I can't stand you! Again!

Go! Faster, faster, faster,

faster, faster!

Come on, you Sasquatch!

Let's go!

Come on, Monica!

Show me a herkie! Let's see it!

Let's see it! What is that?

Push. Push! [grunting]

-[straining]

-This weight is a car,

and it is pressed on top

of your mother!

Lift it off your mom!

[screaming] Lift it off her!

Lift it off her!

-Too late. She's dead.

-[whimpers]

[Tina] What is this,

a bowl of Jell-O

I'm looking at?

Whit, that water is not

from the French Alps!

Down for 10,

and six and seven and eight!

[grunting]

[cries out]

You guys are looking

so great today.

[chuckles]

I'm just kidding.

You look like crap.

All right, Monica and Whittier,

get ready

for a pop-off on four.

Hey, you wanna do a cradle

off the back?

You want to?

Yeah.

Ready? One, two, three, four.

[giggling]

What the hell was that?

I asked for a simple pop-off!

Was that a simple pop-off?

I'm very curious to know,

Monica.

Was that or was that

not a pop-off?

Settle down, Tina.

We were giving the routine

a little flavor,

a little individuality.

A little flavor?

A little individuality?

[laughs] Missy, you are

no longer an individual.

All right?

You are a very small,

little minute part,

Of a very big-ass machine!

And that machine

has my name on it.

You got it?

We're sorry.

Not good enough, Whittier.

Meet me in my office. 0800.

Is that the address?

She's waiting for you.

Come on, this way.

Tina, I'm really sorry about

what happened in practice.

Shut the door.

Did you know that, um,

George W. Bush was

a cheerleader in college?

Actually, I did.

Ronald Reagan

was also a cheerleader.

So was Dwight D. Eisenhower.

The three greatest presidents

of the last 200 years,

all cheerleaders.

Was Ronald Reagan

really one of the top three?

Top 40. My point is this.

From great cheerleaders

come even greater leaders.

You may be a great cheerleader,

Whittier,

but you are not a great leader.

I know,

and I'm really trying hard.

See these portraits

on the wall?

A 98-year tradition

of cheerleading

excellence at CSC.

Starting back

with the remarkable

Margaret Whiting in 1938.

What's she doing?

An arabesque.

You can't tell

under the hoopskirt.

All the way up to the fantastic

Hammersmith dynasty of today.

These are your sisters?

Yep.

They're all part

of a grand legacy

with no end in sight.

That last empty frame right

there is reserved,

for the head cheerleader

who will take our place,

our next leader.

Marni.

It could be Marni. [chuckles]

Or it could be Greg. Whoo.

Or as I've been

thinking lately,

it could be you.

Yeah, right.

I'm serious, Whittier.

But I completely messed up

in practice.

I thought you called me in here

to kick me off the team.

Oh, I haven't totally ruled

that out yet.

I don't know.

I just expect more out

of you than the others.

Certainly more than

your friend, Monica.

Monica was just messing around.

Wait till game day.

She'll be perfect.

Oh, really? She's gonna

be great on game

day? Monica is a sinking ship!

To be a great cheerleader

you have to make sacrifices.

And I suggest you start

with her.

Do you mean not being friends

with her?

'Cause we're roommates.

Listen, sweetie.

Being head cheerleader

is a privilege you should

very much want.

I mean, [chuckles]

students have posters of me

on their walls.

They pay hundreds of dollars,

320 to be exact,

just to get my number.

They raffle off the right

to carry

my books to class. [laughs]

[chuckling] It's so silly.

Foreign exchange students

literally

beg to do my homework,

Straight A's.

All this could be yours.

You could be the greatest thing

on this campus,

The next me. [chuckles]

Whoa.

But I don't know.

It's all a question of how bad

you really want it.

I mean, for starters,

you're gonna have to shine

at the home opener

this weekend.

Literally millions

will be watching you.

But most importantly,

I will be watching you.

I'm tired now.

Handing out all those towels

has made my arms

feel like soggy Jell-O.

I'm too tired to point out

how dumb that sounds.

-Hey, guys.

-[gasps]

Hey, Britney Spaz.

[giggles] Why are you so happy?

Didn't Tina just rip

you a new,

I can't say what.

Actually, and, ladies,

please keep this a secret,

Tina told me that

if I work really hard,

and I play my cards right,

I could become

head cheerleader.

Congratulations, Whittier!

Yeah, that's great!

You're not bummed, are you?

No. I don't want

to be head cheerleader.

I'm just flossin' my moves

until I make it as a dancer

on J.Lo's next tour.

I've been meaning

to talk to you about that.

What?

Tina made a lot of sense

in practice the other day.

There is a big difference

between individual

dance moves and, Oh, my gosh!

What?

There's over 680 calories

in that. Not to mention

35 grams of saturated fat.

That must've been

a real special talk

you had with Tina back there.

Too bad your Jedi mind tricks

couldn't fend

off the dark side of the force.

Monica, if you want

to be the bomb diggity,

you have got to act like

the bomb diggity,

and Tina is the bomb diggity!

Did she just say,

"bomb diggity"

three times in one sentence?

[crowd cheering]

[P.A.Announcer] Your halftime

score is Stingers, 17.

Willowcrest, nine.

[Monica] No, I'm serious.

We're the ones with

all the pressure.

Pressure? No, girly, you don't

know what real pressure is!

You see, I got to go out there

first. Just me.

Solo. And if these

50,000 people don't

buy into the whole illusion

of who I am

and what I represent,

you guys are toast!

Aren't you just a big bug?

Correction!

I am a hunting wasp,

of the order hymenoptera,

with a deadly

venomous ovipositor!

Do you know what that is?

Well, I'll tell ya!

It's a deadly stinger, bitch!

Bug!

Stay in the zone, Sammy.

You stay in the zone.

Chest out! Ponytail, no.

Up-do, yes.

Sweetie, no double earrings.

You're a State cheerleader,

not a State hooker.

[mimicking beatbox]

♪ Go, go, go, Stingers ♪

[beatbox]

♪ Go-go, go-go-go

Uh-oh, the Stingers ♪

Remember, Whit.

Head cheerleader.

What do you mean

"head cheerleader"?

I'm the next head cheerleader.

I am!

Focus on the performance.

-I am not gonna focus

on the performance!

-Focus!

No, I'm not gonna focus!

I won't!

I don't mean that.

Please don't hate me!

Tina, please don't hate me!

Hey, I don't hate you, Marni.

Shut up!

[beatbox]

♪ Sammy ♪

[beatbox]

♪ Here comes Sammy ♪

[P.A.Announcer]

Ladies and gentlemen,

we ask you

to turn your attention

to the multi-champion...

Show time.

...Stinger cheerleaders

and their "Stingtacular"

halftime show!

Yeah! Come on! Let's go!

Let's get it on, Stingers!

Number one!

Number one! Yeah!

[P.A.Announcer]

Ladies and gentlemen,

say hello to Sammy Stinger,

and your Stinger cheerleaders!

Let's go, Stingers! Whoa!

[man] Hit it!

[techno pop playing]

♪ Turn the beat back

Come on, turn the beat back ♪

♪ Turn the beat back ♪

♪ Come on

Turn the beat back ♪

♪ Come on, turn the beat back

Turn the beat back ♪

♪ Come on, turn the beat back

Come on, turn the beat back ♪

♪ Turn the beat back ♪

♪ Free, free

Free-free-free ♪

Let's go, Stingers!

[crowd cheering]

-[all] Stingers!

-[cheering]

Let's go, Stingers!

Let's go, Stingers!

[all] Ohh! Ho-ho!

Go back! Go back!

Let's see it again!

Go, Stingers!

[laughing]

One more time. One more time.

Tina, she's here.

Hey, baby.

[crowd] Way to go, Whittier!

[man shouting] Hey, Whittier!

Hi.

Whittier, right?

Jackson. Senior,

with the Boxster out front?

I was wondering if--

We just saw the video,

and we were like,

"That is the shizzle,"

and we--

Okay, okay, okay.

You two, hands off.

This is my party,

my cheerleader.

So, great facial on TV today.

Sticking your tongue out

on camera,

totally inspired.

You think?

O.M.G, it was T.D.F., F.Y.I.

Whittier, this is Todd.

Starting wide receiver, 6'1",

3.2 G.P.A., runs a 4.6 forty.

4.5 forty.

[both laughing]

-How ya doin'?

-Uh, good. [gasps]

And it just doesn't happen.

He said he was a good listener.

Hi, Marni.

Would you like an appetizer?

But he wasn't a good listener.

[indistinct with mouth full]

Here. How about a towel?

[continuous talking]

[grunts]

I'm sorry!

Sorry.

Would you like an appetizer?

This is why I go to the trouble

of hosting all these parties.

So guys like you can mingle

with girls like you.

So mingle. Blaine!

Eh, really nice touchdown

catch today.

Homeboy didn't want to play

the rest of the game.

Got taken off on a stretcher.

The quarterback's

all staring at me.

I'm like, "Oh, boy, I'm gonna

hit you so hard, your mama's

gonna feel it!" Right?

We broke from the huddle,

Hi, Whittier.

Would you like an appetizer?

I'm okay. Thank you.

How about a towel?

Then they motioned into a slot.

That's when I knew

the running back

was gonna do an up-and-under

pattern behind the linebacker.

And he's--

You know, that's,

Great, really.

Do you mind if

for the next minute,

we talk about something other

than football?

Uh, I'm sorry. It's my bad.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

So, Tina, um,

tells me you're a "C" cup.

[people chattering]

Oh, dude, check out

the brunette. Sweet!

Yeah, she's hot.

She was not gonna be

head cheerleader. And...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Check out the blond right

over there.

-Where? Where?

-The dude right over there.

What do you mean, "dude"?

-Hey, you know what?

-The one with the great legs!

I bet he could leg-press

a mule.

Oh, man!

What? Oh, you,

you didn't know?

Listen.

I got nothin' against

your kind of people.

It's just football rules.

I gotta kick your ass now.

That sounds like a party.

You should know, though,

I bench-press 220.

Whatever, dude. 235.

Can we talk? Now?

-Pardon us.

-Thank you.

Yo! Dewey!

Okay, let's blow this joint.

-Mon, Mon, Mon. Don't go yet.

-Whit!

We cheered

on national television.

This is our coming-out party.

Blue!

Hey, excuse me.

Uh, I'm looking for a girl

named Whittier.

She's about yea tall.

She's blond, super-cute.

Well, look who it is,

smart guy.

Why don't you say

something smart, smart guy?

Yeah, okay. How about something

foreign and exotic like adios.

Hey, don't. Chill, big guy!

[scoffs]

God!

Besides, there are some

good people here too, and

they're here to celebrate us!

Yeah, they want

to celebrate all over us.

[gasps] Derek!

-Hey, Monica.

-Hi, hottie.

-I didn't think you were

gonna make it.

-Yeah.

How'd you get past

the goon squad?

Guile, cunning, cowardice.

[chuckles]

[coos]

You, scruffy boy.

Out. This party is exclusivo.

No, it's okay. He's with me.

We're together.

Who's he?

This is Derek. He's a DJ.

[laughs]

There are, like,

10,000 hot varsity

football players inside,

and you're snuggling up

to a DJ?

How edgy.

What's wrong with a DJ?

Honey, oh. There's a logical

order to the college universe,

and the sooner you learn it,

the better.

See, way up here

at the top of the ladder

are football players.

-Right.

-They rule.

Just underneath them

are basketball players.

Smaller biceps

but still desirable.

Then, soccer hunks,

lacrosse studs,

fraternity presidents.

Ohh, Fraternity keg-masters,

guys with cars

with parking passes,

guys with cars without

parking passes,

kind of a waste of time,

-[man] Love your dress, Tina!

-Black Student Union

activists,

Hey! Bruce Lee fan clubbers,

lit-mag squares,

pep-band dorks,

um, film society toads,

campus ministers,

school mascots,

and then, God, all the way

at the bottom,

are campus DJ's.

One spot above cafeteria

workers.

Actually, I work

at the cafeteria too.

Oh, do you?

Tsk. That's hopeless.

Listen, Whit.

Remember our little "discush"

the other day?

You have to decide,

are you with us,

or are you with him?

I'm sorry.

Derek, I...

Oh, I get it. Yeah.

-Oops.

-But, I'll call you!

I can't believe

you just did that!

Oh, she did the right thing.

She stuck with the winners.

Excuse me? You think

you're a winner because

you got a bunch of idiots,

Up your bomb diggity butt?

Excuse me?

Whittier!

-Are you coming?

-Yeah.

[Tina] What are you looking at?

-[woman] What's her problem?

-[man] Drama queen.

So Doc says if I sprain

my hip-flexor one more time,

I can kiss my herkie good-bye.

-Hey, you guys.

-Hey.

Greg, can you help me

stretch my hamstrings?

Yeah.

[snapping fingers]

-Look, about the party--

-On your feet.

Practice has started.

Today we're gonna work

on manners and respect.

Because some of you don't know

how to behave

at a team function.

Some of you don't show proper

manners to a head cheerleader.

Some of you don't show respect

to the concept of team unity.

Come on.

Oh, good! Monica.

We'll start with you.

-[woman] Here we go.

-What do you got?

Front handspring round-off,

back handspring toe touch.

[synthesized pop]

-Stop the music!

-[stops]

Is that all you got?

-And again!

-[resumes]

Round-off back handspring,

back tuck.

-Music stop!

-[stops]

And again!

Herkie!

Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!

Herkie! Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!

Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!

[Monica groans]

Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!

No one touch her!

[stops]

I'm not done with you yet,

Monica!

To be a real cheerleader--

Tina, why don't you

give it a rest?

Not now, Greg!

I said give it a rest!

[exhales] Okay. All right.

[sighs] You're right.

I should, I should,

I should give it a rest.

Whittier, call out the steps.

What, me?

You heard me.

That's what leaders do.

-But Monica--

-Call out the steps.

Call them out!

No!

Listen, freshman.

I put you in that uniform,

and I can take you

right out of it!

Call the steps,

or you're off the team.

Then I'm off the team.

Wh-What?

-[nervous giggle]

-You heard me. I quit!

I quit too.

That's right. I quit too.

Greg, you'll lose your

cheerleading scholarship.

That's right! I'm stayin' here,

but under a cloud of shame.

Tina.

You can have this back

because it's supposed

to show team spirit.

It's supposed to make us

feel proud,

but I just feel guilty

and stupid!

So you can have your skirt

and your spankies and your top.

I'm out of here!

I need this to get home.

I'll bring it back

when it's dry-cleaned.

[mouths words]

Bye, Miss Bomb Diggity.

[huffs] She'll be back.

She's not coming back!

[sighs]

It's only Whittier.

Ice cream, Super Fudge Chunk.

-No!

-Ice cream!

-All right!

-Stupid.

[spectators yelling]

[cheering]

-Hey.

-Hey.

[woman] Run! Run! All right,

take home! Take home!

[groans]

Our team sucks!

Whittier, quit worrying

about the game,

and enjoy the sunshine.

The sun sucks.

Whittier, don't you know

that the sun

is nature's Prozac?

Do you really think

the sun is gonna make me

feel better

about giving up

the most important thing

in my life?

No, but I'm out of real Prozac,

so you're gonna have to deal.

I ruined my career

as a cheerleader.

I ruined my relationship

with Derek.

I could've had a boyfriend.

I ruined my entire life!

Yeah, I feel better.

Anyone want to hit the library?

Ooh, I'll go with.

This place is starting

to weird me out anyway.

Women's softball,

I just don't get it.

[chuckles] Whittier,

it'll be okay.

I know. Thank you.

You'll be fine, girl!

Trust me.

[woman] Come on.

Let's go, Stingers.

[yelling]

[cheering]

[grunts]

[woman] Nice job.

Nice way to take the base.

[woman] Batter up!

[rhythmic hissing]

[bell tolling in distance]

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

[subdued cheering]

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!

We got Stinger spirit!

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!

-What's going on?

-We got Stinger spirit!

[clapping]

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!

[all] We got Stinger spirit!

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit!

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit.

Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.

We got Stinger spirit!

[cheering]

[woman] Yeah.

-[whistle blows]

-Yes!

Number one! Number one!

[all cheering]

Let's go, Stingers! Let's go!

[cheering continues]

Those are my girls!

Go, Stingers!

[man] Whoa! Whoa!

Monica! Monica!

I got it!

You got,

you got what?

We're gonna

start our own squad.

-Oh, shut up.

-No, no. I'm serious.

Our own squad.

New and improved.

-Shut up!

-No. For real! Come on!

Let's go!

Are you sure you put

the audition time on the flyer?

Yes.

Okay, because it was an hour

and a half ago.

I put the time on there.

Okay. Well, what color paper

did you use?

I already told you.

Lemon yellow.

You should have used

wild berry pink.

Wild berry pink always

gets people to show up.

Why are you all up

in my grille?

Do you see me asking

what color markers

you used for the big signs?

Black and gold.

With glitter?

No.

Whit, what is a sign

without glitter?

That is why nobody showed up!

-[distant chattering]

-Shh. Shh.

[chattering continues]

Do you hear that?

Someone's coming.

You ladies ready for my dope?

I don't know what that was.

Our new-and-improved squad

lasted exactly 97 minutes.

Don't give up yet.

I mean, maybe we'll find

some talent.

Where? All the cheerleaders

on campus

are already cheerleaders.

Then I don't know.

It's not like we're gonna run

into a group of people

just spontaneously

shouting out cheers.

[people shouting cheers]

[cheering continues]

-Yes!

-[man] What do we want?

[crowd] Justice!

When do we want it?

[all] Now!

[man] And how will we get it?

By standing

outside the dean's office,

[voices overlapping]

Sorry, what?

I have no idea

what you just said.

Who in the hell

are these people?

It's the extracurricular

groups,

the ones that lost their

practice space when the dean

took away their funding.

Justice!

Man, they got jacked.

And how will we get it?

By standing outside

the dean's office...

[voices overlapping]

You guys suck.

First of all, I want

to thank you guys all

for coming here today to this,

what's the word I'm looking

for? Hi.

Shit-hole?

Thanks.

It's the only place that

we could find to meet.

So, anyway...

[insect buzzing]

...today we're starting

a new cheerleading club

on campus.

Why cheerleading, you say?

Because cheerleading is fun.

And it fosters school spirit.

And it also keeps you

physically fit.

So, what do you guys say?

Are you ready to cheer?

Yeah!

Yes?

Most of my pieces

involve anguish

as a theme.

Do you have any cheers

about anguish?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Well, we have one that

goes like this. Ready?

Okay!

[both] That's all right!

That's okay!

So that one kind of addresses

the issue of anguish, kind of.

But other than that,

not really.

[clears throat]

What about soliloquies?

Well, we don't really have--

And what about accents?

Because I am the master

of accents.

No. See, what we do

is cheerleading.

-Then I'm out.

-Me too.

No, no, no. Hold on because...

Hold on for one second.

Wait, you guys.

-Something Whittier forgot--

-Hey. Wait.

Something Whittier forgot

to tell you all is

if we're good, we can

go to nationals.

Now, if we go to nationals,

we could win.

If we win, we get a check

for $20,000.

Now, Penelope,

you could use that money

to rent rehearsal space.

And, Francis,

you could mount up

a production of Godspell

where everyone

has a French accent.

Interesting.

Plus, we're gonna be

a real squad too.

On our squad, you're gonna

be able to

do whatever you want,

you're going to be able

to do your own thing.

And if we're good,

we can stamp out the varsity

cheerleading squad once

and for all.

-Where do we sign up?

-Right over there.

Oh, yeah.

Girl, I've been saving you

ever since cheerleader camp.

You did not have to save me.

-I think the score is now

Whittier, zero.

-Monica, three.

Thanks.

[giggling] Come on, silly.

This is so "ridic."

Do they actually think

they're a real cheer squad now?

They're real cheerleaders

in the same way that

Joan Rivers has a real face.

We have to crush them.

We have to take their heads

and grind them into the mud,

and then stomp on their backs

and then drive over them

with a Jeep Cherokee S.U.V.

Marni, geez. Take a pill

of the chill variety, okay?

[scoffs] We don't need

to do anything.

We cannot have a competing

spirit squad on campus, Tina.

Trust me, they won't be

a threat to us.

They're nothing

but a support group

for rejects and losers.

Besides, [chuckles]

how 'bout that practice space?

[both chuckling]

[gagging]

And right, left, clap.

Right, clap. Left, clap.

Come on, you guys.

Step left. Step right.

A little bit tighter, Penelope.

-Little bit tighter.

-Stand back, woman.

I need at least a three

to five-foot radius,

Oh, my.

[rock music playing]

♪ When I rock like this

Rock like this ♪

♪ When I rock like this

When I rock like this

it's rhythm ♪

Roll. Roll.

♪ Rock like this

Rock like this ♪

♪ When I rock like this

When I rock like this

it's rhythm ♪

Follow me.

Good. Now try three claps

into a high "V."

[groans]

[all gasping]

-Okay, guys. And five, six,

seven, eight.

-[whimpering]

Grab one, two, Down,

Three, four, Up, Five, six.

Good.

-[Whittier] Okay, stand up now.

Good.

-[Monica] Stand up. Yeah.

Can you guys just turn around?

Yeah. Face us.

[Whittier] Hold your stomach.

Squeeze your butt.

-Don't look down. No, no, no.

-Good. Good. Great.

[groaning] Catch me!

[crash]

Okay. This is a basic pyramid.

-Matthew, you'll take the wing

position here.

-Yeah.

Got it.

Penelope, you're gonna swing

around here,

And start your stunt there,

okay?

I can't be an "O."

You can't be an "O"?

O's represent emptiness.

And by making me an "O,"

you're calling me empty.

That's insane. Okay?

Uh, O's don't represent

emptiness.

They represent hugs.

And X's are kisses.

Everyone knows that.

[scoffs]

[Whittier]

Up. Up. Lock your legs.

-Good.

-Yes! Tighter.

♪ When I rock like this ♪

[continues]

Double base extension. Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight.

[both] One, two and three,

four. Up.

-Good job. Bring in the legs.

-[Monica] Okay. You got it.

Don't look down.

-Don't look down.

-No, no, no, no.

Hey. You know, I think I,

[groans]

♪ Rock like this

Rock like this

Rock like this ♪

♪ When I rock like this

Rock like this

When I rock like this ♪

♪ Rock like this

When I rock like this

Rock like this ♪

♪ Rock like this

Rock like this

Rock, rock, rock, rock ♪

♪ R-R-R-R-R-R-Rock ♪

[rock music playing]

[knocking]

What's up, girl?

So what's going on?

What?

I said, "What's going--"

Sorry.

♪ Sometimes ♪

What?

♪ I wake up early

To say good-bye ♪

What's going on?

Oh, not much. How 'bout you?

Well, we have this

new cheerleading squad.

-Yeah. So I heard.

-And we're improving.

We're just missing something.

We don't have any rhythm.

You know, no backbeat to help

us bring it all together.

But if we had a great DJ...

[continues]

Look, I got three jobs,

this radio gig,

two advanced lit classes,

I know it would mean

a lot to Whittier.

[music continues]

Look, she feels really bad

about what happened.

She's looking for a way

to reconnect with you.

[music ending]

Hold on. I gotta intro

this next tune.

That, my friends,

was the bitchin' sound

of The Promise Ring.

This next track is dedicated

to all the guys out there

whose hearts have been

ripped out of their chests

and devoured for breakfast

by cute, peppy, social-climbing

blond girls.

Give me a "Hey." Give me

a "Ho." Give me a "I don't know

you anymore."

I know it sucks.

What was your question?

Forget it.

[man singing]

[indistinct]

[continues]

Dear Lord, help us kick

almighty ass today

in our debut as a spirit squad.

Help us to perform the double

back handspring into

a back tuck as majestically

as your only son Jesus would.

This is a big sporting

event for us.

Guide us in leading

this team to victory.

Bring it in.

One, two, three!

[all] Renegades!

Come on. Croquet.

-[cheering]

-[clapping]

[Francis] Croquet! Yes!

Come on! Croquet! Let's go!

Let's go, croquet!

That's right!

[cheering continues]

[man] Yeah. Come on, cricket!

-Ready? Okay!

-Okay!

[all] That's all right.

It's croquet. We're gonna...

[voices overlapping]

Come on! Come on!

Yeah! Let's go! Yeah!

-Croquet!

-Number one!

[Whittier]

Let's go, croquet! Let's go!

That's right, croquet!

Let's go!

[man] Whoo! Yeah! Let's do it.

All right.

[Whittier] Let's go, croquet!

Let's go!

[all cheering]

[cheering continues]

[man] Hit that ball!

Hit that ball!

Take that ball and hit it.

What I say? Now whack it.

Yeah, now that's the ticket.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

[voices overlapping]

Croquet! Come on!

Is, uh, all this noise

bothering you, pal?

The noise I can take.

It's the suckiness

that bothers me.

[sighs]

[rock music playing]

[vehicle approaching]

[rock music continues]

♪ Hit it ♪

♪ Hit, hit ♪

Let's hit it!

[Whittier] Five, six, seven,

eight.

[Monica] Five, six, seven,

eight.

♪ Tell me what we need ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

♪ Tell me what we breathe ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

♪ Tell me what we bleed ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

♪ Tell me what we need ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

♪ Tell me what we breathe ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

♪ Tell me what you see ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

♪Tell me what we need ♪

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

Hell, yeah!

♪ Stinger pride

Stinger pride ♪

[cheering]

[cheering continues]

[cheering continues]

Cola beverage, diet.

Wipe the spittle.

They look foolish. I mean,

really.

What do they have?

They have enthusiasm.

So do we!

And they have the love

of the crowd. Do we?

-Don't even think that thought.

-I'm just saying.

And I'm just saying,

A person goes against his team,

and he could lose his

cheerleading scholarship.

Let's go. We've got work to do.

[Tina] Now, Greg!

[bell tolling]

That herkie into a cupie

just before we spread

the rubber with it,

that was almost as moving

as the helicopter landing

in Miss Saigon.

Yeah. I, I know. For a moment

there, at the end...

Yeah!

...when we won, I experienced

an emotion,

that I can only describe

as moderate happiness.

How did you know where

we were gonna be?

You told him?

-Whittier, zero.

-Monica, four.

Thanks.

Your, uh, squad, is gonna have

a real tough time

winning nationals,

when, technically speaking,

you don't exist.

[scoffs] Look around.

I'd say we exist.

Who are you?

Shh, It's called a razor,

scruffy boy.

You don't exist according

to a little thing

called Section Eight

of the National Collegiate

Cheer Association Bylaws.

Yeah. It states that, um,

each university,

shall be represented by one,

and only one,

O-N-E, cheer squad.

You can't do this to us.

So make like a Tom and cruise.

This is modern-day imperialism.

Boo freaking hoo.

Uh, you missed something,

sweetie.

It does say that only

one team from State

can go to nationals.

Si.

But it doesn't say which team.

That team could be us.

[huffs]

Even if all that is true,

it doesn't matter.

Mmm-hmm.

Varsity has been going

to nationals forever.

That is not gonna change.

It just might.

Looks like we're at an impasse.

So how 'bout you and

I just figure this

out right now.

Where did you get that?

That does not belong to you.

Ladies, we are not going

to settle things this way.

There's only one honest,

impartial person

on this campus

who can judge who's right.

[mimicking in fast voice]

[mousy voice]

And while I admire your spunk,

Miss Smith, this is a school

built on tradition.

But--

And in this case tradition

favors Miss Hammersmith.

I must say, Whittier,

there's a lot of good,

honest wisdom behind

what the dean has to say.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

Sure.

But what about the rules?

Nowhere in the bylaws

does it say

that it has

to be the varsity team

that goes to nationals.

Why can't it be us?

Well, sure. Legally,

technically,

if you, squint

your eyes just right,

the rules say it could be you.

But we're talking about

seven consecutive years

of cheerleading excellence

here.

I'm not gonna

put an end to that.

Miss Hammersmith will

go to nationals.

With all due respect,

Dean Sebastian,

I don't think that's a decision

that will go over well

with the student body.

How do you mean?

I mean, if you suppress

our voices on campus,

you will be hearing from us

in letters

to the board of trustees,

not to mention

the around-the-clock protestors

that will be outside your door.

Okay, okay, okay. We get it.

What the hell do you want?

A competition in front of

the whole student body.

Let them decide who's better,

your team or mine.

-Girl on girl.

-Hmm.

Winner goes to nationals.

[clears throat]

Listen, Whit.

We're good friends, right?

And as a good friend,

I should caution you

that such a competition

could embarrass you severely.

It could destroy

your already-fragile psyche.

Well, that's a risk

I'm willing to take, Tina.

She can't do this, can she?

Actually, Miss Hammersmith,

I think it's a splendid idea.

We'll have a competition.

What?

Thank you.

We'll have a competition

in the field house,

-this coming Saturday.

-What?

-Wait. That's the day

after tomorrow.

-[giggling]

If you'll excuse me, ladies,

I have a lunch date.

We can't be ready by then.

-[Tina] We'll be ready,

Dean Sebastian.

-Yes, you will.

No, this can't be happening.

Oh, yes, it can.

You're the one who asked

for the competition. Good day.

Ready to back out yet?

Are you kidding me?

After the way you treated us?

You know I used

to look up to you?

But that was before

I found out who you are.

An insecure "tanorexic."

Listen to me, you hobbit.

After this idiotic competition

is over

you'll be praying you were me.

You'll be finished

as a cheerleader

and finished here.

I will knock you so far down

you'll be in the cafeteria

with your edgy freak

of a boyfriend, putting grapes

in the Jell-O molds.

-Oh, yeah?

-Mmm-hmm.

Don't be all up in my Kool-Aid.

What does that mean?

[instrumental music playing]

The Stingers hoops team

won their first

exhibition contest 72-54.

And the women's softball squad

dropped both games,

Of a doubleheader

against State A&M.

And now it's time for

the CSC News Eye On Sports.

On location is beat reporter

Colleen Lipman.

Thanks, Colleen.

The campus is in a frenzy

this week,

thanks to the big cheerleading

showdown in the field house

this Saturday.

Go, go, go, go.

Come on, you sissy!

[Colleen] The varsity cheer

team has been vigorously

training for the event.

I'm totally not tired.

Why are y'all so tired?

And State cheerleading legend,

Tina Hammersmith,

is confident about

her team's chances.

This is nothing new to us.

We've defeated

some of the best

intercollegiate competition

ever assembled.

This amateur squad

is just a speed bump

on the way to nationals.

Excusez-moi. One sec.

Let's go! I didn't say stop.

[Colleen] How important is

victory on Saturday?

Oh. It's very important.

It's very important.

It, it's very important.

This is very, very,

I, I cannot tell you

how important this is.

It's a, it's pretty,

pretty important.

Meanwhile,

some people around campus

are starting to dub

the upstart competition

as the Renegades.

Head cheerleader,

Whittier Smith,

insists her squad

is ready to go.

We are definitely going to win.

We've got a great team,

we've worked extremely hard

and it's gonna be tough, but,

you know, Rocky

beat Apollo Creed, right?

-[man] Uh, Whit, he lost.

-He what?

-He lost.

-He lost to Apollo Creed?

[Colleen] To train

for the event,

the Renegades have taken

an unusual approach,

cheering for typically

under-appreciated

teams such as the diving team,

the bowling club

and the fencing squad.

[all] Stab him. Stab him.

Poke him in the eye.

Run the sword through

till his blood runs dry.

En garde!

Well, some people look at

an impossible situation

and ask why.

Others look at the same

situation and ask, why not?

For the competition

on Saturday,

I'm asking myself why.

Why bother? In a billion years

we'll all be obliterated

by a black hole anyway.

There you have it, Colleen.

Back to you.

Thanks, Colleen.

Seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

-[all cheering]

-Yeah!

Shh, shh, shh.

You guys, we can't let anybody

know we're in here.

Really, really good job.

Don't leave any of your stuff.

All right.

Think we're ready?

Well, no one fell tonight.

I'm pretty happy about that.

Um, Whittier,

can I talk to you alone?

Yeah. Francis, what's up?

Uh, I'm gonna level with you.

I'm getting very nervous

about tomorrow. Okay?

And I'm thinking about

violating myself tonight.

It's an actor relaxation

technique.

What I need to know from you

is what does Whittier think?

Is that a bad idea, or...

Well, it really depends.

Uh, would you say violating

yourself usually hurts you

or helps you?

Oh, I'd say it's made me

the actor that I am today.

Okay. Then I would

say hold off.

-Will do, chief.

-Okay.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the blond leading

the bland.

Last minute cram session,

kiddie kiddos?

Why don't you guys

worry about your own team?

That's what a real leader

would do.

Oh. Is that what a real leader

would do?

A real leader wouldn't be

practicing at midnight, Whit.

You can drill a loser

all night long,

and in the morning,

you still got a loser.

Put makeup on a pig,

it's still a pig.

Oink, oink, oink, oink.

You wanna hear our cheer

for tomorrow?

We're ready, we're fit,

we'll smack you

like a little bitch.

Oh-ho. We're tough, we're lean,

step to us and we'll get mean.

Hey, ho, you know.

We'll put you on the flo'.

Dust off your spankies.

Stand up and get some mo'.

Don't cry, don't pout,

don't have yourself a cow.

You're gonna get whupped.

Your mommy can't help you now.

[woman giggles]

Come on. You can do

better than that.

I can do better, bitch.

Let's go.

-Come on.

-Marni, chill.

-Marni.

-No.

Get back here!

We are not finished with this.

Hey, hey! Ow. Okay.

-Watch the face.

-Okay, girls,

slap and tickle time is over.

Oh. Ow! [grunts]

Oh! Right. There you go.

-Ow.

-[groans]

Ow. Ow.

Little, uh, concealer will help

that situation there.

[groans] Tina!

[beep on P.A.]

[woman on P.A.]

Paging Dr. Stateman.

I'm fine, you guys.

Yeah? Can you hold me

up in the air with three

crushed metacarpals?

Of course. Ow! Shit!

We should just call Tina

and forfeit.

Yeah, you know what.

I don't think we have a choice.

I guess tomorrow I'll go back

to doing Phantom of the Opera

in my dorm room. Hmm.

Wait. Hold up, guys. Listen.

Tomorrow we are gonna go

into that field house and

get in front of those students.

And as sure as I'm standing

here right now,

I can assure you that,

That we might suck.

We might totally suck,

but to a real cheerleader,

-it doesn't matter if

you win or lose.

-[door opens]

It only matters if you try

as hard as you can,

if you give it every ounce

of spirit you've got.

So, what do you say?

Who wants to suck tomorrow?

You know what?

If there's one thing I'm good

at in this world,

it's sucking.

-I'm in!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey.

Why suck if you could not suck?

Because we're missing Francis.

It's gonna be hard.

Well, could you guys use a sub?

You're gonna lose

your scholarship.

Yeah, well, whatever

I lose in financial aid,

I'll gain in testicles!

So I'm in!

[all chattering]

[man] Okay. All right.

Come on. Let's go.

Twenty-five, 26, 27,

28, 29, 30.

More.

More.

More! Oh! Oh! Give me that!

[dance music plays]

Co, Come on

How are you feelin'?

I feel like I wanna smile.

-Good!

-Hey!

-Ow.

-Ooh. You ready

to kick a little?

Bring it!

[mimicking beatbox]

♪ I'm feelin' a little nervous

A little, little nervous ♪

[beatbox]

♪ I really have to pee

Really, really have to pee ♪

Check. Check.

-Check!

-[feedback]

Varsity!

[Tina] Okay. Here we go.

-Here, muskrat! Set!

-[groans]

Don't screw up. Pecs out.

Where's your water bra?

I gave it to you!

Did you bleach your teeth?

Did you shave? God.

Everybody,

find your happy place.

Mmm.

California State College,

are you ready for a showdown?

[cheering]

[man] Colleen, we love you!

First up is your very own

varsity cheerleading squad.

No! [groans]

Let's go! Go, go, go! Let's go!

[woman] Let's go!

Let's go, Stingers! Go,

Stingers!

[all cheering]

Go, Stingers!

[woman] Let's go!

Varsity! Varsity! Varsity!

Varsity! Varsity! Varsity!

Let's go, Stingers. Let's go!

[wolf whistle]

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina!

[cheering subsides]

Come on, you guys.

[man] Come on, guys. Let's go!

[man 2] Come on, guys.

[man 1] Let's get

this show started!

[dance music playing]

[crowd cheering]

Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!

Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!

Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!

Go, Sammy!

Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!

Go, Sammy!

Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!

[music ends]

[crowd cheering]

[dance music plays]

♪ Let's go ♪

[music continues]

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

[music continues]

[music continues]

♪ Oh, yeah

Here we go ♪

♪ Here we go

H-H-H-Here we go ♪

Yeah!

♪ Uhh, uhh

Go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ R-R-R-Raise your hands

All up in the air ♪

♪ Raise your hands

All up in the air ♪

♪ Raise your hands

Your hands, your hands ♪

[music continues]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah we know it ♪

♪ We are the best ♪

♪ We, we, we, we

Are, are ♪

♪ The, the, the ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go

Here we go ♪

[cheering]

Yeah! Yeah!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina!

Let's go! Number one!

[cheering continues]

Let's do this.

[cheering subsides]

Next we have a new group.

Please welcome the,

quote, Renegades, unquote.

[chuckling]

[Gregorian chant]

[woman] Nice outfits!

[man] You guys suck!

-[chant continues]

-[man] Monks can't cheer!

[ends]

Welcome, ladies and gents

of all ages.

Feast your eyes

on a "cheergasm" like no man

has seen before.

Hit it.

[dance music plays]

Yeah!

Ooh!

[music continues]

♪ Get crazy ♪

[music continues]

[indistinct]

♪ Crazy ♪

[crowd cheering]

[cheering continues]

[man] Yeah! Whoo!

[cheering continues]

♪ Get crazy

The heat is on ♪

♪ Get crazy

Crazy, crazy, crazy ♪

Stingers!

Yeah! Yeah! Whoo!

-Ow.

-It's cool. Okay.

Yeah! Come on!

Yeah!

-[microphone feedback]

-[laughter]

[woman yelling]

[Sebastian] Damn kids.

-[man] Come on.

-[woman] Let's just do it.

Hi, everyone.

I'm Dean Sebastian.

I want to thank both teams

for putting

on a really wonderful display.

It reminds me

of my student days.

[all groaning]

Of course, back in those days,

the cheers weren't quite

as complicated.

Just tell us the winner,

will you, please?

-Okay.

-Thank you.

The winner, representing

Cal State College,

at the National Cheerleading

Championships...

[man] Come on!

[man 2] Come on!

[crowd muttering]

[woman] Let's go! Come on!

-The Renegades!

-Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

[squealing]

[sobbing]

You are so pathetic!

You're pathetic!

I know you wax your butt!

Do you actually think

your roots are natural?

You are not born with roots!

[gasps]

[squeaky voice] I was too!

-You did it!

-I know!

[shrieks] What'd you think?

You're right. You sucked.

[frustrated groan]

Janice. Towel. Immediately!

Marni. I quit. Immediately.

[gasps]

Excuse me.

-Oh.

-Hi.

Uh, I just wanted

to say nice job.

Your routine was good.

Inconsistent and

a tad pedestrian at times,

but good.

Wow. Thanks. I'm not exactly--

On behalf of the administration

and alumni

I wanna offer you

and your team

the full backing

of the college.

You're our new varsity

cheerleading squad.

It'll be a thrill to work

with the new

"bomb diggity."

Now if you'll excuse me,

ladies,

I have a lunch date.

[exhales]

So, we might need a sub

for nationals.

Really? Wait. Wait.

You and me on the same team?

Of course,

you'd have to audition first.

I don't audition.

Hmm.

Suit yourself.

But maybe I can

come help you out,

you know.

I'll have to check my "sched."

I could bring Marni.

[squeals]

Or not. I never even really

liked her anyways.

It's just,

I was thinking Friday

we could get some "fro-yo,"

do some choreography.

You know, you guys.

[Tina] Whittier,

you have such great hair.

I just, who does your color?

-Marker.

-Hmm.

Uh, S, I expect more, [groans]

Well, she's a sh, sinking ship.

[man] Let's do that again.

Oh, my God!

♪ You're a real tough cookie

With a long history ♪

♪ Of breaking little hearts

Like the one in me ♪

♪ That's okay

Let's see how you do it ♪

♪ Put up your dukes

Let's get down to it ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Why don't you hit me

With your best shot ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

[grunts]

♪ Fire away ♪

♪ You come on with a come-on

You don't fight fair ♪

♪ But that's okay

See if I care ♪

♪ Knock me down

It's all in vain ♪

♪ I get right back

On my feet again ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Why don't you hit me

With your best shot ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Fire away ♪

Who can settle this

and judge it who's right.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yes!

That's a cut. Almost had it.

[giggles]

[guitar solo]

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Why don't you hit me

With your best shot ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Fire away ♪

Give me an "S-S."

Give me a "T-R." Err!

[grunts]

You know I'm about

to get twisted, baby!

It's really not coming off.

♪ Fire away ♪

Away!

♪ Fire away ♪

Yeah!

♪ Fire away ♪

[Whittier] God, are you losing

your drawers?

Sorry.

♪ Fire away ♪

And cut!

[all cheering]

You just wait till game day.

She'll be perfect.

[imitating Whittier] Oh, she's

gonna be perfect on game day.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Shh!

♪ C-Come on ♪

♪ C-Come on ♪

[hip-hop music playing]

[man rapping]

[voice skipping]

[rapping continues]

[indistinct]

[music continues]

♪ C-Come on ♪

♪ Come on ♪