Bikini Traffic School (1998) - full transcript
Las Vegas strippers inherit a traffic school. A local slumlord dreams of building a corrupt community.
(dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Well, I wanna find out ♪
♪ What you been trying so hard to hide ♪
♪ You tell me everything is fine ♪
♪ But baby, I can tell that's a lie ♪
♪ It's a lie, it's a doggone lie ♪
♪ You tell me everything is fine ♪
♪ But baby, I can tell that's a lie ♪
♪ It's a lie, it's a doggone lie ♪
♪ Yeah, you move around all day ♪
♪ And all night long you cry
and cry and cry and cry ♪
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Well, I wanna find out ♪
♪ What you been trying so hard to hide ♪
- [Vicky] Hi, my name is Vicky Williams.
Welcome to Lost Wages, Nevada.
(laughs) I mean Las Vegas, Nevada.
I happen to be part of the glamorous world
of strippers and showgirls,
although I prefer the
term burlesque queen.
My idols are Tempest Storm,
Lili St. Cyr, Gypsy Rose Lee,
and of course the great Velma Langley.
Myself, I've been at it
now for two whole years.
Why do I do it?
I'll tell you.
For every dollar that some
creep stuffs down my G-string,
I'm one step closer to
my degree in business.
Some people wait tables to
work their way through college.
I take my clothes off for
a bunch of drooling men.
- Quit wiggling around, will you?
If I don't get this thing clasped,
your boobs are gonna
pop right out of here.
- In case you haven't noticed,
we are at a strip club.
And unlike you, I have
to work to go to school.
I don't have a trust fund to
pay for my college education.
With me, it's just another new strip bar
with the same old leering
men shoving dollar bills
down my panties.
- Well, I do it because I like it
but if Daddy knew what I was doing,
he'd cut off my credit cards.
He says I should devote more
time to studying like you do.
- (laughs) Yeah, like
how to slide down a pole
without snagging your pantyhose?
- (laughs) How do you do that?
- Thank god for you, Marcie.
I don't know what I'd do without you two.
- Aw.
- [Announcer] Alright, gentlemen.
The Queen Mary Casino proudly presents
some of the hottest girls
this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Let's give a warm Las Vegas
welcome to Marcie Wigglesworth.
(audience cheers)
♪ Playing with my heart,
twisting my emotions ♪
- [Announcer] Let's hear
it for Traci Van Belts.
Give her a big hand.
♪ I wanna feel for you, boy ♪
♪ Don't turn my hand just
to prove you can spin ♪
♪ Don't break my heart just
to prove you can win it ♪
♪ You don't have to hurt me ♪
♪ Don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Do you wanna be mine
or do you wanna be free ♪
♪ I'll be honest with you now ♪
♪ Better listen when I say ♪
♪ Don't lead me on ♪
♪ Cause you gotta make a choice ♪
♪ There's no time to delay ♪
♪ Show me that you love me ♪
♪ You tell me you love me
but are you pretending ♪
♪ I'm getting mixed up by the
signals that you're sending ♪
♪ I gotta know for sure ♪
(boinging)
♪ Don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Do you wanna be mine
or do you wanna be free ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
- [Announcer] And now the eye-popping,
drool-inducing Vicky Williams!
♪ You wanna be free ♪
♪ Do you wanna be free ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
(audience applauds)
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
- Bye!
Thank God for Marcie.
She promised to help me
with my costume changes.
Where is she anyway?
- If I know Marcie, has
something to do with a fast car
and a fast guy.
(whips snaps)
- Oh yeah!
- Marcie, I'm trying to concentrate.
- Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.
- Oh god.
What are you doing down there, Marcie?
Oh my god, Marcie, bail out!
(screaming)
(car smashing)
(explosion booming)
Marcie, my car.
- Do you have insurance?
- This is the last time Marcie
blows us off for some guy.
She's a sex addict and
it's time she admitted it.
She's signing up for a stair
stepper program or else.
(whip snaps)
- Don't you mean a 12-step program?
- Whatever.
The point is if she doesn't get help soon,
she's headed for a big crash.
(sirens wailing)
(police radio chattering)
- Nasty accident.
That rate of speed, you're
lucky you didn't lose it.
So you concur with the facts
as this gentleman's presented them?
Then I have no choice but to cite you
with reckless vehicular endangering.
- What can I say?
I like to live dangerously.
Boys are such babies.
- Look, can I go now?
- Sure, guy.
You've had a rough night.
You know, with your past record,
this could get you into a lot of trouble.
Unless...
- (clears throat) Excuse me.
- What the hell do you think you're doing?
The show's out front, buddy.
- [Traci] Yeah!
- Which one of you is Vicky Williams?
- That's me.
- I got something for you.
- (gasps) Oh my god, he's a perv!
- Put that puppy back
in your pants, mister.
- Calm down, ladies, I'm
no perv, I'm a lawyer.
- [Traci] That's even worse!
- Cover him, Traci.
- You're gonna want to put that down
when you see what I've
got underneath my coat.
- Oh god, where's Marcie
when you need her?
(Marcie moaning)
- [Vicky] Don't let him
try any funny stuff.
Nice and slow.
- These are for you.
- Who are you anyway?
- I'm your great aunt Velma's attorney.
Dick Wilson?
- But that's impossible.
How can I have an aunt
I've never heard of before?
- Because of this.
When your Aunt Velma was
about the age you are now,
she did something which caused
her family to disown her.
From that moment on, it was
as if she didn't even exist.
- Well, what could she
do that was that bad?
- She defied her father by
refusing to marry the boy
that he chose for her.
To add insult to injury,
she ran away to Las Vegas
and became a stripper.
- A stripper?
- Perhaps you'll remember her now?
- You mean my Aunt Velma is Velma Langley?
The famous Las Vegas showgirl?
I modeled most of my act after her.
- She knew that.
That's why she put you in her will.
- Will?
- Will?
(moaning)
(laughs)
♪ Oh, she's turned with desire ♪
♪ The girl you're talking
about, your girl ♪
♪ You're playing with fire ♪
♪ Oh, it's a dark and deadly game ♪
♪ You wanna turn back but
you're drawn to the flame ♪
♪ No, no, no ♪
♪ You're playing with fire ♪
♪ And you're gonna burn ♪
- Did you say will?
- Yes, will.
She didn't have much but what
she had, she left to you.
- How much?
- How much?
- Well, it's not the money.
- Well then, what is it?
- It's all yours now.
- What's all mine?
- Her business.
After she gave up stripping,
she operated a small traffic
school in Los Angeles.
Now it's yours.
- Traffic school?
I don't know anything about
running a traffic school.
- That's your business now, Miss Williams.
She simply instructed
me to give it to you.
You'll find the paperwork in order.
Good day to you both.
Good luck.
- Fate works in mysterious ways, Traci.
Aunt Velma may have
just given me my ticket
out of this business.
(claps) What are you waiting for?
Get your clothes on, we're
going to Los Angeles!
(cheering)
California, here we come.
- We're really here, Vicky.
Time to make those dreams
of yours come true.
- And this time, nothing
will stand in my way.
But what we didn't know
was what was waiting for us
just around the corner.
- What do you mean it's all hers?
- Well, um...
- See what I gotta put up
with around here, Frankie?
- Uh oh, he's talking to Frankie.
This is bad.
- What's he saying, what's he saying?
- He's saying
that you two idiots better
do some quick explaining
or I might just do something
you're both gonna regret.
- Well, you see boss, the old broad,
she had a niece that we didn't know about
and she left the place to her in the will.
- A will?
A will?
Vinnie City.
Vinnie City.
A childhood dream of my own
personal corrupt community.
I own every inch of land except
that damn traffic school.
Every inch!
That old broad sell that
piece of crap to me?
No.
Then I get lucky and she dies
and my dream can come true.
And now you two tell me it can't?
Frankie don't like it when
I don't get what I want!
- Don't hurt us, boss.
- We'll get the land for you.
- Okay boys, you better.
Cause if you don't (mimics chopping).
- [Paulie] Don't worry, boss.
We'll take care of everything.
- We can handle it, honest we can.
- I ain't trusting you two
losers with anything anymore.
Gina!
(buzzing)
Gina!
- Hello?
Hello?
- Send in Junior.
- Alright.
You're wanted.
- [Vincent] Hey, Pop.
- Hey kid, how you doing?
Good to see you, have a seat.
- Uh oh, he's talking to old blue eyes,
this means trouble.
- Junior.
Frankie and I need you
to do a little favor.
- It's Vincent, pop.
Not Junior, Vincent.
- (laughs) Vincent, huh?
Kids today, Frankie, they got no respect.
- Pop, stop talking to the picture.
It's embarrassing.
- (snaps) Give it to me.
Jo Jo.
Jo Jo.
- [Paulie] Come on, you
moron, open the thing.
- Give me the bag, give me the bag.
Get outta here.
Come on!
You're lucky you're my kid.
- [Vincent] Look, Pop--
- Enough!
Sit.
Sit down.
Here.
Now look over these papers.
I gotta go out and take
care of a little business.
When I get back,
I'm gonna talk about what
you're gonna do for me.
Capiche?
- Capiche.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(kisses) That's my boy, huh?
My boy.
- By the way, I thought you sucked.
- So we made it to Beverly Hills
and instead of having to
stay in some fleabag hotel,
we got to crash at Traci's
parents' huge house!
So far it looks like
Lady Luck is on our side.
I always wanted to live
in some big fancy house.
My whole life I've been
scrimping and saving,
trying to get ahead,
but it's not easy for a girl like me.
People think I'm brainless
just because I happen to be born a blonde
and through no fault of my
own have a knockout body.
I want people to take me seriously,
to look beyond the babe
and see the real me inside.
That's why I couldn't leave
Marcie and Traci behind.
They know there's more
to me than meets the eye.
You know, sisterhood
can be a powerful thing.
The first thing we did when we got there
is have our own little pool party.
I thought we deserved a
little fun in the sun.
(upbeat music)
(boinging)
(dog barking)
It's great that your parents let us stay
in their summer home, Traci.
- Yeah, Traci, thanks.
Can you get a little
lower and get my tan line?
- Yeah.
All I had to do is hint around my dad
about his 18 year old mistress.
- (laughs) And here we are.
God, I love LA.
- Me too.
- [Vicky] I guess I'm just
worried about tomorrow.
- What's to worry about?
- Yeah.
- Well, I've never run a business before,
let alone a traffic school.
What if I screw up?
Maybe being a stripper
is all I know how to do.
- Don't talk like that, Vicky.
You are the smartest person I know.
You work all night and
go to school all day
and you still get straight As.
- Yeah, your Aunt Velma
can do it, so can you.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
(dramatic music)
- [Jo Jo] Paulie, are those the broads?
- [Paulie] Yeah, that's them.
The one on the left is
the old bat's niece.
- Hey, Paulie, boss ain't gonna like this.
He said we got to let the
kid handle it his way first.
(farts)
- You're disgusting, you know that?
- What?
I like food.
Food's my friend, Paulie.
- Yes, certainly is.
- [Jo Jo] I still say the
boss ain't gonna like this.
- I say you shut up.
We let the kid handle this,
might as well kiss our sorry
asses goodbye now, you idiot.
- Idiot?
Who's the one wearing
his sister's glasses?
- What are you talking
about, sister's glasses?
- They just look like
something a woman would wear.
- No, they don't.
- Listen, I don't mean to offend you.
They just look like
something a woman would wear.
- What would you know, you (mumbles)?
- [Jo Jo] Look, I'm sorry Paulie.
I like the shades.
- I could get used to this.
- Being rich does have its advantages.
- Yeah, it sure does.
- Am I dreaming or what?
(upbeat music)
- If this is a dream, I
don't want to wake up.
- [Traci] This is no dream, girl.
It's the pool guy.
- [Marcie] (squealing) Oh, wow, wow.
- [Vicky] I can't believe
you held out on us, Traci.
This guy's a hunk.
- Well, I really never thought of it.
He's the pool guy.
- He's a dream.
- [Traci] I wonder what it
would take to get him into bed?
- If you think of anything, let me know.
- There's gotta be a way.
There's gotta be a way.
(sensual music)
(kissing)
Iceberg.
- Well, that's that.
- Hey.
What you got for me, kid?
- Nothing, Pop.
It's all nice and legal.
No loopholes anywhere.
The property now belongs
to Velma's niece Vicky.
- Ain't that fancy college
taught you nothing, Junior?
I could've told you that.
- For the last time, Pop, it's Vincent.
Vincent!
Anyway it's obvious we
have no legal right--
- Oh!
Legal ain't a concern of mine
but since you're my kid and all,
I'm gonna give you 48 hours
to get the property your way.
After that, it's gonna be my way.
Right, Frankie?
Who loves you?
Hey, I'll buy you some breakfast.
(speaking in foreign language)
- [Vincent] No thanks, pop.
I have a few things I gotta take care of.
- Alright, I'll see you later.
That's my boy.
Hey, Gina, how's about a meatball omelet?
(dramatic music)
(clicks tongue)
(snoring)
(farts)
(groans)
- Wake up!
- What?
What?
- Holy crap, you're a pig.
- Don't ever shove me.
- Oh yeah?
What are you gonna do about it?
- Nothing.
- That's what I thought.
Get going.
- What do you mean get going?
Where we going, Paulie?
- Traffic school.
I think it's about time the
Welcome Wagon paid a visit.
- Telling you, Paulie, the
boss ain't gonna like this.
(car engine rumbling)
- You know, you're
really starting to sound
like a broken record.
(dramatic music)
- You have directions to
the traffic school, Vick?
- Yeah, yeah, they're in the car.
By the way, with your driving record,
how'd you get your mom
to let you use the car?
- I promised I'd stop dating men
who make less than
$100,000 a year (laughs).
- [Vicky] So bright and
early the next morning,
we headed for Aunt Velma's traffic school.
We were all really excited
but I couldn't help feeling
something ominous was in the air.
And it wasn't the LA smog.
- Oh.
Oh, Velma.
Velma, Velma.
What we gonna do, Velma?
What we gonna do?
- Alright, there it is, slow down.
There, that's the traffic school.
That's the traffic school, pull over.
- Alright, relax, relax!
Relax, I am, I am.
- [Paulie] (mumbles) Gonna miss it!
- [Jo Jo] Shut up!
- What the hell?
Those damn hotrod kids.
- What, shut up!
That's the gas, you idiot, that's the gas!
(car crashing)
(groans)
What happened?
- You wrecked the car!
- [Jo Jo] I didn't wreck the
car, you wrecked the car.
I didn't do nothing, you did it.
- Shut up!
You wrecked the car.
- He's gonna kill you, Paulie, kill you!
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot, Paulie.
- Rough night, Junior?
- Vincent, Gina.
Vincent.
Rough night yes,
but I believe I just found
what I'm looking for.
- See you later, Junior.
- [Vincent] It's Vincent!
- [Vicky] Now I didn't
expect the Taj Mahal,
but this place was really a dump.
- You sure you have the right address?
- This is the place.
Or was the place anyway.
- Yeah, well, it doesn't look
like this traffic school's
seen much use lately.
- It's locked.
- I'm sorry.
But we are closed
so you will have to leave, please.
- Oh, maybe you don't know who I am.
- Wait, wait, as you can see,
I have had a very bad day.
So if you could just please
leave my property, please.
- But that's just it,
it's not your property.
It's my property.
- What is she talking about?
Huh?
- See?
- What?
Aunt Velma had a will?
You are her niece?
Oh, oh, I thought that we
were gonna have to shut down
or worse, that we were
gonna have to sell the place
to that slimeball gangster Vinnie Mancuso.
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, for the last few months,
we have been harassed by this bastard
to sell the place.
But after today, after
what happened today,
I will see him in hell first
before he ever gets this land!
- Tell us more, Mr...
- It's Smitty.
Just plain Smitty.
I'm the caretaker of this place.
- Smitty, what exactly has
Aunt Velma gotten us into here?
- Well, I think you'll
understand a little bit better
if I show you.
(upbeat music)
- Not your way, Pop, my way.
- [Jo Jo] Oh, my aching head.
- [Paulie] Quit your yammering.
Your own damn fault.
- [Jo Jo] My fault?
We'll see whose fault it is.
- [Paulie] I think I got whiplash.
Can you get whiplash of the ass?
- [Jo Jo] (mumbles)
That's a stupid question.
- [Paulie] There's a car coming.
- [Vincent] What are these two
pea brains doing down here?
Hey, get the hell in the car.
Come on, come on, get in the car.
What the hell you guys doing?
What the hell are you guys doing?
- [Paulie] Jo Jo crashed the car.
- I didn't crash the car.
Paulie crashed the car.
- How could I crash the car?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
you guys crashed what car?
- At the traffic school.
- [Vincent] The traffic school?
Wasn't your fault, okay.
- Not my fault.
- You know what, hold on.
You know what, we're gonna go back there,
we're gonna take care of
that problem right now.
How's that, okay?
You guys are unbelievable, you know?
- I didn't do nothing!
- [Vincent] What the hell
my father sees in you guys.
- I didn't do nothing, Vincent.
- Hey, no, both you guys shut up, okay?
We're gonna take care of this right now.
Capiche?
- Capiche.
- Capiche.
- The building is just--
- I know, it's gone, it's demolished.
- Those bastards.
This dream is turning into a nightmare.
What else could possibly go wrong?
- Oh, I think we're gonna find out.
- Now I want you two to behave yourselves,
act like gentlemen if
that's at all possible.
First of all, the money
to replace that wall,
it's coming out of your paychecks.
- My paycheck?
- Secondly, after you apologize,
you keep your mouth shut
and let me do the talking.
- Junior, will you give us a break?
- It's Vincent, okay?
Vincent.
Capiche?
- Capiche.
- What are these, your sister's glasses?
Huh?
Put them away.
Hey, hey.
- Come on.
Uh oh.
Over there.
- Hello, I'm Vincent
Mancuso and these are--
- The goons your father hired
to try and demolish my traffic school?
- Listen lady, we're no goons.
We're associates.
- [Paulie] Put that down, you idiot.
- [Vincent] I'm terribly sorry
for the misunderstanding.
My father's--
- Associates.
- Associates acted without
my father's permission
and will be punished accordingly.
We of course will pay for
the wall to be replaced.
- Well, you can tell your father
that his scare tactics won't work with me.
And I suggest you all leave
before I call the police.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Look, please give me a chance.
I'm not like my father.
I want to help you.
(slow music)
- But these say Aunt Velma
owes $25,000 in bank notes.
They're not paid up by Monday,
the bank owns the traffic school.
Smitty, is this true?
- Yeah.
- I don't understand.
I mean, how could she
have let this happen?
- Well, she always used to
say she made a better stripper
than a businesswoman.
- [Marcie] You can say that again.
- Please, excuse me.
I'm prepared to offer you a great deal
of money for this place.
Please hear me out.
- How about if I just show you out?
- I think you're making a big mistake.
- Why don't you just get out of here
and take your goons with you?
- Come on, put the gun away, come on!
I'm sorry about the guns and everything.
- I wish I could say it
was nice meeting you.
Goodbye.
Vincent.
- Goodbye, Vicky.
- [Paulie] Damn broads
don't know a damn thing.
- [Jo Jo] Told you, get back
in the car and (mumbles).
- I got front seat.
- I don't think so.
- I do.
- You got front seat.
- That's what I thought.
- Are you sure you just don't
want to take their deal?
- Aunt Velma didn't and I won't.
I know it's gonna be tough
but I really want to try
to turn this place around.
Are you guys with me?
- We're with you.
- We're with you.
- Alright.
- It's when the going gets tough.
- The tough stick by their friends.
- Well, in that case, when do we open?
- [Vicky] Meanwhile back at the ranch,
Marcie had her eye on the pool guy.
But didn't we all?
- Never happen.
- So make her an offer she can't refuse.
You'd be surprised to see
what Paulie and Jo Jo can do
to persuade her.
- No, let me handle it alone.
I can take care of this.
- You like this girl or what?
- It's not like that.
I just don't want to see anyone get hurt.
- Then take care of it!
Because if you don't,
Paulie and Jo Jo will.
(knuckles cracking)
The hell are you looking at?
- Nothing, boss.
- [Vinnie] Get outta here.
- Sleeping in the streets
but you're more of a man than I am.
Thanks to Vicky, that's
all about to change.
(slow music)
(book bangs)
(screams)
- Oh, Smitty.
Oh, Smitty!
- Your book.
- Oh, Smitty.
(upbeat music)
I knew there was a stud
in there somewhere.
- Hey.
(moaning)
(laughing)
- Velma, how can I save this place?
(knocking)
Come in.
Hi.
- How are you doing?
You know, I thought that
you could use a shot.
- (laughs) Actually I
could use about $25,000
but a stiff drink'll have to do.
Oh, what is this stuff?
It tastes like--
- Grape juice?
(laughs)
- Oh, thanks for making me laugh.
I needed that.
- I thought that, you
know, you might like...
Oh, hey, um, by the way,
how did your DMV test go?
- Oh, I passed with flying colors.
I'm now a certified
traffic school instructor.
- [Smitty] Ah, congratulations.
- Thanks.
- What about Marcie and Traci?
- They need a little extra time studying.
As a matter of fact, I should
probably go to the home
and check on 'em.
- I won, woohoo!
- We couldn't answer
the last 30 questions.
Why are we even bothering?
- Come on, fire away.
- Okay, Marcie.
A minimum following distance
at 30 miles per hour is?
- Close but not far?
- It's useless!
We'll never pass the test.
Vicky's the smart one, not us.
- Well, at least we
know how to play tennis.
(boinging)
Come on.
(upbeat music)
(laughs)
Backhand!
♪ Some girls have the right look ♪
♪ Know just how to walk ♪
♪ Some girls have bedroom eyes ♪
♪ That turn me on with the way they talk ♪
♪ Some girls ♪
- Okay, hold everything.
I'm hot.
(boinging)
(squeals)
- Good game, Trace.
But I've got an even better one.
Don't worry, there's always Plan B.
- Plan B?
- Yeah.
DMV.
- Vicky Williams, here I come.
- I went back home expecting
to find Traci and Marcie studying hard
for their traffic instructor test.
Frankly I wasn't sure if
they'd be able to pull it off.
Not that they're not
clever in their own ways
but they've got different
priorities than I do.
I wondered if we were tough enough
to stand up to these guys.
To be honest, at that moment
I was plagued with self-doubt.
But then I thought of that pep talk
that my friends gave me the other day.
I knew that if they believed in me,
I could find the strength to
do anything I set my mind to,
even stand tall against a mob.
Traci!
Marcie?
I wonder where Marcie and Traci are.
Guess they went to take the test.
I guess all that studying paid off.
Oh god, I could use a massage.
Better yet, the hot tub.
(water bubbling)
- Marcie, as a duly
appointed officer of the DMV,
I must inform you
that I cannot let you inhibit
my concentration in any way.
- So arrest me.
- Marcie, under article two section eight
of the DMV code of professional contact,
I must inform you that I cannot...
(screaming)
- Oh my god, we're gonna flip!
(car splashes)
(Marcie coughing)
Look, am I gonna get my
certification or not?
- That's out of the question.
- Oh, come on.
I think they'd be really interested
to know exactly what were you doing
with the trainee's head in your lap.
- Paulie, I know you
don't want to hear this.
The boss ain't gonna like this.
- Why don't you just shut
your hole and follow the kid?
(sensual music)
- [Vicky] With all that I had on my mind,
I was ready for a soothing
session in the hot tub.
What harm could it do?
And what better time to
replay my favorite fantasy?
The tennis instructor
and his nimble student.
My vivid imagination was
about to take me away.
- Follow through, okay?
- Okay.
Uh huh.
- [Instructor] Follow through.
You gotta.
Okay.
- Okay.
Like that?
- [Instructor] Uh huh.
- Does that feel right?
- [Instructor] Yeah, it feels perfect.
- Okay.
- I think you got it down.
- I think I do too.
I think that it'd be better
if, now that you're helping me.
- [Instructor] Do you
feel better with that?
- Uh huh.
- Alright.
Here.
- [Vicky] But it's only make-believe.
(knocking)
- [Vincent] Hello?
Anybody home?
Hello, Vicky?
Are you home?
- Hey.
Junior just walked
right through the front.
Must like that (mumbles) kid after all.
- How the hell did you get in here?
- You didn't hear me knocking.
The door was partially open and so--
- So you broke in.
Like father like son?
- Hey, I'm not like my
father, that's why I'm here.
- And why should I trust you?
- Vicky, I know this sounds crazy.
I think you and I were
meant for one another.
Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
- This is crazy.
- Give us a chance.
Together we can fight my father
and help save your business.
I, I...
I love you, Vicky.
- God help me, I think I love you too.
(sensual music)
(moaning)
♪ Let's make a plan, baby, you and I ♪
(snoring)
(farts)
- You two have already
grilled me and Vincent.
Where were you guys
yesterday and last night?
- Well, speaking for myself,
I had a date with the DMV guy.
But I found him to be a
crashing bore who was all wet.
(laughs)
- Well, with that out of
the way, let's get to work.
(upbeat music)
(screaming)
- Turn it off!
Turn it off, turn it off!
Turn it off!
Vicky!
Turn it off!
(upbeat music)
- [Marcie] Hey.
Come with me.
- Say this again.
I don't believe I heard you correctly.
- We...
- Frankie can't hear you, Paulie.
- Well, we...
- Somebody better say
something before I kill him.
- What Paulie's trying to say, boss,
we think Junior's helping the girl
keep the aunt's business open.
- He banging that broad?
(laughs)
Frankie says...
Do it his way.
- I agree with you.
The place looks great
but to raise the money,
we need something more than that.
We need something special,
almost spectacular if you will.
- Yeah, I know, but like what?
- I got some ideas.
Mostly inspired by Vicky's Aunt Velma.
- Oh really?
- Like $25,000 worth of ideas?
- Just hear me out, okay?
That's all I ask.
(dramatic music)
- Yeah, get a job, why
don't you, ya filthy animal.
- Velma thought that I was
crazy for saving this stuff
but I knew might come in handy someday.
Check this out.
Ha.
- This is perfect.
- Oh man.
In her day, Velma was
the stripping attraction.
She brought people in from miles around.
- And the next best thing
to having Velma is having...
- Oh, hey, guys.
So it looked like we'd
all have to pitch in
and do some of our patented
Las Vegas moves once again.
But this time there was a good reason
to dust off our G-strings.
I'm sure Aunt Velma would have approved.
♪ Some girls have the right look ♪
♪ And know just how to walk ♪
♪ Some girls have bedroom eyes ♪
♪ That turn me on with the way they talk ♪
♪ Some girls (mumbles) ♪
♪ Legs that just won't stop ♪
♪ Some girls have long blonde hair ♪
♪ And likes to tease like a jungle on ♪
♪ Girls, I love them all ♪
♪ Talking about girls ♪
♪ I love them all ♪
♪ Talking about my girls ♪
♪ I love them all ♪
- [Vicky] And with a
little bit of hard work,
we did something unique
in the annals of recorded human history.
(laughs) Or should I say herstory?
- Those broads are up to something.
I can feel it in my bones.
- I was using that!
- Grand opening, Bikini Traffic School?
- Give it back.
- The hell'd you get this?
- It was stuck on the car,
I needed something to wipe my face with.
- I'll wipe your face for you.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
Quit messing around.
Dumb broads are gonna get sunstroke.
Stupid.
Don't they know it's bad for you
to lay out in the sun all the time?
- It's so funny.
The one thing I'm trying to get away from
could be the only thing that
saves Aunt Velma's business.
- Well, you know what I always say.
Stick to that one thing you do best.
(laughs)
- And in your case that would be?
- I think you're gonna have to
ask somebody about that one.
(upbeat music)
- One false move and I'm yours.
You don't talk much, do you?
Cat got your tongue?
- Just doing my job.
- I've been watching you.
You've got a good stroke.
- Gotta keep it clean.
- [Traci] Got a name?
- Alex.
- Alex, I'm Traci.
- [Alex] Of course you are.
- This all you do for a living?
Clean pools?
- Actually I do this part-time.
In the morning, I train horses.
- Maybe you could take me
to the stables sometime.
- Any time, Traci.
- Let's try a workout.
- Boy, it seems like we've
been working out for hours.
- I can work out all night.
- Sure seems that way.
- Hm, maybe we should take a break.
- Yeah, think we should.
(weights clanging)
- Looks like you're
developing some pecs there.
- Yeah, you too, it
looks like you are too.
(laughs)
(sensual music)
- So what do you think of my pecs now?
- Quite nice.
(kissing)
- [Vicky] Finally it was time
to see if this crazy idea would work.
If it didn't, we'd all be
back in Vegas before long.
But if we could only raise enough money
to save the school, we'd
make Aunt Velma proud
and prove the old saying to get
it, you've got to go for it.
- Come on, you guys, right this way.
Got your money?
Good.
This way.
Hi, how are you?
Hello.
Got your money?
- How you doing?
- Hey, how are you?
- [Man] Traffic school?
- Yeah.
- [Man] Thanks, catch you later.
- Hey, good to see ya.
You got it.
Have a seat, man.
Appreciate it, thank you.
- Come on, you guys.
Right this way.
Got your money?
Come on, you guys.
Got your money?
Welcome.
Hi.
Hi, how you doing?
Got your money?
- Back over there.
- Hi, how are you doing today?
- Great, how are you?
- Alright.
- Good.
It's a lot of help, thank you.
How's it going?
♪ But I can feel this hourglass
is running out of sand ♪
♪ I got nowhere to go and
whole lot to get there ♪
♪ We're too young for this rocking chair ♪
♪ My name's out there and
cracking like a hickory fire ♪
♪ One look in her eyes ♪
♪ And know she's everything
you ever desired ♪
- Great, thanks.
Hey, how's it going?
Thank you.
- Show on the road!
What are we waiting for?
Come on, now we're talking.
Alright!
Hope you're working the show.
Yeah!
- Hey, how are you?
- [Man] Good, how's it going?
- Next.
(men shouting)
- Unbelievable.
(knocking)
Come in.
- You wouldn't believe it out there.
- You wouldn't believe it in here.
Look at all this money.
- You think it's time
for the show to start?
- Yes I do.
- Attention, folks.
Just to let you know, the
show will begin momentarily.
In the meantime, your lovely
instructor Traci will pass out
your official Bikini
Traffic School workbooks.
- Come on guys, over here.
- [Vincent] Study hard
and you'll all be back
on the road in no time.
- Here you go.
You.
- Smitty, how's it going?
- Oh, we are just awesome, rocking.
- Awesome, cool.
Hey, what's that on your forehead?
- What are you talking about?
- Lipstick on your forehead.
- Oh, it's Marcie.
- Oh!
- Oh!
(laughs)
- Attention, attention.
Welcome to Bikini Traffic School.
The opening act is just
about ready to begin.
Then the main attraction.
All the way from Las Vegas, Nevada,
the extraordinary, the delectable,
the spectacular Miss Vicky Williams.
(audience applauds)
- Great.
I have to live up to that?
(paper crinkling)
Get out of here so I can get prepared.
- I'm telling you, the
boss ain't gonna like this.
- That's why we're here, pickle brain.
- Right, right, right.
- I'm going after the broad.
You get Junior, we'll meet back here.
- Got it.
- [Vincent] And before
Miss Williams comes on,
we have two girls that'll
knock your socks off.
Traci and Marcie, take it away.
(audience applauds)
- I got a stick shift for you, babe!
- These broads can stop traffic.
- And they could write me up any time.
- Man, I should speed more often.
- You should.
(audience applauds)
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm here to see that
you don't perform tonight.
- Just try and stop me.
(gun clicks)
- Have a seat, toots.
While I'm at it, think
I'll take the money.
- [Marcie] Several rules
must be kept in mind
to avoid being what we
call a major road hog.
Always keep a suitable distance
between yourself and
the car in front of you.
- [Traci] Also, remember
to avoid getting too close
to read somebody's bumper stickers.
They're often trite
and never worth getting
into an accident over.
- [Marcie] That's right, Traci.
Another rule is never place anything
that can obstruct your
view in your windshield.
I hate to say this,
but that includes the
ever-popular fuzzy dice.
If you must have fuzzy dice,
keep them in the glove compartment
and put them on display
only when your car is parked
and they pose no threat
to your visibility.
(grunts)
- Quiet!
(audience applauds)
- [Marcie] Here's a life-saving
tip for you gentlemen.
- Ow!
- As you can see,
applying mascara while
driving is a fashion no-no.
- Ain't nothing flat
about your tires, honey!
- Look, I'm not gonna hurt you.
Quiet, look at this.
- I'll put you on cruise
control right now.
- (laughs) Another helpful tip
on how to avoid rear end collisions.
Next, Traci will show us the proper way
to place your car bra so
it will lift and separate.
- Wow.
- You'll never get away
with this, you goon.
- Shut up.
- You're going down, slime.
(groans)
- There.
Now you're not gonna bug me.
- I wanted to make sure
that you weren't involved
in that land scam with your
father, so I followed you here.
That's when I decided that you're alright.
- FBI.
After all these years,
Pop finally got caught.
- Well, not exactly.
We first have to get the two goons
to turn the state's evidence.
It's one of the main
reasons I'm here tonight.
- You mean Paulie and Jo Jo are here?
(dramatic music)
- I wanted to talk to you first though.
- We gotta find Vicky.
Come on, I may need your help.
- Simple, yes.
But looks can be deceiving.
Red, stop.
Green, go.
Yellow.
Now that's where we run
into some sticky situations.
- Excuse us, ladies.
(screams)
Everyone keep calm.
Everything's under control.
Keep your eyes on the stage,
pay no attention to that man.
- What's that?
- Never mind.
Now a flashing red light,
now that's real trouble.
(groaning)
- [Vincent] Vicky!
We're on our way!
Hold on, baby!
- What the hell?
- Paulie, is that you?
- Don't shoot.
- Vicky.
You okay, sweetheart?
- Just keep your distance.
- Thank god you guys are here.
(sirens wailing)
- Oh, Paulie.
- Yeah?
- I'm seeing you in a whole new light.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- So?
- So you know, I was wondering,
maybe you and I could
share a bunk in the joint.
- Oh, you.
- Listen, I hate to break
you two lovebirds up
but can you get in the car?
- [Paulie] Can we keep the cuffs?
- Well, we did it, Vicky.
- We sure did, didn't we?
I love you.
- I love you too.
- [Vicky] And so
everything turned out fine.
We saved the school and all
three of us fell in love.
I didn't know how long we had
but then again, who does?
- Sure ain't like the
old days, is it, Frankie?
(knocking)
- [Man] Mr. Mancuso.
- The hell do you want?
- [Man] I think you'd better come with us.
Don't try anything, Mr. Mancuso.
There are too many of us.
- Okay, okay, I give up.
Well, pal, it was a very good year.
I'm coming quiet.
But give me just a second, okay?
(slow music)
Goodbye, Frankie.
(audience applauds)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Well, I wanna find out ♪
♪ What you been trying so hard to hide ♪
♪ You tell me everything is fine ♪
♪ But baby, I can tell that's a lie ♪
♪ It's a lie, it's a doggone lie ♪
♪ You tell me everything is fine ♪
♪ But baby, I can tell that's a lie ♪
♪ It's a lie, it's a doggone lie ♪
♪ Yeah, you move around all day ♪
♪ And all night long you cry
and cry and cry and cry ♪
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Pauline ♪
♪ Let me take you for a ride ♪
♪ Well, I wanna find out ♪
♪ What you been trying so hard to hide ♪
- [Vicky] Hi, my name is Vicky Williams.
Welcome to Lost Wages, Nevada.
(laughs) I mean Las Vegas, Nevada.
I happen to be part of the glamorous world
of strippers and showgirls,
although I prefer the
term burlesque queen.
My idols are Tempest Storm,
Lili St. Cyr, Gypsy Rose Lee,
and of course the great Velma Langley.
Myself, I've been at it
now for two whole years.
Why do I do it?
I'll tell you.
For every dollar that some
creep stuffs down my G-string,
I'm one step closer to
my degree in business.
Some people wait tables to
work their way through college.
I take my clothes off for
a bunch of drooling men.
- Quit wiggling around, will you?
If I don't get this thing clasped,
your boobs are gonna
pop right out of here.
- In case you haven't noticed,
we are at a strip club.
And unlike you, I have
to work to go to school.
I don't have a trust fund to
pay for my college education.
With me, it's just another new strip bar
with the same old leering
men shoving dollar bills
down my panties.
- Well, I do it because I like it
but if Daddy knew what I was doing,
he'd cut off my credit cards.
He says I should devote more
time to studying like you do.
- (laughs) Yeah, like
how to slide down a pole
without snagging your pantyhose?
- (laughs) How do you do that?
- Thank god for you, Marcie.
I don't know what I'd do without you two.
- Aw.
- [Announcer] Alright, gentlemen.
The Queen Mary Casino proudly presents
some of the hottest girls
this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Let's give a warm Las Vegas
welcome to Marcie Wigglesworth.
(audience cheers)
♪ Playing with my heart,
twisting my emotions ♪
- [Announcer] Let's hear
it for Traci Van Belts.
Give her a big hand.
♪ I wanna feel for you, boy ♪
♪ Don't turn my hand just
to prove you can spin ♪
♪ Don't break my heart just
to prove you can win it ♪
♪ You don't have to hurt me ♪
♪ Don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Do you wanna be mine
or do you wanna be free ♪
♪ I'll be honest with you now ♪
♪ Better listen when I say ♪
♪ Don't lead me on ♪
♪ Cause you gotta make a choice ♪
♪ There's no time to delay ♪
♪ Show me that you love me ♪
♪ You tell me you love me
but are you pretending ♪
♪ I'm getting mixed up by the
signals that you're sending ♪
♪ I gotta know for sure ♪
(boinging)
♪ Don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Do you wanna be mine
or do you wanna be free ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
- [Announcer] And now the eye-popping,
drool-inducing Vicky Williams!
♪ You wanna be free ♪
♪ Do you wanna be free ♪
♪ Don't lead me on, don't lead me on ♪
(audience applauds)
♪ Don't lie to me ♪
♪ Tell me what it's gonna be ♪
- Bye!
Thank God for Marcie.
She promised to help me
with my costume changes.
Where is she anyway?
- If I know Marcie, has
something to do with a fast car
and a fast guy.
(whips snaps)
- Oh yeah!
- Marcie, I'm trying to concentrate.
- Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.
- Oh god.
What are you doing down there, Marcie?
Oh my god, Marcie, bail out!
(screaming)
(car smashing)
(explosion booming)
Marcie, my car.
- Do you have insurance?
- This is the last time Marcie
blows us off for some guy.
She's a sex addict and
it's time she admitted it.
She's signing up for a stair
stepper program or else.
(whip snaps)
- Don't you mean a 12-step program?
- Whatever.
The point is if she doesn't get help soon,
she's headed for a big crash.
(sirens wailing)
(police radio chattering)
- Nasty accident.
That rate of speed, you're
lucky you didn't lose it.
So you concur with the facts
as this gentleman's presented them?
Then I have no choice but to cite you
with reckless vehicular endangering.
- What can I say?
I like to live dangerously.
Boys are such babies.
- Look, can I go now?
- Sure, guy.
You've had a rough night.
You know, with your past record,
this could get you into a lot of trouble.
Unless...
- (clears throat) Excuse me.
- What the hell do you think you're doing?
The show's out front, buddy.
- [Traci] Yeah!
- Which one of you is Vicky Williams?
- That's me.
- I got something for you.
- (gasps) Oh my god, he's a perv!
- Put that puppy back
in your pants, mister.
- Calm down, ladies, I'm
no perv, I'm a lawyer.
- [Traci] That's even worse!
- Cover him, Traci.
- You're gonna want to put that down
when you see what I've
got underneath my coat.
- Oh god, where's Marcie
when you need her?
(Marcie moaning)
- [Vicky] Don't let him
try any funny stuff.
Nice and slow.
- These are for you.
- Who are you anyway?
- I'm your great aunt Velma's attorney.
Dick Wilson?
- But that's impossible.
How can I have an aunt
I've never heard of before?
- Because of this.
When your Aunt Velma was
about the age you are now,
she did something which caused
her family to disown her.
From that moment on, it was
as if she didn't even exist.
- Well, what could she
do that was that bad?
- She defied her father by
refusing to marry the boy
that he chose for her.
To add insult to injury,
she ran away to Las Vegas
and became a stripper.
- A stripper?
- Perhaps you'll remember her now?
- You mean my Aunt Velma is Velma Langley?
The famous Las Vegas showgirl?
I modeled most of my act after her.
- She knew that.
That's why she put you in her will.
- Will?
- Will?
(moaning)
(laughs)
♪ Oh, she's turned with desire ♪
♪ The girl you're talking
about, your girl ♪
♪ You're playing with fire ♪
♪ Oh, it's a dark and deadly game ♪
♪ You wanna turn back but
you're drawn to the flame ♪
♪ No, no, no ♪
♪ You're playing with fire ♪
♪ And you're gonna burn ♪
- Did you say will?
- Yes, will.
She didn't have much but what
she had, she left to you.
- How much?
- How much?
- Well, it's not the money.
- Well then, what is it?
- It's all yours now.
- What's all mine?
- Her business.
After she gave up stripping,
she operated a small traffic
school in Los Angeles.
Now it's yours.
- Traffic school?
I don't know anything about
running a traffic school.
- That's your business now, Miss Williams.
She simply instructed
me to give it to you.
You'll find the paperwork in order.
Good day to you both.
Good luck.
- Fate works in mysterious ways, Traci.
Aunt Velma may have
just given me my ticket
out of this business.
(claps) What are you waiting for?
Get your clothes on, we're
going to Los Angeles!
(cheering)
California, here we come.
- We're really here, Vicky.
Time to make those dreams
of yours come true.
- And this time, nothing
will stand in my way.
But what we didn't know
was what was waiting for us
just around the corner.
- What do you mean it's all hers?
- Well, um...
- See what I gotta put up
with around here, Frankie?
- Uh oh, he's talking to Frankie.
This is bad.
- What's he saying, what's he saying?
- He's saying
that you two idiots better
do some quick explaining
or I might just do something
you're both gonna regret.
- Well, you see boss, the old broad,
she had a niece that we didn't know about
and she left the place to her in the will.
- A will?
A will?
Vinnie City.
Vinnie City.
A childhood dream of my own
personal corrupt community.
I own every inch of land except
that damn traffic school.
Every inch!
That old broad sell that
piece of crap to me?
No.
Then I get lucky and she dies
and my dream can come true.
And now you two tell me it can't?
Frankie don't like it when
I don't get what I want!
- Don't hurt us, boss.
- We'll get the land for you.
- Okay boys, you better.
Cause if you don't (mimics chopping).
- [Paulie] Don't worry, boss.
We'll take care of everything.
- We can handle it, honest we can.
- I ain't trusting you two
losers with anything anymore.
Gina!
(buzzing)
Gina!
- Hello?
Hello?
- Send in Junior.
- Alright.
You're wanted.
- [Vincent] Hey, Pop.
- Hey kid, how you doing?
Good to see you, have a seat.
- Uh oh, he's talking to old blue eyes,
this means trouble.
- Junior.
Frankie and I need you
to do a little favor.
- It's Vincent, pop.
Not Junior, Vincent.
- (laughs) Vincent, huh?
Kids today, Frankie, they got no respect.
- Pop, stop talking to the picture.
It's embarrassing.
- (snaps) Give it to me.
Jo Jo.
Jo Jo.
- [Paulie] Come on, you
moron, open the thing.
- Give me the bag, give me the bag.
Get outta here.
Come on!
You're lucky you're my kid.
- [Vincent] Look, Pop--
- Enough!
Sit.
Sit down.
Here.
Now look over these papers.
I gotta go out and take
care of a little business.
When I get back,
I'm gonna talk about what
you're gonna do for me.
Capiche?
- Capiche.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(kisses) That's my boy, huh?
My boy.
- By the way, I thought you sucked.
- So we made it to Beverly Hills
and instead of having to
stay in some fleabag hotel,
we got to crash at Traci's
parents' huge house!
So far it looks like
Lady Luck is on our side.
I always wanted to live
in some big fancy house.
My whole life I've been
scrimping and saving,
trying to get ahead,
but it's not easy for a girl like me.
People think I'm brainless
just because I happen to be born a blonde
and through no fault of my
own have a knockout body.
I want people to take me seriously,
to look beyond the babe
and see the real me inside.
That's why I couldn't leave
Marcie and Traci behind.
They know there's more
to me than meets the eye.
You know, sisterhood
can be a powerful thing.
The first thing we did when we got there
is have our own little pool party.
I thought we deserved a
little fun in the sun.
(upbeat music)
(boinging)
(dog barking)
It's great that your parents let us stay
in their summer home, Traci.
- Yeah, Traci, thanks.
Can you get a little
lower and get my tan line?
- Yeah.
All I had to do is hint around my dad
about his 18 year old mistress.
- (laughs) And here we are.
God, I love LA.
- Me too.
- [Vicky] I guess I'm just
worried about tomorrow.
- What's to worry about?
- Yeah.
- Well, I've never run a business before,
let alone a traffic school.
What if I screw up?
Maybe being a stripper
is all I know how to do.
- Don't talk like that, Vicky.
You are the smartest person I know.
You work all night and
go to school all day
and you still get straight As.
- Yeah, your Aunt Velma
can do it, so can you.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
(dramatic music)
- [Jo Jo] Paulie, are those the broads?
- [Paulie] Yeah, that's them.
The one on the left is
the old bat's niece.
- Hey, Paulie, boss ain't gonna like this.
He said we got to let the
kid handle it his way first.
(farts)
- You're disgusting, you know that?
- What?
I like food.
Food's my friend, Paulie.
- Yes, certainly is.
- [Jo Jo] I still say the
boss ain't gonna like this.
- I say you shut up.
We let the kid handle this,
might as well kiss our sorry
asses goodbye now, you idiot.
- Idiot?
Who's the one wearing
his sister's glasses?
- What are you talking
about, sister's glasses?
- They just look like
something a woman would wear.
- No, they don't.
- Listen, I don't mean to offend you.
They just look like
something a woman would wear.
- What would you know, you (mumbles)?
- [Jo Jo] Look, I'm sorry Paulie.
I like the shades.
- I could get used to this.
- Being rich does have its advantages.
- Yeah, it sure does.
- Am I dreaming or what?
(upbeat music)
- If this is a dream, I
don't want to wake up.
- [Traci] This is no dream, girl.
It's the pool guy.
- [Marcie] (squealing) Oh, wow, wow.
- [Vicky] I can't believe
you held out on us, Traci.
This guy's a hunk.
- Well, I really never thought of it.
He's the pool guy.
- He's a dream.
- [Traci] I wonder what it
would take to get him into bed?
- If you think of anything, let me know.
- There's gotta be a way.
There's gotta be a way.
(sensual music)
(kissing)
Iceberg.
- Well, that's that.
- Hey.
What you got for me, kid?
- Nothing, Pop.
It's all nice and legal.
No loopholes anywhere.
The property now belongs
to Velma's niece Vicky.
- Ain't that fancy college
taught you nothing, Junior?
I could've told you that.
- For the last time, Pop, it's Vincent.
Vincent!
Anyway it's obvious we
have no legal right--
- Oh!
Legal ain't a concern of mine
but since you're my kid and all,
I'm gonna give you 48 hours
to get the property your way.
After that, it's gonna be my way.
Right, Frankie?
Who loves you?
Hey, I'll buy you some breakfast.
(speaking in foreign language)
- [Vincent] No thanks, pop.
I have a few things I gotta take care of.
- Alright, I'll see you later.
That's my boy.
Hey, Gina, how's about a meatball omelet?
(dramatic music)
(clicks tongue)
(snoring)
(farts)
(groans)
- Wake up!
- What?
What?
- Holy crap, you're a pig.
- Don't ever shove me.
- Oh yeah?
What are you gonna do about it?
- Nothing.
- That's what I thought.
Get going.
- What do you mean get going?
Where we going, Paulie?
- Traffic school.
I think it's about time the
Welcome Wagon paid a visit.
- Telling you, Paulie, the
boss ain't gonna like this.
(car engine rumbling)
- You know, you're
really starting to sound
like a broken record.
(dramatic music)
- You have directions to
the traffic school, Vick?
- Yeah, yeah, they're in the car.
By the way, with your driving record,
how'd you get your mom
to let you use the car?
- I promised I'd stop dating men
who make less than
$100,000 a year (laughs).
- [Vicky] So bright and
early the next morning,
we headed for Aunt Velma's traffic school.
We were all really excited
but I couldn't help feeling
something ominous was in the air.
And it wasn't the LA smog.
- Oh.
Oh, Velma.
Velma, Velma.
What we gonna do, Velma?
What we gonna do?
- Alright, there it is, slow down.
There, that's the traffic school.
That's the traffic school, pull over.
- Alright, relax, relax!
Relax, I am, I am.
- [Paulie] (mumbles) Gonna miss it!
- [Jo Jo] Shut up!
- What the hell?
Those damn hotrod kids.
- What, shut up!
That's the gas, you idiot, that's the gas!
(car crashing)
(groans)
What happened?
- You wrecked the car!
- [Jo Jo] I didn't wreck the
car, you wrecked the car.
I didn't do nothing, you did it.
- Shut up!
You wrecked the car.
- He's gonna kill you, Paulie, kill you!
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot, Paulie.
- Rough night, Junior?
- Vincent, Gina.
Vincent.
Rough night yes,
but I believe I just found
what I'm looking for.
- See you later, Junior.
- [Vincent] It's Vincent!
- [Vicky] Now I didn't
expect the Taj Mahal,
but this place was really a dump.
- You sure you have the right address?
- This is the place.
Or was the place anyway.
- Yeah, well, it doesn't look
like this traffic school's
seen much use lately.
- It's locked.
- I'm sorry.
But we are closed
so you will have to leave, please.
- Oh, maybe you don't know who I am.
- Wait, wait, as you can see,
I have had a very bad day.
So if you could just please
leave my property, please.
- But that's just it,
it's not your property.
It's my property.
- What is she talking about?
Huh?
- See?
- What?
Aunt Velma had a will?
You are her niece?
Oh, oh, I thought that we
were gonna have to shut down
or worse, that we were
gonna have to sell the place
to that slimeball gangster Vinnie Mancuso.
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, for the last few months,
we have been harassed by this bastard
to sell the place.
But after today, after
what happened today,
I will see him in hell first
before he ever gets this land!
- Tell us more, Mr...
- It's Smitty.
Just plain Smitty.
I'm the caretaker of this place.
- Smitty, what exactly has
Aunt Velma gotten us into here?
- Well, I think you'll
understand a little bit better
if I show you.
(upbeat music)
- Not your way, Pop, my way.
- [Jo Jo] Oh, my aching head.
- [Paulie] Quit your yammering.
Your own damn fault.
- [Jo Jo] My fault?
We'll see whose fault it is.
- [Paulie] I think I got whiplash.
Can you get whiplash of the ass?
- [Jo Jo] (mumbles)
That's a stupid question.
- [Paulie] There's a car coming.
- [Vincent] What are these two
pea brains doing down here?
Hey, get the hell in the car.
Come on, come on, get in the car.
What the hell you guys doing?
What the hell are you guys doing?
- [Paulie] Jo Jo crashed the car.
- I didn't crash the car.
Paulie crashed the car.
- How could I crash the car?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
you guys crashed what car?
- At the traffic school.
- [Vincent] The traffic school?
Wasn't your fault, okay.
- Not my fault.
- You know what, hold on.
You know what, we're gonna go back there,
we're gonna take care of
that problem right now.
How's that, okay?
You guys are unbelievable, you know?
- I didn't do nothing!
- [Vincent] What the hell
my father sees in you guys.
- I didn't do nothing, Vincent.
- Hey, no, both you guys shut up, okay?
We're gonna take care of this right now.
Capiche?
- Capiche.
- Capiche.
- The building is just--
- I know, it's gone, it's demolished.
- Those bastards.
This dream is turning into a nightmare.
What else could possibly go wrong?
- Oh, I think we're gonna find out.
- Now I want you two to behave yourselves,
act like gentlemen if
that's at all possible.
First of all, the money
to replace that wall,
it's coming out of your paychecks.
- My paycheck?
- Secondly, after you apologize,
you keep your mouth shut
and let me do the talking.
- Junior, will you give us a break?
- It's Vincent, okay?
Vincent.
Capiche?
- Capiche.
- What are these, your sister's glasses?
Huh?
Put them away.
Hey, hey.
- Come on.
Uh oh.
Over there.
- Hello, I'm Vincent
Mancuso and these are--
- The goons your father hired
to try and demolish my traffic school?
- Listen lady, we're no goons.
We're associates.
- [Paulie] Put that down, you idiot.
- [Vincent] I'm terribly sorry
for the misunderstanding.
My father's--
- Associates.
- Associates acted without
my father's permission
and will be punished accordingly.
We of course will pay for
the wall to be replaced.
- Well, you can tell your father
that his scare tactics won't work with me.
And I suggest you all leave
before I call the police.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Look, please give me a chance.
I'm not like my father.
I want to help you.
(slow music)
- But these say Aunt Velma
owes $25,000 in bank notes.
They're not paid up by Monday,
the bank owns the traffic school.
Smitty, is this true?
- Yeah.
- I don't understand.
I mean, how could she
have let this happen?
- Well, she always used to
say she made a better stripper
than a businesswoman.
- [Marcie] You can say that again.
- Please, excuse me.
I'm prepared to offer you a great deal
of money for this place.
Please hear me out.
- How about if I just show you out?
- I think you're making a big mistake.
- Why don't you just get out of here
and take your goons with you?
- Come on, put the gun away, come on!
I'm sorry about the guns and everything.
- I wish I could say it
was nice meeting you.
Goodbye.
Vincent.
- Goodbye, Vicky.
- [Paulie] Damn broads
don't know a damn thing.
- [Jo Jo] Told you, get back
in the car and (mumbles).
- I got front seat.
- I don't think so.
- I do.
- You got front seat.
- That's what I thought.
- Are you sure you just don't
want to take their deal?
- Aunt Velma didn't and I won't.
I know it's gonna be tough
but I really want to try
to turn this place around.
Are you guys with me?
- We're with you.
- We're with you.
- Alright.
- It's when the going gets tough.
- The tough stick by their friends.
- Well, in that case, when do we open?
- [Vicky] Meanwhile back at the ranch,
Marcie had her eye on the pool guy.
But didn't we all?
- Never happen.
- So make her an offer she can't refuse.
You'd be surprised to see
what Paulie and Jo Jo can do
to persuade her.
- No, let me handle it alone.
I can take care of this.
- You like this girl or what?
- It's not like that.
I just don't want to see anyone get hurt.
- Then take care of it!
Because if you don't,
Paulie and Jo Jo will.
(knuckles cracking)
The hell are you looking at?
- Nothing, boss.
- [Vinnie] Get outta here.
- Sleeping in the streets
but you're more of a man than I am.
Thanks to Vicky, that's
all about to change.
(slow music)
(book bangs)
(screams)
- Oh, Smitty.
Oh, Smitty!
- Your book.
- Oh, Smitty.
(upbeat music)
I knew there was a stud
in there somewhere.
- Hey.
(moaning)
(laughing)
- Velma, how can I save this place?
(knocking)
Come in.
Hi.
- How are you doing?
You know, I thought that
you could use a shot.
- (laughs) Actually I
could use about $25,000
but a stiff drink'll have to do.
Oh, what is this stuff?
It tastes like--
- Grape juice?
(laughs)
- Oh, thanks for making me laugh.
I needed that.
- I thought that, you
know, you might like...
Oh, hey, um, by the way,
how did your DMV test go?
- Oh, I passed with flying colors.
I'm now a certified
traffic school instructor.
- [Smitty] Ah, congratulations.
- Thanks.
- What about Marcie and Traci?
- They need a little extra time studying.
As a matter of fact, I should
probably go to the home
and check on 'em.
- I won, woohoo!
- We couldn't answer
the last 30 questions.
Why are we even bothering?
- Come on, fire away.
- Okay, Marcie.
A minimum following distance
at 30 miles per hour is?
- Close but not far?
- It's useless!
We'll never pass the test.
Vicky's the smart one, not us.
- Well, at least we
know how to play tennis.
(boinging)
Come on.
(upbeat music)
(laughs)
Backhand!
♪ Some girls have the right look ♪
♪ Know just how to walk ♪
♪ Some girls have bedroom eyes ♪
♪ That turn me on with the way they talk ♪
♪ Some girls ♪
- Okay, hold everything.
I'm hot.
(boinging)
(squeals)
- Good game, Trace.
But I've got an even better one.
Don't worry, there's always Plan B.
- Plan B?
- Yeah.
DMV.
- Vicky Williams, here I come.
- I went back home expecting
to find Traci and Marcie studying hard
for their traffic instructor test.
Frankly I wasn't sure if
they'd be able to pull it off.
Not that they're not
clever in their own ways
but they've got different
priorities than I do.
I wondered if we were tough enough
to stand up to these guys.
To be honest, at that moment
I was plagued with self-doubt.
But then I thought of that pep talk
that my friends gave me the other day.
I knew that if they believed in me,
I could find the strength to
do anything I set my mind to,
even stand tall against a mob.
Traci!
Marcie?
I wonder where Marcie and Traci are.
Guess they went to take the test.
I guess all that studying paid off.
Oh god, I could use a massage.
Better yet, the hot tub.
(water bubbling)
- Marcie, as a duly
appointed officer of the DMV,
I must inform you
that I cannot let you inhibit
my concentration in any way.
- So arrest me.
- Marcie, under article two section eight
of the DMV code of professional contact,
I must inform you that I cannot...
(screaming)
- Oh my god, we're gonna flip!
(car splashes)
(Marcie coughing)
Look, am I gonna get my
certification or not?
- That's out of the question.
- Oh, come on.
I think they'd be really interested
to know exactly what were you doing
with the trainee's head in your lap.
- Paulie, I know you
don't want to hear this.
The boss ain't gonna like this.
- Why don't you just shut
your hole and follow the kid?
(sensual music)
- [Vicky] With all that I had on my mind,
I was ready for a soothing
session in the hot tub.
What harm could it do?
And what better time to
replay my favorite fantasy?
The tennis instructor
and his nimble student.
My vivid imagination was
about to take me away.
- Follow through, okay?
- Okay.
Uh huh.
- [Instructor] Follow through.
You gotta.
Okay.
- Okay.
Like that?
- [Instructor] Uh huh.
- Does that feel right?
- [Instructor] Yeah, it feels perfect.
- Okay.
- I think you got it down.
- I think I do too.
I think that it'd be better
if, now that you're helping me.
- [Instructor] Do you
feel better with that?
- Uh huh.
- Alright.
Here.
- [Vicky] But it's only make-believe.
(knocking)
- [Vincent] Hello?
Anybody home?
Hello, Vicky?
Are you home?
- Hey.
Junior just walked
right through the front.
Must like that (mumbles) kid after all.
- How the hell did you get in here?
- You didn't hear me knocking.
The door was partially open and so--
- So you broke in.
Like father like son?
- Hey, I'm not like my
father, that's why I'm here.
- And why should I trust you?
- Vicky, I know this sounds crazy.
I think you and I were
meant for one another.
Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
- This is crazy.
- Give us a chance.
Together we can fight my father
and help save your business.
I, I...
I love you, Vicky.
- God help me, I think I love you too.
(sensual music)
(moaning)
♪ Let's make a plan, baby, you and I ♪
(snoring)
(farts)
- You two have already
grilled me and Vincent.
Where were you guys
yesterday and last night?
- Well, speaking for myself,
I had a date with the DMV guy.
But I found him to be a
crashing bore who was all wet.
(laughs)
- Well, with that out of
the way, let's get to work.
(upbeat music)
(screaming)
- Turn it off!
Turn it off, turn it off!
Turn it off!
Vicky!
Turn it off!
(upbeat music)
- [Marcie] Hey.
Come with me.
- Say this again.
I don't believe I heard you correctly.
- We...
- Frankie can't hear you, Paulie.
- Well, we...
- Somebody better say
something before I kill him.
- What Paulie's trying to say, boss,
we think Junior's helping the girl
keep the aunt's business open.
- He banging that broad?
(laughs)
Frankie says...
Do it his way.
- I agree with you.
The place looks great
but to raise the money,
we need something more than that.
We need something special,
almost spectacular if you will.
- Yeah, I know, but like what?
- I got some ideas.
Mostly inspired by Vicky's Aunt Velma.
- Oh really?
- Like $25,000 worth of ideas?
- Just hear me out, okay?
That's all I ask.
(dramatic music)
- Yeah, get a job, why
don't you, ya filthy animal.
- Velma thought that I was
crazy for saving this stuff
but I knew might come in handy someday.
Check this out.
Ha.
- This is perfect.
- Oh man.
In her day, Velma was
the stripping attraction.
She brought people in from miles around.
- And the next best thing
to having Velma is having...
- Oh, hey, guys.
So it looked like we'd
all have to pitch in
and do some of our patented
Las Vegas moves once again.
But this time there was a good reason
to dust off our G-strings.
I'm sure Aunt Velma would have approved.
♪ Some girls have the right look ♪
♪ And know just how to walk ♪
♪ Some girls have bedroom eyes ♪
♪ That turn me on with the way they talk ♪
♪ Some girls (mumbles) ♪
♪ Legs that just won't stop ♪
♪ Some girls have long blonde hair ♪
♪ And likes to tease like a jungle on ♪
♪ Girls, I love them all ♪
♪ Talking about girls ♪
♪ I love them all ♪
♪ Talking about my girls ♪
♪ I love them all ♪
- [Vicky] And with a
little bit of hard work,
we did something unique
in the annals of recorded human history.
(laughs) Or should I say herstory?
- Those broads are up to something.
I can feel it in my bones.
- I was using that!
- Grand opening, Bikini Traffic School?
- Give it back.
- The hell'd you get this?
- It was stuck on the car,
I needed something to wipe my face with.
- I'll wipe your face for you.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
Quit messing around.
Dumb broads are gonna get sunstroke.
Stupid.
Don't they know it's bad for you
to lay out in the sun all the time?
- It's so funny.
The one thing I'm trying to get away from
could be the only thing that
saves Aunt Velma's business.
- Well, you know what I always say.
Stick to that one thing you do best.
(laughs)
- And in your case that would be?
- I think you're gonna have to
ask somebody about that one.
(upbeat music)
- One false move and I'm yours.
You don't talk much, do you?
Cat got your tongue?
- Just doing my job.
- I've been watching you.
You've got a good stroke.
- Gotta keep it clean.
- [Traci] Got a name?
- Alex.
- Alex, I'm Traci.
- [Alex] Of course you are.
- This all you do for a living?
Clean pools?
- Actually I do this part-time.
In the morning, I train horses.
- Maybe you could take me
to the stables sometime.
- Any time, Traci.
- Let's try a workout.
- Boy, it seems like we've
been working out for hours.
- I can work out all night.
- Sure seems that way.
- Hm, maybe we should take a break.
- Yeah, think we should.
(weights clanging)
- Looks like you're
developing some pecs there.
- Yeah, you too, it
looks like you are too.
(laughs)
(sensual music)
- So what do you think of my pecs now?
- Quite nice.
(kissing)
- [Vicky] Finally it was time
to see if this crazy idea would work.
If it didn't, we'd all be
back in Vegas before long.
But if we could only raise enough money
to save the school, we'd
make Aunt Velma proud
and prove the old saying to get
it, you've got to go for it.
- Come on, you guys, right this way.
Got your money?
Good.
This way.
Hi, how are you?
Hello.
Got your money?
- How you doing?
- Hey, how are you?
- [Man] Traffic school?
- Yeah.
- [Man] Thanks, catch you later.
- Hey, good to see ya.
You got it.
Have a seat, man.
Appreciate it, thank you.
- Come on, you guys.
Right this way.
Got your money?
Come on, you guys.
Got your money?
Welcome.
Hi.
Hi, how you doing?
Got your money?
- Back over there.
- Hi, how are you doing today?
- Great, how are you?
- Alright.
- Good.
It's a lot of help, thank you.
How's it going?
♪ But I can feel this hourglass
is running out of sand ♪
♪ I got nowhere to go and
whole lot to get there ♪
♪ We're too young for this rocking chair ♪
♪ My name's out there and
cracking like a hickory fire ♪
♪ One look in her eyes ♪
♪ And know she's everything
you ever desired ♪
- Great, thanks.
Hey, how's it going?
Thank you.
- Show on the road!
What are we waiting for?
Come on, now we're talking.
Alright!
Hope you're working the show.
Yeah!
- Hey, how are you?
- [Man] Good, how's it going?
- Next.
(men shouting)
- Unbelievable.
(knocking)
Come in.
- You wouldn't believe it out there.
- You wouldn't believe it in here.
Look at all this money.
- You think it's time
for the show to start?
- Yes I do.
- Attention, folks.
Just to let you know, the
show will begin momentarily.
In the meantime, your lovely
instructor Traci will pass out
your official Bikini
Traffic School workbooks.
- Come on guys, over here.
- [Vincent] Study hard
and you'll all be back
on the road in no time.
- Here you go.
You.
- Smitty, how's it going?
- Oh, we are just awesome, rocking.
- Awesome, cool.
Hey, what's that on your forehead?
- What are you talking about?
- Lipstick on your forehead.
- Oh, it's Marcie.
- Oh!
- Oh!
(laughs)
- Attention, attention.
Welcome to Bikini Traffic School.
The opening act is just
about ready to begin.
Then the main attraction.
All the way from Las Vegas, Nevada,
the extraordinary, the delectable,
the spectacular Miss Vicky Williams.
(audience applauds)
- Great.
I have to live up to that?
(paper crinkling)
Get out of here so I can get prepared.
- I'm telling you, the
boss ain't gonna like this.
- That's why we're here, pickle brain.
- Right, right, right.
- I'm going after the broad.
You get Junior, we'll meet back here.
- Got it.
- [Vincent] And before
Miss Williams comes on,
we have two girls that'll
knock your socks off.
Traci and Marcie, take it away.
(audience applauds)
- I got a stick shift for you, babe!
- These broads can stop traffic.
- And they could write me up any time.
- Man, I should speed more often.
- You should.
(audience applauds)
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm here to see that
you don't perform tonight.
- Just try and stop me.
(gun clicks)
- Have a seat, toots.
While I'm at it, think
I'll take the money.
- [Marcie] Several rules
must be kept in mind
to avoid being what we
call a major road hog.
Always keep a suitable distance
between yourself and
the car in front of you.
- [Traci] Also, remember
to avoid getting too close
to read somebody's bumper stickers.
They're often trite
and never worth getting
into an accident over.
- [Marcie] That's right, Traci.
Another rule is never place anything
that can obstruct your
view in your windshield.
I hate to say this,
but that includes the
ever-popular fuzzy dice.
If you must have fuzzy dice,
keep them in the glove compartment
and put them on display
only when your car is parked
and they pose no threat
to your visibility.
(grunts)
- Quiet!
(audience applauds)
- [Marcie] Here's a life-saving
tip for you gentlemen.
- Ow!
- As you can see,
applying mascara while
driving is a fashion no-no.
- Ain't nothing flat
about your tires, honey!
- Look, I'm not gonna hurt you.
Quiet, look at this.
- I'll put you on cruise
control right now.
- (laughs) Another helpful tip
on how to avoid rear end collisions.
Next, Traci will show us the proper way
to place your car bra so
it will lift and separate.
- Wow.
- You'll never get away
with this, you goon.
- Shut up.
- You're going down, slime.
(groans)
- There.
Now you're not gonna bug me.
- I wanted to make sure
that you weren't involved
in that land scam with your
father, so I followed you here.
That's when I decided that you're alright.
- FBI.
After all these years,
Pop finally got caught.
- Well, not exactly.
We first have to get the two goons
to turn the state's evidence.
It's one of the main
reasons I'm here tonight.
- You mean Paulie and Jo Jo are here?
(dramatic music)
- I wanted to talk to you first though.
- We gotta find Vicky.
Come on, I may need your help.
- Simple, yes.
But looks can be deceiving.
Red, stop.
Green, go.
Yellow.
Now that's where we run
into some sticky situations.
- Excuse us, ladies.
(screams)
Everyone keep calm.
Everything's under control.
Keep your eyes on the stage,
pay no attention to that man.
- What's that?
- Never mind.
Now a flashing red light,
now that's real trouble.
(groaning)
- [Vincent] Vicky!
We're on our way!
Hold on, baby!
- What the hell?
- Paulie, is that you?
- Don't shoot.
- Vicky.
You okay, sweetheart?
- Just keep your distance.
- Thank god you guys are here.
(sirens wailing)
- Oh, Paulie.
- Yeah?
- I'm seeing you in a whole new light.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- So?
- So you know, I was wondering,
maybe you and I could
share a bunk in the joint.
- Oh, you.
- Listen, I hate to break
you two lovebirds up
but can you get in the car?
- [Paulie] Can we keep the cuffs?
- Well, we did it, Vicky.
- We sure did, didn't we?
I love you.
- I love you too.
- [Vicky] And so
everything turned out fine.
We saved the school and all
three of us fell in love.
I didn't know how long we had
but then again, who does?
- Sure ain't like the
old days, is it, Frankie?
(knocking)
- [Man] Mr. Mancuso.
- The hell do you want?
- [Man] I think you'd better come with us.
Don't try anything, Mr. Mancuso.
There are too many of us.
- Okay, okay, I give up.
Well, pal, it was a very good year.
I'm coming quiet.
But give me just a second, okay?
(slow music)
Goodbye, Frankie.
(audience applauds)
(upbeat music)