Blonde Crazy (1931) - full transcript

Who cares
for starlit skies?

when you're alone

the magic moonlight dies

at the break of dawn

there is no sunlight

when your lover has gone

what lonely hours

the evening

Uh, show this young lady
to the housekeeper's room,

although I think
the position's been filled.

Step this way, please.



I came to get the linen job.
I hope the clerk is wrong.

You ever see a hotel clerk
that was right?

Hotel clerks
and house detectives.

Now, what do you want?

Just a smile.

Come on, let's have it.

- That a baby.
- Scamp.

Mrs. Snyder, the girl you hired
for the linen job is here.

I told her to report
tomorrow morning.

She wants to get acquainted
with the job on her own time.

Well, I never met
one like that before.

Uh, miss Jones,

this is Mrs. Snyder, whom you talked
to over the phone this morning.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?



So you're
the ambitious kind, huh?

Ever done
hotel work before?

Sure. The Julian Dubuque,
the Blackstone in Chicago...

How do you know so much
about where she worked?

Why, uh, Jimmie, her...
Her boyfriend told me.

Oh, I see.

Well, uh, you won't
need me anymore...

right now.

I'll be seeing you.

Call for a Mr. Franklin!

Say, that dame's a pip.
Who is she?

Call for a Mr. Franklin!

Listen, Jim,

your girlfriend got
the linen job, didn't she?

Yeah. What about it?

Well, uh, I hear
she can't come to work.

No? Why not?

Somebody else got
the linen job instead.

What do you mean?
Mamie was hired.

Yeah, I know, but...

they needed somebody
with more experience.

Well, I'm going upstairs
and see old lady Snyder.

She's not going to get away
with that stuff.

This new girl
needs the work.

So does Mamie.

I'm going up there
and raise a...

Wait a minute.

Here.

Just tell Mamie that one
of the old girls came back.

You can do it.

Did you get it?

All set, I guess
if I want the job.

What do you mean,
if you want it?

I don't want any job bad enough
to take away from somebody else.

Whenever you take a job,
you take it away from somebody.

- There are more people the jobs in the world.
- Well, it's all over my head.

This miss Jones business
and somebody's sweetie.

- What's your name?
- Anne Roberts.

Listen, Anne,

the girl that got the job is a
friend of one of the bellhops.

- Everything's fixed.
- What do you mean, fixed?

She didn't want the job
very bad anyhow.

They're going to get married
in a couple of weeks.

- When are you coming to work?
- In the morning.

- Got your aprons?
- No, but I'm going to buy a couple.

Don't. I'll get them for you.
Won't cost you a cent.

Thanks...

- Bert.
- Bert?

Call me Albert for short.

Goodbye...

Bertie.

And let me tell you
something about this place.

I've been here six months,
and I know.

For the love of Mike,

Stay away
from those bellhops.

They can't do a girlie
any good,

And the worst monkey
of them all

Is that guy Bert Harris.

He's dynamite.

Everybody in this joint
owes him money

From those crooked dice
of his.

Well, he can't
do me any harm.

I haven't any money,
and I don't shoot craps.

Oh, yeah?

Well, maybe you have
something else he can use.

I'm telling you

He's a good guy
to stay away from.

He peddles booze and...

Hello?
Yes, sir, right away.

610 wants
some fresh towels.

610? I thought they
were painting up there.

I guess they're finished.

Oh, it's you.

Mm-hmm, body and soul.

I never did like
bright lights.

Look, honey, I got some
hooch and sandwiches

And stuff for us.

It's nice and quiet here.

Not a chance
of anybody finding us.

I knew you'd come.

That's a fine way
to treat a fellow

After he gets you
your job.

Hello.
Give me the linen room.

Hello, Peggy?

How about giving
little Bertie a big break?

I'm up in 610.

You mean you want me
to come right up?

Sure. I'm waiting for you,
honey.

Everything's all set.
Can you come up?

Sure can.
I'll fly up, big boy.

Come in.

Good evening.

Hello.

- Kind of hot tonight.
- Too hot.

Shall I do your bed?
Kind of early, isn't it?

Not if you're
going to bed.

A bed doesn't mean much
to a fellow like me.

Just a place
to rest my head.

What a treat for the bed.

Yeah. Say, how about
a little nip together,

Just you and me, huh?

Why just you and me?
How about your other friend,

The little fellow over there
in the green sweater?

Hello! Give me
the housekeeper.

This is
a. Rupert Johnson Jr.,

Room 334.

Need more towels at once,

And send that same girl
back here.

Send the bellboy up
with ginger ale and ice.

I heard you yelling
clear down the corridor.

Here are your towels.

What makes you so hard
to get along with?

Mugs like you.

I can be real nice
to the right one.

Really? And I suppose
the right one's

The first one
that comes along.

You know, I'm mighty
lonesome myself,

And you impress me
as being lonesome, too.

Yeah? Well, you got
the wrong impression.

Well, let's be friends
anyway.

Say, will you
do me a favor?

Perhaps.

I've got a new line
of merchandise.

I'd like to see
what you think of it.

Come on. Look at it.

A woman is always a better judge
of jewelry than a man is,

especially a pretty woman.

Ah!

Here's a dandy.

Here, let's see
how this looks on you.

These look mighty nice
on you.

You know, they just
match your teeth.

Gee, you look swell.

Hey, cut that out!

Oh! Oh! Now look
what you did!

Those are expensive.

Ohh! Ohh!

Hiya, Mrs. Dempsey.

How's that
right cross today?

Aw, come on, honey, don't
put on the chill that way.

I sized you up wrong
yesterday.

I didn't mean
to get you sore.

I like you, Anne, really.

You know, you're the first girl that
ever socked me for going for her.

- Yes?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, honey,

I'd like to have you
sock me like that every day.

Oh, would you?

Sure, honey, I'd love it.

Ha ha.

What a woman.

Took you long enough
to get here, kid.

I had to pick out
the big chunks of ice.

Yeah?

Say...

What's the name of that
blonde making up the beds?

I don't know her
that well, sir.

I didn't think you did.
You don't look too smart.

Everybody says I'm very bright
for my age, sir.

I can't get anywhere
talking to you.

Maybe you'd be surprised.

What's that?

Have a drink?

Never touch the stuff
while I'm on the job.

Besides, I never drink
anything but my own.

Here, you might try this.

Not bad.

Say, that's pretty good.

That's what everybody says.

That chambermaid you asked about likes
it so well she won't touch any other.

She's my best customer.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

You sell that stuff?

Can't afford
to make a gift of it.

- How much?
- $10.

That's high, isn't it?

Not if the blond chambermaid
likes it.

The name's Bert.

Hello, babe.

Hello.

I've got something
for you.

Here's the 5 bucks
I owe you.

For what? You don't
owe me anything,

unless it's an apology
for bothering me.

No, take it! It's a commission on
the booze I sold that mug in 334.

He bought it when I told him
you liked it.

After all I told you,

You went and fell
for this shrimp's line,

You dirty little tramp.

It hurts...

It hurts me more
than it does you, honey.

"Answers advertisement,

"invests $25,000,
charges fraud.

"'Get rich quick' scheme
works again.

Prince of swindlers
makes gigantic haul."

Say, what is this,

taking a correspondence course
in salesmanship?

Nothing else.

Super-high pressure
and deluxe.

Going on the road?

Uh-huh. Won't be long now,
and I'll take you along.

Not as a sideline,
you won't.

Well, I think you and I can make
a lot of money together.

Then what?

We blow this joint and make
a play for the big city.

You sound like Santa Claus
in wolf's clothing.

Honey, I'm Santa Claus,
Robin hood,

and the goose that laid
the golden egg all in one.

Pretty big package,
aren't you?

Seriously, there's a lot
of loose money lying around

if you only know
where to look for it.

The world owes me a living.
I'm not built for work.

That's for horses and smack-offs
like that 4-eyed room clerk.

Now, you've got beauty
and a swell figure.

With my ideas and your looks,
we could trim the world.

And end up
in the penitentiary.

Not with what I have
on the ball.

Now, listen, honey,
here's the idea.

The age of chivalry
has passed.

This, honey,
is the age of chiseler.

And the age of jails.

Everybody's got larceny
in his heart.

Everybody's looking
for something for nothing.

Honest men are scarcer
than feathers on a frog.

Oh, I know Bert. I've never
been mixed up in a racket before.

As I said, there are two things I haven't
any use for, and jail is both of them.

You play ball with me, and your
worrying days will be over.

Yeah?
How about the nights?

Well, I'll see what I can do
about those, too, honey.

Sorry to disturb
your little party.

Oh, we were just going,
so it's alright anyway.

Not alright with me.

Parking without lights
is pretty serious.

A lot of accidents
these days.

Oh, tell him to take that
horrid light out of my eyes.

The... the lady objects
to your flashlight.

Oh, she does, does she?

Maybe she can't stand
close inspection.

I-I-I resent that.

Alright, alright,

Come on,
the both of you, get out.

Now, look, here,
can't you and me get together?

What do you mean,
get together?

What's this?

Aw, just forget
all about it.

Go on,
get yourself a smoke.

Come on, lady,
you get out of there.

Listen, partner...

There's nothing
to listen to.

Oh, I see.

This is a nice mess.

What's your husband going to say when
he finds out about this, Mrs. Lawler?

Oh, he's a friend
of my husband.

Why, I didn't know
you were married.

Well, you know it now.

Well, come on.

No use standing here.

In the car
and we'll get going.

Well, wh-where to?

Headquarters.

I can't go there.

Neither can I.
I've got a wife.

Why, I didn't know
you were married.

Well, you know it now.

Come on, snap into it.
I ain't got all night.

Hiya, Mr. Johnson!

Speeding?

No, parking.

Hello, Pete.

Hiya, kid.

Mr. Johnson here
is a friend of mine.

So's the young lady
a friend of his.

Who is it?

Why, it's Anne Lawler.

This is news.

- What have you got them on?
- Plenty.

Parking without lights
on a county highway,

possession and transportation
of liquor,

- bribing an officer of the law...
- That's a lie.

Well, we won't stop to argue that.
Go on, get back in your car.

It looks pretty bad,
Mr. Johnson.

Hey, Bert,
can't you do something?

My name, my reputation,
the newspapers.

I don't know.

This guy's a tough mug.

Listen, I know this guy
pretty well.

- You want me to see what I can do about him?
- Sure, and stop at nothing.

I'll be ruined
if this gets out.

Wait a minute.

Hank certainly looked
like a real cop.

Why not?

If he can't impersonate
John Law, nobody can.

He's been pinched
often enough.

Here you are, honey...

$2,500 for you
and $2,500 for me,

With the compliments
of room 334.

What's the matter, baby?

Come on,
snap out of it.

We ought to be celebrating this touch.
Here you're acting like this.

- Come on, pick up your end.
- I can't take the money, Bert. You keep it.

Oh, no, no, take it.

It's yours, partner.
50/50.

Well...

I'm awfully tired.

I think I'll turn in.

That's not a bad idea.

Uh, you can sleep in the lower
and I'll take the upper.

You don't mind,
do you?

You see, I was in such a hurry
when I bought the tickets,

I just got one compartment.

I sort of figured you'd be in a hurry
when you bought the tickets, Bert,

so I bought a berth
in the next car.

You don't mind, do you?

I'm sure you'll
sleep better that way.

Oh, I mustn't go without letting you know
how much I care for you, Bert, dear.

And this, commissioner,
is our local larceny Lane,

where money's made easily
and lost quickly.

Take a look at the house detective
giving us the once-over.

You look, babe.
I haven't got my glasses.

Where did the horse
come in?

Come in?
He's still running.

I laughed
till I thought I'd die.

I'd give a million
to have seen that chap's face.

You should've seen his expression
when I told him I still had his letters.

My motto is... speak
all languages and write none.

Swell-dressed parade
of parasites, aren't they?

Worse than all the gangsters
and hoodlums put together.

Dream of Spanish castles

it smacks of real love

a Spanish castle

I've got a rhyme
for a Spanish castle

Better sit over here,
Bert.

You're blocking traffic.

eyes of blue,

red lips, too,

Anybody who doesn't like this
should have his head examined.

I'd like it better if there
was some money coming in.

Don't worry about a thing, honey.
Everything'll be super.

$5,000 can't last forever.

We've spent
almost $1,000 already.

The chump's wad
is still intact.

All we spent is
what I saved.

We'll get set, baby.

It's making the right
connections takes the time.

See that guy?
He's in the rackets.

I've seen him
hanging around the hotel.

Mmm-mmm!

He's doing better
than alright.

Look what
he's pushing around.

She is attractive.

That's the best part
of being in the big dough.

You can canvass the field and
have all the dames you can use.

Is that your ambition?

Well, no, not exactly,
but, uh,

you can't blame me
for looking around, honey.

- You won't give me a tumble.
- You know why?

I can't imagine.

Well, I could go for you.

Sometimes I think
I even want to.

You're nice.
You're not a collar ad,

but you're not
bad-looking either.

But just when I get set to fall,
you spoil everything.

- What do you mean?
- Just this:

love doesn't mean
anything in your life.

You think you can turn it on and off
by pushing a button like you do a light.

You worship nothing
but dough.

No, you're
not my type, Bert.

You got started on the wrong foot and Little Nell
is not going to be just another in your life.

I say you're wrong.
Maybe someday you'll find out.

I may not know much about making love,
but this one thing I do know.

I've wanted you since
the first day I saw you,

but if I can't have you,
I'll have somebody else.

We're getting too serious.
Let's dance.

Hey, I told you once before
to cut that out.

Yeah?

Yeah, because
I don't like it.

- Is that so?
- Yeah.

Well, kid,

- I want to thank you for fronting for me.
- Oh, that's alright.

I don't like guys
who swing chairs.

I'm Dan barker.
This is Miss Wilson.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

I'm Bert Harris.
Miss Roberts.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

I've seen you around
the hotel, haven't I?

Oh, I hold open house
now and then, yes.

Do you two live here?

No, just me. Miss Roberts
lives at the embassy.

Oh, do you? I live around
the corner at the Wellington.

Really? Then we're
almost neighbors.

Mm-hmm. Well, uh, how about
finishing this dance?

Well, if I can dance
with you, Mr. Harris,

I'll feel perfectly safe.

Keep the home fires
burning.

The minute
I saw you, Bert,

I knew you were
one of the boys.

- Yeah?
- I...

don't like to play with
strangers, but you look alright.

You can depend on me,
if that's what you mean.

- Things are pretty tough right now.
- Same everywhere.

Just to pass the time away,
I'm working a new deal.

It's out of my usual line,
but a buck is a buck.

- Keeps the wolf away.
- Exactly.

The only reason I'm talking to you is
you've got an honest face and clean hands,

and that's very important.

You ever been mugged,
uh, arrested?

No, never took a fall.

How much dough
can you raise?

- Well, I got about $2,500.
- I said dough.

That's nothing
but coffee and money.

- That's all I've got.
- Well, how much can you promote?

I don't know.

The more you come up with,
the more you can make.

Money goes to money,
you know.

Yeah, I know that...

If all you can promote
is a couple of grand,

forget it.

Make off like I never
talked to you.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I could get
as much again from Anne.

Who's that,
your sweetheart?

No, my partner.

Well, alright.

You meet me in the lobby,
say, uh, at 1:00 tomorrow,

And I'll show you
a couple of angles

that will
blow your hat off.

Alright, 1:00.

38. Number 38.

Yes, I know, but...

Now, will you
stop worrying about Dan?

Dan's a nice guy and I don't want
to be making a chump out of him.

Oh, forget it.
We have an understanding.

He has his friends,
and I have mine.

Ha ha.
How nice for you.

I wonder what happened
to Bert and Helen?

Oh, there they are.

Where have you been? We've
been looking all over for you.

Mm, I'll bet
you're all tired out.

It's been a nice evening,
Dan, thanks to you.

It's been a pleasure,
Bert.

Oh, wait a minute.

Good evening.

- A package of Merits.
- Yes, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't got
anything lower than a $20 bill.

That's alright. You can't
annoy me with money, any kind.

Thank you.

Well, that's that.
We'll be going home.

Good night, kid.
See you tomorrow.

Good night, Dan. You've
been a wonderful host.

The next party's on me.

- Good night, little girl.
- Good night.

I've had
a very pleasant evening.

Good night, Bert.

Good night, Helen.

Good night.

Are you going my way?

This suit of armor's worse
than that bellhop's outfit.

Bert, I don't like that fellow.

Nope, I can't use him.

You've got to get used
to him and get to like him,

because you're going to see a lot of
him in the next few months.

We're going to do
a little work together.

That racket of his
sounds like a darb.

Why, I didn't see
any racket.

Dumbbell.

Didn't you see every time he bought
anything he paid for it with a $20 bill?

- He pulled it just now at the cigar counter.
- Well, what of it?

Not bad, huh?

I wouldn't like it if it was good.
Because I don't like him.

No? I know what's
bothering you.

You're burned up
by that blond dame.

Why should I be jealous
of a bleached-out bag like that?

Of all the conceited apes I ever saw,
you take the cake.

That's one of the million
reasons I'd never go for you.

I wish you could get it in your thick skull that
I'm not at all interested in your lady friends.

No? Well, we're going in with
Dan whether you like it or not.

This is business.
It's not a beauty contest.

Oh, you make me sick.

You mean that blonde
makes you sick.

Where are you, honey?

Anne, are you there?

Is it alright
for me to come in?

Hey, what do you mean
crashing in like that?

- Can't you see I'm taking a bath?
- Yeah? Move over.

Hey!

Seriously Anne,
this is important.

I just came from the bank, and the
cashierhanded over 4 good 50s

for 10 of those phony 20s.
That's how good they are.

- Looks great to me.
- Yeah?

Mm-hmm, only my $2,500
isn't enough.

Dan barker does things on a large scale,
and I need at least $5,000.

Well, count me out.

Well, we're still partners,
ain't we?

I made money for you before,
and I can do it again.

I guarantee you can double
your money in 24 hours.

Come on, baby,
what do you say?

It don't sound good to me,
but if I don't give you the money,

you'll probably steal it,
so take it, my friend.

Where is it?

In my brassiere.

- Where?
- In my brassiere.

You got pockets in that?

I've taken money
out of a lot of funny places,

but never anything
like this before, honey.

I hate to break in
on you like this.

That's alright.

- Did you get the money?
- I got the 5 grand.

- What's all the excitement?
- Now, here's what happened.

Kansas City Dutch, that's the guy I get
these 20s from, is blowing town tonight.

The cops are on his tail. I got the call.
We got an hour. Now, here.

Here's $10,000 of mine.
Put it with your $5,000.

- You stick pretty close to that, dont'you?
- Very.

I want you to do
a little bargaining.

Dutch wants to rid of
as much green as possible,

but he's never done
business with you before,

so you ought to be able to get
3 for 1 instead of 2 for 1.

Only don't take no for an answer.

- But why me?
- Well, I'd do the talking,

Only Dutch would figure
I was a chiseler and fold up.

Now, here...
Here's the idea.

You just give him
the $15,000,

and insist on $45,000.

Do you get it?
Nothing less.

$25,000, $30,000, $35,000,
$40,000, $45,000.

There you are.

If the cops wasn't
so hard on me,

and I could stay
around town,

you'd get $30,000
or nothing.

Well, lot of luck, Dutch.
When you coming back?

Next month,
if I keep out of the can.

I'll get in touch with you.

Hope you get into some
real money by then.

You can't keep
a good man down.

You bet.

Well, be seeing you.

Put it in the grip.
We'll divide it at the hotel.

It sure looks good.

I can't tell it
from the real McCoy.

Then nobody else could, either.
You'd better keep it tonight.

No use me carrying that kind of money
around the streets, makes me sweat.

Who's that?

I don't know.

Put it in here.

Who's there?

It's me... Helen.

What's been keeping you?

Don't I ever get tired
of waiting?

But I was just leaving,
sweetheart.

Come on,
have a nightcap with me.

No, thanks.

All I need to fall asleep
is a bed.

I'm dead.

Come on, Dan,
don't be so inconsiderate.

Okay, I'm blowing, Bert.

Get yourself some rest, and tomorrow we'll
have one grand day laying the green.

I'm itching to start.

Where is Anne tonight?

Oh, out with
some other guy.

2-timing you, eh?

No, we're not that way.
We're just partners.

As for me, I'm very much
in circulation.

That's good news.

Maybe I can
get rid of Dan some night

and we can go out
together, alone.

But don't get caught.

Now listen kid, lock this door
and sleep with one eye open.

Chances are I won't
be able to sleep at all.

I can understand that.
See you in the A.M.

- Goodbye.
- Good night.

- Good night kid.
- Good night.

I never saw anyone so stupid
in all my life.

Ha ha. The poor chump.

You know, all smartened up
from that goofy scrapbook.

He thought that real money
you sold him was counterfeit.

Yeah, he said
it looked perfect.

He couldn't tell it
from the real stuff.

What a mug.

Miss Roberts, please.
Hello, Anne? It's Bert.

Listen, honey, I won't
be able to see you today.

Something came up
that's going to tie me up.

Is anything the matter?

Of course not. Don't worry
about a thing, will you?

Alright. If you've still
got the money, hang on to it.

Sure. I've got the money
in my pocket right now.

Yeah. Okay.

How do you do?
How do you do?

I'm Mr. Alexander Porter's
secretary.

And I want to select
a diamond bracelet.

Mr. Porter just announced his
daughter's engagement, you know?

Yes, I read about it.
Would you step this way, please?

Show this gentleman
some bracelets.

This young man
will wait on you.

- Thank you.
- Pardon me.

What did you have in mind?
Anything in particular?

Mm, no.

Uh, let me see these.

How much is this one?

$15,000.

This is very nice,
I think I'll take this one.

That is, pending
Mr. Porter's approval.

Would you mind sending it to his residence,
1516 Lake Shore drive, immediately,

- and charge it to his account, please.
- Thank you very much indeed, sir.

- I shall have it sent within the hour.
- And may I have your card, please?

Certainly.

Thank you so much,
Mr. Roland.

Thank you.

Package for Mr. Porter
from Gorman & Co.

Will you sign, please?

Very good.

Thank you.

Hello, is this the residence
Of Alexander Porter?

Yes. This is
the Porter residence.

This is the Gorman jewelry
establishment calling.

Through an unfortunate error,

a package intended for another of our
patrons was delivered at your house.

The package is
right here, sir.

Our Mr. Roland will call
for it immediately.

Roland.

R-O-L-A-N-D.

Yes.

Would you mind giving it
to him when he arrives?

Yes, sir. Mr. Roland.
I will expect him, sir.

Oh, thanks so much.
Thank you.

So, uh, I'm Mr. Roland
of the Gorman company.

Oh, Mr. Roland,

your manager telephoned me
to expect you.

One moment, please.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.

It's nice.
Maybe it's too nice.

What'll I do with it?
That stuff is hard to sell.

Who cares, give it to your wife
for a Christmas present.

Listen, 3 balls,

I want $5,000
and I want it in a hurry.

It's worth $20,000.
Don't give me any back talk.

Well, don't get excited.
We can talk it over.

I don't want any talk. I want
5 grand, and I want it now.

Alright, I'll...
I'll buy it.

My, but you're a tough guy.

Not tough, just mercenary.

Dan didn't take me, but he tried
to, and that's what burns me up.

How much did we lose?

Not a dime, I was too fastborn.
I got all our original dough back.

That's a break.

What's a break?

Listen, I don't invest money
just to get it back.

Dan promised me a profit,
and a profit I'll get.

What's that got to do
with this trip to New York?

Nothing, except that
Dan barker, the rat,

Is headed that way himself.

I guess you didn't have much time
to say goodbye to that blonde, did you?

Isn't that too bad?

Oh, Bert, sometimes
you act like a kid.

You lie, and you pout,
and you won't give in.

- Who's lying?
- You are. That's alright.

I'll pretend
to believe you, Skippy.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- That's alright.

Oh, what's the matter?
Something in your eye?

A cinder, I guess.

- Oh, may I try and take it out?
- Would you?

Now look up.
Keep still.

There it is.

Oh, it's not very big, is it?

No, just a little fellow.
Do you feel better?

Yes, thanks.

Well, my name is Reynolds,
Joe Reynolds.

- And mine's Anne Roberts.
- I'm afraid our etiquette's a bit reversed.

Yes, I guess Emily Post
wouldn't approve

of looking into a lady's eyes
before being introduced to her.

Well, maybe Emily post couldn't
appreciate such eyes as yours.

But seriously, have you anything to wash
them with, some antiseptic or something?

No, but they must have on the train.
I'll ask the Porter.

I have some boric acid in my bag.
I'm in the next car.

You talk
like a physician.

- And how do you feel now?
- Very much better, thank you.

Fine.

- Do you do much traveling?
- Well yes,

you see, my firm is a member
of the New York stock exchange,

as well as that
of Chicago and Boston.

They keep me jumping
pretty much.

This will be my first visit
east in several years.

Oh, here comes my partner.

Bert, I'd like you to meet
Mr. Reynolds. Mr. Harris.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Something flew in my eye, and
Mr. Reynolds was kind enough to remove it.

Lucky for you I wasn't there.
You'd probably be minus an eye.

Partners are unfair.
Because I have two eyes,

Mr. Harris would expect me
to give him one.

Well, I must bathe my eye.
Thank you again, you've been awfully sweet.

Well, I hope you'll give me the opportunity
of seeing something of you in New York.

- Shan't we see more of each other on the train?
- How about breakfast?

- Swell.
- Splendid.

- I'm delighted to have met you, sir.
- Oh, uh...

the pleasure's mutual.

Little girl
like 'em nice mans?

I think I could prime
that chump for a take.

He looks like ready money.

Is that all you ever think of,
Bert... swindling somebody?

Why don't you take them
one at a time?

Yesterday you were going to
follow Dan around the world.

Now you've forgotten
all about it.

I haven't forgotten
anything.

Only why shouldn't we
take Reynolds?

- He isn't any better than anybody else, is he?
- Maybe he is. I sort of like him.

As long as I do,
you lay off.

There are plenty others.

Mm-hmm.

This is the first time
I've ever seen you weaken.

He must work fast.

He does.

You should take
a few lessons.

Aw, nuts.

It's tough nowadays.

Sometimes I think
I'll go legit.

You couldn't. Trick laws and shyster
lawyers won't let a guy go straight.

Say, who's the dame
over there?

- Miss Roberts.
- How are you, Mr. barker?

Well, we meet again.
May I sit down?

Please do.

I ate at that table.

Bring me the check, will you,
and a fresh pot of coffee?

Yes, sir.

Am I taking you
from someone?

That mug's just
out of the big house.

More solitary
won't hurt him.

You're sure looking great.

Say, whatever happened
with that young squirt?

Bert was his name,
wasn't it?

You were never meant
for a chump like that.

Did he ever tell you how we took him
in that fake counterfeiting gag?

Ha ha. He fell for that
hook, line, and sinker.

I took him for 5 grand,

and the payoff was the note
that Helen left for him...

"paste this in your scrapbook.
Love and kisses, Helen."

By th way, where is Helen?

I sent her back
where I got her from.

Have her
on a 30-day free trial?

Exactly, and all she cost me
was the down payment.

What are you doing
these days?

I got a brand-new racket.

- Hello, honey.
- Hello, baby.

- Ready to eat?
- Sure. I'll put on my hat.

You sit down and rest
your hands and face.

Hmm! Browning.

Not really.

"To Anne.
This book so suitable. Joe."

You never told me.

"No shade encroaching
on the matchless mould

"of those two lips,
which should be opening soft

"in the pure profile,

"not as when she laughs"...
Ha ha!

"For that spoils all.
But, rather as if aloft

"yon hyacinth she loves so,
leaned its staff's

"burden of honey-colored buds
to kiss

"and capture 'twixt the lips
apart for this."

Now, honey, I ask you,

is this the kind of hooey
that guy Reynolds hands out?

Why, I think it's lovely.

He may be a poet to you,
he's just a peasant to me.

Come on, let's get out of here.

I'm starved. I could eat
the hip off a horse.

Well, I'll go with you,
but I'm not very hungry.

I had a late luncheon.

Whose guest
do you think I was?

Don't tell me.
Don't tell me.

Einstein.

No, silly.
You'd be very interested.

Oh, the high and mighty
Joe Reynolds, I suppose.

The poetry shark.

No, I saw Joe yesterday.

We had lunch together,
and I met his father.

Alright, alright.
Who else, then?

Dan.

Dan Barker?

Did you talk with him?

Why, certainly. I said
we had luncheon together.

Well, I'll bet he laid off me.

You're all we talked about.

He's living
at the Saint Anthony.

He always stays at the best,
doesn't he?

Just let me get my hands on him,
he'll stay at the best hospital.

What did he have to say about me?

Everything,
and by the way,

I have a message
for you...

Helen sends her love
and kisses.

The dirty, yellow-bellied,
double-crossing burglars.

And you laughing at me
with him!

A fine partner you are.

Why don't you put in with him?
You'd make a swell pair, you two.

- Now, wait a minute.
- Aw, get away from me.

You're as wet as he is,
always rubbing things in.

Oh, you talk like a child.

Now, before we go
any further,

tell me how you got
the money we came here on.

Well,

I never had any intention
of telling you, but...

I stole a necklace from a jeweler
and sold it to a fence.

Stole it?

Stealing's not your racket.

Well, I didn't exactly
steal it.

I pulled it neatly enough.
You can bank on that.

But I was desperate.
I had to get your dough back.

But out-and-out thievery's
not your style, Bert.

The worst you ever did was
take from wise guys,

cheat a lot of cheaters,
but this thing...

You might've
been caught.

But I wasn't. You don't think
I was that clumsy, do you?

Bert, you're such a boy.
You'll never grow up.

Oh, I'm sorry I got
into this whole business.

At first, it was clever and shrewd,
but now that we've resorted to this,

I suppose next week
you'll rob a bank or something.

Sounds like some
of Joe Reynolds' influence.

That guy
gives me the cramps.

Well, I can't stop you, if you
want to turn yellow and quit.

This isn't some of Dan Barker's work?
You haven't fallen for his line, have you?

You're hurting me, Bert.

I'm sorry.

No, it's not Dan's work.

I'm not going to take
a run-out powder, either,

Not now, anyway.

I'm going to stick
with you.

I'm going to even up the score
with Dan Barker for you.

He took our dough,
and he's going to pay.

He made you resort
to common dirty thievery.

We'll make him resort to worse
than that before we finish.

That a baby.

You had me worried
for a minute.

Come on, now,
what are the plans?

Never mind.

You asked me before
if I was hungry.

Well, come on,
I've got an appetite now.

We'll split the hip
of that horse between us.

That gets it, baby.
Ha!

You got a great idea, Anne.
I got to give you credit.

And believe me... this old gent
bellock's stuck on me.

He'll do anything I say.

I have to have somebody
to work with,

And I like you, Dan.

- You're my style.
- - And you were made to order for me, honey.

If your man's as good as you say,
we'll take him for enough to blow the country.

What time does he get in?

Usually early in the morning.
He stays at the Miranda.

Oh, fine.
I got everything set.

It's our first job together.
We've gotta be on our toes.

I'll see who it is.

Hello, Mike.

Hello, Dan.
Your car's ready.

Everything's ready.
Let's be on our way.

I'll slip on a dress
make it snappy, honey.

I consider myself fortunate,

getting to town
before this meet broke up.

You're right, colonel.

There's some great horseflesh
out here now.

This track is becoming
more important every year.

It certainly is.
Not a major stable missing.

And the management
is perfect, I hear.

Void of fraud,

And no stigma
of unsportsmanship whatsoever.

Beyond criticism, colonel,
we're mighty proud of that.

As it should be.

The sport of kings
should be respected.

Will you
be ready soon, dear?

Just a minute, colonel.

I've got a run
in my stocking.

How did you like
the golf course?

Splendid, very sporty.

Anne and I played 18 holes
this morning.

I'm very fond
of this entire hotel.

Hurry, dear,
we'll miss the first race.

Just a minute, colonel.

Oh, these women...

I think I've waited 1,000
years for them in my time.

But they're worth it,
aren't they, colonel?

This one in particular.

Looks as if we missed
that first race.

And it's all my fault.
I kept you waiting.

Oh, that's alright.

Although I did have a horse
picked in that first race,

a sure winner, colonel.

I didn't have a chance
to look at the entries.

Oh, here,
look them over.

Why not bet
between yourselves?

You, Dan, pick a horse,
and you, colonel, book.

Not a bad idea if the colonel
wants to be a sucker.

Quite the contrary.

I'd consider it
very sporting.

Well, it's a swell way
to pass the time.

We're still a half-hour
from the track.

Hello, Louie,
who won the first race today?

Who?

Okay.

Some mighty good horses
in that first race.

Yes, and the track ought to be
in pretty good shape, too.

Captain's boy is my choice
at 2-to-1 odds.

How much do you want to bet?

Well, say $500?

Why not make it $1,000?

Alright.

Shall Anne hold my money?

Surely, if you can trust
my sweet little friend.

Who won the second race?

The second race.

Who?

Okay, okay.

Fine time
to run out of gasoline.

- Why don't you look out for these things?
- Sorry sir, I never knew the tank was near empty.

Hurry up, will you? The races
will be over before we get there.

Well, I guess the second race
is on by now.

Say, do you want me
to keep book this time?

No, you bet.
I'll be a real bookie.

And I've got plenty of cash
to pay off if I lose.

Okay, colonel.

What's your choice
this time?

Well, this time
I'll take high ball.

Sounds like a good thing
in these prohibition days.

Same amount?

No, let's make it
$1,500 this time,

so if I lose the first race
I won't be out so much.

Okay, here you are,
little stakeholder.

Suppose we take
the third race.

Betting this way is
as much fun as at the track.

Yeah. We've been delayed so much,
I suppose the third race is on now.

Well, I'll take a chance
on Queenie.

I've taken a chance
on Queenies many times.

Stop now, colonel.
You're making me jealous.

Same amount... $1,500?

How'd you like to make it
really interesting?

How about $5,000?
Can you cover it?

Sure I can.
The sky is the limit.

Okay, colonel.

Well, there you are, Anne.
Hang on to that,

you'll probably be giving it
back to me in a little while.

You didn't pick a winner
in the whole lot.

I won all three bets.

Here you are, colonel.
You sure are lucky.

Oh, the boys at the club will be
knocked cold when I tell them this.

What the devil happened?

That chauffeur of mine
double-crossed me, I'll cut his heart out.

Don't worry, Dan.

We'll take him
before we leave town.

Hey, Mike.

Mike!

$40, $60, $80, $100.

There you are, baldy...
I mean, colonel. You did swell.

I've got another
$100 coming, ain't I?

Nothing doing. You did it so well,
you can do it again without our help.

You flatter me.

Here, Mike. That's worth
your trouble, isn't it?

- You said it, baby.
- Now you fellows lay low.

Dan Barker is probably
looking for you right this minute.

They'll never cath me and the colonel.
We're going to blow this burg right now.

Thank heavens
that's over with.

You have no idea how hard it is
to put up with getting pawed

by someone you don't care for.

Are you satisfied
with our revenge?

Isn't that a darn sight more gratifying
than just punching him in the nose?

With all this dough in my hands,
how can I say you're wrong?

Is money
all you ever think of?

No, Anne.

Money is just a means
to an end with me.

There's always been a lot of
things I've wanted to do.

I wanna go to Europe.

I wanna mix with those swell people
and see all those swell places.

You know,
we could go together.

Here's your end
of the take.

I suppose you will want to buy
yourself a separate stateroom.

Listen, Anne,
I'm nuts about you.

Simply because I don't say it the
usual way and say the usual things

doesn't mean that
I mean it any the less.

It's not easy for me.
Oh, I don't know.

I want you, that's all.
Anne, let's get married.

That's sweet of you, Bert.

I wish you'd said that
long ago.

Why?

It's too late now, Bert.

I'm in love
with somebody else.

If you had told it to me
like that six months ago,

it would've been different.

I wanted
to hear you say it.

Why didn't you
tell me then, Bert?

Who is it...

Reynolds?

Yes, Bert... Reynolds.

I learned something
going around with him.

On those weekends
with his family and all that,

I met different kinds
of people.

They're a whole lot different
from our friends, Bert.

They like music and art
and all that sort of thing.

Oh, I don't know.

It seems like a better
way to live, that's all.

So I'm going to quit all this.

I'm going to marry Joe.

I understand, Anne,

and you're perfectly right about me
and the kind of life I'm used to living.

You'd be in for an awful lot of
grief if ever you married me.

I'd be holding out or pulling a fast one
on you before the rice was out of your hair.

I suppose if I caught
the iceman hanging around,

I'd ask for a cut
of his profits,

And as for the butcher...

well, wouldn't I look like a swell
smack-off in one of those aprons,

washing dishes?

No...

I'd be a flop
at this marriage business.

Now, if it was a racket,

nothing could stop me.

Oh, well.

Congratulations,
old gal.

I wish you all the luck
in the world.

What is it the disappointed
suitor always says?

Oh, yes...

"name the first one
after me."

What is it,
a wedding or a funeral?

Both.

Goodbye.

Bye.

How did you
like Europe, Bert?

Hmm... stinks.

I tell you, Bert,
this deal is a honey.

No big touches, but the money's
there in the grind.

After a year's layoff,
it ought to come in handy.

Sounds alright, Jerry,
but I'm not interested.

I can't get interested.
I don't know what I want, kid.

It's the greatest thing
in the world.

Did you ever see one of'em?
They're good luck charms.

I hope it brings you
luck, Jerry.

I don't know
how you can pass it up.

I can get them made up
for 2 bucks a gross.

I got a half a dozen stenos a $20 a week
that do nothing but look up deaths

in the obituary columns
all over the country.

Then I send out a swastika charm
addressed to the dead guy...

C.O.D. $3.50.

The dead man's family is so
touched by the fact that he

sent away for a good-luck piece
just before kicking off,

they keep the charm
and send me the dough.

$3.40 profit on each.

Not big dough, but what a volume.
What a volume. Pretty, ain't it?

I can peddle more
than 500 a week.

No, Jerry, I'm afraid
you can't drag me in.

I've been away so long
it all sounds strange.

Uh, why dont' you take a trip
to China or somewhere?

You can't do yourself any good
around here if you feel that way.

Maybe you're right.

Why don't you get married?

You got some
bright ideas today, kid.

Wait here.
I'll answer it.

- Hello, Anne.
- Hello.

Come in.

How did you ever
find out where I lived?

Well, I managed.

Sit down.

Well, little stranger,

How do you
like married life?

Alright, I guess.

You don't look very happy.

I'm not.

You were a chump
for passing me up.

I always told you I was
a bargain at any price.

I have something
to tell you, Bert.

Something dreadful
has happened.

It can't be as bad as that.
Let me buy you a drink.

No, thanks.

Bert, Joe has used some
of the firm's money

in a deal he thought
would make him a fortune.

That's been tried before.
What happened?

It didn't work.
He lost it all.

And now it's up to you
to get him out of it.

And this is the guy you held up to me
as so respectable, so straight and clean...

he and his father
and his books and his music?

And now you wake up and find out
he's an embezzler.

I've come to you
for help, Bert.

Because you're the only person
I know to ask.

I want you to loan me the money so that
Joe can make good his losses to the firm.

The books
are audited the 30th.

That's the day after tomorrow.

How much is involved?

$30,000.

$30,000?

Hmm.

That's a lot of money.

I haven't got it, Anne.

I haven't turned a trick
since you left.

I'm living on principle, and as you see,
the layout isn't so cheap here.

Well, I didn't know, Bert.
I thought you were still in the rackets.

I quit when you did.

I couldn't go on without you.
I lost my punch.

- Where'd he get the money?
- From the firm.

Yeah, I know, but was it in cash or
did he juggle his accounts or what?

No, he took negotiable bonds
from the vault.

He has his own key, and he knows
the combination of the safe.

He's trusted there.
He's been with them for years.

I see.

He's with Werder & Lawrence,
isn't he?

Well, listen, Anne,

Tell Joe he can expect a visit
from me in the morning.

And...

have him take me to his own
private office when I get there.

- What do you plan to do?
- Never mind. Everything's going to be alright.

- Just tell him to expect me.
- But, what are you going to do?

Wait a minute.

Our partnership was
dissolved a long time ago.

I don't have to
tell you everything.

Go on home, Anne.
Don't worry about a thing.

Everything's
going to be Jake.

Where's
Mr. Reynolds' office?

First door to your left.

Thank you.

I didn't intend
to steal the money.

I meant to return it.

It's the sort of thing
that could happen to anybody.

It's happened to lots of guys.
They're up in Sing Sing now.

Anne said you could help me.
I'll pay you back.

You won't lose anything.

I can't lose anything,

because I haven't
got anything.

When you married Anne, I lost
the only thing I ever had.

Is there any more dough
in this safe?

Yes. There are bonds going
in and out the whole time.

Why?

Just this:

if this place should
happen to be robbed,

tonight for instance, and the
rest of the securities stolen,

they would never know that your $30,000
wasn't taken with the rest, would they?

Why, no,
they wouldn't...

- But that's robbery.
- Hmm.

That would be too bad.

Well, there's probably $40,000
worth of bonds in the safe now.

Any negotiable?

Well, no.

No, of course not. If there had
you'd have grabbed those, too.

- Look here, you...
- Shut up! Listen to me.

Give me the keys to this place
and the combination to the safe.

Go on home
and forget you ever saw me.

Take Anne out somewhere and be sure that
you're seen by a lot of people whom you know,

in case you do need an alibi.

In the morning, they'll find the
place robbed and the safe open.

They'll pick $40,000 worth of
non-negotiable bonds lying in the alley.

They'll figure that the thieves
threw them there,

keeping only the stuff
they could dispose of.

That's great. I don't know
how to thank you.

I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it
for Anne, you smack-off.

Give me the keys.

Here's the combination
to the safe.

You put it down.

Not taking any chances,
are you?

Left 9-7.

Right 2-3.

That's him.

Stick them up.

Swing around there.

Alright, Joe,
frisk him.

Follow that brown sedan.

You can only stay
a few minutes.

Hello, Anne.

Hiya, honey.

Gee, it's swell
to see you, Anne.

Oh, come on,
come on, darling.

Don't take it so hard.
Things could be worse.

Oh, nothing
could be worse.

What do you mean?

What's happened?

I just found out
that Joe double-crossed you.

Double-crossed me? How?

Oh, don't you understand?
That's why you're here.

He had the cops
waiting for you.

You mean to say that after all we tried to do
for that guy he'd pull something like that?

Oh, it's impossible, Anne.
Nobody could be so low.

Oh, it's not impossible.
It's true.

Oh, that dirty,
double-crossing rat.

I'd like to get my hooks on him.
I'd tear him to pieces.

Oh, if I could
only get out of here.

You're not going to take the blame.
I'm not gonna do it.

I'm going to district attorney
and tell'em the whole story.

No, you mustn't do that.
You'll only put yourself in a spot.

I'm not thinking
of myself, Bert. It's you.

I got you into this mess.
I'm going to get you out.

Stay out of this,
or they'll find out about us.

I can't let you go
to jail.

Anne, I'm in.
You can't help me.

It'll just be my word
against Joe's.

Oh, I've got to do something.

There's nothing you can do.
Besides, you don't owe me a thing.

I got you started in this mess
when I talked you into the rackets.

Well, I'm not going to
let you take the blame.

I went into this thing
with my eyes open

because I loved you, Bert.

I always have,

but it's taken this
to make me realize it.

You mean that, Anne?

Of course I mean it, more than
I ever meant anything in my life.

Your time is up.
Come along.

Whatever happens,
no matter what it is,

I'll be waiting.

If I had the wings
of an angel, honey,

Over these prison walls
I would fly.