Big Monster on Campus (2000) - full transcript

At a party, one student gets picked on and ends up getting thrown into a pool that has no water in it. Frank, a geek, retrieves a brain from his father's lab and agrees to let the boy have it in exchange for a chance to hang with the popular crowd. The brain, it turns out, originally belonged to a serial killer. As the teen monster goes haywire, popular Macy becomes romantically involved with former geek Frank.

Have you ever read the story

about the dead dog who came back to life

a couple of days after the dog was buried?

He dug himself outta the grave.

It was in all the papers.

It takes several days for
a corpse to really be dead.

For example after we die
our hair still grows,

fingernails still grow, pimples still form

and bowels still move.

Energy pulsates throughout
the body even after death.

And this energy can be used
to reverse the dying process.

Whether it's a fluke electrical
current in the brain or

a lightning storm, the
dead can come back to life.

No one has ever figured out
how or why, but it happens.

If you don't believe me, go
to the cemetery, walk up,

lie on a fresh grave,

put your ear to the ground and listen.

Listen carefully to the sounds
of a living dead clawing,

scratching, digging,
trying to escape before

they suffocate and die again.

I believe the suspended
anatomical state of the

deceased merits further investigation.

Can electrical currents
modulate cells between

life and death?

Can the life force be harnessed
to in effect raise the dead?

- Mr. Stockton, how much longer
does this have to continue?

- Frank and weenie.

Kid's got a bolt loose, man.

- Yeah.


Okay, just settle down.

Frank, continue if you must.

- I intend to confirm the theory of

heavy electron resurrection
using live experimentation,

on mice of course.

- Why don't you know
Frank, that theory was

disproven as far back as the 18th century?

Any hypothesis that deals with

reanimation is purely fantasy.

- Sir, I've already started my research.

- Frank, I don't want to
have to fail you again.

- That was really embarrassing for me.

You know, your stock
depreciates every time you

babble on like that.

Geez Louise man, you need
to get yourself together.

- Hey Macy.

- Oh, get over it, man.

I don't know what's more ridiculous,

you dating Macy or raising the dead.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I'm like invisible to her.

- Listen, you know why
I never get turned down?

- Cause your hand can't talk?

- That's very clever, that's clever.

- Obvious product of
dysfunctional family life.

- Ugh, whatever, go on.

- Looks like too much time in front of

the set microwave if you ask me.

- Macy!

Look at Darian.

She's so...big.

- Sweet little honeys all primed
for Lance's party tonight.

- Let me think.

Football team, cheap
booze, raging hormones,

yeah, what more could a
girl want in an evening?

You know what?

Maybe we should go to his house.

- Hey buddy.

Did you hear I'm having a party tonight at

586 Rancho Riviera.

- Okay, thanks.

- For what?

You're not invited.

Man disected!

- Dude, this sounds really gruesome.

- Oh no, it's awesome.

See, they froze this dead dude
sub zero then sliced him with

a laser into 50 sheets, and
scanned him into the computer.

- Oh, female compadres.

Any new entries?

Witch doctors from Peru?

- No, no, no, he's a shaman.

He's got a hell of a website on

post-mortem resurrection rituals.

- Frank, correspondence with
these freaks cannot be healthy,

even if they are only on the internet.

- No, it's all part of my research.

- You're too much man.

You're way too obsessed with death.

- No, no, it's life that interests me.

Hey, speaking of, it's
time to live a little.

- Oh hey, where we going?

- There's a party down the
block at Lance Gipples.

- So?

- Well Macy will be there.

- That's right.

It's not death you're
obsessed with, it's torture.

Wayne Dobbs, convicted felon and

recent parolee, was shot
dead this evening by the

owner of a catering truck
he was attempting to rob.

Authorities say his
brain has been donated to

a medical facility
researching the criminal mind.

- Oh, good.

I can't get any TV reception.

You got any ideas?

- Nope, I gotta go.

- Tom, Hi Jordy, your science
teacher, called again and

I'm gonna have to tell
your father this time.

- If I can ever see him again.

- Frank, if your father
heard you say that,

it would break his heart.

You know your father's
studying for his board review.

You should be proud of him.

- I'm sorry.

- Not every kid's father studies
brains for a living, right?

- Mom, I won't be home late.

- Yeah, you'd better get going.

- Great.

- Bye, sweetie.

- Oh, Jordy.

Oh , Mrs. Stein.

- Nice to see you.

- Frank!

- Bye.

I'm telling you
Frank, it's a bad idea.

- No, it's gonna be
good, it's gonna be good.

- What's up man?

Pinch me, come on, pinch me!

Right here, come on.

I said pinch me.


Just as I suspected.

You're the one dreaming.

- Right.

Alright, I'll see you
tomorrow party animal.

- I love you, I love you.

I love you.

Do you think my breasts are small?

- I love you.

- No baby, it's not the size,
it's what you do with them.

- What can I do with them?

- You cam let me touch them.

- Can we go? Now?

- Oh man, I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

- Excuse me ladies, this is boy talk.

What are you doing in Mr.
Lance's neighborhood, man?

- Can I have a beer or
some codeine or something?

I don't want to see this.

Come on.

- Would you check this man out.

You know, my shrink tells
me that I get threatened by

things that I don't understand.

You know what I'm saying?

And guess what?

I don't understand you.

- Oh yeah, that's what
I'm talking about baby.

- Just got cornbagged baby.

- Oh Jesus.

You drained all the
water in the pool, dude.

Give me the
hose, I'll hose it down.

- What's going on?

- Tuttle hurled.

- I'm warning you, it's chunky.

- Where's Carl?

- Oh, dude took off, he's gone.

- Well if you're going to ignore us and

spend all night barfing with
each other, we're leaving too.

- Okay, bye.

- Bye.

- Size does matter.

- Egore!

Egore, Egore?

I did it.

Into his car, I got it.

I got him, I got him.

- Oh man, where are we gonna take him?

- Away from the house.

- Oh man, we're gonna get caught.

- I don't know.

- We're gonna get caught, man.

- It's a freak, chill, chill. Calm.

- Hey.

- Shouldn't you be inside
minding your guests?

- Guests?

- Please, don't insult my intelligence,

and I won't insult yours.

- Oh, the thing!

We got it handled.

- What's with your friend?

- Oh, he always looks
like that, it's genetics.

- The other one.

- Oh, he's not our friend, man.

We don't know him real well at all.

- Doing the right thing.

- Excuse me?

- Designated driver.

Better home in bed than dead.

- Yeah, right.
- Oh, right, yeah.

- What's his name?

- Karl.


Doesn't Karl know Halloween's next week?

- Oh, I guess.

- You two are responsible for him.

Don't do anything stupid.

- Did that just, did he just...

- As soon as Karl is reported missing,

that cop is coming right back to us.

- Missing, the dude is dead!

- Really?

- I can help.

- Help?

Who said anything about needing help?

- Did we say we needed help?

- I think I can bring him back to life.

- What?

- I mean, I think I can
bring him back to life.

- I thought that wrap of yours
was some slick ass hustle to

score up with fat chicks.

- It's for real.

It works on mice anyway.

What have you got to lose?

This is not gonna be easy.

- Alright, well whatever it takes.

- He's gonna need a new brain.

- No way.

- Come on, Tutts, in the
interest of science, kid.

- So why don't you like
donate yours, dude?

- I use mine occasionally.

- I can get a brain from my dad's lab.

- Well how convenient.

Focus, be the
ball, call the shot.

- Go, go, run, run, run.

- Lean and mean.

Oh, dad's ID.

- Okay, I need some light, guys.

I can't see what I'm doing.

- We're going stealth.

- You're dealing with pros here, dude.

- Okay, we need to put the
TV antenna up on the roof.

- Dude, the school's got cable.

- No, no, the thing I brought in.

- Oh right, the lightning rod.

- And on your way back, stop off at the

theater department and get some clothes,

guy's looking crispy.

- Tuttle.
- It's go time.

Alright, what's next?

- I need a computer.

- Copy.

- Justice.

- Sorry.

- Computer locked and loaded. Next.

- Reach outside and
grab the extension cord.

- Okay, alright.

- I hate when that happens.

We need more line, dude.

- What do you want me to do about it?

- I don't know, stretch it, pull it,

whatever it takes to make it longer.

Don't act like you don't
do it every night, dude.

And bridge.

- Alright, so what now fellas?

- We're gonna chop his lid off.

- Bring me a new brain.

- This end has to go on his foot.

- What?

- Do it.

- You have to take off his sock,

it has to be clipped on his raw skin.

- He's got a toe ring, he deserved to die.

- This other end to your ear.

- Why do I always gotta be the guinea pig?

- No, no, do your left ear, man.

- Let's boogie.

- Now's the time, now's the time.

- Mommy.

Good buzz.

- Flat line.

- What's going on?

- Nothing.
- He's not moving.

- You're mulch, prick weed.

Get him off of me!

- We did it.

We did it, man.

He's alive.

- He doesn't look alive to me.

- What are you talking about?

He just tried to french kiss you.

- Piya, Pie.

- Pie.

- I stink.

- He really does.

- No it's okay.

The living tissue will grow
and replace the dead cells and

the smell will go away.

- Where am I?

- Alright, you're Karl O'Reily.

You're a junior in high
school and you and Frank and

Tuttle and the Lance, we
broke into the school to

steal some test papers
and you hit your head man.

- Yeah, it must hurt, huh?

Well, it'll go away in time, I promise.

- Thanks, Frank.

- He looks like crap.

- Yeah you're right.

We have to get rid of this bloody hair.

Bring in the clothes from
the theater department.

- This is your house, bro.

It's the address we had
for you on your license.

- So, see you in school.

Just put it in
the old pocket there and

head on home, okay?

- Thanks for the lift, fellas.

- Tuttle.

- Frank, Frank, you
hear the science lab got

trashed last night?

- Really?

- I thought you might know.

Your mom said you were grounded 'cause

you were out all night.

Social confrontation.

- Well Frank Diddy, what's up baby?

You know how it is.

- Disappear.

- Frank.

That's not right, man.

- We gotta get you to a File-a-Fax, kid.

Names, numbers, addresses, you hear that?

That's me.

Show time.

- Oh my God.

What happened to Karl?

- What are you talking about?

- What'd you guys do to him?

- Why? Nothing.

- Well remember, weren't you gonna like

beat him up or something?

- Look, we swear on the Holy
Bible, we didn't even...

- Leather pants, so Jim Morrison.

But I love you more.

- He is pretty sexy.

- I forgot the combo.

- Ladies, meet our new pal, Frankie.

- Whatever.

- Something shoot through
one of the kitchen cabinets?

I thought your mouse died?

- No, I bought a new one.

He should be in his cage.

- You need to talk to Frank.

- What am I gonna say to him?

- Well, he's your son
and he's acting strange.

- He's a teenager, that's what they do.

- Egore, Egore.

- You've got to think of him as a

dangerous little chemistry experiment.

- Egore.

- They're just hormones, son,

don't let them get the best of you.

Now look, I'm taking your
mother with me Friday night to

the annual brain trust reunion dinner.

A young
teenager claiming he is

Skeeter Wayne Dobbs,
the ex-convict who was

killed last week while
robbing a catering truck,

was found by truant
officers drinking alcohol in

Newter Then News, a
mid-veil burlesque theater.

- Frank.

Here with
us today is our own...

- Did you hear what I said?

- Dad.

What exactly do you do with the brains?

Oh, hey.

Nice to see some interest in the old man.

Actually I'm analyzing the
discrepancies between the

neurotransmitters of good
people and bad people.

- Bad people?

- That's right.

- So what's it gonna be?

Custody of the state or
custody of your father?

- I'll take my chances here.

- Oh thank you, officer.

I'll take it from here.

- Hey, make the best of it kid.

You're only young once.

- Oh, yeah?

Take care now.

- Where the hell were you?

- Trying to get laid.

What the hell was that?

- Don't talk sass to me!

- You see that?

You ever touch me again,
I'll call every welfare and

social agency in the phone
book, have you thrown in jail,

divorce you, sue you, whatever it is

kids are doing these days.

Got it?

- Skeeter Wayne Dobbs, was
killed yesterday by the

owner of a catering truck.

The victim was wanted by the
state police in connection of

two teenage girls.


- Hey don't forget, anyone
who can provide me with

the names of the individuals
who perpetrated this

little extracurricular
science fair project,

AKA vandalism, will be
very much appreciated.

And strictly confidential!

- Hey Frankie.

Hey, call me.

How you doing?

- Doing good.

You back in school for good now?

- Yeah, yeah.


- Oh no reason.


- What did you say?

- Oh, nothing, Skeeter.

- Alright, at first I
thought it was reincarnation,

some Shirley McClain mojo.

Hey, I could have come back as a turd.

Hell, I could've come back
as Shirley McClain, Frank,

but that's not important right now.

So I was happy with this Karl kid's skin,

there's more to it.

Something's not right, Frank.

- You think so?

- I mean, it's like, I don't know.

I always knew I was a sociopath,

but this schizoid thing, doesn't fly.

- I put your brain in Karl's body.

- Uh-huh.

- I saved your life.

- You sure did.

You are some badass Ven Gally.

- You gotta keep this a secret.

- You've given me a second chance.

You think I'd do anything to screw it up?

It's in everyone's best
interest to keep this a secret,

to play it straight, am I right?

Am I right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Can we get Lana back?

- Who?

- Turner?
- No.

- No, okay.

Jane Mansfield?
- No.

- Marilyn.
- No.

- Okay.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Good.

How's your science project coming?

- It's taken a life its own.

- Good.

Hey, you need help, you
know where to find me.

- Oh no.

Hector, did you drop the Dobbs specimen?

Great, a bad brain and
no time to get a new one.

Don't forget, if I get
fired, you get fired, Hector.

- Hey.

Hey, what do you say
we go out tonight, huh?

You can show me the town,
introduce me to some girls.

- No I can't.

- Well you do know some girls, right?

- No.

- Any girls?

- No.

- And you think I have problems.

We gotta get you a girl.

- I already have a girl.


- It's nobody.

- Ask her to come with us tonight.

- What?

No, no, I can't.

I have to house sit, my
parents are going out of town.

- Alright then.

Hey, are there any of those
Home Coming tickets left?

I'd like one.

- Just one?

- No, no, Frank and I aren't
going together anymore,

it's over between us.

He's in love with someone else.

It is okay to go alone.

- Sure. I am.

- Oh really?

So is Frank.

- Do you need a ticket?

- Sure.

- It's ironic, you don't have a date,

and you're the one that's
selling the tickets.

- Well I'm in charge
of the school Treasury.

- It's ironic.

- As long as we're both going alone,

maybe we could go alone together?

- That's sweet, Frank,

but I don't really know
you, so thanks anyway.

- Did you tell Macy about the
party you're having tonight?

- What party?

- Blow out of the year, don't miss it.

- Great.

- Cheer up, we're having a party.

♪ Breeze blows through the
tall grass and the sky ♪

- You are making our
job a lot easier, kid.

- Dope idea, Frankie.


- No, no, it was Karl's.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- Good thing we killed him, huh?

- Fun.

- Buckle in for an evening of bad jokes.

- I see we already got laid.

I suppose a foursome's
out of the question?

- Ouch.

- So you wahinies wanna get drunk?

- He means drinks.

- Please.
- Here you go, ladies.

- Thank you, Karl.
- You know what?

I was gonna get the drinks.

- I couldn't be rude.

- Oh I can.

Hey jackhole, I got it.

- Whatever chief.

- Boys are so weird.

- Hey, great party Frank.

- Oh thanks Emily.

Glad you could make it.

So did you just move to LA?

- We were in the third
and fifth grade together.

- We were?

- Remember the kid who built the

flying machine for the science fair?

- Yeah, didn't he like
crash in the monkey cars and

have to go to the hospital?

- Compound fracture of
the appendicular clavicle.

- Oh that was you.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

- It's probably better
we didn't meet until now.

so you're like some kind of genius, right?

- No it's not really a genius thing,

it's something that everybody knows,

it's just finding the right combination.

- I kind of like you.

- What?

- Huh?

Oh, I gotta go.

I've been thinking about that question you

asked me yesterday, and I changed my mind.

Here's my number, okay, so call me.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Frank, that was beautiful, man.

Anyway, this will cover
the cleaning service.

Cleaning van is on the way.

Told you you could trust me.

Don't wait up.

Tammy. Michelle. Arlene.

- Frank, Frank we're home.

- Hey guys, how was your trip?

- This place is cleaner than when we left.

What'd you do, hire a maid service?

- Dad, dad.

Home Coming dance is tonight
and I asked this girl and

she said yes.

- You're free to go.

- Dad, I was hoping I could take the car.

- It's a van.

- Please.

Dad, there's this girl.

- Did you inseminate her?

- The car, dad.

- The car?

Oh, yeah, well you show me
your next report card and

we'll talk about the car.

- Did you know that Einstein flunked math?

Okay, fair enough.

You come up with a
scientific breakthrough as

profound as the theory as relativity and

I'll give you the car, for keeps.

- Frank, you've got some explaining to do.

What happened to this?

- What have you been feeding that thing?

- I don't mind driving, really.

Because this way I can control whether or

not we run out of gas on the way home.

- You know what?

You're probably gonna have to lead, too,

because I'm really not
that great a dancer.

- My brother, my brother Mitch,

hey, what's going on, man?

You sound good, you sound good.

Alright, tonight I am here to announce the

winners of this fall's school
sanctioned popularity contest.

Give me a hit man, AV Pow, AV Pow.

- Here we go, man, this
is the moment you've

all been waiting for.

This fall's Home Coming king and queen are

Lance Gipple and Darian Dampenotto.

What's going on?

Come on up.

- To all of the people that voted for me,

who else were you gonna vote for?

- I feel you.

♪ I guess you got what you asked for ♪

♪ Got what you asked for ♪

♪ Now you know the feeling ♪

♪ There's more to this world
than you'll ever know ♪

♪ Once you set your sight
on something so beautiful. ♪

- Andrea's crushed.

You know what it feels
like to want something for

so long and never get it?

- Not after today.

♪ All your life you've heard about her ♪

♪ All your days you've
thought and dreamed ♪

♪ All your nights you're dreaming of her ♪

♪ So tell me how you feel ♪

- You lose somebody?

- No, why do you ask?

- Follow me.

- Karl?

- Look at that.

I would never in a million
years do that to you.

- Oh my God.

- Why that asshole would risk
losing an angel like you,

I'll never know.

I'm sorry.

- Thanks.

Let's get out of here.

- Sure.

- Water's boiling.

- Sorry I'm late.

- Where were you?

- Smashing with your date.

- She's good isn't she, brother?

- Yeah.

- The life of a swinger.

Life's good but life's bittersweet.

She's already taken.

- What's mine is yours, man.

Cher and Sunny alike.

- Like I said, she's already been taken.

- What are you talking about?

- She just left with a dead guy.

- Mine?

- You know, you used to
really freak me out but now,

I don't know, you're
kind of growing on me.

- We're teenagers, right?

It takes a while to feel
comfortable in our own skin.

It's a hormonal thing, I think.

- You're still weird, but I like it.

- You're coming with Lance, woman.

- No I'm not.


- It's a free country.

- No, no, no, no, not to Lance it's not.

He's a dictator, a dick.

- We'll see how hard you
laugh when I reach down your

throat, grab your ass
and turn you inside out.

- No offense sweetie,
but I'd rather stick to

Andrea grabbing my ass.

Easy there, easy there.

- Come on, come on!

- Oh relax, come on man, this
has nothing to do with you.

- You want to dance?

- Dance?

Oh I like the nightlife,
oh yes, I like to boogie.

Oh, Tuttle.

- Oh my mouth.

You just broke my nose.

- Hi guys, thank you, next show 8 o'clock.

I'll take you home.

- He broke my nose.

- You should have someone look at that.

- You see what he did to my nose?

- I mean a doctor.

Come on, let's go.

- Tuttle.

Look at you with your new
clothes and hair and your brain.

You think you're so cool.

I made you man.

And this is what I get in return.

Go ahead, take her.

She's damaged goods.

- Those guys, huh?

Goodnight Lance.

- You got a pretty good imagination.

- Yeah.

- Imagine what I'll do to
you if you can't fix this.

- I'm gonna go wait in the car.

- Listen, listen man, I
know how you feel right now.

I mean, I'm used to
feeling like a total fool.

- Shut up, man.

Your monster is out of control, Frank.

- But...

- You made him, you gotta
stop him, or Lance will.

- So anyway, what was that all about.

- Nothing.

- So you wanna show me another galaxy?

♪ Baby you, I've got your number ♪

♪ Baby you, you're so sublime ♪

♪ Baby you, you're undercover ♪

♪ Baby you, don't waste my time ♪

♪ Don't waste my time ♪

- So who are you Macy?

That's not what I meant,
that sounded really weird.

- It was nice, rare.

- I save the tongue action
for the second date.

- I save the whipping
gorilla suit for third.

- Wow, that's kinda scary,
but okay, it's cool.

- I was kidding.

- I knew that, I knew that.

- I'm gonna go now.

- Bye.

♪ Don't waste my time,
don't waste my time ♪

- Do you think I'm flat?

- Honestly, I can't think right now.

what, what, what?

You're all gross.

oh my God, help!

- Shh!

Just calm down, calm down.

Oh, come on.

Women, so superficial.

- Help!

Help, somebody!

Help, help, somebody help!


- Help me, I'm getting
cornered by Nissan fur.

- Just calm down will you Mark?

You'll get your fur in just a second.

- I don't want to wait a
second man, I am freezing.

- Okay, I'll give you fur if you can

answer this question, alright?

- Okay, man, give me the
test, give me the test.

- Where did I hide my nuts?

- In the tree, in the tree.

- Mr. Stockton?

- Hi. I was just rehearsing for the

Kindergarten science fair.

Kids love squirrels.

Let's talk about hats.

- Hats?
- Hats.

Now as you know we all
wear many hats in the

modern world that we live in.

As an example, I'm a science teacher,

but I'm also the special events chairman.

You are a student, but you're
also the school treasurer.

- Sir, you're making me
really uncomfortable.

- When I went to pay the caterer after the

dance Friday night, do
you know what I found?

Next to nothing.


Now, as the school Treasurer,
it's your responsibility to

know exactly where the lockbox is.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- I'm gonna give you 24
hours to return the money,

and if you don't, I can assure you there

will be serious repercussions.

Do I make myself clear?

- Yes sir.

- Okay fine.

Just one more thing.

I got a phone call from
Andrea Shalonsky's mother.

Now apparently Andrea
didn't come home last night.

You know anything about this?

- No.

Money, power, respect.

I wouldn't worry about Andrea so much.

She probably went out with
that freak Karl. Slut.

I'd be worrying about the

missing Home Coming money if I were you.

So, who was the last
person to buy a ticket?

- Frank.

- And who threw a lavish
party that evening?

- Frank.

- Okay, now, so who should
go burning down in flames?


Macy, Macy!

Macy, what's going on?


- The Home Coming ticket
money is stolen and

Andrea has disappeared.

- Yeah but we're okay, right?

- No, Frank, no, we're not okay.

Look, you and Carl were the
last ones with me Friday.

So just tell me, honestly,
was it the two of you?

- No.


- How did you pay for your party?

- I...

- You took advantage of me.


- You know, I was really
starting to like you, too.

Oh and by the way, if
you see your pal Karl,

ask him what he did with my best friend.

- Macy, Macy, Macy stop, please!

- Pop!


- Frank, Frank, try and keep your

pants on during school, okay?

People are still eating.

Nice boxers.

- Karl, Karl!



What did you do with her?

- Which her?

- I made you Karl, I can break you.

- Excuse me.

Listen Frank, maybe
you only saw the movie,

but in the book, the monster wins.

Look, Andrea wouldn't put out, okay?

I'm too old to date without scoring.

- So then, you didn't kill her?

- Listen, do I look stupid
enough to ruin a good thing?

Well forget about what I
look like, that's your fault.

You know, you know I'm not gonna mess up

this little fantasy.

I'm sure the girl is fine,

just broken-hearted over losing me.

I'm such a jerk.

But hey.

- What about the Home Coming money?

You stole that, didn't you?

- How else was I gonna
throw your party, huh?

I was doing it for you, all for you.

- Thanks for nothing.

Macy broke up with me.

She's given me the end of
today to give her back the

money or she's turning me in.

- Well that wasn't part of the plan.

Listen, if you pay her
back, she may take you back.

Now I've got an idea.

- I don't need your help.

- Frank, hey.

Listen, I'm throwing a little
swaray tonight in honor of

my fellow ghouls, and I'll make
sure that Macy shows up and

we'll take care of this whole mess.

- I said I don't need your help.

Mission control,
this is Houston, do you read?

Let's be straight here, kid.

Now you may very well be able
to bring people back from the

dead, but you don't
have a clue about life.

Now I suggest you let me help you.

- What do you want me to do?

- I'll pick you up at five,
be sure to wear your costume.

- What are you planning?

- Oh relax, it's just a
little pre-party prep,

it'll be over before you know it.

- Trick or treat.

My kinda night.

- So what are we doing?

- The guy that works
here owes me some money.

Wait here and honk if you
see anyone coming, okay?

I'm back.

- I'm closed.

- Good to see you again.

- I know you?

- No, yeah, know me?

You killed me.

- What in God's name's going on here?

- I figured anyone who'd
clean out their truck on an

empty street in the middle of the

night would be an easy target.

Anyway, when I pulled out
the gun, you dropped to

one knee and begged me not to kill you.

Little did I know, you, you,

you had a Darringer in your boot.

- Jesus H. Christ!

- Boo.

I am very angry with you.

Didn't think I'd let you
get away with it, did you?

- You got a witness here.


- What?

Your gonna need one hell of
a witness protection program.

Get back in the car, get
back in the car, Frank.

- Freeze.

- Great, great, there he goes again.

Look what you made him do.

Whether you kill me or
let me live, I'll be back.

Count on it.

No money equals no Macy.

You can't blame me for trying.

- You were gonna kill him.

- He killed me first!

- You were robbing him.

- If you want to graduate high school in

one or two pieces, back off!

- Macy, Macy, Macy.

I just had to tell you
that there has been a

little delay but I don't
want to let you down.

- Okay, you can stop bothering me now.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going to Karl's house.

- No.

- Save the jealousy for
someone who cares, Frank.

- Absolutely not, Macy.

You can't.

- Why?

- Because, he's dangerous,
I'm warning you.

Promise me that you won't go.

- Weren't you the one that
said he was so honest?

Or did you lie about that, too?

- For the last time, don't go.

- God.

You're not gonna stalk me now, are you?

- Look, for your own good, I beg you.

- Goodnight, Frank.

Happy Halloween.

And by the way, I'm gonna ask
Karl what happened to Andrea.

You better hope she's alright.

The evil that lurks.

- Oh, you're gonna love this.


- Look Karl, I just want to know what

happened between you and Andrea.

- Who's Andrea?

- You know how fast you were going?

- How fast I was going?

Not fast enough.

- Death is easy, it's living that's hard.

- Pretty scary.

- It's nice work old man.

- Was it too much?

- No.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Great.

- Oh, this S and M stuff makes me horny.

Basement, evening wear, et cetera.

- Ow, stop it, you're hurting me.

- Over here, we have ladies fashions,

and other torture devices.

- So this Frankenstein
monster is on a date with

your ex girlfriend and
you've gotta stop him?

- I swear.

- Sir, don't swear.

- Honestly, sir.

- You know, I gotta tell you,
this is a very original...

- I am really, really sorry, sir.

- For what?
- This.

- I hate it when they do that.

- Leave her alone.

- Frank.

- Frank.

- Get out of here Macy.

Go home.

- Try a breath mint.

Sorry, Frank.

- You know, Frank, I'm gonna
let the earlier incident slide.

But you're starting to
become a real hassle.

Self centered, egotistical, little.

- Oh God, where have you been?

We've all been worried sick.

- I know why I didn't win.

- What?

- Look out prom queen, here I come!

- I snuck away to a clinic in
Midville, it's a big secret.


- Play nice, boys.

- Lance, you look great.

- You look like a Dutch hooker.

Die, Frankenjackoff.

Oh my finger.

- Now what?

Now what?

- Take a chill pill homey.

- What was going on with you and Karl?

- He's too tribal.

He's into scarification
and body mutilation,

not my type.

Of course, that doesn't mean
that I would miss a good party.

- You know Tuttle, you
are such an asshole that

I'm thinking I might actually be able to

make it back into heaven by killing you.

- Looking for these bullets?

- Tuttle, you wake up, don't you leave me.

I need you, you're all
I have in this world.





Frank, you sure you got
the guts for murder, boy?

- I figure I can give
you life, I can take it.

No, please don't kill me, please.

- Look, don't take this personal.

I made a big mistake, okay?

I have to fix it.

- You need me.

Please, Frank, we were the best.

We were gonna be on cereal boxes together.

- No, no, no, we're not
a team, I don't need you.

I don't need to be popular.

I don't need to be someone that I'm not.

- That doesn't seem to be working out too

well for me either.

- Tuttle, Lance?

- Oh, well that's a surprise.

Come on, we gotta find Frank.

- Hey, you know what?

There was this great comedy
traffic school over in Midville.

Next time, don't run.

- You're not such a bad guy.

What matters most is what's on the inside.

What do you think?

- Dad I need your help. Dad!

- Frank?

Thank God, I've been
looking all over for you.

I mean, you're in big trouble.

- I know.

Lance and Tuttle killed Karl,
I brought Karl back to life.

But since he had massive
head injuries, I had to use a

brain from your workplace
as a replacement.

So basically I turned Karl
into Skeeter Wayne Dobbs and

Skeeter turned out to be pretty bad,

so I had to kill him again.

- Whoa, what are you saying?

- I tweaked the theory of
heavy electron resurrection.

I did it, dad.

I got it to work.

Now I gotta do it again
and I need your help.

I gotta take the bad brain
out and put in the good.

- Well I'm sorry, Frank,
but I can't help you.

The good brain's already gone.

- What? Oh my God.

- But there is this other brain.

I think it was dropped, but
I sutured the torn lobe and

I made some repairs to
the cornextural synapsis.

- You fixed Karl's
brain, that's incredible.

That's never been done before.

Dad, you did this?

- You're proud of me?

- Yeah, I'm proud of you.

- Did you really bring that boy back?

- Yeah.

- Well you're not so bad yourself.

- Thanks.

- Buddy.

- You'll help me out?

- Frank, you show me your
brain, I'll show you mine.

- Let's not get carried away, dad.

- Sorry.

Okay, so, where do we start?

- Can we use your desk?

- Of course.

This is just an analyzing tool, Frank.

I don't know if it's gonna work.

- It'll work, it has to work.

- Looks familiar to me.

- I think it's kind of
part of your stereo.

- My A track?

Let's rock.

- I'm sorry, Frank.

I guess...

Van's all yours, Frank.

- Karl?

- Ow.

- You really did it.

You gave him our car.


- It's between Frank and me.

Do you know that Einstein flunked math?

- No.

- Well he did.

- Baby, baby, you look so good.

- Hey, you two don't have to do that

he-man act for me anymore.

The entire school knows.

- What?

- You know, Ellen, Elton, Bert
and Ernie, Lance and Tuttle.

It's common knowledge.

It's okay, I still love you.

Oh, hi.

- Hi guys.

- Marcy, Marcy!


- Macy, sir.

- Would you please just
turn around a minute?

I have something very
important to discuss with you.

I owe you a very big apology.

I was cleaning out my desk this morning,

and I found this.

Our money.

- You had it the whole time?

- Please forgive me, please?

I didn't know it was there.

It was buried underneath
all these squirrel pelts.

You remember Mark?

- You really fool anybody
with that gag last night?

It really, really sucked.

- It was pretty stupid, huh?

I'm sorry about that.

- Yeah it was stupid.

- Do you wanna hang
out after school today?

- Mr. Popular?

How am I supposed to believe
you're not popular anymore?

- Hey, believe me, I'm not.

- Are those your books?

- No.

You got Hanked.

- Welcome back.

- See you, man.

- Sir, there's someone I gotta talk to.

- Sure.

- Frank, I owe you an apology.

- If I could just..

- Teenagers.

♪ Hey baby, you, I've got your number ♪

♪ Baby, you, you're so sublime. ♪

♪ And baby, you, you're undercover ♪

♪ Baby, you, don't waste my time ♪

♪ Don't waste my time ♪

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