Big and Hairy (1998) - full transcript
A boy moves into a new town and has difficulty making friends, so he joins the basketball team. Initially experiencing little success, his popularity increases when he convinces a Sasquatch to join the team.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
(Picasso) Dear Diary, I thought moving to an island
was gonna be fun.
Boy, was I wrong.
We've been living here for two months now
and I still haven't made any friends on Cedar Island.
[clock ticking]
[instrumental music]
(Picasso) My journal entries have been as predictable
as the ceramic lawn ornaments rolling off
the assembly line at the Bumstock Factory
where my dad works now as a designer.
One after another
the same ducks, elves and bunnies
that people have been sticking out on their lawns forever.
[music continues]
(Picasso) I thought playing on our school's basketball team
would help me fit in, but it didn't.
I still didn't make any friends
not like I had back in Chicago.
But now, finally, I have something different
to write about, because tonight
my life on the island changed.
It got worse.
It happened just tonight at the brand new
Bumstock SportsPlex
named after Ludlow Bumstock
the Lawn Ornament tycoon.
He built the place 'cause he's nutty about
our middle school basketball team.
And since most of the islanders work for him,
I guess they want to keep the boss happy
Basketball is serious business on Cedar Island.
Oh, come on, Greg. Help me out a little bit.
(Picasso) Which puts a lot of pressure on our new coach Mr. Donavan.
Aw, you saw that foul.
(Picasso) I was hoping I could stay on the bench
when the game was on the line
because I didn't wanna lose it for us.
I'd rather be ignored than despised.
[gibbering]
(male announcer) O'Malley shoots, a-at the wrong basket.
Uh, let's call it a pass.
Madison bringing the ball up with time running out.
[crowd cheering]
[instrumental music]
Alright, guys. Come on, Dexter, make the pass.
What? Roland, what are you doing?
[whistle blows]
-Foul. -Come on!
Oh, Roland. On the bench.
(male announcer) Oh, boy, now that's five on Lemay.
I could've scored.
(Donovan) Picasso, get in there.
Don't do anything stupid, Dewlap.
(male announcer) Dewlap now in for Lemay.
(Picasso) It's a good thing my parents love me
no matter what.
-Oh... -It's a steal...
Over here! Come on. Come on, guys. Yeah!
Oh, come on.
[gasps]
(male announcer) Oh, wow, Dewlap is trapped.
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
-Come on! -Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
(in unison) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
[buzzer rings]
[whistle blows]
[groans]
Come on, Picasso, you can do it.
(male announcer) And it's Dewlap on the line for two
at the end of regulation.
Right here, Son.
Two shots, both dead.
(Picasso) Down by one point
no time left.
Make both shots
and I'd be a popular guy.
Okay, just relax, Picasso. Take your time.
(Picasso) Okay, one more chance.
Stay calm.
Make this one and we go into overtime.
Just don't blow it.
[whimpering]
Oh!
(male announcer) And the final score is Baxter Bay, 31,
Lawn Ornaments, 30.
(male #1) Fire the coach, Bumstock!
It's okay, Picasso. Go-good try.
Oh! You choked!
You're a choker!
An island boy wouldn't have choked.
[instrumental music]
I didn't mean to.
[beeping]
[screaming]
(Donovan) Turn it down!
[screaming]
O-o-oh!
Hang on, Picasso, I'm coming.
[wind blowing]
[exhaling]
I think we need to adjust that a little bit.
Okay, guys, just gather around
I wanna talk a little bit about tonight's game.
We had an opportunity to pull this one out
you know we, we could have, we could have won,
but...picking up a little bit short
that happens sometimes.
Don't worry about it. We'll get 'em next time. Okay?
(male #2) Yeah, if we get rid of Picasso.
[instrumental music]
[groans]
[laughter]
Ah-ha! There he is!
Cedar Island's answer to Willie Mays.
Willie Mays is a baseball player, Dad.
And I bet he couldn't play basketball
as well as you.
You were wonderful.
And you looked quite dashing in your basketball costume,
didn't he, Victor?
Oh, very handsome.
I think we should go to Rodney's and celebrate
your first ever basketball game.
First game, first loss.
And the blame for that rests squarely
on the shoulders of the other team.
They simply scored too many points.
[laughter]
-No, Dad... -Come on.
[Victor and Elizabeth laughing]
(Victor) Oh, yes! The ice!
Oh, come on!
[instrumental music]
-Come on! -Come on, Picasso!
Come on, I'll race you to Rodney's. Whoo!
[Elizabeth laughing]
[growling]
[growling]
♪ I am a hungry father
♪ It's burger time
♪ It's burger time
♪ Hurrah ♪
-Oh, Dad! -Cool.
[Victor humming]
[indistinct chatter]
-There's Mr. Bumstock. -Oh!
Good evening, Mr. Bumstock.
Yeah? What's good about it?
The moon. It's lovely.
Yes, the moonlight and the briny smell
of the sea. It's marvelous.
Come on.
[indistinct chatter]
[bell dings]
Here you go, Bub.
Every Lawn Ornament gets a free hamburger
after every game.
-Even when we lose? -Especially when you lose.
Thank you.
Hey, B57.
Let me tell you people something...
Cedar Island is famous for two things
lawn ornaments and basketball.
Bumstock Lawn Ornaments is still the world's finest.
But by Godfrey, our glorious tradition
of basketball excellence is on the way out.
And who do we have to thank for that?
-Donovan, that's who. -Yeah.
That big overgrown goon of a coach
comes in here from away
and thinks he can run things his way.
He thinks he can let every boy
on the team play in every game
and still have a winning season.
Well, let me tell you it can't be done.
Do you realize this could be the first season
Cedar Island fails to make the Tidewater League tournament?
[indistinct chatter]
-Now, you think about that. -You gotta do something.
I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
[laughing]
Yeah! I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
Right out in the cove.
Maybe it was a man rowing a dinghy.
Sometimes our eyes can play tricks on us, dear
and at night, well...
No. There was no man. I saw a bear.
-But how could a bear row-- -I-I don't know.
(Rodney) He was. In a boat.
He was hunched over the oars just like
like a dog poopin' a peach pit.
[all laughing]
[sighing] What are we doing here?
I wish we can move back to Chicago
back where my friends are.
This is where your father's work is, honey.
He was lucky to get this job, you know?
There aren't that many opportunities
for ceramic lawn ornament designers.
Even brilliant ones like my Victor.
I know, but it's just I'd like to make some friends
and have some fun.
You will.
And you're gonna make a lot of friends.
I mean, after all, who wouldn't wanna be your friend?
[ship horn blaring]
[laughing]
Better not choke tonight, Dewlap.
Back off, moron.
What?
[clock ticking]
[ship horn blaring]
[instrumental music]
Whoa!
[horn honking]
[engine revving]
(Donovan) Hey, Roland, grab a seat.
Hey, Picasso, if you lose the game for us tonight,
this is your head.
[crunching]
[cheering]
[instrumental music]
[coughing]
Picasso Dewlap, he's the one!
He's our one and only son!
[cheering]
(male announcer) And The Fightin' Clams work the ball around.
Cedar island steals it!
Up the court on the break.
Pass to Lemay!
Basket! Lemay!
-Yeah! -Bravo!
Bravissimo!
That's great, Picasso!
Okay, come on, guys. Gather around. Come here for a minute.
Now, we'll play another good half,
but we're gonna play it as a team.
-Right? -Right.
-We're gonna run a play for O. -Okay, beautiful.
Okay, when I get in the O zone, I'm unstoppable.
No, no, no. None of this O-zone business.
You cannot be afraid to get under the basket.
You're gonna go back door for a layup, alright?
Well, I've got physical contact issues.
Okay, uh, just do your best and...
(all) Team!
Hey, I hear Dexter's gonna learn how to waterski next summer.
If he can get his bear to row fast enough.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, clams in batter, clams in crumbs.
Go Cedar Islands, fry these bums!
Pass! Pass the ball!
Pass! Pass!
[whistle blows]
(male announcer) And Lemay is called for charging.
When is somebody gonna set a screen for me?
Get on the bench.
Picasso, check in.
Get in there.
Don't forget what I said.
Uh, I'm not feeling so good.
-What's the matter? -I think I have the flu.
The-the Canadian flu.
I-I think I better stay on the bench.
-Put me back in. -Just sit down.
Greg, get in there.
[audience cheering]
(all) Four, three, two, one.
[buzzer buzzing]
(male announcer) And the final score is the mighty, mighty
Fightin' Clams 44, Cedar Island 35.
How do they expect to win with me sitting on the bench?
-Where's Donovan? -What can I do for you?
Oh, you can learn how to coach.
What do you mean by let every man on the team in the game?
That's no way to win.
What? Wait a minute. Don't tell me how to coach.
You-you pay for the fancy gym and the fancy locker room,
you buy the kids uniforms every year,
but, you know, this is my team still.
(Bumstock) Well, then you better start winning
because the Lawn Ornaments won under Old Doc Thompson
and now under you we're losing. Isn't that great?
Okay, well, thanks for dropping by.
I'll take everything you said into consideration.
Let me tell you something, Mister man,
if the Lawn Ornaments don't get into the tournament
you are through, Donovan, you hear me?
You are through.
Merry Christmas.
Get dressed.
[instrumental music]
(Elizabeth) Everybody up, Merry Christmas!
(Victor) It's Christmas!
Don't fight, little doggies. It's Christmas!
I have something for the most beautiful woman.
Are you the most beautiful woman? Have you been good?
I hope you've been good because this is for you.
And it's the best present ever made and you may have it...
Picasso! Can't have Christmas without the boy!
-There he is! -There he is!
-Merry Christmas! -There he is!
Merry Christmas!
Now...me first.
Okay, okay. Here. I got this for you.
Just open it, come on, just...
It's not shaking.
Art supplies.
[gasping]
Oh, spoons!
These are going to sound
so beautiful on the porch.
And now for the Christmas boy!
Ah! Whoa! Yeah, that's cool!
I painted it to look like one of your eyeballs.
For identification purposes and that way
anyone who sees it they'll know immediately
that it's your football.
-Basketball. -Basketball. Your basketball.
And now,
for this year's
Christmas creation.
Yeah!
I don't know where I'm going...
[indistinct chatter]
(Victor) Surprise!
[laughing]
Whoa-whoo-oa!
(Picasso) Where are you guys taking me?
(Elizabeth) Alright, now, no peeking.
Keep your blindfold on.
Okay, get ready for this year's
Christmas creation.
(Elizabeth) Alright!
Coconut, pi-pineapple,
some kind of flower I can't identify...
Mele Kalikimaka!
It's Christmas in Hawaii!
The volcano is Santa Claus
spreading happiness everywhere.
Oh! Merry Christmas!
-Mele Kalikimaka! -Whoo-hoo!
Aloha! Merry Christmas!
Kahuna!
(Elizabeth) Kahuna!
And now, for the piece de la resistance...
-It's a map of North America! -Wow!
(Elizabeth) Now you can study geography while you play.
A sound mind in a sound body.
Okay!
Oh, you've hit the Continental Divide!
Five points!
Thank you, guys.
-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas.
Okay.
[instrumental music]
[soft growl]
[knocking on door]
-Hey, Picasso! -Hey, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, buddy, come on in.
Look what I got!
Wow, that's very interesting.
H-hey, look-look what I got!
Yeah. Hey, how about a turkey sandwich and a piece of pie?
-Apple pie. -Sure.
-Merry Christmas, Picasso. -Merry Christmas, Mrs. Donovan.
[loud thudding]
What was that?
Santa's back.
I think it's a burglar.
Stealing jingles.
Yeah, maybe.
[loud thudding]
[intense music]
[growling]
[screaming]
[thud]
[music continues]
[growling]
[gasping]
[whimpering]
It's a-it's a, it's a...
It's a bigfoot!
[soft growling]
(Picasso) It wasn't a bear!
It was a sasquatch. A-a bigfoot!
Dexter saw a bigfoot rowing a dinghy!
I think he likes me.
(Picasso) And I know why.
No offence, Mr. Donavan.
You two look like brothers.
I bet you he's been hiding in the woods spying on you.
Because he thinks you're Bigfoot.
Well, he is certainly big and hairy.
(Donovan) Don't move, honey!
[sneezing]
[imitating sneeze]
[all laughing]
Evidently, I'm allergic to dogs, ragweed
and, uh, Bigfoots!
[whimpering]
(Picasso) Hey!
Did anyone see that show about Bigfoots?
The one with the hidden cameras way up in the mountains?
I bet he's been on one of those walkabouts.
You know, the-the Bigfoot kids have to do.
You know, to think about life and grow up a little.
So, the further he got from the mountains
and the nearer he got to the coast, the warmer he got.
So he just kept on wandering.
So you're saying he got lost trying to find himself?
It could happen.
[sneezing]
I just wanted it out of here.
Please.
[sneezing]
Geez, he's shaking.
[shivering]
[instrumental music]
Hello?
Elizabeth, is it alright
if a friend spends the night
at our house tonight?
You've made a friend.
Victor, sweetie?
Picasso's made a little friend.
[instrumental music]
Achoo!
[gasping]
-Wait! -I'm coming.
I can't wait to meet your little friend.
Hello.
Achoo.
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
[laughing]
(Picasso) Come on.
Come on, it's okay.
Come on, come on.
Yeah.
[chuckles]
Oh, yeah.
They'll-they'll like you when they come to.
I think you'll remind them of some of their friends
in Chicago.
Uh, oh, this is Victor's studio.
Oh, this is my parents' Christmas creation.
Watch this.
[laughing]
(Picasso) Ooh! Yeah!
[instrumental music]
(Picasso) Sleep tight, big guy.
[yawning]
Ladies and gentlemen, it's a very tense moment right now.
With only five seconds left on the clock
Picasso Dewlap shoots and it's in!
The crowd goes wild!
He's going to take a hook shot. What shall he do?
And he makes it, making basketball history!
Shoot it, shoot it!
Come on. Put it up, put it up!
Okay, come on!
Whoa!
[instrumental music]
Close the doors.
I'll be right back. Right back!
(Picasso) The exact same shots I took in the exact same order.
That documentary said they learn by imitation.
Yeah, but a Bigfoot playing middle school basketball?
From what I know about Bigfoots
I'd say he's about 12.
That's the right age.
Yeah, well, it's the right age, maybe, but, it's
the wrong species, Picasso.
He could be the greatest player in the history
of Cedar Island middle school. What am I talking about?
He could be the greatest player in the history
of the whole league.
Yes, he could be.
But-but, uh, no-no.
It-it-it wouldn't be fair, Picasso.
-Please. -Oh, Picasso, look.
The-the-the league is for kids, it's, it's not...
No, it's not for animals.
But if I recruit a player this good
and when we start winning games, maybe the other kids will...
Will what?
[sighing]
-Like me. -Yeah, right.
Look, Picasso, we do not need
a Bigfoot on this team to win games.
And when the other kids get to know you
they're gonna like you for who you are.
I'm a choker from away.
No, you're not.
You're a great kid, Picasso.
A really great kid.
From Cedar Island.
[instrumental music]
[laughing]
[seagulls squawking]
(Bumstock) Alright, I want these lawn ornaments loaded
and shipped by lunch time.
Now, so let's go, come on. Let's move it.
I haven't got all day. Hey, be care... Don't put...
Put that down. Careful. Alright.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, hurry up, fellas.
Come on, come on.
Donovan, look out! What are you doing here?
Oh, happy holidays, Mr. Bumstock.
That's quite the operation you have going here.
Yes, it is. I built this with my bare hands.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Uh, just don't forget what I said about the tournament.
We don't get in you're fired.
You get fired from your first coaching job,
you won't get a chance anywhere else.
Happy new year, Mr. Bumstock.
[instrumental music]
[seagulls squawking]
[horn honking]
(Picasso) Okay, okay, here I come.
Okay.
Mrs. Dingley's gonna meet us at the office.
How much does she know?
All she knows is that she's gonna be enrolling
a new basketball player and that she'll do anything
to help the Lawn Ornaments make the tournament--
-Hey, come on. Stop. -Even if it means...
Even if it means coming in two days after Christmas.
Okay, come on, buddy. Get down, get down.
We better hurry if we're going to make this.
Okay, sit down. Sit down. Come on.
[engine revving]
Pupil's name?
Ed Tibbetts.
[instrumental music]
Grade?
Sixth.
Uh, sixth grade.
Address?
4525 Breakwater Road.
[keys clacking]
There you go, Mr. Donovan.
Welcome to Cedar Island Middle School...
home of the lawn ornaments...
Alright.
[Mrs. Dingley screams]
-Let's go. -Okay.
Okay, um, we have a new player
joining our team today.
Uh, his name is Ed Tibbetts,
he's-he's living with the-the Dewlap family,
and I want you to make him feel at home, okay?
Ed?
[growling]
[screaming]
Whoa! Whoa, guys!
It's fine. Just...
No, no, no, guys.
Guys, no. He-he's not gonna hurt you.
Come on. That's it.
Come on down.
Alright. N-now, Ed learns by imitating what he sees.
I-It's sort of a "Sasquatch see, Sasquatch do," okay?
So I want you to show him how to play basketball right.
Okay? Fundamentals.
Okay, everybody, let's start working on our passing drills.
[groaning]
[whispering] That was very good, Ed.
Why don't you work on some dribbling?
Okay, guys, passing drills.
[Donovan exhales]
This is called passing the ball, okay?
Okay, passing the ball. Okay.
Something you'll never see Roland doing.
-Hey, Picasso. Come here. -Yeah, Coach?
How's Ed doing?
(Picasso) Uh, he's calmed down.
(Donovan) Do you think he can handle sitting
on the bench for a while?
(Picasso) Yeah, I think so.
[mumbling]
[laughing]
(Donovan) Roland!
When are you gonna start being a part of this team?
You need to work on your passing.
Why don't you work with Ed for a while?
[indistinct chattering]
No, no, no, no! Get outta here. Get outta here!
What're you guys... Street shoes off the gym floor!
Get, get, get... What?
It's come to my attention that
you have a Sasquatch playing on the team.
S-so what?
Well, we're going to introduce him to the public.
Good man.
[sighs]
[coughs]
[exhales]
Nice passing, Ed.
[sniffs]
Let's work on some layups for a while.
(female #1) Hey, get inside, quick.
How am I looking? Nice?
Is it good? Good. How's the hair?
Hey, don't get between me and the camera, okay?
-Where's the Sasquatch? -Cream, Sherry, please.
Just a little bit of cream.
-Come on, let's go on. -Look, there's Bumstock!
Come on, come on, come on.
Excuse me. Are you somebody?
-Go away. -Yeah.
Bigfoot!
Relax. I'm the coach.
Coach, Coach. Where's Dewlap? Dewlap?
Yeah. Dewlap.
-You're Dewlap, right? -Yeah.
This is Picasso Dewlap,
who claims to be the first person on Cedar Island
to actually have seen the Bigfoot or the Sasquatch.
We're going to get to the bottom of this.
-Excuse me. -Yeah?
Uh, I-I never claimed I was the first to see him.
-Uh-huh. -Uh, Dexter Madison was.
Dexter, hi, how are you? This is Dexter Madison.
Excuse me, can I have your attention?
Can I have your attention?
Now?
Right. It is time for the photo opportunity.
The Bigfoot is waiting for you
at the at the Bumstock Lawn Ornament factory,
makers of the world's finest ceramic gewgaws since 1915.
Alright, follow me.
[indistinct chatter]
(female #2) Okay, okay...
[instrumental music]
Everybody keep together and follow me.
Now, on your left, that magnificent structure
is the world famous Bumstock Lawn Ornament factory,
where everything is on sale this weekend only.
-That's right. Now, this way. -Hey, Dewlap, wait up!
Thanks for telling 'em I was the first one to see Ed.
I mean, it was really neat to see them
write down everything I said.
They were really listening.
They didn't think I was stupid or crazy or anything.
You know, I should've told you this a long time ago.
I had a feeling you were right about
seeing Ed row in the dinghy,
'cause I-I found his footprints
behind the ovens at the factory the next day.
You did? W-why didn't you tell me.
Oh, I guess I was afraid to.
You seemed kind of mad at everybody.
Well, I wasn't mad at you. You never made fun of me.
(Picasso) Yeah, I guess it was stupid not to tell you.
(Dexter) Yeah. Wicked stupid.
Alright, ladies and gentleman. Come on, step right in.
Don't be afraid. Get in here.
Come on, come on. Here.
Don't forget to get the famous Bumstock sign in the picture...
and, uh, I may have misjudged you,
you do know how to win.
You know, using a Bigfoot really is...
It's brilliant. It's brilliant.
(Bumstock) Alright, ladies and gentlemen, now, come on, step right in,
don't be afraid.
I'm gonna bring him out now...
a real Bigfoot straight from the heart of the forest,
Ed Tibbetts!
[grunting]
That's no Bigfoot. That's a-that's a fake.
Ludlow Bumstock knows whereof he speaks.
Ed Tibbetts is a genuine Bigfoot.
(male #3) It's a hoax.
You didn't even take the trouble to look...
do some research on this thing.
Why don't you come up here and take a closer look?
Well, I will, this is the cheesy scam perpetrated
on a gullible and unsuspecting...
[grunts]
That's a Bigfoot.
[all laugh]
-Over here... -Mr. Bumstock...
[indistinct chattering]
(Picasso) "Cedar Island welcomes Big Harry Lawn Ornament."
Yeah!
(Donovan) No, I don't want to let him practice
until he gets sneakers.
I don't want him to slip and fall on his...
[sighs]
Not again.
You've got a Bigfoot on your team.
Yeah, well, I think the whole world has heard about it.
-Hm. -You want to meet him?
No. I...
I don't want to meet him in a basketball game either.
It's not fair to put a seven foot animal
in against a bunch of kids,
and you know it.
I'm not gonna to stand for it.
Oh, you won't, huh?
Well, you can't tell me what to do.
Yeah? Well, maybe I can't.
But I've filed a complaint today
with the Tidewater League Athletic Directors' Association,
and they can tell you what to do.
It's all spelled out right here.
You show up at the hearing tomorrow
and say goodbye to your big, hairy...
Uh, Fred, Ed.
[breathing heavily]
Lawn Ornament.
Nice sport coat.
[indistinct chattering]
I'm ticked off and my Fightin' Clams
are ticked off too.
Well, of course they are,
with a name like the Fightin' Clams.
I think you'd see a change in outlook
if you gave them a more peaceful, loving name,
something, maybe, like the Nurturing Clams.
-Yes. -Or even better...
The Nuturin' Clam.
You could drop that final "G" to give it more sportiveness.
(Elizabeth) I love it.
We-e-e are not here today to change the name of my team.
[sighs]
We're here to make sure our kids
don't get mauled to death by a wild animal
while trying to play basketball!
E-excuse me. Excuse me.
E-Ed, Ed really is very gentle.
He-he wouldn't hurt anybody,
I mean, even if he is strong enough to,
you know, rip the tailgate off a pickup truck.
-It's true. -Yeah. Yeah. But...
(Donovan) The fact of the matter is...
For the love of the Tidewater League Rulebook
makes no provision for wild animals.
I, I'd like to say something.
-What? He can't-- -Shut up.
I think he's right about going by the book.
(male #4) Huh?
I've read the book, and as far as I can see,
it refers to male and female athletes. Period.
It doesn't refer to species.
And Ed is s male athlete.
A male Sasquatch athlete...
but a male athlete just the same.
He's right.
He qualifies.
Oh! Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't allow a Bigfoot to play in Tidewater League
against kids.
It's just not fair.
We don't have a Bigfoot.
We have to go by the book.
-Change the book! -We will.
[coach laughs]
-Next year. -Huh?
For this season, the ruling stands.
No, Lord...
[groans]
[cheering]
-Whoo! -Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo! -Hurrah.
Hurrah!
[laughing]
[grunting]
[grunts]
Whoa!
[knock on door]
Whoa! Hold up.
Whoa! Hold on. Gotta get the door.
[indistinct chatter]
Hold on, guys.
So, you guys want to do something?
[grunting]
-Ho! -Hey!
-Yeah! -Ha! Ah!
[both grunting]
-Ah! -Yeah!
Watch out!
[both grunting]
Yeah!
Save me!
[both grunting]
[gibbering]
[screaming]
[indistinct chatter]
[all grunting]
(Picasso) This was the best day I've had on Cedar Island...
maybe my best day ever.
When I asked Coach Donovan to put Ed on the team,
I'd hoped I'd make some friends,
but I never thought I'd be this lucky.
Ed's turning me into the king of Cedar Island.
Whoa!
[all laughing]
♪ Getting on track
♪ Can't look back
♪ Feel so flashy
♪ When my shades are black
♪ Broke the rules
♪ Played the fool
♪ Peanut butter jelly sandwich after school ♪
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ On the town
♪ Played the clown
♪ Act a bit crazy
♪ If I stand around
♪ Made a lot
♪ Out of what I've got
♪ Feel so spacey like an astronaut ♪
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ Doo ♪
Ed, baby, happy Harvey Hanson
of the Hi-Hopper Sneaker Company.
The brand that pros get paid.
[laughs]
I mean love to wear.
Ed, my man, it's a pleasure to gift your sweet,
sweet feet with a pair of size 38
sextuple E basketball sneakers
that'll make you turn into a king of the court!
Yes, I love it, I love it.
That's it. Get out of the way. Get out of the way.
Here we go. Come on. How's the light?
Come on. Move it. Move it!
Come on, and... This is taking forever.
Come on, come on. Got the shoe ready, and here we go.
-Okay, Peter, get it going. -A shoe. A shoe.
A shoe. I love it. You're great. You're great.
Okay, come on, come on. Keep it going. Keep it going.
Come on. Give me something suave.
-Suave. -Beautiful.
And debonair.
Come on, let's go for it.
That's it. That's it. Come on.
That's it. I smell money!
[cheering]
(male #1) Come on, people!
[audience cheering]
(all) Ed, he's our man.
[whistle blows]
[crowd cheering]
(male announcer) And the Spuds control the tap.
The ball goes out of bounds.
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
-We want Ed! -Yeah, he passed.
(male announcer) Madison up for it. Over to Lemay.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
-We want Ed! -Madison shoots...
Yeah!
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
Yeah! Ed!
-Ed. -Hmm?
Get in the game.
Go, Ed, go!
[grunts]
(male announcer) And entering the game for the Lawn Ornaments is...
Ed Tibbetts.
[whistle blows]
Okay.
(male announcer) Rebound, Madison. The ball goes up the court...
(Donovan) Alright, Ed. No showboat. Come on.
[audience chanting] Take it. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed.
[grunts]
[audience cheering]
(male announcer) Let's go, Tibbetts.
[cheering]
-Yeah! -Yeah!
[dramatic music]
[screaming]
[whistles]
(male announcer) Tibbetts called for goaltending. Basket Spuds.
[gibbering]
-Yeah! -Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Yeah!
(male announcer) We have lift off!
[audience cheering]
[both screaming]
(male announcer) That's a pair for the mountain of hair.
Ho-ho! Baby!
[hooting]
[camera shutter clicks]
[hooting]
[crowd cheering]
(male #5) Just remember to, uh, I'll say something,
and you say something, and, uh,
just try to relax and-and don't get
between me and the camera.
-Is this your wife? -Yes. Yes, it is
Oh, you are beautiful.
Would you join us for this interview?
-Sure. -Thank you so much.
Are you ready to go, Coach? Here we go.
So this must be...
So this must be a great time for you.
Uh-uh, yes, it is.
Yeah, yes, yes, it, uh,
we-we're very happy to have Ed on the team.
Um, he has all the-the skills you like to see in a big man.
He's-he's...
He's big.
Uh, has a fine work ethic,
and you know, now it's just a matter of finding
the-the-the right combination of players, uh, to-to
uh, compliment his skills in the different situations
that we face as a team.
But you can't tell me that, uh,
because of all the publicity that Ed's getting
that you don't have serious problems
with some of your players, you know,
being jealous of-of-of Ed.
Uh, no, no. No, we don't have any-any jealously problems.
Uh, Ed makes the other 12 players, uh, better.
(female #3) Hold on.
(male #2) Excuse me. We're doing an interview here.
Save it, I have something to say
and you're not going to like it.
Uh, in all the excitement of
having a Sasquatch play basketball
in the Tidewater League,
I overlooked an infraction of the rules.
Coach Donovan, you have 13 players on your team,
and the rule book clearly states you can have no more than 12.
I'm sorry to say the Spuds win by forfeit.
-Oh! -That's-that's not fair.
I'm afraid you can't use Ed Tibbetts.
We're doomed.
Unless you get rid of one of the other players.
(male #3) That's wrong.
Turn in your uniform, Do-less.
[camera shutter clicking]
(Picasso) I joined the team so I could make friends.
Now if I stay on the team and keep Ed off,
everyone will hate me.
If Ed's not on the team, then the Lawn Ornaments
won't make the tournament
and Mr. Donovan will get fired.
Why shouldn't I quit?
I'm the one from away.
Who needs a choker?
Time for school, Ed.
[mumbling]
There's the boy.
You think these pants are good color for him?
Of course.
They bring out the color of his eyes.
I'm worried about the pants.
You don't think they cup
the buttocks too much, do you?
-Ah? -Hm.
Cup the buttocks?
Well, they do have a certain...
Je ne sais quoi.
Joie de vie.
Picasso, are the kids wearing pants that cup the buttocks.
-I haven't noticed. -Don't worry, my dear.
-They'll fit right in. -Hm.
What about me?
There he is.
(boy #1) Who needs him anyway?
(Donovan) Okay, everybody, let's start studying chapters
five through seven
because there's going to be a test on Friday.
-Oh... -A test!
-Another test. -Test.
Mr. Donovan?
Can I talk to you?
Yeah. What's up, Picasso?
I've decided to quit the team.
-Yes! -Yes!
-Brilliant! -Huh?
[mumbles]
You can let Ed play in my place.
Picasso, you don't have to do this.
You-you have as much right to be on this team as Ed does.
Even more.
B-because you've been on the team longer than he has.
-I want to do it. -Why?
Picasso?
[grunts]
[sighs]
I can't even make a basket.
[Ed hooting]
[door squeaks]
[door clacks]
[mumbles]
[door squeaks]
[crickets chirping]
(Elizabeth) It says a motorist spotted
two adult Bigfoot up the coast yesterday.
Masters of camouflage spotted by a pair of motorists?
Highly unlikely.
Probably a couple of kids
playing around in Bigfoot costumes.
Or maybe conceptual artists.
[mumbling]
[sighs]
No wonder they like Ed.
Who'd want a geek like me for a friend?
[instrumental music]
I used you to make friends.
I was too stupid to understand that you are my friend.
I'm sorry, Ed.
[machines clanking]
Look at this!
By Godfrey!
Look at the expression in the eyes!
Circumspect.
That is a circumspect expression!
Bumstock ducklings are supposed to be...
(all) Insouciant.
Insouciant?
Every season, we have new models of ducklings,
and every season their expressions are insouciant?
(Bumstock) Right.
The squirrels are wistful.
The gnomes...
are puckish.
And the ducklings are...
-Insouciant. -Right.
Now when I see shoddy work like this,
I'm not surprised that Christmas sales were down this season.
And I'm warning all of you right now...
if the spring line doesn't make back the money
we lost at Christmas,
heads will roll!
Now turn down the heat.
The bills are killing me.
[buzzer buzzing]
[instrumental music]
-Where is it? -Here's a clam.
That's not a clam. That's a rock.
(Dexter) So, why'd you quit?
[Ed mumbling]
(Picasso) It would've been selfish to stay on the team
and keep Ed off.
He was born to play basketball.
No, he's wasn't.
He was born to live like a Bigfoot with other Bigfoots.
It's not fair to keep him on the team.
It's not fair for the other schools,
and it's not fair for Ed.
(Picasso) Wh-what do you mean it's not fair to Ed?
The only thing anybody cares about is winning
stupid basketball games.
Nobody cares about Ed.
But Ed likes basketball.
He also likes rowing my dinghy,
but I'm not hiring him to do that.
[gibbering]
(Dexter) He's like a big baby, Picasso.
Everything's fun to him.
He don't know any better.
When you quit the team,
you should've have took Ed with you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I do too.
(Dexter) Guys like Roland, they think I'm stupid.
They laugh at me.
I guess it makes them feel special.
And I don't-I don't like it.
And I don't want to see it happen to Ed.
[mumbling]
[Ed mumbles]
[instrumental music]
♪ Yeah I don't know why I came in tonight ♪
♪ I got the feeling that something ain't right ♪
♪ I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair ♪
♪ And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me
♪ Jokers to the right here I am ♪
♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪
♪ Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
♪ And I'm wondering what it is I should do ♪
♪ It's so hard to keep this smile from my face ♪
♪ 'Cause you told me I'm all over the place ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right ♪
♪ Here I am stuck in the middle with you ♪
♪ Well you started out with nothing ♪
♪ And you're proud that you're a self made man ♪
[chuckles]
♪ And your friends they all come crawlin' ♪
♪ Slap you on the back and say ♪
♪ Please
♪ Please
♪ Trying to make some sense of it all... ♪
[grunting]
(male announcer) It's Port Alfred, eight.
Um, uh, Tibbetts, 52.
♪ 'Cause I don't
♪ I don't think that I can take anymore ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me jokers to the... ♪♪
That Tibbetts knows how to play the game of basketball
he could've started for Old Doc Thompson.
[laughs]
[music continues]
[Ed mumbling]
Ah!
[laughs]
[sighing]
[mumbling]
[Ed mumbling]
Free hamburgers for your three?
Please.
I'm not on the team anymore.
Close enough.
I got to use this meat up anyway.
Business has been slow.
-Food's great. -Yeah.
-It'll pick up. -It's funny.
You'd think having a winning basketball team
would make everybody want to gather here together
at the cafe and celebrate.
But I'm tellin' you, if those Lawn Ornaments
continue to slaughter those other teams
I might go out of business.
[Ed mumbles]
Bundle up.
It's warm.
Isn't that strange?
Yeah. The weather changes fast around here.
(Picasso) The high pressure front colliding with the jet stream.
Stay with us for a recap of the day's headlines.
[Ed mumbling]
[sighing]
(Mrs. Dingley on PA) Congratulations to the mighty Lawn Ornaments
on their sinking
of the Port Alfred Schooners last night.
Ninety-seven to 15.
Be sure to attend the next exciting game next Friday
at the Bumstock Sportsplex,
when we'll rip the fur
off the Chester Greenwood
Middle School Earmuffs!
[frogs croaking at distance]
[mumbling]
[instrumental music]
[gasping]
[crashing]
-Oh! -Ah!
[squeaking]
Ed, would you like me to make you a peanut butter sandwich?
What's wrong, Ed?
[mumbles]
Ed? Ed, come on.
[mumbling]
[door clacks]
(Victor) Picasso...
I think maybe Ed needs to spend a little time alone.
He's got to be very, uh, mixed up right now.
living like a human boy, goin' to school...
playing basketball.
Maybe he misses his parents.
Ed? Ed?
[birds squawking]
[instrumental music]
Ed?
Ed? Where are you?
[Ed whimpering]
Ed!
Are you okay?
Come on.
Come on, you're gonna be okay.
Come on. Come on, get up.
Ed, we were so worried.
Ed, you poor thing.
[groaning]
[music continues]
(Picasso) I don't know what to do about Ed.
He's not happy here anymore.
He seems so lonely.
Maybe he does miss his parents.
But I don't want him to go.
I don't know what to do.
-Let's go! -Come on!
[horn honking]
(male announcer) And it's a steal for the Bulldogs.
[crowd cheering]
Deuce for the dogs.
[horn honking]
[sighs]
Don't give up.
[crowd cheering]
-Yeah! -Come on, boys.
[cheering]
Oh!
Give 'em the ball!
Throw it away.
-What're you doing? -Pass, Roland, I'm open.
-Oh! -Oh!
Where's Ed?
Do I have to do everything myself?
Roland, I...
just...
Bench it! Now!
Spiky, get in there.
[trumpeting]
Donovan!
You couldn't coach girls' field hockey!
Are you gonna let everybody play?
You take out Lemay, you put in Spikey!
Spikey is three feet tall!
He has to reach up to dribble the ball!
Do something!
[indistinct shouting]
(male #5) Throw 'em up and send 'em out!
-Yeah. -Too bad!
(male #6) Bring it over here, Jerry!
[instrumental music]
Bumstock has the ball on top of the key,
fakes the shot, goes around an incredible 360, goes up,
up, up, and he score...
[knocking on door]
Mr. Bumstock?
The big day has finally arrived.
[squeaking]
The day when I unveil to you
my new design for the spring line.
I felt that, uh,
if we could move in some new directions,
we might be able to inject a note of freshness.
-Cut the gab and pull the cloth. -Yes, sir.
[dramatic music]
[screams]
Oh, you don't know how I crave
such a strong response to my art.
Dewlap, what are you trying to do?
Ruin me?
Do you think that homeowners are gonna wanna put
statues of...
fish guts on their lawns?
Fish guts.
No, Sir. It's...
It's not fish guts. It's...
It's not supposed to look like, like fish guts.
-Well, it does. -No, Sir. It...
It represents the miracle of spring time.
And I'm sure that when people see it, they're going--
They're gonna laugh at me. That's what they're gonna do!
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
You...would like that, wouldn't you?
-Well, no, Sir. -Oh, yes, you would.
Well, you're not gonna get a chance
to make a monkey out of me.
You're fired!
[sighs] Thank you.
[wheels squeaking]
Thank you.
[instrumental music]
I haven't been fired. I've been freed.
I've been liberated!
I look upon this as a great opportunity.
From this moment on, Victor Dewlap creates alone
in his own studio.
I don't need Ludlow Bumstock to tell me what to do.
Of course not.
He doesn't understand art.
-And he doesn't understand you. -Exactly.
I guess the Dewlaps just don't fit in here any better
than Ed does, we're just different.
But of course we're different. That's why we fit in.
What do you mean?
Son...
all of us, every one of us,
has to find our own
unique place in the world.
Our own special way to live our lives.
If we try too hard to fit in by being
exactly like somebody else,
it's never gonna work,
because somebody else has already taken up that spot.
I get it.
If we were all the same, nobody would fit in.
Exactly.
It's like basketball.
If all the players know the job they're supposed to do
and do their job, the team plays beautifully.
But if they forget their assignments
and start trying to do things
that other people are supposed to do,
well then, the team just loses the game.
My husband is a basketball genius.
And that's why they call me Mr. Touchdown.
-That's football. -Right.
[knock on door]
Come in.
-Hi. -Oh, Mr. Donovan!
-Mr. Dewlap. Fine, thank you. -Welcome, welcome. Come in.
-Have a seat. Uh... -What are you doing here?
I'm-I'm fine. Thank you. Uh...
So, i-is-is Ed gonna go to school tomorrow?
(Elizabeth) He can't. He has a really bad cold.
Well, y-you know, if he doesn't go to school tomorrow,
he-he can't play tomorrow night.
He needs his rest.
Um...after the game,
he-he-he could go to the Valentine's day dance.
Yeah, th-they're gonna, they're fixing up the, uh,
the-the, the ca... The ca... The gym.
Um, with-with paper cupids a-a-and one of those,
um, uh...
Mm, they're good.
And, one of those, uh, mirrored balls
going around the ceiling and...
See, the thing is, if we don't win tomorrow night,
we don't go to the tournament
and, and, and, and if I can get away
with leavin' Ed on the bench all night,
I'm gonna do that, I will.
It's just that, uh...
Mm-hm. Okay.
[sighs] Oh, boy! Um...
If...
If we lose, um...
I'm gonna get fired.
[instrumental music]
This is really good.
(male announcer) And Cedar Island's got now in the back court...
Steals! And a clam bucket!
[audience cheering]
Next time, pass the ball to me, cement head.
Hey! I do what Mr. Donovan says, not what you say.
Call me a name again, and you'll be sorry, Roland.
[crying]
No! No, no, no, no!
Guys, that wasn't the buzzer.
Just get back in there. Go!
Where's Ed?
We want Ed! We want Ed!
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
So, Ed, how you feelin'?
'Cause, you know, you look really good.
[crying]
They are just killin' us.
[chuckles]
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
So do you think you can give me a couple of minutes?
Please.
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
[cheering]
[whistle blows]
[soft growling]
(male announcer) And two points for the thing.
[indistinct shouting]
You did the right thing.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ I feel this magic
♪ Oh you caught me off guard ♪
♪ Your eyes are like diamonds
♪ They are shining little too hard ♪
♪ Then I get the fever
♪ Nothing can hold me down
[indistinct chatter]
♪ I won't be leaving
[sighing]
[yowling]
[all cheering]
♪ Spin around turn around
♪ Just tell me you wanna dance with me ♪
♪ Jump around twist around
♪ Kick off your shoes and twirl around ♪
♪ Spin around turn around
♪ Just tell me you wanna dance with me ♪
[grunting]
He's a wicked good dancer.
My grandma would say he has a lovely sense of rhythm.
♪ Twist around
♪ Kick off your shoes and twirl around ♪
♪ Spin around turn around
♪ Just tell me you're gonna dance with me ♪
♪ Just tell me you're gonna dance with me ♪♪
-Whoo! -Go, Ed.
Go, Ed!
[indistinct chatter]
[indistinct chatter]
I wanna thank you fellas for comin' in early.
-Oh, no problem. -No problem, Coach.
Men, um...
We face a big challenge tonight.
-Yeah. -Huh?
(Donovan) Rockweed Harbor is a really good team.
But you know what?
I think we're a better team.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
But in order to win...
each man...
has got to do his job.
And there's one more thing.
As far as Ed is concerned...
I took advantage of him because, uh...
because I was afraid of losin' my job.
And I'm not very proud of that.
So you know what?
Ed has played his last game as a Lawn Ornament.
-No! -What? No!
Guys, we don't need him to win.
We're good enough. We really are.
And, Picasso...
if you will forgive us...
No, if you forgive me...
we would all really like to have you back on the team.
I don't think so. Thanks.
And now we would like to present you with a token of gratitude
for all the happiness that you have brought to our island.
[instrumental music]
[audience applauding]
[indistinct screaming]
Wow! Uh...
This is, this is really beautiful. Thank you.
Nobody has ever given us anything like this.
I-I don't know how I can thank you all.
(Bumstock) You can win.
Win tomorrow night or you're fired.
What? Wait-wait a minute.
You-you told me that if we got into this tournament,
I could keep my job. Now we're here.
You can't go back on your word now.
You can't tell me what I can or I cannot do. I built this place.
And I don't take orders from some goon
who's too stupid to use the tallest player on the team.
Well, "Use" is the right word for it.
We've been-we've been using an animal unfairly against kids...
just to satisfy some selfish old bully
who thinks he's king in the world.
Well, no more, Bumstock.
We're-we're not going to play with Ed anymore.
And if we lose...
well...
it's better than cheating to win.
-Yeah. -You said it, Coach.
-He's right. -That's right. Let's cheer...
I'll remember this.
[all applauding]
Thanks.
(Roland) Hey, Choker!
You trying to make us lose?
No, I'm not.
You are, too, and that's why you told Donovan
that Ed can't play!
I didn't tell him that.
You're just so jealous of me 'cause you choke so bad
and the only way you can get back at me is to make us lose.
Cut it out, Roland.
You want us all to be losers, just like your stupid loser
can't-hold-a-job father!
Don't say that about my father.
He's a weirdo. You're a weirdo.
And you both ought to go back to whatever planet
you came from, because you don't belong here on the island.
-And you never will. -Shut up!
Island boys are winners.
I'm not a loser, Roland, and my father's not a loser.
You're the loser!
If you'd stop hogging the ball and you started doin'
what Mr. Donovan said, you guys could win!
Ow! My hand! Oh!
I let you make me feel like a piece of dirt,
but no more, Roland.
I live here, and whether you like it or not,
that makes me and island boy!
You get it, Roland?
I'm an island boy!
[instrumental music]
Welcome back.
[wind chimes chiming]
Picasso, your mother's tea is a great consolation.
It drives away care and soothes the soul.
I feel a haiku coming on.
Your beautiful green tea...
A frog plops into a spring puddle...
Cheers.
[telephone ringing]
[telephone ringing]
Ooshi Mooshi.
It's for you. It's a man with a cold.
-Hmm. -Hello?
(Roland over phone) Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you.
If you play, Dewlap, I'll murderlize you.
Does your mother know you make prank calls, Roland?
(Roland over phone) Huh? Don't tell. This is.. This isn't Roland Lemay.
This is somebody else.
-And I'm big and I'm a... -Loser.
(Picasso over phone) You're a real big loser, Roland, and everyone knows it.
Come on, Ed, we've got to go get ready for the game.
[sniffing]
(Picasso) "Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you."
What a loser. As if I'd miss the championship finals.
Come on.
Yeah!
Try one. Try one.
[growling]
[screaming]
[growling]
[screaming]
No, no!
[screaming]
[Picasso screaming]
[screaming]
Help! Put me down!
Put me down!
[screaming]
Come on.
Put me down. Put me down.
Please?
[Picasso panting]
[gibbering]
[gibbering continues]
[grunting]
Now I get it.
Those sasquatches are Ed's parents.
They want their boy back.
He missed them, too...
and I know just how he feels.
[gibbering]
Hey-hey, Ed, tell your parents I like them, too,
but I've got-I've got to get to the game.
Oh, no! No, wait!
Ed! Tell your dad to put me down! Ed!
What are you doing?
[Picasso grunting]
No! Ed!
Ed, you can't take me back to the mountains with you!
No! Let me go!
[screaming]
[Picasso coughing]
[sasquatches gibbering]
[Picasso panting]
Please, Ed? Don't take me with you.
I'll die in the woods. Please.
Just let me stay and play in the game.
Please.
Please, please, please.
[instrumental music]
-Hey, pass me my towel. -Has anybody seen my shorts?
-Picasso? -What's going on?
What happened to Picasso? Are you okay?
-What happened, buddy? -Are you alright?
It's okay. I'll be alright.
[growling]
Mr. Donovan, Lawn Ornaments.
Meet Mr. and Mrs. Tibbetts.
[gibbering]
Okay! Just hold still.
[wind howling]
-Team Team! Team! Play! -Team! Team! Team! Play!
(All) Yes!
Come on, guys. Go out there and win! Come on!
(female #4) Go, team!
[all cheering]
(male announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the championship final
of the Tidewater League Middle School Basketball Tournament.
The Baxter Bay Bulldogs versus
your Cedar Island Lawn Ornaments.
[all cheering]
[indistinct yelling]
[indistinct yelling]
Locker room.
[indistinct yelling]
-Picasso, you feelin' okay? -Yeah.
[man whistling at a distance]
[horn blaring]
(male announcer) Lawn Ornaments control the tap.
Come on, come on. Make them play. Not bad!
(male announcer) Myers to Madison.
Back to Myers. He puts it up.
And it's Baxter Bay with a rebound.
[all cheering]
Baxter Bay into the forecourt.
Inside. Back out.
[audience cheering]
[horn blaring]
Lawn Ornaments, an early foul trouble now.
Okay, buddy, get in there.
[horn blaring]
-Give me a "D!" -"D!"
-Give me an "Exter." -Exter!
What have you got?
Dexter!
(All) Dexter! Dexter! Dexter!
(male announcer) Madison beats the press.
Up the court.
He finds Myers. He scores!
[all cheering]
[instrumental music]
[cheering]
Oh! Hey, hey!
[grunts]
[crowd cheering]
Go, go!
[man whistling]
Hey, what was that about?
(male announcer) That's a technical foul.
Are you okay?
[laughing]
You're gonna have a heck of a shiner there.
-Really? -Yeah.
You want to go sit down for a while?
-No, no, I'm okay. -Yeah?
Okay.
[all cheering]
(male announcer) O'Malley throwing his weight around.
Oh, boy.
[buzzer buzzing]
(male announcer) That's the end of the first half.
[all clamoring]
Okay, guys, we're down to eight players.
So we have to gotta stay out of foul trouble, alright?
-Everyone? Team! -Team!
-Come on, let's go. -Yeah, let's go, let's go...
[all cheering]
(male announcer) More foul trouble for the Lawn Ornaments.
Right! Yes!
[horn blaring]
[blows whistle]
(male announcer) That's all for O'Malley.
And we've reached the end of regulation
with a score tied at 26.
We're going into overtime.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me, Your Worship.
But, uh, my wife and I were wondering if the boys
who fouled out might not be allowed
to rejoin the game for the overtime.
No. No, way. Sorry.
You seem to be very rigid on this issue, sir.
Well, those are the rules. That's the game.
Yes, but-but isn't it counter-productive
to-to banish the players?
I mean, shouldn't we better serve them
by trying to get at the root of the problem.
Why are they committing these fouls?
Perhaps, it's a desperate plea for attention?
Isn't there a chance they'll feel disenfranchised
sitting on the bench while their peers are playing,
and as a consequent act, they'll act out all the more?
I don't know. All I know is I've got a game to call.
But they need the chance to forgive themselves.
(male announcer) Oh, the Lawn Ornaments are running out of players.
You think you can help us out, Picasso?
[horn blaring]
Go for it.
[both grunting]
(male announcer) And Dewlap is coming in now for the Lawn Ornaments.
[dramatic music]
[Picasso groans]
Foul.
On the line.
Everyone set?
Two shots.
(male announcer) It's Baxter Bay 29, Lawn Ornaments 28,
with two seconds left in overtime.
Dewlap at the line for two shots.
-Oh! -Oh!
One shot.
Time out.
[blows whistle]
Time out, red.
Okay, guys, I want you to remember the way
you showed Ed how to play, alright?
Let's keep the fundamentals, do your jobs and have fun.
Basketball's a game!
[all grunting]
[all cheering]
[horn blaring]
[cheering continues]
[indistinct yelling]
Okay, now, you're all set? One shot.
[dramatic music]
[all cheering]
Choke! Choke!
He's not gonna choke!
He's an island boy!
He's an island boy!
(male #7) That's right! He's an island boy!
(male #8) He's an island boy!
(female #5) He's an island boy, alright!
[all cheering]
[instrumental music]
[grunts]
[grunting]
[all cheering]
-Yeah! I did it! -That's the way!
[all cheering]
Yes! Yeah! I did it!
-Whoo! -Yeah! Ah!
I did it! I did it!
-Oh, oh, my boy! -I did it!
-Yeah! -Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah! -Whoo!
[instrumental music]
(male #9) That a boy, Picasso!
[indistinct chatter]
[all gibbering]
[screaming]
We did it. Yeah, we did it!
[indistinct yelling]
What do you want, Dewlap? I mean, Picasso.
I just want to invite you into the party.
Do you want an old duffer like me in there?
I didn't even go to the gig.
All the more reason to go in now and talk about it.
Come on.
♪ Oh-wey-oh
♪ Oh-oh-wey-oh
♪ Oh-wey-oh ♪
Quiet.
-Quiet, please. -Shh!
(male #10) He's gonna say something.
Thank you.
Uh, I have an announcement to make.
Ludlow Bumstock is a nincompoop.
I want to apologize to Mr. Donovan
and to all of the Lawn Ornaments
for puttin' so much pressure on them to win.
And I, I just hope you'll all forgive me.
If you want to know why I've been such an old fool
all these years...
Because the greatest thing that ever happened to me was...
playing on that championship team
when I went to Cedar Island.
And I've been sinkin' my money into the basketball team
all these years
to try and get back that feeling
that I had when I was a part of the team.
But I never could...
Till just a few minutes ago and...
Young Dewlap here invited me in.
And...
Now I've got that feeling back, and...
not about winning ball games...
it's about fitting in with people and...
and belonging.
And I haven't felt this good in 50 years, and I owe it all to
young Picasso Dewlap here.
I feel good, too.
Wicked good!
Well, is this a party or what?
[song playing]
[song continues]
[song continues]
(Picasso) P.S. What a season!
Mr. Bumstock made Victor his partner
in the Lawn Ornament company,
and has pledged some of the money they make
from the statues of Ed to pay for a nice insulated cabin
for the Tibbetts' in the mountains.
I learned a lot about basketball,
but a whole lot more about being a friend.
Thanks, Ed.
I guess human beings can learn by imitation, too.
It'll be fun for me to visit Ed up there,
but I'll like it even more when he comes to see me
here on Cedar Island,
the place where I fit in.
[instrumental music]
[song playing]
[song continues]
[song continues]
[song continues]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
(Picasso) Dear Diary, I thought moving to an island
was gonna be fun.
Boy, was I wrong.
We've been living here for two months now
and I still haven't made any friends on Cedar Island.
[clock ticking]
[instrumental music]
(Picasso) My journal entries have been as predictable
as the ceramic lawn ornaments rolling off
the assembly line at the Bumstock Factory
where my dad works now as a designer.
One after another
the same ducks, elves and bunnies
that people have been sticking out on their lawns forever.
[music continues]
(Picasso) I thought playing on our school's basketball team
would help me fit in, but it didn't.
I still didn't make any friends
not like I had back in Chicago.
But now, finally, I have something different
to write about, because tonight
my life on the island changed.
It got worse.
It happened just tonight at the brand new
Bumstock SportsPlex
named after Ludlow Bumstock
the Lawn Ornament tycoon.
He built the place 'cause he's nutty about
our middle school basketball team.
And since most of the islanders work for him,
I guess they want to keep the boss happy
Basketball is serious business on Cedar Island.
Oh, come on, Greg. Help me out a little bit.
(Picasso) Which puts a lot of pressure on our new coach Mr. Donavan.
Aw, you saw that foul.
(Picasso) I was hoping I could stay on the bench
when the game was on the line
because I didn't wanna lose it for us.
I'd rather be ignored than despised.
[gibbering]
(male announcer) O'Malley shoots, a-at the wrong basket.
Uh, let's call it a pass.
Madison bringing the ball up with time running out.
[crowd cheering]
[instrumental music]
Alright, guys. Come on, Dexter, make the pass.
What? Roland, what are you doing?
[whistle blows]
-Foul. -Come on!
Oh, Roland. On the bench.
(male announcer) Oh, boy, now that's five on Lemay.
I could've scored.
(Donovan) Picasso, get in there.
Don't do anything stupid, Dewlap.
(male announcer) Dewlap now in for Lemay.
(Picasso) It's a good thing my parents love me
no matter what.
-Oh... -It's a steal...
Over here! Come on. Come on, guys. Yeah!
Oh, come on.
[gasps]
(male announcer) Oh, wow, Dewlap is trapped.
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
-Come on! -Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
(in unison) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
[buzzer rings]
[whistle blows]
[groans]
Come on, Picasso, you can do it.
(male announcer) And it's Dewlap on the line for two
at the end of regulation.
Right here, Son.
Two shots, both dead.
(Picasso) Down by one point
no time left.
Make both shots
and I'd be a popular guy.
Okay, just relax, Picasso. Take your time.
(Picasso) Okay, one more chance.
Stay calm.
Make this one and we go into overtime.
Just don't blow it.
[whimpering]
Oh!
(male announcer) And the final score is Baxter Bay, 31,
Lawn Ornaments, 30.
(male #1) Fire the coach, Bumstock!
It's okay, Picasso. Go-good try.
Oh! You choked!
You're a choker!
An island boy wouldn't have choked.
[instrumental music]
I didn't mean to.
[beeping]
[screaming]
(Donovan) Turn it down!
[screaming]
O-o-oh!
Hang on, Picasso, I'm coming.
[wind blowing]
[exhaling]
I think we need to adjust that a little bit.
Okay, guys, just gather around
I wanna talk a little bit about tonight's game.
We had an opportunity to pull this one out
you know we, we could have, we could have won,
but...picking up a little bit short
that happens sometimes.
Don't worry about it. We'll get 'em next time. Okay?
(male #2) Yeah, if we get rid of Picasso.
[instrumental music]
[groans]
[laughter]
Ah-ha! There he is!
Cedar Island's answer to Willie Mays.
Willie Mays is a baseball player, Dad.
And I bet he couldn't play basketball
as well as you.
You were wonderful.
And you looked quite dashing in your basketball costume,
didn't he, Victor?
Oh, very handsome.
I think we should go to Rodney's and celebrate
your first ever basketball game.
First game, first loss.
And the blame for that rests squarely
on the shoulders of the other team.
They simply scored too many points.
[laughter]
-No, Dad... -Come on.
[Victor and Elizabeth laughing]
(Victor) Oh, yes! The ice!
Oh, come on!
[instrumental music]
-Come on! -Come on, Picasso!
Come on, I'll race you to Rodney's. Whoo!
[Elizabeth laughing]
[growling]
[growling]
♪ I am a hungry father
♪ It's burger time
♪ It's burger time
♪ Hurrah ♪
-Oh, Dad! -Cool.
[Victor humming]
[indistinct chatter]
-There's Mr. Bumstock. -Oh!
Good evening, Mr. Bumstock.
Yeah? What's good about it?
The moon. It's lovely.
Yes, the moonlight and the briny smell
of the sea. It's marvelous.
Come on.
[indistinct chatter]
[bell dings]
Here you go, Bub.
Every Lawn Ornament gets a free hamburger
after every game.
-Even when we lose? -Especially when you lose.
Thank you.
Hey, B57.
Let me tell you people something...
Cedar Island is famous for two things
lawn ornaments and basketball.
Bumstock Lawn Ornaments is still the world's finest.
But by Godfrey, our glorious tradition
of basketball excellence is on the way out.
And who do we have to thank for that?
-Donovan, that's who. -Yeah.
That big overgrown goon of a coach
comes in here from away
and thinks he can run things his way.
He thinks he can let every boy
on the team play in every game
and still have a winning season.
Well, let me tell you it can't be done.
Do you realize this could be the first season
Cedar Island fails to make the Tidewater League tournament?
[indistinct chatter]
-Now, you think about that. -You gotta do something.
I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
[laughing]
Yeah! I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
Right out in the cove.
Maybe it was a man rowing a dinghy.
Sometimes our eyes can play tricks on us, dear
and at night, well...
No. There was no man. I saw a bear.
-But how could a bear row-- -I-I don't know.
(Rodney) He was. In a boat.
He was hunched over the oars just like
like a dog poopin' a peach pit.
[all laughing]
[sighing] What are we doing here?
I wish we can move back to Chicago
back where my friends are.
This is where your father's work is, honey.
He was lucky to get this job, you know?
There aren't that many opportunities
for ceramic lawn ornament designers.
Even brilliant ones like my Victor.
I know, but it's just I'd like to make some friends
and have some fun.
You will.
And you're gonna make a lot of friends.
I mean, after all, who wouldn't wanna be your friend?
[ship horn blaring]
[laughing]
Better not choke tonight, Dewlap.
Back off, moron.
What?
[clock ticking]
[ship horn blaring]
[instrumental music]
Whoa!
[horn honking]
[engine revving]
(Donovan) Hey, Roland, grab a seat.
Hey, Picasso, if you lose the game for us tonight,
this is your head.
[crunching]
[cheering]
[instrumental music]
[coughing]
Picasso Dewlap, he's the one!
He's our one and only son!
[cheering]
(male announcer) And The Fightin' Clams work the ball around.
Cedar island steals it!
Up the court on the break.
Pass to Lemay!
Basket! Lemay!
-Yeah! -Bravo!
Bravissimo!
That's great, Picasso!
Okay, come on, guys. Gather around. Come here for a minute.
Now, we'll play another good half,
but we're gonna play it as a team.
-Right? -Right.
-We're gonna run a play for O. -Okay, beautiful.
Okay, when I get in the O zone, I'm unstoppable.
No, no, no. None of this O-zone business.
You cannot be afraid to get under the basket.
You're gonna go back door for a layup, alright?
Well, I've got physical contact issues.
Okay, uh, just do your best and...
(all) Team!
Hey, I hear Dexter's gonna learn how to waterski next summer.
If he can get his bear to row fast enough.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, clams in batter, clams in crumbs.
Go Cedar Islands, fry these bums!
Pass! Pass the ball!
Pass! Pass!
[whistle blows]
(male announcer) And Lemay is called for charging.
When is somebody gonna set a screen for me?
Get on the bench.
Picasso, check in.
Get in there.
Don't forget what I said.
Uh, I'm not feeling so good.
-What's the matter? -I think I have the flu.
The-the Canadian flu.
I-I think I better stay on the bench.
-Put me back in. -Just sit down.
Greg, get in there.
[audience cheering]
(all) Four, three, two, one.
[buzzer buzzing]
(male announcer) And the final score is the mighty, mighty
Fightin' Clams 44, Cedar Island 35.
How do they expect to win with me sitting on the bench?
-Where's Donovan? -What can I do for you?
Oh, you can learn how to coach.
What do you mean by let every man on the team in the game?
That's no way to win.
What? Wait a minute. Don't tell me how to coach.
You-you pay for the fancy gym and the fancy locker room,
you buy the kids uniforms every year,
but, you know, this is my team still.
(Bumstock) Well, then you better start winning
because the Lawn Ornaments won under Old Doc Thompson
and now under you we're losing. Isn't that great?
Okay, well, thanks for dropping by.
I'll take everything you said into consideration.
Let me tell you something, Mister man,
if the Lawn Ornaments don't get into the tournament
you are through, Donovan, you hear me?
You are through.
Merry Christmas.
Get dressed.
[instrumental music]
(Elizabeth) Everybody up, Merry Christmas!
(Victor) It's Christmas!
Don't fight, little doggies. It's Christmas!
I have something for the most beautiful woman.
Are you the most beautiful woman? Have you been good?
I hope you've been good because this is for you.
And it's the best present ever made and you may have it...
Picasso! Can't have Christmas without the boy!
-There he is! -There he is!
-Merry Christmas! -There he is!
Merry Christmas!
Now...me first.
Okay, okay. Here. I got this for you.
Just open it, come on, just...
It's not shaking.
Art supplies.
[gasping]
Oh, spoons!
These are going to sound
so beautiful on the porch.
And now for the Christmas boy!
Ah! Whoa! Yeah, that's cool!
I painted it to look like one of your eyeballs.
For identification purposes and that way
anyone who sees it they'll know immediately
that it's your football.
-Basketball. -Basketball. Your basketball.
And now,
for this year's
Christmas creation.
Yeah!
I don't know where I'm going...
[indistinct chatter]
(Victor) Surprise!
[laughing]
Whoa-whoo-oa!
(Picasso) Where are you guys taking me?
(Elizabeth) Alright, now, no peeking.
Keep your blindfold on.
Okay, get ready for this year's
Christmas creation.
(Elizabeth) Alright!
Coconut, pi-pineapple,
some kind of flower I can't identify...
Mele Kalikimaka!
It's Christmas in Hawaii!
The volcano is Santa Claus
spreading happiness everywhere.
Oh! Merry Christmas!
-Mele Kalikimaka! -Whoo-hoo!
Aloha! Merry Christmas!
Kahuna!
(Elizabeth) Kahuna!
And now, for the piece de la resistance...
-It's a map of North America! -Wow!
(Elizabeth) Now you can study geography while you play.
A sound mind in a sound body.
Okay!
Oh, you've hit the Continental Divide!
Five points!
Thank you, guys.
-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas.
Okay.
[instrumental music]
[soft growl]
[knocking on door]
-Hey, Picasso! -Hey, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, buddy, come on in.
Look what I got!
Wow, that's very interesting.
H-hey, look-look what I got!
Yeah. Hey, how about a turkey sandwich and a piece of pie?
-Apple pie. -Sure.
-Merry Christmas, Picasso. -Merry Christmas, Mrs. Donovan.
[loud thudding]
What was that?
Santa's back.
I think it's a burglar.
Stealing jingles.
Yeah, maybe.
[loud thudding]
[intense music]
[growling]
[screaming]
[thud]
[music continues]
[growling]
[gasping]
[whimpering]
It's a-it's a, it's a...
It's a bigfoot!
[soft growling]
(Picasso) It wasn't a bear!
It was a sasquatch. A-a bigfoot!
Dexter saw a bigfoot rowing a dinghy!
I think he likes me.
(Picasso) And I know why.
No offence, Mr. Donavan.
You two look like brothers.
I bet you he's been hiding in the woods spying on you.
Because he thinks you're Bigfoot.
Well, he is certainly big and hairy.
(Donovan) Don't move, honey!
[sneezing]
[imitating sneeze]
[all laughing]
Evidently, I'm allergic to dogs, ragweed
and, uh, Bigfoots!
[whimpering]
(Picasso) Hey!
Did anyone see that show about Bigfoots?
The one with the hidden cameras way up in the mountains?
I bet he's been on one of those walkabouts.
You know, the-the Bigfoot kids have to do.
You know, to think about life and grow up a little.
So, the further he got from the mountains
and the nearer he got to the coast, the warmer he got.
So he just kept on wandering.
So you're saying he got lost trying to find himself?
It could happen.
[sneezing]
I just wanted it out of here.
Please.
[sneezing]
Geez, he's shaking.
[shivering]
[instrumental music]
Hello?
Elizabeth, is it alright
if a friend spends the night
at our house tonight?
You've made a friend.
Victor, sweetie?
Picasso's made a little friend.
[instrumental music]
Achoo!
[gasping]
-Wait! -I'm coming.
I can't wait to meet your little friend.
Hello.
Achoo.
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
[laughing]
(Picasso) Come on.
Come on, it's okay.
Come on, come on.
Yeah.
[chuckles]
Oh, yeah.
They'll-they'll like you when they come to.
I think you'll remind them of some of their friends
in Chicago.
Uh, oh, this is Victor's studio.
Oh, this is my parents' Christmas creation.
Watch this.
[laughing]
(Picasso) Ooh! Yeah!
[instrumental music]
(Picasso) Sleep tight, big guy.
[yawning]
Ladies and gentlemen, it's a very tense moment right now.
With only five seconds left on the clock
Picasso Dewlap shoots and it's in!
The crowd goes wild!
He's going to take a hook shot. What shall he do?
And he makes it, making basketball history!
Shoot it, shoot it!
Come on. Put it up, put it up!
Okay, come on!
Whoa!
[instrumental music]
Close the doors.
I'll be right back. Right back!
(Picasso) The exact same shots I took in the exact same order.
That documentary said they learn by imitation.
Yeah, but a Bigfoot playing middle school basketball?
From what I know about Bigfoots
I'd say he's about 12.
That's the right age.
Yeah, well, it's the right age, maybe, but, it's
the wrong species, Picasso.
He could be the greatest player in the history
of Cedar Island middle school. What am I talking about?
He could be the greatest player in the history
of the whole league.
Yes, he could be.
But-but, uh, no-no.
It-it-it wouldn't be fair, Picasso.
-Please. -Oh, Picasso, look.
The-the-the league is for kids, it's, it's not...
No, it's not for animals.
But if I recruit a player this good
and when we start winning games, maybe the other kids will...
Will what?
[sighing]
-Like me. -Yeah, right.
Look, Picasso, we do not need
a Bigfoot on this team to win games.
And when the other kids get to know you
they're gonna like you for who you are.
I'm a choker from away.
No, you're not.
You're a great kid, Picasso.
A really great kid.
From Cedar Island.
[instrumental music]
[laughing]
[seagulls squawking]
(Bumstock) Alright, I want these lawn ornaments loaded
and shipped by lunch time.
Now, so let's go, come on. Let's move it.
I haven't got all day. Hey, be care... Don't put...
Put that down. Careful. Alright.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, hurry up, fellas.
Come on, come on.
Donovan, look out! What are you doing here?
Oh, happy holidays, Mr. Bumstock.
That's quite the operation you have going here.
Yes, it is. I built this with my bare hands.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Uh, just don't forget what I said about the tournament.
We don't get in you're fired.
You get fired from your first coaching job,
you won't get a chance anywhere else.
Happy new year, Mr. Bumstock.
[instrumental music]
[seagulls squawking]
[horn honking]
(Picasso) Okay, okay, here I come.
Okay.
Mrs. Dingley's gonna meet us at the office.
How much does she know?
All she knows is that she's gonna be enrolling
a new basketball player and that she'll do anything
to help the Lawn Ornaments make the tournament--
-Hey, come on. Stop. -Even if it means...
Even if it means coming in two days after Christmas.
Okay, come on, buddy. Get down, get down.
We better hurry if we're going to make this.
Okay, sit down. Sit down. Come on.
[engine revving]
Pupil's name?
Ed Tibbetts.
[instrumental music]
Grade?
Sixth.
Uh, sixth grade.
Address?
4525 Breakwater Road.
[keys clacking]
There you go, Mr. Donovan.
Welcome to Cedar Island Middle School...
home of the lawn ornaments...
Alright.
[Mrs. Dingley screams]
-Let's go. -Okay.
Okay, um, we have a new player
joining our team today.
Uh, his name is Ed Tibbetts,
he's-he's living with the-the Dewlap family,
and I want you to make him feel at home, okay?
Ed?
[growling]
[screaming]
Whoa! Whoa, guys!
It's fine. Just...
No, no, no, guys.
Guys, no. He-he's not gonna hurt you.
Come on. That's it.
Come on down.
Alright. N-now, Ed learns by imitating what he sees.
I-It's sort of a "Sasquatch see, Sasquatch do," okay?
So I want you to show him how to play basketball right.
Okay? Fundamentals.
Okay, everybody, let's start working on our passing drills.
[groaning]
[whispering] That was very good, Ed.
Why don't you work on some dribbling?
Okay, guys, passing drills.
[Donovan exhales]
This is called passing the ball, okay?
Okay, passing the ball. Okay.
Something you'll never see Roland doing.
-Hey, Picasso. Come here. -Yeah, Coach?
How's Ed doing?
(Picasso) Uh, he's calmed down.
(Donovan) Do you think he can handle sitting
on the bench for a while?
(Picasso) Yeah, I think so.
[mumbling]
[laughing]
(Donovan) Roland!
When are you gonna start being a part of this team?
You need to work on your passing.
Why don't you work with Ed for a while?
[indistinct chattering]
No, no, no, no! Get outta here. Get outta here!
What're you guys... Street shoes off the gym floor!
Get, get, get... What?
It's come to my attention that
you have a Sasquatch playing on the team.
S-so what?
Well, we're going to introduce him to the public.
Good man.
[sighs]
[coughs]
[exhales]
Nice passing, Ed.
[sniffs]
Let's work on some layups for a while.
(female #1) Hey, get inside, quick.
How am I looking? Nice?
Is it good? Good. How's the hair?
Hey, don't get between me and the camera, okay?
-Where's the Sasquatch? -Cream, Sherry, please.
Just a little bit of cream.
-Come on, let's go on. -Look, there's Bumstock!
Come on, come on, come on.
Excuse me. Are you somebody?
-Go away. -Yeah.
Bigfoot!
Relax. I'm the coach.
Coach, Coach. Where's Dewlap? Dewlap?
Yeah. Dewlap.
-You're Dewlap, right? -Yeah.
This is Picasso Dewlap,
who claims to be the first person on Cedar Island
to actually have seen the Bigfoot or the Sasquatch.
We're going to get to the bottom of this.
-Excuse me. -Yeah?
Uh, I-I never claimed I was the first to see him.
-Uh-huh. -Uh, Dexter Madison was.
Dexter, hi, how are you? This is Dexter Madison.
Excuse me, can I have your attention?
Can I have your attention?
Now?
Right. It is time for the photo opportunity.
The Bigfoot is waiting for you
at the at the Bumstock Lawn Ornament factory,
makers of the world's finest ceramic gewgaws since 1915.
Alright, follow me.
[indistinct chatter]
(female #2) Okay, okay...
[instrumental music]
Everybody keep together and follow me.
Now, on your left, that magnificent structure
is the world famous Bumstock Lawn Ornament factory,
where everything is on sale this weekend only.
-That's right. Now, this way. -Hey, Dewlap, wait up!
Thanks for telling 'em I was the first one to see Ed.
I mean, it was really neat to see them
write down everything I said.
They were really listening.
They didn't think I was stupid or crazy or anything.
You know, I should've told you this a long time ago.
I had a feeling you were right about
seeing Ed row in the dinghy,
'cause I-I found his footprints
behind the ovens at the factory the next day.
You did? W-why didn't you tell me.
Oh, I guess I was afraid to.
You seemed kind of mad at everybody.
Well, I wasn't mad at you. You never made fun of me.
(Picasso) Yeah, I guess it was stupid not to tell you.
(Dexter) Yeah. Wicked stupid.
Alright, ladies and gentleman. Come on, step right in.
Don't be afraid. Get in here.
Come on, come on. Here.
Don't forget to get the famous Bumstock sign in the picture...
and, uh, I may have misjudged you,
you do know how to win.
You know, using a Bigfoot really is...
It's brilliant. It's brilliant.
(Bumstock) Alright, ladies and gentlemen, now, come on, step right in,
don't be afraid.
I'm gonna bring him out now...
a real Bigfoot straight from the heart of the forest,
Ed Tibbetts!
[grunting]
That's no Bigfoot. That's a-that's a fake.
Ludlow Bumstock knows whereof he speaks.
Ed Tibbetts is a genuine Bigfoot.
(male #3) It's a hoax.
You didn't even take the trouble to look...
do some research on this thing.
Why don't you come up here and take a closer look?
Well, I will, this is the cheesy scam perpetrated
on a gullible and unsuspecting...
[grunts]
That's a Bigfoot.
[all laugh]
-Over here... -Mr. Bumstock...
[indistinct chattering]
(Picasso) "Cedar Island welcomes Big Harry Lawn Ornament."
Yeah!
(Donovan) No, I don't want to let him practice
until he gets sneakers.
I don't want him to slip and fall on his...
[sighs]
Not again.
You've got a Bigfoot on your team.
Yeah, well, I think the whole world has heard about it.
-Hm. -You want to meet him?
No. I...
I don't want to meet him in a basketball game either.
It's not fair to put a seven foot animal
in against a bunch of kids,
and you know it.
I'm not gonna to stand for it.
Oh, you won't, huh?
Well, you can't tell me what to do.
Yeah? Well, maybe I can't.
But I've filed a complaint today
with the Tidewater League Athletic Directors' Association,
and they can tell you what to do.
It's all spelled out right here.
You show up at the hearing tomorrow
and say goodbye to your big, hairy...
Uh, Fred, Ed.
[breathing heavily]
Lawn Ornament.
Nice sport coat.
[indistinct chattering]
I'm ticked off and my Fightin' Clams
are ticked off too.
Well, of course they are,
with a name like the Fightin' Clams.
I think you'd see a change in outlook
if you gave them a more peaceful, loving name,
something, maybe, like the Nurturing Clams.
-Yes. -Or even better...
The Nuturin' Clam.
You could drop that final "G" to give it more sportiveness.
(Elizabeth) I love it.
We-e-e are not here today to change the name of my team.
[sighs]
We're here to make sure our kids
don't get mauled to death by a wild animal
while trying to play basketball!
E-excuse me. Excuse me.
E-Ed, Ed really is very gentle.
He-he wouldn't hurt anybody,
I mean, even if he is strong enough to,
you know, rip the tailgate off a pickup truck.
-It's true. -Yeah. Yeah. But...
(Donovan) The fact of the matter is...
For the love of the Tidewater League Rulebook
makes no provision for wild animals.
I, I'd like to say something.
-What? He can't-- -Shut up.
I think he's right about going by the book.
(male #4) Huh?
I've read the book, and as far as I can see,
it refers to male and female athletes. Period.
It doesn't refer to species.
And Ed is s male athlete.
A male Sasquatch athlete...
but a male athlete just the same.
He's right.
He qualifies.
Oh! Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't allow a Bigfoot to play in Tidewater League
against kids.
It's just not fair.
We don't have a Bigfoot.
We have to go by the book.
-Change the book! -We will.
[coach laughs]
-Next year. -Huh?
For this season, the ruling stands.
No, Lord...
[groans]
[cheering]
-Whoo! -Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo! -Hurrah.
Hurrah!
[laughing]
[grunting]
[grunts]
Whoa!
[knock on door]
Whoa! Hold up.
Whoa! Hold on. Gotta get the door.
[indistinct chatter]
Hold on, guys.
So, you guys want to do something?
[grunting]
-Ho! -Hey!
-Yeah! -Ha! Ah!
[both grunting]
-Ah! -Yeah!
Watch out!
[both grunting]
Yeah!
Save me!
[both grunting]
[gibbering]
[screaming]
[indistinct chatter]
[all grunting]
(Picasso) This was the best day I've had on Cedar Island...
maybe my best day ever.
When I asked Coach Donovan to put Ed on the team,
I'd hoped I'd make some friends,
but I never thought I'd be this lucky.
Ed's turning me into the king of Cedar Island.
Whoa!
[all laughing]
♪ Getting on track
♪ Can't look back
♪ Feel so flashy
♪ When my shades are black
♪ Broke the rules
♪ Played the fool
♪ Peanut butter jelly sandwich after school ♪
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ On the town
♪ Played the clown
♪ Act a bit crazy
♪ If I stand around
♪ Made a lot
♪ Out of what I've got
♪ Feel so spacey like an astronaut ♪
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ Doo wah doo doo doo
♪ Doo ♪
Ed, baby, happy Harvey Hanson
of the Hi-Hopper Sneaker Company.
The brand that pros get paid.
[laughs]
I mean love to wear.
Ed, my man, it's a pleasure to gift your sweet,
sweet feet with a pair of size 38
sextuple E basketball sneakers
that'll make you turn into a king of the court!
Yes, I love it, I love it.
That's it. Get out of the way. Get out of the way.
Here we go. Come on. How's the light?
Come on. Move it. Move it!
Come on, and... This is taking forever.
Come on, come on. Got the shoe ready, and here we go.
-Okay, Peter, get it going. -A shoe. A shoe.
A shoe. I love it. You're great. You're great.
Okay, come on, come on. Keep it going. Keep it going.
Come on. Give me something suave.
-Suave. -Beautiful.
And debonair.
Come on, let's go for it.
That's it. That's it. Come on.
That's it. I smell money!
[cheering]
(male #1) Come on, people!
[audience cheering]
(all) Ed, he's our man.
[whistle blows]
[crowd cheering]
(male announcer) And the Spuds control the tap.
The ball goes out of bounds.
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
-We want Ed! -Yeah, he passed.
(male announcer) Madison up for it. Over to Lemay.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
-We want Ed! -Madison shoots...
Yeah!
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
Yeah! Ed!
-Ed. -Hmm?
Get in the game.
Go, Ed, go!
[grunts]
(male announcer) And entering the game for the Lawn Ornaments is...
Ed Tibbetts.
[whistle blows]
Okay.
(male announcer) Rebound, Madison. The ball goes up the court...
(Donovan) Alright, Ed. No showboat. Come on.
[audience chanting] Take it. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed.
[grunts]
[audience cheering]
(male announcer) Let's go, Tibbetts.
[cheering]
-Yeah! -Yeah!
[dramatic music]
[screaming]
[whistles]
(male announcer) Tibbetts called for goaltending. Basket Spuds.
[gibbering]
-Yeah! -Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Yeah!
(male announcer) We have lift off!
[audience cheering]
[both screaming]
(male announcer) That's a pair for the mountain of hair.
Ho-ho! Baby!
[hooting]
[camera shutter clicks]
[hooting]
[crowd cheering]
(male #5) Just remember to, uh, I'll say something,
and you say something, and, uh,
just try to relax and-and don't get
between me and the camera.
-Is this your wife? -Yes. Yes, it is
Oh, you are beautiful.
Would you join us for this interview?
-Sure. -Thank you so much.
Are you ready to go, Coach? Here we go.
So this must be...
So this must be a great time for you.
Uh-uh, yes, it is.
Yeah, yes, yes, it, uh,
we-we're very happy to have Ed on the team.
Um, he has all the-the skills you like to see in a big man.
He's-he's...
He's big.
Uh, has a fine work ethic,
and you know, now it's just a matter of finding
the-the-the right combination of players, uh, to-to
uh, compliment his skills in the different situations
that we face as a team.
But you can't tell me that, uh,
because of all the publicity that Ed's getting
that you don't have serious problems
with some of your players, you know,
being jealous of-of-of Ed.
Uh, no, no. No, we don't have any-any jealously problems.
Uh, Ed makes the other 12 players, uh, better.
(female #3) Hold on.
(male #2) Excuse me. We're doing an interview here.
Save it, I have something to say
and you're not going to like it.
Uh, in all the excitement of
having a Sasquatch play basketball
in the Tidewater League,
I overlooked an infraction of the rules.
Coach Donovan, you have 13 players on your team,
and the rule book clearly states you can have no more than 12.
I'm sorry to say the Spuds win by forfeit.
-Oh! -That's-that's not fair.
I'm afraid you can't use Ed Tibbetts.
We're doomed.
Unless you get rid of one of the other players.
(male #3) That's wrong.
Turn in your uniform, Do-less.
[camera shutter clicking]
(Picasso) I joined the team so I could make friends.
Now if I stay on the team and keep Ed off,
everyone will hate me.
If Ed's not on the team, then the Lawn Ornaments
won't make the tournament
and Mr. Donovan will get fired.
Why shouldn't I quit?
I'm the one from away.
Who needs a choker?
Time for school, Ed.
[mumbling]
There's the boy.
You think these pants are good color for him?
Of course.
They bring out the color of his eyes.
I'm worried about the pants.
You don't think they cup
the buttocks too much, do you?
-Ah? -Hm.
Cup the buttocks?
Well, they do have a certain...
Je ne sais quoi.
Joie de vie.
Picasso, are the kids wearing pants that cup the buttocks.
-I haven't noticed. -Don't worry, my dear.
-They'll fit right in. -Hm.
What about me?
There he is.
(boy #1) Who needs him anyway?
(Donovan) Okay, everybody, let's start studying chapters
five through seven
because there's going to be a test on Friday.
-Oh... -A test!
-Another test. -Test.
Mr. Donovan?
Can I talk to you?
Yeah. What's up, Picasso?
I've decided to quit the team.
-Yes! -Yes!
-Brilliant! -Huh?
[mumbles]
You can let Ed play in my place.
Picasso, you don't have to do this.
You-you have as much right to be on this team as Ed does.
Even more.
B-because you've been on the team longer than he has.
-I want to do it. -Why?
Picasso?
[grunts]
[sighs]
I can't even make a basket.
[Ed hooting]
[door squeaks]
[door clacks]
[mumbles]
[door squeaks]
[crickets chirping]
(Elizabeth) It says a motorist spotted
two adult Bigfoot up the coast yesterday.
Masters of camouflage spotted by a pair of motorists?
Highly unlikely.
Probably a couple of kids
playing around in Bigfoot costumes.
Or maybe conceptual artists.
[mumbling]
[sighs]
No wonder they like Ed.
Who'd want a geek like me for a friend?
[instrumental music]
I used you to make friends.
I was too stupid to understand that you are my friend.
I'm sorry, Ed.
[machines clanking]
Look at this!
By Godfrey!
Look at the expression in the eyes!
Circumspect.
That is a circumspect expression!
Bumstock ducklings are supposed to be...
(all) Insouciant.
Insouciant?
Every season, we have new models of ducklings,
and every season their expressions are insouciant?
(Bumstock) Right.
The squirrels are wistful.
The gnomes...
are puckish.
And the ducklings are...
-Insouciant. -Right.
Now when I see shoddy work like this,
I'm not surprised that Christmas sales were down this season.
And I'm warning all of you right now...
if the spring line doesn't make back the money
we lost at Christmas,
heads will roll!
Now turn down the heat.
The bills are killing me.
[buzzer buzzing]
[instrumental music]
-Where is it? -Here's a clam.
That's not a clam. That's a rock.
(Dexter) So, why'd you quit?
[Ed mumbling]
(Picasso) It would've been selfish to stay on the team
and keep Ed off.
He was born to play basketball.
No, he's wasn't.
He was born to live like a Bigfoot with other Bigfoots.
It's not fair to keep him on the team.
It's not fair for the other schools,
and it's not fair for Ed.
(Picasso) Wh-what do you mean it's not fair to Ed?
The only thing anybody cares about is winning
stupid basketball games.
Nobody cares about Ed.
But Ed likes basketball.
He also likes rowing my dinghy,
but I'm not hiring him to do that.
[gibbering]
(Dexter) He's like a big baby, Picasso.
Everything's fun to him.
He don't know any better.
When you quit the team,
you should've have took Ed with you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I do too.
(Dexter) Guys like Roland, they think I'm stupid.
They laugh at me.
I guess it makes them feel special.
And I don't-I don't like it.
And I don't want to see it happen to Ed.
[mumbling]
[Ed mumbles]
[instrumental music]
♪ Yeah I don't know why I came in tonight ♪
♪ I got the feeling that something ain't right ♪
♪ I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair ♪
♪ And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me
♪ Jokers to the right here I am ♪
♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪
♪ Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
♪ And I'm wondering what it is I should do ♪
♪ It's so hard to keep this smile from my face ♪
♪ 'Cause you told me I'm all over the place ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right ♪
♪ Here I am stuck in the middle with you ♪
♪ Well you started out with nothing ♪
♪ And you're proud that you're a self made man ♪
[chuckles]
♪ And your friends they all come crawlin' ♪
♪ Slap you on the back and say ♪
♪ Please
♪ Please
♪ Trying to make some sense of it all... ♪
[grunting]
(male announcer) It's Port Alfred, eight.
Um, uh, Tibbetts, 52.
♪ 'Cause I don't
♪ I don't think that I can take anymore ♪
♪ Clowns to the left of me jokers to the... ♪♪
That Tibbetts knows how to play the game of basketball
he could've started for Old Doc Thompson.
[laughs]
[music continues]
[Ed mumbling]
Ah!
[laughs]
[sighing]
[mumbling]
[Ed mumbling]
Free hamburgers for your three?
Please.
I'm not on the team anymore.
Close enough.
I got to use this meat up anyway.
Business has been slow.
-Food's great. -Yeah.
-It'll pick up. -It's funny.
You'd think having a winning basketball team
would make everybody want to gather here together
at the cafe and celebrate.
But I'm tellin' you, if those Lawn Ornaments
continue to slaughter those other teams
I might go out of business.
[Ed mumbles]
Bundle up.
It's warm.
Isn't that strange?
Yeah. The weather changes fast around here.
(Picasso) The high pressure front colliding with the jet stream.
Stay with us for a recap of the day's headlines.
[Ed mumbling]
[sighing]
(Mrs. Dingley on PA) Congratulations to the mighty Lawn Ornaments
on their sinking
of the Port Alfred Schooners last night.
Ninety-seven to 15.
Be sure to attend the next exciting game next Friday
at the Bumstock Sportsplex,
when we'll rip the fur
off the Chester Greenwood
Middle School Earmuffs!
[frogs croaking at distance]
[mumbling]
[instrumental music]
[gasping]
[crashing]
-Oh! -Ah!
[squeaking]
Ed, would you like me to make you a peanut butter sandwich?
What's wrong, Ed?
[mumbles]
Ed? Ed, come on.
[mumbling]
[door clacks]
(Victor) Picasso...
I think maybe Ed needs to spend a little time alone.
He's got to be very, uh, mixed up right now.
living like a human boy, goin' to school...
playing basketball.
Maybe he misses his parents.
Ed? Ed?
[birds squawking]
[instrumental music]
Ed?
Ed? Where are you?
[Ed whimpering]
Ed!
Are you okay?
Come on.
Come on, you're gonna be okay.
Come on. Come on, get up.
Ed, we were so worried.
Ed, you poor thing.
[groaning]
[music continues]
(Picasso) I don't know what to do about Ed.
He's not happy here anymore.
He seems so lonely.
Maybe he does miss his parents.
But I don't want him to go.
I don't know what to do.
-Let's go! -Come on!
[horn honking]
(male announcer) And it's a steal for the Bulldogs.
[crowd cheering]
Deuce for the dogs.
[horn honking]
[sighs]
Don't give up.
[crowd cheering]
-Yeah! -Come on, boys.
[cheering]
Oh!
Give 'em the ball!
Throw it away.
-What're you doing? -Pass, Roland, I'm open.
-Oh! -Oh!
Where's Ed?
Do I have to do everything myself?
Roland, I...
just...
Bench it! Now!
Spiky, get in there.
[trumpeting]
Donovan!
You couldn't coach girls' field hockey!
Are you gonna let everybody play?
You take out Lemay, you put in Spikey!
Spikey is three feet tall!
He has to reach up to dribble the ball!
Do something!
[indistinct shouting]
(male #5) Throw 'em up and send 'em out!
-Yeah. -Too bad!
(male #6) Bring it over here, Jerry!
[instrumental music]
Bumstock has the ball on top of the key,
fakes the shot, goes around an incredible 360, goes up,
up, up, and he score...
[knocking on door]
Mr. Bumstock?
The big day has finally arrived.
[squeaking]
The day when I unveil to you
my new design for the spring line.
I felt that, uh,
if we could move in some new directions,
we might be able to inject a note of freshness.
-Cut the gab and pull the cloth. -Yes, sir.
[dramatic music]
[screams]
Oh, you don't know how I crave
such a strong response to my art.
Dewlap, what are you trying to do?
Ruin me?
Do you think that homeowners are gonna wanna put
statues of...
fish guts on their lawns?
Fish guts.
No, Sir. It's...
It's not fish guts. It's...
It's not supposed to look like, like fish guts.
-Well, it does. -No, Sir. It...
It represents the miracle of spring time.
And I'm sure that when people see it, they're going--
They're gonna laugh at me. That's what they're gonna do!
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
You...would like that, wouldn't you?
-Well, no, Sir. -Oh, yes, you would.
Well, you're not gonna get a chance
to make a monkey out of me.
You're fired!
[sighs] Thank you.
[wheels squeaking]
Thank you.
[instrumental music]
I haven't been fired. I've been freed.
I've been liberated!
I look upon this as a great opportunity.
From this moment on, Victor Dewlap creates alone
in his own studio.
I don't need Ludlow Bumstock to tell me what to do.
Of course not.
He doesn't understand art.
-And he doesn't understand you. -Exactly.
I guess the Dewlaps just don't fit in here any better
than Ed does, we're just different.
But of course we're different. That's why we fit in.
What do you mean?
Son...
all of us, every one of us,
has to find our own
unique place in the world.
Our own special way to live our lives.
If we try too hard to fit in by being
exactly like somebody else,
it's never gonna work,
because somebody else has already taken up that spot.
I get it.
If we were all the same, nobody would fit in.
Exactly.
It's like basketball.
If all the players know the job they're supposed to do
and do their job, the team plays beautifully.
But if they forget their assignments
and start trying to do things
that other people are supposed to do,
well then, the team just loses the game.
My husband is a basketball genius.
And that's why they call me Mr. Touchdown.
-That's football. -Right.
[knock on door]
Come in.
-Hi. -Oh, Mr. Donovan!
-Mr. Dewlap. Fine, thank you. -Welcome, welcome. Come in.
-Have a seat. Uh... -What are you doing here?
I'm-I'm fine. Thank you. Uh...
So, i-is-is Ed gonna go to school tomorrow?
(Elizabeth) He can't. He has a really bad cold.
Well, y-you know, if he doesn't go to school tomorrow,
he-he can't play tomorrow night.
He needs his rest.
Um...after the game,
he-he-he could go to the Valentine's day dance.
Yeah, th-they're gonna, they're fixing up the, uh,
the-the, the ca... The ca... The gym.
Um, with-with paper cupids a-a-and one of those,
um, uh...
Mm, they're good.
And, one of those, uh, mirrored balls
going around the ceiling and...
See, the thing is, if we don't win tomorrow night,
we don't go to the tournament
and, and, and, and if I can get away
with leavin' Ed on the bench all night,
I'm gonna do that, I will.
It's just that, uh...
Mm-hm. Okay.
[sighs] Oh, boy! Um...
If...
If we lose, um...
I'm gonna get fired.
[instrumental music]
This is really good.
(male announcer) And Cedar Island's got now in the back court...
Steals! And a clam bucket!
[audience cheering]
Next time, pass the ball to me, cement head.
Hey! I do what Mr. Donovan says, not what you say.
Call me a name again, and you'll be sorry, Roland.
[crying]
No! No, no, no, no!
Guys, that wasn't the buzzer.
Just get back in there. Go!
Where's Ed?
We want Ed! We want Ed!
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
So, Ed, how you feelin'?
'Cause, you know, you look really good.
[crying]
They are just killin' us.
[chuckles]
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
So do you think you can give me a couple of minutes?
Please.
[audience chanting] We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
[cheering]
[whistle blows]
[soft growling]
(male announcer) And two points for the thing.
[indistinct shouting]
You did the right thing.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ I feel this magic
♪ Oh you caught me off guard ♪
♪ Your eyes are like diamonds
♪ They are shining little too hard ♪
♪ Then I get the fever
♪ Nothing can hold me down
[indistinct chatter]
♪ I won't be leaving
[sighing]
[yowling]
[all cheering]
♪ Spin around turn around
♪ Just tell me you wanna dance with me ♪
♪ Jump around twist around
♪ Kick off your shoes and twirl around ♪
♪ Spin around turn around
♪ Just tell me you wanna dance with me ♪
[grunting]
He's a wicked good dancer.
My grandma would say he has a lovely sense of rhythm.
♪ Twist around
♪ Kick off your shoes and twirl around ♪
♪ Spin around turn around
♪ Just tell me you're gonna dance with me ♪
♪ Just tell me you're gonna dance with me ♪♪
-Whoo! -Go, Ed.
Go, Ed!
[indistinct chatter]
[indistinct chatter]
I wanna thank you fellas for comin' in early.
-Oh, no problem. -No problem, Coach.
Men, um...
We face a big challenge tonight.
-Yeah. -Huh?
(Donovan) Rockweed Harbor is a really good team.
But you know what?
I think we're a better team.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
But in order to win...
each man...
has got to do his job.
And there's one more thing.
As far as Ed is concerned...
I took advantage of him because, uh...
because I was afraid of losin' my job.
And I'm not very proud of that.
So you know what?
Ed has played his last game as a Lawn Ornament.
-No! -What? No!
Guys, we don't need him to win.
We're good enough. We really are.
And, Picasso...
if you will forgive us...
No, if you forgive me...
we would all really like to have you back on the team.
I don't think so. Thanks.
And now we would like to present you with a token of gratitude
for all the happiness that you have brought to our island.
[instrumental music]
[audience applauding]
[indistinct screaming]
Wow! Uh...
This is, this is really beautiful. Thank you.
Nobody has ever given us anything like this.
I-I don't know how I can thank you all.
(Bumstock) You can win.
Win tomorrow night or you're fired.
What? Wait-wait a minute.
You-you told me that if we got into this tournament,
I could keep my job. Now we're here.
You can't go back on your word now.
You can't tell me what I can or I cannot do. I built this place.
And I don't take orders from some goon
who's too stupid to use the tallest player on the team.
Well, "Use" is the right word for it.
We've been-we've been using an animal unfairly against kids...
just to satisfy some selfish old bully
who thinks he's king in the world.
Well, no more, Bumstock.
We're-we're not going to play with Ed anymore.
And if we lose...
well...
it's better than cheating to win.
-Yeah. -You said it, Coach.
-He's right. -That's right. Let's cheer...
I'll remember this.
[all applauding]
Thanks.
(Roland) Hey, Choker!
You trying to make us lose?
No, I'm not.
You are, too, and that's why you told Donovan
that Ed can't play!
I didn't tell him that.
You're just so jealous of me 'cause you choke so bad
and the only way you can get back at me is to make us lose.
Cut it out, Roland.
You want us all to be losers, just like your stupid loser
can't-hold-a-job father!
Don't say that about my father.
He's a weirdo. You're a weirdo.
And you both ought to go back to whatever planet
you came from, because you don't belong here on the island.
-And you never will. -Shut up!
Island boys are winners.
I'm not a loser, Roland, and my father's not a loser.
You're the loser!
If you'd stop hogging the ball and you started doin'
what Mr. Donovan said, you guys could win!
Ow! My hand! Oh!
I let you make me feel like a piece of dirt,
but no more, Roland.
I live here, and whether you like it or not,
that makes me and island boy!
You get it, Roland?
I'm an island boy!
[instrumental music]
Welcome back.
[wind chimes chiming]
Picasso, your mother's tea is a great consolation.
It drives away care and soothes the soul.
I feel a haiku coming on.
Your beautiful green tea...
A frog plops into a spring puddle...
Cheers.
[telephone ringing]
[telephone ringing]
Ooshi Mooshi.
It's for you. It's a man with a cold.
-Hmm. -Hello?
(Roland over phone) Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you.
If you play, Dewlap, I'll murderlize you.
Does your mother know you make prank calls, Roland?
(Roland over phone) Huh? Don't tell. This is.. This isn't Roland Lemay.
This is somebody else.
-And I'm big and I'm a... -Loser.
(Picasso over phone) You're a real big loser, Roland, and everyone knows it.
Come on, Ed, we've got to go get ready for the game.
[sniffing]
(Picasso) "Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you."
What a loser. As if I'd miss the championship finals.
Come on.
Yeah!
Try one. Try one.
[growling]
[screaming]
[growling]
[screaming]
No, no!
[screaming]
[Picasso screaming]
[screaming]
Help! Put me down!
Put me down!
[screaming]
Come on.
Put me down. Put me down.
Please?
[Picasso panting]
[gibbering]
[gibbering continues]
[grunting]
Now I get it.
Those sasquatches are Ed's parents.
They want their boy back.
He missed them, too...
and I know just how he feels.
[gibbering]
Hey-hey, Ed, tell your parents I like them, too,
but I've got-I've got to get to the game.
Oh, no! No, wait!
Ed! Tell your dad to put me down! Ed!
What are you doing?
[Picasso grunting]
No! Ed!
Ed, you can't take me back to the mountains with you!
No! Let me go!
[screaming]
[Picasso coughing]
[sasquatches gibbering]
[Picasso panting]
Please, Ed? Don't take me with you.
I'll die in the woods. Please.
Just let me stay and play in the game.
Please.
Please, please, please.
[instrumental music]
-Hey, pass me my towel. -Has anybody seen my shorts?
-Picasso? -What's going on?
What happened to Picasso? Are you okay?
-What happened, buddy? -Are you alright?
It's okay. I'll be alright.
[growling]
Mr. Donovan, Lawn Ornaments.
Meet Mr. and Mrs. Tibbetts.
[gibbering]
Okay! Just hold still.
[wind howling]
-Team Team! Team! Play! -Team! Team! Team! Play!
(All) Yes!
Come on, guys. Go out there and win! Come on!
(female #4) Go, team!
[all cheering]
(male announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the championship final
of the Tidewater League Middle School Basketball Tournament.
The Baxter Bay Bulldogs versus
your Cedar Island Lawn Ornaments.
[all cheering]
[indistinct yelling]
[indistinct yelling]
Locker room.
[indistinct yelling]
-Picasso, you feelin' okay? -Yeah.
[man whistling at a distance]
[horn blaring]
(male announcer) Lawn Ornaments control the tap.
Come on, come on. Make them play. Not bad!
(male announcer) Myers to Madison.
Back to Myers. He puts it up.
And it's Baxter Bay with a rebound.
[all cheering]
Baxter Bay into the forecourt.
Inside. Back out.
[audience cheering]
[horn blaring]
Lawn Ornaments, an early foul trouble now.
Okay, buddy, get in there.
[horn blaring]
-Give me a "D!" -"D!"
-Give me an "Exter." -Exter!
What have you got?
Dexter!
(All) Dexter! Dexter! Dexter!
(male announcer) Madison beats the press.
Up the court.
He finds Myers. He scores!
[all cheering]
[instrumental music]
[cheering]
Oh! Hey, hey!
[grunts]
[crowd cheering]
Go, go!
[man whistling]
Hey, what was that about?
(male announcer) That's a technical foul.
Are you okay?
[laughing]
You're gonna have a heck of a shiner there.
-Really? -Yeah.
You want to go sit down for a while?
-No, no, I'm okay. -Yeah?
Okay.
[all cheering]
(male announcer) O'Malley throwing his weight around.
Oh, boy.
[buzzer buzzing]
(male announcer) That's the end of the first half.
[all clamoring]
Okay, guys, we're down to eight players.
So we have to gotta stay out of foul trouble, alright?
-Everyone? Team! -Team!
-Come on, let's go. -Yeah, let's go, let's go...
[all cheering]
(male announcer) More foul trouble for the Lawn Ornaments.
Right! Yes!
[horn blaring]
[blows whistle]
(male announcer) That's all for O'Malley.
And we've reached the end of regulation
with a score tied at 26.
We're going into overtime.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me, Your Worship.
But, uh, my wife and I were wondering if the boys
who fouled out might not be allowed
to rejoin the game for the overtime.
No. No, way. Sorry.
You seem to be very rigid on this issue, sir.
Well, those are the rules. That's the game.
Yes, but-but isn't it counter-productive
to-to banish the players?
I mean, shouldn't we better serve them
by trying to get at the root of the problem.
Why are they committing these fouls?
Perhaps, it's a desperate plea for attention?
Isn't there a chance they'll feel disenfranchised
sitting on the bench while their peers are playing,
and as a consequent act, they'll act out all the more?
I don't know. All I know is I've got a game to call.
But they need the chance to forgive themselves.
(male announcer) Oh, the Lawn Ornaments are running out of players.
You think you can help us out, Picasso?
[horn blaring]
Go for it.
[both grunting]
(male announcer) And Dewlap is coming in now for the Lawn Ornaments.
[dramatic music]
[Picasso groans]
Foul.
On the line.
Everyone set?
Two shots.
(male announcer) It's Baxter Bay 29, Lawn Ornaments 28,
with two seconds left in overtime.
Dewlap at the line for two shots.
-Oh! -Oh!
One shot.
Time out.
[blows whistle]
Time out, red.
Okay, guys, I want you to remember the way
you showed Ed how to play, alright?
Let's keep the fundamentals, do your jobs and have fun.
Basketball's a game!
[all grunting]
[all cheering]
[horn blaring]
[cheering continues]
[indistinct yelling]
Okay, now, you're all set? One shot.
[dramatic music]
[all cheering]
Choke! Choke!
He's not gonna choke!
He's an island boy!
He's an island boy!
(male #7) That's right! He's an island boy!
(male #8) He's an island boy!
(female #5) He's an island boy, alright!
[all cheering]
[instrumental music]
[grunts]
[grunting]
[all cheering]
-Yeah! I did it! -That's the way!
[all cheering]
Yes! Yeah! I did it!
-Whoo! -Yeah! Ah!
I did it! I did it!
-Oh, oh, my boy! -I did it!
-Yeah! -Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah! -Whoo!
[instrumental music]
(male #9) That a boy, Picasso!
[indistinct chatter]
[all gibbering]
[screaming]
We did it. Yeah, we did it!
[indistinct yelling]
What do you want, Dewlap? I mean, Picasso.
I just want to invite you into the party.
Do you want an old duffer like me in there?
I didn't even go to the gig.
All the more reason to go in now and talk about it.
Come on.
♪ Oh-wey-oh
♪ Oh-oh-wey-oh
♪ Oh-wey-oh ♪
Quiet.
-Quiet, please. -Shh!
(male #10) He's gonna say something.
Thank you.
Uh, I have an announcement to make.
Ludlow Bumstock is a nincompoop.
I want to apologize to Mr. Donovan
and to all of the Lawn Ornaments
for puttin' so much pressure on them to win.
And I, I just hope you'll all forgive me.
If you want to know why I've been such an old fool
all these years...
Because the greatest thing that ever happened to me was...
playing on that championship team
when I went to Cedar Island.
And I've been sinkin' my money into the basketball team
all these years
to try and get back that feeling
that I had when I was a part of the team.
But I never could...
Till just a few minutes ago and...
Young Dewlap here invited me in.
And...
Now I've got that feeling back, and...
not about winning ball games...
it's about fitting in with people and...
and belonging.
And I haven't felt this good in 50 years, and I owe it all to
young Picasso Dewlap here.
I feel good, too.
Wicked good!
Well, is this a party or what?
[song playing]
[song continues]
[song continues]
(Picasso) P.S. What a season!
Mr. Bumstock made Victor his partner
in the Lawn Ornament company,
and has pledged some of the money they make
from the statues of Ed to pay for a nice insulated cabin
for the Tibbetts' in the mountains.
I learned a lot about basketball,
but a whole lot more about being a friend.
Thanks, Ed.
I guess human beings can learn by imitation, too.
It'll be fun for me to visit Ed up there,
but I'll like it even more when he comes to see me
here on Cedar Island,
the place where I fit in.
[instrumental music]
[song playing]
[song continues]
[song continues]
[song continues]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]