Boy Meets Girl (1993) - full transcript

An ex-ballplayer whose parents are divorcing meets a woman engaged to a guy she doesn't love. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ha! ♪

♪ Gonna find my soulmate ♪

♪ My soulmate, my soulmate ♪
♪ Gonna find ♪

♪ My soulmate tonight ♪

♪ Gonna find my soulmate
My soulmate, my soulmate ♪

♪ Too many dark nights ♪

♪ Too many lonely nights ♪

♪ I'm so restless ♪

♪ Looking for you ♪

♪ Come on, baby
Come on out ♪

♪ I know, baby
I know you're lonely too ♪

♪ All by yourself
With your Corn Flakes ♪

♪ And your
Home Shopping Network ♪

♪ And your raggedy slippers ♪

♪ Kick off them dogs, baby
Put on some pumps ♪

♪ Come on out, girl
Come on out tonight ♪


♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Been waiting for ya ♪

♪ Gonna find my soulmate
My soulmate, my soulmate ♪

♪ Been looking for ya ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Gonna find my soulmate
My soulmate, my soulmate ♪

♪ Walking down
This lonely street ♪

♪ Ignoring anyone I meet ♪

♪ Trying just to pass
Some time ♪

♪ Sit and wonder
When you'll be mine ♪

♪ Mine ♪
♪ Oh, girl, I'm walking ♪


♪ Don't want a love
That moves too fast ♪

♪ I need something
That I know will last ♪

♪ Caught in emotion
That always lies ♪

♪ My heart believes it
Then love dies ♪

Give me a draft...


♪ Hey ♪

♪ I keep looking
Looking for some life ♪

♪ Can't stand another
Sleepless night ♪

♪ To get to the love I need
I know I have to fight ♪

♪ That's my prerogative
That's my prerogative tonight ♪

♪ Oh, help me find my soulmate ♪

♪ Gotta find my soul mate
My soul mate, my soul mate ♪

Look, I considered the lie,
but then I thought,

what the hell,
why not try the truth?

And the truth is as simple
as that light in your eyes.

I'm gonna make love
to you all night long...

and I can actually do it...

♪ ...find my soulmate ♪

♪ My soulmate, my soulmate ♪
♪ Down in my soul ♪

♪ My soulmate, my soulmate ♪

♪ My soulmate ♪
♪ Gonna find my soulmate ♪

♪ My soulmate, my soulmate ♪
♪ Help me find my soulmate ♪

♪ Help me find the one
That belongs to me ♪

I love you.




Good morning.
I'm sorry.

I'm, I'm sorry.
It's no problem.

Almost there, huh?

Where'd you get on?
Lincoln City.

Oh. Would you like?

No, no thank you.

I can get you a cup
out of the bathroom...

Thank you.



Oh, yeah. Born and raised.

Going home.


Five years ago,
I left this town in a limo.

If you're not ready,
why are you coming back?

My folks are getting a divorce.

They're supposed to sign
the papers on Thursday.

What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know.

Whatever it takes, I guess.
I mean,

it just doesn't
make any sense to me.

They used to make us go out
and play in a blizzard

so they could
jump each other's bones.

Right. It's a lousy idea.

They're adults,
they know what they're doing.

They're not gonna listen to me.

Miracles happen every day.


Look at me...

in my eyes.


Wow, how do you do that?

I'm nearsighted.

It will happen.

It might not be your folks.

It might be peace of mind.

It might be finding
your one true love.

My one true love?


She's out there somewhere,
just waiting for you.

Just waiting.

Now kiss me
one more time...

Your minor miracle
is about to happen.



Hey! Let go of me.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...

CURTIS: What's going on here?

No. Nothing.

He-he thought
I was somebody else.

I'm very sorry.

It's all right.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, baby.


If only your mother
were here to see you now.

LENA: She is here.

Oh, oh...

Hey, Dad.



You're looking good.
Oh, well, you too.

Oh, you think so?
Not too provocative for you?

Not too "sleazy?"

Well, for me, maybe.
For you...

That was too easy.
And how's your back?

It must be fine.

He's got his weapon.
Damn straight.

And I've bet
you've been practicing.

Give me a break. They've got me
running 24 hours a day.

I haven't been anywhere near
a bowling alley in over a year.

Besides, it's not my priority
to spend time worrying

about kicking your butt
in the alley.

Oh, and how often?
Once a week. At least.


That it?
Yeah, that's it.

I couldn't check it.

It's still the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

Well, we need to get it
to the tailor's right away...

...we have to make sure the...

...stop obsessing.
It's gonna fit you like a glove.

Wanna see?
No, not here, Daddy.

Yes, she does.
No, I don't. Not here.

Yes, she does. Would you
please show it to her?

I keep telling her
it's not green.

She's been driving me
crazy for the past month.

And now you
get to deal with her.






I called the Holiday Inn,

and they tell me
they got plenty of room...

Daddy, I told you we made
other arrangements.

That's it.

Yes, Daddy,
you're staying in my room.

Oh. Well, thank you, baby.

I expect you
to respect my privacy.

Please, I don't have to go
through your closets

to know you're a heathen.

Are you guys
gonna do this all week?

I mean, I'm getting married
on Saturday.

Are we forgetting our promises,
is that what we're doing now?


Bullet of the night,

of the love songs we all knew,
born of winter snow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go, take over.

DYLAN: Yeah.


Levitating spear, clouds,
puffy, puffy on high,

ate the whole rainbow.


Definitely true art.
Go, go, more. Come on.

Microwave attack.
Sizzle, pop, sizzle, sizzle.

Beat a path, buster.

Do you know where she is?
Did she call in yet?


That's it. She's out of here.

Hang on. She might have
had some kind of emergency.

Like what?
I don't know.

Beat a path, buster.

All right, what's the story?
Where is she?

What happened?

I, uh...What?
She didn't call in?

Is she sick?

No, she was fine
when she left this morning.

Oh man, you are really
something else.

I have known this girl
for six months.

She has been
like clockwork.

So, come on, tell me
what happened?

She said it, didn't she?
Did she say it?

Yeah. Oh man.

Oh, man!

So, what does this mean?
Does she mean this is over?

Hey, Dad.


Oh, he's back.

Hey Percy!
Man, I can't believe this!

Hey, whoa! Look at you,
boy... Oh...

What is going...?


Mom, oh...

Oh, wow, look at you.

Yeah, look at you.
You look beautiful.

Well, shut-up.
What do you mean shut up?

She looks great, doesn't she?
She always looks great.

Where the hell did you come
from? When did you get here?

I got here just now. I took
a cab in from the airport.

Mister Richardson
sent me up with his pilot.

In the Lear?

It was nice.Wow!

How is it?
It is great. I'm back.

I'm on a rehab assignment
in Dominican.

Yes! Yes!
It is really good.

Oh God!

So good to see you!

I don't believe this.
Is that you?

This is Sean.

I know. We met.
Oh, no. We never met.

I would have remembered that

if I have remembered anything
else in the rest of my life.

I just flew in today.
In a Lear.

Oh, the pitcher,
heard a lot about you.

And you are?
ROSE: Not available.

Lena is getting married
on Saturday.

The most beautiful bride

this town has ever seen
for a very long time.

Welcome home, superstar.

Come on, you look hungry.

Come into the kitchen.
Come see everything we've done.

I got this new bread pan,

the size of a baseball mitt.
You won't believe it.

Hey, you guys, he's home.
Yeah, Sean!

...set fire
to the neighbor's cat.


Punched out a kid his
first day of preschool.

This is character

I don't believe them.
Thank you.

You're not that kind of guy.
That's right.

The moment I met you, I knew
you were a no nonsense,

straight ahead,
Lear jet flying kind of guy.


If only I weren't engaged.

Well, it's not too late
to change your mind.

I prefer men
that ride the bus.

Can I get you guys
some coffee?

Oh, no, we're fine now.
You go on.

I have time,
and I'm enjoying this.

I'll have some coffee.

Rat poison...

What charm school
did she go to?

What's the matter, dear?
Dish it out, can't take it?

The Rose looks great.
Yeah, it's-it's-it's nice.


I kind of miss the big screen
T.V. though.

So does your father.
Business is booming.

Cold cash beats Monday night
football any day, right, Dad?

In the real world...

Wait a minute.

He looks skinny.

He's here to save the day.

I know.

You all right?
I'm good.



What you got?

Hey, now
is there something in here

that is going to bite me?

No, Mom.


Oh, look at this.
Funny Girl.


I saw it in the Dominican.
I liked it better in Spanish.

Is this one in Spanish?

She drove him to it.
PERCY: "He was a rogue.

A low-life, gambling,
scoundrel snake

with no idea how lucky
he was to have this woman."

Was she still
a bitch in Spanish?


PERCY: Oh look at this!
Oh, no.

Come on, come on,
break it out.

Like he's got a chance.

Why don't you guys come over
some night next week,

I'll fix you both dinner.

One night. Let's make it firm.

I came all this way
to buy B and O Railroad and I--

I know how tough it is
to coordinate schedules.



Wednesday? What?
Well, I'm not sure.

Neither am I.

Let's see, we'll just,
we'll play it by ear.

Play it by ear.
Play it by ear. Yeah...



Come on, come on, come on!

We're illegal already.

Break a record.

Over there...

There he is, man.
Come on, right?

We'll get there. Are you crazy?
You touched my stick.

You touched my stick!
This time, right?!

Mister Valens,
I'm Lieutenant Paul.

I'm here to help you, sir.

But I can only help
if you cooperate.


How'd they look?

What? Lena?
Oh, where are you?

In the chopper?

LENA: Are you live?

Oh, well look, I'm sorry.
I'll talk to you later.

That's all right.
What's up?

I was checking
if you went to the bridal--

Can you get a choker for me?

Down, man, come on!
Get me closer!

John Carlo, get closer.

I'm sorry. What?

The dresses. You were
supposed to go see the dresses.

Oh, I didn't. But I can
stop by before dinner.

No, that's, that's okay.
I'll-I'll take care of it.

Well, hold on a second.

Are you two gonna get
this shot for me or what?

On the bottom.
You're killing me, babe.

Oh, shut up!

Don't make me go off.
Don't make him go off.

Go to hell.

You flat top,
I want you to die!

I want you to dive,
you understand that?

I want you to dive, dive, dive,
dive, dive!

Go ahead, take this, take that.
You got it?

Dive, dive, dive, dive, dive.

All right.

Thank you.
I'm back. Sorry.

What's going on?

Oh, some burned out
dock worker

who had too many donuts
is about to jump off a crane.

I can hear him.

No. That's Franklin.

How is the apartment?

It sucked. Nine-twenty
five for a glorified single.

Does the fact you guys
can't find an apartment mean

that you aren't
meant to be together?


Bye, sweetie.

Come on, Lena,
I can hear it in your voice.

What's wrong?
I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I need your help, guys.
I really do.



Pluto, Edith's here.




Hey you.

Come on in.
You want some coffee?

No, thanks.

I'm going back to my computer.

Today's paper?
On the coffee table.

See, Brute. See?
I told you he'd be here.

Are you satisfied now? Yeah.

Don't you miss your Edith? Huh?


You think it's over?



Does he know it?




Give me your soul, sweet thing.

Your voice wafts through
shadows and light.

Suspends on a worn out wing tip
and disappears in the wind.



Look at the craters
in those doggies.

In my former life,
I was a king.

Everything was going fine
until they chopped off my head

and put it on display
in the center of town...

Yo, Percy.

What are you doing
back here tonight?

Jet lag. Got a cold one?

Got some ID?

...found a woman to love me,

and it was all over

when we took a honeymoon cruise
on the Titanic.

What is this guy doing?

Life number three
was a three ring circus...

That guy is paying the bills.
These are his followers.

DYLAN: Some kid moving along...
This guy stinks. sneakers...
Your mother doesn't think so.

She hired him?

Yeah. And they've become
good friends.


his steps are smooth.

Yeah, his steps may be a little
too sure about the street.

'Cause her steps are cautious,
her steps are...

Excuse me.

...she knows what he wants

and she's not gonna give
it to him.

You have to talk to me.
I don't want to talk to you.

You have to talk to me.

...kiss her goodbye and just
walk on down the street.

Yeah, here you come...


I am not a pushy broad!

I mean, we agreed. I know.

Okay, it was my fault.
Excuse me for having feelings!

Excuse me!

My mom warned me,
this town stinks!


you are a beautiful woman.

With a tremendous heart
and the spirit of men,

when I'm waltzing
with a treasure of men

more worthy than I...

Kiss my ass!


I could've been somebody,


I could have had class.

I could have been
a basket or a hat.

Instead I'm drenched
in this rotting garbage

getting stepped on
by every shoe

and every foot and every
sneaker all day long.

Just another day in
the life of a doormat, baby.

I'm here to stay.

Hey, hey, hey...


Where were you?! Huh?

I waited for you
for three hours.

What are you talking about?
Okay, no, no, no, no, no.

What do you want from me, huh?

You know, it's a two way street
out here. You have to join in.

You have to partake.

Please, we have to
talk about this!

It's my baby too!

What? What?

That's what you think.

Oh, oh...

Thank you, God.


Thank you, thank you.

Oh, she's mad.

You are some piece of work,

I guess the rat poison
went to my head.

You listen to me, mister.
I never lie.

And you had me lie to some
very good friends of mine,

and I don't appreciate it
one bit.

What are you Catholic?

They don't need the grief.
Especially now.

I think I know what my folks
need, thanks very much.


Never what?

Never lie?
You never told a lie?

Do you have a point?
I'm just asking.

Maybe I'm in the presence

of the only perfect human being
on the planet.

You know, maybe after God
painted your face,

he gave you
a heart to match.

Or maybe you're just
lying to yourself.

Which is it?

Look, Slick, I don't know you.
I don't wanna know you.

And what I do is my business.

Now who is Denise?

Denise? What Denise?

Yeah, that's what I thought.


You said that you thought
I was Denise.

Oh, yeah, that Denise.
She's an old classmate of mine.

Oh, right.

You're right.


When I saw you there
and you seemed to know me,

I thought you were
my minor miracle.

I didn't know you were
my wakeup call...


Is she up there?



He's on parole!

He's just out of a rehab,

waiting for a sex change

There is no "he,"
I'm telling you.

There's always a "he."

You just don't know him.

She stashed him away from you
because she's embarrassed.

Look at the crap
she's reading!

Could be mine.

Love's Lusty Longings?

Well, no.

But some of that trash is mine.

As a matter of fact,
Longingsis next on my list.

She in therapy?

I'm serious.
Your sister needs help.

Give her some credit.

She pulled her life together
pretty damn well,

if you ask me.

Well, it's a good thing
you're gonna be a lawyer,

'cause she's gonna need you.

You gonna try
your tux on or not?

Yeah, look at that.

Try your tux on first,

and then we'll add
the finishing touches.

Okay, okay, okay. Oh...

Say, maybe I oughta get me
a new tux, huh?

Not another dime.
Oh, it's my dime.

Your tux is great.

Well, maybe great's
not good enough.

Besides, have you heard?

High school principals
just got a raise.

I'm making almost
minimum wage now.

I'm a cash cow.


Gotta look good when
you're dancing with an angel.


I just picked up my last check.

She fired you?

I quit. I thought it would be
the easiest for all concerned.

I'm sorry I lost it yesterday.

I don't know
where that came from.

It was uncalled for.

No, I, uh, I was flattered,
I-I am flatt--

Four square divided
by what...?


Got a hankerin'.

Oh, sweetie, I can't.

I called over there.
They got it.

Banana ripple mocha fudge?

Double scoop on a sugar cone.
My treat.


No, no, I'm driving.


Oh, it's just a...


It's a beauty, huh?
I rented it for the week.

Mom, what are you doing?!
I'm trying to count.

This is not cute.

This is not clever,
or funny, or even very nice!

I don't know what the hell
you think you're doing,

but your father and I
are not some chick

you can dazzle with some crap
and a smile!

If you have something to say,
you say it.

Be open.

Don't play games.


Nostalgia is not gonna
make everything okay.

Look, I just thought
you'd like riding in one again.

Your father's Mustang didn't
look this good when it was new.

Why? Why can't
you work things out?

I can't live with him anymore,
and he can't live with me.

That's all. We came
to the end of the line.

It happens.
I don't buy it.

The fight to stay in love
got old.

We couldn't put up
our dukes anymore.

We didn't want to.

Ever since we've separated,
we've been better, much better.

We're a family.

All of us.
That's not gonna change.

You're different.

I've never been more myself.

Where's my ice cream?


So are you dating?

I've had dates.
With who?


I'm not telling you.
Well, older men, younger men?

Okay, look I-I hear you.
It's a new start for you.

I want you to be happy.

I'm-I'm just-- I'm just wanting
to be part of it, to be open.

So come on.

All of them?

You have a problem with that?

There haven't been that many.
Where'd you meet them?

No, no...

I'm-I'm not ready for this.
I don't wanna be open.

You mean, sex. You, Mom,
are you having sex with them?

Does the radio in here work?

What?! No, I am not gonna
answer any more questions.

I'm your mother.

I have a right to...
To what? not answer
any more questions.

There will be no
more questions today...



♪ Your mama loves you ♪

♪ Yes, she does ♪

♪ Gives you lots
Of hugs and kisses ♪

Get some later?

Oh, yes.
I'll have one of those.

Go ahead.
No, one of these.

Can he borrow yours?

Any time.
See, Dad.

Reggie's ready.
What's your problem...?

In about a year, you are
gonna have a little cousin...

You're late.

It took me a couple
of hours to find this stuff.

Looks good.
Yeah, well,
it feels ridiculous.

Hey, a little over the top?

Nope. And don't hold
back either.

His worst nightmare.

I didn't know you were
Oh, come on.

If I didn't do
something outrageous,

he wouldn't know it was me.
Yeah, right.


Syd. Franklin?

This is my lover.

Oh. Very sexy.

Assalamu alaikum,
my brother, wassup.

You, my brother, come on in.

A little dog,
went right up on me then...

Hi everybody.

This is Franklin Brown.

The man in my life.


What's up?
Yo, what's up?

Hey, Franklin...

You want some more, baby?

Oh, yeah. I'm hungry.
Come on. Come on, there.

Yeah, that I am.

Ah... No, good, good...

With the equivocation
of the expeditious perpetrators

on Capitol Hill,
we are summized. Right.

They know.
And they know we know,

constigating their mess
down our throats.

Damn right.

But it ain't gonna matter
in '96,

'cause in '96,
hey, we're out of here.

To where?

Louisiana, Mississippi,
Alabama, and Georgia.

Homeland for the people.
Israel with a beat.

You out of your mind?

Well, well, well,
did I leave something out?

I mean, we'll be promigating

the situation for the world,

And I promise, I'm gonna
take care of her, Dad.

Oh, he better
take off those glasses

so he can see the real world.

Do you lie, Reggie?


No, I never told you any lie.

Oh, I know. But I mean,
do you lie in life?

You know, everybody lies,
but do you like it?

I don't know. I mean...

I guess it's cool,
if you can get away with it.


Let's do it right here.

What do you mean? What, now?

Right now.

Baby... No, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, honey.
What's wrong?


We're not alone.
We're engaged.

Lena, this is crazy...

All right, all right.
Screw 'em all.

Let's-let's-let's fool around.

Come on.
No. I'm not in the mood now.

What's wrong?

Look, I'm sorry. All right?

I mean,
you caught me off guard.

I wasn't expecting it.

It wasn't a-a Lena move.

Well, you don't know
everything about me.

Don't assume you know
everything about me.

I'm not that predictable.

Oh, yeah, right? You're just
a regular wild woman, huh?

Yeah. Who knows
what you might do next?

That's right.

Yeah, why should I
even have a clue?

I mean, I've only known you
my whole life.

And another thing,
don't discuss having children

with my father
before talking to me.

Unless, of course,
you wanna have them with him.

Oh see, now you're trippin'.
I'm out of here...



Nice car.



I called,
no answering machine wasn't on.

Hell, I even drove by her house,
her car wasn't there.

I don't know. Maybe I should
try to contact her parents. I...

You met them?

Where do they live?

I don't know.
Good man.

Did you guys
ever have conversations?


What did you do to this girl?

Well, I didn't say I love you.
No, before that.

She cracked 'em one by one.

She was always meticulous.
She's not crazy.

She's young...

Hell, yes, you can handle it.


Sean said Rose
is seeing somebody.

I didn't know that.
Neither did I.

Sean said it's some young guy.

Good for her.

Huh? Yeah.

Well, I gotta be goin'.

Now don't worry.
She made her statement.

She got her anger out
there with the eggs.

Yeah, she probably went
to visit her,

you know, mother or something.

I found this
in the storage room.

It's got your name on it.
I think it's from Rachel.

Is it ticking?!
WAITRESS: Oh, what is it?!

We don't know!
Stand still.

I'm standing still.
Oh, good.

Could be digital.
Let's get out of here.

It's not beeping.
It's not heavy.

It's kind of heavy.
It's bigger than a bread box.

I don't think
it's gonna blow up.

It's not a bomb.

Well, you know, maybe we
should let the experts decide.

You gotta be kidding me.
Looks like a gift.

Rachel was in love with you,
the ignorant child.

It is not a bomb.

All right, all right, well,
go ahead and open it.

It's got your name on it...

All right...

Wait! Don't pull that!
Nobody told you to go and...

I love it.

Who would have known
she had a sense of humor.

A good likeness.

Nice hat.

Hey, sweet thing,
what can I get for 20 bucks?

He said he was gonna meet us
right here.

You wanna party?

Sister, I-I, think that was
one of our altar boys.

I thought so.
Oh, hail Mary...


So sue me...

That's right! That's right!

One, please.

MAN 1:
So give me back my money.

MAN 2:
I'm sorry there are no refunds.

No refunds.
Just get out of here.

Is that real popcorn?


No butter?

Want some?

No, thank you. Ahem.

Tell him I stopped by.

No, wait, Joe.
Please, don't leave.

I'm so lonely.

Mrs. Jenkins, what's wrong?

JENKINS: I've got no life.
JOE: I know.

Don't you like me, Joe?

Sure. You're Rick's mom.

Come now.
Let's sit, have a chat.

Roast some marshmallows.

I-I've really gotta go.
I'm late for the mall.


I'm burning up, Joe. Oh...

What about Mister Jenkins?

It's the annual
Moosehead weekend.

Wow, those are great.

Oh, yes.

Touch me, Joe.
Are you sure?

Right now, Joe!

Yes, Joe...

Oh, Mrs. Jenkins.

Mrs. Jenkins...
[SIGHING] Yes, Joe, yes...

How you doing?

How you doing?
Coming to see me?

You're Dylan, right?

I didn't recognize you. Sorry.
I've only seen you on stage.

Yeah, well, I saw you
the day you came home.

I found your address...
Why did you stop by?

Your place is...
Oh, we, uh-- We passed my place.

You got a minute?
I'd like to talk to you.

Well, should we go inside

or you wanna just
clear some space out here,

fifty paces.



Can I get you something?
Some water, juice?


It's a great place.

Thank you.

You're a-- You're very talented.


You hate my work.

I saw you Monday night.

I see every face,
and I remember the eyes.

But you were right.
I wasn't very good Monday night.

People loved it.

But you didn't come over here
to talk to me about my work.

You came over here
to talk to me about your work.

My work?

To save the marriage.

Look, my parents are grown now.
They're very happy.

I'm not trying
to get in the middle of that.

But you're wondering if I'm
sleeping with your mother.

You know, fifty paces
might be a good idea.

Well, what did she tell you?
She didn't tell me anything.

She mentioned she had
been dating younger men.

Not too many of those in town.
I know you're close.

Look, I love your mother.

Oh, this wasn't a good idea.
She's my best friend.

I'm not ready for this.

And as such, it's not my place

to describe the nature
of our relationship

with her son. If she wants
to confide in you, she'll--

Oh, shut-up! Are you doing it,
yes or no?


Don't start with me.

What do you wanna hear?
I want the truth!

Whose truth?

Who is she messing around with?

Maybe she's not messing
around with anybody.

Well, she said she was dating.

Oh. Well, then, I guess I know
how your dates end up.

Not enough of them.


You want me as an enemy?

If it's necessary.
It might be fun.

Might be.
But no punching, okay?



That's right, pal.



Hey, sweet thing.
You miss me?

Percy said
you wanted to see me?

Yes, I did.


I didn't want to interrupt you
while you were working.

Yeah, I'm on a 15. I had
a few calls to make, so...

Oh, okay. Well, I promise this
will only take a second

of your infinitely
valuable time.

I just wanted to ask you
a couple of questions.

You're not still angry at me.
Are you still angry at me?

Is that your first question?

What's the deal with Dylan
and my mother?

What's what deal?
What do you mean?

Are they doing it?

Doing what?

Speak English.
Spell it out for me.

You're a bitch.

Am I?

Well, I don't know what Dylan
and your mom are doing. Okay?

And even if I did know,
I wouldn't tell you.

What difference
does it make anyway?

My folks are breaking up. Okay?

You understand that?
Ted and Rose are breaking up.

They sign the papers tomorrow.

What the hell is going on
around here? This isn't a game.

Okay? This is it.

There's lifetimes
on the line here,

and-and-and I can't seem
to get anyone to...

To what?
To what?!

To stop and say I love you.
I'm sorry.

Let's just kiss and make-up
and forget all this crap

and get back together again!

You know, to find it again.
Ted and Rose!

I'm sorry.

It breaks my heart too,
Sean, but I think it's over.

Well, I'm sorry.

I totally flipped.

I don't know what Dylan
and your mom are doing.

I know they're friends.

Well, she's gonna need friends.

She's got lots of friends.

I'm her friend.


You're all right.

You're not a bitch.

I'm aspiring.

You've got a bright future.





Hey, Dad.

What, you-you woke up
and you decided

you're not gonna do this.

It's already done.

Feels fine.

You don't feel anything?

I feel everything,
and it feels fine.

You know, you and Mom...

Whatever, I'll see you later.

Hey. Hey!


Want some breakfast?

No, I'm not hungry.


Come on, come on, come on,
let's go with the pitch...

It's a pop up every time.

Louis, come on, you could
do better than that...

That was up in your eye.

You don't want that. It's junk.

Come on!

Hey, Coach.


I'll be damned.
Me too.

You on the spring roster?
So they say.

Good. Good for you.
You'll make it this year.

Hey, it's Sean Jordan!


Hey guys, what's up?
How you doing?

All right.
Good to see you.

Looking good.

I saw you guys in the regionals
last year.

We're gonna take it
this year.

You gonna take it this year?
Oh, yeah!

All right, Wildcats!


Hi, sweetie.

Ooh, that's a nice color
on you.

Thank you.
You look very nice.

Thanks. I love it. Here.


Hi. How are you?

Nice to see you.

Well, where are we?
I think it's complete.

Pretty straightforward.

♪ Sun sets down
From a burning sky ♪

♪ And the captain seeks
A volunteer ♪

I thought pitchers didn't hit
in The American League.

He's a first baseman
in disguise.

♪ There's just one chance ♪

This is the thing we discussed

about the change
in the retirement funds?

And the language
was different on where?

Line three.
What is this?

Just-just initial it.

Whoa, that's swinging it...

Nice one...

♪ When the river rages ♪

♪ Beneath your boat ♪

Who's up?

♪ The struggle just... ♪

You're in the big leagues now,

♪ And you wonder why
You ever left ♪

I spoke with, uh, Johnson

on early yesterday afternoon
and he said that he completed

the final drawing on Wednesday,
as we agreed,

and I just haven't seen that
document. That's all I have...

I think you'll find it
in order.

It's as we discussed
on the phone.

I just haven't seen it,
that's all.

There was a shipment
in on Thursday, so that...

But it ends Wednesday night,

and that's where we stand
with it, right?


Come on, big guy...



Out of the park...
Foul ball, strike one.

♪ I don't know how it ever
Got this far today ♪

There it goes...

♪ Can anybody
Tell me where to turn? ♪

Strike two...

♪ There's just one chance
To save the day ♪

Yo, Sean, man,
what does it feel like, huh?

♪ The truth ♪

♪ It might as well
It might as well be me ♪

So, what's left?

We sign...

Just in one place?


♪ When there's no excuses
To hold onto ♪

♪ And the only one to blame
Is you ♪

♪ And you're not so sure
You're innocent ♪

Stay back, damn it,
just stay back!

John, stay back...

Don't worry about it.
It's fine.

♪ I don't know
What else to say ♪

Seems like it oughta weigh
more for 27 years.

Some life.
Just stop it.


Strike three,
you're out of there.

I have a whole bunch of pens,
you know, like the President.

Wanna trade?


♪ It might as well be me ♪

♪ Truth to tell ♪

♪ It might as well
It might as well be me ♪




Hey, girl, where are you?


Oh, there you are...


What did you do to your hair,

It was an experiment.

Well, it failed.
I know it did.


Franklin came over
for dinner tonight.

I don't want to hear
about it.

He farted.

He did what?

His face never
changed expression.

He just asked for more peas.

It was classic.

What did Daddy do?

He tried to act
like it didn't happen,

and then later on,
he burped.

Daddy burped?

Didn't even cover his mouth.

I think he's starting
to like this guy.

Get out of here.
I swear to God.

I think this whole thing
is gonna blow up in my face.

What? What's happening?

I'm freaking out!
I can see that.

My hair...

It's funky, but we can fix it.
Porno movie.

You were in a porno movie?

I went to a porno movie,
and I got a tattoo.

What? A tattoo?

Let me see it.
Where is it? On your ass?

It's under your arm.
It's subtle.

It's a cobra.

I always liked cobras.

And I always wanted a tattoo.

And I always wanted
to go to a porno movie.

I never wanted any hair
like that!

You need to go party.
I have to go to work.

I have a meeting.
Well, you're missing it.

No buts. Get in the shower.

I told you about writing
in that damn diary...



What are you doin'?
Nothin'. Just kickin' it.

You throw today?

Yeah, a little bit.
How's it feel?

It feels great...

So, what are you doing tonight?

I don't know.
Get some sleep. Why?

I was wonderin', just how do
you meet women in this town?



Honey, you wanna dance?

Here, darling, at the end.

This is nice. Very healthy.

It's very potent,
so take it slow.


Are you gonna tell me why you
have to marry this man?

'Cause I love that man.

I wanna be with him
for the rest of my life.

You're such a good girl.
I'm not a good girl.

Please, you're the best.

How come you feel like
you have to marry Reggie?

You haven't even been
with any other guy.

Shut up. You don't know.

It's just panic.

Pre-nuptial panic.
It'll be over by Sunday morning.

I hope so, honey.

I just want you to be happy.

I wanna dance. You wanna dance?

You wanna dance?
Yeah. You wanna dance.

I lead...

She wants to go to her place.

That'll work.

If she's a monster in
the morning, you can just dash.

If she's clingy,

you don't give her your number.

Plus, you won't have to do it
in Mom's bed.

That's my bed.
You know what I mean.

The house
and everything in it.

I know.
I can do whatever
I want in that bed.

It's just a bed. It's
a mattress and a box spring.

I'm sorry I brought it up.
Rose did not want the bed.

She didn't want any part
of the old relationship.

She washed her hands
of the whole damn thing!

We're going to her place anyway!
I said that.

I'm fine! Fine...

♪ Get into the rhythm ♪

♪ Got to let you know
What you feel about her ♪

♪ Get into the rhythm ♪


In case you get ambitious.
She's a hot babe.

She wants you.

Wants me bad. Yes.

I'm back, son.
Big time...

♪ No turning back now ♪

I gotta close tonight,
put out the checks.

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Wait a minute.

I'll close.
You can't close.

I can close. I remember how.
And Percy knows.

Yeah, he knows.

If you want it, it can happen.


Screw it.

Wait, wait...

Give me another one.

♪ Get into the rhythm, boy ♪

You're the man.

♪ Get into the rhythm now ♪

♪ Stop wasting my time
Looking all around ♪

♪ Get into the rhythm, boy ♪

♪ You've got to let her know
What you feel about her ♪

♪ Get into the rhythm now ♪


Look, look, no...

Look I can't listen to you
scream right now, baby.

I got three women waiting to
compromise me behind the bar,

and they're all wearing


Baby, trust yourself.

The man is not capable of love.
You know that. Excuse me.

I'm closing for Dad.
Can you help me?

Uh, yeah, that's no problem.

You see my mom?

It's quiet around here.
Yeah, it's Dylan's dark night.

He's off tonight.
Are they together?

Where's your old man?

Getting at tune-up.

[CHUCKLES] Tonight? Now?
Yeah, as we speak.

Where would Dylan take my mom?

Oh, it-it's-it's all right
for him not for her, huh?

Starting over.

When you were a kid,
did you ever play Kick the Can?

I never did play Kick the Can.

Well, I was a can's can.

A can's can?
The best.

Is that...? Come on,
let's get a stray can can.

Oh, no, don't you, now don't.
No, it's not...

There are things in there. They
will grab you and eat you up.

Scared you.

You are, there are trolls
in there.

There's no trolls in there.
They're gonna get you.

Probably aren't any cans
around here, anyway.

People are making
their living on them.

What about
Step on a Crack?

All the time. Step on a Crack.
Okay, how'd it go?

Step on a crack, break
your mother's back? Huh?

Yeah. First, the line broke,

the monkey got choked,
and they all went to heaven

in a little row boat,
and that's that.

Wait a minute, I don't
remem... You're making that up.

That can't be real.
Well, maybe it was jump rope.

I don't know.
Monkey's choked...

The brain cells are dying.

Hey, you stepped on it!
I did not.

Yeah, you did.
No, I didn't, didn't,

didn't, didn't. Didn't. Didn't.You did.


I did not. Okay...

When am I gonna get
to save your life?

When are you gonna
fall in love,

make me listen
to all your whining?

Not too soon, I hope.

Oh, come on.

It's fun to be
in a pain in the ass.

Am I probing?
A little.


No, I'm not sorry.

Come on, I tell you everything.

How come you never
tell me anything?

I tested positive.



she called me up
about six months ago

and suggested I get a test.
I did and I was.

But, uh, my, T count
is very good,

and my nutrition
was always good,

so my doctor says
I have some time.


Dylan, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what to say.
I-I feel like an idiot.

No, don't.

Don't. That was a pretty clumsy
way to tell you,

but it was my first time.

You haven't told your family?

You're it.

Look, um...

the weird part is
I don't have words

to tell you what it's like.

I mean, not yet, anyhow.

But all I know is I'm not sad.
You know, not anymore.

And I can see so much
better now. Everything.

Everything's so--
So bright and so clear..

You know, sometimes
it burns my eyes.

See? I told you
I'm no can kicker.

Did you see that?
It was awful...


Look at that, you kicked it.

Oh, that's the secret.

The side of it.
Like this?


Got it.
Look at that.

I'm a can can.
Come over here.

I'm a pro. I'm going pro.
You are a can can cans.

I'm a pro.

Hey, do they have
a can can league?


Where's Ted?

He's out. I'm closing.

You want your check?


Went out tonight?
Bachelorette party?

Of sorts. I ditched.

I ditched too.
Want some champagne?

I had too many martinis.
I don't drink.

So Sean, who's your friend?

Name's Denise.

Mm. Is that right?

Yeah. Sweet face,
unbelievable eyes.

Kind of small, but, you know,
major league attitude.

Do I know this person?
Doesn't lie.

Doesn't drink.

She's perfect.

Well, nobody's perfect...

I'm tired.

I don't know where to go next.


They don't tell us
how hard life is gonna be.

If I could just have one day.

Of what?

I don't know. Of-of knowing.

One day of knowing and I
could start all over again.

I could be happy.

I know...

Thank you...

I just wanna use you.
I wanna be used.

Nobody can know.
I'm leaving town Monday.

Do you have a condom?
Industrial strength...

Ow. Ow.

What's wrong?

Oh, my shoulder's
just a little messed up.

I'm okay.

I'm okay...

Hey, come here.

I want you.
I want you too...




It's okay.

Here. Blow...


It's okay.

Easy, come here, come here.

I got you.
I'm sorry.

No, shh. Don't be sorry. Shh.

It's okay. It's okay.
Just go to sleep.

Forget it.



Hit and run, huh?
Love 'em and leave 'em.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't explain.

I'm usually the first one out
the door and I never explain.

What happened last night
was a huge mistake.

No, it wasn't.

It was the most
important night of my life.

I-I-I don't drink.
I never drink.

And I never lose control.

Oh, welcome to the human race.

You seduced me.


You took advantage
of my pre-nuptial panic.

Hey, baby, you were
driving the car.

I was not.

Okay, maybe I was
a little interested. Maybe.

But you didn't have
to...forget it.

It was just sex.


It-it was justsex?
Don't be modest.

You know,
let me tell you something.

That-that-that...What we had
last night was beyond sex.

It was ultra sex.

You-you were amazing.

And you were so vocal.

I was loud?

Yeah, yeah, I mean,
but I knew how you felt

because we were gone.

We were out of there.
Hmm. It was ambrosia.

Yeah, well,
you're leaving town soon.

One for the road.


Huh? Was I good?


Did you?


Maybe I did once or twice.
So what?

You're not gonna get
a trophy for it,

and they're not gonna put you
on the Wheaties box for it,

Mister Baseball.

Besides, it happens all
the time. It's no big deal.

I have to go.

Well, in-in case
you change your mind,

you know where to find me.

Going out of town sale,
two for one?...




Industrial strength...


Oh... Oh... Oh...


Hello... Oh, hey, baby.

We gonna talk now,

or are you just gonna
breathe some more, huh?

Come on Rachel,
this is ridiculous.

Will you talk to me?


Lose the hat.



Lose the hat.


She met some guy named Bruce
the day after you dumped her.

She took him to some motel
in the mountains

where she's been hibernating

not thinking about you
for one second.

Get a grip. Get a life.
Grow up.



SEAN: Come on, what happened?
TED: Last night?

No, last year. Yes. Last night.
Did she clean your clock?

Oh, you wanna hear one
of my stories now, huh?

I should be charging you.

Oh, really, so,
you-you did it.

And all the way.
You had sex with this woman?

Well, is that so hard
to believe?

I still got one, you know.

But I wasn't wasting it
on some very young,

very foolish little girl
with questionable taste. Here.

Thanks, anyway.

No, I had another drink
and walked home.

Beat you back here,
as a matter of fact.

Oh, yeah.

Who'd you go home
with last night?

Me? No, just hung for a while.


Do you like lying to me
or is it just a habit?

Oh, no, come on,
I'd tell you...

Tempo. Tempo.
Pick up the tempo.


Yeah, there you go.

That's a good idea, Franklin.
Yeah. You know.

All right, now look.

Now they'll walk in,
and-and looking good.

And, and people are sweatin'
and fannin' themselves

like it's the Fourth of July.

And that woman over there,
she's got a catcher's mitt,

'cause she's waiting
for that bouquet.

And the old folks
sittin' over here,

smilin' and thinking
about all the mistakes

they made in their lives,
and you're feelin' that feelin'

that you're feelin',
'cause you know

you're gonna be
with somebody tonight.

Oh, it's a magical day!
A glorious day!

Oh, hallelujah!

Oh, yeah.

I'm floatin' on air!

Just tiptoeing down the aisle!

Oh, yes!

Oh, after you.


That's low.
I was just playing my part.

Oh, you're over the top.
So, I made a mistake.

You touched me.


That was not the mistake.

It's something I should've
done three years ago

when I saw you for the first
time and realized you needed me.

Needed you.
Yeah, that's right.

And now you got me.

I'm not interested in you,

Nothing to worry.

Yeah, right.

All, right, that's cool.
No, problem. All right?

I'm backed off. Not interested.

Please, drop it. Okay?

Hey, where'd you get
those lips from, huh?

Have mercy.

Hey, goodnight, Dad.
Goodnight, son.

Goodnight, baby.



What are you doing in here?

You can't be in here.
This is a house of God.

We didn't do it. Okay?
You-you were,

you were upset
and-and you weren't yourself.

Or maybe you were.
I don't know.

And now I'm wondering
what the hell I was thinking,

letting my one shot get away.

Thank you.

I'm a jerk. You pegged me right.
I've been skating all my life.

But last night I had to stop
for the first time and be real.

I don't know you yet,

but so far, you're way
out of my league.

Do you love him?

All my life.

And now?

Yes, now. I love him very much.

Like a friend or...?

Sean, it's done.

I'd like to come
to your wedding.

You're invited.

Lena, they gave me
my unconditional release.

My arm's gone.

My arm's been gone.

Baseball's over.

So it's a new day for me too.

So let's make it a good one.


One, two, three. One, two,
three. One, two, three...

You don't need to practice.
You're perfect.

You will always be
my best girl.

You know that, don't you?

You just tell Old Reggie
where to put my place

for Christmas dinner. Okay?

And if you ever need me,
for any reason, I'm there.

Even if I have to fly.

I need you to stop me

from making the biggest mistake
of my life.

Oh, psyched, right?
I know what you're saying.

I'm not ready.

Oh, honey, you're just
a little nervous right now.


You serious?


It's me.

I can't get married.
I don't know what I'm doing.

Reggie's a wonderful person,
but how can I give him a wife

when I don't even know
who she is.

Ridiculous! I told you
not to move in with her!

You didn't listen to me.
You moved in with her anyway,

and now you're as big a fool
as she is!

This is not about Sydney.
Okay, okay.

So Reggie is not
Mister Excitement.

But he's solid.
This is not about Reggie.

Well, what the hell is it about?

It's about me waking up
every day at 6:45 a.m.

It's about sensible shoes
and thrift stores.

It's about-- It's about
me doing my homework

and all my friends
are out partying.

I-I-I can't do this anymore.
It's all crap!

All right, all right,
all right, all right,

maybe you're
a little upset now.

And maybe you're a little crazy.
But it'll pass!

All you have to do is just
get through this moment.

I can't wait anymore.

I gotta stop this.

Honey, you-- You have built

this in-incredible
foundation for a life.

I've watched you do it.
I helped you do it.

Now, you wanna throw
all that away?

I don't want that life.

That's not my life.
That's somebody else's life.

I'm just a good liar.

What do you want?

I don't know what I want. That's
what I'm trying to tell you.

I don't know what I want,

because I'm so busy trying
to make everybody else happy.

Oh, so it's all my fault.

don't go there with me
right now.

I am not gonna hurt for you.

I can't wear Mama's dress.

Not for you. Not for Reggie.
Not for anybody.

I need you to understand that.

You gotta understand that.

Well, I don't, I don't.

I think you are making
a terrible mistake here.

Okay. Maybe, maybe I am.

But I gotta do this because...

I'm dying inside.

And I know whatever is
left in me is just gonna die.

So, what am I
supposed to do now?


It's my mistake,
and I will deal with it.

I just need a minute.

I need a minute so I can think
about what to tell Reggie...


WOMAN: Hi, Rose.


Hey... My God,
you look beautiful.

Thank you.

Listen, baby, I-I know, I know

this is bad luck,
I'm sorry, but...

I wanted to talk to you.


See, I don't know...

Well, I have to ask you
one thing.

Are you sure about this?

Aren't you?

I'm just a little bit nervous.


Why are you here?

You came in here to tell me
you're calling this off?

No, no, Lena, no...

With 200 people
out there waiting.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean
for you to get upset

and I didn't mean
for you to get angry.

Why did you wait
until the last minute

like you always do?
Would you, honey...?

You could have called me.

You could have talked
to my father.

You didn't have to do it...


All right, what, what, what?


I was gonna come
and talk to you too.

I can't get married.
I'm not ready.

Baby girl...

I'm scared.
Oh, girl, I know, I know.

I'm scared too.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry, baby.
I'm not ready either.


I love you.

I love you too.
Yeah, I love you.


Lena and I have decided
not to get married today.

We know this comes as a shock
to everyone, and we apologize.

But we realized,
just this morning,

that we're not ready.

And it's better to wait
than to risk hurting each other.


But, we might as well
still have the party. Huh?

Yeah, something...

If anyone's in the mood
to get married...

Don't look at me...

Franklin, no.


Oh, come to me,
my Nubian babushka.

Franklin, you stay away
from me. Stop right there.

Sydney, my love,

let's reverberate
in the stratosphere

of nocturnal rainbows

as we cut and pick
the meaning of life.

I wanna spend the rest of
my life fortifying your oats.

Oh, please, please,
my sweet chocolate drop,

will you marry me?

Do you cook?
Anything you want.

Do you do windows?
All around the house.


Will you marry me?










I believe I'm supposed
to dance with an angel.

♪ Going to miss
That we've been this way ♪

♪ Counting angels
On the head of a pin ♪

♪ Will we ever
Be the same? ♪

♪ If I could see the future
Reflected in your eyes ♪

♪ I'd know exactly
What to do ♪

♪ So if we're really gonna ♪

♪ Start again ♪

♪ Where do we begin? ♪



Where's Edith? Where's Edith?

You vicious carnivore.

You want some tea?

So, is he leaving?
Well, not yet anyway.


I'm planting.

Need a hand?
Appreciate it.

♪...reflected in your eyes ♪

♪ I'd know exactly
What to do ♪

♪ So if we're really
Gonna start again ♪

♪ I wanna be with you ♪