Blue (2018) - full transcript

♪♪♪

[birds chirping]

[Helen] I'm trying to remember the first
time I ever thought about killing myself.

I was young. Maybe five or six.

And at first it was just
a harmless idea.

What if I wasn't here anymore?

By the time I hit puberty, it
became like, an infatuation.

like an imaginary friend that
would comfort me when I was alone.

I knew they weren't normal feelings,
but I also knew that I wasn't normal.

[phone ringing]

Hello? Helen Daniels.



And we have three package options for you,
and... Yes, including airfare.

Yes, Mrs. Parker,
I have been working on those options for you.

I... Well, I can speak
with him again.

So, for the first one, I can get you down
to four ninety-nine including airfare

and then also
your hotel discount.

Hello?

Mrs. Parker?

Hello?

Hey, Helen.

- Hey.
- Hey.

So, I think that I'm going to be feeling
a little under the weather tomorrow,

if you know what I mean,

so I just wanted to make sure that you
kinda had me covered if I'm not here.

Hey, Helen.



- Wow, that dress is perfect. 'Cause you're in it.
- [Helen scoffs]

- Thanks.
- Hey, Mark, do you mind if I talk with you a little bit?

I just haven't been feeling really well,
and I was wondering if you might...

Hey, guys.

Hi, Grams.

Whatcha looking at?

[nurse clears her throat]

Oh, check.

Check, check, check,
check, check.

Uh, I'm not gonna get paid
until Friday, so if you can...

Don't cash till then. Right.

Yes. Okay, sorry about that.

- Thank you.
- [rips off check]

Oh, by the way, she
hasn't eaten dinner yet.

Be right back, Grams.

[alarm clock goes off]

Okay. Almost done, Grams.

[phone ringing]

Hi, Mark.

I know. I am so sorry. I will
be there as soon as I can.

Yeah, well it should have
been a couple hours ago.

I'm really sorry.
Okay, thanks. Bye.

- Oh, my God, where were you?
- Bus.

- The bus was two hours late?
- It happens.

Okay.

I already washed and fed her,
so if you could just...

- Be here.
- Got it.

Okay. Bye, Grams.

Helen. Good to see you.

Hey, Mark.

I am so sorry that I was late this morning.
I know it's been happening a lot.

It's just, I'm having...

Look, I completely understand, okay?
That's what I've been telling everyone.

I have to let you know.
There's another round of layoffs coming down

and your name has
been floating around.

Right, okay. Well, I will do my best
to make sure it doesn't happen again.

- I swear. And I...
- I know. I got your back, okay?

Just... just realize that anything you
ever need... I'll be here for you.

Oh.

Thanks.

Thank you. That's...

- Of course.
- That's really nice.

So I was thinking,
if you're free tonight,

maybe you and I go out for
a couple of drinks? On me.

Um, well, I usually have to get home
pretty fast 'cause my grandmother...

they are waiting - for me most of the time.
Helen, I'm not gonna take no

for an answer, okay? Look.

We're a couple of adults who work hard
and we deserve to have some fun, too.

Yeah. Sorry, could you
just hang on one second?

Ms.Daniels, is that
a work call or...?

- Helen.
- Hello?

- Yeah, yeah. Is she okay?
- You know we have a no cell phone policy.

Okay, well, are they
on their way?

Yes. Yes, I will be right there.
Thank you. Yeah, bye.

- Excuse me, what was that about?
- I'm sorry. I have to go. It's an emergency.

- It's an emergency.
- Where do you think you're going?

Please don't touch me.

I'm just trying to help you.
I know you want me to help.

Don't...

Ms. Daniels, walk
out that door...

You're fired!

Damn it!

Get back to work!

- What's going on? Is she okay?
- Is she your grandmother?

Yes, yes. She's my
grandmother. Is she okay?

Well, the oxygen tank's
main valve was leaking.

It hasn't been replaced in
months. There was no backups.

We changed the air filter and the main valve,
of course. The tank is also old.

I suggest you order it
some backups.

I will. Okay, I will.

If I can just get you to sign.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Thank you so much for staying.
I really appreciate it.

- Do you have a minute to talk?
- Yeah. Yeah, what's up?

Helen, I... I have to quit.

- You what?
- I'm sorry.

I need you.

I think what you do for your
grandma is amazing. Honestly.

But I have to take care
of my family, too.

I get it. I get it.

Just...

It didn't go through?

Just... just buy her
the stuff that she needs.

I can't. I cannot do that.
I can't take this.

You don't have any
other options, Helen.

It's fine.

- Bye, Helen.
- Bye.

[background TV chatter]

It's okay.

[alarm clock goes off]

Aww, Dad was cute.

Is that Grandpa?

He smoked a pipe?
You let him smoke a pipe?

I cannot believe that.

Hey, hey, hey.
Let's leave that on, okay?

Okay?

You know what I bet
we could find?

[music on phone]

Grandpa's favorite.

♪ If I could have a dream
I wouldn't be so blue ♪

- [buzzer]
- Mm.

It's the laundry.

I will be right back.

♪ When I go to sleep
I just keep counting sheep ♪

♪ If I could have a dream ♪

♪ I'd have a dream
Of you, sweetheart ♪

Grams, you asleep already?

Grams?

♪ Every day I see you passing ♪

- ♪ But you don't notice me ♪
- Grams?

♪ It makes me want to cry ♪

- ♪ I long to see your face ♪
- Grams? Grandma?

♪ When I close my eyes ♪

- Grandma?
- ♪ I wake up in the Morning and sigh ♪

Grandma.

Grandma.

I love you.

[woman] I know,
I can't believe it.

[inaudible chatter]

You know, I didn't see
the granddaughter around.

Mmm. Surprise, surprise.
I'm sure she's celebrating right now.

- Oh, don't say that!
- [laughing]

Well,

she doesn't have to take care of a sick
old woman and she gets a free house.

I wouldn't be surprised if she
suffocated Katharine with a pillow.

- Oh, you don't really think that?
- Yes, I do.

[background TV chatter]

[squeaking]

[man on TV] Production
is starting soon.

[phone ringing]

No.

- Not answering.
- [machine] Please leave a message after the tone.

Hey, Helen.
This is Jenna from work.

I just wanted to say happy birthday,
or happy almost birthday.

- I know you got fired and everything...
- Oh, shit.

but your birthday is still
up on the office calendar

- and you know we grab drinks every Friday.
- No.

- So if you didn't have any plans...
- I do have plans.

...you should totally stop by.

Oh, yeah, Mark won't be there.

Give me a call if you need the address. I don't
think you've been there with us. Let me know.

Hello?

Hey.

Oh, sorry. So sorry.

Hey, Jenna.

- Hey, girl. Happy birthday!
- Oh, thank you.

I wish you got here
sooner. I'm about to leave.

You're leaving now?
Where are you going?

Where do you think I'm going?

- Hi.
- Oh. Hi.

But you stay.
You make sure everybody buys you a drink.

Well, yeah, I'm not really
sure that I know anybody.

And do not worry 'cause
there are tons of hot guys.

Tell everybody
that you got super fired.

They will pity you
and it will be amazing.

Actually, can we get shots?
I would like shots for my friend here.

Just one for you, and one for you for later.
And I am gonna bring my friend Brian with me.

Oh, God, isn't that delicious?

- It's Thomas.
- Hi, Thomas.

That sounds nothing
like Brian. [laughing]

♪♪♪

[alarm goes off]

[humming "Happy birthday" song]

She's crashing.

Come on, sweetie. Stay with us.

- [nurse 1] Is this her?
- [nurse 2] Yeah.

I heard if she doesn't wake up tomorrow
afternoon they're gonna kill the machine.

[nurse 1] What about her family?

[nurse 2] They couldn't
find anyone.

See those fake flowers over
there? Donated by the gift shop.

- That's depressing.
- Yep.

- You think she can hear us?
- She's in a coma, you moron.

Come on. We have live
patients to check on.

[nurse] I can take
the tube out, okay?

All right. There you go.

You're okay. You're okay.

You're all right.
You're all right.

I'm gonna give you something
to relax you, okay?

- [gasping]
- There you go. There you go.

Now we're gonna take
the tube out, okay?

There we go.

Now your throat will be sore for a
few days but you're gonna be fine.

Morning.

Oh, I'm so sorry for waking
you up, but how you feeling?

Oh, no. You can't talk yet.

Sorry. Just wanted to check on
you before the end of my shift.

My name is Tori, and
I'm a psychiatric nurse.

Also, I work with Dr. Carol.

Now, she will be your primary doctor,
and she'll be around tomorrow.

Hey.

Yeah?

Can you untie me?

Oh, yeah. I'm not supposed to.

You gave the other nurses
a really hard time.

Please?

No hittin', no spittin',
no bitin'. Deal?

Promise.

You know,

I just had a feeling
you were gonna make it.

It was touch and
go there for a bit.

I gotcha.

All right, you are free.

- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

I bet you're starving.
Oh, here. Here we go.

Yeah, let's get you some
nourishment. All right.

Here we go. I'm going to
bring you up. Here we go.

Oopsie daisy.
Yep, it's a fun ride.

Oh, you like puddin'?

I can get you
some extra puddin'.

You know, I can't really get hot stuff 'cause,
you know, it's hard to transport and all,

but puddin', they just keep it in this great
big cabinet and no one's ever around and

you can just grab lots of 'em.

It just hits
the spot, doesn't it?

Would you like some
help, Ms. Daniels?

- Do I know you?
- Not yet.

I'm Dr. Carol.

Hi, Dr. Carol.

I'll be overseeing your stay with
us while you're in recovery.

Ah, sounds fun.

So I wanna show you your X-rays.

These are your internal organs. Now,
these little white spots. these are holes

from the explosions
inside of your body.

Wait. Explosions?
I have explosions?

Yes, from the rat poison.

Calcium cyanide.
It's been illegal in this country since 1993.

The tiniest of dosage is lethal,
but of course, you knew that.

It must not be that lethal.

Fortunately for you, you didn't turn
off the stove which set off your alarm.

Your neighbors heard it
and called 911.

Well, aren't they sweet?

Look, could we just cut the shit here
and you tell me when I get to go home?

Well, that is entirely
up to you.

My job is to make sure that you
are not only physically healthy

but mentally stable so that you can
go home or to a psychiatric facility.

I'm sorry. Are you talking
about a mental institution?

You can't do that.

Yes, I can.

If I think that you're a danger
to yourself or others. Yeah.

So, you're telling me
I need to impress you?

- Hello?
- No, not... not necessarily.

Okay, then what? Tell me what I need
to do to get the hell outta here.

When you are able to walk on your own,
we'll have a meeting in my office.

You try to have
a good weekend.

Yeah, you too.

Can I get you a walker?
Maybe you can get out and get some fresh air.

[Helen] Where in the hell
is the fucking cafeteria?

This place can't have any placards to tell
people where to go in this stupid shithole?

I'm sorry, can I help
you with something?

What? No, it's just...

You know you don't have
to use those gowns, right?

- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Never mind.

You're looking for the cafeteria, right?
It's on this floor.

Of course it is. Thanks.

You know, it's
actually that way.

You know, maybe I am just
getting some exercise, okay?

Is it any of your goddamn
business? No.

All right.

[man chuckles]

[Helen] Well, this has been
a real wake-up call.

You know, I guess it never occurred
to me that I really might die.

and now that I've seen the
consequences, it's like-

it's like I have a whole
new perspective on my life

and I know that I have
to keep going because

that's what Grams
would have wanted.

That's very impressive.

I just hope you can give the same
enthusiasm to your treatment

as you just gave
that little speech.

Excuse me?

Do you have any idea how
many people try that on me?

Try what? I'm... I'm just telling you.
Like, this was a one-time kinda thing.

I mean, I left the
stove on, for Christ sake.

That's gotta be a cry
for help, right?

A cry for help?

Do you realize since you've been admitted
that you've not had one phone call,

not one visitor and I
just have to wonder

what exactly are you living for?

Does it really matter?

Yes, it matters.
Your life matters.

- No, not my life.
- Does it matter to you,

or to anybody in this hospital
for that matter because

apparently if my coma
lasted a few more hours

you guys were gonna kill the machines and
we would not be having this conversation.

- Who told you that?
- Tell me it's not true.

Well, there's a lot of co-factors
that go into a decision like this.

I'm sure there are.

You know, there's irreversible brain
damage after twenty-four hours.

You know what? Fuck this.

Ms. Daniels, you have experienced
a tremendous amount of trauma.

Trauma?

Are you talking
about the rat poison?

The drooling and the sweating and
the black dots popping in my mouth?

Or me looking for my teeth in my own
vomit because I thought they'd fell out?

You think that was trauma?
Are you fuckin' stupid?

All of that, and I was still having
a better day than the one before.

This is the trauma.

You know, the sooner we do this,
the sooner you get to go home.

Okay, let's talk a little bit
more about your family history.

[Dr. Carol] Are there any medical conditions
in your family that you're aware of?

Ms. Daniels?

I think you forgot
to water your plant.

I may have.

Are there any medical conditions
that you're aware of?

No, not that I'm aware of.

- Your father died in a car accident, correct?
- Yep.

- And your mother?
- Ran away.

Your grandmother?

- You know your clock is wrong, right?
- Your grandmother?

She died of ALS and I'm pretty sure
that you have that information already.

Yes, I do.

Have you reconsidered my suggestion
about you taking medication?

Well, I've been on
antidepressants my whole life

and it doesn't really
feel like they worked.

Well, then let's look at a new dosage,
maybe another medication.

We'll just figure
out what works.

Whatever you want.

All right, let's move on.

On a scale of one to ten, one being
least likely, ten being most likely,

how often do you have
suicidal thoughts?

What about your job? Do you
have other sources of income?

No, but my grandma
left me some money.

Not a lot, but it should cover
me until I get a new job.

- Hey, Helen.
- Hey, Tori.

And what about health insurance?
You were on your grandmother's plan, right?

No, she was on Medicaid.
Why is Tori here?

Do I need two therapists?

- Ms. Daniels...
- Helen.

There's been an issue with your health insurance
and Tori is here to walk you through it.

Okay.

So we've been in contact with your
previous employer's insurance

and when you got fired,
you also lost your medical benefits.

- What?
- As of right now,

you're responsible for all medical
bills incurred at this hospital.

No, no. I had a contract, like...
like pension coverage or something.

But the incident is being listed as a suicide
attempt, which means that your home insurance

is not likely to cover the
damages at the house.

[Tori] You've had so much
improvement lately.

I know it seems like
a lot right now.

It is not a lot, Tori.
I told you not to coddle her.

Could you excuse me, please?
I... I need some air.

- What is wrong with you, Diane?
- You know my views on coddling patients.

- I know she... she may be a little...
- Rude, insensitive, selfish.

I was gonna say willful.

You have a soft spot for her.

- No, I do not.
- Oh, really? Really?

Because I understand that you've
been smuggling pudding to her.

Just the occasional chocolate.

- [Robert] Hey, it's gown girl.
- Oh, God!

I didn't mean to scare you.

It's fine. It's fine.

I'm Robert. I pointed you in the
direction of the cafeteria the other day.

- Yeah. Yeah, I remember. I...
- Are you okay?

Hey, come here. Sit...
just sit down for a second.

I'm fine.

- Just for a second.
- I'm fine. I got it, I got it.

- Should I call a doctor?
- Do not call a doctor.

Okay, well then just put your head between
your legs and breathe through your nose.

- Okay, okay.
- Here.

So...

Uh, bad day?

Yeah, I guess
you could say that.

Keep breathing.
You want... you wanna tell me what happened?

Apparently I do
not have insurance

and I cannot afford to stay
at this fucking hospital.

Are you sure
this actually works?

I don't know.
Do you feel any better?

- No. No, not really.
- Just... So

you said apparently you don't have insurance.
What happened there?

Uh...

I got fired from my last job

and now the insurance, I guess, is saying
that I quit so I get no fucking benefits.

My doctor's being
pretty soulless about it.

Who's your doctor?

Her name is Dr. Carol.

She says that I should see
my new debt as a challenge.

- Damn. Wow.
- I know.

Yeah, for a psychiatric professional,
she seems a little out of touch.

- Oh, I'd be so pissed.
- Oh, I am pissed.

This is you pissed?

Yeah, like... like lightheaded
and panicked and yes, pissed.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Come on, you can do better than that. Get up.

- You just told me to sit down.
- Yeah, I know what I said. Just stand up for a second.

- Get up.
- Okay, all right. All right. All right.

- Try this with me, okay?
- Okay.

[growling]

Try it. Come on,
come on, come on.

Don't look around. Nobody comes out
here anyway. Just do, don't think.

[both growling]

Yeah!

Yeah, let it out!

All right.

How do you feel?

- Good.
- Yeah, right?

Yelling is good.

Look, I gotta... I gotta run,
but. you gonna be okay?

Yeah, yeah. I think so. Thanks.

I'm Helen, by the way.

I'm Robert.

Hey, look, if you ever decide to like,
actually get insurance, use that.

Answer me.

[Dr. Carol] I think I said no.

Please. Just put
her in my group.

You know, Tori, I love
that you believe in people.

I... I really do, but I don't think
that she's ready to be discharged yet.

Well, how much longer
do you want her to stay?

A week.
- I don't know. - You know she can't afford that.

Her labs are good, her organs are working
better. You said she's been opening up.

She's had one
good session. One.

Put her in my next group,
and we'll keep an eye on her.

Okay.

Here's your paperwork.

- My paperwork?
- You will be meeting with me every Wednesday at 3:00

and group therapy
is Fridays at 5:00.

It's a twenty-week program.
Provided you make progress.

For every session
you miss, I add two.

Is that clear?

Clear. Wait. Are you
telling me that I'm free?

Yes, you're free to leave.

But if you relapse

or I feel that you're at risk,

I will make sure that you get
outside help. You understand?

- You mean from a mental hospital?
- Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, I understand.

Um, thank you.

Good luck, Ms. Daniels.

[Helen] See you on Wednesday.

[crickets chirping]

♪♪♪

I told them I can't make
that kind of payment.

Okay, I... I will. Thank
you. Yeah, bye.

Excuse me, is this the
unemployment center?

Thanks.

[woman] This is some horseshit.

Five minutes.
Yeah, right, five minutes!

What are you lookin' at?

It's like I live here.

I'm gonna be dead before I get in there.
My cow will be dead before I get in there.

Someone get me a bed
and squeeze me some OJ!

I think I might even trip you.

[woman laughs]

About fucking time.

Hey!

I'm sorry, are you
closing for the day?

On Fridays, we close at 2:00.

Did you make an appointment?

No, I didn't even know that I could make
an appointment, but I have a number.

Ma'am, I'm really sorry that
we can't assist you today.

But feel free to take one
of our job listings packets.

Thanks.

And AZT, they increased
their prices again on me.

It has me a little worried. Gotta keep an
eye on my CD-4s, my white blood cells.

you know, because if they come
down a little too low, then

I become a walking
death sentence, AIDS.

It's okay, they're making these
amazing cocktails nowadays.

They just got me
hopeful and grateful

for another moment.

[laughs]

All right. Well, thank you, everybody, so
much for being here. Really glad you made it.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm just still looking for a job.
I mean, a decent-paying job.

Give yourself a break.

It's only been a couple weeks.
Something's gonna come up.

Yeah, but my bills are probably
gonna come up first.

Well, just try not
to stress too much.

- Are you staying?
- Yeah, yeah. Is that okay?

I just... I wanted to find a couple more
places to drop my resume on the way home.

Yeah, okay. Well, I guess
I'll see you next week then.

Okay.

And call me if you
need anything.

I will.

- Bye.
- Bye, Tori.

Hi, yes, I'm looking for Robert.

Or, oh, Mr. Perkins.

No, probably not.

Okay, well, can I just
leave a message?

Yeah, Helen Daniels.

Wait, don't you need my number?

Yeah, yeah. It's 513...

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Uh, next Wednesday?
Another meeting?

- Perfect. We'll be there.
- All right, perfect. Okay.

Thank you. Take care.

[Robert] Well, hello, gown girl.

Well, hello, health
insurance guy.

- Pretty clever, huh?
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, by the way, I'm really sorry I
gotta squeeze you into my lunch break.

Hey, no problem. I'm just
appreciative that you called me back.

No, absolutely. Look, I would have
called sooner, but I was out of town.

Hey, could you do me a favor and
have the car brought around? Thanks.

[Helen] Wait, are we leaving leaving?
Like the whole building?

[Robert] Okay, right.
Look, Jeff, just... just listen.

I'm... I'm not going to take anything
less than five million, okay?

Huh?

The sandwich.

Yeah, no. Not you. You tell Skylar
that I am set on a five million,

two-year contract with
two percent royalties.

No. Yes, I'm still here.

Okay.

Yeah. That sounds good.

Okay, well,

just call me back
if you need me.

Perfect. All right. Great.

- Eat it.
- Oh. Okay.

- What was that about?
- Campaign for a new line of nail clippers for pets.

I didn't know that
you guys insured pets.

Well, we like money.
We insure everyone,

including our new employees.

Okay, could you... could
you hold this, please?

Okay, thank you.

I printed off my resume for you and I know I
already warned you that it's not long, but...

Let's see.

I'm a really fast learner and I know
all the basic computer programs.

I'm also a pretty decent typer,
but I don't know much about the paralegal

- stuff you talked about.
- Helen, you have the job.

I'm sorry. What?

It's not that fancy.
Kind of boring.

But there's a lot of room for
promotion and you get your own office.

- Really?
- Really, really.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

But I thought we were gonna have
an interview, not a sandwich.

Okay, I have one question.

Look, I'm gonna be honest.

People at that hospital talk.

There's no secret
why you were admitted.

So

interview question.

Okay.

Why'd you do it?

- You mean, like why did I try to...?
- Yeah.

Wow.

Okay, um...

Wow, I did not prepare
that question.

I guess.

I just didn't wanna
do life anymore.

But you do now?
You... you wanna do life?

Well, I'm...

I'm here. I'm... I'm trying.

Okay.

Okay?

Simple but solid answer.

You really don't have
much of a filter, do you?

No. You'll get used to that.

Look, I'm not here to judge
you, Helen. I just had to ask.

Well, I didn't have to,
but I wanted to.

Yeah? Yeah, Jeff,
we're on our way back.

Okay, good.

Hey.

- Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Sure.

I mean, it's not that I'm not grateful,
and please don't change your mind, but

- why would you wanna hire someone like me?
- Someone who can type?

No, no, no. Come on,
you know what I mean. Like,

do you exclusively get your
employees from the psych ward?

[Robert] Not always.

Welcome to your kingdom.

Now look, I've got a meeting in ten.
You have any questions for me?

Uh, yes. Quick recap, if I can.
Uh, okay, I'm doing research on malpractice.

- Yeah.
- And I should start with the old institutions

because they have a paper trail.

And then after I add them to the computer,
then I move on to the new institutions

- which should already be online. Yeah?
- Yes.

- Cool.
- Look, if you have any other questions, just ask Lisa.

- Who's Lisa?
- My pre...

Hold on.

Lisa, Helen. Helen, Lisa.

I gotta run. You two
have fun, okay?

Hi.

Hi.

Cool.

- How are you feeling?
- [Robert] I'm all right.

Your blood count?

Slightly low.

Is this why you wanted to meet me?
Couldn't we just text this stuff?

I heard that you hired
Helen Daniels.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

You know she's
a patient of mine?

I do. So?

So you're twenty years
older than she is

and just a little while ago she
ate rat poison for breakfast.

Okay.

Well, first of all,

I'm just friends with Helen.

And Diane, you should know me better
than that. Also, you're her doctor.

supposedly wanting
her to succeed,

so why would you have a problem
with me giving her a job?

Yeah, well, yes, you're
right. I want her to succeed.

I don't know. Maybe I've just
been doing this too long.

It's just in the last few months,
she's been making little to no progress.

Little to... She got a job.
That's a big milestone.

Well, Robert, you can't go running
around picking up lost little puppies

every time you want a playmate.

Thank you.
I'm trying to tell you

that I just wanna show her
a little bit of compassion.

It seems like a concept
you might have lost touch with.

Maybe you have been doing
this a bit too long, Diane.

Maybe you're right.

But my advice to you is just
keep this strictly professional.

Thank you, Diane.

I will... I will definitely
keep that in mind.

[door closing]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hello?

Is this working?

Hello?

Hey.

Mr. Perkins asked me to tell you that
when the phone rings, press one.

I... I think I tried that.

Obviously not.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[Robert] Hey, glad you got the message.
I'm done with my meeting.

- You wanna grab some Chinese?
- I love Chinese.

Oh, my God.

- What?
- I don't love Chinese that much.

Excuse me?

What, are you embarrassed
to be dining with me now?

Since you're paying,
I think I'm gonna say no.

Exactly.

- What was your meeting about today?
- Nuh-uh.

No work talk at the table.
That's my mom's rules.

Fair enough.

Can we at least talk about you, though? Because
I feel like you already know too much about me.

Okay. What do you wanna know?

- Really?
- I cannot talk with my mouth full. That is nasty.

- Oh, so now I'm nasty?
- I didn't say you were nasty.

Wait, no, you just
said I was nasty.

...just the act of doing
it. No, I didn't.

No, but you just...
you just said that.

- Do you have any pets?
- Okay, that is...

Allergic.

Okay.

Tattoos?

One. I can't show you.

Scandalous. Okay. Um...

- Are you married?
- Divorced.

- How bad was it?
- Not bad.

Just sad.

Sorry to hear that.

- Oh, thank you so much.
- Thank you.

- All right.
- You first.

[clearing his throat]

"Don't worry about money.
The best things in life are free."

Oh, fuck off.
It does not say that.

- That's what I'm talking about.
- Are you kidding me?

Yeah, look at it.

Oh, my God, of course,
the rich guy gets that cookie.

- What does yours say?
- Okay.

Are you kidding me?

- What?
- Nothing.

- There's no fortune?
- No.

Th... Okay.

- Are you okay?
- No, it's just like

you tried to kill yourself
and now you have no fortune.

Oh, my God.
That is so not funny.

- What is wrong with you?
- That's what you get.

I want to talk about my...
my step-daughter, Chloe.

And when I first met Chloe,
she was fifteen.

And I'm a teacher, and...

So I'm kinda trained
to really look for things

that are concerning.

My mom and my dad had me at a very young age.
My mom was twenty at the time.

My dad was eighteen, so they were very young.
They were kids in the music scene.

And an accident happened,
and that accident was me.

To this day, it's so hard
to talk about, but

at twenty-eight, I was... I was diagnosed
as... back then, it was manic depression.

Diagnosed me with major depressive
disorder and gave me some pills, but

even with the pills I didn't
feel like I was being better.

And then there was this
one day that I felt like

there was no tomorrow.

It's hard to explain,
but I just didn't feel like

there was a future.

Hit with bamboo sticks.
I was hit with the belt buckles.

I used to try to hide
those things from school.

Um. I hid them for a long time from everyone.
My family knew a little bit about it.

but a lot of them kinda looked the other way
or they don't really know how to intervene.

Gradually, by the time she was
eighteen, nineteen, she was...

she was doing some harder stuff.
She started doing meth, and...

coke, and eventually heroin.

I've spent many nights

in a... in a closet,

either with a gun in my
mouth or making a noose, or

whatever, but

it still is part
of me every day.

It's kinda bad that I look
for the highs after the lows

because they can last two weeks,
but you're just waiting to get that high back

so you can accomplish things.

There's only two ways
I'm gonna take

all these pills and either I'm gonna feel
better or I'm not going to be alive anymore.

I tried to kill myself when
I was like eight years old.

I just tied my neck with like,
an ironing board and tried to use the cord,

and I couldn't figure
out how to do it.

And I passed out and they
found me in the laundry room.

Hanging out of her bedroom window
with a sheet tied around her neck

and

she was... she was dying.
She was choking, killing herself.

And I pulled her in, and I was able
to unwrap it, and you know, call-

call for the squad to come and I just
rocked her and rocked her and rocked her.

And she said, "I don't wanna
die, but I don't wanna live.

I need to find
a place in between."

[man] I had just this horrible pain in
my stomach and I didn't know at the time

if it was from the drugs
that I took

or if it was just the regret that
I was feeling and the pain in my-

that I was still feeling inside of me
because I still felt like I needed to die.

It's an evil little thing,
manic depression because it's always there.

You know it's there but you never
know when it's gonna come up on you.

We sent her to a treatment
center for six weeks.

We thought everything
was gonna be really good,

and three days after she...

she was released, her and her
boyfriend overdosed together.

There's always someone out there
that can relate to your issues

and that no matter what you think, your life
always matters and you can help someone else,

too and maybe that's a good
reason for you to keep going

and maybe that's a good
reason to have purpose.

Thanks.

You know, this used
to be a closet.

That's why there's no windows.

Fun fact.

It's Haley, right?

Okay, I know that
you know my name.

I'm sure you've realized that
Robert is a very busy man.

So, to make it easier on him and you,
if there's anything you need at all,

it's better if you
just come to me first.

And why is that exactly?

I'm Robert's executive secretary.
I've been here for two years.

I work very hard. I know
when he's stressed out.

I know how he takes his coffee. I know where
his extra ties are in case he spills food,

which he does all the time.

Okay, so you're like his nanny?

Cute.

Look, I fully support Robert's
charitable pet projects.

I really do.

But he's an executive

and you have a GED.

You get what I'm saying?
Is this making sense?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I see
what you're saying.

And you know what? You're
actually right. I do have a GED.

And isn't it funny how we ended
up in the same place anyway?

Hm.

Look, it's been really great chatting
with you and everything, but

I think I'm gonna have to ask
you to step out of my closet.

Thanks.

Have fun with this.

- Oh, man.
- [knocking on door]

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

- What's all this?
- My job.

- Is something wrong?
- What? No.

No, all those institutions, they had
or have issues with money laundering,

abuse of authority, sudden deaths,
shock therapy. List goes on.

Nice work. I'll take 'em down
to legal later. Thanks.

Welcome.

Oh, I have been having trouble getting
in touch with one of the facilities,

so if you don't need me I was thinking I
would just stop by there on my way home.

Yeah, sure. Of course.
Which facility was it?

The MIFF or something.

Isn't that like
three hours away?

Well, yeah. That's why
I would need to leave now.

Okay. Why are you
acting so weird?

I'm not.

You know, it's not part of
your job. Why are you goin'?

Well, you're not the only one who needs
to get out of the office sometimes.

- MIFF? A mental institution?
- Yeah, why not?

I'll fit in well.

All right. All right. Well, let
me... let me know how it goes.

Will do.

[door closing]

Well, I've been here for the past twenty
years and I remember every single patient.

- Even those from way back when?
- To some degree or another.

What exactly is it
you want to know?

Well, it's not me.
It's, uh, AHCPN,

and they would like to know any
information you have on a former patient.

Well, I'm afraid I'm not allowed to
disclose that kind of information.

Um...

Look, you should know that this institution
is currently under investigation

for malpractice
and insurance fraud

and there is a lot
that we at AHCPN can do

in order to prevent
any more incidents.

I'm sure you wouldn't want news crews
crawling all around your facility.

Let me explain something
to you, young lady.

This facility was under
investigation decades ago

and those administrators
were charged and prosecuted.

Since I've taken over, malpractice is
not something this institution condones.

Now

what is it you really
want to know?

I would like to know

about a patient named
Margaret Daniels.

- What did you say your name was?
- Helen.

Helen Daniels.

Do you mind if I see
some credentials, ID?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You look just like her.

Daniels, Margaret.

Your mom?

Yeah.

She was admitted in 1997.

The previous board believed she was suffering
from schizophrenia and paranoid delusions.

Wait, they believed she was?
I mean, was she?

I honestly don't know.

With all due respect and
everything, shouldn't you know?

- I mean, you said you were one of her doctors, right?
- I was an intern at the time.

I didn't get to evaluate her.

And truthfully, by
the time I met her,

a clear diagnosis would
have been difficult.

Why?

Unfortunately, your mother
was one of several patients

who received regular
shock therapy in 1997.

By the time she passed...
Schizophrenia and paranoid delusion.

She was barely coherent.
Daniels, Margaret. Your mom?

Yeah, no. It was pretty
much just a waste of time.

Well, no there was
nothing to find out really.

I'm fine. Look, I'm opening a bottle of wine.
That's how fine I am.

No, I told you that I wasn't... Oh, shit!
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

No, no, I'm... I'm good. I just broke one
of the only fancy glasses that I own.

No, it's okay. It's okay.

[screams]

Shouldn't we like,
pray or something?

You already made it a cross.

Well, yeah. I mean, he deserves
to be buried with dignity.

It's just a dead rat.

Yeah, but he has a family

and it's my fault that
they lost their rat dad

or their rat uncle or their
rat son or whatever.

I mean, you know... you know you did the right
thing? I mean, rats carry, like, diseases and...

God, so what? So does that mean that he has
no feelings and no soul and no purpose?

Okay. Well, maybe we should...
should name the rat.

I mean, you seem
very attached to him.

[Helen cries]

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

Don't let this get inside your
head. Genetics are not a curse.

Your mother's life does
not have to dictate yours.

Well, yeah, but
they can factor in.

No, they do factor in and I just wanna know
what level of crazy I inherited. You know?

That's kind of difficult
to assess.

So, aside from genetics

how does it feel to be more or less
reconnecting with your mother?

Well, I'd like to say that it's
giving me some kind of closure, but

I don't know. I just have
more questions. Like,

like how did she get there and
where did she go when she left us?

And was she actually crazy or did
they just fry the life out of her?

How did she die?

Well, you can ask to have
her records released to you.

You are her next of kin.

Oh, yeah. I guess I am.

- Hey, you replaced your plant.
- Nope, I just watered it.

How's your medication doing?

Oh, about the same.

Some days I'm fine.
Some days I wanna rip my skin off.

You know.

Yeah, well, it takes a little while
for the antidepressants to kick in.

- Let's just give it a few more weeks.
- You got it.

All right, that's our time.

You're making great progress.

- I am?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna remember
you said that.

I'll see you next week.

Yes, you will. And the week after that and
the week after that, and the week after that.

Thank you.

Shouldn't you be at work?

[Robert] I'm the boss.

What are you doin' here?

I wanna go do something fun,
but I don't want to go by myself.

Ah.

What is this? A date?

- [laughing] You wish.
- Oh, please.

Please.

Oh, my God. Really,
you brought me here?

What, are you...
are you allergic to fun?

- Probably.
- Okay.

- No, no, I am not doing...
- Come on. Let's go.

- Ah! Whoops!
- Oh, God!

Whoa!

- Are we on the same team?
- Yes.

Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm out of balls.

- There!
- Yeah, there. Okay, so we gotta get the green guys.

- I thought you said you were good at this?
- No, I lied actually.

Oh, shit!

[electronic noises]

My God, I love this place.

- Right?
- Oh...

- Oh!
- You!

I got it, I got it, I got it.

- No, I got him!
- I got him!

- Whew, yeah!
- I'm not gonna lie.

- I told you.
- It was pretty cool.

Oh, my God.

Oh, damn.

- You got it?
- Yeah, thanks.

Hey, I know that you've been goin'
through a lot lately and so

with that in mind I decided
to bring you a little

a little present.

- Drugs?
- Yeah.

You brought me drugs?

- Oh, my God, how old are you?
- What do you mean, drugs? This is pot.

- This is medical marijuana.
- Oh, it's pot.

- Seriously, don't you have friends?
- Do I have...?

Is this an Afterschool Special?

- God, shut up.
- [laughing]

Hey, just because I've never smoked pot
doesn't mean that I don't have friends.

Well. you've never smoked pot.

You've never been to an arcade.
It's like basically you're a hermit.

I'm not a hermit.

Okay, maybe a little bit.

- You know, I did have friends.
- Mm-hmm.

Then Grams got sick and I wound up going
full-time with my shitty after-school job.

Well, after your grandma died,
did you try to reconnect with any of them?

Oh, God, no.

It's been such a long time,
it would be like talking to strangers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, that's gross.

Yeah. Give it a second.

- Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.

Earlier when you took your jacket off,
I couldn't help but...

I saw your scars and I just wanna...
I wanna make sure that you're, you know.

Okay.

No, I... I get it.

- You watched me take my jacket off.
- [laughing]

Wait, what are you doing?

I don't know.
I just wanted to touch you.

Okay, I think that
you're already high.

Oh, come on. All this time and you
never thought about fucking me?

No, honestly. No, I haven't.

What?

Do you have a
girlfriend or something?

Boyfriend?

I told you I was divorced.

So that means that
you have to be celibate?

Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I just wanna be friends?

Do you think
that little of yourself?

Look, I know you don't
see me like that, so...

Geez, I mean, if you don't wanna talk about your
scars, we don't have to talk about your scars,

but just say that. All right?

I'm...

I'm not trying to kill myself,
if that's what you think.

That's good.

Okay, um.

I'm just gonna tell you
what happened. Cool?

Yeah.

After I came back from
the hospital, I couldn't...

I was in the shower and I cut
myself shaving by accident

and it felt good.

It does. It feels great.

It's like for those five minutes,
the world just stops and it's quiet

and I'm in control, and
I feel like I can breathe.

Have you told
Dr. Carol about this?

Yeah, I did.
We are working on it.

Okay, that's good.

I mean, you know that I'm here for you,
right? Like emotionally?

Thank you.

I am so sorry about
the, um, touching.

You freaked me out
a little there with that.

Yeah, sorry.

Yeah.

Would you wanna go get
some totally platonic nachos?

Totally.

Do you think they're fucking?

God, I hope not.

You know I'm a born again virgin.
I'm totally saving myself for him.

Get in line, sister.

Please.

- I'm prettier than she is, right?
- Of course.

You know, he does seem happier.

I'm bored. What time is it?

What the hell are they doing
in there? It's taking forever.

Oh, do you want
to go for a kiki?

Look, if anything, just do
this as a personal favor.

[man on phone]
Robert, I would love to.

But?

[man] She wasn't in any government program.
She quit her job.

No, no. Fired.
Tell him I got fired.

Look, I promise you, this is the last
time I'll ask you for anything. I swear.

[man] You're killing me here, Robert,
but let me see what I can do.

Okay, what do you think?
What do you think?

You know, forty-eight months,

two percent APR. I mean,
that's if he's in a bad mood, which means...

- [man] Robert?
- Yeah?

Listen, all her expenses
after you hired her

are covered through
the company's healthcare,

but the rest, I think I can get her
seventy-two months with a 2. 2 percent APR.

And if I could legally
do more, I would've.

Thank you so much.

[man] No problem.

Babe, you know I have
to wait until they're done.

Well, let's just
pretend they're done.

Shut up.

Hi.

[delivery man] Hello.

Oh, thank you. Nice package.
Smells just like you.

I like balls.

Oh, this one is so much bigger.

Shut up! Seventy-two months! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You're welcome.

Do you have a fever
or something?

- Uh?
- You're sweaty.

No, I don't. I mean, I think
it's a little hot in here.

No, you're sweaty and you look like shit.
[Lisa clears her throat]

- Sorry if I'm interrupting something.
- You're not.

Helen, this came for you.

Thank you.

The only reason you're here is because
your son didn't want you to be alone.

You were his charity
case. This is my house!

He wanted me here because he
could never trust you with Helen.

You're a pathological liar.

You ruined my son's life!

He died in a car accident,
Katharine! It's nobody's fault!

[Katharine] He was drunk
and you know it.

[Margaret] Don't...

[Katharine] You lay around in bed all day,
every day. You are afraid to leave the house!

- [Margaret] I'm grieving!
- [Katharine] You're insane.

I will not let Helen grow up like this.
God forbid she turned out like you!

[Margaret] Get out
of my house, Katharine.

Oh, I will. But I'm
taking Helen with me.

I dare you, bitch.

I'm calling the police.

Helen? Helen.

[Helen] Hey.

- Oh, my God, are you deaf?
- Sorry.

I didn't get much sleep last
night. I'm kind of out of it.

- Whatever. Have you seen Robert?
- No, why?

He hasn't been here
since Thursday.

- Really? Did you call his apartment?
- Uh-huh.

- And the company's driver?
- Yes. Nothing.

Okay, well, did you
try his cell phone?

Are you serious? Don't you think that
would be like, the first thing I'd try?

- Well, you never know.
- God, we are so fucked. I can't do this.

- Do what?
- We're drowning here.

At least when he disappears,
he usually answers his fucking phone.

I don't know what
to tell these people.

Okay, just relax.
We're gonna find him.

- [phone ringing]
- Have you seen Robert?

No.

- Oh, fuck. Fuck!
- What?

- [Jeff] What is going on?
- [Helen] What? Who is it?

It's Skylar. Fuck me.

[Helen] Okay, okay, all right.
You have to answer the phone.

And say what?

- So you haven't seen Robert?
- Shut up, Jeff. Answer the phone.

Hi, Skylar.

- Yes, uh-huh.
- [Helen] He isn't feeling well.

The assessment is done.

Robert isn't feeling well,
but the assessment is done.

Final calculations
give us a stipend of 1.2.

Our final calculations give
us a stipend of 1. 2 million.

Uh-huh. Oh, what's that?

Oh, one second.

- What are you doing?
- She's saying something about a contract for...

Contracts for?

- What contracts? What contracts?
- I don't know! I don't know!

Bahamas.

- Something about Bahamas.
- Oh, yeah.

She said she was going to the
Bahamas. I love the Bahamas.

Okay, okay, the contracts.
Go, go, go.

Shut up, Jeff.
Okay, okay, go, go.

Robert has signed the contracts.

[Lisa] Robert has
signed the contracts.

And our prediction is for eight months
until we reach our goal for this year.

- Eight months until we reach our goal for this year.
- Yes!

Okay, don't worry about a thing.
I will let Robert know that you called.

You just have a great
vacation in the Bahamas.

- Ooh, have so much fun! I love it out there.
- Shut up, Jeff!

Okay, thanks. She already
hung up, asshole.

Rude.

How'd you do that?

Do you guys ever pay attention to
anything that's going on in here?

[Lisa] Yeah.

This is the only deal we've been
talking about for two months.

- Yes. That was heroic.
- Okay, never mind. Thank you, Jeff.

Best thing I've seen since
sliced bread. Golf clap for you.

- Okay, I'm gonna find Robert.
- [laughing]

You thirsty? I'm thirsty.

- Margaritas?
- Absolutely. Let's go.

[Tori] Helen?

Yeah?

[Tori] Do you have
anything to share?

Uh, no.

No, not really.

- [Tori] You sure?
- Yeah, yeah. It's been kind of a slow week for me.

Thanks, everybody.
Have a great weekend.

Hey, Helen, can I talk
to you for a sec?

Yeah.

- Yeah, what's up?
- Is everything okay?

I don't know,
you seem a little...

I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, everything's fine.

Well, it's just that I can't find...
well, nobody can find Robert.

- Your boss?
- Yeah.

I mean, he disappears
all of the time, but

it's been a week, so.

Oh. I mean, have you thought
about calling the police?

No, no. I'm sure he'll
show up soon. Just...

you know.

I'll see you later.

You know, actually I have
something to tell you.

Oh, no.

You look serious.

Well, it's... it's just, you know,
you've been a little disconnected lately.

You've missed a few sessions.

Well, I mean, I've been working.

Of course, of course. But...

but Dr. Carol and I have decided
to extend your therapy.

Look, I'm so sorry. I know that you were
supposed to be done next week, but I...

Have a good weekend, Tori.

Wait. Helen.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?
- Helen, it's me.

Tori? Why are you whispering?

'Cause I think I found Robert.

You did? Where?

Tori!

Okay, sorry. I was waiting.
Somebody got really close.

I'm not supposed to be talking on the main
line phone without it being an emergency,

- but then I thought...
- Tori!

Okay, okay.

Oh, yeah, Robert.
He's here at the hospital.

Wait, he's... he's at the
hospital? Are you sure?

Yes, yeah. He was
admitted last weekend.

Wait a minute, he's a patient?

- Oh, my God. Oh, you son of a bitch.
- What are you doing here?

- Are you okay?
- Why are you here?

What do you mean why am I here?
Everybody's looking for you.

Well, I'm fine. I'm here.

And I think you should leave.

You don't look fine. Seriously, stop
messing around. Everybody is freaking out.

Seriously, I didn't
ask you to come.

Why are you acting like this?

Look, it's my room
and I want you to leave.

Rob?

What is going on?

It's none of your fucking
business, Helen.

So would you
please fuckin' leave?

It's none of my business?

It's none of my business?

God, you selfish son of a bitch.

You realize that you
could have lied, right?

You could have told everybody
you were on vacation

but you just let everybody worry about
you and you let me worry about you.

What the fuck is
wrong with you, Rob?

[nurse] Knock, knock. I just need to
take a quick blood sample for a CD-4

and I will be out of your hair.

[Helen] CD-4?

Like,

like white cells? Robert,
do... do you have AIDS?

Rob? Look at me, look at me.

- Don't comfort me. Don't.
- Do you have AIDS?

- Rob, do you have AIDS?
- Look, Helen, you may not want the life you have-

Oh, come on. Fuck you,
Rob. Don't say that.

I'm fighting for mine.
I just want you to leave me the hell alone.

- [nurse] Is there a problem?
- There's no problem. Get out.

- [nurse] I can call security.
- She's leaving.

How could you not tell me?

- How could you not tell me?
- She's leaving.

[nurse] Ma'am, if you don't
leave, I have to call security.

Rob, look at me.

Jesus Christ, I'm not your
fucking dad, Helen.

- Get out. Get out.
- Got it.

- Heard, got it.
- Get the fuck out.

[Helen] Thanks.

Okay, all right. Okay, okay,
deep breaths for me. Deep breaths.

Deep breaths. There we go. There we go.
There we go. All right, all right.

Get Dr. Carol in here now.

Okay. All right,
okay. All right.

- Stop and get her in.
- Okay, all right.

I warned you this would happen.
I told you to leave her alone.

[Robert] But I didn't. Okay?

Sorry, I don't want to live in isolation
the rest of my fuckin' life, Diane.

Nobody's telling you
to live in isolation, Robert.

You could have thought
this thing through a little bit.

I didn't want her
to see me like this.

I didn't want to scare her.
I don't know, I just...

I guess I panicked and I didn't...
what... How did she know I was here?

I don't know.

The only people who have access to
medical records are employees and...

Oh, goddamn it.

What? What is it?

♪♪♪

[door opening]

I didn't know it was a big deal.

You probably should
have talked to me first.

I... I mean, they work together.
They're friends. What's wrong?

"They're friends." What are you,
ten? You broke the law, Tori.

But I mean, I thought, you know,
Helen's been doing so much better

until the past couple weeks and it seemed
like Robert was a big part of that.

Doing better?

See her scars?

Her scars? What... what
are you talking about?

- She didn't tell you, did she?
- [Dr. Carol] Tell me what?

She's been cutting herself.

No, she didn't tell me that.

What? She's been
cutting herself?

[Dr. Carol] So you knew this

and you didn't say anything and
essentially told her to fuck off.

Shit.

- What is going on?
- I will tell you later.

It's fine, Diane.

I have AIDS and

Helen just found out.

Okay?

Oh... I'm...

I'm sorry.

Okay, all right. Listen, I'm gonna...
I'm going to go to her house

and I'm going to send an ambulance,
and you two do nothing.

- But I want to come with you.
- Absolutely not.

♪♪♪

Hi.

Hi.

What's going on here?

You okay?

Did you take anything?

No.

I flushed it.

- Good.
- Yeah.

Good girl.

She's in here.

Okay, well, we're gonna
get you up, all right?

I'm really tired.

I know you are.

Yes, you are. I got you.

Okay, come on.
Good girl. Good girl.

Come on.

♪♪♪

[groaning]

I appreciate your concern,

but look, if she doesn't wanna take
the medication, then I'm in agreement.

Yes.

No, thank you. Bye.

I wanna see her.

I know you do.

I just think if I apologize,
it would help.

And who exactly
would that be helping?

Look, I know you feel guilty,
but she's gotta get through this by herself.

Is she okay?

She's gonna get worse
before she gets better.

Mom?

Mom.

I'm so sorry.

Mom.

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, baby.

Mom?

- No! No! No!
- Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

I'm trying to remember the first time
I ever thought about killing myself.

I was young, maybe five or six.

And at first, it was
just a harmless idea.

What if I wasn't here anymore?

By the time I hit puberty,
it became like an infatuation.

like an imaginary friend that
would comfort me when I was alone.

I knew they weren't normal feelings.
but I also knew that I wasn't normal.

[woman] And find your center

and breathe.

- Yeah, I found my center.
- Breathe.

Big deep breaths.

- And breathe.
- I am breathing.

And find your center.

And breathe.

Oh, my God! I'm gonna
fucking hyperventilate!

And breathe.

And breathe.

My new doctor thinks I have replaced my
desires for suicide with self-harming,

which makes sense, I guess.

When I woke up in the hospital,
it felt like my imaginary friend died,

and I didn't get to go with him.

And after that, cutting myself was the
only thing that made me feel alive.

Ironic, huh?

[Ruby] Oh, yeah.

They've got porn.

- You wanna look with me?
- No, thanks.

Whatever. I mean,
they have boring stuff for boring people too.

You're really pretty.

Thanks.

Do you think I'm really pretty?

Sure.

What are you writing? A novel?

- No, it's...
- You know I used to write novels?

I mean, I like, took this English class
junior year of high school and...

I'm sorry. Could you just...?

I'm just trying to concentrate.
If you could just...

- Shhh.
- Yeah, yeah. Shhh.

Thanks. Thank you.

Is that what you're writing about?
Feelings? I see the word "feelings."

- Okay, could you stop looking at this, please?
- I'm sorry. I just-

I have a lot of feelings.
Love, but I'm also feeling like

I don't know, like a little bit manic, but kind
of like, happy but like, also like, really sad.

Like really sad because
I miss my family.

Do you miss your family?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

But then again, I like, love it here.
Like, it's like, the most amazing place.

Like, I own this place.
Like, I am like,

- one with everyone here. Like, we're all just one.
- Wait a minute,

- wait a minute. You love this place?
- Yeah, I love it.

- Seriously?
- Yeah, it's like a bunch of people like me. And it's like,

- I don't know, like...
- You don't feel like, more crazy being here?

No, I feel like myself. Like I feel like I can
express myself and like do what I wanna do.

That's fair.

All right, show me the porn.

I think this one's my favorite.
I've seen this magazine like five times.

[Helen] I'm learning all these new
techniques to control my urges

but if I'm being
honest with myself,

I don't think these feelings
are just gonna go away.

Maybe that's not the point.

Figs are fascinating.

I bet you didn't know

that California produces a hundred
percent of the nation's dried figs

and ninety-eight percent
of the fresh ones.

California can't survive without figs,
and that's a fact, and facts matter.

Mm-hmm.

And they're good for you, too. I mean,
they're low in calories, high in vitamins.

And you know, what we think the fruit of the
fig is, is actually a bunch of tiny flowers.

The real fruit is the seed.

Hi.

You're sexy.

I'm Ruby, like the jewel.

That's a beautiful name, Ruby.

Thanks.

So you know about figs, too?

Ruby, can I have a minute
with the hot man, please?

Ugh. Fine. I guess.

I'm in room seventeen.

I'll be waiting.

Nice to meet you, Ruby.

Nice to meet you, too, sexy man.

I see you're making friends.

Yeah, we call her Crazy
Ruby. She's, uh, interesting.

Yeah, I noticed.

Hi.

Hi.

First of all, I... I... I brought you
something. It's called a Better Basket.

It's... well, patent pending.
It's... it's all the things you need

to get better in any circumstance.
There's tea and cookies.

Oh, and there's the little cactus,
which is better than flowers

because you don't have to water
it. Candles, they're flame-less.

And... and a couple chick
flicks with happy endings.

And Tori said I should
put in some pudding.

Thanks. This is really nice.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm sorry I didn't tell
you. I meant to. That was...

That was my plan eventually and then you
just showed up at the hospital and...

and I panicked.

Oh, that was panic. See, it kind
of felt like a big "Fuck You".

Right, I know.

You came along
at a pivotal time.

I met you the day I found
out about my cell count.

You mean, like, the white
cells and that you were...?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh.

You remember that day we
were screaming on the balcony?

Yes.

The day I found out I was
that much closer to death

was the same day I met
this really special girl

that wanted to die so badly.

I thought I was helping you

but I was leaning on you.

You know, just generally you should
probably try to lean on more stable people.

[Robert chuckles]

Is there anything else
you wanna know about it?

Uh...

How?

When?

Is your wife real?

And does anybody
at the office know?

Okay. How, blood transfusion.

When, 1999. I was in the Army.

Wife real.

But when I found out,
I got pretty low.

She couldn't handle that.
And I couldn't handle it.

I got in a real dark place for a few
years there, and I just... I mean it...

I made it easy for her
to leave is what I did.

What was the other question?

Oh, the office.

Does anybody at
the office know?

No. No one at work knows.

Well, not that it's any
of my business, but

- it kinda seems like...
- Oopsie, I forgot my figs.

How you guys doin'?

- Good.
- Good.

♪♪♪

[knocking on door]

- Come in.
- Hey, doc.

Hey, Helen.

Uh, I have a question.

Yes?

So I'm supposed to be released on Monday
but my birthday is actually this Friday.

Well, if you want, I could redo your
paperwork and let you go Thursday.

That way you can enjoy
your birthday at home.

Well, actually, I was gonna ask
if I could have my party here.

If that's okay? I... I was just thinking
some friends, some cake. Nothing big.

Okay, if you're sure
that's what you want.

- Yes.
- Give me a list of your guests and I'll get 'em to security.

Okay, great. Thank you.

No problem.

Oh, would it be crazy
to ask for decorations?

We don't exactly throw
a lot of parties here. Sorry.

Right. That's okay. I'll think
of something. Thank you.

Happy to help.

- Hey.
- Happy birthday!

Aw, thank you.
Hey, I told you not to bring presents.

- You weren't supposed to do that.
- But it's your birthday.

- Hi.
- Hi. Oh!

Oh, Robert, take it easy.
You're not supposed to be walking.

I'm not walking. I'm standing.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

Okay, all I have to do is finish my
hair really quick, and then we go.

You look perfect.

- Oh, please. I look crazy.
- What is this? A diary?

No, that is not a diary.
That is a prescribed journal for my feelings.

Where do I come in?
Hey, don't read that!

Those are her private thoughts.

Oh, hey. Speaking of my private thoughts,
I've been doing a little thinking

and I have decided I wanna
sell my grandma's house.

- Oh.
- Wow.

- You should. It's cursed.
- Whoa, are you sure?

It's definitely cursed, and I think I could
take the money, get my own apartment,

- and then maybe travel.
- Yeah. Ooh.

- Travel, really?
- Yeah, I've never been anywhere.

Well, I'm in.
Where are we going?

You know, I've always
wanted to go to Madrid.

Whoa, you guys are not invited.

This is something
I wanna do just me.

Well, wait. I want... I need a vacation too.
I'm dying, remember?

Hey.

Okay, look.
I will be here for the whole pre-dying thing.

This is just...
this is for after.

All right, all right. No more
saying the word "dying."

- This is a birthday party. We've gotta set it up.
- Okay, she's right.

She's right, she's
right. Let's go.

- In the chair. Come on.
- Okay, all right. Hold on.

Okay, get in there. Whoa,
whoa. Let Helen drive.

You make it feel like I'm on a
damn rollercoaster all the time.

- I got it, I got it.
- What's wrong with rollercoasters?

Yeah, they make me sick.

- All right! Come on, hands up!
- Okay.

All right, all right, all right.

Whoo!

[Tori] Oh, I got the presents!

[Dr. Carol] Happy
birthday, Helen.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think you have me mistaken
for someone else. My name is Ms. Daniels.

You surprised me. It's been a long
time since I've been surprised

but you surprised me
and thank you.

Thank you for everything.

All right, have some snacks.
Have some punch. I made it myself.

- Ooh.
- Don't be scared.

- Hi!
- Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.

We have never been
to a mental hospital before.

- Oh, really?
- Kind of expected it to be a little bit more depressing.

- Oh, my God.
- No, it's not bad.

- Did they restrain you in those things?
- No, no. They didn't.

Oh, oh, oh. Were you in
one of those padded rooms?

- Oh, my God!
- I don't even think that they have those.

- Oh, my God!
- No, no, guys, I'm really okay.

- Hey, Helen, could you help me with some of the balloons?
- Yes. Yes, I can.

He can blow 'em up
on his own. He's fine.

No, no. He really can't
with his lung capacity.

Oh, no. He... he was just
talking like, off the rope-

Oh, look. A cute nurse!
What? Where?

- Run!
- No!

I don't see no one there.

Got you, bitch.

Let's go find a hot doctor.

You are welcome.

- Was it my idea to invite them?
- Oh, yeah.

God.

So I was thinking, before you go I want
you to train as a junior executive.

When you're done training, you can take
a vacation, see the world, whatever.

No, no. Rob, you
don't have to do this.

Lisa told me about the phone call
with Skylar. You are gonna be great.

Thank you.

I spiked the punch.

Oh, God.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Helen ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[all cheering]

- [Tori] Yeah!
- Yay!

♪ How old are you now ♪

Oh, don't do that.

Got the last box.

[Helen] Okay, just put it in
the trunk. I'll be right there.

[Tori] Copy that.

♪♪♪

- [Helen] "Rob's Fun-eral."
- [Robert] I like that.

Do you want like a theme or something?
Like, circus or Mardi Gras?

I want it Irish style.

You're not Irish.

So? It's my funeral, isn't it?

- Yep.
- I want shots for everyone.

Okay, so cremation
and then reception.

- Is that what they call it?
- I don't know.

You know what I mean. Like cremation and
then party for everybody. Lots of shots,

and then what?
Like Celtic music?

Oh, no, no, no, girl.
Hell no. Mm-mm.

I want classic rock.

Okay.

And whiskey.

Better be a good one.

It will.

Anything else?

Yeah, is this weird for you?

Yeah. Well, no, not...
not weird. Just...

I'm really gonna
miss you, you know?

But I wanna be here
and I will be here until you...

Until I kick the bucket.

God, please stop saying "kick the bucket."
You are not ninety.

Okay. Till I

pass away.

Oh, that's worse.

[both laughing]

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- Hey, hey. What can I do?
- I'm okay. I'm good. I'm okay.

I need a joint.

You smoke too much.

It helps with the pain and the
nausea and the panic attacks.

And shit, plus it's fun.

Okay. Then we smoke.

Hey, gown girl.

Hey, Rob.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Okay. Um, I'm gonna get
you that joint, as promised.

Please.

♪♪♪

♪ Lost in the dead of night ♪

♪ Trying to make it home ♪

♪ Runnin' way too fast ♪

♪ This life is short
So you better make it last ♪

♪ Roll roll roll away ♪

[Tori] Helen!

Wait, wait.

- You're really not gonna stay?
- What for? Is he comin' back?

No, just...

- You sure you're gonna be okay?
- Yeah.

I'm good.

My flight leaves in three hours. I gotta make
one quick stop first and then I am out of here.

I'll miss you so much.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

- I love you. You know that?
- I love you.

All right, okay. Don't
make me cry. Come on.

Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye, Tori.

Journey on.

- Hey, don't forget to call!
- I won't.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[music ends]