Brassed Off (1996) - full transcript
In existence for a hundred years, Grimley Colliery Brass band is as old as the mine. But the miners are now deciding whether to fight to keep the pit open, and the future for town and band looks bleak. Although the arrival of flugelhorn player Gloria injects some life into the players, and bandleader Danny continues to exhort them to continue in the national competition, frictions and pressures are all too evident. And who's side is Gloria actually on?
A few days, you say.
Not what I'd call a light traveller
are you, pet?
Sorry, it's mainly work.
I wouldn't apologise for having work,
flower. Not round here.
What's this then?
It's just a flugel, a trumpet.
I thought I might get
some practice in.
In here, you mean?
- Well, wherever.
- I wouldn't mind. Don't get me wrong.
There's nowt I'd like better than
to hear you playing all night long.
- Oh, no. It wouldn't...
- You heard of Grimley Colliery Band?
Yes, I have.
They've their own practice hall.
I should get myself down there, pet.
They'd welcome someone like you
with open arms, knowing them.
Another?
It's a sad old day, isn't it Vi?
When it's finally come to this.
- What's that then Ida?
- Jim and Ernie packing in the band.
They're doing it, then?
For definite?
Last practice tonight, Ernie said.
Then resigning after.
No point in carrying on, is there?
Pit goes, band'll go t'same way.
I feel sorry for old Danny, mind.
He'll gave bugger all to do.
- We'll all have bugger all to do, Vi.
- You get used to it.
- All right, love?
- Aye, all right.
Don't forget what you're doing,
you lads.
Don't be handing over any
kitty money.
- Just resignations.
- Aye, all right, pet.
- Well, mind you do.
- What do you mean "mind you do"?
- It was our decision, wasn't it love?
- Aye, well...
just mind you do.
Now let's get this right, Ernie.
When he collects for t'kitty,
we say: Sorry Danny, but us two...
we've decided,
in t'present climate...
to tighten our belts, like, and only
spend money on essential items.
Sorry. It's been
good and all that...
but now, we don't regard band as one
of t'aforementioned essential items.
And regretfully, we feel obliged
to tender our resignations forthwith.
- Right?
- Right.
And then we wake up in Casualty.
If he goes barmy, it's not
our fault.
- I mean what's t'worst he can do?
- Have a heart attack?
What the hell, if Danny
doesn't like it...
- bollocks to him.
- All right, lads?
Oh, all right, Danny mate?
Sixty years between us, you and me,
down t'pit, frightened of nowt.
When it comes to telling Danny-boy
we're packing t'band in...
We're shitting bloody bricks.
And coming up later in the news...
continuing our regular reports on the
Government's pit closure programme.
We visit Grimley Colliery...
which despite being one of the oldest
and largest mines in Yorkshire...
has nevertheless become the most
recent candidate for closure.
Although the Grimley miners, and
their wives, seem very determined...
to fight on and keep
their pit open...
a redundancy offer to the workforce
is believed to be imminent.
The miners, united,
will never be defeated.
The miners, united,
will never be defeated.
Offers at neighbouring pits recently,
have been too attractive to ignore.
In the last few weeks, 7 pay-off
packages have been offered to 7 pits.
All accepted,
leading to 7 closures.
Trouble is, I'm no bloody happier
when I'm winning.
Double or quits?
No, best not.
It's kitty night tonight.
Cheer up Andy.
It might never happen.
Representatives of union
and management...
meet tonight to discuss the
Grimley redundancy offer.
Bloody going to though, in't it?
- See you.
- See you.
Don't be a
pillock all your life.
Take t'money
while it's still on offer.
A lot of folk out there wouldn't like
to hearthe way you're talking, love.
Aye, and they're all as daft
as you are.
All end up with nowt.
Just like us.
Philip.
Late for practice.
- We'll talk about it later, eh?
- Later?
You'll still be saying later when
We're out on't bloody street.
There's always Mr Chuckles.
- I can do more of that.
- Phil?
Phil, Phil.
You have a wife and 4 bloody kids
here, a house nobody'll bloody buy...
mortgaged up to the bloody hilt,
loan-sharks on our backs...
no bloody money, no bloody job,
and what are you going to do?
Fucking juggle?
Bit clumsy with the crockery,
your Sandra.
- All right, love?
- All right.
Crap. That's what that was.
A load of bloody crap.
What did Eric Morecombe say?
All the right notes...
but not necessarily the right order.
What happened to you, son?
It just fell apart.
Aye, you're not the only one. Andy
lad, all over the shop, you were.
- What is up with you lot?
- Got our minds on other things, Danny.
- Like what?
- Blimey, you been on holiday or what?
How do you mean?
Well it may've escaped your notice,
like, but pit's under threat.
What's that got to do with us?
Oh, aye, you're
right, not a lot.
Now listen to me, all of you. These
are worrying times, I know that.
But look what it says here, eh?
1881.
Over a hundred years this band's
been going...
two world wars, three disasters,
seven strikes...
one bloody big depression and t'band
played on every flaming time.
Danny, this is t'biggest disaster
of t'lot.
Can't have a colliery band without
a bloody colliery, can you?
Listen. We've got the National Semi
Finals coming up and we're capable...
I mean it, well capable of going
through to London.
The first time in our history.
The Albert Hall.
Now I know there's a spot
of bother at the pit...
but that's something separate. This
is music, and it's music that matters.
Now, come on,
kitty fort'weekend.
Danny, me and Ernie, we've been
thinking it over, like...
I know subs aren't much, but...
- present climate and that...
- What are you saying, Jim?
Me and Jim have made
a decision, like.
Hello, love, can we help?
Is this the Colliery Band rehearsal?
No, love, t'band's on Tuesdays.
Tonight's origami class.
Take no notice, flower.
Can I help?
I'm staying at the pub. I play
the flugel.
Well, sort of dabble.
Mrs Foggan said...
Well, she said you might let me
play with you.
Down, boy, down.
I know it may sound like we need all
t'help we can get, but sorry love...
I mean, usually, as a rule,
we don't...
allow, you know, outsiders.
Aye, I understand that,
except I'm...
not strictly an outsider. I were
born in Grimley.
Is that right, love?
What's your name?
Gloria.
- Gloria...?
- Stits.
Glorious tits.
Ernie.
Mullins. Gloria Mullins.
Arthur's Gloria?
- You're Danny, aren't you?
- Aye.
- I didn'tthink you'd still be...
- Alive and kicking?
- Oh aye love, just about.
- No, I meant leading the band.
Yes.
Well come in, park your bum,
park yourself somewhere.
If you didn't know him, you'd have
heard of him, Arthur Mullins...
this young lady's grandad.
Best bandsman I ever played with.
Bravest miner
I ever worked with.
Closest friend I ever had, till his
lungs packed in in '79.
- Sorry, love.
- It's true.
Good to see you back. Excuse me a
moment, Gloria, I'm just collecting.
Jim, what were you saying?
Something about t'present climate?
Oh aye, I was saying, like...
despite present climate...
you can always rely on our continued
and whole-hearted...
- support for the cause.
- Oh, aye. Solidarity.
Thick and thin, and all that.
Lend us a fiver.
Solidarity.
Do you remember me?
- Barry? Barry Andrews?
- Andy Barrow.
Andy Barrow.
- God, you haven't changed a bit.
- You have.
- What are you up to now, then?
- This and that, y'know, keeping busy.
Hey, that's not... is it?
He left it me in his will. Couldn't
let it go to rust, could I?
Clever old sod. Even when he were
gone he made sure I'd take it up.
Well I know it won't be t'same, but
it'd be lovely just to hear it again.
- OK.
- What do you know?
Well, I've been practising...
- Rodrigo's Concerto D'A ranjuez.
- You what?
- Orange juice to you.
- Oh, aye.
- I'm a bit wobbly still.
- Don't you fret, pet.
Wobbly'd be too
good for this lot.
Paul, the music. Bernie, get her
a stand.
OK, everyone.
All right?
Are we all together?
Andy, lad, are you with us?
Poor lad. Still got your mind
on that pit?
All right lads.
Rodrigo's Concerto...
D'Orange Juice.
And she calls that wobbly.
- Well done, lass.
- Well done, love.
Bloody great.
- You doing anything at the weekend?
- No.
Right lads, listen up.
Saddleworth tomorrow.
14 villages, love. Contest in each.
All at the same time. Cash prizes.
So, any road, lads...
big chance to swell the coffers
tomorrow, so...
we're going for all fourteen.
- Are you on, love?
- If I'm allowed.
Don't be soft, lass.
You were born here.
It's a profitable pit, this.
There's hundreds of years of coal
down there...
but it doesn't matterto them
bastards. We're making money for'em...
hand over fist, we are.
And still they want to shut us down.
- Well, tell them bollocks to them.
- That's up to you lot isn't it, lad?
Well, thank Christ
it isn't up to you.
Jesus, we shouldn't have even let the
offer be put on't table.
They're just bloody puppets, that lot.
They do whateverthe bastards want.
- Phil, lad.
- We didn't do what they wanted in '84.
No, we dug
us heels in, didn't we?
Aye, and some of us got bloody
locked up for it.
Big bloody deal.
Hey, suspended I were.
It took that lot a year and a half
to get me reinstated.
That's eighteen month on bloody
strike pay.
- With a wife, bloody kids, mortgage.
- It's ten years ago, pal.
Aye, ten years.
And I were that bloody broke, I'm
still frigging paying for it.
That's how big a fucking deal
it were.
Hey, where were
you then, eh, pal?
In '84?
I don't remember
seeing you on t'line.
Oh aye, we all know which way
you'll be voting.
- Come on then, you bastard.
- Anytime.
Leave it out.
Listen!
That's just what they're bloody
wanting, you know that, don't you?
All right, this is what you've got:
Ballot next week, right?
You've got two options.
One: You can vote to take pit to
Review Procedure.
Obviously that's one we want, because
we reckon you've got a decent chance.
Or, two...
- You can vote to take pay-off.
- Get stuffed.
Listen, listen. They told us
last night...
that redundancy offer's gone up
three thousand...
from a twenty grand maximum
to twenty three...
with a five grand sweetener.
This is only a temporary offer.
If you say no, they're pulling any
future offer down to a flat fifteen.
Bastards!
- Born bastards, stay bastards.
- That's right.
Well it's no good shouting now lads,
do it next week in the ballot.
Say no to bloody blackmail...
- and yes to keeping this pit alive.
- That's what we want.
The miners united will never
be defeated.
Poor biddies. Don't they know they're
pissing into t'wind like rest of us?
- Can they do that, women?
- What?
- Piss in the wind.
- No, Ernie, that's just the point.
But even on a nice day, y'know, when
there's no wind about, they can't...
- y'know, get any direction on it.
- Well all right, whatever it is...
that lasses do that's pointless.
- Bloody hell, so much to choose from.
Fart in a force ten?
My God Phil, you don't half know
some funny women.
Steady, lads,
my missus does that.
Oh you daft bastards.
"Women against Closure"?
That is when she's not farting
in a force ten.
- Morning, love.
- See you.
If I don't have a day away
on my own...
I'm going to go frigging barmy,
honest I am. I'll kill someone.
- Well, go somewhere tomorrow, eh?
- Phil...
I'm off today,
or I'm off for good.
Give me some money.
- Oh hey love, I've only got a tenner.
- Atenner'II do.
But it's Saddleworth, and me dad'll
kill me if I don't turn up.
And I will if you do.
Isn't life just shit?
On your head, Dad?
Course the offer's attractive. It's
tantamount to bribery.
They want Grimley closed, for
whatever reason, nobody knows...
- they think by dangling a carrot...
- This just came for you.
Oh, ta.
Thanks.
They want jobs, a future. They want
an industry, and come the ballot...
- that's what they'll be voting for.
- Yes. That's right.
...the hearing decides the pit has a
sound economic future...
then we shall abide by that decision
and work towards it.
Naturally, I mean, nobody wants
Grimley to close.
Oh I'm bloody
starving, aren't you?
Let's see whatwe've got.
Dad, who were that?
Just a couple of fellas.
- Are you in trouble, Dad?
- Your dad in trouble?
Looked like they were going
to smack you.
Aye, they were lad.
They were from t'council.
Leisure department.
They said that if we don't have
fun today...
- we are in big, big trouble.
- Dad, I'm eight and a half now.
Are you?
Well you can help me find t'bastard
tin opener then, can't you?
Gloria Mullins?
What, Melons Mullins? Lived up Donny
Road? Chubby lass?
We used to sing that hymn: Gloria
in XL.
That's her, except she's
far from chubby now, like.
Aye, I remember her.
- You had her, behind t'bus station.
- No I never.
You told us you did.
No. It were top half only.
- Does she remember?
- Does she hell as like.
- Couldn't even remember my name.
- Oh, get away.
Bet that's why she's come back.
To complete unfinished business.
What are you smiling at?
Another?
All right, go on then.
What the bleeding hell
are you two doing?
We fancied a game of golf, like.
You daft gawpheads. You never
resigned, did you?
Sat there like a couple of old
biddies and paid t'money, didn't you?
Old Danny talked us round, like.
He were very persuasive.
- We had no option, lover, honestly.
- No bollocks, more like.
I reckon it were sommat to do with
bollocks that got us to stay.
- No bloody gumption, them two.
- Soup for brains, the pair of them.
Excuse me, where's the
Collier's Arms?
Hanging off his shoulders, pet.
- The old one's are the best, eh?
- It's the young ones we worry about.
- Off to Saddleworth, are you?
- That's right.
- Follow them two daft 'aporths.
- Ta.
- Hey, love?
- Yeah?
- Joined band last night, did you?
- Yeah. How did you know that?
Just something me husband
never said.
Aye, I am.
- What?
- Thinking what you're thinking.
- Eh, up.
- What are you doing?
- Don't sit on that.
- Get off.
- Eh, up, lads.
- All right?
-Hi Danny,
-Paul.
Oh, tell me you're bloody joking
son, please.
- Sorry. All of us or none at all.
- Why for Christ's sake?
It were them men from t'P leasure
Department, Grandad.
- You what?
- Anyway...
nowt wrong with a bit of vocal
support, eh?
- I hope you feel as good as you look.
- I'm nervous.
Get away with you. Your grandad would
be proud of you. Go on, in you get.
- Eh, up Gloria.
- Hey oggle-eyes, is that the lot?
No, no, no there's...
There's one more,
as per bloody usual.
Poor lass.
All she wants is a nice day out and
she gets stuck between them 2 buggers.
Shit.
Oh, sorry Harry.
- Come here, darling.
- Thanks a lot, Kylie.
There you go, mate. What
were all that about?
Here comes Fast bloody Eddie now.
Come on Andy lad. Step on it.
Sorry.
- All right Stanley, that's the lot.
- What about these two here?
Bloody hell.
Don't look like that, Danny lad.
It's nearest colours we could find.
- What are you doing?
- We'vejust founded t'fan club.
Well I don't think we...
Look ladies, I mean, this is
traditionally a...
- male only excursion. You know that.
- New lass on board, is she?
Aye. That's different.
I mean, she's very talented.
Aye, I know, we saw her.
I'll have you know, that girl blows
flugel like a dream.
Danny Ormondroyd!
At your age!
Come on love, it's not
"What's my line?".
Well, I'm a surveyor.
Blimey. What, you mean like a
quantity surveyor?
- Kind of.
- Want to survey my quantity, love?
Well I do say
"no job too small".
Get away love. Take you a bloody
fortnight, this one.
We had no option, lover, honest.
Shift up, duck.
Eh, up Phil, groupies are on.
Sex, drugs and rock and roll,
eh girls?
Aye, except we can do without
drugs and rock and roll.
Laughing. They were bloody
laughing at us.
Look at them. If they were alive
today, they'd turn in their graves.
And if Arthur Mullins was looking
down on us, well God bloody help us.
I mean,
is this what it's come to?
Bits of trombone flying
all over t'shop?
Stopping t'march to change
bloody nappies?
Too bloody bewied to stay on
t'buggering bandstand.
We may as well
all bloody give up.
I reckon we already have, Dan.
That's kind of why itwent
like it did.
Reckon we thought we'd go out
on a high note.
Happen our idea of a high note's a
bit different from yours, like.
Go out? What are you talking about
Ernie, go out?
Danny lad,
you've got to face it.
- If pit goes, band goes with it.
- When pit goes.
If.
However ballot goes, they'll
still close the bugger.
Not necessarily.
It depends on the...
On that review thingy.
Surely?
Trouble with you lot is you've
got no pride.
And you know one thing more than owt
else here that symbolises pride?
It's this bloody band,
that's what. Ask anybody.
I mean, if they close down the pit,
knock it down...
fill it up, like they've done with
all t'bloody rest, no trace.
Years to come, there'll only be one
reminder...
Of hundred bloody years hard graft:
This bloody band.
Oh, they can shut up the unions,
they can shut up the workers...
but I'll tell you one thing for
nothing, they'll never shut us up.
We'll play on. Loud as ever. Starting
with National Semis in Halifax.
Win them and we can carry
our heads high and march...
on to the Albert bloody Hall,
all right?
- Are we playing or are we packing in?
- Playing.
Sorry.
No, don't you worry, flower.
You've nowt to be ashamed of.
No bugger else, then?
Danny, I reckon I speak
for everybody.
We'll play on while pit's open...
- Minute they close it, we pack it in.
- Aye, right.
- You can't ask for more than that.
- Hear hear.
No.
Obviously not.
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
Moving words.
- What?
- Back there. Danny.
Aye, daft old codger. If it weren't
for band, he'd pop his clogs.
I wondered if you fancied some grub?
- Where?
- Don't know. I'll go posh if you want.
- Andy.
All right, Phil.
- Have you seen me dad?
- Aye he's still inside, I think.
- Well?
- All right.
You all right, Dad?
Thank you for your support, son.
Oh, listen, Phil lad.
I've been thinking, right...
Semi-Final's no place for.
Better find yourself
a new bit of brass.
I'm not forking out for a new
trombone just for one performance.
One?
What about the Albert Hall?
Now normally I'd say get summat
cheap, but...
but you're a bloody good trombonist
lad, you need a bloody good trombone.
Dad...
I like the band. I love the band,
we all do.
But there's other things in life,
you know, that's more important.
Not in mine, there isn't.
What's that on your hankie?
Oh, nowt.
Chain come off me bike.
Didn't realise we were going this
posh, I'd have got dolled up.
You know back there, when Danny said
you'd nowt to be ashamed of?
Is that right, then?
You work for bloody management
don't you?
- Andy, I'm just...
- Fuck.
I just compile surveys, Andy, just do
viability studies, boring, maybe...
- but hardly summat to be ashamed of.
- No?
- Kept very quiet about it.
- Cause I knew you'd get it all wrong.
- Oh, aye?
- I'm on the same side as you, Andy.
I want Grimley to stay open too, and
once it gets to review...
- I can help it stay open with my report.
- Bollocks.
My figures show Grimley has a future,
it's a profitable pit.
They know that. It'll never reach
review. The lads'll go for redundancy.
And that's another thing that you
lot know...
just how much to offer
to get a result.
Every miner I've spoken to is
voting to stay put.
Do you think they'd tell you
any different?
Four to one
it'll go for pay-off.
- You're voting to stay put?
- Course I bloody am.
Then you must have some hope.
No hope.
Just principles.
It's your first job for them,
isn't it?
Otherwise you'd know that your report
means as much as we do. Bugger all.
It's just a bloody PR exercise.
So blind, naive people, people not
unlike yourself...
will think those good eggs at Head
Office have been very fair...
very reasonable. Done
their best, done their sums...
and, oh dear, they
just don't add up.
They'll have to close another pit.
Shame.
They won't even read the bugger.
They've already made their decision,
probably when you were at college.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Anyway, if my job's so bloody
irrelevant...
how come you hate me so much?
I don't have you, I...
- Who's the haddock?
- She is.
I chose Grimley, you know.
They offered me other pits, but I
chose Grimley for two reasons.
Because if I could help keep one pit
alive, I wanted it to be this one.
Second...
Hey, isn't that...
where the old bus station was?
- I didn't think you'd remember.
- How could I forget?
I'm sorry. Fumblings of a fourteen
year old.
What did we call it?
Top half only.
Can hardly have been worth it
at that age. Just kids.
- I'd get better value now.
- Well that's inflation for you.
I did know your name, you know.
When I called you Barry Andrews.
I just didn'twant
you to think...
I don't know.
That it was etched forever
on me brain.
'Cause it hasn't been, has it?
Do you want to come
up for a coffee?
I don't drink coffee.
I haven't got any.
- Eh up, Phil.
- Jesus Christ.
Did you like it so much you want
to go back?
- What?
- Wakefield Prison?
- What are you on about?
- Shall we call it a day, eh?
Evening, love.
Night.
All right, Andy lad. What've you
been up to?
A bit of extra practice, like.
- You're a genius you, aren't you?
- What?
Well, it takes a special talent that,
practicing...
- without your instrument.
- I must've left it in there, I'll...
- I'll pick it up tomorrow.
- Right.
Gloria on good form, is she?
- Night, Andy lad.
- Night, Danny.
Mr MacKenzie, could I have a
quick word?
Well, I'm actually rather busy,
Gloria.
Yes, so am I. I just wanted to make
sure I wasn't busy for no reason.
It's just some of the information
I need...
it's like getting blood out of
a stone.
I feel like I'm flogging a dead
horse sometimes and I...
Shall we stop talking in riddles,
Gloria?
I'm worried that my report
may be sort of...
immaterial.
Your report is vital...
absolutely paramount.
If this pit goes to review,
and we hope it will...
we have crucial decisions to make and
we can't make them without detailed...
accurate reports from highly
qualified people such as yourself.
It's a tricky business, Gloria.
All we want to do
is get it right.
Okay?
Yeah.
Eh up, Andy. Look, there's your mate,
Miss Glorious Tits.
What's she doing here?
Now then, what's a nice girl like you
doing in a horrible place like this?
Oh, hiya.
Hi, Andy.
Hiya.
- I came up to meet Andy out of work.
- He's not out of work yet, love.
Come back next week.
I just wondered if you wanted a
quick practice, Andy?
No he can't love. He's going
for a pint with us.
- Oh, right, well...
- See you.
That's all right, isn't it Andy?
Nice pint and a chat.
We can talk about
price of fish...
plight of t'T hird World...
pros and cons
of t'sweeper system...
and why your bird's got management
logo on her key-ring.
Still, it doesn't make her the
devil incarnate, does it?
What does it make Andy here?
That's what I want to know.
Lay off him, eh, Jim. He said he
didn't know.
With legs like that round
your back...
you don't stop and ask for
a reference, do you?
- It's a mistake anyone could've made.
- Aye...
and by hell, we all wish we'd
made it.
- This isn't funny.
- Nowt wrong with shagging management.
They've been shagging
us long enough.
Oh, don't tell me Andy. Itweren't
shagging...
it were true love.
- Are you playing, Andy?
- No. He's had enough fun for one week.
I'm not a kid
anymore, Jim, right?
Oh, aye?
- Old enough to be a scab, then.
- Jim.
It's right, Andy,
he doesn't mean it.
You don't mess around
with words like that.
Aye, I'm sorry, Andy.
Take it back.
You'rejust a stupid fucker.
That's more like it.
I'll catch you later, lads.
Where are you off, then?
Hello, kids.
My name's Mr Chuckles.
Hello, Mr Chuckles.
- Now, do you like card tricks?
- Yeah.
Will you help me with this
card trick?
Come here, come here. Now,
what you have to do...
is pick a card from there.
Don't let me see it.
And show it to all your friends so
that they can all see it.
Now put it back
anywhere you like.
Tell me when you've
done it. Done it?
Now I'm going to shuffle them all up.
Did you see what the card was?
Don't tell me.
The card was the Jack of Hearts.
No.
- Queen of Clubs?
- No.
- What were it then?
- Ace of Spades.
Correct!
All right now, Scott.
I'm going to put your watch there and
I'm going to fold this over...
Once, twice, three times, four.
Just like that. All right.
And, with this hammer, Scott,
I want you to give that watch...
- a great big smack.
- No.
When I say
the magic words, Scott.
- This isn't your main job, is it?
- I'm a miner.
A miner?
You remember them, love,
dinosaurs, dodos...
miners.
- Sorry Sandra, you're a bit short.
- How much?
- One fitty.
- What's up with you?
What's it to be?
- What about them aeroplane things?
- What?
- Them things with wings on?
- No, I need them.
Here you are, love, put that back.
We'll use soap.
Sorry, Vera. Me and sums, not what
you'd call the best of friends.
Me and money, total frigging
strangers.
Sorry love.
Still need another sixty.
I tell you what, give it us next
week, all right?
Are you sure?
Don't forget your receipt.
- Come on.
- See you, love.
Get back in here now with that.
- Who do you think you bleeding are?
- Get off.
- Hey.
- Bastard.
Come here, you bastards.
What do you think
you're fucking doing?
What do you think you're
fucking playing at?
I told you, pal. It's pay day.
Yeah, all right.
Right.
Just give us a bit of time, eh?
It's been ten years mate.
Pay day's pay day, pal.
Especially when it's
twelve grand.
- Twelve?
- Aye, it's that interest, isn't it?
- It's a bugger.
- Well, what about...
- Can you wait till twenty first?
- Twenty first?
Oh, aye.
Coco the scab, eh?
- We'll be back with truck.
- Truck? What for?
Contents.
Until you pay up, like.
If you touch my kids again,
I'll fucking kill you.
What the frigging hell's this?
It's a frigging dent, that's
what it is.
Andy Barrow lent it me.
He'll go frigging barmy.
- Hiya, Danny love. You well?
- Oh, aye, can't complain, Betty.
- What time do they announce result?
- About five-ish or summat, I think.
- I didn't know you were that bothered.
- Whole town's bothered, love.
Can't do without pit.
I thought you were talking
about Semi-Finals.
Honest, Danny,
a day like today...
You think anyone's interested in
some daft football match?
All right, love?
That's it. You bugger off and blow
your bloody trumpet.
Blimey, a conversation.
Harry, in a month's time when you're
at home all day and there's...
nowt but dole coming in, at least
I can know that I did summat.
It weren't much, but it were best I
could do and at least it were summat.
What are you on about?
Ten years ago before the strike,
you were so full of fight.
Packed full of passion,
you were.
Now you just do nowt.
All you do is blow your bloody
trumpet.
Aye, but at least...
At least what?
People listen to us.
Go on, sod off.
And it's a bloody euphonium.
You know, I can't tell a lie. I were
never one for brass bands before.
But when you hear that sound, when
you're near that sound...
- doesn't half grab you, doesn't it?
- Aye, it does that.
But you know, folk like Danny,
it's taken over their lives.
I'd never let that happen.
- Gorgeous.
- Oh, yeah.
All right, Bernard.
- Jim, Ernie.
- Danny.
- Hi, Danny.
- Hello, Danny.
Bloody hell. Hi, Harry.
Make an effort, Andy.
Bloody hell, son.
What's happened to you?
Sorry, Dad.
- Bit of a domestic, like.
- But you know this is a special...
Sandra did that?
To you?
No.
Go on, get on t'bus.
Get it cleaned up.
Bang goes the Deportment Prize,
any road.
We're going to win this one. Look.
Your Phil's got a new trombone.
We off, then?
All right, Stanley.
Halifax here we come.
Shift, will you? Stop fighting
all the time.
Votes for redundancy.
Seven hundred and ninety-eight.
The winners, with 194 points,
"The Grimley Colliery Band".
Harry.
Rita, love.
Fourto one against, it went.
Four to one, Harry.
Still...
see a bit more of
each other now.
Dad?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Will someone get
an ambulance, quick!
Hurry, he can't breathe.
- Just back off, will you?
- Don't crowd him.
- Come on, breathe for me.
- Someone call for that ambulance?
Come on,
I've got you. Phil's here.
Come on, hurry up, will you?
How is he, Phil?
I don't know.
He hasn't woke up yet.
They just said there'd be more
news tomorrow.
Right. We're just having
a collection for him.
You still here, love?
I reckon it's got to be ta-ra now,
don't you?
I'm on your side.
I always was.
Andy?
Andy.
Phil, lad.
Not flowers, all right, Jim.
Not grapes.
Get him summat he wants, eh?
You sure about this, Andy mate?
What about t'finals?
What finals?
Andy, I don't
want to fall out, mate.
You're me main source of income.
Don't worry, Simmo. I've lost more
this week than a bloody trumpet.
Sandra?
They came.
Took bloody lot.
- I warned you, Phil.
- Oh, Sand, no. I...
Look don't...
Not now.
Seems as good a time as any. What
with there being nowhere to sit.
Dad's collapsed.
Aye, I heard.
I'm sorry, Phil.
Oh, you fuckers.
-Sandra?
Not what I'd call a light traveller
are you, pet?
Sorry, it's mainly work.
I wouldn't apologise for having work,
flower. Not round here.
What's this then?
It's just a flugel, a trumpet.
I thought I might get
some practice in.
In here, you mean?
- Well, wherever.
- I wouldn't mind. Don't get me wrong.
There's nowt I'd like better than
to hear you playing all night long.
- Oh, no. It wouldn't...
- You heard of Grimley Colliery Band?
Yes, I have.
They've their own practice hall.
I should get myself down there, pet.
They'd welcome someone like you
with open arms, knowing them.
Another?
It's a sad old day, isn't it Vi?
When it's finally come to this.
- What's that then Ida?
- Jim and Ernie packing in the band.
They're doing it, then?
For definite?
Last practice tonight, Ernie said.
Then resigning after.
No point in carrying on, is there?
Pit goes, band'll go t'same way.
I feel sorry for old Danny, mind.
He'll gave bugger all to do.
- We'll all have bugger all to do, Vi.
- You get used to it.
- All right, love?
- Aye, all right.
Don't forget what you're doing,
you lads.
Don't be handing over any
kitty money.
- Just resignations.
- Aye, all right, pet.
- Well, mind you do.
- What do you mean "mind you do"?
- It was our decision, wasn't it love?
- Aye, well...
just mind you do.
Now let's get this right, Ernie.
When he collects for t'kitty,
we say: Sorry Danny, but us two...
we've decided,
in t'present climate...
to tighten our belts, like, and only
spend money on essential items.
Sorry. It's been
good and all that...
but now, we don't regard band as one
of t'aforementioned essential items.
And regretfully, we feel obliged
to tender our resignations forthwith.
- Right?
- Right.
And then we wake up in Casualty.
If he goes barmy, it's not
our fault.
- I mean what's t'worst he can do?
- Have a heart attack?
What the hell, if Danny
doesn't like it...
- bollocks to him.
- All right, lads?
Oh, all right, Danny mate?
Sixty years between us, you and me,
down t'pit, frightened of nowt.
When it comes to telling Danny-boy
we're packing t'band in...
We're shitting bloody bricks.
And coming up later in the news...
continuing our regular reports on the
Government's pit closure programme.
We visit Grimley Colliery...
which despite being one of the oldest
and largest mines in Yorkshire...
has nevertheless become the most
recent candidate for closure.
Although the Grimley miners, and
their wives, seem very determined...
to fight on and keep
their pit open...
a redundancy offer to the workforce
is believed to be imminent.
The miners, united,
will never be defeated.
The miners, united,
will never be defeated.
Offers at neighbouring pits recently,
have been too attractive to ignore.
In the last few weeks, 7 pay-off
packages have been offered to 7 pits.
All accepted,
leading to 7 closures.
Trouble is, I'm no bloody happier
when I'm winning.
Double or quits?
No, best not.
It's kitty night tonight.
Cheer up Andy.
It might never happen.
Representatives of union
and management...
meet tonight to discuss the
Grimley redundancy offer.
Bloody going to though, in't it?
- See you.
- See you.
Don't be a
pillock all your life.
Take t'money
while it's still on offer.
A lot of folk out there wouldn't like
to hearthe way you're talking, love.
Aye, and they're all as daft
as you are.
All end up with nowt.
Just like us.
Philip.
Late for practice.
- We'll talk about it later, eh?
- Later?
You'll still be saying later when
We're out on't bloody street.
There's always Mr Chuckles.
- I can do more of that.
- Phil?
Phil, Phil.
You have a wife and 4 bloody kids
here, a house nobody'll bloody buy...
mortgaged up to the bloody hilt,
loan-sharks on our backs...
no bloody money, no bloody job,
and what are you going to do?
Fucking juggle?
Bit clumsy with the crockery,
your Sandra.
- All right, love?
- All right.
Crap. That's what that was.
A load of bloody crap.
What did Eric Morecombe say?
All the right notes...
but not necessarily the right order.
What happened to you, son?
It just fell apart.
Aye, you're not the only one. Andy
lad, all over the shop, you were.
- What is up with you lot?
- Got our minds on other things, Danny.
- Like what?
- Blimey, you been on holiday or what?
How do you mean?
Well it may've escaped your notice,
like, but pit's under threat.
What's that got to do with us?
Oh, aye, you're
right, not a lot.
Now listen to me, all of you. These
are worrying times, I know that.
But look what it says here, eh?
1881.
Over a hundred years this band's
been going...
two world wars, three disasters,
seven strikes...
one bloody big depression and t'band
played on every flaming time.
Danny, this is t'biggest disaster
of t'lot.
Can't have a colliery band without
a bloody colliery, can you?
Listen. We've got the National Semi
Finals coming up and we're capable...
I mean it, well capable of going
through to London.
The first time in our history.
The Albert Hall.
Now I know there's a spot
of bother at the pit...
but that's something separate. This
is music, and it's music that matters.
Now, come on,
kitty fort'weekend.
Danny, me and Ernie, we've been
thinking it over, like...
I know subs aren't much, but...
- present climate and that...
- What are you saying, Jim?
Me and Jim have made
a decision, like.
Hello, love, can we help?
Is this the Colliery Band rehearsal?
No, love, t'band's on Tuesdays.
Tonight's origami class.
Take no notice, flower.
Can I help?
I'm staying at the pub. I play
the flugel.
Well, sort of dabble.
Mrs Foggan said...
Well, she said you might let me
play with you.
Down, boy, down.
I know it may sound like we need all
t'help we can get, but sorry love...
I mean, usually, as a rule,
we don't...
allow, you know, outsiders.
Aye, I understand that,
except I'm...
not strictly an outsider. I were
born in Grimley.
Is that right, love?
What's your name?
Gloria.
- Gloria...?
- Stits.
Glorious tits.
Ernie.
Mullins. Gloria Mullins.
Arthur's Gloria?
- You're Danny, aren't you?
- Aye.
- I didn'tthink you'd still be...
- Alive and kicking?
- Oh aye love, just about.
- No, I meant leading the band.
Yes.
Well come in, park your bum,
park yourself somewhere.
If you didn't know him, you'd have
heard of him, Arthur Mullins...
this young lady's grandad.
Best bandsman I ever played with.
Bravest miner
I ever worked with.
Closest friend I ever had, till his
lungs packed in in '79.
- Sorry, love.
- It's true.
Good to see you back. Excuse me a
moment, Gloria, I'm just collecting.
Jim, what were you saying?
Something about t'present climate?
Oh aye, I was saying, like...
despite present climate...
you can always rely on our continued
and whole-hearted...
- support for the cause.
- Oh, aye. Solidarity.
Thick and thin, and all that.
Lend us a fiver.
Solidarity.
Do you remember me?
- Barry? Barry Andrews?
- Andy Barrow.
Andy Barrow.
- God, you haven't changed a bit.
- You have.
- What are you up to now, then?
- This and that, y'know, keeping busy.
Hey, that's not... is it?
He left it me in his will. Couldn't
let it go to rust, could I?
Clever old sod. Even when he were
gone he made sure I'd take it up.
Well I know it won't be t'same, but
it'd be lovely just to hear it again.
- OK.
- What do you know?
Well, I've been practising...
- Rodrigo's Concerto D'A ranjuez.
- You what?
- Orange juice to you.
- Oh, aye.
- I'm a bit wobbly still.
- Don't you fret, pet.
Wobbly'd be too
good for this lot.
Paul, the music. Bernie, get her
a stand.
OK, everyone.
All right?
Are we all together?
Andy, lad, are you with us?
Poor lad. Still got your mind
on that pit?
All right lads.
Rodrigo's Concerto...
D'Orange Juice.
And she calls that wobbly.
- Well done, lass.
- Well done, love.
Bloody great.
- You doing anything at the weekend?
- No.
Right lads, listen up.
Saddleworth tomorrow.
14 villages, love. Contest in each.
All at the same time. Cash prizes.
So, any road, lads...
big chance to swell the coffers
tomorrow, so...
we're going for all fourteen.
- Are you on, love?
- If I'm allowed.
Don't be soft, lass.
You were born here.
It's a profitable pit, this.
There's hundreds of years of coal
down there...
but it doesn't matterto them
bastards. We're making money for'em...
hand over fist, we are.
And still they want to shut us down.
- Well, tell them bollocks to them.
- That's up to you lot isn't it, lad?
Well, thank Christ
it isn't up to you.
Jesus, we shouldn't have even let the
offer be put on't table.
They're just bloody puppets, that lot.
They do whateverthe bastards want.
- Phil, lad.
- We didn't do what they wanted in '84.
No, we dug
us heels in, didn't we?
Aye, and some of us got bloody
locked up for it.
Big bloody deal.
Hey, suspended I were.
It took that lot a year and a half
to get me reinstated.
That's eighteen month on bloody
strike pay.
- With a wife, bloody kids, mortgage.
- It's ten years ago, pal.
Aye, ten years.
And I were that bloody broke, I'm
still frigging paying for it.
That's how big a fucking deal
it were.
Hey, where were
you then, eh, pal?
In '84?
I don't remember
seeing you on t'line.
Oh aye, we all know which way
you'll be voting.
- Come on then, you bastard.
- Anytime.
Leave it out.
Listen!
That's just what they're bloody
wanting, you know that, don't you?
All right, this is what you've got:
Ballot next week, right?
You've got two options.
One: You can vote to take pit to
Review Procedure.
Obviously that's one we want, because
we reckon you've got a decent chance.
Or, two...
- You can vote to take pay-off.
- Get stuffed.
Listen, listen. They told us
last night...
that redundancy offer's gone up
three thousand...
from a twenty grand maximum
to twenty three...
with a five grand sweetener.
This is only a temporary offer.
If you say no, they're pulling any
future offer down to a flat fifteen.
Bastards!
- Born bastards, stay bastards.
- That's right.
Well it's no good shouting now lads,
do it next week in the ballot.
Say no to bloody blackmail...
- and yes to keeping this pit alive.
- That's what we want.
The miners united will never
be defeated.
Poor biddies. Don't they know they're
pissing into t'wind like rest of us?
- Can they do that, women?
- What?
- Piss in the wind.
- No, Ernie, that's just the point.
But even on a nice day, y'know, when
there's no wind about, they can't...
- y'know, get any direction on it.
- Well all right, whatever it is...
that lasses do that's pointless.
- Bloody hell, so much to choose from.
Fart in a force ten?
My God Phil, you don't half know
some funny women.
Steady, lads,
my missus does that.
Oh you daft bastards.
"Women against Closure"?
That is when she's not farting
in a force ten.
- Morning, love.
- See you.
If I don't have a day away
on my own...
I'm going to go frigging barmy,
honest I am. I'll kill someone.
- Well, go somewhere tomorrow, eh?
- Phil...
I'm off today,
or I'm off for good.
Give me some money.
- Oh hey love, I've only got a tenner.
- Atenner'II do.
But it's Saddleworth, and me dad'll
kill me if I don't turn up.
And I will if you do.
Isn't life just shit?
On your head, Dad?
Course the offer's attractive. It's
tantamount to bribery.
They want Grimley closed, for
whatever reason, nobody knows...
- they think by dangling a carrot...
- This just came for you.
Oh, ta.
Thanks.
They want jobs, a future. They want
an industry, and come the ballot...
- that's what they'll be voting for.
- Yes. That's right.
...the hearing decides the pit has a
sound economic future...
then we shall abide by that decision
and work towards it.
Naturally, I mean, nobody wants
Grimley to close.
Oh I'm bloody
starving, aren't you?
Let's see whatwe've got.
Dad, who were that?
Just a couple of fellas.
- Are you in trouble, Dad?
- Your dad in trouble?
Looked like they were going
to smack you.
Aye, they were lad.
They were from t'council.
Leisure department.
They said that if we don't have
fun today...
- we are in big, big trouble.
- Dad, I'm eight and a half now.
Are you?
Well you can help me find t'bastard
tin opener then, can't you?
Gloria Mullins?
What, Melons Mullins? Lived up Donny
Road? Chubby lass?
We used to sing that hymn: Gloria
in XL.
That's her, except she's
far from chubby now, like.
Aye, I remember her.
- You had her, behind t'bus station.
- No I never.
You told us you did.
No. It were top half only.
- Does she remember?
- Does she hell as like.
- Couldn't even remember my name.
- Oh, get away.
Bet that's why she's come back.
To complete unfinished business.
What are you smiling at?
Another?
All right, go on then.
What the bleeding hell
are you two doing?
We fancied a game of golf, like.
You daft gawpheads. You never
resigned, did you?
Sat there like a couple of old
biddies and paid t'money, didn't you?
Old Danny talked us round, like.
He were very persuasive.
- We had no option, lover, honestly.
- No bollocks, more like.
I reckon it were sommat to do with
bollocks that got us to stay.
- No bloody gumption, them two.
- Soup for brains, the pair of them.
Excuse me, where's the
Collier's Arms?
Hanging off his shoulders, pet.
- The old one's are the best, eh?
- It's the young ones we worry about.
- Off to Saddleworth, are you?
- That's right.
- Follow them two daft 'aporths.
- Ta.
- Hey, love?
- Yeah?
- Joined band last night, did you?
- Yeah. How did you know that?
Just something me husband
never said.
Aye, I am.
- What?
- Thinking what you're thinking.
- Eh, up.
- What are you doing?
- Don't sit on that.
- Get off.
- Eh, up, lads.
- All right?
-Hi Danny,
-Paul.
Oh, tell me you're bloody joking
son, please.
- Sorry. All of us or none at all.
- Why for Christ's sake?
It were them men from t'P leasure
Department, Grandad.
- You what?
- Anyway...
nowt wrong with a bit of vocal
support, eh?
- I hope you feel as good as you look.
- I'm nervous.
Get away with you. Your grandad would
be proud of you. Go on, in you get.
- Eh, up Gloria.
- Hey oggle-eyes, is that the lot?
No, no, no there's...
There's one more,
as per bloody usual.
Poor lass.
All she wants is a nice day out and
she gets stuck between them 2 buggers.
Shit.
Oh, sorry Harry.
- Come here, darling.
- Thanks a lot, Kylie.
There you go, mate. What
were all that about?
Here comes Fast bloody Eddie now.
Come on Andy lad. Step on it.
Sorry.
- All right Stanley, that's the lot.
- What about these two here?
Bloody hell.
Don't look like that, Danny lad.
It's nearest colours we could find.
- What are you doing?
- We'vejust founded t'fan club.
Well I don't think we...
Look ladies, I mean, this is
traditionally a...
- male only excursion. You know that.
- New lass on board, is she?
Aye. That's different.
I mean, she's very talented.
Aye, I know, we saw her.
I'll have you know, that girl blows
flugel like a dream.
Danny Ormondroyd!
At your age!
Come on love, it's not
"What's my line?".
Well, I'm a surveyor.
Blimey. What, you mean like a
quantity surveyor?
- Kind of.
- Want to survey my quantity, love?
Well I do say
"no job too small".
Get away love. Take you a bloody
fortnight, this one.
We had no option, lover, honest.
Shift up, duck.
Eh, up Phil, groupies are on.
Sex, drugs and rock and roll,
eh girls?
Aye, except we can do without
drugs and rock and roll.
Laughing. They were bloody
laughing at us.
Look at them. If they were alive
today, they'd turn in their graves.
And if Arthur Mullins was looking
down on us, well God bloody help us.
I mean,
is this what it's come to?
Bits of trombone flying
all over t'shop?
Stopping t'march to change
bloody nappies?
Too bloody bewied to stay on
t'buggering bandstand.
We may as well
all bloody give up.
I reckon we already have, Dan.
That's kind of why itwent
like it did.
Reckon we thought we'd go out
on a high note.
Happen our idea of a high note's a
bit different from yours, like.
Go out? What are you talking about
Ernie, go out?
Danny lad,
you've got to face it.
- If pit goes, band goes with it.
- When pit goes.
If.
However ballot goes, they'll
still close the bugger.
Not necessarily.
It depends on the...
On that review thingy.
Surely?
Trouble with you lot is you've
got no pride.
And you know one thing more than owt
else here that symbolises pride?
It's this bloody band,
that's what. Ask anybody.
I mean, if they close down the pit,
knock it down...
fill it up, like they've done with
all t'bloody rest, no trace.
Years to come, there'll only be one
reminder...
Of hundred bloody years hard graft:
This bloody band.
Oh, they can shut up the unions,
they can shut up the workers...
but I'll tell you one thing for
nothing, they'll never shut us up.
We'll play on. Loud as ever. Starting
with National Semis in Halifax.
Win them and we can carry
our heads high and march...
on to the Albert bloody Hall,
all right?
- Are we playing or are we packing in?
- Playing.
Sorry.
No, don't you worry, flower.
You've nowt to be ashamed of.
No bugger else, then?
Danny, I reckon I speak
for everybody.
We'll play on while pit's open...
- Minute they close it, we pack it in.
- Aye, right.
- You can't ask for more than that.
- Hear hear.
No.
Obviously not.
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
Moving words.
- What?
- Back there. Danny.
Aye, daft old codger. If it weren't
for band, he'd pop his clogs.
I wondered if you fancied some grub?
- Where?
- Don't know. I'll go posh if you want.
- Andy.
All right, Phil.
- Have you seen me dad?
- Aye he's still inside, I think.
- Well?
- All right.
You all right, Dad?
Thank you for your support, son.
Oh, listen, Phil lad.
I've been thinking, right...
Semi-Final's no place for.
Better find yourself
a new bit of brass.
I'm not forking out for a new
trombone just for one performance.
One?
What about the Albert Hall?
Now normally I'd say get summat
cheap, but...
but you're a bloody good trombonist
lad, you need a bloody good trombone.
Dad...
I like the band. I love the band,
we all do.
But there's other things in life,
you know, that's more important.
Not in mine, there isn't.
What's that on your hankie?
Oh, nowt.
Chain come off me bike.
Didn't realise we were going this
posh, I'd have got dolled up.
You know back there, when Danny said
you'd nowt to be ashamed of?
Is that right, then?
You work for bloody management
don't you?
- Andy, I'm just...
- Fuck.
I just compile surveys, Andy, just do
viability studies, boring, maybe...
- but hardly summat to be ashamed of.
- No?
- Kept very quiet about it.
- Cause I knew you'd get it all wrong.
- Oh, aye?
- I'm on the same side as you, Andy.
I want Grimley to stay open too, and
once it gets to review...
- I can help it stay open with my report.
- Bollocks.
My figures show Grimley has a future,
it's a profitable pit.
They know that. It'll never reach
review. The lads'll go for redundancy.
And that's another thing that you
lot know...
just how much to offer
to get a result.
Every miner I've spoken to is
voting to stay put.
Do you think they'd tell you
any different?
Four to one
it'll go for pay-off.
- You're voting to stay put?
- Course I bloody am.
Then you must have some hope.
No hope.
Just principles.
It's your first job for them,
isn't it?
Otherwise you'd know that your report
means as much as we do. Bugger all.
It's just a bloody PR exercise.
So blind, naive people, people not
unlike yourself...
will think those good eggs at Head
Office have been very fair...
very reasonable. Done
their best, done their sums...
and, oh dear, they
just don't add up.
They'll have to close another pit.
Shame.
They won't even read the bugger.
They've already made their decision,
probably when you were at college.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Anyway, if my job's so bloody
irrelevant...
how come you hate me so much?
I don't have you, I...
- Who's the haddock?
- She is.
I chose Grimley, you know.
They offered me other pits, but I
chose Grimley for two reasons.
Because if I could help keep one pit
alive, I wanted it to be this one.
Second...
Hey, isn't that...
where the old bus station was?
- I didn't think you'd remember.
- How could I forget?
I'm sorry. Fumblings of a fourteen
year old.
What did we call it?
Top half only.
Can hardly have been worth it
at that age. Just kids.
- I'd get better value now.
- Well that's inflation for you.
I did know your name, you know.
When I called you Barry Andrews.
I just didn'twant
you to think...
I don't know.
That it was etched forever
on me brain.
'Cause it hasn't been, has it?
Do you want to come
up for a coffee?
I don't drink coffee.
I haven't got any.
- Eh up, Phil.
- Jesus Christ.
Did you like it so much you want
to go back?
- What?
- Wakefield Prison?
- What are you on about?
- Shall we call it a day, eh?
Evening, love.
Night.
All right, Andy lad. What've you
been up to?
A bit of extra practice, like.
- You're a genius you, aren't you?
- What?
Well, it takes a special talent that,
practicing...
- without your instrument.
- I must've left it in there, I'll...
- I'll pick it up tomorrow.
- Right.
Gloria on good form, is she?
- Night, Andy lad.
- Night, Danny.
Mr MacKenzie, could I have a
quick word?
Well, I'm actually rather busy,
Gloria.
Yes, so am I. I just wanted to make
sure I wasn't busy for no reason.
It's just some of the information
I need...
it's like getting blood out of
a stone.
I feel like I'm flogging a dead
horse sometimes and I...
Shall we stop talking in riddles,
Gloria?
I'm worried that my report
may be sort of...
immaterial.
Your report is vital...
absolutely paramount.
If this pit goes to review,
and we hope it will...
we have crucial decisions to make and
we can't make them without detailed...
accurate reports from highly
qualified people such as yourself.
It's a tricky business, Gloria.
All we want to do
is get it right.
Okay?
Yeah.
Eh up, Andy. Look, there's your mate,
Miss Glorious Tits.
What's she doing here?
Now then, what's a nice girl like you
doing in a horrible place like this?
Oh, hiya.
Hi, Andy.
Hiya.
- I came up to meet Andy out of work.
- He's not out of work yet, love.
Come back next week.
I just wondered if you wanted a
quick practice, Andy?
No he can't love. He's going
for a pint with us.
- Oh, right, well...
- See you.
That's all right, isn't it Andy?
Nice pint and a chat.
We can talk about
price of fish...
plight of t'T hird World...
pros and cons
of t'sweeper system...
and why your bird's got management
logo on her key-ring.
Still, it doesn't make her the
devil incarnate, does it?
What does it make Andy here?
That's what I want to know.
Lay off him, eh, Jim. He said he
didn't know.
With legs like that round
your back...
you don't stop and ask for
a reference, do you?
- It's a mistake anyone could've made.
- Aye...
and by hell, we all wish we'd
made it.
- This isn't funny.
- Nowt wrong with shagging management.
They've been shagging
us long enough.
Oh, don't tell me Andy. Itweren't
shagging...
it were true love.
- Are you playing, Andy?
- No. He's had enough fun for one week.
I'm not a kid
anymore, Jim, right?
Oh, aye?
- Old enough to be a scab, then.
- Jim.
It's right, Andy,
he doesn't mean it.
You don't mess around
with words like that.
Aye, I'm sorry, Andy.
Take it back.
You'rejust a stupid fucker.
That's more like it.
I'll catch you later, lads.
Where are you off, then?
Hello, kids.
My name's Mr Chuckles.
Hello, Mr Chuckles.
- Now, do you like card tricks?
- Yeah.
Will you help me with this
card trick?
Come here, come here. Now,
what you have to do...
is pick a card from there.
Don't let me see it.
And show it to all your friends so
that they can all see it.
Now put it back
anywhere you like.
Tell me when you've
done it. Done it?
Now I'm going to shuffle them all up.
Did you see what the card was?
Don't tell me.
The card was the Jack of Hearts.
No.
- Queen of Clubs?
- No.
- What were it then?
- Ace of Spades.
Correct!
All right now, Scott.
I'm going to put your watch there and
I'm going to fold this over...
Once, twice, three times, four.
Just like that. All right.
And, with this hammer, Scott,
I want you to give that watch...
- a great big smack.
- No.
When I say
the magic words, Scott.
- This isn't your main job, is it?
- I'm a miner.
A miner?
You remember them, love,
dinosaurs, dodos...
miners.
- Sorry Sandra, you're a bit short.
- How much?
- One fitty.
- What's up with you?
What's it to be?
- What about them aeroplane things?
- What?
- Them things with wings on?
- No, I need them.
Here you are, love, put that back.
We'll use soap.
Sorry, Vera. Me and sums, not what
you'd call the best of friends.
Me and money, total frigging
strangers.
Sorry love.
Still need another sixty.
I tell you what, give it us next
week, all right?
Are you sure?
Don't forget your receipt.
- Come on.
- See you, love.
Get back in here now with that.
- Who do you think you bleeding are?
- Get off.
- Hey.
- Bastard.
Come here, you bastards.
What do you think
you're fucking doing?
What do you think you're
fucking playing at?
I told you, pal. It's pay day.
Yeah, all right.
Right.
Just give us a bit of time, eh?
It's been ten years mate.
Pay day's pay day, pal.
Especially when it's
twelve grand.
- Twelve?
- Aye, it's that interest, isn't it?
- It's a bugger.
- Well, what about...
- Can you wait till twenty first?
- Twenty first?
Oh, aye.
Coco the scab, eh?
- We'll be back with truck.
- Truck? What for?
Contents.
Until you pay up, like.
If you touch my kids again,
I'll fucking kill you.
What the frigging hell's this?
It's a frigging dent, that's
what it is.
Andy Barrow lent it me.
He'll go frigging barmy.
- Hiya, Danny love. You well?
- Oh, aye, can't complain, Betty.
- What time do they announce result?
- About five-ish or summat, I think.
- I didn't know you were that bothered.
- Whole town's bothered, love.
Can't do without pit.
I thought you were talking
about Semi-Finals.
Honest, Danny,
a day like today...
You think anyone's interested in
some daft football match?
All right, love?
That's it. You bugger off and blow
your bloody trumpet.
Blimey, a conversation.
Harry, in a month's time when you're
at home all day and there's...
nowt but dole coming in, at least
I can know that I did summat.
It weren't much, but it were best I
could do and at least it were summat.
What are you on about?
Ten years ago before the strike,
you were so full of fight.
Packed full of passion,
you were.
Now you just do nowt.
All you do is blow your bloody
trumpet.
Aye, but at least...
At least what?
People listen to us.
Go on, sod off.
And it's a bloody euphonium.
You know, I can't tell a lie. I were
never one for brass bands before.
But when you hear that sound, when
you're near that sound...
- doesn't half grab you, doesn't it?
- Aye, it does that.
But you know, folk like Danny,
it's taken over their lives.
I'd never let that happen.
- Gorgeous.
- Oh, yeah.
All right, Bernard.
- Jim, Ernie.
- Danny.
- Hi, Danny.
- Hello, Danny.
Bloody hell. Hi, Harry.
Make an effort, Andy.
Bloody hell, son.
What's happened to you?
Sorry, Dad.
- Bit of a domestic, like.
- But you know this is a special...
Sandra did that?
To you?
No.
Go on, get on t'bus.
Get it cleaned up.
Bang goes the Deportment Prize,
any road.
We're going to win this one. Look.
Your Phil's got a new trombone.
We off, then?
All right, Stanley.
Halifax here we come.
Shift, will you? Stop fighting
all the time.
Votes for redundancy.
Seven hundred and ninety-eight.
The winners, with 194 points,
"The Grimley Colliery Band".
Harry.
Rita, love.
Fourto one against, it went.
Four to one, Harry.
Still...
see a bit more of
each other now.
Dad?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Will someone get
an ambulance, quick!
Hurry, he can't breathe.
- Just back off, will you?
- Don't crowd him.
- Come on, breathe for me.
- Someone call for that ambulance?
Come on,
I've got you. Phil's here.
Come on, hurry up, will you?
How is he, Phil?
I don't know.
He hasn't woke up yet.
They just said there'd be more
news tomorrow.
Right. We're just having
a collection for him.
You still here, love?
I reckon it's got to be ta-ra now,
don't you?
I'm on your side.
I always was.
Andy?
Andy.
Phil, lad.
Not flowers, all right, Jim.
Not grapes.
Get him summat he wants, eh?
You sure about this, Andy mate?
What about t'finals?
What finals?
Andy, I don't
want to fall out, mate.
You're me main source of income.
Don't worry, Simmo. I've lost more
this week than a bloody trumpet.
Sandra?
They came.
Took bloody lot.
- I warned you, Phil.
- Oh, Sand, no. I...
Look don't...
Not now.
Seems as good a time as any. What
with there being nowhere to sit.
Dad's collapsed.
Aye, I heard.
I'm sorry, Phil.
Oh, you fuckers.
-Sandra?