Blood Ties (1991) - full transcript
This film concerns the exploits of the "Carpathian American" society in Long Beach. Carpathian Americans are just like any other expatriate organization, they enjoy family get together, and share business opportunities (cf the Italian Americans ...). There is just one minor difference, the Carpathian Americans seem to have a predilection for drinking human blood. The film begins somewhere deep in the bible belt where teenager Cody wakes to find that intruders have just skewered his parents and are about to set fire to them for good measure. Despite being shot by a crossbow bolt Cody makes his escape from the "hunters". He remembers his parent's advice to him that if he was ever in trouble he should contact his uncle in Long Beach. The uncle turns out to be a local businessman (of an unscrupulous nature) and also a leading light in the "Carpathian American" society. Cody is introduced to other members of the society notably Harry, a crusading journalist and his non-Carpathian girlfriend/lawyer who wants to see his fellow Carpathians become more integrated, the wanton Celia who likes to have her neck bitten during moments of ecstasy, and "The Shrikes" a gang of tearaway biker teenage vampires. Before long Cody has been initiated into the terrible secret which ties this clan together. All would be well if it were not for the hunters who have followed Cody and are now seeking to destroy the nest of vampires they have found. The Carpathians must choose between their outward air of "respectability" and renewing an age old blood feud.
(ominous music)
(gasps)
(splashing)
(knocking)
- [Cody] Mom, Dad.
- There's the whelp.
- [Cody] You okay?
(flames crackling)
(gasps)
(grunts)
(bangs)
(screams)
(crashes)
- Let it go!
It might fly back to the nest.
Might lead us to the others.
(dramatic music)
- Alright!
You with us?
You awake?
Let's go.
And reach, and reach,
and reach, and reach,
and over, down.
And if you're thinking
of lighting up,
you just put that
right out of your head.
You get right up here in
front of like your TV stand
and you join us right
now and one, and two,
and roll the spine.
And one, and two,
roll in, and relax.
Roll it, let the
head go, and jaw.
One, two, three, four, get
ready for the twist and pop.
Twist, twist, and pop it.
One, two, three, and pop.
One, two, pull and kick.
Two, four.
Small.
Bigger.
Now eight big kicks and
one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
And circle.
Cool it down and circle.
Cool it down reverse.
Down, cool it down.
Take a deep breath and
hold it and let it go.
Now doesn't that
make you feel alive?
(calm music)
- [Cody] Thanks.
- [Woman] Good morning,
Long Beach Post-Gazette.
May I help you?
- Here it comes.
I figured you'd be
interested in this.
Stakes through the heart,
mouths filled with dirt.
- Harry, the Butch Vlad
jury's about to come back in.
Now would you like
to get over there
or would you like
them to drop by
and tell you what
they've decided?
What's that?
- In Texas last night, 17
year old boy stabs his parents
to death and burns
the house down.
- Well, it doesn't
say the kid did it.
What makes you think
the kid did it?
- Because he took off.
They went through the house,
couldn't find any part of him.
- They'll catch him.
He'll turn up at the
Social Security office
looking for orphan's benefits.
- Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
in the matter of the
county of Los Angeles
versus Butcherbird Vlad,
have you reached a
verdict in this case?
- No, your honor.
We the jury find...
(door bangs)
(crowd murmuring)
- Eli.
- [Man] It's Eli Chelarin.
(laughs)
- Your honor,
we the jury find ourselves
hopelessly deadlocked.
(cheering)
- [Judge] Order.
I want order in this courtroom.
(gavel banging)
- Your honor, the prosecution
requests an immediate date
for a new trial.
(shouting)
- Lorne!
Wait up.
It wasn't your fault.
- No?
Whose fault was it?
But I didn't get their
attention, I didn't reach them.
- You reached them.
So did somebody else.
Look, I've covered
a lot of these
and you can never predict
what a jury's gonna do.
- Mr. Martin, is there
something I should know about?
- Absolutely.
I don't want anyone calling
me Mr. but my mother.
(cheering)
- Hey!
- Well, Harry,
since the last thing I'd
like to be is your mother,
how about you let me let
you take me out to lunch?
- I would really love to but...
- But?
- But...
- A, you're married.
B, you're living with someone.
C, you're gay.
Or D, you're
otherwise encumbered?
- D, I am otherwise encumbered.
Look, I gotta go, I gotta
catch up with a guy.
I'll see you in court.
- Sure.
- Look, I've gotta go to
this party on Sunday night.
It's kind of a family thing.
Would you like to go with me?
- What happened to D,
otherwise encumbered?
- I'll call you at your office.
Eli!
- [Eli] Harry, Harry,
what else could I do?
He's family.
How could I face Aunt Rodika
if I let him go to prison?
- He broke an old lady's arm.
He stole her purse.
He urinated on a police officer.
He belongs in jail.
And you can't go around
buying juries to keep him out.
- I can't?
Harry, what's the
matter with you?
I just did.
And you can't prove it either.
And you wouldn't if
you could, would you?
Because we're family too.
(phone ringing)
Can't?
I don't wanna hear a can't.
Get those people out of there!
I want those leases on my
desk before the end of the day
and I want the
whole site leveled
before the end of the week.
That is what it is like now.
Shacks, hovels.
This is what it's going to be.
600 room international
hotel, shopping mall,
a whole new city center.
The Long Beach Champs Elysees.
- There are people living
in those hovels, Eli.
What about them?
- They'll find new
hovels, they always do.
Understand, Harry, I am
rebuilding this entire peninsula
from scratch.
I'm flying in
timber from Oregon,
black sand from Fiji.
- Judges, Eli?
Did you buy the judge too?
- I'm a free market economist,
everybody knows that.
But even I can only
buy what's for sale.
- And you think
that's everything.
- Oh, I know it is.
I went to see your
bosses, Harry.
I complained about you.
- I know, I heard.
- Know what they did,
these people you write
so diligently for,
who pay you less money
than I pay my wine steward?
They offered to sell
me the newspaper.
They offered to
sell me you, Harry.
What would you do
if you suddenly found
yourself working for me?
- The honorable thing.
Quit.
Get a job playing a
piano in a whorehouse.
- That's what I figured.
Otherwise I'd have
bought the scurvy rag.
- You make things for sale, Eli.
You invent corruption.
- Don't you ever
sell it short, Harry.
Corruption is the
last untapped resource
of pure energy on the planet.
It feeds the market.
It drives the economy.
Corruption empowers, Harry.
And absolute corruption
empowers absolutely.
Save your country,
screw somebody over.
Live better than everyone
around you, Harry.
That is the patriotic way.
(growling)
(smashes)
(laughs)
- No, Eli, it's guys like you
that are sucking the
life out of this country.
But you and I have
something more important
to talk about, Eli,
because it looks
like it's starting up again.
- What?
What's starting?
(ominous music)
- Hickory stakes, damp earth.
It's starting again.
(calm music)
- What's the matter,
country mouse?
You lost?
Not anymore.
We've been expecting you.
Welcome to Long Beach.
- What are you talking about?
What do you mean you've
been expecting me?
- They usually show up here,
the strays, the flyaways.
You've been shot then.
Oh, they put one in ya.
- It's okay.
I heal fast.
- I know, we do, we do.
- Look...
The guy that owns this
place, Mr. Chelarin,
I'm supposed to look him up.
It's important.
Y'all wouldn't happen to
know where I can find him,
would you?
- Well, I guess this is your
lucky day, country mouse,
because it just so
happens that we do.
(engines rumbling)
- Hey, where we going?
- Someplace you're gonna like.
At least you won't be
sleeping in a barn tonight.
(laughs)
- Yeah, well, who's this
Chelarin guy anyhow?
- He's my uncle.
Maybe your uncle too.
(cheering)
Hold on.
(upbeat music)
(laughs)
- Slivovitz?
(sighs)
- Harry, this is wonderful.
I mean, I didn't realize you
were part of all of this.
- You mean funny I
don't look Carpathian?
- Yeah, that's what I mean.
I mean, Harry Martin, what
kind of a name is that?
- Harlevon Martinescu.
Shortened for bylines and
book jackets, someday.
(laughs)
- I have to confess, geography
was never my strong area.
I'm not even sure
where Carpathia is.
And isn't it somewhere
near Transylvania?
- In the neighborhood.
- I like the neighborhood.
- [Harry] Oh.
(gasps)
- Whoa, Councilor, excuse me.
- Evening, Judge.
Harry, that was Judge Morgan.
What's he doing here?
- Well, Eli Chelarin is
a friend to politicians
of every stripe
and predilection.
- I guess.
I've already seen three
judges, a congressman,
two city councilmen.
- And a DA in a pear tree.
- Not me.
I'm not on that list,
I'm here with you.
- Well, how would you like
to get out of here with me?
Go someplace quiet,
get a cup of coffee?
- Well, wouldn't
that be kind of rude?
I mean, I haven't
even met our host yet.
- Well, I can fix that.
There he is.
That's Eli Chelarin.
(crowd gasps)
- Is that his wife?
Oh, she's beautiful.
- That's his sister.
His half sister.
(crowd gasps)
(shouting)
(slow music)
(kisses)
- What's going on?
Who's that kid?
- Wait here for
me, I'll be back.
- Happy birthday, Uncle Eli.
- [Cody] To Mr. Chelarin.
- What did your
folks tell you, son,
about your background,
about your people?
- Nothing much.
I didn't think there
was much to tell.
They came from Europe someplace
and, well, they
didn't even know much
about ranching or cattle.
- Your parents were old
friends of ours, Cody.
From before they
decided to move out.
You did right to come back here.
- What about the guys
who killed 'em, huh?
I want to go back
there, Mr. Chelarin.
I want to get those guys.
- You won't have
to go after them.
They're going to show up here.
(upbeat music)
- Don't worry, he'll be
back in a little while.
- Thank you.
- Just a little
emergency meeting
of the Carpathian Health
and Welfare Society.
Harry's on the board.
(cheering)
Have you known him long?
- Just a couple of weeks.
We're just friends.
- Wow, lucky for you.
Harry--
- Celia.
- Harry can be a very...
Delightful friend.
- They say she had a husband
once but she ate him.
Dance with me.
Maybe it'll change your luck.
- My luck is fine.
- Didn't look like
that in court.
I guess I put a dent
in your career, huh?
- All you did, Butch, was put
a bigger price on your head.
Now every cop in Long Beach
has your picture pasted
to his shotgun.
- My goodness, Miss Lorne.
I didn't realize you
were so bloodthirsty.
Have you ever made love
on a moving motorcycle?
It can be done.
- Do you have any idea
where I can find Harry?
- You know, I think
that the last thing
Harlevon needs right now is you.
(cheering)
- They should have told him.
It was their
obligation to tell him.
Now, somebody has to do it.
- It will be a shock for him.
Harlevon, you do
it, you tell him.
When he's ready.
- He says he doesn't
think they followed him.
- That boy didn't escape.
The hunters let him get away.
They'll show up here soon.
Count on it.
- And we'll be ready for them.
- No, we won't.
- What do you think we
ought to do about it, Harry?
Call a cop?
(laughs)
- Yeah.
Call a cop.
We live in this country.
We have lived in this country
for three, four generations.
We're Americans,
Carpathian Americans.
We work here, we vote
here, we pay taxes.
We're entitled to the
protection of the law.
I think it's time we came
out of the damn coffin.
- Alright, Harry, claim
your civil rights.
You go on out there and explain
to good affordable
American Judge Morgan
how your parents,
grandparents lived in a cave.
How they dropped from trees
onto the backs of travelers
and gorged on their blood.
Explain to your little
(mumbles) from the DA's office
how after the slaughter they
just lay there on the road
like ticks too bloated to move,
licking the last
sweet corpuscles
from the tips of their fingers.
- Fine, Eli.
Meanwhile, her ancestors were
clubbing their brains out
on the peat bogs of Ireland.
We're all trying
to get civilized.
It's just some of us
have a little trouble
getting the hang of it.
- I, for instance, don't
get the hang of it?
- We cannot go on doing
everything in the old ways.
- You mean if you can't like
them, join them, right, Harry?
That's all you've really
ever wanted, isn't it?
To be one of them.
- I am as good a Carpathian
as any man in this room.
- You are a damned
assimilationist
and I may not be civilized,
but I'm also not the
one who's slipping it
to the Pillsbury dough girl.
First you sleep with them.
Next you're breeding with them.
Then you've got to strangle
some half breed little bastard
in its cradle because
it will grow up
and drive a stake
through your heart!
- That is racist crap,
Eli, and you know it!
- Is it?
What are you going to
do about it, Harry?
Bite me?
Go for my throat?
You've lost the taste for
such things, haven't you?
(growling)
- Enough!
Eli, Harlevon.
That's enough. Is that what
you two are going to be doing
when these hunters show up?
Biting and snapping
at each other?
They're lighting up
their fiery torches
and unleashing their hounds!
When the pogrom begins,
we're all in this together.
We are to watch, stay alert,
see where they show themselves
or they'll slay us every one.
Harry.
- I'm sorry, Vasile.
I let get Eli get
a hook into me.
You have the right
to expect better.
- Yes, I do.
These hunters, they
have to be found,
they have to be stopped
before they hurt anybody.
- I'm working on it.
- Good.
I know I can depend on you.
About the woman,
Harry, is it true?
- Whether it is or
whether it isn't,
it's nobody's business but mine.
- And hers.
(upbeat music)
(kettle whistling)
- [Amy] Is decaffeinated okay?
It's all I've got.
- Perfect.
- You people made it seem like
the return of the prodigal.
- We have a taste
for the melodramatic,
comes from too much inbreeding.
(laughs)
- I had fun tonight, Harry.
Your family's sweet.
Well, most of 'em.
What sort of a medallion
was that boy wearing?
- Oh...
A cameo of Lilith
cut in blood amber.
It's a good luck charm.
- Oh, I know Lilith.
Sort of a goddess or a demon
from rabbinical mythology.
- She was Adam's first wife.
- You're kidding me, right?
- It's in the
Apocrypha, look it up.
Before Eve, Adam was
married to Lilith.
- And?
- Well, she got pushy.
When they made love,
(laughs) she wanted to be...
- On top?
- Yeah.
(laughs)
And Adam said no and she said
"Okay, then I have a headache"
and so Adam went whining to God
and God, who at this point
didn't have a whole lot
of experience with complaints,
said okay, he would
have one more shot
at making a better
tempered woman.
The rest you know.
He put Eve together
out of spare parts.
- Well, I would never do that.
- Do what?
- Insist.
A lady waits to be asked.
- And...
You're a lady.
- Mostly.
(kissing)
(sighs)
Why have I been waiting
to do that all evening?
- Oh, there's
something about me,
sense of mystery,
hint of danger.
- Right, you know?
There is.
So what happened to Lilith?
- Oh, she took off, hooked
up with a guy named Asmodeus.
And started up her own group.
- I remember.
This is where all of the
hobgoblins come from, right?
All of the fiends and
hellhounds and succubuses.
You don't believe
in all that, do you?
Female creatures who
visit men in the night
and seduce them in their
beds and suck their blood.
(kissing)
- Amy?
There's something you
need to know about me,
about my family,
before you even thought about
getting involved with a...
(kisses) Guy like me.
- Harry, Harry.
Can we talk about
this in the morning?
- If I don't stay,
I'm gonna be sorry, aren't I?
(kissing)
I'll call you.
(flames crackling)
(gasps)
(howling)
- Come on, country mouse.
We're gonna help you get
your mind off your troubles.
(cheering)
- How you doing, cousin?
- See, I told you we're
a very loving family.
(laughs)
Come on!
Okay, let's go!
Come on, we need to go.
(phone ringing)
- [Harry] You were right,
I'm sorry I didn't stay.
- Oh, me too.
I was just lying here, thinking,
well, maybe I frightened you off
because I know
European men, well,
they don't expect a woman
to come on like that.
They expect them to
be demure and ladylike
and wait to be asked.
- Okay, I'm asking.
- [Amy] Harry, what's
going on with you?
I don't understand.
I really enjoyed the party,
your family was so neat but...
(slow music)
I met this guy and
he was really nice.
He talked me into
buying this condo.
And (mumbles) but it's
fine, I really like it...
- Amy.
What about we have dinner
sometime this week?
How about Friday night?
- Let's see, Friday night.
Yeah, yeah, I think I
can make it Friday night.
I've got a court date
but it won't run long.
It's an armed robbery case
and the guy has two priors
and I think they'll
bargain a deal.
What did you have in mind?
Harry?
Are you there?
How do you feel about Greek?
You know the...
- She's not for you, Harry.
She's a Twinkie.
All blonde and sticky
and full of white goo.
But you know what I'm full of.
You do, don't you?
- Amy, look, I've got
something boiling over here.
I'll call you in the morning.
(kissing)
(cheering)
- Oh yeah!
(moaning)
(laughs)
(moaning)
(howling)
(banging)
(laughs)
(kissing)
(slow music)
- Alright, you with
this, you awake?
Let's go.
And reach, and reach, and
reach, and reach, and--
(smashes)
- Celia.
- Yes, Harry?
- Use the door.
(slow music)
(waves rushing)
- Celia.
Where have you been?
- Oh, couldn't sleep.
(sighs)
I took a drive along the coast,
watched the sun come up.
So have a nice day.
(sighs) Satisfied?
- No, Amy, if you could
just check this out
with the Texas
authorities for me.
No, I really do want to
talk about last night.
Look, how about you run down
this Texas thing for me,
I'll come by your office,
I'll explain everything.
(phone ringing)
- Okay, here it is.
They've dropped the
murder warrant on the boy.
They don't think he did it.
But they will be wanting him
back for material witness.
- Do they have any suspects?
- Really, Harry, the
taxpayers don't pay me
to be your private detective.
Now if you don't mind,
my caseload is a
little backed up here.
- Amy, this is important.
- Why?
Why is something that happened
all the way down in Texas
so important to you?
- Well, I promised Marv
I'd do a feature story
on these ritual murders
that seem to keep escalating
around the country.
That's all.
- Of course.
And reporters have to
cultivate their sources.
- Amy, I promise you that isn't
what last night was about.
My motives were far
more sinister than that.
- But your family has
rules about seeing people
who aren't ethnically correct.
A little reverse discrimination.
Well, I guess I'm blonde
enough to deal with it.
- I know, I believe you are.
- Okay.
The forensic guys in Texas
say at least two people
did the killings,
probably three.
- Any witnesses, any clues?
- Whoever they were,
they've evaporated.
Maybe even left the state.
- Amy, thanks for this.
I've gotta find Cody.
We're still on
for Friday, right?
- I'm not sure that's
such a good idea.
- What are you afraid of?
- That I want to,
more than I should.
That's what I'm afraid of.
- Me too.
Look, I've gotta go cover the
Alex Smart TV show Friday.
It's for this piece I'm writing.
Come with me.
I'll pick you up around four.
- Harry?
I'm getting some mixed
signals from you.
Is this a date or
just an opportunity
to see an ace reporter at work?
- A little of each.
After the show,
I'm gonna take you
to the finest Carpathian
restaurant in North America.
(sighs)
(yawns)
- It's a little early
in the day, vamp.
We usually don't get started
around here till tea time.
- Give it back to me!
- What?
This?
You gave me this,
don't you remember?
It was a token of
our friendship.
- Well, let me tell
you this, city mouse.
That belonged to my grandmother
and if you don't give it back,
I'm gonna rip your face off.
- I thought we were
blood brothers.
(grunts)
(shouts)
Whoa!
Does it mean that much
to you, this old brooch?
Well, let me tell you
something about your grandma.
She sucked.
(laughs)
- You're a foulmouthed
son of a bitch.
- Oh, yeah, I am that.
I'm also a thief and a liar
and a poor sport.
(squeals)
Because what I say
is you got the name,
you might as well
have the game, hm?
(laughs)
- What game?
- Called Devil
Take the Hindmost.
And there are only two rules.
Grab what you want
and don't get caught.
Now that shouldn't be
so difficult to manage,
even for a dumb rodeo vamp.
- Why do you keep
calling me that?
- If I don't, they will.
They won't ever let
you forget what you are
so why even bother?
You really don't know
what I'm talking about?
They haven't told you?
Well, then I guess it's
time you found out.
You're one of us, vamp.
Spawn of hell.
Creatures from the dark side.
Monsters.
Fiends!
You might as well get behind it
because it's your birthright.
Because hey, hey, hey, see?
Your grandma, your mama,
your daddy, all of 'em,
drank.
Blood.
(laughs)
- Liar!
(cheering)
(grunts)
(growling)
- Enough, enough!
What did you tell him?
- Nothing, Harlevon.
I didn't tell him anything.
- That's it, isn't it?
My parents, they were vampires.
And you, you're a vampire too.
- Don't let me ever again
hear you use that word.
It's an ugly word.
You're a Carpathian.
Your parents were.
We're all Carpathians.
- So this means what, that
I get to live forever or?
- No, you don't get
to live forever.
100, 125 maybe.
- Well, how old are you?
- A little older than I look.
- Oh, so if I like bite
somebody on the neck,
does that give me
power over them
and then they become one and...
- For god's sakes, Cody,
where did you pick
up all this crap?
Didn't your parents
teach you anything?
Sorry.
Well, maybe it's time we talked
about a couple of things.
We're stronger than people.
10, 20, it depends,
30% stronger.
And we heal faster.
- And it takes a wooden shaft
or a silver bullet
to kill us, right?
- Wouldn't stand in front
of any moving taxi cabs.
- But we are better in
the sack, am I right?
20, 30%?
I knew that.
I always knew that.
And then they do what?
- It's a beautiful
thing that happens
between a male and a
female Carpathian when...
At the propitious moment...
Look, it's like when
two animals become
highly sexually aroused
at, you know...
Come on, Cody, what is
this, the bats and the bees?
I can't do this.
- Okay, okay, I get it.
So what you're telling me
is that when two of us...
- [Harry] Make love.
- Yeah, that we sometimes...
Bite each other?
- It's an acquired taste.
But you only do that
if the woman wants to,
you know what I mean?
- Oh, sure.
Consenting adults, right, Harry?
So you do this to
like regular women or?
- [Harry] They're
mostly not into that.
- Oh.
Well, what about that girl
you were with at the party?
Does she like?
- That is none of your business.
- What about my folks?
Do you suppose they?
(laughs)
I don't even want
to picture that one.
I guess I always did know
that my parents were
a little strange.
I mean, most of my
friends thought so.
You know, they were
kind of old country.
But they were my
folks and I loved 'em.
I mean, I still do love 'em.
But how come, Harry?
I mean, how come
they never told me
that they were nothing
but a pair of damn vamp...
I'm sorry.
Where the hell are these
guys, these vampire hunters?
I mean, why don't
they show themselves?
Or why don't they
just do something?
- They will.
But they'll pick their time
and they'll pick their target.
- Yeah, and we'll
be there, right?
And then we'll get 'em.
- No, I'll be there, Cody.
It's my job to handle
this in a certain way.
- What way?
- The right way, the legal way.
If I can.
(calm music)
- Actually, he prefers
his whiskey neat
and his women naked.
But if you want my best
advice, get a tattoo.
- Damn her.
(ominous music)
(waves rushing)
- [Man] Win $1,000 if they...
- Is he one of us?
- [Woman] I don't know, maybe.
- What about her, is she?
- Cody, why do you
keep asking me this?
I don't know.
- Well, because I want
to know how you can tell.
- Sometimes you can't.
Sometimes you just know.
- Well, what about this guy?
Is he one?
- Because these three
citizens say we have vampires
living next door to us.
(audience laughs)
Next time you want to go borrow
a cup of coffee... (laughs)
- It's them!
Mr. Chelarin!
(audience laughs)
- Don't be silly, Cody.
These are just three
of our local crackpots.
- Not those three, a
man in the audience.
- I'll be right back!
- Oh my god, it's them.
(breathing heavily)
(ominous music)
Where is that place?
I've gotta get over there.
Please, Mr. Chelarin.
I can't let them get away.
- Butcherbird.
Go with him.
- Let's hit it.
- Okay, we're talking
with these folks
from the Western Regional
Branch of the SCAV.
That stands for...
- The Southern Coalition
Against Vampirism.
(audience laughs)
- Okay.
So what you people are
saying, check me out on this,
is that we have actual blood
sucking vampires living
all right in amongst us.
- Yes.
- That's right.
- So anybody could be one.
My neighbor could be one,
my dentist could be one.
Even my ex-wife could be one.
So what you're saying,
what you're telling...
Don't be afraid, I'm
not gonna bite you.
What you're telling us,
we could have, we could
have them right here
in this very room.
Killer vampires in
this very audience!
(audience laughs)
Alright, now quiet, everybody.
Okay, now ladies,
take a look at the guy
sitting next to you.
Is he starting to whistle
Fangs for the Mammaries?
(audience laughs)
- You know who they are!
- Who?
- You don't have to ask.
You've seen their eyes.
- Their eyes?
- [Woman] They're dirty.
- They have dirty eyes?
- They are disgusting!
It's disgusting when you
have to be in the same room
with one or if you have to
sit down next to one on a bus.
- [Host] I think I
know the gentleman
to whom you're referring. I
sat next to him on the bus
on the way to work this
morning, but frankly...
- Harry.
Harry, look over there.
I've seen that guy before,
the one in the blond beard?
At Fashion Island, I was
in the lingerie shop.
Celia was there.
It looked like he
was following her.
- [Host] For the
sake of argument,
let's say we meet one
of these characters...
- You know who they
are, don't you?
You knew they'd be here.
- Thought they might.
I wasn't sure.
- We bring some things that
the ordinary citizen can use
to protect himself
against attack.
Here's some garlic.
They hate this.
- [Host] Oh, well, I love
garlic, so I'm okay there.
- [Man] Then you got your cross.
- Don't stare at them.
- And a small hand mirror.
You hold this up
to their face...
(gasps)
(audience laughs)
Vampire can't see
his reflection.
See, that drives him crazy.
- Put it down yet?
- Yeah.
- Good, okay.
One last question.
If you don't have any
garlic in the house,
can you use a pepperoni?
(audience laughs)
I'm kidding,
alright, I'm kidding!
Can we all just lighten up
there for a second, alright?
We're all getting
a little tense.
Let's take a hot tub and get...
- You fools.
What are you laughing at?
Don't you know we
have come to warn you?
- I know, wait here.
- I mean it.
- [Woman] What are
you waiting for?
Till they take your
parking places, your wives?
Your jobs?
They want your jobs!
(ominous music)
- [Man] Back, foul thing.
- Please, get that thing out
of my face or I'm gonna...
On second thought, the cross
will probably do the job.
Guys, look, I'm
a reporter, okay?
I work for the Post-Gazette.
- We know who and what
you are, Mr. Martinescu.
- Then we might as well
get to the crux of it.
You killed some folks.
You're gonna have
to pay for that.
- They were brutes.
They were demons.
- Weren't bothering anybody.
They had as much
right to live as you.
Now, you can either answer
up in a Texas courtroom...
- Or?
- If any of my people
saw you on television,
they're already
on their way here.
- I guess it does
pay to advertise.
- Now listen to me, you
half-witted stump jumper,
I want to see an end
to this bloodletting
that's been going on between
our people for 100 generations.
- Harry, what's going on?
- Amy, get out of here.
- That's the one that's
fornicating with this one.
- We have not fornicated.
Why is this suddenly
everybody's business?
Whoa.
- Kill it.
Kill 'em both.
(yelps)
(shouts)
(screams)
(tires squealing)
(sighs)
(tires squealing)
- Where are they?
- Gone.
They got away.
- You warned 'em,
didn't you, Harry?
You told 'em we
were coming, right?
- I had to give them a
chance to turn themselves in.
- No, you had to rip their
lungs out is what you had to do.
Let's get out of here.
(tires squealing)
(upbeat music)
- You're beginning to
sound like one of us, vamp.
Maybe it's time you had
a horse of your own.
(cheering)
- Are you okay?
Well, gee, Harry,
it looks like you're
forever trying to save me.
One of these days, you're
gonna have to decide
whether to throw
me back or keep me.
Okay, I know you told
me to stay there.
- That's right, I told
you to stay there.
- So I didn't stay, so what?
- You just about got yourself
skewered in there, me too.
- Yeah.
I sort of thought I
talked to you about that.
Harry, that guy with a crucifix
really thinks you're a vampire.
- Yeah, he really does.
What do you think?
- Well, of course
I don't think that.
There's no such
thing as vampires.
- Good, then we can drop it.
- Who are you, Harry?
Who the hell are you?
What are you involved in?
What is it your family does?
What, are they horse thieves,
are they a crime syndicate?
What?
What's behind all of those
dark Carpathian eyes?
And what are all
these damn secrets?
- That's exactly what
they are, damned secrets.
Now please can you back off?
- Yeah, I can back off.
I can back way off.
I'll see you in court, Harry.
Sometime.
(slow music)
(upbeat music)
- Oh, I don't think so, Butch.
- Don't you feel it?
It wants to belong to you.
You need this horse, Cody.
Your life depends on it.
It's gonna take you
so fast and so far
that none of them,
no cops of them,
no hunters of them, will
ever be able to touch you.
(engine starts)
(cheering)
- [Man] Yeah, Cody!
- Alright, Cody.
Out of the chute!
- Whoa!
(shouting)
(smashes)
- It's what we've got
coming to us, Cody.
And it's what they're
out there for.
Working, spinning,
grazing, fattening.
And their only purpose in
this life is to be there
for us to feed off.
(laughs)
You see?
(slow music)
- Celia?
Celia, are you there?
(ominous music)
Oh no.
Celia, turn back.
(screaming)
Celia!
Celia!
Celia!
(smashes)
Harry.
Harry.
Get her back, please.
I'll do anything.
I'll give you anything!
Look, I'm sorry I called you
a damned assimilationist.
- Look, I've got this tape.
It may give us some idea
of what they're up to.
- You know, it's
your fault, Harry.
It's all your damned
fault she was taken.
You're the one who
tells her it's alright
to go off on her own.
You think I don't know
who she goes out to see?
Think I don't recognize
your mark on her throat?
- Eli, Harry has something
he wants to show us.
- If anything
happens to my sister,
I'm coming after you, Harlevon.
- Nothing is gonna
happen to Celia.
She's not who they
want, she's bait.
Now come here and watch this.
I care about her
as much as you do.
(audience laughs)
- Let me go.
(gasps)
We know who you are,
we know where you are.
Don't make us come to you.
We will meet with you.
The hour of the jackal
at the false Elysium.
We will have something
that you want.
At the false Elysium.
Hour of the jackal
at the false Elysium!
- That's it alright.
They've thrown
down the gauntlet.
- What's going on?
- The hunters have
put out a challenge.
They know that we'll
come after Celia.
It's kind of a traditional
thing, you know?
Back in the old country,
they say it used to get ugly.
- Tonight, the
hour of the jackal.
- 3:00 a.m.
- Question is where.
- Why don't they just say where?
- Elysium.
- Just always been done
like that with ciphers
and cryptograms.
- Paradise.
Nirvana, utopia.
Zion.
Xanadu.
False Elysium.
- Let's make ourselves ready.
- Come on.
- Cody.
Come with me.
I want to show you someplace.
You don't feel the
pull of this place?
- [Cody] A little spooky maybe.
- Your mom and dad
were married here,
under the stars.
- Is that so?
- I stood right about there.
I was 11 years old.
And they weren't much more
than kids themselves, really.
They were giggling, kneeling
in front of the priest,
exchanging glances while
the old man prayed.
- You want to spare me
the trip down memory lane?
Butch is waiting for me.
- Okay.
Then we'll cut right to it.
Your folks left this place
because they wanted a different
kind of life for you, Cody.
One where everything
didn't have to be settled
in the old ways.
- And what did they find, Harry?
Humanity?
And what was it that drove
wooden spikes into their hearts,
human kindness?
And am I supposed to
forgive these people?
- No.
- Then why shouldn't
I kill them back?
- I'm not sure, Cody.
I'm not there myself yet.
- Then could we get out of here?
I've got some things
to take care of
before the hour of the jackal.
(sighs)
- Yeah, so do I.
(slow music)
(doorbell rings)
I don't care what anybody says.
I just had to see you one
more time, just in case.
(kissing)
- Where you been, vamp?
- Been out riding around.
Thinking about stuff.
- Well, get off that.
We're taking the
attack bikes tonight.
(growling)
(kissing)
(pops)
(pops)
(laughs)
(hisses)
(screams)
(growls)
(smacks)
(moaning)
(growls)
(slow music)
(dramatic music)
- Yeah.
(fire crackling)
(screams)
- Celia!
- [Vasile] Alright, alright.
- It's an ambush, Eli.
Don't fly into it.
- Celia!
- Let's go.
(shouting)
- Destroy them!
(grunts)
- [Man] Kill the bloodsuckers!
(screams)
- Celia!
- [Man] Send 'em back to hell!
(grunts)
(shouting)
- Yeah, come on, let's go!
(clangs)
- Celia!
Celia!
(grunts)
Celia.
- Harlevon, here!
- Here.
- Harry!
(engines revving)
(crashes)
(slow music)
(grunts)
- No, son.
They have to answer
to all of us.
Earth.
Carpathian earth?
Harlevon, you have something
to say before we rule?
- These people are not
for us to deal with.
They belong to the Texas courts.
- Give me a damn break, Harry.
Texas courts will
turn them loose
before you can say
kiss my habeas corpus.
They'll be back, by the busload,
singing hymns,
sharpening fence pickets.
Right?
- Count on it.
- They want us to do
this, can't you see it?
They don't care what
price they have to pay.
It makes us what
they say we are.
And that justifies
the slaughter.
- Slaughter justifies slaughter.
They invented it!
They invested in it.
Now these notes are coming due.
They owe this boy.
They owe his parents!
- And we owe him reason.
- It's time.
Harry?
- You know how I feel.
(dramatic music)
(growling)
(screaming)
Cody.
This is not what your
parents wanted for you.
This is why they left.
(slow music)
(shouting)
(gentle music)
(alarm beeping)
(buttons clicking)
(sighs)
That's me.
Right, Marv, I'm on it.
(kissing)
Those guys, the vampire hunters?
They found them.
Dead, washed up on a beach.
I gotta cover it.
(kissing)
- It's a good thing someone
knew where you were last night.
- Good thing.
(moans)
(dramatic music)
(gasps)
(splashing)
(knocking)
- [Cody] Mom, Dad.
- There's the whelp.
- [Cody] You okay?
(flames crackling)
(gasps)
(grunts)
(bangs)
(screams)
(crashes)
- Let it go!
It might fly back to the nest.
Might lead us to the others.
(dramatic music)
- Alright!
You with us?
You awake?
Let's go.
And reach, and reach,
and reach, and reach,
and over, down.
And if you're thinking
of lighting up,
you just put that
right out of your head.
You get right up here in
front of like your TV stand
and you join us right
now and one, and two,
and roll the spine.
And one, and two,
roll in, and relax.
Roll it, let the
head go, and jaw.
One, two, three, four, get
ready for the twist and pop.
Twist, twist, and pop it.
One, two, three, and pop.
One, two, pull and kick.
Two, four.
Small.
Bigger.
Now eight big kicks and
one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
And circle.
Cool it down and circle.
Cool it down reverse.
Down, cool it down.
Take a deep breath and
hold it and let it go.
Now doesn't that
make you feel alive?
(calm music)
- [Cody] Thanks.
- [Woman] Good morning,
Long Beach Post-Gazette.
May I help you?
- Here it comes.
I figured you'd be
interested in this.
Stakes through the heart,
mouths filled with dirt.
- Harry, the Butch Vlad
jury's about to come back in.
Now would you like
to get over there
or would you like
them to drop by
and tell you what
they've decided?
What's that?
- In Texas last night, 17
year old boy stabs his parents
to death and burns
the house down.
- Well, it doesn't
say the kid did it.
What makes you think
the kid did it?
- Because he took off.
They went through the house,
couldn't find any part of him.
- They'll catch him.
He'll turn up at the
Social Security office
looking for orphan's benefits.
- Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
in the matter of the
county of Los Angeles
versus Butcherbird Vlad,
have you reached a
verdict in this case?
- No, your honor.
We the jury find...
(door bangs)
(crowd murmuring)
- Eli.
- [Man] It's Eli Chelarin.
(laughs)
- Your honor,
we the jury find ourselves
hopelessly deadlocked.
(cheering)
- [Judge] Order.
I want order in this courtroom.
(gavel banging)
- Your honor, the prosecution
requests an immediate date
for a new trial.
(shouting)
- Lorne!
Wait up.
It wasn't your fault.
- No?
Whose fault was it?
But I didn't get their
attention, I didn't reach them.
- You reached them.
So did somebody else.
Look, I've covered
a lot of these
and you can never predict
what a jury's gonna do.
- Mr. Martin, is there
something I should know about?
- Absolutely.
I don't want anyone calling
me Mr. but my mother.
(cheering)
- Hey!
- Well, Harry,
since the last thing I'd
like to be is your mother,
how about you let me let
you take me out to lunch?
- I would really love to but...
- But?
- But...
- A, you're married.
B, you're living with someone.
C, you're gay.
Or D, you're
otherwise encumbered?
- D, I am otherwise encumbered.
Look, I gotta go, I gotta
catch up with a guy.
I'll see you in court.
- Sure.
- Look, I've gotta go to
this party on Sunday night.
It's kind of a family thing.
Would you like to go with me?
- What happened to D,
otherwise encumbered?
- I'll call you at your office.
Eli!
- [Eli] Harry, Harry,
what else could I do?
He's family.
How could I face Aunt Rodika
if I let him go to prison?
- He broke an old lady's arm.
He stole her purse.
He urinated on a police officer.
He belongs in jail.
And you can't go around
buying juries to keep him out.
- I can't?
Harry, what's the
matter with you?
I just did.
And you can't prove it either.
And you wouldn't if
you could, would you?
Because we're family too.
(phone ringing)
Can't?
I don't wanna hear a can't.
Get those people out of there!
I want those leases on my
desk before the end of the day
and I want the
whole site leveled
before the end of the week.
That is what it is like now.
Shacks, hovels.
This is what it's going to be.
600 room international
hotel, shopping mall,
a whole new city center.
The Long Beach Champs Elysees.
- There are people living
in those hovels, Eli.
What about them?
- They'll find new
hovels, they always do.
Understand, Harry, I am
rebuilding this entire peninsula
from scratch.
I'm flying in
timber from Oregon,
black sand from Fiji.
- Judges, Eli?
Did you buy the judge too?
- I'm a free market economist,
everybody knows that.
But even I can only
buy what's for sale.
- And you think
that's everything.
- Oh, I know it is.
I went to see your
bosses, Harry.
I complained about you.
- I know, I heard.
- Know what they did,
these people you write
so diligently for,
who pay you less money
than I pay my wine steward?
They offered to sell
me the newspaper.
They offered to
sell me you, Harry.
What would you do
if you suddenly found
yourself working for me?
- The honorable thing.
Quit.
Get a job playing a
piano in a whorehouse.
- That's what I figured.
Otherwise I'd have
bought the scurvy rag.
- You make things for sale, Eli.
You invent corruption.
- Don't you ever
sell it short, Harry.
Corruption is the
last untapped resource
of pure energy on the planet.
It feeds the market.
It drives the economy.
Corruption empowers, Harry.
And absolute corruption
empowers absolutely.
Save your country,
screw somebody over.
Live better than everyone
around you, Harry.
That is the patriotic way.
(growling)
(smashes)
(laughs)
- No, Eli, it's guys like you
that are sucking the
life out of this country.
But you and I have
something more important
to talk about, Eli,
because it looks
like it's starting up again.
- What?
What's starting?
(ominous music)
- Hickory stakes, damp earth.
It's starting again.
(calm music)
- What's the matter,
country mouse?
You lost?
Not anymore.
We've been expecting you.
Welcome to Long Beach.
- What are you talking about?
What do you mean you've
been expecting me?
- They usually show up here,
the strays, the flyaways.
You've been shot then.
Oh, they put one in ya.
- It's okay.
I heal fast.
- I know, we do, we do.
- Look...
The guy that owns this
place, Mr. Chelarin,
I'm supposed to look him up.
It's important.
Y'all wouldn't happen to
know where I can find him,
would you?
- Well, I guess this is your
lucky day, country mouse,
because it just so
happens that we do.
(engines rumbling)
- Hey, where we going?
- Someplace you're gonna like.
At least you won't be
sleeping in a barn tonight.
(laughs)
- Yeah, well, who's this
Chelarin guy anyhow?
- He's my uncle.
Maybe your uncle too.
(cheering)
Hold on.
(upbeat music)
(laughs)
- Slivovitz?
(sighs)
- Harry, this is wonderful.
I mean, I didn't realize you
were part of all of this.
- You mean funny I
don't look Carpathian?
- Yeah, that's what I mean.
I mean, Harry Martin, what
kind of a name is that?
- Harlevon Martinescu.
Shortened for bylines and
book jackets, someday.
(laughs)
- I have to confess, geography
was never my strong area.
I'm not even sure
where Carpathia is.
And isn't it somewhere
near Transylvania?
- In the neighborhood.
- I like the neighborhood.
- [Harry] Oh.
(gasps)
- Whoa, Councilor, excuse me.
- Evening, Judge.
Harry, that was Judge Morgan.
What's he doing here?
- Well, Eli Chelarin is
a friend to politicians
of every stripe
and predilection.
- I guess.
I've already seen three
judges, a congressman,
two city councilmen.
- And a DA in a pear tree.
- Not me.
I'm not on that list,
I'm here with you.
- Well, how would you like
to get out of here with me?
Go someplace quiet,
get a cup of coffee?
- Well, wouldn't
that be kind of rude?
I mean, I haven't
even met our host yet.
- Well, I can fix that.
There he is.
That's Eli Chelarin.
(crowd gasps)
- Is that his wife?
Oh, she's beautiful.
- That's his sister.
His half sister.
(crowd gasps)
(shouting)
(slow music)
(kisses)
- What's going on?
Who's that kid?
- Wait here for
me, I'll be back.
- Happy birthday, Uncle Eli.
- [Cody] To Mr. Chelarin.
- What did your
folks tell you, son,
about your background,
about your people?
- Nothing much.
I didn't think there
was much to tell.
They came from Europe someplace
and, well, they
didn't even know much
about ranching or cattle.
- Your parents were old
friends of ours, Cody.
From before they
decided to move out.
You did right to come back here.
- What about the guys
who killed 'em, huh?
I want to go back
there, Mr. Chelarin.
I want to get those guys.
- You won't have
to go after them.
They're going to show up here.
(upbeat music)
- Don't worry, he'll be
back in a little while.
- Thank you.
- Just a little
emergency meeting
of the Carpathian Health
and Welfare Society.
Harry's on the board.
(cheering)
Have you known him long?
- Just a couple of weeks.
We're just friends.
- Wow, lucky for you.
Harry--
- Celia.
- Harry can be a very...
Delightful friend.
- They say she had a husband
once but she ate him.
Dance with me.
Maybe it'll change your luck.
- My luck is fine.
- Didn't look like
that in court.
I guess I put a dent
in your career, huh?
- All you did, Butch, was put
a bigger price on your head.
Now every cop in Long Beach
has your picture pasted
to his shotgun.
- My goodness, Miss Lorne.
I didn't realize you
were so bloodthirsty.
Have you ever made love
on a moving motorcycle?
It can be done.
- Do you have any idea
where I can find Harry?
- You know, I think
that the last thing
Harlevon needs right now is you.
(cheering)
- They should have told him.
It was their
obligation to tell him.
Now, somebody has to do it.
- It will be a shock for him.
Harlevon, you do
it, you tell him.
When he's ready.
- He says he doesn't
think they followed him.
- That boy didn't escape.
The hunters let him get away.
They'll show up here soon.
Count on it.
- And we'll be ready for them.
- No, we won't.
- What do you think we
ought to do about it, Harry?
Call a cop?
(laughs)
- Yeah.
Call a cop.
We live in this country.
We have lived in this country
for three, four generations.
We're Americans,
Carpathian Americans.
We work here, we vote
here, we pay taxes.
We're entitled to the
protection of the law.
I think it's time we came
out of the damn coffin.
- Alright, Harry, claim
your civil rights.
You go on out there and explain
to good affordable
American Judge Morgan
how your parents,
grandparents lived in a cave.
How they dropped from trees
onto the backs of travelers
and gorged on their blood.
Explain to your little
(mumbles) from the DA's office
how after the slaughter they
just lay there on the road
like ticks too bloated to move,
licking the last
sweet corpuscles
from the tips of their fingers.
- Fine, Eli.
Meanwhile, her ancestors were
clubbing their brains out
on the peat bogs of Ireland.
We're all trying
to get civilized.
It's just some of us
have a little trouble
getting the hang of it.
- I, for instance, don't
get the hang of it?
- We cannot go on doing
everything in the old ways.
- You mean if you can't like
them, join them, right, Harry?
That's all you've really
ever wanted, isn't it?
To be one of them.
- I am as good a Carpathian
as any man in this room.
- You are a damned
assimilationist
and I may not be civilized,
but I'm also not the
one who's slipping it
to the Pillsbury dough girl.
First you sleep with them.
Next you're breeding with them.
Then you've got to strangle
some half breed little bastard
in its cradle because
it will grow up
and drive a stake
through your heart!
- That is racist crap,
Eli, and you know it!
- Is it?
What are you going to
do about it, Harry?
Bite me?
Go for my throat?
You've lost the taste for
such things, haven't you?
(growling)
- Enough!
Eli, Harlevon.
That's enough. Is that what
you two are going to be doing
when these hunters show up?
Biting and snapping
at each other?
They're lighting up
their fiery torches
and unleashing their hounds!
When the pogrom begins,
we're all in this together.
We are to watch, stay alert,
see where they show themselves
or they'll slay us every one.
Harry.
- I'm sorry, Vasile.
I let get Eli get
a hook into me.
You have the right
to expect better.
- Yes, I do.
These hunters, they
have to be found,
they have to be stopped
before they hurt anybody.
- I'm working on it.
- Good.
I know I can depend on you.
About the woman,
Harry, is it true?
- Whether it is or
whether it isn't,
it's nobody's business but mine.
- And hers.
(upbeat music)
(kettle whistling)
- [Amy] Is decaffeinated okay?
It's all I've got.
- Perfect.
- You people made it seem like
the return of the prodigal.
- We have a taste
for the melodramatic,
comes from too much inbreeding.
(laughs)
- I had fun tonight, Harry.
Your family's sweet.
Well, most of 'em.
What sort of a medallion
was that boy wearing?
- Oh...
A cameo of Lilith
cut in blood amber.
It's a good luck charm.
- Oh, I know Lilith.
Sort of a goddess or a demon
from rabbinical mythology.
- She was Adam's first wife.
- You're kidding me, right?
- It's in the
Apocrypha, look it up.
Before Eve, Adam was
married to Lilith.
- And?
- Well, she got pushy.
When they made love,
(laughs) she wanted to be...
- On top?
- Yeah.
(laughs)
And Adam said no and she said
"Okay, then I have a headache"
and so Adam went whining to God
and God, who at this point
didn't have a whole lot
of experience with complaints,
said okay, he would
have one more shot
at making a better
tempered woman.
The rest you know.
He put Eve together
out of spare parts.
- Well, I would never do that.
- Do what?
- Insist.
A lady waits to be asked.
- And...
You're a lady.
- Mostly.
(kissing)
(sighs)
Why have I been waiting
to do that all evening?
- Oh, there's
something about me,
sense of mystery,
hint of danger.
- Right, you know?
There is.
So what happened to Lilith?
- Oh, she took off, hooked
up with a guy named Asmodeus.
And started up her own group.
- I remember.
This is where all of the
hobgoblins come from, right?
All of the fiends and
hellhounds and succubuses.
You don't believe
in all that, do you?
Female creatures who
visit men in the night
and seduce them in their
beds and suck their blood.
(kissing)
- Amy?
There's something you
need to know about me,
about my family,
before you even thought about
getting involved with a...
(kisses) Guy like me.
- Harry, Harry.
Can we talk about
this in the morning?
- If I don't stay,
I'm gonna be sorry, aren't I?
(kissing)
I'll call you.
(flames crackling)
(gasps)
(howling)
- Come on, country mouse.
We're gonna help you get
your mind off your troubles.
(cheering)
- How you doing, cousin?
- See, I told you we're
a very loving family.
(laughs)
Come on!
Okay, let's go!
Come on, we need to go.
(phone ringing)
- [Harry] You were right,
I'm sorry I didn't stay.
- Oh, me too.
I was just lying here, thinking,
well, maybe I frightened you off
because I know
European men, well,
they don't expect a woman
to come on like that.
They expect them to
be demure and ladylike
and wait to be asked.
- Okay, I'm asking.
- [Amy] Harry, what's
going on with you?
I don't understand.
I really enjoyed the party,
your family was so neat but...
(slow music)
I met this guy and
he was really nice.
He talked me into
buying this condo.
And (mumbles) but it's
fine, I really like it...
- Amy.
What about we have dinner
sometime this week?
How about Friday night?
- Let's see, Friday night.
Yeah, yeah, I think I
can make it Friday night.
I've got a court date
but it won't run long.
It's an armed robbery case
and the guy has two priors
and I think they'll
bargain a deal.
What did you have in mind?
Harry?
Are you there?
How do you feel about Greek?
You know the...
- She's not for you, Harry.
She's a Twinkie.
All blonde and sticky
and full of white goo.
But you know what I'm full of.
You do, don't you?
- Amy, look, I've got
something boiling over here.
I'll call you in the morning.
(kissing)
(cheering)
- Oh yeah!
(moaning)
(laughs)
(moaning)
(howling)
(banging)
(laughs)
(kissing)
(slow music)
- Alright, you with
this, you awake?
Let's go.
And reach, and reach, and
reach, and reach, and--
(smashes)
- Celia.
- Yes, Harry?
- Use the door.
(slow music)
(waves rushing)
- Celia.
Where have you been?
- Oh, couldn't sleep.
(sighs)
I took a drive along the coast,
watched the sun come up.
So have a nice day.
(sighs) Satisfied?
- No, Amy, if you could
just check this out
with the Texas
authorities for me.
No, I really do want to
talk about last night.
Look, how about you run down
this Texas thing for me,
I'll come by your office,
I'll explain everything.
(phone ringing)
- Okay, here it is.
They've dropped the
murder warrant on the boy.
They don't think he did it.
But they will be wanting him
back for material witness.
- Do they have any suspects?
- Really, Harry, the
taxpayers don't pay me
to be your private detective.
Now if you don't mind,
my caseload is a
little backed up here.
- Amy, this is important.
- Why?
Why is something that happened
all the way down in Texas
so important to you?
- Well, I promised Marv
I'd do a feature story
on these ritual murders
that seem to keep escalating
around the country.
That's all.
- Of course.
And reporters have to
cultivate their sources.
- Amy, I promise you that isn't
what last night was about.
My motives were far
more sinister than that.
- But your family has
rules about seeing people
who aren't ethnically correct.
A little reverse discrimination.
Well, I guess I'm blonde
enough to deal with it.
- I know, I believe you are.
- Okay.
The forensic guys in Texas
say at least two people
did the killings,
probably three.
- Any witnesses, any clues?
- Whoever they were,
they've evaporated.
Maybe even left the state.
- Amy, thanks for this.
I've gotta find Cody.
We're still on
for Friday, right?
- I'm not sure that's
such a good idea.
- What are you afraid of?
- That I want to,
more than I should.
That's what I'm afraid of.
- Me too.
Look, I've gotta go cover the
Alex Smart TV show Friday.
It's for this piece I'm writing.
Come with me.
I'll pick you up around four.
- Harry?
I'm getting some mixed
signals from you.
Is this a date or
just an opportunity
to see an ace reporter at work?
- A little of each.
After the show,
I'm gonna take you
to the finest Carpathian
restaurant in North America.
(sighs)
(yawns)
- It's a little early
in the day, vamp.
We usually don't get started
around here till tea time.
- Give it back to me!
- What?
This?
You gave me this,
don't you remember?
It was a token of
our friendship.
- Well, let me tell
you this, city mouse.
That belonged to my grandmother
and if you don't give it back,
I'm gonna rip your face off.
- I thought we were
blood brothers.
(grunts)
(shouts)
Whoa!
Does it mean that much
to you, this old brooch?
Well, let me tell you
something about your grandma.
She sucked.
(laughs)
- You're a foulmouthed
son of a bitch.
- Oh, yeah, I am that.
I'm also a thief and a liar
and a poor sport.
(squeals)
Because what I say
is you got the name,
you might as well
have the game, hm?
(laughs)
- What game?
- Called Devil
Take the Hindmost.
And there are only two rules.
Grab what you want
and don't get caught.
Now that shouldn't be
so difficult to manage,
even for a dumb rodeo vamp.
- Why do you keep
calling me that?
- If I don't, they will.
They won't ever let
you forget what you are
so why even bother?
You really don't know
what I'm talking about?
They haven't told you?
Well, then I guess it's
time you found out.
You're one of us, vamp.
Spawn of hell.
Creatures from the dark side.
Monsters.
Fiends!
You might as well get behind it
because it's your birthright.
Because hey, hey, hey, see?
Your grandma, your mama,
your daddy, all of 'em,
drank.
Blood.
(laughs)
- Liar!
(cheering)
(grunts)
(growling)
- Enough, enough!
What did you tell him?
- Nothing, Harlevon.
I didn't tell him anything.
- That's it, isn't it?
My parents, they were vampires.
And you, you're a vampire too.
- Don't let me ever again
hear you use that word.
It's an ugly word.
You're a Carpathian.
Your parents were.
We're all Carpathians.
- So this means what, that
I get to live forever or?
- No, you don't get
to live forever.
100, 125 maybe.
- Well, how old are you?
- A little older than I look.
- Oh, so if I like bite
somebody on the neck,
does that give me
power over them
and then they become one and...
- For god's sakes, Cody,
where did you pick
up all this crap?
Didn't your parents
teach you anything?
Sorry.
Well, maybe it's time we talked
about a couple of things.
We're stronger than people.
10, 20, it depends,
30% stronger.
And we heal faster.
- And it takes a wooden shaft
or a silver bullet
to kill us, right?
- Wouldn't stand in front
of any moving taxi cabs.
- But we are better in
the sack, am I right?
20, 30%?
I knew that.
I always knew that.
And then they do what?
- It's a beautiful
thing that happens
between a male and a
female Carpathian when...
At the propitious moment...
Look, it's like when
two animals become
highly sexually aroused
at, you know...
Come on, Cody, what is
this, the bats and the bees?
I can't do this.
- Okay, okay, I get it.
So what you're telling me
is that when two of us...
- [Harry] Make love.
- Yeah, that we sometimes...
Bite each other?
- It's an acquired taste.
But you only do that
if the woman wants to,
you know what I mean?
- Oh, sure.
Consenting adults, right, Harry?
So you do this to
like regular women or?
- [Harry] They're
mostly not into that.
- Oh.
Well, what about that girl
you were with at the party?
Does she like?
- That is none of your business.
- What about my folks?
Do you suppose they?
(laughs)
I don't even want
to picture that one.
I guess I always did know
that my parents were
a little strange.
I mean, most of my
friends thought so.
You know, they were
kind of old country.
But they were my
folks and I loved 'em.
I mean, I still do love 'em.
But how come, Harry?
I mean, how come
they never told me
that they were nothing
but a pair of damn vamp...
I'm sorry.
Where the hell are these
guys, these vampire hunters?
I mean, why don't
they show themselves?
Or why don't they
just do something?
- They will.
But they'll pick their time
and they'll pick their target.
- Yeah, and we'll
be there, right?
And then we'll get 'em.
- No, I'll be there, Cody.
It's my job to handle
this in a certain way.
- What way?
- The right way, the legal way.
If I can.
(calm music)
- Actually, he prefers
his whiskey neat
and his women naked.
But if you want my best
advice, get a tattoo.
- Damn her.
(ominous music)
(waves rushing)
- [Man] Win $1,000 if they...
- Is he one of us?
- [Woman] I don't know, maybe.
- What about her, is she?
- Cody, why do you
keep asking me this?
I don't know.
- Well, because I want
to know how you can tell.
- Sometimes you can't.
Sometimes you just know.
- Well, what about this guy?
Is he one?
- Because these three
citizens say we have vampires
living next door to us.
(audience laughs)
Next time you want to go borrow
a cup of coffee... (laughs)
- It's them!
Mr. Chelarin!
(audience laughs)
- Don't be silly, Cody.
These are just three
of our local crackpots.
- Not those three, a
man in the audience.
- I'll be right back!
- Oh my god, it's them.
(breathing heavily)
(ominous music)
Where is that place?
I've gotta get over there.
Please, Mr. Chelarin.
I can't let them get away.
- Butcherbird.
Go with him.
- Let's hit it.
- Okay, we're talking
with these folks
from the Western Regional
Branch of the SCAV.
That stands for...
- The Southern Coalition
Against Vampirism.
(audience laughs)
- Okay.
So what you people are
saying, check me out on this,
is that we have actual blood
sucking vampires living
all right in amongst us.
- Yes.
- That's right.
- So anybody could be one.
My neighbor could be one,
my dentist could be one.
Even my ex-wife could be one.
So what you're saying,
what you're telling...
Don't be afraid, I'm
not gonna bite you.
What you're telling us,
we could have, we could
have them right here
in this very room.
Killer vampires in
this very audience!
(audience laughs)
Alright, now quiet, everybody.
Okay, now ladies,
take a look at the guy
sitting next to you.
Is he starting to whistle
Fangs for the Mammaries?
(audience laughs)
- You know who they are!
- Who?
- You don't have to ask.
You've seen their eyes.
- Their eyes?
- [Woman] They're dirty.
- They have dirty eyes?
- They are disgusting!
It's disgusting when you
have to be in the same room
with one or if you have to
sit down next to one on a bus.
- [Host] I think I
know the gentleman
to whom you're referring. I
sat next to him on the bus
on the way to work this
morning, but frankly...
- Harry.
Harry, look over there.
I've seen that guy before,
the one in the blond beard?
At Fashion Island, I was
in the lingerie shop.
Celia was there.
It looked like he
was following her.
- [Host] For the
sake of argument,
let's say we meet one
of these characters...
- You know who they
are, don't you?
You knew they'd be here.
- Thought they might.
I wasn't sure.
- We bring some things that
the ordinary citizen can use
to protect himself
against attack.
Here's some garlic.
They hate this.
- [Host] Oh, well, I love
garlic, so I'm okay there.
- [Man] Then you got your cross.
- Don't stare at them.
- And a small hand mirror.
You hold this up
to their face...
(gasps)
(audience laughs)
Vampire can't see
his reflection.
See, that drives him crazy.
- Put it down yet?
- Yeah.
- Good, okay.
One last question.
If you don't have any
garlic in the house,
can you use a pepperoni?
(audience laughs)
I'm kidding,
alright, I'm kidding!
Can we all just lighten up
there for a second, alright?
We're all getting
a little tense.
Let's take a hot tub and get...
- You fools.
What are you laughing at?
Don't you know we
have come to warn you?
- I know, wait here.
- I mean it.
- [Woman] What are
you waiting for?
Till they take your
parking places, your wives?
Your jobs?
They want your jobs!
(ominous music)
- [Man] Back, foul thing.
- Please, get that thing out
of my face or I'm gonna...
On second thought, the cross
will probably do the job.
Guys, look, I'm
a reporter, okay?
I work for the Post-Gazette.
- We know who and what
you are, Mr. Martinescu.
- Then we might as well
get to the crux of it.
You killed some folks.
You're gonna have
to pay for that.
- They were brutes.
They were demons.
- Weren't bothering anybody.
They had as much
right to live as you.
Now, you can either answer
up in a Texas courtroom...
- Or?
- If any of my people
saw you on television,
they're already
on their way here.
- I guess it does
pay to advertise.
- Now listen to me, you
half-witted stump jumper,
I want to see an end
to this bloodletting
that's been going on between
our people for 100 generations.
- Harry, what's going on?
- Amy, get out of here.
- That's the one that's
fornicating with this one.
- We have not fornicated.
Why is this suddenly
everybody's business?
Whoa.
- Kill it.
Kill 'em both.
(yelps)
(shouts)
(screams)
(tires squealing)
(sighs)
(tires squealing)
- Where are they?
- Gone.
They got away.
- You warned 'em,
didn't you, Harry?
You told 'em we
were coming, right?
- I had to give them a
chance to turn themselves in.
- No, you had to rip their
lungs out is what you had to do.
Let's get out of here.
(tires squealing)
(upbeat music)
- You're beginning to
sound like one of us, vamp.
Maybe it's time you had
a horse of your own.
(cheering)
- Are you okay?
Well, gee, Harry,
it looks like you're
forever trying to save me.
One of these days, you're
gonna have to decide
whether to throw
me back or keep me.
Okay, I know you told
me to stay there.
- That's right, I told
you to stay there.
- So I didn't stay, so what?
- You just about got yourself
skewered in there, me too.
- Yeah.
I sort of thought I
talked to you about that.
Harry, that guy with a crucifix
really thinks you're a vampire.
- Yeah, he really does.
What do you think?
- Well, of course
I don't think that.
There's no such
thing as vampires.
- Good, then we can drop it.
- Who are you, Harry?
Who the hell are you?
What are you involved in?
What is it your family does?
What, are they horse thieves,
are they a crime syndicate?
What?
What's behind all of those
dark Carpathian eyes?
And what are all
these damn secrets?
- That's exactly what
they are, damned secrets.
Now please can you back off?
- Yeah, I can back off.
I can back way off.
I'll see you in court, Harry.
Sometime.
(slow music)
(upbeat music)
- Oh, I don't think so, Butch.
- Don't you feel it?
It wants to belong to you.
You need this horse, Cody.
Your life depends on it.
It's gonna take you
so fast and so far
that none of them,
no cops of them,
no hunters of them, will
ever be able to touch you.
(engine starts)
(cheering)
- [Man] Yeah, Cody!
- Alright, Cody.
Out of the chute!
- Whoa!
(shouting)
(smashes)
- It's what we've got
coming to us, Cody.
And it's what they're
out there for.
Working, spinning,
grazing, fattening.
And their only purpose in
this life is to be there
for us to feed off.
(laughs)
You see?
(slow music)
- Celia?
Celia, are you there?
(ominous music)
Oh no.
Celia, turn back.
(screaming)
Celia!
Celia!
Celia!
(smashes)
Harry.
Harry.
Get her back, please.
I'll do anything.
I'll give you anything!
Look, I'm sorry I called you
a damned assimilationist.
- Look, I've got this tape.
It may give us some idea
of what they're up to.
- You know, it's
your fault, Harry.
It's all your damned
fault she was taken.
You're the one who
tells her it's alright
to go off on her own.
You think I don't know
who she goes out to see?
Think I don't recognize
your mark on her throat?
- Eli, Harry has something
he wants to show us.
- If anything
happens to my sister,
I'm coming after you, Harlevon.
- Nothing is gonna
happen to Celia.
She's not who they
want, she's bait.
Now come here and watch this.
I care about her
as much as you do.
(audience laughs)
- Let me go.
(gasps)
We know who you are,
we know where you are.
Don't make us come to you.
We will meet with you.
The hour of the jackal
at the false Elysium.
We will have something
that you want.
At the false Elysium.
Hour of the jackal
at the false Elysium!
- That's it alright.
They've thrown
down the gauntlet.
- What's going on?
- The hunters have
put out a challenge.
They know that we'll
come after Celia.
It's kind of a traditional
thing, you know?
Back in the old country,
they say it used to get ugly.
- Tonight, the
hour of the jackal.
- 3:00 a.m.
- Question is where.
- Why don't they just say where?
- Elysium.
- Just always been done
like that with ciphers
and cryptograms.
- Paradise.
Nirvana, utopia.
Zion.
Xanadu.
False Elysium.
- Let's make ourselves ready.
- Come on.
- Cody.
Come with me.
I want to show you someplace.
You don't feel the
pull of this place?
- [Cody] A little spooky maybe.
- Your mom and dad
were married here,
under the stars.
- Is that so?
- I stood right about there.
I was 11 years old.
And they weren't much more
than kids themselves, really.
They were giggling, kneeling
in front of the priest,
exchanging glances while
the old man prayed.
- You want to spare me
the trip down memory lane?
Butch is waiting for me.
- Okay.
Then we'll cut right to it.
Your folks left this place
because they wanted a different
kind of life for you, Cody.
One where everything
didn't have to be settled
in the old ways.
- And what did they find, Harry?
Humanity?
And what was it that drove
wooden spikes into their hearts,
human kindness?
And am I supposed to
forgive these people?
- No.
- Then why shouldn't
I kill them back?
- I'm not sure, Cody.
I'm not there myself yet.
- Then could we get out of here?
I've got some things
to take care of
before the hour of the jackal.
(sighs)
- Yeah, so do I.
(slow music)
(doorbell rings)
I don't care what anybody says.
I just had to see you one
more time, just in case.
(kissing)
- Where you been, vamp?
- Been out riding around.
Thinking about stuff.
- Well, get off that.
We're taking the
attack bikes tonight.
(growling)
(kissing)
(pops)
(pops)
(laughs)
(hisses)
(screams)
(growls)
(smacks)
(moaning)
(growls)
(slow music)
(dramatic music)
- Yeah.
(fire crackling)
(screams)
- Celia!
- [Vasile] Alright, alright.
- It's an ambush, Eli.
Don't fly into it.
- Celia!
- Let's go.
(shouting)
- Destroy them!
(grunts)
- [Man] Kill the bloodsuckers!
(screams)
- Celia!
- [Man] Send 'em back to hell!
(grunts)
(shouting)
- Yeah, come on, let's go!
(clangs)
- Celia!
Celia!
(grunts)
Celia.
- Harlevon, here!
- Here.
- Harry!
(engines revving)
(crashes)
(slow music)
(grunts)
- No, son.
They have to answer
to all of us.
Earth.
Carpathian earth?
Harlevon, you have something
to say before we rule?
- These people are not
for us to deal with.
They belong to the Texas courts.
- Give me a damn break, Harry.
Texas courts will
turn them loose
before you can say
kiss my habeas corpus.
They'll be back, by the busload,
singing hymns,
sharpening fence pickets.
Right?
- Count on it.
- They want us to do
this, can't you see it?
They don't care what
price they have to pay.
It makes us what
they say we are.
And that justifies
the slaughter.
- Slaughter justifies slaughter.
They invented it!
They invested in it.
Now these notes are coming due.
They owe this boy.
They owe his parents!
- And we owe him reason.
- It's time.
Harry?
- You know how I feel.
(dramatic music)
(growling)
(screaming)
Cody.
This is not what your
parents wanted for you.
This is why they left.
(slow music)
(shouting)
(gentle music)
(alarm beeping)
(buttons clicking)
(sighs)
That's me.
Right, Marv, I'm on it.
(kissing)
Those guys, the vampire hunters?
They found them.
Dead, washed up on a beach.
I gotta cover it.
(kissing)
- It's a good thing someone
knew where you were last night.
- Good thing.
(moans)
(dramatic music)