Boy (2010) - full transcript
It's 1984. Here we meet Boy, an 11-year-old who lives on a farm with his gran, a goat, and his younger brother, Rocky (who thinks he has magic powers). Shortly after Gran leaves for a week, Boy's father, Alamein, appears out of the blue. Having imagined a heroic version of his father during his absence, Boy comes face to face with the real version-an incompetent hoodlum who has returned to find a bag of money he buried years before. This is where the goat enters.
My name is Boy,
and welcome to my interesting world.
My favourite person
is Michael Jackson.
He is the best singer and dancer
in the world.
Last month he put out a record
called 'Thriller'.
It sold a gazillion copies
and now he lives in a castle
with a snake and a monkey.
He is so famous that you can
even see him in the stars.
I live in a white house
with my nanny and my cousins...
Hucks, Kiko, Miria, Chay and Kelly.
I have a pet goat called Leaf.
I also have a six-year-old brother
called Rocky.
Loser!
He thinks he's got powers.
He doesn't.
Bye-bye.
Yesterday
my nan went away to a funeral.
While she's gone
I'm in charge of the house.
I go to Raukokore School.
I have many favourite subjects,
including art...
...social study...
...and Michael Jackson.
My friends are Dallas
and her sister Dynasty.
They also have a sister
called Falcon Crest.
Dynasty is the only girl
around here with a job.
She does after-school gardening work
for her dad.
Aunty Gracey is my mum's sister.
She has lots of jobs.
She's the tennis coach,
the mailman, the school bus driver
and she runs the local shop.
Aunty, can I have
a free iceblock, please?
My real name is Alamein.
I'm named after my dad
and he's named after some place
where the Maori battalion
fought during World War II.
Dad's brothers and sisters
are Faenza, Tunisia, Libya
and Michael Jackson.
My dad's not here right now.
He's a busy man.
He's a master carver,
deep-sea treasure diver,
the captain of the rugby team
and he holds the record for punching
out the most people with one hand.
When he comes home he's taking me
to see Michael Jackson live.
The end.
Thank you, Boy.
Tane, your turn. Get up there.
My name is Tane...
Young man, you're a liar.
Your dad's not overseas.
- He's in jail for robbery.
- Shut up, Kingi. You don't know.
Yes, he's in the same cell block
as my dad.
Not anymore. He escaped.
- How?
- He dug a hole underneath the fence.
- With what?
- A spoon.
What about the guards?
- Aarggh!
- He wasted them.
- With the spoon.
- Aarggh!
- Bullshit.
- Shut up, Kingi, you don't know.
Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me.
Go and talk to her, bro.
A man needs to tell a woman
how he feels.
I don't want to talk to her.
Tane would. He'd probably
French kiss her too.
You French kiss
all the girls, eh, bro?
Pretty much.
Not all the girls.
Well, here's my trick.
I tell the girls that
I'm afraid of undies
and when they want me to go away,
they show me their undies.
Act cool. Act cool. Here she comes.
Go do something.
Hey, Chardonnay, want to see
some Michael Jackson dance moves?
He did those moves at the Grammys.
Al, the boy's afraid of undies.
Nits, nits, nits, nits, nits.
Who here has had nits?
Oi, shut up.
Now, who knows what disease
this sheep has got?
AIDS.
Not AIDS, you dork.
Yes, because it looks like Murray
and he's got AIDS.
Don't be stupid.
Kids can't get AIDS... only gays.
He's a gay.
He goes out with Boy.
Shut up, Kingi.
Ohh! What are you gonna do?
Get your brother on me or something?
That picture looks like
Kingi's undies
when he shat his pants
on sports day, remember?
- Fuck up, Boy.
- You fuck up.
- You fuck up.
- You fuck up.
- Fuck up.
- Hey!
Both of you fuck up
or I'll send you to the principal!
Now, who's heard of the plague?
You. Your mum had it.
Fuck you!
Hey, you bloody kids, cut it out!
- Simon says touch your nose.
- Move your bloody arse.
Now get all your crayons.
School's finished!
Oi.
You alright, Boy?
You want to talk about it?
He made fun of my mum.
He's a dickhead.
It's just words, Boy.
People call me a dumb honky
all the time.
I don't go around punching them out.
- Why not?
- Because they're usually children.
That was a good speech you did.
Looks like we might have an orator
on our hands, eh?
What's that?
Oh, yeah, my dad was good at that.
Yeah, I went to school with him.
Yeah, he was a good student.
Like you, full of potential.
Finish to the end here
and go home, eh?
Hey, Mr. Langston,
what does that word mean...
'potential'?
Ah, it's 3:30, mate... I'm off duty.
You have a good holiday, eh.
Touch my brother again
and I'll kick both your nuts off.
Then you'll have none. OK?
- OK?
- OK.
Oh, man.
This one has all got magic powers,
this fella can jump real high,
this fella can run real fast,
this fella can blow things up
and this fella can turn invisible.
Rocky, you have to come home.
But I'm drawing.
Hurry up, fool.
I got better things to do than this.
Finish it off later.
Bloody hell, you're a nuisance.
Making me walk all the way down here.
Bye, Mum.
I want you to stop hanging around
down there. It's creepy.
And stop being so weird.
Hurry up, egg.
Bloody egg.
What are you? An egg.
Rotten egg.
Scrambled egg. Boiled egg.
Poached egg.
Bloody hell.
Crayfish again.
So if you fellas live in the middle,
may as well stay home
because no bloody good anywhere else.
What do you want to do, eh, Leaf?
We might as well just stay here, eh?
Oh, man, had a massive day
at school today.
There was a big-ass rumble at school.
Most of the children were involved.
I wasn't, because I'm a good boy.
I don't like fighting, eh.
Far, lots of things happened,
but what else?
Oh, yeah.
I seen my girlfriend, Chardonnay.
She invited me back to her house
and we had McDonald's to eat.
It was yum.
Why do you like to eat
other people's rubbish, eh, Leaf?
Storm's coming.
Who are you?
Boy.
What boy?
Alamein.
Alamein.
Yeah.
Alright, I'm your dad.
Oh! Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
- Welcome back.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
How's it been going?
Good. How's it been going with you?
Good.
Now, where's Mum?
My mum, you know, your nanny?
Oh, she's not here at the moment.
She's at a tangi down Wellington.
Someone passed away.
- When's she getting back?
- Sometime next week.
Rocky, come over here. Meet Dad.
Dad, this is Rocky.
Rocky, this is Dad.
Yeah, how are you, Rocky?
Good to see you, man.
Too much.
Say hello, egg.
Hello, egg.
That's Kelly.
Yeah, niece, I'm your uncle...
Alamein.
Oh, great. Another one.
Well, these are my mates
Juju and Chuppa.
- How are you doing?
- They're basically your uncles.
So, you guys want a cup of tea?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, a cup of tea sounds good.
So, you fellas want to come inside?
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, let's do that.
Seen 'E.T.' yet, the movie?
No. What's it about?
Spaceman.
Oh, space kid, really.
He gets trapped on Earth
and him and this kid fly around
everywhere on a bicycle.
I seen it four times.
Nice house, bro.
- It's a shithole.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, I don't know, bro.
These old houses are made of
native timber... expensive stuff.
Not many people know that, eh?
I mean, these door handles
are made of copper. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, if I was a thief,
the first thing I'd do
is I'd take all the copper
and I'd melt it down
in a furnace or a fire
and then sell it
to a copper dealer, eh.
Alright then, I guess
it's time for presents.
Go on, boys, go get them presents.
What presents?
- The stuff from the car.
- Oh, yeah.
I might go give them a hand.
Hey, real milk!
A new TV!
Eh?
Oh, thank you.
- Here, you can have the rest.
- Oh, thanks, Dad.
Now, don't go burning your eyes out
or anything.
Share them with him too.
- You know this used to be my room?
- Yeah.
Oh, well, you can still use it.
I'll sleep in the garage
with my mates.
Not a problem.
Wow, look at that mop of hair
you've got.
I should cut your hair one day.
Make you look like this fella.
I've seen 'Thriller' 10 times.
I did that.
Don't get into the Nazi stuff.
Night.
Night, Dad.
- How long is he here for?
- Don't know.
But we're leaving with him
when he goes.
Why?
Because that's the way
families work, egg.
Is he the same as before?
Yeah, better.
Do you think he remembers me?
Yeah, of course, man.
- From when I was being born?
- Yep.
- I don't remember it.
- No, of course you don't.
You were just a little baby
and you still are.
What was she like?
Not this again.
Well, she was pretty.
She was a good singer.
And her and Dad were always laughing.
- How did they meet?
- At the beach.
She was swimming and Dad
saved her from drowning.
And then he did a carving of her.
And then they had babies... us.
And he can do heaps of cool stuff.
He can dance as good
as Michael Jackson.
And once, when he was a soldier,
all these commies
pinned him down to the ground,
so he leapt out of his foxhole
and just did this meanest haka
and all them commies got scared
and ran away.
- And was he a soldier?
- Hell, yeah! He's a war hero.
He's even got a green beret.
- What's that?
- A type of hat.
Shh. Look. Look.
There's that mental fella.
Hey, weirdo!
Hey!
Come on, Rocky, get him.
- Aarggh!
- Get out of here, you weirdo.
- Did you get him, Rocky?
- No.
Typical, egg.
Not too hard.
What's the Crazy Horses?
It's my gang. I'm the president
and founding member.
Yeah. Crazy Horses.
That's our sign.
It would've been that,
but it was taken.
We're renegades.
What's those?
Someone who lives outside the law,
but they're still cool.
Like the A-Team or the Hulk.
Gee, even these samurais...
they're the meanest renegades.
- Hey, whose is this mean carving?
- Oh, mine.
Yeah. Looks just like E.T.
It's based on one of yours,
but it ain't finished yet.
Yeah, I know,
'cause you ain't done the eyes.
That's the last thing you do...
them eyes.
Do you still carve?
Nup. I ain't got time for that.
I'm a busy man.
Mmm.
Oh, Rocky!
Hey, where you skating off to?
What's that supposed to mean?
What's wrong with him?
You want to go for a ride in my car?
Yeah.
Cool.
Let's go.
Far!
Phwoar! Mean car.
Hey, Uncle.
Who's this, then?
Mouldy Smith.
Well, see you at home, then, eh?
What? Are you going? Can I come?
Oh, I'm busy. I've got
a few things to take care of.
You hang out here
with your mates, man.
Dukes of Hazard.
Hmph!
So he finally came home, eh?
How long's he here for?
Don't know. Not long.
That'd be right.
Has he been to see your mum yet?
- Nah, not yet.
- Fucking typical!
Hey, Aunty,
can I have an iceblock, please?
No!
- Oh, it's not fair.
- Get a job, man.
Oh, there's none left.
You got them all!
- Boy, can I have a go with one?
- Can't.
Saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, was that your dad?
Yep.
Oh, he's got a premo car.
How long's he staying for?
Not long. But we're gonna be
moving pretty soon.
Where to?
Don't know. Probably just cruise
around in his mean-ass car.
Hey, you guys,
I just did a massive shit in there.
- You should go and check it out.
- Oh, yeah. I'll check that out!
- Don't touch, Falcon.
- I want the lollies.
They're lollies for adults,
not for children, Falcon. Pest!
Wow! What a mean one, Dally.
Alright, we're finished. Let's go.
Tip!
Hey, weirdo, do you live here?
Shh!
Why do we have to whisper?
Because it's dangerous on the river.
Sorry.
I live here with my mum.
My mum's dead.
I killed her.
Do you have any friends?
- Do you have a brother?
- No.
I've got a brother. He's cool.
He's hanging out with our dad.
- What's he like?
- Loud.
Sorry. I think I did that.
Hey?
I think I made you fall over. Sorry.
I have to watch out for my powers.
They're too dangerous.
My brother says
that's how my mum died.
'Cause of my powers were too strong
when I was getting born.
You gotta use them to do good, eh?
Just like in the comic books.
What are we looking for?
Anything.
Quick! Here they come.
Here come the cops!
Quick! Quick! Here! Here!
Alright. Where am I? Here. Here.
Dig.
- Forget it, man.
- Something here. It's right here.
That's where it is.
Not there.
So, I mean... I would've...
I would've run further than that.
- I thought you knew, man.
- I do.
It's a certain number of steps
from the post.
I just can't remember
the exact number of steps...
...or the post.
If we're digging here,
why didn't you draw a map?
I was in a hurry.
Cops were right behind me.
I don't have time
to start drawing maps.
Let's just get a tractor
and dig it up, man.
Yeah, if I want to dig holes all
day, I would've stayed in jail.
You know what... I'm fucking sick
of this shit from you pricks.
I'm making history here.
They're gonna write about me.
You can say, "I was part of that."
Want to be part of it or not?
If not, piss off.
- Yeah, I want to be part of it.
- Hey, Dad.
Hey, Uncle!
- Wave.
- Hey.
What are you looking for?
Something.
What? Worms?
Treasure.
We're looking for a package, OK?
It’s about this big.
Yep. Covered in plastic.
When you find it...
Hey, Dad. Do you know
what 'potential' means?
- What?
- Mr. Langston says it.
Oi! Cut it out, you pricks!
Quit pissing around.
Dad, what are you gonna do
with the money?
I don't know. What do you reckon?
You should buy a big-ass house.
Mmm. Maybe I should.
Maybe I should buy me a dolphin too,
ride around on him all day.
You can have one too. And Rocky.
Yeah, all three of us on dolphins...
...that go anywhere...
...do what we want...
...be anyone.
Dad...
...look at this.
Oi! Where'd you get this?
Give it here.
- Oh.
- Where'd you get it?
- Oh, I found it.
- Where?
On the side of the road.
Hey, you make sure
you find any more of this,
you bring it straight to me, eh?
Straight to me. OK?
Boy! Quick!
Nan's on the phone!
Keep digging!
Where's he going?
It’s not really a gang.
There's only three of them.
Hey!
Mum, it's me... Alamein.
I'm good. I'm home.
Well, how are you?
Yeah, I got you a present.
It's a type of oven.
Only rich people have them.
Uh, when you getting home?
There's all these kids here.
Yeah, we're getting on great.
Hey, um...
Uh, do you think
I could borrow some money?
I'm just a bit broke at the moment.
Oh, it's not fair, man.
These kids get more than we ever got.
Oh, I know it's not a competition.
Never said it was.
Eh?
No, you grow up!
I will spend more time
with those boys.
Quality time.
Eh, look at the skin under here.
Black as night.
You must be part African.
Shit. Everyone will think
Michael Jackson moved to town.
Aarggh!
You! Yeah, you.
You stay there.
Is your name Holden? Is it? Yeah?
Picking on my son, are you?
Want me to pick on you?
Man, I mean, E.T. is one of
the ugliest buggers I've ever seen...
big googly eyes, long neck.
But you know what... on his home
planet, he probably looks normal.
Hey, what's that kid doing out here?
Rocky...
...what are you up to?
Does he actually know how to speak?
Rocky, what are you doing, egg?
Playing.
Well, Rocky, come on, man. We're
going to go to the beach. Come with us.
Hurry up, you egg!
Come on.
Cool.
This is good, what we're doing.
Quality time.
Ah, it's nice here.
I like the waves. They're romantic.
Did you and Mum meet here?
Nah.
We met at school
when we were kids.
Even then, I knew she was the one.
Why? You got a girlfriend?
Oh, there's this girl
that really likes me a lot.
But I don't know if I wanna,
you know, get involved.
Mmm. Mmm.
Well, don't get her pregnant.
That's all.
- Hey?
- It’s the number one rule.
Hey, you can show her your dick,
feel her tit.
I'd be happy
if you just got a hickey.
But don't have a kid, 'cause I don't
want to be a koro just yet.
A hickey!
Well, she ain't gonna touch you
looking like that, man.
You want to dress up a little,
like me.
Can I be on the Crazy Horses
one day?
Oh, you're a bit young, man.
It's more of an adult's game
and we don't muck around
with toys and games.
Maybe when you're older.
Come on. Gear up.
We're going over the top.
Let's get 'em, man!
- Charge!
- Charge!
Move, move, move, move, move!
Ohh!
It’s buried treasure.
What?
Buried treasure, man.
Like a pirate's treasure.
Like gold?
Yeah, but better... money.
- How much?
- About a million dollars.
What happens if we find it?
Then we're out of here!
Buy a house in the city,
buy a big car,
buy some dolphins.
Probably dress up
in tuxedos all the time too.
I don't wanna go to the city.
I bet ya
there's even a swimming pool.
- I can swim in the sea.
- Go on, then.
Meanwhile, me and Dad will be
relaxing in our swimming pool,
riding dolphins
and drinking cocktails.
And you'd better not tell anyone
or I'll knock your bloody block off.
This party's dead.
It's not a party, egg.
It's a get-together.
There's a difference.
Rightio. If it was a party,
you'd know about it.
Whatever.
Rocky...
Oh, see ya.
Hey, you having a good time?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Yeah, your haircut seems to be
a bit of a hit.
- Hey, you want a little sip of beer?
- Yeah.
Little one.
Good?
Yep.
11, eh? That's pretty young
for your first sip.
Oh, if you find any more of that
stuff, bring it to me, eh?
OK.
And can you stop calling me "Dad"?
It sounds weird. Besides,
we're more like bros, you and me.
- Then what shall I call you?
- I don't know. What do you reckon?
- Alamein?
- Maybe.
What about 'Shogun'? I like that.
- What's Shogun?
- Samurai master.
Like a commander.
- He rules the samurais.
- Like ariki.
Yeah, but he's a samurai.
Samurais are better.
Shogun.
Yeah. Oh, that sounds good!
So what should we call me?
I don't know. 'Little shogun'?
That'd be funny.
Hey, Boy.
Oh, hi, Al.
Hey, boys!
Come in. Come in.
Here, have a seat.
- Go on. Sit down.
- Thank you, Uncle.
Nah, nah, nah. Call me Shogun.
This is a party!
Oi, why aren't you out there
making friends?
We don't know no-one, man.
"Don't know no-one, man."
Hey, learn how to speak!
Boy, you didn't make dinner.
We're hungry!
Do I look like your bloody mother?
Make your own.
Piss off, will ya?
I'm sick of you kids hassling me.
Chill out, man.
Chill out, man. It's a party.
- Eh?
- Chill out.
Oh, too slow, you old man.
Hey! Come over here.
Here's a real man, right here.
This is a real man.
Not like you two eggs.
Hey, my son. My best friend.
My main man.
And my other main man.
Who's this? Three main men.
Who's that? The three main men.
Who's that? The two egg men.
Look at you, man.
Oh, come... come on, man!
Oh, man. I wish he was my dad.
I'm gonna be a Crazy Horse too.
Shogun.
What's my name? Shogun.
I'm a shogun!
I'm a shogun!
Piss off, man.
- Hello?
- Oh, hi, Chardonnay.
It's Boy speaking.
I was just wondering
if you would like
to come for a ride
in my dad's cool car.
Whoo!
Fetch!
I'm bored.
Hey.
Well...
...you can see my dick, but I ain't
allowed to get you pregnant.
You fucking arsehole.
Look, I got a hickey.
- Man!
- Yeah.
- Dig! Dig!
- That's the way, bro!
Good boy. That's it. That's the one.
Find my shit so I can
get the hell out of here.
Good slave, Boy!
- Not a fucking slave.
- Sorry, bro.
I wasn't really expecting a hickey.
Well, what? It just came.
It's on my neck... happened.
So you go to punch me
and then I block it?
Yep.
Aarggh! Fuck!
- You alright, mate?
- Not now!
Is that it?
Stop moving.
- Just hold still, bro.
- It's just hot.
Far. Mean-as tatts.
Yep. And now it's your turn.
What?
Don't worry, man,
you'll get the kids' version.
Know why I pulled you over, miss?
- Probably can't even drive, anyway.
- As if you can, egg.
- Far, what happened to your head?
- It’s a haircut.
- It's the latest style.
- It's late alright.
Alright, come on in, then.
Phew! This car smells like marijuana.
You shouldn't smoke it.
You'll end up like all the rest
of them dopeheads around here...
laughing at nothing
and crying at everything.
Where you been, anyway?
Ain't seen you in ages.
Hanging with the old man.
- So, who are you here with?
- My mum. She's playing the pokies.
She win anything?
Nuh.
But she reckons it's better to risk
your money on something big,
be real poor, instead of sitting
around being a bit poor.
Far, you've been missing out
on all the fun.
We pushed Murray
off the wharf yesterday.
Ain't got time for that kids' stuff.
I'm working.
Trying to get out of this dump.
When you guys leaving?
Don't know.
When my dad's free, I guess.
- But he's a busy man.
- They always are.
Oh, well, looks like we lost.
- How do you know?
- 'Cause we're going home.
See ya... dopehead.
Weirdo, do you feel sleepy yet?
No.
My powers must be stink.
Maybe power don't work on everyone.
Well, who, then?
Please, Mum, I just need a little
bit of money till I find my money.
I can't wait for you.
I've got places to be.
And don't expect me
to take them kids.
They're too young
to be Crazy Horses.
My gang. Me and my two mates.
But that's not the point.
We're renegades.
Strictly no kids allowed.
Well, yeah, well, you obviously know
nothing about gangs,
so this conversation's over, OK?
I won't be here when you get home.
Fuckin' hell!
Shogun! Shogun!
Take me with you!
Shogun!
Mate, where'd he go?
Is he coming back?
I don't wanna live here.
- Can I have a go?
- Nope.
You need muscle to do this.
And anyway, this is a man's work.
You're not a man.
Technically, I am. And you're not.
Go on, piss off.
820. 840. 860. 880.
Bloody hell, Leaf! We're rich!
We're bloomin' rich.
You've got some potential too.
We're rich.
Whoo! We're rich!
"Potential. Not now ma... ni... fest,
"or showing signs of ex... is... tence
or activity."
What the hell?
Who the hell are you supposed to be?
I'll take these.
Now, how many iceblocks
can I get for $5, eh?
$5 in the real world
or Monopoly Land?
- Thanks, Boy.
- Don't call me that anymore.
- What, "Boy"?
- Yeah. I don't like it.
Well, what about Fonzie?
Just call me Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Fonzie.
No, you look like Michael Jackson
in that jacket.
Yeah, bro.
Scored it from the old man.
There's Holden and Chardonnay.
They're going out now. They've been
French kissing and everything.
Yeah, they've been pashing
at the beach, on a horse,
at the back of the shop.
I heard they were pashing
at the dump too.
So? Pashing's for kids.
Anyway, I'm not here for long.
I'm gonna be moving soon.
Hey, Boy.
Well, well, well,
look at this cheeky fella.
Far, you got your patch already.
Tsk, of course, of course.
Shogun says I have to drink a gumboot
full of beer before I can get one.
He doesn't want you
in our gang no more.
- You pissed him off.
- What did I do?
I don't know, but don't come back
to the clubhouse or he'll kill you.
How's Char-don-nay?
She's cool.
I know she is,
'cause I already rooted her.
- What? Bull.
- Straight up. In my dad's car.
Far, she was good!
You're lying.
I'm gonna ask her, then?
Go on, then. She's a liar, anyway.
And if I see her round my pad again,
I'm gonna make you drink a gumboot
full of knuckles and sandwiches, boy.
Oh, shit.
Boy!
It’s Big Shogun.
Shogun, you came back.
Look, look what I found.
Take it off!
Take it off. Take... it... off!
Who said you could steal my jacket?
- Nobody.
- That's right... nobody.
Now, where'd you get
that iceblock, hey?
Where'd you get the money
for that iceblock?
Answer me.
Where did you get that iceblock from?
Alamein!
What the hell is your problem, bro?
What's wrong with you?
I'm teaching him a lesson.
What? He's fine. You're the one
who needs to sort it out, bro!
He needs to learn
about not stealing!
You are such a frickin' egg.
Oh, you are. You're a major egg.
What the hell
did she see in you, eh?
- Ah, shut your face.
- Still a bloody nuisance!
I know you are, said you are.
What am I?
Out of my way, you!
- Are you right, Boy?
- Don't worry about it, bro.
Want my iceblock?
Sorry about today, B.
I'm under a lot of stress
at the moment.
Got a lot going on, you know?
People trying to bring me down
and shit.
The government, mainly, and others.
And I'm getting frustrated,
you know, I can't find my shit.
I'm sorry I am like I am sometimes.
I get angry.
A bit like the Hulk. He gets angry.
He's usually helping people,
but sometimes he loses control,
but he's not a bad guy.
Mainly he's a good guy.
Think you can handle having
The Incredible Hulk for a dad?
Yep.
I love you. See ya.
- All good, bro?
- Yeah, bro. Good.
Far.
LEAF!
Eh?
Where are the doorknobs?
- Al, stop cooking the doorknobs.
- Shush.
Ooh, I'm telling.
What's going on in here?
What's that smell?
- Doorknobs.
- Bacon.
Bacon?
Even though he's hideous as,
he's still got some cool powers.
He's got the light in his stomach.
I don't really know what it's for,
but when he's happy,
shit, it gets bright as!
And the best thing about him
is his finger.
And it can heal all wounds,
be it a gash or cut on your neck,
heartache.
Hey, Shogun.
Well, he'll fix that up, no problem.
Find anything yet?
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're just digging
for fun now, eh, Rocky?
- Hey, um, Shogun?
- Yeah?
- What if it's gone?
- Hmm?
The, um, treasure.
What if someone's taken it?
Who? WHO?
- Who? Man, I'll fuckin' kill them.
- I don't know.
Where's my money?!
Fuck.
It's not fair, man.
It's not fair!
It’s OK, Shogun. We can find it.
We just need some time.
No more time, mate.
Come on, boys, come on.
Come on, man, fuckin' hurry up.
Go, man! They're coming behind you.
Come on!
Boy! Fuckin' move your black arse!
Horses!
Come on, boys, let's bag these up.
How many bags we gonna use?
As many as it takes, mate.
Whole lot.
Give us a go.
Come on, then.
Oh, what are you doing here?
I'm allowed. He's my dad too.
So? You should have stayed at home.
- But I wanna get to know them.
- Why?
Because he's here. I'm like him.
I'm like him more than you.
Me and him have the most potential.
What's that?
If you don't know it,
you ain't got it.
That's what makes me cool
and you an egg.
How did you get it?
You get it when you're born.
It's too late for you. Sorry.
Yeah.
Ka-ching!
- Just fuck him up, bro.
- Yeah, I wanna fuck him up.
There's the fuckin' pricks, there.
Did you miss me, cousin?
- What are you looking at?
- You ripped me off.
Don't know what
you're talking about, man.
You know what you did.
I want my fuckin' weed.
Hit him.
- Have a beer, man.
- I don't want your fucking beer, man.
That was cool.
Hey, I mean, that's what
it's all about, eh, boys?
What's what all about?
We got our arses kicked.
What fight were you in, man?
We landed some good hits.
Like when you smashed
his boot with your nose?
Oh, yeah, focus on the negative, then.
Eh, Boy, you saw,
it was a good fight, eh?
Go on, tell them,
who won that fight, Boy?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
What do you know? Nothing.
We'll get more members. Hundreds.
We'll come back, smash them all.
More members?
The three of us couldn't smash
anyone. This gang's all shit.
Yeah? You're out of the gang.
I don't want you in the gang.
Then there'd only be you.
That's not really a gang, bro.
That's all I need... me.
I am the Crazy Horses.
I'm the Shogun.
I'm all alone on this planet.
Shit, man, I'm E.T.
- Keep your eyes on the road.
- You keep your eyes on me, alright?
Everybody blaming me
for some shit that...
Look out!
What the fuck was that?
- Fuck, bro.
- It was a dog, wasn't it?
- You nearly fucking killed us.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
- I think it was a dog.
It wasn't a dog.
Boy, you stop right there
and get back in this car.
It's just a stupid dog, man.
Oh, come on, someone's
just let a dog out
and it got on the road
and nearly killed us.
- It was your dangerous driving, man.
- You shut up.
Now, come on, man,
get back in the car, eh?
Shit, we got to go. We got to pack,
man. We're leaving tomorrow.
Yeah, we're going to the city.
You're first in
when we get there too.
I'm taking you to see
Michael Jackson... live.
Come on, man.
I knew, it was just a stupid dog.
It's OK, Leaf. It's OK.
It'll be alright, Leaf.
Are we going to the city now?
Oi...
...what do you both think
you're doing?
- We're doing nothing.
- Eh?
- Taking my fucking stash?
- We're just cleaning up.
- Eh? You stealing from me?
- Oh, you know, it was Chup, man.
Shut up!
It wasn't me, man.
I said it was Chup.
After all I did for you!
- Hey?
- It was Chup.
Oh!
Piss me off, bro!
Come on, get inside. Hurry.
Fuck you, Alamein,
and your Crazy Horses gang!
Stop!
Fucking...
Fucking bastards!
Fucking thieves!
Boy! Boy!
You've got to come home.
Sorry for what I did to Mum.
Don't touch him.
Where were you, man?
I needed you today.
I needed you.
That's your treasure.
My goat ate it.
What the fuck...
You little shit.
Aarggh! Ow!
Oi. Come on, stop it.
I don't remember you!
You weren't there.
You weren't there when he was born.
You weren't there when she died!
Calm down, man, I mean it.
- Where were you?
- That's enough. Stop it!
- Where were you?!
- Stop it!
That's enough, man, OK?
OK?
I thought I was like you... but I'm not.
I don't have any potential.
Nan!
Nanny!
- Did he really go to Japan?
- Yeah, he's training to be a samurai.
They don't just let
anyone in either.
You got to be one of them
true professionals.
Boy.
Hey, Rocky.
Murray.
Tane.
- So, what you guys been up to?
- Just out muddy.
We're self-employed now.
- What's your job?
- Chucking mud at those cows.
How was Japan?
and welcome to my interesting world.
My favourite person
is Michael Jackson.
He is the best singer and dancer
in the world.
Last month he put out a record
called 'Thriller'.
It sold a gazillion copies
and now he lives in a castle
with a snake and a monkey.
He is so famous that you can
even see him in the stars.
I live in a white house
with my nanny and my cousins...
Hucks, Kiko, Miria, Chay and Kelly.
I have a pet goat called Leaf.
I also have a six-year-old brother
called Rocky.
Loser!
He thinks he's got powers.
He doesn't.
Bye-bye.
Yesterday
my nan went away to a funeral.
While she's gone
I'm in charge of the house.
I go to Raukokore School.
I have many favourite subjects,
including art...
...social study...
...and Michael Jackson.
My friends are Dallas
and her sister Dynasty.
They also have a sister
called Falcon Crest.
Dynasty is the only girl
around here with a job.
She does after-school gardening work
for her dad.
Aunty Gracey is my mum's sister.
She has lots of jobs.
She's the tennis coach,
the mailman, the school bus driver
and she runs the local shop.
Aunty, can I have
a free iceblock, please?
My real name is Alamein.
I'm named after my dad
and he's named after some place
where the Maori battalion
fought during World War II.
Dad's brothers and sisters
are Faenza, Tunisia, Libya
and Michael Jackson.
My dad's not here right now.
He's a busy man.
He's a master carver,
deep-sea treasure diver,
the captain of the rugby team
and he holds the record for punching
out the most people with one hand.
When he comes home he's taking me
to see Michael Jackson live.
The end.
Thank you, Boy.
Tane, your turn. Get up there.
My name is Tane...
Young man, you're a liar.
Your dad's not overseas.
- He's in jail for robbery.
- Shut up, Kingi. You don't know.
Yes, he's in the same cell block
as my dad.
Not anymore. He escaped.
- How?
- He dug a hole underneath the fence.
- With what?
- A spoon.
What about the guards?
- Aarggh!
- He wasted them.
- With the spoon.
- Aarggh!
- Bullshit.
- Shut up, Kingi, you don't know.
Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me.
Go and talk to her, bro.
A man needs to tell a woman
how he feels.
I don't want to talk to her.
Tane would. He'd probably
French kiss her too.
You French kiss
all the girls, eh, bro?
Pretty much.
Not all the girls.
Well, here's my trick.
I tell the girls that
I'm afraid of undies
and when they want me to go away,
they show me their undies.
Act cool. Act cool. Here she comes.
Go do something.
Hey, Chardonnay, want to see
some Michael Jackson dance moves?
He did those moves at the Grammys.
Al, the boy's afraid of undies.
Nits, nits, nits, nits, nits.
Who here has had nits?
Oi, shut up.
Now, who knows what disease
this sheep has got?
AIDS.
Not AIDS, you dork.
Yes, because it looks like Murray
and he's got AIDS.
Don't be stupid.
Kids can't get AIDS... only gays.
He's a gay.
He goes out with Boy.
Shut up, Kingi.
Ohh! What are you gonna do?
Get your brother on me or something?
That picture looks like
Kingi's undies
when he shat his pants
on sports day, remember?
- Fuck up, Boy.
- You fuck up.
- You fuck up.
- You fuck up.
- Fuck up.
- Hey!
Both of you fuck up
or I'll send you to the principal!
Now, who's heard of the plague?
You. Your mum had it.
Fuck you!
Hey, you bloody kids, cut it out!
- Simon says touch your nose.
- Move your bloody arse.
Now get all your crayons.
School's finished!
Oi.
You alright, Boy?
You want to talk about it?
He made fun of my mum.
He's a dickhead.
It's just words, Boy.
People call me a dumb honky
all the time.
I don't go around punching them out.
- Why not?
- Because they're usually children.
That was a good speech you did.
Looks like we might have an orator
on our hands, eh?
What's that?
Oh, yeah, my dad was good at that.
Yeah, I went to school with him.
Yeah, he was a good student.
Like you, full of potential.
Finish to the end here
and go home, eh?
Hey, Mr. Langston,
what does that word mean...
'potential'?
Ah, it's 3:30, mate... I'm off duty.
You have a good holiday, eh.
Touch my brother again
and I'll kick both your nuts off.
Then you'll have none. OK?
- OK?
- OK.
Oh, man.
This one has all got magic powers,
this fella can jump real high,
this fella can run real fast,
this fella can blow things up
and this fella can turn invisible.
Rocky, you have to come home.
But I'm drawing.
Hurry up, fool.
I got better things to do than this.
Finish it off later.
Bloody hell, you're a nuisance.
Making me walk all the way down here.
Bye, Mum.
I want you to stop hanging around
down there. It's creepy.
And stop being so weird.
Hurry up, egg.
Bloody egg.
What are you? An egg.
Rotten egg.
Scrambled egg. Boiled egg.
Poached egg.
Bloody hell.
Crayfish again.
So if you fellas live in the middle,
may as well stay home
because no bloody good anywhere else.
What do you want to do, eh, Leaf?
We might as well just stay here, eh?
Oh, man, had a massive day
at school today.
There was a big-ass rumble at school.
Most of the children were involved.
I wasn't, because I'm a good boy.
I don't like fighting, eh.
Far, lots of things happened,
but what else?
Oh, yeah.
I seen my girlfriend, Chardonnay.
She invited me back to her house
and we had McDonald's to eat.
It was yum.
Why do you like to eat
other people's rubbish, eh, Leaf?
Storm's coming.
Who are you?
Boy.
What boy?
Alamein.
Alamein.
Yeah.
Alright, I'm your dad.
Oh! Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
- Welcome back.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
How's it been going?
Good. How's it been going with you?
Good.
Now, where's Mum?
My mum, you know, your nanny?
Oh, she's not here at the moment.
She's at a tangi down Wellington.
Someone passed away.
- When's she getting back?
- Sometime next week.
Rocky, come over here. Meet Dad.
Dad, this is Rocky.
Rocky, this is Dad.
Yeah, how are you, Rocky?
Good to see you, man.
Too much.
Say hello, egg.
Hello, egg.
That's Kelly.
Yeah, niece, I'm your uncle...
Alamein.
Oh, great. Another one.
Well, these are my mates
Juju and Chuppa.
- How are you doing?
- They're basically your uncles.
So, you guys want a cup of tea?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, a cup of tea sounds good.
So, you fellas want to come inside?
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, let's do that.
Seen 'E.T.' yet, the movie?
No. What's it about?
Spaceman.
Oh, space kid, really.
He gets trapped on Earth
and him and this kid fly around
everywhere on a bicycle.
I seen it four times.
Nice house, bro.
- It's a shithole.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, I don't know, bro.
These old houses are made of
native timber... expensive stuff.
Not many people know that, eh?
I mean, these door handles
are made of copper. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, if I was a thief,
the first thing I'd do
is I'd take all the copper
and I'd melt it down
in a furnace or a fire
and then sell it
to a copper dealer, eh.
Alright then, I guess
it's time for presents.
Go on, boys, go get them presents.
What presents?
- The stuff from the car.
- Oh, yeah.
I might go give them a hand.
Hey, real milk!
A new TV!
Eh?
Oh, thank you.
- Here, you can have the rest.
- Oh, thanks, Dad.
Now, don't go burning your eyes out
or anything.
Share them with him too.
- You know this used to be my room?
- Yeah.
Oh, well, you can still use it.
I'll sleep in the garage
with my mates.
Not a problem.
Wow, look at that mop of hair
you've got.
I should cut your hair one day.
Make you look like this fella.
I've seen 'Thriller' 10 times.
I did that.
Don't get into the Nazi stuff.
Night.
Night, Dad.
- How long is he here for?
- Don't know.
But we're leaving with him
when he goes.
Why?
Because that's the way
families work, egg.
Is he the same as before?
Yeah, better.
Do you think he remembers me?
Yeah, of course, man.
- From when I was being born?
- Yep.
- I don't remember it.
- No, of course you don't.
You were just a little baby
and you still are.
What was she like?
Not this again.
Well, she was pretty.
She was a good singer.
And her and Dad were always laughing.
- How did they meet?
- At the beach.
She was swimming and Dad
saved her from drowning.
And then he did a carving of her.
And then they had babies... us.
And he can do heaps of cool stuff.
He can dance as good
as Michael Jackson.
And once, when he was a soldier,
all these commies
pinned him down to the ground,
so he leapt out of his foxhole
and just did this meanest haka
and all them commies got scared
and ran away.
- And was he a soldier?
- Hell, yeah! He's a war hero.
He's even got a green beret.
- What's that?
- A type of hat.
Shh. Look. Look.
There's that mental fella.
Hey, weirdo!
Hey!
Come on, Rocky, get him.
- Aarggh!
- Get out of here, you weirdo.
- Did you get him, Rocky?
- No.
Typical, egg.
Not too hard.
What's the Crazy Horses?
It's my gang. I'm the president
and founding member.
Yeah. Crazy Horses.
That's our sign.
It would've been that,
but it was taken.
We're renegades.
What's those?
Someone who lives outside the law,
but they're still cool.
Like the A-Team or the Hulk.
Gee, even these samurais...
they're the meanest renegades.
- Hey, whose is this mean carving?
- Oh, mine.
Yeah. Looks just like E.T.
It's based on one of yours,
but it ain't finished yet.
Yeah, I know,
'cause you ain't done the eyes.
That's the last thing you do...
them eyes.
Do you still carve?
Nup. I ain't got time for that.
I'm a busy man.
Mmm.
Oh, Rocky!
Hey, where you skating off to?
What's that supposed to mean?
What's wrong with him?
You want to go for a ride in my car?
Yeah.
Cool.
Let's go.
Far!
Phwoar! Mean car.
Hey, Uncle.
Who's this, then?
Mouldy Smith.
Well, see you at home, then, eh?
What? Are you going? Can I come?
Oh, I'm busy. I've got
a few things to take care of.
You hang out here
with your mates, man.
Dukes of Hazard.
Hmph!
So he finally came home, eh?
How long's he here for?
Don't know. Not long.
That'd be right.
Has he been to see your mum yet?
- Nah, not yet.
- Fucking typical!
Hey, Aunty,
can I have an iceblock, please?
No!
- Oh, it's not fair.
- Get a job, man.
Oh, there's none left.
You got them all!
- Boy, can I have a go with one?
- Can't.
Saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, was that your dad?
Yep.
Oh, he's got a premo car.
How long's he staying for?
Not long. But we're gonna be
moving pretty soon.
Where to?
Don't know. Probably just cruise
around in his mean-ass car.
Hey, you guys,
I just did a massive shit in there.
- You should go and check it out.
- Oh, yeah. I'll check that out!
- Don't touch, Falcon.
- I want the lollies.
They're lollies for adults,
not for children, Falcon. Pest!
Wow! What a mean one, Dally.
Alright, we're finished. Let's go.
Tip!
Hey, weirdo, do you live here?
Shh!
Why do we have to whisper?
Because it's dangerous on the river.
Sorry.
I live here with my mum.
My mum's dead.
I killed her.
Do you have any friends?
- Do you have a brother?
- No.
I've got a brother. He's cool.
He's hanging out with our dad.
- What's he like?
- Loud.
Sorry. I think I did that.
Hey?
I think I made you fall over. Sorry.
I have to watch out for my powers.
They're too dangerous.
My brother says
that's how my mum died.
'Cause of my powers were too strong
when I was getting born.
You gotta use them to do good, eh?
Just like in the comic books.
What are we looking for?
Anything.
Quick! Here they come.
Here come the cops!
Quick! Quick! Here! Here!
Alright. Where am I? Here. Here.
Dig.
- Forget it, man.
- Something here. It's right here.
That's where it is.
Not there.
So, I mean... I would've...
I would've run further than that.
- I thought you knew, man.
- I do.
It's a certain number of steps
from the post.
I just can't remember
the exact number of steps...
...or the post.
If we're digging here,
why didn't you draw a map?
I was in a hurry.
Cops were right behind me.
I don't have time
to start drawing maps.
Let's just get a tractor
and dig it up, man.
Yeah, if I want to dig holes all
day, I would've stayed in jail.
You know what... I'm fucking sick
of this shit from you pricks.
I'm making history here.
They're gonna write about me.
You can say, "I was part of that."
Want to be part of it or not?
If not, piss off.
- Yeah, I want to be part of it.
- Hey, Dad.
Hey, Uncle!
- Wave.
- Hey.
What are you looking for?
Something.
What? Worms?
Treasure.
We're looking for a package, OK?
It’s about this big.
Yep. Covered in plastic.
When you find it...
Hey, Dad. Do you know
what 'potential' means?
- What?
- Mr. Langston says it.
Oi! Cut it out, you pricks!
Quit pissing around.
Dad, what are you gonna do
with the money?
I don't know. What do you reckon?
You should buy a big-ass house.
Mmm. Maybe I should.
Maybe I should buy me a dolphin too,
ride around on him all day.
You can have one too. And Rocky.
Yeah, all three of us on dolphins...
...that go anywhere...
...do what we want...
...be anyone.
Dad...
...look at this.
Oi! Where'd you get this?
Give it here.
- Oh.
- Where'd you get it?
- Oh, I found it.
- Where?
On the side of the road.
Hey, you make sure
you find any more of this,
you bring it straight to me, eh?
Straight to me. OK?
Boy! Quick!
Nan's on the phone!
Keep digging!
Where's he going?
It’s not really a gang.
There's only three of them.
Hey!
Mum, it's me... Alamein.
I'm good. I'm home.
Well, how are you?
Yeah, I got you a present.
It's a type of oven.
Only rich people have them.
Uh, when you getting home?
There's all these kids here.
Yeah, we're getting on great.
Hey, um...
Uh, do you think
I could borrow some money?
I'm just a bit broke at the moment.
Oh, it's not fair, man.
These kids get more than we ever got.
Oh, I know it's not a competition.
Never said it was.
Eh?
No, you grow up!
I will spend more time
with those boys.
Quality time.
Eh, look at the skin under here.
Black as night.
You must be part African.
Shit. Everyone will think
Michael Jackson moved to town.
Aarggh!
You! Yeah, you.
You stay there.
Is your name Holden? Is it? Yeah?
Picking on my son, are you?
Want me to pick on you?
Man, I mean, E.T. is one of
the ugliest buggers I've ever seen...
big googly eyes, long neck.
But you know what... on his home
planet, he probably looks normal.
Hey, what's that kid doing out here?
Rocky...
...what are you up to?
Does he actually know how to speak?
Rocky, what are you doing, egg?
Playing.
Well, Rocky, come on, man. We're
going to go to the beach. Come with us.
Hurry up, you egg!
Come on.
Cool.
This is good, what we're doing.
Quality time.
Ah, it's nice here.
I like the waves. They're romantic.
Did you and Mum meet here?
Nah.
We met at school
when we were kids.
Even then, I knew she was the one.
Why? You got a girlfriend?
Oh, there's this girl
that really likes me a lot.
But I don't know if I wanna,
you know, get involved.
Mmm. Mmm.
Well, don't get her pregnant.
That's all.
- Hey?
- It’s the number one rule.
Hey, you can show her your dick,
feel her tit.
I'd be happy
if you just got a hickey.
But don't have a kid, 'cause I don't
want to be a koro just yet.
A hickey!
Well, she ain't gonna touch you
looking like that, man.
You want to dress up a little,
like me.
Can I be on the Crazy Horses
one day?
Oh, you're a bit young, man.
It's more of an adult's game
and we don't muck around
with toys and games.
Maybe when you're older.
Come on. Gear up.
We're going over the top.
Let's get 'em, man!
- Charge!
- Charge!
Move, move, move, move, move!
Ohh!
It’s buried treasure.
What?
Buried treasure, man.
Like a pirate's treasure.
Like gold?
Yeah, but better... money.
- How much?
- About a million dollars.
What happens if we find it?
Then we're out of here!
Buy a house in the city,
buy a big car,
buy some dolphins.
Probably dress up
in tuxedos all the time too.
I don't wanna go to the city.
I bet ya
there's even a swimming pool.
- I can swim in the sea.
- Go on, then.
Meanwhile, me and Dad will be
relaxing in our swimming pool,
riding dolphins
and drinking cocktails.
And you'd better not tell anyone
or I'll knock your bloody block off.
This party's dead.
It's not a party, egg.
It's a get-together.
There's a difference.
Rightio. If it was a party,
you'd know about it.
Whatever.
Rocky...
Oh, see ya.
Hey, you having a good time?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Yeah, your haircut seems to be
a bit of a hit.
- Hey, you want a little sip of beer?
- Yeah.
Little one.
Good?
Yep.
11, eh? That's pretty young
for your first sip.
Oh, if you find any more of that
stuff, bring it to me, eh?
OK.
And can you stop calling me "Dad"?
It sounds weird. Besides,
we're more like bros, you and me.
- Then what shall I call you?
- I don't know. What do you reckon?
- Alamein?
- Maybe.
What about 'Shogun'? I like that.
- What's Shogun?
- Samurai master.
Like a commander.
- He rules the samurais.
- Like ariki.
Yeah, but he's a samurai.
Samurais are better.
Shogun.
Yeah. Oh, that sounds good!
So what should we call me?
I don't know. 'Little shogun'?
That'd be funny.
Hey, Boy.
Oh, hi, Al.
Hey, boys!
Come in. Come in.
Here, have a seat.
- Go on. Sit down.
- Thank you, Uncle.
Nah, nah, nah. Call me Shogun.
This is a party!
Oi, why aren't you out there
making friends?
We don't know no-one, man.
"Don't know no-one, man."
Hey, learn how to speak!
Boy, you didn't make dinner.
We're hungry!
Do I look like your bloody mother?
Make your own.
Piss off, will ya?
I'm sick of you kids hassling me.
Chill out, man.
Chill out, man. It's a party.
- Eh?
- Chill out.
Oh, too slow, you old man.
Hey! Come over here.
Here's a real man, right here.
This is a real man.
Not like you two eggs.
Hey, my son. My best friend.
My main man.
And my other main man.
Who's this? Three main men.
Who's that? The three main men.
Who's that? The two egg men.
Look at you, man.
Oh, come... come on, man!
Oh, man. I wish he was my dad.
I'm gonna be a Crazy Horse too.
Shogun.
What's my name? Shogun.
I'm a shogun!
I'm a shogun!
Piss off, man.
- Hello?
- Oh, hi, Chardonnay.
It's Boy speaking.
I was just wondering
if you would like
to come for a ride
in my dad's cool car.
Whoo!
Fetch!
I'm bored.
Hey.
Well...
...you can see my dick, but I ain't
allowed to get you pregnant.
You fucking arsehole.
Look, I got a hickey.
- Man!
- Yeah.
- Dig! Dig!
- That's the way, bro!
Good boy. That's it. That's the one.
Find my shit so I can
get the hell out of here.
Good slave, Boy!
- Not a fucking slave.
- Sorry, bro.
I wasn't really expecting a hickey.
Well, what? It just came.
It's on my neck... happened.
So you go to punch me
and then I block it?
Yep.
Aarggh! Fuck!
- You alright, mate?
- Not now!
Is that it?
Stop moving.
- Just hold still, bro.
- It's just hot.
Far. Mean-as tatts.
Yep. And now it's your turn.
What?
Don't worry, man,
you'll get the kids' version.
Know why I pulled you over, miss?
- Probably can't even drive, anyway.
- As if you can, egg.
- Far, what happened to your head?
- It’s a haircut.
- It's the latest style.
- It's late alright.
Alright, come on in, then.
Phew! This car smells like marijuana.
You shouldn't smoke it.
You'll end up like all the rest
of them dopeheads around here...
laughing at nothing
and crying at everything.
Where you been, anyway?
Ain't seen you in ages.
Hanging with the old man.
- So, who are you here with?
- My mum. She's playing the pokies.
She win anything?
Nuh.
But she reckons it's better to risk
your money on something big,
be real poor, instead of sitting
around being a bit poor.
Far, you've been missing out
on all the fun.
We pushed Murray
off the wharf yesterday.
Ain't got time for that kids' stuff.
I'm working.
Trying to get out of this dump.
When you guys leaving?
Don't know.
When my dad's free, I guess.
- But he's a busy man.
- They always are.
Oh, well, looks like we lost.
- How do you know?
- 'Cause we're going home.
See ya... dopehead.
Weirdo, do you feel sleepy yet?
No.
My powers must be stink.
Maybe power don't work on everyone.
Well, who, then?
Please, Mum, I just need a little
bit of money till I find my money.
I can't wait for you.
I've got places to be.
And don't expect me
to take them kids.
They're too young
to be Crazy Horses.
My gang. Me and my two mates.
But that's not the point.
We're renegades.
Strictly no kids allowed.
Well, yeah, well, you obviously know
nothing about gangs,
so this conversation's over, OK?
I won't be here when you get home.
Fuckin' hell!
Shogun! Shogun!
Take me with you!
Shogun!
Mate, where'd he go?
Is he coming back?
I don't wanna live here.
- Can I have a go?
- Nope.
You need muscle to do this.
And anyway, this is a man's work.
You're not a man.
Technically, I am. And you're not.
Go on, piss off.
820. 840. 860. 880.
Bloody hell, Leaf! We're rich!
We're bloomin' rich.
You've got some potential too.
We're rich.
Whoo! We're rich!
"Potential. Not now ma... ni... fest,
"or showing signs of ex... is... tence
or activity."
What the hell?
Who the hell are you supposed to be?
I'll take these.
Now, how many iceblocks
can I get for $5, eh?
$5 in the real world
or Monopoly Land?
- Thanks, Boy.
- Don't call me that anymore.
- What, "Boy"?
- Yeah. I don't like it.
Well, what about Fonzie?
Just call me Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Shogun.
- Thanks, Little Fonzie.
No, you look like Michael Jackson
in that jacket.
Yeah, bro.
Scored it from the old man.
There's Holden and Chardonnay.
They're going out now. They've been
French kissing and everything.
Yeah, they've been pashing
at the beach, on a horse,
at the back of the shop.
I heard they were pashing
at the dump too.
So? Pashing's for kids.
Anyway, I'm not here for long.
I'm gonna be moving soon.
Hey, Boy.
Well, well, well,
look at this cheeky fella.
Far, you got your patch already.
Tsk, of course, of course.
Shogun says I have to drink a gumboot
full of beer before I can get one.
He doesn't want you
in our gang no more.
- You pissed him off.
- What did I do?
I don't know, but don't come back
to the clubhouse or he'll kill you.
How's Char-don-nay?
She's cool.
I know she is,
'cause I already rooted her.
- What? Bull.
- Straight up. In my dad's car.
Far, she was good!
You're lying.
I'm gonna ask her, then?
Go on, then. She's a liar, anyway.
And if I see her round my pad again,
I'm gonna make you drink a gumboot
full of knuckles and sandwiches, boy.
Oh, shit.
Boy!
It’s Big Shogun.
Shogun, you came back.
Look, look what I found.
Take it off!
Take it off. Take... it... off!
Who said you could steal my jacket?
- Nobody.
- That's right... nobody.
Now, where'd you get
that iceblock, hey?
Where'd you get the money
for that iceblock?
Answer me.
Where did you get that iceblock from?
Alamein!
What the hell is your problem, bro?
What's wrong with you?
I'm teaching him a lesson.
What? He's fine. You're the one
who needs to sort it out, bro!
He needs to learn
about not stealing!
You are such a frickin' egg.
Oh, you are. You're a major egg.
What the hell
did she see in you, eh?
- Ah, shut your face.
- Still a bloody nuisance!
I know you are, said you are.
What am I?
Out of my way, you!
- Are you right, Boy?
- Don't worry about it, bro.
Want my iceblock?
Sorry about today, B.
I'm under a lot of stress
at the moment.
Got a lot going on, you know?
People trying to bring me down
and shit.
The government, mainly, and others.
And I'm getting frustrated,
you know, I can't find my shit.
I'm sorry I am like I am sometimes.
I get angry.
A bit like the Hulk. He gets angry.
He's usually helping people,
but sometimes he loses control,
but he's not a bad guy.
Mainly he's a good guy.
Think you can handle having
The Incredible Hulk for a dad?
Yep.
I love you. See ya.
- All good, bro?
- Yeah, bro. Good.
Far.
LEAF!
Eh?
Where are the doorknobs?
- Al, stop cooking the doorknobs.
- Shush.
Ooh, I'm telling.
What's going on in here?
What's that smell?
- Doorknobs.
- Bacon.
Bacon?
Even though he's hideous as,
he's still got some cool powers.
He's got the light in his stomach.
I don't really know what it's for,
but when he's happy,
shit, it gets bright as!
And the best thing about him
is his finger.
And it can heal all wounds,
be it a gash or cut on your neck,
heartache.
Hey, Shogun.
Well, he'll fix that up, no problem.
Find anything yet?
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're just digging
for fun now, eh, Rocky?
- Hey, um, Shogun?
- Yeah?
- What if it's gone?
- Hmm?
The, um, treasure.
What if someone's taken it?
Who? WHO?
- Who? Man, I'll fuckin' kill them.
- I don't know.
Where's my money?!
Fuck.
It's not fair, man.
It's not fair!
It’s OK, Shogun. We can find it.
We just need some time.
No more time, mate.
Come on, boys, come on.
Come on, man, fuckin' hurry up.
Go, man! They're coming behind you.
Come on!
Boy! Fuckin' move your black arse!
Horses!
Come on, boys, let's bag these up.
How many bags we gonna use?
As many as it takes, mate.
Whole lot.
Give us a go.
Come on, then.
Oh, what are you doing here?
I'm allowed. He's my dad too.
So? You should have stayed at home.
- But I wanna get to know them.
- Why?
Because he's here. I'm like him.
I'm like him more than you.
Me and him have the most potential.
What's that?
If you don't know it,
you ain't got it.
That's what makes me cool
and you an egg.
How did you get it?
You get it when you're born.
It's too late for you. Sorry.
Yeah.
Ka-ching!
- Just fuck him up, bro.
- Yeah, I wanna fuck him up.
There's the fuckin' pricks, there.
Did you miss me, cousin?
- What are you looking at?
- You ripped me off.
Don't know what
you're talking about, man.
You know what you did.
I want my fuckin' weed.
Hit him.
- Have a beer, man.
- I don't want your fucking beer, man.
That was cool.
Hey, I mean, that's what
it's all about, eh, boys?
What's what all about?
We got our arses kicked.
What fight were you in, man?
We landed some good hits.
Like when you smashed
his boot with your nose?
Oh, yeah, focus on the negative, then.
Eh, Boy, you saw,
it was a good fight, eh?
Go on, tell them,
who won that fight, Boy?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
What do you know? Nothing.
We'll get more members. Hundreds.
We'll come back, smash them all.
More members?
The three of us couldn't smash
anyone. This gang's all shit.
Yeah? You're out of the gang.
I don't want you in the gang.
Then there'd only be you.
That's not really a gang, bro.
That's all I need... me.
I am the Crazy Horses.
I'm the Shogun.
I'm all alone on this planet.
Shit, man, I'm E.T.
- Keep your eyes on the road.
- You keep your eyes on me, alright?
Everybody blaming me
for some shit that...
Look out!
What the fuck was that?
- Fuck, bro.
- It was a dog, wasn't it?
- You nearly fucking killed us.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
- I think it was a dog.
It wasn't a dog.
Boy, you stop right there
and get back in this car.
It's just a stupid dog, man.
Oh, come on, someone's
just let a dog out
and it got on the road
and nearly killed us.
- It was your dangerous driving, man.
- You shut up.
Now, come on, man,
get back in the car, eh?
Shit, we got to go. We got to pack,
man. We're leaving tomorrow.
Yeah, we're going to the city.
You're first in
when we get there too.
I'm taking you to see
Michael Jackson... live.
Come on, man.
I knew, it was just a stupid dog.
It's OK, Leaf. It's OK.
It'll be alright, Leaf.
Are we going to the city now?
Oi...
...what do you both think
you're doing?
- We're doing nothing.
- Eh?
- Taking my fucking stash?
- We're just cleaning up.
- Eh? You stealing from me?
- Oh, you know, it was Chup, man.
Shut up!
It wasn't me, man.
I said it was Chup.
After all I did for you!
- Hey?
- It was Chup.
Oh!
Piss me off, bro!
Come on, get inside. Hurry.
Fuck you, Alamein,
and your Crazy Horses gang!
Stop!
Fucking...
Fucking bastards!
Fucking thieves!
Boy! Boy!
You've got to come home.
Sorry for what I did to Mum.
Don't touch him.
Where were you, man?
I needed you today.
I needed you.
That's your treasure.
My goat ate it.
What the fuck...
You little shit.
Aarggh! Ow!
Oi. Come on, stop it.
I don't remember you!
You weren't there.
You weren't there when he was born.
You weren't there when she died!
Calm down, man, I mean it.
- Where were you?
- That's enough. Stop it!
- Where were you?!
- Stop it!
That's enough, man, OK?
OK?
I thought I was like you... but I'm not.
I don't have any potential.
Nan!
Nanny!
- Did he really go to Japan?
- Yeah, he's training to be a samurai.
They don't just let
anyone in either.
You got to be one of them
true professionals.
Boy.
Hey, Rocky.
Murray.
Tane.
- So, what you guys been up to?
- Just out muddy.
We're self-employed now.
- What's your job?
- Chucking mud at those cows.
How was Japan?