Birds of America (2008) - full transcript

My father left
me this house.

And the mortgage,
when I was 18.

Along with his first
edition of Audubon
Birds of America,

a dying mother,

a 12-year-old sister
and a 7-year-old brother.

And fairly serious
bowel issues.

I didn't do a great job
raising my little
brother and sister,

Most people would agree at
least one of them
was unstable,

possibly insane, unless
you asked the
other one,

who can't be
considered reliable.

Dinner's ready I



Any luck?

However you look at it,
life is an awful lot
of... shit I

Hello?

What time
is it?

I'm sorry.
What?

Did...?

M m!

Ida Csonka Photography.

Hey sis,
it's me.

Hey I How's
it going?

Listen, Jay...
well, I don't
want you to worry,

well, he was beat
up and hospitalized.

N uh uh.

Then he was slightly,
he's fine, run over
but he's totally fine.



Oh, oh.

I'll keep
you posted.

Good luck with the job
and don't eat while
you're driving.

And no more
hitchhikers, right?

Hey.
You okay?

That's good.

What about your
classes, honey?

You can't
just take off.

Can you call
the school
or Paul?

It's just not
great timing.

Have I ever
missed a class
in seven years?

No, [kiss]
Why do you always
have to deal, huh?

Why can't Ida deal
with something
for once?

Ida is nowhere near here.
She's on her way to a
shoot, a paid one.

A paid shoot,
that would be
a slight change.

So are you
gonna be long?

I'll call you
when I know
what's happening.

Okay, drive carefully.

Well, bye.

Thanks a lot.

No, thank you!

Don't you want
to get settled?

I don't live here.

You moved?

About a month ago.

Then what...?

Are you doing
drugs again?

I told you, Morrie,
I no longer try
to heighten

or dull my senses
artificially. I'm
really a new person.

And where exactly
does this new
person live?

This is where
I sleep.

I gathered leaves
for the mattress.

You wouldn't believe
how comfortable it is.

What are
you eating?

The future is
in the ground.

I've planted seeds.

I wanna live clean.
I'm not a burden
out here.

Burden?

Hear the birds?
I sit,

I see snakes.

There's a beaver.

Can you believe
that, Morrie?
A beaverl

I'm good, Morrie.

What? Were you afraid
to call again
for cash?

No. I want to try
having less.

See what my life would
be like without
all the...

stuff, the noise.

Where is
your stuff?

I gave
everything away.

Everything?

Every last thing.

U h-huh.

Not Dad's first
edition of Audubon
Birds of America?

Not your
card collection?

What if you took a break
and stayed with us
for a bit?

Please?

Oh! N ice lunch break.
Do you need a hand?

No, thank you!
I'm okay.

How's the
little one today?

Sleeping, thank
goodness. It was
a rough night.

Take a nap.
I'll watch him.

Oh, once I finish
with this disaster.

U m, hey, Paul said
Morrie wasn't
in school.

Is there
an emergency?

Yes! Well, what else would
keep M r. Dedication out
of school, right?

Everything okay?

Well, yeah, no, Jay
had an accident.

It wasn't his fault.

Got clipped
by a car.

Oh my
gosh! No!

He's gonna be okay.
Morrie's gonna bring
him home for dinner.

Oh, is only Jay
coming home?

Of course.

Paul loves you guys,
it's just that...

I know.
And I agree.

What is it with
Morrie's family
and accidents?

Oh, duty calls.

I'll see
you in a
little while.

Yep.

Hey!

H i, Jay.

Oh my gosh.

Well,

you must
be famished.

No, not especially.

Well, this is nice.

Did you want
to change
before we...

No.

No.
Okay.

Alright.
I am gonna fix
you some...

Is that meat meat
or is that
soy meat?

Soy meat?

Are you
a vegetarian?

A vegan.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I didn't know.

Oh, that's okay.
Jay can have a
Caesar Salad

and some
garlic bread.

I'm a...
I'm a vegan.

No animal products.

You go ahead.

Not even
cheese or butter?

M ilk is
for calves...

to suckle.

Honey, why don't you
sit down and I'll
find something.

How... about...
some... oatmeal?

Great. Can't have
oatmeal for dinner.

Why not?

We'll get some
veggie stuff.
We'll stock up.

Stock up?

Okay.

Well, this
is nice, isn't it?

Paul and Laura
got a dog...

Shh!

That relieves itself on
our lawn many times
a day.

That's okay,
that's okay.

That's okay.

Did you
say anything?

We can't.

We can't do anything.
We'd like to, really,
not yet.

Paul is one of
the faculty members

who recommended
me for tenure.

And he's on the
board of regents

and he golfs
with the provost.

And I need
his support.

No, that's not
what you need.

I'm gonna
get those
dishes done.

Your room's all
ready for
you, Jay.

I left clean
towels on
the bed.

I think I'm
gonna stay in
the attic.

Why? There's
nothing up there.

The cot still
up there?

Oh Jay, you might as
well sleep on
the ground.

I really think you'd
be more comfortable
in your room.

I'd like to stay
in the attic.

Okay. I'll give
it a quick sweep.

You know what I really
don't want to find?

My little brother
swinging from a
rafter in the attic.

I already told
you, Morrie.

J ust because I was laying
in the road doesn't mean
I was trying to...

Did you fall down?

Did you pass out?

Were you trying to...

Feel.

His five-year-old
daughter was

sexually assaulted last
week is asking
other parents

to make sure their
children use the
buddy system...

Coming up, tips from our
medical expert Dr.
Emily Copenose.

The most beautiful
thing in your life...

Emily's a nice name,
don't you think?

How about Copenose?

You okay?

What's going on?
He alright?

Jay?

I called Ida
and she said

she's gonna come
to stay with us
for a bit.

Hello? Good morning I

Isn't that great?

H i!

H i! How are you?
A little angel!

He a good little boy!

H i, Laura!

H i Morrie,
how's it going?

M m.

How's Jay?

M m.

Better than ever.

Oh! H i!
Welcome home!

It's so nice
to see you.

Really?

Well, yeah, really!
Hey, you wanna meet
my little guy?

Here. Say hi.
H i, Jay.

Is he okay?

Yeah, why?

H is head
is misshapen.

Oh.

Is that
a condition?

Okay.

He had a
little accident.

What the hell
are you doing?

Are you trying
to sabotage me?

The truth can
set you free.

No, tenure
can set me free.

We're not even sure
he can see properly.

To take a sabbatical or
a vacation for the first
time in seven years.

See you later.

Ooh.
We're gonna be late!

Do me a favor.
You know the
pin number.

Go buy yourself
some clothes,

or some soy nuts
or mashed fish oil.

Acceleration, as we know,
refers to the change
in velocity over time.

S I unit of acceleration is
meters per second
squared or...

[click of chalk
on blackboard]

Since the average
speed of an object
is determined

by dividing the distance
the object travels
by the...

we are out of time.

Hey, buddy.
You're still here?

Yeah.
Grant application.

I spoke to
Laura at lunch.

She told me Jay is
not doing too well.
You poor guy.

Yeah.
Thanks.

How you do it.
Some kind of
brain injury?

Well, I don't
know about that,

but something
seems to be... awry.

I think he was
very insulting
to Laura today.

No!

We don't have
to have dinner.

No! I mean, I
wouldn't care
but Laura...

Of course.

Maybe Jay
could just...

Sure, he wouldn't
want to come.

I mean, he'd be
fine not coming.

Great.

You are
really something.
Heroic. I mean it.

I mean it,
I do.

I mean, Jay's
always been kinda...

Well, he was just
a little kid when
Dad died.

Yeah.

And Mom.
Right away.

That's true, and
these things can
be in the genes.

"Anyhoo", you must be
doing something right.

You're looking awful
damn good for someone
so beleaguered.

I'll see
you laterl

Ida Csonka Photography.

Hi therel

Hey Morrie,
what's up?

Okay if we postponed
your visit a bit?

Why?

Well, I just don't think
this is the ideal time

for you to
come home.

[Pop music
over car radio]

What's wrong?

Nothing. I just
thought that you
were one of two people

who actually wanted
me to come home.

Of course. I
always want you
to come home.

I know.

I'm glad
you understand.

Jay's gonna be
here a while, at
least a month.

I would like to
accommodate you,
I really would,

there's just
one problem.

What's that?

Hey I

Oh my god.
Are you alright?
You look terrible.

So do you.

I do?

No, you don't.

You look tired.

No, she doesn't.

Well, I haven't
slept all night.

Still eating yourself?

I wish.

You look beautiful.

I do?

Gosh, Ida,
it's been ages,
you look great.

I do?

Hey, Ida.

H i, Betty.

How are you?

I'm fine,
how are you?

Oh!
I'm fine,
how are you?

I'm fine.
How are you?

Okay.

It's so weird
being back here.

Because of Gary?

Ida, your room
is all ready.

There's fresh
towels on the bed.

I'm gonna stay
in the basement,
if that's okay.

It's out
of control.

I don't mind.

It's too bizarre
staying in my
old room.

Hello?
Hi, Nancy.

Well, we just sat
down to dinner,
but what's up?

Why is
it bizarre?

I don't know.

Isn't it weird
sleeping in Mom
and Dad's room?

Really? That
is strange.

I 'll call you back when
we're done. Thanks,
Nancy. Sorry.

That was Nancy
Kennedy on
the phone.

Jay, she says you gave
her something today
on Brock Street?

Nancy Kennedy?
Is she...

the blonde with
the false chest?

I mplants?

I think so.

I wondered
about that.

I don't
remember Nancy.

The blonde with
the false chest?

Anyway. She said
Jay gave her
20 dollars.

She said you gave
a lot of people
20 dollars.

Is 25 a lot
of people?

You gave 25
people 20 dollars?

I hope...

I know that's not
the 500 dollars
I gave you.

Honey, why did
you do that?

Another bill for
the washer-dryer
came today.

Okay.

There's a
lot of bills
piling up.

Okay.

Have your new washer
and dryer made
you happy?

Yes, Jay,
they have.

Would you like
to know why?

I would.

Because now,

I don't have to spend
twenty minutes in
the morning

before I go to work
at the bank

scraping soap particles and
residue off Morrie's
and my clothes.

Because now I have
a washing machine

that doesn't bump, or quake
or travel halfway across
the basement

when you put more
than three items
in one load.

I remember that. It
was, like, possessed.

Because now
I have a dryer,

which is just
that. A dryer.

A device
that removes

significant amounts
of moisture
from clothing,

and renders them
completely - not just
partially - dry.

So, yes, my new washer
and dryer have made
me very happy.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Morrie's always helped
you, hasn't he, Ida?

Every time you've called,
every six months or so.

I will pay him
back eventually.

You can pay
him back now.

Leave tomorrow, Ida.
Please. First thing.

Did you just
say that to me?

I know, and I'm
sorry. But I know
you understand.

How many years have you
guys been tiptoeing
around Paul and Laura?

Is this my parents'
creme de menthe?

I don't know. It was
there when Morrie and
I started dating.

Morrie's a great teacher.

Paul is not gonna punish
him just because I
came to see Jay.

Is that the only reason
you came? I mean,
Ida, please.

J ust please stay away from
Gary's for the next
couple of weeks.

He's really
been doing well.

He's finally
back up on...

his feet.
You mean,
back on his feet?

You were
gonna say back
on his feet.

It has been two years,
you never even
called him.

If you mess with Gary
now, if you mess with
Gary's engagement,

Paul's already furious
with Morrie. That would
just be it for us.

Engagement?

Oh, sweetie. Oh,
surely you heard?

Gary is marrying
Ellen Thomas.

Thank you for the
smooth ride, officer.

What are you
doing here?

Who is that?

Will.

Will who?

Actually, I think
it was Phil.

It was Phil.
It was a Phil.

Sex. You should
try it, it's fun.

You know what
they say, Morrie?

Everything in moderation,
including moderation.

Loosen your belt a bit.
Your robe. Loosen
your robe.

You don't
wanna see that.

I 've seen it,
but that's not
what I meant.

You've seen it.
When did you see it?

Jay and I used to look out
the window when you'd
sneak out back,

and you'd go behind
the bush and,
you know?

You need to think about
your behavior. It
isn't safe.

You could get
tenure tomorrow,

after seven years of
inhaling Paul and
Laura's farts,

and get hit by
a meteor.

Life is short.

Life isn't
that short.

The average life span of
a male in North
America is 70.

What's the average life
span of this family?

I 've chosen to plan
for my future.

As for fun, you and Jay
can keep living it
up in ravines,

and pretending to be
artists and photographers.

I am
a photographer.

You look exhausted.

Well, I just haven't
been sleeping.

Anyway. [clears throat]
Sorry about what
I insinuated.

I 'm sure that you and
Betty have a wonderful
sex life.

We do have it.

I'm worried
about Jay.

How do you get
run over without
breaking a bone?

Carefully.

I don't want to have to, but
he could hurt himself
or someone else.

Well, but
commit him?

He's not
mentally ill.

He's, he's
emotionally ill.

No, not ill.
He's disconnected.

Sometimes these things
run in families.

Except, Dad
was not crazy.
Dad had an accident

and Dad
was eccentric
and so is Jay.

Dad was more
than eccentric.

# It's the story

# Of faded glory #

# Life is made up
of all that you lose ##

Go to sleep.

Yes, Dad.

Ida?

I find brains attractive

and the only
muscle that counts,

is this one.

Oh!

Oh Lord!

I was
watching pornography.

That was pretty
funny, huh? Lord I

What's going on?

My clothes are
in the wash.

You were gettin'
kind of ripe.

Why were you lying
down on the road?

You depressed?

Like wanting to kill
yourself depressed?

No.

Sure?

When you're little,

you're clean.

There's electricity
in your fingertips.

And then, you,
you steel up,

and pour shit
inside and...

buy things and
God stockpiled us,

already.

I just don't want to
wake up and turn
into that.

Morrie?

We all
have to take
care of him.

He's so
fucking fragile.

Hey, do you think
you need to be
on something?

Honey, if you're
gonna live totally
outside the lines,

all the people moving
on the inside
of them

are gonna flatten you.

I think you
are a genius,

but you gotta
lighten up.

Oh,

Sunday's my birthday.

Hey, you
still here?

It would appear so.

So, you got yourself
a full house now.

Yeah. She came
in to see Jay.

You poor guy. I heard her
roll in last night
around 3.

Sorry.

You, I feel
bad for.

How old is
she now?

She's gonna
be, wow, 32.

Phil Anderson
can't be more
than 22, 23.

So I guess you'll want
to cancel dinner
Sunday night.

No, no.
Of course...

Ida won't
be there.

You do what
you want, kiddo.

You're my best friend.
I just, uh, I love you.

I love you, too.

I can't imagine she'd
have the gall to
contact my brother.

No way.

I know you'll see that
that doesn't happen but...

having to still be
the grownup all
the time.

That you? Let that genie
out of the bottle,
big guy.

God damn it
to hell!

Honey I It's okay.
It's okay I

That's twice
today already.

We'll take care of
it after dinner.
Now, let's go.

I thought you were
going to change clothes.

I washed these.

So, the weekend?

Yes. So, guys,
Betty and I,

would like to treat both
of you to dinner Sunday
night at Shitake.

Yum. What's
the occasion?

Paul and Laura
are coming over.

So, you want us
to clear out.

It's been set up
for a month. We
have to do it.

You don't mind,
do you?

M m. I don't have
to clean up
their shit.

Stop moving
your foot.

She was the fifth child
accosted in a month.

Police are asking anyone
with information to
contact authorities,

as the suspect is
still at large.

Maybe we don't have
to wait for tenure.

Maybe we should
just start trying?

Sometimes it
takes a long time.

We have to
wait for tenure.

Honey.
Good morning.

Good morning. H i.
Time to get up.

Isn't it Sunday?

I know. We have
so much to do.

They're gonna be
here at 6:30 and...

we have
to marinate and
clean the garden

and I think some
of the stuff, where
we've hung it,

is just not in
the right place.

Maybe we should just
switch it around in
the living room?

But I'm not sure
if I have the
right nails.

The ones
that don't make
the bad holes.

Honey?

Can we redo
this someday?

I like it.

It's just
so obviously old.

Yeah.

How's a
hundred dollars?

That's too much.

I want you
to have a
nice dinner.

Thanks.

Bye.

Bye, sweetie.

No, oh! No.
Ah! Have fun!

[Door opens
and closes]

Ah.
Oh.

You cannot tell Morrie,

but did you know

that he was born with
a little teeny, tiny
vestigial tail?

He was not.

Ah, Mom told me.

It happens once
in a while.

It was an inch
and a half long.

She swore to me!

She did.
She swore
it to me.

They had to have
it removed surgically.

Too bad he
didn't keep it.

At least we would have
known when he
was happy.

So I look over and the
kid is covered head to
toe in strained carrots.

Ten seconds I didn't
have my eye
on him.

Can I top you off
there, young lady?

I don't want to
get Brandon drunk.

No.

These are
so good!

Thank you!
It's real limes.

Maybe just
a little more.
It shouldn't hurt.

Time to light
the eternal flame.

Hello?
Anyone here?

H i. Can
I help you?

Yeah, I need to find
Jay. Is he here?

Sweetie, Jay isn't
here right now.

Pop around tomorrow.
We'll give him
a message.

Who should I say?

H is wife.

But I can't pop
around tomorrow.

I hitched from
the city,

and I need to
see him tonight.
It's important.

Well, I 'm sure
whatever it is
could wait.

You don't understand.

The cops are
looking for him.

They want his D NA.

That's absurd.
Why would they
want that?

They said he got arrested
last week for touching
a little girl.

Let's go.

Oh my.

Okay.

She is not
staying here.

We don't need to put
Jay in an institution.
This is an institution.

She'll just stay here
until we talk to Jay
and clear things up.

Whoa, clear what?
We're fucked! We're
totally fucking fucked!

How many years have
we been kissing their
asses, and for what?

Did you see their faces
as they ran for cover?

We're pariahs. We're
totally fucked.
Fucking pariahs.

Okay, the big issue
right now is Jay.

No! The issue is me,
for once. It's me.

I don't even
know how many
eggs I have left.

Eggs?
Oh.

Oh, God. It's the
last thing on
your mind.

Calm down.

No, I 'm not
calming down.

I am going
to Nancy Kennedy's,

and I do not want you
to try to stop me
so shut up.

Are you...

Shut up!
I 'm taking the car!

I don't think
he's in there.

Is she...

in there?
That is
the question.

I think it's safe
to go home. Now.

Hey,

do you ever wonder
if Paul bought the
house next to ours

'cause he has a
thing for Morrie?

Here.

Thank you.

So, how long have
you and Jay
been married?

Six months
and three days.

It's not going
so great, though.

Well, all marriages
have their difficulties.

He stopped having
sex a couple months ago.

He said "All desire
leads to suffering."

Then he stopped talking.
Only wrote notes.

And then he gave that
up and moved to
the ravine.

Well, maybe not the
same difficulties.

I really,
really miss him.

I 'm pretty sure
he never molested
that kid.

It's late.
Where were you?

It's eleven.
What's wrong?

Your wife
is here.

Wife?

She said you're under
suspicion for sexual
assault of a child.

Where's Gillian?

Passed out in your old
room. Did you know they
want your D NA?

It's gotta be
a mix up. Jay?
Jay?

What's going on?

Hey! Come back
here, young man.

We have to sort
this out, honey.

You come back down
here this instant.

Wife?

He has completely...

What are we
supposed to do?

We have to call the cops.
We have to find his
old shrink.

I can't take another
situation in
this family.

Oh, we're back at
Dad's accident again.

You cannot fall
out of that window.

It was snowing.

Snow doesn't suck
people out of windows.

He was trying
to fix something.

What needed
to be fixed?

No, he had a leak!
He had leaks.

He was trying to shoo
a bat out the window.

He jumped!

On his head.

No. He would never have
wanted us to see him
like that.

He wasn't thinking.
He had shut down.

You'd know
more than...

Me?

Any of us.

You meant me.

I wish they were here.

Go to bed.
It's late.

Yes, Dad.

No, don't.
I was Dad.
So don't say that.

I know.

You think I wanted...

No. I know you didn't
want to take care
of us.

It's not that.

Yes, it is, Morrie.
It is that. That
is the thing.

So say it.
Say the truth
for once.

It's not gonna
blow the world
to smithereens.

You don't have
that kind of power.

Goodnight.
I love you.

I love you.

Morrie?

What?

Look what I found
in Jay's wallet.

It's a baseball card.

He didn't give
everything away.

Somewhere in there
he's still Jay.

He's still connected.

What are we doing?

U h, we just remembered
that today is
my birthday,

and as a special
birthday gift to me,

I was hoping that you
guys would smoke this
joint with me.

Okay.

The condensed version
of Manifest Destiny.

Paul and Laura
gave that to us.

What could
we give them?

Gonorrhea.

You know whatever happens
we're still going
to love you.

We need a
birthday toast.

I'm gonna go see
what we have.

You know,
it's funny.

My wife is gone,

and your wife is
upstairs sleeping.

I mean, not
"ha ha" funny.

Those Dad's?

Time to kill this fucker.

I can't believe
you have a wife.

When were you
gonna tell us?

There's nothing
to tell, really.

She wanted to get
married so I
married her.

She seems nice.

She is nice.

But she's kind
of dopey.

Don't say that
about your wife.

It's true.

M m, But, sometimes,

sometimes kindness is
wiser than truth.

Khalil Gibran.

Columbo.

Lieutenant Columbo?

I don't know why, I
always remembered
that line.

To Ida.

Happy birthday, sis.

It has been months...

since I 've had
a bowel movement.

That's a
true story.

Hey. Where
you going?

Going to see my
woman, bring
her home.

Morrie,

maybe Dad was
sad 'cause Mom
was sick.

Since when
have you had
trouble sleeping?

Two years ago.

Oh.

No, not that.

No, before.
When I left.

You're not going
to see him?

Jesus you can't wait
a month? I 'll have
tenure then.

Gary will
be married.

Are you serious?

Settling down here was
too dull for you.

Life with Gary now would
be less fun than it
was two years ago.

Fun isn't
fun anymore.

Shh!

How long are you going
to let Paul give you
purple nurples?

You remember that?
You remember the bruises?

It's like having sex
with The M ummy.

Ahh!

Pooks, did
you miss me?

M m.

What? I thought we were
going to be honest with
each other?

Hey, are
you okay?

I 'll get your mom.
It's just M r. Csonka...

come to... say hi.

What are you doing?
Why are you wet?

I guess the Morrisons
got an automatic
sprinkler system.

Go home before
somebody sees you.

I need to
talk to you.

Not... not now.

I need to
talk to you.

I want you
to come home.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Okay.

I don't wanna
wait anymore.

Let's start our family.

I don't care if you
get tenure or not.

I thought we
agreed that
we needed

a more stable and secure
environment before we
embarked on all of that.

I'm doing all of
this for you.

I know.

But I just want
to be a mom.

Oh, God. This hasn't
all been an excuse,
has it?

Don't you want
to have children
with me?

Yes. Of course I do.
It's not that.
I 'm just...

I'm a...

We can manage.

No, it's not
that. It's...

everything. My
father and Jay.

I just wish there
was some kind of
prenatal screening.

But you can't screen
for what happens in
this family.

No, you can't.

Maybe you're not ready.

Maybe you should
go off and have...

your insane youth,
'cause you never
got to have it.

Well, I never
thought of that.

You should.

Okay.

Well, you'll
let me know.

Honey?

No, just...

let me know
when you're ready.

L... I said okay.
Can you just wait?

I 've been waiting.

No, don't get up.

Do you wanna come in?

M m-hm.

You took down
the photos I did.

You look good.

You do.

You look
really good.

How's your brother?

Jay?

Yeah, I heard he was
cracking up a bit.

Yeah.

Who isn't cracking
up a bit? I know
I am.

So, listen. There's
something I have
to tell you.

Don't worry
about it.

Ye- no. Please.

It's important.
U m,

a couple months
after I left, l...

uh, I realized I
shouldn't have.

I mean, I was
thinking about
coming back...

and, uh, I was
just about to call...

and then I was afraid to
come back 'cause I thought
that you'd think that,

that I was just coming
back because of that.

Out of, like, guilt
or pity or something.

And I thought, I
thought you'd
hate that.

The thing is, I thought
for sure you'd come
back after.

Every time the door
to my room would
open I,

I always expected
it to be you.

I know.
I know.
I should have.

I should have.
I wish I had.

I was really looking
forward to telling
you to fuck off.

Oh... Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

Anyway.

It's okay. It's okay.
Hey. Sh, sh, sh.
It's okay.

It's okay.

Oh.

Hey.
Sh sh sh.
Hey.

I 'm sorry.

I love you.

Do you hate me?

Hey. Hey.

Fuck!

Keys? Did you
see my keys?

Don't leave.
I need your help.

I don't need your help.
I don't know what
I 'm saying.

Don't leave.

Coming through!

Good morning. Thanks
for waiting. Sorry.

Okay. For every action,

there is an equal
and opposite reaction.

Yeah.

Well, look who
finally made it.

Rough morning.
Car trouble.

So, a couple things.

First...

we felt, I 'm sorry,
we had to alert
the authorities...

as to Jay's whereabouts.
J ust in case.

Sure.

Someone has to protect
the innocent
and vulnerable.

Second, do you know where
your little sister was
this morning?

I'm pretty
sure she
was at Gary's.

I drove by on my way in
and I saw her car
parked in front.

I would've stopped but
I didn't want to
be late.

My lateness
this morning
was unavoidable.

I'm just...

It won't
happen again.

Your lateness
is secondary.

What do you want
me to say, Paul?

You said you would ensure
that Ida stayed away
from my brother.

I 'm just disappointed.
I trusted you.
We're friends.

I could consider you my
best friend. I don't
know what you think.

You didn't deliver and that
says something about
your character.

I 'm sorry,
but I can't
control Ida.

She's an adult
and so is Gary,

and even if Ida went
over there, I 'm sure
he could handle it.

No, he can't.
Okay? She's
poison to him.

She's already smashed
his life to shit once.

Okay, I 'm getting
a little tired

of Ida being blamed
for what happened
to Gary.

Oh, you are?

Yeah. Gary chose
to get hammered...

and drive his car
100 miles an hour.

How is that
Ida's fault?

He wouldn't have done
it if she hadn't taken
off on him

like some
wanton slut.

Okay, don't... don't talk
about my little sister
that way.

Come on, you
know it's true.

Ida's always been
a total tramp.

What Ida does says
nothing about
my character.

What Gary does
says nothing about
Ida's character.

There is such a
thing in America as
personal responsibility.

You know what?

You know what?

Ow!

Take it back.
Take it all back.

Ow!

Is that what
you like?

Ow, ow! Fine! I
take it back! Ah!

You're fuckin'
psychotic, pal.

J ust like
the rest of
your sicko family.

Yes, but we're
nicer than you.

What the fuck!

Someone has to protect
the vulnerable and
the innocent!

Hey.

H i, Ida.
How are you?

Ellen, I 'm sorry.
I must have nodded
off a bit.

No worries.

Would you
like some coffee?
Are you hungry?

No, I have to run.

Are you sure?

Well, it's nice
to see you. You
look good.

Thanks.
Congratulations.

Oh! Thank
you, thanks.

And you too. I
heard you're a big
photographer now.

No, no.
Not really.

I heard that, too.

Oh. I've been exaggerating
to Morrie about
some stuff.

Oh, yeah?

I still take photos...

and I exhibit
here and there,
but to pay the bills...

I survive doing glamor
shots of transvestites.

Seriously?

I did one for
a friend, and
word spread, so...

Well, that's alright.

Yeah, it
sounds interesting.

Anyway, I
should go.

Oh, wait. I have
something for you.

If we'd have known
you were gonna be
in town,

we would have
sent it earlier.

I really hope
you can make it.

It's so nice
of you to offer.

I think I 'm gonna
be gone by then.

Anyway, I don't think
Paul and Laura
would approve.

Well, it isn't Paul and
Laura's wedding, is it?

So, tough shit
for them.

Right, baby?

Exactly right.

I really have to run.

U h-oh,
Spaghetti-o's.

Jay! No!

Jay!

Hey!

No! Please, God!

No! Go around!
Go around!

Well, I didn't
want to do that.

I mean, sometimes
I like to, but...

I don't want
him to check.

You know, I could
watch, maybe, but it
didn't seem like...

I, I 'm gonna have
to call you back.

Okay! Good!
Don't move!

He's not moving.
Please put the gun down.

Ida?

Will?

It's Phil.
How you doin'?

I had a great time
the other night.

Would you mind terribly
calling us an ambulance,
please? Phil.

Hi, if you have
a message

for Joe, or Nancy
or Misha Kennedy,

leave it
at the...

Honey, it's me.

Okay, I had it.
My insane youth.

I hated it.

Please come home.

Foot.

So, what did
they say?

Put ice on it.

You have
to keep
it clean.

No, what did
the police say?

They asked me
some questions.

They took
a D NA swab.

They're
doing everybody,

it's not just me.

Then why
did you run?

Habit?

Everybody and
their grandmother

weren't arrested
last week for...

Why don't
you tell us
what happened?

I touched a
little girl.

I had this idea that
I was gonna touch people.

I did touch people.

What the hell
are you...?

The cops came.

I went to the hospital.
They gave me stitches.

But because Momma
Bear gave me such
a concussion,

I had to stay
up all night.

So, in the morning I
went for a walk,

and that's when
I laid down.

And you were
really out of it.

I 'm relieved that
you're not a
child molester

but you can't
just go around
touching people?

People need
to be jolted.

No, people need
to be comforted.

You don't comfort them
by satisfying your own
curiosity about...

breaking down boundaries
and rules. Some people
really like their rules.

They've chosen them.

And you don't get to
choose what rules other
people obey or not. They do.

You see? This
is what I mean.

This is exactly what
I 'm talking about.

They are breaking my rules.
They are breaking
my boundaries!

And you... you are
just like them, Jay.

You are a terrorist
and I am sick
of everyonel

Agh!

Are you okay?

Morrie?

Morrie?

No...

Let it gol
Morrie, let it gol

[screaming,
laughing, cheering]

Please.
Please.

Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!

What is it?

Oh! Ew!

Morrie did that.

Excuse me?

Morrie just...

did that
on my lawn.

What?

Morrie just
shat on
my lawn.

No.

Yes. And he attacked
Paul at school today.
He went cra-crazy.

He did?

He's sick, honey,

and now, I, I
don't blame you but

someone needs to
clean that up.

I need you or
Morrie to clean
that up. Please.

I n the next
ten minutes.
I, I just can't. Oh.

Fuck off, Laura.

What?

You clean it up.

Oh no!

Why?

How is it?

Perfect.