Black Dynamite (2009) - full transcript

Leon St. James
for Anaconda Malt Liquor.

With the delectable combination
of the finest barleys and hops...

...it's the only malt liquor...

...that carries the seal of excellence
from Uncle Sam himself.

And when you pop the top,
the panties drop.

Is that Anaconda Malt Liquor?

The only malt liquor to be approved
by the United States government?

That's right. Anaconda Malt Liquor.

Anaconda Malt Liquor,
brewed in Piedmont, Georgia.

Gentlemen, every one of you
are the most respected men...

Doing business with me,
you'll find you'll be protected...



...and you will be supplied
with as much as you can distribute.

However, one of us here
is not who he appears to be.

Come on, you jive turkeys.

What kind of rundown is this?

Look, man...

...I gotta get back to the streets
where I come from, sucker.

Hold it.

I told you jive chumps,
I ain't no snitch.

Who said you were?

He's dead.

My God, men.

Do you know what this means?

Do you know whose brother...?

This ghetto is gonna be turned
upside-down, I tell you, upside-down.



The streets are gonna run crimson
with the blood of the men...

...responsible
for his brother's death.

Man I am speaking of
is a veritable one-man army.

And if you get on his bad side,
brother, you're done for.

It's only a matter of time
before he finds out...

...and when he does,
no matter where he is...

...get ready, gentlemen,
because hell's a-coming.

Coming, coming, coming.

Black Dynamite,
that was the best loving I ever had.

Me too.

That goes triple for me.

Mama, you're gonna waske up
the rest of the bitches.

I wanna tell you a story
about a friend I've had.

He's a mean motherfucker
and he's super bad.

So grab on to your seats
and hang on tight...

...while I tell you a story
about Black Dynamite.

Yeah?

Dynamite, baby,
Nipsy still ain't paid up.

Solid. I'm on it, Bee.

Who's there?

I'm looking for Nipsy.

There's no Nipsy here.

Now, I'm gonna ask you
one more time.

Where's Nipsy?

Here I am, sucker.

Honeybee,
what's happening, baby?

Black Dynamite.
What did you do to Nipsy?

Now, word on the street
is that he's gonna be in traction.

You know me. I just talked to him.

Thank you, Black Dynamite.

I'm so happy.

Hey, they mess with you, Mama,
they're messing with me.

Black Dynamite, I wanna thank you
for taking care of us girls...

...while we was down and out
and didn't have no pimp.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Ain't nobody seen Pimpin' Jake
for two days...

...and he ain't been by here
with your money.

- And...
- I knew I forgot something.

Tiny.

Get Pimpin' Jake out of my trunk.

Tell him the rest by Wednesday
or I'll make him stick himself.

I'm sorry. Go on, Bee.

They replaced the chain on your
nunchucks and oiled the bearings.

They're sitting there on your desk,
next to the dry cleaning.

All right. What's wrong, Honeybee?

I've known you too long.

Now, if something's bothering you,
why don't you lay it on me?

Black Dynamite,
I got to go to the hospital.

It's my little nephew, Bucky.
He OD'd.

Where is Bucky
and what has he had?

It's that new drug on the street.

All the kids are falling prey to it.

What we gonna do,
Black Dynamite?

I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna fight.

The only way I know how.

Ever since I was a boy,
all I knew was how to fight.

Fight, fight, fight.

And when I got tired,
I would fight some more.

And now that the Man
has got our backs to the wall...

...I ain't gonna let him hurt the kids.

I'm gonna take him down.

I'm gonna take them all down.

Who the hell is interrupting
my kung fu?

- Who the hell is this?
- Black Dynamite, it's your Aunt Billy.

How many times
I told you not to call here...

...and interrupt my kung fu?

It's bad news, Dynamite.

It's your only brother, Jimmy.

He's dead, Dynamite.

Jimmy's dead.

Scram.

I said split.

Shake the scene, you turkeys.
Get out of my house.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

How did it happen, Aunt Billy?

They found him shot full of holes
in an old shipping yard.

Dead as a dog.

Said he had drugs on him.

I guess he was still on that stuff.

Now, I thought you promised
your mama on her deathbed...

...you wass gonna get him
off that stuff, Black Dynamite.

Whoever did this is gonna pay.

I can promise you that.

Well, I hope it ain't like
when you promised your mama...

...you wass gonna get him
off of that stuff...

...for the rest of his natural life...

Black Dynamite,
I want you to promise me...

...that you'll look after your brother...

...and make sure
he doesn't end up on drugs...

...or dead.

I promise.

Jimmy, I am 18-year-old
Black Dynamite...

...and you are my 16... year-old
kid brother...

...and you are high
as a kite yet again.

Who gave you the drugs, Jimmy?

Who?

Your mama would turn over
in her grave...

...if she were here to see this.

She loved Jimmy with all her heart.

You promised your mama
on her deathbed...

...that you would look after Jimmy.

Now he's dead.

I scoured the crime scene
like you told me to.

Dig what I found.

Now, this is some heavy shit.

Freeze, turkeys.

I see you haven't lost your touch,
B.D.

O'Leary?

The old "pie on the windowsill" trick.
I can't believe I fell for that.

That was the same trap you used
in Nam to save my ass.

B.D. Took our fatigues
and put them on two dead gooks.

I remember we circled back
and turned the tables.

I guess you forgot about the time
you and Bravo company...

...left my black ass for dead, huh?

But I remember.

I remember everything.

I remember Vietnam
like it was yesterday.

I remember that village
in Tainan that we cut down.

It was a massacre.

All the dead Chinamen
we left in our tracks.

I remember the faces, the children.

This one child I'll never forget.

Poor little bastard was still alive.

His little Chinese legs
were blown clean off.

Still see his little shins and feet...

...hanging from the ceiling fan
across the hut.

He was charred from his head down
to his little Chinese knees.

He tried to get up...

...but he fell over when what wass left
of his right leg broke off.

As he laid there flat on his face...

...he looked up at me.

His little Chinese eyes
burned right into my stomach...

...deep into my soul.

He said something to me
in Chinese, like:

Sounds like some cartoon shit...

...but I understood it to be a question
that he was asking me.

And I don't have to know
how to speak Chinese...

...to know what that question was.

"Why, Black Dynamite?

Why?"

We're a long way from Nam.

Look at this place.

It must have an eight-track player
in every room.

What's going on today
is a smack problem of epic proportion.

Corruption is running rampant
and we don't know who to trust.

We need you, Black Dynamite,
now more than ever.

I know I was the best CIA agent
that the CIA ever had...

...but I thought I told you honkies
from the CIA...

...that Black Dynamite
was out of the game.

- You're never out of the game.
- I've known you for a long time.

And there's something
that you're not telling me.

Okay.

We heard about your brother's death.
The last thing we need...

...is you running through the streets
creating a river of blood.

Tell me who did it
and I'll just leave a puddle.

We don't know who killed Jimmy.

But I do know this.

You step out of line, friendship or not,
and I'm gonna take you down.

In case you forgot,
when you left the agency...

...you relinquished
your license to kill.

Well, you do what you have to.

Just don't get in my way.

Come on, give it up
to Afroditey and the Moonchild.

Give them a nice round of applause,
big round of applause, yeah.

Black Dynamite,
you came to see me.

Bitch, no, I gotta go rap a taste
with my man Horn...

...but afterwards since I'm here,
maybe I'll throw you one right quick.

Out of sight.

I get off in 15 minutes.

You're right about that, sugar.

You're right about that.

Bullhorn, can I get you anything?

Yes. I would like some of that ass.

Yes, yes, yes.

Man, who dare knock
when I'm planning to plant my...?

Main man Black Dynamite.

What it is, Bullhorn?

What you want to eat, man?

Sister Betty made some hog maws
and, man, she put her ankle in it.

I ain't here for no food, Horn.

Oh, man.

I can dig it.

Sugar, give us a minute.

You know, man...

...I'm really sorry to hear
about what happened to Jimmy.

You know, me and you
been tight for a long time.

- So you know if you need anything...
- Thanks, Horn.

I need to know about the kind of cats
that Jimmy was running with.

You know, he came around here
about a week ago...

...with some cats
that I had never seen before.

Man, I mean,
these cats looked mean.

Meaner than two fat motherfuckers
wrestling over pork chops and greens.

Can you dig it?

Yeah. I can dig it.

That little old half-a-player,
Cream Corn, was with them.

You remember Cream Corn.

So where is Cream Corn
these days?

Yep, that's right.

I'm running things.

Cream Corn.
That's why they call me that.

Smooth.

I got my measure for your pleasure.

Stick with me, baby,
I'll have you farting through silk.

And let a nigga mess with me.

I'll jump on him,
all 93 pounds of pure dynamite...

Let me catch my breath,
Black Dynamite.

Shut up, sucker. I need answers.

I wanna know who the cats were
that Jimmy was hanging with.

Man, I don't know nothing
but nothing.

Okay, all right, all right.

Their leader's name
is Chicago Wind.

They hang out at a place
called the Hip Pocket on Crenshaw.

Now, get me up.

So you must be Black Dynamite.

Cream Corn, you jive mother.

Chicago Wind, I presume.

Your presumption is correct, nigga.

If you presume that I killed
your brother then you presume wrong.

Not that it means shit to me.

Either way, shit.

I wish I'd have killed
that nigga myself.

Somebody else beat me to it.

Is that so?

Well, Mr. Chicago Wind...

...what do you know about this?

Some heavy shit.

But dig.

Let me explain something to you,
supernigga.

I don't answer questions.

I ask them.

Even if I did know who killed
that brother of yours...

...what would make you think
I'm gonna tell you?

Get your black ass out of my joint...

...before we beat you
like a rented mule.

That's right, you jive-ass punk.

Don't be coming to the Hip Pocket
talking that shit, you dig?

That's right, nigga.
Don't ever, ever come ba...

Go catch Chicago Wind
before he disappears.

I'll take care
of this gorilla-eating goon here.

Oh, you's a corn-fed fool
with a lot of muscle mass.

But it's time for Bullhorn
to get up in that ass.

Motherfucker.

Let everybody know
and suckers be warned...

...that this is the outcome
when you mess with Bullhorn.

Try to catch me now, sucker.

Motherfucker.

Now you know why they call me
Chicago Wind, fool.

Because I left your ass
blowing in the breeze.

Man, don't you ever, ever...

That black son of a bitch,
he killed my best dealer.

I want Black Dynamite dead,
and I wasnt him dead now.

Before you support
any of these candidates...

...find out if they're going to rid
our communities...

...of the hustlers and pushers.

Or are they gonna destroy all
the programs that help our children...

...and give their corporate friends
free reign to exploit our community...

...like Congressman James.

Watch me turn this shit around.

Power to the people.

With all due respect
to the young sister here...

...you all know me.

Yes.

Now, young lady...

...these fine folks
don't need to be misled.

All they want is a little bit of bread.

And you can't just stick it
to the Man.

You also
got to have yourself a plan.

Now, we got to take this
from the jukebox to the ballot box.

We got to go from the poor house
to the White House.

Instead of maligning me...

...let's take this land
from sea to shining sea.

Keep the faith, brothers and sisters.

Say, Mama, you're gonna have
to work on your delivery...

...if you wanna take on
Congressman James.

The shame is, half these people
don't know what y'all talking about...

...but at least they can put his
to a beat.

So, what do you do
to make a difference?

Do you march? Do you vote?

Oh, let me guess.

You're one of Tom Slick brothers...

...think you can get by on good looks,
a wink and a smile, huh?

I don't know about Tom Slick.

But thank you for the compliments.

That's not what I meant.

Not that I think
that you have good look...

I mean, you know these guys
with their...

- Winks and smiles.
- Yeah.

What about the smile?

I am smiling.

Right on, right on.

Excuse me, brothers.

The militants turn, startled.

This is private.

How'd you get in here?

I walked in.

So you one of them
sneaky brothers, huh?

Or maybe you an undercover pig.

Or maybe you just a federal hit man.

If I was,
you cats would already be dead.

Now, let me speak
to the man in charge.

Sarcastically, I'm in charge.

Right on.

If you were in charge...

...the people might as well surrender
to whitey right now...

...because your survival skills
ain't worth a damn.

Black Dynamite.

It has been a long time, my brother.

What it is, Saheed?

You know this Uncle Tom?

Listen, sucker.

I'm blacker than the ace of spades
and more militant...

...than you and your whole damn army
put together.

And while you're out there...

...chanting at rallies
and browbeating politicians...

...I'm taking out any money
front sucker on a humble...

...that gets in my way.

So I'll tell you what.

When your so-called revolution starts,
you call me...

...and I'll be right down front
showing you how it's done...

...but until then,
you need to shut the fuck up...

...when grown folks is talking.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, we heard about
what went down at the Hip Pocket.

That was righteous.

That was personal, brother.

Personal or not, you saved
a lot of brothers and sisters.

You need our help, we're here.

I can dig it.

What can you tell me about this?

Yeah.

I ain't seen one of these in a while.

I was gonna fuck him up.

There it is.

AR-48.

I wish we could get
some shit like this.

That round will go through
a bulletproof vest like it was a pillow.

Any idea who would have it?

Whoever it is,
he must work for the Man...

...because that right there
is strictly government issue.

You mind telling me
how this was found...

...at the scene
of my brother's death?

Okay, Black Dynamite.

Want me to level with you?

Your brother Jimmy
wasn't a two-bit drug dealer.

- He was one of us.
- What?

He was working undercover.

And he wanted to be just like you.

Jimmy, why didn't you tell me?

Vincent Rafelli.

Don of the Carbozi family.

Heads up a shipping company.

We believe he's distributing dope.

Jimmy felt that the don
and Congressman James...

...had something up their sleeve.

He didn't quite know what it was.

He died trying to find out.

So I don't need to tell you
the importance of this mission.

But I just have one question.

Are you in or are you out?

Because God knows
you're the only one we can trust.

I'm in.

Good.

I had a feeling
you were gonna say that.

Hope you don't mind.

I took the liberty
of reinstating your license to kill.

You're gonna need this.

Black Dynamite's looking for us.

You said you would handle it.

I'm bringing in
the heavy hitters now.

Somebody broke into
my dead brother Jimmy's apartment.

Breathe deeply, baby.

Daddy, you make my heart beat.

Yeah, Dr. Dynamite can hear that.

But I think
you're running a temperature.

Let me see if I can find
a thermometer for you.

What the...?

I told you urine sample,
Nurse Jenny.

Black Dynamite.

I mean, really.

You sent her in here
with them titties.

What did you expect?

How's my x-ray?

Well, no fragments.

In and out.

You're lucky, Black Dynamite.

Three inches to the left...

...and we wouldn't even be having
this conversation.

Three inches to the right,
it would've missed my black ass.

Well, you need a new line of work.

This is the second time this year.

I know, I know.

Why do I bother?
There's no helping you.

No, doc, you help me just fine.

See you next time.

You hang in there, Leon.
You hear me?

Hey, Mama, what's going down?
That your kid in there?

No.

Nephew? Cousin?

I said no.

No relation, he...

He happens to be one of the kids
at the orphanage where I work.

He overdosed on smack.
Third one this month.

And why?
What does it matter to you anyway?

Whoa, Mama, just trying to help.

Oh, I don't need your kind of help.

Men like you only help
when there's something in it for them.

They can't be bothered.

Too busy chasing their chicks
and their bread and their fancy car.

No, Mr. Black Dynamite.

The only help you know
is how to help yourself.

Whoa, Mama, it ain't about me.

It's about that kid in there.

Now do you really want help...

...or are you just trying to prove to the
world you can do it all on your own?

Mama always said:

"A helping hand is a helping hand,
clean or dirty."

Guess my hands
ain't clean enough for you.

Wait.

These politicians don't give a damn.

I mean, look, look at these ads.

Congressman James
made promises to the people.

Then he took away
his drug-awareness programs...

...and allowed his bedfellows
to sell crap to the kids.

He even invested in these products.

Now the dope is everywhere.
It's even...

It's even in the orphanage.

Not the orphanage.

I used to be an orphan.

You ain't got no mommy
and you ain't got no daddy.

You're an orphan.

Orphan, orphan, orphan.

No, not the orphans.

I think I need
to show you something.

We've been trying
to reach these children.

But this new smack on the street
is proving too much of a match for us.

The worst thing
about these pushers...

...getting these children
addicted to this new smack...

...is that these children are orphans,
and orphans don't have parents.

Ain't nothing in the world
get Black Dynamite more mad...

...than some jive-ass sucker
dealing smack to the kids.

Bobby, stop it.

You'll kick soon.

You dealing, brother?

I need my smack, I need it now.

Put a few of these honeys on the street
and I'll get you your bread, partner.

I refuse to let this happen to you,
little man.

I will shake this poisonous shit
out of your smacked-up body...

...if I have to.

Black Dynamite, stop.
We've tried that, nothing works.

I can't look at these kids no more.

This orphanage used to be alive
with laughter, kids playing.

Now look at it, it's sickening.

Whoever's responsible is gonna pay,
if it's the last thing I do.

Black Dynamite,
I wish it was that simple.

But this is much bigger
than you and me.

Hey, Little Mama.

It may be bigger than you
and it may be bigger than me.

But it ain't bigger than you and me.
Can you dig it?

I think so.

I gotta split.

You need me to drop you off
somewhere?

No, I think I'm gonna go down
the street and grab a bite.

I'll drive you.

Thanks for the ride.

Can I get some hot sauce
for my donut?

Excuse me, lady.

- Oh, my God.
- What is it? What is going on?

How did you know?

Donuts don't wear alligator shoes.

Damn.

Sorry, Roscoe.

It's cool, man.

Chili and donuts ain't working out
for me no how.

Maybe it's time for a change.

What have you gotten me into?

It wasn't me they were after, sugar.

You must have pissed off some people
in some pretty high places.

I'm gonna take you somewhere
you'll be safe.

Black Dynamite,
you ain't got to worry about Gloria.

She gonna be safe up in here.

I been keeping the girls up
on their kung fu like you told me to.

Now, they find her up in here,
we will fricassee they honky asses.

You sure about this?
Maybe we should call the police.

No, Mama. You can bet
your sweet ass and half a titty...

...whoever put that hit on you, already
got the cops in their back pocket.

You be cool, Mama.

Bee here will keep you tight
and out of sight.

I'm gonna shake the tree
from the roots and rake up the fruits...

...rip it up out the ground,
find out what's going down.

Don't worry about tomorrow, Mama,
because tonight...

Dynamite's gonna make
everything all right.

Euphoria, shut up.
I know that was you.

I ain't even gotta look.

I should send you to Crenshaw Pete
with his hot-ass coat hangers.

Would you like that?

Black Dynamite,
I know that we just met...

...but somehow I feel
that I can trust you.

I'll be here waiting
till you come to get me.

Thank you for saving my life.

You be cool, Little Mama.

I'll be back before too long.

Order, order, order.

Order, nigga.

The game is at an all-time low.

Never in the history of the game
has there been such devastation.

- That's right.
- Yeah.

Tricks running low,
cops pushing harder than ever.

- Yeah.
- That's right.

These little bitches just running wild.

I thought we had
these poop-butt pigs paid off.

- Come to find out.
- Yeah.

They trapping my ho's
every time they hit the track.

I'm spending more bail money
than I'm getting tail money.

Yeah, yeah.
I can dig it, Chocolate, I can dig it.

Come on, this has been
my worst physical year ever.

Fiscal, nigga. With a F. Fiscal.

Well, it's been the worst one ever.
I can't even afford to get my hair fixed.

Sounds like you're assed out.

You know what they say.

The bitch won't sell her ass.

- A pimp will.
- Will.

Shut up, Tasty.

I turned you onto the game...

...when you nothing
but a little jailhouse tramp.

Now, listen up.

Pimping has been around
since the world started turning.

And it's going to keep right on
turning right along with it...

...until this little planet
rotates off its axis...

...as a result of its core overheating
and explodes into cosmic dust.

Damn.

- Can you dig it?
- It's done, brother.

You know what I'm saying?

Now look here.
These times, they come and they go.

- Right.
- And if you live long enough...

...you'll be around
to see them come again.

But what we need to do
is we need to collectivize.

- Yeah.
- Right on, right on.

Now, look here.

Listen.

Stop all the bullshit and take a vote.

Yes, O.

All in favor, raise your hand.

Kotex?

- Mo Bitches?
- I can dig it, baby.

Chocolate Giddy-Up?

Chocolate Giddy-Up.

Crenshaw Pete?

Captain Kangaroo Pimp?

- Willie?
- I'm with you.

Nigga, even if they don't
knock the broads...

...there ain't enough tricks
to go around.

Now, look here.

I don't know about the rest of y'all.

But it looks like I have
to keep selling heroin...

...just to make ends meet.

Then you'll have
a much bigger problem.

Black Dynamite.

What's happening, baby?

What it is, Big O?

To what do we owe this pleasure?

I just got one thing to lay on you cats
and then I'll split.

That I'm declaring war...

...on anybody who sells drugs
in our community.

But, Black Dynamite,
I sell drugs to the community.

Well, be that as it may,
if I catch you...

...I will not consider you
a brother or friend.

Now, can you dig it?

Hell no, nigga.

I can't dig it.

- Now who you supposed to be?
- That's Black Dynamite.

I ain't ask you, nigga. Shut up.

I'm gonna tell you like this.

I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do.

- Yeah.
- Well, the choice is yours, brother.

But if me and my people
catch you...

...you're gonna have
a lot more to deal with.

- Good evening, gentlemen.
- Goodbye, Black Dynamite.

Will you stop that?

Hold it right there.

It's me, Black Dynamite.

- What the hell do you wasnt?
- I wanna help you.

Why should I trust you...

...after you dropped dime on me
to Chicago Wind?

Because your brother Jimmy
saved my life.

I was supposed to be with him
the night he got killed.

But he called me
and told me to stay at home.

I guess I owe him one.

I'll need a list
of names and locations.

Ain't no thing.

Man, everything is gonna be okay.

Bullhorn...

...Cream Corn here says he can
help us find the cats we're looking for.

Now, what do you think?

Man,
I think we should put our ankles in it.

They broke into my home.

They got the ledger.

They got the manifest,
they got everything.

Everything.
Names, dates, schedules.

We even got the shipping routes.

They won't be able to take a shit...

...without us knowing
when or what color.

We cleaned up the streets
and gave them back to the people.

Once again, making them a pleasant
place to take an afternoon stroll.

Extra, extra. Hot off the presses.

Black Dynamite
cleans up the street.

It's unbelievable, Black Dynamite.

Everyone looks so happy...

...and it's all thanks to you.

I'd like to take the credit
but dig, Mama.

There's no I in "revolut..." In "team."

Look, I'm know I'm gonna be rusty,
but I have to try.

Hi, girls. What is your name?

I'm Shawanda,
and her name's Brikwilla.

Those are beautiful names.

I'm Gloria
and this is Black Dynamite.

My mama said
my daddy's name is Black Dynamite.

So did my mama.

Hush up, little girls.

A lot of cats have that name.

Well, that was amazing.

Thank you
for a beautiful day and night.

But I think I should be going.

I think you'll be safer
if you stay here tonight.

Oh, you do, do you?

I hope you don't think you're
gonna get any of this cookie.

Because if I offered you
some of this cookie...

...this cookie might kill you.

Don't think because
we've been frolicking in the park...

...you got this closed
because it takes...

Yeah, yeah, Mama.

You can hit the sheets or the streets.
It don't make me no never mind.

That's your bag, baby.
You can go or you can come.

Can you dig it?

Yeah.

Black Dynamite.

We read the ledger
and it just don't stop.

There's a trail of paper
that leads all the way to the top.

A big shipment is coming to town...

...and it's right there
where that cracker wrote it down.

Now, we don't know the whens,
but we do know the wheres.

And however the fuck the whats,
we'll sure enough be there.

Looks like he's got two warehouses.

One big one,
and one smaller one here.

We break into the two units,
we hit the smaller one first...

...then we scale the fence,
enter from the south...

...use an acetylene blowtorch to
breech the warehouse from the back.

That way we avoid the guards.

Man, them honkies gonna be running
for cover when us brothers get...

Get... Get...

The torch is an issue.

We won't be able to get
an acetylene torch in time.

Think again, brother.

You know somebody that's got one?

I know just the cat.

All right, snowflake.
Where's the dope?

Up yours, coon.

It's right over there
in the body bags, jeez.

So how much dope
is in the big warehouse?

They're gonna kill me anyway.
I'm not gonna tell you nothing, coon.

Dynamite, I got something
that will make him talk.

I ain't gonna tell you nothing.

Operation Code Kansas.
Can't stop it, too late.

Operation Code Kansas
gonna fix all the niggas.

Yeah, you won't be so big
and so bad anymore...

...because Kansas gonna fix you.

Just the niggas.

Just the nig...

Damn, Smoke.

I think you gave him
too much of that shit.

How long till it wears off?

It's malt liquor?

It's that new Anaconda Malt Liquor
from the billboards.

It's supposed to give you:

Tastes good too.

I know the drugs
are here somewhere.

We're gonna check every crate
until we find it.

I can't believe it, fellas.

That entire shipment
was just malt liquor.

Don't beat yourself up, Dynamite.

We still kept the 50 keys
we found in that first warehouse...

...from getting on the streets.

I'm gonna go home
and drink the rest of this, man.

Y'all should've grabbed some
of this shit. This shit is incredible.

I tell you, brothers,
it just don't make no damn sense.

The manifest, the shipping log,
the ledgers.

All records are consistent
with that damned beer shipment.

If anything else was in there,
it would have to weigh something.

They got it out before we got there.

No.

Why would they have guards there
if they got the drugs out?

No, them crackers
was protecting something.

B.D., we checked every single crate,
every stinking bottle.

Man, I'm with you, Dynamite.

That babbling cracker
knew something.

What that guard said,
I keep running through my head.

Code Kansas.

"You people
won't be so big anymore."

Code Kansas.

It just don't make no damn sense.

Hey, sweet thing.

What don't make no sense is
the service around this motherfucker.

Bitch, do you see us?

I'd like two sausage links,
two sausage patties...

...two hot dogs,
split down the middle twice, okay?

Baloney, fry that up into a dome.

Slice that,
take a spatula, smush fry it.

And one waffle, please.

I can get your waffle...

...but all we got
is the chicken from last night.

Now, I can bring you some of that
if you wasnt some meat.

Chicken and waffles?

That's it.

Take it easy, brother.
It ain't her fault.

Sorry, sister,
we all just a little uptight.

But if you bring us
some of them good-ass waffles...

...everything will be all right.

Man, you guys
ain't had no waffles like these.

These waffles are so good...

...they're like they come
from down South.

These buttery motherfuckers
will melt in your mouth.

- Man, you ain't had no waffles...
- Wait.

Bullhorn, what did you just say?

You said:

"Melts in your mouth."

Quick.

What else melts in your mouth?

- M&M's.
- Exactly.

And not in your hands.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And who makes M&M's?

Mars Candy Company makes it.

- Yeah, yeah.
- That's right.

And Mars is also...

- The Roman god of war.
- That's what I'm telling you.

Who is the Greek god of war?

- Ares.
- Right on.

Now, you take Mars
and spell it backwards, drop the S.

- What is it? What did you get?
- R...

Ram. That's right.

And ram is the zodialogical sign
for Aries.

- Now dig.
- That right.

- Ares's half sister is Athena.
- Now you're getting it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Athena, Athens.

Which is the capital of Greece.

And as we all know...

...zodialogical astronomy
was created by the Greeks in...

785 B.C.

And 785 is the area code of Topeka.
Oh, my God.

785 is the area code
to Topeka, Kansas.

Code Kansas.

Now you take that,
spell it backwards and drop the S.

Snake doc. Snake doctor, yeah.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

And brothers...

...who is the Greek demigod
of medicine...

...who believed that snakes' tongues
had mystical healing powers?

Aesculapius, of course.

He had a staff with snakes
intertwining all around that bitch.

They called it Aesculapius's staff.

It's a symbol the medical field uses
to this day.

I've seen it.

Now,
what legend involving snakes...

...is in both Greek and Roman
mythology?

Now, come on.
It involves Aesculapius's own father.

Apollo.

Yeah. Thanks, lady.

That's right.

Apollo slew the serpent at Delphi
which was a big-ass snake.

That's right.

And what, brothers,
is the biggest snake in the world?

The South American anaconda.

- What she said.
- Anaconda Malt Liquor.

And what is the slogan
for Anaconda Malt Liquor?

"Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you..."

Gives you what?

And who else is famous for:

Little Richard.

- Who?
- Little Richard.

So, what they're really saying is...

Anaconda Malt Liquor
gives you Little Richard.

What is another word for Richard?

- Gunsmoke. Come on, get up.
- Gunsmoke!

Damn.

Anaconda Malt Liquor
gives you a little dick.

Should we kill him?

Man, do you wasnt to live?

I said, do you want to go on?

Man, this time these crackers
have gone too far.

- The warehouse.
- The warehouse.

Freeze, you jive-time suckers.

Who's in charge?

Brothers, make these honkies load
this dick-shrinking poison...

...back into the warehouse
so we can burn this mother down.

Waste them if they make a sound.

I'm gonna go inside and find out
who's running this shit.

- All right, men, move it.
- Come on, you heard him.

Sucker, you drop it right there.

- O'Leary?
- That's right.

Go ahead, guys, I got this.

O'Leary, you son of a bitch.
I should have known it was you.

You should have.

You were too busy
and trying to lay that orphan mama...

...to not see
what was in front of your face.

You diabolical
dick-shrinking motherfuckers.

You were the leak all the time.

And I bet you were behind
Jimmy's death.

Hey, man,
I was just following orders.

That's what a good soldier does,
follow orders, unlike you.

Everything's gotta be done
the Black Dynamite way.

I gave the order on Jimmy.

I gave it to James,
who gave it to the don.

What good's it gonna do you now?

The old birthday-candle trick
from Nam.

Just when you think it's out...

O'Leary. O'Leary, where are you?

Yeah, who's this?

Fellas, we going on a boat ride
to Kung Fu Island.

Hey, Black Dynamite,
there's the island.

Okay.

Now, here's the plan.

Yeah.

Okay, let's split up.

He's here.

We kicked their ass.

Power to the people, brothers.

This is it, brothers.

- This is where we stick it to the Man.
- Yeah.

Now, let's go get that lab.

All right, let's go.

You know, when we get back home,
I'm gonna retire from the revolution.

Start a family.

Show this picture.

That's Betty Jo.

Yeah, right on, yeah.

Buy a home in the country.
Raise our own fruits and vegetables.

Bake our own bread,
know what I mean?

Bake our own...

Who saw that coming...?
Who saw where that came from?

Let's go.

I should've known you would be
behind this, Fiendish Dr. Wu.

Your knowledge of scientific
biological transmogrifications...

...is only out-matched by your zest
for kung-fu treachery.

Your kung fu is quite extraordinary,
Black Dynamite.

But no match for mine.

You should have joined us
when you had the chance.

But now you must die.

Man, I'll take this jive-ass turkey.

Bullhorn, no.

At long last, our friendship bonded
by the struggle against the Man...

...has been brought to an end
by kung-fu treachery.

Brother, your death
will not go unavenged.

Fiendish Dr. Wu,
you done fucked up now.

Get him.

You must try the Wu family
Red Silk Kung Fu.

Black Dynamite Panther Fist.

What the fuck, huh?

Keep your eye on Black Dynamite.

Looking for me?

Can you see where I'm coming from,
you jive motherfucker?

No rush, huh? Come on, huh?

You told him
to keep an eye out for me.

I threw that shit
before I walked in the room.

I wanna know
who's pulling your strings.

Now start talking. Talk.

- I said, start talking.
- Okay.

Your government
has been preoccupied...

...with building the bigger penis
for years.

What's this green one?

It did exactly opposite
of what it was intended.

It made the penis shrivel to the size
of a 2-month-old snapping turtle.

This is what you've been putting
in the malt liquor?

I was under orders.

They threatened to fire me.

Speaking of fire.

Suddenly,
I'd like to leave your island.

No! No!

No.

You dirty motherfucker.

Hey, Black Dynamite,
I found a helicopter.

Quick, give me a hairpin.

What's in the briefcase,
Black Dynamite?

How far does this all go, man?

Cream Corn,
this goes all the way to the top.

And when I say top,
I mean the tippety-top.

There it is, Black Dynamite.
The Honky House.

I'm going down.

- This shouldn't take long.
- Whoa, hey...

- Take the controls.
- What are you talking about?

Whoa, hey, hey, man.

Son of a bitch.

Cream Corn, no!

I should have known it was you
all the time.

I should have asked myself,
"Who's the man so wicked...

...so cruel to serve smack
to the orphanage...

...kill my brother Jimmy, and put out
a drug to shrink black men's dicks?"

Only one man,
and that's you, Tricky Dick.

So I'm here to deliver you one
presidential ass-whooping.

Black Dynamite.

There is a perfectly...

...reasonable explanation for that.

Showtime, motherfucker.

Fucking...

Black Dynamite.

Who the fuck would duck?

Piece of shit.

Don't fuck with me.

Motherfucker.

Take your filthy black hands
off the presidential dinnerware...

...you moon cricket.

And now, Black Dynamite,
you must die.

You had enough, Mr. President?

You'll never get away with this.

Watch me,
you little insecure cracker.

You think
by shrinking our johnsons...

...it's gonna make your situation
any better?

That's your problem, Tricky Dick.
You are paranoid.

Like sending those two-bit crooks
to Watergate.

For what?

For these?

- Look at you.
- What?

You lost it all, turkey.

- Kill me.
- Say what?

- Kill me.
- No.

That's the easy way out for you.

Unless you want the rest
of this freaky shit to hit the news...

...I suggest you take care
of me and my people.

Can you dig it?

I said, can you dig it?

Yes, I can dig it.

Thought you could.

First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp-slapped
you into that china cabinet.

I used excessive force.

Oftentimes, I cross the line...

...but I try to do so
in the name of what's right.

Most of the time,
the ends justifies the means.

But in this case, I feel like I betrayed
my own code of ethics...

...and for that, sugar, I apologize.

But I shot at you.

I tried to kill you, Black Dynamite.

This is true,
but you did not connect.

You shot a plate.

Had you connected,
maybe pimp-slapping you into that...

...might have been justified.

But I feel I crossed the line.

And for that,
please accept my apology.

I do.

I do, it's just...

Oh, Black Dynamite,
you're so righteous.

This is also true.

Because
whenever there's injustice...

...wrongs to be...

Oh, Black Dynamite.

Go on, honey.

Because wherever there's injustice,
wrongs to be righted...

...innocents to be defended,
Black Dynamite will be there...

...delivering ass-whoopings.

And I will not hesitate to lay
the hammer down on any clown...

...that comes around.

Because if they wanna fight,
they best come see me...

...because I'm Black Dynamite.

How you doing
with that midget girl you sent out?

Man, she keeps coming up short.

And better no nigga
mess with me, neither.

I would jump on him,
all 93 pounds of dynamite.

That's right.

So I says, "Bitch, you look like
you need a pimp in your life."

She said, "I got a pimp."

I said,
"Shit, that nigga ain't no pimp.

He a valet for ho's."

It's called the
Mo Bitches Variety Pack.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

I send out a big ho, a little ho,
a skinny ho, and one Navajo.

- Is that right?
- That's right.

Take that, you cracker-ass cracker.

All right, girls, let's take them down.

I only do two things well
in this world.

I take money from bitches
and I sell drugs to the community.

I had to send your ho back
the other day.

- No?
- Yeah, man.

She reckless eyeballing
and carrying on.

She fine, but I said,
"Hey, your man is bona fide."

See? You're a righteous pimp.

Shit, the real pimping lives here.

It ain't ego.

That's how we go. You like that?

You gotta cross the lines sometimes.

Sometimes to do the right thing,
you got to do the ugly thing.

You know people, they don't want
to see the cow killed...

...they just want their steak
on a plate.

Can you dig it?

Good evening, gentlemen.

Who let that nigga in my house?