Boogie Woogie (2009) - full transcript
In London's contemporary art world, everyone has a hustle. Art Spindle runs a high-end gallery: he hopes to flip a Mondrian for millions. One of his assistants, Beth, is sleeping with Art's most acquisitive client, Bob Macclestone. Beth wants Bob to set her up in her own gallery, so she helps him go behind Art's back for the Mondrian. Bob's wife, Jean, sets her eye on a young conceptual artist, Jo, who lusts after Art's newest assistant, Paige. Meanwhile, self-absorbed lesbian videographer Elaine is chewing her way through friends and lovers looking to make it: if she'll throw Dewey, her agent, under the bus, Beth may give her a show. And the Mondrian? No honor among thieves.
- Look at that.
That one's gonna be-
Fucking Christ.
You're a fucking narcissist,
Elaine.
It's all about you
at the end of the day.
- Sure, it's about me.
It's a fucking self-portrait.
- You're just a self-absorbed,
self-obsessed,
selfish, second-rate,
so-called artist
who can't even draw
a straight fucking line.
Let's not get into this.
And anyway, I don't draw.
I do video art.
"I do video art."
My God.
No.
No.
Bob, Jean.
Don't go in there.
Fucking assholes going into that
cocksucking bastard's gallery.
Motherfuckers!
Read it back.
- "Dear Alfreda,
I am sending you
"this excellent account
"of the raising
of the Mary Rose.
"I was fortunate enough
to come across a tabor pipe
"found in an early wreck,
"and I would be grateful
"if you would accept
this small token
to celebrate our friendship."
Yes.
On further consideration,
we think that 15 million
would be a fair valuation
for the painting.
"Dear Mr. Spindle,
"thank you for your letter
concerning the Mondrian.
"I have in the past discussed
with my husband
"the possible sale
of this work.
"As you may be aware,
"my husband bought the painting
from the artist himself
"and has, understandably,
a strong sentimental attachment
to it."
- I find this all
very difficult, Robert.
I mean, I wish I'd never even
contemplated the idea.
It's just-
I don't know.
Never mind.
- Well, if the sale
at Sotheby's is successful,
then maybe
it won't be necessary to-
- No, I know.
I know.
But he's so insistent.
He's like
some ghastly hypnotist.
And over the past two weeks,
he's sent me dozens
of unreadable books
on marine archaeology
and enough flowers
for a funeral,
and these missives,
almost like love letters.
- They are intimate,
it has to be said.
- Look,
"Your intelligence resonates
"like the echo of a seashell.
"The elegance of your opinion
stands out against the debris
of modernity."
- Well, perhaps he simply has
strong feelings for you.
Could be his mother.
Verdammt.
- Really, you do
underestimate yourself.
What?
Grossman's offered him 60-40?
Well, what does he want?
70?
No goddamn way!
I built Schneider up,
God damn it.
If he wants to join
a bunch of second-rate artists
in a second-rate gallery,
well, then let him.
- I hear that Grossman
has cash flow problems.
- Yes, well, he's always got
cash flow problems.
You want to know why?
Because he's a fucking idiot.
By the way, the Rhinegolds
are selling two paintings
at Sotheby's.
- Well, if they'd let me sell
their goddamn Mondrian,
they wouldn't have to sell
their collection.
I mean, what is wrong
with these people?
- I guess
they're attached to it.
- Art should not be allowed
to stagnate.
There's a price for everything.
There's always a price.
Bob, Jean.
Hi, Art.
How the hell are you?
You look great.
Handsome as always.
- Try my best.
Bob.
Good.
That's a great spin painting.
Wow.
That is so alive.
- It's fantastic.
How much?
- Well, the Havermeyers
have reserved it.
You're joking.
No.
You should call me first
when you get something
like that.
How much was it?
I shouldn't say.
Come on, Art.
We don't have any secrets,
do we?
400,000.
Wow.
- His prices are going
through the roof.
And this is an early one.
It's a spectacular painting,
truly beautiful.
You know, I was looking at
those Newmans the other day,
and it struck me
how exciting it must have been
to suddenly have
a new language in art.
I feel that Hirst must have had
that same sensation.
There's something else
I want to show you,
something that came in
the other day.
Buzz!
Bring in the Currin.
God, I love John's work.
He's so great, isn't he?
And that Rachel
is just adorable.
- Would you like
some champagne, water?
No, we're just stopping by.
Yes, I would love some water.
Thank you, Art.
Sparkling.
Certainly.
Nature calls.
- You know where it is,
don't you, Bob?
So?
- Your hair
looks beautiful, Jean.
Thank you, Art.
Are you going to
the Schneider show in New York?
- I was-
I was thinking of it, yeah.
Can I come?
Sure.
Do you think Bob
might like to come?
You know.
He does his thing,
and I do mine.
I found a great space.
Really?
Where?
Near Hoxton Square.
I love that area.
These.
You like?
They're fantastic.
I like those.
Well-
Those are amazing.
- Well, they're okay,
but those are better.
They're more rounded
like that Botticelli
at the National Gallery.
- Bob, I got to make
a decision soon.
Okay.
Go for these.
- No, I mean about when
to leave the gallery.
- Well, just wait
till the last minute.
Then break it to him.
What's this?
- That is Mondrian's very first
"Boogie Woogie" painting.
Isn't it incredible?
It's a masterpiece.
That's what it is.
Is it for sale?
We're working on it.
- Will you let me know
when it is?
- Well, I mean, that wouldn't be
very professional.
Come on, blue eyes.
Yes?
Yeah, Havermeyers.
I got to go.
The Havermeyers
are in the gallery.
I think it's a masterpiece.
Wow.
I love that.
Wow.
He's just amazing.
Art.
It's fantastic.
It's absolutely fantastic.
Fabulous.
- And I just had
to bring it out.
I understand.
How much?
- Beth, darling,
I'm sorry to bother you,
but did you get
the auction results
on the Rhinegold paintings?
Really?
Well, I suppose
that's good news.
You're invaluable, darling.
Bye.
- Got the results
of the auction.
It's not good news,
I'm afraid.
What, neither?
Well, we still have
the jewel in the crown.
I know.
I know.
Robert.
Somehow, we have to sell
this painting,
and soon.
It is inevitable.
However, I do not think
that Mr. Spindle's offer
is reflective
of market conditions.
What do you mean?
- It has come to my attention
that perhaps
the painting is undervalued.
- What,
do you mean Mr. Spindle
is hoping for a bargain?
In a manner of speaking.
I see.
Baudelaire.
Is that dry enough?
- And that one's beautiful
over there.
I think he's great, because,
you know,
he's such a clever artist.
He takes things that normally
we would associate with ugliness
and, you know, nastiness,
like cancer,
and then he makes them
into something
really pretty and beautiful.
I mean, look at this.
It's like a sort of close-up
of a smoothie or something.
- No, I'm gonna call you
right after.
Trust me.
Okay.
You too.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
Will you excuse me?
- Can I borrow a hundred quid?
- A hundred?
- Yeah, I'll give it
back to you tomorrow.
Promise.
- My God.
It's Jo Richards.
So?
Who?
Come on, girls.
The artist.
Beth's boyfriend.
I'm an artist.
I haven't got time for jobs
and stuff.
Time?
I work all day.
- Just pay me back next week
and not next year, okay?
Okay.
The little made large.
It's the central theme
of all poetry.
It's a microcosm
of a macrocosm.
I don't like it.
Well, we bought it.
No.
Hi.
- Hey, Art.
It's a great show.
- Thanks, Jo.
Always a pleasure to see you.
Hi.
Was that Jo Richards
you were talking to?
Yes, yes.
I very much like his work.
Great.
I can set up a studio visit
for you.
Yes, I'd like that very much.
I hadn't thought about that.
Yes, that would be wonderful.
Jo, Jo.
Hello.
Hi.
- Hi.
It's Dewey.
We met at Sue and Tim's party.
- Yeah, right, of course, Dewey.
How are you, mate?
- Good. Nice to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Do you know Elaine?
Have you met?
Don't think so, no.
I'm Jo Richards.
Jo, this is Elaine.
I'm Joany.
Joany, okay.
So how have things been?
Great.
So, Jo, what do you do?
I'm an artist.
Really?
Elaine, come on.
Remember the exhibition
we went to see at the ICA
with the really beautiful
time clock piece?
That was Jo's.
Yeah.
- It was nice
seeing you, Dewey.
- Nice to see you.
Yeah, bye.
What are you doing?
Havermeyer.
How nice to see you again.
Jean, nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Really getting fat.
- Hey, hi, Beth.
- Hey.
- You look so cute.
I love that suit.
- What, this old thing?
- Handsome.
- You don't know Elaine
and Joany, do you?
- Right, yeah, Dewey's
always talking about you.
He is?
Yeah, all good, mostly.
- I'd love to see your work.
What are you doing right now?
Well, at the moment,
I'm kind of working on
my self-portrait.
A work in progress?
Yeah, right here.
- Do you think this would be
a good moment to talk to Art?
Um, I don't know.
I mean, he's kind of busy,
but we can go check.
- Really?
Great, great.
Excuse me.
- Only if you come
and see my work.
- Okay, chant for me
and cross everything.
Fingers crossed.
Got the picture?
- Fingers crossed.
- Fingers crossed.
- Well, it's great
to see you again, Paige.
Yeah, I'm so excited.
I just-
I've always wanted to work
in the art world, so...
Well, welcome aboard.
Thank you.
- And please send my regards
to your papa?
- I will.
Thank you.
All right.
Got to meet her.
Yes, she's-
- Art, do you have five minutes
to give Dewey Dalamanatousis?
He's got this great idea
for a show,
and he's been really
bugging me about it.
- Do I have to?
- Please?
Okay, okay.
Are you the doorman?
Just your personal one.
I'm Jo Richards.
The artist Jo Richards?
Yeah.
It's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
- Well, I'll give it to them
for three,
and we'll split 100 Gs.
Great.
Come in.
You're one hell of a guy.
You son of a gun.
Bye.
Welcome, Mister-
Dalamanatousis.
I love your show.
Well, thank you.
So what's your idea, Mister-
Dalamanatousis.
Dewey Dalamanatousis.
That's some name.
I did-
Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.
It's okay.
I'd like to curate a show
called "Deviant Mythology,"
which is about
fly-on-the-wall art,
voyeurism, if you like.
Yeah.
- Jean said she'd actually
mentioned it to you.
Jean?
Jean Maclestone?
Maclestone, yeah.
- She actually said you were
quite interested in the idea.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Gerard!
Where the hell is my money,
God damn it?
Well, it's been over two months.
If I don't get my money
by next week,
I'm gonna call
my lawyers, okay?
Bye.
Look, I'm sorry,
but time is money.
Sure.
- Maybe you could send me
the details of your concept?
- Well, actually,
I brought along a portfolio...
- Which has got
my "raison d'etre."
And there's also a copy
of my curriculum vitae in there.
- Okay, well,
I will look through it.
It was nice to meet you.
I'll give you a call, Mister-
Dalamanatousis.
Yes.
Thank you.
I hope that we
can work together.
- Yes, well,
I look forward to it.
- Okay.
- Yes.
Have a nice day.
Thank you very much.
Good-bye.
Bye-bye.
Fucking idiot.
Gosh, I'm so sorry.
I totally forgot
to give you my card.
Here you are.
My God, I just assumed he would
just jump at it immediately,
because it's such a good idea,
'cause I just don't think
the London art scene
has ever seen
anything like this.
You know, it's such
a great idea, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Listen, Dewey.
You can't expect
the biggest art dealer in London
to just jump at your idea
for a show like that.
I mean,
lower your sights a bit.
- You know, I've just been in
this game a long time, Elaine.
I could do with a break,
you know.
Okay.
Close your eyes.
Yes.
Yeah, stop there.
Look now.
Wow.
What do you think?
It's fantastic.
There's a skylight,
and this is my showroom.
And that can be my office
back there,
and I can order people around.
I love it.
I love it.
You're happy?
You're amazing.
Who is that?
Charlotte Bailey.
She works at Museum 52.
Cute.
- You're a serial philanderer,
Elaine.
Do you know that?
You're one to talk.
Come on.
I don't even have
a boyfriend...
anymore.
That's your fault.
You cramp my style,
you lesbian fag hag.
Hello, girls.
You all right?
Where to, then?
Where you off to tonight?
Girls.
Hey, how about if I join you?
How about you fuck off?
So what would you like to do?
You're so beautiful.
Damn.
So naughty.
You're smiling.
You'd rather shoot my misery.
You know Joany?
Yeah.
You know she's my girlfriend?
You have very nice breasts.
Joany, what do you think
of these boobs?
Aw, Joany's jealous.
- Stop it!
Stop!
Why don't you get involved?
- Ew, you were just kissing
someone else.
Don't come near me.
I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna
go fuck someone, a guy.
- You're gonna go fuck someone?
- Yeah.
Don't you patronize me,
you undersized little whore.
And stop fucking filming me.
A whore?
- You only love
your fucking self.
Matter of fact, yeah.
Do you want to see me, Joany,
being fucked?
Wow.
Jesus fucking Christ!
I love it.
It's so real.
- Thanks, Beth.
That means a lot.
I mean, you're the first person
I've shown it to.
Really?
- I don't know.
I just felt you'd understand it.
I really appreciate that.
I think it really works.
It's really revealing.
It's very daring.
Watch it!
What do you think, Jean?
I like the space around it,
gives it air to breathe.
- I liked it better
next to Turk's Warhol.
You do?
- I mean,
Andy would have approved.
- It's just absolutely wasted
over there.
I don't like it.
You don't like old Constantin?
No, I love Brancusi.
I just don't like it.
Brancush.
It's not Brancusi.
It's Brancush.
Don't be such a snob, Bob.
I'm not being a snob.
I just think you should call
people by their proper name.
- Well, it's not "Par-ee,"
is it?
It's Paris.
That's different.
Why?
- It was never meant
to be Brancusi.
It's Brancush.
Bob?
I've got something unbelievable,
unbelievable.
I mean, I'm not sure I can say,
'cause it's not quite
a done deal, but-
You can tell me, Art.
Come on, tell me.
"Boogie Woogie."
Wow, unbelievable.
Yep, first in the series.
The first "Boogie Woogie"?
Must be worth a fortune.
It's priceless,
priceless.
Okay, so how much?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, at least 20 million.
20 mil, wow.
Yeah.
I tell you, it's a beauty.
Hello, it's Dewey.
Anyone home?
Here they are.
Hi.
Hello.
How are you doing?
I'm just gonna get my coat.
Come on.
Light.
- Wow, you've been
changing things around a bit.
- Yes, you know,
here and there.
That's good.
All right.
Can you bring them back by tea?
Sure.
- Great.
- No probs.
- All right.
Let's go.
- Did I tell you
that we've got
Larry Oppenheimer's
daughter here?
Larry Oppenheimer's daughter?
Is she cute?
- She's real cute
and determined.
- You know,
that fraud investigation,
that wiped out her dad,
didn't it?
- Yeah, well,
goddamn intrusive government.
That's what I say.
I mean, he was
one of my best clients.
- What happened
to his collection?
- I got his collection
right here.
Are you coming
to my dinner, Bob?
We sure are.
Okay.
So I'll see you then.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Alfred, we really must talk.
What about?
About our financial situation.
It's not so bad.
- Darling, we're down
to our last beans.
Don't be ridiculous.
- I've just had the quote
from the insurance company.
I have nothing else to sell.
We have the "Boogie Woogie."
- You want to sell
the Mondrian?
I got it from the master
himself.
It is a masterpiece,
a meisterwerk.
- You want to sell off
our most prized possessions.
And for what?
To pay a few lousy bills?
I went to the studio
of Mondrian,
and I bought it from him.
It's been a part
of my collection.
It is the envy of all London.
I am known for that painting.
Spindle?
16 million.
- Darling, you've lived
with the painting for 50 years.
Now it's time for somebody else
to have the pleasure
of owning it.
And besides, we can collect
other artists.
They're all shit.
It's like trading gold
for potatoes.
And you,
why are you standing there?
This is a private conversation.
Always snooping around.
- My God, Paige,
what happened?
I fell over in the park.
That looks bad.
No, it's really not.
Sit down over there.
Right here.
Take this down.
Okay.
My dear Alfreda,
it was a great pleasure
to see you on Wednesday.
After further consideration...
Can you bend it?
Does it hurt?
- I mean, yeah,
it hurts a little bit.
Where?
Just on this side.
I've got some cream.
My doctor prescribed it to me
when I fell down those steps
at Christie's.
Dear Lord.
My, my.
It was embarrassing.
I pretended as if
nothing had happened,
but the pain, the pain!
There you go.
Okay.
Take this down.
After further consideration,
we think that 20 million
would be a fair valuation
for the painting
and of course
help facilitate the sale.
- You know what, Art?
I can do this.
It's fine.
Honestly, I can-
In a few minutes,
you won't feel a thing.
- Art, Art-
Art.
Excuse me.
- Yes?
- The Havermeyers
are in the gallery.
Okay.
"I'm interested in how sight,
"which is limited
by our biological makeup,
"affects observation
of what's around us,
"and therefore limits perception
in general.
"I like to explore
these boundaries
and through my work exp"-
Fuck work.
Hi, Jean.
Jo.
You found it.
Hello.
I brought Picasso.
I hope you don't mind.
- Of course not.
Hey, Picasso.
- He won't be a bother,
I promise.
Sit, sit.
Come in.
Wow.
- Here,
let me take your coat.
Wow.
So this is where you work.
Yeah, this is it.
Well, the show has to do
with peripheral vision.
Right.
- I'm interested in
how one's sight
is limited
to our biological makeup.
I want to explore
the boundaries which-
you know, which define
what we can and can't perceive.
Wow.
It's interesting.
- I conceived the show
when I was, um,
I was walking across Park Lane,
and this crazy guy in a van
almost ran me over.
No.
- You know, it just got me
thinking, like,
how we see and ascertain
an object
purely by what's in front of us
rather than taking into account
our peripheral vision.
Right.
I'm going on.
No, no, no.
It's very, very,
very interesting.
- Now, this is a device
I'm constructing.
If you just come forward
and put your head here.
Just-just here?
- See, and then keep your eye
on the object in front.
And take hold of
these two levers.
And slowly.
You only become aware
of the predators-
Ooh!
Good God, Art.
It's outperforming the FTSE,
and that's 20% in a week.
No, yeah.
Well, I'll think about it.
Okay.
- Bye-bye.
Bye.
Spindle is outrageous.
He says they want
24 million.
- Well, that's 16 for them
and 8 commission for Art.
- But the old man doesn't even
want to sell the picture.
So what's he on about?
- Well, they're gonna
have to sell.
He's just trying to find
their breaking point.
Any way we can help them?
- We could go to them direct
and offer 18 million.
So are you going behind
the back of Art Spindle?
- I'm leaving the gallery,
right?
- Now you're gonna have to put
your head
inside this little hole.
Really?
- In you go.
- Okay.
To the left and right of you,
you have a nonfunctional
domestic environment.
Yes.
- Yeah, see,
if you turn to the left,
you're only aware
of that object, right?
Now, if you turn to your right.
See, you only are aware of those
one object in front of you.
Right.
- But if you stare
straight ahead...
Yeah.
- You suddenly become aware
of everything.
Yes.
- Have you ever actually used
a Chapman?
No.
I mean, just for fun.
You're so silly.
- You're not supposed
to do that.
Maybe we should end this.
Why?
- Well, we're gonna have
a professional relationship.
So maybe we
should keep it that way.
- Well, if I had thought
being your sleeping partner
would mean
not sleeping with you,
I wouldn't have got that gallery
in the first place, would I?
Come on, Bob.
18 million.
What's my commission?
Let's see.
How long have you
been here, Beth?
About five years.
I've paid you well.
I have made you a director
of the gallery.
I've introduced you to some of
the greatest artists of the day
and some of the most influential
collectors in our time.
And this?
This is how you repay me?
Why?
- I want to start
my own gallery.
- Do you know how many times
I've heard that shit?
If I hear that you
have feathered your nest
with my client list...
- I will make life
extremely difficult for you.
But I'm only doing
what you would be doing, Art,
if you were in my position.
This... is betrayal.
- I just want to have my own
space showing young artists.
Get out.
Get out!
Paige, get me accounts.
Hi.
I want you to stop
all commissions
due to Beth Freemantle.
I want a full audit
of her expense account.
I want her password blocked
from the database,
and I want her mobile phone
terminated.
Thank you.
That little bitch.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you.
Thank you for coming tonight.
You know,
I thought of this show
a good five years ago.
And I hope
you will agree with me
that the result is quite...
Spectacular.
I'd like to thank everybody
who has worked at the gallery
so tirelessly, tirelessly,
to make this exhibition happen.
I'd also like to take this
opportunity to bid farewell to-
regretfully bid farewell
to one of our gallery directors
that has been
at my side these five years
and without whose help this show
would not have been possible.
Please raise your glasses
to Beth Freemantle.
To Beth.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
That was really great.
That was very, very moving, Art.
Very moving.
And it didn't work.
So he-
three tries.
When he figured out
he couldn't sue me,
he sued the artist.
I told the judge,
"Hey, art doesn't come
with a guarantee."
In my humble opinion,
Schneider is shit.
- What's the dog walker
doing here?
- Yeah, he tried
to sell me some concept.
My dog walker.
Your dog walker?
Yes, my dog walker.
Your dog walker?
Shit.
Beth.
- Hey.
Hey.
Yeah, I'd love see that.
Hi, Jean.
Hi, honey.
I'd love to see it.
- Well, it's more-
- I told you.
Bob, I told you about it.
We talked about it.
No, but that sounds-
- He's just-he's had
a bit too much to drink.
Wait.
- She's your girlfriend,
right?
Yeah.
Well, if you want, you could
come see the work sometime.
- I mean, I'll see it
at the gallery, right, you know?
Yeah, but, I don't know.
It would be nice
to get your opinion,
see what you think of it.
Really?
Hello, Jo.
Jean, hey.
Hi.
Do you guys know each other?
- I just-
I just had a question.
I had an idea, actually.
Okay, sure.
Can I just take a seat?
- Yeah.
I got it.
- No, it's all right.
I've got it.
I've got it.
- You all right?
- Yes.
I just had an idea that maybe,
maybe we could go
somewhere together.
- Honey, I think
it's a little difficult-
No, no, no.
I mean like New York.
Maybe we can go
to New York together.
Yeah, um-
- Come on, Jo.
- I don't know.
- I'll introduce you
to people like, you know,
like Marks and Larry
and Andrea
and all these wonderful-
Jean, Jean, everybody's here.
I know.
There's my husband.
Let's go to the bathroom.
- I don't think we should.
- No, come on.
I haven't done that in ages.
No, I don't think we should.
Come on, let's go, okay?
Shh.
- And as we were leaving,
we ran into Ivor Schneider.
So this girl, she can't
have been any older than 16.
In fact,
I think she was a lot younger.
And as we were talking,
I had this really good idea.
- Yeah, so we'll do
a 50-50 split after cost.
If you need any money
to finish your show,
then I will finance you.
- I really don't know
what to say.
Great.
Amazing.
I mean, I can't wait
to tell Dewey.
- Yeah,
what's your relationship
with him, by the way?
You said
he represents you?
- Well, he's kind of been
helping me out.
- Yeah.
I mean, I really like him.
But I mean, I couldn't have him
in the middle.
I mean, I hate to say this
about him, 'cause he's a friend.
I really love him,
but, you know,
he has a credibility issue.
Yeah.
Um, well, I can talk to him.
Give him a piece of work
or something.
He'll be fine.
Speak of the devil.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm having such
a great time tonight.
It's really great.
Elaine...
Cheers.
What are you two
scheming about?
Have you seen Jo?
He was talking
to Jean Maclestone
a wee while ago.
- Jo, you will come with me
to New York, won't you?
Yeah, yeah, don't stop.
She's so funny sometimes.
Yeah.
Hey, Bob.
Hey, hey, Dewey.
Bob, I want a divorce.
Well, Jean,
if that's what you want.
Just like that?
I mean, how many years, Bob?
How many years
have we been married?
Um, 1987.
That makes-
'86.
No, I think it was '87, Jean.
My God.
'86, Bob.
At Ricky Robenstein's
birthday party.
But that was '87.
The next week we flew
to Warhol's funeral.
- Warhol's funeral
was 1986, Bob.
Eighty-fucking-seven.
It was the same year
I had my appendix out.
The appendix was 1988,
two years after met.
I remember it as if it was
just the other day.
- It was my appendix,
God damn it.
I met you in '86.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Yes, that's all you knew
how to do.
What are you doing?
- What does it look like
I'm doing?
Where you gonna go, Art's?
What are you insinuating?
- You guys seem
to like each other.
We're just friends.
He's gay, anyway.
He is not gay.
Nice shoes.
What the fuck?
Hello?
Who?
Jean Maclestone?
Fuck.
Don't make a sound.
Shit.
I just walked out on Bob.
You just walked out on Bob?
Isn't that a bit extreme?
I'm going for a divorce.
Divorce?
I've had enough, Art.
God.
I don't want to be
kicked out on my arse
when it's all too late,
you know?
I don't want to be left
when I'm old and cranky
and look like the butt end
of a rhino.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I don't-
I don't want to stagnate
in some Notting Hill mansion
watching him screw secretaries,
and then one day
when it suits him,
leave me and marry one of them.
Art, I'm not gonna
talk about this right now.
I'm just tired.
I'm tired of 20 years
of marriage.
20, 20.
I don't think you know
what it's been like.
That's my cat.
I want to live, Art.
I want to go to bars.
I want to go to Rio and Moscow
and Cambodia.
I want my own place.
I want my own friends.
I want to stay up all night.
God.
I don't want to hear
about the next property deal
or, God, the Arsenal score
or Matisse's coiffure
or have, long discussions
about how he met Warhol
or how many inches of space
the Basquiat
should have around it!
God.
You know what I mean?
I've had enough.
I guess we've just grown apart.
Jean.
We have got nothing in common
except a taste
for collecting art.
Jean.
- Last night I met this
totally hot, totally cute guy.
And guess what.
He was smart as well.
I mean, can you imagine?
I told him all about our show,
and he was so into it,
and he totally got your work.
It was just amazing.
I got you something, Dewey.
Ooh.
My God.
Elaine, this is my favorite one.
I've got the perfect frame
for that.
Wow, I can't believe it.
Thanks, darling.
- It's for all the support
you've been giving me.
- You didn't need
to do that, though.
Wow.
- We need to talk about
our working relationship.
And...
Okay.
- You know how you're involved
in my work and stuff.
- Yeah, what do you mean,
Elaine?
- Beth wants to deal with me
directly.
- Well, where does that
leave me?
I see.
Dewey, Dewey, come on.
This is the art world.
This is how it works.
Dewey!
Shit.
- So this is where you work,
right?
Yeah, this is it.
I kind of sit at my desk,
look out the window,
and wait for an idea to hit me,
you know?
- Wow, you don't even
have to get out of bed.
No.
And sometimes I like
to do drawings,
kind of like a p-p-pre-pa-
Preparatory?
- I can never fucking pronounce
that word.
Do you want to see some?
- You mean some
preparatory sketches?
Yeah, this is what
I'm working on at the moment.
That's Podrazik.
Right.
Now, this is a piece.
You see, it's to do
with peripheral vision.
It's gonna be an installation.
And you walk in here,
and you place your head
in this device,
see, so that
it can't move around.
So then to your left and right
you have a nonfunctional
domestic environment,
part of, but not the whole
of which, you can see.
- You mean you can't see
all of it at the same time.
- No, you can only see
certain objects.
But then if you look
directly at me,
you suddenly become aware
of everything, right?
Yeah.
That's.. wow.
Yeah, that's really cool.
- It kind of brings you
into this new vision, you know?
It kind of questions reality.
I thought you were with Beth.
Yeah.
- We should keep this
strictly professional.
Don't you think, Jo?
Yeah, sure.
Tell me, Freign.
I don't want to be indiscreet,
but do you think
they may eventually decide
on selling the Mondrian?
- I think a little more
persuasion will be required.
You mean a higher price.
- Insurance is a matter
of great concern.
- I'll pay for the insurance.
How about that?
That's most generous.
I will raise my offer
to, say, 25 million,
and I suggest that we insure it
for 40 million.
What do you think?
I think that would be
a most appropriate sum,
Mr. Spindle.
One of mine, I'm afraid.
Robert Freign.
I didn't know
that you were an artist.
An amateur rock painter.
A grey marl
from Aix-en-Provence.
Cezanne painted 27 canvases
from Bibemus quarry,
where this particular stone
was found.
Fascinating.
Fascinating.
Please have it.
No, I couldn't.
No, please.
Why, thank you.
Perhaps we should do a show.
You flatter me, Mr. Spindle.
- Not at all,
not at all.
- I hope you got the Picasso
out of him.
They're working on it.
- Jean, don't let the lawyers
fob you off with platitudes.
Be demanding.
Make sure you get copies
of all correspondence.
Read them like your life
depended on it.
You only get one
good shot at this.
Okay, honey?
Right.
So what's the damage?
Okay, Bob.
Let's start with Notting Hill,
Tuscany, Palm Beach,
wrap up with Aspen.
What about Aspen?
- I get the house,
and he gets the art.
You sure that's wise, Jean?
Art is exceeding property prices
two to one.
- Do you think
I should renegotiate?
Of course you should.
Being tough over this
creates opportunities
down the line.
How so?
- It gives you room
to appear reasonable later on
over other issues.
If you have to compromise,
at least you fall back
on a position
you already agreed on.
Right.
- What about the Smith
in the garden?
That's his.
And the Kelly?
That's mine.
The Judd,
the Flavin,
the Brancusi.
She wants the Brancush?
Brancusi?
Brancush.
Brancush?
She hates the Brancush.
She didn't want me to buy it.
She even hangs her coat
off of it.
Why the hell would she want
the Brancush?
It's worth a fortune.
I had Art look into it.
He thinks Bob's
completely underpriced it.
That's my girl.
- The Warhol, the Beuys,
the Hockney in the hallway.
- Magritte?
- That's his.
- Never liked that one anyway.
- No.
- The Struth photographs
in the first-floor bathroom.
Good God.
Giacometti?
That's his.
- Pity.
- Yeah.
But I get the Lucas
and the Judd stack piece
in the hall.
- The Katz cutouts
on the stairs,
the Mapplethorpe photographs
on the landing,
the Bacon in the living room,
the Emin, the Currin,
the Landy,
and the Jew in the library.
- I get the Hirst, the Rusche,
and the Barney suite.
Shall we go in?
Yeah, I'm famished.
- She also wants
the Dogan pieces
as well as the Picasso
sculpture,
and all the art books.
- Can I have a macchiato,
please?
A macch-
Macch-i-a-to.
- I don't think
that we have that.
- Sweetheart, I come
every other day to the Westbury,
and I have a macchiato
every other day.
Yes, but I don't think-
Get the maitre d'.
Yes.
What is that, Hungarian?
I think it's Polish.
Signora, I am sorry,
but it's the waitress'
first day.
And she doesn't understand.
- Alphonse, I just wanted
a macchiato.
A macchiato.
Due.
Of course, signora.
So...
what about the other thing?
I've never had it so good.
I'm taking the boy
to New York tonight.
You're what?
New York, first class,
Four Seasons.
Are you crazy?
What?
- I've been divorced
three times, Jean, okay?
With Carmen,
I made legal history.
I know these men.
They're obsessive,
greedy sons of bitches.
Give them an inch,
and they'll take a mile.
And if he finds out that you're
screwing Jo Richards...
Emille.
He'll have your arse.
At the end of it, all you'll
get is his poster collection
and his grandmother's
Shabbat candles.
Shh.
Hello?
Yes, I can't talk right now.
Okay.
Speak later.
Who pays those bills?
The office takes care of it.
What?
Evidence.
Evidence.
You should be compiling
everything about him.
No.
- I hear he likes
gallery girls.
Stop it.
Ask around, Jean.
Get addresses, facts, numbers.
If he uses Jo,
you'll have all the ammo.
Right.
- And above all,
don't compromise.
- And finally, she wants Picasso
and Matisse.
She wants Matisse?
Matisse is my dog.
No way!
No way!
She can have Picasso
but not Matisse.
- I thought you
didn't like Matisse.
- I don't,
but Picasso would be
absolutely desperate
without him.
Moving on to Tuscany.
Wait.
What if I sold everything?
What?
If I sold all the art,
if I sold
the whole goddamn lot.
- Well, she'd still get
the money.
What's the difference?
Well, the difference is that
the money doesn't mean
a goddamn thing.
28 million.
Do you really think
this video shit you're doing
is art, Elaine?
- I'm not defining it
as a work of art, Joany.
The gallery is.
- Yeah, but you're making
this thing
knowing it's gonna be shown
in a gallery.
- Yeah, but so much shit
is shown in galleries
that perhaps it doesn't
mean anything anymore.
You know, like the Pope makes
whoever saints.
Get that.
Why can't you?
It's Dewey.
He's going on and on
about this Beth thing.
You mean I have to deal
with your shit.
Please?
Hi, Dewey.
Hi, is Elaine in?
She's not here right now,
but do you want me to give her
a message or something?
- I've left her
about a million messages,
and she never gets back to me.
- Well, as soon as she gets in,
I'll have her come up, okay?
- Joany, do you really think
I'm that stupid?
I can hear you guys
through the fucking floorboards.
- It's not just about you,
Dewey.
Elaine's got to think
about her career.
It's her first show.
It's like a really big deal.
But I introduced her,
and then she just dropped me
like a piece of shit.
I'm so tired of being
fucked over.
Dewey.
Dewey.
Try and get some sleep.
You look like shit.
Fuck off!
I don't need to hear that now!
Dewey.
I'm going to kill myself.
Please.
I feel really bad.
He'll get over it.
- Honey, honey,
of course I'm not ashamed.
All right, I got to go.
Bob.
I know about you and Jean.
It really doesn't matter.
Me and Jean?
Water under the bridge.
Look, Bob, I assure you-
Art.
Art, I want to sell
a few things.
In fact,
I want to sell everything.
Jesus, mother of God.
What, the whole lot?
Yeah.
And there's one condition.
If you want to handle the sale,
you cannot talk to Jean
about it.
Of course.
Are you serious, Bob?
Absolutely.
Anyway,
Jean's off to New York.
Where do we begin?
The whole lot?
The whole lot.
Dear Mr. Spindle,
Alfreda has been approached
by a third party
with an offer
substantially higher
than the one
we recently discussed.
In the light of your ongoing
interest in the painting,
she thought it only fair
to inform you of her intention
to accept this offer.
Your obedient servant,
Robert Freign.
Mr. Maclestone?
Call me Bob, Paige.
Bob.
These are really amazing.
Just wanted to congratulate you
on becoming a director.
Thank you.
Paige.
Do you like Turkish food?
I don't know.
I found this new great place,
and I was thinking
dinner Thursday.
I'll have my assistant call you.
It's all about money.
They have no love for art.
It's just money:
What they get,
what they sell,
how much.
- 28 million
is a considerable amount.
And given our circumstances,
we should at least
think about the offer.
Waste of time.
Dear Alfreda.
- Mr. Spindle, how good of you
to come over to see us.
- Not at all.
Not at all.
Good evening, Alfred.
I brought your favorites.
Would you like a drink?
Whiskey.
- Neat or with a splash
of water, sir?
Neat.
It's cold outside.
My, my.
It's not every day that one
is served by an artist.
Thank you, Freign.
I felt I should
come straight over
and discuss the recent offer.
I must say,
it's a little unorthodox.
I thought we'd agreed.
- The offer
was substantially more.
- Alfreda, let me tell you
about Grossman.
Grossman?
Yes, he's not what he seems.
I hear he has
cash flow problems.
- But the offer came
from Mr. Maclestone.
Bob Maclestone?
Yes.
- I know it's a great deal
of money.
- I will not sell
that painting.
Never.
I got it
from the master himself.
500 pounds I paid for it.
Cash.
Time and time and time again,
I have told you
that I will not sell
that painting to you
or to that other creep,
Maclestein.
You come into my house.
You start snooping around.
And you are trying
to get your greedy hands
on my most precious possession.
Leave us alone.
- I'm sure we can come
to some other arrangement.
Say, 30 million.
Over my dead body.
- Mr. Spindle,
I think you should leave.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
- Of course.
Of course.
This is not an amusing game.
- Business is business,
Mr. Spindle.
Never.
Never.
You're impossible.
I don't feel good.
What is it?
I don't know.
Paige?
Paige?
Spectacular.
My God.
The art!
My God!
The art!
The art!
- I'm sorry.
- What?
I just can't get a hard-on.
Is there a problem?
- It's just that flight from
New York takes it out of you.
I'm sorry.
Is it the scars?
Of course not.
It's the scars, right?
Beth.
Hi, this is Jo.
Leave a message.
Jo, call me right away.
Bob has taken the art,
all of it.
I don't know what to do.
My God!
- What is she doing
ringing you?
I have no idea.
Jo.
Not Jean Maclestone.
You can fuck your show.
- Take a look at this.
This is extraordinary.
Fibrovascular background stroma
separating the different
tissue types.
Look:
Finger, jaw, eye socket.
It's quite
the most developed teratoma
I've ever encountered.
It is the patient's twin,
you know,
having been born with her,
so to speak.
Beth, baby, how you doing?
You okay?
Yeah, come over.
Yeah, I'll see-
Why are you avoiding me?
Dewey, what-
- What have I done
to deserve this, Elaine?
Don't fucking touch me.
No, how dare you?
How dare you patronize me?
- What fucking happened to you?
Sort yourself out!
Shut up!
I introduced you to everyone.
Sir?
Mr. Oppenheimer?
The surgeon wants to see you
immediately.
I fucking introduced you!
- Are you finished?
- Yeah!
And you used me
and spat me out!
Jesus, Dewey.
I hate you!
Do you hear me?
I hate you!
You fucking bitch!
Fuck.
Where is it now?
In the operating theater.
Can I see it?
Sure.
- Did you sell my Currin
to the Havermeyers?
- Beth said she saw my Currin
at the Havermeyers.
- Well-
- That was mine!
- I thought it was a part
of Bob's settlement.
- You knew that it wasn't.
We discussed it.
Don't you remember?
- Are you sure about that?
- Don't lie to me.
- Jean.
Don't "Jean" me, Art.
Jean, calm down.
The Currin,
that was a genuine mistake.
I really thought it was his.
What is that?
It's a fly swat-
tribal gift
from a client-joke.
- And what's this I hear about
you and Paige Oppenheimer?
Paige Oppenheimer?
- Rumor has it that you
were seen going down on her.
What?
- You were seen
going down on her, Art.
Going down on her?
What do you mean?
I mean, for fuck's sake!
- You sell my art.
You fuck your P.A.
Fuck my P.A.?
- You and Bob,
you're just two peas in a pod.
What are you talking about?
Art, who's Paige Oppenheimer?
- I mean, he was, like,
totally grossed out.
I guess guys
are weird like that.
Yeah.
- And I told him
I wasn't gonna do his show.
That's bad, isn't it?
- Well, yeah, it's kind of
a big kick in the balls.
Yeah, I guess so.
Shit.
Can I see them?
Um, sure.
You know, I thought
they were insignificant,
and I wanted, like,
power breasts.
- They're great.
Wow.
Really?
That means a lot,
'cause you're the only person
I've showed them to, you know.
- Yeah, well,
take a load of these.
Whoa.
You like?
- Yeah, didn't that hurt
your nipple and stuff?
- Yeah, but it was, like,
kind of,
you know, sexy sort of pain.
Come on.
It's kind of beautiful.
Thanks.
I mean, not as beautiful
as your scars, though.
I just love those.
Really?
- I mean, how could you
not like that?
I don't know.
Do you like that?
Elaine-
You have such beautiful skin.
It's so soft.
- I don't think
this is a good idea,
'cause I'm not a lesbian,
and we have
a working relationship.
Elaine.
This isn't happening.
Hello, lovely.
Hello, Bob.
What's going on?
I have a surprise for you.
For me?
Open it.
Okay.
- I had Damien
make a piece of it.
Isn't it great?
"Teratoma."
- Bob, remember that Mondrian
I was trying to get?
"Boogie Woogie"?
Yeah.
Some asshole was trying
to fuck me over on it.
No way.
Yeah.
Well, it got burnt.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, some fire.
How?
I don't know.
Old house, wiring.
Such a shame.
It was a masterpiece.
I wish you a long life.
Thank you.
- Is there anything I can do,
Alfreda?
- No, you've done quite
enough already, Mr. Spindle.
- I trust the insurance
is taking care of you?
- Hiscox are being
quite amazingly efficient.
Thank you.
We're going to be moving abroad.
"We"?
Really?
Where?
Tuscany.
Aha.
Well, I'm sure they have
plenty of rocks there.
As a matter of fact,
it's where Leonardo
first deduced
through the discovery
of fossilized seashells
that the world was far older
than originally thought.
Fascinating, fascinating.
Good-bye.
Fascinating.
I came across an intriguing
painting by Courbet.
The cliffs at Ornans.
Yes, the sheer cliffs.
Bye-bye, son of a bitch.
Thank you.
Joany.
What?
Leave me alone.
You're always fucking filming.
What's your problem?
- Joany, what do you think
of these boobs?
God.
It's just outrageous.
I don't agree, Jean.
I think it's
a very powerful piece.
What?
Yeah.
You know, just like the way
she's exposing
every part of her life,
like, physically and emotionally
revealing herself.
- This is Elaine Proctor.
It's her show.
The first time I saw her work,
I was a little weirded out.
And then I thought,
"This is her art,
and this is her vision,
and I really respect that."
That's lovely, mate.
That's a nice picture, Art.
- Look, there's Art.
- Fantastic.
Look this way, please, mate.
That's great.
- There's your ex-boss.
- God.
You got to admire the guy.
Why?
Well, he fires her.
He's trying to sue her,
and here he is
in her gallery.
Hello, Art.
- It's just-
it's cheap sensationalism.
- It's good.
It's very good.
- Jo, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Jo, darling.
Jo.
- So where the hell
have you been?
Making art?
You couldn't even make
a goddamn cake.
A cake, Joany?
- You look incredible
on-screen.
You undersized little whore.
Stop fucking filming me.
Are you a model?
That's so tacky.
Because I love you.
- You only love
your fucking self.
Matter of fact, yeah.
- I didn't recognize you
with your clothes on.
That's me.
- She's exploring
pitiful timing.
Beth?
Beth, hey.
I just wanted to say
it's a fantastic-
Not now, Jo.
You were saying?
Dad, Dad!
I didn't know
you were gonna come.
Beth, what the hell is this?
I don't understand.
What is this supposed to be?
Your mother's in hysterics.
I've had to put her in a cab.
Dad, this is art.
Art?
How is this art?
It's a goddamn porno movie
starring my daughter.
Excuse me, sir.
I have to introduce Beth
to somebody.
- I've been in this game
a long time, Elaine, you know?
I could do with a break.
You're stunning tonight.
Thank you.
And so are they.
Do I still get my interest?
You know what, Bob?
You can't have it every way.
Why not?
Put this on your head.
- Ew, you were just kissing
someone else.
Don't come near me.
- Hey, can you
hold them a sec, Jan?
Jan or "Yan"?
- Jan.
- Jan.
- I wonder how she got
all this together.
I'm backing her, Art.
I mean, my God,
I just thought he would jump
at it immediately, you know.
No, Picasso!
Come back!
- Shit.
- Shit.
Hey, long time, no see.
Come to Daddy.
Hey, little puffsy-duffsy.
Jo, come here.
Bob's got Picasso.
Well, it's his dog.
- Well, just go get him
for me, please?
- Why do I have to?
- Please?
I'm sorry.
I can't get him.
Hello.
Come here.
Hey, Bob.
Aw.
I'm sorry.
Jean wants the dog back.
Thank you.
Mrs. Maclestone.
Mrs. Maclestone!
That's lovely.
Just a couple of photos.
This way, towards this way,
please, Mrs. Maclestone.
This way, please.
Lovely, yeah, group photo.
That's lovely, guys.
Fucking floorboards!
- Mrs. Maclestone,
this way, please.
That's fantastic.
Smile, smiles all around.
Lovely.
Thank you, guys.
That's great.
- And she just dropped me
like a piece of shit.
Try and get some sleep.
You look like shit.
Fuck off!
I don't need to hear that now!
- Great work.
Fantastic.
Thank you.
- I'm doing a show called
"Deviant Mythology."
Yes?
- And I would love
to have your work in it.
- I'm sure I can
work out something.
Dewey.
I'm going to kill myself.
Please.
Love the show.
And who are you?
- Rachel Leighton.
Vanity Fair.
We'd love to do
an article on you.
We should talk.
This isn't fair.
Jesus fucking Christ!
You're a fucking narcissist,
Elaine.
It's all about you
at the end of the day.
- Sure, it's about me.
It's a fucking self-portrait.
- You're just a self-absorbed,
self-obsessed,
selfish, second-rate
so-called artist.
You can't even draw
a straight fucking line.
Let's not get into this.
And anyway, I don't draw.
I do video art.
"I do video art."
My God.
No.
My God.
No.
My God.
Dewey.
Read it back.
"Dear Mrs. Wezleman,
"you have to agree that
to witness a magnolia warbler
"at this time of year
is almost unheard of.
"So it is with great pleasure
I send you these photographs
I had specially taken for you
of this rare event."
Yes.
Incidentally,
on further consideration,
we think 10 million
would be a fair valuation
for your remarkable
Lucien Freud.
Here.
Welcome aboard.
That one's gonna be-
Fucking Christ.
You're a fucking narcissist,
Elaine.
It's all about you
at the end of the day.
- Sure, it's about me.
It's a fucking self-portrait.
- You're just a self-absorbed,
self-obsessed,
selfish, second-rate,
so-called artist
who can't even draw
a straight fucking line.
Let's not get into this.
And anyway, I don't draw.
I do video art.
"I do video art."
My God.
No.
No.
Bob, Jean.
Don't go in there.
Fucking assholes going into that
cocksucking bastard's gallery.
Motherfuckers!
Read it back.
- "Dear Alfreda,
I am sending you
"this excellent account
"of the raising
of the Mary Rose.
"I was fortunate enough
to come across a tabor pipe
"found in an early wreck,
"and I would be grateful
"if you would accept
this small token
to celebrate our friendship."
Yes.
On further consideration,
we think that 15 million
would be a fair valuation
for the painting.
"Dear Mr. Spindle,
"thank you for your letter
concerning the Mondrian.
"I have in the past discussed
with my husband
"the possible sale
of this work.
"As you may be aware,
"my husband bought the painting
from the artist himself
"and has, understandably,
a strong sentimental attachment
to it."
- I find this all
very difficult, Robert.
I mean, I wish I'd never even
contemplated the idea.
It's just-
I don't know.
Never mind.
- Well, if the sale
at Sotheby's is successful,
then maybe
it won't be necessary to-
- No, I know.
I know.
But he's so insistent.
He's like
some ghastly hypnotist.
And over the past two weeks,
he's sent me dozens
of unreadable books
on marine archaeology
and enough flowers
for a funeral,
and these missives,
almost like love letters.
- They are intimate,
it has to be said.
- Look,
"Your intelligence resonates
"like the echo of a seashell.
"The elegance of your opinion
stands out against the debris
of modernity."
- Well, perhaps he simply has
strong feelings for you.
Could be his mother.
Verdammt.
- Really, you do
underestimate yourself.
What?
Grossman's offered him 60-40?
Well, what does he want?
70?
No goddamn way!
I built Schneider up,
God damn it.
If he wants to join
a bunch of second-rate artists
in a second-rate gallery,
well, then let him.
- I hear that Grossman
has cash flow problems.
- Yes, well, he's always got
cash flow problems.
You want to know why?
Because he's a fucking idiot.
By the way, the Rhinegolds
are selling two paintings
at Sotheby's.
- Well, if they'd let me sell
their goddamn Mondrian,
they wouldn't have to sell
their collection.
I mean, what is wrong
with these people?
- I guess
they're attached to it.
- Art should not be allowed
to stagnate.
There's a price for everything.
There's always a price.
Bob, Jean.
Hi, Art.
How the hell are you?
You look great.
Handsome as always.
- Try my best.
Bob.
Good.
That's a great spin painting.
Wow.
That is so alive.
- It's fantastic.
How much?
- Well, the Havermeyers
have reserved it.
You're joking.
No.
You should call me first
when you get something
like that.
How much was it?
I shouldn't say.
Come on, Art.
We don't have any secrets,
do we?
400,000.
Wow.
- His prices are going
through the roof.
And this is an early one.
It's a spectacular painting,
truly beautiful.
You know, I was looking at
those Newmans the other day,
and it struck me
how exciting it must have been
to suddenly have
a new language in art.
I feel that Hirst must have had
that same sensation.
There's something else
I want to show you,
something that came in
the other day.
Buzz!
Bring in the Currin.
God, I love John's work.
He's so great, isn't he?
And that Rachel
is just adorable.
- Would you like
some champagne, water?
No, we're just stopping by.
Yes, I would love some water.
Thank you, Art.
Sparkling.
Certainly.
Nature calls.
- You know where it is,
don't you, Bob?
So?
- Your hair
looks beautiful, Jean.
Thank you, Art.
Are you going to
the Schneider show in New York?
- I was-
I was thinking of it, yeah.
Can I come?
Sure.
Do you think Bob
might like to come?
You know.
He does his thing,
and I do mine.
I found a great space.
Really?
Where?
Near Hoxton Square.
I love that area.
These.
You like?
They're fantastic.
I like those.
Well-
Those are amazing.
- Well, they're okay,
but those are better.
They're more rounded
like that Botticelli
at the National Gallery.
- Bob, I got to make
a decision soon.
Okay.
Go for these.
- No, I mean about when
to leave the gallery.
- Well, just wait
till the last minute.
Then break it to him.
What's this?
- That is Mondrian's very first
"Boogie Woogie" painting.
Isn't it incredible?
It's a masterpiece.
That's what it is.
Is it for sale?
We're working on it.
- Will you let me know
when it is?
- Well, I mean, that wouldn't be
very professional.
Come on, blue eyes.
Yes?
Yeah, Havermeyers.
I got to go.
The Havermeyers
are in the gallery.
I think it's a masterpiece.
Wow.
I love that.
Wow.
He's just amazing.
Art.
It's fantastic.
It's absolutely fantastic.
Fabulous.
- And I just had
to bring it out.
I understand.
How much?
- Beth, darling,
I'm sorry to bother you,
but did you get
the auction results
on the Rhinegold paintings?
Really?
Well, I suppose
that's good news.
You're invaluable, darling.
Bye.
- Got the results
of the auction.
It's not good news,
I'm afraid.
What, neither?
Well, we still have
the jewel in the crown.
I know.
I know.
Robert.
Somehow, we have to sell
this painting,
and soon.
It is inevitable.
However, I do not think
that Mr. Spindle's offer
is reflective
of market conditions.
What do you mean?
- It has come to my attention
that perhaps
the painting is undervalued.
- What,
do you mean Mr. Spindle
is hoping for a bargain?
In a manner of speaking.
I see.
Baudelaire.
Is that dry enough?
- And that one's beautiful
over there.
I think he's great, because,
you know,
he's such a clever artist.
He takes things that normally
we would associate with ugliness
and, you know, nastiness,
like cancer,
and then he makes them
into something
really pretty and beautiful.
I mean, look at this.
It's like a sort of close-up
of a smoothie or something.
- No, I'm gonna call you
right after.
Trust me.
Okay.
You too.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
Will you excuse me?
- Can I borrow a hundred quid?
- A hundred?
- Yeah, I'll give it
back to you tomorrow.
Promise.
- My God.
It's Jo Richards.
So?
Who?
Come on, girls.
The artist.
Beth's boyfriend.
I'm an artist.
I haven't got time for jobs
and stuff.
Time?
I work all day.
- Just pay me back next week
and not next year, okay?
Okay.
The little made large.
It's the central theme
of all poetry.
It's a microcosm
of a macrocosm.
I don't like it.
Well, we bought it.
No.
Hi.
- Hey, Art.
It's a great show.
- Thanks, Jo.
Always a pleasure to see you.
Hi.
Was that Jo Richards
you were talking to?
Yes, yes.
I very much like his work.
Great.
I can set up a studio visit
for you.
Yes, I'd like that very much.
I hadn't thought about that.
Yes, that would be wonderful.
Jo, Jo.
Hello.
Hi.
- Hi.
It's Dewey.
We met at Sue and Tim's party.
- Yeah, right, of course, Dewey.
How are you, mate?
- Good. Nice to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Do you know Elaine?
Have you met?
Don't think so, no.
I'm Jo Richards.
Jo, this is Elaine.
I'm Joany.
Joany, okay.
So how have things been?
Great.
So, Jo, what do you do?
I'm an artist.
Really?
Elaine, come on.
Remember the exhibition
we went to see at the ICA
with the really beautiful
time clock piece?
That was Jo's.
Yeah.
- It was nice
seeing you, Dewey.
- Nice to see you.
Yeah, bye.
What are you doing?
Havermeyer.
How nice to see you again.
Jean, nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Really getting fat.
- Hey, hi, Beth.
- Hey.
- You look so cute.
I love that suit.
- What, this old thing?
- Handsome.
- You don't know Elaine
and Joany, do you?
- Right, yeah, Dewey's
always talking about you.
He is?
Yeah, all good, mostly.
- I'd love to see your work.
What are you doing right now?
Well, at the moment,
I'm kind of working on
my self-portrait.
A work in progress?
Yeah, right here.
- Do you think this would be
a good moment to talk to Art?
Um, I don't know.
I mean, he's kind of busy,
but we can go check.
- Really?
Great, great.
Excuse me.
- Only if you come
and see my work.
- Okay, chant for me
and cross everything.
Fingers crossed.
Got the picture?
- Fingers crossed.
- Fingers crossed.
- Well, it's great
to see you again, Paige.
Yeah, I'm so excited.
I just-
I've always wanted to work
in the art world, so...
Well, welcome aboard.
Thank you.
- And please send my regards
to your papa?
- I will.
Thank you.
All right.
Got to meet her.
Yes, she's-
- Art, do you have five minutes
to give Dewey Dalamanatousis?
He's got this great idea
for a show,
and he's been really
bugging me about it.
- Do I have to?
- Please?
Okay, okay.
Are you the doorman?
Just your personal one.
I'm Jo Richards.
The artist Jo Richards?
Yeah.
It's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
- Well, I'll give it to them
for three,
and we'll split 100 Gs.
Great.
Come in.
You're one hell of a guy.
You son of a gun.
Bye.
Welcome, Mister-
Dalamanatousis.
I love your show.
Well, thank you.
So what's your idea, Mister-
Dalamanatousis.
Dewey Dalamanatousis.
That's some name.
I did-
Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.
It's okay.
I'd like to curate a show
called "Deviant Mythology,"
which is about
fly-on-the-wall art,
voyeurism, if you like.
Yeah.
- Jean said she'd actually
mentioned it to you.
Jean?
Jean Maclestone?
Maclestone, yeah.
- She actually said you were
quite interested in the idea.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Gerard!
Where the hell is my money,
God damn it?
Well, it's been over two months.
If I don't get my money
by next week,
I'm gonna call
my lawyers, okay?
Bye.
Look, I'm sorry,
but time is money.
Sure.
- Maybe you could send me
the details of your concept?
- Well, actually,
I brought along a portfolio...
- Which has got
my "raison d'etre."
And there's also a copy
of my curriculum vitae in there.
- Okay, well,
I will look through it.
It was nice to meet you.
I'll give you a call, Mister-
Dalamanatousis.
Yes.
Thank you.
I hope that we
can work together.
- Yes, well,
I look forward to it.
- Okay.
- Yes.
Have a nice day.
Thank you very much.
Good-bye.
Bye-bye.
Fucking idiot.
Gosh, I'm so sorry.
I totally forgot
to give you my card.
Here you are.
My God, I just assumed he would
just jump at it immediately,
because it's such a good idea,
'cause I just don't think
the London art scene
has ever seen
anything like this.
You know, it's such
a great idea, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Listen, Dewey.
You can't expect
the biggest art dealer in London
to just jump at your idea
for a show like that.
I mean,
lower your sights a bit.
- You know, I've just been in
this game a long time, Elaine.
I could do with a break,
you know.
Okay.
Close your eyes.
Yes.
Yeah, stop there.
Look now.
Wow.
What do you think?
It's fantastic.
There's a skylight,
and this is my showroom.
And that can be my office
back there,
and I can order people around.
I love it.
I love it.
You're happy?
You're amazing.
Who is that?
Charlotte Bailey.
She works at Museum 52.
Cute.
- You're a serial philanderer,
Elaine.
Do you know that?
You're one to talk.
Come on.
I don't even have
a boyfriend...
anymore.
That's your fault.
You cramp my style,
you lesbian fag hag.
Hello, girls.
You all right?
Where to, then?
Where you off to tonight?
Girls.
Hey, how about if I join you?
How about you fuck off?
So what would you like to do?
You're so beautiful.
Damn.
So naughty.
You're smiling.
You'd rather shoot my misery.
You know Joany?
Yeah.
You know she's my girlfriend?
You have very nice breasts.
Joany, what do you think
of these boobs?
Aw, Joany's jealous.
- Stop it!
Stop!
Why don't you get involved?
- Ew, you were just kissing
someone else.
Don't come near me.
I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna
go fuck someone, a guy.
- You're gonna go fuck someone?
- Yeah.
Don't you patronize me,
you undersized little whore.
And stop fucking filming me.
A whore?
- You only love
your fucking self.
Matter of fact, yeah.
Do you want to see me, Joany,
being fucked?
Wow.
Jesus fucking Christ!
I love it.
It's so real.
- Thanks, Beth.
That means a lot.
I mean, you're the first person
I've shown it to.
Really?
- I don't know.
I just felt you'd understand it.
I really appreciate that.
I think it really works.
It's really revealing.
It's very daring.
Watch it!
What do you think, Jean?
I like the space around it,
gives it air to breathe.
- I liked it better
next to Turk's Warhol.
You do?
- I mean,
Andy would have approved.
- It's just absolutely wasted
over there.
I don't like it.
You don't like old Constantin?
No, I love Brancusi.
I just don't like it.
Brancush.
It's not Brancusi.
It's Brancush.
Don't be such a snob, Bob.
I'm not being a snob.
I just think you should call
people by their proper name.
- Well, it's not "Par-ee,"
is it?
It's Paris.
That's different.
Why?
- It was never meant
to be Brancusi.
It's Brancush.
Bob?
I've got something unbelievable,
unbelievable.
I mean, I'm not sure I can say,
'cause it's not quite
a done deal, but-
You can tell me, Art.
Come on, tell me.
"Boogie Woogie."
Wow, unbelievable.
Yep, first in the series.
The first "Boogie Woogie"?
Must be worth a fortune.
It's priceless,
priceless.
Okay, so how much?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, at least 20 million.
20 mil, wow.
Yeah.
I tell you, it's a beauty.
Hello, it's Dewey.
Anyone home?
Here they are.
Hi.
Hello.
How are you doing?
I'm just gonna get my coat.
Come on.
Light.
- Wow, you've been
changing things around a bit.
- Yes, you know,
here and there.
That's good.
All right.
Can you bring them back by tea?
Sure.
- Great.
- No probs.
- All right.
Let's go.
- Did I tell you
that we've got
Larry Oppenheimer's
daughter here?
Larry Oppenheimer's daughter?
Is she cute?
- She's real cute
and determined.
- You know,
that fraud investigation,
that wiped out her dad,
didn't it?
- Yeah, well,
goddamn intrusive government.
That's what I say.
I mean, he was
one of my best clients.
- What happened
to his collection?
- I got his collection
right here.
Are you coming
to my dinner, Bob?
We sure are.
Okay.
So I'll see you then.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Alfred, we really must talk.
What about?
About our financial situation.
It's not so bad.
- Darling, we're down
to our last beans.
Don't be ridiculous.
- I've just had the quote
from the insurance company.
I have nothing else to sell.
We have the "Boogie Woogie."
- You want to sell
the Mondrian?
I got it from the master
himself.
It is a masterpiece,
a meisterwerk.
- You want to sell off
our most prized possessions.
And for what?
To pay a few lousy bills?
I went to the studio
of Mondrian,
and I bought it from him.
It's been a part
of my collection.
It is the envy of all London.
I am known for that painting.
Spindle?
16 million.
- Darling, you've lived
with the painting for 50 years.
Now it's time for somebody else
to have the pleasure
of owning it.
And besides, we can collect
other artists.
They're all shit.
It's like trading gold
for potatoes.
And you,
why are you standing there?
This is a private conversation.
Always snooping around.
- My God, Paige,
what happened?
I fell over in the park.
That looks bad.
No, it's really not.
Sit down over there.
Right here.
Take this down.
Okay.
My dear Alfreda,
it was a great pleasure
to see you on Wednesday.
After further consideration...
Can you bend it?
Does it hurt?
- I mean, yeah,
it hurts a little bit.
Where?
Just on this side.
I've got some cream.
My doctor prescribed it to me
when I fell down those steps
at Christie's.
Dear Lord.
My, my.
It was embarrassing.
I pretended as if
nothing had happened,
but the pain, the pain!
There you go.
Okay.
Take this down.
After further consideration,
we think that 20 million
would be a fair valuation
for the painting
and of course
help facilitate the sale.
- You know what, Art?
I can do this.
It's fine.
Honestly, I can-
In a few minutes,
you won't feel a thing.
- Art, Art-
Art.
Excuse me.
- Yes?
- The Havermeyers
are in the gallery.
Okay.
"I'm interested in how sight,
"which is limited
by our biological makeup,
"affects observation
of what's around us,
"and therefore limits perception
in general.
"I like to explore
these boundaries
and through my work exp"-
Fuck work.
Hi, Jean.
Jo.
You found it.
Hello.
I brought Picasso.
I hope you don't mind.
- Of course not.
Hey, Picasso.
- He won't be a bother,
I promise.
Sit, sit.
Come in.
Wow.
- Here,
let me take your coat.
Wow.
So this is where you work.
Yeah, this is it.
Well, the show has to do
with peripheral vision.
Right.
- I'm interested in
how one's sight
is limited
to our biological makeup.
I want to explore
the boundaries which-
you know, which define
what we can and can't perceive.
Wow.
It's interesting.
- I conceived the show
when I was, um,
I was walking across Park Lane,
and this crazy guy in a van
almost ran me over.
No.
- You know, it just got me
thinking, like,
how we see and ascertain
an object
purely by what's in front of us
rather than taking into account
our peripheral vision.
Right.
I'm going on.
No, no, no.
It's very, very,
very interesting.
- Now, this is a device
I'm constructing.
If you just come forward
and put your head here.
Just-just here?
- See, and then keep your eye
on the object in front.
And take hold of
these two levers.
And slowly.
You only become aware
of the predators-
Ooh!
Good God, Art.
It's outperforming the FTSE,
and that's 20% in a week.
No, yeah.
Well, I'll think about it.
Okay.
- Bye-bye.
Bye.
Spindle is outrageous.
He says they want
24 million.
- Well, that's 16 for them
and 8 commission for Art.
- But the old man doesn't even
want to sell the picture.
So what's he on about?
- Well, they're gonna
have to sell.
He's just trying to find
their breaking point.
Any way we can help them?
- We could go to them direct
and offer 18 million.
So are you going behind
the back of Art Spindle?
- I'm leaving the gallery,
right?
- Now you're gonna have to put
your head
inside this little hole.
Really?
- In you go.
- Okay.
To the left and right of you,
you have a nonfunctional
domestic environment.
Yes.
- Yeah, see,
if you turn to the left,
you're only aware
of that object, right?
Now, if you turn to your right.
See, you only are aware of those
one object in front of you.
Right.
- But if you stare
straight ahead...
Yeah.
- You suddenly become aware
of everything.
Yes.
- Have you ever actually used
a Chapman?
No.
I mean, just for fun.
You're so silly.
- You're not supposed
to do that.
Maybe we should end this.
Why?
- Well, we're gonna have
a professional relationship.
So maybe we
should keep it that way.
- Well, if I had thought
being your sleeping partner
would mean
not sleeping with you,
I wouldn't have got that gallery
in the first place, would I?
Come on, Bob.
18 million.
What's my commission?
Let's see.
How long have you
been here, Beth?
About five years.
I've paid you well.
I have made you a director
of the gallery.
I've introduced you to some of
the greatest artists of the day
and some of the most influential
collectors in our time.
And this?
This is how you repay me?
Why?
- I want to start
my own gallery.
- Do you know how many times
I've heard that shit?
If I hear that you
have feathered your nest
with my client list...
- I will make life
extremely difficult for you.
But I'm only doing
what you would be doing, Art,
if you were in my position.
This... is betrayal.
- I just want to have my own
space showing young artists.
Get out.
Get out!
Paige, get me accounts.
Hi.
I want you to stop
all commissions
due to Beth Freemantle.
I want a full audit
of her expense account.
I want her password blocked
from the database,
and I want her mobile phone
terminated.
Thank you.
That little bitch.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you.
Thank you for coming tonight.
You know,
I thought of this show
a good five years ago.
And I hope
you will agree with me
that the result is quite...
Spectacular.
I'd like to thank everybody
who has worked at the gallery
so tirelessly, tirelessly,
to make this exhibition happen.
I'd also like to take this
opportunity to bid farewell to-
regretfully bid farewell
to one of our gallery directors
that has been
at my side these five years
and without whose help this show
would not have been possible.
Please raise your glasses
to Beth Freemantle.
To Beth.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
That was really great.
That was very, very moving, Art.
Very moving.
And it didn't work.
So he-
three tries.
When he figured out
he couldn't sue me,
he sued the artist.
I told the judge,
"Hey, art doesn't come
with a guarantee."
In my humble opinion,
Schneider is shit.
- What's the dog walker
doing here?
- Yeah, he tried
to sell me some concept.
My dog walker.
Your dog walker?
Yes, my dog walker.
Your dog walker?
Shit.
Beth.
- Hey.
Hey.
Yeah, I'd love see that.
Hi, Jean.
Hi, honey.
I'd love to see it.
- Well, it's more-
- I told you.
Bob, I told you about it.
We talked about it.
No, but that sounds-
- He's just-he's had
a bit too much to drink.
Wait.
- She's your girlfriend,
right?
Yeah.
Well, if you want, you could
come see the work sometime.
- I mean, I'll see it
at the gallery, right, you know?
Yeah, but, I don't know.
It would be nice
to get your opinion,
see what you think of it.
Really?
Hello, Jo.
Jean, hey.
Hi.
Do you guys know each other?
- I just-
I just had a question.
I had an idea, actually.
Okay, sure.
Can I just take a seat?
- Yeah.
I got it.
- No, it's all right.
I've got it.
I've got it.
- You all right?
- Yes.
I just had an idea that maybe,
maybe we could go
somewhere together.
- Honey, I think
it's a little difficult-
No, no, no.
I mean like New York.
Maybe we can go
to New York together.
Yeah, um-
- Come on, Jo.
- I don't know.
- I'll introduce you
to people like, you know,
like Marks and Larry
and Andrea
and all these wonderful-
Jean, Jean, everybody's here.
I know.
There's my husband.
Let's go to the bathroom.
- I don't think we should.
- No, come on.
I haven't done that in ages.
No, I don't think we should.
Come on, let's go, okay?
Shh.
- And as we were leaving,
we ran into Ivor Schneider.
So this girl, she can't
have been any older than 16.
In fact,
I think she was a lot younger.
And as we were talking,
I had this really good idea.
- Yeah, so we'll do
a 50-50 split after cost.
If you need any money
to finish your show,
then I will finance you.
- I really don't know
what to say.
Great.
Amazing.
I mean, I can't wait
to tell Dewey.
- Yeah,
what's your relationship
with him, by the way?
You said
he represents you?
- Well, he's kind of been
helping me out.
- Yeah.
I mean, I really like him.
But I mean, I couldn't have him
in the middle.
I mean, I hate to say this
about him, 'cause he's a friend.
I really love him,
but, you know,
he has a credibility issue.
Yeah.
Um, well, I can talk to him.
Give him a piece of work
or something.
He'll be fine.
Speak of the devil.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm having such
a great time tonight.
It's really great.
Elaine...
Cheers.
What are you two
scheming about?
Have you seen Jo?
He was talking
to Jean Maclestone
a wee while ago.
- Jo, you will come with me
to New York, won't you?
Yeah, yeah, don't stop.
She's so funny sometimes.
Yeah.
Hey, Bob.
Hey, hey, Dewey.
Bob, I want a divorce.
Well, Jean,
if that's what you want.
Just like that?
I mean, how many years, Bob?
How many years
have we been married?
Um, 1987.
That makes-
'86.
No, I think it was '87, Jean.
My God.
'86, Bob.
At Ricky Robenstein's
birthday party.
But that was '87.
The next week we flew
to Warhol's funeral.
- Warhol's funeral
was 1986, Bob.
Eighty-fucking-seven.
It was the same year
I had my appendix out.
The appendix was 1988,
two years after met.
I remember it as if it was
just the other day.
- It was my appendix,
God damn it.
I met you in '86.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Yes, that's all you knew
how to do.
What are you doing?
- What does it look like
I'm doing?
Where you gonna go, Art's?
What are you insinuating?
- You guys seem
to like each other.
We're just friends.
He's gay, anyway.
He is not gay.
Nice shoes.
What the fuck?
Hello?
Who?
Jean Maclestone?
Fuck.
Don't make a sound.
Shit.
I just walked out on Bob.
You just walked out on Bob?
Isn't that a bit extreme?
I'm going for a divorce.
Divorce?
I've had enough, Art.
God.
I don't want to be
kicked out on my arse
when it's all too late,
you know?
I don't want to be left
when I'm old and cranky
and look like the butt end
of a rhino.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I don't-
I don't want to stagnate
in some Notting Hill mansion
watching him screw secretaries,
and then one day
when it suits him,
leave me and marry one of them.
Art, I'm not gonna
talk about this right now.
I'm just tired.
I'm tired of 20 years
of marriage.
20, 20.
I don't think you know
what it's been like.
That's my cat.
I want to live, Art.
I want to go to bars.
I want to go to Rio and Moscow
and Cambodia.
I want my own place.
I want my own friends.
I want to stay up all night.
God.
I don't want to hear
about the next property deal
or, God, the Arsenal score
or Matisse's coiffure
or have, long discussions
about how he met Warhol
or how many inches of space
the Basquiat
should have around it!
God.
You know what I mean?
I've had enough.
I guess we've just grown apart.
Jean.
We have got nothing in common
except a taste
for collecting art.
Jean.
- Last night I met this
totally hot, totally cute guy.
And guess what.
He was smart as well.
I mean, can you imagine?
I told him all about our show,
and he was so into it,
and he totally got your work.
It was just amazing.
I got you something, Dewey.
Ooh.
My God.
Elaine, this is my favorite one.
I've got the perfect frame
for that.
Wow, I can't believe it.
Thanks, darling.
- It's for all the support
you've been giving me.
- You didn't need
to do that, though.
Wow.
- We need to talk about
our working relationship.
And...
Okay.
- You know how you're involved
in my work and stuff.
- Yeah, what do you mean,
Elaine?
- Beth wants to deal with me
directly.
- Well, where does that
leave me?
I see.
Dewey, Dewey, come on.
This is the art world.
This is how it works.
Dewey!
Shit.
- So this is where you work,
right?
Yeah, this is it.
I kind of sit at my desk,
look out the window,
and wait for an idea to hit me,
you know?
- Wow, you don't even
have to get out of bed.
No.
And sometimes I like
to do drawings,
kind of like a p-p-pre-pa-
Preparatory?
- I can never fucking pronounce
that word.
Do you want to see some?
- You mean some
preparatory sketches?
Yeah, this is what
I'm working on at the moment.
That's Podrazik.
Right.
Now, this is a piece.
You see, it's to do
with peripheral vision.
It's gonna be an installation.
And you walk in here,
and you place your head
in this device,
see, so that
it can't move around.
So then to your left and right
you have a nonfunctional
domestic environment,
part of, but not the whole
of which, you can see.
- You mean you can't see
all of it at the same time.
- No, you can only see
certain objects.
But then if you look
directly at me,
you suddenly become aware
of everything, right?
Yeah.
That's.. wow.
Yeah, that's really cool.
- It kind of brings you
into this new vision, you know?
It kind of questions reality.
I thought you were with Beth.
Yeah.
- We should keep this
strictly professional.
Don't you think, Jo?
Yeah, sure.
Tell me, Freign.
I don't want to be indiscreet,
but do you think
they may eventually decide
on selling the Mondrian?
- I think a little more
persuasion will be required.
You mean a higher price.
- Insurance is a matter
of great concern.
- I'll pay for the insurance.
How about that?
That's most generous.
I will raise my offer
to, say, 25 million,
and I suggest that we insure it
for 40 million.
What do you think?
I think that would be
a most appropriate sum,
Mr. Spindle.
One of mine, I'm afraid.
Robert Freign.
I didn't know
that you were an artist.
An amateur rock painter.
A grey marl
from Aix-en-Provence.
Cezanne painted 27 canvases
from Bibemus quarry,
where this particular stone
was found.
Fascinating.
Fascinating.
Please have it.
No, I couldn't.
No, please.
Why, thank you.
Perhaps we should do a show.
You flatter me, Mr. Spindle.
- Not at all,
not at all.
- I hope you got the Picasso
out of him.
They're working on it.
- Jean, don't let the lawyers
fob you off with platitudes.
Be demanding.
Make sure you get copies
of all correspondence.
Read them like your life
depended on it.
You only get one
good shot at this.
Okay, honey?
Right.
So what's the damage?
Okay, Bob.
Let's start with Notting Hill,
Tuscany, Palm Beach,
wrap up with Aspen.
What about Aspen?
- I get the house,
and he gets the art.
You sure that's wise, Jean?
Art is exceeding property prices
two to one.
- Do you think
I should renegotiate?
Of course you should.
Being tough over this
creates opportunities
down the line.
How so?
- It gives you room
to appear reasonable later on
over other issues.
If you have to compromise,
at least you fall back
on a position
you already agreed on.
Right.
- What about the Smith
in the garden?
That's his.
And the Kelly?
That's mine.
The Judd,
the Flavin,
the Brancusi.
She wants the Brancush?
Brancusi?
Brancush.
Brancush?
She hates the Brancush.
She didn't want me to buy it.
She even hangs her coat
off of it.
Why the hell would she want
the Brancush?
It's worth a fortune.
I had Art look into it.
He thinks Bob's
completely underpriced it.
That's my girl.
- The Warhol, the Beuys,
the Hockney in the hallway.
- Magritte?
- That's his.
- Never liked that one anyway.
- No.
- The Struth photographs
in the first-floor bathroom.
Good God.
Giacometti?
That's his.
- Pity.
- Yeah.
But I get the Lucas
and the Judd stack piece
in the hall.
- The Katz cutouts
on the stairs,
the Mapplethorpe photographs
on the landing,
the Bacon in the living room,
the Emin, the Currin,
the Landy,
and the Jew in the library.
- I get the Hirst, the Rusche,
and the Barney suite.
Shall we go in?
Yeah, I'm famished.
- She also wants
the Dogan pieces
as well as the Picasso
sculpture,
and all the art books.
- Can I have a macchiato,
please?
A macch-
Macch-i-a-to.
- I don't think
that we have that.
- Sweetheart, I come
every other day to the Westbury,
and I have a macchiato
every other day.
Yes, but I don't think-
Get the maitre d'.
Yes.
What is that, Hungarian?
I think it's Polish.
Signora, I am sorry,
but it's the waitress'
first day.
And she doesn't understand.
- Alphonse, I just wanted
a macchiato.
A macchiato.
Due.
Of course, signora.
So...
what about the other thing?
I've never had it so good.
I'm taking the boy
to New York tonight.
You're what?
New York, first class,
Four Seasons.
Are you crazy?
What?
- I've been divorced
three times, Jean, okay?
With Carmen,
I made legal history.
I know these men.
They're obsessive,
greedy sons of bitches.
Give them an inch,
and they'll take a mile.
And if he finds out that you're
screwing Jo Richards...
Emille.
He'll have your arse.
At the end of it, all you'll
get is his poster collection
and his grandmother's
Shabbat candles.
Shh.
Hello?
Yes, I can't talk right now.
Okay.
Speak later.
Who pays those bills?
The office takes care of it.
What?
Evidence.
Evidence.
You should be compiling
everything about him.
No.
- I hear he likes
gallery girls.
Stop it.
Ask around, Jean.
Get addresses, facts, numbers.
If he uses Jo,
you'll have all the ammo.
Right.
- And above all,
don't compromise.
- And finally, she wants Picasso
and Matisse.
She wants Matisse?
Matisse is my dog.
No way!
No way!
She can have Picasso
but not Matisse.
- I thought you
didn't like Matisse.
- I don't,
but Picasso would be
absolutely desperate
without him.
Moving on to Tuscany.
Wait.
What if I sold everything?
What?
If I sold all the art,
if I sold
the whole goddamn lot.
- Well, she'd still get
the money.
What's the difference?
Well, the difference is that
the money doesn't mean
a goddamn thing.
28 million.
Do you really think
this video shit you're doing
is art, Elaine?
- I'm not defining it
as a work of art, Joany.
The gallery is.
- Yeah, but you're making
this thing
knowing it's gonna be shown
in a gallery.
- Yeah, but so much shit
is shown in galleries
that perhaps it doesn't
mean anything anymore.
You know, like the Pope makes
whoever saints.
Get that.
Why can't you?
It's Dewey.
He's going on and on
about this Beth thing.
You mean I have to deal
with your shit.
Please?
Hi, Dewey.
Hi, is Elaine in?
She's not here right now,
but do you want me to give her
a message or something?
- I've left her
about a million messages,
and she never gets back to me.
- Well, as soon as she gets in,
I'll have her come up, okay?
- Joany, do you really think
I'm that stupid?
I can hear you guys
through the fucking floorboards.
- It's not just about you,
Dewey.
Elaine's got to think
about her career.
It's her first show.
It's like a really big deal.
But I introduced her,
and then she just dropped me
like a piece of shit.
I'm so tired of being
fucked over.
Dewey.
Dewey.
Try and get some sleep.
You look like shit.
Fuck off!
I don't need to hear that now!
Dewey.
I'm going to kill myself.
Please.
I feel really bad.
He'll get over it.
- Honey, honey,
of course I'm not ashamed.
All right, I got to go.
Bob.
I know about you and Jean.
It really doesn't matter.
Me and Jean?
Water under the bridge.
Look, Bob, I assure you-
Art.
Art, I want to sell
a few things.
In fact,
I want to sell everything.
Jesus, mother of God.
What, the whole lot?
Yeah.
And there's one condition.
If you want to handle the sale,
you cannot talk to Jean
about it.
Of course.
Are you serious, Bob?
Absolutely.
Anyway,
Jean's off to New York.
Where do we begin?
The whole lot?
The whole lot.
Dear Mr. Spindle,
Alfreda has been approached
by a third party
with an offer
substantially higher
than the one
we recently discussed.
In the light of your ongoing
interest in the painting,
she thought it only fair
to inform you of her intention
to accept this offer.
Your obedient servant,
Robert Freign.
Mr. Maclestone?
Call me Bob, Paige.
Bob.
These are really amazing.
Just wanted to congratulate you
on becoming a director.
Thank you.
Paige.
Do you like Turkish food?
I don't know.
I found this new great place,
and I was thinking
dinner Thursday.
I'll have my assistant call you.
It's all about money.
They have no love for art.
It's just money:
What they get,
what they sell,
how much.
- 28 million
is a considerable amount.
And given our circumstances,
we should at least
think about the offer.
Waste of time.
Dear Alfreda.
- Mr. Spindle, how good of you
to come over to see us.
- Not at all.
Not at all.
Good evening, Alfred.
I brought your favorites.
Would you like a drink?
Whiskey.
- Neat or with a splash
of water, sir?
Neat.
It's cold outside.
My, my.
It's not every day that one
is served by an artist.
Thank you, Freign.
I felt I should
come straight over
and discuss the recent offer.
I must say,
it's a little unorthodox.
I thought we'd agreed.
- The offer
was substantially more.
- Alfreda, let me tell you
about Grossman.
Grossman?
Yes, he's not what he seems.
I hear he has
cash flow problems.
- But the offer came
from Mr. Maclestone.
Bob Maclestone?
Yes.
- I know it's a great deal
of money.
- I will not sell
that painting.
Never.
I got it
from the master himself.
500 pounds I paid for it.
Cash.
Time and time and time again,
I have told you
that I will not sell
that painting to you
or to that other creep,
Maclestein.
You come into my house.
You start snooping around.
And you are trying
to get your greedy hands
on my most precious possession.
Leave us alone.
- I'm sure we can come
to some other arrangement.
Say, 30 million.
Over my dead body.
- Mr. Spindle,
I think you should leave.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
- Of course.
Of course.
This is not an amusing game.
- Business is business,
Mr. Spindle.
Never.
Never.
You're impossible.
I don't feel good.
What is it?
I don't know.
Paige?
Paige?
Spectacular.
My God.
The art!
My God!
The art!
The art!
- I'm sorry.
- What?
I just can't get a hard-on.
Is there a problem?
- It's just that flight from
New York takes it out of you.
I'm sorry.
Is it the scars?
Of course not.
It's the scars, right?
Beth.
Hi, this is Jo.
Leave a message.
Jo, call me right away.
Bob has taken the art,
all of it.
I don't know what to do.
My God!
- What is she doing
ringing you?
I have no idea.
Jo.
Not Jean Maclestone.
You can fuck your show.
- Take a look at this.
This is extraordinary.
Fibrovascular background stroma
separating the different
tissue types.
Look:
Finger, jaw, eye socket.
It's quite
the most developed teratoma
I've ever encountered.
It is the patient's twin,
you know,
having been born with her,
so to speak.
Beth, baby, how you doing?
You okay?
Yeah, come over.
Yeah, I'll see-
Why are you avoiding me?
Dewey, what-
- What have I done
to deserve this, Elaine?
Don't fucking touch me.
No, how dare you?
How dare you patronize me?
- What fucking happened to you?
Sort yourself out!
Shut up!
I introduced you to everyone.
Sir?
Mr. Oppenheimer?
The surgeon wants to see you
immediately.
I fucking introduced you!
- Are you finished?
- Yeah!
And you used me
and spat me out!
Jesus, Dewey.
I hate you!
Do you hear me?
I hate you!
You fucking bitch!
Fuck.
Where is it now?
In the operating theater.
Can I see it?
Sure.
- Did you sell my Currin
to the Havermeyers?
- Beth said she saw my Currin
at the Havermeyers.
- Well-
- That was mine!
- I thought it was a part
of Bob's settlement.
- You knew that it wasn't.
We discussed it.
Don't you remember?
- Are you sure about that?
- Don't lie to me.
- Jean.
Don't "Jean" me, Art.
Jean, calm down.
The Currin,
that was a genuine mistake.
I really thought it was his.
What is that?
It's a fly swat-
tribal gift
from a client-joke.
- And what's this I hear about
you and Paige Oppenheimer?
Paige Oppenheimer?
- Rumor has it that you
were seen going down on her.
What?
- You were seen
going down on her, Art.
Going down on her?
What do you mean?
I mean, for fuck's sake!
- You sell my art.
You fuck your P.A.
Fuck my P.A.?
- You and Bob,
you're just two peas in a pod.
What are you talking about?
Art, who's Paige Oppenheimer?
- I mean, he was, like,
totally grossed out.
I guess guys
are weird like that.
Yeah.
- And I told him
I wasn't gonna do his show.
That's bad, isn't it?
- Well, yeah, it's kind of
a big kick in the balls.
Yeah, I guess so.
Shit.
Can I see them?
Um, sure.
You know, I thought
they were insignificant,
and I wanted, like,
power breasts.
- They're great.
Wow.
Really?
That means a lot,
'cause you're the only person
I've showed them to, you know.
- Yeah, well,
take a load of these.
Whoa.
You like?
- Yeah, didn't that hurt
your nipple and stuff?
- Yeah, but it was, like,
kind of,
you know, sexy sort of pain.
Come on.
It's kind of beautiful.
Thanks.
I mean, not as beautiful
as your scars, though.
I just love those.
Really?
- I mean, how could you
not like that?
I don't know.
Do you like that?
Elaine-
You have such beautiful skin.
It's so soft.
- I don't think
this is a good idea,
'cause I'm not a lesbian,
and we have
a working relationship.
Elaine.
This isn't happening.
Hello, lovely.
Hello, Bob.
What's going on?
I have a surprise for you.
For me?
Open it.
Okay.
- I had Damien
make a piece of it.
Isn't it great?
"Teratoma."
- Bob, remember that Mondrian
I was trying to get?
"Boogie Woogie"?
Yeah.
Some asshole was trying
to fuck me over on it.
No way.
Yeah.
Well, it got burnt.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, some fire.
How?
I don't know.
Old house, wiring.
Such a shame.
It was a masterpiece.
I wish you a long life.
Thank you.
- Is there anything I can do,
Alfreda?
- No, you've done quite
enough already, Mr. Spindle.
- I trust the insurance
is taking care of you?
- Hiscox are being
quite amazingly efficient.
Thank you.
We're going to be moving abroad.
"We"?
Really?
Where?
Tuscany.
Aha.
Well, I'm sure they have
plenty of rocks there.
As a matter of fact,
it's where Leonardo
first deduced
through the discovery
of fossilized seashells
that the world was far older
than originally thought.
Fascinating, fascinating.
Good-bye.
Fascinating.
I came across an intriguing
painting by Courbet.
The cliffs at Ornans.
Yes, the sheer cliffs.
Bye-bye, son of a bitch.
Thank you.
Joany.
What?
Leave me alone.
You're always fucking filming.
What's your problem?
- Joany, what do you think
of these boobs?
God.
It's just outrageous.
I don't agree, Jean.
I think it's
a very powerful piece.
What?
Yeah.
You know, just like the way
she's exposing
every part of her life,
like, physically and emotionally
revealing herself.
- This is Elaine Proctor.
It's her show.
The first time I saw her work,
I was a little weirded out.
And then I thought,
"This is her art,
and this is her vision,
and I really respect that."
That's lovely, mate.
That's a nice picture, Art.
- Look, there's Art.
- Fantastic.
Look this way, please, mate.
That's great.
- There's your ex-boss.
- God.
You got to admire the guy.
Why?
Well, he fires her.
He's trying to sue her,
and here he is
in her gallery.
Hello, Art.
- It's just-
it's cheap sensationalism.
- It's good.
It's very good.
- Jo, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Jo, darling.
Jo.
- So where the hell
have you been?
Making art?
You couldn't even make
a goddamn cake.
A cake, Joany?
- You look incredible
on-screen.
You undersized little whore.
Stop fucking filming me.
Are you a model?
That's so tacky.
Because I love you.
- You only love
your fucking self.
Matter of fact, yeah.
- I didn't recognize you
with your clothes on.
That's me.
- She's exploring
pitiful timing.
Beth?
Beth, hey.
I just wanted to say
it's a fantastic-
Not now, Jo.
You were saying?
Dad, Dad!
I didn't know
you were gonna come.
Beth, what the hell is this?
I don't understand.
What is this supposed to be?
Your mother's in hysterics.
I've had to put her in a cab.
Dad, this is art.
Art?
How is this art?
It's a goddamn porno movie
starring my daughter.
Excuse me, sir.
I have to introduce Beth
to somebody.
- I've been in this game
a long time, Elaine, you know?
I could do with a break.
You're stunning tonight.
Thank you.
And so are they.
Do I still get my interest?
You know what, Bob?
You can't have it every way.
Why not?
Put this on your head.
- Ew, you were just kissing
someone else.
Don't come near me.
- Hey, can you
hold them a sec, Jan?
Jan or "Yan"?
- Jan.
- Jan.
- I wonder how she got
all this together.
I'm backing her, Art.
I mean, my God,
I just thought he would jump
at it immediately, you know.
No, Picasso!
Come back!
- Shit.
- Shit.
Hey, long time, no see.
Come to Daddy.
Hey, little puffsy-duffsy.
Jo, come here.
Bob's got Picasso.
Well, it's his dog.
- Well, just go get him
for me, please?
- Why do I have to?
- Please?
I'm sorry.
I can't get him.
Hello.
Come here.
Hey, Bob.
Aw.
I'm sorry.
Jean wants the dog back.
Thank you.
Mrs. Maclestone.
Mrs. Maclestone!
That's lovely.
Just a couple of photos.
This way, towards this way,
please, Mrs. Maclestone.
This way, please.
Lovely, yeah, group photo.
That's lovely, guys.
Fucking floorboards!
- Mrs. Maclestone,
this way, please.
That's fantastic.
Smile, smiles all around.
Lovely.
Thank you, guys.
That's great.
- And she just dropped me
like a piece of shit.
Try and get some sleep.
You look like shit.
Fuck off!
I don't need to hear that now!
- Great work.
Fantastic.
Thank you.
- I'm doing a show called
"Deviant Mythology."
Yes?
- And I would love
to have your work in it.
- I'm sure I can
work out something.
Dewey.
I'm going to kill myself.
Please.
Love the show.
And who are you?
- Rachel Leighton.
Vanity Fair.
We'd love to do
an article on you.
We should talk.
This isn't fair.
Jesus fucking Christ!
You're a fucking narcissist,
Elaine.
It's all about you
at the end of the day.
- Sure, it's about me.
It's a fucking self-portrait.
- You're just a self-absorbed,
self-obsessed,
selfish, second-rate
so-called artist.
You can't even draw
a straight fucking line.
Let's not get into this.
And anyway, I don't draw.
I do video art.
"I do video art."
My God.
No.
My God.
No.
My God.
Dewey.
Read it back.
"Dear Mrs. Wezleman,
"you have to agree that
to witness a magnolia warbler
"at this time of year
is almost unheard of.
"So it is with great pleasure
I send you these photographs
I had specially taken for you
of this rare event."
Yes.
Incidentally,
on further consideration,
we think 10 million
would be a fair valuation
for your remarkable
Lucien Freud.
Here.
Welcome aboard.