Big Bully (1996) - full transcript
David Leary was bullied by Rosco when he was in elementary school. But he got even on the day his parents moved out of town. Now twenty years later, David, who is a successful writer, is invited back to his home town to teach. Everything is great until Rosco, who is still in town, recognizes him. Now suddenly someone is playing mean practical jokes on him. Isn't David a little too old to be running to the Principal saying "Rosco's picking on me." ?
Uno, dos...
1, 2...
Tres, cua tro...
Hey!
Wooly bully!
Watch it now. Watch it.
? Here it comes,
here it comes ?
Watch it now.
It'll get you.
? Mattie told hattie ?
? About a thang she saw ?
? Had two big arms ?
? And a wooly jaw ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Yeah. That's right.
In this world, there
are two kinds of animals--
The hunters and the hunted.
I was always in season.
? Hattie told Mattie ?
? Let's don't
take no chance ?
? Let's not be l-7 ?
? Come and learn to dance ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Watch it now. Watch it.
Watch it. Watch it.
? Hey ?
? Drive, drive, drive ?
Everybody has a bull y
Lurking somewhere
in their past,
A kid whose
ambition in life
Was to make your waking
hours a living nightmare.
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ??
My bully's name
was Rosco Bigger,
But everybody
called him fang.
Hiya, Davy.
Thought you were pretty
funny this morning,
didn't you?
W-what do you mean?
The spelling bee.
Miss Fitz Simmons
let you pick the words,
And you
gave me u.s.s.r.,
And everybody laughed
when I got it wrong.
Hey, I make the same
mistake myself.
Is it two ss or one?
Grr!
You're upset.
I can see that,
But delay my beating
until Thursday.
I've got class pictures
tomorrow.
My mom will kill me
if I'm scuffed up again.
Say ''cheese.''
Cheese.
I grew up in hastings,
Minnesota,
A small river town
on the Mississippi.
My friends were more
than just buddies.
We were a band of victims
Who watched
each other's back.
Ulf was an odd kid,
Primarily concerned
with explosions
And setting things on fire.
Cool.
Gerry's father owned a butcher
shop on main street.
[Whistling]
To his family, vegetarian
was a four-letter word.
Hey, guys,
how's it going?
One day in class,
Gerry was asked
how many different
food groups there were.
His answer was two--
Meat and everything else.
Alan was the only black kid
that we'd ever seen.
But any racial differences
were soon dismissed
When he proved he could
shove his whole fist
into his mouth.
It was something
even Gerry couldn't do.
[Gerry]
hey, Davy,
look who's coming.
Victoria was by far
the most beautiful girl
in the school.
She may have been 10,
But she was built
like a 12-year-old.
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, boys.
Wow.
Wow.
Did you see that?
See what?
The way she
was looking
at you.
Yeah. She wants it.
Wants what?
Hey, did you hear?
Hear what?
The moon rock's
coming.
What?
Here?
Yep. Next week.
They're sending
guards and stuff.
If you try and touch it--
Bang! They'll
shoot you on sight.
Aw, bullshit.
Whoa.
Death rock by David Leary.
Chapter 1.
Everyone in town had come
to see the rock
Till there was only
one old man left.
The old man limped up
to the moon rock
'Cause he had a cane
or something.
He reached out
to touch the rock when...
Freeze!
Freeze!
Freeze!
''Don't touch
that moon rock.''
But the old man
was deaf or something.''
I'm deaf
or something.
And so he reached out
with his wrinkled hand
And...
Bam bam bam bam bam!
You'd better
be sleeping!
I am.
I knew that one day
I would leave this place,
And I would
become a real writer.
I must have
had hundreds of toys
throughout my childhood,
But one was special
above all the others.
I'd save my allowance
for three months
To buy the Evel Knievel
action figure.
It was an additional
four months
Before I could
afford the super cycle,
But it was worth it.
Evel was daring,
cool, fearless.
In short, he was everything
that I wasn't.
Evel Knievel's a pussy.
One day you'll be sorry
you ever did that.
Funny, I
don't feel sorry.
Well, one day you will.
Chicken.
Pork roast!
When you're a marked man,
You appreciate the value
of a good hiding place,
And so I spent the better
part of my childhood
Sitting in the cave
at Vermillion falls.
There were stories
about the cave
That all the kids knew,
stories about some kid,
Usually a friend's
cousin's neighbor,
Who went past the red rock
and never returned.
I figured they
were probably just stories,
But why risk it?
A-t-
O-m-
I-c.
Uh-oh.
Atomic drop.
Incoming!
Hey, Davy...
Want to know how
the polar bear died?
Tell me.
? Teacher, teacher ?
? Floatin' down
the delaware ?
? Chewin' on her underwear ?
? Couldn't afford
another pair ?
? 10 Days later,
eaten by a polar bear ?
? That's how
the polar bear died ??
[Bell rings]
Drink your juice yet?
No. Why?
Peed in it.
Yuck.
My dad knows a guy
who knows a guy
Who works for NASA,
And he says, ''if you look
straight at the moon rock,
You'll go blind.''
Aw, bullshit.
You think
the moon rock
will burn?
O.k., Rosco,
that's enough.
Don't spoil it
for the others.
Son, you're
holding up the line.
Come on.
That's it?
Nice rock.
Move it, smart ass.
What a gyp.
Did that little rock
really come all the way
from the moon?
That's what
they tell me.
Could i...
Touch it?
I, uh...
Think that could
be arranged.
What's
going on?
Hey, the cops
are here!
Wow! You're kidding!
It's gone?
Yeah. Did you hear
what happened?
Somebody hocked
the moon rock!
Everybody fan out!
Seal the exits!
Find that rock!
[Crack]
Whoa.
David.
David, come on
in here, son.
Sit down. We're
having a family meeting.
Oh, great.
Yeah. Well, um...
Son, I know
how hard it is
To up and move
to a new home
And a new school--
We're moving?
Now, David.
Well, uh, yeah.
The company's
transferred me
Out to the west coast
branch and--
David!
It's all right.
He's going to be fine.
Yeah! This is so great!
What?
I hear you've been
looking for a moon rock.
Hey, David,
where you been?
Come on. We got
a long way to go here.
October 30, 1970.
It was the biggest day
of my life.
Good heavens.
What's happened
over at the Biggers?
Hey, isn't that a friend
of yours, David?
Nope.
I was leaving the nightmare
That was Hastings,
Minnesota,
For a new home
on the West Coast,
A place filled with hope,
A place of
new beginnings.
A place without
violence or fear,
A place called...
Oakland.
You got Stephen King's
new book?
I don't work here.
Then why are you
sitting there?
I'm a writer.
I'm signing copies
of my book.
Oh, an author.
What's it about?
Well, it's about a man
who loses his family
And finds himself
in the process.
It's about choices,
About how small
decisions in our lives
Can change them forever.
No.
I'm more of
a Stephen King fan
myself.
[Speaking Korean]
I--i--i
don't speak, uh...
Um...
Stephen King.
Uh, aisle 23...
Fantasy and horror.
[Speaking Korean]
Yeah.
Do you guys have
that, like, new--
Stephen king?
Yeah.
Aisle 23.
Cool.
Hey, what's this?
That's my book.
I'm a writer.
That's you.
What's it about?
It's about a guy
who loses his family
And...
Uh, a guy
loses his family.
Oh.
It's--it's a book.
He loses
his family, huh?
Mm-hmm.
What happened to them?
They're murdered
one night.
Murdered?
How?
You ever seen one
of those electric
wood chippers?
No way.
Killer shreds
their body parts,
Buries them
in the backyard.
Awesome.
What he doesn't know...
The backyard is on top
Of one of those
old ancient indian
burial grounds.
So the body parts,
they come back to life,
Go after the killer.
Wow.
It's like pet sematary.
Right. It's exactly
like pet sematary,
But a little different.
Huh.
Sign it, dude.
All right.
Heh heh.
What's your name?
Nigel.
Hey, Nigel.
Mr. Leary, telephone.
Could you take
a message for me?
The school wants you
to pick up your son.
Bye, Ben.
Later.
I don't want you
hanging around
with those kids.
They're my friends.
Those aren't friends.
They're future stars of
America 's most wanted.
Hastings?
''Dear mr. Leary,
''Congratulations on
your most recent novel.
''We realize ho w busy
your schedule must be,
''But we'd be honored
''If you'd return
to hastings middle school
''To teach a creative
writing class
''For the fall semester.
''It would be a thrill
for students and faculty.
''After all,
you are the town hero.
''We would be happy
''To arrange a transfer
of your son's transcripts
''So he may
enjoy the benefits
Of our excellent
school system. ''
A ham sandwich walks
into a bar and says,
''Bartender,
give me a beer.''
Bartender says,
''sorry, pal,
We don't
serve food here.''
He's a ham sandwich.
He is food.
You can't serve him.
More of a logic problem
than a joke, really.
Want to play I spy?
No.
Want to listen
to the radio?
No.
Want to count dead bugs
on the windshield?
No.
Being the new kid
in town
Isn't such a bad deal.
Nobody knows you.
You can totally
reinvent yourself.
It's kind
of a fresh start...
For both of us.
Those kids are going
to be a bunch of gomers.
Minnesota's a very hip
place to live.
Right.
I'm serious.
Prince lives there.
Well, he does.
Is he still
called prince?
He changed his name,
right?
He dropped his name.
You can do that,
Come up with
a sign like prince has,
Be the kid formerly
known as Ben.
Just come up
with a good logo.
I'll call you...logo.
Dad, when you
said we could
reinvent ourselves,
I didn't know you meant
as the Cleavers.
Start unpacking, Beav.
Pack this, ward.
Hey, I heard that.
David.
Yeah?
Hi. We're
your new neighbors.
Heard you might
be coming in today.
I'm Art Lundstrom,
and this is my wife Betty.
That's me. I'm Betty.
Dad, there's
no cable.
We'll get cable.
Come meet the new neighbors.
Well, hello, there.
Hey, name's art,
And this here's
my wife Betty.
That's me. I'm Betty.
I'm art.
Which one's
Betty again?
Me. Right here.
Oh.
We're going
to start unpacking.
Weatherman says
there's a 70% chance
of showers tomorrow.
So don't forget
your umbrella.
Thanks for
the warning.
The three-day outlook
Says there's
only a slight chance
of rain till midweek.
There's a storm front
moving in.
We don't need cable.
The weather channel
lives next door.
I notice your deck
out back is peeling.
I've got cans
of stain in the garage
If you want to refinish.
I'll keep that in mind.
If you do,
put on extra coats.
Otherwise, the moisture
is going to seep
into that wood
And rot it from inside.
O.k., Well, thanks a lot.
You betcha.
Are they gone?
I hear the sunfish
are biting down
at lake Rebecca,
But not on red worms!
Cornmeal!
Have I mentioned
How friendly
the people are
in this town?
[Sighs]
I hate this house.
Great.
Just as I planned.
I want to go home.
Well, you are home.
Until when?
Until I say so.
No wonder mom left.
Now, wait a second.
That is not fair.
[Door closes]
Don't you fret, David.
He just needs
to get acclimated.
He needs to get involved
in some extracurricular
activities.
Like band.
Oh, hey, I've
still got my old tuba
in the attic
If he'd like
to give it a whirl.
David?
Come on, Ben!
It's the first day.
I don't want to be late.
Come on, Ben!
Let's go!
Have a nice day!
Thanks, dad.
Morning, neighbor!
Morning, art.
I'll bet
you're wondering
Why in the Sam Hill
Am I chopping wood
when the weather
is so pleasant.
Not really.
You know
who Sam Hill was?
No, I don't.
Well, he wasn't anyone.
It's a euphemism.
Cockney expression
for ''what the hell?''
[Cockney accent]
what the 'ell?
What the 'ell?
Then it turned into...
What the Sam Hill?
I'll see you later, art.
You'll be here later,
right?
What the 'ell?
Ms. Rumpert?
I'm David Leary.
I was a student
here once.
I've always
wanted to tell you
What a big impact
this library
had on my life.
It was the first place
That really
taught me the importance
of reading, of books.
Anyway, I just wanted
to tell you that.
Green eggs and ham.
Excuse me?
Green eggs and ham.
That's right.
That was my favorite book.
How did you
remember that?
It's 8,862 days overdue.
You're serious.
It's what
I live for, dear.
I'm mr. Leary,
And this is
creative writing 202.
Yes?
I have to urinate.
We just got started.
Why didn't you
go before class?
I'm bladder shy.
I can't go with some
guy standing next to me
Like a barnyard animal
at a feed trough.
I need privacy.
All right. I understand.
O.k., I want everybody to
take out a sheet of paper.
Is this a pop quiz?
I can't do it.
I'm terrible
at pop quizzes.
Hey, relax.
This isn't a pop quiz.
It's not?
No. Tell me a story.
It can be a paragraph.
It can be a whole page,
whatever you want.
You're the author.
You decide.
I don't know how.
Everybody knows
how to tell a story.
Not me.
Haven't you
ever lied before?
No.
Well, maybe.
Well, sometimes we lie
So that we don't
get into trouble,
Like, ''who broke that lamp?''
''I didn't break the lamp.''
''Oh, yeah? How
did it get broken?''
''A meteor came
flying through the window
And smashed into it.''
[Laughter]
Sometimes we lie to
make somebody feel good.
''You know, aunt Silvia,
Your tuna casserole
is fantastic.''
And sometimes we lie,
Well, just
because we're bored.
So we make up a story
to entertain our friends.
That's all writing
really is.
So writing is just lying?
Well, kind of.
I promise you,
you can tell me anything,
And you won't
get in trouble.
Go on. Lie to me.
Bastards tell me
the class is boring.
Hell, I know it.
I'd like to see them
Talk about the nucleus
of a cell every day,
5 Days a week
for 14 years.
It'll get easier,
really.
The first day
is always the worst.
Ha ha ha!
Welcome back, David.
David wrote a book..
I know.
Nice to have you here.
Thanks a lot.
Congratulations
on your new book.
It's great to
actually be in
the teachers' lounge.
I'd wondered what
teachers did in here.
Now I know--smoke.
[Coughing]
David?
Victoria?
I heard you
were back in town.
What are you
doing here?
Sex...
Ed--uh...
Sex edu-edu-education.
You teach sex.
Mm-hmm.
Great.
I read your book.
Oh, you're the one.
And as he placed
his hand on the door,
He whispered
in a voice so soft
Only his ghost could hear,
''I'm still alive.''
Well, I better go.
I'm going to
be late for class.
Promise we'll
catch up later?
Yeah. You
can count on it.
Then I will.
Bye.
Whoa.
I need a cigarette.
No. It was--
I'm kidding.
Hey!
Ugh!
Sorry. Oh.
Fight! Come on.
Fight! Fight!
Yes means no,
and no means yes.
You want me
to hit you?
No.
O.k.
Ow!
Try again.
Want me to hit you?
Uh...
Yes?
O.k.
Ow!
You said, ''yes means no
and no means yes.''
That was last time.
That's enough, boys.
Sorry I'm late.
What?
No. Uh, nothing.
What are you looking at?
Nothing, sir.
Dennis!
David.
Whatever. This is Haas,
our shop teacher.
It's Ross,
And it's
industrial education.
Whatever.
Ross is the father
of, uh...
Kirby.
Whatever.
Hi, Kirby.
Hi.
Kirby's the boy your son
was fighting with.
Very sorry about this.
I assure you this
will not happen again.
Will it, Ben?
Who can predict
the future?
I can.
I'm really sorry
about this.
Oh, that's o.k.
Ben seems like
a nice enough kid.
Well, he can be.
Lately, I feel
like Gregory peck
in the omen.
Huh?
So you teach shop, huh?
Yeah.
Intro to woodworking
and advanced metals.
That must be interesting.
Oh, it is. One time we
were making key chains,
And I cut my thumb off.
I wrapped it
in cellophane
And drove
to the hospital,
But there was a line.
I went to
the hardware store
for needle and thread
And stitched it up
myself.
You sewed on
your own thumb?
I'm good
at stuff like that.
You can't move it much,
But you can still do
a few things with it.
Boy, I'm glad, too,
'Cause they say
the opposable thumb
Is what separates man
from other animals.
It's good for hitchhiking.
Huh?
You know.
Oh, yeah.
Unless, of course,
you've got a really
nice set of legs.
Oh. Ho ho! Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, I didn't get
your name back there.
My name's Rosco Bigger,
but you can call me...
F-f-f--
Ross.
David.
David...
David.
David.
[Alarm sounds]
Fire...
Drill.
Here you go.
One at a time.
[Siren]
Come on.
Wait your turn.
Get back
in line.
You kids stay out
of the street,
all right?
Davy?
Ulf?
Davy, I heard
you were back in town.
It's good to see you.
It's good to be back.
Don't expect everything
to be the same here.
Town's changed a lot
since you left.
Really? How?
Well, we
got a new Wal-mart.
Hi, David.
Hi, Ulf.
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, Victoria.
Wow.
She just
hasn't been the same
since I dropped her.
You guys dated?
No. I mean I dropped her.
There was a fire
at her apartment.
I was carrying her
and dropped her.
Never mind.
She's looking at you.
Did you see how she
was looking at you?
Gerry and I are meeting
at Alan's bar tonight.
Drop by. We'll toss back
a few with the boys.
Alan's got his own bar?
Right next
to the methodist church.
See you at 7:00?
Sounds good.
Hey, kids, want to see me
light my arm on fire?
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[Ulf]
come on!
[Bell rings]
all right.
Ready?
Mr. Leary?
Yeah, Kirby?
You can go back in now.
It's safe.
So be very careful
when tracing your pattern
onto the wood.
O.k., Who did that?
If I find out
who did that, I'll--
You'll what?
Well, we'll just see.
Ahem.
O.k., Let's talk about
sanding our bookends.
Hey, David.
Welcome back.
Today, we're
talking to people
who marry their pets.
What makes these pets more
special than people, Elena?
My turtle
loves me in ways
That my husband
never could.
They communicate
very well.
We have long talks
way into the middle
of the night.
He never
talks back.
Many people have problems
with relationships,
But marrying a pet...
Have you unpacked
your books yet?
No.
Let me know
If you find
green eggs
and ham.
O.k.
Watching a ballgame,
have a cana beer.
He can open one
without spilling it.
Fang.
[Country Music Plays]
Whoo!
Bless you, my son.
Hey, look! Dave!
Ah! There he is!
I told you
he looked the same.
I don't
believe it.
Great place.
Cindy, could
we get another round?
And bring Davy a...
A corona
with a lime, please.
[Record scratches]
A Schmidt
with a bratwurst.
Sit down here,
mr. Author--
Mr. Famous
author.
Come on.
Tell us about
California.
Pretty dry
out there, huh?
Lot of brush fires,
I'll bet.
First things first.
Come on, Alan. Do it.
Oh, hell, I haven't
done that for years.
You can't do it anymore?
No. It's gone.
It's history.
All right.
The wrist,
my friend,
the wrist.
Oh, Alan.
He did it!
Ooh!
Don't talk with
your mouth full.
Do any of you guys
remember fang?
Ross?
Shop teacher.
Sure.
Remember what he was
like when we were kids,
Used to bully me around?
Oh, man,
he nailed you!
I've been down
that road myself.
Everybody's
been picked on.
It's part
of growing up.
Yeah. That was
a long time ago.
Besides, we've all
grown up since then.
Fang changed after
they sent him away.
I forget
what he was like.
They sent him away?
Reform school.
Remember
the moon rock?
Remember the moon
rock was stolen?
Fang stole it.
They sent him
to reform school
for three years.
When he came back,
he was a different person.
Reform school's
another way of saying,
''prison for kids.''
And the Rochester
reformatory
Was the worst
of the bunch.
They shut that down.
[Alan]
they had to after
that 60 minutes story.
What did they call it?
Pee-wee prison.
When he got out,
things normalized, right?
His parents must have--
Skipped town.
Just picked up and left.
Then they sent him
to an orphanage.
At least that's
what we know.
Nobody knows
what happened
after that
'Cause he never
talked about it
to anybody.
Kids are cruel,
But nobody,
nobody deserved
what fang got.
God, it's good
to see you.
Cindy,
get that bratwurst
over here!
Ooh! Ooh! Ow!
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
Hey, hey!
What did I say about
throwing water balloons
in the house?
Where you been?
I was working at the shop,
making you a cabinet.
Check.
I don't know how we
get by on your salary.
Have you asked
about that raise?
Honey, i--
Barbara Clark's husband
Has already
had a promotion
And two raises.
He's only been here
three years.
I know. Honey--
Quit honeying me.
You're making
my eyes ache!
What?
There's a sale
on power sanders
Down at
the lumber station.
We can't afford it!
Where's the kid?
I'll leave you
here, I swear.
Good.
Hear the way
your kid talks to me?
Hey, son,that's no way
to speak to your mother.
Shut up!
Hi, son.
Hi.
What you doing?
Homework
for mr. Leary's class.
Oh, yeah?
Which one's he?
You know,
the new teacher.
Can I see it?
You wouldn't
understand it.
Mr. Leary?
Davy.
Hi.
Hiya.
What is this?
Uh, it's hot dish.
What's hot dish?
Well, a couple of days ago
we had lasagna,
And then it turns
into spaghetti.
When it's finally
unrecognizable,
They turn it into...
Hot dish.
Did you see that?
What?
That guy
flicked a pea at me.
Who?
The shop teacher.
There!
What?
He did it again.
Are you on medication
or something?
The guy's flicking
peas at me.
I don't believe it.
Would I make this up?
How should I know?
I don't even know you.
You're making me
very nervous.
See if he does it again.
How do you know
it's even him?
It could be
a conspiracy.
Maybe there's
a second gunman.
Very funny.
O.k.,
So I'm David Leary.
You want to hit me?
I'm an adult now.
If you got something
to say, say it.
Otherwise
quit following me.
You dropped your pen.
Thanks.
Hey.
Welcome back, Davy.
Back in an hour.
Where are you going?
The park.
But it's dark out.
Yeah. That's what
happens at night.
You think it's safe?
Dad, I don't think
There's too many
drive-bys in Mayberry.
You staying in?
Yeah.
You o.k.?
Yeah,
of course I'm o.k.
I don't feel
like going out.
You don't always feel
like going out, do you?
No.
I just want to stay in...
For a while.
I gotcha!
Ah-choo!
Hi, Clark.
Aah!
Unh!
Hi, mr. Leary.
Atomic wedgie?
I'm afraid so.
Ben?
Uh-huh.
You o.k.?
Yeah.
I'll walk you home.
Is this your street?
Yeah. It's the big one
at the end. See ya.
Hey, Kirby.
Yeah?
You shouldn't let Ben
pick on you.
I know. I know.
I should stand up
for myself,
be a man.
Are you kidding?
If you stood up to Ben,
you'd get creamed.
That's right!
Know what I did
with my bully?
I gave him an allowance
to leave me alone.
50 Cents a week.
If that didn't work,
I'd throw him off
the trail.
How?
Never go right back
to your locker
after class.
Zig-zag. If he
can't find you,
He can't touch you.
What else?
Well,
there's always b.o.
Bo--what?
Body odor.
You stop showering.
You lose the deodorant.
If the smell gets
really, really bad,
No bully in the world
will come near you.
You didn't date much
When you were a kid,
did you?
Want to come in?
No.
See ya.
? Teacher, teacher,
floatin' down the delaware ?
? Chewin' on her underwear ?
? Couldn't afford
another pair ?
? 10 Days later
eaten by a polar bear ??
That's how
the polar bear died.
I knew
you wouldn't forget.
Where you going,
Davy?
It's David.
Where you going,
Davy?
David.
I'm not a little kid.
How come you act
like one?
I'm not!
Am so!
Whoever acts silly
gets a wet willy!
Ow!
Here I come!
I'm right
behind you, buddy!
[Whistling
teacher, teacher]
Aah!
Aah!
Clark--
Get away from me.
Clark!
I can explain!
What?
More peas?
David.
I've been looking
all over for you.
Where you
been hiding?
Who said I was hiding?
Well, it's just
an expression.
Oh.
Right.
Well, listen, I've got
something I want
to ask you.
You do?
The school's putting on
a Sadie Hawkins dance.
I'm going to be one
of the Chaperones.
I was wondering,
want to go with me?
You're asking me
to a Sadie Hawkins dance?
It's o.k. To say no.
Don't worry about
hurting my feelings.
Victoria, I've wanted to
since I was 9.
You have?
Yeah.
Things kept coming up,
like fourth grade.
You grew 2 inches,
started dating sixth graders.
It's hard
to compete with that.
I'm pretty sure
I've stopped growing
by now.
Um, it's
a western theme.
They want everybody
to dress up, so...
I think I can
find something.
O.k. 7:00 O.k.?
All right.
See ya.
What a day I'm having.
Dad, I'm begging you.
Please don't go out
in public dressed
like that.
Victoria says
everybody's going
to be dressed like this.
Who's Victoria?
Ms. Tucker.
You've got a date
with the sex teacher?
Oh, yeah.
Cool.
How'd you manage that?
I paid her.
Yeah, right.
Lose the hat.
? Who do you think
you are? ?
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ?
? Who do you think
you are? ?
? You ain't all that ?
? Ohh ohh ohh ?
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh... ?
Hi, Kirby.
Hi, mr. Leary.
Is Ben here?
Yeah, I think so.
See ya.
? Let me show you
what I know ?
? And you'll be snowing
on the ooze ?
? With your attitude ?
? You think you're cool,
don't even try it ?
? You know that
I will buy it... ??
Hi.
Hi.
You look fabulous.
You don't look
too bad yourself.
Yeah, well,
thank you, ma'am.
Oh, well...
Shall we?
Sure.
Seen him?
Nah. The little turd's
probably hiding
somewhere.
Hey, is that your dad?
Yeah.
Check it out.
He's got his arm
around ms. Tucker.
Cool.
? Trying to be so good ?
? She turned and sang ?
? You... ??
Oh, come on!
She actually knew
how many days
it was overdue?
I'm telling you,
the woman's obsessed.
What were
the late charges?
At 5 cents a day,
Green eggs and ham
will cost me $6,886...
And 10 cents.
So what about you?
Oh, I watch
my due date.
You know what I mean.
Tell me about your life
here in hastings.
Hmm. Well, do you
remember Jack Prescott?
A grade ahead of us.
Football player.
We were pretty
hot and heavy
All through
high school.
Everybody thought
we'd get married,
Including myself.
So what happened?
He went to the u of m
On a football
scholarship.
Fell in love
with somebody else.
Let me guess.
Cheerleader?
Wide receiver.
Oh.
We're still
friends, though.
They have
a bed and breakfast
over in Stillwater.
And since then?
You've had other
relationships.
Oh, sure.
No prince charming,
no mr. Right.
You got to keep hoping,
right?
He'll come along.
I'm here, aren't i?
Come on.
Let's get some punch.
? One step, two step,
three step, four ?
? Hope all you're doin' ?
? That you really
want to leave me ?
? I'd tell you that
I love you ?
? But I don't think
you'll believe me ?
? I never meant to give you
any wrong idea ?
? Besides you can't believe
everything you hear... ?
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, Ross. Thanks again
for volunteering
on such short notice.
I wouldn't have
missed it.
Hi, Davy.
Oh, thank you.
You bet.
Well, drink up.
No!
David!
I'm sorry.
What...
Oh, god.
What are you--
what--what...
Hey.
Ow!
Whoa! Your dad's
a spaz, man.
[Victoria]
David, what has
gotten into you?
He might've
done something
to the punch.
Like what?
He used to spit
into my 2% milk.
He peed
in my apple juice.
He was a little boy.
Exactly. That's
what kids do,
not adults.
But try telling
him that.
Ben!
I'll be right back.
Ben!
Leave me alone.
Ben, wait.
You reinvented yourself,
all right.
Now you're an even
bigger dork
Than you were
back in Oakland.
I didn't really like
this dress much anyway.
I'm so sorry.
Just spilled
all over me.
? It ain't no thin'
but a freak show ??
Hey, smart thinking
about the punch.
What do you want?
I don't know.
What do you got?
You don't want
to play?
I don't want to play.
What's the matter?
Nothin'. You just
ruined my date.
She's not right
for you anyway.
Not right for me?
She'd get in the way.
In the way of what?
You and me.
I haven't
felt this good
since I was 10.
You gave me
my life back, Davy.
That can't be too good
for your rims, buddy!
Hey, Ben.
Where you going?
Bus station.
Going to go
live with mom.
Good idea.
Just one problem.
We don't know where
your mother is.
I'll find her.
Anything's better
than living with you.
Do me a favor,
will you?
If you find her,
Tell her
she was right.
I screwed up,
But I did
the best I could.
Maybe if you
told her yourself,
she'd come back.
Ben, your mother
and I are divorced.
We're never getting
back together.
We were
never ever meant
to be together.
It was a mistake?
Best mistake
I ever made.
Come on.
What about the car?
That can't be good
for the rims.
[Children shouting]
For them,
a vow of chastity
Was a promise
they just couldn't keep.
Call girl nuns,
a nasty habit.
Out of my way!
I'm trying to watch tv!
Welcome back, everyone!
Watch WWF!
Hey!
Daddy's home!
Kyle, untie
your brother now
And get up to bed!
Bobby, get a bucket
of hot, soapy water.
Wash that wall
and go to bed!
Tommy, come over here!
Eat your vegetables
right now
Or you'll eat broccoli
the rest of your life!
Then go to bed!
Faith,
now, you're my wife.
Tomorrow
I'm getting up early
And going to buy myself
a brand new power sander!
We can't afford it.
We can!
We'll just cut out
some extras around here!
Like facials, manicures,
cigarettes, and tab!
And another thing, honey!
I think we watch
a little too much tv.
And you!
Yeah?
Actually,
you're pretty good.
Rosco.
Yeah?
Take me.
Aah!
Rosco, the kids.
All right, kids,
get out of the house!
Let's go!
Me and mommy are
going to take a nap!
Good morning, students.
Before we begin
this morning,
We'll review safety rules
of the workshop.
There's going to be
some changes in this class.
I am your teacher.
I believe building things
with your hands
Is an important
skill to learn.
Whether you agree or not,
I don't care.
When you're in my class,
You'll do what I say,
when I say it.
Ooh, I'm scared.
Stookie, come on up here.
This is a big classroom.
Maybe you didn't
hear me clearly.
I heard you.
What're you going to do?
Stookie, I'd like
to introduce you
To a little
friend of mine--
Mr. Grinder!
Now, Stookie can attest
Coming face to face
with a dangerous
power tool
Without safety gear
can be horrifying.
Sir?
Speak up, buddy.
I can't hear you.
I'd like to apologize...
He'd like
to apologize...
For my
earlier behavior.
I'm ready to learn
safety rules
of the workshop.
I am so proud
of you, buddy.
Are there any other
questions?
What?
Uh, is this going
to be on the test, sir?
Aah!
Come on!
Ben, we got him,
Ben.
Get him, Ben.
Come on.
Get it over with.
What?
I've got no real chance
of defending myself,
So let's get this
over with.
[Stookie]
come on, Ben,
let's go.
Get him.
Take him out.
Shut up, asswipe.
What's your problem, man?
I thought you'd
pound me for sure.
You feeling o.k.?
My parents are divorced.
I wish my parents
would get divorced.
Whoa!
Ha! Oh!
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I was expecting David.
Oh. You o.k.?
You might want
to go to the nurse
In case you've got
a little swelling
Back here.
All right.
Could you get me
the test booklet
from the--
Get it yourself, David.
Oh, ow!
Have a nice trip?
You're going
to get it, pal!
What're you going
to do?
Oh, you tattletale.
You big narc.
It's my phone.
Your name's
not on it.
Ow!
Sissy fighter!
Ha ha! Ow!
Ha!
This is David Leary.
I need to see
principal Kokelar
right now!
Missing something, buddy
I may have been
your flunky before, fang...
But not anymore.
Ha ha!
Dad?
Mr. Leary?
Dad?
Mr. Bigger?
Gotcha!
Holy cow!
Holy shit!
Chicken!
Pork roast!
Yes!
In your face.
So you say
He hounds you
for no apparent reason?
That he chases you
down the street
screaming your name?
That one of our
own teachers
Is behaving like
some high-strung
fourth grader?
But why?
Crack.
David Leary's
got to be on crack.
[Knock on door]
I'm sorry
to interrupt, sir,
But I need to talk
with you right away.
I want to talk
to you about fang--
Rosco bigger.
Yes?
I've been having
problems with him.
What kind of problems?
He's been picking on me.
Picking on you?
Mm-hmm.
And how does he
pick on you?
How?
Specifically.
It's hard to say
exactly.
Try.
Start
at the beginning.
Yeah, at the beginning.
Well, he shot peas
at me at lunch.
Peas?
Uh-huh.
How many peas?
Three.
I see.
And you're certain
he's the pea shooter?
I don't have proof
exactly, but...
Yes.
Dennis.
David.
Whatever.
Mr. Bigger's
been teaching here
for over 13 years.
If he's had
any problem at all,
It's been that
he's too passive.
He's changed.
I think he's changed
because of me.
That's another story,
isn't it?
Huh?
We invited you
back to hastings
middle school
To set an example
for the students.
If half the stories
I've heard
About your erratic
behavior are true,
I'm afraid this has
been something
of a bust.
I'm putting you
on probation.
If I don't see
marked improvement
on your part,
We'll find
a substitute to
finish the semester.
But I'm the town hero.
Hey.
Hi.
What you doing?
Writing a poem.
O.k.
I'll leave you alone.
Dad?
Yep?
I'd like you
to hear it.
Really?
Yeah.
It's called
I once
had a friend.
That's a good name
for a poem, son.
''I once had a friend
''Who was new
to my school.
''I once had a friend
''That the kids
thought was cruel.
''I once had a friend
''Who stole my
bag lunch.
''I once had a friend
''Who was quick
to the punch.
''I once had a friend
''Who'd laugh
when I'd fall.
''I once had a friend
Who was no friend
at all.''
That's a good
poem, son.
That's not a very good
friend, is it?
No, it isn't.
[Knock on door]
Hey, David.
We've got to talk,
Ross.
O.k.
This has got to stop.
You want to go
to the monkey bars instead?
You know what I mean.
You've got to stop this.
The principal's
got me on probation.
My kid's disowned me.
Victoria thinks
I'm some nut case.
You may have gotten
your life back,
But you've taken
mine away.
O.k. Maybe I got
a little carried away.
A little?
A lot.
It's not all my fault.
Then whose is it?
You bring it on yourself.
That's ridiculous.
Deep down inside
you're still just
a scared little kid.
You're wrong, Ross.
Am i?
Tell me one time
in your life
You stood up
for yourself,
Didn't chicken out.
I turned you in
when you stole
the moon rock.
You don't have the guts
to do that.
I did it, Ross.
And I enjoyed it.
Big mistake!
[Sniffing]
I smell a rat.
Welcome to hell!
I'll be your tour guide.
You ever been
to hell, Davy?
I have!
Except they didn't
call it that!
They called it
the Rochester
reformatory.
You ever heard
of that place?
It's where they send
murderers
Who are too young
to go to prison!
I bunked with a kid
who set his mom on fire
Because she vacuumed
during lost in space.
And when those
junior psychos asked
What I was in there for,
I had to say
I was there
Because I stole
a freaking rock!
Clearly you're upset,
and I don't blame you.
It was a rotten thing
for me to do.
Why not just
beat me up?
How about a little fire,
scarecrow?
Ugh!
I hope that hurts.
Damn.
Looks like he's
outsmarted me again.
Oh.
Hey, buddy!
How you doing
up there, huh?
It's good to see ya!
Got a little surprise
for you up there!
Whoo!
Here it comes,
buddy boy!
Hee hee!
Is it warm in here
or is it just you?
Ha!
You little weasel.
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
[Telephone rings]
Hello.
Hey, Kirby.
Yeah?
It's Ben.
Is your dad home?
No. Is yours?
Uh-uh. You thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yeah.
Hey, Kirby.
Yeah?
Want to come over?
I got to stop.
I'll be all right here.
I got to go
to the police.
Aah!
Aah!
It's just you
and me, Davy.
Like the good old days.
They weren't so good.
They were for me!
Are you crazy?
You went past
the red rock!
[Scree]
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
My foot!
Damn!
Whoa!
Am I supposed to be scared
of driftwood?
How come
you ain't running?
I've been running
away from you
my whole life!
I'm through running!
At least
you had a life.
You ruined mine.
You ruined mine first!
You were my friend
and you betrayed me!
You thought me were
friends?
You beat me up,
you humiliated me.
I'm 35 years old.
I still have nightmares
about fourth grade!
That's not what friends
are supposed to do
for each other.
A friend makes you feel
good about yourself.
Really? Then you're
the best friend
I ever had!
Davy!
Open up, you idiots,
I'm a murderer!
Ulf.
What are you
doing here?
I did it.
I stood up to fang.
Good for you.
I killed him.
You really let him
have it, huh?
We were on top
of Vermillion Falls.
I hit him
and he went over.
He's dead!
Get in the truck.
I got to confess
to these guys.
Get in the truck.
Jeez, Davy,
what were you thinking?
I'll spend the rest
of my life in jail.
Stop talking
like that.
Let's get
our heads
together.
I'll drop you
at home,
And you're
going to get
some sleep.
I'll go back
to old mill park
And look
for the body.
Lay low until I call you.
Don't draw any attention
to yourself.
I'll take care
of the evidence.
Evening, neighbor.
Aah!
Don't you sleep, art?
Midnight is actually
the best time
for lawn care.
See, the sunshine
causes the grass
And shrubbery
to bend in a way
that makes lawn care,
Mowing and pruning--
Art.
What's wrong, David?
I've done something
really terrible.
You killed
the shop teacher.
How do you know that?
Well, it's just--
it's just logical.
Everybody
in town knows
That you two
had a twisted
relationship.
They do?
It's a small town,
David.
People talk.
You don't think
I'm a murderer,
do you?
Oh, well, David,
now that's hard
for me to say.
The only person
who can say
If you're a murderer
or not is you.
See,
your perceptions
of tonight's events
Creates your own
individual reality.
In the end,
it just--
It's about
semantics, isn't it?
I remember
the first time
I tried to kill Betty.
What?
Oh, let me finish.
You tried to kill Betty.
Let me finish.
Oh, I see.
I see,
mr. High and Mighty.
Hey, I didn't kill
the shop teacher.
Who killed
the shop teacher?
Shh, shh.
You killed
the shop teacher.
You killed him.
Dad.
Where have you been?
Out.
What happened
to you?
Hi, mr. Leary.
Aah!
Is it o.k.
If Kirby sleeps over?
Have you seen
my dad around?
Good night.
Good night.
No thing I am doing
is wrong.
There's no thing wrong.
[Fang]
you're the best friend
I ever had--
Best friend I ever had--
friend I ever had--ever had.
You're alive.
You're dead.
Wow. You got
a nice bathroom.
What are you going to do,
style my hair?
Listen, can I
take a shower?
Yaaaaah!
Dad.
What?
You boys are having
a sleep over?
Is that o.k.?
Yeah.
Me and Ben
made up.
Can't you guys
do the same?
Come on, Ben.
Connie is on.
Cool.
Can I ask you
something?
Why did you steal
the moon rock?
You'll laugh.
No, I won't.
I stole the moon rock
Because I wanted
to be an astronaut.
I'm so stupid.
A guy like me could
never be something
great like that.
You did all right.
Oh, yeah, I did
great, didn't i?
No. I'm serious.
You got a--you got
a terrific kid out there.
That I do.
Hey.
Yeah?
You chipped
your tooth.
Fang's gone.
I believe that all things
happen for a reason.
In a way, meeting back up
with my bully
Was the best thing that
could have happened to me.
Hey, dad.
I'd closed a chapter
in my life,
And with the semester
coming to an end,
It was time to move on.
Well, it's
the last one.
Are you o.k.?
Yeah, yeah,
I'm fine.
Wow.
Would you return this
for me?
I'll reimburse you
for the late charges.
I'll make you a deal.
You can pay me back
when I come to New York.
I'll call you
as soon as I get there.
You better.
Dave.
Aah!
A going-away present.
You didn't have to
do this, Ross.
I found it
at the flea market.
It's just like
your old one,
Before I tore
his head off
And threw him
in the river.
Thanks.
Hi, mr. Bigger.
Hey, Ben.
What you got?
Ross got me
a present.
It's an
Evel Knievel doll.
Who's that?
The original drummer
of Guns n' Roses.
Oh.
Tell Kirby I'll call him
when we get to New York.
Well, this is it.
Yeah, yeah, uh,
Anyway, I hope you like it
and everything.
I got to go.
Got stuff to do.
Listen, Ross,
if you're ever
in New York,
Look us up.
Really?
Yeah.
No w I can look
to wards the future.
A future full of hope,
A future full of
new beginnings,
A future without
violence or fear,
A future without fang.
[Faith]
so, you're sure we're
invited, right, honey?
Dad, are we really
going to New York?
That's why
they call 'em
mobile homes, son.
Because
they're mobile.
Right, kids?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right.
? Hey ?
? Wooly bully ?
Watch it now. Watch it.
? Here he comes,
here he comes ?
Watch it now.
He'll get ya.
? Mattie told Hattie ?
? About a thang she saw ?
? Had two big horns ?
? And a wooly jaw ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Yeah, drive.
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Hattie told Mattie ?
? Let's don't take
no chance ?
? Let's not be l-7 ?
? Come and learn to dance ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Watch it now, watch it,
watch it, watch it.
? You got it,
you got it ??
1, 2...
Tres, cua tro...
Hey!
Wooly bully!
Watch it now. Watch it.
? Here it comes,
here it comes ?
Watch it now.
It'll get you.
? Mattie told hattie ?
? About a thang she saw ?
? Had two big arms ?
? And a wooly jaw ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Yeah. That's right.
In this world, there
are two kinds of animals--
The hunters and the hunted.
I was always in season.
? Hattie told Mattie ?
? Let's don't
take no chance ?
? Let's not be l-7 ?
? Come and learn to dance ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Watch it now. Watch it.
Watch it. Watch it.
? Hey ?
? Drive, drive, drive ?
Everybody has a bull y
Lurking somewhere
in their past,
A kid whose
ambition in life
Was to make your waking
hours a living nightmare.
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ??
My bully's name
was Rosco Bigger,
But everybody
called him fang.
Hiya, Davy.
Thought you were pretty
funny this morning,
didn't you?
W-what do you mean?
The spelling bee.
Miss Fitz Simmons
let you pick the words,
And you
gave me u.s.s.r.,
And everybody laughed
when I got it wrong.
Hey, I make the same
mistake myself.
Is it two ss or one?
Grr!
You're upset.
I can see that,
But delay my beating
until Thursday.
I've got class pictures
tomorrow.
My mom will kill me
if I'm scuffed up again.
Say ''cheese.''
Cheese.
I grew up in hastings,
Minnesota,
A small river town
on the Mississippi.
My friends were more
than just buddies.
We were a band of victims
Who watched
each other's back.
Ulf was an odd kid,
Primarily concerned
with explosions
And setting things on fire.
Cool.
Gerry's father owned a butcher
shop on main street.
[Whistling]
To his family, vegetarian
was a four-letter word.
Hey, guys,
how's it going?
One day in class,
Gerry was asked
how many different
food groups there were.
His answer was two--
Meat and everything else.
Alan was the only black kid
that we'd ever seen.
But any racial differences
were soon dismissed
When he proved he could
shove his whole fist
into his mouth.
It was something
even Gerry couldn't do.
[Gerry]
hey, Davy,
look who's coming.
Victoria was by far
the most beautiful girl
in the school.
She may have been 10,
But she was built
like a 12-year-old.
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, boys.
Wow.
Wow.
Did you see that?
See what?
The way she
was looking
at you.
Yeah. She wants it.
Wants what?
Hey, did you hear?
Hear what?
The moon rock's
coming.
What?
Here?
Yep. Next week.
They're sending
guards and stuff.
If you try and touch it--
Bang! They'll
shoot you on sight.
Aw, bullshit.
Whoa.
Death rock by David Leary.
Chapter 1.
Everyone in town had come
to see the rock
Till there was only
one old man left.
The old man limped up
to the moon rock
'Cause he had a cane
or something.
He reached out
to touch the rock when...
Freeze!
Freeze!
Freeze!
''Don't touch
that moon rock.''
But the old man
was deaf or something.''
I'm deaf
or something.
And so he reached out
with his wrinkled hand
And...
Bam bam bam bam bam!
You'd better
be sleeping!
I am.
I knew that one day
I would leave this place,
And I would
become a real writer.
I must have
had hundreds of toys
throughout my childhood,
But one was special
above all the others.
I'd save my allowance
for three months
To buy the Evel Knievel
action figure.
It was an additional
four months
Before I could
afford the super cycle,
But it was worth it.
Evel was daring,
cool, fearless.
In short, he was everything
that I wasn't.
Evel Knievel's a pussy.
One day you'll be sorry
you ever did that.
Funny, I
don't feel sorry.
Well, one day you will.
Chicken.
Pork roast!
When you're a marked man,
You appreciate the value
of a good hiding place,
And so I spent the better
part of my childhood
Sitting in the cave
at Vermillion falls.
There were stories
about the cave
That all the kids knew,
stories about some kid,
Usually a friend's
cousin's neighbor,
Who went past the red rock
and never returned.
I figured they
were probably just stories,
But why risk it?
A-t-
O-m-
I-c.
Uh-oh.
Atomic drop.
Incoming!
Hey, Davy...
Want to know how
the polar bear died?
Tell me.
? Teacher, teacher ?
? Floatin' down
the delaware ?
? Chewin' on her underwear ?
? Couldn't afford
another pair ?
? 10 Days later,
eaten by a polar bear ?
? That's how
the polar bear died ??
[Bell rings]
Drink your juice yet?
No. Why?
Peed in it.
Yuck.
My dad knows a guy
who knows a guy
Who works for NASA,
And he says, ''if you look
straight at the moon rock,
You'll go blind.''
Aw, bullshit.
You think
the moon rock
will burn?
O.k., Rosco,
that's enough.
Don't spoil it
for the others.
Son, you're
holding up the line.
Come on.
That's it?
Nice rock.
Move it, smart ass.
What a gyp.
Did that little rock
really come all the way
from the moon?
That's what
they tell me.
Could i...
Touch it?
I, uh...
Think that could
be arranged.
What's
going on?
Hey, the cops
are here!
Wow! You're kidding!
It's gone?
Yeah. Did you hear
what happened?
Somebody hocked
the moon rock!
Everybody fan out!
Seal the exits!
Find that rock!
[Crack]
Whoa.
David.
David, come on
in here, son.
Sit down. We're
having a family meeting.
Oh, great.
Yeah. Well, um...
Son, I know
how hard it is
To up and move
to a new home
And a new school--
We're moving?
Now, David.
Well, uh, yeah.
The company's
transferred me
Out to the west coast
branch and--
David!
It's all right.
He's going to be fine.
Yeah! This is so great!
What?
I hear you've been
looking for a moon rock.
Hey, David,
where you been?
Come on. We got
a long way to go here.
October 30, 1970.
It was the biggest day
of my life.
Good heavens.
What's happened
over at the Biggers?
Hey, isn't that a friend
of yours, David?
Nope.
I was leaving the nightmare
That was Hastings,
Minnesota,
For a new home
on the West Coast,
A place filled with hope,
A place of
new beginnings.
A place without
violence or fear,
A place called...
Oakland.
You got Stephen King's
new book?
I don't work here.
Then why are you
sitting there?
I'm a writer.
I'm signing copies
of my book.
Oh, an author.
What's it about?
Well, it's about a man
who loses his family
And finds himself
in the process.
It's about choices,
About how small
decisions in our lives
Can change them forever.
No.
I'm more of
a Stephen King fan
myself.
[Speaking Korean]
I--i--i
don't speak, uh...
Um...
Stephen King.
Uh, aisle 23...
Fantasy and horror.
[Speaking Korean]
Yeah.
Do you guys have
that, like, new--
Stephen king?
Yeah.
Aisle 23.
Cool.
Hey, what's this?
That's my book.
I'm a writer.
That's you.
What's it about?
It's about a guy
who loses his family
And...
Uh, a guy
loses his family.
Oh.
It's--it's a book.
He loses
his family, huh?
Mm-hmm.
What happened to them?
They're murdered
one night.
Murdered?
How?
You ever seen one
of those electric
wood chippers?
No way.
Killer shreds
their body parts,
Buries them
in the backyard.
Awesome.
What he doesn't know...
The backyard is on top
Of one of those
old ancient indian
burial grounds.
So the body parts,
they come back to life,
Go after the killer.
Wow.
It's like pet sematary.
Right. It's exactly
like pet sematary,
But a little different.
Huh.
Sign it, dude.
All right.
Heh heh.
What's your name?
Nigel.
Hey, Nigel.
Mr. Leary, telephone.
Could you take
a message for me?
The school wants you
to pick up your son.
Bye, Ben.
Later.
I don't want you
hanging around
with those kids.
They're my friends.
Those aren't friends.
They're future stars of
America 's most wanted.
Hastings?
''Dear mr. Leary,
''Congratulations on
your most recent novel.
''We realize ho w busy
your schedule must be,
''But we'd be honored
''If you'd return
to hastings middle school
''To teach a creative
writing class
''For the fall semester.
''It would be a thrill
for students and faculty.
''After all,
you are the town hero.
''We would be happy
''To arrange a transfer
of your son's transcripts
''So he may
enjoy the benefits
Of our excellent
school system. ''
A ham sandwich walks
into a bar and says,
''Bartender,
give me a beer.''
Bartender says,
''sorry, pal,
We don't
serve food here.''
He's a ham sandwich.
He is food.
You can't serve him.
More of a logic problem
than a joke, really.
Want to play I spy?
No.
Want to listen
to the radio?
No.
Want to count dead bugs
on the windshield?
No.
Being the new kid
in town
Isn't such a bad deal.
Nobody knows you.
You can totally
reinvent yourself.
It's kind
of a fresh start...
For both of us.
Those kids are going
to be a bunch of gomers.
Minnesota's a very hip
place to live.
Right.
I'm serious.
Prince lives there.
Well, he does.
Is he still
called prince?
He changed his name,
right?
He dropped his name.
You can do that,
Come up with
a sign like prince has,
Be the kid formerly
known as Ben.
Just come up
with a good logo.
I'll call you...logo.
Dad, when you
said we could
reinvent ourselves,
I didn't know you meant
as the Cleavers.
Start unpacking, Beav.
Pack this, ward.
Hey, I heard that.
David.
Yeah?
Hi. We're
your new neighbors.
Heard you might
be coming in today.
I'm Art Lundstrom,
and this is my wife Betty.
That's me. I'm Betty.
Dad, there's
no cable.
We'll get cable.
Come meet the new neighbors.
Well, hello, there.
Hey, name's art,
And this here's
my wife Betty.
That's me. I'm Betty.
I'm art.
Which one's
Betty again?
Me. Right here.
Oh.
We're going
to start unpacking.
Weatherman says
there's a 70% chance
of showers tomorrow.
So don't forget
your umbrella.
Thanks for
the warning.
The three-day outlook
Says there's
only a slight chance
of rain till midweek.
There's a storm front
moving in.
We don't need cable.
The weather channel
lives next door.
I notice your deck
out back is peeling.
I've got cans
of stain in the garage
If you want to refinish.
I'll keep that in mind.
If you do,
put on extra coats.
Otherwise, the moisture
is going to seep
into that wood
And rot it from inside.
O.k., Well, thanks a lot.
You betcha.
Are they gone?
I hear the sunfish
are biting down
at lake Rebecca,
But not on red worms!
Cornmeal!
Have I mentioned
How friendly
the people are
in this town?
[Sighs]
I hate this house.
Great.
Just as I planned.
I want to go home.
Well, you are home.
Until when?
Until I say so.
No wonder mom left.
Now, wait a second.
That is not fair.
[Door closes]
Don't you fret, David.
He just needs
to get acclimated.
He needs to get involved
in some extracurricular
activities.
Like band.
Oh, hey, I've
still got my old tuba
in the attic
If he'd like
to give it a whirl.
David?
Come on, Ben!
It's the first day.
I don't want to be late.
Come on, Ben!
Let's go!
Have a nice day!
Thanks, dad.
Morning, neighbor!
Morning, art.
I'll bet
you're wondering
Why in the Sam Hill
Am I chopping wood
when the weather
is so pleasant.
Not really.
You know
who Sam Hill was?
No, I don't.
Well, he wasn't anyone.
It's a euphemism.
Cockney expression
for ''what the hell?''
[Cockney accent]
what the 'ell?
What the 'ell?
Then it turned into...
What the Sam Hill?
I'll see you later, art.
You'll be here later,
right?
What the 'ell?
Ms. Rumpert?
I'm David Leary.
I was a student
here once.
I've always
wanted to tell you
What a big impact
this library
had on my life.
It was the first place
That really
taught me the importance
of reading, of books.
Anyway, I just wanted
to tell you that.
Green eggs and ham.
Excuse me?
Green eggs and ham.
That's right.
That was my favorite book.
How did you
remember that?
It's 8,862 days overdue.
You're serious.
It's what
I live for, dear.
I'm mr. Leary,
And this is
creative writing 202.
Yes?
I have to urinate.
We just got started.
Why didn't you
go before class?
I'm bladder shy.
I can't go with some
guy standing next to me
Like a barnyard animal
at a feed trough.
I need privacy.
All right. I understand.
O.k., I want everybody to
take out a sheet of paper.
Is this a pop quiz?
I can't do it.
I'm terrible
at pop quizzes.
Hey, relax.
This isn't a pop quiz.
It's not?
No. Tell me a story.
It can be a paragraph.
It can be a whole page,
whatever you want.
You're the author.
You decide.
I don't know how.
Everybody knows
how to tell a story.
Not me.
Haven't you
ever lied before?
No.
Well, maybe.
Well, sometimes we lie
So that we don't
get into trouble,
Like, ''who broke that lamp?''
''I didn't break the lamp.''
''Oh, yeah? How
did it get broken?''
''A meteor came
flying through the window
And smashed into it.''
[Laughter]
Sometimes we lie to
make somebody feel good.
''You know, aunt Silvia,
Your tuna casserole
is fantastic.''
And sometimes we lie,
Well, just
because we're bored.
So we make up a story
to entertain our friends.
That's all writing
really is.
So writing is just lying?
Well, kind of.
I promise you,
you can tell me anything,
And you won't
get in trouble.
Go on. Lie to me.
Bastards tell me
the class is boring.
Hell, I know it.
I'd like to see them
Talk about the nucleus
of a cell every day,
5 Days a week
for 14 years.
It'll get easier,
really.
The first day
is always the worst.
Ha ha ha!
Welcome back, David.
David wrote a book..
I know.
Nice to have you here.
Thanks a lot.
Congratulations
on your new book.
It's great to
actually be in
the teachers' lounge.
I'd wondered what
teachers did in here.
Now I know--smoke.
[Coughing]
David?
Victoria?
I heard you
were back in town.
What are you
doing here?
Sex...
Ed--uh...
Sex edu-edu-education.
You teach sex.
Mm-hmm.
Great.
I read your book.
Oh, you're the one.
And as he placed
his hand on the door,
He whispered
in a voice so soft
Only his ghost could hear,
''I'm still alive.''
Well, I better go.
I'm going to
be late for class.
Promise we'll
catch up later?
Yeah. You
can count on it.
Then I will.
Bye.
Whoa.
I need a cigarette.
No. It was--
I'm kidding.
Hey!
Ugh!
Sorry. Oh.
Fight! Come on.
Fight! Fight!
Yes means no,
and no means yes.
You want me
to hit you?
No.
O.k.
Ow!
Try again.
Want me to hit you?
Uh...
Yes?
O.k.
Ow!
You said, ''yes means no
and no means yes.''
That was last time.
That's enough, boys.
Sorry I'm late.
What?
No. Uh, nothing.
What are you looking at?
Nothing, sir.
Dennis!
David.
Whatever. This is Haas,
our shop teacher.
It's Ross,
And it's
industrial education.
Whatever.
Ross is the father
of, uh...
Kirby.
Whatever.
Hi, Kirby.
Hi.
Kirby's the boy your son
was fighting with.
Very sorry about this.
I assure you this
will not happen again.
Will it, Ben?
Who can predict
the future?
I can.
I'm really sorry
about this.
Oh, that's o.k.
Ben seems like
a nice enough kid.
Well, he can be.
Lately, I feel
like Gregory peck
in the omen.
Huh?
So you teach shop, huh?
Yeah.
Intro to woodworking
and advanced metals.
That must be interesting.
Oh, it is. One time we
were making key chains,
And I cut my thumb off.
I wrapped it
in cellophane
And drove
to the hospital,
But there was a line.
I went to
the hardware store
for needle and thread
And stitched it up
myself.
You sewed on
your own thumb?
I'm good
at stuff like that.
You can't move it much,
But you can still do
a few things with it.
Boy, I'm glad, too,
'Cause they say
the opposable thumb
Is what separates man
from other animals.
It's good for hitchhiking.
Huh?
You know.
Oh, yeah.
Unless, of course,
you've got a really
nice set of legs.
Oh. Ho ho! Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, I didn't get
your name back there.
My name's Rosco Bigger,
but you can call me...
F-f-f--
Ross.
David.
David...
David.
David.
[Alarm sounds]
Fire...
Drill.
Here you go.
One at a time.
[Siren]
Come on.
Wait your turn.
Get back
in line.
You kids stay out
of the street,
all right?
Davy?
Ulf?
Davy, I heard
you were back in town.
It's good to see you.
It's good to be back.
Don't expect everything
to be the same here.
Town's changed a lot
since you left.
Really? How?
Well, we
got a new Wal-mart.
Hi, David.
Hi, Ulf.
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, Victoria.
Wow.
She just
hasn't been the same
since I dropped her.
You guys dated?
No. I mean I dropped her.
There was a fire
at her apartment.
I was carrying her
and dropped her.
Never mind.
She's looking at you.
Did you see how she
was looking at you?
Gerry and I are meeting
at Alan's bar tonight.
Drop by. We'll toss back
a few with the boys.
Alan's got his own bar?
Right next
to the methodist church.
See you at 7:00?
Sounds good.
Hey, kids, want to see me
light my arm on fire?
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[Ulf]
come on!
[Bell rings]
all right.
Ready?
Mr. Leary?
Yeah, Kirby?
You can go back in now.
It's safe.
So be very careful
when tracing your pattern
onto the wood.
O.k., Who did that?
If I find out
who did that, I'll--
You'll what?
Well, we'll just see.
Ahem.
O.k., Let's talk about
sanding our bookends.
Hey, David.
Welcome back.
Today, we're
talking to people
who marry their pets.
What makes these pets more
special than people, Elena?
My turtle
loves me in ways
That my husband
never could.
They communicate
very well.
We have long talks
way into the middle
of the night.
He never
talks back.
Many people have problems
with relationships,
But marrying a pet...
Have you unpacked
your books yet?
No.
Let me know
If you find
green eggs
and ham.
O.k.
Watching a ballgame,
have a cana beer.
He can open one
without spilling it.
Fang.
[Country Music Plays]
Whoo!
Bless you, my son.
Hey, look! Dave!
Ah! There he is!
I told you
he looked the same.
I don't
believe it.
Great place.
Cindy, could
we get another round?
And bring Davy a...
A corona
with a lime, please.
[Record scratches]
A Schmidt
with a bratwurst.
Sit down here,
mr. Author--
Mr. Famous
author.
Come on.
Tell us about
California.
Pretty dry
out there, huh?
Lot of brush fires,
I'll bet.
First things first.
Come on, Alan. Do it.
Oh, hell, I haven't
done that for years.
You can't do it anymore?
No. It's gone.
It's history.
All right.
The wrist,
my friend,
the wrist.
Oh, Alan.
He did it!
Ooh!
Don't talk with
your mouth full.
Do any of you guys
remember fang?
Ross?
Shop teacher.
Sure.
Remember what he was
like when we were kids,
Used to bully me around?
Oh, man,
he nailed you!
I've been down
that road myself.
Everybody's
been picked on.
It's part
of growing up.
Yeah. That was
a long time ago.
Besides, we've all
grown up since then.
Fang changed after
they sent him away.
I forget
what he was like.
They sent him away?
Reform school.
Remember
the moon rock?
Remember the moon
rock was stolen?
Fang stole it.
They sent him
to reform school
for three years.
When he came back,
he was a different person.
Reform school's
another way of saying,
''prison for kids.''
And the Rochester
reformatory
Was the worst
of the bunch.
They shut that down.
[Alan]
they had to after
that 60 minutes story.
What did they call it?
Pee-wee prison.
When he got out,
things normalized, right?
His parents must have--
Skipped town.
Just picked up and left.
Then they sent him
to an orphanage.
At least that's
what we know.
Nobody knows
what happened
after that
'Cause he never
talked about it
to anybody.
Kids are cruel,
But nobody,
nobody deserved
what fang got.
God, it's good
to see you.
Cindy,
get that bratwurst
over here!
Ooh! Ooh! Ow!
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
Hey, hey!
What did I say about
throwing water balloons
in the house?
Where you been?
I was working at the shop,
making you a cabinet.
Check.
I don't know how we
get by on your salary.
Have you asked
about that raise?
Honey, i--
Barbara Clark's husband
Has already
had a promotion
And two raises.
He's only been here
three years.
I know. Honey--
Quit honeying me.
You're making
my eyes ache!
What?
There's a sale
on power sanders
Down at
the lumber station.
We can't afford it!
Where's the kid?
I'll leave you
here, I swear.
Good.
Hear the way
your kid talks to me?
Hey, son,that's no way
to speak to your mother.
Shut up!
Hi, son.
Hi.
What you doing?
Homework
for mr. Leary's class.
Oh, yeah?
Which one's he?
You know,
the new teacher.
Can I see it?
You wouldn't
understand it.
Mr. Leary?
Davy.
Hi.
Hiya.
What is this?
Uh, it's hot dish.
What's hot dish?
Well, a couple of days ago
we had lasagna,
And then it turns
into spaghetti.
When it's finally
unrecognizable,
They turn it into...
Hot dish.
Did you see that?
What?
That guy
flicked a pea at me.
Who?
The shop teacher.
There!
What?
He did it again.
Are you on medication
or something?
The guy's flicking
peas at me.
I don't believe it.
Would I make this up?
How should I know?
I don't even know you.
You're making me
very nervous.
See if he does it again.
How do you know
it's even him?
It could be
a conspiracy.
Maybe there's
a second gunman.
Very funny.
O.k.,
So I'm David Leary.
You want to hit me?
I'm an adult now.
If you got something
to say, say it.
Otherwise
quit following me.
You dropped your pen.
Thanks.
Hey.
Welcome back, Davy.
Back in an hour.
Where are you going?
The park.
But it's dark out.
Yeah. That's what
happens at night.
You think it's safe?
Dad, I don't think
There's too many
drive-bys in Mayberry.
You staying in?
Yeah.
You o.k.?
Yeah,
of course I'm o.k.
I don't feel
like going out.
You don't always feel
like going out, do you?
No.
I just want to stay in...
For a while.
I gotcha!
Ah-choo!
Hi, Clark.
Aah!
Unh!
Hi, mr. Leary.
Atomic wedgie?
I'm afraid so.
Ben?
Uh-huh.
You o.k.?
Yeah.
I'll walk you home.
Is this your street?
Yeah. It's the big one
at the end. See ya.
Hey, Kirby.
Yeah?
You shouldn't let Ben
pick on you.
I know. I know.
I should stand up
for myself,
be a man.
Are you kidding?
If you stood up to Ben,
you'd get creamed.
That's right!
Know what I did
with my bully?
I gave him an allowance
to leave me alone.
50 Cents a week.
If that didn't work,
I'd throw him off
the trail.
How?
Never go right back
to your locker
after class.
Zig-zag. If he
can't find you,
He can't touch you.
What else?
Well,
there's always b.o.
Bo--what?
Body odor.
You stop showering.
You lose the deodorant.
If the smell gets
really, really bad,
No bully in the world
will come near you.
You didn't date much
When you were a kid,
did you?
Want to come in?
No.
See ya.
? Teacher, teacher,
floatin' down the delaware ?
? Chewin' on her underwear ?
? Couldn't afford
another pair ?
? 10 Days later
eaten by a polar bear ??
That's how
the polar bear died.
I knew
you wouldn't forget.
Where you going,
Davy?
It's David.
Where you going,
Davy?
David.
I'm not a little kid.
How come you act
like one?
I'm not!
Am so!
Whoever acts silly
gets a wet willy!
Ow!
Here I come!
I'm right
behind you, buddy!
[Whistling
teacher, teacher]
Aah!
Aah!
Clark--
Get away from me.
Clark!
I can explain!
What?
More peas?
David.
I've been looking
all over for you.
Where you
been hiding?
Who said I was hiding?
Well, it's just
an expression.
Oh.
Right.
Well, listen, I've got
something I want
to ask you.
You do?
The school's putting on
a Sadie Hawkins dance.
I'm going to be one
of the Chaperones.
I was wondering,
want to go with me?
You're asking me
to a Sadie Hawkins dance?
It's o.k. To say no.
Don't worry about
hurting my feelings.
Victoria, I've wanted to
since I was 9.
You have?
Yeah.
Things kept coming up,
like fourth grade.
You grew 2 inches,
started dating sixth graders.
It's hard
to compete with that.
I'm pretty sure
I've stopped growing
by now.
Um, it's
a western theme.
They want everybody
to dress up, so...
I think I can
find something.
O.k. 7:00 O.k.?
All right.
See ya.
What a day I'm having.
Dad, I'm begging you.
Please don't go out
in public dressed
like that.
Victoria says
everybody's going
to be dressed like this.
Who's Victoria?
Ms. Tucker.
You've got a date
with the sex teacher?
Oh, yeah.
Cool.
How'd you manage that?
I paid her.
Yeah, right.
Lose the hat.
? Who do you think
you are? ?
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ?
? Who do you think
you are? ?
? You ain't all that ?
? Ohh ohh ohh ?
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh... ?
Hi, Kirby.
Hi, mr. Leary.
Is Ben here?
Yeah, I think so.
See ya.
? Let me show you
what I know ?
? And you'll be snowing
on the ooze ?
? With your attitude ?
? You think you're cool,
don't even try it ?
? You know that
I will buy it... ??
Hi.
Hi.
You look fabulous.
You don't look
too bad yourself.
Yeah, well,
thank you, ma'am.
Oh, well...
Shall we?
Sure.
Seen him?
Nah. The little turd's
probably hiding
somewhere.
Hey, is that your dad?
Yeah.
Check it out.
He's got his arm
around ms. Tucker.
Cool.
? Trying to be so good ?
? She turned and sang ?
? You... ??
Oh, come on!
She actually knew
how many days
it was overdue?
I'm telling you,
the woman's obsessed.
What were
the late charges?
At 5 cents a day,
Green eggs and ham
will cost me $6,886...
And 10 cents.
So what about you?
Oh, I watch
my due date.
You know what I mean.
Tell me about your life
here in hastings.
Hmm. Well, do you
remember Jack Prescott?
A grade ahead of us.
Football player.
We were pretty
hot and heavy
All through
high school.
Everybody thought
we'd get married,
Including myself.
So what happened?
He went to the u of m
On a football
scholarship.
Fell in love
with somebody else.
Let me guess.
Cheerleader?
Wide receiver.
Oh.
We're still
friends, though.
They have
a bed and breakfast
over in Stillwater.
And since then?
You've had other
relationships.
Oh, sure.
No prince charming,
no mr. Right.
You got to keep hoping,
right?
He'll come along.
I'm here, aren't i?
Come on.
Let's get some punch.
? One step, two step,
three step, four ?
? Hope all you're doin' ?
? That you really
want to leave me ?
? I'd tell you that
I love you ?
? But I don't think
you'll believe me ?
? I never meant to give you
any wrong idea ?
? Besides you can't believe
everything you hear... ?
Hi, Victoria.
Hi, Ross. Thanks again
for volunteering
on such short notice.
I wouldn't have
missed it.
Hi, Davy.
Oh, thank you.
You bet.
Well, drink up.
No!
David!
I'm sorry.
What...
Oh, god.
What are you--
what--what...
Hey.
Ow!
Whoa! Your dad's
a spaz, man.
[Victoria]
David, what has
gotten into you?
He might've
done something
to the punch.
Like what?
He used to spit
into my 2% milk.
He peed
in my apple juice.
He was a little boy.
Exactly. That's
what kids do,
not adults.
But try telling
him that.
Ben!
I'll be right back.
Ben!
Leave me alone.
Ben, wait.
You reinvented yourself,
all right.
Now you're an even
bigger dork
Than you were
back in Oakland.
I didn't really like
this dress much anyway.
I'm so sorry.
Just spilled
all over me.
? It ain't no thin'
but a freak show ??
Hey, smart thinking
about the punch.
What do you want?
I don't know.
What do you got?
You don't want
to play?
I don't want to play.
What's the matter?
Nothin'. You just
ruined my date.
She's not right
for you anyway.
Not right for me?
She'd get in the way.
In the way of what?
You and me.
I haven't
felt this good
since I was 10.
You gave me
my life back, Davy.
That can't be too good
for your rims, buddy!
Hey, Ben.
Where you going?
Bus station.
Going to go
live with mom.
Good idea.
Just one problem.
We don't know where
your mother is.
I'll find her.
Anything's better
than living with you.
Do me a favor,
will you?
If you find her,
Tell her
she was right.
I screwed up,
But I did
the best I could.
Maybe if you
told her yourself,
she'd come back.
Ben, your mother
and I are divorced.
We're never getting
back together.
We were
never ever meant
to be together.
It was a mistake?
Best mistake
I ever made.
Come on.
What about the car?
That can't be good
for the rims.
[Children shouting]
For them,
a vow of chastity
Was a promise
they just couldn't keep.
Call girl nuns,
a nasty habit.
Out of my way!
I'm trying to watch tv!
Welcome back, everyone!
Watch WWF!
Hey!
Daddy's home!
Kyle, untie
your brother now
And get up to bed!
Bobby, get a bucket
of hot, soapy water.
Wash that wall
and go to bed!
Tommy, come over here!
Eat your vegetables
right now
Or you'll eat broccoli
the rest of your life!
Then go to bed!
Faith,
now, you're my wife.
Tomorrow
I'm getting up early
And going to buy myself
a brand new power sander!
We can't afford it.
We can!
We'll just cut out
some extras around here!
Like facials, manicures,
cigarettes, and tab!
And another thing, honey!
I think we watch
a little too much tv.
And you!
Yeah?
Actually,
you're pretty good.
Rosco.
Yeah?
Take me.
Aah!
Rosco, the kids.
All right, kids,
get out of the house!
Let's go!
Me and mommy are
going to take a nap!
Good morning, students.
Before we begin
this morning,
We'll review safety rules
of the workshop.
There's going to be
some changes in this class.
I am your teacher.
I believe building things
with your hands
Is an important
skill to learn.
Whether you agree or not,
I don't care.
When you're in my class,
You'll do what I say,
when I say it.
Ooh, I'm scared.
Stookie, come on up here.
This is a big classroom.
Maybe you didn't
hear me clearly.
I heard you.
What're you going to do?
Stookie, I'd like
to introduce you
To a little
friend of mine--
Mr. Grinder!
Now, Stookie can attest
Coming face to face
with a dangerous
power tool
Without safety gear
can be horrifying.
Sir?
Speak up, buddy.
I can't hear you.
I'd like to apologize...
He'd like
to apologize...
For my
earlier behavior.
I'm ready to learn
safety rules
of the workshop.
I am so proud
of you, buddy.
Are there any other
questions?
What?
Uh, is this going
to be on the test, sir?
Aah!
Come on!
Ben, we got him,
Ben.
Get him, Ben.
Come on.
Get it over with.
What?
I've got no real chance
of defending myself,
So let's get this
over with.
[Stookie]
come on, Ben,
let's go.
Get him.
Take him out.
Shut up, asswipe.
What's your problem, man?
I thought you'd
pound me for sure.
You feeling o.k.?
My parents are divorced.
I wish my parents
would get divorced.
Whoa!
Ha! Oh!
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I was expecting David.
Oh. You o.k.?
You might want
to go to the nurse
In case you've got
a little swelling
Back here.
All right.
Could you get me
the test booklet
from the--
Get it yourself, David.
Oh, ow!
Have a nice trip?
You're going
to get it, pal!
What're you going
to do?
Oh, you tattletale.
You big narc.
It's my phone.
Your name's
not on it.
Ow!
Sissy fighter!
Ha ha! Ow!
Ha!
This is David Leary.
I need to see
principal Kokelar
right now!
Missing something, buddy
I may have been
your flunky before, fang...
But not anymore.
Ha ha!
Dad?
Mr. Leary?
Dad?
Mr. Bigger?
Gotcha!
Holy cow!
Holy shit!
Chicken!
Pork roast!
Yes!
In your face.
So you say
He hounds you
for no apparent reason?
That he chases you
down the street
screaming your name?
That one of our
own teachers
Is behaving like
some high-strung
fourth grader?
But why?
Crack.
David Leary's
got to be on crack.
[Knock on door]
I'm sorry
to interrupt, sir,
But I need to talk
with you right away.
I want to talk
to you about fang--
Rosco bigger.
Yes?
I've been having
problems with him.
What kind of problems?
He's been picking on me.
Picking on you?
Mm-hmm.
And how does he
pick on you?
How?
Specifically.
It's hard to say
exactly.
Try.
Start
at the beginning.
Yeah, at the beginning.
Well, he shot peas
at me at lunch.
Peas?
Uh-huh.
How many peas?
Three.
I see.
And you're certain
he's the pea shooter?
I don't have proof
exactly, but...
Yes.
Dennis.
David.
Whatever.
Mr. Bigger's
been teaching here
for over 13 years.
If he's had
any problem at all,
It's been that
he's too passive.
He's changed.
I think he's changed
because of me.
That's another story,
isn't it?
Huh?
We invited you
back to hastings
middle school
To set an example
for the students.
If half the stories
I've heard
About your erratic
behavior are true,
I'm afraid this has
been something
of a bust.
I'm putting you
on probation.
If I don't see
marked improvement
on your part,
We'll find
a substitute to
finish the semester.
But I'm the town hero.
Hey.
Hi.
What you doing?
Writing a poem.
O.k.
I'll leave you alone.
Dad?
Yep?
I'd like you
to hear it.
Really?
Yeah.
It's called
I once
had a friend.
That's a good name
for a poem, son.
''I once had a friend
''Who was new
to my school.
''I once had a friend
''That the kids
thought was cruel.
''I once had a friend
''Who stole my
bag lunch.
''I once had a friend
''Who was quick
to the punch.
''I once had a friend
''Who'd laugh
when I'd fall.
''I once had a friend
Who was no friend
at all.''
That's a good
poem, son.
That's not a very good
friend, is it?
No, it isn't.
[Knock on door]
Hey, David.
We've got to talk,
Ross.
O.k.
This has got to stop.
You want to go
to the monkey bars instead?
You know what I mean.
You've got to stop this.
The principal's
got me on probation.
My kid's disowned me.
Victoria thinks
I'm some nut case.
You may have gotten
your life back,
But you've taken
mine away.
O.k. Maybe I got
a little carried away.
A little?
A lot.
It's not all my fault.
Then whose is it?
You bring it on yourself.
That's ridiculous.
Deep down inside
you're still just
a scared little kid.
You're wrong, Ross.
Am i?
Tell me one time
in your life
You stood up
for yourself,
Didn't chicken out.
I turned you in
when you stole
the moon rock.
You don't have the guts
to do that.
I did it, Ross.
And I enjoyed it.
Big mistake!
[Sniffing]
I smell a rat.
Welcome to hell!
I'll be your tour guide.
You ever been
to hell, Davy?
I have!
Except they didn't
call it that!
They called it
the Rochester
reformatory.
You ever heard
of that place?
It's where they send
murderers
Who are too young
to go to prison!
I bunked with a kid
who set his mom on fire
Because she vacuumed
during lost in space.
And when those
junior psychos asked
What I was in there for,
I had to say
I was there
Because I stole
a freaking rock!
Clearly you're upset,
and I don't blame you.
It was a rotten thing
for me to do.
Why not just
beat me up?
How about a little fire,
scarecrow?
Ugh!
I hope that hurts.
Damn.
Looks like he's
outsmarted me again.
Oh.
Hey, buddy!
How you doing
up there, huh?
It's good to see ya!
Got a little surprise
for you up there!
Whoo!
Here it comes,
buddy boy!
Hee hee!
Is it warm in here
or is it just you?
Ha!
You little weasel.
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
[Telephone rings]
Hello.
Hey, Kirby.
Yeah?
It's Ben.
Is your dad home?
No. Is yours?
Uh-uh. You thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yeah.
Hey, Kirby.
Yeah?
Want to come over?
I got to stop.
I'll be all right here.
I got to go
to the police.
Aah!
Aah!
It's just you
and me, Davy.
Like the good old days.
They weren't so good.
They were for me!
Are you crazy?
You went past
the red rock!
[Scree]
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
My foot!
Damn!
Whoa!
Am I supposed to be scared
of driftwood?
How come
you ain't running?
I've been running
away from you
my whole life!
I'm through running!
At least
you had a life.
You ruined mine.
You ruined mine first!
You were my friend
and you betrayed me!
You thought me were
friends?
You beat me up,
you humiliated me.
I'm 35 years old.
I still have nightmares
about fourth grade!
That's not what friends
are supposed to do
for each other.
A friend makes you feel
good about yourself.
Really? Then you're
the best friend
I ever had!
Davy!
Open up, you idiots,
I'm a murderer!
Ulf.
What are you
doing here?
I did it.
I stood up to fang.
Good for you.
I killed him.
You really let him
have it, huh?
We were on top
of Vermillion Falls.
I hit him
and he went over.
He's dead!
Get in the truck.
I got to confess
to these guys.
Get in the truck.
Jeez, Davy,
what were you thinking?
I'll spend the rest
of my life in jail.
Stop talking
like that.
Let's get
our heads
together.
I'll drop you
at home,
And you're
going to get
some sleep.
I'll go back
to old mill park
And look
for the body.
Lay low until I call you.
Don't draw any attention
to yourself.
I'll take care
of the evidence.
Evening, neighbor.
Aah!
Don't you sleep, art?
Midnight is actually
the best time
for lawn care.
See, the sunshine
causes the grass
And shrubbery
to bend in a way
that makes lawn care,
Mowing and pruning--
Art.
What's wrong, David?
I've done something
really terrible.
You killed
the shop teacher.
How do you know that?
Well, it's just--
it's just logical.
Everybody
in town knows
That you two
had a twisted
relationship.
They do?
It's a small town,
David.
People talk.
You don't think
I'm a murderer,
do you?
Oh, well, David,
now that's hard
for me to say.
The only person
who can say
If you're a murderer
or not is you.
See,
your perceptions
of tonight's events
Creates your own
individual reality.
In the end,
it just--
It's about
semantics, isn't it?
I remember
the first time
I tried to kill Betty.
What?
Oh, let me finish.
You tried to kill Betty.
Let me finish.
Oh, I see.
I see,
mr. High and Mighty.
Hey, I didn't kill
the shop teacher.
Who killed
the shop teacher?
Shh, shh.
You killed
the shop teacher.
You killed him.
Dad.
Where have you been?
Out.
What happened
to you?
Hi, mr. Leary.
Aah!
Is it o.k.
If Kirby sleeps over?
Have you seen
my dad around?
Good night.
Good night.
No thing I am doing
is wrong.
There's no thing wrong.
[Fang]
you're the best friend
I ever had--
Best friend I ever had--
friend I ever had--ever had.
You're alive.
You're dead.
Wow. You got
a nice bathroom.
What are you going to do,
style my hair?
Listen, can I
take a shower?
Yaaaaah!
Dad.
What?
You boys are having
a sleep over?
Is that o.k.?
Yeah.
Me and Ben
made up.
Can't you guys
do the same?
Come on, Ben.
Connie is on.
Cool.
Can I ask you
something?
Why did you steal
the moon rock?
You'll laugh.
No, I won't.
I stole the moon rock
Because I wanted
to be an astronaut.
I'm so stupid.
A guy like me could
never be something
great like that.
You did all right.
Oh, yeah, I did
great, didn't i?
No. I'm serious.
You got a--you got
a terrific kid out there.
That I do.
Hey.
Yeah?
You chipped
your tooth.
Fang's gone.
I believe that all things
happen for a reason.
In a way, meeting back up
with my bully
Was the best thing that
could have happened to me.
Hey, dad.
I'd closed a chapter
in my life,
And with the semester
coming to an end,
It was time to move on.
Well, it's
the last one.
Are you o.k.?
Yeah, yeah,
I'm fine.
Wow.
Would you return this
for me?
I'll reimburse you
for the late charges.
I'll make you a deal.
You can pay me back
when I come to New York.
I'll call you
as soon as I get there.
You better.
Dave.
Aah!
A going-away present.
You didn't have to
do this, Ross.
I found it
at the flea market.
It's just like
your old one,
Before I tore
his head off
And threw him
in the river.
Thanks.
Hi, mr. Bigger.
Hey, Ben.
What you got?
Ross got me
a present.
It's an
Evel Knievel doll.
Who's that?
The original drummer
of Guns n' Roses.
Oh.
Tell Kirby I'll call him
when we get to New York.
Well, this is it.
Yeah, yeah, uh,
Anyway, I hope you like it
and everything.
I got to go.
Got stuff to do.
Listen, Ross,
if you're ever
in New York,
Look us up.
Really?
Yeah.
No w I can look
to wards the future.
A future full of hope,
A future full of
new beginnings,
A future without
violence or fear,
A future without fang.
[Faith]
so, you're sure we're
invited, right, honey?
Dad, are we really
going to New York?
That's why
they call 'em
mobile homes, son.
Because
they're mobile.
Right, kids?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right.
? Hey ?
? Wooly bully ?
Watch it now. Watch it.
? Here he comes,
here he comes ?
Watch it now.
He'll get ya.
? Mattie told Hattie ?
? About a thang she saw ?
? Had two big horns ?
? And a wooly jaw ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Yeah, drive.
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Hattie told Mattie ?
? Let's don't take
no chance ?
? Let's not be l-7 ?
? Come and learn to dance ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
? Wooly bully ?
Watch it now, watch it,
watch it, watch it.
? You got it,
you got it ??