Blood, Bullets, Buffoons (1996) - full transcript
- There's one fucking thing I want to know;
why the hell was I given
a fucking GI Joe doll?
What is that?
I mean, the guy's got no balls.
He's just like a plastic body.
And I looked at the thing, I was like,
"What the fuck is this?
There's no balls on this thing."
That's weird, that's a guy?
And he had these plastic hands, right?
You want to pull those
fucking hands right out?
What is that shit?
I hated that shit.
It's just not fucking real.
It's just not fucking
real and I got to play
with this thing and
that's what I think life is,
this fucking amoeba type of thing.
This plastic thing with no balls.
It doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense.
There's no fucking balls on a GI Joe doll.
What the hell is that?
No wonder I had such a problem growing up.
Thinking fucking guys don't have balls.
I was really fucking playing with dolls.
I'll never give my kid a fucking GI Joe.
Fuck that. No fucking
GI Joe's for my kid, okay?
The kid's going to get
blocks and wood and shit.
He's going to go play with
snakes in the fucking woods
the way I wanted to do if I
had a chance over again.
That's how I'd fucking do it.
I'd go out into the woods,
I'd throw rocks at things.
I am tired of this shit.
(toy cactus clicking)
(gun banging)
- Well,
that was smart.
(hiphop music)
- Hi, what you're
watching here is basically
a home movie of my life.
This is the school where I went to.
This is the building where
most of the classes took place.
Although I spent most of my time right here
in the student center because
basically I was avoiding
the classes and doing work.
So, you know how that goes.
Oh, this is me on graduation day.
I really didn't show up
to the graduation party,
but my mom made me wear the cap and gown.
That's my brother waving.
Yeah, he's got problems.
Yeah, so later that
night we had a little party,
just me and my brother
getting a little drunk and stuff,
as you can see.
Getting a little wild.
Take a little bit more, man,
you take a little bit more.
(both laughing)
There are basically three
things I did that entire summer;
one, which is to practice
a game which would
basically change the world and around it
and everyone that's involved,
and that game, of course,
is basketball.
That's right, baby. You
know what I'm talking about.
(ball swishing)
Basketball's like life.
You get one shot at that rim.
If you miss the hoop, the game's over.
So is life.
Second thing I did that summer was
practiced another sport
which gave a lot of satisfaction,
required a lot of skill,
speed, agility, and
just a genuine lack of
life and everything else
in the world, and of course was gunnery.
(gun banging)
(gun bangs)
Third thing I did was hang
out with my wonderful girlfriend,
Natasha. (inhaling sharply)
Oh, mama.
She's the only thing that's
keeping me basically sane
in my life because basically
I don't have any job or any future of a job
or anything to do with my life.
She loves me. She really does.
I don't know why she keeps
on pushing me down like that.
Oh, this is really why I went to school;
I studied to becoming an artist.
It's really what I want to do with my life.
And basically I've studied the
Rembrandts and all the greats
and I really think I have
a great deal of talent.
Look at that. Hey, Bob
Ross, eat your heart out.
You can't hold a candle, you
know what I'm talking about?
So basically, after a while my
dad threw me out of the house
because he knew I
couldn't get a job as an artist
and basically, he was right,
so I had to go elsewhere
to find a place to live and
so I decided to basically
clean up my act.
So I bought a suit, polyester of course,
but for a good price like $50,
and decided to go out
and conquer the world,
and that's where we are right now.
So, yeah.
- What's up, motherfucker,
what to shake hands
with the (indistinct)?
- Hey, Pete.
- [Both] What's up!
(both exclaiming)
- How you been, man? - Hey, man.
- What are you doing here?
- Haven't seen you since
college, man.
- Yeah, I haven't you in a while.
It's kind of funny.
So, how's my sister
doing? You seen my sister?
- Still sleeping with me.
- Yeah, good for you, I can understand why.
Just like me with tits, right?
Well just remember you
got her now, but I had her
way back when.
So, it's so funny that I run into,
I was just thinking
about you the other day.
I saw in the paper that
the guy what cut his ear off,
the sculptor, what's his name?
- Van Gogh. - Yeah, Van Gogh.
They got a thing in the city
at a museum on his stuff.
And I'm figuring, hey man,
you liked Van Gogh, right?
- That's Monet, Monet you're thinking of.
Monet.
And I really don't like
his stuff, it's too derivative
of Renaissance.
- Yeah. Yeah, me neither, me neither.
So, you know.
What's up? What are you doing here?
How am I running into you here?
- Looking for a job, man.
I got an interview here at 2:00.
- Really? That's great!
You know what? I got a
job here. I work here, man.
We can work together like pals, man.
It's fucking phenomenal.
- Hey, what are you doing later, man?
- I get off at 4:00.
- Great. The two of us will
get together and shoot some
hoops, throw the rock in the hole.
- Cool, man. We'll play
some basketball too.
- Yeah. Cool, see you later.
- All right, man. I'll see
you when I see you.
- See you. - All right.
- Not if I see you first.
- Hey, good one!
You still got it, right?
(mop splatters)
- So you remember how
to play this game, right?
- Yeah, sure, I played in high school
at the play school set,
Nerf set, all that shit.
- All right, cool, you ready to go, man?
- Yeah, sure.
(ball thuds) (Pete groans)
Are you going to cheat like this all day
or are we going to play basketball?
I don't understand.
All right, I'm ready now.
Let's go, tough guy.
- Yeah, yeah.
So, how go with the job interview?
- Yeah, it went all right, man.
- Yeah, what's matter?
You don't sound too enthusiastic about it.
What's the matter?
You don't like the place?
I work there, got a nice car,
wallpaper in the apartment,
everything like that.
- Cause only a real shit
bag would work there.
(Pete groans)
No offense.
- Well, if you're interested,
I can hook you up with a gig
that will get you some
good cash money flow.
You know what I'm talking about?
- Yeah, well cleaning
toilets in exactly a career
I consider a career move.
- Look man, that's not all there is to it.
I just do that on the
surface, you understand,
so people think I'm on the up and up.
I'm in with some guys
that I could introduce you to
to get you in to get some
good cash money, man.
What do you think?
- I think cool, man. - All right then.
You ready? - Yeah.
- You know what that is?
- No idea. - That's my fuck face,
cause I'm going to fuck you up!
Come on chicken legs!
(basketball bouncing)
Geez!
You know badminton, that's my game.
I kicked your ass in badminton.
(train honking) (clacks clattering)
(men chattering)
- It ain't nothing, let me
see your pictures of girls
in your wallet.
- Shut the fuck up.
- All right, man, she had these beautiful,
hey man, this is Jack Winston, guys.
This is Jack Winston, but
anyway, she had these beautiful
nipples, real big, you
could play on them like that.
Jack, I want you to introduce
you to all these guys.
(men chattering)
Come on, man, give me a chance here.
This is Jack.
He's going to be running
with us today, man.
- How you doing?
- Over here, we got Bruce Epstien.
Stein, stupid. - Sorry, man.
Next we got over here,
Francois Hoffenwasser.
- What's up, jack-off?
- Next to him we got
Tyrone "the man" Nusbomb.
Don't let his size fool
you, he's a motherfucker.
- Yo, blast (indistinct)!
- Over there, we got Mike Nagashimi.
Don't be offended, he's kind of retarded.
He don't say too much.
All right, so that's everybody
and just stay in line,
we won't have to shoot you. (Pete laughs)
(all chattering)
(Bruce yells)
- What?
- Hey, am I all right? Am I cool?
Do I have any on my face there?
Come on, Let's go.
Let's go.
- And don't mess with my presets.
If Z100 ain't on, I'm
going to be very pissed off.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure, you talk to me for a second?
- Let me take a wild shot in the dark here,
that's not flour in the back of the car.
- No, it's sugar.
Come on, relax for Christ's sake.
We're doing crimes here, we need to be up.
- Okay, Pete, yeah, right.
- What are you doing? What are you doing?
You can't walk away on me, man.
- I can't walk away on you?
- No, don't walk away on me. - Well, watch.
Don't be a faggot.
Come on, look, coming down
to it, are you in, are you out?
In or out?
- I'm out. That's where I am.
- Get out. - Out.
- Good, go, be a fag. Go ahead, do it.
How much?
How much you want?
It all comes down to
money, don't bullshit me,
how much extra?
$15 - $15?
- $15. - Please.
- 20. - All right.
- Get in the back.
Hey, use a coaster! This
shit was just steam cleaned,
for Christ's sake.
(horn honking)
(train clacking)
Let's go.
Let's go.
License plate's all fucked up, man.
- Pete, Pete, let me talk to
you for a second, all right?
- What's up?
What's up? You ready?
- No, I'm not ready, okay.
You guys do whatever you have to do,
cause I don't want to
look it, I don't want to see it.
I don't want to smell
it, touch it, anything.
That's your business.
- All right, all right,
Jack, man, you're really
embarrassing me, man.
You're fucking embarrassing
me in front of my friends.
I'm trying to hook you up.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, man.
- Listen... [Bruce] Let's go, Pete.
- Hey, shut up!
- Hey, come on, don't be talking,
I got it, it'd okay, it's cool, man.
Listen, man, just sit behind the wheel,
keep the car idling, don't with the presets
and just wait for us to come out.
Can you handle that?
- Yeah, I can handle it fine.
- I'm taking five off the 20, man.
- Yeah, you wish. Hey, hey, so what do I do
if someone comes?
- Don't sweat it, man.
Alls you got to do is just
sit there and let me know
somehow, someway discreetly,
all right, all right, all
right, hold on a second.
- Shut up!
- Don't tell them to shut up, man.
Jesus. All right, just take it easy, man.
- What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
- JusT relax is what I want you to do.
Call my name.
Don't call my name, use
a codename like Johnson.
Hey, Mr. Johnson! Something like that.
But do it discretely.
- [Bruce] Come on, man, come on!
- All right, I'm coming.
Be cool, man.
(men chattering)
Don't touching presets on the radio, man!
- Gotcha. - [Pete] Remember,
Mr. Johnson if he pigs come, all right?
Got that, jack-off?
Hey Pete, come here.
Come here. - What's up?
- What the fuck is with jack-off over here?
- There's nothing wrong with Jack.
Man, don't worry about Jack.
- Are you sure?
- I got it covered, man.
- Where'd you meet this fucking guy?
- Jack and me go way back.
We pulled in shit in high school.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
He better be because
if he fucks this up, man,
we are going to drag him
with that fucking car, okay?
- Don't sweat it, man, I
got it, it's under control.
- We're talking big
fucking money here, Pete.
- All right, don't worry, man,
I got my boy under control.
It's no problem.
- You're better, man.
- Can I ask you a question?
- What?
- Where'd you get all this stuff from, man?
Where'd you get such quantity of this shit?
- Alls you got to know is
the Schlotnik boys are dead.
- The Schlotnik boys?
- He better be straight, man.
- Don't sweat it.
Fuck head.
- What's happening, man?
- Not much.
- You know a guy named Pete?
- Yeah, he's buying or selling
drugs over there somewhere.
- Over there? - Yeah.
- Let's go.
- All right.
- What's up?
- How's it going? - How you doing, man?
- Good. How you been?
- You got the thing?
- I got the thing. You got the stuff?
- Yeah, I got the.
Well, where's the shit?
- I got the shit.
- Where's the shit?
- The shit's right here. Shit's right here.
- Where? - In the thing.
I got the thing and the shit right here.
Just like you wanted.
You give me the stuff, I give you the shit.
- Look, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I don't want any shit from
you, I just want the shit.
- Now you don't want the shit?
- No, I want the shit, but
I don't want shit from you.
- I'm not trying to give you any shit
but the shit I got here.
- Well, that's what I'm saying,
I want you to give me the
shit, the shit that's supposed
to be in the thing.
Is it in the thing? - I'm not giving you
any crap about the shit.
I got the shit, you got the stuff.
You give me the stuff, I give you the shit.
- And you got the shit head with you.
- [Pete] He's okay.
- I just wanted the
shit, not the shit head.
- Well, you got the shit head.
That's a special bonus,
he's like a special guest star.
You know wat I'm talking about?
You got the thing? - Un-fucking-believable.
All I wanted you to do was bring the thing
with the shit in it.
You bring the shit head along with you.
And now you're giving me shit
- I'm not giving you shit.
I got the shit.
- Look, I got the stuff here.
- You got the stuff? - Take the stuff,
give the thing with the shit.
- Let's see the thing you
got, I'll fucking give you
the stuff and then, you know.
It's all right.
Keep it cool.
Just chill on the shit.
No shit?
- Freeze!
- Ah, you freeze!
- No, you freeze! - No, you freeze!
- And you freeze too! - You freeze!
(camera clicks)
(all yelling)
(hiphop music) (men yelling)
- Come, man, let's
get the fuck out of here!
(hiphop music continues)
(all shouting)
(all yelling)
- Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up!
I don't how to drive a stick shift.
(all yelling)
(tires squealing)
- Come on, come on, let's go.
I don't have all day.
Sit down, sit down and stop whining.
(crosstalk)
Shut up and sit back, I don't
want to hear anymore shit.
All right, let's start
with the basics here.
Name.
You fuck face.
You dickhead.
You asshole.
You puss nose.
- Jack Winston.
J-A-C-K
yeah, very good.
- All right.
Shut up.
- Excuse me for one second,
is there anybody here I can
talk to and confess and tell-
- Occupation?
You pocket pool player.
You scum sucker.
You scrotum scratcher.
You Michael Dukakis lover.
- Yeah, I used to work
in a sperm bank, okay.
- Oh yeah?
Did they pay you by the hour
or they pay it by the spurt?
Punk.
(camera clicking)
Come on, asshole.
Come on, I don't have time for once?
- But it's just... What?
- Just one thing, all right?
I got to go tinkle.
- Look, I'm tired of you dicking around me.
What?
- I got to go tinkle. I got to, you know,
water the plants, loosen the fire hydrant.
- The fire hydrants? Pants?
- Uncork the spring. - Spring?
- Drain the dragon. - What the fuck are you
talking about?
- I got to piss. - I don't have time.
Now you have to piss? - Yeah.
- You got 10 seconds. Let's go.
- Oh, thank you.
- What the fuck are you
looking at, needle dick?
(urine trickling)
(Zack exclaiming) (Sarge yelling)
Here, take that. (Jack yells)
(both shouting)
Oh, I can't believe you.
You son of a bitch,
you're pissing all over me.
- Oh fuck.
- Now what?
- You know when you fingerprinted me?
- Yeah.
- I forgot to wash my hands.
- You are such an asshole.
(men yelling)
(hiphop music)
- Would you like a (instinct) dance?
(hiphop music continues)
- Hey, Pete, Pete, how you doing?
How you doing? - Hi.
- I'm here to tell you some
things I heard on the street.
I don't know, you might
be interested in this;
you know this guy, Jack Winston?
- No, I don't know no Jack Winston.
- You don't know Jack Winston?
- No.
- I heard some things.
I heard that you and your
buddies, some coke deal.
Coke deal went down?
- I don't know. - No. You don't know?
You know anything about some cops?
Some cop getting killed?
- No.
- Hey, I want to tell you
something right now,
this guy, Jack. - Yeah, I want to tell you.
What do you think you would get if you
connected the dots here?
Because I see like a Santa
Claus with the little buzz on,
or like that chubby whale from Carvel.
What do you call that thing?
The chubby the whale.
- Fudgie the whale. Fudgie the whale.
- What do you think you'd
see when you get there?
- I see 20 years for you, man.
- Why? I didn't touch her.
- Hey, hey, this guy, Jack,
you know what he is doing?
Hey, he's talking to a
defense attorney right now
in county jail.
He's going to roll over on you.
I'm trying to help you out here, man.
You know anything?
- I don't know nothing about that.
You know, Burt,
what you give me $10,
I think I got a good shot
with this girl.
I think she really lies
me. My dime's almost up.
I don't have any money left.
- I got nothing.
Hey, I got nothing, man.
You know what? I got to go. You know what?
That's a guy anyway.
- Hey, that ain't funny.
You're not a guy are you?
- [Officer] Jack Winston.
Jack Winston.
Jack Winston.
Somebody here to see you.
- The fuck!
Look who's the one
guy who visits me in jail.
Now you have got some fucking
nerve showing up here, man.
Where the fuck do
you get off with this shit?
What, you want my shirt?
What do you want from me?
You took everything else I had, man.
- Listen, I can understand and sympathize
with your situation. - Oh really?
- I understand you're very, very upset.
- Yeah, you bet I'm pissed, man.
- I'm very sorry to hear
that, but I'm here to bring you
some enlightening news
that might make the time go
a little bit quicker.
- Oh really?
- That's right.
- What do you want? What?
- You can't turn in the group.
I hear from the grapevine that
you're going to be squealing
on everybody like a
little faggot stuffed pigeon.
- What are they,
announcing this over a blimp?
- Look, there is shit that
goes on that you have
no idea about. - That's right.
I'm going to tell the
police everything about you
and send you and all
your scummy friends to jail.
You got a problem? - You can't do that.
- I can do whatever I can do.
- You cannot do that.
- It's America. It's a free country.
- Okay, wise ass, mister I
got all my bases covered,
do you want to hear
the real truth about this?
- Yeah, why don't you tell
me the real truth about this.
- You love Natasha?
- Love. I don't know, man.
- You want to continue fucking Natasha?
Let's put it that way.
- Yeah, I want to continue fucking Natasha.
- Well, if you turn the
group in, you're going to be
fucking Natasha in a whole new way, pal.
- What do you mean? I
already been fucking Natasha.
What the hell are you talking about?
- Natasha is in it with the gang, okay?
She cuts... What do you mean?
- All the shit that we were selling.
She's been in it from the get-go.
Okay?
You fuck with everybody
else in there, you fuck with her.
You send her away.
You're only going to be doing six weeks.
- Six weeks is a very long time.
- Six weeks is a walk in the park.
You sit in there, you play
basketball, you improve the game,
so I don't kick your ass.
You learn about Vincent van gay-
- Why do you think I'm doing six weeks?
Where do you come up with this six weeks?
- Six weeks will fly like a bird.
If you fuck us, you're
going to send Natasha away
for years, man, lots of years.
That's a longer time than six weeks, right?
(Jack groaning)
- Okay.
I'll do it.
- Believe me, you're doing the right thing.
Six weeks will go by no problem.
Alls you got to do is keep your nose clean,
keep your back to the wall
when you walk down the hallway.
Nobody will with fuck with you whatsoever.
- That's what I'm worried about exactly,
is someone fucking with me, man.
I'm just going to stay in my cell,
eat Fig Newtons all day.
Anyone tries to fuck me up the ass,
I'll just shit all over their dick.
- Well, I don't want to burst your bubble,
but there are some enlightened
members of this prison
society who might actually enjoy that.
Probably make you
something dick afterwards,
so maybe you should rethink your position.
Anyways, I'll see you in six weeks.
You're doing the right thing.
Hanging in there, kid. I'll
keep Natasha warm for you.
- [Jack] I still wasn't sure
if I was going to go through
with Pete's plan.
After all, what the hell?
I tried calling Natasha on
the phone several times.
Tried to ask her about
this whole drug thing,
but she never picked up the phone.
The woman doesn't even
have an answering machine,
how can I go to jail for a
woman who can't even purchase
a machine?
Whatever.
- [Pete] You love Natasha?
- [Jack] Love? I don't know, man.
- [Pete] You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
(men laughing)
(baby crying)
(television rumbling)
(men yelling)
- Ladies and gentlemen of the court.
Your Honor.
I will prove that my client, Jack Winston,
is 100% unquestionably,
undeniably innocent.
And I will prove to the court,
to the prosecutor,
to the janitor down the hall
that my client, Jack Winston,
is innocent of all charges
brought before him.
He was nothing but a chauffer,
a driver,
a patsy.
And he is innocent.
Isn't that right, Mr. Winston?
- Not exactly.
- What do you mean, "Not exactly?"
- Well, I mean, if I really think about it-
- Are you sure?
- No... Are you positive?
- I don't know.
- Are you absolutely positively sure?
- I'm positively sure I
don't know anything.
- Okay.
- Mr. Winston, I have one
question I would like for you
to answer for me,
for the judge, the jury and
the janitor out in the hall;
did you happen to notice
any children in the vicinity
while you were sitting in
the car as this drug deal
was going down?
- I don't know.
- Mr. Winston,
while you were sitting there
in your car involved in selling
this poison filth, scum,
scourge,
were you aware of the
fact that the F. Murray
Elementary School was
adjacent to the parking lot?
- That's where my son goes, you bastard!
- So I don't get this whole thing.
What does school have to do with me?
And why are they talking about this
when I was just a driver?
I'm totally confused here.
- Well, you have a mandatory sentence here.
And in this state, if
you're busted for drugs
within 1,000 feet of a school-
- Uh huh.
- Your sentence is mandatory.
- Mandatory?
I'm still cool though.
I mean, I'm not going
to do any real time, right?
Like six weeks or anything like that?
- Loser.
- [Officer] Will the court please rise.
(heavy breathing)
- The court has found you, Jack Winston,
guilty of the charges and
sentences you to life in prison.
(gavel thuds)
You weasely beaver.
(Jack groans)
(Pete scoffs)
- Hey, who knew?
Don't think about
it, it'll go by like that.
He's fucked.
- [Jack] Jail.
The big house.
The house of the heebie-jeebies.
A fortress of fear.
Destiny is not here.
It's a cliche, but life
truly does slow down here
to almost a turtle's speed.
The rest of the world is
just like a rollercoaster
in fast motion.
It doesn't care if it slows
down or knows what's going on
the inside because it's got its own speed.
Of course, they left a picture just for me
to keep me company.
Well, you know, I got to get
my sex somehow, basically.
(water spraying)
(romantic music)
♪ I realize ♪
♪ You're special ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell ♪
♪ I think you're swell ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ The thought of your hair ♪
♪ Fills me with no care ♪
♪ But only for you ♪
♪ How I love him ♪
♪ Gee, you're swell ♪
All right, just calm down here, okay?
Before you try anything unnatural here.
I got aids, so just back off, okay?
Just back off!
- That's okay. I've already got it.
(water squeaking)
(loud punch)
(Jack thuds)
(loud thud)
(loud smacking) (Jack groaning)
- Stop, stop, stop, stop!
(water splashing)
(boot squeaks)
(loud thud)
Yes!
(Jack yells) (wheels rolling)
(loud smack)
- Jack, come on in. Sit down.
Judy said you had some
kind of problem you wanted
to talk to me about?
- Yeah, I got a huge problem.
- What is it? Spit it out.
- Well, apparently, Warden,
some of the inmates here,
find me,
well, they sort of,
they want to-(Jack mumbling)
- Jack, please, I can't hear you.
- They want to, you know.
(Warden laughing)
- They want to use your
butt for a pin cushion?
(Jack shushing)
Well, Jack, this is a prison.
- I know it's a... That's why we put KY
in your orientation kit.
- Look, I don't know, Warden.
Is there anything you could do for me?
- What can I do?
- I don't know.
Hold my hand or something.
I mean, not hold my hand, just-
- You want a job?
- Job. Job would be great.
Can you give me something?
Just to keep me away from the rest of the-
- Maybe you could come
in here and clean up around
the office?
- Great, great, great.
- All right.
Look, how about Tuesdays
and Thursday afternoons?
That'll be good.
- Okay. How about also
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
and maybe the whole weekend if we could?
- Jack, I don't think there's
that much cleaning up
to be done.
- Well, if you can make
it messier, there could be.
- I'll see what I can do, Jack.
- All right. Thanks a lot, Warden.
- You're welcome, Jack.
Take care of yourself, Jack.
Not bad.
- [Officer] Hey, Jack,
you gots the mail, man.
(envelope rustling)
- I have something to say.
Learn to be gay.
(Jack yelling)
(funky music)
(fake gun banging)
(funky music continues)
(paper clattering)
(trashcan clangs)
- Nice touch, Jack.
- Yeah, thanks there, Warden.
- You play golf?
- Yeah, every Friday
night, used to hang out.
Hit line drives out in the parkway.
- You mean the fairway?
- No, parkway, I'm from Jersey.
- Gosh.
I haven't played golf in years.
- Oh yeah? What made you quit?
- I lost my caddie.
Jackie the dog boy used to
chase down have all my shots.
He retired to Florida.
- Ah, well, yeah.
If you are interested,
the two of us can get out
on the green and play a little golf.
What do you say?
- You know,
it's against every rule we
have in this prison, Jack.
But what the heck. - Hey!
- Let's go!
Okay, Jack, now,
stand back a little, please.
Watch this form.
Here.
Knees loose, right?
Just like you're sitting on a bar stool.
Straight left arm.
(club swooshes)
(Warden chuckles)
no keep you on a ball, okay?
- I got it.
(club thuds)
Oh.
Jesus Christ.
My best ball.
- Oh boy.
- Did you see it go in?
- Yeah, yeah, it went over
in the woods in fact there.
- You think you could find it?
- Yeah. No problem.
Yeah, why don't you
just hold on to your clubs
and I'll go look for it.
(car revving)
(tires squealing)
(Jack panting)
(dogs howling)
(Jack yelling)
- Jack!
Jack!
Jack!
Hey, Jack!
I'll take a mulligan!
I got another ball in the bag!
He is so conscientious.
I got to put that in his report.
What a guy.
Jack!
Hey, Jack, come back!
(rain pouring)
(tires squealing)
Hi diddily-do there, fella!
You want a ride?
- I tripped.
- Oh, okay.
(clown singing)
- Shut up!
- [Clown] Fine!
If you don't want to hear it,
then I'll just get out and
you can take your car.
No wait, no wait, save the
car because it's a very good car.
I like the car. I can fit 20 people in it.
But no, no, do you think
it's easy being a clown?
No!
(clown crying)
Are you listen to me, mom?
But really, sometimes you don't understand
just how hard a life of a clown is.
You bastard!
- What the hell are you looking at?
- I'm not looking at anything.
- What are you looking at?
- I'm not looking at anything.
I'm just working here.
- What do you do here?
What do you do for a living?
- Me? I'm a student,
okay? I go to school here.
- Well, Mr. Student, what do you major in?
Checking out women's butts?
- No, but I heard the
continuing ed department's
actually offering a course
in the fall and that subject.
- You're a pig.
- That I am.
Oh, mama!
- This time I know you were staring at me.
- You're crazy.
- I am not crazy.
- You're out of your mind!
- I saw you staring.
- You're flying a saucer
is what you're doing.
- I'm not crazy.
- All right, maybe I was
staring at you a little bit there.
You got a boyfriend?
(Natasha sighs) Oh, I'm sorry, girlfriend.
I didn't mean they hurt your feelings there
if you know what I mean.
So I take it you're busy this Friday, huh?
- Please. - Come on.
Come on.
Why won't you go out with me, huh?
What's wrong with me, huh?
- You're no exactly my type.
- Yeah, well, listen;
I know what your problem
is, cause I know you're single.
You're single, aren't you?
- Maybe. - I know you're single.
You know what your problem is?
Let me tell you what your problem is.
- Please do. - You're the type of girl
that always goes out with
Prince Charming, Mr. Ken doll,
Mr. Perfect. - How do you know that?
- Oh, I got a sixth sense
for these type of things.
Well, I'm none of those things.
- That's for sure.
- Yeah. Well, this is me, okay?
I'm the type of guy
that's driving that IROC-Z,
parked at that red light just
waiting for it to turn green.
Suddenly, out of the corner
of my eye I see you walking by,
and I'm leaning on that horn
and I'm saying, "Oh, mama."
And you just keep on going
by and I'm pouring all my love
to you, but you don't even turn your head.
You just keep on walking.
But in the back of your mind,
you're thinking, "You know,
I wonder what it be
like just to hop in there."
No, come on.
"I wonder what it be
like just to get in that car
for that brief moment."
- I don't think so. - Yeah. Come on, man.
All right, I figured I'm too intense,
I'm too much of a man for
you to handle, so you're just
a little chicken.
- I'm not chicken. - Yes you are.
- I am not chicken. - Ah, come on, man,
you're just a little wuss, come on.
- No, I'm not.
- All right, fine.
Come on, go out with me.
Come on, come on, come on.
Just give me a chance. Give me a chance.
- I don't know why, I'm curious,
I don't know why, but
sure, I'll go out with you.
- Cool.
- You'll be an interesting
social experiment for me.
- So I'm a social experiment?
Cool.
(campy rock music)
(glass shattering)
(campy rock music continues)
(Pete laughing)
(loud knocking)
Get the door!
What?!
- [Jack] Order for you. Chinese food.
- Next door. I didn't order
no Chinese food, pal.
- [Jack] Oh, you did, I
have address for you.
1542, Mr. (indistinct).
- There's nobody here by that name.
- Yes there is, I have a (indistinct).
$10.
(Pete mumbling)
- $10?
(Jack yelling)
All right, kung-fu, here I come.
(Jack yelling)
- Honey?
Sweetie?
(rock music)
(Jack groans)
(rock music continues)
(both groaning)
(rock music continues)
(Jack yells)
(bottle shatters)
(case thumping)
(case thuds)
- Oh my balls.
Jack?
Hey, hey, don't do that.
That's how fag shit starts.
Jack.
Untie me, man, come on.
Take it easy. You're taking
this way too hard, Jack.
Jack, don't, man, come
on, please don't kill me.
Don't kill me.
- Shut up! - I haven't had sex
with the blonde yet.
- Shut your hole!
Shut the hell up!
- All right, all right!
- I'm just going to ask you
a couple questions, okay?
- [Pete] Just don't kill me.
- I'm not going to kill you.
- All right, all right, ask, ask, ask.
- Bruce Epstein.
- I don't know Bruce Epstein,
I don't know Bruce Epstein.
I can't help you out with that.
- Oh, you don't know who Bruce Epstein is?
The guy who threw me in fucking jail,
stole my girlfriend!
Come on! - Christ's sake,
get over it, there are
other girls out there, man.
Jesus, what are you, 12 years old?
- Look, look, I'll let you go.
Just tell me where Bruce Epstein is.
It's all I need.
- Nobody knows where Bruce is, man.
Bruce is untouchable, I don't know!
I'm Pete, they don't tell me shit,
I have no idea where nobody is!
- Nobody knows where Bruce is?
- Nobody I know of.
Jack, come on!
Jack, you got to believe me, I have no idea
where the fuck he is!
Jack!
(ball thuds)
That's it? You missed from five feet?
You missed? Look, I
don't mind being torture,
but doing it right!
Come on, if you're going
to hit me, hit me, you faggot!
- That's it. Ball one.
(both yelling)
- Come on!
Come on, you jerk!
(ball thuds)
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
All right, you got me, you got me!
Look, I'll tell you anything
you need to know.
Bruce is,
I don't know where Bruce is.
Come on, cut me a break here!
Come on, Jack, be reasonable man, be a pal.
- Foul ball!
- All right, Jack! Come on!
Give me what you got, you girl!
Go ahead now!
(loud crunching) (Pete groans)
- That's in there.
Strike one.
(Pete moaning)
- They see me.
They see me.
- Who?
(indistinct)
- He's a boy.
You want to see.
Palace.
The Shank Palace.
- Good boy.
(loud punch)
Okay, you can go to first base.
(Natasha moaning)
(animals calling)
- So did you think the play?
- Sucked.
- Sucked? My sister was in that play.
- Oh.
It still sucked.
- Really? - Yeah, sorry.
So what do you want to do now?
- We could go back to my place.
- Yeah!
- What are you yeahing about?
- Come on.
You know, go over to
your place, play a little game
of hide the salami.
Park the porpus, do the
horizontal hokey pokey,
you know what I mean?
- I really think you have the wrong idea.
- Hey, come on! What you talking about?
What's the big deal here?
- You do realize you're in a
lady's bathroom, don't you?
- So?
Listen, listen, there's no reason you and I
should go back to your place and do it.
- Do it? - Do it.
Look, look, look, dating is bullshit.
When a dog sees a dog,
what does it want to do?
It doesn't take its time to
go out and have a cup of
pie or tea or anything like
that, it gets what it wants
and it goes for it.
Bang! They have sex.
It's wonderful.
The only thing that's preventing
you and I from having any
real fun here is morality.
Now, let me explain something;
morality is the worst thing in the world.
Morality is like communism.
It comes down on us and says,
"You have to act this
way, I have to act this way,"
and we can't act on our primal feelings.
We're just down in this
hole and it just builds
and it grows and grows
and explodes and there's a
war and there's people dying
and people are getting killed
left it right.
If you and I don't go
back to your place now,
I don't want to scare you or anything,
but if you and I don't
go back to your place
and ride that skin boat to tuna town,
it could be the end of
the world as we know it.
- Get a life.
- All right, can you think
of a better way to waste
an afternoon then?
- Let's just go back to my place
and see what happens, okay?
- Cool.
Get ready for the best
45 seconds of your life.
(jazzy music)
(dance music)
(whip snapping)
(dance music continues)
- Squeal like a pig!
Squeal like a pig!
- Excuse me for one brief moment.
- Stay. Good boy. - Listen,
I've been looking for this guy.
Somebody told me he works here.
His name is Mike Nagashimi.
This doesn't seem like
you have guys around.
Does he still work here or
what's the story with him?
- Hey, he looks a little familiar.
- Shut up!
(loud kick)
I don't know.
- You don't know at all?
- Maybe I do. Maybe I don't.
- Excuse me, but I think you broke my nose.
- Oh, what does that mean:
maybe you do, maybe you don't?
Do you know? - Well, you see, baby,
I've been having so many
money problems lately that
it's just taxing my mind.
- I understand. Well, how about a 10?
Will that maybe refresh
your memory a little?
- Sorry to bother you again, but
I think a tissue would really
help. Do you have a tissue?
- Oh yeah!
Now I remember.
Thanks.
He is the bartender here
and he's going to be here
tomorrow at noon.
- Tomorrow at noon.
- Stay.
- So I gave you $10 just so
you can tell me that the guy's
going to be tomorrow?
- Would you rather have beat you?
- No, it's okay.
I mean, I don't want
to ruin my smooth butt.
- Okay.
I'm starting to get a little dizzy now.
- Not that I've been looking
at my butt or anything.
It's just that some prison
inmates told me I had
a real nice one.
- Very nice.
Now get out of here, I got work to do.
(jazzy music)
(water trickling)
(jazzy music continues)
(Jack crunching)
(Jack coughs)
(Pete groans)
- Dinner's ready.
- Are you going to untie me, man?
These underwear's been up my ass all day!
Man, this shit tastes like pussy.
As a matter of fact, it
tastes like bad pussy.
But now think about it;
is there such a thing as bad pussy?
Because bad pussy is
better than no pussy at all.
I would rather have a
stinky, filthy piece of pussy-
- Pete, - Than no pussy at all.
- Do me a favor, shut the fuck up.
The last time you had
pussy, you probably paid for it.
- And what's the difference
if you pay for it in cash?
I'd rather do that.
Because I'd rather pay
for cash than with pain!
Which is what you paid for,
which is why I'm sitting here
eating pussy soup.
So who's the dope?
- But I know what you're talking about.
Women, man.
Sit down there and
they always want to talk,
but they really don't want to talk.
What she wants to do is she wants
you to say what she's thinking.
- She wants you to say shit
that you would never say.
She wants to put words in your mouth like,
"No honey, your ass really
doesn't look fat in those pants.
You look great, come on, let's go."
And she doesn't believe you, does she?
No, no.
They don't believe shit. - I'm not Kreskin,
so I don't know what the
hell she's talking about.
- Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
As a matter of fact, this
is my theory on women:
you got to treat them like
dogs because women are just
like dogs.
What does a woman do
when she wants something?
She nags at you.
She fucking chews away at the bone there
when she wants something just like a dog.
If they got to take a
piss or they want a bone,
they scratch at the counter,
they scratch at the front door
until they get what they want.
And you do the shit that
you don't want to do for them.
Whether it's 2:00 in the
morning, raining cats and dogs,
three below zero.
You go out and do shit
that you don't want to do.
So this is what you should have done,
this is my theory how it goes:
smack the bitch like she was a dog.
Get her to be submissive.
Say, "Shut up, bitch!
No, we're not going out,
no, we're not doing that,"
and you wouldn't be here in this position
and I wouldn't be
here eating this bullshit!
- Right, well, I guess it
just comes down to this:
there's the user and the used.
It's like when my friend told me,
he said, "In life, you got
to decide you're going to be
a pimp or you're going to be a whore."
And you got to decide which
one you want to be, man.
- And what are you?
- I'm a pimp and you're my bitch
- Oh.
Pass a piece of bread there, daddy?
- Yeah, no problem.
I was planning on going
back to the Shank Palace,
but this time I wasn't going to come alone.
I knew I needed a little protection,
so I dug up an old friend
that could help me out a lot.
Besides, some of those
strippers looked pretty damn mean.
(dance music)
- Hey buddy, how's it going?
(whip snapping) (man groaning)
- Okay, Joey, you're doing
good, Joey, you're doing good.
What's that one?
- Five? - Yes, Joey!
(crosstalk)
How about that one, Joey? What's that?
- Seven?
- Yes, it is seven!
What about that?
This is a tough one, Joey.
What's that? What's that? - Cookies?
There's no cookies there, Joey!
There's no cookies here!
(Vinny mumbling)
- Hey, Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, Vinny.
- What? What?
- What are we doing here again?
- We're waiting for the guy, Joey.
The guy.
- The guy?
- Yeah, the guy.
He got hit on the guy.
- What guy?
- The guy who stole from us.
He stole from us, Joe.
- [Joey] He stole? - He Stole.
- What did he steal?
- Stole the stuff, Joey.
- Stuff?
- The stuff. - The stuff.
- The stuff.
- Oh, the drugs!
(both yelling)
Rugs.
I have nice rugs at
homes. They're very nice.
Patterns are pretty.
They're very nice.
(dance music)
- Freeze freeze, freeze,
freeze, freeze, freeze freeze!
- Jack!
- [Vinny] Who is this guy!
- Jack.
- I'm think I'm taking
this guy down to jail,
he's going to confess (indistinct).
- What the hell are you talking about?
I'm going to shoot hi, in the head.
- [Jack] You can't shoot him in the head.
- Of course I can shoot him in the head!
(indistinct) I'm a good shot. Tell him.
Go on, Joey.
- He's a very good shot.
- Hey! Joey! - What?
- What are you doing?
What'd I tell you about that?
- It's a bad thing.
(Vinny mumbling) Oh, sorry.
- I saw (indistinct)
- [Vinny] What?!
I've been sitting here
for hours waiting for you,
playing flash cards with your friend here!
- I got dibs on him, all right?
- What are talking about you got dibs?
What is this? Elementary school?
Joey, what the hell is he talking about?
- You know, technically,
Vinny, he does have dibs.
(Joey sneezes)
(guns banging)
(guns banging)
- Don't you think you
overreacted just a little bit?
- You're the one that moved.
Fag.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait one second.
I got to reload, okay?
(gun banging)
(gun clicking)
(bottle shatters)
(loud kick)
(loud punch)
(Mike punching)
(upbeat music)
(bullets clattering)
(gun banging)
(upbeat music continues)
(gun bangs)
(gun bangs)
(Jack burps)
- [Natasha] Jack?
- Yeah?
- Can you do me a favor?
- Do you want to be held?
- No.
- Do you want to
talk?
- No.
- What do you want then?
- Can you lock the door on your way out?
- That's it? - That's it.
- That's it? That's all you need?
- Yeah.
- Yes!
Maybe we'll see a movie
sometime, you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, sure, see you later.
- All right.
Uh oh.
Trouble.
- Yeah?
You fucking my sister?
You fucking my sister?
You fucking Natasha?
- Yes, yes, yes. - Oh, well I'm a brother.
Pete. Nice to meet you.
I'm only fucking around, pal.
Hey, how's it going? I
like to meet her friends.
I'm only fucking around, chief.
Hey, hey, where you go?
Let's go grab a beer, you and me.
Hey! Hey, chief, come
on, I'm only fucking around.
(Jack panting)
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
(Pete moaning)
(loud slap)
- [Radio Host] We interrupt
this broadcast to bring you
a special bulletin.
Jack Winston, escaped
convict, has just killed two men
in a local strip bar known
as the Shank Palace.
If you see Mr. Winston,
don't hesitate to call your
local police at this number: 555-4329.
If he causes any difficulty, shoot on site.
That is all.
Now we return to your
regularly scheduled program.
Back too you, Bob.
(Pete groaning)
(phone ringing)
- Yeah?
- Hello, hello, police?
Listen,
this is Jack Winston.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to kill those two guys, but
they just pulled their guns
out and I'm sitting there
with my gun and I shot them!
I'm sorry!
- Uh huh.
- Listen, I'm not a criminal,
I'm not a bad guy or anything,
I'm just out here, I'm
trying to clear my name.
That's why broke out prison to begin with.
- Uh huh.
- You got to you got to help me.
Every time I get close, they
just keep closing the door.
You got to help me out,
please, please, please!
You got to help me out
(Jack crying)
- And who is this?
- Jack.
Jack Winston.
- Jack Winston?
Yeah, well, call me back after I'm done
with my lunch, all right?
(phone clangs)
Asshole.
- What's all the noise?
Who was on the phone?
- I don't know. Some Jack Winston guy.
- Jack Winston was on the phone?
Did you at least find out where he is?
- No, I'm eating lunch.
- Did you at least trace his phone?
There's not even any
tape in the damn machine.
Did you get any information at all?
- No.
- Do you have any idea
how long we've been looking
for Jack Winston, you idiot?
- Hey sarge, you can eat that donut?
- My life sucks.
(Pete groaning)
I want to blame this whole
shit on Pete.
I blame this shit on you!
- Oh, give me a break!
You blame it on me? - Give a guy a break!
- What do you mean you're blame on me?
I got you involved in this
to make a little bit of money!
Now all of a sudden just
because you get caught,
you're blaming me for your life of crime.
I didn't tell you to shoot the guy.
- People on the radio called
me a killer and everybody's
after me; I'm a dead man here!
- Oh, my heart is bleeding
for you! Give me a break!
So I popped another cherry,
so shoot me, you faggot!
Grow up and join the real world!
We're involved with real
drugs and everything here!
- You know, you're really a fucked up guy.
- Oh, don't give me
that I'm a fucked up guy.
You know who's a fucked up guy?
You're a fucked up guy! Look at me!
I'm hog tied wearing a
(indistinct) diaper or something!
You got be dressed up like
a girl hidden in your closet!
You can't even hold on to a real girl!
You know what? I think
you want to make me a girl.
I think that's what you think.
You like hairy girls!
That's why you couldn't
keep coming on to my sister,
because she wasn't hairy enough!
Now let me call you sick bastard!
And get the hell out of here while you can,
that's my advice to you!
Just run! But just run
and get the hell out of here!
Let me go first.
Untie me first, Jack.
Jack, just untie me first, that's all,
and then run like all you stupid jerk!
Oh, my head.
Oh, come on!
Just let me go and let
me out of your sick world!
That's all I'm asking you, Jack.
Just let me go, you bastard! Come on!
- Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete,
Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete!
- What, what, what, what, what?
Leave me alone, please.
Can't you just let me go?
I'm going to shit myself.
Can you just let me get up
and go to the bathroom at least?
Have a heart. - Hey, just listen to me.
Listen, listen. - What?
- Your sister, okay,
do you know where the
woman lives right now?
Do you have any idea?
Any clue? Any indication?
- Why? What's the matter?
You don't love me anymore?
You don't like hairy bitches anymore?
- No, I still love you.
You're fine, you're beautiful.
- Think about it!
- Just tell me where your sister is, man.
- Where is she always?
Where is she always?
- She still at the apartment?
- Give me a break, where do you think?
- Cool.
- Can't you figure things out for yourself?
Come on! I got to go bad now!
What you got? More fruit?
(loud fart) Just what I need.
(Jack whistling)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hello, it's Jack Winston.
- Yeah, hold on one second.
It's him!
It's him!
Hey, quick! Go over
and set the tape machine!
Put on the chord,
then put the (indistinct).
The play switch.
Over there, to the left.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right over there, okay.
Now turn the volume on.
No, no, the volume.
Hello? - Hello?
- Yeah, hi, it's me.
Listen, I'm going to turn myself in.
I live at 130 Spring Terrace
in Montville, New Jersey,
Apartment 3B.
I'll be waiting for you guys
to pick me up anytime now.
- All right.
(phone clangs)
- Bye.
- That's it?
You don't keep him on
long enough to get a trace
on the call.
Can't you do anything right?
- Told us where he was.
- Yeah, you know that's
exactly where he is?
Let's go, come on. Let's go.
Come on.
Hey sarge, can we stop at
the bakery on the way out?
- Isn't that sweet?
- What's sweet? - That.
- What? The guy with the flowers?
- Yeah, it's sweet.
- The guy's no sweet, the guy's a fuck up.
- He's a sweetheart. - He's a fuck up.
- He's a sweetheart. - He's a fuck up.
- Sweetheart.
- This is why this guy is a fuck up:
because all women, when
they see a guy with flowers,
they think it's the most
beautiful, most wonderful,
most romantic thing in the world.
But we know this guy is a fuck up.
This guy said the wrong
thing, did the wrong thing,
put his dick in the wrong place
and now he's got to pay for it.
That's why they got these
flower shops open 24 hours a day,
seven days a week,
cause there's guys like this
who are always fucking up.
- You're such a pessimist.
- I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.
- What's the difference?
- There's a big difference, okay.
A pessimist, he's afraid of everything,
and a realist, like
myself, is afraid of nothing.
- You're not scared of anything?
- No.
- Nothing? - No.
- Nothing scares you? - No.
- Nothing? - All right.
I guess love scares me a little bit.
- Love? Why?
- Well, it's not like I feel that
a woman will never love me, cause
I feel that
maybe I will never be in love.
- You don't love me?
- I'm not going to answer that.
- You don't love me?
- I'm not going to answer.
I'm not going to answer that.
I'm staying far away from that.
- Then what are the two of us doing here?
- All right.
I love
the idea of loving you.
- What the hell's that supposed to mean?
- I can't tell you what that
means, you're going to have to
figure that out for yourself.
- Okay.
(light knocking) (Mike moaning)
(buzzer beeping)
(light knocking)
- How you doing? I got Chinese food.
- Chinese food?
- Yeah.
- Do you know what this means?
- No.
- This means that I'm
the chef. I'm the chef.
I take Chinese food and I call it my own.
- Yeah.
- We didn't order this.
- Well, I don't know, I
just got a phone call.
Listen, you got a bathroom or something?
I got to squeeze the egg
roll, you know what I'm saying?
Okay, I don't know what
that means, but thank anyway.
- Yo, Mike.
- I'm the chef, man.
I rake leaves,
I fix things,
and I'm the chef.
I'm the chef, man.
- Yo, fuck-face, that was the guy!
- The guy that going to
replace me as the chef?
- No, man, it's the man, it's Winston.
- Who? - The Winston dude!
Jack fucking Winston!
Dude, let's fucking blast his ass!
- Yeah!
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(gun banging)
(water trickling)
(gun bangs)
(both grunting)
(loud clanging)
(gun splashes)
(ladle slapping)
(both grunting)
(loud thud)
(sharp kick)
(both grunting)
(sharp crack)
(Mike groaning)
(cart crashing)
(Mike groaning)
(Jack yelling)
(gun banging)
(Jack whimpering)
(loud kick) (glass shattering)
(tense music)
(Francois yelling)
(tense music continues)
(loud smacking)
(loud punch)
(Jack thuds)
(sharp punch)
(loud smacking)
(trash can clattering)
(Francois yelling)
- All right, this is the place.
I'm going to go on the
front entrance and see
if I can find him.
If you pull some shit
and comes out the back,
I want you watching.
- Yeah, all right.
- Watch the back. The back is over here.
- All right, all right,
I'll watch the back!
Go, go! - Watch.
(door creaking) (Pete groaning)
What the hell are you doing?
I tell you real simple
to watch the backside
and you're out here eating donuts?
This shit?
Look, there's something
fishy going on in there.
I'm going to go around the
backside myself and check it out.
- Go around the backside,
check it out, yeah.
- Don't be such a bum. Geez.
- My donut.
(tense music)
Hey, you!
(pin clanging)
(loud explosion)
- Freeze!
- Jack.
- Well, well, well, well.
If it isn't my ex-girlfriend, Natasha.
Don't bother covering up your love humps,
I've already seen them, honey.
- Jack, sit down, we
need to have a serious talk.
- A talk? Yeah, well, I'm a
little busy right down, Natasha.
- Busy doing what?
- Well, your boyfriend,
Bruce, I'm trying to kill him.
You haven't seen him around
by any chance have you?
- Jack, sit down.
- I'm not sitting. - Sit down,
I want to talk to you.
- I'm not sitting down, Natasha.
- Sit down.
- Fine.
- Okay, let me just say-
- No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, let me just say.
First of all, when I was in jail,
you didn't see me, call
me or even write me.
Second of all, I'm sorry,
I am in love with you
and I never told you that,
but third of all, I'm a
guy, which guys never tell
their chicks they love them
which excuses the second point.
Thank you very much.
- First of all, you talk too much.
Way too much.
Second of all, I never loved
you and I will never love you.
And third of all, you suck in bed.
(guns banging)
- Yeah, you're right, I'm glad we had this
little conversation.
(gun bangs)
(guns banging)
(dramatic music)
(loud punch)
(Bruce yelling)
(loud smacking)
(chain swirling)
- Come on, jerk.
(nunchaku smacking)
- Take the second balloon,
put it with the first balloon.
(nunchaku thuds)
(Bruce yelling)
(dramatic music)
(chain thumps)
(Jack yells)
(chain whistling)
(chain rattling)
(Jack yells)
(sharp kick)
(tense music)
(loud smacking)
(Bruce yelling)
(chain whistles)
(Jack gagging)
(chain snaps)
(Jack yelling)
- Well, he's dead.
- This is very interesting.
Now, you wouldn't normally
think that the brain could pass
through a door without
being totally splattered.
As you can see, we have
two distinct bodies here.
We have Jack Winston over
here, and we have your friend,
Sergeant (indistinct) over here.
Now if you look at this
note, it's very interesting,
the suicide note very
distinctly has Jack Winston's
signature on it.
And if you look at his credit
card, you'll notice it has
the same exact signature.
- Excuse me, senor, would
you be interested in buying these
"We Beat You at the Alamo" T-shirts?
$1.50 off every T-shirt.
(speaking Spanish)
Oh, I understand, senor.
♪ I saw your eyes ♪
♪ I realize ♪
♪ You're special ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell ♪
♪ I think you're swell ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ The thought of your hair ♪
♪ Fills me with no cares ♪
♪ But only for you ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell ♪
♪ Gee, you're swell ♪
♪ I think I love you ♪
why the hell was I given
a fucking GI Joe doll?
What is that?
I mean, the guy's got no balls.
He's just like a plastic body.
And I looked at the thing, I was like,
"What the fuck is this?
There's no balls on this thing."
That's weird, that's a guy?
And he had these plastic hands, right?
You want to pull those
fucking hands right out?
What is that shit?
I hated that shit.
It's just not fucking real.
It's just not fucking
real and I got to play
with this thing and
that's what I think life is,
this fucking amoeba type of thing.
This plastic thing with no balls.
It doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense.
There's no fucking balls on a GI Joe doll.
What the hell is that?
No wonder I had such a problem growing up.
Thinking fucking guys don't have balls.
I was really fucking playing with dolls.
I'll never give my kid a fucking GI Joe.
Fuck that. No fucking
GI Joe's for my kid, okay?
The kid's going to get
blocks and wood and shit.
He's going to go play with
snakes in the fucking woods
the way I wanted to do if I
had a chance over again.
That's how I'd fucking do it.
I'd go out into the woods,
I'd throw rocks at things.
I am tired of this shit.
(toy cactus clicking)
(gun banging)
- Well,
that was smart.
(hiphop music)
- Hi, what you're
watching here is basically
a home movie of my life.
This is the school where I went to.
This is the building where
most of the classes took place.
Although I spent most of my time right here
in the student center because
basically I was avoiding
the classes and doing work.
So, you know how that goes.
Oh, this is me on graduation day.
I really didn't show up
to the graduation party,
but my mom made me wear the cap and gown.
That's my brother waving.
Yeah, he's got problems.
Yeah, so later that
night we had a little party,
just me and my brother
getting a little drunk and stuff,
as you can see.
Getting a little wild.
Take a little bit more, man,
you take a little bit more.
(both laughing)
There are basically three
things I did that entire summer;
one, which is to practice
a game which would
basically change the world and around it
and everyone that's involved,
and that game, of course,
is basketball.
That's right, baby. You
know what I'm talking about.
(ball swishing)
Basketball's like life.
You get one shot at that rim.
If you miss the hoop, the game's over.
So is life.
Second thing I did that summer was
practiced another sport
which gave a lot of satisfaction,
required a lot of skill,
speed, agility, and
just a genuine lack of
life and everything else
in the world, and of course was gunnery.
(gun banging)
(gun bangs)
Third thing I did was hang
out with my wonderful girlfriend,
Natasha. (inhaling sharply)
Oh, mama.
She's the only thing that's
keeping me basically sane
in my life because basically
I don't have any job or any future of a job
or anything to do with my life.
She loves me. She really does.
I don't know why she keeps
on pushing me down like that.
Oh, this is really why I went to school;
I studied to becoming an artist.
It's really what I want to do with my life.
And basically I've studied the
Rembrandts and all the greats
and I really think I have
a great deal of talent.
Look at that. Hey, Bob
Ross, eat your heart out.
You can't hold a candle, you
know what I'm talking about?
So basically, after a while my
dad threw me out of the house
because he knew I
couldn't get a job as an artist
and basically, he was right,
so I had to go elsewhere
to find a place to live and
so I decided to basically
clean up my act.
So I bought a suit, polyester of course,
but for a good price like $50,
and decided to go out
and conquer the world,
and that's where we are right now.
So, yeah.
- What's up, motherfucker,
what to shake hands
with the (indistinct)?
- Hey, Pete.
- [Both] What's up!
(both exclaiming)
- How you been, man? - Hey, man.
- What are you doing here?
- Haven't seen you since
college, man.
- Yeah, I haven't you in a while.
It's kind of funny.
So, how's my sister
doing? You seen my sister?
- Still sleeping with me.
- Yeah, good for you, I can understand why.
Just like me with tits, right?
Well just remember you
got her now, but I had her
way back when.
So, it's so funny that I run into,
I was just thinking
about you the other day.
I saw in the paper that
the guy what cut his ear off,
the sculptor, what's his name?
- Van Gogh. - Yeah, Van Gogh.
They got a thing in the city
at a museum on his stuff.
And I'm figuring, hey man,
you liked Van Gogh, right?
- That's Monet, Monet you're thinking of.
Monet.
And I really don't like
his stuff, it's too derivative
of Renaissance.
- Yeah. Yeah, me neither, me neither.
So, you know.
What's up? What are you doing here?
How am I running into you here?
- Looking for a job, man.
I got an interview here at 2:00.
- Really? That's great!
You know what? I got a
job here. I work here, man.
We can work together like pals, man.
It's fucking phenomenal.
- Hey, what are you doing later, man?
- I get off at 4:00.
- Great. The two of us will
get together and shoot some
hoops, throw the rock in the hole.
- Cool, man. We'll play
some basketball too.
- Yeah. Cool, see you later.
- All right, man. I'll see
you when I see you.
- See you. - All right.
- Not if I see you first.
- Hey, good one!
You still got it, right?
(mop splatters)
- So you remember how
to play this game, right?
- Yeah, sure, I played in high school
at the play school set,
Nerf set, all that shit.
- All right, cool, you ready to go, man?
- Yeah, sure.
(ball thuds) (Pete groans)
Are you going to cheat like this all day
or are we going to play basketball?
I don't understand.
All right, I'm ready now.
Let's go, tough guy.
- Yeah, yeah.
So, how go with the job interview?
- Yeah, it went all right, man.
- Yeah, what's matter?
You don't sound too enthusiastic about it.
What's the matter?
You don't like the place?
I work there, got a nice car,
wallpaper in the apartment,
everything like that.
- Cause only a real shit
bag would work there.
(Pete groans)
No offense.
- Well, if you're interested,
I can hook you up with a gig
that will get you some
good cash money flow.
You know what I'm talking about?
- Yeah, well cleaning
toilets in exactly a career
I consider a career move.
- Look man, that's not all there is to it.
I just do that on the
surface, you understand,
so people think I'm on the up and up.
I'm in with some guys
that I could introduce you to
to get you in to get some
good cash money, man.
What do you think?
- I think cool, man. - All right then.
You ready? - Yeah.
- You know what that is?
- No idea. - That's my fuck face,
cause I'm going to fuck you up!
Come on chicken legs!
(basketball bouncing)
Geez!
You know badminton, that's my game.
I kicked your ass in badminton.
(train honking) (clacks clattering)
(men chattering)
- It ain't nothing, let me
see your pictures of girls
in your wallet.
- Shut the fuck up.
- All right, man, she had these beautiful,
hey man, this is Jack Winston, guys.
This is Jack Winston, but
anyway, she had these beautiful
nipples, real big, you
could play on them like that.
Jack, I want you to introduce
you to all these guys.
(men chattering)
Come on, man, give me a chance here.
This is Jack.
He's going to be running
with us today, man.
- How you doing?
- Over here, we got Bruce Epstien.
Stein, stupid. - Sorry, man.
Next we got over here,
Francois Hoffenwasser.
- What's up, jack-off?
- Next to him we got
Tyrone "the man" Nusbomb.
Don't let his size fool
you, he's a motherfucker.
- Yo, blast (indistinct)!
- Over there, we got Mike Nagashimi.
Don't be offended, he's kind of retarded.
He don't say too much.
All right, so that's everybody
and just stay in line,
we won't have to shoot you. (Pete laughs)
(all chattering)
(Bruce yells)
- What?
- Hey, am I all right? Am I cool?
Do I have any on my face there?
Come on, Let's go.
Let's go.
- And don't mess with my presets.
If Z100 ain't on, I'm
going to be very pissed off.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure, you talk to me for a second?
- Let me take a wild shot in the dark here,
that's not flour in the back of the car.
- No, it's sugar.
Come on, relax for Christ's sake.
We're doing crimes here, we need to be up.
- Okay, Pete, yeah, right.
- What are you doing? What are you doing?
You can't walk away on me, man.
- I can't walk away on you?
- No, don't walk away on me. - Well, watch.
Don't be a faggot.
Come on, look, coming down
to it, are you in, are you out?
In or out?
- I'm out. That's where I am.
- Get out. - Out.
- Good, go, be a fag. Go ahead, do it.
How much?
How much you want?
It all comes down to
money, don't bullshit me,
how much extra?
$15 - $15?
- $15. - Please.
- 20. - All right.
- Get in the back.
Hey, use a coaster! This
shit was just steam cleaned,
for Christ's sake.
(horn honking)
(train clacking)
Let's go.
Let's go.
License plate's all fucked up, man.
- Pete, Pete, let me talk to
you for a second, all right?
- What's up?
What's up? You ready?
- No, I'm not ready, okay.
You guys do whatever you have to do,
cause I don't want to
look it, I don't want to see it.
I don't want to smell
it, touch it, anything.
That's your business.
- All right, all right,
Jack, man, you're really
embarrassing me, man.
You're fucking embarrassing
me in front of my friends.
I'm trying to hook you up.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, man.
- Listen... [Bruce] Let's go, Pete.
- Hey, shut up!
- Hey, come on, don't be talking,
I got it, it'd okay, it's cool, man.
Listen, man, just sit behind the wheel,
keep the car idling, don't with the presets
and just wait for us to come out.
Can you handle that?
- Yeah, I can handle it fine.
- I'm taking five off the 20, man.
- Yeah, you wish. Hey, hey, so what do I do
if someone comes?
- Don't sweat it, man.
Alls you got to do is just
sit there and let me know
somehow, someway discreetly,
all right, all right, all
right, hold on a second.
- Shut up!
- Don't tell them to shut up, man.
Jesus. All right, just take it easy, man.
- What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
- JusT relax is what I want you to do.
Call my name.
Don't call my name, use
a codename like Johnson.
Hey, Mr. Johnson! Something like that.
But do it discretely.
- [Bruce] Come on, man, come on!
- All right, I'm coming.
Be cool, man.
(men chattering)
Don't touching presets on the radio, man!
- Gotcha. - [Pete] Remember,
Mr. Johnson if he pigs come, all right?
Got that, jack-off?
Hey Pete, come here.
Come here. - What's up?
- What the fuck is with jack-off over here?
- There's nothing wrong with Jack.
Man, don't worry about Jack.
- Are you sure?
- I got it covered, man.
- Where'd you meet this fucking guy?
- Jack and me go way back.
We pulled in shit in high school.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
He better be because
if he fucks this up, man,
we are going to drag him
with that fucking car, okay?
- Don't sweat it, man, I
got it, it's under control.
- We're talking big
fucking money here, Pete.
- All right, don't worry, man,
I got my boy under control.
It's no problem.
- You're better, man.
- Can I ask you a question?
- What?
- Where'd you get all this stuff from, man?
Where'd you get such quantity of this shit?
- Alls you got to know is
the Schlotnik boys are dead.
- The Schlotnik boys?
- He better be straight, man.
- Don't sweat it.
Fuck head.
- What's happening, man?
- Not much.
- You know a guy named Pete?
- Yeah, he's buying or selling
drugs over there somewhere.
- Over there? - Yeah.
- Let's go.
- All right.
- What's up?
- How's it going? - How you doing, man?
- Good. How you been?
- You got the thing?
- I got the thing. You got the stuff?
- Yeah, I got the.
Well, where's the shit?
- I got the shit.
- Where's the shit?
- The shit's right here. Shit's right here.
- Where? - In the thing.
I got the thing and the shit right here.
Just like you wanted.
You give me the stuff, I give you the shit.
- Look, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I don't want any shit from
you, I just want the shit.
- Now you don't want the shit?
- No, I want the shit, but
I don't want shit from you.
- I'm not trying to give you any shit
but the shit I got here.
- Well, that's what I'm saying,
I want you to give me the
shit, the shit that's supposed
to be in the thing.
Is it in the thing? - I'm not giving you
any crap about the shit.
I got the shit, you got the stuff.
You give me the stuff, I give you the shit.
- And you got the shit head with you.
- [Pete] He's okay.
- I just wanted the
shit, not the shit head.
- Well, you got the shit head.
That's a special bonus,
he's like a special guest star.
You know wat I'm talking about?
You got the thing? - Un-fucking-believable.
All I wanted you to do was bring the thing
with the shit in it.
You bring the shit head along with you.
And now you're giving me shit
- I'm not giving you shit.
I got the shit.
- Look, I got the stuff here.
- You got the stuff? - Take the stuff,
give the thing with the shit.
- Let's see the thing you
got, I'll fucking give you
the stuff and then, you know.
It's all right.
Keep it cool.
Just chill on the shit.
No shit?
- Freeze!
- Ah, you freeze!
- No, you freeze! - No, you freeze!
- And you freeze too! - You freeze!
(camera clicks)
(all yelling)
(hiphop music) (men yelling)
- Come, man, let's
get the fuck out of here!
(hiphop music continues)
(all shouting)
(all yelling)
- Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up!
I don't how to drive a stick shift.
(all yelling)
(tires squealing)
- Come on, come on, let's go.
I don't have all day.
Sit down, sit down and stop whining.
(crosstalk)
Shut up and sit back, I don't
want to hear anymore shit.
All right, let's start
with the basics here.
Name.
You fuck face.
You dickhead.
You asshole.
You puss nose.
- Jack Winston.
J-A-C-K
yeah, very good.
- All right.
Shut up.
- Excuse me for one second,
is there anybody here I can
talk to and confess and tell-
- Occupation?
You pocket pool player.
You scum sucker.
You scrotum scratcher.
You Michael Dukakis lover.
- Yeah, I used to work
in a sperm bank, okay.
- Oh yeah?
Did they pay you by the hour
or they pay it by the spurt?
Punk.
(camera clicking)
Come on, asshole.
Come on, I don't have time for once?
- But it's just... What?
- Just one thing, all right?
I got to go tinkle.
- Look, I'm tired of you dicking around me.
What?
- I got to go tinkle. I got to, you know,
water the plants, loosen the fire hydrant.
- The fire hydrants? Pants?
- Uncork the spring. - Spring?
- Drain the dragon. - What the fuck are you
talking about?
- I got to piss. - I don't have time.
Now you have to piss? - Yeah.
- You got 10 seconds. Let's go.
- Oh, thank you.
- What the fuck are you
looking at, needle dick?
(urine trickling)
(Zack exclaiming) (Sarge yelling)
Here, take that. (Jack yells)
(both shouting)
Oh, I can't believe you.
You son of a bitch,
you're pissing all over me.
- Oh fuck.
- Now what?
- You know when you fingerprinted me?
- Yeah.
- I forgot to wash my hands.
- You are such an asshole.
(men yelling)
(hiphop music)
- Would you like a (instinct) dance?
(hiphop music continues)
- Hey, Pete, Pete, how you doing?
How you doing? - Hi.
- I'm here to tell you some
things I heard on the street.
I don't know, you might
be interested in this;
you know this guy, Jack Winston?
- No, I don't know no Jack Winston.
- You don't know Jack Winston?
- No.
- I heard some things.
I heard that you and your
buddies, some coke deal.
Coke deal went down?
- I don't know. - No. You don't know?
You know anything about some cops?
Some cop getting killed?
- No.
- Hey, I want to tell you
something right now,
this guy, Jack. - Yeah, I want to tell you.
What do you think you would get if you
connected the dots here?
Because I see like a Santa
Claus with the little buzz on,
or like that chubby whale from Carvel.
What do you call that thing?
The chubby the whale.
- Fudgie the whale. Fudgie the whale.
- What do you think you'd
see when you get there?
- I see 20 years for you, man.
- Why? I didn't touch her.
- Hey, hey, this guy, Jack,
you know what he is doing?
Hey, he's talking to a
defense attorney right now
in county jail.
He's going to roll over on you.
I'm trying to help you out here, man.
You know anything?
- I don't know nothing about that.
You know, Burt,
what you give me $10,
I think I got a good shot
with this girl.
I think she really lies
me. My dime's almost up.
I don't have any money left.
- I got nothing.
Hey, I got nothing, man.
You know what? I got to go. You know what?
That's a guy anyway.
- Hey, that ain't funny.
You're not a guy are you?
- [Officer] Jack Winston.
Jack Winston.
Jack Winston.
Somebody here to see you.
- The fuck!
Look who's the one
guy who visits me in jail.
Now you have got some fucking
nerve showing up here, man.
Where the fuck do
you get off with this shit?
What, you want my shirt?
What do you want from me?
You took everything else I had, man.
- Listen, I can understand and sympathize
with your situation. - Oh really?
- I understand you're very, very upset.
- Yeah, you bet I'm pissed, man.
- I'm very sorry to hear
that, but I'm here to bring you
some enlightening news
that might make the time go
a little bit quicker.
- Oh really?
- That's right.
- What do you want? What?
- You can't turn in the group.
I hear from the grapevine that
you're going to be squealing
on everybody like a
little faggot stuffed pigeon.
- What are they,
announcing this over a blimp?
- Look, there is shit that
goes on that you have
no idea about. - That's right.
I'm going to tell the
police everything about you
and send you and all
your scummy friends to jail.
You got a problem? - You can't do that.
- I can do whatever I can do.
- You cannot do that.
- It's America. It's a free country.
- Okay, wise ass, mister I
got all my bases covered,
do you want to hear
the real truth about this?
- Yeah, why don't you tell
me the real truth about this.
- You love Natasha?
- Love. I don't know, man.
- You want to continue fucking Natasha?
Let's put it that way.
- Yeah, I want to continue fucking Natasha.
- Well, if you turn the
group in, you're going to be
fucking Natasha in a whole new way, pal.
- What do you mean? I
already been fucking Natasha.
What the hell are you talking about?
- Natasha is in it with the gang, okay?
She cuts... What do you mean?
- All the shit that we were selling.
She's been in it from the get-go.
Okay?
You fuck with everybody
else in there, you fuck with her.
You send her away.
You're only going to be doing six weeks.
- Six weeks is a very long time.
- Six weeks is a walk in the park.
You sit in there, you play
basketball, you improve the game,
so I don't kick your ass.
You learn about Vincent van gay-
- Why do you think I'm doing six weeks?
Where do you come up with this six weeks?
- Six weeks will fly like a bird.
If you fuck us, you're
going to send Natasha away
for years, man, lots of years.
That's a longer time than six weeks, right?
(Jack groaning)
- Okay.
I'll do it.
- Believe me, you're doing the right thing.
Six weeks will go by no problem.
Alls you got to do is keep your nose clean,
keep your back to the wall
when you walk down the hallway.
Nobody will with fuck with you whatsoever.
- That's what I'm worried about exactly,
is someone fucking with me, man.
I'm just going to stay in my cell,
eat Fig Newtons all day.
Anyone tries to fuck me up the ass,
I'll just shit all over their dick.
- Well, I don't want to burst your bubble,
but there are some enlightened
members of this prison
society who might actually enjoy that.
Probably make you
something dick afterwards,
so maybe you should rethink your position.
Anyways, I'll see you in six weeks.
You're doing the right thing.
Hanging in there, kid. I'll
keep Natasha warm for you.
- [Jack] I still wasn't sure
if I was going to go through
with Pete's plan.
After all, what the hell?
I tried calling Natasha on
the phone several times.
Tried to ask her about
this whole drug thing,
but she never picked up the phone.
The woman doesn't even
have an answering machine,
how can I go to jail for a
woman who can't even purchase
a machine?
Whatever.
- [Pete] You love Natasha?
- [Jack] Love? I don't know, man.
- [Pete] You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
You love Natasha?
(men laughing)
(baby crying)
(television rumbling)
(men yelling)
- Ladies and gentlemen of the court.
Your Honor.
I will prove that my client, Jack Winston,
is 100% unquestionably,
undeniably innocent.
And I will prove to the court,
to the prosecutor,
to the janitor down the hall
that my client, Jack Winston,
is innocent of all charges
brought before him.
He was nothing but a chauffer,
a driver,
a patsy.
And he is innocent.
Isn't that right, Mr. Winston?
- Not exactly.
- What do you mean, "Not exactly?"
- Well, I mean, if I really think about it-
- Are you sure?
- No... Are you positive?
- I don't know.
- Are you absolutely positively sure?
- I'm positively sure I
don't know anything.
- Okay.
- Mr. Winston, I have one
question I would like for you
to answer for me,
for the judge, the jury and
the janitor out in the hall;
did you happen to notice
any children in the vicinity
while you were sitting in
the car as this drug deal
was going down?
- I don't know.
- Mr. Winston,
while you were sitting there
in your car involved in selling
this poison filth, scum,
scourge,
were you aware of the
fact that the F. Murray
Elementary School was
adjacent to the parking lot?
- That's where my son goes, you bastard!
- So I don't get this whole thing.
What does school have to do with me?
And why are they talking about this
when I was just a driver?
I'm totally confused here.
- Well, you have a mandatory sentence here.
And in this state, if
you're busted for drugs
within 1,000 feet of a school-
- Uh huh.
- Your sentence is mandatory.
- Mandatory?
I'm still cool though.
I mean, I'm not going
to do any real time, right?
Like six weeks or anything like that?
- Loser.
- [Officer] Will the court please rise.
(heavy breathing)
- The court has found you, Jack Winston,
guilty of the charges and
sentences you to life in prison.
(gavel thuds)
You weasely beaver.
(Jack groans)
(Pete scoffs)
- Hey, who knew?
Don't think about
it, it'll go by like that.
He's fucked.
- [Jack] Jail.
The big house.
The house of the heebie-jeebies.
A fortress of fear.
Destiny is not here.
It's a cliche, but life
truly does slow down here
to almost a turtle's speed.
The rest of the world is
just like a rollercoaster
in fast motion.
It doesn't care if it slows
down or knows what's going on
the inside because it's got its own speed.
Of course, they left a picture just for me
to keep me company.
Well, you know, I got to get
my sex somehow, basically.
(water spraying)
(romantic music)
♪ I realize ♪
♪ You're special ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell ♪
♪ I think you're swell ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ The thought of your hair ♪
♪ Fills me with no care ♪
♪ But only for you ♪
♪ How I love him ♪
♪ Gee, you're swell ♪
All right, just calm down here, okay?
Before you try anything unnatural here.
I got aids, so just back off, okay?
Just back off!
- That's okay. I've already got it.
(water squeaking)
(loud punch)
(Jack thuds)
(loud thud)
(loud smacking) (Jack groaning)
- Stop, stop, stop, stop!
(water splashing)
(boot squeaks)
(loud thud)
Yes!
(Jack yells) (wheels rolling)
(loud smack)
- Jack, come on in. Sit down.
Judy said you had some
kind of problem you wanted
to talk to me about?
- Yeah, I got a huge problem.
- What is it? Spit it out.
- Well, apparently, Warden,
some of the inmates here,
find me,
well, they sort of,
they want to-(Jack mumbling)
- Jack, please, I can't hear you.
- They want to, you know.
(Warden laughing)
- They want to use your
butt for a pin cushion?
(Jack shushing)
Well, Jack, this is a prison.
- I know it's a... That's why we put KY
in your orientation kit.
- Look, I don't know, Warden.
Is there anything you could do for me?
- What can I do?
- I don't know.
Hold my hand or something.
I mean, not hold my hand, just-
- You want a job?
- Job. Job would be great.
Can you give me something?
Just to keep me away from the rest of the-
- Maybe you could come
in here and clean up around
the office?
- Great, great, great.
- All right.
Look, how about Tuesdays
and Thursday afternoons?
That'll be good.
- Okay. How about also
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
and maybe the whole weekend if we could?
- Jack, I don't think there's
that much cleaning up
to be done.
- Well, if you can make
it messier, there could be.
- I'll see what I can do, Jack.
- All right. Thanks a lot, Warden.
- You're welcome, Jack.
Take care of yourself, Jack.
Not bad.
- [Officer] Hey, Jack,
you gots the mail, man.
(envelope rustling)
- I have something to say.
Learn to be gay.
(Jack yelling)
(funky music)
(fake gun banging)
(funky music continues)
(paper clattering)
(trashcan clangs)
- Nice touch, Jack.
- Yeah, thanks there, Warden.
- You play golf?
- Yeah, every Friday
night, used to hang out.
Hit line drives out in the parkway.
- You mean the fairway?
- No, parkway, I'm from Jersey.
- Gosh.
I haven't played golf in years.
- Oh yeah? What made you quit?
- I lost my caddie.
Jackie the dog boy used to
chase down have all my shots.
He retired to Florida.
- Ah, well, yeah.
If you are interested,
the two of us can get out
on the green and play a little golf.
What do you say?
- You know,
it's against every rule we
have in this prison, Jack.
But what the heck. - Hey!
- Let's go!
Okay, Jack, now,
stand back a little, please.
Watch this form.
Here.
Knees loose, right?
Just like you're sitting on a bar stool.
Straight left arm.
(club swooshes)
(Warden chuckles)
no keep you on a ball, okay?
- I got it.
(club thuds)
Oh.
Jesus Christ.
My best ball.
- Oh boy.
- Did you see it go in?
- Yeah, yeah, it went over
in the woods in fact there.
- You think you could find it?
- Yeah. No problem.
Yeah, why don't you
just hold on to your clubs
and I'll go look for it.
(car revving)
(tires squealing)
(Jack panting)
(dogs howling)
(Jack yelling)
- Jack!
Jack!
Jack!
Hey, Jack!
I'll take a mulligan!
I got another ball in the bag!
He is so conscientious.
I got to put that in his report.
What a guy.
Jack!
Hey, Jack, come back!
(rain pouring)
(tires squealing)
Hi diddily-do there, fella!
You want a ride?
- I tripped.
- Oh, okay.
(clown singing)
- Shut up!
- [Clown] Fine!
If you don't want to hear it,
then I'll just get out and
you can take your car.
No wait, no wait, save the
car because it's a very good car.
I like the car. I can fit 20 people in it.
But no, no, do you think
it's easy being a clown?
No!
(clown crying)
Are you listen to me, mom?
But really, sometimes you don't understand
just how hard a life of a clown is.
You bastard!
- What the hell are you looking at?
- I'm not looking at anything.
- What are you looking at?
- I'm not looking at anything.
I'm just working here.
- What do you do here?
What do you do for a living?
- Me? I'm a student,
okay? I go to school here.
- Well, Mr. Student, what do you major in?
Checking out women's butts?
- No, but I heard the
continuing ed department's
actually offering a course
in the fall and that subject.
- You're a pig.
- That I am.
Oh, mama!
- This time I know you were staring at me.
- You're crazy.
- I am not crazy.
- You're out of your mind!
- I saw you staring.
- You're flying a saucer
is what you're doing.
- I'm not crazy.
- All right, maybe I was
staring at you a little bit there.
You got a boyfriend?
(Natasha sighs) Oh, I'm sorry, girlfriend.
I didn't mean they hurt your feelings there
if you know what I mean.
So I take it you're busy this Friday, huh?
- Please. - Come on.
Come on.
Why won't you go out with me, huh?
What's wrong with me, huh?
- You're no exactly my type.
- Yeah, well, listen;
I know what your problem
is, cause I know you're single.
You're single, aren't you?
- Maybe. - I know you're single.
You know what your problem is?
Let me tell you what your problem is.
- Please do. - You're the type of girl
that always goes out with
Prince Charming, Mr. Ken doll,
Mr. Perfect. - How do you know that?
- Oh, I got a sixth sense
for these type of things.
Well, I'm none of those things.
- That's for sure.
- Yeah. Well, this is me, okay?
I'm the type of guy
that's driving that IROC-Z,
parked at that red light just
waiting for it to turn green.
Suddenly, out of the corner
of my eye I see you walking by,
and I'm leaning on that horn
and I'm saying, "Oh, mama."
And you just keep on going
by and I'm pouring all my love
to you, but you don't even turn your head.
You just keep on walking.
But in the back of your mind,
you're thinking, "You know,
I wonder what it be
like just to hop in there."
No, come on.
"I wonder what it be
like just to get in that car
for that brief moment."
- I don't think so. - Yeah. Come on, man.
All right, I figured I'm too intense,
I'm too much of a man for
you to handle, so you're just
a little chicken.
- I'm not chicken. - Yes you are.
- I am not chicken. - Ah, come on, man,
you're just a little wuss, come on.
- No, I'm not.
- All right, fine.
Come on, go out with me.
Come on, come on, come on.
Just give me a chance. Give me a chance.
- I don't know why, I'm curious,
I don't know why, but
sure, I'll go out with you.
- Cool.
- You'll be an interesting
social experiment for me.
- So I'm a social experiment?
Cool.
(campy rock music)
(glass shattering)
(campy rock music continues)
(Pete laughing)
(loud knocking)
Get the door!
What?!
- [Jack] Order for you. Chinese food.
- Next door. I didn't order
no Chinese food, pal.
- [Jack] Oh, you did, I
have address for you.
1542, Mr. (indistinct).
- There's nobody here by that name.
- Yes there is, I have a (indistinct).
$10.
(Pete mumbling)
- $10?
(Jack yelling)
All right, kung-fu, here I come.
(Jack yelling)
- Honey?
Sweetie?
(rock music)
(Jack groans)
(rock music continues)
(both groaning)
(rock music continues)
(Jack yells)
(bottle shatters)
(case thumping)
(case thuds)
- Oh my balls.
Jack?
Hey, hey, don't do that.
That's how fag shit starts.
Jack.
Untie me, man, come on.
Take it easy. You're taking
this way too hard, Jack.
Jack, don't, man, come
on, please don't kill me.
Don't kill me.
- Shut up! - I haven't had sex
with the blonde yet.
- Shut your hole!
Shut the hell up!
- All right, all right!
- I'm just going to ask you
a couple questions, okay?
- [Pete] Just don't kill me.
- I'm not going to kill you.
- All right, all right, ask, ask, ask.
- Bruce Epstein.
- I don't know Bruce Epstein,
I don't know Bruce Epstein.
I can't help you out with that.
- Oh, you don't know who Bruce Epstein is?
The guy who threw me in fucking jail,
stole my girlfriend!
Come on! - Christ's sake,
get over it, there are
other girls out there, man.
Jesus, what are you, 12 years old?
- Look, look, I'll let you go.
Just tell me where Bruce Epstein is.
It's all I need.
- Nobody knows where Bruce is, man.
Bruce is untouchable, I don't know!
I'm Pete, they don't tell me shit,
I have no idea where nobody is!
- Nobody knows where Bruce is?
- Nobody I know of.
Jack, come on!
Jack, you got to believe me, I have no idea
where the fuck he is!
Jack!
(ball thuds)
That's it? You missed from five feet?
You missed? Look, I
don't mind being torture,
but doing it right!
Come on, if you're going
to hit me, hit me, you faggot!
- That's it. Ball one.
(both yelling)
- Come on!
Come on, you jerk!
(ball thuds)
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
All right, you got me, you got me!
Look, I'll tell you anything
you need to know.
Bruce is,
I don't know where Bruce is.
Come on, cut me a break here!
Come on, Jack, be reasonable man, be a pal.
- Foul ball!
- All right, Jack! Come on!
Give me what you got, you girl!
Go ahead now!
(loud crunching) (Pete groans)
- That's in there.
Strike one.
(Pete moaning)
- They see me.
They see me.
- Who?
(indistinct)
- He's a boy.
You want to see.
Palace.
The Shank Palace.
- Good boy.
(loud punch)
Okay, you can go to first base.
(Natasha moaning)
(animals calling)
- So did you think the play?
- Sucked.
- Sucked? My sister was in that play.
- Oh.
It still sucked.
- Really? - Yeah, sorry.
So what do you want to do now?
- We could go back to my place.
- Yeah!
- What are you yeahing about?
- Come on.
You know, go over to
your place, play a little game
of hide the salami.
Park the porpus, do the
horizontal hokey pokey,
you know what I mean?
- I really think you have the wrong idea.
- Hey, come on! What you talking about?
What's the big deal here?
- You do realize you're in a
lady's bathroom, don't you?
- So?
Listen, listen, there's no reason you and I
should go back to your place and do it.
- Do it? - Do it.
Look, look, look, dating is bullshit.
When a dog sees a dog,
what does it want to do?
It doesn't take its time to
go out and have a cup of
pie or tea or anything like
that, it gets what it wants
and it goes for it.
Bang! They have sex.
It's wonderful.
The only thing that's preventing
you and I from having any
real fun here is morality.
Now, let me explain something;
morality is the worst thing in the world.
Morality is like communism.
It comes down on us and says,
"You have to act this
way, I have to act this way,"
and we can't act on our primal feelings.
We're just down in this
hole and it just builds
and it grows and grows
and explodes and there's a
war and there's people dying
and people are getting killed
left it right.
If you and I don't go
back to your place now,
I don't want to scare you or anything,
but if you and I don't
go back to your place
and ride that skin boat to tuna town,
it could be the end of
the world as we know it.
- Get a life.
- All right, can you think
of a better way to waste
an afternoon then?
- Let's just go back to my place
and see what happens, okay?
- Cool.
Get ready for the best
45 seconds of your life.
(jazzy music)
(dance music)
(whip snapping)
(dance music continues)
- Squeal like a pig!
Squeal like a pig!
- Excuse me for one brief moment.
- Stay. Good boy. - Listen,
I've been looking for this guy.
Somebody told me he works here.
His name is Mike Nagashimi.
This doesn't seem like
you have guys around.
Does he still work here or
what's the story with him?
- Hey, he looks a little familiar.
- Shut up!
(loud kick)
I don't know.
- You don't know at all?
- Maybe I do. Maybe I don't.
- Excuse me, but I think you broke my nose.
- Oh, what does that mean:
maybe you do, maybe you don't?
Do you know? - Well, you see, baby,
I've been having so many
money problems lately that
it's just taxing my mind.
- I understand. Well, how about a 10?
Will that maybe refresh
your memory a little?
- Sorry to bother you again, but
I think a tissue would really
help. Do you have a tissue?
- Oh yeah!
Now I remember.
Thanks.
He is the bartender here
and he's going to be here
tomorrow at noon.
- Tomorrow at noon.
- Stay.
- So I gave you $10 just so
you can tell me that the guy's
going to be tomorrow?
- Would you rather have beat you?
- No, it's okay.
I mean, I don't want
to ruin my smooth butt.
- Okay.
I'm starting to get a little dizzy now.
- Not that I've been looking
at my butt or anything.
It's just that some prison
inmates told me I had
a real nice one.
- Very nice.
Now get out of here, I got work to do.
(jazzy music)
(water trickling)
(jazzy music continues)
(Jack crunching)
(Jack coughs)
(Pete groans)
- Dinner's ready.
- Are you going to untie me, man?
These underwear's been up my ass all day!
Man, this shit tastes like pussy.
As a matter of fact, it
tastes like bad pussy.
But now think about it;
is there such a thing as bad pussy?
Because bad pussy is
better than no pussy at all.
I would rather have a
stinky, filthy piece of pussy-
- Pete, - Than no pussy at all.
- Do me a favor, shut the fuck up.
The last time you had
pussy, you probably paid for it.
- And what's the difference
if you pay for it in cash?
I'd rather do that.
Because I'd rather pay
for cash than with pain!
Which is what you paid for,
which is why I'm sitting here
eating pussy soup.
So who's the dope?
- But I know what you're talking about.
Women, man.
Sit down there and
they always want to talk,
but they really don't want to talk.
What she wants to do is she wants
you to say what she's thinking.
- She wants you to say shit
that you would never say.
She wants to put words in your mouth like,
"No honey, your ass really
doesn't look fat in those pants.
You look great, come on, let's go."
And she doesn't believe you, does she?
No, no.
They don't believe shit. - I'm not Kreskin,
so I don't know what the
hell she's talking about.
- Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
As a matter of fact, this
is my theory on women:
you got to treat them like
dogs because women are just
like dogs.
What does a woman do
when she wants something?
She nags at you.
She fucking chews away at the bone there
when she wants something just like a dog.
If they got to take a
piss or they want a bone,
they scratch at the counter,
they scratch at the front door
until they get what they want.
And you do the shit that
you don't want to do for them.
Whether it's 2:00 in the
morning, raining cats and dogs,
three below zero.
You go out and do shit
that you don't want to do.
So this is what you should have done,
this is my theory how it goes:
smack the bitch like she was a dog.
Get her to be submissive.
Say, "Shut up, bitch!
No, we're not going out,
no, we're not doing that,"
and you wouldn't be here in this position
and I wouldn't be
here eating this bullshit!
- Right, well, I guess it
just comes down to this:
there's the user and the used.
It's like when my friend told me,
he said, "In life, you got
to decide you're going to be
a pimp or you're going to be a whore."
And you got to decide which
one you want to be, man.
- And what are you?
- I'm a pimp and you're my bitch
- Oh.
Pass a piece of bread there, daddy?
- Yeah, no problem.
I was planning on going
back to the Shank Palace,
but this time I wasn't going to come alone.
I knew I needed a little protection,
so I dug up an old friend
that could help me out a lot.
Besides, some of those
strippers looked pretty damn mean.
(dance music)
- Hey buddy, how's it going?
(whip snapping) (man groaning)
- Okay, Joey, you're doing
good, Joey, you're doing good.
What's that one?
- Five? - Yes, Joey!
(crosstalk)
How about that one, Joey? What's that?
- Seven?
- Yes, it is seven!
What about that?
This is a tough one, Joey.
What's that? What's that? - Cookies?
There's no cookies there, Joey!
There's no cookies here!
(Vinny mumbling)
- Hey, Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, Vinny.
- What? What?
- What are we doing here again?
- We're waiting for the guy, Joey.
The guy.
- The guy?
- Yeah, the guy.
He got hit on the guy.
- What guy?
- The guy who stole from us.
He stole from us, Joe.
- [Joey] He stole? - He Stole.
- What did he steal?
- Stole the stuff, Joey.
- Stuff?
- The stuff. - The stuff.
- The stuff.
- Oh, the drugs!
(both yelling)
Rugs.
I have nice rugs at
homes. They're very nice.
Patterns are pretty.
They're very nice.
(dance music)
- Freeze freeze, freeze,
freeze, freeze, freeze freeze!
- Jack!
- [Vinny] Who is this guy!
- Jack.
- I'm think I'm taking
this guy down to jail,
he's going to confess (indistinct).
- What the hell are you talking about?
I'm going to shoot hi, in the head.
- [Jack] You can't shoot him in the head.
- Of course I can shoot him in the head!
(indistinct) I'm a good shot. Tell him.
Go on, Joey.
- He's a very good shot.
- Hey! Joey! - What?
- What are you doing?
What'd I tell you about that?
- It's a bad thing.
(Vinny mumbling) Oh, sorry.
- I saw (indistinct)
- [Vinny] What?!
I've been sitting here
for hours waiting for you,
playing flash cards with your friend here!
- I got dibs on him, all right?
- What are talking about you got dibs?
What is this? Elementary school?
Joey, what the hell is he talking about?
- You know, technically,
Vinny, he does have dibs.
(Joey sneezes)
(guns banging)
(guns banging)
- Don't you think you
overreacted just a little bit?
- You're the one that moved.
Fag.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait one second.
I got to reload, okay?
(gun banging)
(gun clicking)
(bottle shatters)
(loud kick)
(loud punch)
(Mike punching)
(upbeat music)
(bullets clattering)
(gun banging)
(upbeat music continues)
(gun bangs)
(gun bangs)
(Jack burps)
- [Natasha] Jack?
- Yeah?
- Can you do me a favor?
- Do you want to be held?
- No.
- Do you want to
talk?
- No.
- What do you want then?
- Can you lock the door on your way out?
- That's it? - That's it.
- That's it? That's all you need?
- Yeah.
- Yes!
Maybe we'll see a movie
sometime, you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, sure, see you later.
- All right.
Uh oh.
Trouble.
- Yeah?
You fucking my sister?
You fucking my sister?
You fucking Natasha?
- Yes, yes, yes. - Oh, well I'm a brother.
Pete. Nice to meet you.
I'm only fucking around, pal.
Hey, how's it going? I
like to meet her friends.
I'm only fucking around, chief.
Hey, hey, where you go?
Let's go grab a beer, you and me.
Hey! Hey, chief, come
on, I'm only fucking around.
(Jack panting)
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
(Pete moaning)
(loud slap)
- [Radio Host] We interrupt
this broadcast to bring you
a special bulletin.
Jack Winston, escaped
convict, has just killed two men
in a local strip bar known
as the Shank Palace.
If you see Mr. Winston,
don't hesitate to call your
local police at this number: 555-4329.
If he causes any difficulty, shoot on site.
That is all.
Now we return to your
regularly scheduled program.
Back too you, Bob.
(Pete groaning)
(phone ringing)
- Yeah?
- Hello, hello, police?
Listen,
this is Jack Winston.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to kill those two guys, but
they just pulled their guns
out and I'm sitting there
with my gun and I shot them!
I'm sorry!
- Uh huh.
- Listen, I'm not a criminal,
I'm not a bad guy or anything,
I'm just out here, I'm
trying to clear my name.
That's why broke out prison to begin with.
- Uh huh.
- You got to you got to help me.
Every time I get close, they
just keep closing the door.
You got to help me out,
please, please, please!
You got to help me out
(Jack crying)
- And who is this?
- Jack.
Jack Winston.
- Jack Winston?
Yeah, well, call me back after I'm done
with my lunch, all right?
(phone clangs)
Asshole.
- What's all the noise?
Who was on the phone?
- I don't know. Some Jack Winston guy.
- Jack Winston was on the phone?
Did you at least find out where he is?
- No, I'm eating lunch.
- Did you at least trace his phone?
There's not even any
tape in the damn machine.
Did you get any information at all?
- No.
- Do you have any idea
how long we've been looking
for Jack Winston, you idiot?
- Hey sarge, you can eat that donut?
- My life sucks.
(Pete groaning)
I want to blame this whole
shit on Pete.
I blame this shit on you!
- Oh, give me a break!
You blame it on me? - Give a guy a break!
- What do you mean you're blame on me?
I got you involved in this
to make a little bit of money!
Now all of a sudden just
because you get caught,
you're blaming me for your life of crime.
I didn't tell you to shoot the guy.
- People on the radio called
me a killer and everybody's
after me; I'm a dead man here!
- Oh, my heart is bleeding
for you! Give me a break!
So I popped another cherry,
so shoot me, you faggot!
Grow up and join the real world!
We're involved with real
drugs and everything here!
- You know, you're really a fucked up guy.
- Oh, don't give me
that I'm a fucked up guy.
You know who's a fucked up guy?
You're a fucked up guy! Look at me!
I'm hog tied wearing a
(indistinct) diaper or something!
You got be dressed up like
a girl hidden in your closet!
You can't even hold on to a real girl!
You know what? I think
you want to make me a girl.
I think that's what you think.
You like hairy girls!
That's why you couldn't
keep coming on to my sister,
because she wasn't hairy enough!
Now let me call you sick bastard!
And get the hell out of here while you can,
that's my advice to you!
Just run! But just run
and get the hell out of here!
Let me go first.
Untie me first, Jack.
Jack, just untie me first, that's all,
and then run like all you stupid jerk!
Oh, my head.
Oh, come on!
Just let me go and let
me out of your sick world!
That's all I'm asking you, Jack.
Just let me go, you bastard! Come on!
- Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete,
Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete!
- What, what, what, what, what?
Leave me alone, please.
Can't you just let me go?
I'm going to shit myself.
Can you just let me get up
and go to the bathroom at least?
Have a heart. - Hey, just listen to me.
Listen, listen. - What?
- Your sister, okay,
do you know where the
woman lives right now?
Do you have any idea?
Any clue? Any indication?
- Why? What's the matter?
You don't love me anymore?
You don't like hairy bitches anymore?
- No, I still love you.
You're fine, you're beautiful.
- Think about it!
- Just tell me where your sister is, man.
- Where is she always?
Where is she always?
- She still at the apartment?
- Give me a break, where do you think?
- Cool.
- Can't you figure things out for yourself?
Come on! I got to go bad now!
What you got? More fruit?
(loud fart) Just what I need.
(Jack whistling)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hello, it's Jack Winston.
- Yeah, hold on one second.
It's him!
It's him!
Hey, quick! Go over
and set the tape machine!
Put on the chord,
then put the (indistinct).
The play switch.
Over there, to the left.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right over there, okay.
Now turn the volume on.
No, no, the volume.
Hello? - Hello?
- Yeah, hi, it's me.
Listen, I'm going to turn myself in.
I live at 130 Spring Terrace
in Montville, New Jersey,
Apartment 3B.
I'll be waiting for you guys
to pick me up anytime now.
- All right.
(phone clangs)
- Bye.
- That's it?
You don't keep him on
long enough to get a trace
on the call.
Can't you do anything right?
- Told us where he was.
- Yeah, you know that's
exactly where he is?
Let's go, come on. Let's go.
Come on.
Hey sarge, can we stop at
the bakery on the way out?
- Isn't that sweet?
- What's sweet? - That.
- What? The guy with the flowers?
- Yeah, it's sweet.
- The guy's no sweet, the guy's a fuck up.
- He's a sweetheart. - He's a fuck up.
- He's a sweetheart. - He's a fuck up.
- Sweetheart.
- This is why this guy is a fuck up:
because all women, when
they see a guy with flowers,
they think it's the most
beautiful, most wonderful,
most romantic thing in the world.
But we know this guy is a fuck up.
This guy said the wrong
thing, did the wrong thing,
put his dick in the wrong place
and now he's got to pay for it.
That's why they got these
flower shops open 24 hours a day,
seven days a week,
cause there's guys like this
who are always fucking up.
- You're such a pessimist.
- I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.
- What's the difference?
- There's a big difference, okay.
A pessimist, he's afraid of everything,
and a realist, like
myself, is afraid of nothing.
- You're not scared of anything?
- No.
- Nothing? - No.
- Nothing scares you? - No.
- Nothing? - All right.
I guess love scares me a little bit.
- Love? Why?
- Well, it's not like I feel that
a woman will never love me, cause
I feel that
maybe I will never be in love.
- You don't love me?
- I'm not going to answer that.
- You don't love me?
- I'm not going to answer.
I'm not going to answer that.
I'm staying far away from that.
- Then what are the two of us doing here?
- All right.
I love
the idea of loving you.
- What the hell's that supposed to mean?
- I can't tell you what that
means, you're going to have to
figure that out for yourself.
- Okay.
(light knocking) (Mike moaning)
(buzzer beeping)
(light knocking)
- How you doing? I got Chinese food.
- Chinese food?
- Yeah.
- Do you know what this means?
- No.
- This means that I'm
the chef. I'm the chef.
I take Chinese food and I call it my own.
- Yeah.
- We didn't order this.
- Well, I don't know, I
just got a phone call.
Listen, you got a bathroom or something?
I got to squeeze the egg
roll, you know what I'm saying?
Okay, I don't know what
that means, but thank anyway.
- Yo, Mike.
- I'm the chef, man.
I rake leaves,
I fix things,
and I'm the chef.
I'm the chef, man.
- Yo, fuck-face, that was the guy!
- The guy that going to
replace me as the chef?
- No, man, it's the man, it's Winston.
- Who? - The Winston dude!
Jack fucking Winston!
Dude, let's fucking blast his ass!
- Yeah!
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(gun banging)
(water trickling)
(gun bangs)
(both grunting)
(loud clanging)
(gun splashes)
(ladle slapping)
(both grunting)
(loud thud)
(sharp kick)
(both grunting)
(sharp crack)
(Mike groaning)
(cart crashing)
(Mike groaning)
(Jack yelling)
(gun banging)
(Jack whimpering)
(loud kick) (glass shattering)
(tense music)
(Francois yelling)
(tense music continues)
(loud smacking)
(loud punch)
(Jack thuds)
(sharp punch)
(loud smacking)
(trash can clattering)
(Francois yelling)
- All right, this is the place.
I'm going to go on the
front entrance and see
if I can find him.
If you pull some shit
and comes out the back,
I want you watching.
- Yeah, all right.
- Watch the back. The back is over here.
- All right, all right,
I'll watch the back!
Go, go! - Watch.
(door creaking) (Pete groaning)
What the hell are you doing?
I tell you real simple
to watch the backside
and you're out here eating donuts?
This shit?
Look, there's something
fishy going on in there.
I'm going to go around the
backside myself and check it out.
- Go around the backside,
check it out, yeah.
- Don't be such a bum. Geez.
- My donut.
(tense music)
Hey, you!
(pin clanging)
(loud explosion)
- Freeze!
- Jack.
- Well, well, well, well.
If it isn't my ex-girlfriend, Natasha.
Don't bother covering up your love humps,
I've already seen them, honey.
- Jack, sit down, we
need to have a serious talk.
- A talk? Yeah, well, I'm a
little busy right down, Natasha.
- Busy doing what?
- Well, your boyfriend,
Bruce, I'm trying to kill him.
You haven't seen him around
by any chance have you?
- Jack, sit down.
- I'm not sitting. - Sit down,
I want to talk to you.
- I'm not sitting down, Natasha.
- Sit down.
- Fine.
- Okay, let me just say-
- No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, let me just say.
First of all, when I was in jail,
you didn't see me, call
me or even write me.
Second of all, I'm sorry,
I am in love with you
and I never told you that,
but third of all, I'm a
guy, which guys never tell
their chicks they love them
which excuses the second point.
Thank you very much.
- First of all, you talk too much.
Way too much.
Second of all, I never loved
you and I will never love you.
And third of all, you suck in bed.
(guns banging)
- Yeah, you're right, I'm glad we had this
little conversation.
(gun bangs)
(guns banging)
(dramatic music)
(loud punch)
(Bruce yelling)
(loud smacking)
(chain swirling)
- Come on, jerk.
(nunchaku smacking)
- Take the second balloon,
put it with the first balloon.
(nunchaku thuds)
(Bruce yelling)
(dramatic music)
(chain thumps)
(Jack yells)
(chain whistling)
(chain rattling)
(Jack yells)
(sharp kick)
(tense music)
(loud smacking)
(Bruce yelling)
(chain whistles)
(Jack gagging)
(chain snaps)
(Jack yelling)
- Well, he's dead.
- This is very interesting.
Now, you wouldn't normally
think that the brain could pass
through a door without
being totally splattered.
As you can see, we have
two distinct bodies here.
We have Jack Winston over
here, and we have your friend,
Sergeant (indistinct) over here.
Now if you look at this
note, it's very interesting,
the suicide note very
distinctly has Jack Winston's
signature on it.
And if you look at his credit
card, you'll notice it has
the same exact signature.
- Excuse me, senor, would
you be interested in buying these
"We Beat You at the Alamo" T-shirts?
$1.50 off every T-shirt.
(speaking Spanish)
Oh, I understand, senor.
♪ I saw your eyes ♪
♪ I realize ♪
♪ You're special ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell ♪
♪ I think you're swell ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ The thought of your hair ♪
♪ Fills me with no cares ♪
♪ But only for you ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell ♪
♪ Gee, you're swell ♪
♪ I think I love you ♪