Big Fan (2009) - full transcript
Paul Aufiero, a hardcore New York Giants football fan, struggles to deal with the consequences when he is beaten up by his favorite player.
Joe in Piscataway, now you know
why your wife doesn't
talk to you anymore.
Let's go to Nick
in Valley Stream.
He just got done
shopping at the mall.
Hey, what's goin' on, Sports Dogg?
Hey, man, those Giants
are lookin' good this week.
They tore those Vikings up...
You know what the
key to that game was? It was simple.
They shut down
Adrian Peterson.
Q.B. was all over the field
making tackles.
They couldn't get
their running game going.
And the minute they didn't have the
running game, Frerotte was doomed.
Nobody's passing against the G-Men
defense these days. They're on fire...
I can't tell you how sick I am.
Manning's
not turning the ball over.
He's doin' everything right.
He's managing the game.
And defensively, if you can
get past that front four,
then good luck
getting past Bishop...
I can't tell you how sick I am.
Eli's on the money.
Third and 20, he throws that screen pass,
gave the first down
to Ward. Unbelievable.
They are not missing
a beat.
Nobody's got an offense
like them. They just
keep on going.
That defense,
that defensive line,
and those linebackers
are doing great.
Now going from greatness to
the total opposite... the Knicks.
What's with this team?
We're gonna have to
drag out another
two years of misery
till they finally decide they
wanna get LeBron James?
This is ridiculous what
they're doing with this team.
Who wants to go see a Knick
game? They're horrible.
The team is a joke.
I mean, we live in New York.
This is the kind of basketball...
It's $5.00.
I was just in there
for, like, five minutes.
I know. It-- It's $5.00
anything up to two hours.
He's got a guy on the bench-- Marbury.
They paid him
$22 million not to play.
Yeah, have fun in your box.
It's ridiculous.
This is a comedy.
I can't even watch them, they're so bad.
Steve in Bayside
venting his spleen! Dick.
Let's go to line three,
Philadelphia Phil.
What's happening
down there, brother?
Are you freakin'
kidding me?
You can't stop the run, your
secondary's a bunch of rookies,
and you're 23rd in the league
in red-zone offense.
You may be 9 and 2, but you're
a weak, vulnerable 9 and 2.
All right? Take away
that fluke win in Dallas
and the Buffalo blizzard game,
and you're 7 and 4,
exact same record as us,
my friend. All right?
Man, I cannot wait till Sunday when finally,
finally, your weakness
is gonna be exposed
for all the world to see.
Right?
It's Judgment Day
for the Giants, baby,
courtesy of Gang Green.
You're going down.
Yo, I'm out, Sports Dogg.
Philadelphia Phil,
always a pleasure.
...this Sunday.
And that's it from the Meadowlands.
Ed Rosen on the Giants beat,
760, The Zone.
Get your rabies shots.
Here comes The Dogg
on Sports Radio,
760, New York.
I can't even
believe how this Pittsburgh team
owns the Rangers.
In the playoffs last year,
last night,
Crosby's doing his thing.
Mulligan, it's like he's skating around.
No one can stop him.
They don't play defense,
the Rangers.
Their penalty killing is dead.
They got no power play.
And Lundquist only plays
well on the--
Paul.
Yo, hey.
You're up third.
Okay. Thanks, Lar.
Go, Giants. Go, Eli!
Jeff in Clifton, NJ, baby!...
Let's go to my boy Paul
in Staten Island.
He always brings the leverage.
What's on your mind, brother?
Hey, Sports Dogg!
How ya doin'?
I'm just calling to say
I can't wait for this Sunday
when we finally shut these Philly
clowns up once and for all.
I can't tell you how sick I am
of Philadelphia Phil and
all these cheesesteak bozos
goin' on
about Brian Westbrook this
and how we can't stop
their passing game?
Are-- Are you joking?
You put-- You put the tiniest
bit of pressure on McNabb,
that guy crumbles
like a cookie.
Now, you guys may have put some
points up against the Skins last week,
and that's fine, but the G-Men are
a whole different story, my friend.
You think you're gonna
throw for 388 yards
with Quantrell Bishop
in your face all day long?
It's not easy hitting a receive-- Paul.
It's not easy hitting the
receiver laid out on your back.
So listen up, Philadelphia Phil, and all the rest
of you brotherly love jobronis who've
been-- It's the middle of the night!
...who've been talking smack
all week on this show,
get out your forks because you're
gonna be eating your words big-time!
I love his passion. Thanks, Paul.
Thanks, Sports Dogg.
You the man.
Do you mind?
Yes, I do.
I'm trying to sleep.
Hey, I'm--
I'm off. Okay?
You try sleeping
with that racket.
I'm off.
All night
with the calls.
Go to bed, Mom.
What kind of thing is that for a grown man?
I'm quiet.
That's quiet by you?
Yakking away like some kind of-- I'm quiet!
I'm quiet, I'm quiet, I'm quiet!
Dude, you were on fire.
I f--
feel like it needed
to be said.
The part about how they should
get out their forks 'cause they're
gonna be eating their words?
That's fuckin' beautiful.
Yeah. I guess
I just have a gift.
I wish I could do that.
Do it.
I'd be too nervous.
It's easy.
For you.
What time you wanna
go tomorrow?
I'll pick you up
around 10?
Cool.
All right.
Get some sleep. Big day.
Uhh.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go! Oh, yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah.
Whoo-ee!
Whoo! Yeah!
Oh, forced to scramble!
Here we go. Giants!
Here we go! Giants!
Giants.
Bishop with the sack!
Bishop with the sack!
What a play by Strahan!
Hey. Oh. Let's--
We should get our seats.
Game day. Game day!
The Giants
have won the coin toss
and have elected
to receive the kick.
Back for the kick
is Ahmad Bradshaw.
Here we go. Here we go. Let's do it.
Here we go.
Let's do it.
Here we go.
Let's tee it up.
We're marching! And that's the
third pass to Toomer on this point.
We're marching up the field.
We're marching up the field!
We're marching up the field! Whoo!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Giants, first down.
And the Eagles...
Come on, ref!
You--
Yeah!
Run the football!
Come on!
They got no answer
for us!
That's right. Yeah, go to your fuckin' huddle!
Ohh!
How the fuck is
that not called?
That is a ball you just can't drop.
It is right--
Oh, there's a flag
on the play.
45 finally brought down
by Quantrell Bishop.
Yeah! Oh! Second sack of the day for Bishop.
You show me nothing! You suck!
You suck!
Throw the fuckin' flag!
And that's a flag
on the play.
15! 10! 5! Touchdown!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Oh, man, am I feeling good tonight.
I know you're not
talking about the Knicks, Romeo.
Ha ha. Yeah, boy.
I'm talking about the Giants, baby.
We rocked that field--
Hello?
Can I pay?
Sorry. Sorry.
He's running for his life.
This game was over
in the second quarter.
They should have just
stayed in the locker room
and gotten on the bus
and gone to the airport.
They had no
chance in the second half
against Bishop and that defense. Hello.
You calling?
In a minute.
You know what
you're gonna say?
Oh, I'll probably just,
uh, wing it as usual.
Dude, I can't wait to hear you
put that douche bag in his place.
Oh, I will.
With a vengeance.
The Giants' defense
right now is sickening.
Look at what Quantrell Bishop's doin' lately.
He's a monster.
He's harassing every team he's facing.
They don't know what to do with him.
They can't even deal with him.
Total domination
by the Giants.
I know my
boy Paul in Staten Island
was loving life watching
that game yesterday.
What do you got, bro?
Hey, Sports Dogg.
How ya doing?
Um, I just got one thing to say to Eagle Nation,
especially a certain
Philadelphia Phil,
and that is... ha!
Ha ha ha!
Just like I promised,
we manhandled you on Sunday.
For 60 solid minutes,
we dominated the line of scrimmage
on both sides of the ball.
Quantrell Bishop
was in your face all day long.
What happened
to shutting him down?
Two sacks, seven tackles,
two forced fumbles,
and a fumble recovery?
If that's shutting him down,
I'd hate to see not shutting him down!
Ha! Quantrell was in your backfield
so much, I almost
mistaked him for an Eagle!
I love that dude in Staten Island,
bringing it hard
every night.
Do we have to stay
for the whole thing?
Paul, stop it.
Welcome! Come on in.
Come in, come in, come in. Hi!
Hi!
Hey, Ma.
Thank you. Thank you. All right.
Oh, he's gonna love it. Mmm...
Thank you.
Ohh...
What's up, what's up?
Let's get this party
started!
The cake,
he's gonna love it.
Are you kidding me?
He's gonna fuckin' freak.
I'm so proud of him.
Okay, let's go.
Yay!
That's nice.
Baby, that's your gift.
Very good.
Nice.
Look at that.
Right now,
we're America's fastest-growing warehouse club.
By 2012, there's gonna be 350
locations all across the country.
Wow.
Costco
right now is crapping
in their pants.
So, Paul, you know the offer still stands.
I have a job.
Yeah, I know,
but I think
you could really go far
in about five years--
I have a job.
Don't you want
something better?
You know, what
if I offer youa job?
I mean, maybe
I feel bad for you,
stuck inside of a depressing
dentist's office.
How is a dentist's office
depressing?
Gather round, folks!
Showtime.
So exciting.
I got goose bumps.
Is it working?
I'm Jeff Aufiero,
attorney at law.
Have you been injured
in an auto accident
or other such situation?
He's so handsome.
If so, you may be entitled
to a large cash compensation.
At Bauman, Aufiero & Paltz,
we've been personal-injury specialists
for over 4 1/2 years.
Whether you've been the victim
of a slip-and-fall,
a dog bite, or
even wrongful death,
we've got the experience you
need to get the cash you deserve.
Thanks, Bauman,
Aufiero & Paltz!
You're welcome.
Nice!
My son,
the TV star!
Great, bro!
Thank you.
That's fantastic.
Yeah.
He's another
Martin Scorsese!
Very, very professional.
How much did that cost ya? Couple of nickels.
I like when you point
because you really meant it.
Awesome. That was amazing, bro. Amazing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Could we see it
again?
What do you have
against Price Club?
I'd rather not
discuss my career.
You have a career?
That's news to me.
You could actually go
somewhere at Price Club.
Yeah, like Dennis? Please.
He's doing extremely well
for himself.
Okay.
Who knows?
You could probably meet somebody.
Well, what
does that mean?
Your brother and sister
both found people at work.
Yeah, Gina
was Jeff's secretary.
He cheated on his wife
with her.
She's a lot better for him
than that louse Roberta.
He's a cheat. He fucked her
while he was still married.
Don't say that word
in my car.
Which one? "Fucked" or "cheat"? You know.
It's what he did.
He fucked her.
For years while he was married. Stop it.
I don't want
that language in my car.
Oh, so it's worse for me to
say it than for him to do it?
Cut it out, Paul.
No, I wanna know.
Is it worse for me
to say the sentence, "Jeff fucked his secretary,"
than it is for Jeff
to fuck his secretary?
You should only meet
somebody as good as Gina.
Oh, boy, that'd
be tough to top.
Yeah, for you.
Yeah, give me
about an hour.
You have to actually
date someone to top it.
I date.
Oh, sure. You're dating
lots of girls.
You don't think I date?
I know exactly who you're
dating. Your hand.
What did you just say?
You think I don't see those
tissue balls in your garbage pail?
What the hell!
Either that,
or you're just sneezing a lot.
Maybe you just had a very bad cold
for the last 15 years.
I'm not hearing this.
The kind of cold
where you sneeze
out of your you-know-where! Oh, Jesus!
I'm not hearing this!
You probably don't think I don't see
those doo-doo stains in your
underpants, neither. Oh, God.
Leave it alone.
You don't like it?
Do your own laundry. And keep
your hands off your privates!
La la la la la la la!
Man, how can you
eat that shit?
It's the best.
You ever try?
Yeah. I think when it comes to pizza toppings,
I'll trust the Italians
over the Hawaiians.
Try it.
No, thanks.
You know,
you might like it.
I don't need to drink piss
to know it tastes like piss.
Mmm.
Mmm.
You gonna give
Philadelphia Phil
some more shit tonight?
Know what I was thinking?
I let himmake the next move.
That's a good strategy.
Holy shit.
What?
Oh, shit!
No way.
Fuck's he doing
in Staten Island?
I don't know!
Where's he going?
I don't know!
Quantrell fuckin' Bishop!
Fuckin' Stapleton.
Oh, maybe he's here
to see the Wu-Tang.
Who is that guy?
I don't know. Maybe he played with him at UT.
Maybe that's his house.
Maybe he lives in Stapleton.
I really
gotta go to the bathroom.
Sst. Look.
You think he's going
to a party or something?
Mmm...
It's a little late
to be first heading out.
Uh, hey, so do we, like-- So long, guys.
Can't park here.
Okay. Okay.
There's no fuckin'
parking in Manhattan.
Let's just put it in a garage. Fuck it.
Where?
Slow, slow. Slow. Slow.
On the right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yeah.
Shut the fuck up! We're turning! Go around!
Jesus Christ!
"18 for the first..." Is that what that says?
That's worse
than the hospital.
Right this way.
20.
Each.
Gentlemen, step up
for your drink, please.
Yeah, uh, I'll get,
uh, a Bud Light.
Bud's fine?
Bud's good, yeah.
Uh, same.
Two Buds.
That'll be $9 each.
Each? For a Bud?
Fuckin' Manhattan.
Right fucking there.
Hi, guys.
How are you?
Hey...
My name is Christiana.
Hi.
What's your name, baby?
Uh, my name is Paul.
Hi, Paul. Nice to meet you. Hi.
You look so cute.
Hi.
Oh, thank you.
Where you from?
Uh, um,
I'm from Staten Island.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It's your first time
you're here?
It is. It is.
Yeah? Do you
like this place?
I do. It's great.
Yeah? Do you
want a dance?
Uh, that's-- that's very, uh, nice,
but I'm-- I'm gonna pass.
Thank you.
Very nice. Thank you.
What about you, baby?
My name is Christiana.
Oh. Would you like some dance?
Uh, what's that?
Do you want a dance?
Oh, dance.
Can I dance for you?
Um, yes, you may.
Um, later on.
But right now I have to,
uh, I'm on a job.
Okay, I'll come back
later. No problem.
God, I wish
I'd brought a Sharpie!
What's he gonna sign?
My balls. Who cares?
Where's he going?
Probably to take a leak.
Maybe that would be a good
time to go up to him, you know,
without his whole group
around.
And it would be--
it'd be casual.
Just two guys, like...
pissing... chatting.
Man, those hos
look good tonight.
Man, did you see that one with the
big Brazilian bubble-butt, man?
Man, she got a phat ass.
Man, she looks gorgeous, man. Let's get it.
I'm taking her home tonight. Her and her friend.
Fuck!
Um... now what?
A drink. We buy him a drink.
We send a drink over.
We say
it's from the two gentlemen
in the corner.
He waves us over to thank us,
and we hang out with him.
Fuckin' genius.
Right.
How much money
you have left?
Uh... six bucks.
All right. Give it here.
Ma'am!
No, man. I love
what I do, man.
Oh, look.
That's our drink.
She's bringing it.
She's bringing it!
Screwdriver.
Who?
It's from them.
Who?
Screwdriver?
I'm good, baby.
Take it away?
Yeah, I'm good.
Can you see? I can't see. Did he take it?
I think so. Yeah.
We should go there.
Shouldn't they--
Shouldn't they wave usover?
There's no ru--
There's no rule.
There's no rules.
Let's go.
Let's go.
That's what
I'm talking about!
How many bottles you had?
I bought about
30 bottles, man!
Club-- Club QB!
Club U.P., man.
Hey.
Yeah.
Sex.
Hey!
Hey, men.
There's somebody here
to see you, man.
Yeah.
Look at this
motherfucker!
Yes.
Yeah, and he brought the
Nutty Professor with him!
We really wanted to just meet you, Mr. Bishop.
Hi. Yeah, yeah. So how y'all doin', man?
Doin' good, man.
You all right,
man?
Yeah,
I'm-- I'm great.
We're big fans.
Yeah.
15 sacks'll get you
big fans, man!
QB, baby! QB!
Hey, I told you
I have fans, man.
See, I told you I have.
QB, man!
We came all the way
from Staten Island.
Staten Island!
With a-- With a little stop in Stapleton.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
Wh-What?
Say Stapleton?
Stapleton?
Yeah. We were just...
um...
Were you following us?
Stapleton.
Stapleton.
Um, look, Q-- You following us or something?
No, no! We-- We just
wanted to say hi, and then--
I guess I kinda
chickened out, so I--
Look, we don't-- They're just fans, yo. Just fans.
Bullshit! Bullshit!
No, not at all.
If it's not a good time...
They just fans. Bullshit! Hold on!
Bullshit! They're stalkers, man!
Hold on. You a motherfucking stalker, man!
Bullshit! These two motherfuckin' stalker, man!
Fuck with me, man?
You motherfucker--
Look, I'm very sorry--
No! No!
Motherfucker!
Fucker, man!
Let me go, man!
Dr. Lyon, line 5145.
Dr. Lyon, 5145.
Any available
transport dispatcher, please.
Any available
transport dispatcher.
Hematoma.
It's a bleeding from the vein
between the brain
and the skull.
Fortunately, we were able
to successfully drain it.
So I'm gonna be okay?
You sustained
some pretty heavy trauma,
but long-run,
you should be.
We do need to keep you another
few days for observation.
Another... few days?
How long have I been here?
Three days.
Three days.
So... So the day is...
Sunday?
Monday.
Monday.
How did we do?
What was the score?
41-28.
We gave up 41
to the Chiefs?
Did Quantrell...
Suspended?
Yeah.
For how long?
Game-by-game basis.
They say it depends
on the investigation.
Paul.
There's someone
here to see you.
Thanks, doc.
Hey, Paul.
How you doing?
I'm from Midtown South.
I, uh,
just got a few questions for you
about what happened the other night.
So, uh...
...h-how does this...
Well, it's pretty simple.
You, uh, tell us
everything that happened,
and then we, uh, we nail
the son of a bitch.
Put him in jail?
That's the idea.
How much time could he get?
Aggravated assault,
maybe three to five.
A-Aggravated assault?
That's what it would be.
No, it really depends on what he did.
So why don't you just tell me
what he did, and we'll take it from there.
He, uh...
Now, look, let's, uh,
let's keep it simple.
Why don't you, uh,
start at the beginning.
Tell me where you
first saw Quantrell.
Quantrell. Quantrell,
I first, uh...
Um...
I just-- I just don't know
how... reliable...
I'll tell you what.
You've been through a lot.
So, uh... you get some rest.
We can try this again
in a couple days.
That'd be good.
Great.
That'd be good.
I'm sure it'll start to come back to you.
No, I hope so,
yeah. I hope so.
All right.
Take it easy, buddy.
You, too.
Or even a medium fly on a honey pile,
nuts and bolts.
Hold on.
Don't put it in the trash.
Put it back together, and it's ready to go.
But I saved
the best for last.
If you have wooden floors
or tile floors,
you have to change the
settings, you have to sweep.
This is wet vegetables
on wood floors.
This could be tile.
This could be waterproof.
Look at this.
It sneaks behind.
It's not the tile.
Picks up the carrots,
the peas, the corn.
It gets 'em all
in one easy step.
Just put a little salve
on there...
Because if that stuff
gets in your eye...
It's not. It's not just in my eye. That's what I'm--
There he is!
Hey...
There goes my brother.
There he is.
Ohh... Hello-o!
Let me look. What a palace. Look at this.
My brother's living in a palace. Hello.
Not too bad, not too bad. Nice TV set...
All right. Look at you. Better than I thought.
You should get the shit
kicked out of you more often.
Jeffrey.
Speaking of which,
I've been thinking.
Oh... oh.
That's never good!
What this animal did to you,
he's gotta pay.
Yeah. I'm-- I'm sure he will.
Well,
let's make sure of it.
Well, the cops are investigating. So?
So he's gonna go to jail!
Jail's bullshit.
We gotta hit him where it hurts-- in his wallet.
I don't wanna be one of those
assholes that sues Burger King
for 50 billion because
their Whopper's too hot.
We are not talking about
Whoppers here, Paul.
We are talking about a rich,
spoiled, millionaire athlete
who viciously beat an innocent
man within an inch of his life.
Do you not think, we,
as a society, have an obligation
to hold its celebrities to the
same-- What's that thing
where instead of saying
"won't," you say "will not"?
Or instead of saying
"can't," you say "cannot"?
Contractions?
You stop using them whenever
you want to sound smart
or lawyerly-- Don't be a fuckin' wise ass, Paul!
This is serious!
You should
listen to him.
You don't care about justice.
You just want money.
Money isjustice.
We're talking aggravated assault and battery--
3, 4 million easy.
Wow. So now you're
a lawyer. That's--
Boy, the things they teach in secretary school.
Fuck you!
He don't give a shit about you.
But I don't wanna sue.
What the fuck's wrong with you? That's enough.
Thickheaded motherfucker,
you are.
What is wrong with you?
This motherfucker
does not give
a fuck about you.
He is in his mansion playing his Xbox.
You never listen.
That's because no one ever
says anything worth listening to.
Look at where you are! This is a hospital.
It's not what you want.
It's what is right.
You wanna live like this
for the rest of your life?
Yes, I do. I wanna
live exactly like this.
I had enough of this.
Good.
Oi.
How do you get a concussion
when you got no fuckin' brains?
In the name of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,
what's going on?
My grandmother could
play better than that D-line,
and she's freakin'--
You have reached
the home of Theresa Aufiero.
Neither her or Paul
can come to the phone.
Please leave
your name, number,
and the time of your call,
and we will get back.
This is Murray Pape from the Daily News.
Paul, if, uh, you get a chance--
The Giants were the one
that basically
handed this game over.
Hopefully, this won't
be the end for them
and they start playing like
this regularly now without QB.
But they got--
...the time of your call,
and we will get back.
Good afternoon. This is
Herb Cohen from The Post,
calling for Paul Aufiero,
hoping to ask him a few quick questions.
Hey,
how you doin', Dogg? Oh, my God,
I'm loving this. All right,
that bunch of thugs
that you call a team up there
is showing their true colors
for the whole world to see.
All right?
They're just a bunch of dirty,
no-good hooligan animals,
all right,
from Bishop on down.
This ain't about Philly
versus New York, all right?
This is about good versus--
...slip away!
That's
my boy Massapequa Mark,
bringing the leverage!
Hey! Paul, Staten Island,
what do you got?
Hey, Dogg, how you doing?
Um, listen,
I'm just calling in response to
that pea-brain Philadelphia Phil.
I'm listening here.
It's unbelievable!
I mean, you ever hear of
innocent until proved guilty?
It's a little thing called
the American Constitution.
Maybe you should look it up.
Now, we don't know what happened at that club.
We weren't there!
I mean, maybe-- maybe...
unless-- unless they
charge QB with something,
they gotta let him play.
They gotta let him play.
Not that we need him...
because we got the horses,
and everything's cool.
This is-- You know
what this is?
This is people
blowing something
way out of proportion,
all right?
And not realizing that th--
this thing is not a thing.
Yeeaahh.
Hey, Paul.
Feeling better?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You know.
This is a good time
to talk?
Uh, it's not, uh... ideal.
I got work.
What time
you get off?
I don't...
really know how much I can help you on this,
you know?
Any help is help, Paul.
Yeah. You know,
I think maybe...
You know, I think
I got amnesia.
Amnesia.
Yeah. Sounds
like you have amnesia.
Is there-- Isn't there anyone else
you could talk to about this, or...
You'd think so.
A club that crowded.
But unfortunately, you know,
everyone was either off in the
bathroom or the VIP lounge
or havin' a smoke
when it all went down.
Hmm. Well...
Well... let's hope
that amnesia clears up.
When it does, I want you
to give me a call.
We wouldn't want a crime
like this to go unpunished.
No.
Man, these Giants
are killin' me.
I think I might have to
start watchin' the Jets.
This is killin' me.
Yeah,
I can feel you, Chuck.
You can't tell me this
isn't botherin' the Giants.
You can't tell me that this
isn't driving Coughlin nuts.
I mean, it's become a problem
that they've had to deal with
day in, day out,
week to week.
I don't even know how they maintain
their focus with this nightmare goin' on.
The drama keeps playin' out,
the story's had legs forever.
It won't go away. They haven't
made their minds up.
The D.A. doesn't know
whether he's comin' or goin'.
I mean, the D.A.'s office
gotta make their mind up.
They can't let this thing
keep dragging out--
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We got breakin' news on this very subject.
Let's go to Ed Rosen
right now.
Well, Dogg, word has come down
that Quantrell Bishop
will not be eligible to play
in this Sunday's
key showdown in Dallas.
According to
a Giants' spokesman,
the five-time pro-bowler will
remain on the ineligible list
until further notice.
Once again, Quantrell Bishop
inactive this Sunday.
That's it
from the Meadowlands,
Ed Rosen on the Giants beat, 760, The Zone.
The Cowboys come
in with the number 3 ranked offense--
first in the pass,
last in the run--
led, of course, by Marion Barber.
We're really good.
We're in good shape.
You slide Pierce over,
you give Michael
some support, bada-bing,
we're good.
Yeah.
And I see the Cowboys
trying to establish the run
early and often today with the
absence of Quantrell Bishop.
Giants come in today,
a little shaky off of last week's loss, looking to...
No problem.
This is gonna be a tough
contest and a tough--
What the fuck?!
The Cowboys 35
and the Giants 27.
And, Chip, just like we talked
about before the game... Fuck.
the Giants' defensive...
You don't go for two when you're down four.
He had all day to pass,
and he made them pay.
You miss, you need
a touchdown to win!
...the Giants, but
without Quantrell Bishop...
The first-and-goal, you cannot take a sack there.
Throw that shit away!
...way of the Giants'
defense,
specifically attacking the spot
It never should have come
to that. Quantrell Bishop normally occupies.
Willington with an admirable
job at defensive end today,
We're fine. but he is not Quantrell Bishop.
We only need to win
one of the next two,
...right from the get-go.
or they lose one.
...Quantrell Bishop? You mean...
They got, uh,
Green Bay
at Lambeau.
We're good.
We're fine.
...got right in there and stole
everything in the house.
And, Chip, as we turn to the
NFC East race now, You okay?
the Philadelphia Eagles are gaining
on the New York Football Giants,
and it looked at one point as if we
had no race, You know what, man?
but now, Chip, I think we have a
certifiable dogfight on our hands.
You really need
to lay off this shit.
Three weeks ago,
it looked like the Giants had firm control
of the division.
This is alien piss.
...walk away with this thing and now,
all of a sudden... Can I make a suggestion?
Drink this stuff.
It's much better for you. Root beer.
...excessive problems,
they might buy-- they might be...
This is root... beer.
When it comes down to the wire, Chip...
Root beer.
It's like-- It's like earth's first beverage.
I don't like root beer.
Anything in a green bottle
is gonna kill you. Brown.
Again a tough day down
here for It's more natural.
New York Football.
Giants down here at Texas Stadium...
It's got minerals--
I don't like root beer!
...35, Giants 27.
This is Tom Rogers alongside my
broadcast partner Chip Daniels.
So long from Texas Stadium,
everyb--
Boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom! You hear that?
You hear that, baby?
That's the sound
of footsteps, baby.
We are gaining on you.
One back with two to go.
We beat St. Louis next week,
you lose to Carolina,
and it all comes
to Monday night.
To Monday night madness.
To Monday night football.
The last game
of the season,
Giants versus the Eagles
at the Linc,
where we're gonna
frickin' destroy your--
Fuckin' asshole.
How you doing,
Paul?
Hey!
Ohh...
It's cold out, huh?
Mmhh!
Coffee?
Please.
Thank you.
Well... gotta be honest.
Did not expect
to hear from you.
Well...
So.
What do you got for me?
Well, you know,
I've been, uh...
...thinkin' a lot about...
what happened, and--
and, you know...
trying to remember.
Bring it.
I just...
I don't think...
that I'll, uh...
be able...
...to r-remember stuff.
I've been trying, you know,
really hard, thinking about...
what happened, and I ju--
I just can't-- I-- I just can't.
Can't remember
or won't remember?
I've been trying... like I said... um, to remember.
I just-- I can't...
Can't or won't?
Paul.
I'm sorry.
Coulda told me this
over the fuckin' phone.
Mmphh...
Bro, you okay?
So, how you
feeling, bro?
I'm pretty good.
Pretty good.
What'd
the doctor say?
Oh, they don't know
what happened.
They did
another CAT scan?
Yeah. It didn't
show anything.
Oh, really? It didn't pick up the fist prints?
They're not related.
Yeah. Sure.
You don't know that.
Are you sniffing glue again?
Is this like some kind of no-snitching thing?
Like the brothers?
Oh, yeah. I heard the charges were dropped.
I'm sorry. You must be really upset about that.
Come on, Jeff.
What? I'm sympathizing.
Well, stop.
He needs to hear this.
He needs his rest.
He needs to get better.
Look at you.
He's right.
Like a jadrool. Oh, please be quiet.
Fuckin' jadrool.
Oh, my God.
You're not gonna get through to him.
Nobody can.
Sports Dogg. Name and location.
Yeah. Yeah, hey, Lar, it--
it's Paul from Staten Island.
Hey, Paul. I got five in front of you.
Hang tight. Okay. Okay.
Shouldn't be too bad. Okay, great.
Every time
the Knicks manage--
Hey, kitty cat...
Get off the porch!
You're in The Zone
with the Sports Dogg,
on 760 Sports Radio,
New York.
New York...
Hey,
Paul From Staten Island,
what do we got tonight? Hey! Hey!
What's up, Dogg?
Um, I gotta tell you,
I am feeling
good tonight
because in a little less than 48 hours,
we are gonna brutally shatter any flicker of hope
the cheesesteaks had going.
We've been messing
with them the last few weeks,
letting 'em get back in it
a little, making 'em think
they had
a chance of catching us
just so we can see
the look on their faces
when they come up short.
Quantrell's back, baby,
and he is g-- Paul!
Quantrell is back, baby,
and he is ready to make up
for some lost time
against the Panthers.
You better hope the scoreboard
is broken down there in St. Louis
because the Eagles
are gonna be so crushed
when they look up at it and see
the Giants-Panthers score.
They're not even gonna
be able to play.
It's not even-- even gonna come down
to the head-to-head in week 17.
We're gonna wrap
up the East in a nice little bow
this coming-- People live here!
Sorry. Sorry.
This coming weekend,
after which, we will follow
our pre-destiny
to the Super Bowl
as we ride the victory bus
to the championship.
And why? Why are we riding
in the victory bus
to a championship
we haven't played?
Because, as I said earlier,
it is pre-destiny that we will
take the Super Bowl this year
while at the same time
waving goodbye
to... the... Eagles.
Thanks, Paul. Now,
that's a G-Men fan.
Oh-- Thank you. Thanks, buddy.
All ri-- Okay. Thanks,
Sports Dogg. Thank you.
Boom.
Delhomme in the shotgun...
Big stop, big stop,
big stop, big stop.
Go get him! Get him! Fuck!
...breaks into a wide open...
...hauls it in
at the 31 yard line...
He had all day
back there.
And here
come the Panthers...
That's all right.
The Panthers
always self-destruct.
...right out of the air
into his hands
and another first down.
That's the sixth ball
he's caught today,
and we're not even
in the second half.
Steve Smith,
one of the players Coach Coughlin said
the Giants had to stop.
The Giants with no answer--
Jim Trainor, saying so long
from Giants Stadium.
Panthers 28, Giants 7--
You can't blame
the defense for this one.
Panthers
got some weapons.
Quantrell played like shit.
Well, he was
double-teamed.
He was rusty.
Tied for first place!
Tied for first place!
Tied for first place!
Hey, oh, oh, and one more thing I'd like to add.
Tied for first place!
Huh.
What's so funny?
You must have the world's biggest
collection of Chinese packets.
It's a sin to throw out food.
My mother,
the soy-sauce squirrel.
It's a real riot,
not being wasteful.
You know what's a riot?
Is you spending 20 years
collecting
all these sauce packets
that you're never
gonna use. That's a riot.
You're a sick boy, you know
that, Paul? You need help.
Yeah. And you need
6,000 egg rolls.
To put all that stuff on!
Hello?
Good evening.
Is, uh, Paul home?
Uh, may I say who's calling?
This is Murray Pape.
I'm calling from the Daily News.
Uh, he's not here right now.
May I take a message?
Yeah.
I'd just like to ask him a few quick questions...
about the lawsuit.
If you could, I'd really appreciate-- Lawsuit?
Yeah. Excuse me.
Paul, what the fuck?
Paul. Paul. Paul.
Hello? Hello?
Paul. Paul. Paul.
"In an unexpected turn of events,
the lawyer for alleged--"
I'm taking a fuckin' dump here! "The lawyer
"for alleged Quantrell Bishop
beating victim Paul Aufiero
yesterday filed
a $77 million lawsuit--"
Can we discuss this
after I wipe my ass?
"...against the star
linebacker in federal court
on behalf of his client"?
Jeff, what the fuck?
I'm acting in your best interests.
You're not seeing
things clearly here.
You have no right.
I have a right if you're my brother
and you're not mentally competent
to make decisions for yourself.
I'm mentally competent!
You're a 36-year-old man
who lives home
with his mother,
who depends on her for food,
for laundry,
and countless basic fuckin'
life necessities. All right?
On paper you're basically a fuckin' vegetable!
Oh, fuck you!
It's true!
You can't do this!
I just did.
I--
Where the fuck did you get $77 million from?
I calculated it.
Yeah, outta your ass.
I know you're a fan of this guy,
but you gotta stop looking at him
as some kind of fuckin' hero
and start looking at him
as some big, black,
moulinyan jack-off asshole
that gave you brain damage!
Hey, my brain's fine.
Yeah.
You--
It was an accident.
The whole thing was a misunderstanding.
A misunderstanding?
He was drunk!
That's no excuse.
He-- I was bothering him.
Okay? He-- He was out
trying to have a good time with his friends.
Do you hear yourself?
Do you actually
hear yourself?
Lots of people
get beat up every day.
I don't see you out there
suing for them.
Well, none of them
are my brother. Okay?
And for what it's worth, the
whole family supports it. Okay?
Gina, Mom, Dennis, Christine, everybody.
For what it's worth,
I'm not gonna
let you do it.
Go ahead, stop me.
I will.
Go for it.
Can I finish
my shit now?
Can I borrow your Internet?
Maybe "Stopping
a lawsuit"?
Man, they usually have
everything on there.
Maybe the lawyers don't want
that information public.
Yeah,
that makes sense.
They're gonna
go down with Yankees up
3-zip in the ALCS
losing to the Red Sox.
If they blow this game
in Philly,
they're never gonna
live it down in New York.
Let's go to line 3.
What's up?
Hey, hey, Sports Dogg,
how ya doin'?
It's Philadelphia Phil
calling here.
Look, I'm calling in tonight
with a shocking revelation.
All right,
it's about the Quantrell Bishop situation.
As you might know
from the news,
the name of the jerk-off that
they beat up is Paul Aufiero.
All right? And what you might not
know is I have a good authority
that Paul Aufiero
is none other than...
Paul from frickin'
Staten Island.
You don't know that, Phil.
We don't give out full names on the air here.
Yeah, but you do
on the Sports Dogg
website, all right?
And I was on it last night,
my friend. And on the
Caller of the Month page,
I saw the name from November 2006--
Paul Aufiero. Paul.
from Ellingtonville, Staten Island. All right?
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Are you putting two and two together,
my friend?
All right, I clicked on his
profile-- favorite team,
the Giants. Favorite athlete--
Quantrell Bishop.
Paul!
Favorite food, roast Eagle.
It's him!
All right?
You listening?
Paul from Staten Island
got beat up
by his favorite player,
and now he's suing him
for 77 million
freakin' dollars?!
Are you kidding me?
Fuckin' piece-of-shit scumbag.
Can you believe that?
But I feel bad
for you, buddy.
I do. You got dumped.
All alone, no team.
That's why I wanna personally
invite you to switch over.
I am giving you an invitation to switch over.
Leave the dark side
and join the
Eagle Nation.
You can start this Monday
night at Sharkey's
on Passyunk, South Philly,
where me and the rest
of my Eagle brothers
will bewatching us
crush theMidgets
and take the Eastern Crown!
Do you understand? Come--
Hey, Paul, how you doin'?
Adam Feuerstein, Newsday.
Can I ask you a few questions? Not now.
Um... Paul? How
does it feel like
to get beat up
by your hero?
Is it true that you're a lifelong
die-hard-- Leave me alone!
Paul!
Paul!
Say that I'm a Rangers fan,
but it's more
like I'm a
Rangers endurer, like--
It's like I'm going
to a funeral every game,
and last night
was no different.
I mean, I think
if they can wear boots...
Uh, $5.00.
I mean, what is that?
Are they even playing hockey anymore?
So you still gonna be rooting
for 'em Monday night?
This is Murray Pape.
Hi, Mr.--
I'm unavailable right now,
but if you leave a message,
I'll get back to you.
To page this person,
press five now.
At the tone, please
record your message.
Hello, Mr. Pape.
This is Paul Aufiero.
I'm calling
to let you know
that I'm planning to hold
a press conference
to set the record straight
on my situation regarding
Quantrell Bishop.
The press conference
will occur tomorrow night
at around 11:30 p.m.
or approximately
a few minutes after
on the Sports Dogg program
on The Zone.
Please pass word
along to your coworkers
or any other people
in the media
you feel this might be
of interest to.
Thank you very much.
Sincerely,
Paul Aufiero.
Sports Dogg.
Name and location.
Hey. Yeah, it's--
it's, uh,
Paul from Staten Island.
Paul. Hey, uh, what's,
uh, what's goin' on?
Uh, listen. Could you-- Could you, uh,
get me on really quick?
Yeah, hang on a second. Okay.
Joe from Staten Island.
First time, long time,
all right?
What's up, Dogg? Listen -
They couldn't win a game
if their life depended on it.
What kind of management
do they have there?
I'd rather watch the high
school teams in my area
than go and watch these--
Paul?
You're up next.
Yeah, okay,
thanks.
This is a comedy!
We live in--
Yeah,
I'd agree with that. Good job, Chuck.
I can dig it.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, this is gonna be a huge call.
Line one, a world exclusive,
Paul from Staten Island.
Hey, Sports Dogg.
How you doing?
Hey! What's up,
Paul, man?
A lot of people have been
talkin' about you, brother.
I know. And, uh,
I just wanted to say...
a-- a, uh, a lot of people
have been talking
about me these days,
and most of it is wrong.
So it's time I cleared
the record straight.
First off, with regarding
the alleged incident
between me
and Quantrell Bishop
on November 30th,
this was not an attack.
It was an unfortunate misunder-- Paul.
It was an unfortunate misunderstanding
between the two of us.
He did nothing-- Who are you talking to?
He did nothing wrong,
and I have no plans to sue.
The lawsuit
was accidentally filed
by a person in my family
who misunderstood the
situ-- Paul, I have had it.
Uh, get off the phone,
please?
I have to be up
at 7:30.
Hang up.
Who is that?
I have a doctor's appointment at 9.
Okay.
It's surgery, Paul.
Is that his mother?
They're removing
my corn.
If I don't get a good night's-- Fucking hang up
the fucking phone!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
No F-bombs, dude.
You know that.
I gotta let you go.
Uh--
Hello!
Why are you
doing this to me?
I'm not doing nothing to you!
You do it all to yourself!
I'm sick of you
treating me like a baby!
You area baby,
with your calls
and your little
playmate Sal!
Why don't you grow up and get a life?
I have a life!
No, you don't! I'm happy with my life!
No, you're not!
Hey, I think I would know!
Happy is family,
children!
Oh, says you!
Says everybody!
There's basic stuff every person needs!
Oh, don't--
Your brother has 'em,
your sister has 'em, only you!
Hey! Hey! No! No! I don't want what they've got!
I don't want it! I don't want it! I don't want it!
This Giants fan is really upset.
He's afraid they're gonna
lose out the string now,
so now he's watching
the Jets and the 49ers
and hoping they could,
uh, wring out a win.
This is a depressed
Giants fan today, folks.
That was his best year.
It wasn't,
you know, 15-16.
Uh, this kid Harvey had,
Derrick Harvey,
has four sacks through
the first eight games--
Where you going?
Paul?
I have no idea where you are.
When you take my car,
you can at least have the courtesy to--
Message deleted.
Next message.
Yo, Paul, where are you? I've been calling.
We watching at your place?
Philadelphia officials admit
they won't even come close
to meeting their goal
with installing
250 surveillance cameras
in high crime areas
by the end of--
The governor,
governor of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania,
Governor Ed Rendell, back
with us on the big talker 1210.
Governor, we got a cheesesteak
here with your name on it.
Yeah. I'm on the air?
Well, I eat, uh, pizza
around this time of night.
I'm on my way back
to Harrisburg.
I'm in the car, and--
McNabb already looking sharp,
coming off a great game
last week against St. Louis.
Phil!
Phil!
Phil!
We get to Wisconsin,
and literally I came
as we're driving across the bridge into
Wisconsin. It was like a conquest.
Right. We get to Wisconsin, he says,
"Hey, can you drive a stick?"
And I was like, "Huh?"
I'm like, "Dude, I can drive a stick."
And he fucked her
in the back?
He fucked her in the back seat, but first,
the lady goes, "Fricking huge!"
That was
frickin' huge.
That was big.
That was big for us.
Let's go on.
Bring it fuckin' home.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
This is what you call
a game turner.
It's called a game "changer," you motherfucker.
Phil!
Starving.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
What you gonna do? Come on!
Throw it up his ass! Phil!
Let's go!
Yeah, you fuckin' asshole!
Yes! Oh, yes!
That's what I'm talking about! Yes.
That's what
I'm talking about!
Whoo!
We got this.
We got this.
We got this.
Take away that bullshit
fumble call,
we'd be up 14.
Yeah, you know what?
Not to worry. It's about to get ugly.
Yeah, it's gonna
get fuckin' ugly.
Yeah.
How's it going, bo?
Phil.
Oh. Mark.
How's it going?
Good, good.
I like the paint. You got your colors, right?
I'm flyin'
mycolors, man.
He's got his fucking colors on.
Fly them, man. Fly 'em.
Fuckin' queers. Douche, douche.
Douche bags.
Douche, douche!
Douche, douche.
Now-- Now I just want it to become, like,
an annihilation.
Like, I just want it
to become an abomination,
an annihilation,
a murder,
a mass fuckin' murder!
You fuck.
I want to mass fuckin' murder,
these motherfuckers.
You know what I mean?
An abomination!
Whoo!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Yeah.
In the end zone!
Touchdown!
Yes! Fucking touchdown,
you asshole! Yes!
Yes! You fuck!
That's what
I'm fuckin' talking about!
Ah, ha! Ha ha ha!
Asshole! Look at him. Yeah, he's a giant fag!
No, no, not a giant fag. He's a Giantfag,
like a Giant fag? You know what I mean?
You dumb fuck. Yes!
Yes! I love it. Whoo!
Hey, I-- Listen, this is
gonna sound kinda weird,
but, uh,
do I know you?
Just that you sound familiar,
you know, your voice. Um...
You ever go, uh,
listen to, uh,
The Pen? 860?
Sometimes.
Rob Ryan
or Eagle's Nest
or Nothing But Netsky--
you know,
those call-in shows?
I'm pretty much a regular
on all those shows.
That's gotta be it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I call in there,
you know, break balls and shit.
It's a good time.
You know what I mean?
I even, uh,
been calling up the local shows up
in New York now, piss off the locals.
You know what I mean?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I fucking can't
stand Giants fans.
Yeah,
like Giants fans.
Yeah, fuck Giants fans.
I can't stand those motherfuckers.
Fuck 'em. There's that one guy
that got his ass beat by Bishop?
You heard about that?
Oh, something about--
Yeah, yeah. He, um...
He's a big fan.
Bishop was his favorite player. Right.
And somehow or another,
he pissed him off.
It's, like, you wanna
fuckin' grow up.
You wanna belike Mike,
not get fuckin'-your-ass kicked by Mike.
Yeah!
Imagine
fuckin' Julius Erving
come and kicking my fucking ass?
Fuckin' jerk-off.
It's crazy.
Yeah, it fuckin' is.
What's your name again?
Mark.
All right!
Mark.
All ri-ight!
Mark the Spark!
Mark the Spark!
Mark the spark!
Yeah. Killer Phil! Killer Phil! Hey!
Here we go, and it's only gonna
get worse for the fucking guy,
in one minute 33,
one minute and 32...
and 27-- 29, you fuck.
Whatever.
You can't fucking count.
26. 27. Yes. Giants suck! Giants suck!
Life is good, baby!
Folks, you can put a bow on this one.
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck!
The cock!
Giants suck!
Cock!
Giants suck!
My balls!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
The clock has expired,
the season has expired.
Are you gonna--
Are you gonna call up that
station up in New York tonight?
Yeah. Shit, yeah.
I got a big bag of salt
that needs wounds
for rubbing into.
I'll bet--
I bet that loser's
writing out his suicide note as we speak.
Yeah.
Uhh... sss...
Ahh.
Come on! Gotta drain
the monster. Let's go.
Bo, what are you doing?
I'm taking a fuckin'--
Hey, whoa, whoa.
What are you-- What are you doing, man?
Don't do-- Don't do that.
Be quiet.
No, no, no,
don't-- don't--
Quiet. Okay?
You didn't have to be mean.
What are you talking about,
mean?
Every--
Everybody's
always so mean.
Bo, I don't know
who the fuck you are, okay?
What are you doing?
And it wears me out.
Yo, listen to me.
Listen to me.
You got the wrong guy here,
you understand? No.
I got... the right guy.
No, no, don't-- don't do that.
Don't do that. I-- Don't
do-- Unnh!
Uhh...
Uhh! Uhh!
Ohh!
Uhh! Ohh!
Ohh!
My God.
What's--
What the fuck?
Eagles...
suck.
Get back!
Freeze!
Sorry!
Sorry!
Ow, ow, ow.
Shut the fuck up!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what I-- I know.
What are you gonna do? What are you
gonna do? What are you gonna do?
Hey!
Hey.
How's it going?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
So, um, yeah.
Your mom been by?
Uh, she came by
a few days ago.
Um...
She's not really
taking this too well.
Yeah?
Yeah.
How about, uh, Jeff?
Jeff was supposed
to come by yesterday,
and then something with his kid or something...
Oh, oh! Hey, hey, hey.
Hey...
What?
It's out?
Hot off the press,
from today's Post.
Oh, my God.
This is cake!
Uh, that's what I said.
Francisco...
Miami...
13 and 3. Easy.
What are your
three losses?
Green Bay, New England,
Chargers.
We could easily
beat Green Bay.
14 and 2.
Oh. Oh, man.
What?
New England, December 20th.
I get out that week.
Oh, shit.
Patsies are toast.
There's no way we're losing
with us in the parking lot.
Not a chance.
15 and 1.
Totally realistic.
Oh, man.
Oh, man!
It's gonna be a great year.
why your wife doesn't
talk to you anymore.
Let's go to Nick
in Valley Stream.
He just got done
shopping at the mall.
Hey, what's goin' on, Sports Dogg?
Hey, man, those Giants
are lookin' good this week.
They tore those Vikings up...
You know what the
key to that game was? It was simple.
They shut down
Adrian Peterson.
Q.B. was all over the field
making tackles.
They couldn't get
their running game going.
And the minute they didn't have the
running game, Frerotte was doomed.
Nobody's passing against the G-Men
defense these days. They're on fire...
I can't tell you how sick I am.
Manning's
not turning the ball over.
He's doin' everything right.
He's managing the game.
And defensively, if you can
get past that front four,
then good luck
getting past Bishop...
I can't tell you how sick I am.
Eli's on the money.
Third and 20, he throws that screen pass,
gave the first down
to Ward. Unbelievable.
They are not missing
a beat.
Nobody's got an offense
like them. They just
keep on going.
That defense,
that defensive line,
and those linebackers
are doing great.
Now going from greatness to
the total opposite... the Knicks.
What's with this team?
We're gonna have to
drag out another
two years of misery
till they finally decide they
wanna get LeBron James?
This is ridiculous what
they're doing with this team.
Who wants to go see a Knick
game? They're horrible.
The team is a joke.
I mean, we live in New York.
This is the kind of basketball...
It's $5.00.
I was just in there
for, like, five minutes.
I know. It-- It's $5.00
anything up to two hours.
He's got a guy on the bench-- Marbury.
They paid him
$22 million not to play.
Yeah, have fun in your box.
It's ridiculous.
This is a comedy.
I can't even watch them, they're so bad.
Steve in Bayside
venting his spleen! Dick.
Let's go to line three,
Philadelphia Phil.
What's happening
down there, brother?
Are you freakin'
kidding me?
You can't stop the run, your
secondary's a bunch of rookies,
and you're 23rd in the league
in red-zone offense.
You may be 9 and 2, but you're
a weak, vulnerable 9 and 2.
All right? Take away
that fluke win in Dallas
and the Buffalo blizzard game,
and you're 7 and 4,
exact same record as us,
my friend. All right?
Man, I cannot wait till Sunday when finally,
finally, your weakness
is gonna be exposed
for all the world to see.
Right?
It's Judgment Day
for the Giants, baby,
courtesy of Gang Green.
You're going down.
Yo, I'm out, Sports Dogg.
Philadelphia Phil,
always a pleasure.
...this Sunday.
And that's it from the Meadowlands.
Ed Rosen on the Giants beat,
760, The Zone.
Get your rabies shots.
Here comes The Dogg
on Sports Radio,
760, New York.
I can't even
believe how this Pittsburgh team
owns the Rangers.
In the playoffs last year,
last night,
Crosby's doing his thing.
Mulligan, it's like he's skating around.
No one can stop him.
They don't play defense,
the Rangers.
Their penalty killing is dead.
They got no power play.
And Lundquist only plays
well on the--
Paul.
Yo, hey.
You're up third.
Okay. Thanks, Lar.
Go, Giants. Go, Eli!
Jeff in Clifton, NJ, baby!...
Let's go to my boy Paul
in Staten Island.
He always brings the leverage.
What's on your mind, brother?
Hey, Sports Dogg!
How ya doin'?
I'm just calling to say
I can't wait for this Sunday
when we finally shut these Philly
clowns up once and for all.
I can't tell you how sick I am
of Philadelphia Phil and
all these cheesesteak bozos
goin' on
about Brian Westbrook this
and how we can't stop
their passing game?
Are-- Are you joking?
You put-- You put the tiniest
bit of pressure on McNabb,
that guy crumbles
like a cookie.
Now, you guys may have put some
points up against the Skins last week,
and that's fine, but the G-Men are
a whole different story, my friend.
You think you're gonna
throw for 388 yards
with Quantrell Bishop
in your face all day long?
It's not easy hitting a receive-- Paul.
It's not easy hitting the
receiver laid out on your back.
So listen up, Philadelphia Phil, and all the rest
of you brotherly love jobronis who've
been-- It's the middle of the night!
...who've been talking smack
all week on this show,
get out your forks because you're
gonna be eating your words big-time!
I love his passion. Thanks, Paul.
Thanks, Sports Dogg.
You the man.
Do you mind?
Yes, I do.
I'm trying to sleep.
Hey, I'm--
I'm off. Okay?
You try sleeping
with that racket.
I'm off.
All night
with the calls.
Go to bed, Mom.
What kind of thing is that for a grown man?
I'm quiet.
That's quiet by you?
Yakking away like some kind of-- I'm quiet!
I'm quiet, I'm quiet, I'm quiet!
Dude, you were on fire.
I f--
feel like it needed
to be said.
The part about how they should
get out their forks 'cause they're
gonna be eating their words?
That's fuckin' beautiful.
Yeah. I guess
I just have a gift.
I wish I could do that.
Do it.
I'd be too nervous.
It's easy.
For you.
What time you wanna
go tomorrow?
I'll pick you up
around 10?
Cool.
All right.
Get some sleep. Big day.
Uhh.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go! Oh, yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah.
Whoo-ee!
Whoo! Yeah!
Oh, forced to scramble!
Here we go. Giants!
Here we go! Giants!
Giants.
Bishop with the sack!
Bishop with the sack!
What a play by Strahan!
Hey. Oh. Let's--
We should get our seats.
Game day. Game day!
The Giants
have won the coin toss
and have elected
to receive the kick.
Back for the kick
is Ahmad Bradshaw.
Here we go. Here we go. Let's do it.
Here we go.
Let's do it.
Here we go.
Let's tee it up.
We're marching! And that's the
third pass to Toomer on this point.
We're marching up the field.
We're marching up the field!
We're marching up the field! Whoo!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Giants, first down.
And the Eagles...
Come on, ref!
You--
Yeah!
Run the football!
Come on!
They got no answer
for us!
That's right. Yeah, go to your fuckin' huddle!
Ohh!
How the fuck is
that not called?
That is a ball you just can't drop.
It is right--
Oh, there's a flag
on the play.
45 finally brought down
by Quantrell Bishop.
Yeah! Oh! Second sack of the day for Bishop.
You show me nothing! You suck!
You suck!
Throw the fuckin' flag!
And that's a flag
on the play.
15! 10! 5! Touchdown!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Oh, man, am I feeling good tonight.
I know you're not
talking about the Knicks, Romeo.
Ha ha. Yeah, boy.
I'm talking about the Giants, baby.
We rocked that field--
Hello?
Can I pay?
Sorry. Sorry.
He's running for his life.
This game was over
in the second quarter.
They should have just
stayed in the locker room
and gotten on the bus
and gone to the airport.
They had no
chance in the second half
against Bishop and that defense. Hello.
You calling?
In a minute.
You know what
you're gonna say?
Oh, I'll probably just,
uh, wing it as usual.
Dude, I can't wait to hear you
put that douche bag in his place.
Oh, I will.
With a vengeance.
The Giants' defense
right now is sickening.
Look at what Quantrell Bishop's doin' lately.
He's a monster.
He's harassing every team he's facing.
They don't know what to do with him.
They can't even deal with him.
Total domination
by the Giants.
I know my
boy Paul in Staten Island
was loving life watching
that game yesterday.
What do you got, bro?
Hey, Sports Dogg.
How ya doing?
Um, I just got one thing to say to Eagle Nation,
especially a certain
Philadelphia Phil,
and that is... ha!
Ha ha ha!
Just like I promised,
we manhandled you on Sunday.
For 60 solid minutes,
we dominated the line of scrimmage
on both sides of the ball.
Quantrell Bishop
was in your face all day long.
What happened
to shutting him down?
Two sacks, seven tackles,
two forced fumbles,
and a fumble recovery?
If that's shutting him down,
I'd hate to see not shutting him down!
Ha! Quantrell was in your backfield
so much, I almost
mistaked him for an Eagle!
I love that dude in Staten Island,
bringing it hard
every night.
Do we have to stay
for the whole thing?
Paul, stop it.
Welcome! Come on in.
Come in, come in, come in. Hi!
Hi!
Hey, Ma.
Thank you. Thank you. All right.
Oh, he's gonna love it. Mmm...
Thank you.
Ohh...
What's up, what's up?
Let's get this party
started!
The cake,
he's gonna love it.
Are you kidding me?
He's gonna fuckin' freak.
I'm so proud of him.
Okay, let's go.
Yay!
That's nice.
Baby, that's your gift.
Very good.
Nice.
Look at that.
Right now,
we're America's fastest-growing warehouse club.
By 2012, there's gonna be 350
locations all across the country.
Wow.
Costco
right now is crapping
in their pants.
So, Paul, you know the offer still stands.
I have a job.
Yeah, I know,
but I think
you could really go far
in about five years--
I have a job.
Don't you want
something better?
You know, what
if I offer youa job?
I mean, maybe
I feel bad for you,
stuck inside of a depressing
dentist's office.
How is a dentist's office
depressing?
Gather round, folks!
Showtime.
So exciting.
I got goose bumps.
Is it working?
I'm Jeff Aufiero,
attorney at law.
Have you been injured
in an auto accident
or other such situation?
He's so handsome.
If so, you may be entitled
to a large cash compensation.
At Bauman, Aufiero & Paltz,
we've been personal-injury specialists
for over 4 1/2 years.
Whether you've been the victim
of a slip-and-fall,
a dog bite, or
even wrongful death,
we've got the experience you
need to get the cash you deserve.
Thanks, Bauman,
Aufiero & Paltz!
You're welcome.
Nice!
My son,
the TV star!
Great, bro!
Thank you.
That's fantastic.
Yeah.
He's another
Martin Scorsese!
Very, very professional.
How much did that cost ya? Couple of nickels.
I like when you point
because you really meant it.
Awesome. That was amazing, bro. Amazing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Could we see it
again?
What do you have
against Price Club?
I'd rather not
discuss my career.
You have a career?
That's news to me.
You could actually go
somewhere at Price Club.
Yeah, like Dennis? Please.
He's doing extremely well
for himself.
Okay.
Who knows?
You could probably meet somebody.
Well, what
does that mean?
Your brother and sister
both found people at work.
Yeah, Gina
was Jeff's secretary.
He cheated on his wife
with her.
She's a lot better for him
than that louse Roberta.
He's a cheat. He fucked her
while he was still married.
Don't say that word
in my car.
Which one? "Fucked" or "cheat"? You know.
It's what he did.
He fucked her.
For years while he was married. Stop it.
I don't want
that language in my car.
Oh, so it's worse for me to
say it than for him to do it?
Cut it out, Paul.
No, I wanna know.
Is it worse for me
to say the sentence, "Jeff fucked his secretary,"
than it is for Jeff
to fuck his secretary?
You should only meet
somebody as good as Gina.
Oh, boy, that'd
be tough to top.
Yeah, for you.
Yeah, give me
about an hour.
You have to actually
date someone to top it.
I date.
Oh, sure. You're dating
lots of girls.
You don't think I date?
I know exactly who you're
dating. Your hand.
What did you just say?
You think I don't see those
tissue balls in your garbage pail?
What the hell!
Either that,
or you're just sneezing a lot.
Maybe you just had a very bad cold
for the last 15 years.
I'm not hearing this.
The kind of cold
where you sneeze
out of your you-know-where! Oh, Jesus!
I'm not hearing this!
You probably don't think I don't see
those doo-doo stains in your
underpants, neither. Oh, God.
Leave it alone.
You don't like it?
Do your own laundry. And keep
your hands off your privates!
La la la la la la la!
Man, how can you
eat that shit?
It's the best.
You ever try?
Yeah. I think when it comes to pizza toppings,
I'll trust the Italians
over the Hawaiians.
Try it.
No, thanks.
You know,
you might like it.
I don't need to drink piss
to know it tastes like piss.
Mmm.
Mmm.
You gonna give
Philadelphia Phil
some more shit tonight?
Know what I was thinking?
I let himmake the next move.
That's a good strategy.
Holy shit.
What?
Oh, shit!
No way.
Fuck's he doing
in Staten Island?
I don't know!
Where's he going?
I don't know!
Quantrell fuckin' Bishop!
Fuckin' Stapleton.
Oh, maybe he's here
to see the Wu-Tang.
Who is that guy?
I don't know. Maybe he played with him at UT.
Maybe that's his house.
Maybe he lives in Stapleton.
I really
gotta go to the bathroom.
Sst. Look.
You think he's going
to a party or something?
Mmm...
It's a little late
to be first heading out.
Uh, hey, so do we, like-- So long, guys.
Can't park here.
Okay. Okay.
There's no fuckin'
parking in Manhattan.
Let's just put it in a garage. Fuck it.
Where?
Slow, slow. Slow. Slow.
On the right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yeah.
Shut the fuck up! We're turning! Go around!
Jesus Christ!
"18 for the first..." Is that what that says?
That's worse
than the hospital.
Right this way.
20.
Each.
Gentlemen, step up
for your drink, please.
Yeah, uh, I'll get,
uh, a Bud Light.
Bud's fine?
Bud's good, yeah.
Uh, same.
Two Buds.
That'll be $9 each.
Each? For a Bud?
Fuckin' Manhattan.
Right fucking there.
Hi, guys.
How are you?
Hey...
My name is Christiana.
Hi.
What's your name, baby?
Uh, my name is Paul.
Hi, Paul. Nice to meet you. Hi.
You look so cute.
Hi.
Oh, thank you.
Where you from?
Uh, um,
I'm from Staten Island.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It's your first time
you're here?
It is. It is.
Yeah? Do you
like this place?
I do. It's great.
Yeah? Do you
want a dance?
Uh, that's-- that's very, uh, nice,
but I'm-- I'm gonna pass.
Thank you.
Very nice. Thank you.
What about you, baby?
My name is Christiana.
Oh. Would you like some dance?
Uh, what's that?
Do you want a dance?
Oh, dance.
Can I dance for you?
Um, yes, you may.
Um, later on.
But right now I have to,
uh, I'm on a job.
Okay, I'll come back
later. No problem.
God, I wish
I'd brought a Sharpie!
What's he gonna sign?
My balls. Who cares?
Where's he going?
Probably to take a leak.
Maybe that would be a good
time to go up to him, you know,
without his whole group
around.
And it would be--
it'd be casual.
Just two guys, like...
pissing... chatting.
Man, those hos
look good tonight.
Man, did you see that one with the
big Brazilian bubble-butt, man?
Man, she got a phat ass.
Man, she looks gorgeous, man. Let's get it.
I'm taking her home tonight. Her and her friend.
Fuck!
Um... now what?
A drink. We buy him a drink.
We send a drink over.
We say
it's from the two gentlemen
in the corner.
He waves us over to thank us,
and we hang out with him.
Fuckin' genius.
Right.
How much money
you have left?
Uh... six bucks.
All right. Give it here.
Ma'am!
No, man. I love
what I do, man.
Oh, look.
That's our drink.
She's bringing it.
She's bringing it!
Screwdriver.
Who?
It's from them.
Who?
Screwdriver?
I'm good, baby.
Take it away?
Yeah, I'm good.
Can you see? I can't see. Did he take it?
I think so. Yeah.
We should go there.
Shouldn't they--
Shouldn't they wave usover?
There's no ru--
There's no rule.
There's no rules.
Let's go.
Let's go.
That's what
I'm talking about!
How many bottles you had?
I bought about
30 bottles, man!
Club-- Club QB!
Club U.P., man.
Hey.
Yeah.
Sex.
Hey!
Hey, men.
There's somebody here
to see you, man.
Yeah.
Look at this
motherfucker!
Yes.
Yeah, and he brought the
Nutty Professor with him!
We really wanted to just meet you, Mr. Bishop.
Hi. Yeah, yeah. So how y'all doin', man?
Doin' good, man.
You all right,
man?
Yeah,
I'm-- I'm great.
We're big fans.
Yeah.
15 sacks'll get you
big fans, man!
QB, baby! QB!
Hey, I told you
I have fans, man.
See, I told you I have.
QB, man!
We came all the way
from Staten Island.
Staten Island!
With a-- With a little stop in Stapleton.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
Wh-What?
Say Stapleton?
Stapleton?
Yeah. We were just...
um...
Were you following us?
Stapleton.
Stapleton.
Um, look, Q-- You following us or something?
No, no! We-- We just
wanted to say hi, and then--
I guess I kinda
chickened out, so I--
Look, we don't-- They're just fans, yo. Just fans.
Bullshit! Bullshit!
No, not at all.
If it's not a good time...
They just fans. Bullshit! Hold on!
Bullshit! They're stalkers, man!
Hold on. You a motherfucking stalker, man!
Bullshit! These two motherfuckin' stalker, man!
Fuck with me, man?
You motherfucker--
Look, I'm very sorry--
No! No!
Motherfucker!
Fucker, man!
Let me go, man!
Dr. Lyon, line 5145.
Dr. Lyon, 5145.
Any available
transport dispatcher, please.
Any available
transport dispatcher.
Hematoma.
It's a bleeding from the vein
between the brain
and the skull.
Fortunately, we were able
to successfully drain it.
So I'm gonna be okay?
You sustained
some pretty heavy trauma,
but long-run,
you should be.
We do need to keep you another
few days for observation.
Another... few days?
How long have I been here?
Three days.
Three days.
So... So the day is...
Sunday?
Monday.
Monday.
How did we do?
What was the score?
41-28.
We gave up 41
to the Chiefs?
Did Quantrell...
Suspended?
Yeah.
For how long?
Game-by-game basis.
They say it depends
on the investigation.
Paul.
There's someone
here to see you.
Thanks, doc.
Hey, Paul.
How you doing?
I'm from Midtown South.
I, uh,
just got a few questions for you
about what happened the other night.
So, uh...
...h-how does this...
Well, it's pretty simple.
You, uh, tell us
everything that happened,
and then we, uh, we nail
the son of a bitch.
Put him in jail?
That's the idea.
How much time could he get?
Aggravated assault,
maybe three to five.
A-Aggravated assault?
That's what it would be.
No, it really depends on what he did.
So why don't you just tell me
what he did, and we'll take it from there.
He, uh...
Now, look, let's, uh,
let's keep it simple.
Why don't you, uh,
start at the beginning.
Tell me where you
first saw Quantrell.
Quantrell. Quantrell,
I first, uh...
Um...
I just-- I just don't know
how... reliable...
I'll tell you what.
You've been through a lot.
So, uh... you get some rest.
We can try this again
in a couple days.
That'd be good.
Great.
That'd be good.
I'm sure it'll start to come back to you.
No, I hope so,
yeah. I hope so.
All right.
Take it easy, buddy.
You, too.
Or even a medium fly on a honey pile,
nuts and bolts.
Hold on.
Don't put it in the trash.
Put it back together, and it's ready to go.
But I saved
the best for last.
If you have wooden floors
or tile floors,
you have to change the
settings, you have to sweep.
This is wet vegetables
on wood floors.
This could be tile.
This could be waterproof.
Look at this.
It sneaks behind.
It's not the tile.
Picks up the carrots,
the peas, the corn.
It gets 'em all
in one easy step.
Just put a little salve
on there...
Because if that stuff
gets in your eye...
It's not. It's not just in my eye. That's what I'm--
There he is!
Hey...
There goes my brother.
There he is.
Ohh... Hello-o!
Let me look. What a palace. Look at this.
My brother's living in a palace. Hello.
Not too bad, not too bad. Nice TV set...
All right. Look at you. Better than I thought.
You should get the shit
kicked out of you more often.
Jeffrey.
Speaking of which,
I've been thinking.
Oh... oh.
That's never good!
What this animal did to you,
he's gotta pay.
Yeah. I'm-- I'm sure he will.
Well,
let's make sure of it.
Well, the cops are investigating. So?
So he's gonna go to jail!
Jail's bullshit.
We gotta hit him where it hurts-- in his wallet.
I don't wanna be one of those
assholes that sues Burger King
for 50 billion because
their Whopper's too hot.
We are not talking about
Whoppers here, Paul.
We are talking about a rich,
spoiled, millionaire athlete
who viciously beat an innocent
man within an inch of his life.
Do you not think, we,
as a society, have an obligation
to hold its celebrities to the
same-- What's that thing
where instead of saying
"won't," you say "will not"?
Or instead of saying
"can't," you say "cannot"?
Contractions?
You stop using them whenever
you want to sound smart
or lawyerly-- Don't be a fuckin' wise ass, Paul!
This is serious!
You should
listen to him.
You don't care about justice.
You just want money.
Money isjustice.
We're talking aggravated assault and battery--
3, 4 million easy.
Wow. So now you're
a lawyer. That's--
Boy, the things they teach in secretary school.
Fuck you!
He don't give a shit about you.
But I don't wanna sue.
What the fuck's wrong with you? That's enough.
Thickheaded motherfucker,
you are.
What is wrong with you?
This motherfucker
does not give
a fuck about you.
He is in his mansion playing his Xbox.
You never listen.
That's because no one ever
says anything worth listening to.
Look at where you are! This is a hospital.
It's not what you want.
It's what is right.
You wanna live like this
for the rest of your life?
Yes, I do. I wanna
live exactly like this.
I had enough of this.
Good.
Oi.
How do you get a concussion
when you got no fuckin' brains?
In the name of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,
what's going on?
My grandmother could
play better than that D-line,
and she's freakin'--
You have reached
the home of Theresa Aufiero.
Neither her or Paul
can come to the phone.
Please leave
your name, number,
and the time of your call,
and we will get back.
This is Murray Pape from the Daily News.
Paul, if, uh, you get a chance--
The Giants were the one
that basically
handed this game over.
Hopefully, this won't
be the end for them
and they start playing like
this regularly now without QB.
But they got--
...the time of your call,
and we will get back.
Good afternoon. This is
Herb Cohen from The Post,
calling for Paul Aufiero,
hoping to ask him a few quick questions.
Hey,
how you doin', Dogg? Oh, my God,
I'm loving this. All right,
that bunch of thugs
that you call a team up there
is showing their true colors
for the whole world to see.
All right?
They're just a bunch of dirty,
no-good hooligan animals,
all right,
from Bishop on down.
This ain't about Philly
versus New York, all right?
This is about good versus--
...slip away!
That's
my boy Massapequa Mark,
bringing the leverage!
Hey! Paul, Staten Island,
what do you got?
Hey, Dogg, how you doing?
Um, listen,
I'm just calling in response to
that pea-brain Philadelphia Phil.
I'm listening here.
It's unbelievable!
I mean, you ever hear of
innocent until proved guilty?
It's a little thing called
the American Constitution.
Maybe you should look it up.
Now, we don't know what happened at that club.
We weren't there!
I mean, maybe-- maybe...
unless-- unless they
charge QB with something,
they gotta let him play.
They gotta let him play.
Not that we need him...
because we got the horses,
and everything's cool.
This is-- You know
what this is?
This is people
blowing something
way out of proportion,
all right?
And not realizing that th--
this thing is not a thing.
Yeeaahh.
Hey, Paul.
Feeling better?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You know.
This is a good time
to talk?
Uh, it's not, uh... ideal.
I got work.
What time
you get off?
I don't...
really know how much I can help you on this,
you know?
Any help is help, Paul.
Yeah. You know,
I think maybe...
You know, I think
I got amnesia.
Amnesia.
Yeah. Sounds
like you have amnesia.
Is there-- Isn't there anyone else
you could talk to about this, or...
You'd think so.
A club that crowded.
But unfortunately, you know,
everyone was either off in the
bathroom or the VIP lounge
or havin' a smoke
when it all went down.
Hmm. Well...
Well... let's hope
that amnesia clears up.
When it does, I want you
to give me a call.
We wouldn't want a crime
like this to go unpunished.
No.
Man, these Giants
are killin' me.
I think I might have to
start watchin' the Jets.
This is killin' me.
Yeah,
I can feel you, Chuck.
You can't tell me this
isn't botherin' the Giants.
You can't tell me that this
isn't driving Coughlin nuts.
I mean, it's become a problem
that they've had to deal with
day in, day out,
week to week.
I don't even know how they maintain
their focus with this nightmare goin' on.
The drama keeps playin' out,
the story's had legs forever.
It won't go away. They haven't
made their minds up.
The D.A. doesn't know
whether he's comin' or goin'.
I mean, the D.A.'s office
gotta make their mind up.
They can't let this thing
keep dragging out--
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We got breakin' news on this very subject.
Let's go to Ed Rosen
right now.
Well, Dogg, word has come down
that Quantrell Bishop
will not be eligible to play
in this Sunday's
key showdown in Dallas.
According to
a Giants' spokesman,
the five-time pro-bowler will
remain on the ineligible list
until further notice.
Once again, Quantrell Bishop
inactive this Sunday.
That's it
from the Meadowlands,
Ed Rosen on the Giants beat, 760, The Zone.
The Cowboys come
in with the number 3 ranked offense--
first in the pass,
last in the run--
led, of course, by Marion Barber.
We're really good.
We're in good shape.
You slide Pierce over,
you give Michael
some support, bada-bing,
we're good.
Yeah.
And I see the Cowboys
trying to establish the run
early and often today with the
absence of Quantrell Bishop.
Giants come in today,
a little shaky off of last week's loss, looking to...
No problem.
This is gonna be a tough
contest and a tough--
What the fuck?!
The Cowboys 35
and the Giants 27.
And, Chip, just like we talked
about before the game... Fuck.
the Giants' defensive...
You don't go for two when you're down four.
He had all day to pass,
and he made them pay.
You miss, you need
a touchdown to win!
...the Giants, but
without Quantrell Bishop...
The first-and-goal, you cannot take a sack there.
Throw that shit away!
...way of the Giants'
defense,
specifically attacking the spot
It never should have come
to that. Quantrell Bishop normally occupies.
Willington with an admirable
job at defensive end today,
We're fine. but he is not Quantrell Bishop.
We only need to win
one of the next two,
...right from the get-go.
or they lose one.
...Quantrell Bishop? You mean...
They got, uh,
Green Bay
at Lambeau.
We're good.
We're fine.
...got right in there and stole
everything in the house.
And, Chip, as we turn to the
NFC East race now, You okay?
the Philadelphia Eagles are gaining
on the New York Football Giants,
and it looked at one point as if we
had no race, You know what, man?
but now, Chip, I think we have a
certifiable dogfight on our hands.
You really need
to lay off this shit.
Three weeks ago,
it looked like the Giants had firm control
of the division.
This is alien piss.
...walk away with this thing and now,
all of a sudden... Can I make a suggestion?
Drink this stuff.
It's much better for you. Root beer.
...excessive problems,
they might buy-- they might be...
This is root... beer.
When it comes down to the wire, Chip...
Root beer.
It's like-- It's like earth's first beverage.
I don't like root beer.
Anything in a green bottle
is gonna kill you. Brown.
Again a tough day down
here for It's more natural.
New York Football.
Giants down here at Texas Stadium...
It's got minerals--
I don't like root beer!
...35, Giants 27.
This is Tom Rogers alongside my
broadcast partner Chip Daniels.
So long from Texas Stadium,
everyb--
Boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom! You hear that?
You hear that, baby?
That's the sound
of footsteps, baby.
We are gaining on you.
One back with two to go.
We beat St. Louis next week,
you lose to Carolina,
and it all comes
to Monday night.
To Monday night madness.
To Monday night football.
The last game
of the season,
Giants versus the Eagles
at the Linc,
where we're gonna
frickin' destroy your--
Fuckin' asshole.
How you doing,
Paul?
Hey!
Ohh...
It's cold out, huh?
Mmhh!
Coffee?
Please.
Thank you.
Well... gotta be honest.
Did not expect
to hear from you.
Well...
So.
What do you got for me?
Well, you know,
I've been, uh...
...thinkin' a lot about...
what happened, and--
and, you know...
trying to remember.
Bring it.
I just...
I don't think...
that I'll, uh...
be able...
...to r-remember stuff.
I've been trying, you know,
really hard, thinking about...
what happened, and I ju--
I just can't-- I-- I just can't.
Can't remember
or won't remember?
I've been trying... like I said... um, to remember.
I just-- I can't...
Can't or won't?
Paul.
I'm sorry.
Coulda told me this
over the fuckin' phone.
Mmphh...
Bro, you okay?
So, how you
feeling, bro?
I'm pretty good.
Pretty good.
What'd
the doctor say?
Oh, they don't know
what happened.
They did
another CAT scan?
Yeah. It didn't
show anything.
Oh, really? It didn't pick up the fist prints?
They're not related.
Yeah. Sure.
You don't know that.
Are you sniffing glue again?
Is this like some kind of no-snitching thing?
Like the brothers?
Oh, yeah. I heard the charges were dropped.
I'm sorry. You must be really upset about that.
Come on, Jeff.
What? I'm sympathizing.
Well, stop.
He needs to hear this.
He needs his rest.
He needs to get better.
Look at you.
He's right.
Like a jadrool. Oh, please be quiet.
Fuckin' jadrool.
Oh, my God.
You're not gonna get through to him.
Nobody can.
Sports Dogg. Name and location.
Yeah. Yeah, hey, Lar, it--
it's Paul from Staten Island.
Hey, Paul. I got five in front of you.
Hang tight. Okay. Okay.
Shouldn't be too bad. Okay, great.
Every time
the Knicks manage--
Hey, kitty cat...
Get off the porch!
You're in The Zone
with the Sports Dogg,
on 760 Sports Radio,
New York.
New York...
Hey,
Paul From Staten Island,
what do we got tonight? Hey! Hey!
What's up, Dogg?
Um, I gotta tell you,
I am feeling
good tonight
because in a little less than 48 hours,
we are gonna brutally shatter any flicker of hope
the cheesesteaks had going.
We've been messing
with them the last few weeks,
letting 'em get back in it
a little, making 'em think
they had
a chance of catching us
just so we can see
the look on their faces
when they come up short.
Quantrell's back, baby,
and he is g-- Paul!
Quantrell is back, baby,
and he is ready to make up
for some lost time
against the Panthers.
You better hope the scoreboard
is broken down there in St. Louis
because the Eagles
are gonna be so crushed
when they look up at it and see
the Giants-Panthers score.
They're not even gonna
be able to play.
It's not even-- even gonna come down
to the head-to-head in week 17.
We're gonna wrap
up the East in a nice little bow
this coming-- People live here!
Sorry. Sorry.
This coming weekend,
after which, we will follow
our pre-destiny
to the Super Bowl
as we ride the victory bus
to the championship.
And why? Why are we riding
in the victory bus
to a championship
we haven't played?
Because, as I said earlier,
it is pre-destiny that we will
take the Super Bowl this year
while at the same time
waving goodbye
to... the... Eagles.
Thanks, Paul. Now,
that's a G-Men fan.
Oh-- Thank you. Thanks, buddy.
All ri-- Okay. Thanks,
Sports Dogg. Thank you.
Boom.
Delhomme in the shotgun...
Big stop, big stop,
big stop, big stop.
Go get him! Get him! Fuck!
...breaks into a wide open...
...hauls it in
at the 31 yard line...
He had all day
back there.
And here
come the Panthers...
That's all right.
The Panthers
always self-destruct.
...right out of the air
into his hands
and another first down.
That's the sixth ball
he's caught today,
and we're not even
in the second half.
Steve Smith,
one of the players Coach Coughlin said
the Giants had to stop.
The Giants with no answer--
Jim Trainor, saying so long
from Giants Stadium.
Panthers 28, Giants 7--
You can't blame
the defense for this one.
Panthers
got some weapons.
Quantrell played like shit.
Well, he was
double-teamed.
He was rusty.
Tied for first place!
Tied for first place!
Tied for first place!
Hey, oh, oh, and one more thing I'd like to add.
Tied for first place!
Huh.
What's so funny?
You must have the world's biggest
collection of Chinese packets.
It's a sin to throw out food.
My mother,
the soy-sauce squirrel.
It's a real riot,
not being wasteful.
You know what's a riot?
Is you spending 20 years
collecting
all these sauce packets
that you're never
gonna use. That's a riot.
You're a sick boy, you know
that, Paul? You need help.
Yeah. And you need
6,000 egg rolls.
To put all that stuff on!
Hello?
Good evening.
Is, uh, Paul home?
Uh, may I say who's calling?
This is Murray Pape.
I'm calling from the Daily News.
Uh, he's not here right now.
May I take a message?
Yeah.
I'd just like to ask him a few quick questions...
about the lawsuit.
If you could, I'd really appreciate-- Lawsuit?
Yeah. Excuse me.
Paul, what the fuck?
Paul. Paul. Paul.
Hello? Hello?
Paul. Paul. Paul.
"In an unexpected turn of events,
the lawyer for alleged--"
I'm taking a fuckin' dump here! "The lawyer
"for alleged Quantrell Bishop
beating victim Paul Aufiero
yesterday filed
a $77 million lawsuit--"
Can we discuss this
after I wipe my ass?
"...against the star
linebacker in federal court
on behalf of his client"?
Jeff, what the fuck?
I'm acting in your best interests.
You're not seeing
things clearly here.
You have no right.
I have a right if you're my brother
and you're not mentally competent
to make decisions for yourself.
I'm mentally competent!
You're a 36-year-old man
who lives home
with his mother,
who depends on her for food,
for laundry,
and countless basic fuckin'
life necessities. All right?
On paper you're basically a fuckin' vegetable!
Oh, fuck you!
It's true!
You can't do this!
I just did.
I--
Where the fuck did you get $77 million from?
I calculated it.
Yeah, outta your ass.
I know you're a fan of this guy,
but you gotta stop looking at him
as some kind of fuckin' hero
and start looking at him
as some big, black,
moulinyan jack-off asshole
that gave you brain damage!
Hey, my brain's fine.
Yeah.
You--
It was an accident.
The whole thing was a misunderstanding.
A misunderstanding?
He was drunk!
That's no excuse.
He-- I was bothering him.
Okay? He-- He was out
trying to have a good time with his friends.
Do you hear yourself?
Do you actually
hear yourself?
Lots of people
get beat up every day.
I don't see you out there
suing for them.
Well, none of them
are my brother. Okay?
And for what it's worth, the
whole family supports it. Okay?
Gina, Mom, Dennis, Christine, everybody.
For what it's worth,
I'm not gonna
let you do it.
Go ahead, stop me.
I will.
Go for it.
Can I finish
my shit now?
Can I borrow your Internet?
Maybe "Stopping
a lawsuit"?
Man, they usually have
everything on there.
Maybe the lawyers don't want
that information public.
Yeah,
that makes sense.
They're gonna
go down with Yankees up
3-zip in the ALCS
losing to the Red Sox.
If they blow this game
in Philly,
they're never gonna
live it down in New York.
Let's go to line 3.
What's up?
Hey, hey, Sports Dogg,
how ya doin'?
It's Philadelphia Phil
calling here.
Look, I'm calling in tonight
with a shocking revelation.
All right,
it's about the Quantrell Bishop situation.
As you might know
from the news,
the name of the jerk-off that
they beat up is Paul Aufiero.
All right? And what you might not
know is I have a good authority
that Paul Aufiero
is none other than...
Paul from frickin'
Staten Island.
You don't know that, Phil.
We don't give out full names on the air here.
Yeah, but you do
on the Sports Dogg
website, all right?
And I was on it last night,
my friend. And on the
Caller of the Month page,
I saw the name from November 2006--
Paul Aufiero. Paul.
from Ellingtonville, Staten Island. All right?
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Are you putting two and two together,
my friend?
All right, I clicked on his
profile-- favorite team,
the Giants. Favorite athlete--
Quantrell Bishop.
Paul!
Favorite food, roast Eagle.
It's him!
All right?
You listening?
Paul from Staten Island
got beat up
by his favorite player,
and now he's suing him
for 77 million
freakin' dollars?!
Are you kidding me?
Fuckin' piece-of-shit scumbag.
Can you believe that?
But I feel bad
for you, buddy.
I do. You got dumped.
All alone, no team.
That's why I wanna personally
invite you to switch over.
I am giving you an invitation to switch over.
Leave the dark side
and join the
Eagle Nation.
You can start this Monday
night at Sharkey's
on Passyunk, South Philly,
where me and the rest
of my Eagle brothers
will bewatching us
crush theMidgets
and take the Eastern Crown!
Do you understand? Come--
Hey, Paul, how you doin'?
Adam Feuerstein, Newsday.
Can I ask you a few questions? Not now.
Um... Paul? How
does it feel like
to get beat up
by your hero?
Is it true that you're a lifelong
die-hard-- Leave me alone!
Paul!
Paul!
Say that I'm a Rangers fan,
but it's more
like I'm a
Rangers endurer, like--
It's like I'm going
to a funeral every game,
and last night
was no different.
I mean, I think
if they can wear boots...
Uh, $5.00.
I mean, what is that?
Are they even playing hockey anymore?
So you still gonna be rooting
for 'em Monday night?
This is Murray Pape.
Hi, Mr.--
I'm unavailable right now,
but if you leave a message,
I'll get back to you.
To page this person,
press five now.
At the tone, please
record your message.
Hello, Mr. Pape.
This is Paul Aufiero.
I'm calling
to let you know
that I'm planning to hold
a press conference
to set the record straight
on my situation regarding
Quantrell Bishop.
The press conference
will occur tomorrow night
at around 11:30 p.m.
or approximately
a few minutes after
on the Sports Dogg program
on The Zone.
Please pass word
along to your coworkers
or any other people
in the media
you feel this might be
of interest to.
Thank you very much.
Sincerely,
Paul Aufiero.
Sports Dogg.
Name and location.
Hey. Yeah, it's--
it's, uh,
Paul from Staten Island.
Paul. Hey, uh, what's,
uh, what's goin' on?
Uh, listen. Could you-- Could you, uh,
get me on really quick?
Yeah, hang on a second. Okay.
Joe from Staten Island.
First time, long time,
all right?
What's up, Dogg? Listen -
They couldn't win a game
if their life depended on it.
What kind of management
do they have there?
I'd rather watch the high
school teams in my area
than go and watch these--
Paul?
You're up next.
Yeah, okay,
thanks.
This is a comedy!
We live in--
Yeah,
I'd agree with that. Good job, Chuck.
I can dig it.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, this is gonna be a huge call.
Line one, a world exclusive,
Paul from Staten Island.
Hey, Sports Dogg.
How you doing?
Hey! What's up,
Paul, man?
A lot of people have been
talkin' about you, brother.
I know. And, uh,
I just wanted to say...
a-- a, uh, a lot of people
have been talking
about me these days,
and most of it is wrong.
So it's time I cleared
the record straight.
First off, with regarding
the alleged incident
between me
and Quantrell Bishop
on November 30th,
this was not an attack.
It was an unfortunate misunder-- Paul.
It was an unfortunate misunderstanding
between the two of us.
He did nothing-- Who are you talking to?
He did nothing wrong,
and I have no plans to sue.
The lawsuit
was accidentally filed
by a person in my family
who misunderstood the
situ-- Paul, I have had it.
Uh, get off the phone,
please?
I have to be up
at 7:30.
Hang up.
Who is that?
I have a doctor's appointment at 9.
Okay.
It's surgery, Paul.
Is that his mother?
They're removing
my corn.
If I don't get a good night's-- Fucking hang up
the fucking phone!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
No F-bombs, dude.
You know that.
I gotta let you go.
Uh--
Hello!
Why are you
doing this to me?
I'm not doing nothing to you!
You do it all to yourself!
I'm sick of you
treating me like a baby!
You area baby,
with your calls
and your little
playmate Sal!
Why don't you grow up and get a life?
I have a life!
No, you don't! I'm happy with my life!
No, you're not!
Hey, I think I would know!
Happy is family,
children!
Oh, says you!
Says everybody!
There's basic stuff every person needs!
Oh, don't--
Your brother has 'em,
your sister has 'em, only you!
Hey! Hey! No! No! I don't want what they've got!
I don't want it! I don't want it! I don't want it!
This Giants fan is really upset.
He's afraid they're gonna
lose out the string now,
so now he's watching
the Jets and the 49ers
and hoping they could,
uh, wring out a win.
This is a depressed
Giants fan today, folks.
That was his best year.
It wasn't,
you know, 15-16.
Uh, this kid Harvey had,
Derrick Harvey,
has four sacks through
the first eight games--
Where you going?
Paul?
I have no idea where you are.
When you take my car,
you can at least have the courtesy to--
Message deleted.
Next message.
Yo, Paul, where are you? I've been calling.
We watching at your place?
Philadelphia officials admit
they won't even come close
to meeting their goal
with installing
250 surveillance cameras
in high crime areas
by the end of--
The governor,
governor of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania,
Governor Ed Rendell, back
with us on the big talker 1210.
Governor, we got a cheesesteak
here with your name on it.
Yeah. I'm on the air?
Well, I eat, uh, pizza
around this time of night.
I'm on my way back
to Harrisburg.
I'm in the car, and--
McNabb already looking sharp,
coming off a great game
last week against St. Louis.
Phil!
Phil!
Phil!
We get to Wisconsin,
and literally I came
as we're driving across the bridge into
Wisconsin. It was like a conquest.
Right. We get to Wisconsin, he says,
"Hey, can you drive a stick?"
And I was like, "Huh?"
I'm like, "Dude, I can drive a stick."
And he fucked her
in the back?
He fucked her in the back seat, but first,
the lady goes, "Fricking huge!"
That was
frickin' huge.
That was big.
That was big for us.
Let's go on.
Bring it fuckin' home.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
This is what you call
a game turner.
It's called a game "changer," you motherfucker.
Phil!
Starving.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
What you gonna do? Come on!
Throw it up his ass! Phil!
Let's go!
Yeah, you fuckin' asshole!
Yes! Oh, yes!
That's what I'm talking about! Yes.
That's what
I'm talking about!
Whoo!
We got this.
We got this.
We got this.
Take away that bullshit
fumble call,
we'd be up 14.
Yeah, you know what?
Not to worry. It's about to get ugly.
Yeah, it's gonna
get fuckin' ugly.
Yeah.
How's it going, bo?
Phil.
Oh. Mark.
How's it going?
Good, good.
I like the paint. You got your colors, right?
I'm flyin'
mycolors, man.
He's got his fucking colors on.
Fly them, man. Fly 'em.
Fuckin' queers. Douche, douche.
Douche bags.
Douche, douche!
Douche, douche.
Now-- Now I just want it to become, like,
an annihilation.
Like, I just want it
to become an abomination,
an annihilation,
a murder,
a mass fuckin' murder!
You fuck.
I want to mass fuckin' murder,
these motherfuckers.
You know what I mean?
An abomination!
Whoo!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Yeah.
In the end zone!
Touchdown!
Yes! Fucking touchdown,
you asshole! Yes!
Yes! You fuck!
That's what
I'm fuckin' talking about!
Ah, ha! Ha ha ha!
Asshole! Look at him. Yeah, he's a giant fag!
No, no, not a giant fag. He's a Giantfag,
like a Giant fag? You know what I mean?
You dumb fuck. Yes!
Yes! I love it. Whoo!
Hey, I-- Listen, this is
gonna sound kinda weird,
but, uh,
do I know you?
Just that you sound familiar,
you know, your voice. Um...
You ever go, uh,
listen to, uh,
The Pen? 860?
Sometimes.
Rob Ryan
or Eagle's Nest
or Nothing But Netsky--
you know,
those call-in shows?
I'm pretty much a regular
on all those shows.
That's gotta be it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I call in there,
you know, break balls and shit.
It's a good time.
You know what I mean?
I even, uh,
been calling up the local shows up
in New York now, piss off the locals.
You know what I mean?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I fucking can't
stand Giants fans.
Yeah,
like Giants fans.
Yeah, fuck Giants fans.
I can't stand those motherfuckers.
Fuck 'em. There's that one guy
that got his ass beat by Bishop?
You heard about that?
Oh, something about--
Yeah, yeah. He, um...
He's a big fan.
Bishop was his favorite player. Right.
And somehow or another,
he pissed him off.
It's, like, you wanna
fuckin' grow up.
You wanna belike Mike,
not get fuckin'-your-ass kicked by Mike.
Yeah!
Imagine
fuckin' Julius Erving
come and kicking my fucking ass?
Fuckin' jerk-off.
It's crazy.
Yeah, it fuckin' is.
What's your name again?
Mark.
All right!
Mark.
All ri-ight!
Mark the Spark!
Mark the Spark!
Mark the spark!
Yeah. Killer Phil! Killer Phil! Hey!
Here we go, and it's only gonna
get worse for the fucking guy,
in one minute 33,
one minute and 32...
and 27-- 29, you fuck.
Whatever.
You can't fucking count.
26. 27. Yes. Giants suck! Giants suck!
Life is good, baby!
Folks, you can put a bow on this one.
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck!
The cock!
Giants suck!
Cock!
Giants suck!
My balls!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
The clock has expired,
the season has expired.
Are you gonna--
Are you gonna call up that
station up in New York tonight?
Yeah. Shit, yeah.
I got a big bag of salt
that needs wounds
for rubbing into.
I'll bet--
I bet that loser's
writing out his suicide note as we speak.
Yeah.
Uhh... sss...
Ahh.
Come on! Gotta drain
the monster. Let's go.
Bo, what are you doing?
I'm taking a fuckin'--
Hey, whoa, whoa.
What are you-- What are you doing, man?
Don't do-- Don't do that.
Be quiet.
No, no, no,
don't-- don't--
Quiet. Okay?
You didn't have to be mean.
What are you talking about,
mean?
Every--
Everybody's
always so mean.
Bo, I don't know
who the fuck you are, okay?
What are you doing?
And it wears me out.
Yo, listen to me.
Listen to me.
You got the wrong guy here,
you understand? No.
I got... the right guy.
No, no, don't-- don't do that.
Don't do that. I-- Don't
do-- Unnh!
Uhh...
Uhh! Uhh!
Ohh!
Uhh! Ohh!
Ohh!
My God.
What's--
What the fuck?
Eagles...
suck.
Get back!
Freeze!
Sorry!
Sorry!
Ow, ow, ow.
Shut the fuck up!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what I-- I know.
What are you gonna do? What are you
gonna do? What are you gonna do?
Hey!
Hey.
How's it going?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
So, um, yeah.
Your mom been by?
Uh, she came by
a few days ago.
Um...
She's not really
taking this too well.
Yeah?
Yeah.
How about, uh, Jeff?
Jeff was supposed
to come by yesterday,
and then something with his kid or something...
Oh, oh! Hey, hey, hey.
Hey...
What?
It's out?
Hot off the press,
from today's Post.
Oh, my God.
This is cake!
Uh, that's what I said.
Francisco...
Miami...
13 and 3. Easy.
What are your
three losses?
Green Bay, New England,
Chargers.
We could easily
beat Green Bay.
14 and 2.
Oh. Oh, man.
What?
New England, December 20th.
I get out that week.
Oh, shit.
Patsies are toast.
There's no way we're losing
with us in the parking lot.
Not a chance.
15 and 1.
Totally realistic.
Oh, man.
Oh, man!
It's gonna be a great year.