Boeing, Boeing (1965) - full transcript

This is Paris.

And that is the 1:30 plane
to New York.

It will land in America, 4000 miles away,
at 5:30 this afternoon.

In four hours time, by the clock.

It's wonderful, isn't it? Of course
it takes more than four hours.

But you see - the jet is so fast
it races the sun.

This is what has happened
since the big jets came:

Time has been annihilated.

Constantly, the great airliners take off...

... and land.

And of each aircraft you have,
naturally, air hostesses.



These delectable creatures
selected for their beauty and charm...

...are in a state of perpetual migration.

For days they fly the
great air routes of the world.

And then they like to come down.

And whenever possible,
they like to come down in Paris..

And all regret leaving.

One wishes that one could
get to know all of them.

Some of us indeed have tried.

And that is our story.

You better hurry, my love.

Bernhard, darling, you think
I got time for a few more kidneys?

Of course you do. You hurry.

- Bertha.
- I adore kidneys for breakfast, don't you?

Not particularly,
I just barly get a vitamin pill down.



Bertha!

- Did you call me, sir?
- Yes, another base of kidneys.

- Another?
- Please!

And some more of that smelly stuff
you pour over 'em?

No thank you.
And it's not smelly stuff.

It's the natural juice of the organs.
Very good for complexion.

I don't want to know what it is, Miss.

I don't like the look of it myself
but then...

...I'm not here to reform the world.

We can do without your editorial comments.
Just bring the kidneys.

Well, don't blame me if it makes you sick.

You don't have to eat them, do you?

Heavens forbid!

Then what are you arguing about?
And hurry, Miss Vicky has to catch a plane.

I only have two hands.

- Honestly...
- She's means well...

Not for me.

I mean very well.

- Just broil the kidneys.
- They are already broiled.

I know her appetite.
I anticipate.

- Then bring them!
- There is no need to shout.

It's not easy, you know?

She's really becoming impossible, Bernhard.

If it goes on much longer,
we just have to get rid off her.

But I don't know why you say that.

- I don't think she likes me.
- But of course she likes you.

She loves you.

It's... um...
just the food that you eat that...

No thank you, that upsets her.

- Eh - my love... it's getting late.

I don't know.
When I'm with you, time just whistles by.

- Well, sweet of you to say so.
- No, it's true.

- Is it the same for you?
- Of course, my love.

- And does it drag when I am away?
- Terribly, never ending.

Excuse me!

Anything else?

Yes. Yes.

You can bring some coffee
and some strawberrries for Miss Vicky.

- No, honestly darling, this will be enough.
- Alright.

- There's good news.
- Bertha!

- You see? She doesn't like me.
- But she does like you.

- But she does like you.
- She doesn't.

When I first get home she's friendly enough...

...but when it's time to
go, she's decidedly hostile.

- Even anti-British.
- I bet you it's because she's sad you're leaving, that's why.

- Because I am your fiancée?
- But of course.

It's 8:42...

- I just have to put my hat and jacket on.
- Yes, very good.

Tell me, my love...
When do you get back?

Well, let me see:
It's Monday today.

...we arrive in the Canaries at 17:08...

... lay over for a night,
and get to Akwar at 16:20.

We return by way of Lisbon.

- And what time are you back in Paris?
- Thursday evening. Then off again on Sunday.

But what time on Thursday evening,
my love.

- 18:45.
- Excellent.

Why do you always have to check
everything on the time table?

- To avoid confusion.
- What confusion?

My love, I'm a busy man.

I want to arrange my business
so I'm finished by the time you get back...

...so that we can be
together from Thursday...

- ... to Sunday.
- You are a genius.

And because your such a darling,
I'm going to give you a surprise right now.

Surprise!?

Oh, I tell you that woman's
going to drive me up a wall!

Alright. Bertha, you want to
put the coffee down on the table...

...then you can listen
from the kitchen, ok?

- There are thousands of French housekeepers.
- Well, I...

I have a work permit, Miss.
And the reason I have it...

...is because I was discharged
from the United States army in Paris, France.

Honorably.

- Honorably?

- You had a choice?
- You bet your life I had.

I was chaffeur to the commanding general.

Really? Eisenhower?

Pershing.

Excuse me.
Do you mind getting the bags, please?

- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.

My love. Now you were saying...

... surprise! Yes, the surprise.

We're getting a brand new airplane
and I think the are transferring me to it.

- Yes, that's wonderful.

It is the new VC-10.

It's got four maginificent engines
that develop 20,000 pounds of thrust each!

- Marvellous! Marvellous.
- Especially for us.

It is?

20,000 pounds of thrust
does something for us?

Of course!
It makes the flight much much faster.

We'll be together more often
and much longer.

20,000 pounds of thrust.

You don't seem very pleased by my surprise.

Oh, but I am!

Oh, yes, yes, yes, I am.
I'm nuts about the idea.

But I don't want to get too excited.
I mean you're not transferring tomorrow or anything.

Are you?

Not tomorrow.
But soon. Very soon.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Here we go. Exactly on time.

You'd think you were a pilot
the way everything is timed to the minute.

- Well everything has to be.
- Get the door.

- But why?
- Well, I'm a foreign correspondent...

...we wouldn't want to miss one little minute
of the time we have together because I have to work.

- Now look. - Of course I am.
- You're right.

Now Bertha, you will look after Mr. Bernard
while I'm gone, won't you?

I'll do my best but it's not easy,
you know.

That's enough, Bertha,
we're falling behind schedule.

I'll talk to you later.

That'll be a thrill.

- Come along, Vicky.
- Goodbye.

- Be good.

Oh, come on.

Lise!

Mr. Bernard Lawrence,
telephone, please.

Hello, Bernard Lawrence here.

Monsieur Lawrence,
I have a telegram for you.

Read it.

"Transferred Paris."
"Arriving this a.m."

"Hotel space impossible."
"You can put me up?"

"Signed, Robert Reed."

Pierre, I never got the message.

You never delivered the telegram,
understand?

I don't understand, but...

- I understand.
- Okay.

- Liebling!
- Lise!

Exactly on time!

I have to check out.

Just five minutes and then
we'll be all cosy in our little Paris

Wunderbar.

Hurry up!
Hurry.

I still don't believe this...

What's the matter, Bertha?
Did we frighten you?

This job keeps me too tired to get
frightened. It's not easy, you know.

Well, none of us gets this easily.

What do we have for lunch, Bertha?

Well, I thought a soufflé
with some mushroom sauce.

Soufflé?
Soufflé is for people whithout teeth.

What we need is good, solid food.

Knackwurst, Sauerkraut
and heavy black bread.

Have you any idea how long it
took me to dream up that soufflé?

You don't get these things by rubbing
two sticks together, you know.

- It often tastes like it.

- Now, girls.
- You have got a Knackwurst, haven't you?

Yes, but it's old.
You haven't been here for three days.

Three whole days.

- And nights.
- I'm going to start the soufflé.

Oh, just a moment.
I have to see that for myself.

There's nothing wrong with those.

- You're right.
- Of course I am.

If you can stand the smell.

We have this.

What's that?

Kidneys?

Kidney?!

- Bernard!
- Ja? [Cold]

Who was here for breakfast?

- Breakfast?
- Yes!

- Here?
- That is kidneys.

- Yeah, I eat kidneys...
- You don't eat kidneys!

Me? Kidneys?
I hate kid... Oh - kidneys!

Uh, that was.. um... Robert Reed
from consolidated press.

- He was here. - Yes, uh-hu.
- He was here for breakfast?

Oh, I thought you and he didn't get along.

Professionally, you know.

- But you know how it is with newspaper.
Men are always bickering, always fighting.
- I thought he was in Berlin.

Well, it was in Berlin, but then
they transferred him now to Paris, yes.

That's it, and...

Why are you asking me all these questions?

Don't you trust me?

Oh, I'm sorry, Liebling.
You must think I'm terribly suspicious.

- I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
- What, Liebling?

I'm going to take a bath and make myself
all fresh and powdery for you.

Oh my Liebling.

- Bis gleich.
- Bis gleich.

- What does that mean? - See you later, yes.
- See you later.

Let's see...

- Positively unnatural.
- What?

No, God didn't make us all the same way,
that's all.

What are you muttering about?

- I have to do her laundry every time she gets here.
- Leave me alone.

How can she get so dirty
in only three days?

- It's not easy for me around here.
- You keep saying that.

You get paid well enough, don't you?

Yeah but not enough and I've been
meaning to talk to you about that.

Why don't you sit down?

Last week I worked 89 hours.

- I had my shoes resoled twice. 22 Francs...
- Shh.

I do their laundry,
I gotta remember who eats what, ...

...who wears which lingerie,
who's going, who's coming.

You do not need a housekeeper around here,
you need a univac machine.

- Look...
- Liebling!

Ja, ja.

- I have a surprise for you.
- Yes?

- You can throw away my old schedule.
- Your old schedule?

- Well, how will I count the minutes until we're back together again?
- On the new schedule.

What new schedule?

I'm going to be transferred to the
new intercontinental jet.

It is a Super-Boeing
with a cruising speed of Mach 0.88.

Mach 0.88 - terrific.

Four Rolls Royce jets,
each one with 21,000 pounds of thrust.

I'll be home much more often.

That'll bend his schedule.

This is...

When is... when is this going to happen?

As soon as the new plan is delivered.

- Isn't that wunderbar?
- It's wunderbar.

- Bis gleich.
- Bis gleich.

Mach... 843
21,000 pounds of thrust.

Hello?
Vicky!!

They delivered the VC-10

From the UBC-10. The sent the car to the runaway and
took me of my plane so I'm going to a new one.

Me! Isn't that marvellous?

- Ma-ma-Marvellous.!
- I'm coming right home.

They'll call me when the flight's ready.

Don't come home! No, no. Don't come home. You
stay there. I'll come out to the airport.

Liebling!

- Who were you shouting at?
- Bertha.

- Are you calling me, sir?
- No, I thought of you.

Thank you.

Oh, I've got to go to the airport..

...do a story, uh, yes, uh,
the British embassy, you know,

Would you tell Fräulein Lise for me that
I'm out at the...

- That's Fräulein Lise.
- Of course it is. Who else would it be?

Hi. I have to go to the airport,
the British Ambassador...

You just said that.
Are you alright? You look pale.

- No, I feel...
- Bertha! Get him a glass of schnaps!

No, no, no!
I'm fine. Fine. Fine!

Alright. He's just excited, Miss.

He's beginning to realize what these new
schedules are going to do for him.

That's it, that's obviously what excited me.
Bertha, you are brilliant.

Yeah, I know.

Is it so obvious?
I don't see what's strange.

Well it's because Bertha thought of it.

I mean, there were this obvious fact staring me right
in the face and I didn't even see it but Bertha did.

Quite brilliant by comparison.

I'm leaving.

- You be back soon.
- As soon as I can. You know the newspaper business

- Hurry!
- Auf Wiedersehen.

- He's just like a big kid, isn't he?
- Yeah. Dead-end kid.

Taxi!

- Have you seen Vicky?

She said to tell you she'd
gone up to the coffee bar.

Where's Vicky?

- She came up and asked me to tell you...
- Yes, yes.

- ...she'd go and take a taxi.
- Taxi! Taxi!

That gentleman you were speaking to,
wasn't that Bernard Lawrence?

- Yes, you know him?
- Yes, he's an old friend.

A remarkable man with an
emormous amount of energy.

I see you know him pretty well yourself.

Well, thank you.

Vicky!
Vicky!

Wait, wait, wait!.

Bernard, what are you doing here?
Your phone went out of order.

Isn't it wonderful about the VC-10?

- Wonderful.
- Come on, we can be home in 20 minutes.

No no. I came here to be with you.

Well, that we very sweet of you, darling.
But now we can really be together.

No, we can't, you see... uh...

I have to cover a story. Yes,
I'm covering a story about a new airplane.

- A famous foreign correspondent covering
a story about a new airplane?
- Well...

I, you see, I knew you were
going to be here alone...

...and in order to be able to do that I have
to cover the story about a new airplane.

So you see we got the stay here.

- I'm very disappointed.
- Oh, don't be.

Next time we'll be together
twice as long. Come on.

Eins, zwei, ...

...drei, vier.

Eins, zwei, ...

...drei, vier.

Eins, zwei, ...

...drei, vier.

Eins, zwei, ...

...drei, vier.

Eins, zwei, ...

...drei, vier.

Eins, zwei,...

...Anhalt.

Die dritte Übung:
Hände auf die Hüften legen.

Den Oberkörper im Kreise drehen,
den linken Fuß ausstrecken.

Hochheben.
Jetzt der rechte Fuß.

Das wird Ihnen schöne Hüften geben.
Nicht müde wirken!

Yes?

Oh, you.

Ja.

Just tell the driver to honk the horn.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Bertha.

- Bertha!
- Ja?

Cancel the Knackwurst.

They delivered the new Super-Boeing
and I'm going to be on it.

Wunderbar!

I have to go back to the airport.

We're gonna miss you.

Now, to be absolutely certain:

- You leave tomorrow, right?
- Right

And you're back in Paris at
18:45 Thursday evening, right?

No, Wednesday midnight.
This is the VC-10 - it cuts hours.

- Orange juice, please.
-Tres bièn, madame.

- Vodka martini.
- Certainly, monsieur.

I wished you wouldn't do that.

I me feel as if they're
always squeezing me in.

Well, my love,
I have to arrange my schedule.

You wouldn't want me to be busy going
on an assignment when you get back now, would you?

Speaking of assignments: The new
plane is in a hangar.

I don't see how you
can cover this story from a bar,

That statement, young lady, is a knife in the
back of every newspaperman in the world.

- Oh no!
- Oh yes. Me Robert. Hi Bernard.

Hi. We were talking about you this morning.

- We were?
- Well no, no. Bertha and I were, yeah.

We were saying how wonderful you were
doing in Berlin. Going back?

- Oh no, I've been re-assigned to Paris. Didn't you get my wire?
- No.

Anything interesting happening in Paris?

Nothing, just routine stuff.

- I've been... hibernating.
- Mhm. Like a bear.

And I take it this is Mama Bear?

Miss Vicky Hawkins, British United.
Robert Reed, consolidated press.

- Nice to meet you.
- Won't you sit down?

Uh, won't I be intruding?

- Yes!
- No!

Thank you, I will.

Comfortable?

Oh, uh...

- S'il vous plaît,
donne moi un vodka martini, tres sec.

- Tres sec, monsieur?
-Oui.

Tell me: Have you
known Bernard long?

He doesn't know.

- He doesn't know what?
- That I'm your fiancée!

You are... Oh, yes, of course.
You are my gir... This is my fiancée.

Delighted.

I'm so lucky to have a man like Bernard
all to myself, don't you think?

Oh, absolutely.

What's that?

Oh, that's our new VC-10
I was telling you about.

It's starting here today
because of Lufthansa's Super-Boeing.

Lufthansa? Today?

I don't see how you can write a story about airplanes
when you don't know anything about what you are writing.

Oh, that never stopped
a good newspaper man.

- Tres sec, monsieur.
- Merci beaucoup.

You know you are the first friend
of Bernard's I've ever met?

- He's so secretive.
- Yes, I know, he's even concealed you from me.

You know that I've never known
where he's lived in Paris?

- We have a marvellous apartment.
- It's a slum.

Is it big?

- Enormous.
- Very small.

You've got to put me up
for a couple of days, Bernard.

You know every
decent hotel in Paris is loaded.

You know what with the tourists and everything.

Go stay at the YMCA.

Nonsense, you can come to our place.
You can keep Bernard company while I'm away.

- He gets very lonely.
- I accept.

You see now where would we have been
if we had gone back to the apartment?

Where indeed?

- You're right as alway. He's a genius, you know.
- I heard.

- No, stay here with your friend.
- But...

I'll come back and say goodbye
if we're going straight out.

Do you know how lucky you are?

I guarantee you, I do.

If I could only find a girl like that.

You are going to the YMCA.

I'll find one there?

You're not gonna look in my apartment.

But this is your fiancée.
This is different.

Robert, the last time I saw you
was in Casablanca.

I lost a story, two flamenco dancers
and a case of whiskey.

I suppose that was different, too.

Did you see Bernard?

- Wha-... What are you doing?
- Shh.

You don't have to lap it up.
They'll bring another one.

Bernie!

Liebling, I dropped my watch.

I'm so happy I found you!

Oh, and you must be
the friend from breakfast.

Yes.

Breakfast?

Oh, you are not Mr. Reed from Berlin...

... who had the English breakfast
with Bernard this morning?

Ow!

Oh, the English breakfast! Yes of course!

Those English kippers are just marvellous.

Kidneys.

I-I-I mean kidneys.
I always confuse kippers and kidneys.

But I'm not Mr. Reed,
you can call me Robert.

I'm Lise.

Eh... Lise?

Yeah, but you seem not to know me.

Sh... Should I?

Well, as Bernard's friend...

Of course he knows you.
He knows all about you.

He knows I'm your fiancée?

Oh, yes, because, heh...

Certainly.
He does nothing but talk about you.

He's completely obsessed with you.

What... what... what...
What-what are you doing here?

Operations' fault.
I've just been promoted to the new Super-Jet.

- Congratulations.
- We're going out immediately.

Well, that's why I'm here.

You know, I've waited for you here.
I knew you were coming back to the airport.

He anticipates everything.

He really is a genius.

Well, I'm off.
Don't get up.

Well Darling, I have to go back to Frankfurt,
then London, Montreal and back to Paris.

And when do you plan to be back in Paris?

Day after tomorrow.

Day after tomorrow - what hour?

- 21:00
- 21:00, huh?

He hates confusion so much.
Don't you, Liebling?

- Yes, I do.
- He's just a slave to my schedule.

Oh, excuse us.

- Wiedersehen, mein Liebling
- Auf Wiedersehen, mein Liebling.

Have a nice trip, Liebling.

Wiedersehen!

Tres sec, monsieur.

You know, you're pretty lucky.

And you're getting luckier every minute.

But...
you know how it is with these girls...

... flying around the world:
Karachi, Kartung, Caracas.

I know, I know.

And I know that tone of voice
from the past.

So leave it alone.

I wouldn't touch it for the world.

Not even the slightest push.

Take-off in 15 minutes.

Don't get up.

See you at midnight, darling.

Yes, midnight.

Midnight?

When I'm flying I go to the galley and look
out through the porthole at the moon...

... at exactly midnight.

And Bernard looks up out of his bed
at the same time.

So you see - we are together
even when're both alone.

Because we are both looking
at the very same moon.

That's cute.

Vicky's very imaginative.

- It's delightful.
- Excuse us.

- Would you excuse us?
- Should I leave?

- Oh no. - No.

Encore, s'il vous plait.

Goodbye.

- Goodye.
- Cheerio.

I can't wait to see your aparment.

You never will.

Why not? We can double date.
You and Vicky and me and Lufthansa.

You are going to a hotel.

Then I miss Lufthansa. And so will you
when I tell her about Vicky.

You wouldn't.

I would if you forced me to go to a hotel.

Alright.

56, Avenue de la Reine.

See Bertha, my housekeeper.

I'm gonna go back to the office.

I don't know when he finds time
to work at all.

Pardon, monsieur?

Nothing. It was just...

That's outragous, I wouldn't
pay it if I were you.

You're right. I won't.

You and your big mouth.

- Bertha?
- Monsieur?

Je suis un ami de Monsieur Lawrence.

What?

Je suis un ami de Monsieur Lawrence.

I'm an American.

Oh. I Mr. Lawrence's housguest
for a couple of days.

He a guest, too?

Oh no, he's a cab driver.

Did you bring your family with you?

Oh no, I'm a bachelor.

So's Mr. Lawrence.

Yes, I know.
I'm Robert Reed.

Oh, the breakfast one.

Everyone seems to be pre-occupied
with my breakfast.

Mr. Lawrence didn't say anything
about you coming to stay.

Oh, you know how he is: Forgetful.

Mr. Lawrence can't afford to
forget anything.

What room did he say you could stay in?

Did he say what roo...
He wouldn't tell you.

I mean, I think he left it up to you.

Oh.

Well...

This is the guest room
and this is the bathroom.

- Yeah
- And this is... um... um...

Well, and this is his bedroom
and this is the spare room.

It's kind of like a dormatory here.

- You don't know the half of it.
- Aha.

- May I sit down?
- Oh, certainly.

Thank you very much.

Alright, you're a...
you're a guest around here.

You say.

I kinda get the idea
that you are not happy about it.

Well, it's another mouth to feed and it's
another soul to keep track of and...

... I'm not very stong, you know.

I took this job because my doctor said
I should avoid excitement.

Um...

Are you used to a very diet?

I have the broadest tastes.

Oh, another one.

I... I kinda think I know
what you must go through.

No, you don't.

But it's nice to find a young man
with some consideration.

So, you go in the guest room and
rest out and I get in the kitchen...

... and I'll go out in the kitchen and get you a nice cold drink

- Thank you.
- And... um... Mr. Reed?

- Yes?
- Em... you forgot something.

I'm sorry.
Merci.

PRESS INTERNATIONAL AGENCY

Pierre, when the story
comes in after a while...

... I want you to translate it for me
in the next ten minutes.

What's the hurry, Mr. Lawrence?

Why not sip a leisurely apéritif?

Are you going to cut out the usual dialoge
or do I get someone else, huh?

If you choose.

You do not engage me primarily for
my lingustic service.

- Yes.
- As we both know.

By the way:

I have for you a lovely thing in Far East

Some other time, Pierre. What's going on
new in the office, eh?

You're up for a promotion.

What?

They intend to put you in charge
of the New York office.

New York?
Oh no! Are you sure?

To get into the personel
files was not easy.

- It cost me one hundred Francs.
- Yeah, my money.

- But I don't want to be promoted out of Paris.
- Of course not.

Did Adam want to leave the Garden of Eden?

Translate, will you?

As you wish, as you wish,
as you wish.

I don't believe we've met.

You are not Bernard?

How dare you?

Oh, I was sitting here
mindin' my own business.

But what are you doing in
my apartment?

Your apartment?

And mine and Bernard's.
Well?

Oh, well, I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to take advantage of you.

It's just that I was expecting Bernard.

You were expecting Bernard to kiss you?

No, no, of course not.
No, no.

I... I...
Well, this was so delicious,...

I just hope you forgive me.

I'm Bernard's guest.
My name is Robert Reed.

And I am Jacqueline Grieux.

- How do you do?
- Please sit down.

Thank you.

You seem not to know me.
Has not Bernard told you about me?

Oh, oh yes. Oh, absolutely.

Of course.
He talks about nothing else.

That's all he talks about.
Jacqueline this, Jacquline that.

Here a Jacqueline, there a Jacqueline,
everywhere...

- You are his fiancée?
- Yes.

I thought you would be.

And you are an old friend?

I never know.
He is so secretive.

Yes, and I can't imagine why, Miss Grieux.

Because you and Bernard are old friends,
you may call me Jacqueline.

Oh, thank you.
And you must call me Robert.

- How do you do?
- Glad to know you.

- Sit down.
- Sit down again. Yes.

You know, he's terribly jealous.

You won't say anything to him
about my kissing you?

- Oh no. I forgot about it already.
- You have?

Well, it was so sudden, without warning.

If there had been a warning,
there would never have been any kiss.

Exactly. Without anticipation
a kiss is nothing.

Actually, you know...

I could easily forget not to remember
a kiss that meant nothing.

But... a kiss that meant something...

... that I could remember to forget.

There is something fuzzy about that logic.

No, not at all.

An honest, meaningful kiss...

... would ensure my complete silence
and absolute discretion.

You want me to kiss you again?

As a bribe?

No, as a kiss.

A little kiss.

But I could not.
I could never forgive myself.

But it's...
just to help you and Bernard.

I don't understand that.

Well, you're his fiancée
and I'm his dearest friend.

We must protect him
from any misunderstandings...

Newspapermen,
they're in heat all the time.

Ah, Bertha.

Are we having my soufflé
tonight for dinner?

Right now, that's the plan.

- Ah, thank you. Let me take this.
- Where are you going, Jacqueline?

To my room.
To wait for Bernard.

Please.

Uh, I...

I thought I would be a gentleman
and open the door for her.

Oh!

Don't ask.

Oh, I was just going to ask if you
were through with what you were doing.

And you're gonna hang around here.

Fine. Well, then...

... I might as well
just go and lie down a while.

I get tired during the day, you know.

A little nap never hurts.
But thanks, Bertha.

I'll just lie down.

And I'll...
I'll wake myself up.

Jacqueline.

Jacqueline. Can you hear me?

Go away!

But what's one little kiss?

Go away!

I just want one little kiss I can expect
and I promise I'll say nothing to Bernard.

Oh, alright!

Get ready.

Well?

Robert!
Jacqueline!

Bertha, what's going on here?

Jacqueline, ...

... you're early.

- Why are you yelling?
- Am I yelling?

Well, of course I'm yelling.
I've got every right to yell.

- I want to explain to Robert...
- Uh, Jacqueline already explained.

Oh shid did?

Oh, then everything is fine.
Then why don't we all have a drink? Yes.

Did Bertha unpack your bag?

- Yes, I'm in ...
- How wonderful.

Oh, what are we gonna have for dinner?

Don't you worry! I'll go see what
we're gonna have for dinner.

- Where's Bertha? - I'm here!

Oh, good, good, good.
That's fine.

It's a funny live being a maid around here.

Yes!

Oh, there you are.

- Are you alright?
- Yes, I'm fine, fine.

Just a little hyper-active.

Uh, excuse me.

Somehow I never get to answer
the phone around here.

Well, it's... eh... it might be
somebody who only speaks French.

But I speak French.

It might be the butcher.
He only speaks German.

Hello?

It's the butcher.

Well, I'm going to get ready for my bath.

It wasn't the butcher.
It was the Lufthansa from Frankfurt.

Wha... what... What did she say?

"Hallo, Liebling."

- There's something I want to tell you.
- Yes, what is it?

I forget. It'll come to me.

Hello?

Her again.

- Fräulein D-cup.
- Give me the phone.

Hello?

Well, no, it's laryngitis.

Oh, yes. It came on very quickly.

But that's very sweet of you to say,
my Liebling.

But of course I can say it.

Right now?

Ich liebe dich, too.

No no. Don't call me from Montreal.
It's very expensive.

Yes, but you have a good trip.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Bye.

You'll need this.

Yes, what is it?

- Nothing.
- Nothing.

- Was that the telephone again?
- Yes.

Why are you whispering?

Am I whisper...
It's laryngitis.

I'm not whispering, no.

- It was not for me?
- No no no.

No. Are you expecting a phone call?

They might call from the airport.

They are changing schedules
because of our new fast plane.

The Ultra-Caravelle.

Oh.
And, uh...

And they want you to be
one of the hostesses on it, right?

How did you know?

I would say obvious.
But they haven't changed the schedule yet.

No, except we are going one hour
later tomorrow morning.

One hour later?

11:30 instead of 10:30.

Good.

Why did you say "good"?

- Oh, did I say "good"?
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, you did. I heard it.

I said "good" because it's gonna
give us an extra our in the morning.

Oooh, you're so sweet.

Yes, yes.

- Who was it then?
- Who was who?

On the telephone.
It was not another woman, was it?

Another woman?
Are you kidding?

You marevellous little French pussycat.

Another woman indeed.

Another woman.

Well...
Who was it?

Eh... eh...
it was a... uh...

A wrong number.
Some lunatic was on the phone.

What is this?

What's what?

This letter.

It has an English stamp on it.

Vodka fingers?

It's addressed to someone
named Victoria Haukins.

- That's "Hawkins".
- Listen up.

Obviously.
Well, what is it doing here?

Well... Well, you know how they are
down at the post office.

Obviously.
Well, what is it doing here?

Well... Well, you know how they are
down at the post office.

No. How are they?

- I just remembered.
- What?

- What I wanted to tell you.
- Yes? What is it? Huh?

Eh... uh... Dinner's almost ready.

Alright. Thank you Bertha.

Now tell me something.
What is this?

- It's a letter.
- I can see that.

But it's addressed to a
Miss Victoria Haukins.

Do you know her?

Never heard of her.
Sounds like some kind of a foreigner.

- It's a foreigner.
- Well, what is it doing here?

I...

Um...

Eh...

Oh.

- That old idot, you know, the concierge...
- Yeah, the idiot.

He... He said that I took this letter.

It belonged to somebody else on the block.
It's my mistake.

You see there's always a logical
explanation for everything.

My mistake, Fräulein. Um... mademoiselle.

That's alright, Bertha.

Eh... we're only humans.

Some of us anyway.

Sweet person.

I'm sorry, Darling.

You must think that I'm terribly suspicious.

You are a little bit, my...

I will be out soon, all fresh
and powdery for you.

Fresh entirely?

What are you doing?

Changing over.

You don't want Air France wearing
Lufthansa's underwear, do you?

This she'd get lost in it.

I'm tired.

Now why should you be tired?

I suppose you think I got nothing
on my mind but women, right?

Why not? With a layout like this,
what else would you have on your mind?

- Remember the time you covered that Suez thing?
- Yeah.

You had this four Dames,
the Isreali machine gun, ...

- ... and the Arabian masseuse.
- Wait a minute!

They weren't all stacked up over the field
waiting to come in.

Well, I admit: Today is a bit unusal.

Unusual? Bernard, I don't like to pry but
you are enaged to all this girls, right?

Yes.

And, uh...

... they all have the idea of
getting married, right?

Of course they do! I mean how
else do you think polygamy works?

But isn't that a little risky?

Plus the fact it's against the law.

- You know, three wives, I mean...
- Just a minute! Wait a minute.

Who said anything about wives?

They are fiancés and that's
the way they are going to stay.

That way I have all the advantages of married
life without any of its inconveniences.

You understand?

And besides: Fiancés are a
lot friendlier than wives.

- You are kidding.
- Now! Three is the perfect number!

Less, it would be monotonous.

More would be terribly tiring.

- Three are ideal.
- But immoral.

But it's immoral!

Immoral?

All three think they're the only one.

Now, they don't think it's immoral.
Why should I?

I think it's the only way to live.

- Yeah, but isn't it a little complicated?
- No.

- All you need is a timetable.
- I'll bet you do.

No, not what you think.
An airline's timetable.

Oh, to get away in a hurry.

Come here, I'll show you.

Here's the timetable for all the major
airlines in the whole world all in one volume.

One volume.

You understand now, don't you?

Yes.

- You really don't, do you?
- No.

Let me see.
Let me put it this way.

Each one of my fiancés is been recruited
from the different air personel.

Each is an airline hostess.

- And very beautiful.
- Thank you.

They've been tried and tested.

You know the extrance exam to these
major airlines is very difficult.

They have to be healthy,
good at cooking, witty, ...

- ... friendly, ...
- Friendly?

I understand it from
your point of view but...

... what do they girls get out of it?

Well, the get a...
They get security out of it.

I mean flying around like that - it's good for
them to know that there's someone down below...

... that they can come home to.

There's not enough people
down below to go around, huh?

- Well, they happen to be in love with me.
- That's nice.

Well...

I take my hat off to you but I must admit I don't think it's gonna last.

- You don't, eh?
- Mm-mm.

Sit down.

- Here?
- Please.

Alright.

You don't, huh?

Look at this.

Lise will be arriving in
Montreal this evening.

Jacqueline, who leaves tomorrow morning,
will be arriving in Tokyo and Vicky...

... by this time will be
between Lisbon and home.

So you see: My fiancés
wheel around the Earth.

One towards the sun,
one towards the moon...

... and they all, eventually, in turn,
come back in turn to me.

It is geometrical.

It's poetic.

Sort of like: One up,
one down, one pending, huh?

M-hm.

Yeah, you might say that.

Well, old friend,...

... now that you know everything...

... you understand why it's important
that you find your own place.

Because your presence here
makes it highly complicated.

You know, now that I realizes how remarkably
uncomplicated you've made everything...

... I just wouldn't trust
myself staying anywhere else.

Oooh, I never thought
you'd stoop to blackmail.

Oh, don't call it that!

No, say admiration,
envy, maybe.

And something else.

A deep-seated curiosity
'cause now that I've heard...

... I can't wait to see your geometrical
poetry come unglued at the seam.

Look! Nothing's gonna happen
unless you make it happen.

You breathe one word,
you open your mouth...

Wait a minute! I will protect this
setup as though it were my very own.

Yeah, well, that's what I'm afraid of.

Bernard, we've had our
differences over the years...

... but I do recognize
geniuse when I see it.

Thank you.

You can trust me.

You called for a translator, Mr. Reed?

I am Pierre.

Ah, your fame proceeds you, Pierre.

Oh, I'm known in Berlin?

Oh, in the newspaper fraternity you have the
reputation of a man with a simple taste:

Money.

Do you know Bernard Lawrence
of International Press?

I seem to have heard the name.

You could never by chance
have worked for International?

- I don't even know the address.
- I see.

What is Monsieur Lawrence's present
status with International Press, uh,...

- ... employment-wise?
- Eh. Thank you.

It is quite possible that Monsieur Lawrence
will soon be transferred to New York.

- Are you sure?
- The information cost me 200 Francs.

Where does he get his fiancés?

Pardon?

Oh, come on Pierre! What's the source of supply.

I mean there must be some kind of a pool.

Or a specific restaurant. Or a certain
someone with the right contacts.

I don't know, Monsieur.
And I would be very expensive to find out.

- Find out!
- I will begin immediately.

You don't intend to interfere with Monsieur Lawrence's, uh, ...

- ... arrangement?
- Most certainly not. I like it the way it is.

Along with the maid and the apartment.

Ah, I guess the day that Mr. Lawrence
maybe transferred to New York.

Exactly. I would be too expensive
for him to take everything with him.

You are a friend, monsieur.

Is there anything I can do for you here?

- The translating?
- No not at all, thank you. I have to be going.

- Just get the information.
- At once, sir.

- May I use the telephone?
- Certainly. Go right ahead.

Monsieur Lawrence?
He's just leaving.

I'm going to follow him.

Don't excite yourself.

Goodbye.

Oh, hi Bertha.

Well, Mr. Reed.

I see Air France has flown.
Who's up next?

Eh... I mean, what lady?

I know what you mean.

British United.

Due in after midnight.

After midnight, huh?

Poor Bertha.
You put in a pretty big day.

Uh... I'm curious, Bertha.
You gettin' here around dawn?

I sleep here.

You too?

Uh... I mean: You do?

- Uh... where?
- In the back.

You wouldn't believe what it's like.

Yes, I would.
Uh...

You know, Bertha,...

Mr. Lawrence means well but he's so involved
with all his work and everything...

And I feel a little guilty.

I hope I'm not too much of
an inconvenience for you.

Oh, well, I...

I mean, I know what you go through.
With all of the confusion and the changing...

...and I remember what you told me.

You're not very strong:

No, underneath I'm very delicate.

And you have a very spiritual face, Bertha.

I don't know how I keep up.

Because you are loyal.

Because of finer feelings.

And no matter what:

Honor.

And I'm not a complainer.

Of course you are not.
Anyone can see that.

Bertha, why don't you sit down?
I hate to sit when a lady is standing.

Oh, he... here, sir?

Why of course! We're in France.
E pluribus unum.

Sit down, Bertha, have a cigarette with me.

Ah, I'd rather have a drink.

Oh.

Oh, I will get you one.

Now, Mr. Lawrence, as smart as he is,
doesn't realize what he has here.

Now take me.

I came to Paris to find an
apartment just such as this.

With a housekeeper,...

... at a higher salary,...

... who would make some elegant meals,...

...well-planned in advance...

... with no changing menus,
no constant adjustments...

... and tolerance.

And she must understand that a man,
a bachelor, such as myself,...

... is, afterall, a man.

Uh... and possibly a... uh...
discrete relationship.

One discrete relationship?

Uh... with possibly a countess.

Or and older woman of quality.

Quality instead of quantity,
huh Mr. Reed?

That's the idea.

And I thought, Bertha, possibly
you could help me find such a woman.

- A countess?
- A housekeeper.

Who could that be?
No-one's scheduled for this time.

Probably the police.
I've been expecting them for months.

Well, I don't understand it, because...

- Oh, Lise.
- Surprise!

Nice to see you!

Uh... Lise? That's strange.

We didn't expect you back until tomorrow.

Let me take that for you.

You are just like my Bernard.

He always has to know
the minute I touch down.

What do we have to eat?
I... I'll... I'll get out the Knackwurst.

She'll get some Knackwurst out.

That's funny:
We thought you would be in Montreal.

Well, that's a surprise.

They turned right around and flew back.
We set a two-way record.

- Won't Bernard be delighted?
- Hysterical.

I'll just... uh...
put this in here for you.

Thank you, Mr. Reed.

- Uh... call me Robert, won't you?
- Of course.

You have back troubles?

Oh, constantly.

Like other people have colds.

I have to take Titfaligitlugnanderplatz all the time.

Oh, that's terrible.

- What is it?
- A marvellous Bavarian sedative!

Really powerful.
A few drops and you're asleep.

But I wish I knew a good masseur in Paris.

- As a matter of fact, um...
- What?

- Oh nothing.
- You were going to say something.

Well, I didn't want you to
think I was being forward.

I'll tell you if I think you're forward.

Yes, I'm sure you would.

Well, I was just going to say
that when I was younger...

... uh, before I decided to dedicate
my life to journalism, I was ...

... a physical therapist.

No.

- Yes.
- Wunderbar.

And you'll massage me? A deep body massage?

I will try.

Oh, you're shocked. You think I'm forward.

Nothing is forward where the
health of the body is concerned.

- Yes, you're right. Absolutely.
- Of course I am.

But you're hiding something.
What is it you hide?

Uh... eh...
Nothing! Nothing.

- Oh well, don't hide it any more.
- No, I certainly won't.

Eh... What are you doing?

Getting ready.

Oh! Well, eh...

Don't... Don't you think you
would be more comfortable...

Oh well, I always forget
about you Americans.

You must learn to diassociate body from
sex and think of it therapeutically.

Uh, yes. Please have patience with me.

We... we Americans have a
difficult time disassociating.

Oh, well. I'll go inside
and lie on my towel...

... and you can rub olive oil all over me.

Bertha?

Bon appétit!

Check in on the wire before you print it.
Uh-huh.

Alright.
Fine.

- I thought you were following him.
- I did. He is back at your apartment now.

- Uh-huh. Did he go anywhere else?
- A real estate office.

- You know what for?
- I went in after he left.

An apartment.

Well, I guess I did him an injustice.
He is looking for a place to live.

- Oh yes.
- But you better keep after him anyway.

He may have something up his sleeve.
I know him.

Hello?

You don't want to know more?

- I'm busy! Is it important?
- To me - no! To you - maybe.

Hold on.
If it's important - what is it?

56, Avenue de la Reine.

- What does that mean?
- The address.

- But that's my address!
- I know...

You...!
Uh, I'll call you back.

He's been asking about my aparment?

He wants to take it over, complete
with the furniture and all the... eh...

All the...
You know something?

- He's thinking of...
- Exactly, monsieur.

That's exactly what he's thinking of.

Well, he must have heard about New York.

How did he hear that?

- I haven't the faintest idea.
- Hello!

Oh, eh... Jacqueline.

Jacqueline?!

Wha-what... what are you doing here? I
thought you were on the way to Tokyo by now.

They held me off.
I will be on the first trip on the new Ultra Caravelle.

Ultra Caravelle! That's terrific!

Pierre, Jacqueline!

Pierre is leaving now.
Keep up the good work, Pierre.

And the same to you, monsieur.

- Au revoir, mademoiselle.
- Au revoir, monsieur.

- He's French.
- I can see that, thank you.

- But you were saying about the Ultra Caravelle?
- Yes.

Air France is making competition
with British United and Lufthansa.

British United and Lufthansa, huh.

Um, and... whe-whe-when... eh...

How long are going to be
able to stay home now?

Only a few hours.

- The maiden flight is tonight.
- Tonight. What time tonight?

Midnight.
We can still have an early dinner.

Yes, good.
Well, I tell you what:

Let's go back to the apartment.
I think I can get you in and out in no time.

Ah, moment, we don't have to rush.

- You always so worried about my schedule.
- Yes.

- I have plenty of time.
- Oh good. Well, then...

What would you like to do?

I would like to see a movie.

Okay, let's go to the movies.

- I'm so happy.
- Yes.

Mr. Reed?

- Mr. Reed?
- Huh?

Are you asleep?

Not any more.

Where's Lufthansa?

She's sleeping like an infant.

Some infant.

She says you have marvellous hands.

Yes, like rubbing down a baby whale.

Look, do you mind Knackwurst with
Sauerkraut because if you do, I...

- What was that?
- I do not know. It's like an accident.

You know, it sounded like a crash.

- Oh!
- What is it?

- Oh!
- What is it?

Bertha! What is it?!

It's Mr. Bernard. He's... he's back.
He just got out of a cab with Miss Jacqueline.

- Air France?
- Yes.

Wha...? Shh! Don't make any noise
because of, uh... uh... Luftlise.

Here. No, let me. I'll take care of that.
You get the other stuff.

Don't make any noise.

Bertha... Wait, no!

Here. Hide everything.
Hide everything.

Just hide everything in the kitchen.

Oh! You're back.

- Is it not marvellous?
- What?

I have the whole afternoon with my Bernard.

- I must talk to Bertha.
- I...

- Bertha's... uh... in the kitchen.
- Yes.

After what you've done all you can
say is "you're back"? That's all?

- Will you let me explain?
- No, I'll do all the talking.

You listen to me now!

You've been talking... Listen to me!

I know where you were in the afternoon.
You went to the real estate agent, didn't you?

What did you do there?

- Bernard...
- I tell you why you did it.

You wanted my apartment.

Who ordered Knackwurst and Sauerkraut?

He... he probably did.

He's been working in Berlin.

You know I detest that food.

- I ordered a soufflé.
- Oh, you can't have that.

- Wait a minute.
- No, what I mean is it's not good for her.

My chere I am a little tired. I think the best
thing for us to do is to go out for dinner.

- Good idea! Going out for dinner is a marvellous.
- Who asked you?

- Why don't we go to Bois de Boulogne?
- That's marvellous!

I will change my suit.

Change. And hurry up.

You don't know how busy it gets.
You can't even get a table.

Don't change, I know what I'm talking about.

What is this?

What is what?

- This.
- Oh!

Oh, that's my bag.

Do you carry one of those
even when you're not flying?

Oh yes, all the time. I keep all of my
little personal things in it like, uh...

...talcumn powder, olive oil...

You know something?

I think you're crazy.

Yeah, that's marvellous.

Well, then it's all settled:
You and Bernard are going out.

No, I don't think so.

I want dinner home.

I eat out all the time.

What about the air?
The air at the Bois?

I get enough air when I fly.

Yeah, but just think you and Bernard alone,
at night. It's so beautiful on the garden.

- Isn't it romantic?
- Yes, but we'll eat...

Oh, we would not think of letting you dine by yourself.

Oh, I'll be fine.

Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine all alone.

Me and my Knackwurst.

Oh, darling.
Let's stay home.

Fine, we'll have dinner at home.

No, it's too late! You can't do that.

Look, Robert, ...

I don't want to have an argument with you in
front of Jacqueline unless you force me to.

But if she wants to eat here...

... we shall eat here.

You... You will not eat here!

I insist you go to the Bois
with the birds and the bees...

- I think he's having some kind of a breakdown.
- No, no, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine.

It's you that's not fine.

- Excuse me.
- Yes, what is it?

I-I just wondered.

Eh...

Is there any change?

About what?

Uh, well, about dinner.

No, there is no change at all.

And will you stop eavesdropping, please?

Soufflé, just as I said.

You'll all be here for dinner?

What do you mean, all?

We're only three of us.

I'll never survive this job.

I'm-I'm not very strong, you know.

Like... the doctor said to my mother:

Bertha's a try but, eh...

...she's not very strong.

What's the matter with that woman?

- I get the feeling she's trying to tell us something.
- Yes.

Now! Will you please get out of my way?

Tell her!

Tell her what?

- Come here.
- Robert.

Tell her. Didn't you say:
"make yourself at home",...

Don't you understand?

I only understand that you are a fink...

...and on top of everything else
you're a little dingy up here.

Qu'est-ce que c'est fink?

Look, I'm not gonna argue with you.

Get your stuff out of there and
let, Jacqueline back in the room.

No!

- Robert, I s...
- Une minute.

Why can I not have my room back?

- Why?!
- Oh!

- Why?!
- Well, because... oh!

Of course "why". Because I have all
my little personal things in there.

And... and... you'll see them.

I won't look.

Well, you can't help but see them.

I have my shoe trees there and my...

...and my toe clippers and my dental floss.
You understand, Jacqueline.

I do not.

Well, it's just that it's a symbol
and... and...

... I just can't bare to have
all of my private little things exposed.

[French]

I'm will use the other bedroom!
Olalalala!

Alright, now listen to me.

I want you to get all your
little things and get them out!

I don't!

- What is it?
- Oh!

Liebeling!

- Goodbye, Bernard.
- Wait, wait!

You just threw me out.

No, I apologize.

- You threw out like an old shoe.
- But I apologize.

Tell him, Liebling, that he can't leave.

Of course he can't.

He has such wunderbar hands.

- Thank you. Alright, I'll stay.
- Wunderbar?

Excuse me.

Liebling, uh, you're a little early.
I didn't expect you until tomorrow.

But I'm here.
And you can thank the Super-Boeing.

21,000 pounds of thrust.

We'll be together much more often.

Yeah. But right now I have to go to work.

- But you just came in!
- I know but you know the newspaper business.

But Robert will keep you company at dinner.

Mr. Lawrence,
before I put the soufflé in...

Soufflé?

What soufflé?

- He ordered soufflé.
- Yeah, I ordered it.

Soufflé is for people without teeth.

Alright. Well, then he doesn't
have to have soufflé. Cancel it!

- Cancel it...
- Good.

But he is our guest.
You just told him to stay.

Oh, don't worry about me.
Thank you, uh, ...

I-I have soufflé every day in Berlin.

In Berlin? Soufflé?

Eh... beer soufflé.

Yeah? I don't understand it.

Eh... it's an American joke, ja?

- Nein!
- Ja.

It's very amusing.

But you have to excuse me now.
I have to take a bath.

Yes, yes.
Well, uh, ...

While you're taking your bath
I will go to work.

- You'll be home soon, Liebling.
- Just as quickly as I can.

- I'll be waiting for you.
- Yes, yes.

Just think every second day now instead of every third.
Isn't it wunderbar?

Yes, wunderbar.

Wunderbar.

- Bis gleich.
- Bis gleich. Auf Wiedersehen.

I know that massage routine.

You never quit, do you?

I can't help it if I have wunderbar hands.

- Wunderbar hands...
- Uh-uh, uncle Robert will leave.

No, no, no.
No, I don't want you to leave.

You've got to take Lufthansa
out for dinner and keep her out.

- Oh, I do, do I?
- Yes.

You have it all worked out.

- Hello?
- Yes?

- Are you still here?
- Yes.

Jacqueline, that's not very nice.
This is my friend Robert.

What?

Excuse me, there's something
I gotta understand.

The soufflé is out and the
Knackwurst is in, right?

I don't understand what's
so confusing, Bertha.

We ordered a soufflé.

The only change is we won't need so much.

Monsieur Reed will not be staying.

Excuse me, he is staying.
Yes, uh, ...

Maybe we were a little too hasty.

Do you want the soufflé
for three or... four?

No, just for one.

- Just me.
- Mr. Reed he's staying but...

Jacqueline and I
we're going out for dinner.

Oh boy!

- We are going out?
- Oui.

- Monsieur Reed is going to stay here?
- Tha-That's right.

I don't understand.
A minute ago you were fighting.

Oh, we were?
Yes, but I apologized to him, yes, eh...

We always fight.
We are old friends and everything.

And he pointed out that it would be good
to take... For us to go out to dinner.

It's romantic, huh.

- Yeah, we always have those little misunderstandings.
- Yes.

- Good old Robert.
- Good old Bernard!

- Wonderful guy.
- Son of a gun.

Oh no, my friend. Mon ami.

Mon ami.

I hope I am not in the way.

What?

I think perhaps you two
should go out to dinner alone.

I will have the soufflé instead of Robert.

But we have a reservation!

Well, cancel it.
No, no, no. Don't cancel.

Don't be silly.
Come on!

Uh, Bertha! Never mind about the soufflé,
we're going out for dinner.

I don't like to go out.

Oh sure you do. Let's go to that little
restaurant in the Bois. Why don't you?

What is that?

What is what?

This water running in the bathroom.

Oh no, no.
That's not running in the bathroom.

It's running in the kitchen.
Bertha is doing the laundry.

You called me?

Yes, Bertha.
There has been a slight change.

The two gentlemen are going out alone.

- Jacqueline.
- To dinner.

And I have decided to stay here
and have the soufflé after all.

Well, I-I-I threw everything out when you called me.

You threw everything out?

What do we have?

Knackwurst and Sauerkraut.

Knackwurst and Sauerkraut?

I see you two days a week.

And when I come to what I think
is my home what do I found?

First, I am forbidden to
enter in my own bedroom...

... then I am told I must go to a
restaurant because we have a reservation...

... and, finally, I am informed by
the servant what I'm going to eat.

Well, you can stay with your Robert.
I am going out. Alone!

But... but... Jacqueline!

Hm.

We're gonna have to discuss wages.

- I told you before...
- We will. We will.

Not now.

- You weren't very long.
- The water is too hot.

- Why are you shushing me?
- Why I am shushing you?

Robert.
Robert's not feeling well.

Yes, he's pale.
He's got a terrible headache.

A terrible headache.
He needs an aspirin.

- Yes.
- Oh, yes. Ok.

Thank you.

Bertha, where is my scarf?

- Ah, you have changed doors, I see.
- Yeah.

- Here's your scarf.
- Thank you.

Jacqueline?

- Here's the aspirin.
- Thank you.

And drink plenty of water with it.

I drink a gallon of water every day,
no matter where I go.

A gallon?

How do you ever risk leaving the house?

You're top ready, yes.

If you can tear yourself away from
your friend you can come with me.

Jacqueline,
there's been a misunderstanding.

- You must listen to me.
- I will wait for you outside.

- Five minutes. No more.
- But... but...

But Jacqueline...

- About my wages...
- Get in the kitchen.

Robert, come here.

Now look...

We've got to clear the decks for British United
who's gonna be here after midnight tonight.

Now I'm gonna take Air France to
the country somewhere for the night.

Now what you've gotta do is you gotta
get Lufthansa out of the apartment.

Get her out? How?

I don't know.
Take her to dinner.

- A lot of courses.
- What if she doesn't wanna go?

No, she's gotta go. She's gotta go.

Gotta go. That's it.

- Liebling?
- J-Ja?

The water is still too hot.

It is? Well, then blow on it.

- Are you angry with me?
- No, why would I be angry?

I just have to go to
work, that's all.

Frère Jacques,
dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?

Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques.

I like to practice my French when I can.

Well, here we are.
I guess you're stuck with me, Lise.

Oh, I won't impose on you any more.

I just take my Titfaligitlugnanderplatz and
dream away the time until Bernard comes home.

Oh-oh-oh you can't do that!

- Why not?
- No-no, what I meant to say was...

... eh... it's inconsiderate.

You know, I'm an American here in Paris.

A stranger.
A stranger in a strange land and... uh...

- ... well, a foreigner.
- Well, I'm a foreigner in Paris, too.

Uh... yes! Exactly!
That's what I mean.

And don't you think foreigners
should stick together?

- No!
- Why don't you have dinner with me?

No, Bernard wouldn't like it.
He's very jealous.

B-But... but he would like us to have
dinner together, you heard what he said.

But he said keep me company at dinner.
He meant here.

No no, that would make him
much more jealous, Lise.

You see: In a restaurant...
well, what could happen in a restaurant?

But he knows Bertha is here to chaperon us.

So if you want to go out
you have to go alone.

You called me?

Eh, Mr. Reed's going out.

I have the Knackwurst und Sauerkraut alone.

But I threw it out!

Who told you to do that?

I did.

Listen to me, Lise.

From the first moment I saw you
I just couldn't stand it.

From the moment I touched you,
I knew.

So I cancelled the Knackwurst because I just
couldn't trust myself here alone with you.

I can't be responsible for my actions.

I'm a man.

And it's not for me,
it's for you and for Bernard.

You understand?

You've... got to go out to dinner with me.

And help me save me from myself.

Poor Mr. Reed.

- You call me Robert.
- Eh, Robert.

I had no idea!

I thought of you only as an American.

- You know, a machine for making money.
- Yes, of course.

But you are different.

Oh, the way you look at me.
I can see you are a man full of love.

You suffer.

Oh, I should have known it by your hands.

How can you breathe?

I manage.

- Oh!
- What is it?

I wouldn't want to tease you.

Oh, I'd appreciate it.

It's unladylike.

So we won't stay here where Bertha can
watch over us and nothing can happen.

We go out for dinner.

Where we'll be alone and
you won't be tempted.

Yeah, well, that sounds logical.

I'll jump in and out of the tub.

Oh, you honest man, you!

Bertha?

Goodbye, Mr. Reed.

Bertha!
Where are you going?

I've had enough.

Oh, you can't leave.
Not like this, not now.

- You wanna bet?
- Oh, Bertha!

I am not an airline hostess, Mr. Reed.

But Bertha,
I thought we had an understanding.

Mr. Lawrence will be gone soon
and then I'll be your employer.

- And everything will be quiet, just like you wanted.
- No.

You can believe me, Bertha.
Everything will be just marvellous.

Really, you've got to have faith in me.
No confusion. None of the nonese....

What are you doing here?

I live here!

Oh, oh, that's right.
No, what I meant was you're early.

We had you down after mightnight.

We had a strong tailwind.

- Oh.
- I'm leavin'.

Bertha, you can't desert a sinking ship.

Ever hear of women and children first?

Oh, let her go if she wants to.

I only take orders from Mr. Lawrence.

A-a-absolutely.

That's right. This is Europe, not America.

The man is the master of the house.

And that's who you take orders from.
Not from the mistress.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

What is going on here?

Is that Bernard in the bathroom?

Oh, no, that's Bertha washing.

- Bertha's right here.
- Oh, oh, yes!

I mean: That's my shower.

I-It's steam.
Um... I-I like a lot of steam in the shower.

- Where is Bernard?
- Uh, eh... Bernard?

He's on an assignment.

He wanted me to take you to dinner. Yes.

How could he?
He didn't know I'd be early.

Anyway: I'd rather stay
here and wait for him.

What have we got to eat, Bertha?

Nothing!

She doesn't have anything to eat.

She hates me, I know it.

Oh no, she doesn't.

That's not important.
What about dinner?

Alright. As soon as I
get out of this uniform.

- I bought a marvellous new dress.
- Oh, you did?

Oh, that...
Oh! Eh... eh...

Don't change!

You want to take me to dinner like this?

Yeah, I just can't resist a uniform.

Oh, don't be silly.
Let me take a minute.

Well, fine. But then, um,
why don't you use my room?

Why?
Why can't I use my own room?

Well, because in my room I have all
my little personal things. Exposed.

- So?
- So...

Well, that is, I...
have all the little personal things...

... that I'd like you to see.
I can't help it.

I like it.

You know, just be tolerant with me, Vicky.

There are worse things. Read the papers.

I think you're cracked.

Yeah well. Hurry up dress.
Would you, please?

So we can get a table.
Just hurry!

Ah, it makes you feel like another woman.

What?

A bath. A good, hot bath.

What's that?

Oh, eh... that's mine.

I keep all my little things in it.

Here.
I make you a present of this.

The British bag is a joke.

I change and then we're going to dinner.

Ready.

Oh!

What are you doing with my bag?

- Me?
- Yes, you.

What do you want with my bag?

Oh, nothing.

There's no money in it, I can assure you.

If you're implying that I had
any intention whatsovever...

- Then let me have it.
- Fine.

- Whose is that?
- Oh, mine! Mine.

I tought it was yours.
What I mean to say is:

I thought yours was mine.
That's why I have yours.

- Wow!
- Yeah.

Coming?

Yeah.
Um...

But I... eh...
better check with the... uh...

Did you call me?

I tell you,
that woman's got radar or something.

What is it, Mr. Reed?

Well, Bertha, we're going out to dinner.

Who's going out to dinner?

Well, Miss Vicky and I, of course.

- But I ...
- Just play it by ear, Bertha.

- That she'll be good at.
- Fine.

After you, Vicky.

- I...
- Tsh, tsh, tsh.

I'm ready!

Bon soir.

Une place pour deux?

Jacqueline, you have to listen to me...

No, no. You can make excuses all night...

He could not have moved in to
my room unless you let him in.

But...

He did it, then he told me.
What could I do?

You could order him out.
That you could do.

Al-Alright. Alright.

I'll talk to him. Tomorrow morning.
As soon as we get home.

No, I want you to talk to him tonight!

But you said you'd go to
the country with me tonight.

I have changed my mind.

I'm not going to stand by and let am
man you don't even like come between us.

But... Jacqueline.

Women are supposed to worry
about other women, not other men.

I know there is no other
woman in your life.

What other woman would put up with you?

Oh, Jacqueline, please.
Don't act like a martyr.

For your information,
I am not a martyr!

I am only your fiancée who you
are mistreating for no reason.

Stop making this ridiculous
scene about poor, sick Robert.

You didn't tell me you
knew where Bernard was.

Hey, watch it!

Uh... W-Well, he's at a business meeting
and you couldn't get in to see him anyway.

- Driver!

- Oui, monsieur?
- Watch where you're going!

Eh... What were you saying?

I don't understand why I can't come to the restaurant
with you and see Bernard. Just for a minute.

Well, because there are all men in the party.
And you know they're drinking and...

... there are dirty stories and
you would be just out of place.

You are talking to an airline hostess.

Yeah.

Well, the truth of the matter
is: I don't want you to see him.

But why?

Well, because I am jealous and envious!

Because of me?

Well, look in the mirror.

Don't I look like a
normal man to you?

Well, I don't know. I thought all you
wanted was for me to look at your... um...

... little things.

Well, I was just trying to
make myself interesting to you.

And you thought that was the way?

It's not impossible.

Say that again.

- I just wanted to make myself...
- No, no. "It's not impossible". Say that.

It is not impossible!

Divine!
Say it again.

- I can't.
- Oh, please.

Your mouth takes on the
cutest shape when you say it.

- You putting me on?
- No, honestly.

Please say it again.

It's...

... not...

... impossible.

Just like a little flower.

Absolutely like a little flower.

What are you doing?

Pollinating.

I don't think we should have
gone out to dinner together.

Dinner? We shouldn't even be doing this.

I'll wait for you in the parking area.

Psst! Robert!

Psst.

- What are you doing here? - Sit down.
- I came...

Pardon, monsieur.
Message for you.

- Are you crazy?
- Will you listen?

With Lise outside,
Jacqueline back in any minute.

- What's the matter with you, Robert?
- I just want to tell you...

Shut up.

"Bernard, I've gone home to be
the man of the house. Jacqueline."

And I suggest you get
there before she does.

What have I got to worry about?
You got Lise with you.

- Vicky.
- Lise. Can't you keep them straight?

I got them straight.
I got Vicky.

I cam out to warn you.

But the Super-Boeing
isn't due until midnight.

It's here. Early.

Boeing, Boeing.

- Wait for me. I'm going to powder my nose.
- Oui, madame.

I don't understand how with Lise at the house
and Vicky at the house how they didn't...

- Or did they?
- No, they didn't.

What did you do with Lise?

I left her there. What'd you want
me to do: Take them both to dinner?

- What is it?
- Shh.

Vicky!

Don't worry about her. She's not gonna
come looking for you, I took care of that.

- Jacqueline had left.
- Ooh.

- Speak of the devil.
- What?

- Jacqueline!
- What's she doing?

- She's going to the ladies' room.
- Again?

Well, that's the all-ball game.

I guess I blew it then.

Don't feel badly.
You had a very, very good thing there.

You wanna know something?
You know why I'm glad?

Yeah, well, I'm not.

What differences does it make to you?

I never got off to bat.
Yeah, but were thinking of it, weren't you?

Well, you know...

What's the difference?
Let's let bygones be bygones.

- Right?
- Alright with me, sure.

They don't seem angry...

No, they don't.

Wait a minute!

Why should they?
They don't know each other...

- You're right.
- Yes.

- Oh, mademoiselle.
- Yes?

The monsieur was concerned you that you...

You may tell the monsieur that
I came back only for my gloves.

Excuse me.
Do you have any change for my taxi?

- In a moment.
- I will wait for you here.

Very well.

Well, we're back in business.

What do you mean,
we're back in business?

I'm back in business. You're nowhere.

- But you just said...
- Yeah I know what I said.

Go get your own harem, will you?
Beat it.

Oh, fine. Ok, then I don't take yours anymore.

- I'll have a little talk with Jacqueline.
- Don't. No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry. Forgive me!

- I don't know what's the matter with me today.
- Aha.

Jacqueline is leaving.

Oh, well, listen: I've
got to try to stop her.

You call Bertha and tell her to hide Lise.

Yo, wait a minute. Vicky's gonna
care about this. She'll follow you.

Well, then you gotta stop Vicky.

Well, what about the phone call?

Well, you could call from anywhere. You don't have to call from here.

And keep Vicky out for
the rest of the night.

Leave a nice tip. I don't want
you to look like a cheapskate.

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline!

Taxi!

Taxi!

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline, will you...

Jacqueline!

Don't lose her.

Bernard.
Bernard!

Hey! Don't lose that taxi!

Vicky!

Stop!

- Go ahead!
- Stop!

No, keep going.

- Stop!
- No!

Please!
Please!

Oh! I almost fell out of the...

Where were you going anyhow?

Well, that's Bernard in that cab.

Oh, yeah, well he's...
he's going to another meeting.

Something's wrong!

I don't like the look on his face.

I never did.

Jacqueline, will you please listen to me?

No, I don't like to listen to you any more.
Nah!

Jacqueline, you don't understand!

I understand everything!

And I understand you are a grand fink.

If he has such an important business
appointment, why is he racing that cab?

Oh, I think that's his appointment.

Can't you go any faster?

Will you turn around,
watch where you're going? I'm a bleeder.

Stop!

It's the other way.
Back up.

Stop!

Oh, Robert, we've lost him.

- I'm going home. Driver?
- No, no, no! Take us to a telephone.

- A telephone? What for?
- Uh... Well, it's very important.

Trust me! It-It's...
It's just very important!

Ne t'arrête pas.

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline! Listen... listen to me.

- No!
- Ow!

- Jacqueline, where are you going?
- Home. To pack.

Go that way. It leads right
in the Rue de la Reine.

It's oneway, monsieur.

You'll only be going one way.

But... it is against the law!

Does this help?

Vive l'amérique!

I'll be right back.

Bertha?

Bertha!

Alright, I'm coming.

Yes, ma'am? Now what can I do for you?

Good, cold water.

This is the second pitcher.

I need it to wake up.

My Bernard should be home soon.

You'll wake up, alright.

- Bertha?
- Yeah?

Have you been in love?

With my husband.

Ah, that's the way it should be.

He didn't think so.
He ran off with my sister.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Bertha.

I guess I'm very lucky with my Bernard.

Why? Because you haven't got a sister?

Oh no. Because he never
looks at another woman.

He can pat himself on the back.

It's a wonder he can lift his arm.

Hello?

Oh, no, Mr. Reed. There is nobody
here but me and Lufthansa.

Oh, right after you left she took
some of the Tipleadleloodenplatz....

... and she passed out.

Eh, she's just wakinig up now.

Well, don't let her wake up!
Give her another shot of that stuff.

I don't care how much she's had.
Give her more!

[What is the American saying?]

[He wants to give narcotics to a woman]

[Drug a woman?]

Well, put some in her water.

All you can find.

[What is he saying now?]

[It looks like the man is desperate]

[Desperate?]

[Yes, that is a ragged mole]

Bertha, pleasa don't panic.

I can handle British United.

But with Air France on the loose, you're
gonna have to take care of Lufthansa.

[What is it?]

[She's taking care of British United]

[Not Air France! And someone else
is dealing with Lufthansa...]

Lufthansa?

- Mon petit!
- Oui?

Parles tu anglais?

A little, oui.

In the café,
there is an American at the telephone.

I want you to wait for him and
when he comes out, say this for me.

- As you?
- As me.

Say: "I do not trust myself with you.

I'm going home to tell Bernard so
everything will be above board."

Here's five francs.

Mercy, mademoiselle.

I don't trust myself with you.

I'm going home to tell Bernard.

So...

Everything will be above board.

So everything will be above board.

Très bien.

56, Avenue de la Reine.

Très bien.

Bertha, I'm depending on you.

Goodbye.

What is it?
Hey, hey! Ow.

I do not trust myself with you.

I'm going home to tell Bernard.

So everything will be above board.

Here. Drink this.

All down.

Titfaligitlugnanderplatz is so powerful.

Even this water seems to taste of it.

That's it, girl.

Aah.

How long does it take to work?

- Where is Lufthansa?
- She's in her room.

Well, get her out of there.
Air France is right behind me.

She's asleep.

- Well, then go wake her up!
- She may never wake up again.

What kind of crazy talk is that?

Liebeling!
Liebeling!

Hurrups.
Wake up.

I-I didn't do it.

Your friend made me give it to her.

We gotta get her outta here.

Come on. Help me lift her.

I'm a cook, not a piano mover!

Grab her legs.

Just give it a pivot.

- That's the way.
- Oh.

Will it fit?
This way.

She sure is a dead weight.

Don't use that word!

Oh, stop talking like that. You just
made her sleep too heavily, that's all.

Well, I hope so. I don't want to
spend the rest of my life in jail.

Nobody's going to jail.

No, no. Not that room.
That's Mr. Reed's room.

If we put Mr. Reed in that room, we can
get Miss Jacqueline into her own room.

But Miss Vicky thinks
this is Mr. Reed's room.

You told me that yourself.

So we can't put this one in here.

You want to tell me that Miss Vicky
wants to go in Mr. Reed's room?

Miss Vicky won't be here.

And you don't know Mr. Reed like I do.

Now we're gonna take
this one into that room.

So you've come back?

It's a wonder you dare!

Come back?

After leaving me in the middle of dinner.

I left you?

I've been chasing you all over town.

Now... Are you going to get
your friend out of my room?

- Or I am.
- Come here. Come here.

Look - he's out.

Of course. If he were in he would be here.

Learing at me.

No, I mean he is out of the room.

I had Bertha take his things
and put them in the guest room.

Well, you can move them right back.

I thought that's what you wanted.

Not if I have to plead with you for the
privilige of sleeping in my own bedroom.

Aww, Jacqueline, don't talk that way.

Please, pussy cat, I'll make it up to you.

- Tonight...
- Tonight you will sleep very soundly.

I have absolutely no intention of
sleeping in a room next to yours.

Just as I predicted.

Will you stay out of this?

I see. You're discussing
me with a servant now.

Jacqueline, no.

Tell your friend about it when
you're sleepwalking tonight.

But Jacqueline!

Now look what you've done, Bertha!

Jacqueline, listen to me!

My petit.

Pussy cat.

Come on, don't be that way.

What are you doing?

For what I am paid,
I don't have to take this abuse.

Wait a minute.

Bertha, please forgive me.

I'm a little unstrung tonight,.

Get away from me!

- Oh, hello Bernard.
- Hello.

I'm sorry I wasn't
here when you got home.

Eh... Isn't Robert with you?

Now don't be angry.

I didn't expect you so early, that's all.

I am not angry...

-... but there's something I have to tell you, Bernard.
- Yes, what is it my love?

Alright, alright. I'm not listening.

Then draw me a bath and
get out my night things.

Alright, but there is no need to shout.
It's not easy, you know.

- Bernard?
- Yes?

Oh, alright.

I think you'd better sit down.

Sit down?

- Alright.
- I'm goin'.

Alright. I'm sitting down.

What is it my love?

I...

I can't be your fiancée any more.

Why?

I'm sorry. These things happen.

But...
Just the day before yesterday...

I mean, you were my fiancée
the day before yesterday.

I didn't know Robert the
day before yesterday.

Robert?

- Your bath water's running...
- Vicky! Listen to me!

- Don't be hasty.
- I'm sorry.

Vicky, won't you please listen to me?

- How about my raise?
- You got it.

Vicky...

Listen to me! Don't be like that.

Oh, Bertha. Is Mr. Lawrence here?

Oh, is Vicky here? I coudn't stop her.

- Yeah, she's here.
- What's the matter with you?

Oh!
Oh that.

Yeah, that.

Well, you told me to
keep her out all night.

You gotta play those things by ear.

Your ear isn't what I'm worried about.

You can't make an omlett
unless you break the eggs.

- Oh, that's terrific. Did you just make that up?
- Yeah, I got some more.

Good. Why don't you deliver
them down at the YMCA?

I will. But I'll get my things
first if you don't mind.

Great!

- Oh, excuse me.
- You can sleep where you want, monsieur Reed.

I would not dream of disturbing you.

- Excuse me.
- Where are you going?

I'm going to take a bath.

- Do you mind?
- Yes, yes.

- You do mind?
- No, I don't mind. He minds.

- I do?
- Yeah.

Because he's taking a bath first and
Bertha is washing out the tub now.

Surely he can go after me.

I can go after her.

I will wash the tub out.

No, no, no! That's very unlucky.

- For whom?
- Well, for all of us.

You've heard of three on a tub.

Yeah, I'm very superstitious.

- Superstitious?
- Yeah.

I have been right all along about you two.

Why don't you use Bertha's tub in the back?

I will.

What is that?

That-That's Bertha putting around in there.

Yes?

I thought you said she was in the bathroom.

No. Did I say that Bertha
was in the bathroom?

- No. - Bathroom, no you didn't say that.

No, I never said that.
Bertha's here, obviously.

Bertha, Miss Jacqueline is
going to use your bathtub.

I'm honoured!

Oh, I need my flight bag.

Robert... Robert'll get it.
There is your flight bag.

Alright. Have a wonderful bath.

Hello Darling.

You see, you didn't have to upset yourself.

- It's alright now. He knows.
- Yes.

It is best to bring these
things out into the open.

- Yes it is.
- By the way - have you seen my flight bag?

Your flight bag?
No, I haven't seen your flight bag.

'scuse me.

- What was that scream?
- I stepped on Bertha's toe.

- I'll only be a minute now.
- Alright.

Bernard.

Sleepy.

I'm pinned.

- I'm pinned!
- Then use your wunderbar hands.

Oh, gimme a hand here.

Just lift.

I got her.
I got her.

I got her.

She missed the bed.

You know, I have a bit of a problem.

- Yes.
- This is really very embarrasing.

Since I am no longer your fiancée, I really can't
sleep in the bedroom next to yours, Bernard.

Certainly not.

And you're in the guest
room, so I can't sleep there.

Yet.

Oh, don't be bitter, Bernard.
It's not like you.

So, I guess I'll just
have to sleep over here.

- No!
- No!

Why not?

Uh... Well, y-you told Bertha
that she could sleep there.

Why can't she sleep in her own room?

You called me?

Oh! Oh, yes.
Bertha!

Yeah, no... well... eh...
Mr.-Mr. Lawrence he was just saying...

... how he, uh...

that you were sleeping in that room now.

- Who, me?
- Yeah, yes you .

Certainly. Don't you remember?
You said you wanted to sleep in that room?

- Yeah.
- It-It's alright, Bertha. Don't feel badly.

We all have our little
excentricities every now and then.

- Yeah.
- Then I'll take Bertha's room. I don't mind.

- Good night, Darling.
- Good night.

Oh!

No!

What is it, Bertha?

Nothing.

What is it?

Nothing.

Bernard, where are you going?

To the river.

Aww, don't be so dramatic.

Let your friend go instead. Come on.

I am not going to stop being
your fiancée over a bath tub.

- Good.
- We get rid of him...

... and we will talk about it.

Right now I must get ready for my flight.

But don't wait up to see me off.

Now that cleans the decks.

Jacqueline's gonna go catch a plane,...

... your fiancée is taking a nap...

... and Bertha...

... yes, Bertha, you've gotta see that Lise stays unconcious.

Open the door.

Where are you going?

I'm quitting.

You don't need a maid, you need the mafia.

Close that door.

Bertha!

Robert, old friend.

Now, I know you've got Lise
to trust you by this time.

You've gotta keep an eye on her.

Now, where are you going?

To the YMCA.

- Come here!
- What are you doing?

- I wanna leave!
- That, Robert, you can't.

I just wanna go. Will you let me go?

Robert, I didn't mean
half the things I've said.

It's the half you did mean.

Robert, look. I'm begging you.
I'm pleasding with you.

I'm asking you: Please help me out.

Well...

- What about Vicky?
- Perfect!

You make a wonderful couple.

Oh, I knew you wouldn't let me down.
What a great friend you are.

Good night!

- Bernard?
- Shhh!

- Why must I...?
- Shhh!

Um... You'll... You'll wake everybody.

Everybody's awake.

Oh, yes.

Listen, Bernard. Don't be bad-tempered.

I only came out because I feel... guilty.

You've got nothing to feel guilty about.

Well... I've mistreated
you and I've been cruel.

Oh, but you haven't really done anything.

Uh, so far.

- No, she hasn't.
- I wish you'd butt out.

- Just butt out.
- Alright, okay.

- Yeah, sure.
- Anyway, I want to apologize.

And I hope I haven't disrupted
your relationship with Robert.

Oh no, it's the same as always was.

I don't see why you must constantly
put your two cents into everything.

- I'm just trying to comfort you.
- Don't comfort me.

- No, I won't.
- Do me a favor.

- Just don't comfort me.
- I won't.

Let's leave it alone. Everything's
over with and I feel fine, okay?

- Then I can sleep peacefully.
- Yes. Good.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

I must be going.

Who is this?

Who is that?

Eh... eh... who...
that's... um...

Robert's fiancée!

Absolutely.

Robert's fianc... My fiancée.

Yes, aren't you going
to congratulate Robert?

Robert's fiancée.
Congratulations, Robert!

Congratulations, Robert!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now tell me: What were you doing in there?

Getting into my uniform.

Yes, Jacqueline works for Air France.

- No.
- Yes.

And, uh,... and, uh,... and Vicky...

- ... Vicky works for British United!
- Huh!

Yes, it's a marvellous
coincidence, isn't it?

It certainly is a coincidence when you think about it.

You know: Both in the same
industry, both hostesses.

Both in the same appartment
in the middle of the night.

- Yes. - No!
- No! No!

Yes.
We'd better be going.

Are you resting between flights?

Well, not everybody is
resting between flights.

- No.
- Come, Jacqueline.

- I am.
- Really?

- Bernard, why is she...?
- I have exactly the same question.

Well, uh...
She's, uh...

- Robert's fiancée.
- My fiancée.

They're engaged and she
came here to be with him!

That's what she did.
That's what she did, exactly.

No, but Robert and I didn't...

Oh, we don't have to get into that now.

We're here and that's all that's important.

I'd still like to know
what she's doing here.

Why did you not tell
me Robert had a fiancée?

You are always so secretive.

See, I couldn't because... eh...

It... eh...

- ... really only just happened.
- Five minutes ago.

Oh, I see. I go into the bathroom,
I have a bath, I come back and - poof.

There you are. Engaged.

That Robert! He is certainly out fast.

Well, hello and goodbye. We have got to go.

I can see the fast worker.

- Where did you met him?
- Here.

I see. You came here tonight...

... not knowing if your
fiancé would be here...

... because you never met him before.

Oh, well, no,
it didn't quite happen like that.

Oh, well, I tell you what.

- We'd better be going.
- Yes.

And... uh... you know what?
You two can talk about it some other time.

The great thing to know is...

... that they're in love.

And no one has to ask why.

Beautiful.
Come!

I was not askying "why" but "where".

I'd like to know both.
What are you doing here anyway?

- It's very complicated.
- And she's gonna miss a plane. She's very late.

- Right.
- Excuse me!

Now, listen to me.

I am Bernard's fiancée.

A-and-and... you are ideally mated.

Matched!

You stay out of it.

Yes, by all means.

You stay out of it. I'll stay out
of it and we'll all stay out of it.

- When I was Bernard's fiancée...
- Oh!

Well, you see I was her fiancé
before I was your fiancé.

Oh. And then what happened?

And then... um...

Then?

Yes, then I found out that she
was really in love with Robert.

- Robert.
- Uh... that's right.

That's it.
That's it.

But you didn't know me before
it was only afterwards...

Oh, please. Let that go and
all the befores and the afters.

What's done is done.
The die is cast, that past is past.

The only important thing isthat
you are in love with him!

Even though I was your
fiancé, I forgave you.

I forgave both of you when I became...

... your fiancé.

Not because I was cheated by her but because I wanted
to be your fiancé but I was too polite to ask you.

Is that clear?

- Crystal.
- Hm.

And to think that I was stupid
enough to feel guilty. Me.

When you were her fiancé the whole time.

Of course he was.

He is. Or else he's a liar.

I, a liar?

Wha-what are you talking about?

He's my dearest and my most trusted friend.

Eh...

He knows me, he understand me.
He shall speak for me.

Well, you understand me.

- I don't.
- W-w-well, of course you do.

It's really very simple.

Oh Bernard, Liebling.

Ah, monsieur.
I have something special for you.

From the Far East.

Taxi!

Taxi!

You have any idea how close we came?

- Do I have any idea, I was...
- Where to, monsieur?

Well, a lady cab driver.

- I never saw a lady cab driver in Paris before.
- Me neither.

- There are only three of us.
- Oh, really?

- Are you friends?
- Yes, we share an apartment.

- An apartment? That's marvellous.
- But we don't get to see each other very often.

You see, we each work a
different eight hour shift.

- Tell me: What is your name, my dear?
- Françoise.

- Françoise. What a lovely name.
- Beautiful.

Excuse me a moment, won't you?

Excuse me, I'd like to know: When one is
driving, one is sleeping. Is that the idea?