Black Pond (2011) - full transcript

An ordinary British family and their friend are accused of murder when a stranger dies at their dinner table. Black Pond is an existential comedy drama starring two-time BAFTA winner Chris Langham and double British Comedy Award Winner Simon Amstell.

Before I die, I'd
like to play a prince.

A noble prince, like
princes in the plays,

who fights and shouts
and dances like a god.

This place is mired by
dirt that will be seen.

In some untold,
unsensed dimension here.

where I surrender
all my worldly faults.

No longer am I
scared to be confused,

revered, remembered,

forgotten and abused.

No one wants to see themselves
splashed all over the papers,

do they really?


And it's not quite right
that Tom just confessed.

Actually, the police
came round to the house

because in discovering Blake
they'd also discovered Boy,

who was still wearing
his tag, I think,

and, um, so, so actually
that's how they found us

and they were
making inquiries,

so the first we heard of
it was actually this sort of

15-year-old policeman
appeared at the door

asking questions about it.

Sophie's doing what
she always wanted to do,

which is write poetry
and be without me,

so she got two results

and, um, and, you know, I
- I

Although obviously I lost my
job because of the publicity,

but, you know,

that clich? about a crisis
being an opportunity is very

it's very fucking true.

Lost it?

Almost like he doesn't
need you anymore, isn't it?

Very true, yes.

If he can swim in the lake
and go home as he pleases.

I didn't mean to be intrusive.

I'm perfectly normal.

Last winter, of course, the
whole surface froze over.

Very peaceful.

I came here at dusk one evening,
almost without realizing.

Oh, the colors, Tom.

May I call you Tom?

Yes, of course.

The colors, Tom.

- just arriving in patterns.

He seemed to not have that
membrane of social stuff

that separates you from people
in a kind of correct way.

- he seemed

His boundaries
were very porous.

So I think I kind of knew that
he was probably some sort of


But he was very gentle and
he was very, um, poetic.

Of course, sometimes
I just come here

and cry a great deal
remembering everything.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, no, no, in a good way.

I've had some lovely cries.

The story goes that some
woman went missing round here,

very beautiful apparently,

married to a high court judge.

Just round here somewhere.

A wealthy, happy couple.

But of course, one
winter, she went missing

and nobody knew why.

The husband spent a great
deal of money and effort

trying to trace her.

Posters, articles, searches.


And eventually she
was presumed dead.

But he wrote in his
memoirs that, one morning,

almost exactly a year
after she had gone missing,

he was walking by this lake,

frozen over, just
as I've described,

and he saw a hole in the ice

about 50 yards in, just there.

That was his wife.

Telling him.

that she had fallen through.

- But how would you search?

I mean, you wouldn't
want to, would you?

You might find her.

Oh, and it might all just be
a load of cobblers, of course.

You know, I've not
heard that story before.

Oh, a stranger in a pub, I
think, passed it on to me,

when I mentioned I
liked fishing here.

Doesn't it put you off?

I mean, that you might end
up catching some human bones?

There's no danger of
catching anything here.

That's why I like it.

It's very peaceful.


Yes, extraordinary.

I guess I'd better
be pushing on.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.


Nice talking
with you, I hope I

I hope we run into
each other again.



Do you want a cup of tea?

Yes, please.

I think I just took him
back for a cup of tea

and that's how safe
I felt around him.

You know, I didn't think
he was dangerous in any way.

And I know people think that's
an odd thing to do, but I.

I just invited him
back for a cup of tea.

At times, I guess I kind of
cast myself as their slave,

but that was mainly because I
didn't really have much to do.

Did you just buy these so
that you could have them

I thought they
might cheer you up.

What, by reminding
me that I'm ugly?

Jess, you're
beautiful. No, I'm not.

What are you doing?

Why are you wearing all
of those at the same time?

Well, I don't know, do I? You're
supposed to pick out one bit

and then wear it
with something else.

I don't know how
it works, do I?

I've made breakfast,
if you're hungry.

I think he just is a bloke who

with a bit too much time
on his hands, frankly.

I did wonder if he was actually
seeing one of the girls,

but they've told me
that wasn't the case.

Funny boy.

Rainbow weather,

which in the modern sense
of the word "rainbow,"

I suppose means: any sexuality
or gender of weather, welcomed.

I'm very impressed
with how he gets around

on those three pegs.

He thinks you've
come to play, see.

He's obsessed with the ball.

It's like his safety.

You don't sit down
very much, do you?

He's very anxious and nervous.

He has to distract
himself with the ball,

that's when he knows
he's ok, with the ball.

We had a conversation in
our house for the first time

in I don't know how long;

years, I mean years,
since the girls left.

We actually had a
conversation in our house,

between the three of us.

I didn't find
that frightening.

It just seemed like a relief.

Katie has a thing
for the wounded.

Jess has a thing
for being wounded.

But I think it was Katie
who spotted him, really.

She likes to look
after things. Yes.

She used to bring back
the strangest boys.

Absolutely, all lame ducks and

What was that bloke who
was allergic to everything,

wasn't he He
couldn't wear wool.

Oh, Toby.

90% of Christmas presents
out the window for a start,

but Katie's not
as bright as Jess.

We always thought she'd
probably grow up to be a nurse.

Because she's not bright?

Well, and because she used
to play at being a nurse

quite a lot.

And Jess would always
insist on being the patient.


She's the creative
one, if you like.

She's a very good musician.

But she's very fragile.

Katie's very calm
in comparison.

No, not calm, but.

Jess, even when she was
very tiny, she used to cry

for no reason.

Just one minute she'd
be happy in the pram,

next minute she'd be crying,

so it was quite clear
even then, wasn't it?

Well, that was different, Tom.

That was just her
being a baby. Was it?


You must be very proud.

# Boy

Why did you call him "Boy"?

That was just because when I
first brought him home, I said,

"Here, boy," and he
responded straight away,

just came straight over.

Here, Boy, here, Bo

He's a bit deaf now but I
did tell him it was weird.

I wanted to call him Clare.

After John Clare, you know.

The poet.

Ended up in an asylum.


Oh, I'd love to read
some of his stuff.

He was a very beautiful
man, he was a genius,

but very lonely.

Well, there is something
of that in all of us.

Scornful and jealous and
frightened of everyone,

but still for some reason in
dire and desperate need of them,

of people.

We hate them but
we require them.

We love them,
but we wonder why

they do not always love
us back in equal measure.

We are mathematicians
of devotion.

Misers of love.

And we always know when
we have been shortchanged.



Very deep.

Yes, very deep indeed.

I always forget that Sophie
was a poet when I first met her.

Which implies I'm not now.

Oh, are you?


The truth is I
never was a poet,

it was just a distraction from
the fact that I wasn't anything.

It was just a disguise.

Actually, I tell you what.

I can go and fish
them out if you like.

Oh no, Tom, don't.
Only be a minute.

Please don't.


You're embarrassing me, Tom.

Where are you going?

To put the kettle back on.

"I live here among the
ignorant like a lost man,

in fact like one whom the
rest seems careless of having

anything to do with,

and I find more pleasure
in walking in the fields

than in musing among
my silent neighbors,

who are insensible
to everything

but toiling and talking of
it and that to no purpose."

I'm so sorry you
feel that way.

Oh no, that was him.

That was something he said.



Don't think I've
seen that poem before.

"Someone somewhere says
hello to someone else.

Some item somewhere stirs.

Some tire hits some can

and the world changes
shape, like you,

changing shapes
and shifting things,

like us.





And so we were by the lake, or
pond, as your husband calls it.


Black Pond, it's
called. Oh yes?

I think because when it freezes
over, it's still really dark,

it's a sort of black ice.

Oh no, it's wife in winter.

White. What?

You said "wife."

No, I said "white."


Um, Tom?

Where's he gone?

Sorry, Blake.

"For we are those that
make the stronger strong.

Our misery is how the
happy know what happy is.

All modes compared,

our moods are grayer than
the summer's bleakest skies

when revelers await
the heat of light,

but all that comes is
thunder and despair."

I asked you to
leave those alone.

I was just
reading, that's all.

They're not for you to read.

They're not for
anyone to read.

Well, don't be silly.
I'm throwing it away.

No, don't throw
it away, please.

Since when have
you given a fuck?

I give a massive fuck.

No, don't. I'm
throwing it away.

No, don't, please don't.

I like them!

Well, you may as well
put them in the recycling.

It is paper after all.

You want me to put my
poems in the recycling?

If I acted as a
kind of whetstone

for that new surge of poetry,

that angry stuff she's
writing now, then I

You know, without me,

she wouldn't have been able
to do that, so I guess I

I wouldn't be surprised if
she dedicates a book to me.

It's not out of the question.

You all right?


Oh yes, thank you.

Nice shed.

It is good, isn't it, yes.

I'm Eric Sacks,

I'm not qualified,
but who are you?


Are you sad?
Lonely? Depressed?


Are you crying right now?

Maybe you can't cry.

Difficult, isn't it?

Life is awful.

Isn't life awful?

Shocking, isn't it?

It's just fucking
awful, isn't it?

I can cure you.

Treatment is free.

My parents are dead.

Are you armed?

Just say: "Yes, I am armed,"
or, "no, I'm not armed."

No, I'm not armed.
Right, come in.

This is my house.

It's large.

My parents are dead.

This was a guy who was

claiming to be some
kind of psychotherapist,

but all he really seemed
to be doing was just sort of

making fun of me.

Tim? Yes, Tim.


It's funny It's a funny, um.

It's a funny It's
a very common name

Tim. Tim is a very common

Tim, Tim, Tim-Tim.

- It's not even a name, it's a sound.

Oh, did you hear that little

Tim? Did you hear that?

You can call me something else
if it bothers you, if my name


Only because if I'm at a
party and I go, "Oh, hi Tim.

Oh sorry, Graham's over
there Graham, you beast!"

You know, amongst
other things,

I told him about what
happened that weekend

with the Thompsons and,

you know, like with
everything else,

he sort of seemed
to find it hilarious.

But there was something
in him that seemed to take

a particular interest
in that story.

So I guess we talked about
it more than other things.

I only spoke about
it because I thought

I presumed it
was confidential.

That's the point of
a therapy session,

but it was a couple of days
after that that, you know,

the police started digging
up the land around Black Pond

and it all sort of

It all started
getting messy, so.

I mean, it
- it must have been, it must have been him.

It calms you, yes.

Yoga is supposed to calm
you as well, isn't it?

Yes, that calms you as well.
I've never really found that.

That's citronella. Oh.

I light it for the mosquitoes
in case they want to read.

There we go.

All it does is attract
moths to the table.

Yes, but moths don't bite.

Mosquitoes do.

That's why we use it, see?

Hello, here I am, speaking
live from the Thompsons' garden

and I understand you're still
in a bad mood, is this correct?

Oh dear.

Do you want a top-up, Blake?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

I tell you what.

You've had a rough day.

I'll make some dinner.

Oh no, you can't do that.
No, it's no bother at all.

What have you got
in your fridge?

All right, we can
all make it together.

No, Blake, that's
really sweet of you but

Of course, you can stay
to dinner if you like.

Can't he?

Tom was pouring wine
down his and Blake's neck

like, being the good host.

Give me your best shot.

Give me your worst shot.

To be honest, I'd just sort
of left them to it, really,

by that point.

Come on!


Try this for size!

Salute you, you are
a worthy opponent.

Do either of you want some
coffee or tea or something?

Come on, Sophie!
No, thank you.

Would you like a swim?

No, thank you.

A nice swim?

Well, the down side of
having a tedious life

is that you have
a tedious life.

But the upside is you get a
swimming pool in the summer.

Drown me more!

Drown me more.

Oh, no you don't.


Are you all right?


I was just wondering what
your daughters must be up to.

Oh, probably snorting acid
through a cocaine or something.

Yeah, cheers, cheers.

You enjoying yourself?

Hello, all right.

Woo, yeah!

I just think pegs should be
used, even for dry clothes.

I love this jacket.

What's your name?

Right, good.

Where are you going?
I'm going for a walk.

No, no, carry on.

Do you think it
would be all right

if Blake stayed the
night? Yes, of course.

I shall be quiet and discreet.

I'll be gone as soon
as it's light, I'm just

I'm afraid of the dark,
so I can't walk home now.

I told you it
would be all right.

I'm going to have a shower.

And so Blake ended up staying
the night, which is all right.

We have plenty of room.

She sort of came
alive around him.

A bit
- A part of her that she hadn't sort of brought out

and shown anybody for a
while came out and played.




Tom's given me that
for you to sleep in.

I hope that's all right.

And let me just check that
Tom has changed your bed.

Night-night, Boy.

All right? Yes, yes.

Did you give him
the dog chews?

What dog shoes?

Not dog shoes, dog chews.


I gave him one
after his dinner.

That's how he knows
when to go to sleep.

I don't think I
have dreams anymore.

Or they're all
quite pedestrian.

I had a dream about ham
sandwiches and broadband

on Tuesday.

They were connected
in some way,

the sandwich and
the broadband;

the speed of it and how much
of the sandwich I was eating.

I used to have
really good ones.

I had a thought the other day.

Would it be better to
have a really godawful,

soul-shattering nightmare,
where you're just

your whole head's on fire

and your heart's going
like an epileptic mouse

and you're shivering
and shaking,

and ooh, just a horrible one,

and then have the relief
of waking up and it's gone?

Or would you prefer to have the
best dream in the world, ever?

And I don't mean
sexually necessarily,

although I know that's what
you're thinking I'm thinking,

not that there would be
anything wrong with that,

but I was just wondering
whether it would be better

to see all that

and then have the.

disappointment of
waking up to this,

whatever it is this is.

Or would I prefer to
have the nightmare,

wake up, and shed it

and see that this is
actually all right?

That this is not so bad.

I did go

I did go to
watercoloring for a while.

Tom sent me one of his
pictures as an apology.

I mean, what is that saying?

That's not saying sorry to me.

Is it you?

But you know the
thing with me is,

I just feel that when
you get really good

at doing something,
what's the point?

What way up does it go?

I don't know.

Where are you going?

I'm going to make a cup
of hot water and milk

and to eat a banana.

A banana?

Bananas give you energy.

No, they help you sleep.

A banana?

Yes, a banana.

A banana?

Yes, a banana, a banana.

Bananas give you
energy for a run.

Don't eat a banana
to go to sleep.

You might as well
have a glucozade.

They calm you down.

It's to do with serotonin.

I read it in a supplement.

It's a breakfast fruit.

It's sheer lunacy to have
a banana at this hour.

And he was looking
through photographs,

which was a bit odd actually,

and at that point I
did start to wonder

I was a little bit uncomfortable
about that, I suppose.

It just seems impossible,

looking at all of
you in those photos.

It's like somebody
made you up.

# Sitting on the
toilet having a wee

# In the middle of the night

# Having a wee

# Sitting like a
lady having a wee

# So nobody can
hear me having a wee

I guess it's ok to say now
that I wasn't in a position

with my marriage to want to
feel jealous towards anybody.

If anybody wanted to
spend time with my wife,

that was fine with me.

You know, not because I disliked
her but because, you know,

if she could find some pleasure
somewhere else then, you know,

good luck to her.

No note.

Just vanished.

But then one morning
in the middle of winter,

he went down to that lake,

and it was solid.

Frozen edge to
edge, overnight.

And something told him that was
the lake's way of telling him

that she'd gone,
that she was dead.

In the lake.

That was the lake mourning.

Sheltering her from the terrors
of the world, where it's quiet.

I think it was my hairdresser
told me that story,

when I mentioned that
I liked to fish there.

I think I know what
you're asking me,

and no, I don't think
he was suffering from

clinical depression.

I think he was sad because he
was talking about sad things

and when sad things
happen, sane people cry.

Ah, ah, ah!

What's going on here?

Did you do the dishwasher?


Don't put this knife
in the dishwasher.


I have said a thousand times.

Too many bananas perhaps,
putting you in a banana?

Twat off!

Why is everything
so difficult?

Fish it out with a teaspoon.

The dog is shitting
in your lovely garden.

Shall I put some music on?


We don't have any music.

The girls took all
the music with them.

I'm going to go and
look for some music.

We can have a dance.

We certainly
cannot have a dance.

The whole point of dancing
is that it's beautiful.

I've lost the dog again.

So what?

He's not here.

He's not in the front garden?

Why would he be in
the front garden?


Tom, I tried!

I was too late!

I thought he was playing!


The Earth turns round
to hide me from the moon

and then turns more to
shield me from the day.

The morning gasps and
mourns the afternoon,

it begs the Earth to
whisk my face away.

My first thought was,
he's drowned my dog.

But then I stopped
thinking that.

Sorry, I forgot my keys.

Oh, hello.

I've got some bad news.


I'm sorry.

What? Don't keep
saying "what."

I'm showing you his corpse!

So this is where
I, um, buried Boy

when I got him back
from the police.

This is where
I re-buried him.

Um, and then this is Bertie,
who is a cat that I got after

I moved and he
- he died.

And then, in fact, through
here, we've got Thomas,

who is a cat that a neighbor
had, and I looked after him

when the neighbor
got too, too old,

looked after him,

and he died as well,
so I just sort of

I just seem to be here
to see them through.

What do you mean a fit?

I didn't see it happen.

I was on the phone to you.

But I could sense it,
that something was wrong.

It's no good sensing, is it?

Sorry, I didn't
mean to interrupt.

Looks rather better on
you than it does on me.

Yes, it's very comfortable.

Like wearing a soft home.

Thanks again, Blake.

Please, no, it's my fault.

I thought I was witnessing
some kind of euphoria

and he was thrashing
for dear life.

I'll make some
tea for everybody.

Oh no, don't
worry, I'll do it.

What sort of tea
would you like?

I don't know why you're acting
as though there's a choice.

We just have tea, normal tea.
Normal tea is lovely, thank you.

Perhaps we should
put him in the fridge?

No, not you.

I'm not putting our
dead dog in the fridge.

Dinner's in the fridge. We
should tell the girls anyway.

Yes, we should.

I'm just going to
go to the gent's.


Can I tell you something?

Boy wanted to
die this morning.

It really did look
like he was dancing.

And the birds, like a frenzy
of angels ushering him away.

A halo of bats.

With all respect,
I have to say,

it really was
kind of beautiful.

And I did my
best, I really did.

But I think the fates
had already decided it was

his time to go.

Blake, I really appreciate your
efforts this morning, excuse me.

But I have to say, dogs
do not commit suicide.


I mean, what was there
for him to be upset about?

He had a nice bed, all
the food that he could eat,

lovely woods to walk
in, dedicated owners.

No, no, I didn't mean
What a fucking shame.

What a fucking
shame that he's dead!

And it's weird, like, since
we moved out, obviously,

um, Mum and Dad, sort of, you
know, at least they had Boy

to sort of, not keep
them together but,

you know, at least they
had Boy sort of in common.

They both loved Boy,
they both took care of Boy

and for him to go was obviously
quite a big deal for them,

so I think we were there as
much for them as, you know, for

You know, for us.

Yes, of course
I'm proud of them.

Of course I am, yeah,

everybody's proud
of their families.

Yeah, I'm very
proud of my family.

We're just, um.

You know, we're just
rearranged, that's all.

We're redistributed, we're not

We're not a broken home.

Are you awake?

Yo, Mum.


No, it's Edward. Who?

Why did you say "Mum," then?

Sorry, I thought you
were someone called "Mum".

I see Is Jess there?

I'm not the fuck-up,
your majesty!

I'm not the one who
needs attention all day.

No, 'cause I know someone
called "The Uncle,"

so I thought it might be a similar
thing. Sorry, is Jess there?

I'll find her.

fucking mental bullshit. I
don't want you to live here!

I don't want you to
want me to live here!

It's your mom.

- He's eaten in my house.

And he talked to the press.

So now he's got 10,000
quid and I have no privacy.

I thought what he did
was just rude, actually.

He told them that

Some version of
events that happened

from his point of view.

Mum and Dad would look
for someone to blame,

of course they would.

Nothing's ever their fault,
so Tim's an easy target,

He told
- He told them that Blake had died in the house

and that we had explained that
we had buried him in the woods

because that was
what he wanted.

Which is all true, but
actually, just, now you say it.

I just thought people
would be more understanding.


That's quite na?ve, isn't it?

I think they just presumed
that I must have said something

to the press

because I didn't feature so
heavily in the coverage but, um,

that's probably because it's

it's catchier just to say
"The Thompson Family Murder,"

than, you know, "The
Thompson Family Murder

and this other guy."

Who is this?

You know, it's not
You'd have to explain it.

You just say "The
Thompson Family Murder,"

then you sell a
paper, you know?


No, no, Tim can
drive us, it's ok.

Yep, don't worry,
we'll see you in a bit.


I've sent a fax.


To let them know.

I've just phoned them.

Ok, well, then they'll
know either way.

What did you write?

We went home quite a bit,

which always had some
sense of hope to it

that it wouldn't be awful,
but it pretty much always was.

I don't know why
we didn't learn.


This obviously
wasn't any exception.

I mean, we knew it
would be awful anyway

because the dog had died but,

it was quite bad that we
brought Tim into it, really.

Yeah, I don't know why we
actually let him take us home,

knowing that it was going to
be probably worse than usual

and allowing one
of our friends

to see this strange
family at work.



The girls are on their way.

When you're kind of
fundamentally insecure,

you see positives in

other people in a way
that you are unable to see

in yourself, and I guess they
just became symbols of beauty

and wealth and just
being sorted and

knowing what they were doing
and I guess, in retrospect,

I can see that they
were just the same as me,

and in many ways

in many ways not
perfect human beings,

but who is a
perfect human being?

Perhaps I should leave?

This is a family affair.

No, no, stay.

Tim's coming.

He's just a friend, if that
makes you feel more comfortable.

Well, I I would like to stay.

To pay my respects. Good.

That'd be nice.

See you later.

Is that possible?

Both? Both the girls, yeah.

Is that funny?


He sort of had a

sort of an affection for
both of us, it seemed.

Can you hear how
pretentious you sound?

Why does that
sound pretentious?

I was in love with two
people at the same time.

I mean, if you want a
threesome, have a threesome.

I don't want to have
a threesome. Why?

And I think that was a bit
embarrassing for him as well,

and for us and we just
sort of drifted apart,

but there's no hard
feelings, I don't think.

You know, it was just a stupid,
confused, kind of teenage,

almost. You're going to die!

Well, eventually, yes,
it doesn't mean that

So before that
- before that, have a threesome.

In the same way as, "Oh,
do you want some cake?"

"Well, I don't know."

"You're going to
die, have a cake!"

Tim. Tim.

You, Graham.

That's fun, isn't it?
That's a fun night out.


I mean, you're deranged
when you talk about love.

Love is just a silly
word for not having a clue

and believing you
might have a clue

by not having a clue
with somebody else.

I think that's
just your opinion.

It's all opinion.

You just have to grab
things sometimes and go,

"Oh yes, that
sounds about right.

I'll have some cake."


It's just there
on the right. Yeah.

Sorry, I just have to say
something before we go in.

What, now?

I think so, yeah.


What? Well, listen,
I know the phrase is

I know the phrase is
meaningless and everything if

If you say it out loud.

What? Well, I I love you.

Both of you.

As a pair or...?
I don't know, sorry.

I didn't mean
anything by that.

Just block it
out of your head.

You know, um, it would be

Like, if you were insane,
like that would be fine,

that would be fun for me.

This I don't know
what to do with.

It's quite difficult for
me to deal with somebody.

who's an idiot.



Hello. Hi.


Hello, Tim.


Hiya. Hi.

Hi, Mum. Hi.

Do you want a hand
with those bags, Tim?

I'm all right, thank you.

I thought we
could do Boy first.

First before what?
I don't know, tea.

Where is he?

Who's that?

Oh, that's Blake.

He's the one who
tried to save him.

So what are we doing then?

Well, I thought
just a simple burial,

say a few words, let
him rest in peace.

I mean, there's no need
to cremate him, is there?

Dad. What?

That's not funny.

It wasn't supposed to be
funny. Thanks for driving, Tim.

Jess, have you told
I'm going outside.

I'm sorry for your loss. Yes.

He seemed quite nice.

Just a bit

I don't know, just a
bit disconnected maybe.

It just didn't
really make sense.

Yeah, I mean, why
was he there, yeah.

They hadn't
mentioned that he was.

that there was going to
be someone else there.

And we'd obviously gone
back home to bury Boy

and then Mum just said that
he was the one that found him.

What a shame.

Such a little fighter.

Tom? What?

Is that the best place?

All right.

First of all, well
done, everybody,

and thank you very much.

And I'm so sorry, it's a hell
of a time for your back to go.

Sophie, do you want
to say some words?

Why do I have to
say some words?

Or Jess, maybe you could
play something on the fiddle?

Can't we just put him to
rest without making a big song

and dance about it?

All right, fine.

And you're completely happy with
the situation of the hole now?

It's not too late.
Yes, it's fine.

Right, pass him over.

- All right.

All right, I got him.

Ok, I've gotcha, I've gotcha.

- I've gotcha.

We're gathered here
in remembrance of Boy.

Do we want to put
the dirt on first?

Should we all do the dirt?

Shall I Shall I start?

Or Tim?

You're the guest,
would you like


Well look, I'll go.

Shall I just Just do it.

Just do it, yes.

Anybody want a go?

It's not darts, Tom,
it's a fucking funeral.

All right, ok.

This isn't right.

We should go to the woods.

That's where he'd be freest.

He was always
happiest in the woods.

We should take
him to the woods.

I think that's a lovely ideia.

Should we Oh, yes.

Shall I take him? Yes.

Oh, watch out.

Shall I fill the hole up?



So, here we are again,
ladies and gentlemen.

Dad. What?

Just. What?

What are we doing?

Why don't we just
have a minute's silence

and we can all pay
our respects like that.

All right, good ideia.

I'll time, shall I? Thank you.

No, don't worry, I'll do it.

Well, I can time.
Yes, Jess time, yes.

Ok? No, actually, don't worry.

No, I can do it. Who's
got the best watch?

I can manage timing a minute.

I'm halfway there
now, you ready?


From now. No, not yet.

Don't do silence yet. Tom.

You won't feel the benefit.

Will you stop being
such a phenomenal twat

and do it properly, please?

All right, there's no need
to take that tone. From now.

I shouldn't have stayed.

I should have just gone.

I shouldn't have stayed.


I suppose that now
we're looking at that

as maybe more of a possibility
after everything that happened,

but at the time it
certainly, you know,

was just really sad and he
genuinely seemed like he wanted

to be at Boy's funeral.

I think if he had killed
him, he would have said.

If he'd killed my dog, I suppose
I'd have a motive to kill him,

although it seems like a bit of
an overreaction, I have to say.

No, I didn't think
it was suspicious.

He was.

He was upset.

He was Blake was upset.

Blake was more upset
almost than we were.

The trouble with
bigging your daughters up

is everyone thinks you're
trying to marry them off

or pimp them out or something.

But I'm partial, you know,
I'm a dad, it's natural.

Katie, for instance,
she's so pretty,

everyone thinks she's a bit.

But actually,
she's very caring.

Did you know when
she was little,

she wanted to be a doctor?

Or a vet.

Who was he? Where has he gone?

Why was he here?

Why is everyone being
so weird about it?

Why is no one
talking about it?

And why is Tim being so weird?

What's Dad doing now?

I'm going to place the Thompson
family now on this chair.

I'd like you, Graham,
to talk to them,

to tell them how you feel,

how you felt about
them in the past.

So sorry, am I talking
to them one at a time

or are they small?

We've only got four cups.

Are you coming out?

I'd imagine the sisters
there, just sort of perched,

and then the and then
the husband and wife.

If you can, I mean try.

Let's not put up a wall
between you and this

small version of
the Thompson family.

The one with the blueberries
on it is blueberry.

And the other one
two are cheesecake

and I don't know what
this is, a sort of flanny.

I would start off
obviously by saying

Don't start. Hi.

Not by saying, say it. Hi.

They say hi back.

In unison.

What do you say?
How is it going?

Everything's going fine.

What would you
like to say to us?

What are you up to?

Well, they're
all up to various

I'm sorry that I'm sorry that

Because they're divorced now.

I don't know why your
mum's not coming out.

She's doing the
washing up, I think.

Did you offer to help
with the washing up?

Um, I did, but she said

No, no, sorry, not you,
I didn't mean you, Tim.

I feel no guilt or shame
that I don't know you.

What are you doing? anymore.

What are you doing?

I'm talking to
the tiny Thompsons

like you fucking asked me to.

Yeah, and it's
insane, isn't it?

Yes, it is insane
and I'm doing it

because you fucking
put them there.

What an idiot you are.

Look at you, you're
talking to a chair.

I am talking to a chair
because you put the chair there

and lined up the fucking

Who am I? Who am I?

You're supposed to
be fucking helping me!

I'm just a person! You
fucking bring a chair in here,

shrink the Thompsons down,
put I'm just a person!

You have to sort
of balance it.

So, woof.

Get today.


I thought it was
lovely, actually.

I thought it was
really lovely.

What's your news?

What sort of news?

Well, I don't know, what's
- what's

You wake up and life
happens, doesn't it?


It's fine.

You know, I think probably
most parents spend their time

worrying about, you
know, their children

coming home and telling
them something really,

that they weren't
expecting, and oh my God,

how're we going to cope with
this, but frankly if either of

them came home and
said something that

surprised me, I'd
just be grateful,

because it seems like a
long process, this process of

not getting on with your life.

Yeah well, Mum didn't
know what she wanted to do

when she was my age.

Well actually, she did, but
it just didn't happen for her.

What was that?


She was a poet.

She was bloody good.

Actually, I'll tell you what.

Come with me, Tim, a sec.

Can you just

Just see if Mum's all right?

Where are you going?

I only found these the
other day, boxfuls of them.

So here.

Bring them in
Bring them in here.

When we were in love
back in the Stone Age,

she used to write me
things all the time

and I always felt
a bit inadequate

because I didn't
know how to reply,

so I just used
to buy her stuff,

you know, like a flower or
a piece of cake or a bicycle.

Do you write poetry?

No, I don't write
Because some of these.

You know, I'm just thinking you
are a connected guy, after all.

You are a sort of
connected kind of guy.

And Sorry, what do you mean?

I was just thinking you
could show these to someone

and perhaps get
them published.

Because some of them
are really, really good.

Where's a short one?


"You had my love
and that's enough.

When we are dead,
it will be said

you were in love
and I was too,

and that, my dear,
will have to do."

You see, I'd not
read that before,

but it is lovely, isn't it?

And there's literally
hundreds of them.

Maybe it's just that
I know what it means.

What I was thinking was that
when we go through again,

you can tell her how
much you like them.

I think that would
really cheer her up.

Ok, yes.

Shall I

Shall I start reading
them then or...?

Perhaps you could read a
couple and then if she asks you,

you know, you could say

The ones that I like.
That you've read.

What's this? It's a knife.

Just checking I wasn't going
mad. Why would you be going mad?

Well, just because this knife
was with the forks again.

She wanted to
throw them all away.

Don't you think that's sad?

Knives are the total
opposite of forks.

What is less like
a knife than a fork?

A bowl?

That's not a poem,
that's just a bill.

At least I think
I think it was.

What does it mean though?

What does it represent?

A knife. No,
that's what it is.

Why are they all on the floor?

Um, I dropped them.

All that exists is
distraction from the fact

that you want to die.

Let's go in and make
her feel really good.

When you don't want to fuck
anymore because you don't have

a fuck to give, well then,
clearly, by extension,

it is impossible to give
a fuck about anything.


You don't give a
fuck about the house.

You don't give a
fuck about the garden.

You don't give a fuck about
the Do you give a fuck about us?

I asked you to
throw those away.

You wanted to recycle them,
so here they are, recycled.

Throw them away. Why?

Because that's a
box of misery, Tom.

To you.

It's about you.

It's not a nice thing.

It's not a good thing to
have in the house, all right?

That's not how it reads.

Tim really likes them.
I really like your poems.

He's going to help
get them published.

No one wants a compendium
of suicide notes, do they?

They are not

They're not suicide
notes, they're poems.

They're love
poems. Dad, just go.

No, I will not just go.

Why does your
mother have to be

such a bloody attention seeker
again? Don't argue, please.

Attention seeker? Yes.

How dare you?

The children are home.

We've got a house guest.

We could be having a nice
day, but you insist on ruining

everything with your bloody
depressive morbid nonsense!

Don't argue, please.
Oh, just leave me alone!

Leave you alone? Don't argue!

What is the point of you?

What purpose do you serve?

I keep you alive, excuse me.

What does that mean? I pay.

Oh, I pay for this, I pay for

The gas, I pay for the
food in your stomach,

the clothes on your back. You
inherited half of it, you pathetic man.

If it weren't for the children

If it weren't for the
children, what, Sophie?

If it wasn't for the children,
what would you do exactly? Shut up!

And what does this have
to do with what I said

in the first place?

Because it certainly has
nothing to do with what today

should be all about.

Which is Boy's death!

I'm not listening to you.

I pay for all that gunk
you put on your legs

to get the hair off.

Is this the way you
want him to remember us?

Vicious-minded. God's sake.

Oh, yes, very
good, dramatic exit.

No sense of priorities
at all, you stupid man.

Why is everything
still such a mess here?

If you imagine that all of the
colors in the world represent

each of the infinite
emotions, right?

So, think of the primary colors of
- What are they?

Red and yellow and blue as
representing, I don't know,

happy and sad and
scared or something.

You can mix those colors
together and you can get an

infinite number
of combinations,

but if you mix them all together
at once then you get pure white,

and that is what people
think of as God or love.

It doesn't matter, it
depends who you are.

That's what I
don't get anymore.

That's why I'm here. You've
squandered your canister of dreams!

Can I explain to you
what happens when you mix

all the colors in the world?

You get a sort of
grey-y browny mush.

Also, and this
is very important.

All feelings, true,
false, positive, negative,

they can all be subsumed
into one category: passion.

And most people think
that's a wonderful thing.

"Oh, passion, I like passion."

Passion comes from the
Greek word "paskho,"

which means "I suffer."

All feelings are suffering.

Life is suffering.

You are suffering
because you are alive.

I think what happened
sort of helped the breakup,

because it sort of had been
coming for quite a long time

and I think it sort of
helped make it happen.

It was rather like
dealing with a kind of

with an aggrieved
child, I suppose really.

We actually dealt with the
divorce in a very adult way.

It was very awkward.

She was fantastically
reasonable and.

It was a nightmare.

We just worked through
it like a project and.

I actually wanted to
go to mediation about it

and get some
- Because it was just hopeless.

Trying to speak
to him is like.

Well, funnily
enough, I say child,

but it's actually like trying
to communicate with a dog.

Shall we just wait
for this plane?

You can only get across very
basic needs and commands.

You can't make him understand
any kind of emotional subtlety

or complexity.

So it ended up being very
difficult and acrimonious and

And actually in the end,
it worked out in his favor.

I know that Mum feels
like Dad ended up

with more than his fair share.

I mean, Dad ended up with
more than his fair share.

Yeah, he did, yeah, he did.

End up with way more
than his fair share.


Tom bloody Thompson?

Look at this!

Last time I saw you, you
were very tiny on my chair.

I'm a friend of Graham's.

Oh, Graham.


How is Graham?

I should

It was nice to
see you. Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Could you put
some sad music on?


Oh, that's very good.

That's perfect.

But Jess.



When you've got
a lot of problems,

everyone thinks
you're just flaky.

but it also gives
you a lot of courage.

I love that you see that.

There was a time
Sophie used to ask me,

do poets write love, or
do lovers live poetry?

And I

Well, I don't know what
the right answer is.

But the fact is,
the reality is

that when love
actually happens to you,

nothing as glorious as that
has ever been written about.

So the question is ridiculous.

Lovers live love.

And it's so real and
visceral that it's obvious

it's going to last forever

and then, just as
obviously, it fades.

It's as if our love
has its own mortality.

Love dies just like
everything else does.

It's just a part of life.

It's no less
beautiful for that.

"They're not suicide
notes, they're poems.

Love poems."

"Is this how you want
him to remember us?"

You get to a
point in your life,

where you've done pretty much
everything you've been asked to

and it's like we're still
infants, you know, still

still showing mother.

Look, this picture I did.

Look, my Lego ship.

Look at this life I made.

Yes, well done.

Now go away and
make another one.

Make a better one.

You all right?


I'm sorry we're
always fighting.

Oh, I'm a murderer!

Oh, I'm going to kill you!
What, are you zooming in?

Oh, I'm going to kill you
like I did the other guy.

Do I look some sort of freak?

Ready for your death.


With too much makeup on.

Yeah, you should be afraid.

Yeah, off you go,
before I kill you.

Piss off!

Give that to

Put that where Tim
was sitting. Yep.

Shall I put this on the table?

That's not glass, is it? No.

Sophie, this does
smell fantastic.

That's rather a large one.

I'll have the large
one. There you go.

Do you want me to pour
Shall I pour the wine?

Yes, why don't you?

Tim? Yes?

Yeah, here, sit.

I found some candles.

They're lovely.

I had to use the
ones out the bathroom,

but that's all
right, isn't it?

With the picture,
it's very Mum?

That's Boy's
That's his shrine.

We can add to it, I suppose.

We'll probably find.

bits of Boy
memorabilia under sofas

and behind cushions for years.

Is that all right
for you, Jess?

Yeah, that's great, thanks.

Katie, do you want wine? Yeah.

I don't have a glass.

Oh, I'm so sorry, let
me get you a glass.



Cheers. Cheers.

Well done, everybody.

When he arrived at our
house, he made it clear.

He made it clear that he was

in the last moments
of his life and.

He told us where he
wanted to be buried.

I'll get it.


I'm sorry to disturb
you again, Sophie.

I wondered if you'd mind
my coming in and joining you

for dinner
- You don't have to feed me anything.

I just want to be with you.

Of course, come in.

I'm sorry to barge in
on you all like this,

I know it's a family occasion.

Blake, it's good to see you.

Come in, come in and sit down.

Are you all right?

Oh, yes, yes.

I just


Jess, get another
plate from the kitchen.

No, no, no, no, I'll be

I should be gone in.

Five minutes?


You're such a beautiful family
and I wanted to be with people.

The story is a man lost
his wife in the pond

because she disappeared
and when it was frozen,

it was obvious it
couldn't be anywhere else

because we walked there
together when it was working.

It was frozen.

It was clear.

And the pace of a falling
leaf was enough to tell you,

wasn't it?

If you remember, the
summer would never end.

And we used to stop

We had to stop every few
yards just to kiss each other

and stroke each other

and see each other
just just to confirm.

And I was so scared that the
world was playing a trick on me,

that the world was conning me,

because nobody has the
right to feel that wonderful.

I suppose that's That's why

- the birds.

They're always
there in patterns.

She had a terrible
pain in her leg, see,

so I'm convinced and I
know I sound like a madman,

but I'm convinced that
if you bury me there.

She came back to me.

As Boy.


And I know it and
I'm not normally.

But sometimes these things
just become very clear,

because she disappeared.


So where

Where else?


See, that's.

So my
- my one request is that you bury me there with Boy

because I don't want to
be on my own when I'm dead.

"Before I die, I'd
like to play a prince,

a noble prince like
princes in the plays.

who fights and shouts
and dances like a god.

whose face is mired by
dirt that will be seen

in those untold,
unsensed dimension new,

where I surrender all
my worldly faults."

"No longer am I
scared to be confused,

revered, remembered,
forgotten and abused."


Sorry. Shh.

"I am," by John Clare.

I am: yet what I am
none cares or knows.

My friends forsake
me like a memory lost;

I am the self-consumer
of my woes.

They rise and vanish
in oblivious host,

like shades in love and
death's oblivion lost;

And yet I am.

And live with shadows tossed

into the nothingness
of scorn and noise,

into the living sea
of waking dreams,

where there is neither
sense of life nor joys,

but the vast shipwreck
of my life's esteems;

And e'en the dearest

That I loved the
best, are strange

Nay, rather stranger
than the rest.

I long for scenes where
man has never trod;

A place where woman
never smiled or wept;

There to abide with
my creator, God,

And sleep as I in
childhood sweetly slept:

Untroubling and
untroubled where I lie;

The grass below

above the vaulted sky.

Well, that is what happened.

That is what happened.

I can see how people
would think it's weird.

We didn't let him
die or anything.

We didn't know that
that was going to happen.

None of us could have predicted
that it was all going to end up

as public as it did,

that it was going to end up in
- in court.

I could have performed a
citizen's arrest for suicide,

but I would have been
arresting a dead person.

So what do you do when
you're sitting there

with a human being asking
you something like that?

Do you go against it?

In the moment, it felt that the
most important thing to do was

to do what Blake wanted.

To at least give him the end
that he'd asked us for that

clearly meant so much to him.

I was surprised
at why I did it.

In retrospect I
think, how stupid.

you know, knowing
how people react.

What an idiot.

But it's probably the most beautiful
thing I've ever done in my life.

Pond_blogger here
with poem number 49.

"You had my love
and that's enough.

When we are dead,
it will be said,

you were in love
and I was, too,

and that, my dear,
will have to do."

I'll be back tomorrow
with poem number 50.

Thanks for watching.

Over and out.