Berth Marks (1929) - full transcript
Big-time (so they think) vaudeville stars Stanley and Oliver take the train to Pottsville, their next booking. On board, they bumble into the wrong sleeping compartment, startling a semi-dressed woman. Her irate husband mistakes another passenger for the intruder and starts a coat-ripping free- for-all. The boys spend the rest of the trip trying to squeeze themselves into their cramped single upper berth.
Where have you been?
All aboard!
(lncomprehensible drone)
All aboard!
What did he say?
Does this train go to Pottsville?
Keep your ears open, All aboard!
All trains going west...
(lncomprehensible)
All aboard.
Thank you.
All aboard! All trains going west...
- ..and Pottsville.
- That's our train!
Don't stand there.
Help me pick the music up!
(Horn toots)
Hey, come on. The train's about to go.
Come on, Stan!
This is the last train today! Come on!
Watch where you're going!
Come on, give me that stuff!
Bye, Ollie!
Well, we've lost the music.
Now what are we gonna do?
- We can fake it.
- Fake it!
A good thing you didn't lose the fiddle
or we would be sunk.
Sit down! l'll find the conductor.
Hey! What's the idea?!
l'm awfully sorry, sir. He didn't see you.
l can't trust you anyplace. Get back.
What are you trying to do?
Where are you fellas going?
- We're going to Pottsville.
- Sit down.
-l'm the manager of this act.
- Let me see your tickets.
Pottsville. What are you fellas
gonna do in Pottsville?
We're a big-time vaudeville act.
Well, l'll bet you're good.
- Come with me.
- Come on.
Don't hit me like that.
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Ripping)
That's it.
- Where are you gonna sleep?
- l'm gonna sleep up there.
We can't get up there with this.
l don't care. l'm the manager of the act.
(lndistinct arguing)
There's people sleeping here.
You'll have to keep quiet.
- l'm sorry.
- (Baby cries)
- Good night!
- Shh!
Get up there and let's go to bed.
Give me that.
(Baby cries)
- Shh!
- Don't shush me.
Nearly broke my head.
Now take your shoes off and go up to sleep.
You're getting nowhere.
Put your foot in there.
When l push you up, grab it.
That's right. Get over there.
Put your foot in.
Grab it.
Hey!
This is our berth. Get up there.
Get up there.
- Why, you...!
- Shh!
Get up on my back.
Do you mind hurrying?
Thank you.
Now lay down. Don't you hit me like that!
- (Baby cries)
- Shh!
Don't shush me. Hold my hand.
l wish l'd checked you with the baggage.
You make me sick!
All right now, lady!
Let's get to bed.
We've got four shows to do tomorrow.
Would you not crowd me so much?
Get your head off of mine.
- Say, you're choking me.
- l can't help it.
- l'm trying to get my suspender off.
- Why didn't you get another berth?
lt was the only thing they had.
Don't crowd so much.
Don't keep pushing me like that.
You take up more room.
You're choking me.
- (Baby cries)
- Shh!
Don't shush me. Shut up!
Don't you hit me like that.
Get your foot outta my face.
- And don't crowd!
- l can't help it.
Why don't you stay on your own side?
Will you quit crowding?
Would you mind getting
a little further and don't crowd?
l look like a mackerel fish.
Keep that thing off my foot. Give it to me.
We won't be bothered with that.
Did you know that you have my pants
on your leg?
(Whimpers)
Get over on your side.
Don't you hit me like that!
And keep quiet.
- Look out. My foot.
- Get your foot outta the way.
(Stan whimpers)
Wait a minute. l want to press these pants.
l'll lay on that side.
Fix this bed up so we can go to sleep.
Hand me those clothes.
Will you get over there and quit crowding?
Give me that sheet over here!
Next stop is Pottsville.
Pottsville!
All out for Pottsville.
Come on, this is where we get off.
Pottsville.
Hurry up and get your clothes on.
Call for Potts...
Where's the fiddle?
Hmm.
Sure.
Wait a minute now. Don't lose your temper.
lt was your fault you put the thing
under the seat.
l told you not to do it. Wait a minute!
All aboard!
(lncomprehensible drone)
All aboard!
What did he say?
Does this train go to Pottsville?
Keep your ears open, All aboard!
All trains going west...
(lncomprehensible)
All aboard.
Thank you.
All aboard! All trains going west...
- ..and Pottsville.
- That's our train!
Don't stand there.
Help me pick the music up!
(Horn toots)
Hey, come on. The train's about to go.
Come on, Stan!
This is the last train today! Come on!
Watch where you're going!
Come on, give me that stuff!
Bye, Ollie!
Well, we've lost the music.
Now what are we gonna do?
- We can fake it.
- Fake it!
A good thing you didn't lose the fiddle
or we would be sunk.
Sit down! l'll find the conductor.
Hey! What's the idea?!
l'm awfully sorry, sir. He didn't see you.
l can't trust you anyplace. Get back.
What are you trying to do?
Where are you fellas going?
- We're going to Pottsville.
- Sit down.
-l'm the manager of this act.
- Let me see your tickets.
Pottsville. What are you fellas
gonna do in Pottsville?
We're a big-time vaudeville act.
Well, l'll bet you're good.
- Come with me.
- Come on.
Don't hit me like that.
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Ripping)
That's it.
- Where are you gonna sleep?
- l'm gonna sleep up there.
We can't get up there with this.
l don't care. l'm the manager of the act.
(lndistinct arguing)
There's people sleeping here.
You'll have to keep quiet.
- l'm sorry.
- (Baby cries)
- Good night!
- Shh!
Get up there and let's go to bed.
Give me that.
(Baby cries)
- Shh!
- Don't shush me.
Nearly broke my head.
Now take your shoes off and go up to sleep.
You're getting nowhere.
Put your foot in there.
When l push you up, grab it.
That's right. Get over there.
Put your foot in.
Grab it.
Hey!
This is our berth. Get up there.
Get up there.
- Why, you...!
- Shh!
Get up on my back.
Do you mind hurrying?
Thank you.
Now lay down. Don't you hit me like that!
- (Baby cries)
- Shh!
Don't shush me. Hold my hand.
l wish l'd checked you with the baggage.
You make me sick!
All right now, lady!
Let's get to bed.
We've got four shows to do tomorrow.
Would you not crowd me so much?
Get your head off of mine.
- Say, you're choking me.
- l can't help it.
- l'm trying to get my suspender off.
- Why didn't you get another berth?
lt was the only thing they had.
Don't crowd so much.
Don't keep pushing me like that.
You take up more room.
You're choking me.
- (Baby cries)
- Shh!
Don't shush me. Shut up!
Don't you hit me like that.
Get your foot outta my face.
- And don't crowd!
- l can't help it.
Why don't you stay on your own side?
Will you quit crowding?
Would you mind getting
a little further and don't crowd?
l look like a mackerel fish.
Keep that thing off my foot. Give it to me.
We won't be bothered with that.
Did you know that you have my pants
on your leg?
(Whimpers)
Get over on your side.
Don't you hit me like that!
And keep quiet.
- Look out. My foot.
- Get your foot outta the way.
(Stan whimpers)
Wait a minute. l want to press these pants.
l'll lay on that side.
Fix this bed up so we can go to sleep.
Hand me those clothes.
Will you get over there and quit crowding?
Give me that sheet over here!
Next stop is Pottsville.
Pottsville!
All out for Pottsville.
Come on, this is where we get off.
Pottsville.
Hurry up and get your clothes on.
Call for Potts...
Where's the fiddle?
Hmm.
Sure.
Wait a minute now. Don't lose your temper.
lt was your fault you put the thing
under the seat.
l told you not to do it. Wait a minute!