Big Fat Liar (2002) - full transcript

A take on the classic tale 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf', this is the story of a 14-year-old boy named Jason Shephard who lies for the fun of it. He loses an important story assignment entitled 'Big Fat Liar' in movie producer Marty Wolf's limo, which Wolf then turns into a film. When Jason sees a movie preview of his story, he and his best friend Kaylee go to Los Angeles to make Wolf confess to using his story, to clear his name, and to get him out of having to attend summer school. The teen liar then has to match wits with Wolf, who also turns out to be a big liar.

[Man]
Hey,Jas,you awake?

Jason?
Hey,Jason,you awake?

Yeah, Dad, been up for hours.
J ust getting dressed.

Did you finish that paper
for English class?.
Yeah, did it last night.

Jas, did you eat
your oatmeal?.

Yeah, thanks, Mom.
It was delicious.

Here you go, Trooper.
# Is something wrong with me#

# Orthe way that I'm thinking
Come on, come on#

# And tell me
why you're staring#

# Come on, come on--#

[ All Chuckling ]



Nice board, Shepherd.

Bret, I would love
to hang around...

and be physically and
emotionally abused by you guys,

but I should probably
get to school.

Ow. See, I had a feeling
you were an excellent bully.

And I was right.
Take it easy.

Give me
the skateboard.
You sure?.

'Cause now you're going from harmless
bully to hardened boardjacker.

I don't think you wanna
do that, do you?.

[School Bell Ringing]

# Come on, come on and tell me
why you're staring#

# Come on, come on
and stop ##

I assume everyone
has completed their creative
writing assignments.

- [ Pager Ringing ]
- I don't want to hear excuses.



Ijust want to hear
your assignments readaloud
in a slow and peaceful--

- You,Joshua. Go.
- Uh, my dog ate it?

- I know you don't have a dog.
- Right. Sorry.

- Miss Caldwel I ?.
- Yes, Kaylee?

Can you open the door?.
I t's kinda toasty in here.

I suppose so.

[ Grunts ]

Jason Shepherd, did you just
come in from that window?.

No. You looked flushed.
I was just creating a cross-draft.

Now that we're all comfortable,
why don'tyou read us your story?.

Let's give someone else a chance.
No, we'd like to hear yours.

You did do it, didn't you?.

Miss Caldwell--
can I call you Phyllis?.

- No.
- Understood.

But as much as I wanted
to write my paper--

I mean, I really, really wanted
to write my paper--

I couldn't.

And it's because I spent all last night
in the Greenbury General emergency room.

See, my mom made
Swedish meatballs for dinner.
It's my dad's favorite.

He was so excited, he accidentally
swallowed one whole.

It was awful! He started choking.
His faced turned purple.

The meatball was bulging out
ofhis neck. We rushed him to the E.R.

I kept trying to write my paper
in the waiting room,
but it was too hard.

I needed to be by my father's side.
After all, he's the only dad I got.

You're lying through your
teeth, you little demon.

I wish I were, Phyllis.
Call my dad if you want.

His number's 555-0147.

I think I will.

Are you crazy?.
You're totally gonna get busted.

Say "Harry Shepherd's office."
No way. Don't drag me into this.

- Come on. Help me out. What am I supposed to do?
- How about write the paper?.

- Do it. Do it!
- No. No!

Harry Shepherd's office.
One moment please.

[ Tired, SickVoice ]
Hello?. Oh, hello. Miss Caldwell.

Yes, it's true.
It was terrifying!

I started to see the white light.

I was just about to cross over
to the other side,

when I heard the voice of an angel calling out,
and when I opened my eyes,

I saw my sweet, sweet Jason
standing over me.

And I said,
"Back off, Grim Reaper.

I ain't done living yet."

And with every ounce of gas
I had left in my body,

I burped that meatball
right across the room.

And I owe it all to my son.

I'm sorry, Miss Caldwell.
I should stop talking now.

My throat is still very sore.

Thank you.

- [Door Opens ]
-Jason!

I am so sorry!.

You just take your time
handing in that assignment.

Thank you.

Now back to those
creative assignments. You, Trevor. Go.

[School Bell Rings ]

Oh! J ust who I was looking for.
I need to see you in here.

I would love to hang out
and chat with you, Miss "C."

But I've got to get home
and take care of my daddy.

Oh, really?.

How could you lie to us,Jas?
You told me you wrote that paper.

I don't know. Unfortunately that essay
counts for 1/3 of Jason's grade.

Without it, he's gonna fail the class.
He'll have to repeat the course in summer school.

What?. I can't go
to summer school.

There must be something
he can do to make this up.

I'm teaching English as a second language
at the community college until 6:00.

If you can get me the paper by then,
I'll consider counting it.

And don't even think about
downloading something from the Net.

- I want the essay handwritten.
- A thousand-word story in three hours?.

That should be no problem since making up stories
seems to be your God-given talent.

[ Dad's Voice ] Making up stories
seems to be your God-given talent.

[ Thinking ]
Big...

fat... Iiar.

Kenny Trooper was
the world's biggest liar.

They say a little lie
can grow bigger and bigger.

One man will pay the price.

People everywhere stopped
and stared at the big fat liar.

Yes!

Why'dhe have to steal
my skateboard today?

Nice wheels, Shepherd!
[ Laughing ]

Freak!

Uh, sir?.
I think we just hit a kid.

I'm on the phone!

Sorry. Apparently we ran over
a kid or something.

You all right there, buddy?.
Yeah.

But you gotta help me out.
I have to get to the community
college in two minutes...

or I'm gonna fail
out of eighth grade.
What's going on here?.

- I need a ride.
- What, am I running a taxi service?.

It's right down the road. You're lucky
I don't sue you for whiplash.

Actually...
my neck does feel pretty stiff.

[ Groaning]

Get in the car.

Watch the shoes!
Watch the shoes!

Man! If you only knew
the kind of day I've had!

Yeah, it must be really,
really tough to be 1 1.

I'm actually 1 4.
Oh, my mistake.

Jason Shepherd.

Marty Wolf.

Famous Hollywood producer.

[ Scoffs ] I'm in town
shooting my new picture.

Oh, yeah, you're that guy.

Dude, no offense, but you have made
some stinkers in the last few years.

- Yeah, well, everyone
has a dry spell, Ebert.
- It's Jason.

Trust me. All it takes is one hit
to get you back on top.

Yeah, that's what I'm counting on
with this story I'm handing in.

Oh, really?. Why don'tyou
tell me more about that?.

I tried to get out of it,
but my teacher busted me.

What'd you go with,
dog ate your homework?.

- No. Dad choked on a meatball.
- And you spent all night with him in the E.R.?

Yeah.

Your teacher called the old man to confirm,
you imitated his voice on the cell phone?.

Yeah, pretty much.

All right, listen and learn, short stack.
Here's where you went wrong.

You should've forged the doctor's note,
made your dad your sister...

and changed the meatball
into a chicken wing.

It's much easier to swallow
if you G.M.D...which means "Get my drift."

Wow. You're good.

No, no, no. I'm the best.

- Here we are.
- All right, God bless you,Jared.

- It's Jason.
- And it always will be.

Keep practicing those lies,Jiminy.

'Cause you can take it from me.
The truth?. It's overrated.

Now get out!

I got a movie to produce!

Thanks for the ride, gentlemen.

Ciao.

Hey-o! You left--

- Back to the set, sir?.
- Yeah. Double-time it, driver.

Listen, Whitaker,
I'm noty our sister, I'm not your girlfriend,

and I'm not your priest.
[ Clucking]

So if you wanna remain my partner,
I've got two words for you.

Shut the heck up!
You talkway too much!

Can we cut?. Can we--
[ Coughing ]

'Cause this ain't working
for me at all.

What do you think you're doing?.
Fumigating me in here?.

Move!
Moving.

Why did you call cut?. I did not
tell you to stop acting, Urkel.

Wolf, how many times
have I told you not to call me Urkel?.

My name is Jaleel White, okay?.

Urkel was a character
I played when I was a child.

Okay,Jaleel.
Hey, what's the problem?.

Wanna know the problem?.
Yeah.

I'm getting nothing
from the chicken,
that's the problem.

He sits there with his head slumped over.
I have no idea what my motivation is.

Mmm. Okay, you're
a police officer named Fowl.

Your new partner is a crime-fighting
chicken named Whitaker.

And your motivation is a nice
fat paycheck that's keeping you out...

of working the drive-through window at McDonald's.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Watch yourself, Wolf.
Watch yourself.

No, you watch yourself, pal.

You're just lucky I'm not making you
wear the freaky glasses and suspenders.

I swear. I was riding down the street
on Jamie's old bike and some limo hit me.

They offered me a ride.
I spilled all my stuff. I must've forgotten the paper.

Give us one reason
whywe should believe you.

Because it's true!

There was some guy in the limo.
Marty something. Maybe he took it.

What are our options?.

Without the essay,
summer school.

Or... summer school.

[Man]
Today, students,

we're going to learn about
the joys of a special friend...

I like to call Mr. Semicolon.

[Student Coughing]

The semicolon was first used...

in a 1734 letter
to British Parliament...

by Mr.Jedediah Wilkinson.

W-I -L...

I--
[ Snoring ]

Help... me.

Jason, you must've made
at least one friend.

Yeah, come to think of it,the kid behind me
who kept flicking boogers at my neck,

he seemed like
a really nice guy.

I shouldn't even be
in that stupid summer school.

Ifit makes you feel any better,
my parents are taking an adventure.

They're going on a river rafting
trip in the Grand Canyon.
But do I get an adventure?. No.

My big adventure is staying
at my Grandma Pearl's
with her toe fungus.

Well, you can hang out
at my place.

My folks are taking a long
weekend at some health spa
for their anniversary.

It'll just be me and Jamie
from Thursday till Sunday.

[Preview Narrator]
In a time...

when a little lie...

can grow bigger...

and bigger,

one man will pay the price.

Next summer,
people everywhere...

will stop and stare.

Marty Wolf Pictures presents...

Kenny Trooper,

the Bi g Fat Liar.

[ Kaylee ]
What do you think? Wanna see it?

See it?. I thi nk I wrote it.

[ Dad]
Not that again,Jason.
I'm telling you!

Wait a minute.
This is it.

Big Fat Liar is already being touted
as next summer's must-see movie event.

I recently sat down
with Marty Wolf,

the mastermind behind
this sure-to-be--

That's him!
That's the guy from the limo.

- How'd you come up with this idea?
- Some ideas you...

struggle and struggle with.

But the great ones,
well, they just come to you.

Yeah! From my backpack,
you loser!

-Jason.
- Dad.

I'm serious.
That guy stole my paper.

You have to believe me.

I can't.

Ijust don't trust you right now,Jas.

Have a nice weekend, kids.

We will.
[Mom ]
See you on Sunday. Have fun.

Look out for your brother.
Bye-bye.

We'll miss you guys.

[ Groans ]

Later.
I 'm going over to Rudy's.

- Rudy.
- Yo, what's up, dog?

How you living, yo?.

It's crackin', kid!

Peace out, little "G."

Booyah!

He's not literally
a catcher eating rye bread.

It's more of a metaphor
for a state of adolescent angst.

- We need to talk.
- I'm tutoring.

Bet you wish you still had
your skateboard, huh, Shepherd?

Let's see.
Fully-developed brain.

Skateboard.

- I think I'll take the brain.
- But I have your skateboard.

-Kaylee, pack your bags. We're going on a trip.
-I can't just go to Los Angeles.

And I can't go through my life
having my parents think I'm a liar.

But you are a liar.
In general that's true.

But this time I'm telling the truth.
I wrote that paper.

And I'm not gonna rest until Wolf admits
he stole it and my parents know it.

What are we supposed to do?.
Walk across the country?.

Three years of yard work and baby-sitting money.
Our flight leaves in two hours.

What about my Grandma Pearl?
I'm staying at her house
while my parents are away.

That woman doesn't
even know what year it is.

You said you wanted an adventure.

We'll go to L.A., I'll get my paper,
and we'll be back before the long weekend is over.

My grandma will notice
if I don't even show up at all.

[Bret ] Hey, Kaylee,
you got a plunger?

I took a dookie and
I clogged up the toilet. Oh, boy. Oh, no.

What a mess.
[ Laughing ]

This is never gonna work.
She's not that blind and senile. Oh, it'll work.

If any of my team mates
see me, Shepherd, you're dead.

Hey, we made a deal. You want us to do
your summer school homework or not?.

Yeah, it's just--
It's only a few days.

And remember. You have to
make your voice sound like a girl's.

Come on, big feller.

Who's there?. I've got a gun.

It's just Kaylee, Grandma.

Kaylee?.

You can't be Kaylee.
You've grown so tall.

And you're so muscular!

[ Laughs ]
I'm benching like 220, 230.

Good for you!
Give me a hug.

Come on.

# Me, myself and I#

# Me, myself and I
Just me, myself and I#

# Ahh-ahh-ahh#

[Woman Over P.A. System:
Indistinct ]

Follow my lead.
Okay.

Hi. I'm Mr. Stroog.

[ Laughs ]

You serious?.
Is there a problem?.

No, no. Uh--

Just you're kind a young to be the biggest
fur coat distributor of the Midwest, you know?.

It's a family business. I've been
selling pelts since I was a baby.

Okay.

I'm Frank.

Frank, we want to get some sightseeing in
before we start covering this town in fur.

Okay. So this here
is a little place I like to call...

Los Angeles.

# Me, myself, myself and I#

#Just me, myself#

# Do it all the time #

# I wanna get by #

# And that's fine #

# Me, myself, myself and I
Just me, myself and I #

# Me, myself, myself and I
Just me, myself and I ##

Thanks for the I ift, Frank.
We'll take it from here. You got it, Mr. Stroog.

Here's my card. If you need
a ride, give me a shout-out.

Thanks.

[Man ]
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Ron, your driver,
and I am Arthur, your tour guide.

So, what's the plan?.

When we get to Wolf's building,
we jump off, infiltrate his office,

make him admit
he stole my story.

That's it?. That's the lamest
plan I've ever heard.

Trust me.
It's gonna work.

[Tour Guide ]
So stay tuned.

This is the back lot where
many of our hit movies are made.

And speaking of movies, in just
a few days we're beginning filming...

next summer's smash sensation--
Come on, fol low me.

Big Fat Liar!

Excuse me, guard?.
Where's stage two?.

Security! Let's go!

Can I take a moment to say:
How totally awesome is this?.

[ Phone Rings ]
Marty Wolf Pictures.

Please hold.

Marty Wolf Pictures.
Please hold. Can I help you?.

We're here to see Marty Wolf.
Do you have
an appointment?.

I ask you,

Astrid,
what kind of sick world this is...

when children need an appointment
to see their own father?.

Mr. Wolf
doesn't have children.

- Not that he knows of.
- Shh.

Look, this is gonna be
an emotional reunion for all of us,

so once you let us in, you're probably gonna
wanna hold Papa's calls as well.

Mr. Wolf doesn't see anyone
without an appointment.

Marty Wolf Pictures.

No, she stepped away.

I'd love to take a message.
You've got it.

If you'd slow down--

Help me out.
Help me out.
No. No.

Help me out. Help me out.
Help me out. No. No. No. Okay.

Oh.

Marty Wolf Pictures.
One moment, please.

Operator.
Hi. Marty Wolf Pictures, please.

[ Panting, Barks ]
[Phone Rings ]

Marty Wolf Pictures.
Astrid Barker, please?.

Speaking.
This is Doris Del Rio down in parking.

- Do you drive a Saturn?
- Yes.

- Well, it's um--
- It's parked on a dog.

- I'm not gonna say that.
- Come on!

- Hello?.
- Your car's parked on a dog.

Your car is parked on a dog.

My car is parked on a dog?.

Yes, ma'am. In the tail area
to be more specific.

[ Gagging ]
It's gruesome, actually.

- Listen for yourself.
- [Jason Barking ]

[ Barking, Whining ]

Hang on, okay?.
I'm coming! Don't die!

Just stay! Keep breathing!
Think ofa happy place.

All right,
keep a lookout.

I'm sure this thing will be over
in just a few minutes.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues ]

Marty Wolf Pictures.
Can I take a message?.

Mr. Wolf is about
to go into a meeting.

Uh-huh. San-- Sandler.
Mm-hmm.

[Wolf] We're not just looking
for my personal organizer, Monty.

That thing is my life!
Ifyou've lost it, then you've killed me.

Simple as that.
Draw a I i ne of chal k around me,
because I am dead!

[ Monty]
I understand that.
No, you don't.

You always say that.
No, you don't!

[Monty]
Did you check your jacket pocket?

What do I look like, a moron?.
No, if you remember
that one time--

Fine, Monty, fine.
If it'll make you happy, I'll check my jacket pocket.

It's in there.

[ Sighs ]

Uh, hello?. Excuse me.
Hey, how's it goin'?.

Ah, who are you?.
Jason Shepherd.

Remember me?.
I wrote Big Fat Liar.

Ah-- [ Laughs ]

Monty, hold my calls.

Give me a few minutes alone
here with Mr. Shepherd.

Well, well, well.

Jason Shepherd!
The young man from Greenbury, Michigan.

I must tell you,
this is quite a surprise.
What can I do for you, amigo?.

I want you to call my dad
and tell him you stole the story from me.

Call your dad?. Why?.

Because it's the truth, and you're
the only one he'll believe.

You traveled halfway
across the country...

to get me to call your dad
and tell him you did your homework?.

You make that phone call,
and you will never hear from me again.

- Okay.
- Really?.

Yup.

It's a great piece ofwork, kid.
And I'm not just blowing smoke.

I refer back to it whenever
I get in a bind on the script.

So you'll give it back to me
and make the phone call?.

Hey, you gave me my movie.
It's the very least I can do for you.

Hey...
you smoke cigars, hotshot?.

I'm... 1 4, Wolf.

All right, suit yourself.

Jason Shepherd
ofGreenbury, Michigan--

Ahh. It was a pleasure
doing business with ya.

- Oh! What have I done?.
- No! No!

Stand back, son! Let me try and
tamp it out with this lit cigar.

Oh, I seem to be
making matters worse.

Good move!

Hold on, help is on the way.

Stand back!

Oh! Ohhh.

You're sick!
You know that?.

All I wanted you to do was call my dad
and tell him I wrote that paper!

Or else what?. You gonna
shoot me with a spitball, hmm?.
Gonna give me a wedgie?.

Grow up, Shepherd!
This is Hollywood, baby.
It's a dog-eat-dog town.

Worse. We got cats eatin' cats.
We got fish munchin' fish.

We play by our own rules.
[ Chuckling ]

I am not leaving
until you make that call!

Oh, I'll make a call, all right.
Malone speaking.

Rocco, this is the Wolf.
Senda couple of your boys
down here. I got a Code "W"

Another angry writer
refusing to leave. Wolf out.

- I tried to play fai r, Wolf,
but you asked for it!
- [ Fake Whimpering ]

You asked for it. You don't
know who you're messing with!
Come on!

Thanks for holding.
Can you spell Soderbergh for me?.

Thanks, Steven.
I'll have Mr. Wolf return.
[Phone Ringing]

Marty Wolf Pictures.
[Jason ]
No,you don't understand!

Let go! I'm telling you.
It was my idea.

Oh, yeah, and I wrote
The Nutty Professor.
I heard it all before.

Uh... hi.

Hey, Astrid. Adam Sandler
called to set up a lunch.

I sent some flowers
to Meg Ryan 'cause she
sounded like she had a cold.

Oh, and I scheduled
a deep body massage for you at 3:.00.

You look like you can use
a little "you" time.

Thank you, kind stranger.

What can I say?.
This is Hollywood, Kaylee.
It's a fish-eat-fish town.

They play by their own rules out here.

Does that mean we're going home?.
We're going home... as soon as
Wolf admits he stole my story.

I'm not trying to be negative,
but didn't we just find out Wolf
isn't going to admit the truth?.

He'll do it.
How?.

'Cause I have his life
in the palm of my hand.
Great, so we're stealing now.

We're not stealing.
We're borrowing.

I've got Wolf's alarm codes,
credit card numbers, his schedule.

So?.
So this is awesome.

Give me one day and I'll figure out
a way to use this info against him.

I don't know,Jas.

I can't go home
until my dad knows the truth.

If you saw the way
he looked at me. It was like--

I don't know.
Like I wasn't his kid anymore.

Do you think your plan
might include food
and a place to sleep?.

The guard!
Let's get outta here!

Let's check out
that warehouse.

Looks like we found
our temporary home.

[Kaylee ]
Look at all this stuff.

Oh!

All right, Kay, we're gonna need
clothes and supplies.
Let's hunker down...

until the law dogs punch out,
and start racking up the merch.

What are you talking about?.

We'll stay here until closing time
and then we go shopping.

# The party's just begun#

# Everybody's having fun#

# Why don't we run away #

# And play some one-on-one #

# Let's find a place
just you and me #

# With no one around#

# Where we can be
who we wanna be #

# And no one brings us down #

# I, I wish
this night would never end#

# I, I wish
this night would never end#

# We're on our own
Just me and you #

# No one around#

# Where we can do
what we wanna do #

# I hope we're never found#

# I, I wish
this night would never end#

# I wish this night
would never end##

[ Knocking Sound]

J as?.

I 'm at the beach.

Hey, Frank. Mr. Stroog.
Meet us at the studio gate in 20.

- Hey.
- [ Panting ]

- What's with the Cokes?.
- The machine, it's rigged.
They're free.

[ Hysterical Laughing ]
They're free!

[Jason ] Good morning, Frank.
Let's get moving.

We've got furs to sell.
Yeah.

Fur coat king of
the Midwest, my butt!

I've got some R-rated
dialogue for you,
but I'm gonna keep it P.G.

I'm gonna keep it P.G.
You owe me $1 00
for yesterday's ride.

- Maybe--
- You almost cost me my job.

- I'm sorry, I can explain.
- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D! Hear that?.

-Just--
- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

- Maybe if we--
- I don't wanna hear it. Okay?.

- I know, I just--
- D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

- If you--
- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

- If-- Don't--
- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

I'm sorry. It's just that
we came out here to get even
with this guy Marty Wolf.

- He stole my story. He's making
it into this big movie.
- Whoa.

- Did you just say MartyWolf?.
- Yeah. You know him?.

Know him?. I used to drive him.
He fired me last year.

- Why?.
- I'm an actor. See?.

Right? And I made the mistake
of asking him if I could
audition for one ofhis movies.

He could've said no
and not let me audition.

But instead he takes my head shot,
writes "loser" across my forehead,

and then faxes it to every
casting director in town.

You poor thing.

If you guys wanna mess
with Wolf, I got your back.

[Jason's Voice ]
Today, it's know the enemy time.

Right on schedule.

[Wolf] Okay, people, we begin
production in two days.

Dusty! El director.
First up's the big stunt.

I wanna start this shoot off
with a bang! I wanna blow them away
right out of the gate! Hit me!

- Rock and rol l, baby,
I am ready to party.
- Go!

Okay! Harumph! We open.
Twelve different camera angles.

Smoke ascending
from the streets of the city.

Kastang!
Birds descending from the heavens...

like winged messengers
from above, beckoning.

[ Wolf]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Confucius say,
"Easy does it, skippy."

I can barely afford one camera,
let alone twelve. And forget the birds.

Monty, talk to me
about the budget.

We're two million dollars over, and the
studio hasn't approved the new budget.

When are they supposed
to do that?.

Tomorrow morning you have a breakfast
meeting at Marcus Duncan's house.

[ Scoffing ] Oh. I have a breakfast
meeting at Marcus Duncan's house.

You can tell our little
vice president he can drag
his sorry butt to myplace...

if he wants to have a little sit-down
chin-wag with the Wolf Man.

Actually, sir,

he's not the V.P. anymore.

[ Clears Throat ]
He's the president.

I see. Well, um,

get his address,
we don't wanna be late now, do we?.

Next!

Now, for a big movie,
you need a big stunt.

And for a big stunt, you need
serious media coverage.

I'm talkin' TV, print,
that Internet crap, everything.

Now who's handling that?.
I am.

Jocelyn Davis,
senior V.P. of publicity.

Yeah?. Sure you're not senior V.P.
of Twinkies?. [ Chuckling ]

Ooh, funny.

I'll make sure the shoot
is well-covered.
Terrific!

Okay, people, meeting's over.
What's next, Monty?

Cool!
1 2:30, stunt demonstration.

- What do you think, Marty?. Nice, huh?.
- Perfect. What do you think?.

- Bam! Loved it.
- Yeah, but actually, I think...

I liked it better the first time
I saw it... in 1 942,

you dinosaur!

Vince, meet my new effects whiz,
Lester Golub.
Pleasure to meet--

Shh! Lester is going to design
the stunt on his iBook.

And your stunt guy's gonna do
whatever the computer tells him to do.

I don't need a computer
to show me how to do myjob.

Geek boy, ignore FatherTime
over here and get workin'.

From the looks of you, I'm sure
that you don't have a social life.

So you two will get together tomorrow
to finalize the details. Play nice.

I'm offtomorrow.
I'm taking a personal day.

I-- What was that?.

Personal day?. Wh-What
are you talking about, Vince?.
What's a personal day?.

I'm taking my granddaughter
to a birthday party.

- Ahh! Oh. May I?.
- Sure.

Oh, that is great!
Would you look at that!

Clown with the crazy hair!

Oh, man!

Man, that's fun.

See, this is the movie business,
Grandpa! The talkies!

You know?. You can take
your personal day in a year
or two when you're dead!

[Jason ] Today we learned
we're officially dealing
with the meanest man alive!

All right, colored dye.
Check.

MegaGlue.
Check.

Oh, my God.

Grandma Pearl. Bret must be
in a living hell right now.

[ Grunting ]

How many more, Kaylee?.

Fifty.
I gotta get ripped, baby.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Feel no burn!

'Cause I'm the best, baby!
I'm the best!

You know, Grandma, you should think
about getting into shape yourself.

One more, Grandma!
One more, Grandma!

It's all you! I ain't helping!
Last one! Yeah!

[Phone Ringing]

[ Game Ringing, Beeping ]
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

[ Ringing ]
Hello?.

- Hey,Jas.
- Hey, Dad!

Just called to see
how you were doing.

- Um, doing good. You know,
staying out of trouble.
- What's that noise?.

Just doing this experiment
for science class, this thing
with ball bearings and bells.

Just wanted to check in 'cause
you looked upset when we left.
Yeah, about that, Dad.

I just want you to know,
I totally get what you said
about the whole trust thing.

I think when you get back,
you'll see I've been trying
really hard to earn it.

- Glad to hear it, pal.
- Good night, Dad.

- Night.
- Call forwarding. Gotta love it.

You really think
this is gonna work?.

One day. That's all it's gonna take.
Wolf's not gonna know what hit him.

Jas, little help here.

What about your parents?.
Think they'll call?.

They're in the middle
of the canyon. There's no phones.

Hey, thanks for
coming out here with me.

I came for the adventure,
remember?.

Right.

Anyway, we shouldget
some sleep.

- Tomorrow we launch phase two.
- Whoa!

[ Alarm Beeping ]

It's show time,
Mr. Funny bones.

[ Laughing ]
You cute little monkey, you!

[ Monkey Sounds ]

You!

## [ Humming ]
Look out! Pss! Pss! Pss!

"Ow!' Pss! Pss! Pss!
"Cut it out, Marty!

Hey, that kills, Marty."
[ Laughing ]

[ Sighs ]
Hungry!

# Dark in the city
Night is a wire#

# Steam in the subway
Earth is afire #

# Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do-do, do-do #

# Woman you want me
Give me a sign #

# And catch my breathing
even closer behind#

# Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do-do, do-do #

Mr. Earpiece,
meet Miss MegaGl ue.

# I'm on the hunt
I'm afteryou #

# Smell like I sound
I'm lost in a crowd#

# And I'm hungry
like the wolf#

# Straddle the line
in discord and rhyme #

# I'm on the hunt
I'm afteryou #

# Mouth is alive
with juices like wine #

# And I'm hungry
like the wolf#

# Stalked through the forest
too close to hide #

# I'll be upon you
by the moonlight sign #

# Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do-do, do-do #

Let's dance, Funnybones!

# High blood drumming
on your skin, it's so tight #

# You feel my heat
I'm just a moment behind#

# Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do-do, do-do ##

Oh, my God!

[ Ringing ]

Good morning.
Marty Wolf Pictures. This is Monty.

Monty! Charisma from
Marcus Duncan's office.

I'm temping for a second assistant.

I am so psyched you're there.
I was watching Charmed
on the W.B. last night...

and just as Alyssa Milano
was about to put a spell
on her demon boyfriend,

I had the biggest panic attack
that I forgot to give you
Duncan's new address.

Really?. I didn't know he moved.
That was quick.

Oh, yeah, in a big way. He bought
like the sickest pad in the 90210.

We're talking mondo bucks.
[Laughing]

Anyhoo, tell Mr. Wolf
that Duncan lives at...

867 North Maple Drive.

All right.
Thanks. Got it.

[ Phone Ringing ]
What?.

It's Monty. I'm glad I caught you.
Duncan moved.

Cancel the meeting.

And get one of the makeup chicks
to meet me at the office.
This is an emergency.

No, no. You cannot cancel
the meeting.

If Duncan doesn't approve
the new budget, we can't
start shooting tomorrow.

[ Laughing ] I don't think
you understand, Monty. I'm blue.

Aw, come on.
Now, we all have our off days.

[ Laughing ]

No, I mean I'm literally--

And I've got orange--
[ Groans ]

Come on, Wolf Man.

Okay, forget it.

Give me his address.
I'll figure something out.

867 North Maple.

Copy that.

Did you come up with an ending
for the scriptyet?.

I'm working on it.

I'm headed across the lot
to do some research, but...
I could use a little help.

Monty, I am writing and producing
a major motion picture.

I don't have time to work on
the script! That's your job.

Now, stop wasting time
and get to work!

I'm 24 hours away from the most
important shoot of my career.

Wolf out!
Ow! Oh, G--

- Get glasses, Grandma!
- Upyours, blue boy!

Aah.

[ Car Lock Chirps ]

- Yeah, I'm, uh--
- [ Speaking Spanish ]

Uh-huh.

Got the alarm codes?
I'm all over it.

Rough. Sister,
I invented the word rough.

Duncan will be eating
sugar cubes out of my hand by
the time I'm finished with him.

Right.

What the--

It's the clown! Let's hurt him!
[ Yelling ]

Excuse me--

- [ Screaming ]
- I need backup!

[Boy]
Incoming!

[ All Yelling ]

I'm a very powerful
Hollywood producer!

What am I doing here?
Don't touch that, don't
touch that, don't touch--

You kids are all gonna
be hearing from my lawyer!
Don't let him get away!

Get off of me!
You wanna dance, kid?. Let's dance!

You want a piece of me?.
You want a piece of me?.

You're going down, clown!

Good, bring it! I'm Marty Wolf!.
You have any idea who I am?.

Come on, four eyes, huh?.

Hey, head's up, clown!

- [ Yelling ]
- [ Yelling ]

[Boy]
You're not even funny, clown!

[ Line Ringing ] Hello?.
Monty, where the hell
did you send me?.

Because it sure
wasn't Duncan's house!
How was I supposed to know?.

Don't speak,just listen.
Whatever you do, you gotta
get me in there with Duncan!

I'll just reschedule
the meeting, Marty! Geez!

Okay. That's all
you had to say.

Adios, sugarpuff!.
[ Shouts ]

[ Horn Honking ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- What the--
- [ Honking Stops ]

[ Horn Honks Three Times ]

[ Sighs ]

## [ Car Radio: Loud Rock ]

## [Rock Continues ]

Stop!

[ Alarm Blaring ]

Hey, Marty, I like your new coloring.
It works foryou.

You did this?.
Yup.

And it can end anytime.
All you have to do is make
one phone call to my dad.

Shouldn't be much of a
problem since that headset
is superglued toyour ear!

Here's my dad's number.

Hi.

Call me.
Bye-bye.

Rotten kids!

[ Horn Honking,
Alarm Blaring ]

Shepherd!

[ Alarm Blaring,
Loud Rock Blaring ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[ Horn Honks ]

- That's it!
- [ Noises Stop ]

Oh... my... God!

I'm gonna kill you!
Take it easy, man.
It wasn't my fault.

- The oldbag rear-endedme.
- Eat my boobies, blue boy!

That's very nice. That's really charming
from a woman of your advanced years.

Have a nice day!
It's just the tire.

You're gonna pay for this!

All right, listen... "Masher"
I'm sure we can come to
some monetary arrangement.

Yeah, that's what I thought,
tough guy!

- Who's the tough guy now, pal?.
- [ Tires Squealing ]

Oh, no. Come on.

No, dude, no.
Back off, man! No way!

[Screaming]

Two meetings in a row, Monty.

This is not the way to get on
the new president's good side.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sure there must be
some explanation.

They told me to pick up
a little blue car.

They didn't say anything about
a little blue man!

[Laughing]

[ Phone Rings ]
You got the Wolf.

Where are you?.
I am at Duncan's office right now!

I'm, uh--
I'm not gonna make it.

You, uh, tell him it's
your fault and reschedule.

I am not gonna lie to the new
president ofthe studio, Marty.

Don't get all high and mighty
on me, Monty, 'cause if
I go down, you're ridin' shotgun,

Tootsie Roll-- now,
make something up!

And I'll smooth things over
with him at the premiere.

- Fine.
- Wolf, out!

Hi, everybody. I'm Pat O'Brien,
and welcome to Tinseltown.

Well, here we are again,
this time at the world premiere
of producer Marty Wolf's...

action comedy,
Whitaker and Fowl.

So this must be a very
exciting evening for you.

Oh, yes! You know, it's just good
to get the past behind me...

and finally be taken
seriously as an actor.

Can I give a shout-out?.
Oh, my God,
it's the chicken!

[ Clucking ]

[ Crowd Clamoring, Applauding ]
Whitaker, over here!

Well, it looks like all of Hollywood
has turned out for this one.

But the question is,
where is Marty Wolf?.

Oh!
[ Woman ]
Oh, sweet Moses!

What is that?
Don't look in his eyes.

- Hey there, Marty.
- H-Hi!

Ready to end this?.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, kid.

You have no idea
who you are dealing with.

You think I care about
a couple of little pranks?. Nah.

[ Laughs ]
See you around, Shepherd.

[Phone Dialing]

[Phone Ringing]
Hello?.

This is J-Dog calling K-Bird.
Repeat,J-Dog calling K-Bird.

-Jas, is that you?.
- Yeah. I'm using code names.

Wolf didn't throw in the towel.
We're moving into phase three.

- What's phase three?.
- We're goin' to our first
Hollywood soiree.

I didn't know what to expect,
but all ofa sudden
it's like bam! Bad movie!

Can you say "boring"?.

Like when you did Saved by
the Bell. Quality, okay?.

I mean, substance.
Worst film in the world.

[ Whitaker Clucking,
Guests Chattering]

Whoa! There he is!

El Presidente.
## [ Humming "Hail to the Chief" ]

Ah. And his wife,
the very lovely Shaniqua.

It's Shandra.
Great to see ya.

Well?. I mean, I think
they loved it! Don'tyou?.

I think that sad excuse for a movie
just lost the studio $30 million.

I'm pulling the plug
on Big Fat Liar.

- What?.
- It's over, Wolf.

Look,just hear me out.

The truth is-- Would you
excuse us please, Shananny?.

The truth is, I missed those
meetings because I had...

an incredible breakthrough on B.F.L.,
which I was working on all day,

and I wanted to wait until we were
in front of the entire industry...

to make mypresentation.

One chance, Wolf,
that's all I'm givin' you.
And that's all I need.

Strap on your seat belt,
Dr. Duncanstein,

because you are
about to be blown away.

- Monty!
- Sorry. Marty!

God! What's going on?.

What is this big presentation
you're giving about the movie?.

I have no idea! None!

None. It is--
[ Blows Raspberry]

- I can help you.
- [ Gasps ]

Why do you keep
showing up in my life?.

Sounds like you need to come up with
some big idea for Big Fat Liar. Right?.

What?.

Some ten-year-oldkidis gonna
tell me how to fix my entire movie?

First of all, I'm 1 4.
Second of all, I created the story.

You think I can't at least
come up with a few good twists?

- Uh-huh.
- No--

You mean that this kid
really did write Big Fat Liar?

Uh-- No, he wrote
a little English paper...

with the same title--
big deal.

I-It's-- It--
Uh--

He's--

- Don't do it,Jason.
- Kid.

I swear to you,
you get me out of this mess,

and I'll tell your dad
you wrote Big Fat Liar,

Erin Brockovich and
Saving Private Ryan too.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

Friends! Uh, if I can have your
attention for just a moment, please?.

You're all probably wondering
why I'm blue and orange.

[ Everyone Laughs ]
Just go with me for a second.

You see, uh, Big Fat Liar.

B.F.L. " Bfl "
as it's come to be known,

is full of action, romance,
effects-- oh,you bet!

But what it lacks right now
is a message.

Trooper's girlfriend makes
this new potion which is
supposed to make him shrink.

[ In Earpiece ] But instead,
it causes him to change color.

[ Faking A Cough ] Why?.
Because now, the twist is...

he can't even lie
about his feelings anymore.

You see, his girlfriend, Penny,
she makes Trooper an antidote...

which, instead of curing him-- whoa--
causes him to change colors.

When he's bummed out
about stuff, he turns blue.

- When depressed, he turns blue.
- When he's mad, his hair turns red.

When he's angry, boom!

His curly locks turn the color
of a flaming brushfire!

But when he discovers the ultimate
truth that he's in love with Penny,

the softest shade of pink...

finds its wayacross his visage.

I didn't tell him to say that!

Wolf, what are you doing?.
You're not listening to me.

Just stick to the plan--
[ Yelps ]

I'm sorry. The emotions
in this movie are just so painful.

They are painful because--

'cause they hit home,
right here... in the old corazon.

Who among us hasn't told
a little white lie?
I have.

Anybody else?. You?.
[Man ]
Guilty.

You?. It's all right,
don't be ashamed, brother,
because I am right there with you.

I am right there with you.

You're all right, man.
Because our picture...

looks the audience
right in the eye...

and says enough is enough!

Lying has gotta stop.

The truth and the truth alone
shall set you free!

Friends, God bless all of you.

God bless America,

and God bless Big Fat Liar!

[ Cheering ]

Very impressive, Marty.

Now, does this mean that you
will approve the budget?.
You start shooting tomorrow.

That's great.
But if anything, and I mean
anything, goes wrong,

your movie, your deal
at the studio...

and your career
will be over, you hear me?.

Okay.

Hey-o!
[ Laughs ]

Shepherd, you are
a genius, buddy! Huh?.
[ Imitating Punches Landing ]

You ready to make that call?.
Time to let my fingers
do the walking.

- Here's my dad's phone number.
- All right. Ah, Daddy.

Ah. Hello,
this is MartyWolf.

I am standing here in mykitchen
withJason Shepherd.

I'm lookin' at him as we speak.

And you better bring backup.
[ Phone Disconnects ]

What are you doing?. I thought
you were on the phone with my dad.

Oh, I was on the phone, all right,
but it ain't with your old man.

You're a real piece ofwork, Shepherd.
Who are you?.

Rocco Malone, head of security
for Marty Wolf Pictures.

Thanks for all your help,
kid. Really.

Savin' my butt twice in one year.
Who would've "thunk"it?

Let's go, kid. Come on,
you too, Punky Brewster.

You can't do this.
We have a witness!

Hey, first lesson in Hollywood,
sweetheart. Always get it in writing!

What a day!

Here's the deal. The two of you
are gonna get on a plane,

go back home, forget this
ever happened-- clear?.

Good. Let's go get
you two guys packed up, huh?.

I can't believe
we're just gonna give up.

You're Jason Shepherd.
You can get out of anything.

Come on. You must have
a phase four up your sleeve.

Yeah. I guess I do.

[Phone Dialing]

- Hello?.
- Dad?. It's Jason.

- Hey.
- I haven't--

I haven't been totally honest
about what I've been up to
the last couple of days.

And, uh, I think it's time
I told you the truth.

The truth?.
[ Sighs ]

Hey, Rocco. Hey.

Hey.

Why don't you head home?.
I'll take the kids to the airport.

- You sure?.
- Yeah. I was gonna be up all night...

rewriting Wolf's script anyway,
so it's no problem.

All right then. I'm gettin' too old
for this baby-sittin' anyway.

You take it easy.

Good night.
Good night.

You know what the worst part
of this whole thing is?.

Wolf is just going to keep
getting away with it.

He treats all these people
like dirt, and no one has
the guts to stand up to him.

- Forget it, Kaylee.
- I can't forget it.

It just makes me sick that your
parents are never gonna know
that you wrote that story.

What are we supposed to do?.
My parents are gonna be here
in the morning!

We tried everything.
It would take an army
to get Wolf to admit the truth.

I think I know where
we could find our troops.

- What areyou doing here?.
- I've been pushed around
by Wolffor too long.

Tomorrow his whole career
is on the line.

So you guys up
for one last fight?.

Jas?.

It's payback time.

Mmm. You've got to look good
for the first day of shooting.

Do you copy that, Mr. Funny bones?.

"That's a big 1 0-4, Marty!'

[ Laughs ]
Mmm. Whoo!

I brought you all here
tonight for two reasons.

"A" you're all the best
in your given fields.

And "B" you all
despise this man... a lot.

Gang, let's roll up our sleeves
and get to work.

Let's begin.
Your assignments.

Red team, you guys stall him
until my parents get to the set.

Oh! That's it. Oh!
One more! Oh! That's it!

Blue team, I need your help
in the distract and delay tactics.

Gold team, you guys are responsible
for the mental warfare.

In order to get what we need,
we are talking...

complete physical and
psycho-emotional breakdown, people.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
- I want to see a broken man.

I'm talking broken like,

"Ooh, I just threw a baseball
through your window" broken.

Snap him like a twig.
Squeeze him like a bug.

I want you to turn him into mincemeat,
and I don't even know what mincemeat is!

I want him to scream
for his mommy: "Wah, wah!

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!'
Do you hear me?.

Do you read me?.
'Cause I don't think--

I... think they read you.
Fair enough.

Guys, I just got one thing to say.

It's show time.
It's show time.

From the studio?.
Yes, sir.

Don't I know you?.
Yeah, you do.

I'm Frank Jackson. I was your driver
last year until you fired me.

Fabulous! Oh!

Boy, the acting career
must really be taking off.

Bravo, Brando. Let's get movin'.
I don't wanna be late.

[ Phone Rings ]
Yeah.
Monty, it's me.

Oh, hey, Marty. Did you get
some rest for the big day?.

Ah, are you kidding me?.
I spent half the night with a scrub
brush and a can of turpentine.

But bye-bye, Little Boy Blue,
I am back!

Hey, pedal to the metal,
Ricky Retardo!

Got a movie to shoot.

Uh, I'm sorry, sir. There seems to be
something... wrong with the car.

[ Phone Disconnects ]

[ Sighs ]

I'm gonna fix it.

Hot smoke.
Very hot smoke! Oh.

What the hell is happening?.
Stay right there.

- What?.
- No, Mr. Wolf. Don't come up here.

We have a situation.
The carbide lateral valve...

is connected to the defibrillator,
and it'sjust actin' up.

And the point is, this thing could blow
any second, so you might wanna back up.

Back up, back up.
Okay. What are you saying?.

The engine's fried.
I need a backup car.

Are you kidding me?.
My movie starts shooting in an hour!

Mr. Wolf, please.
I would very much appreciate it
if you didn'tyell at me. Okay?.

Uh-uh, uh-uh.
I wanna do right--

[ Stammering ]
Don't! Don't touch, dude!

I just-- I--
Do not touch!

[Car Brakes Squealing]

Hey! Everything okay here?.

Urkel.Jaleel.

Oh, my God, my man. This is incredible.
You gotta get me outta here, buddy.

- Hop in.
- No, no!

Mr. Wolf, please, no.
Please, no.
It's locked.

My pincer--
Can you unlock--
No, no, no.

[ Stammering, Protesting ]
No, Mr. Wolf!. Please.
Drive!

Sayonara, loser.

[ Sobbing ]

F-Man to J-Dog. F-Man to J-Dog.
The baton has been passed.

Roger that, F-Man.
Well done.

Who's the bad actor now,
Mr. Wolf?. Those were real tears!

K-Bird, the baton
has been passed.

Got it.

Nice car!
TV money, baby.

Didn't wear those glasses and suspenders
all those years for free, dog.

That's a relief. Do you, uh--
Do you know where you're goin'?.

Takin' a shortcut. Look,
just throw your seat back
and relax, Wolf Man.

- You're in Jaleel's hands now.
- [ Laughs ]

Okay.
Whoo!

[ Yelps ] You did a fishtail!
That was a close one.

Oh, yeah!

##[Rap]
Yeah, baby!

Whoo! Yeah!
Where in the hell
are you taking me?.

I told you. I know a shortcut.
Through the desert?

Slow down, you maniac!
I'm gettin' out!

- It's your call, baby.
- I'm gonna do it.

- Do what you gotta do.
- I am gettin' out, pal.

Go!

## [Rap Continues ]
Not bad.
Yo,Jaleel at the wheel.

The condor has flown the coop.
Roger that,J-Dub.
Wait. What does that mean?.

Means I'm leavin' Wolf
in the middle ofthe desert.
Urkel is out! Whoo!

[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

[ Dialing ]

[ Phone Rings ]
Hello?.

Ah, Monty, it's me.

Oh, hey, Marty.
Is everything okay?.

No, no, no.
Everything is fine.

Except, uh, oh, yeah.
I'm stuck in the middle of the desert!

Do you hear what I am saying to you?.
The what?.

The desert!
You gotta get me outta here.

How?.
I don't care how, Monty!Just do it!

[ Disconnects ]

Ready to go Wolfhunting?.

I borrowed the chopper
from the shoot.

You're in good hands, Wolf.
I flew 49 combat missions in Vietnam.

All right. Save me
the sob story, Methuselah.

I already sat through Platoon.

Just get me to the set!

[ Laughs ]

# Right here
Right now#

# Right here
Right now #

# Right here
Right now #

- # Right here, right now #
- This is Father Time.
We're headed your way.

Roger that, F.T.

- They're airborne.
- Copy that.

Let's punch a hole in the sky,
Grandpa. Go, go, go!

Let's get a tail wind behind this bird,
old-timer. [ Whooping]

## [Rap ]

Brando to base. Brando to base.
The sheep has located the
Shepherds and we're coming home.

Yes!

[ Beeping ]

Oh, boy.

What's that?.
What's happening?.

One of our blades is jammed.
We're gonna have to do a forced evac.

What-- What are you
talking about?.

Come on, we gotta jump.
This bird is going down!

[ Beeping ]

Aah!

Are you kidding me?.
I wish I was.

You're gonna have to hold on tight.
We've only got one chute.

I hope it supports us both.

Wait! This is insanity!
Vince!

Have you done this before?.

Oh, don't worry, Wolf.
I'm a professional.

Granddad's been doin' this
a long, long time.

[ Laughs ]
Vince!

[Beeping Continues ]

This is Chopper One to Control.
Papa Bear and the Wolf
have left the building.

# Right here
Right now##

Not like this!
Oh, sweet God! Not like this!

Aaaah!

Ah. Hello, sir.

- Where's Wolf?.
- Uh, late.

Bad.

[Phone Ringing]

- Hello?.
- I'm on the lot, Monty!
I'll be there in a minute!

- Marty!
- I'm not lying.

Just stall Duncan another
second. Okay?. I'm coming.

- Hey, Wolf.
- How's it hangin', Shepherd?.

##[Western Showdown Theme ]

[ Funnybones Squeaks ]

[ Gasps ]

Gimme back my monkey.

- Come and get him.
- [ Sighs ]

You two! Good-bye!

I'm comin', Funnybones!

[ Yells ]

[ People Shouting ]

## ["Deck The Halls"]

Look out!

Come on!

Right behind ya, Shepherd!

## [Mexican ]

You can't out run the Wolf, kid!

Yeah, we'll see about that.

Hang on, Funnybones,
Daddy's coming!

He's all yours, Lester.

- [ Computer Beeps ]
- Activate water.

Aaah!

Who's the geek boy now?.
You spaz!

This is it, Monty. Ifhe's not here
in 60 seconds, this movie's over.

Right up there is where
the big stunt is taking place.

This way.

"Help! Come and rescue me, Marty."

Feet, don't fail me now.

[ Moans ]

Let go of the monkey.

- Call my dad.
- Never.

- Yes.
- No!

Ah! Gotcha, kid.

It's over.
You lose, and I win.

I don't think so, Wolf.
Oh, you don't think so?.

Come on,Jason.
You're smarter than that.

You write a story,
I steal it, and now I'm
about to start shooting...

the greatest movie
of my career.

So you admit
you stole my story?.

We've been over this.
It's ancient history.

Yeah, I stole your story!
Whoop-di-doodle-doo!
You happy now?.

I stoleJason Shepherd's paper
and turned it into Big Fat Liar!

You know who's listening, pal?.
Hmm?. No one.

And they never will.
So for the last time, give it up!

Because I will never, ever, ever--
like never, ever, ever,

ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever--
infinity--

tell the truth.
[ Blowing Raspberry ]

Because the truth's overrated, right?.

That's right!
[Man ]
And cut!

Huh?.

I told you, Wolf. The only way
to shoot this scene is from
1 2 different camera angles...

with birds flyin' around.

Oh, and, by the by,

Confucius say,
"Kastang, you're busted."

Rock 'n' roll, baby.

It's just like you wanted, Wolf.

The press is all here.

You stole the idea for this
movie from a 1 3-year-old boy?.

He's, um--

He's 1 4.

This is the end ofthe line, Wolf.

It's over.

[ Growls ]

Wolf, I wanna say thanks.

You taught me
a valuable lesson.

The truth:
It's not overrated.

[ Laughing ]

I am gonna get you, Shepherd!

[Screams ]

[ Applauding ]

You did all this just
to prove you weren't lying?.

I wanted to earn
your trust back, Dad.

You've earned it, buddy.
You've earned it.

Hey!

[ Laughs ]
We got a movie to shoot. Huh?.

Come on.
Let's make some magic.

The human hit factory
is ready to roll!

[ Laughs ]

Yeah, let's go home.

Hey, where do you think
you're going?.

You cannot turn your backs
on me!

I'm Marty Wolf!.
All right, fine!

Fine! You're all fired!

[Man]
You suck, Marty.

You, uh, certainly know
how to make an entrance.

What can I say?. I got big feet.

[ Laughs ]

You were right, Penny.
The truth: It's not overrated.

[Audience Applauding]

Whoo!

Oh, oh!

Congratulations.
It was incredible.

[ Rings ]

[ Sighs ]
It's show time.

Hey, kids.
I'm Wolfie the Clown.

Whoo! And, uh, "I'm Mr. Funnybones!
Happy birthday, Darren."

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, no.

Yo, Little Mash.
Show him your nutcracker.

[ Yells ]

- [ Kids Cheering ]
- [ Screaming ]

[ Groans ]

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back#

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Come on, ladies
rock the party #

# Shake your body, everybody #

# Come on, everybody #

# Let's move it all night #

# Uh, uh-huh #

# Gonna take you back
to the old school #

# Can you feel the vibe #

# Let's dance to the rhythm
and let me see you #

# Why you waste time #

# Uh, uh-huh #

#Jump back and do the twist #

# And the electric start
Hey #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Come on, fellows
start the party #

# Shake your body, everybody #

# Let's get funky
Do the same sound#

# Sing, 'cause we gonna get
on the floor and do it like this #

# Can anyone do
the chocolate bar #

# Like back in the days #

# Uh, uh-huh #

# We thought
we'd bring it to ya #

# For hummin'
Keep ya groovin', yeah #

# Uh, uh-huh #

# Well, I can see everybody
on the floor #

# Doin' the runnin'man #

# Uh, uh-huh #

# Do the mashed potato #

# Or walk the Philly dog ifyou can #

# Hey #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Come on, y'all
let's rock the party #

# Shake your body, everybody #

# Remember back in the days when we
used to just do the boogaloo #

# Everybody gets to rock
to the beat #

# SonnyJoe, pickin ' up dough #

# And everybody runs
to get down with the deejay #

# When he plays smooth music #

# Let's dip it, tip it
We went rockin'
We keep tippin'#

# Come on, baby
Let's rock this rock #

# We gonna get up on the dance floor
and do the Pee-wee Herman #

# So shake it up
and do the bus stop #

# And do the robot #

# And baby, do the rocket
Move it, man #

# Can you move it like this #

# L.A., Atlanta #

# Can you move it like this #

# New York, what's up #

# Can you move it like this #

# Seattle, Dallas and Houston #

# Can you move it like this #

# Baltimore and D. C. now #

# Can you move it like this #

# Tampa, do the dip now #

# Can you move it like this #

# Memphis, I knowyou do
the funky chicken #

# Can you move it like this #
# I can shake it like that #

# You know, you know, you know #
# Come on, y'all
let's rock the party #

# Shake your body, everybody #

#Japan
Japanese, you know #

# France
That's where we ought to go #

# London #

# I know you're doin'
the hitchhike #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this ##

# Canada, Australia ##

## [ Singing In Spanish ]