Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) - full transcript

Tell me, who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

Who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Tell me, who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

You know, God walked down
In the cool of the day

Called Adam by his name

And he refused to answer

Because he's naked and ashamed

Who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Well, who's that writing?
John the Revelator



Who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

You know, Christ had 12 apostles

And three he led away

Said, "Watch me when I walk
Till I go yonder and I pray"

Who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

Christ came on the Easter morning

Mary and Martha was down to see

Go tell my disciples
And meet me in Galilee

Tell me, who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Tell me, who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals



Who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Tell me, who's that writing?
John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

- Good morning, Warden.
- Tom.

Is that Elwood Blues?

Yes, sir. Released yesterday.

Did you tell him about Jake?

No, sir. I thought you told him.

I'm sorry.

Listen, I work for a friend of yours.

Who's that?

Your old drummer, Willie.

I dance at his club.

They told him you were out
and he asked me to come check on you.

He said he'd give you a job.

Matara, could you drop me off here, please?

- What can I do for you, boy?
- Sir,

how much would something like

that full-sized Ford police package
in the middle there run me?

Get yourself $500
and you come back to see me then.

Okay, sir.

That's a nice car.

I'll save it for you.

Thanks.

I wasn't sure
you were going to come, Elwood.

Hey, a letter from you
is like a command, Sister. You know that.

- Actually, it's Mother Mary now.
- That's a promotion, isn't it?

I'm sorry to hear about Jake.

Yeah, well, I guess
he's in a much better place.

Uh...

Where is Curtis?

Curtis has gone on as well, Elwood.
I'm sorry.

So, that's why he stopped writing me.

He was very upset
when the orphanage closed.

Curtis was the closest thing to a dad
that Jake and I ever had.

He gave us the music.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, Elwood.
We all must go on and fight the good fight.

The orphanage is gone, Jake's gone,
Curtis is gone.

I got no brother, I got no roots, I got no life.
I got nothing, for Christ's sake.

Young man...

Ow!

...you were not taught and raised by me

to fold at the slightest whiff
of adverse circumstances.

Now quit your silly moping,

pull your sorry self together
and snap out of it!

But...

But nothing! Wise up!
Turn your heart to the Creator.

You are so quick to despair.

You are not the only person in the world
who has had tragedy in their lives.

You didn't know that Curtis had a son,
did you?

Curtis had a son?

Before Curtis came to us
at St. Helen of the Blessed Shroud

he had a musical group
that toured the juke joints of the Midwest.

In one town,
Curtis had an affair with a married woman.

Go, Curtis.

I mean, that's terrible.

That's what I thought you meant.

Anyway, the woman became pregnant
and decided to remain with her husband,

never telling him
that the boy child wasn't his.

Curtis was devastated.

He came to us as a custodian

and spent the rest of his life
caring for little orphans like you, Elwood.

Thanks.

That's a beautiful story.

Hey, wait a minute. If Curtis had a son,

then that guy would be
kind of like my stepbrother.

I have a family.

Curtis always stayed in touch
with the boy's mother.

He sent his paycheck every week.

Where is this boy now?

He's a grown man now, Elwood,
and doing quite well.

Lives in the city.
His name is Cabel Chamberlain.

Cabel Chamberlain.

He doesn't know anything about Curtis,
and it's not your place to tell him.

I wouldn't say anything.

Do you know
anything about mentoring, Elwood?

No. What about it?

There's someone I'd like you to meet.

Sister, would you send Buster
in here, please?

Wait a minute.

Thank you.

l...

Come in, Buster, and sit down.

Elwood, say hello to Buster.

Hi. How ya doing?

Buster, say hello to Elwood.

Hi. How ya doing?

Hey, the kid's a wiseass.

Shit!

What did you say?

I said, what a sweet kid.

That's more like it. Now, here's my proposal.

Young Buster here is a ward of the state,
and due to lack of space

the archdiocese has agreed to house
homeless children here at the hospital.

What's that got to do with me?

I thought perhaps that you would
come and spend time with Buster.

Why don't you take Buster here to the library
in the meantime?

You know, I've been jacked around...

The library. No problem.

See you in two hours, boys.

Okay, kid, here's the deal.

You wait here
and I'll come back for you with the car.

Do you have a car?

I'm working on it.

Chicago. Cabel Chamberlain.

- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah, no problem.

Hey, kid, are you stalking me?

What are you, 15? Seventeen?

I'm 10.

Ten, huh?

Look, I know what you're going through.

You're lonely,
searching for your place in life.

Just don't blow it like I did.

Stay away from drugs, gangs,
cyber porn on the internet,

and you could be
President of the United States someday.

But I don't want to be
President of the United States.

Look, I'm busy.
I got kind of a brother in there.

He must be in some kind of trouble.

Besides, you don't want to hang around
with some over-40 recidivist.

Now scram.

A Mr. Elwood J. Blues is here to see you.
Yes, sir.

Mr. Blues, Commander Chamberlain's office
is on the 12th floor. He's expecting you.

"Commander" Chamberlain?

Now, how can I help you, Mr...

Blues. Elwood J. Blues.

Would you mind taking your hat
and glasses off in my office, please?

Okay, you can put your glasses back on.

Now, what exactly is the nature
of your visit here, Mr. Blues?

Well, it's like this. See,

- I used to be in a band...
- Yes.

...called the Blues Brothers.

So?

With a partner whose name was Jake Blues.

Go on.

And you are our long-lost brother.

Mr. Blues, I am an only child.

Yeah, but your real father
was like a real father to me, too.

My real father?

Yeah, Curtis.

Have you noticed, Mr. Blues,
that I am an African American?

Yeah, that's okay. So was Curtis.

You see, your mother and Curtis
had an extramarital affair,

which produced a little boy, that's you.

My father passed away 14 years ago.

He was a full bird colonel
in the United States Air Force.

My mother now lives in Phoenix, Arizona,

and a more honorable, sweet-tempered
and goodly woman does not exist.

Look, I'm not making
any moral judgments here,

but one can project
what might have happened in this case.

Your mom, young,
her husband in the military,

away from home much of the time,

which may have pushed her to reach out,
stray from the nest.

That's enough.

Just a minute.

Please.

Hi, Ma. It's me, Cab.

Listen, I have a gentleman
in my office here who's telling me

some story about some man named Curtis.

What?

Right.

So, what precisely is it you want from me?

Well, seeing as we're
kind of like stepbrothers,

I thought maybe, you know,
you could help me out.

How could I do that?

I need 500 bucks for this car, see.

And I thought maybe you could, you know,
loan me the money. Or...

Or what?

I'm thinking of putting
the band back together.

Maybe you could join us.

I am a commander in the Illinois State Police.
And I enjoy my job.

You waltz in here telling me that I have

a dead, white, criminal brother,
who was in a band,

which the last time they played anywhere
were charged with grand larceny,

reckless endangerment,
felonious motor vehicle assault,

over 700 violations
of the Highway Traffic Act,

and damages, both public and private,
in excess of $24 million.

And you are asking me
if I want to join this band?

I could show you all the moves.

Get the hell out of my office, right now!

I think you need a hug.

And don't ever come back here again!

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

He dropped this.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

...$400, $500.

Thank you, sir.

Is this your boy?

He's...

I'm his associate.

Yeah. Yeah, that's who he is.

Well, you're lucky you came by today.
I'm selling the place tomorrow.

Why is that?

Going down to New Orleans for a while.
Try out a new career.

Good luck to you, Mr. Gasperon.

Good luck to you, Mr. Blues.

Mother Mary, we've done two bed checks,

searched the grounds
and we still can't find him.

Can't find who?

Buster. He's missing.

Elwood!

Have you seen my wallet?

It smells like dog shit in here.

Don't say "shit," kid.

You don't need that shit, kid.

Elwood. Thank you, baby.

It's me.

Matara.

Yeah, right.

Hey, Mack.

Look who's here. Elwood Blues.
From Willie's old band.

Hi.

Is this your son?

Well, he's...

I'm hungry.

Come on, sweetheart,
let's get you something to eat.

Elwood, Willie's in the office.

What would you say if I told you
I was putting the band back together?

I'd say I've got myself a good little business
here and I'm not going back to jail.

You're telling me you don't miss it?

That's right. I don't miss it.

The music!
Man, you know you miss the music.

No pharmaceutical product
could ever equal the rush you get

when the band hits that groove.

The people are dancing, shouting
and swaying and the house is rocking.

Sir?

What is it, Elizondo?

Found your wallet.

Uh-huh.

Let's see. Badge, license, credit cards.
All right.

Just the cash is missing. Where was it?

Turned in to lost and found in a paper bag,
along with this note.

I want a statewide felony theft warrant
put out on Elwood Blues.

I want this guy. Now.

What did he mean,
calling you his "little brother"?

Right away, sir.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to Willie's,

the state's most elegant establishment
for entertainment, erotica and ecdysia.

And now, four young women currently
studying medicine and paleontology

at Northwestern University.

Tia, Sandra, Devon and Carla.

Here they are, the Roommates!

Lonnie, Junior, the band, the girls and I,
we're gonna do a little song for you now,

a little Mack Rice number.

Hey, all you married men. If you're tied up,

you better stay tied up,
because it's cheaper to keep her.

It's cheaper to keep her

It is cheaper to keep her

When your little girl make you mad

You get an attitude and pack your bag

Five little children that you're leaving behind

You're gonna pay some alimony
Or do some time

It's cheaper to keep her

Too much to leave that little girl

It's cheaper to keep her

It's cheaper, it's cheaper, it's cheaper

It's cheaper, cheaper, cheaper, cheaper, yeah

If you decide to roam

And leave your happy home

You got to pay the house note

The child support, your insurance

Alimony, mortgage one, mortgage two

It's cheaper to keep her

What was that?

The strong-arm shit, protection payment.
You know the tune.

This time it's Russians.
But, hey, I pay them, they leave me alone.

That's not right.

No shit.

If I could only figure out
what Elwood's game is.

Why did he come to see you
in the first place, sir?

He wanted to borrow $500 and asked me
if I wanted to join his band.

Well, he got his 500 bucks.
What instrument do you play?

How about a big hand
for our gorgeous, professional lady dancers?

Where's Willie?

He went to Cabrini-Green
to visit his ailing stepfather. Why?

Those Russians are here.
They want to see him.

I'll handle it. Where's Buster?

He's in the office, sleeping.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Mr. Hall has been unavoidably detained.
He will be a trifle late.

May I buy you a drink?

Mack.

Got a minute?

Don't forget our deal now, Elwood.

Uh-huh.

Willie, you don't have to worry anymore.
Those Russian guys won't be back.

Those guys are bad mothers, Elwood.
Serious shit. They kill people.

They kill people?

Listen, Willie. You gotta understand.

Those goons are orphan remnants

of the post-perestroika
Soviet secret police apparatus,

which, until 1991,
carried out its twisted interpretation

of the original, well-intentioned
Marxist-Leninist doctrine

vis-à-vis state security, which was massively
corrupted by Lavrenty Beria in the '30s.

Of course, once a mass populace is coerced
into such behavior as a permanent condition,

a radical, didactic, dialectic shift,
such as glasnost,

produces guys like these:

stunned, headless automata
whose only alternative in their new lives

is the continuation of brutish measures

to which their genetic code has been
programmed since the fall of the Romanovs.

That's great. I feel much better.

And now, a very special treat,
our own bartender, Mack McTeer,

will be performing for you this evening.

Now, now. Come on.

Elwood!

What are you doing?

I'm sorry. I promised the guy.
It'll never happen again.

I'm all alone and fancy free

But that ain't the way I want to be

Now, girls, get your game up tight

We're gonna have
a wing-ding-doodle tonight

But right now I'm looking for a fox
I'm looking for a fox

I'm looking for a fox

Tonight the sky's the limit

I got some money and I'm gonna spend it

It's Saturday night and I wanna play

I'm gonna groove till the break of day
Now look here

I'm looking for a fox

I'm looking for a fox
I'm looking for a fox

Got a brand-new pinstripe suit of clothes

Big, wide polka-dot tie

Cuff links as big as jaybird eggs
And look at that

Shoes made out of alligator hide
Wanna see something else here?

- I'm ripe and ready and I'm hot to trot
- Boy, you on fire

- Girl, you can get anything I got
- She'll take it, too

- I got the money if you got the time
- We open all night

- All you gotta do is give me a sign
- Look here!

I'm looking for a fox
I'm looking for a fox

I'm looking for a fox

Looking for a fox

Hey, Mack, you know something?
You can sing, man

- Looking for a fox
- Come on, y'all

Looking for a fox

Everyone, please leave now!

- Where's Buster?
- I don't know.

Gas!

Come on! Hurry!

Elwood!

You guys okay?

All the girls get out?

Yeah, everybody's fine.

Matara, thanks for everything.

Time to go.

- Elwood, they have automatic weapons.
- Look in the glove compartment.

Carpet tacks.
They have guns and we have carpet tacks.

They're not carpet tacks.
They're drywall nails.

Roll down your window. Dump the nails.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, Mack.

What do you mean, Elwood?

If it weren't for those gangsters
shaking down Willie

and you helping me,
I wouldn't have seen you sing. You're good.

Thank you, Elwood.

Since the Russians torched Willie's club,
he'll need a job.

You'll need a job. I'll need a job.

So, you'll join the band,
then we'll all have jobs.

Follow me?

Sure.

What band?

- Lieutenant?
- Thanks.

Elizondo.

Did you find anything?

No bodies, but there was plenty of gunfire.

Did you find the club owner?

Not yet.

Wait a minute.
I got something here you should see.

Matt.

You finally sell that demonstrator?

Check this funky car coming in.
I got a weird vibe.

The suit's real neat and everything, Elwood,
but do I really have to wear the hat?

These are unsophisticated men.

The only things they respond to
are fear and the draw of lucre.

We elicit this by using iconographic symbols
and psychological intimidation.

The way we look together now

presents a uniform image of strength
and organization.

Don't say anything. Look mean. No smiling.

Elwood.

Good to see you, man.

Yeah, even though
that last gig was a nightmare.

Boys, I'd like you to meet
my new partner in the act, Mighty Mack.

Mack, "Blue Lou" Marini,
Matt "Guitar" Murphy.

Mighty Mack.

So, what's this all about?

I'm getting the band back together.

Man, you can't talk about this stuff here.

Matt, she's back from lunch.

Elwood.

Ma'am.

Sorry to hear about Jake.

Thank you, ma'am.

Who's this?

- My new partner, Mack McTeer.
- Pleased to meet you.

- Matt, can I speak to you privately?
- Sure, baby.

You said when you got out of prison
you were gonna be all finished

with the Blues Brothers.

That's right. I did.

You and I have built up a good business here

with the cash
from the sale of the coffee shop.

And I got us started
in this Mercedes dealership.

What is the matter with you?

And I continue to keep
your pathetic friend on

even though he hasn't sold a car
in over two years.

Yes, you have, and no, he hasn't.

You talk straight with me, Matt Murphy.

I always do.

And you treat me with respect at all times.

I do, baby.

And you know what I mean
when I say "respect."

Hey, what you want
Baby, I got it

What you need
You know I got it

All I'm asking

- Is for a little respect when you get home
- Just a little bit

- Yeah, baby, baby, baby, baby
- Just a little bit

- When you get home
- Just a little bit

Just a little bit

I ain't gonna do you wrong
While you're gone

I ain't gonna do you wrong
Because I don't wanna

All I'm asking

- Is for a little respect when you get home
- Just a little bit

- Baby, when you get home
- Just a little bit

Just a little bit
Just a little bit

I'm about to give you all of your money

And all I'm asking in return, honey

Is to give me my propers
when you move in there

- Just a, just a, just a, just a, just a, just a
- When you get home

- Just a little bit
- Do it for me, now

Just a little bit

Your kiss is sweeter than honey

Guess what
So is my money

All I need is just a little respect
When you get home, baby

- Just a little bit
- Baby, when you get home

- Just a little bit
- Do it for me now

R to the E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me

R to the E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB

Sock it

Sock it to me
Sock it to me

Yeah, baby

- Sock it
- I don't want much

Sock it to me
Sock it to me

Baby, I'm telling you

- Respect
- Wherever I go

- Give it to me
- All over the world

- I get my respect
- Respect

Yes, I do, it's an everyday thing
Tell you it is

- Sock it
- Wherever I go

Sock it to me
Sock it to me

All over the world
I need respect

- Sock it
- Yes, I do

- Sock it to me
- I deserve respect

Yeah

Listen, Matt. You ain't all of that, cat.
And Elwood, you ain't no good.

Matt, this is something
that I really don't want you to do.

For crying out loud, if this is what
you're gonna be like to live with, go ahead.

Thanks, baby.

Let's go.

Elwood.

You boys,
please stay out of trouble this time.

Dunn and Cropper, WEXR
Chicagoland talk radio

- You're listening to Dunn and Cropper.
- Cropper and Dunn.

On WEXR, 103.7 talk radio.

Our topic today, automatic life terms
for three-time felony offenders.

Give us a call, we'd like to hear your opinion.

Dunn and Cropper, you're on the air.

Hi, I am definitely not in favor
of this triple-felony legislation.

Tell us why.

I'm a recently released inmate
who's trying to put his life back together.

But with five felonies already on my record...

Hey, fellas. I think I know that voice.

I mean, what chance do I have
if I make one more mistake?

One more time, I could go down for life.
It's just not fair.

My question is, how can you goddamn
shit-spewing media sluts help...

Thank you, caller.
Time for a commercial break.

Steve, you know,
I think that sounded a lot like...

Elwood J. Blues.

No place to run.

And no place to hide.

I know, you told me,
your trumpet player's a funeral director now.

But, Elwood, cemeteries
still give me the creeps.

He'll be the most difficult.
Follow my lead.

Lay to rest Nicholas Tstetsevkaya,

a young man cut down too soon
by violent enemies.

Would you please get lost?
Do you know who these people are?

Who's this guy? What's with the monkey?

That's no monkey.
That's my associate, Buster Blues.

And this is Mighty Mack,
the new lead singer in the band.

So, that's what this is about?
Forget it. Goodbye.

Hey, Mr. Fabulous,

what time you want us to come back
and grab the rings and watch off the corpse?

And what about the deal
with the medical college for his dick?

We're dead now.

Since I started to work for Ed and Mr. Pickett,
I haven't looked back, Elwood.

These guys are amazing.

So, Elwood. What do you want?

I'm putting the band back together,
and we need Murph on the keyboards.

I see.

I told them I wouldn't go
without your say-so.

Murph tells me you're in publishing,
telephone sales and matrimonial services?

Yes, we are.

Just what is it that you do exactly?

I'm 18 years old, I'm blonde,
I'm 36-24-36 and my name is Bambi.

If you need a little lovin'

Call on me, call me

If you want some kissin'
Call me, baby

All you got to do

I'll be right here at home

All you got to do is pick up the telephone
And dial now

634-5789

- That's my number
- 634-5789

And if you need a little huggin'

Call on me
Lord have mercy

And if you want some kissin'

Call on me, baby
All you got to do now

No more lonely nights
Will you be alone

All you got to do is pick up your telephone
And dial, baby

634-5789

- That's my number
- 634-5789

Oh, I'll be right there

Just as soon as I can

If I be a little bit late now

I hope that you'll understand
Oh yeah

634-5789

If you need a little lovin'

You can call on me, yeah

If you want some of my kissin'

Call on me
You better believe you can

No more lonely nights
Will you be alone

All you got to do is
call me on the telephone

- And dial
- 634-5789

- That's my number, baby
- 634-5789

634-5789

- That's our number
- 634-5789

- That's our number, baby
- 634-5789

If you need to make a change

- Then call Ed's Love Exchange
- 634-5789

Charlie, Charlie, would I lie to you?

Charlie, take it easy.
That's all in the past, Charlie.

He hung up on me.
A lot of burnt bridges, Mr. Blues.

Look, I know you can book us somewhere.
Maury, you're still the best.

You ever heard of Queen Mousette?

The Louisiana witch, Queen Mousette?

That's her.

She's got a Battle of the Bands thing
going on down at her club.

Big cash prize.
Your band wins, I get 15 % of the take.

Okay? I'll book you a couple of guest gigs
on the way down south to Louisiana.

Golly, thanks, Mr. Sline.

Let go of me.

Sorry.

One more thing. You're gonna have to
audition for Queen Mousette.

Say nothing to the boys about this.

We'll call you from the road,
find out where our first gig is.

Just be careful, Elwood.

Alan Rubin.

Mr. Fabulous.

The Blues Brothers Band.

Ah, you're going to love them.
They're absolutely sensational.

Really sensational. It's a great blues band.

Yeah, blues band.
No, no, blues, not bluegrass.

You don't want a blues band?
Bluegrass. Yeah. They're...

They're the Bluegrass Brothers,
as a matter of fact. They're wonderful.

They kill the people.
They just absolutely pulverize an audience.

They're sensational.
You're going to call and thank me.

They're just wonderful.
The Bluegrass Brothers.

All right, guys.
Our first date is at the county fair

in a town called Cynthiana, Kentucky.

And then we have this mystery gig
here in Louisiana.

Mystery gig?

Hey, Elwood, you got the keys to the trunk?

It's full.

- I haven't played a county fair since '68.
- Sounds like a lot of laughs.

Hey, we're doing all right.
We're back on the road again.

Yeah, who are you, Willie Nelson?

I'm riding with Elwood.

Go right ahead, Mr. Thrill Seeker.

Excuse me, sir.

Didn't you used to be Elwood Blues?

Who wants to know?

I've been listening to your stuff
since I was a kid.

Yeah, so?

My friends and I, we got this band.

We're rehearsing just on the other side
of the motel office.

It would be so cool
and it would mean so much to me

if you could come listen to us play.

Sure. Why don't you go ahead
and get started and I'll be along in a minute.

Great.

Let's highball!

I wanna show you
That anything is possible

I said I wanna show you
That your wildest dreams can come true

And I swear someday
I'm gonna figure out how to do just that

But until then
I guess trying is all I can do

I say maybe you're wrong
Thinking you want something better

I say maybe you're wrong
But just maybe, maybe I'm right

Oh, maybe you're wrong
Thinking you want something better

I say maybe I'm wrong
Thinking you got a problem

Making it through the night

I say maybe you're wrong
But just maybe, maybe I'm right

Mr. Blues?

- It's been almost seven days, Mother Mary.
- We must call the police.

- Think of poor Buster.
- Kidnapping is a federal offense.

I suppose you're right.
We should call the police.

Sir.

What?

We just received a call
from Our Lady of the Annunciation Hospital.

Elwood Blues has kidnapped a child.

Roachdale 31.

- Wait.
- Come on, man.

I got a cheeseburger cooling.

Buster, I'm sorry.

Now you're gonna have to see
a bad side of me.

Mack, your shaving cream, please.

So, none of you is driving
the Ford out there?

No.

And whose dry white toast is that?

Run for your lives!

My God, help us! Somebody help us!

He's having an attack!
It's this puffball bacteria!

It's extremely contagious!

What in the Sam Hill?

Run away! Oh, God!

It's puffball bacteria! It's contagious!
Save yourselves!

Save yourselves!

Save yourselves! Save yourselves!

Hot damn! That's quite a trick.

Trick? That white-trash ex-con
invented criminally evasive driving.

He kidnapped a little...

Get after him!

Murph?

Go ahead.

See you at the gig.

Where is the gig?

County fairgrounds, off Route 107,
in Cynthiana, Kentucky.

11:00 p.m. tomorrow night.

See you there.

How the hell is he gonna get there
with half the cops in the state after him?

Hey, wait a minute.

Don't I know you boys from somewhere?

Check, please.

We have to get off this road.
They've called ahead by now,

and you can't outrun a Motorola.

Two miles down we get off this,
get on County Road 245 through Mariah Hill.

That'll get us close to the Ohio River
and the state line.

We gotta lose them first.

- You passed the turn.
- I know.

You're hoping they lost interest?

Commander, this is Agent Peters
and Agent Bowman, FBI.

Good to have you aboard.

This Elwood Blues is a menace
to decent people everywhere.

We'll get him, sir. That's a promise.

I have every lawman in two states
on this border.

Let him just try
and get through this roadblock.

Roll up your windows.

- How long can we stay down here?
- How long can you hold your breath?

Am I right?

Yes, sir!

I said, am I right?

Yes, sir!

I can't hear you!

Yes, sir!

Now y'all might think we're just a group
of sad, sorry sumbitches out here in a field,

jerking each other off.

Or you might just think
that we know something.

I'm gonna tell you something else.

The federal government has a computer.

This computer is wired
to a computer in Jerusalem

and Moscow.

There's something in the river,
Mr. Robertson.

Where?

I saw something under the water, sir.

Son.

It's okay to be nervous. Okay?

There are enough explosives in that boat

to blow up every post office in this country,
you know.

But no one knows we're here.
No one knows our plans.

Hey! You guys having a picnic?

Don't shoot! You might hit the boat!

What boat?

That's the international Jewish
communist conspiracy in action, people.

One of their spy satellites
must have picked up our location.

Kill them!

Uh-oh.

- Did you hear something?
- Nope.

You sure they'll show up?

Sline said they're booked here.
They'll show up.

More stunts coming right up

and there's only 20 minutes
until the wonderful Bluegrass Brothers.

These will make us look
a lot more bluegrass.

I'm gonna fake some fiddle on my keyboard.

We go on after the last car stunt.

How are Elwood, Mack and the kid

gonna make it to the stage
with all the police around?

I like the car this color, Elwood.

It's temporary camouflage,
that's all.

All right. Go on.

Lots of heat here, El. Maybe we ought
to skip this gig and move on to the next one?

That would be unprofessional.
Park it somewhere dark.

And now the Devildrivers star, Rick Avery,

does the triple-ramp loop
through the ring of fire!

And now the county fair is proud to present
tonight's musical entertainment,

the Kentucky Bluegrass Brothers!

What's with the hats and beards?

You look like ZZ Top.

Sline booked us in here as a bluegrass band.

Well, thank you so much, and howdy.

Howdy!

Howdy.

Howdy!

It's good to see your smiling faces tonight.
We'd like to see you just a little bit closer.

Why don't you come down
out of them there stands?

Come on, everybody,
right close to the stage.

Bluegrass?

Riders.

Duck, give me a mountain tempo in A minor.

That old cowpoke went riding off
One dark and windy day

Upon a ridge he rested
As he went along his way

When all at once a mighty herd
Of red-eyed cows he saw

A-plowing through the ragged skies

And up a cloudy draw

Yippie-ai-aye

Yippie-ai-oh

The ghost herd in the sky

Their brands were still on fire
And their hooves were made of steel

Excuse me. Thank you.

Take your men behind the stage.

A bolt of fear went through them
as they thundered through the sky

For they saw the riders coming hard

And they heard their mournful cry

Yippie-ai-aye

Yippie-ai-oh

Ghost riders in the sky

Their faces gaunt, their eyes were blurred
Their shirts all soaked with sweat

They're riding hard to catch that herd
But they ain't caught them yet

'Cause they got to ride forever
In that range up in the sky

On horses snorting fire

As they ride on, hear their cry

Yippie-ai-aye

Yippie-ai-oh

Ghost riders in the sky

Step aside! Coming through!

Excuse me.

As the riders loped on by him
he heard one call his name

If you want to save your soul
from hell a-riding on our range

Then, cowboy, change your ways today
or with us you will ride

Trying to catch the devil's herd
across these endless skies

Look out!

Ghost riders in the sky

Everybody into the Bluesmobile!

Stop them!

And now,
right here on our stage...

Elwood!

Let's have a really big hand
for the Netherlandia Clog Dancers!

We'll get them, sir.

Sline says their next job
is at a place called Queen Mousette's.

Queen Mousette's.

That's it. She's bone dry.

I'd like to be. Let me out of here.

Where are we?

Five miles north
of Panther Burn, Mississippi.

So, what's the plan?

We start walking.

What's the point? I say we turn around.

Hey, Elwood, I think we've got a rebellion
on our hands.

Why? What do you mean?

Why don't you give the boys
a motivational speech?

So, you all want to quit?

Well, honestly, who can blame you?

I guess I've dragged you down
as far as living humans can go.

All right. Fine.

Bye. I understand.

So, what happens now?

I don't know, kid. I guess it's over.

Go away, kid.

This is not being a very good mentor.

I ain't your mentor.
I don't even know what it means.

Just do me a favor and go away.

You're not the Elwood Blues I know.

The Elwood Blues I know once said

that no pharmaceutical product
could ever equal the rush you get

when the band hits that groove,

and the people are dancing and shouting
and swaying and the house is rocking.

Yeah, that was me.

The music, man.
You know you miss the music.

Thanks, Buster.

You may go if you wish.

Remember this.

Walk away now and you walk away
from your crafts, your skills, your vocations,

leaving the next generation with nothing

but recycled digitally sampled
techno grooves, quasi-synth rhythms,

pseudo songs
of violence-laden gangster rap,

acid pop
and simpering, saccharine, soulless slush.

Depart now and you forever separate
yourselves from the vital American legacies

of Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters,
Willie Dixon,

Jimmy Reed, Memphis Slim,
Blind Boy Fuller, Louis Jordan,

Little Walter, Big Walter,
Sonny Boy Williamson 1 and 2,

Otis Redding, Jackie Wilson, Elvis Presley,
Leiber and Stoller, and Robert K. Weiss.

Who is Robert K. Weiss?

Turn your backs now and you snuff out
the fragile candles of blues, R&B and soul,

and when those flames flicker and expire,
the light of the world is extinguished

because the music
which has moved mankind

through seven decades,
leading to the millennium,

will wither and die
on the vine of abandonment and neglect.

Oh, shit.

Go ahead, cats. I'll get gas.

Hey, look. A circus.

Nope. It's a tent revival meeting.

Excuse me, ma'am. Who will be preaching
the good word this afternoon?

Why, that would be the Right Reverend
Cleophus James from Chicago.

The Cleophus James
of the Triple Rock Baptist Church?

From Chicago. That's right.

Hey, I know him. He'll give us gas money.
We'll meet you guys inside.

Okay, thanks. Keep an eye on them.
Just don't make a move until we get there.

Sir, that was the local sheriff
down in Panther Burn.

The Blues gang was just spotted
at a revival meeting.

Excellent.

And now, all you people of the faith,

are you ready for the word?

Are you ready for the word?

I'm ready!

Then let us begin
with a sweet song of meditation

from our own Reverend Morris
and the Tent Revival Choir.

- Who's that writing?
- John the Revelator

He wrote the book of the seven seals

Yes, tell me, who's that writing?

John the Revelator

- Tell me, who's that writing?
- John the Revelator

Tell me, who's that writing?

John the Revelator
Wrote the book of the seven seals

God walked down a hill one day

Called Adam by his name

Adam wouldn't answer

'Cause he was naked and ashamed

- Tell me, who's that writing?
- John the Revelator

Tell me, who's that writing?

John the Revelator
Wrote the book of the seven seals

- You know, Christ
- Christ

- Twelve apostles
- Spirit willing

- Three he led away
- But the flesh was weak

He said, "Watch with me while I walk

"For I go yonder and pray"
Listen

- When Christ rose
- Christ

- On Easter morning
- Hallelujah

- Mary and Martha came down to see
- The resurrection

He said, "Go and tell my disciples

"To meet me in Galilee"

- Yeah, who's that writing?
- John the Revelator

Who's that writing?

John the Revelator

- Tell me, who's that writing?
- John the Revelator

Who's that writing?

Stop the music.

Those men are criminals
and they're under arrest.

- It's Reverend Cleophus!
- Preach the word!

He who is without sin cast the first stone.

Amen!

Say it again.

You tell him, Reverend.

For are not all men alike
in their boundless capacity for sin?

Yes!

Can you not forgive?

- Yes!
- Yes!

Thank you, Jesus!

Can you not embrace
those who have wronged you?

You get on your knees and you pray.
You get on your knees and you pray,

O Lord, forgive me.

But you don't want to forgive your brother,
who you see every day.

Look to yourself
for the redemption you seek!

And acknowledge your own precious blood.

Acknowledge your own precious blood!

I want you to invoke its calling
in the blessed name.

Invoke the calling of the blood.

Invoke the calling of the blood!

- Invoke the calling of the blood.
- Invoke the calling of the blood.

Invoke the calling of the blood.

The calling of the blood.

Yes. I understand.

I totally, absolutely,

completely, positively understand.

This is my God-given destiny!

- Tell me why I'm shouting
- John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

- Tell me what I'm shouting
- John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

- Tell me why I'm shouting
- John the Revelator

Tell me why I'm shouting

John the Revelator
Wrote the book of the seven seals

- Tell me what I'm shouting
- John the Revelator

Wrote the book of the seven seals

The revelation of Jesus

You know, I thought I was a policeman

The revelation of Jesus

An officer of the law

The revelation of Jesus

- But then I had a revelation
- The revelation of Jesus

Because of what I saw

The revelation of Jesus

My life was always so easy

The revelation of Jesus

Everything was black and white

The revelation of Jesus

- But now I see all the colors
- The revelation of Jesus

- Of all the day and all the night
- The revelation of Jesus

- Jesus
- Jesus

The revelation of Jesus

- I thought that Elwood was funny
- The revelation of Jesus

- Peculiar, just plain odd
- The revelation of Jesus

- But now I see that he's brought me
- The revelation of Jesus

- Closer and closer to my God
- The revelation of Jesus

- My outlook always so gloomy
- The revelation of Jesus

- My day was dull and gray
- The revelation of Jesus

- But now I see very clearly
- The revelation of Jesus

- Oh, happy day
- The revelation of Jesus

- Jesus
- Jesus

- The revelation of Jesus
- Jesus

- My, my, my, my, my
- My, my, my, my

My, my, my, my, my, my

My, my, my, my God

It's a trick! They've brainwashed
the commander! Get them!

The revelation of Jesus

Get to the Bluesmobile!

The revelation of Jesus
The revelation of Jesus

- Jesus
- The revelation of Jesus

The revelation of Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

Let's go. Come on!

I see, I know, I get it, Elwood!
This is my calling.

The calling of the blood!

Elwood, look!

Don't look back.

Look out!

Dispatch, 22, where are you?
Come in. Twenty-two, do you read me?

Forty-five. Come in, 45.
Twenty-seven, where are you?

Did we get them?

This is what I'm supposed to be doing!
All of us!

Music, song, dance.

I mean, after all, that's why the military
and the police exist.

To protect the artists of the world.

All we have to do now
is win this Battle of the Bands.

Battle of the Bands?

We gotta audition first.

Fine! Audition. We'll slay them.

At least we're safe now
to do what we do in peace and comfort.

Blues Brothers Band.

What the hell is this place?

It's where we audition.

The Plantation Club. Queen Mousette's.

So that's why all the mystery.

Yeah, man, she's a cannibal.

The biggest, ugliest, meanest voodoo witch.

She's 130 years old.

She's a 130-year-old voodoo witch
who eats people?

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

What happens if we don't pass this audition?

Queen Mousette will receive you now.

Queen Mousette.

I thought you said she was old and ugly.

lx-nay on the ugly-nay.

Your Majesty,

the Blues Brothers Band.

You remove your hat and show respect.

I like that.

Arise.

Thanks, Queen.

So, you wish to enter
the Battle of the Bands contest?

We wish to win first prize.

You must qualify.

Yes.

You must audition for me.

Where are your instruments?

Well, ma'am, you see,
there was this kind of a...

Never mind.

Is there anything in particular you would like
to hear this evening, Your Highness?

Yes. Do something Caribbean.

Ma'am, we're the Blues Brothers.

We do blues, rhythm and blues,

jazz, funk, soul. We can handle rock,

pop, country, heavy metal, fusion, hip-hop,
rap, Motown, operetta,

show tunes.

In fact, we've even been called upon,
on occasion, to do a polka.

However, Caribbean is a type of music,
I regret to say,

which has not been, is simply not,
nor will ever be,

a part of this band's repertoire.

Nassau's gone funky

Nassau's gone soul

We've got a doggone beat now

We're gonna call our very own

Nassau rock

And Nassau roll

Nassau got

A whole lot of soul

Feel all right

Miniskirts, maxi skirts
and Afro-haired dudes

People doing their own thing

They don't care about me or you

Nassau's gone funky

Nassau's gone soul

And we've got a doggone beat now

We're gonna take care of business, too

New York, you know

Has got a lot of soul
Soul

And London town

Is too doggone cold
Too cold

Nassau's got sunshine

And this you all know

But we all go funky

We got some soul, too

- Funky Nassau
- All day

Funky Nassau

Come on

Funky Nassau

Funky Nassau

- Sing it, children
- Funky Nassau

Funky Nassau, funky Nassau

Get into funky

Hear, hear

Don't stop singing
Get funky

Get funky

Funky

- Hit me!
- See, that's what I'm talking about now.

That's funky!

Thank you.

What was that?

Elwood?

You may enter the contest tomorrow night.

We're in, Elwood, let's get out of here.

El? Mack?

Cab?

Wonderful.

This fax just came in for you, ma'am.

That Battle of the Bands
is at Queen Mousette's tonight.

- Let's roll!
- All right, let's go.

Please, now, if you will,
a hot Mousette's welcome

for Mr. Malvern Gasperon

and the Louisiana Gator Boys.

Louisiana Gator Boys?

Look at them.

A bunch of wannabe players.

How good could a mess
like that sound anyway?

Hey, man, don't worry about it.
We're gonna smoke them turkeys.

Been downhearted, baby

Ever since the day we met

I've been downhearted, baby

Ever since the day we met

Our love is nothing but the blues

Baby, how blue can you get?

My love is like a fire

Your love is like a cigarette

My love is like a fire

I said yours is like a cigarette

I watched you step down on it, baby
And crush it

Tell me how, tell me how

How blue can you get?

You're evil when I'm with you

And you are jealous when we're apart

Yes, you're evil when I'm with you, baby

Lord have mercy
You're jealous when we're apart

How blue can you get?

The answer's right here in my heart

I gave you a brand-new Ford

But you said, "I want a Cadillac"

I bought you a $10 dinner

You said, "Thanks for the snack"

I let you live in my penthouse

You said it was just a shack

No, she didn't

- I gave you seven children
- What did she do?

And now you wanna give them back

I been downhearted, baby

Ever since the day we met

Our love is nothing but the blues

Baby, how blue can you get?

They're still zombies.

What are we gonna do?

We got no choice now. We just gotta play.

And now our final band of the evening,
from Chicago, Illinois,

the Blues Brothers Show Band!

...has not been, is not, nor will ever be,
a part of this band's repertoire.

Blues Brothers Band.

Look at them.

A bunch of wannabe players.

How good's a mess like that
gonna sound anyway?

Hey, man, don't worry about it.
We're gonna smoke them turkeys.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to Queen Mousette's
Battle of the Bands.

We're your next contestants,
the Blues Brothers Show Band.

Hope you like us.

Without a warning you broke my heart

You took it, darling, and you tore it apart

You left me sitting in the dark, crying

You said your love for me was dying

I'm begging you, baby
Baby, please

Turn on the light
Let it shine on me

Turn on your love light
Let it shine on me

Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine

I get a little lonely
In the middle of the night

I need you, darling
Make things all right

Come on, baby
Come on, please

Come on, baby
Baby, please

Turn on the light
Let it shine on me

Turn on your love light
Let it shine on me

- I said a little bit higher
- A little bit higher, a little bit higher

- Just a little bit higher
- A little bit higher

A little bit higher

Come on, baby
Come on, please

I'm begging you, baby
I'm down on my knees

- Turn on the light
- Turn on the light

- Let it shine on me
- Let it shine on me

- Turn on your love light
- Turn on your love light

- Let it shine on me
- Let it shine on me

- I feel all right
- I feel all right

I feel all right

Let it shine, shine, shine

Let it shine

Shine

Yeah

Love Light. The Blues Brothers.

All right. And now it is time for you,
the audience, to decide.

When I hold up my left hand, I want to hear
the applause for the Blues Brothers.

When I hold up my right hand,
I want to hear the applause

for the Louisiana Gator Boys.

First, the Blues Brothers.

The Louisiana Gator Boys!

That's me! The Louisiana Gator Boys!

What do you mean by this?

We don't want any trouble.

Just give us the Blues Brothers.

Russians! I told you them sumbitches
were communists. Shoot them!

Enough!

You try any of that boojie-boojie crap
on me, I'm gonna tell you what.

Police! Coming through! Step aside!

Police! Coming through.

Commander!

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm with the band now.

It's good to see you again, Elwood.

It's great to see you, Mr. Gasperon.

You seem to be doing all right
in your new career.

Would you gentlemen care to jam?

What do you think, Eric?

Why not?

One, two, one, two, three.

I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

I said hey, hey, hey, yeah

Come on, everybody
Take a trip with me

Well, down the Mississippi
Down in New Orleans

They got honeysuckle blooming
on a honeysuckle vine

And love is a-blooming there all the time

Well, every southern belle
is a Mississippi queen

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

I said hey, hey, hey, yeah

Come on, take a stroll down to Basin Street

Listen to that music with the Dixieland beat

Well, the magnolia blossoms fill the air

And you ain't been to heaven
Till you been down there

They got French moss hanging
A big oak tree

Get out of here
Jimmie Vaughan, take it

I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

I said hey, hey, hey, yeah

Come on, everybody, take a trip with me

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans, yeah, yeah

Where the honeysuckle hanging
on a honeysuckle vine

Well, love is blooming there all the time

Every southern belle is a Mississippi queen

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

Well, kid, I guess it's time to say goodbye.

- I'm not going with them.
- You can't stay with Elwood.

They think he kidnapped you.

But they're wrong.

It would be hard to convince them of that.

He's right, Buster.

If I go back with them,
they'll put me in some foster home

with people who don't love me.
They'll put you back in jail,

and I'll never see you again.

And we'll both be sad forever.

So, what do we do?

We're all brothers now, right?

Right.

You guys stay here and distract them.
I'll kidnap Elwood.

Good luck.

Catch up with you down the road.

Further on up the road.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

Said look out, child, hey, yeah, yeah

Stop that mound of moss!

The Lord does work
in mysterious ways, Elwood.

Yep.

Put on your seat belt.

They got French moss hanging
from a big oak tree

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

Every southern belle is a Mississippi queen

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

I said look out, child, hey, hey, yeah

Come on, take a stroll down to Basin Street

And listen to the music of the Dixieland beat

Yeah, the magnolia blossoms
really fill the air

And you ain't been to heaven
if you ain't been there

They got French moss hanging
from a big oak tree

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah

Come on, everybody, take a trip with me

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans, hit me

They got honeysuckle blooming
on a honeysuckle vine

And love is a-blooming there all the time

You know every southern belle
is a Mississippi queen

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

Well, come on, take a stroll
down to Basin Street

And listen to the music
with the Dixieland beat

Well, the magnolia blossoms
really fill the air

And you ain't been to heaven
if you ain't been there

They got French moss hanging
from a big-ass tree

Down the Mississippi
Down to New Orleans

I am leaving.

Please, please, please

- Please, please, don't go
- Please, please, please

Please, please, don't go

Honey, please, don't go, don't go

I love you so

Please, please, don't go

Please, please, please

- Please, please, please
- Please, please, don't go

Please, please, don't

- I love you so
- Please, please, don't go

- Take my hand
- Please, please, don't go

I want to be your lover man

- Please, please, don't go
- Yeah, good God Almighty

Please, please

- I love you so
- Please, please don't go

Please, don't go

Honey, please, don't go, don't go

I love you so, please

Please, please, please