Breakfast on Pluto (2005) - full transcript

*[Sugar Baby Love
by The Rubettes playing]

[man yelling]

(man)
YOU CAN THROW A FAST ONE.

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* I DIDN'T MEAN
TO MAKE YOU BLUE *

HOW ABOUT IT, KITTEN?

WHAT'S THE CHANCE
OF A BIT TONIGHT?

OH, WHY, YES,
OF COURSE, BOYS.

I'LL LEAVE
THE FRONT DOOR OPEN

AND YOU CAN ALL TROOP
IN AND GIVE ME A JAB.



NOT UP TO IT, THEN?

YOU INNOCENT,
SHOVEL-WIELDING,

HORNY-HANDED SONS
OF THE NATIVE SOD.

NOT MANY PEOPLE
ARE, MUNCHKIN.

NOT MANY PEOPLE
CAN TAKE THE TALE
OF PATRICK BRADEN

A.K.A. SAINT KITTEN,

WHO STRUTTED THE CATWALKS,
FACE LIT BY A HALO
OF FLASHBULBS

AS, "OH!" SHE SHRIEKED,
"I TOLD YOU,
FROM MY BEST SIDE, DARLINGS."

(Patrick)
I WAS BORN, YOU SEE, MUNCHKIN,

IN A SMALL TOWN
NEAR THE IRISH BORDER.

I WAS LEFT IN A BASKET
ON A CERTAIN DOORSTEP

AND ONLY THE ROBINS KNEW WHY.

OH, BUT THEN, THEY KNEW
EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS.

THOSE RED-BREASTED
BUSYBODIES.



EVERY SECRET BEHIND
EVERY LACE-CURTAIN WINDOW.

[twittering]
UH-OH, BEHIND YOU!

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* I DIDN'T MEAN
TO MAKE YOU BLUE *

[twittering]
THIS LOOKS LIKE TROUBLE.

[twittering]
OH, DEAR!

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

[twittering]
LET'S GO.

* I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU

[baby bawling]

* PEOPLE, TAKE MY ADVICE

* IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE,
DON'T THINK TWICE *

* LOVE YOUR BABY LOVE

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* LOVE HER ANYWAY

* LOVE HER EVERY DAY *

ROBINS! WOULD YOU
BELIEVE IT, FATHER?

PECKING AT THE CREAM.

I SUPPOSE IT'S CHRISTMAS
MORNING, AFTER ALL.

IS YOUR BREAKFAST ALL RIGHT?

WELL, I'LL GET READY
FOR MASS, SO. GOD BLESS.

GOD BLESS.

HE HASN'T BEEN
HIMSELF LATELY, SO.

[twittering]
NO, HE HASN'T BEEN
HIMSELF AT ALL,

[twittering]
SINCE THE BLONDE
HOUSEKEEPER LEFT.

[twittering]
THE ONE THAT LOOKED
LIKE THE FILM STAR

[twittering]
WITH THE
BUBBLE-CUT CURLS.

[twittering]
MITZI GAYNOR!

JUST THE JOB.
(woman on T.V.)
MR. STEED?

CUTEX CORAL PINK.

(Steed)
YES.

WHAT A CHARMING
ATMOSPHERE YOU HAVE HERE.

DO YOU MIND?

(woman)
NOT AT ALL.

THANK YOU.

OOH, WILL YOU
HAVE A LOVE SEAT?

THE LOVE SEAT? WHY NOT?

MR. LOVEJOY WILL
SEE YOU IN A MOMENT.

HE'S JUST CONGRATULATING
ONE OF OUR HAPPY COUPLES.

HOW VERY ENCOURAGING.
YES.

UH, PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE
A GLASS OF CHAMPERS?

CHAMPERS? NOW YOU'RE TALKING.

OR, A PIECE OF
WEDDING CAKE?

NO, THANK YOU.
I'VE JUST HAD BREAKFAST.

(man)
MR. STEED?

MY GOOD SHOES!
MY GOOD SHOES,
YOU LITTLE BRAT!

(Caroline)
DO IT HARDER, MAMMY.

TEACH HIM NOT TO
WEAR MY DRESS AGAIN.

HE'LL MAKE A DISGRACE OF US?
WELL, YOU'LL NOT!

DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO?

I'LL MARCH YOU
UP AND DOWN THE STREET

AND DISGRACE YOU
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE TOWN.

PROMISE?

HIT HIM WITH IT, MA!
GIVE HIM THE BRUSH AGAIN!

SAY, "I AM NOT A GIRL."
I'M NOT A GIRL.

"I AM A BOY.
I'M NOT A GIRL."

I'M A BOY, NOT A GIRL.

SAY IT RIGHT.

MAKE HIM
SAY IT RIGHT, MA.

MY HEART BROKE
FROM THE CURSED DAY
I EVER TOOK YOU IN.

(commentator on T.V.)
A SHORT ONE BY GARETH CAREY,

UP ALONG THE FAR WING
TO TONY HADDON.

TONY HADDON,
40 YARDS OUT NOW, FROM THE...

OFF HE GOES THEN,
THE BALL ACROSS HIM
TOWARDS THE CENTER.

AND COMING, ALFRED WHITNEY.
HE'S CAPPED THERE.

WELL DOWN OVER HIS EYES
IS, UH, NICK BRADY.

THE BALL COMES OVER.
WHO'S GOT IT? REID MORGAN.

REID MORGAN
GETS THE 35-YARD...

BROTHER BARNABAS
SAYS HE'LL TRY YOU
ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM

AND I WANT YOU
TO READ THIS.

HEADING HIGH AND TO THE RIGHT,
AND YES, IT IS...

IT'S GONE OVER THE BAR
FOR THE FIRST
GOAL OF THE GAME.

[crowd cheering on T.V.]

PADDY GARDY.

THE FIRST GOAL OF THE GAME.

PADDY GARDY TOOK ONE
FROM THIS SIDE.

IT HAD A CURL ON IT,
AND ONE HAD TO WAIT

UNTIL THE UMPIRES
GAVE THEIR DECISION

AS TO WHETHER IT
WAS IN OR NOT. IT WAS.

AND I CALL MY MOTHER NAMES.

(Liam)
WELL, YOU KNOW,

YOU--YOU--YOU
SHOULDN'T DO THAT, MY SON.

WHAT DO YOU CALL HER?

HAIRY ARSE.

HAIRY ARSE AND BOCKEDY HOLE.

AND CUNTHOOKS.

[clears throat]

[sighing]

[beeping]

STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
YOU MUST NOT PROCEED.

JESUS!

YOU MUST NOT CURSE.

IF YOU CURSE,
YOU'LL BE EXTERMINATED.

HOLY FUCK!

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED,
EARTHLING.

NOW YOU MUST DIE!

NO, DALEK, PLEASE.

SAUSAGES, SAUSAGES,
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

YES, YES, OF COURSE!
PLEASE DON'T SHOOT!

[imitating gun firing]

(Charlie)
LAWRENCE, COME ON.

NOT NOW,
I'M BUSY. I'M BUSY.

COME ON.

I'M BUSY.

OH, FIGGLY BOOGLES, I'M DEAD.

(Patrick)
DIE FOR IRELAND?

I'M SORRY,
BUT IT APPEARED TO ME

THAT SOMEONE HERE
HAD TAKEN LEAVE
OF THEIR SENSES.

(Irwin)
ARE YOU PLAYING THE GAME
OR NOT, BRADEN?

ME PLAY!
DYING FOR IRELAND.

EARTHLING,
STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

WELL, COME ON,
ENGLISHMAN, A BULLET, PLEASE.

[Charlie chuckling]

AND NEXT UP IS
THE DASHING FEELY

SPORTING A SMOKING JACKET,
FEDORA HAT, AND SUNGLASSES
BY GUCCI.

MADAM.

[giggling]

THE MAN HIMSELF.

[grunting]

YOUR MOTHER WILL
BE BACK IN A WHILE.

OH.

SO HOW'S PATRICK
AND THE BRADEN HOUSEHOLD?

THEY'RE WELL, MR. FEELY.

ESPECIALLY MY MOTHER,
WHEREVER SHE IS.

SO SOMEONE'S TOLD
YOU SOMETHING, PATRICK?

THEY DON'T HAVE TO.

HAIRY ARSE BRADEN
TELLS ME EVERY DAY.

AH, PATRICK, NOW...

I'M SORRY, MR. FEELY.

YOU KNOW, I SAW HER ONCE,
YOUR REAL MOTHER,

LONG AFTER THE DAY SHE LEFT.

IT WAS IN LONDON.

I WAS DOING WORK
FOR GENIE MCQUILLAN.

I WAS GOING HOME
THROUGH PICCADILLY

AND THERE,
PASSING BY, WAS EILY BERGIN.

(Benny)
LOVELY AS THE DAY SHE LEFT,
I SWEAR IT TO GOD.

(Patrick)
DID YOU TALK TO HER,
MR. FEELY?

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

I SHOUTED AFTER HER, PATRICK,
BUT SHE DIDN'T HEAR.

LONDON SWALLOWED HER UP.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GIRL IN THE TOWN.

BIGGEST CITY IN THE WORLD...

IT SWALLOWED MY MOTHER UP.

WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER,
MR. FEELY?

I WOULDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT, SON.

THINGS BE COMPLICATED,
YOU KNOW.

WHAT DID SHE LOOK LIKE?

MITZI GAYNOR, SON.

THAT'S WHO SHE
LOOKED LIKE, MITZI.

MITZI GAYNOR.

[gunshots on T.V.]

WELL, FUCK ME PINK
WITH A HAIRY ARSE!

IN THE NAME OF
THE FATHER AND THE SON
AND THE HOLY SPIRIT, AMEN.

[whispering]
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME,

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL
NAMED EILY BERGIN

WHO LOOKED NOT UNLIKE
THE WELL-KNOWN
FILM STAR MITZI GAYNOR

WHO SANG I'M GONNA WASH
THAT MAN RIGHT OUTTA MY HAIR.

AND SHE WENT TO LONDON,
THE BIGGEST CITY IN THE WORLD,

WHICH SWALLOWED HER UP.

BUT BEFORE SHE VANISHED,

I THINK SHE
WORKED AS A PRIEST'S
HOUSEKEEPER, FATHER.

BUT I COULD BE
WRONG THERE, COULDN'T I?

I MEAN, I COULD BE WRONG.
AFTER ALL, I...

ALL I WANTED WAS HER ADDRESS.

(Mr. Egan)
THERE BETWEEN THE PO
AND THE APENNINES, BOYS

THE CLIMATE IS
ALWAYS THE SAME.

THE LANDSCAPE NEVER CHANGES

AND IN COUNTRY LIKE THIS
YOU CAN STOP ALONG
ANY ROAD FOR A MOMENT

AND LOOK AT A FARMHOUSE
SITTING IN THE MIDDLE
OF MAIZE AND HEMP,

AND IMMEDIATELY
A STORY IS BORN.

NOW, WHEN YOU'RE WRITING
YOUR ESSAY FOR ME
THIS MORNING,

WHATEVER FORM IT TAKES
IS UP TO YOU.

IT CAN BE CALLED
"I FOUGHT IN
THE EASTER RISING,"

"I WAS DRACULA'S GIRLFRIEND,"

OR EVEN "A DAY IN
THE LIFE OF AN OLD BOOT".

YOU'VE GOT ONE HOUR,
SO LEARN TO WRITE.

"GOD BLESS US.

"IT'S YOURSELF..."

AH, GOD BLESS US.
IT'S YOURSELF, MA'AM.

IT IS INDEED, FATHER.

(Patrick)
...REMARKED

RANDY FATHER LIAM

AS HE OPENED THE DOOR

TO A YOUNG WOMAN

WHO BORE
A STARTLING RESEMBLANCE

TO MITZI GAYNOR.

SO YOU ARE THE REPLACEMENT
FOR MRS. MCGLYNN?

(Eily)
I AM INDEED, FATHER.

DESTROYED WITH
THE LUMBAGO, SHE IS.

DESTROYED,
AND THAT'S A FACT.

BUT SURE SHE'LL BE
BACK ON HER FEET SOON,
PLEASE GOD.

PLEASE GOD SHE WILL, NOW.

BUT TELL ME THIS,

HAVE I BEGUN TO DOTE

OR DO YOU REMIND ME
OF SOMEONE SPECIAL?

WHEN SHE SENSED A MOVEMENT

UNDERNEATH HIS
BLACK SERGE TROUSERS.

OH, FATHER, PLEASE,
HOW COULD I?

WHEN I'VE GONE
OUT OF MY WAY

KNOWING THAT
YOUR DICKY DOODLE,
NAUGHTY POOPSTER THAT HE IS,

GIVEN THE SLIGHTEST
ENCOURAGEMENT,

WOULD BE ONLY TOO EAGER
TO GET UP TO MISCHIEF.

DOWN, BOY! NAUGHTY DICKY.

TO CAMOUFLAGE MYSELF
AND LOOK LIKE ANY ORDINARY
OLD CURATE'S DRUDGE.

"AND MOST DEFINITELY NOT

"A PERFUME-SPRAYED VISION

"NAMED MITZI GAYNOR

"WITH A HEAD OF
BUBBLE-CUT CURLS

"THAT WOULD MAKE
ANY MAN'S PRIVATES
GO SPRONG."

I'VE GOT THE STANDARD
UNIFORM, FATHER.

THE BLUE HOUSECOAT
WITH THE BOW AT THE BACK,

THE TAN STOCKINGS,
COLOR OF STALE TEA,

THE OLD HAIRNET,
WHICH SAYS TO
ALL THEM MICKIES

WHOSE DUTY IT IS
TO STAY INSIDE
AND WEAR BLACK SERGE,

"NO MICKIES TODAY.

"DOWN, BOYS.
THAT'S IT, MY SWEETS,

"OFF WITH YOU AND
SAY YOUR PRAYERS."

BREAKFAST, FATHER?

BY GOD,
AND NOW YOU'RE TALKING.

MICKEY IS DEVIOUS

AND NO MATTER
HOW MUCH YOU TELL HIM,

HE SIMPLY WON'T STAY DOWN.

BUT DRAB OLD HOUSECOATS

AND TEA-COLORED STOCKINGS
MIGHT WELL HAVE KEPT HIM DOWN

IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT
PESKY SPOT OF GREASE.

OH, THIS IS
POWERFUL ALTOGETHER.

I WOULD DO JAIL
FOR ANOTHER RASHER.

DO YOU KNOW THAT, EILY?

I'LL FRY YOU SOME MORE
THIS MINUTE, THEN, FATHER.

COME HERE, LITTLE EILY.
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE

ABOUT PEANUTS
AT CONFESSION?

NO, FATHER.
AT LEAST I DON'T THINK SO.

SAYS THE PRIEST
TO THE YOUNG FELLOW,

"DID YOU THROW PEANUTS
IN THE RIVER, TOO?"

TO WHICH THE YOUNG LAD SAYS,
"NO, FATHER, I AM PEANUTS."

[chuckling]

(Patrick)
NOT A VERY FUNNY JOKE,

BUT SHE LAUGHED
AND SHE LAUGHED.

IN FACT, YOU COULD SAY
SHE LAUGHED UNTIL SHE CRIED.

OOPS!

MY SKIRT AND HOUSECOAT
ARE RIDING UP.

BETTER ABORT
THIS TASK AT ONCE

OR WE COULD HAVE
AN EXPLODING CLERGYMAN

FILLING THE AIR WITH
PENT-UP SEXUAL ENERGY.

OH, NO!
PRIEST GROWS WINGS
IN LATEST MIRACLE.

EILY!

"WHEN SHE FOUND
HERSELF ENVELOPED
BY HIS SKIRTS."

NOW, FATHER,
IS THIS ANOTHER JOKE?

OW!

[sobbing]
THAT HURT, FATHER.

FRANK SINATRA
WOULDN'T DO THIS, FATHER.

NEITHER WOULD VIC DAMONE.

I'M ALL WET, FATHER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DOWN THERE, FATHER?

ARE YOU PLAYING SQUIDGY
WITH MY FAIRY LIQUID?

BUT SHE WAS SOON TO REALIZE

IT WASN'T FAIRY LIQUID
HE'D BEEN PLAYING WITH
DOWN THERE.

THE END.

NO,

IT WASN'T
FAIRY LIQUID AT ALL.

"...PRIVATES GO SPRONG."

"PRIVATES GO...

HOW DARE YOU?

WHEN I SAID, "DEVELOP
YOUR LITERARY SKILLS,"

I DID NOT, REPEAT,
NOT, MEAN THIS.

WHY DID YOU WRITE IT?

I THOUGHT THERE
WAS A MORAL, SIR.

A LESSON, IF YOU WILL.

YOUNG GIRLS
IN MORTAL DANGER.

GET OUT OF
THIS CLASSROOM, BRADEN!

TO THE DEAN'S OFFICE!

HELLO, CLASS.
MY NAME IS MISS KITTEN

AND I'D LIKE TO TELL
YOU ABOUT THE PERILS

OF BEING
A PRIEST'S HOUSEKEEPER,

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LOOK
LIKE MITZI GAYNOR.

HANDS UP WHO CAN TELL ME
WHO MITZI GAYNOR IS.

SO, YOU SEE, PATRICK,
WE'RE ON YOUR SIDE.

WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU.

I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.

WELL, NO,
YOU'RE WRONG, FATHER. I DO.

SO, IF YOU CAN THINK OF
ANYTHING THAT WOULD HELP US
TO HELP YOU, WELL...

WELL,

THERE IS ONE THING, FATHER.

INSTEAD OF P.E....

YEAH.

...I COULD TAKE
HOME ECONOMICS
AND NEEDLEWORK CLASS.

AND YOU THINK
THAT WOULD HELP YOU, UH,

KNUCKLE DOWN
AND APPLY YOURSELF?

WHAT'S THAT, PATRICK?

OH, AND YOU CAN
CALL ME KITTEN, FATHER.

KITTEN?

YES, PATRICK KITTEN BRADEN,
AFTER SAINT KITTEN.

WELL, NOW, THERE WAS
NO SAINT KITTEN, PATRICK.

OH, NO, BUT THERE WAS
A SAINT CETTIN, FATHER,

AND SOME HAVE BEEN
KNOWN TO CALL HIM,

OR WAS IT A HER,

KITTEN.

SAINT KITTEN?

MM-HMM.

HE OR SHE WAS AN ACOLYTE
OF SAINT PATRICK.

WORE A DRESS. AS DID
SAINT PATRICK, ACTUALLY.

A HAIRY DRESS.

QUITE RUINED
HER COMPLEXION.

[Charlie laughs]

AND THEY'RE FOR
YOUR SISTER, PATRICK?

MM-HMM.

OH, SHE REALLY
NEEDS A BIT OF GLAMOUR
IN HER LIFE, MRS. COYLE.

BUT THEN AGAIN, DON'T WE ALL?

(reporter on T.V.)
THE TROUBLE BROKE OUT

AS THE MINISTER OF STATE
FOR NORTHERN IRELAND,
MR. CHANNON,

WAS VISITING DERRY
TO SEE BUSINESSMEN THERE

FOR THE SECOND TIME
INSIDE A MONTH.

JESUS, MAMMY, I'M EXHAUSTED.

AT LEAST YOU
HAVE A JOB

WHICH IS MORE THAN
THAT WASTER YONDER
IS EVER LIKELY TO HAVE.

NOW, ONE MORE COMPLAINT
FROM THAT SCHOOL

AND IT'LL NOT BE GOOD FOR YOU,
BY CHRIST, IT'LL NOT.

OH, MAMMY?

DO YOU HAVE
THE PRICE OF THE DANCE
AND A CUP OF COFFEE?

PRICE OF THE DANCE
AND A CUP OF COFFEE?

PRICE OF THE DANCE
AND A CUP OF COFFEE?

WELL, DO YOU THINK
I'M MADE OF MONEY?

DO YOU THINK
I'M MADE OF MONEY, EH?

EH, EH.

WILL YOU JUST
HAND OVER THE CASH?

WILL YOU JUST
FORK OUT THE MONEY

AND STOP BLATHERING,
YOU FUCKING
WHISKERY OLD WHORE.

HERE. AND DON'T
ASK ME AGAIN.

WELL, THANK YOU
SO MUCH, MAMMY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

*[You're Such A
Good Looking Woman
playing]

* WHEN GOD CREATED
A WOMAN FOR ME *

* HE MUST HAVE BEEN
IN A BEAUTIFUL MOOD *

* TO SHOW THE WORLD
WHAT A WOMAN COULD BE *

* WHEN HE CREATED
A WOMAN LIKE YOU *

[girls screaming]

* HE MADE THE SUNSHINE
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR EYES *

* AND HE MADE THE MOONGLOW
ALL OVER YOUR HAIR *

* HE PUT A SOFT SUMMER
BREEZE IN YOUR SIGHS *

* SO YOU COULD BREATHE SUMMER
INTO THE AIR *

NO. NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

WHY NOT?

I'M NOT OBLIGED TO
GIVE YOU ANY REASONS,
BUT I'LL GIVE YOU 2 ANYWAY.

HIM AND HER.

DON'T HAVE TO STAND
FOR THIS, DO WE, PADDY?

OH, PADDY'S HER NAME.
WELL, THAT'S REASON NUMBER 3.

DID YOU EVER
RIDE A MAN, LUKIE?

NO, BUT I RODE
A MAN THAT DID.

[all laughing]

(Irwin)
FUCK YOU.

EVENING.

HOW YOU DOING?

MIKEY, GO GET THE LADS.

(bouncer)
I'M WARNING YOU,
GET OUT OF HERE!

* WITH AN ANGEL AT HIS SIDE

FUCK THEM
AND THEIR ROB STRONG.

WE'LL GO TO THE GLEN.

[motorbike engines revving]

EXCUSE ME.
CAN WE HAVE A LIFT?

[engine starting]

GET ON.

MOVING OUT.

[Patrick squeals]

* D'YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY HAD FORGOTTEN TO DO *

* UP THERE WHERE THEY MADE
ALL THOSE HEAVENLY THINGS *

* THEY MADE AN ANGEL
AS LOVELY AS YOU *

* BUT THEY'D FORGOTTEN
TO FIT YOU WITH WINGS *

(biker #1)
DRUIDS, MAN.
WE'RE LIKE THE BORDER KNIGHTS.

KNEW ALL ABOUT
THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.

NO, LAWRENCE!
NO. EXCU--EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

OPEN HIS EYES.

WHAT DO YOU SEE, BRO?
SAUSAGES.

NO STARS?

STARS AND SAUSAGES.

[bikers laughing]

(biker #1)
NOW YOU'RE TALKING.

GOTTA GET
BEHIND THE SURFACE.

YES, SURFACE.

I SEE 4 GREEN FIELDS,
BRITS IN ONE OF THEM.

NOT FOR FUCKING LONG.

HEY, NO POLITICS, MAN.

BORDER KNIGHTS
DON'T ALLOW THEM.

JAMS THE ASTRAL HIGHWAY.

SO WHY DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES
THE BORDER KNIGHTS?

BECAUSE THE ONLY
BORDER THAT MATTERS

IS THE ONE BETWEEN
WHAT'S IN FRONT

AND WHAT
YOU'VE LEFT BEHIND.

WHEN I RIDE MY HOG,
YOU THINK I'M RIDING
THE ROAD?

NO WAY, MAN.

I'M TRAVELING FROM
THE PAST INTO THE FUTURE
WITH A DRUID AT MY BACK.

DRUID MAN OR DRUID WOMAN?

THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

WHAT MATTERS IS THE JOURNEY.

YOU KNOW WHERE
IT GOES, BABY?

WHERE?

* WE'LL VISIT THE STARS
AND JOURNEY TO MARS *

* FINDING OUR BREAKFAST

* ON PLUTO *

PLUTO?

PLUTO.

[barking]

NO, NOT PLUTO THE DOG.
PLUTO THE PLANET.

[cackling]

NAMED BY PERCIVAL LOWELL
AND WILLIAM H. PICKERING,

AFTER THE INVISIBLE
KING OF THE UNDERWORLD.

*[Me And My Arrow playing]

* STRAIGHTER THAN NARROW

YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.

[barking]

[all laughing]

* EVERYONE KNOWS

* IT'S ME AND MY ARROW

OH, KISS ME,
JOSEPH.

KISS ME,
JOSEPH HANRATTY.

I'LL BEAT YOUR FUCKING...

* ME AND MY ARROW

* TAKING THE HIGH ROAD

(Dean)
NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS,

A RETREAT IS TIME FOR
PRAYER AND REFLECTION.

SOME OF YOU MAY
HAVE ALREADY NOTICED
THAT YOUR BODIES ARE

GOING THROUGH SOME CHANGES

AND I WOULD LIKE
YOU TO FEEL FREE
TO APPROACH US

ABOUT ANY PROBLEM
THAT CONCERNS YOU.

SO, I WILL LEAVE
THIS PROBLEM BOX

HERE BY THE ALTAR RAILS.

NO PROBLEM
SHOULD BE PRECLUDED.

AFTER ALL,
THAT IS WHY WE ARE HERE.

* ME AND MY ARROW

NOW, DOES EVERYONE REMEMBER
LAST WEEK
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT...

* STRAIGHTER THAN NARROW

* WHEREVER WE GO *

YOU'LL NOT BRING MY
RETREAT INTO DISREPUTE,
DO YOU HEAR ME?

HOW DARE IT.
HOW DARE YOU, YOU PUP YOU...

SIR, YOU'RE HURTING ME.

WHAT DID YOU WRITE
ON THE PAPER, PATRICK?

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

JUST, DID HE KNOW ANY PLACE
THAT DOES A GOOD SEX CHANGE?

[church bells tolling]

[door slamming]

DISGRACED!

DISGRACED IN FRONT
OF THE WHOLE TOWN,
SO WE ARE! OH, JESUS!

(Caroline)
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, PADDY?

MAMMY HAS A BAD HEART!

AND NOW YOU'VE BROKEN IT.

(Ma Braden)
OH, GOD, OH, GOD!

OH, JESUS CHRIST. MY ARM!

SHE'S NOT MY MAMMY.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I'M SORRY, CAZ.

SORRY, MAMMY,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.

OH, STOP IT,
PATRICK, PLEASE!

WHY WON'T YOU STOP IT
AND LET US GET ON
WITH OUR LIVES?

I'M SORRY, CAZ.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU.

AFTER ALL, WE'VE
BOTH BEEN THROUGH THIS--

GET AWAY!

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME,
YOU CREATURE!

OH, FIGGLY BOOGLES.
WHAT'S THE POINT?

THAT'S IT,
I'VE TRIED MY BEST. I'M OFF.

*[You're Breakin'
My Heart playing]

* YOU'RE BREAKIN' MY HEART,
YOU'RE TEARIN' IT APART *

* SO FUCK YOU

* ALL I WANT TO DO
IS HAVE A GOOD TIME *

ARE YOU GOING TO SCOTSFIELD,
BY ANY CHANCE?

WE'D BETTER BE.
WE'RE PLAYING THERE TONIGHT.
GET IN THE BACK.

* YOU WANNA BOOGALOO,
RUN DOWN TO TRAMPS *

* HAVE A DANCE OR TWO

HELLO.

* YOU'RE BREAKIN' MY HEART,
YOU'RE TEARIN' IT APART *

* BUT FUCK YOU

* YOU'RE BREAKIN' MY HEART,
YOU'RE TEARIN' IT APART *

* OOH, OOH *

(Billy)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
THIS TROUBLE UP NORTH?

OH, I THINK IT'S
AN ABSOLUTE TERROR.

DO YOU THINK SO, YEAH?

(Patrick)
OH, I DO IT.

A TERROR TO THE
LIVING WORLD, SO IT IS.

I DON'T THINK
YOU CARE EITHER WAY,

MY GOOD-LOOKING
YOUNG FRIEND.

NO, I KNOW HOW SERIOUS IT IS.

THEY THINK THEY CAN
BREAK US, DON'T THEY?

HANG PADDY
FROM THE CEILING.

FUCK HIM
FROM A HELICOPTER.

GIVE HIM A DOSE
OF WHITE NOISE.

SHOVE ELECTRODES UP HIS ARSE.

NOW, REALLY, MR.--

HATCHETT.
THEY CALL ME BILLY HATCHETT.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU,
MR. HATCHETT.

YOU REALLY DON'T
KNOW WHO I AM, DO YOU?

I HAVEN'T HAD
THE PLEASURE.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, LADS?

HE'S NEVER HEARD
OF BILLY HATCHETT
AND THE MOHAWKS.

* WOOMBA, WOOMBA,
WOOMBA, WOOMBA *

* WOOMBA, WOOMBA, WOOMBA

* BY THE BANKS OF THE RIVER

* LIVED A SWEET INDIAN MAID

* RUNNING BEAR,
LITTLE WHITE DOVE *

[all ululating]

* HIAWATHA DIDN'T
BOTHER TOO MUCH *

* ABOUT MINNIE HA-HA
AND HER TENDER TOUCH *

* TILL SHE TOOK HIM
TO THE SILVER STREAM *

* THEN SHE WHISPERED WORDS
LIKE HE HAD NEVER HEARD *

* THAT MADE HIM ALL
SHIVER INSIDE WHEN SHE SAID *

* WIG-WAM BAM,
GONNA MAKE YOU MY MAN *

* WAM BAM BAM,
GONNA GET YOU IF I CAN *

* WIG-WAM BAM,
GONNA MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND *

* TRY A LITTLE TOUCH,
TRY A LITTLE TOO MUCH *

* JUST TRY
A LITTLE WIG-WAM BAM *

* RUNNING BEAR
NEVER CARED ENOUGH *

* ABOUT LITTLE WHITE DOVE
AND HER TENDER LOVE *

* TILL SHE TOOK HIM
TO THE SILVER STREAM *

* SHE TOLD HIM ALL ABOUT

* WHAT HE COULDN'T
LIVE WITHOUT *

* AND MADE HIM ALL WEAK
INSIDE WHEN SHE SAID *

* WIG-WAM BAM,
GONNA MAKE YOU MY MAN *

* WAM BAM BAM,
GONNA GET YOU IF I CAN *

* WIG-WAM BAM,
GONNA MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND *

* TRY A LITTLE TOUCH,
TRY A LITTLE TOO MUCH *

* JUST TRY
A LITTLE WIG-WAM BAM *

(Billy)
SO, HAVE YOU SOMEWHERE
TO STAY TONIGHT, PADDY?

OR SHOULD I CALL YOU PATRICK?

(Patrick)
YOU CAN CALL ME
KITTEN, DARLING.

KITTEN?

MMM-HMM.

AFTER SAINT CETTIN.

HE OR SHE WAS AN ACOLYTE
OF PATRICK, SAINT PATRICK.

SO YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE
TO STAY, THEN?

MAMMY THREW ME OUT,
I'M AFRAID.

WELL, I COULD ALWAYS,
UH, PUT YOU UP IN THE VAN.

IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT I COULD.

MR. HATCHETT!

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME, KITTEN.

*[Honey
by Bobby Goldsboro playing]

* AND, HONEY, I MISS YOU

I'LL BE OFF TO THE HOTEL,
THEN, KITTEN.

[Patrick mewing]

I'D STAY THE NIGHT.

I'D STAY THE NIGHT,
BUT THE BOYS...

THE BOYS MIGHT
GET THE WRONG IDEA.

NO, I'VE GOTTA GO.
I'VE GOTTA GO.

OH, PLEASE DON'T GO JUST YET.

OH, KITTEN.
I GOTTA GO. I REALLY HAVE.

* SHE WAS SAD

* AND SO AFRAID
THAT I'D BE MAD *

BILLY! BILLY, BILLY.

* THOUGH I PRETENDED
HARD TO BE *

IT'S BOBBY GOLDSBORO.

* GUESS YOU COULD SAY
SHE SAW THROUGH ME *

USED TO HELP ME
GET TO SLEEP.

HIS WIFE DIES.
YOU SEE, SHE DIES
WHEN HE'S AWAY FROM HOME.

OH, KITTEN,
I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.

BILLY.
I REALLY HAVE.

AND IT WAS IN
THE EARLY SPRING *

IF YOU WERE
AWAY WITH THE BAND

* WHEN FLOWERS
BLOOM AND ROBINS SING,
SHE WENT AWAY *

AND YOU CAME HOME
AND YOU FOUND ME LYING THERE,

LIKE BOBBY'S WIFE...

* AND I'M BEING GOOD

WHAT ABOUT IT?

* AND I'D LOVE
TO BE WITH YOU *

WHAT?
WOULD YOU TAKE ME
TO THE HOSPITAL?

OH, OF COURSE I WOULD.

OF COURSE I WOULD, KITTEN.

OH, I WISH
THAT COULD HAPPEN.

(Running Bear)
I'VE SEEN IT ALL NOW.

I TELL YOU,
I'VE FUCKING WELL
SEEN IT ALL NOW.

WHERE THE FUCK
DO YOU THINK
HE DISAPPEARED TO

WHEN WE WERE
IN SAN FRANCISCO?

I'D EVEN BRING YOU FLOWERS.

* NOW ALL I HAVE IS MEMORIES

ROSES?

ROSES.

OH, BILLY.

OH, KITTEN.

BILLY.

* WHERE HONEY LIVED
AND HONEY PLAYED *

* AND LOVE GREW UP *

FOR I ASK YOU,
BILLY BOBBY, NICEST MAN,

WHAT'S AN INDIAN
BAND WITHOUT A SQUAW?

"A SQUAW?"

[people chattering]

* YOUNG WOMAN
SHARE YOUR FIRE WITH ME *

* MY HEART IS COLD,
MY SOUL IS FREE *

* I AM A STRANGER
IN YOUR LAND *

* A WANDERING MAN,
CALL ME SAND *

* OH SIR MY FIRE
IS VERY SMALL *

* IT WILL NOT WARM
THY HEART AT ALL *

[man cheering]

* BUT THEE MAY
TAKE ME BY THE HAND *

* HOLD ME AND
I'LL CALL THEE SAND *

* YOUNG WOMAN
SHARE YOUR FIRE WITH ME *

* MY HEART IS COLD,
MY SOUL IS FREE *

[brakes squealing]

* I AM A STRANGER
IN YOUR LAND *

* A WANDERING MAN,
CALL ME SAND *

NAME, PLEASE?

PADDY KITTEN.
WHAT'S YOURS, DARLING?

I COULD TELL YOU
WERE A PADDY ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ABOUT GERONIMO?

WHAT WOULD I KNOW?
I'M JUST A MICK.

13 OF YOUR LOT
SHOT IN DERRY.

WHAT DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT THAT?

MAYBE YOU'D KNOW ABOUT
13 LESS TO DEAL WITH.

FUCK OFF, MATE.

(Billy)
FUCK OFF.

* OH, SIR, MY FIRE
IS BURNING HIGH *

* IF IT SHOULD STOP,
SIR, I WOULD DIE *

* A SHOOTING STAR
HAS CROSSED MY LAND *

* WANDERING MAN

[men yelling]

(Billy)
* SAND

GET OFF THE FUCKING STAGE,
YOU STUPID BITCH.

[crowd protesting]

* NOW WARMS HERSELF
WITH MEMORY *

(Billy)
PATRICK, I, I--I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SAY THIS TO YOU.

IT'S--IT'S THE BOYS,
THE BOYS IN THE BAND.

THEY FEEL A SQUAW
JUST ISN'T WORKING OUT.

[Patrick whimpers]

(Patrick)
IT COULD BE
THEY HAVE A POINT.

THEY SAY IT
DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW,
THEY'VE BEEN
WITH ME SO LONG AND...

[sighing]
I'M SORRY.

BUT I HAVE
A LITTLE PROPOSAL.

[gasping]

A RING, PERHAPS?

OH, PATRICK, PATRICK...

SHH.

SHH.

I TOLD YOU NOT
TO CALL ME THAT.

I'M SORRY, KITTEN.

*[Me and Mrs. Jones playing]

BOBBY BILLY,
WOULD YOU BRING
ME SWEETIES, TOO?

YOU KNOW I WOULD.

(Patrick)
WHAT KIND
WOULD THEY BE?

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS.

(Patrick)
NO. NO, QUALITY STREET.

(Billy)
QUALITY STREET?

* ME AND MRS. JONES

* WE GOT A THING

* GOIN' ON

IT WAS MY MOTHER'S.

SHE LEFT IT TO ME
IN HER WILL.

NOBODY STAYS HERE,
AND I--I NEED SOMEBODY
TO LOOK AFTER IT, KITTEN.

WHAT DO YOU RECKON?

HOUSE OF DREAMS AND LONGING.

I WOULDN'T EXACTLY
CALL IT A HOUSE,
BUT TELL US WHAT YOU THINK.

* WE MEET EVERY DAY

* AT THE SAME CAFE

OH, TO HAVE A LITTLE HOUSE.

TO OWN THE HEARTH,
STOOL AND ALL.

SO, KITTEN, CAN I
COME AND VISIT YOU
EVERY NOW AND AGAIN?

OF COURSE YOU CAN,
YOU GREAT, BIG, SILLY
BOBBY GOLDSBORO.

YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO ASK.

* WHILE THE JUKEBOX PLAYS
OUR FAVORITE SONGS *

* ME AND MRS.

* MRS. JONES

* MRS. JONES,
MRS. JONES, MRS. JONES *

* WE GOT A THING

* GOIN' ON

* WE BOTH KNOW
THAT IT'S WRONG *

* BUT IT'S MUCH TOO STRONG

* TO LET IT GO NOW

WELL, GOODNESS GRACIOUS,
ICKY-OAKIE ME.

* WE GOTTA BE EXTRA CAREFUL

* THAT DO WE DON'T BUILD
OUR HOPES UP TOO HIGH *

* BECAUSE SHE'S GOT

* HER OWN OBLIGATIONS

* AND SO, AND SO, DO I

WHAT?

WHAT'S WITH DIANA ROSS?

LEAVE HIM BE,
HE KNOWS NOTHING.

KEEP IT THAT WAY.

NO PROBLEM.

* MRS. JONES,
MRS. JONES, MRS. JONES *

[car door slamming]

[car engine starting]

* WE GOT A THING GOIN' ON *

* CAPTAIN HEELEY WENT AWAY

* AND HIS WIFE
GOT IN THE FAMILY WAY *

* AND THE ONLY WORDS
THAT SHE WOULD SAY WAS *

* "BLAME THE BRITISH ARMY"

* TOO RA LOO RA
LOO RA LOO *

* I'VE MADE ME MIND UP
WHAT TO DO *

* I'LL WORK
MY TICKET HOME TO YOU *

* AND FUCK THE BRITISH ARMY *

IF I VOLUNTEER, IRWIN,
COULD I HAVE PINK GLASSES,
PLEASE?

CAN'T YOU TAKE
ANYTHING SERIOUS?

OH, SERIOUS,
SERIOUS, SERIOUS.

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO
SOON ENOUGH.

SO FUCKING WHAT, CHARLIE?

I SELL REPUBLICAN NEWS.
A FEW FUCKING PAPERS,
BIG DEAL.

WHAT ARE YOU,
MY FUCKING WIFE?

DON'T YOU LIE TO ME, IRWIN.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOUR STORIES.

I'M INVOLVED IN NOTHING!
I SELL THEIR PAPER,

FOR ALL THE DIFFERENCE
IT MAKES IN THIS KIP.

NOBODY GIVES A FUCK!

SOON ENOUGH
THEY FUCKING WILL.

IF I FIND OUT
YOU'RE LYING TO ME,

I'LL FINISH
WITH YOU, I SWEAR!

YEAH, WELL, FINISH IT WITH ME,
SEE IF I FUCKING CARE!

[police siren wailing]

(officer #1)
COME ON, MOVE OFF THE ROAD.

THERE'S A VEHICLE
COMING THROUGH.

GET BACK.
IT'S FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

[horns honking]

[sirens wailing]

(officer #2)
GET THESE PEOPLE
OFF THE STREET!

I WANT EVERYONE TO MOVE AWAY
FROM THE RED VAN!

COME ON, FOLKS.
STAND BACK, PLEASE. MOVE!

(guard)
BRING IT DOWN CAREFUL NOW.
YEAH, GENTLY.

PLEASE, MOVE BACK.

MOVE BACK.

(officer #2)
NOW LET THE ARMY GO TO WORK.

GET BACK, NOW, GET BACK.

(officer #1)
MOVE BACK
AND CLEAR THE AREA.

THERE MAY BE
OTHER DEVICES.

(officer #2)
YOU'RE TO GET AWAY NOW.
GET BACK, NOW.

GET AWAY FROM THE STREET.

GET OFF THE STREET NOW.

(officer #1)
CLEAR THIS AREA
FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

MOVE BACK.

[Lawrence screams]

IT'S A DALEK. EXTERMINATE.

LAWRENCE!

EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.

EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.

(Lawrence)
EXTERMINATE.

[church bells tolling]

[birds chirping]

(Liam)
DUST THOU ART, AND UNTO
DUST THOU SHALT RETURN...

[Mrs. Feely crying]

UNTIL THE LORD RAISES
YOU UP ON THE LAST DAY.

LET US PRAY FOR
OUR BROTHER LAWRENCE
TO OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST

WHO SAID,
"I AM THE RESURRECTION,
AND THE LIFE.

"THE MAN WHO BELIEVES IN ME
WILL LIVE EVEN IF HE DIES."

OUR FATHER,
WHO ART IN HEAVEN,
HALLOWED BE THY NAME.

THY KINGDOM COME

THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH,
AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.

GIVE US THIS DAY
OUR DAILY BREAD...

SERIOUS, SERIOUS.

TIME FOR SOME
SERIOUS SPRING CLEANING.

FUCK.

DON'T YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS?

DO--DO--DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THESE GUYS
ARE LIKE, PADDY?

DON'T LET THIS COME
BETWEEN US, BILLY.

SHUT UP!

[breathing heavily]

JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK
AM I GONNA DO?

FUCKING JESUS!

TELL THEM I WAS
SPRING CLEANING, DARLING.

WHERE ARE THEY, PADDY?

TELL ME, WHERE ARE THEY?

NOW, WHAT IS THIS
YOU MEAN, MY DARLING?

THE GUNS,
YOU LITTLE FUCKING WHORE,
WHERE ARE THEY?

THE GUNS!
IT'S ALL TOO FUCKING SERIOUS!
DON'T GO FUCKING ME AROUND.

OH, ALL OF A SUDDEN
EVERYBODY'S GETTING SERIOUS.

SERIOUS, SERIOUS, SERIOUS.

I'M NOT FUCKING JOKING,
PATRICK!

WHERE ARE THEY?

I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME KITTEN.

DON'T FUCKING KNOW ME.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE I'VE GONE.

AND IF THEY COME,
IF THEY FUCKING COME,
YOU TELL THEM NOTHING.

I MEAN NOTHING.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, DARLING.

YOU'RE WAY OUT OF
YOUR LEAGUE, PATRICK.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DEALING WITH.

DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

OH, I DO.
I KNOW, ALL RIGHT.

I KNOW YOU WERE ONLY JOKING
ABOUT THE ROSES

AND SWEETS, TOO, PROBABLY.

*[Everyday playing]

BUT IT WAS NICE
WHILE IT LASTED.

* AND IT WON'T EVEN SHOW

* AND NO ONE WILL KNOW

* ONE LITTLE WAVE

* TO SAY YOU'LL BEHAVE *

(Charlie)
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW
THAT YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED?

NOW THAT THEY'VE
BOMBED DOWN HERE?

ARE YOUR REPUBLICAN FRIENDS
GOOD AND HAPPY

NOW THEY CAN SEE
WHAT THEY'VE DONE?

WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

IT HAD NOTHING TO
DO WITH REPUBLICANS.

WHAT THE FUCK WOULD THEY BOMB
A SOUTHERN TOWN FOR, HUH?

YOU HEAR ME, CHARLIE?

AND IF YOU WANT OUT,
JUST SAY SO.

[gravel crunching]

[banging at door]

(Horse)
OPEN THE DOOR.

[banging continues]

I CAN'T, GO AWAY.
COME BACK IN THE MORNING.

(Jackie)
OPEN IT, BITCH!
THIS IS SERIOUS!

OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!

OK, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
I'M COMING.

(Jackie)
WHERE DID HE PUT THEM?

(Patrick)
I'M AFRAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THE GUNS, NANCY BOY.
WHERE DID HE PUT THE GUNS?

OH, YES, THE GUNS.

OH, BILLY BURIED THEM OUTSIDE
JUST--JUST TO BE SAFE.

GO.

THERE'S NO
FUCKING GUNS DOWN HERE.

OH! I THINK
THEY MIGHT JUST BE...

THE LITTLE CUNT!
HE'S TAKING
THE HAND OUT OF US.

...OVER HERE.

I'LL NUT HIM!
I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL NUT HIM!

SAY GOODBYE
TO MY FRIENDS, WILL YOU?

CHARLIE LIVES IN
SUNBEAM HEIGHTS
AND IRWIN'S UP THE BACKS.

IRWIN WHO?

WHY, IRWIN KERR,
OF COURSE.

THE BIG-TIME VOLUNTEER.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IRWIN KERR?

OH, NOTHING. NEVER MIND.

WELL, COME ON THEN.

JUST DO IT.
I'VE NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR

IN THIS STUPID,
SERIOUS WORLD.

OH, FUCK HIM.

LEAVE HIM BE.
HE'S NOT WORTH THE BULLET,
THE MENTAL NANCY BOY.

OH, WHAT IS IT
WITH NANCY BOYS

THAT YOU CAN'T BE
BOTHERED KILLING THEM?

YOU KILL EVERYONE ELSE.

LOOK, I'M FUCKING
WARNING YOU.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING HERE?

ARE YOU ON DOPE OR WHAT?

WISH THAT I WAS,
MR. KILLING MAN.
WHY, DO YOU HAVE ANY?

YOU'RE WAY OUT OF
YOUR LEAGUE, SUNSHINE.

NOT THAT AGAIN.
"OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE,
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE."

"OH,
YOU'RE IN OVER YOUR HEAD.
YOU'RE IN OVER YOUR HEAD."

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

SURELY YOU'VE ONE BULLET
TO SPARE BETWEEN YOUS.

AH, BOLLOCKS!

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

YOU HIT US, WE HIT YOU.
IT'S SIMPLE.

(Jackie)
RIGHT.

(Horse)
THE BOMB WAS MADE UP HERE
AND DRIVEN ACROSS THE BORDER.

(Jackie)
WEE BOBBY ANDERSON.
LIKES KILLING CATHOLICS.

IT'LL BE THE LAST
FUCKING BOMB HE'LL MAKE.

TURN THE LIGHTS OFF.
KEEP IT RUNNING.

[glass shattering]

[gunshots]

OH, LORD.

[woman screaming]

GET US THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE, WILL YOU?

WHAT'S THE SMELL?

HE SHAT HIMSELF.
YOU NOT TOILET TRAINED?

WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU ARE, KERR?

WHAT THE FUCK
DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

(Charlie)
TELL ME
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

YOU SEE,
THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN.

IT'S EVERYWHERE.

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW A SOUL
IN LONDON, PADDY.

THERE'S ONLY ONE SOUL
I NEED, CHARLIE.

(Charlie)
YOU REALLY THINK
YOU'LL FIND HER?

HOW MANY EILY BERGINS
CAN THERE BE?

(Irwin)
MAYBE SHE'S CHANGED HER NAME.

(Patrick)
SHE WON'T HAVE
CHANGED HER EYES, IRWIN.

HOW WILL YOU GET BY?

SAINT ANTHONY
WILL GUIDE ME.

*[The Moonbeam Song playing]

* HAVE YOU EVER
WATCHED A MOONBEAM *

* AS IT SLID ACROSS
YOUR WINDOWPANE *

* OR STRUGGLED
WITH A BIT OF RAIN *

* OR DANCED ABOUT
THE WEATHERVANE *

* OR SAT ALONG
A MOVING TRAIN *

* AND WONDERED WHERE
THE TRAIN HAS BEEN *

* OR ON A FENCE
WITH BITS OF CRAP *

* AROUND ITS BOTTOM

* BLOWN THERE BY A WINDBEAM

* WHO SEARCHES
FOR THE MOONBEAM *

* WHO WAS LAST SEEN
LOOKING AT THE TRACKS *

* OF THE CARELESS WINDBEAM

* OR MOVING TO THE TRACKS

* OF THE TIRELESS
FREIGHT TRAIN *

THE THING IS,
YOU COME TO THE CITY
THAT NEVER SLEEPS

AND YOU THINK IT'S
OPEN ALL THE TIME,
BUT IT DOES SLEEP.

EXCUSE ME?

OF COURSE IT DOES.

UH, I'M LOOKING FOR
MY MOTHER, PLEASE.

EILY BERGIN.
UH, PHANTOM LADY.

I'VE JUST GOT 2
BERGINS FOR 1956.

BERGIN, ELLEN,
AND BERGIN WITH
A SIMPLE INITIAL E.

WELL, THAT'S HER.
I MEAN, IT HAS TO BE
ONE OF THEM.

ONE'S FROM ALDGATE
AND THE OTHER'S
FROM EAST LONDON.

WILL YOU BE GOING BACK HOME
AFTER YOU'VE FOUND HER?

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

MAYBE SHE'LL COME WITH ME.

AND, SON, WILL YOU
PROMISE ME SOMETHING?

YES.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

OH, I WILL, MRS. HENDERSON.

THANK YOU.

*[Chirpy Chirpy
Cheep Cheep playing]

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE? *

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE? *

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE? *

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE? *

* FAR FAR AWAY

* WHERE'S YOUR
POPPA GONE *

* WHERE'S YOUR
POPPA GONE *

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* WHERE'S YOUR
POPPA GONE *

NO, MATE, THEY KNOCKED
THOSE HOUSES DOWN YEARS AGO.

* FAR FAR AWAY

* FAR FAR AWAY

* LAST NIGHT I HEARD
MY MOMMA SINGING THIS SONG *

* OOH WEE
CHIRPY CHIRPY CHEEP CHEEP *

* WOKE UP THIS MORNING
AND MY MOMMA WAS GONE *

* OOH WEE
CHIRPY CHIRPY CHEEP CHEEP*

* CHIRPY CHIRPY
CHEEP CHEEP CHIRP *

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE *

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE *

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE *

* WHERE'S YOUR
MOMMA GONE *

* FAR FAR AWAY

* WHERE'S YOUR
POPPA GONE *

* WHERE'S YOUR
POPPA GONE *

* LITTLE BABY GONE

* LITTLE BABY GONE *

I'M...

[humming]

(John Joe)
THE MAN HIMSELF.

ABOUT TIME, TOO.

[grunting]

ARE YOU HERE
FOR THE JOB, KID?

WHAT JOB?

THIS IS SHOWBIZ, KID.
YOU GOTTA BE ON THE BALL.

YOU TRY THAT WITH STEPHENSON,
NOW, YOU'VE NO FUCKING CHANCE.

WHO'S STEPHENSON?

HE THINKS HE'S IN CHARGE.

R.A.F., MY BOLLOCKS!
I'LL GIVE HIM R.A.F.

YOU'RE IRISH, YOU ARE.

TYREELIN, COUNTY CAVAN.

WELL THEN, COUNTY CAVAN,

GIVE US A SONG
AND YOU'RE HOME AND DRY.

* UNDERGROUND,
OVERGROUND, WOMBLING FREE *

(both)
* THE WOMBLES OF WIMBLEDON
COMMON ARE WE *

GOOD MAN, YOU HAVE IT.

NOW THE DANCE, OK? OK?

I'M GOING IN.

(John Joe)
RIGHT. HOP, 1. HOP, 2.

HOP, 1, 2, 3.

TOOSH, TOOSH, TOOSH.

FLAP, FLAP, FLAP. OK?
GO, GO ON.

HOP, HOP 1,
HOP 2, HOP 1, 2, 3.

TOOSH, TOOSH, TOOSH.

FLAP, FLAP, FLAP.
RIGHT, READY?

RIGHT, HOP 1, HOP 2.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE,
WILL YOU HOP RIGHT?

1, 2, 3.

(both)
HOP 1, HOP 2.
HOP, 1, 2, 3.

(both)
TOOSH, TOOSH, TOOSH.

FLAP, FLAP.
FLAP IT OUT, FLAP IT OUT.

SELL IT TO ME.

*[The Wombling Song playing]

* OVERGROUND,
UNDERGROUND, WOMBLING FREE *

* THE WOMBLES OF
WIMBLEDON COMMON ARE WE *

GIVE HIM THE DRILL, BULGARIA.

ENOUGH ALREADY.

YOU TAKE THE CROQUET.
CAPISCE?

CAPISCE.
I GOTTA WHEEL.

EVERY MORNING,
9:00, BE THERE.

* THINGS THAT THE EVERYDAY
FOLKS LEAVE BEHIND *

* UNCLE BULGARIA

* HE CAN REMEMBER THE DAYS

* WHEN HE WASN'T
BEHIND THE TIMES *

* WITH HIS MAP OF THE WORLD *

(Stephenson)
BULGARIA?

I TOLD YOU BEFORE,
THESE ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

YOU'RE HEAD WOMBLE HERE.

WELL, THAT'S THIS....
FUCK! FUCK!

I'LL GIVE YOU R.A.F.

I BROKE NO FUCKING MALLET!
I BROKE NO FUCKING MALLET!

(Stephenson)
KEEP AWAY FROM ME.

[both arguing]

(Stephenson)
PUT THAT DOWN!

(John Joe)
I'LL BREAK IT ACROSS
YOUR BACK, YOU BOLLOCKS!

I'LL BUST IT...

[boys laughing]

"YOU BROKE THE MALLET,"
HE SAYS.

"I'LL HAVE TO DOCK
IT FROM YOUR PAY."
I BROKE NO FUCKING MALLET.

YOU FUCKED ME
ONE LAST TIME.

R.A.F., MY BOLLOCKS!
THAT'S THE END OF THE LINE!

ENOUGH OF THAT, JOHN JOE.

BACK OFF, MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE
DEALING WITH HERE!

BACK IN THE CAN,
YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT THEY USED TO SAY?

"STAY AWAY, MAN.
HE'S OUT WHERE
THE BUSES DON'T RUN!"

YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR
LEAGUE HERE, FRIEND.

OH, NOT THAT AGAIN.

YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM
WHERE YOU STAND.

THEY FUCK WITH YOU,
YOU FUCK WITH THEM.

YOU FUCK THEM SO BAD
YOU MAKE THEM WISH
THEY'D NEVER BEEN BORN.

YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT?

I'D LOVE A BABYCHAM.

YOU GOT IT, KEMO SABE.

TOMMY,
ONE BABYCHAM, ONE POWERS.

PLEASE.

2 WEEKS' SEVERANCE,
IN THE PAW.

YOU FUCK WITH JOHN JOE KENNY,
THAT'S ONE TIME
YOU FUCK TOO MANY.

CAPISCE, COMPADRE?

HE'S FROM CAVAN.

SO, WHERE'S CAVAN?

NEXT TO MONAGHAN.

I'M GOING FOR A WOMBLE.

IF YOU WANT TO COME,
GIVE US A SHOUT, RIGHT?

REALLY, UNCLE BULGARIA.

(John Joe and Patrick)
* UNDERGROUND,
OVERGROUND, WOMBLING FREE *

* THE WOMBLES OF
WIMBLEDON COMMON ARE WE *

* UNDERGROUND,
OVERGROUND, WOMBLING FREE *

I WAS A WOMBLE ONE TIME.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?

HEY, YOU CAN'T
SLEEP HERE, LOVE.

HAVE YOU GOT
A HOME TO GO TO?

YOU CAN GET
A CAB OUTSIDE.

OH, I DO BELIEVE
I HAVE A SMALL, ELFIN
DWELLING ON WIMBLEDON COMMON.

[men chattering]

OI!

YOU DOING BUSINESS,
DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, LOVE.

THIS PAVEMENT'S
GOT MY NAME ON IT.

WHAT, PRAY,
IS YOUR NAME? "CONCRETE"?

MY NAME IS
"SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT,"
"BITE YOUR BLEEDING NOSE OFF,"

WHICH IS WHAT I'LL DO
IF YOU DON'T GET OFF MY PATCH.

ALL RIGHT, LOVER?

SHE GIVING YOU TROUBLE, SON?

OH, NO TROUBLE AT ALL.
WE WERE JUST EXCHANGING NAMES.

(hooker)
GO ON, YOU FUCKING NANCY BOY!

DON'T FUCKING COME BACK!

(Patrick)
AND HER NAME IS
"SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT

AND BITE YOUR
BLEEDING NOSE OFF."

AND MY NAME IS
PATRICIA KITTEN BRADEN.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU,
PATRICIA KITTEN BRADEN.

JUST WHAT WERE YOU
DOING BACK THERE?

I WAS LOOKING FOR
THE PHANTOM LADY.

YOU FOUND
THE RIGHT STREET, THEN.

WHY, WHAT'S IT CALLED?
PHANTOM LADY STREET?

YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.

AND JUST WHO IS
THIS PHANTOM LADY?

WELL, IT'S MY MOTHER, REALLY.
I CALL HER THAT.

TO PRETEND IT'S A STORY
THAT'S HAPPENING TO
SOMEONE ELSE, YOU SEE.

AND WHY DO YOU
PRETEND THAT?

BECAUSE OTHERWISE I MIGHT CRY
AND NEVER STOP.

IF YOU CRIED,
I'D MAKE YOU STOP.

OH, YOU WOULD?

OH, HOW KIND, KIND SIR.

YES, I'D DEFINITELY
MAKE YOU STOP.

(Mr. Silky String)
AND JUST WHAT IS IT
YOU DO, THEN?

(Patrick)
OH, THIS AND THAT.
SHOWBIZ, KIND OF. SINGING.

WHAT DO YOU
LIKE TO SING ABOUT?

I SING ABOUT TRUE LOVE.

THAT'S NICE.

HAVE YOU EVER FOUND IT?

I THOUGHT I HAD, ONCE.

HERE'S ONE
ABOUT TRUE LOVE.

*[Feelings by Morris Albert
playing on radio]

* FEELINGS

EVER HEARD THIS ONE?

* NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS

NICE, ISN'T IT?

I JUST LOVE LOVE SONGS.

* TRYING TO FORGET MY

TAKE IT OFF.

* FEELINGS OF LOVE

DON'T YOU LIKE IT?

TAKE IT OFF,
THERE'S A GOOD LAD.

AS YOU WISH, SIR.

* ROLLING DOWN ON MY FACE

NOW, ISN'T THAT
MORE COMFORTABLE?

YES, SIR.

* TRYING TO FORGET MY

OF COURSE IT IS,
MY LOVE-LOVING FRIEND.

* FEELINGS OF LOVE

HERE, FEEL THAT.

HMM.

* FEELINGS

GOOD OLD-FASHIONED SILK.
HMM.

HERE YOU ARE.

THANK YOU.

* I WISH
I'VE NEVER MET YOU, GIRL *

* YOU'LL NEVER COME AGAIN
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

YOU LIKE IT?

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

* FEELINGS

LIKE IT?

[horn blaring]

[grunts]

* FEELINGS

[gasping]

* FEELINGS

(Patrick)
BUT DID TRUE LOVE SAVE KITTEN
FROM THE HANDS OF THE BEAST

IN THAT WORST OF ALL
FAIRY TALES?

[screaming]
NO, WHAT SAVED KITTEN

WAS HER
PRECIOUS PERFUME SPRAY

BOUGHT FOR 2.99
IN ROCHES STORES
ON HENRY STREET

BEFORE SHE LEFT
HER BELOVED EMERALD ISLE.

* AND FEELINGS LIKE
I'VE NEVER HAVE YOU *

* AGAIN IN MY HEART *

(Bertie)
HELLO.

I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT,

BUT ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MISS?

YES, FINE, THANK YOU.

JUST TIRED AFTER
MY HARD DAY'S WORK.

YOU HAVE BEEN SITTING THERE
FOR 4 HOURS NOW.

YES, BUSY AT MY DESK.

BUSY AT YOUR DESK?

MMM-HMM.

WRITING MY LITTLE BOOK.

YOUR LITTLE BOOK?

WHAT TYPE OF BOOK?

WELL, IT'S A...

IT'S A MYSTERY THRILLER, SIR.

ABOUT A WOMAN
WHO DISAPPEARS.

MAY I ASK WHAT IT'S CALLED?

YES.

IT'S CALLED

FOOTPRINTS IN THE CUSTARD.

HMM.

NO, I'M ONLY JOKING.
IT DOESN'T HAVE A NAME YET

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN,

IF THE MYSTERY
IS EVER SOLVED.

BUT THE LADY HAS A NAME?

UH-HUH.

PHANTOM LADY.

"PHANTOM LADY."

NO,
HER REAL NAME'S EILY BERGIN.

AND SHE WAS MY MOTHER.

YOUR MOTHER?
YEAH.

AND THEN SHE WENT AWAY
TO THE CITY OF ALL CITIES

THAT NEVER SLEEPS
FROM DUSK TILL DAWN.

SO, YOU THINK
SHE'S HERE IN LONDON?

NO, I KNOW
SHE'S HERE IN LONDON.

FANTASTIC!

[chuckles]

THE FANTASTIC TALE
OF EILY BERGIN.

I CAN'T WAIT
TO HEAR THE ENDING.

BUT YOU HAVEN'T
EVEN HEARD THE START.

I CAN'T WAIT
TO HEAR THAT, EITHER.

SO, ARE YOU A WRITER,
TOO, THEN, SIR?

OH, GOOD LORD, NO.

BUT SOMETHING SIMILAR, MAYBE.

SOMETHING SIMILAR?
I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD BE.

[Patrick exclaims]

YOU'RE A MAGICIAN!

BERTIE VAUGHAN
AT YOUR SERVICE.

NOW, THE FIRST THING
THAT HAS TO BE SAID,
BERTIE DEAREST,

IS THAT YOU BEAR
ABSOLUTELY NO RESEMBLANCE
TO MARLON "MARGARINE" BRANDO.

WE ALL HAVE OUR OFF DAYS.

SO, TELL ME MORE
ABOUT THE PHANTOM LADY.

WHY? WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

I'LL TAKE YOU
TO SEE MY SHOW.

OH, IT'S A DEAL, MAGIC.

SO, WHERE WERE WE?
YES, THE PHANTOM LADY.

EILY BERGIN HAD
JUST ARRIVED IN DUBLIN

AND JUST REALIZED
THAT HER BOAT DIDN'T SAIL

FOR ANOTHER 4 HOURS.

LO AND BEHOLD, NOT A SCRATCH.

(Bertie)
THANK YOU, MY DEAR.

PICK A CARD.

ANYONE?

COME ALONG, MADAM,
PICK A CARD.

ANY CARD.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, YES, BLIMEY.

"OH, MY GOD" IS RIGHT.

I DO BELIEVE YOU'VE CHOSEN
THE 101 OF HEARTS.

THANK YOU, MY DEAR,
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.

[people applauding]

*[The Windmills of Your Mind
playing]

TIME, OF COURSE.

THE TIME. OH.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S UP,
YOU LOVELY PEOPLE.

COME ON, HELP ME, PLEASE,
MY LOVES.

ANYONE OUT THERE
WILLING TO ENCOUNTER
THE GREAT WATCH?

* LIKE A CAROUSEL
THAT'S TURNING *

* RUNNING RINGS
AROUND THE MOON *

HELLO, YOUNG LADY.
HELLO.

AND WHAT'S THE STORY
BEHIND THOSE
BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES?

* AND THE WORLD IS
LIKE AN APPLE
WHIRLING SILENTLY IN SPACE *

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, YOUNG LADY?

PATRICIA KITTEN BRADEN.

AND WHERE ARE
YOU FROM, MY DEAR?

IRELAND.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE WATCH,
YOUNG PATRICIA.

THE WHOLE WORLD IS IN THERE.

TICK-TOCK.

* LIKE A TUNNEL
THAT YOU FOLLOW *

SWING-SWONG.

* TO A TUNNEL OF ITS OWN

AND, DARE I SAY IT

DING-DONG.

* DOWN A HOLLOW TO A CAVERN

AND LET THE GREAT WATCH
GUIDE YOU.

* LIKE A DOOR
THAT KEEPS REVOLVING *

* IN A HALF-FORGOTTEN DREAM

* OR THE RIPPLES
FROM A PEBBLE *

AND WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO OUR GREAT METROPOLIS?

I'M LOOKING FOR MY MAMMY.

OH. AND WHERE DID MUMMY GO?

THE CITY SWALLOWED HER UP.

OH, FANCY THAT.

WELL,
IT WILL DO THAT TO PEOPLE.

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT,
PATRICIA?

I THINK I SEE YOUR MOTHER.
WHERE?

WHY, DOWN THERE
BY THAT TABLE BY THE JUKEBOX.

MAMMY!

[people laughing]

ON SECOND THOUGHTS, PATRICIA,

SHE'S NOT YOUR MOTHER,
SHE'S YOUR GREAT-AUNT IDA.

THAT'S YOUR MOTHER
OVER THERE.

MAMMY?

MAMMY!

OH, MAMMY.

[people laughing]

ACTUALLY,

PATRICIA, THAT-THAT'S
YOUR 2ND COUSIN RONNIE,
JUST OUT OF THE SCRUBS.

IN FACT,

YOUR MUMMY IS RIGHT UP HERE.

UP HERE ON STAGE.

COME TO MUMMY.

COME TO MUMMY.

COME TO MUMMY.

(Bertie)
COME TO MUMMY.

[people laughing]
YOU LOVE YOUR MUMMY
AND YOUR POPPY.

[crying]

GOOD TO HAVE
YOU BACK, DARLING.

AND MUMMY'S
NEVER LEAVING AGAIN.

NEVER.

NEVER.

NEVER, I PROMISE. NEVER.

[exclaims]

[people laughing]

[people applauding]

*[drums beating]

JUST CALL ME OLD SAWBONES.

[exclaims]

[people laughing]

YOU ALL RIGHT, DEAR?

YES.

[sighs]

[box creaking]

[people applauding]

THOSE OF
A NERVOUS DISPOSITION

SHOULD NOW CLOSE THEIR EYES.

OH, DEAR.

[groaning]

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, KITTEN?

OH...

NO, I'M ACTUALLY
QUITE HEARTBROKEN.

[people laughing]

[sighs]

[people laughing]
I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM.

OOH.

[people exclaiming]

[exclaiming]

[sighs]

GEE, THANKS, CUPID.

AND THE OTHER THING
ABOUT THE PHANTOM
LADY WAS, BERTIE,

SHE REALIZED, IN
THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS...

WHAT DID SHE REALIZE,
KITTEN?

THAT ALL THE SONGS
THAT SHE'D LISTENED TO,
ALL THE LOVE SONGS,

WELL, THEY WERE ONLY SONGS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

NOTHING,
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM.

BUT SHE DID, YOU SEE.

SHE BELIEVED
IN ENCHANTED EVENINGS

AND SHE-- AND SHE BELIEVED
THAT A SMALL CLOUD
PASSED OVERHEAD

AND CRIED DOWN
ON HER FLOWERBED.

AND SHE EVEN BELIEVED
THERE WAS BREAKFAST
TO BE HAD.

WHERE?

ON PLUTO.

THE MYSTERIOUS,
ICY WASTES OF PLUTO.

(Bertie)
YOU KNOW, KITTEN, I MADE
A DECISION A LONG TIME AGO.

(Patrick)
WHAT DECISION WAS THAT?

THAT I WASN'T DESTINED
FOR THE SENTIMENTAL
SIDE OF THINGS.

BUT...

BUT IF I DID LET MYSELF
EVER FALL FOR SOMEONE,

I THINK IT WOULD BE
A GIRL LIKE YOU.

BERTIE, PLEASE,
I HAVE TO STOP YOU.

THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW.

OR MAYBE
WHAT I SHOULD SAY IS,

IT WOULD BE A GIRL...

NOT A MILLION
MILES AWAY FROM...

NO, PLEASE DON'T.

...WHERE I'M STANDING.

NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
PRINCESS?

WELL, YOU SEE,
THE THING IS, BERTIE, I'M,

I'M NOT...
YES?

UM...

I'M NOT A GIRL.

OH, I KNEW THAT, PRINCESS.

YOU DID?

OF COURSE.

WHAT I SAID WAS

IT WOULD BE A GIRL LIKE YOU.

[people laughing]

(Bertie)
I DO BELIEVE I SEE MUMMY
OVER THERE.

(Bertie)
MAMMY!

ACTUALLY,
SHE'S JUST WALKED IN. THERE.

[people continue laughing]

MAMMY! MAMMY.

BASTARDS!

THINK YOU CAN
MAKE FUN OF HER?

YOU'RE COMIN' WITH ME.

WAIT!

(Bertie)
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME.

WHAT ABOUT
THE PRINCE OF MAGIC?

PLEASE DON'T GO.

SOME FUCKING
PRINCE OF MAGIC.

NO, MAYBE I SHOULD...
HE DOESN'T MEAN BAD,
CHARLIE.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, PADDY,
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU?

KITTEN!

*[Children Of The Revolution
by T-Rex playing on stereo]

* LET IT ALL HANG OUT

* BUT YOU WON'T FOOL
THE CHILDREN
OF THE REVOLUTION *

* NO, YOU WON'T FOOL
THE CHILDREN
OF THE REVOLUTION *

* NO, NO, NO *

(Patrick)
EXCUSE ME.

JOHN JOE. JOHN JOE!

JOHN JOE!

[chuckles]

NOT A WOMBLE ANYMORE.

DON'T TALK TO ME
ABOUT FUCKING WOMBLES!

I'M IN
THE TOWER OF LONDON NOW.

HA. 30 SMACKERS
IN THE PAW, BOY,
NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

HEY, THEY'RE LOOKING
FOR A MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS.

WOULD YOU BE UP FOR IT?

THEY'D CHOP
MY HEAD OFF, SURELY.

AND HERE'S THE MAN
TO DO IT FOR YOU. HUH?

[laughs]

SMILEY, HUH?

[laughs]

[people chattering]

WHERE'S IRWIN GONE?

OH.

HIM AND HIS
FUCKING REVOLUTION.

HOW'D YOU CARRY IT?

BOTTOM OF MY SLEEPING BAG.

THERE WON'T BE MUCH SLEEPING
WITH THIS BABY.

SO YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN HER, THEN?

SHE'S--SHE'S HERE,
THOUGH, SOMEWHERE.

I KNOW IT.
I JUST KNOW IT, CHARLIE.

BIG FUCKIN' CITY.

I'M LOSIN' IRWIN, YOU KNOW.

HOW?

HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
I KNOW IT.

HE'S GOT THESE SECRETS.

(Patrick)
SO WHY DID YOU
COME OVER, CHARLIE?

WASN'T JUST TO SEE ME.

WAS IT SOMETHING
TO DO WITH IRWIN?

YOU MIGHT SAY THAT.

I'M PREGNANT.

OH, JESUS, CHARLIE.

DOES HE KNOW?

YOU KNOW ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT.

OR CARES.

BUT YOU DIDN'T COME HERE
TO HAVE THE BABY?

I CAME HERE
TO GET RID OF IT.

YOU HAVE TO
TELL HIM, CHARLIE.

I CAN'T.

[door opening]
HE'S ALL FUCKED UP. HE'S...

SO, HOW ARE THE HOMELESS?

HOMELESS ARE FINE.

THAT'S WHAT KEEPS HIM
OUT LATE, KITTEN,

WORKING WITH THE HOMELESS.

RIGHT, IRWIN?

I CAN'T HAVE IT,
CAN I, PADDY?

(Patrick)
NO.

NO, YOU CAN'T.

IRWIN'S INVOLVED IN SHIT
I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT.

I KNOW.

WHAT WOULD IT
TURN OUT LIKE, PADDY?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
DON'T YOU?

IT'D BE AN ABSOLUTE DISASTER,
LIKE ME.

NOW, I WANT YOU
TO READ THIS LEAFLET.

IT OUTLINES ALL ASPECTS
OF THE TERMINATION PROCEDURE.

TERMINATION?

YOU MEAN
THIS IS AN ABORTION CLINIC?

YES, OF COURSE IT IS.

OH. I THOUGHT
IT WAS A FERTILITY CLINIC.

[door closing]

I THINK SHE CHANGED HER MIND.
THANK YOU.

*[For The Good Times
by Kris Kristofferson playing]

* DON'T LOOK SO SAD

* I KNOW IT'S OVER

YOU SAID IT'D BE A DISASTER,
LIKE YOU.

[chuckles]
WORSE, PROBABLY.

BUT I LOVE YOU,
YOU FUCKING DISASTER.

OH, CHARLIE.

* KEEP ON TURNING

* LET'S JUST BE GLAD

(Charlie)
PROMISE YOU WON'T
GET LOST AGAIN?

I PROMISE.

* TO SPEND TOGETHER

TELL HIM.

TELL ME WHAT?

* THERE'S NO NEED
TO WATCH THE BRIDGES *

CHARLIE'S JOINING
THE SANDINISTAS.

AREN'T YOU, CHARLIE?

SANDINISTAS?
MMM-HMM.

THEY'RE A ROCK BAND.

AREN'T THEY, CHARLIE?

WHERE CAN I REACH YOU?

* LAY YOUR HEAD

TRY CAMBRIDGE CIRCUS.

* UPON MY PILLOW

(woman)
THANK YOU.

* HOLD YOUR WARM

* AND TENDER BODY
CLOSE TO MINE *

SEE YOU, PADDY.

* HEAR THE WHISPER
OF THE RAINDROPS *

* BLOWIN' SOFT
AGAINST THE WINDOW *

* AND MAKE BELIEVE
YOU LOVE ME *

* ONE MORE TIME

* FOR THE GOOD TIMES

* I'LL GET ALONG

* YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER

[people chattering]

* AND I'LL BE HERE *

*[Dream World playing]

* DREAM WORLD

* I'M WRAPPED UP
IN A DREAM WORLD *

* I MUST BE DREAMING IT,
DARLING *

YOU AND ME, DARLING.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I DON'T QUITE KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

* DREAM WORLD

CHRIST, YOU'RE A BLOKE!

10 OUT OF 10, SHERLOCK.

* SOMEBODY TAKE ME
WHY DON'T YOU WAKE ME *

* I MUST BE DREAMING

* NO, NO, DON'T GO

* I NEED ONE MORE CHANCE
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU *

* NO, NO, DON'T GO

YOU FANCY A DRINK
OR SOMETHING?

* DREAM WORLD

CAMPARI AND SODA,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

OF COURSE I DON'T.

WOULDN'T HAVE
ASKED YOU OTHERWISE,
WOULD I?

CAMPARI AND SODA,
PLEASE, MATE.

* DREAM WORLD

* I'M WRAPPED UP
IN A DREAM WORLD *

(barman)
THERE YOU GO, MATE.

CHEERS.

[people chattering]

THANK YOU.

CROWDED TONIGHT.

OH, YES.

FOOTBALL SUPPORTERS?

NO, ROYAL ENGINEERS.

OH, SOLDIERS.

JUST COME BACK
FROM A TOUR OF DUTY.

ADEN? CYPRUS?
NO, LET ME GUESS.

FUCKING ULSTER.

I HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING
AGAINST THE IRISH,
THOUGH, MIND.

I HEAR
THEY'RE VERY FRIENDLY.

DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

IT'S THE POLITICIANS
WHAT FUCK IT UP, THOUGH,
ISN'T IT?

* DREAM WORLD

DO YOU WANNA DANCE?

* I'M WRAPPED UP
IN A DREAM WORLD *

YES, I'D LOVE TO.

* DREAM WORLD

* I'M WRAPPED UP
IN A DREAM WORLD *

*[Honey by Bobby Goldsboro
playing]

YOU OK?

OH, YES. SUPER.

YOU SEEM A LITTLE BIT TENSE.

* IT WASN'T BIG

HMM.

WOULD YOU DO
SOMETHING FOR ME?

* I LAUGHED AT HER
AND SHE GOT MAD *

YEAH, OF COURSE.

* THE FIRST DAY
THAT SHE PLANTED IT *

WOULD YOU PRETEND
YOUR NAME'S BOBBY?

BOBBY WHO?

* SHE WAS ALWAYS
YOUNG AT HEART *

BOBBY GOLDSBORO.

* KINDA DUMB
AND KINDA SMART *

IT'S HIS SONG, YOU SEE.

BOBBY IT IS, THEN.

* AND I SURPRISED HER
WITH A PUPPY *

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS PLANT A LITTLE TREE,

AND SURPRISE ME WITH A PUPPY,

I'LL HUG YOUR NECK.

* AND IT WOULD SURE
EMBARRASS HER *

* WHEN I CAME IN
FROM WORKIN' LATE *

[people coughing]

[ambulance siren wailing]

[people continue coughing]

(cop #1)
BACK. GO TO THE BACK END.

GET AS MANY MEN
DOWN AS YOU CAN.

(paramedic)
ALL RIGHT, MY LOVE, WE'RE
GONNA GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

(cop #2)
COME ON, MY LOVE.
CAN YOU STAND?

THAT'S IT.

(cop #1)
AS MANY PEOPLE AS WE CAN
GET OUT THROUGH THE DOOR.

(paramedic)
TAKE MY SHOULDER, LOVE.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, MATE,
I'VE GOT YOU.

MY TIGHTS.

EASY, EASY.
STEADY DOWN THERE. STEADY.

MY TIGHTS!
THEY'RE IN RIBBONS.

YOU'RE ALIVE, LOVE,
THAT'S THE MAIN THING.

COME ON.

I KNOW WHAT I'LL HAVE TO DO,
I'LL HAVE TO GET A NEW PAIR.

THERE'S NO OTHER WAY,
I'M AFRAID.

(paramedic)
KEEP STILL, DARLING.
DON'T TRY AND MOVE, OK?

(paramedic)
PLEASE, LET US THROUGH NOW!

(cop #3)
WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT.

I TOLD YOU,
FROM MY BEST SIDE, DARLINGS.

(cop #1)
BRING THE OTHER AMBULANCE.
SLOW DOWN.

THAT'S IT. SLOWLY NOW.

(paramedic)
COME ON, GET
OUT OF THE WAY, PLEASE!

COME ON.

OUT OF THE WAY.

(woman)
PLEASE, NURSE,
HE'S IN SO MUCH PAIN.

[people chattering]

NO, THEY'RE CHRISTIAN DIOR.
DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO?

[chuckling]

[camera clicking]

[man whacking]

[laughs]

HOW SILLY CAN YOU GET,
PUTTING AN "X"
ACROSS MY WEENIE.

NOT SO SILLY
AS 11 FUCKING PEOPLE
BLOWN TO PIECES,

YOU TWISTED LITTLE CUNT!

(Wallis)
FUCKING BABY-FACED,
FUCKING IRISH MURDERER!

[grunts]

I'M SORRY, DID YOU CALL?

I CAN'T QUITE SEE
WHERE YOU ARE.

I'M OVER HERE, YOU SEE.

MILLIONS OF MILES UP HERE
WITH SIRIUS GUARDING MY HEAD.

TELL HIM
WHAT HE WANTS TO KNOW!

[pants]

OH, IT'S FREE. EVERYONE
THINKS IT'S COLD UP HERE

BUT IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE WARM.

YES, IT'S WARM AS TOAST
UP ON PLUTO.

EH, PLUTO.

[both panting]

DON'T TRY THE FUCKING
BLARNEY ON US, PADDY!

WE KNOW YOU PLANTED
THE FUCKING BOMB!

BUT OF COURSE I DID,
MY DARLING.

WHY, I'VE PLANTED
HUNDREDS OF THEM.

(Wallis)
HAVE YOU NOW?
WELL, PLANT THIS!

HELLO, OFFICER.

I'M OVER HERE.

JUST TAKE A LEFT
AT THE MILKY WAY.

* WE'LL TRAVEL TO MARS
AND VISIT *

CHRIST,
I CAN'T FUCKING STAND THIS!

LISTEN, SON,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
MAKE A STATEMENT?

A STATEMENT, OFFICER?

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO?

ATTABOY. THERE'S NO POINT
MAKING IT HARD FOR ALL OF US.

OF COURSE NOT.

AFTER ALL,
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE.

LET'S START
WITH WHERE YOU WERE
ON THURSDAY, OCTOBER 17TH.

[whispering]
I WAS IN MY LITTLE CELL

WORKING WITH
MY ACTIVE SERVICE UNIT.

BUT I WAS WORKING UNDERCOVER.

UNDERCOVER?
HMM.

*[For What It's Worth by
Buffalo Springfield playing]

* THERE'S A MAN WITH A GUN
OVER THERE *

OH, IT'S ALL
COMING BACK TO ME NOW.
PEN AND PAPER, PLEASE.

* TELLING ME
I GOT TO BEWARE *

* I THINK IT'S TIME WE STOP,
CHILDREN, WHAT'S THAT SOUND *

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

(Patrick)
PATRICIA KITTEN,
A.K.A. DEEP THROAT,

HAD PENETRATED
THE DEEPEST RECESSES
OF THE REPUBLICAN SPHINCTER...

* THERE'S BATTLE LINES
BEING DRAWN *

WITH HER SECRET
ANTI-TERRORIST SPRAY

NAMED AFTER
GABRIELLE COCO CHANEL'S
LUCKY NUMBER.

* SPEAKING THEIR MINDS

(leader)
THE STABILITY OF SEMTEX
WILL BE COMPROMISED.

(Patrick)
OH, BUT, LORD, WAS SHE
SICK OF THAT BLACK.

[all exclaiming]

WHAT IS IT
WITH FREEDOM FIGHTERS
AND COUTURE ANYWAY?

* HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

* STOP, HEY,
WHAT'S THAT SOUND *

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

* STOP, HEY,
WHAT'S THAT SOUND *

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

YOU'VE GOT FUSE SUPPORT
AND BOOSTER CHARGE.

WHAT CAN I SAY?
WE'VE GOT HERE
THE PRESSURE PLATE--

* STOP, HEY,
WHAT'S THAT SOUND *

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

* STOP *

* STOP, HEY,
WHAT'S THAT SOUND *

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

* STOP, HEY,
WHAT'S THAT SOUND *

* EVERYBODY LOOK
WHAT'S GOING DOWN *

*[Honey by
Bobby Goldsboro playing]

* ONE DAY
WHILE I WAS NOT AT HOME *

* WHILE SHE WAS THERE
AND ALL ALONE *

* THE ANGELS CAME

* NOW ALL I HAVE
IS MEMORIES OF HONEY *

* AND I WAKE UP NIGHTS
AND CALL HER NAME *

* NOW MY LIFE'S
AN EMPTY STAGE *

[sobbing]
* WHERE HONEY LIVED
AND HONEY PLAYED *

* AND LOVE GREW UP

* AND A SMALL CLOUD
PASSES OVERHEAD *

IS THERE ANYONE HERE?

WHY WON'T HE JUST
TALK TO US?

DID HE OR DIDN'T HE,
DRESSED AS A WOMAN,
GET CAUGHT BY HIS OWN BOMB?

WE'VE HELD HIM 6 DAYS NOW.
7'S THE MAX.

* HOW BIG IT'S GROWN

* BUT FRIEND
IT HASN'T BEEN TOO LONG *

* IT WASN'T BIG *

[both exclaim]

(Wallis)
PADDY?

[Patrick moaning]

YOU ALL RIGHT?

FINE. ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

MEET US HALFWAY,
WILL YOU, PADDY?

TELL US WHY YOU
CAME OVER HERE.

WELL, WELL, I WAS JUST
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE.

I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR
EILY BERGIN.

WHO'S EILY BERGIN,
PADDY?

SHE'S GONE UNDERCOVER NOW.

THE BIGGEST CITY IN THE WORLD
SWALLOWED HER UP.

COULD SHE HELP US
WITH OUR INQUIRIES, PADDY?

SHE COULD HELP ME WITH MINE.

DO YOU WANT US TO FIND HER?
HAVE YOU GOT AN ADDRESS?

YOU COULD TRY
THE HOUSE THAT VANISHED.

THE HOUSE THAT VANISHED.

[laughing]
OH, CHRIST.

I THINK
WE'RE ALL LOSING IT.

WE'RE GONNA GET
SOME SLEEP NOW, PADDY.

WE'RE GONNA GET SOME SLEEP.

LOOK, I THINK WE MAY
HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.

OFFICER?

WHAT IS IT NOW?

(Patrick)
IF YOU CAME HOME
FROM THE OFFICE

AND YOU FOUND ME
LYING ON THE FLOOR,

WOULD YOU TAKE ME
TO THE HOSPITAL?

WELL, OF COURSE I WOULD.

AND WOULD YOU CARRY ME
LIKE YOU'RE DOING NOW?

WELL, YEAH.

SO IF I WASN'T
A TRANSVESTITE TERRORIST,
WOULD YOU MARRY ME?

NO, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

[knocking on door]

WELL, IS OFFICER WALLIS
GONNA BE A HAPPY MAN OR WHAT?

WE'VE HELD YOU TOO LONG
BY ALL ACCOUNTS. LOOK.

OH.

OH, NO, YOU CAN'T.

YOU CAN'T. NOT WHEN
I'M SETTLING IN SO WELL.

TAKE YOUR HEAD
OFF MY SHOULDER, SON.

[whistles]

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, PADDY.
WE CAN'T KEEP YOU HERE.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
WE COULDN'T EVEN
IF WE WANTED TO.

FUCK THIS,
I'M GOING ON A LONG HOLIDAY.

WIFE SAYS I NEED IT.

COME ON!

COME ON, JUST FOR ONE DAY.
IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU.

SORRY, PADDY.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

OK, A HALF-A-DAY, PLEASE?

NO.

LOOK, DO YOU MIND ME ASKING?

I MEAN, WHY DO YOU WANNA...

I MEAN,
IT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL SECURE.

SECURE?

YES, YOU SEE, IN THE CELL,

SOMETIMES I THINK MY LEGS
ARE TURNING INTO AIR

AND I'M FLOATING IN SPACE,
AND I'M ALL ALONE.

"GALACTIC ALONENESS,"
I'VE HEARD THAT CALLED.

PLEASE, ROUTLEDGE.

I JUST WANNA BELONG.

I'D BE YOUR BEST PRISONER.
I'D COOK AND I'D CLEAN
AND I'D--I'D SWEEP

AND I'D--I'D IRON
ALL THE UNIFORMS. I...

HEY, PADDY!
I JUST WANNA...

[groans]

NO, I'M AFRAID
IT'S GOODBYE NOW.

ALL RIGHT,
GO GET THAT BUS THERE.

GO ON!

*[Love Is A Many
Splendored Thing
playing]

* LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING *

JENNIFER JONES
AND WILLIAM HOLDEN.

* THAT ONLY GROWS
IN THE EARLY SPRING *

LOVE IS
A MANY-SPLENDORED THING?

* LOVE IS NATURE'S WAY

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

* OF GIVING

ONCE I THOUGHT I WAS.

HE WAS A LUCKY MAN.

* THE GOLDEN CROWN
THAT MAKES A MAN *

I'D PAY YOU.

* A KING

I'D GIVE YOU
WHATEVER YOU WANTED.

WHATEVER YOU WANTED,
I'D GIVE YOU.

* ONCE ON A HIGH
AND WINDY HILL *

* IN THE MORNING MIST

* TWO LOVERS KISSED

* AND THE WORLD STOOD STILL

* THEN YOUR FINGERS TOUCHED

* MY SILENT HEART

* AND TAUGHT IT HOW TO SING

* YES, TRUE LOVE'S

* A MANY SPLENDORED THING

THAT'S MY MAMMY!
THAT'S MY MAMMY!

EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

* HOW TO SING

EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.

* YES, TRUE LOVE'S

* A MANY SPLENDORED THING *

HELLO!

[sighing]

[women chattering]

HELLO, SIR.
CAN I BE OF ASSISTANCE?

I DON'T DO ANYTHING HEAVY,
BUT ASIDE FROM
THAT I'D BE MORE...

I COULD HAVE YOU ARRESTED,
YOU KNOW.

WELL, ICKY-OAKIE ME.

GET IN.

THIS IS NO LIFE
FOR A YOUNG MAN
LIKE YOU, PATRICK.

WELL, CUFF ME THEN.

CARRY ME TO MY SWEET CELL.

NO.

OH, WAIT,
YOU'RE NOT AN ACTUAL PUNTER,
ARE YOU? HOW EXCITING.

NO, IT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT THAT EITHER.

IT'S A LOT MORE SERIOUS
THAN THAT, PATRICK.

WELL, OF COURSE IT IS,
OF COURSE IT'S SERIOUS.

EVERYTHING'S SERIOUS.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA
DIE OUT THERE, PADDY!

I KNOW.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY
AND GET A REGULAR JOB?

WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
INSPECTOR,
I'M NOT THAT EMPLOYABLE.

SO I GATHERED.

FUCKING HELL.

[pulling brake]

COME WITH ME.

*[music playing]

A GROUP OF GIRLS
GOT THEMSELVES OFF THE STREET,
PATRICK.

SET UP A CO-OP.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"CO-OP"?

YOU KNOW, LIKE...
SORT OF LIKE...

A UNION, YOU COULD CALL IT.

GIRLS?

HELLO. COME ON.

IT'S NOT IDEAL,
BUT IT'S SAFE

AND LEGAL.

CASANDRA.

*[music playing]

GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION.

GIRLS? HELLO.
(all)
HELLO.

THIS IS PATRICK.

HELLO, PATRICK.
HELLO.

HE'S A FRIEND OF MINE,
SO BE GENTLE. HELLO, SAM.

WE'RE ALWAYS NICE.
PATRICK,
DO YOU WANNA PLAY POKER?

LOVE POKER.

YEAH, WE'LL PUT HIM IN.

(Wallis)
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU'LL BE
WORKING WITH US?

I HOPE SO. IF YOU'LL HAVE ME.

WE'RE A NICE BUNCH HERE.

NO BITCHINESS
OR NOTHING HERE.
LOOK AT HIS HAIR.

HMM.
SO WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

(Patrick)
UH, CAVAN.

OH, VERY NICE.
I'M FROM DUBLIN.

YOU'LL DO WELL HERE.

YOU'LL LIKE US GIRLS.

SO YOU'LL
DEFINITELY LIKE IT HERE.

(Patrick)
DEAR CHARLIE,
SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN IN TOUCH

AND I HOPE THAT EVERYTHING
IS GOING FINE WITH YOU.

HOW'S THE BUMP?

JUST WRITING TO SAY
THAT I'VE GOT A NEW ADDRESS.

IT'S XANADU
ON OLD COMPTON STREET

AND YOU CAN REACH ME THERE
AT ANY TIME.

I'M SAVING LIKE MAD
TO GET OVER TO SEE YOU
WHEN IT HAPPENS IN...

WHAT IS IT? 4 MONTHS,
2 WEEKS, AND 3 DAYS.

HELLO.

(man)
SHOW ME YOUR BAZOOZUMS.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

YOU KNOW.

[man breathing heavily]

WHAT'S THAT?

NOW, LISTEN, SIR,
WE CAN'T ALL HAVE
BIG BAZOOZUMS.

SOME OF US ARE WHAT
YOU MIGHT CALL SVELTE.

SVELTE?

YES. THAT'S A SWEDISH WORD,
I BELIEVE.

THERE'S ALSO A FRENCH ONE.

AYE, GIVE ME THE FRENCH.

GAMINE.

GAMINE?

YES,
AND THAT'S WHAT I AM, SIR.

A SVELTE GAMINE.

* HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY
IN THE WINDOW? *

* THE ONE
WITH THE WAGGLY TAIL *

NOT "WAGGLY," "WAGGEDY."
"WAGGEDY TAIL."

DEAR SIR UNSEEN,
I KNOW MY MUSIC

AND I'M WILLING
TO BET YOU 10 TIMES

WHATEVER PATHETIC PRICE
YOU PAID IN HERE

THAT THE DOG'S TAIL
IS WAGGLY.

NOW I WANNA HEAR YOU BARK.

*[The Windmills of Your Mind
by Dusty Springfield playing]

* WHIRLING SILENTLY
IN SPACE *

* LIKE THE CIRCLES
THAT YOU FIND *

HELLO.

PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.

* IN THE WINDMILLS
OF YOUR MIND *

AS YOU WISH, SIR.

* KEYS THAT JINGLE
IN YOUR POCKET *

I DON'T DO THIS
SORT OF THING OFTEN.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR,
WE'VE GOT LOTS OF TIME.

* WHY DID SUMMER
GO SO QUICKLY? *

* WAS IT SOMETHING
THAT YOU SAID? *

I KNEW A BOY LIKE YOU ONCE.

OH, I'M NOT A BOY, SIR,
I'M A GIRL.

OH, YOU'RE A GIRL.

YES.

YOU CAN CALL ME PATRICIA.

THAT'S MY NAME, SIR.

CAN I TELL YOU A STORY,
PATRICIA?

OH, PLEASE DO.
STORIES ARE WHAT I LOVE.

YOU LOVE STORIES?

LOVE STORIES.

EVEN MORE THAN MYSTERIES.

DON'T DO THAT,
PLEASE, PLEASE.

VERY WELL, SIR, I'M ALL EARS.

* YOU WERE SUDDENLY AWARE

ONCE UPON A TIME,
THERE WAS A BOY

WHO NEVER KNEW HIS
FATHER AND MOTHER.

OH, HOW SAD.
HOW UNBEARABLY SAD.

WAS HE AN UNBEARABLY SAD
LITTLE BOY?

* LIKE A CIRCLE IN A SPIRAL

HE DIDN'T SEEM SO.

NO, HE LAUGHED.
HE LAUGHED A LOT.

PERHAPS THE KIND OF LAUGHTER
THAT DISGUISES TEARS?

MAYBE LAUGHTER
WAS THE ONLY WAY TO...

* LIKE THE CIRCLES
THAT YOU FIND *

UH, DEAL WITH...

[man sighing]

PLEASE GO ON. TO DEAL WITH...

TO DEAL WITH
HIS CIRCUMSTANCES.

YOU SEEM TO
UNDERSTAND THIS BOY
QUITE WELL, SIR.

I--I KNEW HIS FATHER.

AND?

AND

THOUGH HIS FATHER
LOVED HIM VERY MUCH,

HE COULD NEVER TELL
THE BOY HOW MUCH...

HOW MUCH?

*[In the Rain
by the Dramatics playing]

UM...

HE COULD NEVER TELL THE BOY
HOW MUCH HE LOVED HIM.

WELL, THIS CAN'T BE
A TRUE STORY. IT CAN'T BE.

WHY NOT?

WHY COULD HE NOT TELL THE BOY
HOW MUCH HE LOVED HIM?

BECAUSE HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW.

HE HAD THE WORDS
FOR MANY THINGS, YOU SEE,

BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE
THE WORDS FOR THAT.

THERE ARE ONLY 3 WORDS
FOR THAT.

THEY'RE EASY TO SAY.

SOMETIMES THEY ARE.

* IN THE RAIN

OTHER TIMES, THEY'RE NOT.
OTHER TIMES, THEY'RE...

THEY'RE--THEY'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

* I WANNA GO OUTSIDE

AND HE--HE LOVED
THE BOY'S MOTHER, TOO,

BUT THAT WAS-- THAT WAS
EQUALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

AND...

SO HE NEVER TOLD THE BOY?

* I, I THINK I'M GONNA CRY

HE NEVER TOLD HIM
AND THEN THE BOY LEFT

AND CAME TO ENGLAND,
AND THE FATHER HAD...

* I, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO SEE ME CRY *

LOTS OF TIME TO THINK
ABOUT ALL THE THINGS,

ALL THE THINGS
THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN,
SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

HE HAD ALL THE TIME
IN THE WORLD TO THINK.

AND WHAT DID HE THINK ABOUT?

HE THOUGHT,
HE IMAGINED PERHAPS,

THAT THE BOY
HAD COME TO ENGLAND

LOOKING FOR HIS MOTHER.

AND WHAT WAS
HIS MOTHER'S NAME?

HER NAME WAS EILY.
EILY BERGIN.

OH, GOD.

AND SO THE FATHER THOUGHT
THE ONE THING HE COULD DO

WAS TELL HIM WHERE
HE COULD FIND HIS MOTHER.

* YOU WON'T SEE
A SINGLE TRACE *

WHERE TO FIND
THE PHANTOM LADY?

HUH? WHAT?

PLEASE, GO ON.

SHE MARRIED, HAD 2 CHILDREN.

PROBABLY WON'T
WANT TO SEE HIM.

BUT WHERE DOES SHE LIVE?

* LET ME GO,
LET ME GO,
LET ME GO *

19 SPENCER RISE, IN KILBURN.

* IN THE RAIN *

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT,
I WANT ENGLISH,

I WANT CONSERVATIVE,

I WANT EAST FINCHLEY...
YEAH.

...I WANT POWERFUL.
HMM.

YOU THINK IT WORKS?

I THINK YOU LOOK
BETTER THAN HER.

I DO LOOK BETTER
THAN HER, DON'T I?
YOU DO.

*[Madame George
by Van Morrison playing]

* DOWN ON CYPRUS AVENUE

* WITH THE CHILDLIKE VISIONS
LEAPING INTO VIEW *

* CLICKING, CLACKING
OF THE HIGH-HEELED SHOE *

* FORD AND FITZROY
AND MADAME GEORGE *

* MARCHING WITH
THE SOLDIER BOY BEHIND *

DO YOU NEED HELP, MISS?

UH...

YES, I-I-I'M DOING A SURVEY
FOR BRITISH TELECOM.

UM...

DO YOU KNOW
WHERE 19 SPENCER RISE IS?

THAT'S MY HOUSE. THERE.

IT'S YOUR...

CAN'T YOU READ NUMBERS?

OH, YES, I CAN READ NUMBERS.

SO, WHAT'S THE SURVEY?

WELL, IT'S,
IT'S ABOUT TELEPHONES.

D-DO YOU HAVE A TELEPHONE?

EVERYONE HAS A TELEPHONE.

NO, NOT EVERYONE, YOUNG MAN.

SOME PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD ONE.

WELL, WE CAN.

I SEE.

* GONE FOR CIGARETTES
AND MATCHES IN THE SHOPS *

AND SO WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

MY NAME'S PATRICK.

* HAPPY TAKEN MADAME GEORGE

PATRICK.

PATRICK.

AND HOW MANY PHONES
DO YOU HAVE, PATRICK?

SHOULDN'T YOU BE
ASKING MY MOTHER?

YES. YES, OF COURSE I SHOULD.

UM...

AND WHERE WOULD I FIND HER?

MUM, THERE'S A NICE LADY HERE
DOING A SURVEY...

* YEAH, THAT'S WHEN YOU FALL

ARE YOU... OH, MY GOD!

* THAT'S WHEN YOU FALL *

(Eily)
YOU FEELING BETTER, LOVE?

OH, YES, THANK YOU.

SOME MORE TEA?

NO, THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT'S THIS
SURVEY ABOUT, THEN?

(English Patrick)
OH, IT'S ABOUT PHONES, MUM.

PHONES? WITH TELECOM?

YES, BRITISH TELECOM.

UM...

ARE YOU
A MULTI-PHONE HOUSEHOLD?

YES. YES, WE'VE GOT 3.

UH, ONE IN THE BEDROOM,
ONE IN THE KITCHEN,
AND ONE IN GEOFFREY'S OFFICE.

GEOFFREY...

IS MY HUSBAND.

OH.

UM...

SORRY. UM...

HOW FREQUENTLY IS
YOUR TELEPHONE USED?

VERY. LAURA'S NEVER OFF IT.

LAURA?

MY DAUGHTER. SHE'S 13.
OH.

I SEE, I SEE.

YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH USE
FOR THE PHONE,
THOUGH, DO YOU, PATRICK?

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.
MMM-HMM.

UM...

WELL, MISS...

J-JOHNSON. DELIA JOHNSTON.

JOHNSTON.

IF YOU'VE ANY
OTHER QUESTIONS,
DON'T HESITATE TO CALL.

NO, I THINK I HAVE
MORE THAN ENOUGH,
THANK YOU.

UH, THANK YOU FOR THE TEA.
OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

BYE.

(English Patrick)
SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE A UNIFORM?

NO,
I SHOULDN'T HAVE A UNIFORM.

THE MEN WHO PUT THE PHONES IN
HAVE A UNIFORM.

DO THEY, NOW?

AREN'T THEY FROM TELECOM?

YES, THEY ARE.

THEN HOW COME
TELECOM DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY PHONES WE HAVE?

WELL, BECAUSE IT'S FROM
A DIFFERENT DEPARTMENT.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST PHONE UP, THEN,
AND ASK THE QUESTIONS?

BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE THE PERSONAL TOUCH,
NOW, IS THERE?

WHY DON'T--

YOUNG MAN,
I GET THE FEELING
YOU DON'T LIKE ME.

YOU'RE WRONG.
I THINK YOU'RE NICE.

[quavering]
WELL, I THINK
YOU'RE NICE, TOO.

W-WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

IT'S CONJUNCTIVITIS.

(Charlie)
I GAVE YOUR ADDRESS
TO FATHER LIAM,

AND I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

HE'S BEEN VERY KIND
TO ME, KITTEN,

AND I NEED ALL THE KINDNESS
I CAN GET.

THE SPECIAL BRANCH LIFTED ME
ON A DOPE CHARGE, YOU SEE.

AND THEY USED THAT
TO GET TO IRWIN.

THEY LIFTED CHARLIE
ON THE DOPE CHARGE.

THEY SAID
SHE'D BE HAVING THE BABY
IN PRISON, IF I DIDN'T--

(Jackie)
IF YOU DIDN'T WHAT, IRWIN?

IF I DIDN'T INFORM THEM
ABOUT OPERATIONS.

YOU DO IT.
NO, YOU DO IT.

I CAN'T. I WENT TO SCHOOL
WITH HIS BROTHER.

HEY, LADS,
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE
ABOUT THE CAVAN MAN?

WHAT CAVAN MAN?

CAVAN MAN IN--

[thudding]

*[Cyprus Avenue
by Van Morrison playing]

* AND I'M CAUGHT
ONE MORE TIME *

* UP ON CYPRUS AVENUE

* CAUGHT ONE MORE TIME

* UP ON CYPRUS AVENUE

* AND I'M CONQUERED
IN A CAR SEAT *

* NOT A THING THAT I CAN DO

WHAT WILL I CALL YOU?

* I MAY GO CRAZY

FATHER.

[quavering]

YOU CALL ME "FATHER."
COME IN.

I CAN'T.

I PRAYED, YOU KNOW.
I PRAYED YOU'D COME BACK.

DID YOU FIND HER?

[quavering]
YES. NO. KIND OF.

WHERE'S CHARLIE?

SHE'S UPSTAIRS. COME ON.

* AND MY FEET
CAN'T KEEP STILL *

AFTER THE DRUGS CHARGE,
THERE WERE PROBLEMS AT HOME,

SO I TOOK HER IN.

SHE HARDLY EATS A THING,
YOU KNOW.
SHE'S WASTING AWAY.

MAYBE YOU COULD...

WHERE DO YOU SLEEP, FATHER?

OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME.

CHARLIE.

(Charlie)
IS THAT YOU, KITTEN?

CHARLIE. TAKE IT EASY NOW.

SWANN'S CROSS.

THEY PUT A RUBBISH BAG
OVER HIS HEAD.

HUSH, CHARLIE.

MY PARENTS TOLD ME
TO GO BACK WHERE I CAME FROM.

DON'T THINK
ABOUT IT, CHARLIE.

YOUR BABY,
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS NOW.

AND I'M HERE TO HELP YOU.

*[Fly, Robin, Fly
by Silver Convention playing]

* FLY, ROBIN, FLY

* FLY, ROBIN, FLY

* FLY, ROBIN, FLY

* UP, UP TO THE SKY

ROBINS, FATHER.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?

PECKING AT THE CREAM.

I'M SURE THE POOR THINGS
MUST BE STARVED.

TA.

* FLY, ROBIN, FLY *

YOU HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S EYES,
DO YOU KNOW THAT, PATRICK?

COLOR OF THE OCEAN
BEYOND ROSSES POINT.

YOU TOOK HER THERE?

MANY TIMES.

THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN
SO DIFFERENT.

SHH.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
THE STRANGEST THING...

I WENT LOOKING FOR HER,

BUT I FOUND YOU.

*[How Much Is That Doggie
In The Window
by Pattie Page playing]

* HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE
IN THE WINDOW *

(Mrs. Clarke)
NO, IN THE END
IT WAS A BLESSED RELEASE.

(shopkeeper)
SHE WAS A LOVELY WOMAN.

SHE NEVER MISSED
A DAY AT MASS.

WHEN THEY OPENED HER UP,
THEY FOUND A LUMP
AS BIG AS A MELON.

A MELON? THAT BIG?

MAYBE IT WAS A GRAPEFRUIT.
I GET THEM MIXED UP.

SO, WE'RE NOT EXACTLY
BLESSED WITH CHOICE,
FATHER, DEAR.

AND IS THERE ANY RULE
THAT SAYS THAT
WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT,

YOU NEED TO DRESS
LIKE A LOLLIPOP LADY?

I KNOW OF
NO SUCH RULE, PATRICK.

NO, SO I THOUGHT.

THIS LITTLE HIPPY NUMBER
MIGHT GIVE HER
THE LIFT SHE NEEDS.

(Liam)
HMM. VERY NICE.

(Patrick)
VELVET, FATHER.
LIKE CRUSHED GRASS.

OH, LOOK, FATHER.

OH, CAN WE TRY
THE SILVER FUR, MISSUS?

IS IT FOR YOURSELF?

* THE ONE
WITH THE WAGGLY TAIL *

25 DIFFERENT
COLORED BABYGROS.

4 TEDDY BEARS,
I CAN UNDERSTAND,

BUT I DON'T NEED
A PRAM YET, KITTEN.

YOU WILL.

WHERE DID YOU
GET THE MONEY?

OH, SINGING. AHEM.

* HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY
IN THE WINDOW? *

*[Charlie humming]
* THE ONE WITH THE WAG-- *

IS IT WAGGEDY OR WAGGLY,
CHARLIE?

WAGGLY.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

OH, FATHER?

YOO-HOO.
(Liam)
OH, YES.

YOU KNOW
THE DOGGY WITH THE TAIL?

IS IT WAGGLY OR WAGGEDY?

THE SONG?

UM, WAGGEDY,
I SEEM TO REMEMBER.

YOUR MOTHER NEVER
STOPPED SINGING IT.

(Liam)
AYE, WAGGEDY TAIL.

WAGGEDY.

(both)
* HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY
IN THE WINDOW? *

[barking]

(all)
* THE ONE
WITH THE WAGGEDY TAIL *

* HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY
IN THE WINDOW? *

(Mrs. Clarke)
OH, JESUS CHRIST
AND HIS HOLY MOTHER.

WHY DOESN'T THE BISHOP
DO SOMETHING?
THE BISHOP!

THE BISHOP WE HAVE
ISN'T WORTH A DAMN.

[twittering]
(robin #1)
WHAT DID SHE SAY?

[twittering]
(robin #2)
THE BISHOP ISN'T WORTH A DAMN!

[twittering]
(robin #1)
NOW MIND YOUR LANGUAGE MISSUS!

DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING,
THOMAS?

THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN I WISH
I WAS A BUS CONDUCTOR.

PATRICK!

CHARLIE!

[firemen chattering]

[Charlie chattering]

(Charlie)
...THE WELFARE STATE
AND ALL.

CAN'T STAY HERE, ANYWAYS.

BUT YOU'LL COME
AND SEE US, FATHER?

AFTER THE BABY'S--

WELL, THE ONLY PARISH
I'VE BEEN OFFERED

IS IN KILBURN,
SO YOU MIGHT SEE A LOT OF ME.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE, FATHER.

AND MINE.

GREAT, BIG, FIREPROOF MAN.

[Charlie screaming]

(Patrick)
COME ON, CHARLIE,
PUSH! PUSH!

WELL, I AM PUSHING, KITTEN,
FUCK YOU!

I AM PUSHING!
BREATHE.

JESUS!

COME ON.

IT'S TEARING ME APART!

*[Sugar Baby Love
by the Rubettes playing]

[gibbering]

HEY,
YOU'RE THE TELEPHONE LADY.

OH, WELL.

IF IT ISN'T THE YOUNG BOY
FROM
THE MULTI-PHONE HOUSEHOLD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MUM'S WITH THE DOCTOR.
SHE'S, YOU KNOW,
GOT A BUN IN THE FIREPLACE.

I THINK YOU MEAN THE OVEN,
YOUNG MAN.

OK, THEN, THE OVEN.

W-WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* I DIDN'T MEAN
TO MAKE YOU BLUE *

PHANTOM LADY.

THAT'S A FUNNY NAME.

I KNOW THAT.
I'M A FUNNY LADY.

IS THAT YOUR BABY?

[baby cooing]
NO, IT'S HERS.

* I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HURT YOU *

SHE'S HAVING
HER FIREPLACE CHECKED.

[laughs]

ISN'T SHE? YES, SHE IS.

[baby cooing]

CHARLIE, DARLING, THIS IS--

PATRICK.

THIS IS MY YOUNG
FRIEND PATRICK.

SO, HOW'S YOUR FIREPLACE?

OH.

MY FIREPLACE IS 100%.

AND YOUR LITTLE BUN
IS JUST FINE, TOO,
AREN'T YOU? YES, YOU ARE.

* MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES

* AS ME AND YOU

PATRICK, THERE'S YOUR MUM.
YOU'D BETTER RUN.

OK.

PATRICK,
WILL YOU TELL HER THAT

THE TELEPHONE LADY SAYS
THAT SHE HOPES
IT'S A GIRL THIS TIME.

OK.
OK.

* SUGAR BABY LOVE,
SUGAR BABY LOVE *

* SUGAR BABY LOVE,
SUGAR BABY LOVE *

* SUGAR BABY LOVE,
SUGAR BABY LOVE *

[twittering]
SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE
MITZI GAYNOR.

[twittering]
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT MITZI GAYNOR?

[twittering]
NOTHING.
BUT AS OSCAR WILDE SAID...

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

[twittering]
"I LOVE TALKING ABOUT NOTHING.

[twittering]
"IT'S THE ONLY THING
I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT."

* I DIDN'T MEAN
TO MAKE YOU BLUE *

* SUGAR BABY LOVE,
SUGAR BABY LOVE *

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* SUGAR BABY LOVE

* I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU

* SUGAR BABY LOVE,
SUGAR BABY LOVE *

* TAKE MY ADVICE

* IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE

* DON'T THINK TWICE

* LOVE YOUR BABY LOVE

* SUGAR BABY LOVE *

*[Breakfast On Pluto playing]

* GO ANYWHERE
WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR CHAIR *

* AND LET YOUR THOUGHTS
RUN FREE *

* LIVING WITHIN ALL THE DREAMS
YOU CAN SPIN *

* THERE IS SO MUCH TO SEE

* IF YOU CAN'T FLY HIGH,
NO NEED TO FEEL LOW *

* THE WORLD
IS A MERRY-GO-ROUND *

* LOOK AT THE SKY
AND UP THERE YOU'LL GO *

* PEACEFULLY FLOATING AROUND

* NO CARES TO CARE
AND NO RACES TO RUN *

* FLYING UP IN THE AIR

* NO TIME TO CHANGE
AND NO TIME TO LEARN *

* AND NO TIME
TO WONDER WHERE *

* UP ON THE MOON,
WE'LL ALL BE THERE SOON *

* WATCHING THE EARTH
DOWN BELOW *

* WE'LL JOURNEY TO MARS
AND VISIT THE STARS *

* FINDING OUR
BREAKFAST ON PLUTO *

* GO ANYWHERE
WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR CHAIR *

* AND LET YOUR THOUGHTS
RUN FREE *

* LIVING WITHIN ALL THE DREAMS
YOU CAN SPIN *

* THERE IS SO MUCH TO SEE

* NO CARES TO CARE
AND NO RACES TO RUN *

* FLYING UP IN THE AIR

* NO TIME TO CHANGE
AND NO TIME TO LEARN *

* AND NO TIME
TO WONDER WHERE *

* UP ON THE MOON,
WE'LL ALL BE THERE SOON *

* WATCHING THE EARTH
DOWN BELOW *

* WE'LL JOURNEY TO MARS
AND VISIT THE STARS *

* FINDING OUR
BREAKFAST ON PLUTO *

* GO ANYWHERE
WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR CHAIR *

* AND LET YOUR THOUGHTS
RUN FREE *

* LIVING WITHIN ALL THE DREAMS
YOU CAN SPIN *

* THERE IS SO MUCH TO SEE *

*[The Windmills Of Your Mind
by Dusty Springfield playing]

* ROUND, LIKE A CIRCLE
IN A SPIRAL *

* LIKE A WHEEL
WITHIN A WHEEL *

* NEVER ENDING OR BEGINNING

* ON AN EVER-SPINNING REEL

* LIKE A SNOWBALL
DOWN A MOUNTAIN *

* OR A CARNIVAL BALLOON

* LIKE A CAROUSEL
THAT'S TURNING *

* RUNNING RINGS
AROUND THE MOON *

* LIKE A CLOCK
WHOSE HANDS ARE SWEEPING *

* PAST THE MINUTES
OF ITS FACE *

* AND THE WORLD
IS LIKE AN APPLE *

* WHIRLING SILENTLY IN SPACE

* LIKE THE CIRCLES
THAT YOU FIND *

* IN THE WINDMILLS
OF YOUR MIND *

* LIKE A TUNNEL
THAT YOU FOLLOW *

* TO A TUNNEL OF ITS OWN

* DOWN A HOLLOW
TO A CAVERN *

* WHERE THE SUN
HAS NEVER SHONE *

* LIKE A DOOR
THAT KEEPS REVOLVING *

* IN A HALF-FORGOTTEN DREAM

* OR THE RIPPLES
FROM A PEBBLE *

* SOMEONE TOSSES
IN A STREAM *

* LIKE A CLOCK
WHOSE HANDS ARE SWEEPING *

* PAST THE MINUTES
OF ITS FACE *

* AND THE WORLD
IS LIKE AN APPLE *

* WHIRLING SILENTLY
IN SPACE *

* LIKE THE CIRCLES
THAT YOU FIND *

* IN THE WINDMILLS
OF YOUR MIND *

* KEYS THAT JINGLE
IN YOUR POCKET *

* WORDS THAT JANGLE
IN YOUR HEAD *

* WHY DID SUMMER
GO SO QUICKLY *

* WAS IT SOMETHING
THAT YOU SAID *

* LOVERS WALK ALONG A SHORE

* AND LEAVE THEIR FOOTPRINTS
IN THE SAND *

* IS THE SOUND
OF DISTANT DRUMMING *

* JUST THE FINGERS
OF YOUR HAND *

* PICTURES HANGING
IN A HALLWAY *

* AND THE FRAGMENT
OF A SONG *

* HALF-REMEMBERED NAMES
AND FACES *

* BUT TO WHOM
DO THEY BELONG? *

* WHEN YOU KNEW
THAT IT WAS OVER *

* YOU WERE SUDDENLY AWARE

* THAT THE AUTUMN LEAVES
WERE TURNING *

* TO THE COLOR OF HIS HAIR

* LIKE A CIRCLE IN A SPIRAL

* LIKE A WHEEL
WITHIN A WHEEL *

* NEVER ENDING
OR BEGINNING *

* ON AN EVER-SPINNING REEL

* AS THE IMAGES UNWIND

* LIKE THE CIRCLES
THAT YOU FIND *

* IN THE WINDMILLS
OF YOUR MIND *