Blood Surf (2000) - full transcript
A pair of entrepreneurs with more bravery than brains hit upon the idea of blood surfing: spreading chum in the water in order to attract sharks, then hopping on a surfboard and riding through the middle of the pack. As they're filming their promotional documentary, the fun gets interrupted by a thirty-foot long salt water crocodile that begins snacking on everyone in the expedition. Will any of them make it back to civilization?
[SCREAMING]
Man: GET OUT OF THE WATER!
[SCREAMING]
GET OUT NOW!
[YELLING CONTINUES MUFFLED]
Man: SO I'M DROPPING IN ON THIS DOUBLE OVERHEAD, RIGHT?
CRANKING OFF THE BOTTOM. I COME UP TO THE TOP AND HIT IT...
STRAIGHT GOING DOWN THE LINE--
ALL TO MY RIGHT, ALL TO MY LEFT--SHARKS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, KILLER?
OH, THE SHARKS ARE GONNA LOVE YOU, BLONDIE.
HUH? ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
WE'RE GOING TO BE SHITTIN' OUR SHORTS, MAN.
THAT'S WHY WE DO IT, BABE--
FOR THE RUSH.
DON'T BELIEVE HIM. HE DOES IT FOR THE MONEY.
YOU ARE SO CYNICAL.
BUT HEY, COME ON.
WE'RE GONNA SURF AND GET PAID?
MAN, THIS IS GONNA BE BETTER THAN--
WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT SHARK FLICK?
MMM. JAWS. CA-CHING!
THERE IS NO BIG MECHANICAL FISH ON THIS SHOOT.
DUDE, THIS IS THE REAL THING.
WE'RE JUST THE BAIT.
IT'S YOU, ME,
AND ABOUT 30 OR SO LIVE, SNAPPING SHARKS...
DRIVEN INTO A CARNIVOROUS FRENZY
BY THE SCENT OF YOUR BLOOD.
HOW DID I EVER LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS INSANITY?
LIKE I SAID, THE MONEY.
IF YOU GUYS DO YOUR JOBS RIGHT, THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF IT.
BLOOD SURFING. YEAH!
ALL RIGHT!
Man: WATCH YOUR STEP.
AND, UH, YOU GUYS DON'T MIND WAITING, DO YOU?
NO, NO. NOT AT ALL. PLEASE.
I'LL MAKE SURE HE SENDS THE BOAT RIGHT BACK.
OH, THAT AIN'T RIGHT. YOU DON'T MIND BEING SECOND?
I'M NOT GONNA BE SECOND.
YOU SAID-- I LIED.
NOT A BAD PLACE
TO SPEND A COUPLE OF DAYS WORKING, HUH?
TEXTBOOK BOG. CAN'T EVER BE SECOND.
YEAH, WELL, I SAY IT'S TIME HE LEARNED.
FASTER, FASTER! COME ON, WE GOTTA GO!
I'M TALKING FAST, FOLKS!
LET'S GO!
IT'S PRETTY SCARY!
SECOND? YEAH, RIGHT.
I COULD GET USED TO THIS! OH, YEAH!
CESS...
WHOA. DID YOU SEE THAT? YEAH.
HE KICKED OUR BUTT, I SAW.
NO, A SHADOW. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WATER.
WHAT?
NOTHING.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL JUST DEDUCT THE 20
FROM HIS EXPENSE ALLOWANCE.
ARE YOU OK?
FELLAS, YOU'RE HERE.
DID YOU SURF IN? I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
YOU'RE JUST BEING NICE.
WE'RE NOT THAT FAST.
YEAH, WE ARE. WE'RE REALLY FAST. WE DEFINE FAST.
AFTER YOU.
HE'S LEARNING.
WHAT?
NOTHING.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY CUTBACK,
AND I THINK I REALLY NAILED IT BACK THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
BEAUTIFUL.
STUPENDOUS, FANTASTIC.
HANDSOME,
CHARMING, ONE HELL OF A GREAT KISSER.
BOG, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN LAST TIME.
IT WON'T HAPPEN THIS TIME.
OR THE NEXT, IF THERE IS ONE.
IT'S USUALLY THE ONES YOU DON'T LIKE
THAT YOU END UP WITH.
IN THAT CASE, I'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT A POINT TO LIKE YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
HOW'S THE ANIMAL?
HUNGRY. I BET HE IS.
HUNGRY FOR WHAT, I MIGHT ASK?
TAKE YOUR PICK.
WELCOME, MR. JARDINE.
"SOUTH SEAS ADVENTURES."
SONNY LoFRANCO. MY WIFE, MELBA.
Melba: HI. WELCOME TO PALM ISLAND.
OH, PLEASE, ACCEPT A SMALL WELCOMING GIFT.
MANGOES. FROM OUR OWN ORCHARD.
THANKS. SO, SONNY...
I TAKE IT WE'RE ALL SET FOR AN EARLY MORNING DEPARTURE?
OH, YES. YES. VERY READY.
THAT'S RIGHT BABY, LILO CAY. YOU READY?
YOU READY? YOU READY, LILO CAY?
'CAUSE HERE WE COME!
LILO CAY?
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE GOING.
EXCUSE ME, SIR. MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT--
WATERS AROUND THE ISLAND ARE...
SHARK INFESTED.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. SHARK INFESTATION!
IS THERE A PROBLEM, LoFRANCO?
NO, IT'S JUST...
REEFS AROUND THERE ARE VERY DANGEROUS.
AND...YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE?
AHEM. WELL, WHO HAS?
CAPTAIN DIRKS, RIGHT?
ZACK JARDINE. OMEGA PRODUCTIONS.
SO...WHAT GOT YOU WITH WONDER BOY... BESIDES A JOB?
I LIKE MEN WITH A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.
Bog: AS OPPOSED TO BOYS
WHO SPEND THEIR ENTIRE LIVES...
SEARCHING FOR BIGGER AND BETTER WAVES?
I'M STUNNED, BOG. YOU HAVE A DEEP SELF-AWARENESS
I NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU TO LILO CAY...
SO THAT PRETTY LADY OVER THERE
CAN TAKE MOVING PICTURES OF THOSE TWO...TADPOLES
SURFING WITH SHARKS?
AND I WILL MAKE IT VERY...
WORTH YOUR WHILE.
YOU'RE VERY GENEROUS.
WELL, I BELIEVE IN
REWARDING PEOPLE WHO PROVIDE SPECIAL SERVICES.
AND IN THIS CASE,
THAT'D MAKE ME AN ACCESSORY TO MURDER.
COME ON, DIRKS.
NO ONE'S GOING TO HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE.
G'DAY, MR. JARDINE.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT ONCE IN A WHILE.
MAYBE HAVE A REAL DINNER IN A RESTAURANT
WHERE WE DON'T HAVE TO CATCH, CLEAN, AND COOK IT OURSELVES.
SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, ARTEMIS.
WE'RE SCREWED.
WHY? WHAT?
WHAT, HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO GET THERE, EITHER?
OH, HE KNOWS. THE BASTARD JUST WON'T SAY.
SO NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
WOW!
WHY, YOU LITTLE COW.
HEY...
THINK SHE'S A LOCAL?
NO WAY, MAN. SHE IS UNIVERSAL.
Cecily: YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, GUYS, BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.
ZACK. ZACK!
BLESS YOU.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
WHAT THE HELL?
[MUSIC STOPS]
OH. HEY.
Man: DUDE.
NICE SET OF GAMS, EH?
I DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR OFFER, MR. JARDINE.
FOLLOW ME. I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO GET THERE.
YEAH!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
JUST ARRIVE ON OUR LITTLE ISLAND?
UH, YEAH.
STAYING AT THE INN?
NO, THE BOAT.
OH, REALLY? ON THE DOCKS?
THAT'S WHERE I STAY.
YOU STAY THERE ALONE?
I NEVER KNOW. SEE YA.
"DO YOU SLEEP THERE ALONE?"
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW, BUDDY.
[DRUNKEN SINGING]
I'M TELLING YOU, MAN.
I DON'T NEED A WOMAN.
I GOT MARY BETH TO RIDE WHENEVER I WANT--
OH! GOD!
DUDE, YOU HAVE GOT SOME SERIOUS ISSUES WITH YOUR SURFBOARD.
COME ON. ARGH!
DUDE.
DUDE.
DUDE, DUDE, DUDE.
DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.
[SNORING]
HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
NOT VERY FRIENDLY, ARE YOU? HEY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WOKE ME UP.
I KNOW.
OH, YOU DO, HUH?
WELL, YOU SEE, I HEARD THAT THERE'S THIS AMERICAN GUY
NAMED BOG WHO WAS VERY HANDSOME,
AND I'D LIKE TO MEET HIM.
GREAT. MY NAME'S JEREMY.
THE OTHER GUY'S BOG.
THE ONE WHO SLEEPS ABOVE YOU?
YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
BUT THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE.
I'M SURE IT WAS BOG WHO WAS HANDSOME.
YOU MEAN, YOU THINK I'M BETTER-LOOKING?
OH, PLEASE,
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS.
AND IT'S NOT THAT HE'S UGLY.
IT'S JUST THAT HE'S...
NOT A WORD, I PROMISE.
PROMISE?
YEAH. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
LEMMYA.
LEMMYA.
I LIKE THAT NAME.
THANK YOU.
OH, I'VE GOT TO CHECK ON MY BOARD.
WATCH YOUR HEAD IT'S FIBER, SEE.
MANGO PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST. MMM.
YOU THINK IT'LL PLEASE THEM?
I'M NOT PLEASED WITH OUR DAUGHTER AT THE MOMENT.
THEY'RE CRASHING ON ME, AND I'M LIKE THIS.
AND I GOTTA BREAK THROUGH...
HE SEEMS LIKE A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN.
HE'S A CRAZY PERSON.
SURFING AT LILO CAY...
YOU SEE, LEMMYA, WAX ON THE BOARD
ALLOWS YOUR FEET TO HAVE MAXIMUM MOVEMENT.
THE REST IS UP TO YOU AND YOUR BALANCE.
YOU'RE VERY INTELLIGENT, TOO.
STOP IT.
HEY, DOGFACE. WHERE YOU BEEN?
WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE, BLONDIE?
WHAT'S THAT SHIT? YOU'LL FIND OUT.
Zack: WHAT DO YOU SAY?
YOU NUT JOBS READY TO MAKE A LITTLE HISTORY?
BORN READY.
FANTASTIC.
ANYONE WANT SOME MORE MANGO JUICE?
NO. NO. THANK YOU.
YES, PLEASE. I'D LOVE SOME.
YOU KNOW, LEMMYA,
THIS IS SOME OF THE BEST FRENCH TOAST
I'VE EVER HAD.
SILLY, THESE ARE PANCAKES.
[SCREAMING]
Man: GET OUT! GET OUT!
LILO CAY OFF PORT BOW!
FATHER, PLEASE GUIDE OUR FRIENDS,
AS THEY EMBARK ON THEIR PATH.
PROTECT THEM FROM THE DANGER BELOW,
AND SEE TO IT THAT THEY RETURN SAFE.
THEY ARE IN YOUR HANDS.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
SWELLS. SWELLS.
YEAH, YEAH. BREATHTAKING.
WHERE ARE THE SHARKS?
IT'S DISGUSTING.
CHECK OUT THE EYE.
WHAT?
LUNCH TIME! LUNCH IS SERVED.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, COME AND GET IT!
IT'S TIME!
OH!
OH, POOR BABY. ARE YOU NERVOUS?
NO, NO. NO. NO. SURE?
I'M NOT NERVOUS. I DON'T GET NERVOUS.
AND, UH, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THEY DON'T COME?
DON'T WORRY. THEY'LL COME.
NOW NOTHING CAN HURT YOU.
Sonny: NOT QUITE NOTHING.
SHOW TIME! THERE YOU GO.
OH, YES. THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!
CESS! CESS! CECILY, COME HERE.
A BIG ONE. WHERE?
THERE.
LET'S GO TO WORK.
Bog: YOU KNOW, THESE WAVES ARE BREAKING
ALL THE WAY IN TO SHORE.
YOU COULD ACTUALLY JUST SIT ON THE BEACH
AND SHOOT IT WITH A TELEPHOTO.
SURE I COULD, AND IT WOULD LOOK LIKE SHIT.
LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU--
JUST TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB?
SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN THE WATER, BOG?
OK, PEOPLE, LET'S ROLL, LET'S GO.
DUDE... IT'S JUST ANOTHER RIDE.
IT'S JUST YOU, YOUR BOARD...
AND THAT WAVE.
YOU KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT.
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE.
ARE YOU STINKING?
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY IT.
I STINK, MAN. COME ON!
I FUCKING STINK BIG TIME!
DAMN RIGHT YOU DO!
LET'S GO, GUYS!
Bog: DUDE...
I WOULDN'T BE DOING THAT IF I WERE YOU.
YAH!
OH, MY GOD, I THINK THERE'S ONE BELOW ME!
THAT'S THE IDEA.
NOW!
COME ON.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
NUTS. THIS IS SIMPLY NUTS.
AND IT'S GONNA BE HUGE.
GO GET 'EM, BOYS!
IDIOTS.
DO IT, BOY! DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!
ALL RIGHT!
THE SHARK IS TOO SLOW!
TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.
OH, BABY.
GUYS!
HEY, ZACK!
ZACK, HELP!
SHIT.
Cecily: HELP! HELP!
WHAT THE HELL?
HELP! ZACK!
TAKE ME IN.
THERE'S A SMALL DOCK AROUND THE LEEWAY.
WELL, LET'S GO THERE.
HELP ME!
CESS! CESS, GET ON MY BOARD. COME ON, CESS.
COME ON!
COME ON!
I GOT THE BOARD! GRAB HER!
WATCH THE CAMERA!
YOU ALL RIGHT?
I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.
YOU KNOW, YOU WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST PERSON
TO FREAK OUT SURROUNDED BY MAN-EATING SHARKS.
BUT THIS IS MY JOB, MY SHOW.
I NEED THIS DOCUMENTARY.
WITHOUT YOU, I DON'T GOT IT.
HOW'S THE TAPE?
IT'S GOOD.
VERY COOL.
CESS, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
FIRST THING YOU LEARN AS A KID,
DON'T EAT BEFORE YOU GO SWIMMING.
YOU GET CRAMPS.
YOU WERE SO GOOD.
THE SHARKS COULDN'T EVEN CATCH UP.
YEAH, WELL, I HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING THEY DIDN'T.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S TOUCHING.
VERY TOUCHING.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.
LET'S GO!
HUH? WHAT'S THAT?
OF COURSE, WE NEED MORE FOOTAGE.
LET'S GO! LET'S GET WET.
OK, THEN.
NO, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
OK, THEN, UH...
LET'S CALL IT A DAY, SHALL WE?
Jeremy: YEAH.
WHAT'S HE TRYING TO PROVE?
IT'S STUPID.
THE GUY'S A HEAD CASE.
YOU KNOW, FOR A GUY YOU DON'T LIKE VERY MUCH,
YOU SURE ARE VERY CONCERNED, AREN'T YOU?
NO. IT'S JUST I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S BACK OUT THERE
AFTER WHAT WE SAW.
HE MUST REALLY LOVE TO SURF, HUH?
YEAH, SURE. HE LOVES IT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
SAY, UH...
YOUR MOM SAID SOMETHING ABOUT 500-YEAR-OLD TEMPLES.
MM-HMM.
YOU WANT TO-- YOU WANT TO GO SEARCH THE ISLAND?
MY FATHER WOULD KILL ME IF HE KNEW WE'D BE OFF ALONE.
SO I SURE DO HOPE NO ONE TELLS HIM.
OH, MY GOD.
YEAH...
SEE YOU IN A WHILE, CROCODILE.
YOU KNOW...
WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYONE TELLING ON US.
NO.
WOW.
THIS PLACE IS... AMAZING.
YOU'RE AMAZING.
I GOT TO TELL YOU, HON...
IF THE FOOTAGE LOOKS HALF AS GOOD
AS WHAT I SAW FROM THE BOAT,
WE'RE IN GOOD SHAPE.
MM-HMM.
OH, YEAH.
BIG THINGS TO COME.
MMM... I CAN FEEL THEM.
YEAH.
HA HA HA.
I THINK I'M GOING FOR A SWIM, SONNY. IT'S TOO HOT.
MELBA...
DON'T WORRY. I'LL BE QUICK.
WHAT'S WRONG? IS IT ME?
NO, NO. NO, IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S JUST, UM...
WELL, AREN'T WE MOVING A LITTLE FAST?
THAT'S IT?
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I'M GOING TO BE 15 NEXT MONTH.
GOD, WHY?
I'M 19, SILLY. OK?
IT'S LOVELY IN HERE, SONNY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME IN?
IS THIS AS EXCITING AS SURFING WITH SHARKS?
AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING BIT.
OW!
[THUD]
MELBA, WHY DON'T YOU COME ON IN?
WHAT'S WRONG?
OH, NOTHING.
MEL!
MELBA!
COME ON, MELBA! COME ON!
UP!
PROBABLY JUST--
AAH!
SONNY!
SONNY!
PICNIC.
PICNIC, COME ON. DO YOU READ ME?
THIS IS THE FURY. DO YOU READ ME?
CAN YOU READ ME?
[CRASH]
PICNIC!
SHIT!
WHAT?
IF MY DAD KNEW...
IF YOUR DAD KNEW? HOW OLD ARE YOU?
REALLY?
17.
SEV--OH...
MAN.
IS THAT LEGAL HERE?
YOU'RE A TIGER.
GRR!
UH, WHAT?
BOG.
[GROWL]
AAH!
LEMMYA?
YOU WANT TO PLAY GAMES, HUH?
WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST.
ALL RIGHT.
LEMMYA!
I'M GOING TO FIND YOU.
LEMMYA.
WHERE ARE YOU, LEMMYA?
[THUNDER]
LEMMYA!
COME ON, THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE!
IS THAT A FOOTPRINT?
I DON'T KNOW. I FOUND IT LIKE THIS.
Zack: OK, I'M TERRIFIED.
THERE'S A BIG MONSTER
LURKING IN THE JUNGLE.
LEMMYA!
FRUITCAKE. UH!
Zack: YOU'RE GETTING ALL WORKED UP OVER NOTHING.
YOU PROBABLY JUST FREAKED HER OUT SOMEHOW,
AND SHE WENT RUNNING BACK TO HER MOM AND DA--
WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO?
Jeremy: LEMMYA!
Cecily: THEY LEFT WITHOUT US?
NO WAY.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?
Cecily: OH, SHIT.
OH, SHIT. OH, SHIT.
LEMMYA!
Jeremy: SONNY!
AH, JEEZ.
I DON'T THINK SONNY CAN HEAR YOU, JEREMY.
Zack: THIS IS REALLY, REALLY FUCKED.
Cecily: LET'S GO.
I'M DOWN WITH THAT.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHERE'S THE CAMERA?
THE CAMERA'S IN THE BAG...
THAT'S ON THE BOAT.
IT'S A FUCKING CAMERA, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
CAN WE GO?
IT'S NOT THE CAMERA HE'S WORRIED ABOUT.
IT'S THE TAPE.
YEAH, IT'S THE TAPE.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR US TO GO HOME EMPTY-HANDED.
ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY?
I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT HE'S RIGHT.
WITHOUT THAT TAPE, THIS WHOLE TRIP WAS FOR NOTHING.
DON'T BE STUPID, BOG.
THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING IN THERE,
AND IT'S NOT A MERMAID.
THIS SUCKS, BUT...
YOU KNOW, THIS GUY'S OK.
REAL DEDICATED.
STUPID, BUT DEDICATED.
COME ON, BRO, MATERIALIZE.
YEAH!
DUDE, GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!
Bog: GO!
HERE'S YOUR PRECIOUS CAMERA.
SEE, IT'S THAT EASY.
WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED, MAN?
YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
JESUS!
OH, GOD, GET ME OUT OF HERE!
COME ON.
WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM!
THEY'RE A MEMORY. LET'S GO.
COME ON!
RUN!
RUN!
DAMN...
GUYS...
COME ON! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
ZACK, COME ON, MAN.
GOT TO REST.
THAT THING IS GOING TO EAT US!
SHH...
I DON'T HEAR IT ANYMORE.
WHERE THE HELL ARE WE RUNNING TO ANYWAY?
DUDE, WE GOT TO ADIOS THIS ROCK. COME ON!
RIGHT, BUT HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGHT AS TO HOW?
WELL, OBVIOUSLY, THEY'LL SEND SOMEONE FOR US.
YEAH. BY TOMORROW AFTERNOON,
MAYBE THEY'LL START TO THINK ABOUT IT,
AND THEN IF WE'RE REALLY LUCKY...
THEY'LL SEND SOMEONE THE DAY AFTER.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE SAFE
UNTIL THEY FIND US.
WHERE? I MEAN, AM I THE ONLY ONE
THAT NOTICES THAT THING CAN HAUL ASS
IN THE WATER AND ON LAND?
IF ONLY WE HAD A HOT-AIR BALLOON,
WE COULD FLOAT AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, RELAX, RELAX. I GOT MY BREATH BACK.
YOU DON'T THINK UNCLE "Z" WOULD ACTUALLY ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE
INCOMMUNICADO, DO YOU?
OH, YOU GOT A CELL PHONE?
THE PHONE IS ONCE AGAIN YOUR FRIEND.
COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT, NO SERVICE OUT HERE?
MAYBE THOSE 10 BILLION MEGA-HOOTZ
JUST AIN'T ENOUGH THERE, COWBOY.
HEY, HEY, HEY. RELAX. I'LL GET IT.
REMEMBER, WE'RE IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE.
IT TAKES LONGER TO REACH THE, UH, SATELLITE.
YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
[RUSTLING]
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
Man: DON'T YOU FUCKING MOVE AN INCH!
Different man: THIS WAY. COME ON.
OR YOU'LL DIE...
WITH YOUR NEXT STEP.
WE COME IN PEACE.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU DEAF? I SAID DON'T FUCKING MOVE!
HE DID SAY THAT, ZACK.
NOW, DEAF FRIEND--
DO YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU WERE TO BECOMING CHEE-BOB?
CHEE-BOB?
WHAT THE FUCK'S A CHEE-BOB?
I'LL SHOW YOU.
SHIT.
NICE, HUH?
YOU MEAN SHISH KEBAB?
YEAH.
YEAH...
IT'S BETTER WITH CHICKEN.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
SHUT UP.
I'LL HOLD THIS.
AH-AH-AH--
NOW, CAN ANY ONE OF YOU HERE TELL ME
WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING HERE ON MY ISLAND?
ACTUALLY, WE WERE TRYING TO GET OFF...
YOUR ISLAND.
OH.
WE'RE RUNNING FROM A CREATURE.
A CREATURE?
YEAH.
WHAT, LIKE... LIKE GODZILLA?
[IMITATING MONKEY]
LIKE GODZILLA.
YEAH, LIKE IN THE MOVIES, HUH?
NO, REALLY, MAN. THIS THING ATE A 42-FOOT BOAT.
REALLY?
YEAH, REALLY.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING THERE.
SO WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH YOU? HUH?
WELL, IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOAT...
OR A BALLOON...
I HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOAT.
REALLY? WELL, THAT'S EXCELLENT NEWS.
BECAUSE I'M WILLING...
TO PAY HANDSOMELY FOR A RIDE.
OK.
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YOU FOLLOW ME, GUYS.
DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE GETTING A RIDE?
VERY NICE. VERY NICE.
WHICH WAY TO FIRST CLASS?
FUCK YOU!
HEY, HEY, HEY. I'M AN AMERICAN.
I'M A U.S. CITIZEN, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.
SHUT UP!
DUDE, SHOW THEM YOUR PASSPORT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
GET IN!
OK.
THIS IS BAD.
MOVE IT! STAY THERE!
MOVE!
Jeremy: YOU'RE BAD.
[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YOU KNOW WHAT MY BROTHER'S SAYING?
HE'S REMINDING ME OF HIS LIFELONG DREAM...
WHICH IS TO KEEP COMPANY WITH A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES.
HEY, NO WAY! NO!
I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FEMALE KIND, OF COURSE.
I'M NOT AMERICAN. I'M AUSTRALIAN.
[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
HE SAYS IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I WOULDN'T CALL IT CHEATING.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THE AUSTRALIAN GIRLS,
THEY'RE A LITTLE... YOU KNOW...
YEAH, YEAH. AUSSIE CHICKS, THEY JUST LIKE TO PARTY--
CECILY, I'M SORRY.
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. HE'S A LITTLE...
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
LOOK, IF YOU WERE MY BROTHER...
I'D GET A REALLY NICE AMERICAN GIRL,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? HUH?
REALLY?
TOTALLY. TOTALLY.
BUT I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING BROTHER!
NO!
Jeremy! NO! LEAVE HER ALONE!
ZACK!
NO!
LET GO! GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF ME THIS SECOND!
[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[THUD]
CHRIST!
Bog: SHIT, LOOK AT THAT THING!
Jeremy: NO WAY.
Zack: FUCK ME.
Bog: FUCK THEM.
Bog: LET'S GO! COME ON! COME ON!
Bog: OH, MAN! HOW DO YOU START THIS THING?
Jeremy: GO! GO! GO!
DIE, FUCKERS!
[YELLING AND SCREAMING]
SHIT. CECILY.
THE CROCODILE JUST ATE THAT GUY!
YEAH, I GOT THAT. WE'LL SEND FLOWERS.
SHIT! NO!
FRY, FUCKERS!
GUYS!
GUYS!
CECILY!
JEREMY!
BOG!
GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME! GET OFF!
PUT THAT OUT!
EVENING, MR. JARDINE.
ENJOYING YOUR LITTLE SWIM?
AAH! GODDAMN IT!
Bog: THAT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.
I MEAN, THAT THING HAD TO BE, WHAT, 30 FEET?
AT LEAST.
AND HUNGRY.
SCARFED DOWN THAT FAT DUDE--
HAD TO WEIGH AT LEAST 500 POUNDS--IN, LIKE, TWO BITES.
Cecily: HE WASN'T HUNGRY, GUYS.
HE WANTED TO KILL.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL IS IT DOING IN THE OCEAN ANYWAY?
AREN'T THEY MEANT TO HANG OUT IN SWAMPS OR SOMETHING?
IT'S A LONG RIDE BACK TO THE ISLAND.
ARTEMIS WILL SHOW YOU TO YOUR QUARTERS.
HEY, DIRKS...
LOSE YOUR WAY?
NO. ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO THANK YOU.
I MEAN, IF YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP THE WAY YOU DID BACK THERE,
WE WOULD'VE REALLY BEEN IN SOME DEEP SHIT.
SHE WAS REALLY QUITE A SHIP IN HER DAY, WASN'T SHE?
SHE GOT AROUND.
WHAT, THE COMPETITION TOO TOUGH?
RIGHT.
JUDGING BY YOUR REACTION BACK THERE,
I GUESS IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH
A LARGE SALTWATER CROCODILE.
WRONG AGAIN, RIGHT?
NO. YOU'RE RIGHT ON THE MONEY.
YOU WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO MEET UP WITH THAT THING AGAIN
BY ANY CHANCE, WOULD YOU?
LET ME MAKE SOMETHING VERY PLAIN, SON.
I DON'T EVER WANT TO GET NEAR THAT SALTY AGAIN.
GOOD.
GOOD NIGHT, CAPTAIN.
IT'S DIRKS', SO IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIG.
IT'S MINE, SO...IT'LL PROBABLY BE A LITTLE SMALL.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
OH, I WAS THANKING OUR CAPTAIN.
COZY, EH?
IT HAS POTENTIAL.
THIS IS GREAT.
HEY, TO ME, THIS PLACE IS A PALACE RIGHT NOW,
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE WE'RE HERE RIGHT NOW
AND NOT IN THE INTESTINES
OF THAT--THAT THING OUT THERE.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, GUYS.
WE...
WE MADE IT.
YOU KNOW, WE WERE CHASED AND--AND HUNTED
AND--AND STARED STRAIGHT INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST.
THE DEVIL HIMSELF, IF YOU ASK ME.
AND WE SURVIVED.
NO, BETTER THAN THAT.
WE KICKED ASS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK A TOAST IS IN ORDER, HUH?
TO US.
TO LEMMYA.
TO SONNY.
TO MELBA.
I'M SURE YOU ALL COULD USE A LITTLE REST.
HOLLER IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
YEAH, I'M EXHAUSTED.
THAT'S YOU, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT.
[SCREAMING]
NOT THIS TIME, OLD FELLA.
NOT EVER AGAIN.
OH.
[GROANS]
OW.
THAT'S A BLEEDER.
[GRUNTING]
MIGHT WANT TO USE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE POINTED.
GO ON.
OH.
OH!
GOD!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE FOR?
SALTIES LOVE THEM.
SALTIES?
SALT-WATER CROCODILES.
THAT THING OUT THERE?
AND DIRKS HAS AN INTEREST IN THESE THINGS?
I KNEW YOU WERE THE BRAINS OF THIS OPERATION.
WHAT, HE HUNTS THESE THINGS?
AND NOW YOU'RE DISAPPOINTING ME.
COLOR ME SLOW-- IT HAPPENS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
WHAT? WHAT'S THE DEAL?
DIRKS USED TO RUN ADVENTURE TOURS...
AND HE WAS THE BEST.
AND?
AND HIS LAST TOUR DIDN'T GO SO WELL.
HOW NOT WELL?
ALL OF HIS PASSENGERS WERE ATTACKED.
THEY WERE SLAUGHTERED RIGHT BEFORE HIS EYES.
HE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE.
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE WANTS--HE WANTS REVENGE?
NOW? TODAY?
IT'S ALL HE CAN THINK ABOUT.
A BIG, BIG, HUGE PROBLEM.
THERE ARE PASSENGERS ON THIS BOAT
WHO WANT TO JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
NOW I WAS THINKING THAT A TRULY INNOVATIVE TELEVISION PRODUCER
WOULD SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME.
HA HA.
OK.
HA HA HA.
SO NOW SHE'S AN EXPERT AT THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE TV BUSINESS?
LET ME ASK YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION.
WOULD DOCUMENTING THE CAPTURE OF THE LARGEST CROCODYLUS POROSUS KNOWN TO MAN
BE A MARKETABLE COMMODITY OR NOT?
I'M TALKING A CROCODILE OF UNHEARD-OF PROPORTIONS.
31 FEET LONG...
OVER 3,000 POUNDS.
IT HAS POTENTIAL.
KA-CHING.
MM-HMM.
NO WAY.
STUPID.
OH! GOD.
WHO'S STUPID?
ME.
OH, NO.
SOMETHING WRONG?
WHAT?
WE'RE STILL THERE.
NO WAY.
GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND,
OR DO YOU JUST LIKE GAWKING AT AN OLD MAN'S BACKSIDE?
YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR, DIRKS.
YOU SAID THE LAST THING YOU WANTED TO SEE WAS THAT CROCODILE AGAIN.
THAT'S THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.
THEN WHY AREN'T WE HAULING ASS BACK TO PALM ISLAND?
I MEAN, WE'RE LIKE SITTING DUCKS HERE.
SALTY'S NOT GOING TO LET US GO ANYWHERE.
WHAT?
YOU HEARD.
I DON'T SEE HIM.
RIGHT.
HE'S OUT THERE.
WHERE?
EVERYWHERE.
HE OWNS THESE WATERS.
THIS REEF, THESE CAYS...
THEY'RE HIS.
ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT TRESPASSES ARE HIS.
Zack: HO HO! GOD.
THE DRAMA.
I LOVE IT!
OH.
SEE, FOLKS...
THE DEAL IS THAT THE CAPTAIN HERE
HAS A LITTLE SCORE TO SETTLE WITH THAT OVERSIZED FROG.
SEEMS THAT HE MUNCHED A FEW OF HIS LAST PASSENGERS.
WHAT?
OH, YEAH, SHE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT.
AND NOW YOUR LOVELY FIRST MATE HERE
HAS INSPIRED ME TO MY LARGEST PROJECT YET:
THE KILLING...
OF THE LARGEST LIVING REPTILE ON EARTH:
THE AUSTRALIAN SALTWATER CROCODILE,
KNOWN BY FEW, BUT SOON TO BE MANY,
AS BIG MICK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? NOT BAD, HUH?
ARE YOU TOTALLY FUCKING MAD?
CESS, THIS THING IS 90 YEARS OLD.
IT'S BIGGER THAN BOSTON.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.
IT'S GOING TO MAKE BLOOD SURFING LOOK ABOUT AS EXCITING AS...
LAWN BOWLING.
WE'RE NOT TALKING DISCOVERY CHANNEL HERE,
WE'RE TALKING PRIME TIME, NETWORK...
TELEVISION.
IF YOU THINK THIS IS FODDER
FOR SOME CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT...
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BOY.
I WATCHED THIS CROCODILE EAT 5 KIDS...
ALL ABOUT YOUR AGE.
IT STARTED BY DISMEMBERING EACH,
AND IT WAS REALLY BLOODY...
AND LOUD...
THE SCREAMS.
SEE, THEY DIDN'T DIE RIGHT AWAY.
THEY JUST LAY THERE ON THE ROCKS.
AN ARM HERE, LEG OVER THERE.
AND AFTER HE TORE THEM ENOUGH TO HIS LIKING...
HE SUCKED UP EACH PART,
ONE AT A TIME.
SO LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE.
LOSE THE IDEA FOR YOUR SILLY LITTLE SHOW...
AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY.
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO INVOLVE US IN THIS.
YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU, SUNSHINE?
YOU GOT YOURSELF INVOLVED.
AND I WILL TAKE YOU BACK WHEN I'VE DONE WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.
NOW, IF YOU'VE GOT SOME IDEAS ON FORCING THE ISSUE, YOU LAY THEM OUT.
NOW.
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT TO DO
AND PRECIOUS LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN.
HERE WE GO! ARTY, TAKE HER!
COME ON!
[GRUNTING]
COME ON.
IT'S HIM, RIGHT? BIG MICK?
YES!
YES.
[GRUNTING]
LET'S GO TO WORK.
PURE GOLD, CESS.
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!
Bog: I CAN'T HOLD HER.
[ENGINE BACKFIRING]
CUT THE ENGINE, ARTY!
WHAT?
TAKE OVER, SON. YEAH.
CAN'T SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SMOKE?
IT'S KILLING ME.
ARTY, SHIFT, GIRL!
PUSH!
AAH!
DIRKS!
SHIT.
IT'S GOING TO TEAR APART. MOVE!
DIRKS, LOOK. SHIT.
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
Zack: BEAUTIFUL! GET OUT OF MY WAY.
HOW WAS THAT?
JUST LIKE THAT. JUST LIKE THAT.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
BEAUTIFUL.
CLEAR TO FIRE. OK.
IT--THE--THE--
ZACK, IT'S LOOSE!
HEY, HEY, IS THAT--
THAT ROPE AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT, IS IT?
GET OUT OF THE WATER!
HE'S LOOSE!
COME AND GET ME!
GRAB ONTO IT, CESS!
HOLD ON!
PULL! PULL!
COME ON!
GET HER IN HERE.
COME ON!
GUYS! COME ON!
BRING HER IN. BRING HER IN.
LOOK OUT. LOOK OUT.
DO WE HAVE TO TAKE ALL DAY WITH THIS?
GET HER IN THE BOAT!
GET HER OUT!
GO, GO, GO!
ALL RIGHT. GOOD, GOOD.
GO! MOVE!
COME ON. AAH!
OH, SHIT!
Jeremy: KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!
JEREMY! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
HOLD ON! AAH!
DIRKS!
NO!
TAKE THE KNIFE.
STICK HIM IN THE BLOODY HEAD!
IT'S OVER, YOU--
AAH!
NO!
AAH!
OH, GOD.
JESUS CHRIST.
[SOBBING]
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
YOU GOT HIM KILLED.
Arty: JOHN!
JOHN, SHE'S DYING.
HE'S STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
I WOULDN'T WORRY.
HE ONLY EATS REAL MEN.
HEY.
[GRUNTS]
HAD ENOUGH FUN, YOU FREAK?
'CAUSE I SURE AS SHIT HAVE.
WHY DON'T YOU GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW?
I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR TAKING A SHOT AT ME FOR YOUR FRIEND, SON.
BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK.
NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND DO SOMETHING USEFUL.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING STUPID.
I KNOW.
GOD.
AT LEAST WE'RE GOING BACK NOW.
COME ON, COME ON. HOLD, YOU BITCH! COME ON!
SHIT!
YOU BUGGER, FOLLOW ME.
COME ON.
HE'S TURNING THE SHIP!
SHE BLEW A ROD. NEVER OUTRUN HIM ANYWAY.
SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WE'RE HEADING FOR THE REEF.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE NOT GOING OVER THAT.
ARE YOU?
NO, BUGGER, YOU AIN'T GOT MUCH PATIENCE.
ARTY, GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!
HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!
[YELLING AND SCREAMING]
Dirks: IS ANYONE ALIVE?
DIRKS?
MICK?
AH.
LISTEN TO ME, SON.
YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THESE 3 ACROSS TO THE ISLAND.
NO, JOHN-- IT'S ALL RIGHT, GIRL.
YOU AND ME STILL GOT SOME SEAS TO SAIL.
BY THE TIME YOU GET THERE,
YOU DON'T HEAR ME BLOW THAT FUCKER TO HELL,
YOU GO NORTH.
YOU'LL FIND SOME RUINS,
FRESH WATER...
CHOCK FULL OF ALKALINE.
SALTIES HATE IT.
BURNS THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
YOU GOT IT?
YEAH. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU DON'T HEAR THAT EXPLOSION...
THERE IS NO ME.
GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.
Bog: COME ON, COME ON. LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
DO YOU MEAN...
OVER THE REEF?
YEAH.
COME ON.
SHIT.
AAH!
OW!
SHIT, I'M BLEEDING.
OH, JESUS. IT'S ONLY A SCRATCH.
HEY, FUCK YOU.
I'M BLEEDING. I'M BAIT, OK?
AW, JEEZ, ZACK, YOU'LL LIVE.
YEAH, WHATEVER. SEE YOU GUYS IN PARADISE.
BORROWING YOUR SURFBOARD, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S SCREWED UP.
YEAH! YEAH!
WOO HOO!
AAH!
OH, MAN.
THAT HAS GOT TO SUCK.
COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO A NICER PERSON.
AMEN.
ALL RIGHT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
BREAKFAST!
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK I WISH I HEARD AN EXPLOSION.
DIE, YOU FUCKER!
COME AND GET IT, YOU BASTARD!
[GRUNTING]
FUCKING BASTARD!
AAH!
GOD! AAH!
AAH!
DAMN YOU TO HELL!
[MOANING]
I'M GOING BACK.
IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.
HE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE.
I'LL GO.
DON'T! DON'T BE STUPID.
EVEN IF HE ISN'T, WE NEED THE EXPLOSIVES.
GO TO THE RUINS. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.
HOW WILL YOU FIND US?
I'LL LISTEN FOR THE SCREAMING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF HERE!
COME ON.
OOH.
MAMACITA, YOU'VE COME HOME TO PAPA.
YOU'VE BROUGHT A FRIEND WITH YOU.
HA HA HA.
DIRKS!
DIRKS!
[SCREECHES]
[COUGHING]
[COUGHING]
OH! JESUS!
OH.
OH.
NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU, BILLY.
Cecily: SHOULDN'T WE BE THERE BY NOW?
Arty: I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW? WE'RE LOST.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW SHIT.
WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
ARTY, STOP.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE, LEAST OF ALL YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE.
LOOK.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE TRAPS.
OH!
OH, SHIT.
IT'S BETTER JUST YOU AND ME, RIGHT, BABY?
RIGHT. YOU KNOW?
HUH?
HUH?
TELL PAPA HOW TRUE IT IS
WHITE WOMEN LIKE ROUGH MEN.
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
I READ IT.
WEB SITE.
OH, YOU HAVE A COMPUTER?
YES.
IT TAKES A CERTAIN KIND OF GUY, THOUGH.
I THINK YOU MIGHT BE IT.
YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE I'M IT, BABY!
YEAH? COME ON, STUD BOY.
SHOW ME WHAT'S ON DECK. LET'S GO.
I'M NOT JUST GOING TO SHOW YOU, BABY.
I'M GOING TO STICK IT UP TO YOU!
YEAH? WELL, SHUT UP ALREADY AND PROVE IT.
I'M RIGHT HERE.
UH-UH.
NO. YOU COME HERE.
NO, YOU COME HERE.
FUCK THIS.
OH, SHIT.
AAH!
OH.
GROSS.
YOU OK?
WHAT HAPPENED?
YOU WERE KIND OF HIT BY A BAD JOKE.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
MM, I THINK SO.
IT ALL SEEMS TO WORK.
LET'S GO.
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
WHICH WAY NOW?
I THINK IT'S--
NO, WAIT.
IT'S THIS--
I'M SORRY.
IT'S OK.
YOU'RE JUST SO TOGETHER.
OH, PLEASE.
COME ON.
IT'S JUST ACROSS THE BRIDGE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OH, SHIT.
OH, NO.
COME ON!
AAH!
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
LOOKS LIKE THE DAMN THING WAS TOO SCARED TO CROSS THE WATER.
HE'LL FIND A WAY.
MAYBE HE WON'T.
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
WE MADE IT.
OH, THANK GOD.
WOW.
[ROAR]
AAH!
AAH! AAH!
I SURE HOPE DIRKS IS RIGHT ABOUT THIS WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, YOU UGLY TOAD?
YOU LIKE THAT? FUCK YOU!
YEAH! FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!
AAH!
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL CROC TEASING.
Cecily: LOOK AT THAT BASTARD JUST SITTING THERE WAITING.
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
WHERE THE HELL IS HE?
SHOULDN'T HE BE HERE BY NOW?
HE'LL BE HERE.
WHAT IF HE DOESN'T?
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT IF HE DOESN'T.
SORRY.
YOU REALLY LIKE HIM, DON'T YOU?
I CAN'T BELIEVE JOHN MIGHT BE DEAD.
THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM, I'D BE DEAD...
OR JUST AS WELL BE.
HE WON ME, YOU KNOW.
IN A DART GAME.
FIRST MAN EVER TREATED ME LIKE I WAS MORE THAN JUST SOME DOLL
TO DRESS UP AND PLAY WITH.
[BIRDCALL]
HAPPY TO SEE ME?
A LITTLE.
SO HOW ABOUT THAT KISS RIGHT ABOUT NOW?
JOHN?
NO.
I'M SORRY.
LOOK AT THAT SALTY SON OF A BITCH
JUST SITTING THERE.
WONDER IF HE HAS ANY IDEA HE'S ABOUT TO GET BLOWN SKY-HIGH?
[GROWLS]
YEAH, LAUGH IT UP, MAN.
OK.
NOW REMEMBER, AS SOON AS I'M IN THERE,
YOU GOTTA BLOW IT.
IF HE GETS THROUGH,
WE HAVE NOWHERE TO RUN AND WE'RE SCREWED.
ALL RIGHT? SO...
ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS HIT THE GREEN BUTTON.
CROCODILE PANCAKE.
EXACTLY.
SO WHY DON'T YOU GO DO WHAT YOU DO BEST?
WHICH IS?
PISS THINGS OFF.
[GRUNTING]
GOD, COME ON!
WHOO!
COME ON!
I'M RIGHT HERE!
I MADE A BRIDGE! NOW CHASE ME!
[SNARLING]
COME ON!
YOU'RE A BELT!
YOU'RE A SUITCASE!
COWBOY BOOTS!
YOU GUYS, NOTHING'S WORKING.
BOG...
AAH! RUN!
RUN! GO ON!
RUN! FASTER!
AAH!
LOOK OUT!
AAH! GET IN HERE!
GET BACK! OH!
DO YOU THINK HE'S DEAD?
IF THAT DIDN'T DO IT, NOTHING WILL.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU!
YOU BASTARD!
I HATE YOU!
HOW DOES IT FEEL, GOD DAMN YOU?
ARTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!
COME ON! SON OF A BITCH! FUCK YOU!
AAH!
YOU BASTARD!
GET OFF OF HER!
LET HER GO!
OH!
NO!
FUCK! RUN, BOG!
RUN!
OH! GO!
RUN, CESS! FASTER!
GO!
Bog: COME ON!
ARE YOU TOTALLY NUTS?
DON'T WORRY, I HAVE A PLAN.
I HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE.
[SNARLING]
I'M MAKING IT UP AS WE GO ALONG.
[SCREAMING]
AAH!
HOLD ON TIGHT.
AAH!
AAH! AAH!
[CROCODILE SCREAMS]
[COUGHING]
[COUGHING]
OH, SHIT.
OH.
OH!
I KNEW YOU'D KISS ME.
YOU CREEP. YOU FAKER. I COULD JUST--
YOU COULD JUST KISS ME AGAIN.
BULLSHIT. THAT WAS NOT A KISS.
ALL RIGHT, FINE. THAT WASN'T A KISS. YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU BET I AM.
THIS IS A KISS.
COME HERE.
ANY IDEA HOW WE'RE GOING TO GET OFF THIS ISLAND?
NONE.
DO WE REALLY CARE?
NOPE.
HA HA HA.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE FILMS
Man: GET OUT OF THE WATER!
[SCREAMING]
GET OUT NOW!
[YELLING CONTINUES MUFFLED]
Man: SO I'M DROPPING IN ON THIS DOUBLE OVERHEAD, RIGHT?
CRANKING OFF THE BOTTOM. I COME UP TO THE TOP AND HIT IT...
STRAIGHT GOING DOWN THE LINE--
ALL TO MY RIGHT, ALL TO MY LEFT--SHARKS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, KILLER?
OH, THE SHARKS ARE GONNA LOVE YOU, BLONDIE.
HUH? ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
WE'RE GOING TO BE SHITTIN' OUR SHORTS, MAN.
THAT'S WHY WE DO IT, BABE--
FOR THE RUSH.
DON'T BELIEVE HIM. HE DOES IT FOR THE MONEY.
YOU ARE SO CYNICAL.
BUT HEY, COME ON.
WE'RE GONNA SURF AND GET PAID?
MAN, THIS IS GONNA BE BETTER THAN--
WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT SHARK FLICK?
MMM. JAWS. CA-CHING!
THERE IS NO BIG MECHANICAL FISH ON THIS SHOOT.
DUDE, THIS IS THE REAL THING.
WE'RE JUST THE BAIT.
IT'S YOU, ME,
AND ABOUT 30 OR SO LIVE, SNAPPING SHARKS...
DRIVEN INTO A CARNIVOROUS FRENZY
BY THE SCENT OF YOUR BLOOD.
HOW DID I EVER LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS INSANITY?
LIKE I SAID, THE MONEY.
IF YOU GUYS DO YOUR JOBS RIGHT, THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF IT.
BLOOD SURFING. YEAH!
ALL RIGHT!
Man: WATCH YOUR STEP.
AND, UH, YOU GUYS DON'T MIND WAITING, DO YOU?
NO, NO. NOT AT ALL. PLEASE.
I'LL MAKE SURE HE SENDS THE BOAT RIGHT BACK.
OH, THAT AIN'T RIGHT. YOU DON'T MIND BEING SECOND?
I'M NOT GONNA BE SECOND.
YOU SAID-- I LIED.
NOT A BAD PLACE
TO SPEND A COUPLE OF DAYS WORKING, HUH?
TEXTBOOK BOG. CAN'T EVER BE SECOND.
YEAH, WELL, I SAY IT'S TIME HE LEARNED.
FASTER, FASTER! COME ON, WE GOTTA GO!
I'M TALKING FAST, FOLKS!
LET'S GO!
IT'S PRETTY SCARY!
SECOND? YEAH, RIGHT.
I COULD GET USED TO THIS! OH, YEAH!
CESS...
WHOA. DID YOU SEE THAT? YEAH.
HE KICKED OUR BUTT, I SAW.
NO, A SHADOW. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WATER.
WHAT?
NOTHING.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL JUST DEDUCT THE 20
FROM HIS EXPENSE ALLOWANCE.
ARE YOU OK?
FELLAS, YOU'RE HERE.
DID YOU SURF IN? I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
YOU'RE JUST BEING NICE.
WE'RE NOT THAT FAST.
YEAH, WE ARE. WE'RE REALLY FAST. WE DEFINE FAST.
AFTER YOU.
HE'S LEARNING.
WHAT?
NOTHING.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY CUTBACK,
AND I THINK I REALLY NAILED IT BACK THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
BEAUTIFUL.
STUPENDOUS, FANTASTIC.
HANDSOME,
CHARMING, ONE HELL OF A GREAT KISSER.
BOG, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN LAST TIME.
IT WON'T HAPPEN THIS TIME.
OR THE NEXT, IF THERE IS ONE.
IT'S USUALLY THE ONES YOU DON'T LIKE
THAT YOU END UP WITH.
IN THAT CASE, I'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT A POINT TO LIKE YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
HOW'S THE ANIMAL?
HUNGRY. I BET HE IS.
HUNGRY FOR WHAT, I MIGHT ASK?
TAKE YOUR PICK.
WELCOME, MR. JARDINE.
"SOUTH SEAS ADVENTURES."
SONNY LoFRANCO. MY WIFE, MELBA.
Melba: HI. WELCOME TO PALM ISLAND.
OH, PLEASE, ACCEPT A SMALL WELCOMING GIFT.
MANGOES. FROM OUR OWN ORCHARD.
THANKS. SO, SONNY...
I TAKE IT WE'RE ALL SET FOR AN EARLY MORNING DEPARTURE?
OH, YES. YES. VERY READY.
THAT'S RIGHT BABY, LILO CAY. YOU READY?
YOU READY? YOU READY, LILO CAY?
'CAUSE HERE WE COME!
LILO CAY?
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE GOING.
EXCUSE ME, SIR. MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT--
WATERS AROUND THE ISLAND ARE...
SHARK INFESTED.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. SHARK INFESTATION!
IS THERE A PROBLEM, LoFRANCO?
NO, IT'S JUST...
REEFS AROUND THERE ARE VERY DANGEROUS.
AND...YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE?
AHEM. WELL, WHO HAS?
CAPTAIN DIRKS, RIGHT?
ZACK JARDINE. OMEGA PRODUCTIONS.
SO...WHAT GOT YOU WITH WONDER BOY... BESIDES A JOB?
I LIKE MEN WITH A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.
Bog: AS OPPOSED TO BOYS
WHO SPEND THEIR ENTIRE LIVES...
SEARCHING FOR BIGGER AND BETTER WAVES?
I'M STUNNED, BOG. YOU HAVE A DEEP SELF-AWARENESS
I NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU TO LILO CAY...
SO THAT PRETTY LADY OVER THERE
CAN TAKE MOVING PICTURES OF THOSE TWO...TADPOLES
SURFING WITH SHARKS?
AND I WILL MAKE IT VERY...
WORTH YOUR WHILE.
YOU'RE VERY GENEROUS.
WELL, I BELIEVE IN
REWARDING PEOPLE WHO PROVIDE SPECIAL SERVICES.
AND IN THIS CASE,
THAT'D MAKE ME AN ACCESSORY TO MURDER.
COME ON, DIRKS.
NO ONE'S GOING TO HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE.
G'DAY, MR. JARDINE.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT ONCE IN A WHILE.
MAYBE HAVE A REAL DINNER IN A RESTAURANT
WHERE WE DON'T HAVE TO CATCH, CLEAN, AND COOK IT OURSELVES.
SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, ARTEMIS.
WE'RE SCREWED.
WHY? WHAT?
WHAT, HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO GET THERE, EITHER?
OH, HE KNOWS. THE BASTARD JUST WON'T SAY.
SO NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
WOW!
WHY, YOU LITTLE COW.
HEY...
THINK SHE'S A LOCAL?
NO WAY, MAN. SHE IS UNIVERSAL.
Cecily: YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, GUYS, BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.
ZACK. ZACK!
BLESS YOU.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
WHAT THE HELL?
[MUSIC STOPS]
OH. HEY.
Man: DUDE.
NICE SET OF GAMS, EH?
I DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR OFFER, MR. JARDINE.
FOLLOW ME. I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO GET THERE.
YEAH!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
JUST ARRIVE ON OUR LITTLE ISLAND?
UH, YEAH.
STAYING AT THE INN?
NO, THE BOAT.
OH, REALLY? ON THE DOCKS?
THAT'S WHERE I STAY.
YOU STAY THERE ALONE?
I NEVER KNOW. SEE YA.
"DO YOU SLEEP THERE ALONE?"
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW, BUDDY.
[DRUNKEN SINGING]
I'M TELLING YOU, MAN.
I DON'T NEED A WOMAN.
I GOT MARY BETH TO RIDE WHENEVER I WANT--
OH! GOD!
DUDE, YOU HAVE GOT SOME SERIOUS ISSUES WITH YOUR SURFBOARD.
COME ON. ARGH!
DUDE.
DUDE.
DUDE, DUDE, DUDE.
DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.
[SNORING]
HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
NOT VERY FRIENDLY, ARE YOU? HEY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WOKE ME UP.
I KNOW.
OH, YOU DO, HUH?
WELL, YOU SEE, I HEARD THAT THERE'S THIS AMERICAN GUY
NAMED BOG WHO WAS VERY HANDSOME,
AND I'D LIKE TO MEET HIM.
GREAT. MY NAME'S JEREMY.
THE OTHER GUY'S BOG.
THE ONE WHO SLEEPS ABOVE YOU?
YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
BUT THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE.
I'M SURE IT WAS BOG WHO WAS HANDSOME.
YOU MEAN, YOU THINK I'M BETTER-LOOKING?
OH, PLEASE,
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS.
AND IT'S NOT THAT HE'S UGLY.
IT'S JUST THAT HE'S...
NOT A WORD, I PROMISE.
PROMISE?
YEAH. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
LEMMYA.
LEMMYA.
I LIKE THAT NAME.
THANK YOU.
OH, I'VE GOT TO CHECK ON MY BOARD.
WATCH YOUR HEAD IT'S FIBER, SEE.
MANGO PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST. MMM.
YOU THINK IT'LL PLEASE THEM?
I'M NOT PLEASED WITH OUR DAUGHTER AT THE MOMENT.
THEY'RE CRASHING ON ME, AND I'M LIKE THIS.
AND I GOTTA BREAK THROUGH...
HE SEEMS LIKE A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN.
HE'S A CRAZY PERSON.
SURFING AT LILO CAY...
YOU SEE, LEMMYA, WAX ON THE BOARD
ALLOWS YOUR FEET TO HAVE MAXIMUM MOVEMENT.
THE REST IS UP TO YOU AND YOUR BALANCE.
YOU'RE VERY INTELLIGENT, TOO.
STOP IT.
HEY, DOGFACE. WHERE YOU BEEN?
WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE, BLONDIE?
WHAT'S THAT SHIT? YOU'LL FIND OUT.
Zack: WHAT DO YOU SAY?
YOU NUT JOBS READY TO MAKE A LITTLE HISTORY?
BORN READY.
FANTASTIC.
ANYONE WANT SOME MORE MANGO JUICE?
NO. NO. THANK YOU.
YES, PLEASE. I'D LOVE SOME.
YOU KNOW, LEMMYA,
THIS IS SOME OF THE BEST FRENCH TOAST
I'VE EVER HAD.
SILLY, THESE ARE PANCAKES.
[SCREAMING]
Man: GET OUT! GET OUT!
LILO CAY OFF PORT BOW!
FATHER, PLEASE GUIDE OUR FRIENDS,
AS THEY EMBARK ON THEIR PATH.
PROTECT THEM FROM THE DANGER BELOW,
AND SEE TO IT THAT THEY RETURN SAFE.
THEY ARE IN YOUR HANDS.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
SWELLS. SWELLS.
YEAH, YEAH. BREATHTAKING.
WHERE ARE THE SHARKS?
IT'S DISGUSTING.
CHECK OUT THE EYE.
WHAT?
LUNCH TIME! LUNCH IS SERVED.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, COME AND GET IT!
IT'S TIME!
OH!
OH, POOR BABY. ARE YOU NERVOUS?
NO, NO. NO. NO. SURE?
I'M NOT NERVOUS. I DON'T GET NERVOUS.
AND, UH, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THEY DON'T COME?
DON'T WORRY. THEY'LL COME.
NOW NOTHING CAN HURT YOU.
Sonny: NOT QUITE NOTHING.
SHOW TIME! THERE YOU GO.
OH, YES. THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!
CESS! CESS! CECILY, COME HERE.
A BIG ONE. WHERE?
THERE.
LET'S GO TO WORK.
Bog: YOU KNOW, THESE WAVES ARE BREAKING
ALL THE WAY IN TO SHORE.
YOU COULD ACTUALLY JUST SIT ON THE BEACH
AND SHOOT IT WITH A TELEPHOTO.
SURE I COULD, AND IT WOULD LOOK LIKE SHIT.
LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU--
JUST TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB?
SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN THE WATER, BOG?
OK, PEOPLE, LET'S ROLL, LET'S GO.
DUDE... IT'S JUST ANOTHER RIDE.
IT'S JUST YOU, YOUR BOARD...
AND THAT WAVE.
YOU KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT.
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE.
ARE YOU STINKING?
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY IT.
I STINK, MAN. COME ON!
I FUCKING STINK BIG TIME!
DAMN RIGHT YOU DO!
LET'S GO, GUYS!
Bog: DUDE...
I WOULDN'T BE DOING THAT IF I WERE YOU.
YAH!
OH, MY GOD, I THINK THERE'S ONE BELOW ME!
THAT'S THE IDEA.
NOW!
COME ON.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
NUTS. THIS IS SIMPLY NUTS.
AND IT'S GONNA BE HUGE.
GO GET 'EM, BOYS!
IDIOTS.
DO IT, BOY! DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!
ALL RIGHT!
THE SHARK IS TOO SLOW!
TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.
OH, BABY.
GUYS!
HEY, ZACK!
ZACK, HELP!
SHIT.
Cecily: HELP! HELP!
WHAT THE HELL?
HELP! ZACK!
TAKE ME IN.
THERE'S A SMALL DOCK AROUND THE LEEWAY.
WELL, LET'S GO THERE.
HELP ME!
CESS! CESS, GET ON MY BOARD. COME ON, CESS.
COME ON!
COME ON!
I GOT THE BOARD! GRAB HER!
WATCH THE CAMERA!
YOU ALL RIGHT?
I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.
YOU KNOW, YOU WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST PERSON
TO FREAK OUT SURROUNDED BY MAN-EATING SHARKS.
BUT THIS IS MY JOB, MY SHOW.
I NEED THIS DOCUMENTARY.
WITHOUT YOU, I DON'T GOT IT.
HOW'S THE TAPE?
IT'S GOOD.
VERY COOL.
CESS, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
FIRST THING YOU LEARN AS A KID,
DON'T EAT BEFORE YOU GO SWIMMING.
YOU GET CRAMPS.
YOU WERE SO GOOD.
THE SHARKS COULDN'T EVEN CATCH UP.
YEAH, WELL, I HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING THEY DIDN'T.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S TOUCHING.
VERY TOUCHING.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.
LET'S GO!
HUH? WHAT'S THAT?
OF COURSE, WE NEED MORE FOOTAGE.
LET'S GO! LET'S GET WET.
OK, THEN.
NO, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
OK, THEN, UH...
LET'S CALL IT A DAY, SHALL WE?
Jeremy: YEAH.
WHAT'S HE TRYING TO PROVE?
IT'S STUPID.
THE GUY'S A HEAD CASE.
YOU KNOW, FOR A GUY YOU DON'T LIKE VERY MUCH,
YOU SURE ARE VERY CONCERNED, AREN'T YOU?
NO. IT'S JUST I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S BACK OUT THERE
AFTER WHAT WE SAW.
HE MUST REALLY LOVE TO SURF, HUH?
YEAH, SURE. HE LOVES IT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
SAY, UH...
YOUR MOM SAID SOMETHING ABOUT 500-YEAR-OLD TEMPLES.
MM-HMM.
YOU WANT TO-- YOU WANT TO GO SEARCH THE ISLAND?
MY FATHER WOULD KILL ME IF HE KNEW WE'D BE OFF ALONE.
SO I SURE DO HOPE NO ONE TELLS HIM.
OH, MY GOD.
YEAH...
SEE YOU IN A WHILE, CROCODILE.
YOU KNOW...
WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYONE TELLING ON US.
NO.
WOW.
THIS PLACE IS... AMAZING.
YOU'RE AMAZING.
I GOT TO TELL YOU, HON...
IF THE FOOTAGE LOOKS HALF AS GOOD
AS WHAT I SAW FROM THE BOAT,
WE'RE IN GOOD SHAPE.
MM-HMM.
OH, YEAH.
BIG THINGS TO COME.
MMM... I CAN FEEL THEM.
YEAH.
HA HA HA.
I THINK I'M GOING FOR A SWIM, SONNY. IT'S TOO HOT.
MELBA...
DON'T WORRY. I'LL BE QUICK.
WHAT'S WRONG? IS IT ME?
NO, NO. NO, IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S JUST, UM...
WELL, AREN'T WE MOVING A LITTLE FAST?
THAT'S IT?
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I'M GOING TO BE 15 NEXT MONTH.
GOD, WHY?
I'M 19, SILLY. OK?
IT'S LOVELY IN HERE, SONNY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME IN?
IS THIS AS EXCITING AS SURFING WITH SHARKS?
AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING BIT.
OW!
[THUD]
MELBA, WHY DON'T YOU COME ON IN?
WHAT'S WRONG?
OH, NOTHING.
MEL!
MELBA!
COME ON, MELBA! COME ON!
UP!
PROBABLY JUST--
AAH!
SONNY!
SONNY!
PICNIC.
PICNIC, COME ON. DO YOU READ ME?
THIS IS THE FURY. DO YOU READ ME?
CAN YOU READ ME?
[CRASH]
PICNIC!
SHIT!
WHAT?
IF MY DAD KNEW...
IF YOUR DAD KNEW? HOW OLD ARE YOU?
REALLY?
17.
SEV--OH...
MAN.
IS THAT LEGAL HERE?
YOU'RE A TIGER.
GRR!
UH, WHAT?
BOG.
[GROWL]
AAH!
LEMMYA?
YOU WANT TO PLAY GAMES, HUH?
WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST.
ALL RIGHT.
LEMMYA!
I'M GOING TO FIND YOU.
LEMMYA.
WHERE ARE YOU, LEMMYA?
[THUNDER]
LEMMYA!
COME ON, THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE!
IS THAT A FOOTPRINT?
I DON'T KNOW. I FOUND IT LIKE THIS.
Zack: OK, I'M TERRIFIED.
THERE'S A BIG MONSTER
LURKING IN THE JUNGLE.
LEMMYA!
FRUITCAKE. UH!
Zack: YOU'RE GETTING ALL WORKED UP OVER NOTHING.
YOU PROBABLY JUST FREAKED HER OUT SOMEHOW,
AND SHE WENT RUNNING BACK TO HER MOM AND DA--
WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO?
Jeremy: LEMMYA!
Cecily: THEY LEFT WITHOUT US?
NO WAY.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?
Cecily: OH, SHIT.
OH, SHIT. OH, SHIT.
LEMMYA!
Jeremy: SONNY!
AH, JEEZ.
I DON'T THINK SONNY CAN HEAR YOU, JEREMY.
Zack: THIS IS REALLY, REALLY FUCKED.
Cecily: LET'S GO.
I'M DOWN WITH THAT.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHERE'S THE CAMERA?
THE CAMERA'S IN THE BAG...
THAT'S ON THE BOAT.
IT'S A FUCKING CAMERA, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
CAN WE GO?
IT'S NOT THE CAMERA HE'S WORRIED ABOUT.
IT'S THE TAPE.
YEAH, IT'S THE TAPE.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR US TO GO HOME EMPTY-HANDED.
ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY?
I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT HE'S RIGHT.
WITHOUT THAT TAPE, THIS WHOLE TRIP WAS FOR NOTHING.
DON'T BE STUPID, BOG.
THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING IN THERE,
AND IT'S NOT A MERMAID.
THIS SUCKS, BUT...
YOU KNOW, THIS GUY'S OK.
REAL DEDICATED.
STUPID, BUT DEDICATED.
COME ON, BRO, MATERIALIZE.
YEAH!
DUDE, GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!
Bog: GO!
HERE'S YOUR PRECIOUS CAMERA.
SEE, IT'S THAT EASY.
WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED, MAN?
YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
JESUS!
OH, GOD, GET ME OUT OF HERE!
COME ON.
WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM!
THEY'RE A MEMORY. LET'S GO.
COME ON!
RUN!
RUN!
DAMN...
GUYS...
COME ON! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
ZACK, COME ON, MAN.
GOT TO REST.
THAT THING IS GOING TO EAT US!
SHH...
I DON'T HEAR IT ANYMORE.
WHERE THE HELL ARE WE RUNNING TO ANYWAY?
DUDE, WE GOT TO ADIOS THIS ROCK. COME ON!
RIGHT, BUT HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGHT AS TO HOW?
WELL, OBVIOUSLY, THEY'LL SEND SOMEONE FOR US.
YEAH. BY TOMORROW AFTERNOON,
MAYBE THEY'LL START TO THINK ABOUT IT,
AND THEN IF WE'RE REALLY LUCKY...
THEY'LL SEND SOMEONE THE DAY AFTER.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE SAFE
UNTIL THEY FIND US.
WHERE? I MEAN, AM I THE ONLY ONE
THAT NOTICES THAT THING CAN HAUL ASS
IN THE WATER AND ON LAND?
IF ONLY WE HAD A HOT-AIR BALLOON,
WE COULD FLOAT AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, RELAX, RELAX. I GOT MY BREATH BACK.
YOU DON'T THINK UNCLE "Z" WOULD ACTUALLY ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE
INCOMMUNICADO, DO YOU?
OH, YOU GOT A CELL PHONE?
THE PHONE IS ONCE AGAIN YOUR FRIEND.
COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT, NO SERVICE OUT HERE?
MAYBE THOSE 10 BILLION MEGA-HOOTZ
JUST AIN'T ENOUGH THERE, COWBOY.
HEY, HEY, HEY. RELAX. I'LL GET IT.
REMEMBER, WE'RE IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE.
IT TAKES LONGER TO REACH THE, UH, SATELLITE.
YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
[RUSTLING]
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
Man: DON'T YOU FUCKING MOVE AN INCH!
Different man: THIS WAY. COME ON.
OR YOU'LL DIE...
WITH YOUR NEXT STEP.
WE COME IN PEACE.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU DEAF? I SAID DON'T FUCKING MOVE!
HE DID SAY THAT, ZACK.
NOW, DEAF FRIEND--
DO YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU WERE TO BECOMING CHEE-BOB?
CHEE-BOB?
WHAT THE FUCK'S A CHEE-BOB?
I'LL SHOW YOU.
SHIT.
NICE, HUH?
YOU MEAN SHISH KEBAB?
YEAH.
YEAH...
IT'S BETTER WITH CHICKEN.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
SHUT UP.
I'LL HOLD THIS.
AH-AH-AH--
NOW, CAN ANY ONE OF YOU HERE TELL ME
WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING HERE ON MY ISLAND?
ACTUALLY, WE WERE TRYING TO GET OFF...
YOUR ISLAND.
OH.
WE'RE RUNNING FROM A CREATURE.
A CREATURE?
YEAH.
WHAT, LIKE... LIKE GODZILLA?
[IMITATING MONKEY]
LIKE GODZILLA.
YEAH, LIKE IN THE MOVIES, HUH?
NO, REALLY, MAN. THIS THING ATE A 42-FOOT BOAT.
REALLY?
YEAH, REALLY.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING THERE.
SO WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH YOU? HUH?
WELL, IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOAT...
OR A BALLOON...
I HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOAT.
REALLY? WELL, THAT'S EXCELLENT NEWS.
BECAUSE I'M WILLING...
TO PAY HANDSOMELY FOR A RIDE.
OK.
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YOU FOLLOW ME, GUYS.
DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE GETTING A RIDE?
VERY NICE. VERY NICE.
WHICH WAY TO FIRST CLASS?
FUCK YOU!
HEY, HEY, HEY. I'M AN AMERICAN.
I'M A U.S. CITIZEN, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.
SHUT UP!
DUDE, SHOW THEM YOUR PASSPORT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
GET IN!
OK.
THIS IS BAD.
MOVE IT! STAY THERE!
MOVE!
Jeremy: YOU'RE BAD.
[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YOU KNOW WHAT MY BROTHER'S SAYING?
HE'S REMINDING ME OF HIS LIFELONG DREAM...
WHICH IS TO KEEP COMPANY WITH A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES.
HEY, NO WAY! NO!
I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FEMALE KIND, OF COURSE.
I'M NOT AMERICAN. I'M AUSTRALIAN.
[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
HE SAYS IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I WOULDN'T CALL IT CHEATING.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THE AUSTRALIAN GIRLS,
THEY'RE A LITTLE... YOU KNOW...
YEAH, YEAH. AUSSIE CHICKS, THEY JUST LIKE TO PARTY--
CECILY, I'M SORRY.
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. HE'S A LITTLE...
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
LOOK, IF YOU WERE MY BROTHER...
I'D GET A REALLY NICE AMERICAN GIRL,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? HUH?
REALLY?
TOTALLY. TOTALLY.
BUT I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING BROTHER!
NO!
Jeremy! NO! LEAVE HER ALONE!
ZACK!
NO!
LET GO! GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF ME THIS SECOND!
[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[THUD]
CHRIST!
Bog: SHIT, LOOK AT THAT THING!
Jeremy: NO WAY.
Zack: FUCK ME.
Bog: FUCK THEM.
Bog: LET'S GO! COME ON! COME ON!
Bog: OH, MAN! HOW DO YOU START THIS THING?
Jeremy: GO! GO! GO!
DIE, FUCKERS!
[YELLING AND SCREAMING]
SHIT. CECILY.
THE CROCODILE JUST ATE THAT GUY!
YEAH, I GOT THAT. WE'LL SEND FLOWERS.
SHIT! NO!
FRY, FUCKERS!
GUYS!
GUYS!
CECILY!
JEREMY!
BOG!
GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME! GET OFF!
PUT THAT OUT!
EVENING, MR. JARDINE.
ENJOYING YOUR LITTLE SWIM?
AAH! GODDAMN IT!
Bog: THAT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.
I MEAN, THAT THING HAD TO BE, WHAT, 30 FEET?
AT LEAST.
AND HUNGRY.
SCARFED DOWN THAT FAT DUDE--
HAD TO WEIGH AT LEAST 500 POUNDS--IN, LIKE, TWO BITES.
Cecily: HE WASN'T HUNGRY, GUYS.
HE WANTED TO KILL.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL IS IT DOING IN THE OCEAN ANYWAY?
AREN'T THEY MEANT TO HANG OUT IN SWAMPS OR SOMETHING?
IT'S A LONG RIDE BACK TO THE ISLAND.
ARTEMIS WILL SHOW YOU TO YOUR QUARTERS.
HEY, DIRKS...
LOSE YOUR WAY?
NO. ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO THANK YOU.
I MEAN, IF YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP THE WAY YOU DID BACK THERE,
WE WOULD'VE REALLY BEEN IN SOME DEEP SHIT.
SHE WAS REALLY QUITE A SHIP IN HER DAY, WASN'T SHE?
SHE GOT AROUND.
WHAT, THE COMPETITION TOO TOUGH?
RIGHT.
JUDGING BY YOUR REACTION BACK THERE,
I GUESS IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH
A LARGE SALTWATER CROCODILE.
WRONG AGAIN, RIGHT?
NO. YOU'RE RIGHT ON THE MONEY.
YOU WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO MEET UP WITH THAT THING AGAIN
BY ANY CHANCE, WOULD YOU?
LET ME MAKE SOMETHING VERY PLAIN, SON.
I DON'T EVER WANT TO GET NEAR THAT SALTY AGAIN.
GOOD.
GOOD NIGHT, CAPTAIN.
IT'S DIRKS', SO IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIG.
IT'S MINE, SO...IT'LL PROBABLY BE A LITTLE SMALL.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
OH, I WAS THANKING OUR CAPTAIN.
COZY, EH?
IT HAS POTENTIAL.
THIS IS GREAT.
HEY, TO ME, THIS PLACE IS A PALACE RIGHT NOW,
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE WE'RE HERE RIGHT NOW
AND NOT IN THE INTESTINES
OF THAT--THAT THING OUT THERE.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, GUYS.
WE...
WE MADE IT.
YOU KNOW, WE WERE CHASED AND--AND HUNTED
AND--AND STARED STRAIGHT INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST.
THE DEVIL HIMSELF, IF YOU ASK ME.
AND WE SURVIVED.
NO, BETTER THAN THAT.
WE KICKED ASS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK A TOAST IS IN ORDER, HUH?
TO US.
TO LEMMYA.
TO SONNY.
TO MELBA.
I'M SURE YOU ALL COULD USE A LITTLE REST.
HOLLER IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
YEAH, I'M EXHAUSTED.
THAT'S YOU, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT.
[SCREAMING]
NOT THIS TIME, OLD FELLA.
NOT EVER AGAIN.
OH.
[GROANS]
OW.
THAT'S A BLEEDER.
[GRUNTING]
MIGHT WANT TO USE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE POINTED.
GO ON.
OH.
OH!
GOD!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE FOR?
SALTIES LOVE THEM.
SALTIES?
SALT-WATER CROCODILES.
THAT THING OUT THERE?
AND DIRKS HAS AN INTEREST IN THESE THINGS?
I KNEW YOU WERE THE BRAINS OF THIS OPERATION.
WHAT, HE HUNTS THESE THINGS?
AND NOW YOU'RE DISAPPOINTING ME.
COLOR ME SLOW-- IT HAPPENS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
WHAT? WHAT'S THE DEAL?
DIRKS USED TO RUN ADVENTURE TOURS...
AND HE WAS THE BEST.
AND?
AND HIS LAST TOUR DIDN'T GO SO WELL.
HOW NOT WELL?
ALL OF HIS PASSENGERS WERE ATTACKED.
THEY WERE SLAUGHTERED RIGHT BEFORE HIS EYES.
HE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE.
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE WANTS--HE WANTS REVENGE?
NOW? TODAY?
IT'S ALL HE CAN THINK ABOUT.
A BIG, BIG, HUGE PROBLEM.
THERE ARE PASSENGERS ON THIS BOAT
WHO WANT TO JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
NOW I WAS THINKING THAT A TRULY INNOVATIVE TELEVISION PRODUCER
WOULD SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME.
HA HA.
OK.
HA HA HA.
SO NOW SHE'S AN EXPERT AT THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE TV BUSINESS?
LET ME ASK YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION.
WOULD DOCUMENTING THE CAPTURE OF THE LARGEST CROCODYLUS POROSUS KNOWN TO MAN
BE A MARKETABLE COMMODITY OR NOT?
I'M TALKING A CROCODILE OF UNHEARD-OF PROPORTIONS.
31 FEET LONG...
OVER 3,000 POUNDS.
IT HAS POTENTIAL.
KA-CHING.
MM-HMM.
NO WAY.
STUPID.
OH! GOD.
WHO'S STUPID?
ME.
OH, NO.
SOMETHING WRONG?
WHAT?
WE'RE STILL THERE.
NO WAY.
GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND,
OR DO YOU JUST LIKE GAWKING AT AN OLD MAN'S BACKSIDE?
YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR, DIRKS.
YOU SAID THE LAST THING YOU WANTED TO SEE WAS THAT CROCODILE AGAIN.
THAT'S THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.
THEN WHY AREN'T WE HAULING ASS BACK TO PALM ISLAND?
I MEAN, WE'RE LIKE SITTING DUCKS HERE.
SALTY'S NOT GOING TO LET US GO ANYWHERE.
WHAT?
YOU HEARD.
I DON'T SEE HIM.
RIGHT.
HE'S OUT THERE.
WHERE?
EVERYWHERE.
HE OWNS THESE WATERS.
THIS REEF, THESE CAYS...
THEY'RE HIS.
ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT TRESPASSES ARE HIS.
Zack: HO HO! GOD.
THE DRAMA.
I LOVE IT!
OH.
SEE, FOLKS...
THE DEAL IS THAT THE CAPTAIN HERE
HAS A LITTLE SCORE TO SETTLE WITH THAT OVERSIZED FROG.
SEEMS THAT HE MUNCHED A FEW OF HIS LAST PASSENGERS.
WHAT?
OH, YEAH, SHE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT.
AND NOW YOUR LOVELY FIRST MATE HERE
HAS INSPIRED ME TO MY LARGEST PROJECT YET:
THE KILLING...
OF THE LARGEST LIVING REPTILE ON EARTH:
THE AUSTRALIAN SALTWATER CROCODILE,
KNOWN BY FEW, BUT SOON TO BE MANY,
AS BIG MICK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? NOT BAD, HUH?
ARE YOU TOTALLY FUCKING MAD?
CESS, THIS THING IS 90 YEARS OLD.
IT'S BIGGER THAN BOSTON.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.
IT'S GOING TO MAKE BLOOD SURFING LOOK ABOUT AS EXCITING AS...
LAWN BOWLING.
WE'RE NOT TALKING DISCOVERY CHANNEL HERE,
WE'RE TALKING PRIME TIME, NETWORK...
TELEVISION.
IF YOU THINK THIS IS FODDER
FOR SOME CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT...
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BOY.
I WATCHED THIS CROCODILE EAT 5 KIDS...
ALL ABOUT YOUR AGE.
IT STARTED BY DISMEMBERING EACH,
AND IT WAS REALLY BLOODY...
AND LOUD...
THE SCREAMS.
SEE, THEY DIDN'T DIE RIGHT AWAY.
THEY JUST LAY THERE ON THE ROCKS.
AN ARM HERE, LEG OVER THERE.
AND AFTER HE TORE THEM ENOUGH TO HIS LIKING...
HE SUCKED UP EACH PART,
ONE AT A TIME.
SO LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE.
LOSE THE IDEA FOR YOUR SILLY LITTLE SHOW...
AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY.
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO INVOLVE US IN THIS.
YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU, SUNSHINE?
YOU GOT YOURSELF INVOLVED.
AND I WILL TAKE YOU BACK WHEN I'VE DONE WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.
NOW, IF YOU'VE GOT SOME IDEAS ON FORCING THE ISSUE, YOU LAY THEM OUT.
NOW.
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT TO DO
AND PRECIOUS LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN.
HERE WE GO! ARTY, TAKE HER!
COME ON!
[GRUNTING]
COME ON.
IT'S HIM, RIGHT? BIG MICK?
YES!
YES.
[GRUNTING]
LET'S GO TO WORK.
PURE GOLD, CESS.
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!
Bog: I CAN'T HOLD HER.
[ENGINE BACKFIRING]
CUT THE ENGINE, ARTY!
WHAT?
TAKE OVER, SON. YEAH.
CAN'T SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SMOKE?
IT'S KILLING ME.
ARTY, SHIFT, GIRL!
PUSH!
AAH!
DIRKS!
SHIT.
IT'S GOING TO TEAR APART. MOVE!
DIRKS, LOOK. SHIT.
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
Zack: BEAUTIFUL! GET OUT OF MY WAY.
HOW WAS THAT?
JUST LIKE THAT. JUST LIKE THAT.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
BEAUTIFUL.
CLEAR TO FIRE. OK.
IT--THE--THE--
ZACK, IT'S LOOSE!
HEY, HEY, IS THAT--
THAT ROPE AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT, IS IT?
GET OUT OF THE WATER!
HE'S LOOSE!
COME AND GET ME!
GRAB ONTO IT, CESS!
HOLD ON!
PULL! PULL!
COME ON!
GET HER IN HERE.
COME ON!
GUYS! COME ON!
BRING HER IN. BRING HER IN.
LOOK OUT. LOOK OUT.
DO WE HAVE TO TAKE ALL DAY WITH THIS?
GET HER IN THE BOAT!
GET HER OUT!
GO, GO, GO!
ALL RIGHT. GOOD, GOOD.
GO! MOVE!
COME ON. AAH!
OH, SHIT!
Jeremy: KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!
JEREMY! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
HOLD ON! AAH!
DIRKS!
NO!
TAKE THE KNIFE.
STICK HIM IN THE BLOODY HEAD!
IT'S OVER, YOU--
AAH!
NO!
AAH!
OH, GOD.
JESUS CHRIST.
[SOBBING]
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
YOU GOT HIM KILLED.
Arty: JOHN!
JOHN, SHE'S DYING.
HE'S STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
I WOULDN'T WORRY.
HE ONLY EATS REAL MEN.
HEY.
[GRUNTS]
HAD ENOUGH FUN, YOU FREAK?
'CAUSE I SURE AS SHIT HAVE.
WHY DON'T YOU GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW?
I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR TAKING A SHOT AT ME FOR YOUR FRIEND, SON.
BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK.
NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND DO SOMETHING USEFUL.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING STUPID.
I KNOW.
GOD.
AT LEAST WE'RE GOING BACK NOW.
COME ON, COME ON. HOLD, YOU BITCH! COME ON!
SHIT!
YOU BUGGER, FOLLOW ME.
COME ON.
HE'S TURNING THE SHIP!
SHE BLEW A ROD. NEVER OUTRUN HIM ANYWAY.
SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WE'RE HEADING FOR THE REEF.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE NOT GOING OVER THAT.
ARE YOU?
NO, BUGGER, YOU AIN'T GOT MUCH PATIENCE.
ARTY, GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!
HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!
[YELLING AND SCREAMING]
Dirks: IS ANYONE ALIVE?
DIRKS?
MICK?
AH.
LISTEN TO ME, SON.
YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THESE 3 ACROSS TO THE ISLAND.
NO, JOHN-- IT'S ALL RIGHT, GIRL.
YOU AND ME STILL GOT SOME SEAS TO SAIL.
BY THE TIME YOU GET THERE,
YOU DON'T HEAR ME BLOW THAT FUCKER TO HELL,
YOU GO NORTH.
YOU'LL FIND SOME RUINS,
FRESH WATER...
CHOCK FULL OF ALKALINE.
SALTIES HATE IT.
BURNS THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
YOU GOT IT?
YEAH. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU DON'T HEAR THAT EXPLOSION...
THERE IS NO ME.
GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.
Bog: COME ON, COME ON. LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
DO YOU MEAN...
OVER THE REEF?
YEAH.
COME ON.
SHIT.
AAH!
OW!
SHIT, I'M BLEEDING.
OH, JESUS. IT'S ONLY A SCRATCH.
HEY, FUCK YOU.
I'M BLEEDING. I'M BAIT, OK?
AW, JEEZ, ZACK, YOU'LL LIVE.
YEAH, WHATEVER. SEE YOU GUYS IN PARADISE.
BORROWING YOUR SURFBOARD, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S SCREWED UP.
YEAH! YEAH!
WOO HOO!
AAH!
OH, MAN.
THAT HAS GOT TO SUCK.
COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO A NICER PERSON.
AMEN.
ALL RIGHT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
BREAKFAST!
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK I WISH I HEARD AN EXPLOSION.
DIE, YOU FUCKER!
COME AND GET IT, YOU BASTARD!
[GRUNTING]
FUCKING BASTARD!
AAH!
GOD! AAH!
AAH!
DAMN YOU TO HELL!
[MOANING]
I'M GOING BACK.
IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.
HE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE.
I'LL GO.
DON'T! DON'T BE STUPID.
EVEN IF HE ISN'T, WE NEED THE EXPLOSIVES.
GO TO THE RUINS. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.
HOW WILL YOU FIND US?
I'LL LISTEN FOR THE SCREAMING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF HERE!
COME ON.
OOH.
MAMACITA, YOU'VE COME HOME TO PAPA.
YOU'VE BROUGHT A FRIEND WITH YOU.
HA HA HA.
DIRKS!
DIRKS!
[SCREECHES]
[COUGHING]
[COUGHING]
OH! JESUS!
OH.
OH.
NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU, BILLY.
Cecily: SHOULDN'T WE BE THERE BY NOW?
Arty: I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW? WE'RE LOST.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW SHIT.
WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
ARTY, STOP.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE, LEAST OF ALL YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE.
LOOK.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE TRAPS.
OH!
OH, SHIT.
IT'S BETTER JUST YOU AND ME, RIGHT, BABY?
RIGHT. YOU KNOW?
HUH?
HUH?
TELL PAPA HOW TRUE IT IS
WHITE WOMEN LIKE ROUGH MEN.
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
I READ IT.
WEB SITE.
OH, YOU HAVE A COMPUTER?
YES.
IT TAKES A CERTAIN KIND OF GUY, THOUGH.
I THINK YOU MIGHT BE IT.
YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE I'M IT, BABY!
YEAH? COME ON, STUD BOY.
SHOW ME WHAT'S ON DECK. LET'S GO.
I'M NOT JUST GOING TO SHOW YOU, BABY.
I'M GOING TO STICK IT UP TO YOU!
YEAH? WELL, SHUT UP ALREADY AND PROVE IT.
I'M RIGHT HERE.
UH-UH.
NO. YOU COME HERE.
NO, YOU COME HERE.
FUCK THIS.
OH, SHIT.
AAH!
OH.
GROSS.
YOU OK?
WHAT HAPPENED?
YOU WERE KIND OF HIT BY A BAD JOKE.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
MM, I THINK SO.
IT ALL SEEMS TO WORK.
LET'S GO.
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
WHICH WAY NOW?
I THINK IT'S--
NO, WAIT.
IT'S THIS--
I'M SORRY.
IT'S OK.
YOU'RE JUST SO TOGETHER.
OH, PLEASE.
COME ON.
IT'S JUST ACROSS THE BRIDGE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OH, SHIT.
OH, NO.
COME ON!
AAH!
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
LOOKS LIKE THE DAMN THING WAS TOO SCARED TO CROSS THE WATER.
HE'LL FIND A WAY.
MAYBE HE WON'T.
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
WE MADE IT.
OH, THANK GOD.
WOW.
[ROAR]
AAH!
AAH! AAH!
I SURE HOPE DIRKS IS RIGHT ABOUT THIS WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, YOU UGLY TOAD?
YOU LIKE THAT? FUCK YOU!
YEAH! FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!
AAH!
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL CROC TEASING.
Cecily: LOOK AT THAT BASTARD JUST SITTING THERE WAITING.
[CROCODILE GROWLING]
WHERE THE HELL IS HE?
SHOULDN'T HE BE HERE BY NOW?
HE'LL BE HERE.
WHAT IF HE DOESN'T?
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT IF HE DOESN'T.
SORRY.
YOU REALLY LIKE HIM, DON'T YOU?
I CAN'T BELIEVE JOHN MIGHT BE DEAD.
THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM, I'D BE DEAD...
OR JUST AS WELL BE.
HE WON ME, YOU KNOW.
IN A DART GAME.
FIRST MAN EVER TREATED ME LIKE I WAS MORE THAN JUST SOME DOLL
TO DRESS UP AND PLAY WITH.
[BIRDCALL]
HAPPY TO SEE ME?
A LITTLE.
SO HOW ABOUT THAT KISS RIGHT ABOUT NOW?
JOHN?
NO.
I'M SORRY.
LOOK AT THAT SALTY SON OF A BITCH
JUST SITTING THERE.
WONDER IF HE HAS ANY IDEA HE'S ABOUT TO GET BLOWN SKY-HIGH?
[GROWLS]
YEAH, LAUGH IT UP, MAN.
OK.
NOW REMEMBER, AS SOON AS I'M IN THERE,
YOU GOTTA BLOW IT.
IF HE GETS THROUGH,
WE HAVE NOWHERE TO RUN AND WE'RE SCREWED.
ALL RIGHT? SO...
ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS HIT THE GREEN BUTTON.
CROCODILE PANCAKE.
EXACTLY.
SO WHY DON'T YOU GO DO WHAT YOU DO BEST?
WHICH IS?
PISS THINGS OFF.
[GRUNTING]
GOD, COME ON!
WHOO!
COME ON!
I'M RIGHT HERE!
I MADE A BRIDGE! NOW CHASE ME!
[SNARLING]
COME ON!
YOU'RE A BELT!
YOU'RE A SUITCASE!
COWBOY BOOTS!
YOU GUYS, NOTHING'S WORKING.
BOG...
AAH! RUN!
RUN! GO ON!
RUN! FASTER!
AAH!
LOOK OUT!
AAH! GET IN HERE!
GET BACK! OH!
DO YOU THINK HE'S DEAD?
IF THAT DIDN'T DO IT, NOTHING WILL.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU!
YOU BASTARD!
I HATE YOU!
HOW DOES IT FEEL, GOD DAMN YOU?
ARTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!
COME ON! SON OF A BITCH! FUCK YOU!
AAH!
YOU BASTARD!
GET OFF OF HER!
LET HER GO!
OH!
NO!
FUCK! RUN, BOG!
RUN!
OH! GO!
RUN, CESS! FASTER!
GO!
Bog: COME ON!
ARE YOU TOTALLY NUTS?
DON'T WORRY, I HAVE A PLAN.
I HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE.
[SNARLING]
I'M MAKING IT UP AS WE GO ALONG.
[SCREAMING]
AAH!
HOLD ON TIGHT.
AAH!
AAH! AAH!
[CROCODILE SCREAMS]
[COUGHING]
[COUGHING]
OH, SHIT.
OH.
OH!
I KNEW YOU'D KISS ME.
YOU CREEP. YOU FAKER. I COULD JUST--
YOU COULD JUST KISS ME AGAIN.
BULLSHIT. THAT WAS NOT A KISS.
ALL RIGHT, FINE. THAT WASN'T A KISS. YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU BET I AM.
THIS IS A KISS.
COME HERE.
ANY IDEA HOW WE'RE GOING TO GET OFF THIS ISLAND?
NONE.
DO WE REALLY CARE?
NOPE.
HA HA HA.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE FILMS