Break a Leg (2005) - full transcript
When Max's performance is no competition for producers' nephews and bigger "names," his only option is to cripple the competition - literally. But as the roles get bigger, the competition gets stronger, the stakes get higher, and now with an undercover thespian cop on his trail, Max must struggle with his ongoing road to success and the choices he's made.
[toilet flushing]
Bee, bye, beekie bye, bee
bye, bay, beekie bye bo.
Bo, B-O, Bo.
B-O, bo, Sally sell sea
shells by the sea shore.
Sally sells sea shells
by the sea shore.
Sally S-A-L-L-Y, yeah, Sally.
S-A-L-L-Y, huh.
Peter Piper picked a
pack of pickled peppers.
Peter Piper packed
a pickled peppers.
Peter Piper picked a peck a
pickle peppers, yeah, peppers.
Peppers, peppers, yeah.
Phillip, P-H-I-L-L-I-P, Phillip.
Phillip stay.
Stay, Phillip.
S-T-A-Y, yeah.
Phillip, stay.
[piano playing]
OK, we're only going
to read the first scene.
We don't want you go,
son, but it's time.
I am not now [inaudible] time.
I can't be responsible
for you any longer.
Longer, mm,
L-O-N-G-E-R, longer.
Longer!
Looo--
We're not listening, Phillip.
Listen, yeah.
L-I-S-T-E-N, listen.
No, you are not.
I don't want you here.
Don't want, hm.
Phillip, P-H-I-L-L-I-P.
[phone ringing]
Don't want.
Yeah?
No, that's not going to work.
I need an answer
by this afternoon.
The bus is coming to
get you at 3 o'clock.
MALE CASTING DIRECTOR:
Well, you tell
that cocksucker that the offer
is off the table at 6 o'clock
tonight
- --at 6 o'clock.
Bus comes, yeah, at 3 o'clock.
MALE CASTING DIRECTOR:
Yeah, you can call me.
FEMALE CASTING DIRECTOR:
Thank you very much.
MALE CASTING DIRECTOR: I'm going
to be here all fucking day.
Stefanie will see you out.
Goodbye.
Yeah.
Thank you.
T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U.
[chatter]
Max, good to see you!
Tony, what's going on, buddy?
Hey!
You get home all
right that night?
Yeah, why?
You seemed upset and quiet.
Oh.
No, I just had a few
beers, and, you know.
I went home, I slept it off.
- How is the play going?
- Pretty good.
I'm going to try to
come again tonight.
[pager beeping]
And try to bring Lisa.
Hey, it would be
real good to see her.
I gotta go look
all these over, whew!
Yeah, OK.
Tony?
They're only reading
the first scene in there.
They want an exact time?
[sighing]
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
[music playing]
IRA GOLDSTEIN: Hey!
I paged you.
I know.
Did I get it?
No, we didn't,
kid, not this one.
Any feedback?
Eh, you thought you
had Andy Garcia quality,
but you lack the John Goodman,
and they wanted taller.
Nothing.
Like, nothing about my work?
No.
I could have
gained the weight.
What about today's audition?
Five minutes of
their time, Ira.
I mean, five minutes
of their time--
I don't think it's
too much to ask.
OK look, what you can do
is you can just go in there
and do your best.
I drove my ass to
the center of hell.
Come on, it was
Northridge actually.
They acted like I
wasn't even there.
Well, they're assholes.
Those are assholes, Maxie.
We're in this for the long haul.
I prepared four scenes,
just like they asked, Ira.
Good boy.
And I get there, and they
tell me to read only one.
Jeez, that's terrible.
That's terrible!
I mean, that's a little
late, don't you think?
I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
You're perfect for the role.
They need to
learn some respect.
I mean, I should have told them.
I should have told them.
I should have told
them to fuck off.
How about a bowl of soup, huh?
IRA GOLDSTEIN: Come on, it
was Northridge actually.
MAX MATTEO: They treat me
like I wasn't even there.
IRA GOLDSTEIN: Yeah,
but those are assholes.
[car horns]
[continued honking]
[engine turning]
Could you please stop
honking your fucking horn?
[glass shattering]
[honking]
Asshole!
[police sirens]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
Max-- Max doesn't
live here anymore.
OK, bye.
[beeping]
FEMALE SPEAKER (ON
MACHINE): Hello, Mr. Matteo.
This is Rosalyn from FC&P.
It is imperative that
you call us
immediately regarding
your account at 1-800-555-0109.
Anyone here can help you.
Thank you.
[phone ringing]
Hello, [inaudible].
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
MAX (ON MACHINE):
Hi, this is Max.
If you leave me a message,
I'll get right back to you.
Come on!
MAX (ON MACHINE): Bye.
IRA (ON MACHINE):
Maxy, it's Ira.
You there?
Pick up.
Yeah, it's me, Ira.
IRA (ON PHONE): I
just got the call.
They want to see you
again on "Final Rights."
Oh, yes!
Your inner monologue might
have taken over the event
of that first line.
When you came out on that
stage, brother, I could--
I felt it.
You-- you-- I would have
liked if you would have
taken her in a little bit more.
Let it breathe a little bit.
No obligation to the
script, you know that.
What was that first line?
Hello.
There's a lot
going on there, man.
Next up is John Fiorentino.
[italian singing]
Come here, [inaudible].
Come on!
[inaudible]
- Look at this.
You look good.
Look at this mug over here, huh?
Is that a mug?
Thank god you got your mom's
looks, not my primate brothers.
Come on, let's go get the
rest of the [inaudible]..
You're out, Max.
Maybe I can help.
I never thought you
were a bad consigliere.
I thought your
brother was a bad don.
Rest in peace.
This [inaudible]
owes an apology.
An apology!
You think I give a
shit what he thinks?
His time has come,
and so has mine.
I say we move in now
before someone else does.
READER: Vinny,
sorry to bother you,
but there's a call for you.
I don't give a fu--
I'm in a meeting,
for fuck's sakes!
Who is it.
READER: It's your daughter.
Hi, sweetheart.
No, Daddy did not
forget your birthday.
Daddy loves you too much
to forget your birthday.
I love you too.
I just made up my mind while I
was talking to my little girl,
and I want that son
of a bitch dead.
Tonight.
Life is too fucking short.
[music playing]
[large audience applause]
[smaller audience clapping]
Hey.
You were terrific.
Did the second act work?
I got it.
I got the part.
What part?
The Bruce Willis movie!
I got the Bruce Willis movie!
- No way!
Yes!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
When do you start?
Um-- Oh, a week.
My god, I should start dieting.
This is, uh, Dayton.
This is Max.
- Hey.
Hey.
[inaudible]
Oh, great.
Great, thanks.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Oh, I'm so proud of you!
JULIET (VOICEOVER):
I got the part.
MAX (VOICEOVER): What part?
JULIET (VOICEOVER):
The Bruce Willis movie.
I got the Bruce Willis movie!
MAX (VOICEOVER): No way!
Yes!
Oh my god!
Oh!
[music playing]
It's very inappropriate, Tom.
I was sort of hoping
you were going to airbrush
the bags under my eyes.
OK.
Well, when would be an
appropriate time, then?
You can see right there.
You can do that, right?
Tad, come on.
This is the fifth time
we've done your shot.
If we airbrush it any
more, you're going
to look a little China doll.
- Excuse me.
- Wait.
Hold on.
Are you-- what, are you
joking about my headshot?
This is like the Michael
Jackson of headshots right now.
Look at you.
--synonymous
with manipulation!
I'm just saying if--
the bags give you
a little character.
Character?
No, no, no.
Stop that train right there.
Let me tell you something.
For those of us that are working
actors, I'm a leading man, OK?
I don't-- I don't want any
character, you understand?
Character is-- bags is
unemployment for me.
Can I-- just pick
up my pictures?
Because they're already paid--
Who are you?
Max Matteo.
Give me a minute with
this guy, all right?
Hold on, Max.
Let me ask you, Mike.
So, you see those bags, right?
Eight years of my life,
you ungrateful fuck.
Oh, now, there's a
fucking character for you.
Yeah.
That's not-- a whole
different thing.
Can I have my phone back?
I'm-- hello,
who's in line here?
What the fuck?
Get a number system, pal.
This is nuts.
JODIE (VOICEOVER):
"Final Rights" casting.
IRA (VOICEOVER): Hey, Jodie.
Ira Goldstein here.
JODIE (VOICEOVER): Ira,
before we get into it,
I want you to know
that I really like Max,
he did a wonderful
reading for us yesterday,
it's just not going any
further unfortunately.
IRA (VOICEOVER):
Well, can I ask why?
JODIE (VOICEOVER):
Well, to be honest,
our producer has a
nephew, and he's,
um, pretty good, actually.
IRA (VOICEOVER):
You're out, Max.
Come on, honey.
Hurry up.
Let's go.
[gun clicking]
[gunshot]
You ever think about
what we're doing out here,
how fast time is going by?
I try not to.
Why?
You living in denial?
I just don't dwell
on it, that's all.
Yeah, well, there's
dwelling on it,
and then there's
not dealing with it.
Sometimes I think
about marriage.
Kids, family, sacrifices I made.
Most guys my age
are set up by now.
I don't need to
be rich, you know?
But I just want to work.
This is humiliating.
Hey, remember the
opening of "Star Wars"?
There was a mob scene outside.
We wanted to get in,
but it was sold out.
People were coming
out of the first show.
What did we do?
We walked in backwards.
Fucking right, we did.
We found a way, and we're
going to find a way again.
We were 9.
It'll happen.
I just got the
news this morning.
Get this-- five weeks
in San Francisco,
three weeks in Chicago.
Eight weeks?
Can I get another shot?
Get to go home a man.
So when do you start?
Three days.
Soon.
Our first rehearsals
are at noon.
WOMAN: You get to
kiss Meryl Streep?
MAN: It's unbelievable!
WOMAN: I would kill to
work with Meryl Streep.
MAX (VOICEOVER): I
think it's about luck,
and maybe I just don't have any.
[tv chatter]
WOMAN (ON TV): Jack Lemmon!
[applause from tv]
[tape rewinding]
WOMAN (ON TV): Jack Lemmon!
[applause from tv]
[knocking]
Hey.
My god.
- Can you believe it?
- No.
What the hell happened?
I can't fucking believe it.
I broke it!
How?
That fucker on the
boardwalk in Venice.
That fucking unicyclist.
You start shooting tomorrow.
My god!
[sobbing]
Oh, shit!
Ow!
God damn it!
God.
Just [inaudible].
I'm sorry.
Oh.
Here.
All right.
It's going to be OK.
It's not going to be OK.
I think I'm going to
move back to Boston.
What?
Come on.
You can't leave me
out here alone, huh?
Fight the good fight by myself?
You'll get another break.
I promise.
It took me four years
to get this one, OK?
And by the time
this thing heals,
I'm going to be all
the way back to nobody.
Fuck it.
Look, you-- you
can't just give up.
I'm not doing
it all over again.
I am not.
I am not humiliating
myself all over again.
I mean, you give everything.
You give everything
to this business,
and at the end of the day,
you can count on nothing.
I was struck down by
a fucking unicyclist.
Can I have a glass of water?
Yeah, water.
And when I'm famous, I'm gonna
put you in all my movies,
I swear.
Hon, don't you think
it's time that you
be a bit more realistic?
What do you mean?
I mean, how old are you?
I mean, if it was going
to happen for you,
it would have happened by now.
You know what I mean?
I'm just looking
out after you, Max.
I mean, really, how
much more of your life
do you want to spend in acting
class, barking like a dog?
You really think people
get work that way?
Hey, if you want
to quit, then quit.
Don't expect me to, OK?
It's not fair.
I didn't mean it.
Because you know what?
The truth is, I so
hope you make it.
I really, really do.
But I have got to go home.
I can't take it.
I'm sick of it.
I'm fucking sick of it.
If I have to wait for my
agent to call me back one more
fucking time, I'll kill myself.
And it's-- you know, it's
so much easier for you guys.
I've got to worry about if
my boobs are big enough.
I've got to worry if my
butt is small enough.
I mean, you've got to
be cute and talented
all at the same time.
It's terrible.
You've got to look like you're a
fucking Victoria's Secret model
and be Meryl Streep
at the same time.
That's not easy.
And it's fucking tiring.
It's tiring.
Do you want to be the
first one to sign my cast?
[music playing]
Max Matey-a?
Tie.
Max Matey--
Matteo.
Max Matteo.
OK.
[inaudible]
[inaudible].
And we got the foreign
territories covered.
What, you think so?
Domestically, of course,
he's not worth shit.
But he's got that
terrible TV show
that plays in every
language all over the world.
I would have gone
with that Matteo.
I think Bob feels the
same way too, you know.
MAN: Fuck Bob.
What does he know?
He's lucky to be
directing this movie.
No, if you go with
Matteo, you've
got to build a cast around him.
With Inglewood, well,
you're set to go.
Well, so we build
the cast around Matteo.
The priest is an
important role, you know.
I'll tell you what.
Whoever pisses the
longest gets their choice.
OK.
I get Inglewood,
you get Matteo.
I guess that's fair.
Shit.
No, I'm done.
And I'm done.
Well, my good fella,
Inglewood it is.
You've seen the body
of that redhead?
Oh, I ride High Road just
to look at her every day.
All right.
Everybody make a
nice, deep sound.
ALL: Ah!
Good.
Good, deal with how
you're feeling right now.
Talk to me.
I feel angry.
Angry, good.
What else?
What else?
Aw!
I'm tired of
taking care of you.
Leave me alone!
Breathe.
I can't.
Leave me alone!
Breathe!
Breathe.
That's going to be very precise.
Exercise those senses.
I'm a seagull!
I'm a seagull!
Yes, you are.
IRA (VOICEOVER): You
lack the John Goodman,
and they wanted taller.
Max, you seem
very guarded today.
JULIET (VOICEOVER): If it
was going to happen for you,
it would have happened by now.
Make a sharp sound.
Huh!
OK.
OK, what text are
you working on?
Um, Edmund, "King Lear."
How do you feel?
Uh--
Start the monologue.
Thou, nature, art my goddess.
To thy law my
services are bound.
Wherefore should I
stand in the plague of--
You're very disconnected.
I-- I gotta get some air.
ALL: Ah!
Whatever you are
feeling, it is appropriate.
Everybody, sound.
ALL: Ah!
MAN (VOICEOVER): Whoever pisses
the longest gets their choice.
I get Inglewood, you get Matteo.
MAN (VOICEOVER): All right.
That's fair.
MAN (VOICEOVER): OK.
EJ Inglewood?
Yeah?
[groaning]
What the hell is your problem?
I've seen you in something!
God!
Oh!
God damn you, I have
a shoot tomorrow.
[gunfire]
[inaudible]
You'll never work
in this town again!
Bastard!
I know people!
[shouting]
[car smashing]
[water running]
The bold and the
ridiculous-- my wife
thinks he's the cat's meow.
My daughter watches the show.
Terrible fucking actor.
Your wife probably
watches the show.
My wife watches my kids.
Looks like he's on
his way to the gym.
Way back.
Back?
[inaudible].
Stalker?
If there was a female, she's
got one hell of a sling.
Everybody's talking
about you, man.
What do you mean?
Max Matteo is hot.
"Secret Scruples,"
you got that, right?
Yes, I did.
Congratulations, Max.
You're on a roll.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm waiting to hear
something myself.
What is it?
I don't want to jinx it.
Hey, Max.
They're ready for you.
MAX: OK.
Max Matteo.
Max Matteo, it's
good to see you.
- Good to see you too, Bob.
- Yeah.
OK.
So can you stand right up here?
Max, you're going to play
to this mark here for Billy.
You're going to play to
this mark here for Sharon.
And we shoot down in Mexico
for Billy insurance coverage.
We'll have the beach in
the background, all right?
Where-- where are
Billy and Sharon.
Just play it to
the marks, all right?
OK.
[inaudible]
Roll sound.
And action.
It is not my practice
to tell you what to do,
but I will tell you this.
If you will look to
God for guidance,
it is a very good start.
MAN: But we're so
confused, Father.
If you would pray, it
would quiet the mind,
and you will hear
the voice of God.
The answer, it is within you.
But if I'm first
choice, then there's
no other higher choices.
So it's mine.
I mean, is there--
is there a zero
choice or a minus one choice?
Well, why don't they just
offer me the role, then?
Oh, Christ.
I mean, can't I just get an
offer like everybody else?
[sighing]
Betty-- yeah.
You know, I'm-- all
right, all right.
Yeah, I'll be OK.
All right, bye.
Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
Talk to you later.
Thanks, Marty.
Screen Actors Guild.
Jimmy Stewart had one of these.
Spill it.
What's your hunch?
Hunch doesn't mean
much without motive.
Hey, Lisa!
Your agent just called,
and it's official.
I'm dating a waiter.
[music playing]
Afternoon.
[inaudible].
I'm Detective Sanchez.
This is Detective Coyle.
What's your name, sir?
Jimmy.
We understand a
Mr. EJ Inglewood
used to frequent this bar.
He'd drop in after work.
Did he have any
trouble recently?
Anybody that might
want to hurt him?
Not that I can see.
Never liked the guy.
At least he died
with a career.
Excuse me?
Hey, hey.
He's had a few drinks.
He's not a problem.
He just lost his girlfriend.
Let's go.
Did you know Mr. EJ Inglewood?
Sure.
He was on TV.
Everyone knows you
when you're on TV, huh?
He was a household name.
I mean, really.
Hey, do me a favor, huh?
Burn this.
I ain't no EJ Inglewood,
lucky bastard.
That lucky bastard, he
got to go out on top.
Jimmy.
Call Mr. Felice a cab, please.
He'll pick up his keys tomorrow.
- Oh, no.
Let's get some air, sir.
Sir.
Sir!
I'm Tony Felice!
Who the fuck are you?
- OK, pal.
Easy does it.
Let's get you home.
Hey, Jimmy!
See ya, Tony.
[music playing]
[engines revving]
[tires squealing]
I hear you.
You know, I hear you,
but I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't give a fuck if the
director was his mother.
We're not going to
settle for anything
less than a 45-foot pop
out with two cell phones.
I mean, come on, Joel.
How is the guy supposed to stay
in character between scenes?
How is he supposed to--
how is he supposed to-- no.
No, n-- did I give you Julia?
Yeah.
So how about you
get this for me?
All right.
Now you call me back, thanks.
Sorry about that, guys.
Just one second.
OK, um--
- Inglewood, ma'am.
Your client-- who
else would have
known about him doing
the film besides yourself
and this agency?
The producers and
casting, I would guess.
They told me a few
days after his death
that he was going
to get the part.
It wasn't public
information yet.
Who ended up doing his role?
Fuck.
Jenny, who ultimately
ended up playing the priest
in "Secret Scruples"?
JENNY (ON INTERCOM): Max Matteo.
She doesn't forget
a thing, this girl.
Well, thank you for your time.
If we have any further
questions, we'll be in touch.
My assistant
will show you out.
You know, I hope you
catch that bastard.
EJ was a good earner.
Nobody ever went hungry
when he was around.
Yes, ma'am.
Jenny, get me Brad on the
line and that cocksucker
doing the eight is--
who is-- why are
we remaking "Eight Is Enough"?
[music playing]
Vodka, straight up, please.
Hey, Max.
Barry Daniels.
Don't act so stunned.
This isn't Ellis Island.
So you're a player now?
Excuse me?
Well, you're here,
not parking cars.
WOMAN: Stole my idea
in a pitch meeting!
MAN: Asshole.
WOMAN: [inaudible].
He will not have sex without
putting two condoms on.
He says he's not
going out like that.
I think that ecstasy
is starting to kick in.
WOMAN: I haven't seen
an uncircumcised penis
in this town.
Hey, daddy-o.
What's going on?
- I just got here.
Oh, yeah.
You want a grape or something?
No.
What kind of cheese is that?
I don't know.
It's some kind of Sicilian
maggot cheese or something.
I'm not kidding.
I gotta keep moving.
They're watching me like a hawk.
I'll see you later.
Max.
Hey!
- Jules.
Hi!
I've been trying to call you.
Where have you been?
- I've been busy.
- I heard.
I'm so happy for you.
Thank you.
You're-- you're back.
Yeah.
What am I gonna do
in Boston, right?
I guess for better or
for worse, I belong here.
So, you want to go
to dinner on Tuesday?
Max Matteo.
Yes?
Saul Rubin.
Excuse me.
Studio acquisitions.
I've been watching dailies
of "Secret Scruples."
I like what I see.
It looks very good.
Very good.
Very fine work.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
We're-- we're seriously
vying for that film.
- Great.
- Yeah.
So what are you up to?
What's in the works, huh?
- Oh, there you are.
- Oh!
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
Oh, it's so nice
to see you lovely.
Because I-- I love the
feeling I'm nothing.
Come on, huh?
It's good to be famous.
Oh.
Max, this is Kate-- not that
she needs an introduction.
This is Max, a fine
young actor who just
may be in our very next hit.
'66 Mustang, right?
Uh, '99 Mustang, silver.
Ooh.
Do you two know each other?
Uh, kind of.
Well, I'll kind of leave
you alone together then.
See ya.
So, you must be on TV.
You haven't seen the spot?
Spot?
What, do you
live under a rock?
On the moon?
I don't watch much TV.
Then you're my
new best friend.
[inaudible] said something
like, a good marriage
is that in which each
appoints the other guardian
of his solitude.
Which--
- Nice.
Yeah.
No room for codependents.
I would think not.
No.
I'll have to read it.
I'll lend it to you.
[party music playing]
[knocking]
WOMAN: Hello!
Sonny!
Sonny, are you in there?
What?
The old man wants to see you.
MAX: Yeah, in a minute.
Who's--
It's like the scene
from "The Godfather"
when James Caan was in the
bathroom with the bridesmaid.
I haven't seen it.
I'll lend it to you.
[music playing]
Are you ever going to tell
me what you're famous for?
Is that you?
All right, here we go.
Robert Hoskins, 42, used to roll
around in Madonna's garbage.
That is, until one of
her bodyguards shot him.
I remember that.
How's it going, boys?
It's good.
Just looking at these celebrity
stalker files you wanted.
This is fascinating stuff.
Bernard Artiz pledged his love
to Linda Ronstadt, promised
to be there for her always.
Is that the way it works
over there, Sanchez?
Gee, I don't know, Grattola.
[inaudible] came all the way for
Italy to take away Sharon Stone
and marry her.
Has that been working
for your people?
That was three years ago.
How do you remember that shit?
Just paying attention.
We got our first real lead
on this case, a Mr. Max Matteo.
What's his story?
He's the actor who took over
the role Inglewood was going
to do before he was murdered.
Might be a long
shot, but so far he's
the only one with any motive.
Ooh.
Listen to this.
"When I would go
to see his movies,
I felt he was inside me.
I would have multiple orgasms in
multiplexes all over the city."
Mm-hmm, uh-huh.
Yeah.
For the last decade,
I've been looking at women
through a cracked windshield.
I look at her, I don't
know why she's with me.
It's called success.
It's been proven
to clear your skin.
She's so beautiful.
She's-- she's together.
So what's the problem?
I feel like I'm
going to be found out,
and then it's going
to be all over.
Like I'm going to
be invisible again.
Max, she's lucky
to be with you.
Can I tell you something?
Of course.
It's pretty heavy.
[knocking]
MAN: Hey, Max,
they're ready for you.
Oh, shit.
I-- I gotta go.
Call me later.
I gotta go to work.
- Yeah.
Um-- I'm going to be all right.
I'll, uh-- I'll call you
when I get back from Mexico.
Uh--
Enjoy yourself, Max.
You worked hard to get here.
Don't worry so much.
Is there any shit in my teeth?
No, man.
You're good to go.
OK.
[music playing]
[muttering in latin]
Did you bring half of
Mexico back with you?
OK.
That's the last of it.
Are you gonna
stay here tonight?
I'm going to go
back to my own place.
I got-- I got a lot of mail.
I got cats.
I got--
Will you stop for a
minute and talk to me?
It's been talked to death.
For the hundredth time,
we didn't do anything.
We just took some ecstasy
and sat on the beach.
Do you know how
fucked up that sounds?
I mean, in one sentence you
say you didn't do anything.
And then you say you did ecstasy
on the beach with those--
with those slimy British
producers of all people.
Come on.
They're not that bad.
I have a career too, you know.
I was just meeting
some new people.
And you were never around.
Doing ecstasy on the
beach with two guys
while your boyfriend
is working his ass off,
it doesn't give me
great visuals, OK?
I was just having
a little fun.
And you wouldn't touch me, Max.
I mean, you wouldn't touch me.
I was playing a priest, Kate.
Priests, they
don't have sex, OK?
And I told you that
before we left.
I didn't think
you were serious.
[music playing]
WOMAN (ON RADIO): Unit 453,
please respond to a 10-05
[inaudible].
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
The buzz is out
on "Combustion."
It's the last casting session.
There's a great
supporting part, Max.
I heard about this script.
Are there any names
going up for my role?
There's always
names involved, Max.
Now, you just forget about them.
You go in there, give them hell.
[inaudible].
I specifically said I didn't
want this green leafy lettuce.
I wanted the white,
heart-shaped lettuce.
Crispy, crunchy!
Snap, crackle, pop.
And I absolutely do not--
I repeat, do not want
fucking croutons!
I'm sorry, sir.
I misunderstood you.
I'll get this right away.
Hey.
Everything all
right here, gentlemen?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean-- I mean,
everything is A-OK.
Actually, my salad was terrific.
How about you, Ira?
This is the best bowl
of soup I've ever had.
- There you go.
- It's the best.
The service-- the
service also was--
great service.
- Very good.
Very good, man.
That was terrific.
Why haven't I met you before?
I don't know.
You're the first one
to get this guy's void,
unfulfillable as it might be.
Thanks a lot.
Look, I'm obligated
to see other people.
But are your dates free?
Uh, yeah.
I believe so.
They are.
Yes.
- Yeah?
Good.
We'll know in a couple of days.
Max.
Waste of time.
They're going to offer
it to Michael Lange.
What are you talking about?
I thought that guy
was, like, blacklisted.
Am I talking to you?
Supposedly he's off the booze,
the coke, and whatever else.
It's a pretty physical role.
Probably rewrite the
whole fuckin' script
just to suit him.
I heard they wanted
to go with somebody new
for the flashy supporting part.
Where'd you pick that
up, with [inaudible]??
Independent film,
no money, no choice.
Maybe I need to
get a drug habit.
Then I'd get some work.
Speaking of the devil.
[music playing]
Waste of my fucking
time, cocksuckers.
Hello, Mr. Lange.
I'm sorry we're running
a little late today.
You don't want the director to
feel rushed with your meeting.
Can I get you
something to drink?
No.
No, I'm good.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, Mr. Lange.
But you can't smoke here.
I could get in trouble.
We wouldn't
that, now would we?
We usually sneak a smoke in
the stairwell by the elevator.
Sounds good.
[inaudible]
Gentlemen.
OK.
James Keyan.
That's me.
[elevator ding]
[groaning]
[interposing voices]
My baby!
My--
Cut.
Love it.
I love it.
It's perfect.
I want you to-- want
you to print this one.
Max, take the baby from her.
She won't give me the baby.
Rip it out of her hands.
Do it anyway.
Rip it out of her hands.
- Great job.
- Thank you.
Great job, Max.
Oh, Max, you're on fire.
[interposing voices]
Thank you.
You've got great hair.
Come in.
Come in.
It's the last 10 minutes.
HOST (ON TV): We're
back with Michael Lange.
We're talking about how
terrible accidents--
tragedies, really-- can change
your life for the positive.
Now, you mentioned to
me earlier that at first
you thought you
were shoved, pushed
down two flights of stairs.
My god.
Please explain.
MICHAEL (ON TV):
Well, that's true.
And that's still true today.
I was pushed.
Pushed by the hand of God.
[stammering]
You see, I lived in denial
for so many years over my drug
and alcohol abuse that when
I was regaining consciousness
in the hospital, the first
thing that occurred to me was,
this isn't my
fault. I was pushed.
Once again, denial.
The truth is--
[stammering]---- I was so stoned
I don't remember anything,
really.
Anyway, about 5:00
AM one morning,
I'm in my hospital bed awake.
I could not sleep.
I was so filled with
anger over having
put myself in this position when
this voice spoke to me inside.
And it said, (SINGING)
you should be dead.
You're not.
It's time to start doing
something good with your life.
Give something back.
So that's when I
started the Michael
Richard Lange Foundation--
Let's-- let's turn this.
It's depressing.
No it isn't.
It's beautiful.
This thing is on 24/7.
WOMAN (ON TV): Hundreds of
people coming to lay flowers
down at the spot
where television
star EJ Inglewood met with
his tragic and untimely death.
I loved EJ Inglewood.
This is precisely
why I don't watch TV.
Max!
[door closing]
Just read it.
Just-- just read
me the breakdown.
Go ahead.
OK.
Come on.
OK.
"Jan, a handsome
determined young Norwegian
with long blond hair,
intelligent blue eyes,
a quiet leader with short
temper, and a sweet smile."
My god, that sounds
fucking terrific.
Why won't they see me?
Because you're Italian, Max.
I mean, this guy is Norwegian.
Hey, come on.
Johnny Depp, he
plays Donny Brasco.
Jason fucking Gedrick
played the last don, huh?
What about-- what
about Christopher
Lambert in "The Last Sicilian"?
Wait a minute.
No, no.
Do you remember
that debauchery?
That's different, Max.
I mean, the rules don't apply.
They're stars.
Hey, I do a lot
of different roles
on stage besides Italians, Ira.
Come on.
Well, what about that
World War II movie
I was going to read for.
Where's that?
It was cast.
Hey, I didn't even get
a chance to read for that.
Hey, you know what?
I don't care.
I could be the last
person that they see.
Just get me in on Jan.
And it's Yan, not Jan.
The guy is Norwegian.
- OK.
- Yeah, Jan.
What?
My mom used to do that.
Do what?
Cut her steak
into these ready,
bite-sized pieces for me.
Didn't your mom used to do that?
No.
My mother was a vegetarian.
Actually, my mother
was a liquitarian.
That manager I met yesterday
might want to rep me.
So I might get a little more
than pre-screens for a change.
Good.
I've got to get
[inaudible],, or I'm going
to be stuck like Brooke
Shields in her damn Calvins.
It took her a decade
to outlive that.
She had a break,
and she took it.
You're a beautiful girl, Kate.
You're going to get
plenty of opportunities.
Are you going to
go after a new agent?
Why?
You can't tell me you
haven't thought about it.
No, no, no.
I can't just walk out on Ira
now that I've started working.
Everyone else moves to
a more prestigious agency.
Kate, this guy
stuck by me, OK?
He lent me money.
He was the only
positive voice I had
when I was going to pack it in.
I can't just walk away now.
No, I understand that.
It's just that-- it's like
you're only hot for a minute,
and then you're not.
Actors would kill to
be in your situation.
It's just business.
No, it's not.
It's not just
business, you know?
It's loyalty, Kate.
It's loyalty.
I know that that's an
unused word in this town,
but I'd still like to use
it every once in a while.
OK.
Will you relax?
I'm just trying to help you take
advantage of your situation.
Yeah, well, I guess you would
know about that, wouldn't you?
Oh, fuck you, Max.
I don't need this.
Take care.
Kate, just wait.
The trick is hanging
on to them, sport.
[gunfire]
Asshole.
[music playing]
[doorbell]
[knocking]
Are you going to forgive me?
What for?
For raising my voice.
I think it was the
content, not the performance.
For not recognizing when
my girl was being supportive.
Getting warm.
For being a
self-absorbed prick.
Bingo.
[music playing]
Hey.
Hm?
Can I ask you something?
Sure, baby.
If I wasn't working,
would you be into me?
Working?
Mm-hmm.
Just be honest, if--
if I wasn't working,
do you think
we would have ever hooked up?
Well, when Saul
introduced you to me
as this hot actor in one of
his films, that was really
all I had to go on.
Hm.
Hey!
OK, how about this?
You like my ass, right?
Right?
Yes, I do.
Well, what if I had no
ass, not this well-rounded
masterpiece that it is now?
Or anything else that you
weren't attracted to--
physically, I mean,
superficially, as they say--
would you be here now?
Probably not.
But in the beginning, it--
it can't really be anything
except superficial.
Yeah.
I guess so.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Bye.
What do you want now?
Captain, we want to get
into the movie business.
Oh, no.
Not another one.
Hear us out, Captain.
We think our killer is
an actor killing actors.
And we want to stop this?
If we can get the
go-ahead, we go down
to the Screen Actors
Guild and get a list
of all the movies being made.
Cast.
Pardon?
They cast movies.
That's the term.
Jesus Christ.
And you guys want
to go under on this?
I want to go under
as the producer
of these castings, and--
I can go under as an actor.
You know, hang out,
being competition.
Oh.
How far under do you want to go?
Deep.
How deep?
I could get a new name,
new car, new house, new life.
Yeah?
Well, uh, what makes you
think you can cut the mustard?
You done any acting?
In the third grade
I played a talking
tree in "The Wizard of Oz."
How hard can it be.
Oh!
Well, that's not good enough.
I got a better idea.
Uh, somebody once told
me, you want to make moves.
[chuckling]
That's very interesting.
Next.
Don't keep anything
around you can't
walk out on in 40 seconds flat.
Oh, man.
No!
I got a girl.
Thank you very much.
You can go now.
If you feel the,
uh, cops, uh--
on the corner, you, uh--
you know what?
Fuck this.
Yeah.
So, if you're around me and
you gotta go when I gotta go,
I expect to keep a life.
What are you, a monk?
Well, what are you, smart ass?
Stick to the script, please.
Next.
This is terrible.
Hey, Frank, where
is that script thing?
I got it.
I got it.
Hey, don't get me stuck
with Pasternak, will ya?
Don't worry, John.
I got it.
READER: Next.
A smart man told me once,
you want to make moves,
don't keep anything around you
can't walk out on in 40 seconds
if you feel the cops
around the corner.
So, if you're on
me and you gotta
go when I go, how do you
expect to have a life.
What are you, a monk?
No.
I got a woman.
What do you tell her?
She thinks I sell
swimming pools.
[applause]
IRA (VOICEOVER): Jan, a handsome
determined young Norwegian
with long blond hair,
intelligent blue eyes,
a quiet leader with short
temper and a sweet smile.
MAX (VOICEOVER): That
sounds fucking terrific.
Why won't they see me?
IRA (VOICEOVER): Because
you're Italian, Max.
I mean, this guy's Norwegian.
MAX (VOICEOVER): I don't care.
I could be the last
person that they see.
Just get me in on Jan.
And it's Yan, not Jan.
The guy's Norwegian.
[horn blasts]
So I'll need a stage name.
What's your middle name?
- Diego.
- Good.
What street did
you grow up on?
East 91st.
That's not going to work.
What street do you live on now?
Las Palmas, you know that.
There you go.
Diego Las Palmas.
I kind of like it.
It's got a ring to it.
Who taught you that?
Strippers.
They gotta have stage names too.
I'm learning a
lot from you, John.
This-- this "Badge of Fury,"
It's really, really bad, Ira.
Yeah.
Well, it's a means to an end.
I mean, you got
some television Q
and, you know, it
will help in films.
Look at those guys,
you know, on "Friends."
Jesus.
OK, that's a bad example.
How about "NYPD Blue"?
Look, if [inaudible]
writing this, we wouldn't be
having this conversation.
Max.
Maybe I should
get a publicist.
You know, I've been getting
calls from other agents, Ira.
Maybe they wouldn't have
such a problem getting me
in on these A projects.
Are you kidding me?
I don't need acting classes.
Wanna know the experience
I got from working
on an ambulance in New York?
[inaudible],, you want
to talk about pressure?
Forget about it.
Four callbacks.
I finally go to the
network, I get there,
and the first thing they do
is they shove these contracts
in my hand, they tell me
to sign them five minutes
before I'm ready to go in.
I'm going to make more on
this series than my parents
every did in their lifetime.
Hey, that-- this
is a colossal shirt.
That's not "The Godfather."
I'm expanding my repertoire.
Hey, how come you
never quote anything
from "The Godfather Three"?
"Godfather Three," what
are you talking about?
They made a third?
That's what I heard.
Pilates is the best.
Keith says my ass has
never ever been firmer.
Yeah.
So while I'm crammed in--
[inaudible] capture
human behavior.
He wasn't afraid to just
let the camera role.
Now everything's a
god damn music video.
It's going to be
so good to finally
get out of fucking debt.
Gloria, they don't write parts
like that for women anymore.
You know, if you're
not 19 and look
like you're ready to suck dick,
you're nowhere in this town.
Sorry I'm late.
Fucking traffic.
Killing me.
Hey, George.
Maxy, the best.
MAN: I knew this was--
[interposing voices]
--and they're smiling,
that's a good sign, right?
It's a good sign, right?
You're a little late, huh?
I had to run some errands.
And I [inaudible].
Hey, relax.
Buy me a drink.
I want to make a toast.
[cheering]
To my cousin Max.
Hey, Maxy boy.
Happy birthday.
Go, Max!
You had a great year,
and you deserve it.
Your hard work and
dedication has always
been an inspiration to me.
If you work hard,
you'll get rewarded.
Hope you're making good money,
man, because the next round's
on you.
[laughing]
Happy birthday.
Cheers, man.
[interposing voices]
Hi.
Can I-- can I help you?
Yeah.
We saw your movie last night.
You were great.
Oh, well-- well, thank you.
Can I bother you
for an autograph?
Uh, sure.
Oh.
Doreen.
Doreen, OK.
OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, good luck to you.
Thanks.
Take it easy.
I love the feel of nothing.
You are so sweet.
Oh!
Hey!
[applause]
I'm sorry for attracting
attention to myself.
I don't-- I don't
really like to.
But I'm an actor.
It's what I do.
It's what we do
to survive, right?
Honestly, I'd prefer
not to be noticed.
You know me, I'm quiet.
Listen.
Listen, you ever hear of a
play where nothing happens?
Something has to happen
for you to exist.
That's what I'm saying.
You know, I attract
attention to myself,
but I just feel sorry
about it sometimes.
Sorry?
You don't have to be sorry?
No, I am.
I'm sorry now.
You don't have to apologize
to nobody for nothing.
I don't know.
If I hear that
line one more time,
I will fucking kill someone.
Once I had the baby,
all that career ambition
went right out the window.
I'd have a baby with Max.
[inaudible]
[inaudible].
Drink scotch, [inaudible].
At your place?
Psst.
I know.
MAX (VOICEOVER): I don't know.
You say it doesn't
matter, [inaudible]..
I don't give a fuck.
ACTOR: [shouting]
It is very, very interesting.
[shouting]
This guy has such
edge, totally submerges
himself in the character.
I found him at dinner
theater in Albany.
[shouting]
Are you ready, Danny?
Are you OK, son?
I'm working on the heat.
You know, it's supposed to
be really hot in the script.
OK, man?
[shouting]
This is Max Matteo.
Max, I'd like to introduce you
to our director, Mr. Ratner,
and our producer, Mr. Delancey.
Max here did some very
fine work in "Combustion"
and "Secret Scruples."
That's right.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Excuse me?
Like they don't see my bag?
Your bag?
Yeah, that's right.
My bad.
What do you think that means?
It means I could
be sitting there.
It's a simple rule
of life, pallie.
A guy's got a bag by his
seat, it's his seat, hm?
George [inaudible].
Yo.
You're on.
Watch my shift.
You had me
waiting for an hour.
I'm sorry, Frank.
I had all these people to see.
Come on, I'll buy you a beer.
All right.
Nah, empty calories.
Gotta stay lean.
I picked these up off a
bulletin board on the way out.
You don't need that crap.
You're a natural.
Hey, John, you think
acting makes you crazy,
or crazy people are
drawn to acting?
Crazy is crazy, man.
I gotta get going.
So soon?
Yeah, I got an audition
tomorrow morning.
Don't forget me
when you're famous.
Yeah, right.
See ya.
Thou nature art my goddess.
Wherefore should I stand
in the plate of customs--
the curiosity of
nations to deprive me,
for that I am some 12 or 14
moonshines lag of all brother?
Wherefore base?
When my dimensions
are as well compact--
dimensions are as well
compact, my mind as generous
and-- my mind as
generous, and my shape as
true as honest madam's issue?
Why brand they us with base--
with baseness?
Bastardy?
Base, base?
Who, in the lusty
stealth of nature,
take more composition and
fierce quality than doth,
within a dull,
stale, tired bed, go
to the creating a
whole tribe of fops,
got 'tween asleep and wake?
Well, then, my
legitimate Edgar--
well, then, my
legitimate Edgar--
well, then, my legitimate--
it's a fine word, legitimate.
Well, my legitimate, if this
letter speed and my invention
thrive, then Edmund the base
shall too be the legitimate.
I grow.
I prosper.
I prosper.
I-- I prosper.
Now, gods, stand
up for bastards.
What the hell is this?
They're doing a movie
about Abbie Hoffman.
It's a great story.
Quite an education I'm getting.
I remember that nut.
What do you say
we go get a beer?
No, I can't.
I got another acting
class in the morning.
Fine.
Hey, will you run lines
with me later after this?
Run what?
My name's Tony Felice, and
I'm reading for McKinnel.
Jesus, he didn't
recognize you?
I thought he
might, but he didn't.
He was so hammered, I think.
He reminds me of that
guy from Big Mike's.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Now the ocean's not big
enough, sky's not blue enough--
[beeping]
MAN (ON VIDEO): Sorry.
Didn't know the ringer was on.
Maybe you should finish
inhaling your lunch.
He's got some anger.
Maybe we should stop fucking
around and grab this guy.
This is it.
This is the one
you've been talking.
What's it say?
Huge studio film, and
they want a fresh face.
You land this part, you'll
write your own ticket.
All I've ever wanted
is the opportunity, Ira.
And I will get this role.
KATE (VOICEOVER): When I
want something, because I
love the feel of nothing.
MICHAEL (VOICEOVER):
I was pushed.
Pushed by the hand of God.
[stammering]
MAN: Max Matteo.
Next.
COYLE: How did it go?
I don't know.
I think I nailed it.
COYLE: You think
he'll take the bait?
What?
Oh, yeah.
COYLE: What's the matter?
I don't think there's
enough humor in my work.
COYLE: Come on, Spencer Tracy.
[inaudible] your new home.
Gotta find the
surprise in the sea.
What is it, Max?
You know, I put
up with your shit
because behind
all your moodiness
and your Italian angst, I can
see that there's a good man.
This constant refusal
to let me in--
Michael Lange.
What about him?
It wasn't the hand of God.
I pushed Michael
Lange down the stairs.
What the hell are
you talking about?
Oh my god.
Why-- would would you
do something like that?
So I could get the part we
were up for in "Combustion."
What kind of
person would-- would
push a man down the stairs
for a part in a movie?
I needed a break.
I mean, I never got a break.
It was always someone else.
The only reason why you're here
now is because I pushed him.
No, don't you turn this
around on me or anybody else,
you coward.
You understand that what
you did makes you sick?
Do you understand that?
This is-- you've got
to get some help, Max.
Whatever you do in
this life, get help.
[door closing]
Where have you been?
So did I get it?
No, it's between
you and another actor.
Who is it?
They wouldn't say.
Nice to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
I don't fucking
believe this, you know?
I mean, how much
blood do they want?
[music playing]
[glass shattering]
I mean, who is this
fucking guy anyway?
Diego?
Diego Las Palmas?
You've got to be kidding me.
I don't know who that is.
How come I don't know that name?
First fucking film?
Oh, well, that-- a newcomer?
I'm a newcomer, Ira.
Yeah-- this was supposed
to be my turn, remember?
Fuck!
Unbelievable!
I should have taken care of
this before the callback.
I should have.
Well, yes, yes.
I know, I know.
No.
No.
No, I won't!
Fuck!
[beep]
MAX (ON MACHINE): Kate, it's.
Me I'm sorry I've
been a disappointment,
but I just can't be
a failure any longer.
I do love you, Kate.
[dialing]
Hey, it's Max.
Leave me a message.
I'll call you right--
[dog barking]
[police ambiance on tv]
What are you doing for dinner?
[phone ringing]
Yeah?
The actor is hungry?
Yeah, starving.
Well, I'm at
this prick's mercy.
So until I get relieved,
if Max don't go out to eat,
neither do I.
All right.
What the hell you watching?
"Young Lions."
Marlon Brando plays a
Nazi, yet you feel for him.
It's really a
remarkable performance.
Well, all is quiet
on this Western front.
Well, hopefully not for long.
[doorbell]
[knocking]
Max?
Max?
[cats meowing]
[phone ringing]
[beeping]
IRA (ON MACHINE):
Max, you there?
Pick up?
You're not going
to believe this.
You've been nominated
for an American
Independent Film Award.
"Combustion," best
supporting actor.
They're making the
announcements tomorrow morning.
Can you believe this?
[knocking]
[knocking]
[knocking]
[knocking]
Ah, real smart.
Send a uniform.
Not a great idea.
Fucking--
[beep]
Hey, just take it easy.
No, no.
You take it easy.
Who the hell are you?
Where are you from?
New York.
How original.
You do any theater?
- No.
Not really.
Member of the Studio?
Studio?
The Actors Studio.
No.
You got a picture
and resume with you?
No.
My agent has it.
I finally catch
a fucking break
in this unforgiving hole of a
town, and now you come along.
Oh, ooh!
A fresh face!
You took a part away from me.
I don't see why they
should go with you.
Well, what do you got?
Huh?
You know what?
You got a drug habit?
Can you please not
point that gun at me?
Back off.
OK, go ahead.
Do it.
Let's see what you got.
Do what?
The audition.
Do it.
Let's see what you got.
Here?
Now?
Yes, you dumb fuck.
I mean, where else?
I'm going to be Bill.
I'll be Bill.
Which scene?
All of them.
Any time you're ready.
So you say you were home
the night of the murder.
That is correct.
Were you with anybody?
Uh, no.
I was at home reading,
preparing for work the next day.
I had a substantial
presentation,
one of those
career-defining things.
Do you usually work at home?
Sometimes.
I think you are lying, Bill.
Your neighbor said she saw
no lights on at your place.
You don't work in
the dark, do you?
Tell you what, I gotta
go make a few calls.
When I get back, you
will be straight with me,
or I'm going to drag your
sorry ass all over this room.
Son of a bitch!
[dialing]
[phone ringing]
[line busy]
[car starting]
I'm sorry about that.
OK.
Go ahead.
I said, you follow?
It's not going to be pretty.
I want to see my lawyer.
There will be plenty
of time for that.
Don't you worry, William.
I'm sure you'll have a
whole team of lawyers.
Easy scene.
Where's your inner life, huh?
Where's your inner life?
This guy, he is
exhausted, is he not?
His life is shit.
Where's your fucking sensory?
He's got a bad marriage, huh?
Where's the pain?
Where-- where-- where's
that pain where--
where it's difficult to just
get up in the morning, let
alone deal with scum like me?
[tires squealing]
Pasternak, I can't
get through to Sanchez.
- Next scene.
- The one where we're shot?
Yeah, that's right.
I'm going to be Tyrone.
I'll be Tyrone.
You mind if I sit
on the couch for this?
Well, it would make sense
if you were shot, wouldn't it?
Is that what you did in the
audition, you sat on the couch?
Yeah.
You?
On the floor.
Where he was supposed to be.
Nice.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh.
Aw!
Aw, Jesus.
OK.
Any time you're ready.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Jesus Christ.
[groaning]
Oh, Jesus.
I've been shot.
There's nowhere to go, Bill!
It's all over!
14 Mary 10, officers down.
I need assistance.
I repeat, officers down.
Suspect is still at large.
14 Mary 10, requesting
backup at 5020 Sierra Bonita.
Officer down.
I need backup.
I need [inaudible].
You're gonna make it.
You tell my wife--
you tell my wife I'm sorry.
You tell her yourself.
You hang tough.
The cavalry will
be here any minute.
You tell her.
You tell her that she
should have had better.
I was--
Come on, Tyrone.
Don't you go on me.
Come on.
Come on, Tyrone.
Stay with me.
Jesus Christ!
Who the fuck is Tyrone?
Cops' wives.
It's no life.
Don't you go on me.
No!
[sobbing]
You want me, Bill?
You motherfucker!
You come and get me!
Do you hear me?
Come and get me!
LAPD, freeze!
[gunshot]
[gunfire]
You all right?
I think so.
You?
Yeah.
Max?
Yeah.
Who the fuck is Tyrone?
[police sirens]
So you really believed
I was shot, huh?
Don't you go on me.
Don't you go on me!
Cops' wives.
It's no life.
[sobbing]
You want me, Bill?
You come and get me!
You hear me?
You come and get me!
You should have walked away
when you had the chance!
Now you're all mine!
[gunfire]
Cut.
Fucking brilliant.
Only in the movies do people
come out blasting like that.
Suicide.
Complete suicide.
It's unrealistic.
Let's do it again.
Good work, you guys.
[music playing]
Bee, bye, beekie bye, bee
bye, bay, beekie bye bo.
Bo, B-O, Bo.
B-O, bo, Sally sell sea
shells by the sea shore.
Sally sells sea shells
by the sea shore.
Sally S-A-L-L-Y, yeah, Sally.
S-A-L-L-Y, huh.
Peter Piper picked a
pack of pickled peppers.
Peter Piper packed
a pickled peppers.
Peter Piper picked a peck a
pickle peppers, yeah, peppers.
Peppers, peppers, yeah.
Phillip, P-H-I-L-L-I-P, Phillip.
Phillip stay.
Stay, Phillip.
S-T-A-Y, yeah.
Phillip, stay.
[piano playing]
OK, we're only going
to read the first scene.
We don't want you go,
son, but it's time.
I am not now [inaudible] time.
I can't be responsible
for you any longer.
Longer, mm,
L-O-N-G-E-R, longer.
Longer!
Looo--
We're not listening, Phillip.
Listen, yeah.
L-I-S-T-E-N, listen.
No, you are not.
I don't want you here.
Don't want, hm.
Phillip, P-H-I-L-L-I-P.
[phone ringing]
Don't want.
Yeah?
No, that's not going to work.
I need an answer
by this afternoon.
The bus is coming to
get you at 3 o'clock.
MALE CASTING DIRECTOR:
Well, you tell
that cocksucker that the offer
is off the table at 6 o'clock
tonight
- --at 6 o'clock.
Bus comes, yeah, at 3 o'clock.
MALE CASTING DIRECTOR:
Yeah, you can call me.
FEMALE CASTING DIRECTOR:
Thank you very much.
MALE CASTING DIRECTOR: I'm going
to be here all fucking day.
Stefanie will see you out.
Goodbye.
Yeah.
Thank you.
T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U.
[chatter]
Max, good to see you!
Tony, what's going on, buddy?
Hey!
You get home all
right that night?
Yeah, why?
You seemed upset and quiet.
Oh.
No, I just had a few
beers, and, you know.
I went home, I slept it off.
- How is the play going?
- Pretty good.
I'm going to try to
come again tonight.
[pager beeping]
And try to bring Lisa.
Hey, it would be
real good to see her.
I gotta go look
all these over, whew!
Yeah, OK.
Tony?
They're only reading
the first scene in there.
They want an exact time?
[sighing]
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
[music playing]
IRA GOLDSTEIN: Hey!
I paged you.
I know.
Did I get it?
No, we didn't,
kid, not this one.
Any feedback?
Eh, you thought you
had Andy Garcia quality,
but you lack the John Goodman,
and they wanted taller.
Nothing.
Like, nothing about my work?
No.
I could have
gained the weight.
What about today's audition?
Five minutes of
their time, Ira.
I mean, five minutes
of their time--
I don't think it's
too much to ask.
OK look, what you can do
is you can just go in there
and do your best.
I drove my ass to
the center of hell.
Come on, it was
Northridge actually.
They acted like I
wasn't even there.
Well, they're assholes.
Those are assholes, Maxie.
We're in this for the long haul.
I prepared four scenes,
just like they asked, Ira.
Good boy.
And I get there, and they
tell me to read only one.
Jeez, that's terrible.
That's terrible!
I mean, that's a little
late, don't you think?
I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
You're perfect for the role.
They need to
learn some respect.
I mean, I should have told them.
I should have told them.
I should have told
them to fuck off.
How about a bowl of soup, huh?
IRA GOLDSTEIN: Come on, it
was Northridge actually.
MAX MATTEO: They treat me
like I wasn't even there.
IRA GOLDSTEIN: Yeah,
but those are assholes.
[car horns]
[continued honking]
[engine turning]
Could you please stop
honking your fucking horn?
[glass shattering]
[honking]
Asshole!
[police sirens]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
Max-- Max doesn't
live here anymore.
OK, bye.
[beeping]
FEMALE SPEAKER (ON
MACHINE): Hello, Mr. Matteo.
This is Rosalyn from FC&P.
It is imperative that
you call us
immediately regarding
your account at 1-800-555-0109.
Anyone here can help you.
Thank you.
[phone ringing]
Hello, [inaudible].
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
MAX (ON MACHINE):
Hi, this is Max.
If you leave me a message,
I'll get right back to you.
Come on!
MAX (ON MACHINE): Bye.
IRA (ON MACHINE):
Maxy, it's Ira.
You there?
Pick up.
Yeah, it's me, Ira.
IRA (ON PHONE): I
just got the call.
They want to see you
again on "Final Rights."
Oh, yes!
Your inner monologue might
have taken over the event
of that first line.
When you came out on that
stage, brother, I could--
I felt it.
You-- you-- I would have
liked if you would have
taken her in a little bit more.
Let it breathe a little bit.
No obligation to the
script, you know that.
What was that first line?
Hello.
There's a lot
going on there, man.
Next up is John Fiorentino.
[italian singing]
Come here, [inaudible].
Come on!
[inaudible]
- Look at this.
You look good.
Look at this mug over here, huh?
Is that a mug?
Thank god you got your mom's
looks, not my primate brothers.
Come on, let's go get the
rest of the [inaudible]..
You're out, Max.
Maybe I can help.
I never thought you
were a bad consigliere.
I thought your
brother was a bad don.
Rest in peace.
This [inaudible]
owes an apology.
An apology!
You think I give a
shit what he thinks?
His time has come,
and so has mine.
I say we move in now
before someone else does.
READER: Vinny,
sorry to bother you,
but there's a call for you.
I don't give a fu--
I'm in a meeting,
for fuck's sakes!
Who is it.
READER: It's your daughter.
Hi, sweetheart.
No, Daddy did not
forget your birthday.
Daddy loves you too much
to forget your birthday.
I love you too.
I just made up my mind while I
was talking to my little girl,
and I want that son
of a bitch dead.
Tonight.
Life is too fucking short.
[music playing]
[large audience applause]
[smaller audience clapping]
Hey.
You were terrific.
Did the second act work?
I got it.
I got the part.
What part?
The Bruce Willis movie!
I got the Bruce Willis movie!
- No way!
Yes!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
When do you start?
Um-- Oh, a week.
My god, I should start dieting.
This is, uh, Dayton.
This is Max.
- Hey.
Hey.
[inaudible]
Oh, great.
Great, thanks.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Oh, I'm so proud of you!
JULIET (VOICEOVER):
I got the part.
MAX (VOICEOVER): What part?
JULIET (VOICEOVER):
The Bruce Willis movie.
I got the Bruce Willis movie!
MAX (VOICEOVER): No way!
Yes!
Oh my god!
Oh!
[music playing]
It's very inappropriate, Tom.
I was sort of hoping
you were going to airbrush
the bags under my eyes.
OK.
Well, when would be an
appropriate time, then?
You can see right there.
You can do that, right?
Tad, come on.
This is the fifth time
we've done your shot.
If we airbrush it any
more, you're going
to look a little China doll.
- Excuse me.
- Wait.
Hold on.
Are you-- what, are you
joking about my headshot?
This is like the Michael
Jackson of headshots right now.
Look at you.
--synonymous
with manipulation!
I'm just saying if--
the bags give you
a little character.
Character?
No, no, no.
Stop that train right there.
Let me tell you something.
For those of us that are working
actors, I'm a leading man, OK?
I don't-- I don't want any
character, you understand?
Character is-- bags is
unemployment for me.
Can I-- just pick
up my pictures?
Because they're already paid--
Who are you?
Max Matteo.
Give me a minute with
this guy, all right?
Hold on, Max.
Let me ask you, Mike.
So, you see those bags, right?
Eight years of my life,
you ungrateful fuck.
Oh, now, there's a
fucking character for you.
Yeah.
That's not-- a whole
different thing.
Can I have my phone back?
I'm-- hello,
who's in line here?
What the fuck?
Get a number system, pal.
This is nuts.
JODIE (VOICEOVER):
"Final Rights" casting.
IRA (VOICEOVER): Hey, Jodie.
Ira Goldstein here.
JODIE (VOICEOVER): Ira,
before we get into it,
I want you to know
that I really like Max,
he did a wonderful
reading for us yesterday,
it's just not going any
further unfortunately.
IRA (VOICEOVER):
Well, can I ask why?
JODIE (VOICEOVER):
Well, to be honest,
our producer has a
nephew, and he's,
um, pretty good, actually.
IRA (VOICEOVER):
You're out, Max.
Come on, honey.
Hurry up.
Let's go.
[gun clicking]
[gunshot]
You ever think about
what we're doing out here,
how fast time is going by?
I try not to.
Why?
You living in denial?
I just don't dwell
on it, that's all.
Yeah, well, there's
dwelling on it,
and then there's
not dealing with it.
Sometimes I think
about marriage.
Kids, family, sacrifices I made.
Most guys my age
are set up by now.
I don't need to
be rich, you know?
But I just want to work.
This is humiliating.
Hey, remember the
opening of "Star Wars"?
There was a mob scene outside.
We wanted to get in,
but it was sold out.
People were coming
out of the first show.
What did we do?
We walked in backwards.
Fucking right, we did.
We found a way, and we're
going to find a way again.
We were 9.
It'll happen.
I just got the
news this morning.
Get this-- five weeks
in San Francisco,
three weeks in Chicago.
Eight weeks?
Can I get another shot?
Get to go home a man.
So when do you start?
Three days.
Soon.
Our first rehearsals
are at noon.
WOMAN: You get to
kiss Meryl Streep?
MAN: It's unbelievable!
WOMAN: I would kill to
work with Meryl Streep.
MAX (VOICEOVER): I
think it's about luck,
and maybe I just don't have any.
[tv chatter]
WOMAN (ON TV): Jack Lemmon!
[applause from tv]
[tape rewinding]
WOMAN (ON TV): Jack Lemmon!
[applause from tv]
[knocking]
Hey.
My god.
- Can you believe it?
- No.
What the hell happened?
I can't fucking believe it.
I broke it!
How?
That fucker on the
boardwalk in Venice.
That fucking unicyclist.
You start shooting tomorrow.
My god!
[sobbing]
Oh, shit!
Ow!
God damn it!
God.
Just [inaudible].
I'm sorry.
Oh.
Here.
All right.
It's going to be OK.
It's not going to be OK.
I think I'm going to
move back to Boston.
What?
Come on.
You can't leave me
out here alone, huh?
Fight the good fight by myself?
You'll get another break.
I promise.
It took me four years
to get this one, OK?
And by the time
this thing heals,
I'm going to be all
the way back to nobody.
Fuck it.
Look, you-- you
can't just give up.
I'm not doing
it all over again.
I am not.
I am not humiliating
myself all over again.
I mean, you give everything.
You give everything
to this business,
and at the end of the day,
you can count on nothing.
I was struck down by
a fucking unicyclist.
Can I have a glass of water?
Yeah, water.
And when I'm famous, I'm gonna
put you in all my movies,
I swear.
Hon, don't you think
it's time that you
be a bit more realistic?
What do you mean?
I mean, how old are you?
I mean, if it was going
to happen for you,
it would have happened by now.
You know what I mean?
I'm just looking
out after you, Max.
I mean, really, how
much more of your life
do you want to spend in acting
class, barking like a dog?
You really think people
get work that way?
Hey, if you want
to quit, then quit.
Don't expect me to, OK?
It's not fair.
I didn't mean it.
Because you know what?
The truth is, I so
hope you make it.
I really, really do.
But I have got to go home.
I can't take it.
I'm sick of it.
I'm fucking sick of it.
If I have to wait for my
agent to call me back one more
fucking time, I'll kill myself.
And it's-- you know, it's
so much easier for you guys.
I've got to worry about if
my boobs are big enough.
I've got to worry if my
butt is small enough.
I mean, you've got to
be cute and talented
all at the same time.
It's terrible.
You've got to look like you're a
fucking Victoria's Secret model
and be Meryl Streep
at the same time.
That's not easy.
And it's fucking tiring.
It's tiring.
Do you want to be the
first one to sign my cast?
[music playing]
Max Matey-a?
Tie.
Max Matey--
Matteo.
Max Matteo.
OK.
[inaudible]
[inaudible].
And we got the foreign
territories covered.
What, you think so?
Domestically, of course,
he's not worth shit.
But he's got that
terrible TV show
that plays in every
language all over the world.
I would have gone
with that Matteo.
I think Bob feels the
same way too, you know.
MAN: Fuck Bob.
What does he know?
He's lucky to be
directing this movie.
No, if you go with
Matteo, you've
got to build a cast around him.
With Inglewood, well,
you're set to go.
Well, so we build
the cast around Matteo.
The priest is an
important role, you know.
I'll tell you what.
Whoever pisses the
longest gets their choice.
OK.
I get Inglewood,
you get Matteo.
I guess that's fair.
Shit.
No, I'm done.
And I'm done.
Well, my good fella,
Inglewood it is.
You've seen the body
of that redhead?
Oh, I ride High Road just
to look at her every day.
All right.
Everybody make a
nice, deep sound.
ALL: Ah!
Good.
Good, deal with how
you're feeling right now.
Talk to me.
I feel angry.
Angry, good.
What else?
What else?
Aw!
I'm tired of
taking care of you.
Leave me alone!
Breathe.
I can't.
Leave me alone!
Breathe!
Breathe.
That's going to be very precise.
Exercise those senses.
I'm a seagull!
I'm a seagull!
Yes, you are.
IRA (VOICEOVER): You
lack the John Goodman,
and they wanted taller.
Max, you seem
very guarded today.
JULIET (VOICEOVER): If it
was going to happen for you,
it would have happened by now.
Make a sharp sound.
Huh!
OK.
OK, what text are
you working on?
Um, Edmund, "King Lear."
How do you feel?
Uh--
Start the monologue.
Thou, nature, art my goddess.
To thy law my
services are bound.
Wherefore should I
stand in the plague of--
You're very disconnected.
I-- I gotta get some air.
ALL: Ah!
Whatever you are
feeling, it is appropriate.
Everybody, sound.
ALL: Ah!
MAN (VOICEOVER): Whoever pisses
the longest gets their choice.
I get Inglewood, you get Matteo.
MAN (VOICEOVER): All right.
That's fair.
MAN (VOICEOVER): OK.
EJ Inglewood?
Yeah?
[groaning]
What the hell is your problem?
I've seen you in something!
God!
Oh!
God damn you, I have
a shoot tomorrow.
[gunfire]
[inaudible]
You'll never work
in this town again!
Bastard!
I know people!
[shouting]
[car smashing]
[water running]
The bold and the
ridiculous-- my wife
thinks he's the cat's meow.
My daughter watches the show.
Terrible fucking actor.
Your wife probably
watches the show.
My wife watches my kids.
Looks like he's on
his way to the gym.
Way back.
Back?
[inaudible].
Stalker?
If there was a female, she's
got one hell of a sling.
Everybody's talking
about you, man.
What do you mean?
Max Matteo is hot.
"Secret Scruples,"
you got that, right?
Yes, I did.
Congratulations, Max.
You're on a roll.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm waiting to hear
something myself.
What is it?
I don't want to jinx it.
Hey, Max.
They're ready for you.
MAX: OK.
Max Matteo.
Max Matteo, it's
good to see you.
- Good to see you too, Bob.
- Yeah.
OK.
So can you stand right up here?
Max, you're going to play
to this mark here for Billy.
You're going to play to
this mark here for Sharon.
And we shoot down in Mexico
for Billy insurance coverage.
We'll have the beach in
the background, all right?
Where-- where are
Billy and Sharon.
Just play it to
the marks, all right?
OK.
[inaudible]
Roll sound.
And action.
It is not my practice
to tell you what to do,
but I will tell you this.
If you will look to
God for guidance,
it is a very good start.
MAN: But we're so
confused, Father.
If you would pray, it
would quiet the mind,
and you will hear
the voice of God.
The answer, it is within you.
But if I'm first
choice, then there's
no other higher choices.
So it's mine.
I mean, is there--
is there a zero
choice or a minus one choice?
Well, why don't they just
offer me the role, then?
Oh, Christ.
I mean, can't I just get an
offer like everybody else?
[sighing]
Betty-- yeah.
You know, I'm-- all
right, all right.
Yeah, I'll be OK.
All right, bye.
Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
Talk to you later.
Thanks, Marty.
Screen Actors Guild.
Jimmy Stewart had one of these.
Spill it.
What's your hunch?
Hunch doesn't mean
much without motive.
Hey, Lisa!
Your agent just called,
and it's official.
I'm dating a waiter.
[music playing]
Afternoon.
[inaudible].
I'm Detective Sanchez.
This is Detective Coyle.
What's your name, sir?
Jimmy.
We understand a
Mr. EJ Inglewood
used to frequent this bar.
He'd drop in after work.
Did he have any
trouble recently?
Anybody that might
want to hurt him?
Not that I can see.
Never liked the guy.
At least he died
with a career.
Excuse me?
Hey, hey.
He's had a few drinks.
He's not a problem.
He just lost his girlfriend.
Let's go.
Did you know Mr. EJ Inglewood?
Sure.
He was on TV.
Everyone knows you
when you're on TV, huh?
He was a household name.
I mean, really.
Hey, do me a favor, huh?
Burn this.
I ain't no EJ Inglewood,
lucky bastard.
That lucky bastard, he
got to go out on top.
Jimmy.
Call Mr. Felice a cab, please.
He'll pick up his keys tomorrow.
- Oh, no.
Let's get some air, sir.
Sir.
Sir!
I'm Tony Felice!
Who the fuck are you?
- OK, pal.
Easy does it.
Let's get you home.
Hey, Jimmy!
See ya, Tony.
[music playing]
[engines revving]
[tires squealing]
I hear you.
You know, I hear you,
but I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't give a fuck if the
director was his mother.
We're not going to
settle for anything
less than a 45-foot pop
out with two cell phones.
I mean, come on, Joel.
How is the guy supposed to stay
in character between scenes?
How is he supposed to--
how is he supposed to-- no.
No, n-- did I give you Julia?
Yeah.
So how about you
get this for me?
All right.
Now you call me back, thanks.
Sorry about that, guys.
Just one second.
OK, um--
- Inglewood, ma'am.
Your client-- who
else would have
known about him doing
the film besides yourself
and this agency?
The producers and
casting, I would guess.
They told me a few
days after his death
that he was going
to get the part.
It wasn't public
information yet.
Who ended up doing his role?
Fuck.
Jenny, who ultimately
ended up playing the priest
in "Secret Scruples"?
JENNY (ON INTERCOM): Max Matteo.
She doesn't forget
a thing, this girl.
Well, thank you for your time.
If we have any further
questions, we'll be in touch.
My assistant
will show you out.
You know, I hope you
catch that bastard.
EJ was a good earner.
Nobody ever went hungry
when he was around.
Yes, ma'am.
Jenny, get me Brad on the
line and that cocksucker
doing the eight is--
who is-- why are
we remaking "Eight Is Enough"?
[music playing]
Vodka, straight up, please.
Hey, Max.
Barry Daniels.
Don't act so stunned.
This isn't Ellis Island.
So you're a player now?
Excuse me?
Well, you're here,
not parking cars.
WOMAN: Stole my idea
in a pitch meeting!
MAN: Asshole.
WOMAN: [inaudible].
He will not have sex without
putting two condoms on.
He says he's not
going out like that.
I think that ecstasy
is starting to kick in.
WOMAN: I haven't seen
an uncircumcised penis
in this town.
Hey, daddy-o.
What's going on?
- I just got here.
Oh, yeah.
You want a grape or something?
No.
What kind of cheese is that?
I don't know.
It's some kind of Sicilian
maggot cheese or something.
I'm not kidding.
I gotta keep moving.
They're watching me like a hawk.
I'll see you later.
Max.
Hey!
- Jules.
Hi!
I've been trying to call you.
Where have you been?
- I've been busy.
- I heard.
I'm so happy for you.
Thank you.
You're-- you're back.
Yeah.
What am I gonna do
in Boston, right?
I guess for better or
for worse, I belong here.
So, you want to go
to dinner on Tuesday?
Max Matteo.
Yes?
Saul Rubin.
Excuse me.
Studio acquisitions.
I've been watching dailies
of "Secret Scruples."
I like what I see.
It looks very good.
Very good.
Very fine work.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
We're-- we're seriously
vying for that film.
- Great.
- Yeah.
So what are you up to?
What's in the works, huh?
- Oh, there you are.
- Oh!
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
Oh, it's so nice
to see you lovely.
Because I-- I love the
feeling I'm nothing.
Come on, huh?
It's good to be famous.
Oh.
Max, this is Kate-- not that
she needs an introduction.
This is Max, a fine
young actor who just
may be in our very next hit.
'66 Mustang, right?
Uh, '99 Mustang, silver.
Ooh.
Do you two know each other?
Uh, kind of.
Well, I'll kind of leave
you alone together then.
See ya.
So, you must be on TV.
You haven't seen the spot?
Spot?
What, do you
live under a rock?
On the moon?
I don't watch much TV.
Then you're my
new best friend.
[inaudible] said something
like, a good marriage
is that in which each
appoints the other guardian
of his solitude.
Which--
- Nice.
Yeah.
No room for codependents.
I would think not.
No.
I'll have to read it.
I'll lend it to you.
[party music playing]
[knocking]
WOMAN: Hello!
Sonny!
Sonny, are you in there?
What?
The old man wants to see you.
MAX: Yeah, in a minute.
Who's--
It's like the scene
from "The Godfather"
when James Caan was in the
bathroom with the bridesmaid.
I haven't seen it.
I'll lend it to you.
[music playing]
Are you ever going to tell
me what you're famous for?
Is that you?
All right, here we go.
Robert Hoskins, 42, used to roll
around in Madonna's garbage.
That is, until one of
her bodyguards shot him.
I remember that.
How's it going, boys?
It's good.
Just looking at these celebrity
stalker files you wanted.
This is fascinating stuff.
Bernard Artiz pledged his love
to Linda Ronstadt, promised
to be there for her always.
Is that the way it works
over there, Sanchez?
Gee, I don't know, Grattola.
[inaudible] came all the way for
Italy to take away Sharon Stone
and marry her.
Has that been working
for your people?
That was three years ago.
How do you remember that shit?
Just paying attention.
We got our first real lead
on this case, a Mr. Max Matteo.
What's his story?
He's the actor who took over
the role Inglewood was going
to do before he was murdered.
Might be a long
shot, but so far he's
the only one with any motive.
Ooh.
Listen to this.
"When I would go
to see his movies,
I felt he was inside me.
I would have multiple orgasms in
multiplexes all over the city."
Mm-hmm, uh-huh.
Yeah.
For the last decade,
I've been looking at women
through a cracked windshield.
I look at her, I don't
know why she's with me.
It's called success.
It's been proven
to clear your skin.
She's so beautiful.
She's-- she's together.
So what's the problem?
I feel like I'm
going to be found out,
and then it's going
to be all over.
Like I'm going to
be invisible again.
Max, she's lucky
to be with you.
Can I tell you something?
Of course.
It's pretty heavy.
[knocking]
MAN: Hey, Max,
they're ready for you.
Oh, shit.
I-- I gotta go.
Call me later.
I gotta go to work.
- Yeah.
Um-- I'm going to be all right.
I'll, uh-- I'll call you
when I get back from Mexico.
Uh--
Enjoy yourself, Max.
You worked hard to get here.
Don't worry so much.
Is there any shit in my teeth?
No, man.
You're good to go.
OK.
[music playing]
[muttering in latin]
Did you bring half of
Mexico back with you?
OK.
That's the last of it.
Are you gonna
stay here tonight?
I'm going to go
back to my own place.
I got-- I got a lot of mail.
I got cats.
I got--
Will you stop for a
minute and talk to me?
It's been talked to death.
For the hundredth time,
we didn't do anything.
We just took some ecstasy
and sat on the beach.
Do you know how
fucked up that sounds?
I mean, in one sentence you
say you didn't do anything.
And then you say you did ecstasy
on the beach with those--
with those slimy British
producers of all people.
Come on.
They're not that bad.
I have a career too, you know.
I was just meeting
some new people.
And you were never around.
Doing ecstasy on the
beach with two guys
while your boyfriend
is working his ass off,
it doesn't give me
great visuals, OK?
I was just having
a little fun.
And you wouldn't touch me, Max.
I mean, you wouldn't touch me.
I was playing a priest, Kate.
Priests, they
don't have sex, OK?
And I told you that
before we left.
I didn't think
you were serious.
[music playing]
WOMAN (ON RADIO): Unit 453,
please respond to a 10-05
[inaudible].
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
The buzz is out
on "Combustion."
It's the last casting session.
There's a great
supporting part, Max.
I heard about this script.
Are there any names
going up for my role?
There's always
names involved, Max.
Now, you just forget about them.
You go in there, give them hell.
[inaudible].
I specifically said I didn't
want this green leafy lettuce.
I wanted the white,
heart-shaped lettuce.
Crispy, crunchy!
Snap, crackle, pop.
And I absolutely do not--
I repeat, do not want
fucking croutons!
I'm sorry, sir.
I misunderstood you.
I'll get this right away.
Hey.
Everything all
right here, gentlemen?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean-- I mean,
everything is A-OK.
Actually, my salad was terrific.
How about you, Ira?
This is the best bowl
of soup I've ever had.
- There you go.
- It's the best.
The service-- the
service also was--
great service.
- Very good.
Very good, man.
That was terrific.
Why haven't I met you before?
I don't know.
You're the first one
to get this guy's void,
unfulfillable as it might be.
Thanks a lot.
Look, I'm obligated
to see other people.
But are your dates free?
Uh, yeah.
I believe so.
They are.
Yes.
- Yeah?
Good.
We'll know in a couple of days.
Max.
Waste of time.
They're going to offer
it to Michael Lange.
What are you talking about?
I thought that guy
was, like, blacklisted.
Am I talking to you?
Supposedly he's off the booze,
the coke, and whatever else.
It's a pretty physical role.
Probably rewrite the
whole fuckin' script
just to suit him.
I heard they wanted
to go with somebody new
for the flashy supporting part.
Where'd you pick that
up, with [inaudible]??
Independent film,
no money, no choice.
Maybe I need to
get a drug habit.
Then I'd get some work.
Speaking of the devil.
[music playing]
Waste of my fucking
time, cocksuckers.
Hello, Mr. Lange.
I'm sorry we're running
a little late today.
You don't want the director to
feel rushed with your meeting.
Can I get you
something to drink?
No.
No, I'm good.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, Mr. Lange.
But you can't smoke here.
I could get in trouble.
We wouldn't
that, now would we?
We usually sneak a smoke in
the stairwell by the elevator.
Sounds good.
[inaudible]
Gentlemen.
OK.
James Keyan.
That's me.
[elevator ding]
[groaning]
[interposing voices]
My baby!
My--
Cut.
Love it.
I love it.
It's perfect.
I want you to-- want
you to print this one.
Max, take the baby from her.
She won't give me the baby.
Rip it out of her hands.
Do it anyway.
Rip it out of her hands.
- Great job.
- Thank you.
Great job, Max.
Oh, Max, you're on fire.
[interposing voices]
Thank you.
You've got great hair.
Come in.
Come in.
It's the last 10 minutes.
HOST (ON TV): We're
back with Michael Lange.
We're talking about how
terrible accidents--
tragedies, really-- can change
your life for the positive.
Now, you mentioned to
me earlier that at first
you thought you
were shoved, pushed
down two flights of stairs.
My god.
Please explain.
MICHAEL (ON TV):
Well, that's true.
And that's still true today.
I was pushed.
Pushed by the hand of God.
[stammering]
You see, I lived in denial
for so many years over my drug
and alcohol abuse that when
I was regaining consciousness
in the hospital, the first
thing that occurred to me was,
this isn't my
fault. I was pushed.
Once again, denial.
The truth is--
[stammering]---- I was so stoned
I don't remember anything,
really.
Anyway, about 5:00
AM one morning,
I'm in my hospital bed awake.
I could not sleep.
I was so filled with
anger over having
put myself in this position when
this voice spoke to me inside.
And it said, (SINGING)
you should be dead.
You're not.
It's time to start doing
something good with your life.
Give something back.
So that's when I
started the Michael
Richard Lange Foundation--
Let's-- let's turn this.
It's depressing.
No it isn't.
It's beautiful.
This thing is on 24/7.
WOMAN (ON TV): Hundreds of
people coming to lay flowers
down at the spot
where television
star EJ Inglewood met with
his tragic and untimely death.
I loved EJ Inglewood.
This is precisely
why I don't watch TV.
Max!
[door closing]
Just read it.
Just-- just read
me the breakdown.
Go ahead.
OK.
Come on.
OK.
"Jan, a handsome
determined young Norwegian
with long blond hair,
intelligent blue eyes,
a quiet leader with short
temper, and a sweet smile."
My god, that sounds
fucking terrific.
Why won't they see me?
Because you're Italian, Max.
I mean, this guy is Norwegian.
Hey, come on.
Johnny Depp, he
plays Donny Brasco.
Jason fucking Gedrick
played the last don, huh?
What about-- what
about Christopher
Lambert in "The Last Sicilian"?
Wait a minute.
No, no.
Do you remember
that debauchery?
That's different, Max.
I mean, the rules don't apply.
They're stars.
Hey, I do a lot
of different roles
on stage besides Italians, Ira.
Come on.
Well, what about that
World War II movie
I was going to read for.
Where's that?
It was cast.
Hey, I didn't even get
a chance to read for that.
Hey, you know what?
I don't care.
I could be the last
person that they see.
Just get me in on Jan.
And it's Yan, not Jan.
The guy is Norwegian.
- OK.
- Yeah, Jan.
What?
My mom used to do that.
Do what?
Cut her steak
into these ready,
bite-sized pieces for me.
Didn't your mom used to do that?
No.
My mother was a vegetarian.
Actually, my mother
was a liquitarian.
That manager I met yesterday
might want to rep me.
So I might get a little more
than pre-screens for a change.
Good.
I've got to get
[inaudible],, or I'm going
to be stuck like Brooke
Shields in her damn Calvins.
It took her a decade
to outlive that.
She had a break,
and she took it.
You're a beautiful girl, Kate.
You're going to get
plenty of opportunities.
Are you going to
go after a new agent?
Why?
You can't tell me you
haven't thought about it.
No, no, no.
I can't just walk out on Ira
now that I've started working.
Everyone else moves to
a more prestigious agency.
Kate, this guy
stuck by me, OK?
He lent me money.
He was the only
positive voice I had
when I was going to pack it in.
I can't just walk away now.
No, I understand that.
It's just that-- it's like
you're only hot for a minute,
and then you're not.
Actors would kill to
be in your situation.
It's just business.
No, it's not.
It's not just
business, you know?
It's loyalty, Kate.
It's loyalty.
I know that that's an
unused word in this town,
but I'd still like to use
it every once in a while.
OK.
Will you relax?
I'm just trying to help you take
advantage of your situation.
Yeah, well, I guess you would
know about that, wouldn't you?
Oh, fuck you, Max.
I don't need this.
Take care.
Kate, just wait.
The trick is hanging
on to them, sport.
[gunfire]
Asshole.
[music playing]
[doorbell]
[knocking]
Are you going to forgive me?
What for?
For raising my voice.
I think it was the
content, not the performance.
For not recognizing when
my girl was being supportive.
Getting warm.
For being a
self-absorbed prick.
Bingo.
[music playing]
Hey.
Hm?
Can I ask you something?
Sure, baby.
If I wasn't working,
would you be into me?
Working?
Mm-hmm.
Just be honest, if--
if I wasn't working,
do you think
we would have ever hooked up?
Well, when Saul
introduced you to me
as this hot actor in one of
his films, that was really
all I had to go on.
Hm.
Hey!
OK, how about this?
You like my ass, right?
Right?
Yes, I do.
Well, what if I had no
ass, not this well-rounded
masterpiece that it is now?
Or anything else that you
weren't attracted to--
physically, I mean,
superficially, as they say--
would you be here now?
Probably not.
But in the beginning, it--
it can't really be anything
except superficial.
Yeah.
I guess so.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Bye.
What do you want now?
Captain, we want to get
into the movie business.
Oh, no.
Not another one.
Hear us out, Captain.
We think our killer is
an actor killing actors.
And we want to stop this?
If we can get the
go-ahead, we go down
to the Screen Actors
Guild and get a list
of all the movies being made.
Cast.
Pardon?
They cast movies.
That's the term.
Jesus Christ.
And you guys want
to go under on this?
I want to go under
as the producer
of these castings, and--
I can go under as an actor.
You know, hang out,
being competition.
Oh.
How far under do you want to go?
Deep.
How deep?
I could get a new name,
new car, new house, new life.
Yeah?
Well, uh, what makes you
think you can cut the mustard?
You done any acting?
In the third grade
I played a talking
tree in "The Wizard of Oz."
How hard can it be.
Oh!
Well, that's not good enough.
I got a better idea.
Uh, somebody once told
me, you want to make moves.
[chuckling]
That's very interesting.
Next.
Don't keep anything
around you can't
walk out on in 40 seconds flat.
Oh, man.
No!
I got a girl.
Thank you very much.
You can go now.
If you feel the,
uh, cops, uh--
on the corner, you, uh--
you know what?
Fuck this.
Yeah.
So, if you're around me and
you gotta go when I gotta go,
I expect to keep a life.
What are you, a monk?
Well, what are you, smart ass?
Stick to the script, please.
Next.
This is terrible.
Hey, Frank, where
is that script thing?
I got it.
I got it.
Hey, don't get me stuck
with Pasternak, will ya?
Don't worry, John.
I got it.
READER: Next.
A smart man told me once,
you want to make moves,
don't keep anything around you
can't walk out on in 40 seconds
if you feel the cops
around the corner.
So, if you're on
me and you gotta
go when I go, how do you
expect to have a life.
What are you, a monk?
No.
I got a woman.
What do you tell her?
She thinks I sell
swimming pools.
[applause]
IRA (VOICEOVER): Jan, a handsome
determined young Norwegian
with long blond hair,
intelligent blue eyes,
a quiet leader with short
temper and a sweet smile.
MAX (VOICEOVER): That
sounds fucking terrific.
Why won't they see me?
IRA (VOICEOVER): Because
you're Italian, Max.
I mean, this guy's Norwegian.
MAX (VOICEOVER): I don't care.
I could be the last
person that they see.
Just get me in on Jan.
And it's Yan, not Jan.
The guy's Norwegian.
[horn blasts]
So I'll need a stage name.
What's your middle name?
- Diego.
- Good.
What street did
you grow up on?
East 91st.
That's not going to work.
What street do you live on now?
Las Palmas, you know that.
There you go.
Diego Las Palmas.
I kind of like it.
It's got a ring to it.
Who taught you that?
Strippers.
They gotta have stage names too.
I'm learning a
lot from you, John.
This-- this "Badge of Fury,"
It's really, really bad, Ira.
Yeah.
Well, it's a means to an end.
I mean, you got
some television Q
and, you know, it
will help in films.
Look at those guys,
you know, on "Friends."
Jesus.
OK, that's a bad example.
How about "NYPD Blue"?
Look, if [inaudible]
writing this, we wouldn't be
having this conversation.
Max.
Maybe I should
get a publicist.
You know, I've been getting
calls from other agents, Ira.
Maybe they wouldn't have
such a problem getting me
in on these A projects.
Are you kidding me?
I don't need acting classes.
Wanna know the experience
I got from working
on an ambulance in New York?
[inaudible],, you want
to talk about pressure?
Forget about it.
Four callbacks.
I finally go to the
network, I get there,
and the first thing they do
is they shove these contracts
in my hand, they tell me
to sign them five minutes
before I'm ready to go in.
I'm going to make more on
this series than my parents
every did in their lifetime.
Hey, that-- this
is a colossal shirt.
That's not "The Godfather."
I'm expanding my repertoire.
Hey, how come you
never quote anything
from "The Godfather Three"?
"Godfather Three," what
are you talking about?
They made a third?
That's what I heard.
Pilates is the best.
Keith says my ass has
never ever been firmer.
Yeah.
So while I'm crammed in--
[inaudible] capture
human behavior.
He wasn't afraid to just
let the camera role.
Now everything's a
god damn music video.
It's going to be
so good to finally
get out of fucking debt.
Gloria, they don't write parts
like that for women anymore.
You know, if you're
not 19 and look
like you're ready to suck dick,
you're nowhere in this town.
Sorry I'm late.
Fucking traffic.
Killing me.
Hey, George.
Maxy, the best.
MAN: I knew this was--
[interposing voices]
--and they're smiling,
that's a good sign, right?
It's a good sign, right?
You're a little late, huh?
I had to run some errands.
And I [inaudible].
Hey, relax.
Buy me a drink.
I want to make a toast.
[cheering]
To my cousin Max.
Hey, Maxy boy.
Happy birthday.
Go, Max!
You had a great year,
and you deserve it.
Your hard work and
dedication has always
been an inspiration to me.
If you work hard,
you'll get rewarded.
Hope you're making good money,
man, because the next round's
on you.
[laughing]
Happy birthday.
Cheers, man.
[interposing voices]
Hi.
Can I-- can I help you?
Yeah.
We saw your movie last night.
You were great.
Oh, well-- well, thank you.
Can I bother you
for an autograph?
Uh, sure.
Oh.
Doreen.
Doreen, OK.
OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, good luck to you.
Thanks.
Take it easy.
I love the feel of nothing.
You are so sweet.
Oh!
Hey!
[applause]
I'm sorry for attracting
attention to myself.
I don't-- I don't
really like to.
But I'm an actor.
It's what I do.
It's what we do
to survive, right?
Honestly, I'd prefer
not to be noticed.
You know me, I'm quiet.
Listen.
Listen, you ever hear of a
play where nothing happens?
Something has to happen
for you to exist.
That's what I'm saying.
You know, I attract
attention to myself,
but I just feel sorry
about it sometimes.
Sorry?
You don't have to be sorry?
No, I am.
I'm sorry now.
You don't have to apologize
to nobody for nothing.
I don't know.
If I hear that
line one more time,
I will fucking kill someone.
Once I had the baby,
all that career ambition
went right out the window.
I'd have a baby with Max.
[inaudible]
[inaudible].
Drink scotch, [inaudible].
At your place?
Psst.
I know.
MAX (VOICEOVER): I don't know.
You say it doesn't
matter, [inaudible]..
I don't give a fuck.
ACTOR: [shouting]
It is very, very interesting.
[shouting]
This guy has such
edge, totally submerges
himself in the character.
I found him at dinner
theater in Albany.
[shouting]
Are you ready, Danny?
Are you OK, son?
I'm working on the heat.
You know, it's supposed to
be really hot in the script.
OK, man?
[shouting]
This is Max Matteo.
Max, I'd like to introduce you
to our director, Mr. Ratner,
and our producer, Mr. Delancey.
Max here did some very
fine work in "Combustion"
and "Secret Scruples."
That's right.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Excuse me?
Like they don't see my bag?
Your bag?
Yeah, that's right.
My bad.
What do you think that means?
It means I could
be sitting there.
It's a simple rule
of life, pallie.
A guy's got a bag by his
seat, it's his seat, hm?
George [inaudible].
Yo.
You're on.
Watch my shift.
You had me
waiting for an hour.
I'm sorry, Frank.
I had all these people to see.
Come on, I'll buy you a beer.
All right.
Nah, empty calories.
Gotta stay lean.
I picked these up off a
bulletin board on the way out.
You don't need that crap.
You're a natural.
Hey, John, you think
acting makes you crazy,
or crazy people are
drawn to acting?
Crazy is crazy, man.
I gotta get going.
So soon?
Yeah, I got an audition
tomorrow morning.
Don't forget me
when you're famous.
Yeah, right.
See ya.
Thou nature art my goddess.
Wherefore should I stand
in the plate of customs--
the curiosity of
nations to deprive me,
for that I am some 12 or 14
moonshines lag of all brother?
Wherefore base?
When my dimensions
are as well compact--
dimensions are as well
compact, my mind as generous
and-- my mind as
generous, and my shape as
true as honest madam's issue?
Why brand they us with base--
with baseness?
Bastardy?
Base, base?
Who, in the lusty
stealth of nature,
take more composition and
fierce quality than doth,
within a dull,
stale, tired bed, go
to the creating a
whole tribe of fops,
got 'tween asleep and wake?
Well, then, my
legitimate Edgar--
well, then, my
legitimate Edgar--
well, then, my legitimate--
it's a fine word, legitimate.
Well, my legitimate, if this
letter speed and my invention
thrive, then Edmund the base
shall too be the legitimate.
I grow.
I prosper.
I prosper.
I-- I prosper.
Now, gods, stand
up for bastards.
What the hell is this?
They're doing a movie
about Abbie Hoffman.
It's a great story.
Quite an education I'm getting.
I remember that nut.
What do you say
we go get a beer?
No, I can't.
I got another acting
class in the morning.
Fine.
Hey, will you run lines
with me later after this?
Run what?
My name's Tony Felice, and
I'm reading for McKinnel.
Jesus, he didn't
recognize you?
I thought he
might, but he didn't.
He was so hammered, I think.
He reminds me of that
guy from Big Mike's.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Now the ocean's not big
enough, sky's not blue enough--
[beeping]
MAN (ON VIDEO): Sorry.
Didn't know the ringer was on.
Maybe you should finish
inhaling your lunch.
He's got some anger.
Maybe we should stop fucking
around and grab this guy.
This is it.
This is the one
you've been talking.
What's it say?
Huge studio film, and
they want a fresh face.
You land this part, you'll
write your own ticket.
All I've ever wanted
is the opportunity, Ira.
And I will get this role.
KATE (VOICEOVER): When I
want something, because I
love the feel of nothing.
MICHAEL (VOICEOVER):
I was pushed.
Pushed by the hand of God.
[stammering]
MAN: Max Matteo.
Next.
COYLE: How did it go?
I don't know.
I think I nailed it.
COYLE: You think
he'll take the bait?
What?
Oh, yeah.
COYLE: What's the matter?
I don't think there's
enough humor in my work.
COYLE: Come on, Spencer Tracy.
[inaudible] your new home.
Gotta find the
surprise in the sea.
What is it, Max?
You know, I put
up with your shit
because behind
all your moodiness
and your Italian angst, I can
see that there's a good man.
This constant refusal
to let me in--
Michael Lange.
What about him?
It wasn't the hand of God.
I pushed Michael
Lange down the stairs.
What the hell are
you talking about?
Oh my god.
Why-- would would you
do something like that?
So I could get the part we
were up for in "Combustion."
What kind of
person would-- would
push a man down the stairs
for a part in a movie?
I needed a break.
I mean, I never got a break.
It was always someone else.
The only reason why you're here
now is because I pushed him.
No, don't you turn this
around on me or anybody else,
you coward.
You understand that what
you did makes you sick?
Do you understand that?
This is-- you've got
to get some help, Max.
Whatever you do in
this life, get help.
[door closing]
Where have you been?
So did I get it?
No, it's between
you and another actor.
Who is it?
They wouldn't say.
Nice to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
I don't fucking
believe this, you know?
I mean, how much
blood do they want?
[music playing]
[glass shattering]
I mean, who is this
fucking guy anyway?
Diego?
Diego Las Palmas?
You've got to be kidding me.
I don't know who that is.
How come I don't know that name?
First fucking film?
Oh, well, that-- a newcomer?
I'm a newcomer, Ira.
Yeah-- this was supposed
to be my turn, remember?
Fuck!
Unbelievable!
I should have taken care of
this before the callback.
I should have.
Well, yes, yes.
I know, I know.
No.
No.
No, I won't!
Fuck!
[beep]
MAX (ON MACHINE): Kate, it's.
Me I'm sorry I've
been a disappointment,
but I just can't be
a failure any longer.
I do love you, Kate.
[dialing]
Hey, it's Max.
Leave me a message.
I'll call you right--
[dog barking]
[police ambiance on tv]
What are you doing for dinner?
[phone ringing]
Yeah?
The actor is hungry?
Yeah, starving.
Well, I'm at
this prick's mercy.
So until I get relieved,
if Max don't go out to eat,
neither do I.
All right.
What the hell you watching?
"Young Lions."
Marlon Brando plays a
Nazi, yet you feel for him.
It's really a
remarkable performance.
Well, all is quiet
on this Western front.
Well, hopefully not for long.
[doorbell]
[knocking]
Max?
Max?
[cats meowing]
[phone ringing]
[beeping]
IRA (ON MACHINE):
Max, you there?
Pick up?
You're not going
to believe this.
You've been nominated
for an American
Independent Film Award.
"Combustion," best
supporting actor.
They're making the
announcements tomorrow morning.
Can you believe this?
[knocking]
[knocking]
[knocking]
[knocking]
Ah, real smart.
Send a uniform.
Not a great idea.
Fucking--
[beep]
Hey, just take it easy.
No, no.
You take it easy.
Who the hell are you?
Where are you from?
New York.
How original.
You do any theater?
- No.
Not really.
Member of the Studio?
Studio?
The Actors Studio.
No.
You got a picture
and resume with you?
No.
My agent has it.
I finally catch
a fucking break
in this unforgiving hole of a
town, and now you come along.
Oh, ooh!
A fresh face!
You took a part away from me.
I don't see why they
should go with you.
Well, what do you got?
Huh?
You know what?
You got a drug habit?
Can you please not
point that gun at me?
Back off.
OK, go ahead.
Do it.
Let's see what you got.
Do what?
The audition.
Do it.
Let's see what you got.
Here?
Now?
Yes, you dumb fuck.
I mean, where else?
I'm going to be Bill.
I'll be Bill.
Which scene?
All of them.
Any time you're ready.
So you say you were home
the night of the murder.
That is correct.
Were you with anybody?
Uh, no.
I was at home reading,
preparing for work the next day.
I had a substantial
presentation,
one of those
career-defining things.
Do you usually work at home?
Sometimes.
I think you are lying, Bill.
Your neighbor said she saw
no lights on at your place.
You don't work in
the dark, do you?
Tell you what, I gotta
go make a few calls.
When I get back, you
will be straight with me,
or I'm going to drag your
sorry ass all over this room.
Son of a bitch!
[dialing]
[phone ringing]
[line busy]
[car starting]
I'm sorry about that.
OK.
Go ahead.
I said, you follow?
It's not going to be pretty.
I want to see my lawyer.
There will be plenty
of time for that.
Don't you worry, William.
I'm sure you'll have a
whole team of lawyers.
Easy scene.
Where's your inner life, huh?
Where's your inner life?
This guy, he is
exhausted, is he not?
His life is shit.
Where's your fucking sensory?
He's got a bad marriage, huh?
Where's the pain?
Where-- where-- where's
that pain where--
where it's difficult to just
get up in the morning, let
alone deal with scum like me?
[tires squealing]
Pasternak, I can't
get through to Sanchez.
- Next scene.
- The one where we're shot?
Yeah, that's right.
I'm going to be Tyrone.
I'll be Tyrone.
You mind if I sit
on the couch for this?
Well, it would make sense
if you were shot, wouldn't it?
Is that what you did in the
audition, you sat on the couch?
Yeah.
You?
On the floor.
Where he was supposed to be.
Nice.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh.
Aw!
Aw, Jesus.
OK.
Any time you're ready.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Jesus Christ.
[groaning]
Oh, Jesus.
I've been shot.
There's nowhere to go, Bill!
It's all over!
14 Mary 10, officers down.
I need assistance.
I repeat, officers down.
Suspect is still at large.
14 Mary 10, requesting
backup at 5020 Sierra Bonita.
Officer down.
I need backup.
I need [inaudible].
You're gonna make it.
You tell my wife--
you tell my wife I'm sorry.
You tell her yourself.
You hang tough.
The cavalry will
be here any minute.
You tell her.
You tell her that she
should have had better.
I was--
Come on, Tyrone.
Don't you go on me.
Come on.
Come on, Tyrone.
Stay with me.
Jesus Christ!
Who the fuck is Tyrone?
Cops' wives.
It's no life.
Don't you go on me.
No!
[sobbing]
You want me, Bill?
You motherfucker!
You come and get me!
Do you hear me?
Come and get me!
LAPD, freeze!
[gunshot]
[gunfire]
You all right?
I think so.
You?
Yeah.
Max?
Yeah.
Who the fuck is Tyrone?
[police sirens]
So you really believed
I was shot, huh?
Don't you go on me.
Don't you go on me!
Cops' wives.
It's no life.
[sobbing]
You want me, Bill?
You come and get me!
You hear me?
You come and get me!
You should have walked away
when you had the chance!
Now you're all mine!
[gunfire]
Cut.
Fucking brilliant.
Only in the movies do people
come out blasting like that.
Suicide.
Complete suicide.
It's unrealistic.
Let's do it again.
Good work, you guys.
[music playing]