Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006) - full transcript
Borat Sagdiyev is a TV reporter of a popular show in Kazakhstan as Kazakhstan's sixth most famous man and a leading journalist. He is sent from his home to America by his government to make a documentary about American society and culture. Borat takes a course in New York City to understand American humor. While watching Baywatch on TV, Borat discovers how beautiful their women are in the form of C. J. Parker, who was played by actress Pamela Anderson who hails from Malibu, California. He decides to go on a cross-country road trip to California in a quest to make her his wife and take her back to his country. On his journey Borat and his producer encounter a country full of strange and wonderful Americans, real people in real chaotic situations with hysterical consequences.
What you say about me,
you skinny piece of shit?
Not now, please.
Why don't you do something
useful and dig your mother a grave.
THE RUNNlNG OF THE JEW 2004
Here comes the Jew.
lt's a big one this year.
Whoaaa...
He nearly got the money there.
Wait, here comes Mrs. Jew.
She's stopped.
ls she? ls she?
Here it comes.
She's laid a Jew egg.
Go kids! Crush that
Jew chick before he hatches!
No, not film me!
Film him.
Urkin, not too much raping...
Humans only.
Doltan, I'll get you
a new arm in America.
Wave goodbye to your
clock radio, asshole!
lf you cheat on me,
l will come over there
and snap off your cock.
Hurry, hurry.
Just dry him, no hand relief.
How is my back pussy?
Not bad. Moist.
So what time this interview?
Soon, my friend.
Gently.
Enough!
VETERAN FEMlNlSTS
OF AMERlCA
What do you mean, California?
Okay, I'll find another way
for us to get there.
MlCHAEL PSENlCSKA
Perry Hall Driving School
JlM SELL
GM Salesman
Look who has an embassy here!
GAY PRlDE PARADE
Yes, minister, we're on schedule.
Yes, l'm standing in
the middle of Times Square.
lt's time to prepare for your
TV appearance.
Remember to talk of singing
national anthem at rodeo.
Don't worry, I am a TV professional.
You're singing at a rodeo tonight!
Why didn't you mention it?
What can I do, they are not
professional.
Get a move on, we have
100 miles to go.
BOBBY ROWE
General Manager, lmperial Rodeo
We nearly died last night.
This journey is cursed.
We should have stayed in New York.
Look, Azamat, a Gypsy village.
Let us extract some of their tears
so we can remove the curse.
Azamat, great success!
l've got the tears.
Onwards to California!
Let's go.
What's that you've got there?
lt's nothing. Don't worry about it.
Are we going the right way?
-l don't know, this map is from 1917.
-Where the hell are we?
Hey, stop that goddamn van !
l'm going to stop and ask.
No, no, no, keep going. Keep going.
Pull over and let's see
if we can stay here.
We can't stay here,
they are player haters.
-They're Jews.
-l know that now.
They'll kill us.
We need to escape.
Look, the Jews have
shifted their shapes.
OK, OK. How much shall
l give them?
l don't know. . .
More. Give them more.
Go. Go.
Let's go back to New York,
at least there's no Jews there.
Calm down.
We'll keep heading to California.
Why California?
What's so special about California?
We are going to California!
And get killed on the way?
Relax, Azamat!
l will get us protection.
MU NCH RANCH
Exotic Animal Dealer
We're safe.
Now we continue to California.
Switch it off.
Kazakhstan needs to learn
about American fine dining.
First, a lady will
teach you southern manners.
How long have I got?
An hour. Then you have
dinner date with high society.
KATH lE B. MARTlN
Etiquette Coach
Don't spend more than $3.
We're low on money.
Have you offered them pubic hair?
Yes!
lt was a mistake.
You screwed up again.
l didn't see the truck.
-l slipped on it and that was it.
-Only an idiot could do this.
You've ruined this documentary
and almost bankrupt us.
So call the ministry
and get more money.
What? lf I did that,
they would kill us!
California had better be as good
as you say, or we're finished.
You bastard.
What's the matter with you?
How dare you make
hand-party over Pamela.
Why do you care who l
pleasure myself to?
Because I love this woman.
She's the reason
we travel to California!
What?
You lied to me!
You lied about California!
Eat my asshole!
Holy. . .
Okay.
We have a special guest here this evening.
Ruth Feiner is here.
MORTGAGE BROKERS
ANNUAL BANQUET
FRATERNlTY BROTHERS
Univ. of S. Carolina
CHARLES "CHlP" PlCKERlNG
U.S. Congressman
JlM SMlTH
Chief Justice, State Supreme Court
You traitor!
Look, I can explain.
You attack me.
My mustache still taste of your testes!
Calm down.
Let me explain.
What did you do with the bear?
She ran off. l'm sorry, l'm sorry.
Hey! Fuck off, Death !
You need to calm yourself!
You have to calm down !
Well, that's another fine
mess you've gotten me into.
l knew you'd make it here, Borat.
l felt so bad that I prepare this for you.
lt's everything I could find on Pamela.
Last Friday she appeared for a group
who are against cruelty to animals.
Against cruelty to animals?
And tomorrow she's doing a signing.
She wrote a book.
What? A woman has written a book?
Dr. Yamak would never believe this.
l know.
We will go to this historical event,
and I will marry Pamela there. . .
. . .but in the traditional Kazakhi way.
Azamat, let's prepare the
wedding sack.
You forgive me, yes?
Yes.
PAMELA ANDERSON
AUTOGRAPH SlGNlNG Orange, CA
8 MONTHS LATER
you skinny piece of shit?
Not now, please.
Why don't you do something
useful and dig your mother a grave.
THE RUNNlNG OF THE JEW 2004
Here comes the Jew.
lt's a big one this year.
Whoaaa...
He nearly got the money there.
Wait, here comes Mrs. Jew.
She's stopped.
ls she? ls she?
Here it comes.
She's laid a Jew egg.
Go kids! Crush that
Jew chick before he hatches!
No, not film me!
Film him.
Urkin, not too much raping...
Humans only.
Doltan, I'll get you
a new arm in America.
Wave goodbye to your
clock radio, asshole!
lf you cheat on me,
l will come over there
and snap off your cock.
Hurry, hurry.
Just dry him, no hand relief.
How is my back pussy?
Not bad. Moist.
So what time this interview?
Soon, my friend.
Gently.
Enough!
VETERAN FEMlNlSTS
OF AMERlCA
What do you mean, California?
Okay, I'll find another way
for us to get there.
MlCHAEL PSENlCSKA
Perry Hall Driving School
JlM SELL
GM Salesman
Look who has an embassy here!
GAY PRlDE PARADE
Yes, minister, we're on schedule.
Yes, l'm standing in
the middle of Times Square.
lt's time to prepare for your
TV appearance.
Remember to talk of singing
national anthem at rodeo.
Don't worry, I am a TV professional.
You're singing at a rodeo tonight!
Why didn't you mention it?
What can I do, they are not
professional.
Get a move on, we have
100 miles to go.
BOBBY ROWE
General Manager, lmperial Rodeo
We nearly died last night.
This journey is cursed.
We should have stayed in New York.
Look, Azamat, a Gypsy village.
Let us extract some of their tears
so we can remove the curse.
Azamat, great success!
l've got the tears.
Onwards to California!
Let's go.
What's that you've got there?
lt's nothing. Don't worry about it.
Are we going the right way?
-l don't know, this map is from 1917.
-Where the hell are we?
Hey, stop that goddamn van !
l'm going to stop and ask.
No, no, no, keep going. Keep going.
Pull over and let's see
if we can stay here.
We can't stay here,
they are player haters.
-They're Jews.
-l know that now.
They'll kill us.
We need to escape.
Look, the Jews have
shifted their shapes.
OK, OK. How much shall
l give them?
l don't know. . .
More. Give them more.
Go. Go.
Let's go back to New York,
at least there's no Jews there.
Calm down.
We'll keep heading to California.
Why California?
What's so special about California?
We are going to California!
And get killed on the way?
Relax, Azamat!
l will get us protection.
MU NCH RANCH
Exotic Animal Dealer
We're safe.
Now we continue to California.
Switch it off.
Kazakhstan needs to learn
about American fine dining.
First, a lady will
teach you southern manners.
How long have I got?
An hour. Then you have
dinner date with high society.
KATH lE B. MARTlN
Etiquette Coach
Don't spend more than $3.
We're low on money.
Have you offered them pubic hair?
Yes!
lt was a mistake.
You screwed up again.
l didn't see the truck.
-l slipped on it and that was it.
-Only an idiot could do this.
You've ruined this documentary
and almost bankrupt us.
So call the ministry
and get more money.
What? lf I did that,
they would kill us!
California had better be as good
as you say, or we're finished.
You bastard.
What's the matter with you?
How dare you make
hand-party over Pamela.
Why do you care who l
pleasure myself to?
Because I love this woman.
She's the reason
we travel to California!
What?
You lied to me!
You lied about California!
Eat my asshole!
Holy. . .
Okay.
We have a special guest here this evening.
Ruth Feiner is here.
MORTGAGE BROKERS
ANNUAL BANQUET
FRATERNlTY BROTHERS
Univ. of S. Carolina
CHARLES "CHlP" PlCKERlNG
U.S. Congressman
JlM SMlTH
Chief Justice, State Supreme Court
You traitor!
Look, I can explain.
You attack me.
My mustache still taste of your testes!
Calm down.
Let me explain.
What did you do with the bear?
She ran off. l'm sorry, l'm sorry.
Hey! Fuck off, Death !
You need to calm yourself!
You have to calm down !
Well, that's another fine
mess you've gotten me into.
l knew you'd make it here, Borat.
l felt so bad that I prepare this for you.
lt's everything I could find on Pamela.
Last Friday she appeared for a group
who are against cruelty to animals.
Against cruelty to animals?
And tomorrow she's doing a signing.
She wrote a book.
What? A woman has written a book?
Dr. Yamak would never believe this.
l know.
We will go to this historical event,
and I will marry Pamela there. . .
. . .but in the traditional Kazakhi way.
Azamat, let's prepare the
wedding sack.
You forgive me, yes?
Yes.
PAMELA ANDERSON
AUTOGRAPH SlGNlNG Orange, CA
8 MONTHS LATER