Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) - full transcript

YOU THERE, WHICH WAY
TO PEPPERINGE EYE ?

COULDN'T SAY, SIR.

IT SAID
ON THE WIRELESS ...

TO PAINT OUT THE SIGNPOSTS
IN CASE THE NAZIS DROP IN.

I'M NOT A NAZI.
I'M A BRITISH OFFICER.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'D SAY IF YOU
WAS A NAZI, ISN'T IT, SIR ?

DRIVE ON, CORPORAL.

( Dog Barking )

SORRY TO GIVE YOU SO MANY,
BUT YOU HAVE 6 BEDROOMS.

NO TROUBLE. ANYTHING
TO GET THE POOR THINGS ...

AWAY FROM THOSE
BOMBINGS IN LONDON.



COME ALONG,
NOW.

HEY, WHAT
ABOUT US ?

OH, YES. WHAT IS
YOUR NAME, PLEASE ?

RAWLINS, MUM.

RAWLINS ? OH, YES.
HERE WE ARE.

CARRIE ...

... CHARLES ...

... PAUL.

YOU'RE FOR MISS PRICE.
I'M EXPECTIN' HER.

( Men Singing )

I WON'T BE A MOMENT.
PLEASE, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

♪ CALL OUT THE TANKS ♪

♪ FROM THE CLIFFS OF DOVER ♪

♪ CALL UP THE GAULS ♪



♪ AND DON'T FORGET THE
LOYAL TERRITORIALS ♪

♪ WHO'S DIGGING IN HERE ♪

♪ WHO WILL DEFEND ♪

♪ EVERY INCH OF ENGLAND
NO MATTER WHAT THEY SEND ♪

♪ WHO'S STANDING FIRM
IN OUR OWN FRONT YARD ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF
THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHO ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF
THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ FOR WE WROTE THE STORY ♪

♪ OF THE OLD BRIGADE ♪

♪ WE KNOW THE GLORY
OF YESTERDAY'S PARADES ♪

♪ WHO'S STANDING FIRM
IN OUR OWN FRONT YARD ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF
THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHO ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF
THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪♪

PARADE HALT.
CARRY ON, SERGEANT.

CAPTAIN GREER, SIR, FROM
HEADQUARTERS AT TIDBURY;

HERE TO CHECK
MILITARY PREPARATIONS.

TELL THEM PEPPERINGE EYE
HAS MATTERS WELL IN HAND.

NEVERTHELESS --
( Loud Popping )

WHAT ON EARTH
IS THAT ?

( Pop, Bang, Bang )

( Bang, Sizzle )

GOOD MORNING,
GENERAL.

I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE,
MRS. HOBDAY.

I ASSUME MY
PARCEL'S ARRIVED.

IT'S IN THE OFFICE.

LOVELY.

WHO IS THAT ?

MISS PRICE,
SPLENDID WOMAN.

HER LATE FATHER SERVED
WITH ME AT VIMY RIDGE.

WHAT'S SHE
BURN IN THIS ?

IT SMELLS
LIKE SULPHUR.

ONE CAN'T MAKE MOTOR FUEL
OUT OF SULPHUR.

ANOTHER OBJECT FROM PROFESSOR
EMELIUS BROWNE IN LONDON.

THANK YOU.

IS IT WHAT YOU EXPECTED ?

I IMAGINE SO.

PROFESSOR BROWNE SENT
A CAT LAST TIME, DID HE NOT ?

YES.

PROFESSOR BROWNE
IS WELL ?

I HAVEN'T THE
FAINTEST IDEA.

ARE WE TO HAVE THE
PLEASURE OF MEETING HIM ?

I DOUBT IT.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM.

WAS THERE
SOMETHING ELSE ?

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
THERE IS. COME THIS WAY.

I'M VERY ANXIOUS
TO GET HOME.

COME ALONG,
PLEASE.

GET DOWN, CHARLIE.
I WANT TO RIDE.

STOP THIS INSTANT !

CHILDREN, THIS
IS MISS PRICE.

CARRIE, CHARLES,
AND PAUL RAWLINS;

ALL THE WAY
FROM LONDON.
HOW DO YOU DO ?

THE GOVERNMENT'S
TRYING TO EVACUATE ...

AS MANY CHILDREN AS POSSIBLE
INTO THE COUNTRY.

VERY SENSIBLE.

TODAY THEY
SENT US 45.

I'VE HAD TO FIND HOMES
FOR THEM ON SHORT NOTICE.

THESE ARE
THE LAST THREE.

ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN,
PICK UP YOUR THINGS.

YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING I
TAKE THEM INTO MY HOUSE ?

EXACTLY.

I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S
QUITE OUT OF THE QUESTION.

CHILDREN AND I
DON'T GET ON.

I BELIEVE YOU, MISS.
COME ON, BACK TO LONDON.

BE QUIET.

I HAVE WORK TO DO,
VERY IMPORTANT WORK.

MISS PRICE, YOU HAVE THAT
ENTIRE HOUSE TO YOURSELF.

ACCORDING TO THE MINISTRY
OF CIVIL DEFENSE,

YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.

I SEE.

VERY WELL,
IF THAT IS THE CASE,

I'LL TAKE THEM INTO MY HOUSE
WITH THE UNDERSTANDING ...

THAT YOU'LL FIND A MORE
SUITABLE HOME AS
SOON AS POSSIBLE.

FINE, COME ALONG.

GOOD MORNING,
MISS PRICE.

THERE THEY ARE.

WHAT A CHARITABLE
THING YOU ARE DOING,

TAKING IN THESE POOR
UNFORTUNATES FROM THE CITY.

HOLD THIS
CAREFULLY.

I WONDER IF I MAY DROP BY
LATER THIS AFTERNOON.

WHY ?

WE HAVE THEIR SPIRITUAL
NEEDS TO CONSIDER.

THAT WON'T
BE NECESSARY.

THEY WON'T BE
WITH ME FOR LONG.

OH !

( Bang, Bang, Pop, Pop )

MY PARCEL,
PLEASE.

BRING YOUR
THINGS INSIDE.

A BIT MURKY,
AIN'T IT ?

YEAH.

NOT ANOTHER HOUSE
AROUND FOR MILES.

WIPE YOUR FEET.

BIG PLACE,
THIS.

WHO ELSE
LIVES HERE ?

I LIVE ALONE.

IT SUITS
MY PURPOSE.

COME ALONG,
EVERYBODY.

( Hiss )

A CAT !

( Cat )
GRRRRR !

SORRY, MISS.
THE CAT STARTLED US.

NO NEED FOR ALARM.
YOU JUST FRIGHTENED HIM.

MEOW.

YES, SCARED
TO DEATH.

YOU CAN SEE THAT.

WHAT DO YOU
CALL YOUR CAT ?

I DON'T BELIEVE IN GIVING
ANIMALS RIDICULOUS NAMES.

I CALL HIM
COSMIC CREEPUS,

BECAUSE THAT'S THE
NAME HE CAME WITH.

YOU WILL
SLEEP IN HERE.

THIS WAS MY
FATHER'S BEDROOM.

BE VERY CAREFUL
OF EVERYTHING.

YOU BOYS TAKE
THE BED, THERE.

ALL RIGHT, MISS.

WHAT WAS
YOUR NAME ?
IT'S CARRIE, MISS.

YOU SLEEP ON
THE SOFA IN THERE.

THANK YOU, MISS.

IS THAT ALL
YOU BROUGHT ?

WE AIN'T EXACTLY BURDENED
DOWN WITH FRILLIES.

TRAVEL LIGHT,
THAT'S US.

WELL, I DON'T THINK THIS
ARRANGEMENT IS GOING TO WORK,

BUT IT SEEMS THAT
I HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE.

WE'LL DO OUR BEST,
REALLY WE WILL.

THANK YOU,
CARRIE.

THE BATHROOM IS
ALONG THE LANDING.

SUPPER IS AT SIX.
YOU WILL WASH --

WASH ?

YOU WILL WASH, OTHERWISE
THERE WILL BE NO SUPPER.

IS THAT CLEAR ?

A HOUSE OF HORROR,
THAT'S WHAT WE'VE COME TO.

( Whispering )

PLEASE DON'T
BOTHER TO WHISPER.

I'M EXCEPTIONALLY
KEEN OF HEARING.

YOU ARE PLANNING TO
RUN BACK TO LONDON.

IF YOU'VE ANY PLOTTING TO DO,
DO IT ELSEWHERE ...

WHERE I SHAN'T
HAVE TO LISTEN.

I'M AFRAID I DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT WHAT CHILDREN EAT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE DO.

IS THERE ANYTHING PARTICULAR
THAT YOU FANCY ?

SAUSAGE AND MASH, BUBBLE AND
SQUEAK, TOAD IN THE HOLE.

FRIED FISH --
OH, ANYTHING AT ALL.

I'M AFRAID YOU FIND
ANY FRIED FOODS IN THIS HOUSE.

NO FRIED FOOD ?
NO.

HOW DO YOU
KEEP YOUR HEALTH ?

CABBAGE BUDS, ROSE HIPS,
GLYSSOP SEED, ELM BARK,

WHORTLE YEAST --
AND, AH ... STEWED NETTLES.

MEOW !

"DEAR MADAM,
WITH THIS SHIPMENT,

"THE EMELIUS BROWNE
CORRESPONDENCE COLLEGE
OF WITCHCRAFT ...

"SENDS YOU ITS HEARTIEST
CONGRATULATIONS ...

"ON QUALIFYING FOR THE FIRST
DEGREE OF YOUR CALLING.

"YOU MAY NOW CALL YOURSELF
APPRENTICE WITCH.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
EMELIUS BROWNE."

MY FIRST BROOM.

TIME TO GO.
EVERYBODY UP.

WAKE UP, PAUL.
WE'RE GOING BACK TO LONDON.

NOW, LET'S SEE HOW
WE FLY THIS THING.

"CLASP THE BROOM
WITH BOTH HANDS."

YES, OF COURSE.

"NO, NEVER ASTRIDE
THE BROOM.

"TECHNICALLY, A WITCH
IS ALWAYS A LADY ...

"EXCEPT WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES
DICTATE OTHERWISE.

TAKE AN EASY, GRACEFUL,
SIDEWAYS POSITION."

OF COURSE,
THAT'S MUCH BETTER;

AN EASY, GRACEFUL,
SIDEWAYS POSITION.

THERE WE ARE.
HOW'S THAT ?

"TO START UP THE BROOM,
YOUR BASIC FORMULA IS ...

LAKIPO...NIKRIF...
SCRUMPET...LEETCH."

I WASN'T READY !

"LAKIPO...NIKRIF...
SCRUMPET...LEETCH."

MEOW.

NOW, WATCH THIS.

HERE WE GO.

LAKIPO...NIKRIF...
SCRUMPET...LEETCH.

OH !

IT'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE
DIFFERENT THIS TIME.

MEOW.

I KNOW IT'S
NOT LADYLIKE.

LAKIPO...NIKRIF...
SCRUMPET...LEETCH.

MEOW.

COR !
WHAT'S THE
MATTER ?

HOW DOES SHE
DO THAT ?
'CAUSE SHE'S A WITCH.

THAT'S THE SORT OF
THING WITCHES DO.

OH.

OH !

AHHH !

SHE DON'T FLY GOOD,
DO SHE ?

OH !

SHE'S CRASHED !

COME ON, NOW'S OUR
CHANCE TO HOP IT.

SUPPOSE
SHE'S HURT ?

GO ON.
YOU CAN'T HURT A WITCH.

LOOK OUT !

SHE'S PROPSS, NOW.
LET'S GET AWAY.

HANG ON. I'M HAVING
A BIT OF A THINK.

"A WITCH SHE IS,"
SAYS YOU.

"THEN LET'S USE
THE OLD LOAF," SAYS I.

LET'S GET BACK
TO LONDON.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE
IS AN OPPORTUNITY.

SHE DON'T WANT ANYONE TO
KNOW SHE'S A WITCH, DOES SHE ?

NOT RUDDY LIKELY.

THAT'S THE OPPOR.

I INTEND TO MAKE THE
MOST OF IT. COME ON.

BRAN PORRIDGE.

THANK YOU, MISS.

VERY HEALTHFUL,
I'M SURE.

HURT YOUR FOOT,
MISS PRICE ?

JUST TWISTED
MY ANKLE.

SORRY TO
HAT.

THANK YOU.

IT'S NOTHING
SERIOUS.

LOVELY WEATHER FOR
FLYING LAST NIGHT.

WHY DID YOU
SAY THAT ?

GAME'S UP,
MISS PRICE.

WE KNOW WHAT
YOU ARE.

I SEE.

DON'T WORRY, MISS PRICE.
NO ONE'S GOING TO
PEACH ON YOU.

THANK YOU.

I SHOULD BE MOST GRATEFUL
IF YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYONE.

THERE'LL HAVE TO BE 1 OR 2
LITTLE CHANGES AROUND HERE.

I'D LIKE TO SEE AN OCCASIONAL
SAUSAGE ON THE TABLE.

A BIT OF STRAWBERRY JAM --

( Carrie )
CHARLIE !

LET ME HANDLE THIS.

AND ANOTHER THING, THERE'LL
BE NO MORE OF THIS ...

WASH, WASH, WASH,
MORNIN' AND NIGHT.

ANYTHING ELSE ?

NOW YOU MENTION IT, I COULD
DO WITH A BIT OF LOLLY.

LOLLY ?

CASH, COLD HARD CASH.

YOU MUST HAVE
BUCKETS OF IT.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED WITCHES
CAN'T MAKE MONEY OF THIN AIR.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF A RICH WITCH ?

BE AS IT MAY, YOU DON'T
WANT US TO BLAB, DO YOU ?

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED
WHAT DANGER YOU MIGHT BE IN ?

I AM A WITCH,
YOU KNOW.

( Hiss )

WHAT WILL YOU DO ?
TURN ME INTO A TOAD ?

LOVELY, A TOAD
WITH PINK EYES.

I MIGHT JUST DO THAT.

GO ON, THEN.
I DARE YOU.

VERY WELL, CHARLES.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
SAID THAT TO HER.

SHE DON'T FRIGHTEN ME.

SHE CAN'T EVEN
RIDE A PROPER BROOM.

EXCUSE ME, CHARLES.

FILIGREE...APOGEE...
PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

OH, CHARLIE !

( Growl )

THAT'S BETTER THAN A TOAD.
THAT'S A RABBIT.

BOTHER ! I NEVER SEEM
TO BE ABLE TO MANAGE TOADS.

( Meow )

STOP !
LEAVE HIM ALONE !

( Meow )

DON'T LET
CHARLIE GET HURT.

NOT TO WORRY.
MY SPELLS DON'T LAST LONG.

I'M JUST AN
APPRENTICE WITCH, YOU KNOW.

( Growl )

( Meow )

LOOK OUT, CHARLIE !

( Growl )

YOU FLAMIN' BRUTE !

( Screech )

I'LL TEACH YOU TO
DO THAT TO ME !

LET COSMIC CREEPUS ALONE.
WEREN'T HIS FAULT.

I'M AFRAID
IT'S MY FAULT.

BAD ENOUGH NOT BEING
ABLE TO MANAGE A BROOM,

I CAN'T PERFORM
A SIMPLE, BASIC SPELL.

YOU DARED HER
TO DO IT.

I DON'T SEE WHY WE
CAN'T ALL BE FRIENDS.

MAYBE SHE'S NOT
A WICKED WITCH.

OF COURSE I'M NOT.

SEE !

IF ONLY I
COULD TRUST YOU.

YOU SEE, THE WORK I'M DOING
IS SO IMPORTANT TO
THE WAR EFFORT.

HOW DO YOU MEAN ?

I MEAN,
EXCEPTIONALLY IMPORTANT.

MOST SECRET.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, CHARLIE.
WE CAN KEEP A SECRET.

YEAH, IF SOMEONE MADE
IT WORTH OUR WHILE.

I DON'T FOLLOW.

SIMPLE, YOU GIVE US SOMETHING
VALUABLE TO SEAL THE PACT.

( Carrie )
OH, CHARLIE, DON'T
TRY TO BE CLEVER AGAIN.

IT'S FOR HER OWN
PROTECTION, AIN'T IT ?

IF WE BROKE THE PACT, WE'D
HAVE TO GIVE BACK THE OBJECT.

I THINK IT'S AN
EXCELLENT IDEA.

WHAT COULD
I GIVE YOU ?

WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR
ONE OF MY SPELLS ?

I BET THAT'S
NOT WORTH MUCH.

COME WITH ME.

I LIKED YOU BETTER
AS A RABBIT, CHARLIE.

SHUT UP, YOU.

WELL, I NEVER
HAD A RABBIT.

CAREFUL WHAT YOU
TOUCH IN HERE.

RUM SORT OF PLACE,
AIN'T IT ?

WHEN I SIGNED FOR
MY WITCHCRAFT COURSE,

THERE WAS A FREE BONUS;
A MARVELOUS TRAVELING SPELL,

IF YOU PAID
PROMPTLY IN ADVANCE.

I THINK I'LL
GIVE YOU THAT ONE.

IS IT VALUABLE ?

CERTAINLY !

POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER !

POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER.

YOU MEAN YOU POISON THE
DRAGON OR JUST THE LIVER ?

WELL, IT COMES PREPARED.

IT'S PART OF THE
SCHOOL EQUIPMENT.

AH, HERE WE ARE.

"THE TRAVELING SPELL."

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY
GATHER AROUND.

ALL RIGHT,
NOW LET'S SEE.

DOES ANYONE HAVE
A BRACELET OR A RING ...

OR SOMETHING THAT
YOU CAN TWIST.

NO, MISS PRICE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU,
PAUL ?

I ALWAYS CARRY A
FEW THINGS WITH ME.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
THEY MIGHT BE USEFUL.

A PIECE OF
BLUE GLASS.

A LOVELY BIT
OF STRING.

HORSESHOE NAIL.

WHAT'S THAT ?

A KNOB, COME FROM
THE BED UPSTAIRS.

IT TWISTS,
DON'T IT ?

YEAH, TWISTED
RIGHT OFF.

YES, I THINK THAT
WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

CARRIE, TURN THE
LIGHT DOWN A LITTLE.

HELLEBORE...HENBANE...

ACONITE...

GLOWWORM FIRE...
FIREFLY LIGHT.

THERE.

ISN'T THAT
PRETTY !

IS THAT
ALL WE GET ?

THIS KNOB WILL NOW WORK
THE FAMOUS TRAVELING SPELL.

WHAT'S THE FAMOUS
TRAVELING SPELL ?

HOW DOES IT WORK ?

YOU PUT THIS KNOB
BACK ON THE BED UPSTAIRS.

THEN, TURN IT SMARTLY
A QUARTER TURN TO THE LEFT.

THEN, IN A FIRM,
CLEAR VOICE,

TELL IT WHERE YOU WANT TO GO,
AND THE BED WILL TAKE YOU.

GO ON !

WILL IT REALLY ?

I SEE NO REASON
TO THINK OTHERWISE.

OH, THANK YOU
FOR THE LOVELY GIFT.

OH, I'M SORRY, BUT
IT DOES BELONG TO PAUL.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN WORK THE SPELL.

ME ?

YES.

THAT'S RIGHT.
MINE, NOW WASN'T IT.

THAT'S THE WAY
THE SPELL WORKS.

NICE MESS HE'LL
MAKE OF THINGS.

( Bell Jingles )

OH, BOTHER.

YOU CHILDREN
RUN UPSTAIRS,

DON'T TRY ANYTHING WITH
THE BEDKNOB 'TIL I GET BACK.

"DEAR MADAM, IT GRIEVES ME
TO INFORM YOU,

"THAT DUE TO THE WAR,
WE HAVE BEEN FORCED ...

"TO CLOSE DOWN OUR
COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT.

"THIS MEANS THAT WE SHALL
NOT BE SENDING YOU ...

THE FINAL LESSON IN WHICH
YOU EXPRESSED SO
MUCH INTEREST."

WE WERE WONDERING
WHAT WAS KEEPING YOU.

I'VE HAD SOME
VERY BAD NEWS.

IS THERE ANYTHING
WE CAN DO ?

NO, NO, THANK YOU.

YES, YES, THERE IS
SOMETHING THAT PAUL CAN DO.

ME ?

PAUL, I NEED
THE BEDKNOB BACK.

I MUST GET TO
LONDON IMMEDIATELY.

NO, I WANT TO
GO TO THE JUNGLE.

COME WITH ME, PAUL.

PAUL, RIDICULOUS
AS IT MAY SEEM ...

TO EXPLAIN THIS TO
A 6-YEAR-OLD CHILD,

BUT I DO NEED
YOUR HELP.

GO AHEAD.

I WAS EXPECTING A VERY
IMPORTANT SPELL
IN THE MAIL ...

FROM MY TEACHER,
PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE,

AND IT HASN'T COME.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO
WITH MY KNOB ?

I MUST GO TO LONDON
IMMEDIATELY AND SEE
PROFESSOR BROWNE.

WITH HIS HELP, WE MAY BE ABLE
TO BRING THIS WAR TO AN END.

THAT IS WHY I
NEED THE KNOB.

WHAT IS
YOUR DECISION ?

THANK YOU,
PAUL.

I BROUGHT THIS FOR
YOUR HAIR, CARRIE.

IT MAY BE WINDY.

THANK YOU.
IT'S EVER SO NICE.

PAUL, HAVE YOU BEEN
TO THE BATHROOM ?

TWICE.

CHARLES, YOU'D BETTER
PUT ON SOMETHING WARMER.

THE BED MAY
TRAVEL QUITE FAST.

I'M NOT GOING.
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.

BUT WHY ?

ALL THAT RUBBISH
ABOUT A TRAVELING BED.

IT WON'T WORK,

THAT'S WHY.

CARRIE, HELP ME
PULL THE BED OUT.

WE DON'T WANT TO SCRATCH
THE WALL WHEN WE TAKE OFF.

HOW'S A RUDDY BIG BED,
LIKE THAT,

GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ROOM,
WITH THOSE LITTLE WINDOWS ?

I DON'T KNOW, CHARLES.

THERE'S A GREAT MANY THINGS
ABOUT MAGIC I DON'T KNOW.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
FIND OUT.

LOVELY.

JUST SO'S YOU LEAVE
ME OUT OF IT.

I DON'T FANCY MAKING
A FOOL OF MYSELF.

WHAT'S COME OVER YOU
LATELY, CHARLIE ?

YOU'RE NO FUN,
ANYMORE.

HELP ME
TIDY THE BED.

WE DON'T WANT TO GO TO
LONDON WITH AN UNMADE BED.

HOW OLD IS CHARLES ?

ELEVEN, GOING
ON TWELVE.

I SEE. THAT'S WHAT
MY FATHER USED TO CALL ...

THE AGE OF "NOT BELIEVING."

WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO BE ?

♪ WHEN YOU RUSH AROUND
IN HOPELESS CIRCLES ♪

♪ SEARCHING EVERYWHERE
FOR SOMETHING TRUE ♪

♪ YOU'RE AT THE AGE
OF NOT BELIEVING ♪

♪ WHEN ALL THE MAKE BELIEVE
IS THROUGH ♪

THAT'S CHARLIE TO A "T."

♪ WHEN YOU SET ASIDE
YOUR CHILDHOOD HEROES ♪

♪ AND YOUR DREAMS ARE LOST
UPON A SHELF ♪

♪ YOU'RE AT THE AGE
OF NOT BELIEVING ♪

♪ AND WORST OF ALL
YOU DOUBT YOURSELF ♪

THROW THAT INTO
THE WASTEBASKET.

♪ YOU'RE A CASTAWAY WHERE
NO ONE HEARS YOU ♪

♪ ON A BARREN ISLE
IN A LONELY SEA ♪

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
TO BE ? POETRY ?

♪ WHERE DID ALL THE
HAPPY ENDINGS GO ♪

♪ WHERE CAN ALL
THE GOOD TIMES BE ♪

EVERYONE ON THE BED
WHO'S GOING.

♪ YOU MUST FACE THE
AGE OF NOT BELIEVING ♪

♪ DOUBTING EVERYTHING
YOU EVER KNEW ♪

THE KNOB, PAUL.

♪ UNTIL AT LAST
YOU START BELIEVING ♪

♪ THERE'S SOMETHING
WONDERFUL IN YOU ♪♪

LOVELY SENTIMENT,
I'M SURE.

ARE YOU READY,
PAUL ?

YES, MISS PRICE.

REPEAT AFTER ME.

TAKE US TO PROFESSOR
EMELIUS BROWNE ...

TAKE US TO
PROFESSOR ...

EMELIUS BROWNE.

VERY GOOD.

HEADMASTER CORRESPONDENCE
COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT.

HEADMASTER ...

CORRESPONDENCE ...

COLLEGE ...

( Miss Price )
OF WITCHCRAFT, LONDON.

( Paul )
OF WITCHCRAFT, LONDON.

( Miss Price )
WHEN I SAY "GO,"

TAP THE KNOB 3 TIMES AND TURN
IT A QUARTER TURN TO THE LEFT.

LEFT ?
THAT'S IT.

WE'D BETTER
HOLD ON TIGHT.

THE BEHAVIOR OF THE BED
IS SOMETHING I'M NOT SURE OF.

LET ME BREATHE
A LITTLE.

ALL RIGHT, PAUL,
READY ...

GO !

ONE ...

TWO ... THREE ...

( Growl )

( Screech )

IS THIS LONDON ?
COURSE IT IS.

CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT
LOVELY, SOOTY AIR ?

MARVELOUS,
AIN'T IT ?

WELL, CHARLES, ARE
YOU CONVINCED NOW ?

NOT YET,
I AIN'T.

I DON'T SEE NO
PROFESSOR BROWNE.

NEITHER DO I,
IN POINT OF FACT.

LOOK AFTER THE BED
WHILE I MAKE INQUIRIES.

I TOLD YOU THIS
FLAMIN' BED WOULDN'T WORK.

DON'T START
THAT AGAIN.

IT DIDN'T
WORK PROPER.

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO
TAKE US TO PRO--

LOOK !

( Paul )
PROFESSOR BROWNE !

( Charlie )
COME ON !

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !

GATHER AROUND, PLEASE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !

PLEASE NOTE THE NAME,
"PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE."

I AM HERE TO DIVERT,
TO AMUSE ...

AND, YES,
EVEN TO HELP YOU.

THERE HE IS !

( Browne )
IT IS NOT WHAT THINGS ARE.

IT IS WHAT
THEY SEEM TO BE.

IS THAT NOT SO,
MADAM ?

THAT AIN'T THE KIND
OF PROFESSOR I EXPECTED.

I'M NOT SURE IT'S THE KIND
MISS PRICE EXPECTED, EITHER.

WHAT EFFECT
A LITTLE SMOKE IS ...

WITH A DASH OF HOCUS POCUS
AND THE SCENT OF BURNING --

AND THE SCENT OF
BURNING SULPHUR IN THE AIR.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
MAY I DRAW YOUR ATTENTION ...

TO THIS SOLID PIECE OF
ORDINARY WINDOW GLASS ...

FRAMED IN AN ORDINARY,
UNPREPARED FRAME.

MAY I ALSO DRAW YOUR ATTENTION
TO THIS ORDINARY STEEL NAIL.

I SHALL PLACE THE FRAMED GLASS
IN THIS BROWN, UNPREPARED,

MARK YOU,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

UNPREPARED,
BROWN, PAPER BAG.

I SHALL NOW ATTEMPT ...

TO DRIVE THE STEEL NAIL
THROUGH THE GLASS ...

WITHOUT BREAKING
THE GLASS !

"IMPOSSIBLE,"
I CAN HEAR YOU SAY.

WE SHALL SEE.

( Breaking Glass )

( Clinking Broken Glass )

HE AIN'T VERY GOOD,
EVEN IF HE IS A PROFESSOR.

( Browne )
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO.

NO, LADIES,
PLEASE DON'T GO.

DON'T LEAVE NOW ...

AND REGRET LOST
OPPORTUNITIES LATER.

YOU, YOUNG SIR,

WOULD YOU CARE TO WARBLE
LIKE THE STORIED NIGHTINGALE ?

WITH THIS
INEXPENSIVE DEVICE,

YOU CAN CHARM THE BIRDS DOWN
FROM THE TREES, LIKE SO.

( Chirping )

HOW MUCH ?

FOR YOU, SIR,
ONE PENNY;

ONE COPPER COIN
OF THE REALM.

( Spitting Sound )

CARRIE, I'M VERY SURPRISED
YOU WANDERED OFF LIKE THIS.

WE FOUND HIM
FOR YOU, MISS.

WE FOUND
PROFESSOR BROWNE.

IT DON'T WORK.
I'VE BEEN CHEATED !

IS THAT
PROFESSOR BROWNE ?

IT IS INDEED,
MY DEAR.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED
IN THE MATING CALL ...

OF THE BRAZILIAN
MATOUACAN BIRD ?

KNOWN AS THE
BIRD OF LOVE ?

( Chirping )

VERY USEFUL, EH ?

YOU ARE THE HEADMASTER
OF THE EMELIUS BROWNE ...

CORRESPONDENCE COLLEGE
OF WITCHCRAFT ?

THE LATE HEADMASTER.

THE COLLEGE, ALAS,
IS NOW DEFUNCT.

PROFESSOR BROWNE, I AM
ONE OF YOUR PUPILS.

MY DEAR LADY,

YOU ARE, INDEED, AN
ORNAMENT TO THE COLLEGE.

SPLENDID !
NOT AT ALL.

I WAS SHOCKED AND
DISMAYED WHEN YOU CLOSED
DOWN THE COLLEGE ...

WITHOUT THAT MOST
IMPORTANT LAST LESSON.

I'M SORRY, MY DEAR,
NO REFUNDS.

LOOK AT YOUR
CONTRACT.

BUT I MUST HAVE THE SPELL THAT
COMES WITH THE LAST LESSON !

THE MATTER IS CLOSED.

I BID YOU GOOD DAY !

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT AT
MY CLUB FOR SQUASH RACKETS.

THE MATTER IS NOT CLOSED !
DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY.

RIGHT-O !

LEAVE GO OF ME !

WOULD YOU MIND !

AH, HERE WE ARE.

GET THIS CHILD
OFF MY LEG !

GET THIS --

FILIGREE...APOGEE..
PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

COR !

NOW, I TRUST YOU'LL BEHAVE
MORE LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

LOOK OUT !

WELL, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RABBIT.

WHAT WAS ALL
THAT ABOUT ?

I CHANGED YOU INTO A RABBIT
WITH ONE OF YOUR OWN SPELLS.

MY SPELL ?
FROM MY SCHOOL ?

NOT ONE OF YOUR BEST SPELLS,
IN POINT OF FACT.

IT DOESN'T LAST
VERY LONG.

SOME OF YOUR OTHERS
ARE MUCH BETTER.

BUT I DON'T
UNDERSTAND.

MY SPELL ?

THEY WERE JUST NONSENSE
WORDS FROM AN OLD BOOK.

THEY WORKED
PERFECTLY WELL FOR ME.

THEY WORKED
FOR YOU ?

GOOD WOMAN,

SOME KIND OF DESTINY
HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER.

YOU GOT THE WORDS FOR THESE
SPELLS FROM SOME OLD BOOK ?

MORE OR LESS. I CHANGED
THEM 'ROUND A BIT.

I GAVE THEM A BIT
OF MY OWN STYLE.

THE OLD SORCERERS HAD
A BIT OF A TENDENCY ...

TO WAFFLE ON,
BUT DEAR LADY,

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D
MEET SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.

WHAT A TREASURE.

MR. BROWNE, WILL YOU
PLEASE STICK TO THE POINT !

I WOULD LIKE
TO SEE THIS BOOK,

IMMEDIATELY !

CERTAINLY.

IT'S AT MY NEW
TOWN HOUSE.

WOULD YOU CARE TO
JOIN ME FOR LUNCHEON ?

WE CAN DISCUSS MY IDEAS
AT THE SAME TIME.

THANK YOU.
WE'D BE DELIGHTED.

WE SHALL ALL
GO TOGETHER.

ON THE BED ?
ON THE BED.

YOU GO 'ROUND THE OTHER SIDE.
I ALWAYS TRAVEL ON THE LEFT.

WILL YOU GIVE THE ADDRESS
TO PAUL, PLEASE.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET
THERE ON THIS BED ? FLY ?

MY DEAR PROFESSOR BROWNE,
WITH YOUR OWN TRAVELING SPELL;

THE ONE YOU GAVE WITH
THE COURSE AS A BONUS.

MY TRAVELING SPELL ?

THAT WORKS,
AS WELL ?

JUST GIVE THE
ADDRESS, PLEASE.

8 WYNCHFIELD ROAD.

BED, TAKE US TO
8 WYNCHFIELD ROAD.

MADAM ...

IS THIS VEHICLE SAFE ?

OH, PERFECTLY SAFE.

A BIT THEATRICAL,
PERHAPS,

BUT THEN,
MOST GOOD SPELLS ARE.

WELL, WE'RE HERE.

I WOULD NEVER
HAVE BELIEVED IT.

YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN US
THE WRONG ADDRESS.

YOU DON'T LIVE HERE,
DO YOU ?

IN POINT OF FACT,
TEMPORARILY, AT ANY RATE.

I FOUND THE FRONT DOOR OPEN.
THE HOUSE WAS DESERTED.

EVERYONE HAS LEFT
THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

NOW, WHY SHOULD
THEY DO THAT ?

THIS PROBABLY
HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH IT.

( Miss Price )
MERCIFUL HEAVENS !

I'D THINK YOU'D BE
TERRIFIED AT THE VERY
IDEA OF LIVING HERE.

YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT SO,
WOULDN'T YOU.

I AM BY NATURE ...
A LITTLE BIT OF A COWARD.

THEN I PONDERED,
AS I OFTEN DO.

IN THE PERVERSE
NATURE OF THINGS,

THIS DIABOLICAL OBJECT
IS PROBABLY ...

THE BEST FRIEND
I'VE EVER HAD.

IT ENABLES ME, FOR
THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,

TO LIVE LIKE A KING.

SHALL WE GO IN ?

ROTHSCHILD '26.

NOBLE,
WORLDLY-WISE,

BUT WITH A CHARMING
TOUCH OF INNOCENCE.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY ?

THE BOOK.
WHERE IS IT ?

DEAR LADY,
YOU ARE RELENTLESS.

THE BOOK IS IN
THE LIBRARY.

WE SHALL PROCEED THERE AFTER
OUR CHEESE AND WINE.

WHY D'YOU KEEP THE
CURTAINS CLOSED ?

SO THAT WE MAY ENJOY
THE GLOW OF CANDLELIGHT.

MORE'N LIKELY, SO'S THE
COPPERS DON'T PEEK IN ...

AND CATCH YOU
HIDIN' OUT HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU
YOUNG THINGS LOOK AROUND ?

I WANT TO HAVE A CHAT
WITH MISS PRICE.

MAY WE ?

YES, RUN ALONG,

BUT DON'T TOUCH
ANYTHING.

THIS HOUSE DOESN'T
BELONG TO MR. BROWNE.

MR. BROWNE,
WHERE IS THAT BOOK ?

I MUST HAVE THAT SPELL
ON SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION.

( Paul )
WHAT IS IT ?
A TOY SHOP ?

( Carrie )
NO, A NURSERY.

AIN'T YOU EVER
SEEN A NURSERY ?

NO, AND NEITHER
HAVE YOU.

WOULD YOU HOLD THIS,
PLEASE ?

WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT ?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO THINK ?

JUST THINK HOW SUCCESSFUL
I COULD BE ...

WITH AN ASSISTANT
WHO CAN REALLY DO MAGIC !

OH ?

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED
ENTERING "SHOW BUSINESS" ?

THE WHAT BUSINESS ?

THE THEATRE,
PANTOMIMES,

VILLAGE FAIRS, THE
SEASIDE, BRIGHTON,

BLACKPOOL,
FOLLIES ON THE PROM--

I HAVE VERY
IMPORTANT WORK TO DO.

LISTEN TO ME.
WE COULD MAKE A PACKET.

♪ LET US STRIKE
A BARGAIN ♪

♪ YOU POSSESS A GIFT ♪

♪ BUT I CAN
SPEAK THE JARGON ♪

♪ THAT WILL GIVE YOUR
GIFT THE NEEDED LIFT ♪

OH ?

♪ YOU POSSESS
THE KNOW HOW ♪

♪ AND I COMMAND
THE SHOW HOW ♪

♪ OH, HOW SUCCESSFUL
YOU COULD BE ♪

♪ WITH ME ♪

I'M AFRAID WE'RE
WASTING VALUABLE TIME.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?
MISS PRICE.

NO, YOUR FIRST NAME,
MY DEAR.

EGLANTINE.

EGLANTINE ?

♪ EGLANTINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE ♪

♪ OH, HOW YOU'LL SHINE ♪

♪ YOUR LOT
AND MY LOT ♪

♪ HAVE GOT TO
COMBINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE,
EGLANTINE ♪

♪ HARK TO THE STARS ♪

♪ DESTINY CALLS US ♪

♪ THE FUTURE IS OURS ♪

♪ AS THE SHINE
SELLS THE BOOT ♪

♪ AND THE BLOSSOMS
THE FRUIT ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED TO
SUCCEED IN YOUR PLAN ♪

♪ IS THE
PROPER ALLY ♪

♪ UPON WHOM
TO RELY ♪

♪ AND I'M
YOUR MAN ♪

♪ FOR I HAVE
AN ACUMEN ♪

♪ THAT'S NIGH
SUPERHUMAN ♪

♪ I SELL THINGS
THAT NOBODY CAN ♪

♪ SO I HUMBLY SUGGEST
YOU ACCEPT MY BEHEST ♪

♪ I'M YOUR MAN ♪

♪ EGLANTINE,
EGLANTINE ♪

♪ OH, HOW YOU SHINE ♪

♪ YOUR LOT
AND MY LOT ♪

♪ HAVE GOT TO COMBINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE,
EGLANTINE ♪

♪ HARK TO THE STARS ♪

♪ DESTINY CALLS US ♪

♪ THE FUTURE IS OURS ♪♪

WHAT ARE
YOU READING ?

"ISLE OF NABOOMBU."

CAN'T BE NO
SUCH PLACE.

THERE IS TOO
SUCH A PLACE.

THESE PICTURES
PROVES IT, DON'T IT ?

A BIT WEIRD,
AIN'T IT ?

ANIMALS WEARING
HATS AND THINGS ?

I LIKE IT.

I WARNED YOU,
MR. BROWNE.

NOW, WHERE
IS THE BOOK ?

WELL ?
WHERE IS IT ?

AT LAST,
MR. BROWNE !

"THE SPELLS OF ASTOROTH."

OF COURSE.

HERE'S THE TRAVELING SPELL.
THIS IS WHERE YOU GOT IT.

DOES ONE'S NOSE HAVE TO
TWITCH LIKE THIS ?

YOU'RE BACK,
MR. BROWNE.

MISS PRICE, A WORD
ABOUT YOUR TACTICS.

I DON'T MIND BEING CHANGED
INTO A HAWK OR A TIGER,

OR SOMETHING
WITH A BIT OF DASH,

BUT ALWAYS A FLUFFY,
WHITE RABBIT ?

IT'S INTOLERABLE !

HERE WE ARE.

"SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION."

"THE ANCIENT ART OF --"

" ... THE SPELL WHICH CREATES
THIS FORCE IS 5 MYSTIC WORDS.

THESE WORDS ARE --"

BUT THE REST OF
THE BOOK IS MISSING !

NOW YOU SEE WHY I
CLOSED DOWN THE COLLEGE.

BUT WHERE ARE
THE OTHER PAGES ?

I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST.

LISTEN TO ME.

I'M ALL EARS.

YOU WILL BE IF YOU
DON'T PAY ATTENTION.

WHERE DID YOU
GET THIS BOOK ?

I BOUGHT IT IN
THE STREET MARKET.

THERE WAS A BIT OF
UNPLEASANTNESS.

HE CLAIMED THAT I'D
GIVEN HIM A DUD COIN.

THERE WAS A
SORT OF SCUFFLE.

THE BOOK TORE.

HE GOT ONE HALF
AND I GOT THE OTHER.

BUT WHERE'S THE
OTHER HALF NOW ?

IT'S PROBABLY BEEN
THROWN AWAY.

IF IT STILL EXISTS, THERE'S
ONLY ONE PLACE TO FIND IT.

WHERE IS THAT ?

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD
PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD
PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES
OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
A CHAP CAN UNLOAD ♪

♪ IS SOLD OFF THE BARROW
IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ YOU'LL FIND
WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ RARE ALABASTER ♪

♪ GENUINE PLASTER ♪

♪ A FILIGREED SAMOVAR
OWNED BY THE CZARS ♪

♪ A PEN USED
BY SHELLEY ♪

♪ A NEW
BOTTICELLI ♪

♪ THE SNIPPERS THAT CLIPPED
OLD KING EDWARD'S CIGARS ♪

MADE IN HONG KONG ?

TWO BOB A DOZEN,
WOULD YOU SAY ?

♪ WATERFORD CRYSTAL ♪

♪ NAPOLEON'S PISTOLS ♪

♪ SOCIETY HEIRLOOMS
WITH GENUINE GEMS ♪

♪ REMBRANDTS, EL GRECOS,
TOULOUSE-LAUTRECOS ♪

♪ PAINTED LAST WEEK ON
THE BANKS OF THE THAMES ♪

VERY INTERESTING, BUT
WHERE DO THEY SELL BOOKS ?

THERE'S A LITTLE PLACE
AROUND THE CORNER.

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD
PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES
OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
A CHAP CAN UNLOAD ♪

♪ IS SOLD OFF THE BARROW
IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ YOU'LL MEET
ALL YOUR CHUMS ♪

♪ IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

LOVELY TO SEE YOU,
GOODBYE.

WHAT I WANT IS THE
OTHER HALF OF THIS BOOK.

ALL IN GOOD TIME,
MY DEAR.

♪ BURKE'S PEERAGE,
THE BRIDE BOOK ♪

♪ THE FISHMONGER'S
GUIDE BOOK ♪

I'M LOOKING FOR
THE OTHER PART OF THIS.

♪ A VICTORIAN NOVEL,
THE UNWANTED SON ♪

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND --

♪ THE HISTORY
OF POTTING ♪

♪ THE YEARBOOK
OF YACHTING ♪

♪ THE LEATHER-BOUND
LIFE OF ATTILA, THE HUN ♪

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD
PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES
OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ARTIFACTS TO GLORIFY
A REGAL ABODE ♪

♪ ARE HID MID THE FLOTSAM
IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

WHO DO YOU
THINK YOU ARE ?

♪ TOKENS AND TREASURES
YESTERDAY'S PLEASURES ♪

♪ CHEAP IMITATIONS
AND HEIRLOOMS OF OLD ♪

♪ DENTED AND TARNISHED,
SCARRED AND UNVARNISHED ♪

♪ IN OLD PORTOBELLO THEY'RE
BOUGHT AND THEY'RE SOLD ♪

THIS GOOD LADY IS LOOKING
FOR THE OTHER HALF
OF THIS BOOK.

IT'S CALLED,
"THE SPELLS OF ASTOROTH."

I DON'T KEEP NO TORN
OR DAMAGED BOOKS HERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM ?
A RUDDY WASTEPAPER MERCHANT ?

♪ YOU CAN EAT LIKE A KING
IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

I THINK THERE'S ANOTHER BOOK
STORE ALONG HERE, SOMEWHERE.

GRANDPA, YOU DON'T
EXPECT TO SELL A PIANO
LIKE THAT DO YOU ?

LET ME HAVE A GO,
MY DEAR FELLOW.

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD
PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ HAPPY THINGS
ARE HAPPENING ♪

♪ IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ YOU FEEL LIKE A BALLERINA ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE
HOPPING LIKE A TOAD ♪

♪ WHEN YOU KICK
YOUR HEELS UP ♪

♪ DOWN IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

( Laughter )

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

COME ON, DUCKS.

♪♪

COME ON,
GIRLS.

♪♪

LOVERLY.

♪♪

OH, YEAH,
PLAY THE DRUMS.

♪♪

OH, YEAH !

♪♪

OH, YEAH !

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

( Bell )

CLOSING TIME.

BYE.
BYE.
BYE.

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES
OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
A CHAP CAN UNLOAD ♪♪

HEY, GUVNER,

SOMETHIN' FOR
THE LADY FRIEND ?
NYLONS ?

NO, THANK YOU.

PETROL COUPONS ?

CHOCS FOR
THE LITTLE ONES ?
NOPE.

HOW ABOUT ONE OF THESE ?
FELL OFF A LORRY.

DO BE A GOOD CHAP
AND RUN AWAY.

WOULD YOU
FANCY THIS, THEN ?

NOW YOU HAVE MY
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, FRIEND ?

YOU'RE TO GET OVER
TO THE BOOKMAN, STAIGHTAWAY.

HE WANTS
TO SEE YOU.

YOU, TOO !

WHO IS THE
BOOKMAN ?

AND WHAT RIGHT HAS HE
TO ORDER ME ABOUT ?

UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES WE'D
BETTER ASK QUESTIONS LATER.

EXCUSE ME.

( Crash, Bang, Bang )

SORRY, GUV, NO ONE
TOLD ME ABOUT THE STAIRS.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST BRING
SCOTLAND YARD, SWINBURNE,

AND HALF THE HOUSEHOLD
CALVARY, AS WELL ?

WHAT'S THE BED FOR ?

IT'S A PRESENT
FOR YOU.

THAT'S WHAT
HE SAID.

NOTHING OF THE SORT.
IT BELONGS TO ME.

EXCEPT FOR THIS KNOB,
WHICH IS MINE.

BOOKMAN, THERE'S BEEN
BAD BLOOD BETWEEN
US LONG ENOUGH.

LET THIS GLITTERING GIFT
BEGIN FRIENDSHIP ANEW.

- LOCK THE DOOR.
- YOU'LL BE SNUG AS A BUG.

ISN'T THAT THE SECTION
OF THE MANUSCRIPT ...

THAT WE'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR ?

WHO IS THIS ?

A MISS EGLANTINE PRICE,

A CHARMING YOUNG WOMAN
OF MY ACQUAINTANCE.

MISS PRICE, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR THIS
OTHER BIT A LONG TIME.

MR. SWINBURNE TOLD ME YOU
WERE MAKING INQUIRIES.

AND HERE WE ARE.

I DON'T MIND SAYING, TO SEE
IT ALL TOGETHER AT LAST,

THERE ISN'T MUCH
I WOULDN'T DO.

OR HAVEN'T DONE,
FOR THAT MATTER.

RIGHT, GUV.
HA, HA, HA.

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH,
SWINBURNE !

IS THAT CLEAR ?

IT'S ALL RATHER LIKE
A JOLLY DETECTIVE STORY,

OR JIGSAW PUZZLE,
ISN'T IT ?

WE'RE BOTH AFTER
THE SAME SPELL.

YOU HAVE ONE CLUE.
I HAVE THE OTHER.

IN THAT CASE, THE SENSIBLE
THING SEEMS TO BE ...

FOR US TO COOPERATE.

I ASSUME YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR THE SAME THING I AM.

MAY I ?

THIS IS QUITE A
MOMENT FOR BOTH OF US.

"SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION, THE
LOST MIRACLE OF THE ANCIENTS,"

AND SO ON
AND SO FORTH.

AH, HERE WE ARE.

"THE SPELL WHICH CREATES THIS
FORCE IS 5 MYSTIC WORDS.

THESE WORDS ARE ..."

"ENGRAVED ON THE STAR
THAT WAS ALWAYS WORN ...

BY THE SORCERER, ASTOROTH."

BUT WHERE ARE THE
WORDS OF THE SPELL ?

I ASSUMED THEY'D
BE IN YOUR HALF.

BUT I THOUGHT
THEY'D BE IN YOURS.

ONCE AGAIN,
A DEAD END.

I SHALL NEVER
KNOW THE SECRET.

ISN'T THAT
OLD ASTOROTH ?

AND THERE'S HIS STAR.

IT'S A PITY IT'S SO SMALL
YOU CAN'T READ THE WRITING.

BUT WHY
THE ANIMALS ?

TOWARDS THE
END OF HIS LIFE,

ASTOROTH KEPT
ANIMALS IN CAGES ...

AND SEARCHED
FOR THE SPELLS ...

THAT WOULD MAKE THEM
MORE LIKE HUMANS.

THE LEGEND IS THAT THE ANIMALS
REBELLED AT THE EXPERIMENT,

KILLED ASTOROTH,
AND STOLE MANY OF HIS POWERS.

INCLUDING THE STAR
WITH THE SPELL ON IT.

POSSIBLY. THEY FOUND
A SHIP, SAILED AWAY,

AND WERE NEVER
HEARD OF AGAIN.

HOWEVER, THERE'S A
FINAL NOTATION IN MY
HALF OF THE BOOK,

SAYING THAT
IN THE 17th CENTURY,

A SHIPWRECKED LASCAR
WAS TAKEN FROM THE SEA ...

HALF-MAD WITH THIRST
AND EXPOSURE TO THE SUN.

BEFORE HE DIED, HE
SWORE HE'D SEEN AN
ISLAND RULED BY ANIMALS.

WHERE ?

THERE IS, I REGRET TO SAY,
NO SUCH ISLAND.

I LOOKED FOR IT
IN EVERY CHART.

THE ISLE OF NABOOMBU
DOES NOT EXIST.

IT DOES,
TOO !

GOT ME OWN --

WHAT IS HE
TRYING TO SAY ?

NOTHIN'. WHEN HE DON'T
SAY NOTHIN' HE BURBLES.

I WISH THE CHILD
TO SPEAK !

NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.

THERE IS, TOO,
SUCH A PLACE.

GOT ME OWN BOOK.
REAL PRETTY
LETTERS, AIN'T IT ?

LET ME SEE IT.

YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED.
IT'S A SIMPLE CHILDREN'S BOOK.

I'LL BE THE
JUDGE OF THAT.

GIVE IT TO ME.
NO !

PLEASE DON'T
ANNOY ME.

GIVE ME
THE BOOK !

NOT LIKELY.

BIT OF A STALEMATE,
ISN'T IT ?

IF IT'S ALL THE SAME TO YOU,
I'D RATHER USE ME OWN.

SENTIMENT, YOU KNOW.

COME ALONG, PAUL,
IT'S TIME TO GO.

GO ? HOW, MY DEAR ?
THE DOOR IS LOCKED.

OBSERVE THE FUNDAMENTAL
WEAKNESS OF THE CRIMINAL MIND.

YOU'LL BELIEVE IN NO ONE,
OR IN ANY THING.

I UNDERSTAND.
THE KNOB, PAUL.

RIGHT.

DO YOU REALIZE WE CAN
TELL THEM THE COMPLETE TRUTH ?

THEY WILL
BELIEVE NOTHING !

HE'S UP TO
SOMETHING, YOU KNOW.

BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES,
I SHALL CAUSE THIS BED ...

AND ALL THE OCCUPANTS UPON IT,
TO DISAPPEAR.

DISAPPEAR ?

I'D LIKE TO SEE A CHEAPJACK,
TENTH-RATE ENTERTAINER ...

DO A TRICK
LIKE THAT.

CHEAPJACK ENTERTAINER !
NOW, THAT WAS NAUGHTY.

ALL RIGHT,
PAUL.

WHERE TO ?

TO THE ISLAND
OF NABOOMBU.

I'M VERY CURIOUS
ABOUT THAT PLACE.

BED, TAKE US TO THE
ISLAND OF NABOOMBU.

ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE.
GET THE BOOK.

BEASTLY CLIMATE !
I NEVER DID FANCY THE SEA.

WHERE ARE WE ?

NABOOMBU,
OF COURSE.

I AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO
ISLAND LIKE THIS BEFORE.

I'M AFRAID WE MAY HAVE
FALLEN INTO THE LAGOON.

THAT'S RIGHT !

HERE WE ARE,
ON PAGE 3.

AHOY, MR. CODFISH.

HELLO,
YOUNG FELLOW.

WELCOME TO
NABOOMBU LAGOON.

NOW I'M
HEARING THINGS.

FISH DON'T TALK.

NOT TOO BRIGHT,
IS HE ?

HE'S ME BROTHER.

OH ?
SORRY.

MR. CODFISH, WHERE IS
THE ISLAND OF NABOOMBU ?

YOU MEAN
THE LAND PART ?

OH, THAT.

STRAIGHT UP.
YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

NONE OF
MY BUSINESS,

BUT I SHOULDN'T
GO THERE ...

IF I WERE YOU.
HAVING TROUBLES, THEY ARE.

TROUBLES ?

HE'S RIGHT,
YOU KNOW,

A LOT
OF TROUBLE.

TROUBLE OR NOT,

WE SHOULD BE
GETTING ALONG.

I WISH TO SEE
WHO IS IN CHARGE.

WHAT'S THE RUSH ? IT'S
RATHER SPLENDID DOWN HERE.

FOR YOU,
MY DEAR.

OH, THANK YOU.

( Whinny )

HOW PLEASANT !

♪ BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
ON THE BOTTOM ♪

♪ OF THE BEAUTIFUL
BRINY SEA ♪

♪ WHAT A CHANCE
TO GET A BETTER PEEK ♪

♪ AT THE PLANTS ♪

♪ AND CREATURES
OF THE DEEP ♪

♪ WE GLIDE ♪

♪ FAR BELOW
THE ROLLING TIDE ♪

♪ SERENE ♪

♪ THROUGH THE BUBBLY
BLUE AND GREEN ♪

♪ IT'S LOVELY
BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
ON THE BOTTOM ♪

♪ OF THE BEAUTIFUL
BRINY SEA ♪

♪ WHAT IF THE OCTOPUS,
THE FLOUNDER AND THE COD ♪

♪ THINK WE'RE
RATHER ODD ♪

♪ IT'S FUN
TO PROMENADE ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
SINGING A SONG ♪

♪ ON THE BOTTOM OF THE
BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

LOOK.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

( Laughter )

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ IT'S LOVELY ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
ON THE BOTTOM ♪

♪ OF THE BEAUTIFUL
BRINY SEA ♪

♪ WHAT A CHANCE
TO GET A BETTER PEEK ♪

♪ AT THE PLANTS
AND CREATURES OF THE DEEP ♪

♪ IT'S GRAND ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE
DANCING ON THE SAND ♪

♪ EACH GLANCE ♪

♪ BUBBLES OVER
WITH ROMANCE ♪

♪ IT'S LOVELY ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
THROUGH THE WATER ♪

♪ WHERE WE GET ALONG ♪

♪ SWIMMINGLY ♪

♪ FAR FROM THE FRENZY
OF THE FRANTIC WORLD ABOVE ♪

♪ TWO BENEATH THE BLUE ♪

♪ COULD EVEN
FALL IN LOVE ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
SINGING A SONG ♪

♪ ON THE BOTTOM OF THE
BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG
SINGING A SONG ♪

♪ ON THE BOTTOM OF THE
BEAUTIFUL BRINY ♪

♪ SHIMMERY SHINY ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪♪

( Applause )

BRAVO. BRAVO.
MOST EXCITING.

MOST EXCITING.

YOU'VE WON
THE RUDDY CUP.

HELP !
HELP !

OH, OH, OH.

THIS TIME ...

I REALLY
GOT A WHOPPER !

( Groan )

WHEW !

( Crash )

( Bear )
PEOPLE !

PEOPLE !

OH, NO !

WHAT SCURVY LUCK !

MY GOODNESS !
I'LL DEAL
WITH THIS, MY DEAR.

DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT, UH --

GOOD DAY,
CAPTAIN.

I USED TO BE A BIT OF
A SEAFARING MAN, MYSELF.

MANY'S THE TIME I'VE
SHIPPED OUT OF PORTSMOUTH.

DELIGHTED TO MEET
A FELLOW MARINER.

OH ?

NOW, STOW IT,
MATE.

OH, REALLY !

CAN'T YOU READ
READIN' ? HUH ?

HEY, IT SAYS, UH --

"NO PEOPLING ...

ALLOWED."

"NO PEOPLING ALLOWED."
RIDICULOUS.

DON'T ANTAGONIZE HIM,
MR. BROWNE.

THAT MEANS
I GOT TO ...

T-T-THROW
YOU ALL BACK.

THAT'S WHAT IT DO.

( Paul )
WAIT A MINUTE.

IT SAYS HERE
THAT ANYBODY ...

CAN SEE THE KING,
AND THAT'S THE LAW.

WHERE DO IT
SAY THAT ?

HERE, IN
ME BOOK.

UH-HUH.

SO IT DO.

WHA-- !

UH, UH, UH --

BUT IF YOU PEOPLE
KNEW WHAT WAS GOOD FOR YA,

YOU'D GET
YOURSELVES ALL ...

T-T-THROWED BACK !

THE KING
DON'T LIKE PEOPLE !

NONETHELESS,
WE MUST SEE THE KING ...

ON AN URGENT,
PERSONAL MATTER.

PLEASE LEAD
THE WAY.

UH-HUH,

BUT JUST DON'T SAY
I DIDN'T WARN YA, SEE ?

UH, FOLLOW ME.

( Bear Singing )

♪ I'M A PEACEABLE SAILOR
AND THAT SURE AIN'T ALL ♪

♪ BLOW, BLOW
BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪♪

( Roar )

( Growl )

GET OUT
OF HERE !

AHEM !

YES, YES,

WHAT CAN
I DO FOR YOU ?

I CAUGHT SOME PEOPLE
DOWN AT THE SEA LAGOON.

THEY WANT
TO SEE THE KING.

REALLY ?

WELL, WE CAN'T BE BOTHERED
WITH THAT SORT OF THING,

CAN WE ?

( Roar )

I DON'T KNOW
THAT I FANCY THIS.

HIS MAJESTY
IS IN A FRIGHTFUL RAGE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

AS AN ALL-AROUND
ENTERTAINER OF SORTS,

I AM CONSIDERED
NOT WITHOUT TALENT.

PERHAPS I CAN
CHEER HIM UP ?

NO, NO,
NO-NO-NO.

YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND.

AS EVERYONE KNOWS,

( Growl )
HIS MAJESTY IS THE WORLD'S
GREATEST SOCCER PLAYER.

( Roar )

( Roar )

BUT, DUE TO
A TECHNICAL PROBLEM,

THE ROYAL CUP MATCH
CANNOT TAKE PLACE TODAY,

AND HIS MAJESTY HAD
SO SET HIS HEART ON IT.

THROW THESE ...

CREATURES
BACK INTO THE SEA.

AYE, AYE, SIR.
JUST A MOMENT.

I CAN HELP.

DO YOU REALLY
THINK SO ?

I'D BE
MOST GRATEFUL.

DO YOU KNOW ...

SOCCER ?

DO I KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT SOCCER ?

WHY, I WAS CAPTAIN OF
TOTNUM HOTSPURS FOR 2 YEARS,

3 SEASONS WITH
MANCHESTER UNITED,
YES, YES, YES,

BEFORE THAT I --
YOU'LL DO.

COME THIS WAY,
PLEASE.

MR. BROWNE, ARE YOU CERTAIN
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT ?

( Roar )

NOW WHAT ?

NOT AN IDEAL PERSON
IN MANY RESPECTS,

BUT MR. BROWNE
IS A VERY BRAVE MAN.

( Quieter Roar )

DO YOU THINK
HE'S DONE FOR ?

( Chuckling Roar )

( King )
HA-HA-HA !

DO YOU
THINK SO ?

HA-HA-HA !

I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW I APPRECIATE THIS.

FOR SOME REASON,

WE HAVE GREAT
DIFFICULTY ...

FINDING REFEREES ...

'ROUND HERE.

IF THERE BE
ONE THING WE LIKE ...

IT'S VOLUNTEERS.

EH, BIRDY ?

HA !

HA !

HA !

HE'S A PROPER KING.
LOOK AT HIS CROWN.

WHAT'S 'ROUND
HIS NECK ?

WHAT A
MAGNIFICENT ...

ORNAMENT, SIRE.

AH, YES.

WOULDN'T BE
WITHOUT IT.

BEEN IN THE FAMILY
FOR YEARS.

THE STAR
OF ASTOROTH.

YOU'RE TO SIT IN
HIS MAJESTY'S ROYAL BOX.

NO LITTERING,
NO CHEWING, NO FRUIT ...

OR WRAPPERS FROM
BOILED SWEETS, PLEASE.

♪♪ ( Bugle )

( Crowd Boos )

RISE,

PLEASE.

LOYAL FANS,

THIS IS OFFICIAL.

WE HAVE A
VOLUNTEER ...

REFEREE.

( Cheers And Applause )

LET ...

THE MATCH ...

BEGIN !

HE'S STILL
WEARING IT.

RIGHT, DIRTY YELLOWS,
LET'S HAVE A NICE, CLEAN GAME.

( Growls, Barks, Grunts )

RIGHT, TRUE BLUES,
BEST FOOT FORWARD.

( Knees Shaking )

( Growls )

( Whistle )

( Roar )

YEOW !

WEIRD SORT OF GAME
THEY PLAY HERE.

( Crowd Boos )

( Boos )

( Crowd Cheers )

( Cheers )

HURRY UP.

GET RID OF IT.

( Barks )

( Growls )

( Barks And Growls )

( Whistle )

( Cheers And Applause )

GRACIOUS.

YOU'RE DOING FINE,

MATEY.

( Boos )

( King )
MOVE IT AROUND.

MOVE IT AROUND,
HA-HA-HA.

GET ON WITH
THE MATCH !

( Laughing )

HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO.

( Laughing )

FOUL !
FOUL !
THEY'RE ONLY ANIMALS.

THAT'S NO EXCUSE
FOR DIRTY FOOTBALL.

OW !

OOOH.

UH ?

( Whistle )

( Grunts And Groans )

REF, ARE
YOU BLIND ?

BE QUIET, CHARLES.

DON'T FORGET WHO
THE REFEREE IS.

( Laughing )

( Crying )

( Crowd Boos )

DON'T THEY
HAVE NO RULES ?
'COURSE THEY DO.

THE KING MAKES THEM UP
AS HE GOES ALONG.

( Crowd Cheers )

OUCH !

( Gulp )

OOPH !

( Crowd Cheers )

POOR MR. BROWNE.

DO YOU THINK
HE'S ALL RIGHT ?

WELL, HE'S MOVING.

STEADY, MATEY.

MOVE IT AROUND.

( Crowd Boos )

( Crowd Cheers )

OH, HE ALMOST
HAD IT THEN.

YEOW !

( Crowd Cheers )

LOOKS LIKE HE'S DONE FOR,
THIS TIME.

( Gasp )

DON'T JUST
STAND THERE !

HEAD IT IN !

( Groans )

STOP ...

THAT ...

BALL !
( Roar )

( Elephant Trumpets )

( Roar )

( Pssst )

( Poof )

( Cheers And Applause )

GOAL.
HA-HA-HA !

GAME'S OVER.

I WIN.

( Crowd Cheers )

( Whistle )

LET ME GIVE YOU
A HAND, MATEY.

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT,
YOUR MAJESTY.

THANK YOU,
SO MUCH.

PLEASE,

LET ME HELP YOU
ON WITH YOUR ROBE.

WHY, YES.
THANK YOU.

( Mr. Browne )
CAN'T HAVE YOU ...

COLD, SIRE.
CAN WE ?
WHY, NO, NO.

EVER HEARD OF SOMETHING
CALLED "THE GYPSY SWITCH" ?

NO.

CAN'T SAY
THAT I HAVE.

REMIND ME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT IT SOMETIME.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHEN
WE'VE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME.

WE'LL CARRY THE MEMORY OF
YOUR MAJESTY IN OUR HEARTS ...

FOR A LONG WHILE.

I THINK IT'S
TIME TO LEAVE.

AYE.

MUST YOU GO ?

WE MUST BE DASHING.
MARVELOUS GAME.

LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.

COME, CHILDREN.
GOODBYE.

FRIENDLY LOT.
HEE-HEE-HEE.

DON'T MIND THEM
VISITING.

WOULDN'T WANT
THEM LIVING HERE !

( King Laughs )

COME ALONG,
CHILDREN.

COME ON, CHILDREN.
HURRY UP.

( Stutters )

STOP GIBBERING.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU ?

YOUR ROYAL STAR --

THEY'VE STOLEN
YOUR ROYAL STAR.

HA-HA-HA !

DON'T BE
RIDICULOUS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
THIS IS ?

( Whistle )

( Roar )

WHY DIDN'T YOU ...

SAY ...

SO ?

ALL RIGHT, PAUL,

PUT THE KNOB
ON THE BED.

AT LAST,
THE MAGIC WORDS:

TREGUNA...MEKOIDES...
TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

I'LL KEEP IT.
WOMEN ALWAYS LOSE THINGS.

( Roar )

( Roar )

HURRY, PAUL,
THE KNOB.

IT'S STUCK !

( Roar )

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD
DO SOMETHING.

PLEASE DO.
QUICK !

( Roar )

GOT IT.

( King Roars )

FILIGREE...APOGEE...
PEDIGREE --

( Roar )

OH, BOTHER !

I DO HATE
SHODDY WORK.

( Meow )

( Meow )

I DON'T SUPPOSE I SHALL EVER
GET USED TO THIS THING.

CHILDREN,
PUSH THE BED ...

BACK INTO
PLACE, PLEASE.

I THINK WE COULD ALL DO
WITH A NICE CUP OF TEA.

NO TIME. I'VE
FINALLY FOUND THIS SPELL.

I'M GOING TO TRY IT
IMMEDIATELY.

MR. BROWNE, KINDLY LET ME
HAVE YOUR SHOES, PLEASE.

MY SHOES ?

OH, FINE.

WHAT'S
THE SHOES FOR ?

REALLY, CHARLES,

IF YOU HAD PAID ATTENTION,
YOU'D BE AWARE ...

THAT SUBSTITUTIARY
LOCOMOTION ...

IS THE ART OF CAUSING
INANIMATE OBJECTS ...

TO TAKE ON A LIFE FORCE
OF THEIR OWN.

OBVIOUSLY,

I MUST HAVE INANIMATE OBJECTS
TO EXPERIMENT WITH.

MAKES SENSE,
DON'T IT ?

STAND BACK,
EVERYONE.

I NEED
PLENTY OF ROOM.

I WANT YOU ALL TO BE
ABSOLUTELY QUIET.

MR. BROWNE,

YOU HAVE THE STAR OF ASTOROTH,
I BELIEVE.
OH, YES.

IT'S IN MY NICE,
CLEAN HANKY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MR. BROWNE.

I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT IT
WOULD BE QUITE IMPOSSIBLE ...

TO TAKE AN OBJECT FROM
ONE WORLD INTO ANOTHER.

IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE
HAD THE SENSE ...

TO REMEMBER THE WORDS
ON THAT STAR.

I KNOW THE WORDS.

DON'T BOTHER MISS PRICE.
SHE'S THINKING.

CHARLIE, WHY DON'T WE NIP DOWN
TO THE VILLAGE AND GET SUPPER.

AND I MIGHT CALL INTO
THE PUB FOR A PINT ...

TO STEADY
MY NERVES.

TREBONNA ?

I DO KNOW
THE WORDS.

COME ALONG.
F-F-FREBUNNA ?

HOW CAN YOU
KNOW THE WORDS ?

... TROOP MOVEMENTS,

AND MASSING OF BARGES
IN FRENCH & DUTCH PORTS.

THE PRIME MINISTER
HAS TOLD THE NATION
TO BE ON THE ALERT ...

( Radio )
FOR SIGNS OF A
POSSIBLE INVASION.

THAT WAS THE NEWS --

TO THINK I MIGHT HAVE
BEEN ABLE TO DO SOMETHING.

IT'S OUT OF
YOUR HANDS, MY DEAR.

IF ONLY I COULD HAVE
REMEMBERED THOSE WORDS.

IT'S MADDENING !

WHY DON'T
SOMEONE ASK ME ?

COME OFF IT,
PAUL.

YOU CAN'T REMEMBER
THOSE KIND OF WORDS.

YOU MEAN LIKE ...

TREGUNA. MEKOIDES.

TRECORUM
SATIS DEE ?

TREGUNA. MEKOIDES.
TRECORUM SATIS DEE ?

HOW DO YOU
KNOW THAT ?

EASY.

SAYS RIGHT HERE
IN ME BOOK.

YOU MEAN,

IT WAS THERE IN YOUR
BOOK ALL THE TIME ?
YES !

BUT NOBODY
EVER LISTENS TO ME.

TREGUNA...MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

NOTHING HAPPENED !

AM I DOING
SOMETHING WRONG ?

TRUTHFULLY,

IT DOES SEEM
A BIT OLD FASHIONED.

WE ARE IN THE
20th CENTURY.

WHAT DO YOU
SUGGEST ?

IT NEEDS RHYTHM,

TEMPO, MUSIC.

AS I SAY,

"DO IT WITH A FLAIR."
MIND IF I HAVE A GO ?

OF COURSE NOT.

COME ALONG,
YOU LOT.

WE NEED ALL THE HELP
WE CAN GET.

( Together )
TREGUNA...MEKOIDES...
TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY
LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ MYSTIC POWER THAT'S FAR
BEYOND THE WILDEST NOTION ♪

♪ IT'S SO WEIRD
SO FEARED ♪

♪ AND YET WONDERFUL
TO SEE ♪

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION
COME TO ME ♪

SHHH.

NOW.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

COR !

( Meow )

TREGUNA...
MEKOIDES AND ...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

♪ I DON'T WANT
LOCOMOTIARY SUBSTITUTION ♪

♪ OR REMOTE INTRANSITORY
CONVOLUTION ♪

♪ ONLY ONE PRECISE ♪

♪ SOLUTION IS THE KEY ♪

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION
IT MUST BE ♪

♪ TREGUNA...MEKOIDES...
AND TRECORUM SATIS DEE ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ LOVELY SUBSTITUTIARY
LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ YOU'VE MADE
SUBSTITUTIARY HISTORY ♪

♪ WITH TREGUNA, MEKOIDES
AND A LITTLE HELP FROM ME ♪

♪ WITH TREGUNA...
MEKOIDES AND -- ♪♪

( Knocking )

♪♪ ( Trumpets )

LUMMY !

♪♪

MR. BROWNE,
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE ?

I HAVEN'T
THE FOGGIEST.

HOW DO
YOU DO ?

OH, SHALL WE ?

THAT'S MY NIGHTGOWN !

IS IT REALLY,
MY DEAR ?

AND I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE
FOR ITS BEHAVIOR.

( Mr. Browne )
OBVIOUSLY NOT.

PAUL, WHAT ON EARTH
ARE YOU DOING ?

HAVING A JOLLY GOOD TIME,
THAT'S WHAT !

HOW CAN WE
STOP ALL THIS ?

IT'S REALLY
MOST AGREEABLE.

YES, BUT WE MUST
DO SOMETHING !

DIDN'T I GIVE YOU MY
ALL-PURPOSE, CUT-OFF SPELL ?

LESSON NUMBER 8.
NUMBER 8.

YES, NUMBER 8.

ME SUNDAY TROUSERS !

BUZZ OFF, OLD CHAP.
FIND YOUR OWN DANCING PARTNER.

OOPH !

OW !

OOPH !
OOO-O-OH !

SLOW DOWN,
CARRIE.

CHARLES !

MR. BROWNE, WILL YOU PLEASE
CONTROL YOUR SHOES ?

DEAR LADY,
I VERY MUCH FEAR ...

THAT WE HAVE
NOTHING UNDER CONTROL.

OW !

OW, OOO-O-OH !

( Meow )

AH !

AH-H,
AH-H-H !

( Clanging, Banging )

DO YOU MIND ?

( Clanging, Banging )

WHO WOULD LIKE MORE OF MY
LOVELY SAUSAGES AND MASH ?

NO MORE FOR ME,
THANK YOU.

CARRIE ?

IT'S GOOD, BUT
I'VE HAD 2 HELPINGS.

I'M FULL.

ME, TOO.

( Meow )

WELL, SOMEBODY
WANTS SOME.

CHEER UP,
MY DEAR.

THIS SHOULD BE
SOMETHING OF A CELEBRATION.

I'M SORRY.

THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
MUCH TO CELEBRATE.

I STILL HAVEN'T
MASTERED THAT SPELL.

OF COURSE YOU HAVE !
YOU NEED MORE PRACTICE,

THAT'S ALL.

DO YOU REALLY
THINK SO ?

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
MEANTIME,

THERE'S NOTHING
TO LIVEN THE SPIRITS ...

LIKE A LITTLE JUGGLING.
RIGHT, CHARLIE ?

GO ON, THEN, GUV.
GIVE US SOME JUGGLING.

( Humming )

VERY FEW BETTER
THAN ME AT THIS.

ALL YOU NEED
IS 20 YEARS PRACTICE,

AND A TOUCH
OF GENIUS.

( Screech )

( Children Giggle )

NEVER HAPPENED
TO ME, BEFORE.

I DON'T USUALLY
JUGGLE ...

WITH CATS
UNDER MY FEET.

( Laughter )

LOOK,
SHE'S LAUGHING.

( Doorbell )

OH.

MRS. HOBDAY,
DO COME IN.

CAN'T STOP. I JUST COME BY
TO BRING YOU THE GOOD NEWS.

GOOD NEWS ?
YES, YES.
MR. BISSELTHWAITE ...

WHO BRINGS THE MILK,
YOU KNOW ?

HE'S PROMISED
TO TAKE THE CHILDREN.

HE AND HIS WIFE
HAVE A FARM;

JUST THE PLACE
FOR GROWING CHILDREN.

PUT A BIT OF COLOR
BACK IN THEIR CHEEKS.

WHAT'S
THE MATTER ?

I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE PLEASED.

YOU TOLD ME ...

YOU WERE MUCH TOO BUSY
TO TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN.

CIRCUMSTANCES
HAVE CHANGED, SOMEWHAT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE GOT A DAD,
MR. BROWNE.

( Miss Price )
PAUL.

MISS PRICE,
IS THIS TRUE ?
( Carrie ) OF COURSE.

YOU DO WANT HIM
TO STAY WITH US,

DON'T YOU,
MISS PRICE ?

I SUPPOSE I HADN'T
REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY
ABOUT IT, MR. BROWNE ?

IT'S ALL
RATHER SUDDEN.

I DON'T QUITE KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

( Chuckle )
THEN I'LL LEAVE
YOU 2 TO TALK IT OVER.

I'LL COME BACK
IN THE MORNING.

YES.
GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

( Paul ) IT IS TRUE,
MR. BROWNE,

YOU ARE GOING TO BE
OUR FATHER, AREN'T YOU ?

WELL, WE --

WE ARE RATHER RUSHING
THINGS, AREN'T WE ?

PERHAPS MR. BROWNE
HAS OTHER THINGS ...

BESIDES YOU CHILDREN,
TO THINK ABOUT ?

YES, WELL,
AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I SHOULD
HAVE LEFT AGES AGO.

I MUST GET A TRAIN
BACK TO LONDON TONIGHT.

IT'S RATHER AN IMPORTANT
MATTER, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

I'D LIKE TO TELL
YOU ABOUT IT,

BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT
HUSH-HUSH, YOU KNOW.

SORT OF A SECRET.

WELL, IF ...

I'VE BEEN ANY SORT
OF HELP TO YOU,

I'M PLEASED.

YOU'VE BEEN IMMENSELY KIND.
THANK YOU.

I'VE ENJOYED
BEING WITH YOU.

PERHAPS IT'S BEEN GOOD
FOR ALL OF US ?

WILL YOU
BE COMING BACK ?

SOMEDAY, MY DEAR.

I CERTAINLY HOPE
THAT WE SHALL MEET AGAIN.

SOMEDAY,

WHEN ALL THIS
WAR BUSINESS IS OVER.

I SEE.

THEN, PERHAPS,

I SHALL REALIZE
MY FONDEST DREAM,

"EGLANTINE AND EMELIUS,
ILLUSIONISTS EXTRAORDINARY."

JUST THINK HOW
THAT WILL LOOK.

THE CHILDREN
ARE GOING TO MISS YOU.

DO YOU REALLY
THINK THEY WILL ?

YES.

WELL, I SHALL
MISS YOU,

ALL OF YOU.

IF I DON'T GO NOW,

YOU MIGHT NEVER
GET RID OF ME.

GOODBYE,
CARRIE.

MUST YOU
REALLY GO ?

I THINK
IT'S BEST.

GOODBYE, PAUL.

I STILL THINK YOU
SHOULD BE OUR FATHER.

GOODBYE,
CHARLIE.

DO YOU WANT ME TO COME DOWN
TO THE STATION WITH YOU ?
NO.

YOU STAY HERE ...

AND LOOK
AFTER EVERYBODY.

GOODBYE,
MISS PRICE.

GOODBYE,
MR. BROWNE.

( Sea Gull Cries )

WHEN IS THE NEXT TRAIN
TO LONDON, PLEASE ?

LOR' BLESS YOU, SIR.
THERE AIN'T NO TRAIN.

NOTHING 'TIL MILK JOB,
4 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING.

DO YOU MIND IF
I WAIT IN HERE ?

YOU SUIT YOURSELF.
GOOD NIGHT, SIR.

GOOD NIGHT.

OUT YOU GO,
COSMIC.

HELLO ?
HELLO ?

HELLO !

HELLO ?

HELLO ?

( Dreaming )
EMELIUS BROWNE,

DO YOU KNOW YOU COULD BE
WARM AND COZY ...

IN THAT HOUSE
AT THIS VERY MOMENT ?

FOR ONCE IN YOUR
USELESS LIFE ...

YOU REALLY SEEM
TO HAVE BEEN NEEDED.

YOU'RE A FAILURE,
EMELIUS BROWNE.

AND A COWARD.

( German Soldier )
NO, FRAULEIN, THIS
IS NOT THE INVASION,

JUST A LITTLE EXERCISE;
A MINOR RAID TO INDUCE PANIC,

AND TO SPREAD
A LITTLE MISCHIEF.

WHEN YOU ENGLISH ...

GET IT THROUGH YOU HEAD,
THAT THE GERMAN FORCES ...

CAN LAND AT WILL WHEREVER
AND WHENEVER WE PLEASE,

PERHAPS YOU WILL CONSIDER
A REASONABLE PEACE.

NOT BLOODY LIKELY !

GO ON, MISS PRICE.
DO IT TO HIM.

I MUST SAY,
IT'S VERY TEMPTING.

COLONEL, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
ABOUT BEING TURNED ...

INTO A NICE,
WHITE RABBIT ?

( Speaking In German )

I SAID, "HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
ABOUT BEING TURNED ...

INTO A NICE,
WHITE RABBIT ?"

BE QUIET, PLEASE !

FILIGREE...APOGEE...
EPIGEE... --

NOT AGAIN ?

YOUR MEMORY,
MISS PRICE.

CHARLES,
WOULD YOU KINDLY ...

FETCH MY NOTEBOOK
FROM THE WORKROOM, PLEASE.

RIGHT-O.

( Speaking In German )

LET HIM GO !

SILENCE !

FRAULEIN, WE HAVE
WORK TO DO.

I AM SORRY, BUT WE MUST SEND
ALL OF YOU SOMEPLACE ...

WHERE YOU WILL
NO LONGER BE A NUISANCE.

( Speaking German )

( Miss Price )
♪ AS THE WORDS
TELL THE TUNE ♪

♪ AND THE MOONBEAMS
THE MOON ♪

♪ ALL I NEED TO SUCCEED
IN MY PLAN ♪

♪ IS A CHAMPION RARE ♪

♪ WITH A FLOURISH
AND A FLAIR ♪

( German Voices )

( Mr. Browne )
EGLANTINE.

( Speaking German )

( Meow )

SHHH !

( Meow )
( Crash )

( Meow, Meow )

( Meow )

( Meow )
( In German )
WHAT IS THAT ?

( In German )
COME !

( Quiet Growl )

( Speaking German )

( Clank )

( Clunk, Clank )

( Thud )

WHERE IS THE SPELL
FOR RABBITS ?

"EASIEST OF ALL,"
SHE SAYS.

CONFOUND IT ! CAN'T
WOMEN EVER LEARN TO
FILE THINGS PROPERLY ?

( Speaking German )

THERE IT IS.

FILIGREE...APOGEE...
PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

THAT'S IT !

( Speaking German )

FILIGREE...
UH --

APOGEE...
PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

( Thud, Thud )

NOW, COME ALONG,
MY BOY.

FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'VE
GOT TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING.

THAT'S IT.

GOOD LAD.

FILIGREE...APOGEE...
PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

( Speaking German )

WHAT'S THE USE OF PUTTING
THE CHILDREN AND ME ...

IN THAT
DRAFTY CASTLE ?

IT'S QUITE
CHILLY.

BECAUSE, FRAULEIN,
THE COLONEL BELIEVES ...

WHEN THE BRITISH FEMALE
DECIDES TO BECOME A NUISANCE,

SHE CAN BECOME THE GREATEST
NUISANCE IN THE WORLD.

AND I'M INCLINED
TO AGREE.

( Miss Price )
YOU NEED A LESSON
IN MANNERS, SERGEANT.

IF I ONLY HAD MY NOTEBOOK,
I'D MAKE CERTAIN ...

YOU'D LEARN A FEW.

JUMPING JEHOSHAPHAT,
MORE JERRIES.

( Speaking German )

TAKE IT EASY,
CAN'T YOU ?

TRY HOLDING
YOUR BREATH.

I AM HOLDING IT.

WE COULD STRIP HIM DOWN
AND GREASE HIM WITH SOAP.

NO,
IT'S NO GOOD.

HE CAN'T
DO IT.

I COULD'VE TOLD YOU
THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

( Miss Price )
IF WE CAN'T GET PAUL OUT
TO GIVE THE ALARM,

WE'LL HAVE TO THINK
OF SOMETHING ELSE.

WHAT ABOUT THAT SPELL
THAT MOVES THINGS ABOUT.

( Miss Price )
BUT I NEED WEAPONS.

HOW ABOUT
ALL THESE THINGS ?

I'M AFRAID
THEY'RE A BIT ANCIENT.

WHERE DID
THIS COME FROM ?

IT'S MR. BROWNE.
THAT'S WHO IT IS.

HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO LONDON.

MR. BROWNE ?

IF YOU ARE
MR. BROWNE,

WOULD YOU BE KIND ENOUGH
TO GET DOWN OFF MY LAP ?

IT IS MR. BROWNE !

( Miss Price )
IT IS YOU !

YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT I COULD
DO THAT SPELL, DID YOU ?

OH, I AM GLAD
TO SEE YOU !

WHAT ABOUT
ALL THESE GERMANS ?

AS CHARLIE SAYS,
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ...

THE SUBSTITUTIARY
LOCOMOTION SPELL ? "

THAT OUGHT
TO BE USEFUL.

IT ISN'T READY, YET.

YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED
THIS AFTERNOON.

WE HAVE TO
CHANCE IT.

WE CAN'T LET THESE
SO-AND-SOS GET AWAY
WITH THEIR NASTY RAID.

MR. BROWNE, WON'T YOU
GET UP OFF THE FLOOR,

AND WE'LL
GO TO WORK.

Herr Oberst !

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

JOLLY GOOD LUCK,
MY DEAR.
THANK YOU, EMELIUS.

LET'S HOPE YOU HAVEN'T
FORGOTTEN THE SPELL.

NOT THIS TIME,
CHARLIE.

FOUND THIS. PROBABLY
NOT A MAGIC BROOM,

BUT IT MIGHT MAKE YOU
FEEL MORE AT HOME.

THANK YOU, CARRIE.
THAT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL.

COME NOW, CHILDREN.
LET'S GET OUT OF THE WAY.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM...

SATIS DEE.

LOOK.

♪♪ ( Drum Cadence )

♪♪

♪♪ ( Trumpet Fanfare )

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

AHH !

♪♪ ( Trumpets )

♪♪ ( Bagpipes )

SOUND THE ADVANCE !

♪♪ ( Trumpet Fanfare )

JUST IN TIME
FOR THE KICKOFF.

( Clanking Armor )

( Speaking German )

STEADY ON THE LEFT.

VICTORY FOR ENGLAND ...

AND ST. GEORGE !

LIKE THE
LORD MAYOR'S SHOW.

PIKEMEN,
HOLD YOUR DISTANCE.

TREGUNA...
MEKOIDES AND ...

TRECORUM...

SATIS DEE.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES...
AND ...

TRECORUM...

SATIS DEE.

TREGUNA... MEKOIDES...
AND TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

( Speaking German )

FIRE !

FIRE !

BLIMEY !

( Speaking German )

WHERE'S IT
COMING FROM, SERGEANT ?

SOUNDS LIKE
THE SEA ROAD, SIR.

COME ON, LADS.
AFTER ME !

♪♪ ( Trumpets )

AHH !

GOOD SHOOTING,
BOWMEN !

WELL CAUGHT, SIR !
VERY GOOD.

( Gag )

KNOCK HIS BLOCK OFF !
THAT'S IT !

MR. BROWNE, MAKE THOSE
CHILDREN TAKE COVER ...

THIS INSTANT !

( Gasp )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

ARE YOU STILL
THERE, COLONEL ?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE
ON YOUR WAY BY NOW.

YOU SEE ? THINGS MIGHT NOT BE
SO EASY FOR YOU, AFTER ALL.

( Speaking German )

GOODBYE, COLONEL.

( Boom )

OOO-O-OH.

EGLANTINE,
OH, EGLANTINE.

DEAR, MR. BROWNE.

MISS PRICE, WE THOUGHT
THEY'D DAMAGED YOU.

SEE ? NO ONE
CAN HURT MISS PRICE.

THERE THEY ARE, LADS.
I SENSED SOMETHING WAS AFOOT.

ALL RIGHT.
DRIVE THEM INTO THE SEA.

FIRING POSITIONS,
YOU FELLAS. BOTH SIDES.

( Gunshots )

ALL RIGHT, MEN,

HOLD YOUR FIRE.

I THINK WE'VE TAUGHT
THE HUN A LESSON.

HE'LL THINK TWICE BEFORE
COMING BACK HERE AGAIN.

IT'S TRAGIC;

ALL YOUR SPELLS,
YOUR EQUIPMENT, ALL GONE.

STILL, I WAS ABLE TO PERFORM
SOME SMALL SERVICE, FIRST.

THAT MEAN YOU AIN'T GOING
TO BE A WITCH NO MORE ?

NEVER ?
( Miss Price )
NO, PAUL.

I REALIZED
SOMETIME AGO ...

THAT I COULD NEVER BE
A PROPER WITCH.

WHEN WAS THAT ?

WAS IT THAT FIRST MAGIC MOMENT
WHEN YOU LAID EYES ON ME ?

NO, IT WAS
THE DAY ...

MY POISONED
DRAGON'S LIVER ARRIVED.

I KNEW THEN
THAT ANYONE ...

WHO FELT LIKE I DID ABOUT
POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER,

HAD NO BUSINESS
BEING A WITCH.

YOU'RE CERTAIN YOU'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING ?

I THINK SO.
THE WAY THINGS ARE ...

IT'S TOO DANGEROUS
BEING A CIVILIAN.

TAKE CARE,
GUV.
I'LL DO THAT.

AND I'LL BE BACK BEFORE
YOU'VE GROWN AN INCH.

WE'LL BE TOGETHER
AGAIN.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU
AN ESCORT TO THE STATION.

PARADE HALT !

WELL, HERE WE GO.

( Meow )

PERMISSION TO
MOVE OFF, SIR !

CARRY ON,
SERGEANT.

PARADE,
BY THE RIGHT,

QUICK !

MARCH !
LEFT.

LEFT.

LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT.

S'POSE
THAT'S IT.

WE AIN'T GOING TO HAVE
NO FUN NO MORE.

WELL,

STILL GOT THIS,
AIN'T I ?

♪ CALL OUT THE NAVY
CALL OUT THE RANKS ♪

♪ CALL OUT THE AIR FORCE
CALL OUT THE TANKS ♪

♪ FROM THE CLIFFS OF DOVER ♪

♪ CALL UP THE GAULS ♪

♪ AND DON'T FORGET THE
LOYAL TERRITORIALS ♪

♪ WHO'S DIGGING IN HERE ♪

♪ WHO WILL DEFEND ♪

♪ EVERY INCH OF ENGLAND
NO MATTER WHAT THEY SEND ♪

♪ WHO'S STANDING FIRM
IN OUR OWN FRONT YARD ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF
THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHO ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF
THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪♪