Beauty & the Briefcase (2010) - full transcript

Lo-oh-oh-ove

Lo-oh-oh-ove
Lo-oh-oh-ove

Love you more
More than ever

So you're
Shining waiting

And we will wake
l n the starlight

Girl if you try to
Love him any harder oh

Nine million guys in New York City,

you'd think there'd be one for me to date.
You'd be wrong.

To start off,
most of the good ones are taken.

Then there's the
criminal contention.

Let's go.



The guys with the serious
psychological issues.

The weirdos.

Yeah.

The bastards.

And then the guys in fashion,
which is my world.

They do wonders
for my wardrobe,

but they do nothing to help me find my magic man.

Where is the one?

Hey, Joanne.

Lane. What's up?

Well, not
one guy today.

Not one guy that possesses
one quality on my checklist.

Oh, my God.
The checklist again?

I've told you. You need to use my checklist.
It's way more fun.



I know.
Can you remind me what yours is again?

With pleasure. Item one, breathing.
always important in a guy.

And items two
through seven, cute.

If only love was
that simple.

Come, help me.

Joanne is a fashion photographer

who thinks she's my big sister.
She tries to hook me up with cute guys,

but, more importantly,
she hooked me up with cheap rent.

Ah

Gotta love it.

Oh, hey, I'm going
out tonight,

and his roommate is crazy cute.
You wanna join?

Sh. Not in front
of the Cosmo.

Hey!

I'm a writer.
Oh, l love the way that sounds.

Oh, my God.
Actually, everyone loves the way that sounds,

and then they
ask me what l write.

So far, it's been articles for my college
paper and a few fashion blogs.

But last month,
l wrote a freelance piece on shoes for Her Style.

l got published in
a national magazine.

Okay, so it's barely a national magazine,
but it's a stepping stone

and they want
another story.

Those are nice flowers.
Your birthday?

No.
The doorman sends them to me every Monday

for four years now.
Can you blame him?

She gets flowers
and l don't?

So, you wiII be doing the interview of
AIicia McCuIIen, the party pIanner.

U h, cooI. You know,
I was thinking after that

that maybe I couId do a story
on statement coats, because--

J ust do the interview
of the party pIanner.

Yeah. Sure.

So, what is this for again?
ls it For Her magazine or something?

It's actuaIIy Her StyIe.

Never heard of it.

You wiII. After this story,
I'm sure we'II doubIe in circuIation.

FIattery wiII
get you everywhere.

Thank you.

So, um, the story
that l wanted to write

is about fashion
trends for the eIite.

Oh, weII.

CompIiments
of the house.

You never
forget, do you?

No, ma'am.

Do they just bring you
champagne when you come here?

My boyfriend Rodrigo took me here on our first date.

He's friends
with the owner

and he expIained to him that he
wanted champagne sent to me

every time I come here so that
I wouId aIways think of him.

That is so romantic.

M m, I know.

I've aIways dated rich,
hot guys, but this one,

he just Ieaves
me breathIess.

I think the most romantic
thing he's ever done is he, uh,

mid-match at WimbIedon,
he bIew me a kiss.

Are you speaking
of Rodrigo Navarro,

Iike, the tennis champion?

That's my
boyfriend. I know.

l know l should be happy for her.

l mean, just because l can't find
my magic man doesn't mean that--

You have got to be kidding me.

My beautifuI
angel AIicia.

l've been thinking
of you all day.

How wouId you Iike to head down to St.
Barts this weekend?

I'd Iove to.

Okay, can you stop
torturing me?

Did I say that out
Ioud? I'm sorry.

Okay, that's good.
All right, guys, l want you

to, Iike,
Iay back in a warm embrace. Good.

This shot,
it needs to be sexy but not sexuaI.

And it needs to say "I Iove you"
but not "I'm in Iove with you."

And I want you to be happy.
Not overjoyed.

Okay.

U m, wait. Okay,
take five, guys.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You yeIIed at her in the middIe of a restaurant?

It was not the middIe
of the restaurant, okay?

It was towards the back,
facing a window,

and second of aII,
I didn't yeII at her.

It was-- It was more of a bIurt.

I-I bIurted at her.

I couIdn't heIp it.
She was being serenaded

by her famous
tennis-star boyfr--

Her gorgeous, famous,
tennis-star boyfriend

who has a foreign accent,
and whisks her away to exotic pIaces,

and has passion and has the cutest
IittIe dimpIes you have ever seen.

I have to add that
onto my checkIist.

Lane. Stop it.

She has Rodrigo,
and what do I have?

You have a pitch
meeting tomorrow.

At a IittIe magazine
caIIed, um, Cosmo.

What? Cosmo?
The greatest--

Magazine of aII time?

Oh, my God. Your friend caIIed you back?
Are you serious?

I'm serious!

Joanne, you're the greatest friend!
Oh, my God!

Hey! I just got
a pitch meeting

at Cosmo. Yeah.

So,
this is what heaven looks like.

It's a beautifuI
buiIding, isn't it?

l love this crosswalk.

lt's taking me towards my future,
towards my dreams,

towards the Cosmo editor who is not
only going to buy one of my stories,

but she's gonna
be blown away by--

Whoa. Are you
aII right?

All right,
just the legs.

Turn Ieft. Let's
get the side.

I'm pitching a story
to Kate at Cosmo.

ReaIIy?

H i, I'm Kate White.
You must be Lane.

Yeah.

Very nice to meet you.
Won't you foIIow me?

Okay.

How about wearing boyfriend jeans
when you don't have a boyfriend?

I mean, fabuIous
or faux pas?

WeII, thank you so much
for coming in, Lane.

How about a story on statement coats?
I think this season--

I'm so sorry, Lane.

I Iiked your piece for For Her
magazine and I Iove your enthusiasm,

but unfortunateIy at this time,
we're gonna pass.

What if l just write something for you on spec and--

I'm so sorry, Lane.
I wish I couId've heIped you.

Me, too. WeII, I guess
I'm gonna rush home

and cuddIe up to
my imaginary boyfriend.

You're preaching to the choir.
I know that feeIing aII too weII.

I doubt that,
but thanks for saying it anyway.

U h, don't
be so sure.

I just got
dumped via B BM.

What?

He didn't even have the decency
to emaiI me Iike the Iast guy.

Were you into him?

I mean, he was straight,
he opened doors for me

and didn't Iive with his mother.
I haven't met anybody better since.

My girIfriend and I were
just taIking about that.

I mean, fashion is great,
but there's no databIe guys anywhere.

I haven't even found a guy with
two items on my checkIist.

I have a checkIist, too.
Each year I don't find the man of my dreams,

I take another
item off the Iist.

Pretty soon,
that Iist is gonna just be a bIank piece of paper.

And you can't cuddIe up to a gift bag.
I've tried. It's reaIIy uncomfortabIe.

You know what?
It's aImost Iike aII of the eIigibIe guys in the city

are hiding out in offices
downtown or something.

Business schooI wouId've been boring,
but at Ieast by now we wouId've had some guy--

Wait. There's
a story here.

Joining the business
worId to find Iove.

If you're gonna do this,
you're gonna do this aII the way.

Oh, my God.
Cosmo wants me.

You're gonna switch careers,
you're going into the worId of business

and you're gonna
take your Iist with you.

Switch careers,
bring my Iist.

Once you have a job undercover
in the business worId,

you are gonna find a man that
has every item on that Iist.

The magic man.

It's gonna be
a great story.

l'm undercover. l'll be like that girl
who pretended to be Playboy bunny.

You'II be Iike
Woodward and Bernstein.

Yes, yes! Or Iike
that girI who--

I'm taking a chance
on you, Lane,

so I don't want you saying yes
unIess you can reaIIy puII this off.

You have to get a reaI business job
and you have to date men in suits.

Yeah, it'II be
my new mantra.

"Men in suits.
Men in suits."

Lane.

Yeah. Sorry.

You can date
no one else.

Nobody.

Remember,
this is Cosmo.

I know.

I know.

This story is going to make Lane Daniels.

l'll work at some
huge investment bank,

meet a gorgeous,
suit-wearing guy and fall madly in love.

l'm writing my first article for Cosmo.
How did l get so lucky?

Lane DanieIs.

Oh. Yes, that's me.

You're Lane DanieIs?

Yeah.

You have a very
impressive resume.

l've never understood resumes.
They're just a contest to see who can lie the most.

FIuent in French,
Spanish, German.

Oui. Si. Ja.

And you're proficient
in ExceI and Powerpoint.

Basic business tooIs.
Gotta Iove 'em.

Oh, l just wanna kiss the guy who invented Google.
l wonder if he wears a suit.

WeII, today's interview
is for a support position

in corporate strategic pIanning
at Thompson FuIworth.

WeII, as Iong as it's a businessy-type
job where the guys wear suits.

For a second,
I thought you were serious.

GirI, you had me going.

WeII, you know what they say,
"H umor pIus business makes for funny business."

GirI, you funny.

Tom Reinhart,
Managing Director,

meet Lane DanieIs.

N ice to meet you.
PIease, have a seat.

- Is this recycIed paper?
- Yeah.

Very nice. You are more than quaIified.
Have you worked in corporate strategic pIanning?

Of course.
I've worked in aII three.

Her sense of humor.
You'll get used to it.

l'm great with interviews.

l do this for a living.
l'm going to wow this guy

with my knowledge
of the business world.

Or maybe just compliment him.
And if l run into any trouble,

I'II just start
asking him questions.

And have you used
deaI Reporter?

DeaI Reporter.

The deaI Reporter?
It's a great question, Tom.

It's such a managing
director's question.

That's a great tie.

Now, did you aIways know
you wanted to be in business?

Oh, aIways.
How about you?

How about I what?

AIways wanted
to go into business?

Oh, of course.

I Iove the way peopIe
Iook aII dressed up.

I think I'm beginning
to get that sense of humor.

I toId you.

I hope the saIary works for you.
We'II start you at 42.

Forty-two thousand?

Yeah, I can
Iive with that.

Like a queen.

We have a deaI.
- 30.

I can't wait.

Thanks. She'II
be great.

Good seeing you, Tom.

That was easy enough.
Hey, thanks for hooking me up.

U h-uh, not so fast.
We stiII need to get you tested on the software.

Click once to begin.
Good luck.

So,
this is what deal Reporter looks like.

This is very bad.

Hey.
Hey, you've got to heIp me.

I couId get you free
Laura Merceir sampIes.

Can you pIease be quiet?

Hey, you Iike these shoes?
'Cause I can teII you where to get them on saIe.

I'm not gonna
heIp you cheat.

Oh, she's so helpful.

Oh, that's not right.

Oh, that's not right.
Go back. Go back.

God! You stupid
thing. Come on.

Sh!

WeII, how do
I go back?

You can't. You either know this stuff or you don't.
And my guess is you don't.

Somebody has
Iow bIood sugar.

Here, have some candy.

I don't eat sugar.

H m.

l can't fail this test.

Ooh.

Oh.

Oops.

It's too bad about those Iights.
I was naiIing that test.

How about you?

We don't have time to retest you before Monday,

but you swear that you trained in aII
the financiaI software we taIked about?

Oh, deaI Reporter
is my middIe name.

AII right.

Yeah l

Thank you
guys so much.

I gotta say I'm so nervous about tomorrow.

I'm waIking into a job at an investment company.
Me.

I don't know the first
thing about investing.

Sure you do.
You know fashion, right?

Yeah, but what does
that have to do--

You know how the spring
coIIection is introduced in the faII

and the best designers know what
is gonna seII months ahead of time?

Yeah. I mean,
I've been tracking those trends for years.

ExactIy.
So, you just repIace the shoes and dresses

with stocks and companies and it's aII about
predicting trends, what peopIe wanna buy.

Whoa. That's impressive.

That is seIfish, actuaIIy,
because I figure the more I heIp you,

the sooner you become
a big writer for Cosmo,

the more assignments l get.
Let's not forget. AII about me.

But I want it
to be aII about me.

Wait a minute.
I thought it was aII about me.

M m, you're right. It is,
because we got you

a present for
your first day.

Get outta here.

We were gonna get
you a gorgeous C E O,

but most of them are either in jail
or getting government bailouts, so.

lf you're going to play the part,
you need to look the part.

This is amazing. Are you serious?
Thank you so much.

To our future C E O.

To our future C E O.

All right, Lane.
This is your moment.

Seize it.

Oh, my God.

So many men.

And l get my pick.

Men with ties.
Men without ties.

Men with ties tossed over their shoulders.
Tall men. Short men.

Men with glasses. Men without glasses.
Men standing, sitting, walking, running,

bending over to pick things up.
Blind men. Strong men.

Gorgeous men.
Two-piece. Three-piece.

ls there a four-piece?
Who cares?

So many men in suitsl

l just got hired by Cosmo,
the world's greatest magazine,

to go undercover and
date hot men in suits.

Does it get any
better than this?

How's it going?

I never understood the phrase
"kid in a candy store" untiI today.

Lots of men
in suits?

Joanne, thank you so
much for setting this up.

Hey, l just made a couple of calls.
You're the one who has to write the article.

You know,
the business worId Iooks a Iot Iike heaven to me.

Heaven in a tie.

Yum.

M iss DanieIs.

I'II caII
you in five.

Ah. Time is money.

H i, I'm Lane.

H i, John. I'm part of the team.
You, me and Tom.

Oh. I'm a part
of a team?

Yeah, Iike in junior
high. BasketbaII.

Except I was kicked
off the team.

Anyway, uh, so you're gonna be handIing
Tom's traveI, caIendar, expenses.

l'm part of a team. l hope
the uniforms are cute.

Paperwork and, uh,
profit research and everything.

Come on, Iet's, uh,
go get your I. D.

Great.

If you Iike that I.
D., you're gonna Iove the cubicIe.

Oh. I get my
own cubicIe?

First thing in the morning.
J ust give them to Jack.

Hey, Tom.
Hey, how's it going?

Fine. How are you?

Great. Everything's great.

You Iook nice.

Thanks.
So do you.

Do l recognize that shirt from the interview?

U h, no, you recognize
its brother or sister.

lt's the same shirt but not the exact same.
You see, l have a number of these,

the same but not
the same same.

Got it.
Different shirt.

Well, it's nice.
l can see why you bought two of them.

ActuaIIy, I bought six.
One for each day of the week and--

And a spare for laundry day.
lt's a great idea.

Let's start the tour.

The department downstairs makes modeIs
that study economic trends. They forecast--

What peopIe are gonna buy?
Like fashion designers.

Yeah, I guess it is.

A reaIIy great idea.

They're a pretty good department.
Sometimes when we have concerns after a merger

or a major consoIidation,
these guys make sure

that the company has a reaIIy
easy transition in the next phase.

The past coupIe years
have been a IittIe crazy.

l've always found it boring
when guys talk about business,

but Tom makes it
kind of interesting.

Six shirts all
the same. Weird.

And this department
manages our hedge funds.

l nod a lot and act impressed as l
survey the men-in-suits situation.

As unbelievable
as it sounds,

the majority of guys
here are single.

No photos of families or crayon
drawings from their kids.

And as if it couldn't
get any better,

the few women here,
they're not even trying.

So, what do you think?

There are so many men.

That's what they aII say.
But after a whiIe, you hardIy notice.

This is your desk.

Oh! I Iove it!

Okay. WeII,
happy birthday.

Oh, this chair
is perfect.

My own cubicle.
lt's paradise.

Okay, weII, enjoy your chair.
I wiII be in my office which is right over here.

Sure.

Why doesn't
my chair spin?

Does your chair spin?

Yeah.

Yes?

Yep.

StiII going weII?

Yes. I have a swanky
new cubicIe, Joanne.

I'm on my work phone
being aII businessy.

I'm Iike Anne Hathaway
in The Devil Wears Prada.

l hope my boss isn't evil.
But now all l have to do--

Is to coIIate and distribute the documents

and I'II check
back in with you.

Here you go.

Thompson & FuIworth
has secret handshakes?

No, they're
hand signals.

Our traders use them on the floor but l adapted them.

You and I can gesture without having to
worry about noise or using another Iine.

lt's more efficient. Like, conference call,
l'm leaving the office,

I'II return
the caII Iater.

And that means okay.

I'II Iearn these
right away.

Okay, this is a Iist
of frequent caIIers.

This group, apoIogize,
I'm in a meeting.

This group, put them into the queue.
And these two, you put them through right away.

It's the C E O
and my mom.

That means I'm on it.

Oh, my God.

What?

More men.

What's good here?

I'm not reaIIy the guy to ask.
I get the same thing every day.

Every day?
What is it?

Chicken breast with waInuts and pIain yogurt.
This meaI boosts neurotransmitters,

baIances omega acids and I don't have to
waste time deciding what I want to eat.

WeII, how
does it taste?

Let me guess.
Efficient.

AII right, smartass.
Tour's over.

Where are you going?

Back to my office.
I aIways eat up there--

It's a more efficient
use of your time?

You catch on quick.

Okay.

No. No, no!

Oh, God,
you stupid-- Come on.

Don't you know what you're supposed
to do when the copier breaks?

What's that?

Run away.

I'm serious. Otherwise everyone wiII know
you're the Ioser who couIdn't fix the copier.

Right. And who's the Ioser who
currentIy hoIds that position here?

Danny GoId in Accounting.
Three months running.

But, since you're
new, I'II heIp you.

Step aside.

For the record though,
I was never here.

We never met and I have no
idea how to use this thing.

Got it. I'm Lane,
by the way.

Hey, Lane.
I'm Seth.

l normally don't like guys who know they're cute,

but Seth's
really cute.

This never happened.

I saw nothing.
Yum's the word.

M um's the word.
Oh, God. Stupid.

Good morning.

This place is crawling
with potential magic men.

Once they start asking me out,
l can write this article in a week.

Lane, what's this?

A diagram.
An office diagram

to show the key empIoyees,
so I can better serve you.

WeII, you're just fuII
of surprises, aren't you?

00 p.m. reservation. Is Whitney a cIient?

No, she's my girIfriend.
It's Monday night. It's date night.

Hey, Whitney, come here.
I want you to meet my new assistant, Lane.

Eekl Draggy nailsl

PIeasure.

Ugh, bird grab.

Charmed.

Tom, I'm starving.
Can we pIease go now?

Okay, hon.
WeII, I'II see you in the morning.

Okay.

Night, John.

H i, John.

Weird handshake, huh?

Did it feeI Iike
a predatory bird?

Can't decide
if I Iike it or not.

Lane, right?
Hi, l'm Eddie.

WeIcome to Thompson
& FuIworth.

I was wondering if you couId grab
a drink with me tomorrow night?

I wouId Iove to.

They're drawn to me
like moths to a flame.

l'm the best undercover journalist
in the history of the world.

Hey, go aIready.
It's your turn.

I'm thinking.
I'm thinking.

Are you thinking
or fantasizing?

Okay, Okay.
Do you have one phenomenaIIy tanned six-pack?

I do have one phenomenaIIy tanned six-pack.

Yes!
How about super hot guy in a toweI?

Go fish.

Okay, do you have a
perfectIy shaped butt?

You know l do.

I n your hand.

Oh, I have that, too.
Okay, okay, it's my turn.

Do you have one
rocking set of abs?

I do.

Oh, Ian.
Now, that's a six-pack I'd Iike to forget.

You know who that is?

You can't even
see his face.

Don't need to.
l remember that body.

Joanne, you work with these
hot guys every day aII day.

How do I get your job?

I don't know how M r.
Six-pack wouId fare on the checkIist.

She has that checkIist to heIp her find her souI mate.

Where did this
Iist come from?

Every romantic comedy
Lane's ever watched.

That's not true.

Okay, it's mostIy true.

I just want to
find my magic man.

Magic man.
She thinks that a guy is gonna solve everything.

I don't think it's gonna soIve everything.
I just wanna meet a guy

that, you know,
I'm happy to wake up to every morning

and that makes
time drift away.

I want aII
of those things.

And if he happens to have a perfect set of abs,
I'II take that, too.

I don't bIame you.

Order one for me.

To butts and abs.

To butts and abs.

WeIcome to day
two, Ab Fab.

Ab Fab?

Yeah, I was just trying out a new nickname for you.
You Iike fashion.

That's a show about
fashion, right?

That is so much better than
my college nickname, "Lame."

You ever had
a nickname?

Nope.

Lane! Pay attention.

I am.

To me.

Gotcha.

No, that means
return the caII.

I know. I know.
I knew that.

Working in big business
can be stressful,

but l'm gonna get
the hang of it.

Life at the
investment bank is fun.

l get to make my cubicle
beautiful and creative.

And l get to
date a bunch.

These guys actually have
items on my checklist.

So far, just two
or three items each,

but that's two or three more
than in the fashion world.

My magic man
is out there.

l can feel it.

You've already found
eight guys who could be the one?

l know. Put a man in a
suit and things happen.

H m, I guess we can safeIy cross
the junior anaIyst off the Iist.

What about that guy Seth?
The one who fixed the copier. Get him to ask you out.

My editor is so cool.
She's forcing me to flirt with Seth.

Could life get
any better?

Hey.

Hey.

Get Seth to ask
me out? Watch me work.

How are you?

I'm good.
How are you?

What is wrong with this guy?
Take the bait.

Lane.

And here we go.

You're not here to ask me about the copier,
are you?

I don't know anything
about copiers, remember?

Yeah.
No, I'm not here to ask you about the copier.

l bet he's a great kisser.
Sometimes you just know.

Are you not
getting your maiI?

'Cause either that new maiI
guy is the Iaziest ever or--

No, my maiI is fine.
MaiI's aII good.

Oh, good.

Hey, Lane.

I was wondering if you'd Iike to get a drink sometime.

I thought
you'd never ask.

How is the article going?
Have you started writing?

M m, I'm stiII in the research phase.
But I have a date with Seth this Thursday.

I know.
I feeI Iike he's gonna do reaIIy weII on my checkIist.

Good, 'cause you said he
has fashion sense, right?

He does.

Is he spontaneous?
Does he take exotic trips on a whim?

M m, I don't know, yet.

Does he put passion
above common sense?

Witty statements on
the tip of his tongue?

Sort of, yeah.

Sexy accent?

That wouId be a no.
But he is fearIess in the face of danger.

What happened?

He saved me from the copier.
It was getting out of controI.

The thing was
Iike eating my--

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

No,
it's aII right. It's aII right.

Do you have the time?

Beautiful and
a sexy accent.

Wait, what did he just ask me?
Oh, the time.

U m, yes, it's 6:42.

Great, then I have
just enough time

to Iet you spiII one more drink on me
before my dinner meeting. What'II it be?

I mean,
shouIdn't I be the one buying you a drink?

No, I'm rather enjoying things in the current state.

You feeI guiIty for making me
Iook as though I've wet myseIf,

and you've no choice but to sit
here with me tiII I finish my drink.

It's the onIy
poIite thing to do.

Polite or infatuated?
You decide.

Okay, when you put it Iike that,
I wiII have another pomegranate martini.

Two.

So, do you Iadies spiII your
drinks on innocent men for fun

or is it a professionaI
sort of thing?

No. ActuaIIy,
um, I'm a writer.

U ndercover,
trying to find the love of my life.

Named Lane. My name
is Lane. And this--

What if he likes
her more than me?

Is my friend
who has a boyfriend.

Creep. l'm such
a sixth grader.

Who has a boyfriend?
I've never heard that name before.

Oh, yeah, it's been in my famiIy for generations,
but friends caII me Joanne.

Liam.

Liam, are you
in finance?

Oh, no, no, thank God.
No, I used to be a guitarist, but now--

SeriousIy?
What band?

No, those days are Iong gone.
Now I sit on the other side of the gIass.

Lane, l'm not
leaving this seat

untiI you agree to have dinner
with me next Thursday night.

Dinner? Oh.

I Iove you.

I mean, I'd Iove to.
I-I can't wait. Yes.

WeII, that's great.
if I couId just--

Here's her number.

A pIeasure.

Cheers.

Okay, I'm reaIIy sorry about
the whoIe boyfriend thing.

I wouId have done the exact same thing.
I thought you had to date a guy in a suit.

Liam.

Some of the lessons l'm learning for my
article are more obvious than others.

Like it is impossible to imagine wearing
sexy lingerie for an accountant.

As Iong as you itemize
your deductions--

Where's the craziest pIace you've ever had sex?

WeII, one time in coIIege.
I did it on the Iiving room carpet.

Oh.

You know what?
You are way too sexuaI for me.

Oh, excuse me.
Hey, can I ask you for a favor?

Lane.

Tom.
How do you Iike what I've done with the pIace?

Oh, it's quite festive.

I'm gIad you Iike it.

The beads bIock the sight Iine from
my office to the rest of the fIoor.

You know, they are made
from recycIed gIass.

I mean, I know I'm no sandaIs-wearing,
guitar pIaying, tree hugger--

I am.

You are?

Yeah. I mean,
we wear shoes here and I pIay the harmonica.

HoId on. You pIay
the harmonica?

I did. StrictIy
summer camp thing.

So, to be more accurate,
I guess I am a shoe-wearing,

ex-harmonica-pIaying
tree hugger.

I mean, I'm not M r.
save-the-fuzzy bunnies or anything.

I just cannot toIerate
wasting resources.

So, you hate bunnies?

I do. I hate them.
They infuriate me.

U h-huh.

Okay, get back to work.
And take down these beads, okay?

Let's get going on
these caIIs, Lane.

Okay.

Hey, you stiII having
troubIe with your router?

You know, I'm the tech
wizard around here.

Not a bad wizard,
but a good one.

John, what are
you doing?

What? No, nothing. No, I-I mean,
I'm doing something.

Helping Lane with her--
Her router is broken,

so l was just-- This is my girlfriend, Margo.
She works up in equity ratings.

John has a
girlfriend? Go, John.

H i, Margo.

H i, Lane. Are you coming to Iunch,
or are you happier down there?

Yes. I mean, no, no,
I'm not happier down here.

I'm coming to-- Oh, sorry.
Yeah. No, just caII,

uh, l. T. and
they'll fix it.

Yeah, I got it.
Thanks for trying. Margo, uh,

John's aIways
taIking about you.

He is?

Yeah.
It's kind of disgustingIy sweet, actuaIIy.

Thanks.

Well, that was easy.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Lane, to the pink
contents of that gIass

staying where it ought
rather than on my Iap.

Cheers to that.

You Iook
absoIuteIy stunning.

Thank you.
You don't Iook so bad yourseIf, you know.

PIeasure to see you as aIways.
And the IoveIy Iady.

This is Lane.

Lucky you.
He never makes time to date.

You make me sound rather
IoneIy and pathetic.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean--

No, it's aII right.
I come here whenever I'm in New York.

I'm often aIone.

Or with your artists.

Artists?

I produce music.

He runs his own IabeI.

What?

It's nothing.

Can I get you
an appetizer?

How about
some caIamari?

That's great.

Okay.
So, what kind of music do you produce?

Oh, no, no, no, Lane.
Let's taIk about you.

I'm sure it's
much more interesting.

Okay, but I don't know how interesting you're gonna--

Nonsense. Who is
Lane Daniels?

WeII,

I enjoy Iong waIks
on the beach,

kissing under
the moonIight,

and the worId
of fashion.

What a reIief.

I thought you were gonna say fun Ioving,
a peopIe person and a dog Iover.

I am a dog Iover.
I've actuaIIy rescued seven,

but l don't like
playing games,

and I've been toId a few times
that I'm a first-rate kisser.

I hope you don't
hate aII games.

WeII, I onIy induIge in those
invoIving feathers and chocoIate.

I'm gonna have to see if that's on the dessert menu.

Do you enjoy Europe?

Oh, I've been desperateIy
wanting to go to Paris

with my friends for New Year's,
but tickets are so pricey.

I Iove Paris.
Do you visit often?

WeII, yeah,
in my dreams.

You've never been?

Lane, we must remedy
this immediateIy.

Let's hop on
a pIane tonight.

Yes, yes, yesl

No. I've got
work. I can't.

FIimsy excuse.

Sounds Iike you're dashing off to meet another bIoke.

Oh, he said bloke.

You've busted me.
He's actuaIIy gonna be here in a few minutes.

You are breathtaking.

I'II get you a cab.

Seth l There is
another bloke.

The article. Cosmo.

Sweet dreams.

Thank you.

That's right. Nice.

TiIt your head a IittIe.
Yes, nice, girI.

Rapido. Rapido.

Lane. Hey!
Wow, you've been on a date.

I was and it was amazing.
I've got another date in Iike five minutes.

You have another
date? Where?

Sam's on 6th.

You can't go
to Sam's Iike this.

I know. I need your heIp.
Come on.

And ever since then I promised myseIf
I'd never ride another horse again.

I don't bIame you.

WeII, maybe a pony.

There's nothing wrong with Seth,
but he's no Liam.

Do you wanna go
for a nightcap?

You know what?
I shouIdn't.

I-I have a
busy day tomorrow.

Yeah, I understand,
but I had a reaIIy good time tonight, Lane.

Yeah, I did, too.

Thank you so
much for dinner.

Let me get
you a cab.

Thanks. Okay.

Maybe l'm not the best undercover journalist after all.

Seth and the other men around
me have become a faceless blur.

I'II send the cIearance
documents to London right away.

Did somebody say London?
Oh, it's the land of Liam.

Lane.

Lane. Lanel

This is the document
we're sending to Paris.

You don't speak
French, do you?

It depends on how
you define "speak."

l'm really disappointed in you, Lane.

This would have been disastrous if l'd sent this out.

I'm sorry.

I've gotta
send an emaiI.

So much for Seth being fearless in the face of danger.

Your resume was riddIed with exaggerations, Lane.

You don't type
120 words a minute,

you don't have
a photographic memory,

and you keep dropping names off my caII sheet.

Oh, my God.
Are you firing me?

l'm giving you a warning.
But l do not tolerate lying.

Now, get back to work.

This is all Liam's fault,

with his sexy accent
and his smile and his lips.

Oh, those lips.

Lane, stop it.
He's distracting me from my work

and completely screwing up my story for Cosmo.

Oh, can't
think straight.

Wait.

l'll change my story.

My story shouldn't be about
finding love in the business world.

l'm not good at
business stuff anyway.

My story is going to be about meeting
the perfect guy when you least expect it.

Because you never know when
your magic man is gonna find you.

It's good, right?

Lane, this is not
your college paper.

This is not some crappy blog that
you can write in your pajamas.

And it sure as heII isn't an articIe
on shoes for For Her magazine.

It's Her Style,
but that's okay.

Lane, this is a cover story for Cosmo.

A cover story?

Yes, it's
a cover story.

l gave you the chance
of a lifetime.

So, you are gonna deIiver whether you Iike it or not.

This piece has absolutely nothing to do with Liam,
so stop seeing him.

This story is about
the business world.

Get your butt back to Thompson
FuIworth and un-quit.

lf you're not good at the business stuff,
get better.

lf you can't find the right guy in a suit,
look harder.

You have two more weeks to have an article
about finding love in the business world

on my desk, and it better be great.
Are we cIear?

Yes.

No Liam, get better,
work harder, date often.

Ah! sorry.

Oh, hey, Lane?

Drinks? Sure.
Wednesday, 8: 00 to 10: 00.

Lane?

Tom.

I was just turning out
your, um, office Iamp.

I Ieft it on? ReaIIy?

It must have
sIipped your mind.

Oh. Lane?

I'm on my way.

l finally find
my magic man

and l'm not
allowed to see him.

Thank you.

Something wrong, Lane?

No, not whiIe
I'm with you.

Liam, there's something
I have to teII you.

It's reaIIy
difficuIt for me.

See, I'm writing
this articIe and--

It wouId be very easy to faII in Iove with you.

What? ReaIIy?

Yes, reaIIy. You're stunning.
You're funny.

My heart races
when I see you.

And that dress you're wearing,
a bIoke doesn't stand a chance.

l know l'm supposed
to date a man in a suit,

but Liam's a man and he's falling for me.

At any rate,
I do have to protect myseIf

with a woman as
beautifuI as you.

I'm afraid I've had
my heart broken before.

Aw. TeII me
about it.

No.

Come on, you
can teII me.

WeII, we'd been
together for years

and, uh, I worshipped her.
I thought she worshipped me.

We'd survived Iong distances,
parentaI disapprovaI, a saiIing accident.

A saiIing accident?

That sounds more
dramatic than it was.

Point is, I snuck out earIy one Sunday
morning to buy eggs and caviar.

You know,
surprise her with a IittIe breakfast in bed.

But I was the one
Ieft surprised.

Tiptoed in to find
onIy a note. It said,

"I'm done."

There is so much
pain in the world.

l declare my one mission in life,
if it's the last thing l do,

l will heal Liam's
wounded heart.

Dessert at your pIace?

We couId.

But I bet my pIace isn't as Iuxurious as yours.

See, I--

I wish I couId have you over,
but my father's in town.

So, unIess you want to share some warm
chocoIate and creme fraiche with him--

My pIace wiII be fine.

Whoo!

ShaII I get
some spoons?

We won't be
needing any spoons.

This is gonna be great.

Maybe for you.

It's Iike a
day at the spa.

I nstead of the organic
heaIthy detoxifying seaweed,

you're being
wrapped in... pIastic.

WheeI her in.

There you go.
Don't trip.

Now, I want you to
show off the purse.

I want you to touch it.
It's the Iove of your Iife. Good.

Good morning, Joanne,
and pIastic- wrapped modeIs.

Oh! Somebody Iooks Iike
the cat who ate the canary.

More Iike the chocoIate.

Were you with Liam?

Yes, I was.
And must say he's pretty skiIIed

in the chocoIate and
Iove-making department.

BeIgian?

No no, he's British.

No, the chocoIate.
was it BeIgian?

Who cares?
It was deIicious.

But all of
those calories.

Oh, don't worry.
We burned them off Iast night.

Okay, wait wait, Lane.

I thought that Kate from Cosmo
toId you to stop seeing Liam.

I have no idea what
you're taIking about.

Lane?

You know
I Iove you, but--

ReIax, it's fine.

What am I gonna
do with you?

J ust Iove me
for who I am.

Aw.

Okay.

I want you to stay stiII exactIy Iike that.
You know how hot you Iook right now?

Joanne.

SeriousIy, I want you to Iift up the purse.
J ust Iike you Iove it.

Joanne, there's
a smaII probIem.

Like it's your Iover.
You're running away together.

Joanne, I have to pee.

AII right, that's a probIem.
WheeI her out.

That's why l'd like to absorb those losses now.
l n two years--

Don't taIk to me about
Iong-term growth.

lf we're gonna take the hit on these properties,

we're gonna need to compensate
by selling other asses--

Assets. SeII
other assets.

Yeah, but--wow.

l need serious performance
from your division, gentlemen.

This isn't a year
to skirt change--

l mean, short change.
l'm a happily married man.

M r. BeImont?

Lane!

Oh.

H i there.

I apoIogize for
the distraction, sir.

No apoIogy necessary.

Okay. Look, Liam sounds amazing, Lane,
he does.

But is he worth
risking everything over?

He pIaces passion
over common sense.

He has a sexy
British accent.

He's spontaneous. He has great fashion sense.
We Iike the same foods and--

Okay, okay,
I admit he does weII on the checkIist.

Does weII?
He's a nine out of a ten, Joanne.

That's like unheard of.
And the one thing that he's missing,

the crazy public fights
and torrid makeup sex,

I'm thinking about taking that off the Iist because--

Yeah, Okay. Liam is a nine out of ten.
And l like seeing you happy,

but he's not a man in a suit.
You have to find a man in a suit.

Ew.

What, you don't Iike
guys in suits?

No, I ate some
of my mask.

This is Iike junior high.
I feeI Iike I'm at a sIeepover.

We need snacks.

We need more wine.

M m,
Iet's go to that store downstairs.

I can't go there, remember?
I had the thing with the cashier. Remember?

Oh, my God.
Okay, we'II go.

Say hi for me
though. He's hot.

Oh, Lane, l don't
feel so good.

What?

Do I Iook
green to you?

Oh, I forgot the ice cream and SprinkIes.

Trying on a new
faII coIor, Ab Fab?

Ab Fab?

Tom? What are
you doing here?

I was just shooting
hoops down the street,

and I heard they were having a speciaI on green goo.

Out of the office,
he looks different.

J ust buying
some snacks.

Take a waIk
on the wiId side.

Oh, no no no.
I don't--

l know, l know,
there's no protein and neurotransmitters.

But this stuff
is utterIy deIicious.

See, it's the deIicious part
that makes me uncomfortabIe.

Right.

And what army are
you about to poison?

WeII, I just have
a coupIe of--

I actuaIIy have
a Iot of friends over.

WeII, I wiII not
stand in your way.

lt's not a problem. By the way,
today in the conference room-

Don't worry about it. It took a bit to get M r.
BeImont's concentration back,

but it was the highIight of the meeting.

I-I'II see you
in the morning.

Okay, sounds good.

That's Tom,
your boss?

Yeah, can you
beIieve it?

He's cute.

What are you talking about?
He has a girlfriend.

A boss Iike that,
now I am green with envy.

Shut up.

Hey, Lane.
Do I Iook okay?

Yeah sure
big meeting?

Big Iunch with
Margo's parents.

Oh. Pressure.

Yeah.

Come here,
I'II fix your tie.

Oh, thanks.

Is that the
weekIy report?

Yeah, why?

Where'd the new
visuaIs come from?

Oh, I did them.

I thought it wouId be easier for
everyone to pass the buIIet points.

I'm impressed.

Yeah. Maybe you can heIp me with
the write up on the Victoria property.

I wouId Iove to.

Now, go charm the pants
of Margo's parents.

Ugh. Not a--not
a pretty picture.

Her dad's super
pear-shaped.

This stuff about you getting the job is great.

U m, minor troubIe
at work, that's fine.

U h, but now what we
need is some more depth.

I mean, this can't just be an articIe
about you dating a bunch of men in suits.

It needs to end with
you finding your magic man.

Which I'm trying
to find. Trust me.

M m,
your story needs a reaI reIationship to anchor it.

Do you think any of these
guys have that potentiaI?

Well, there's Liam.
Oh, and, uh, Liam.

You stopped
seeing Liam, right?

Oh, yeah.

Then you have pIenty of time
to go on a dozen more dates.

A dozen?
That's every night.

Yeah, exactIy.
And I expect to read every singIe detaiI

from every singIe date.
Cover stories are fuII-time gigs.

For what it's worth,
I stiII think Seth might be the one.

But I think you shouId go on a date with him,
you know, one more time.

He might surprise you.

Got it.

l have a new mantra.

"Seth is the one.
Seth, Seth, Seth."

l can't see Liam.
l have to see Seth.

Seth, Seth.

Seth!

Hey, any chance you're
free for Iunch tomorrow?

Sure, but I didn't
think that you--

Dude, what
are you doing?

Yeah, sure.

Great.

Oh. This story for Cosmo
is going to ruin my Iife.

So then we had the Ieverage we needed to
compIete the takeover, which meant more--

Seth might not
be my magic man,

but if l'm not
allowed to see Liam,

at least Seth has good fashion sense and a nice butt.

lf he's the trade-off for a cover story in Cosmo,
l'll take it.

Turns out they had a few companies in Germany,
which means l had to hire

a translator for a few days just to
help me navigate through the books.

And after 18 months of approving the financials,
we finally closed the deal.

Now, we're one of
the most powerful--

This isn't working. My body's here but
my spirit is doing naughty things with--

Liam.

See him.
I said see him.

See him?
See who?

H im. My-sh--
My girIfriend.

She's texting me.
There's this guy and She shouIdn't see him.

He stood her up
Iike three times.

Do you want
to caII her?

No, it's--

Yeah, I shouId.
Is that okay?

No, of course.

I'm sorry.
She needs me.

We can get together
later in the week.

ReaIIy?

Okay. Thank you.

New plan for my article.
l'll date Liam, write about him,

but instead of using Liam's name,
l'll say it's Seth.

Now, that is
creative writing.

I have a surprise for you.

Thai chicken wrap.
HeaIthy and deIicious.

You can try something new every once in a whiIe.

I had them put extra
neurotransmitters

and a dash of omega acid.
J ust try it.

Fine.

Wow.

Yeah, deIish, huh?

That is the best neurotransmitters I've ever had.

I'm gIad.
What's this for?

It's for the presentation
next week. What do you think?

It's O K.

You don't Iike it?

It's not that
I don't Iike it.

It's awfuI.

It's awfuI. If you're gonna make visuaIs, Tom,
you shouId make them visuaI.

You couId use coIor and
composition to enhance your pitch.

You wanna surprise them.
Entice them, you know,

make them want
just a IittIe bit more.

Wait, what are you--

It's aII right.
It's aII good.

If it makes you
feeI any better,

I Iike the shirt you wore into work today.

It's the same shirt
I wore yesterday.

ReaIIy? The same?

WeII, not the exact
same. Its brother.

Yeah, that's
what I thought.

You know, maybe I wiII take you up on
that Lane DanieIs makeover someday.

Anytime.

Eat your
transmitters.

Dating Liam. Oh,
Seth, is wonderful.

He's charming,
he's romantic, he's sexy.

We're in our own
little love cocoon.

Hey.

Hey.

How's your friend?

She's great.
Thank you for asking.

CooI.

Even if we're just passing each other in the office,

we have crazy
sexual tension.

Okay,
l probably shouldn't tell you this,

but ever since college
l've had this thing.

It's a Iist
for eIigibIe guys.

It's basicaIIy a checkIist to find my magic man.

Your what?

My magic man.
I know.

What, Iike card tricks? Rabbit out of a hat?
Is that what we're taIking about?

I know it sounds siIIy. But, okay,
I just wanted you to know

that you've scored highest on the Iist.
I mean, aImost perfect.

Wait. "AImost perfect"?

M m-hm.

Give me a chance, Lane.
What am I missing?

How couId you possibIy have
seduced my twin brother

when you knew it wouId rip my souI from my body,

Ieaving a gaping hoIe that
wiII aIways bear your name?

You know what? I onIy sIept with him once.
And it was just to make you jeaIous!

Besides, you Ied me on to
beIieve you were freaking dead!

I was in a coma!
But I'm awake now, Lane.

Is there anything
I can do to win you back?

Yes. You know what?
Lose my freaking number!

J ust met her tonight.

Dreadful sorry about the big fight last night.

Oh, not me.
The makeup was worth it.

Wait a moment.
Does this make me ten out of ten?

U m, after Iast night,
I think that that makes you

eIeven out of a ten.

Looking forward
to our next fight.

M m, me, too.

'EIIo.

Sorry, I didn't know I was supposed to cook for three.

Oh, that Iooks deIicious.

Because of fake
Seth, I'm famished.

Yeah, nothing like deceiving
Cosmo to work up an appetite.

Everything is true,
except for the fact that it's fiction.

Kate just said that she wanted a good story, okay?

And trust me,
this is gonna be a good story.

Yeah, I know.
I think I heard the cIimax Iast night.

I just don't want you
to get in troubIe.

I hear you,
but it's fine.

It's fine.

Yeah. WeII, now that you're exaggerating
characters and making things up,

I want you to name me... Lucy.
I'm your best friend.

I'm the other hot girI
at Thompson FuIworth,

and I'm using C osmo's "ten most exciting
pIaces to have sex in the workpIace"

as my extracurricuIar guide.

You know, with an imagination Iike that,
I think you shouId be the writer.

I'm thinking about it. Okay, friends share,
so you don't get this anymore.

No, no, you were bad.
You did a bad thing.

As l'm sure you all know,
our internal review with M r. Belmont is on the 27th,

and we need to prove our
department's vaIue moving forward.

The presentation needs to be
visuaI and we're gonna mix it up.

We need to surprise
him, entice him.

We're gonna run everything through one person.

Lane?

Yeah.

You'II handIe
the visuaIs.

Lane has a really great eye for this stuff
and l have complete confidence in her.

All right, gentlemen, that's it.
Thank you very much

Jackie has a thing

l n addition to
the presentation,

l'm writing
my Cosmo story,

starring fake Seth,
the sexiest guy ever.

Who happens to look
a lot like Liam.

And she can
Make it swing

That's reaIIy good.
They're reaIIy yummy.

Even if she's
Trying to forget

Between the stage lights
And the threat

Hey-hey-hey-hey! Look.

l'm working long hours but l'm part of a team,
and that feels great.

The lonely night
Of sad rain

Like a lone
Lost child

Who's on
His own again

Lane.

Yeah?

RecycIed paper.
That's great.

Oh, I thought
you'd Iike that.

So, why don't we use recycled paper around here?

Oh, you know, it's a good question.
The short answer is it's out of my controI.

Why don't you make it
in your controI?

lt's good for the planet,
and l bet you could save this place a lot of money.

We couId save a Iot of money,
but onIy over time.

U h, hey, this is gonna sound siIIy,
but I wanted a new suit for the presentation.

I was wondering if I couId take you
up on that makeover we taIked about.

WouId Whitney
be okay with that?

Whitney? We broke up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no-no-no, don't be.
It wasn't meant to be. She was--

A little demanding?

Yeah.

And she wore
fake naiIs.

WeII, there
was that, too.

You shouId've toId me.
We couId've gotten drunk

and had cupcakes and thrown eggs at her apartment.

We stiII can
if you want.

No, no, no, that-- That's okay.
But thanks.

WeII, Iet's get you a new suit.
There's nothing Iike shopping to cheer you up.

Let's do it.

You

Give me exactly

What l need

Return the caII?

Spin around.

Oh, yeah.

Now do a IittIe dance.

Oh, my goodness.

So, do you Iike it?

I do.

H uh?

Oh.

Yeah!

I Iike. I Iike it.
Are we done?

M m. AImost.

Come on.

You think
this is better?

Yes.
I wiII miss your brother and sister shirts,

but I think you
Iook reaIIy nice.

I guess I shouId
thank you then.

U m, I'd better
get back.

Yup. I'm gonna run to the printer's,
grab the mock-ups and I'II see you in an hour.

Okay, yeah.
I'm just gonna change and then I'II--Okay.

Ta-dah!

What do you think?
Great, right?

They're fine, Lane.

U h-oh, somebody's
in a mood.

My article.

Where did you get those?

It was sitting on top of the printer.
The foIder was on your desk.

Tom, this isn't
what you think.

AII this time,
after everything--

You smug
IittIe bastard.

I think I'm
missing something.

You don't understand.
Tom, the article wasn't what you think.

Wait a minute. This is
for a stupid articIe?

It's not a stupid articIe.
It's a cover story for Cosmo magazine.

l'll just be
in my office.

You're staying
right here.

It wasn't Seth.

What wasn't me?

It was a fake Seth.
I made it up.

Yeah, the sexuaI tension between you guys,
the chocoIate sex.

We had chocoIate sex?

Get out.

I thought
I knew you, Lane.

And not to sound too personaI,
but I reaIIy enjoyed working with you.

And now l find out
everything is a lie.

Don't say that.
That's not true.

Then what the heII is true, Lane?
I hired you. I beIieved in you.

And I worked
reaIIy hard.

No, you worked hard on your story,
on tricking everyone.

l thought that you were becoming a great assistant.

But I didn't know you were hooking
up with every guy in the office.

I didn't hook up with anyone.
And I did become a great assistant.

Okay, I Iearned
your hand signaIs,

l studied those tutorials,
and l worked late every night

and I poured my heart
into these visuaIs.

Goodbye, Tom.

I just had the most
horribIe day ever.

Oh,
are you okay, love?

No.
I just got fired from my job and ruined everything.

I want you to just come over and
hoId me and hand me tissues.

l'd love to, Lane,
l really would,

but l'm actually
out of town.

You are?

l had to hop over to London.
One of my acts had a little meltdown.

l'll be back Friday.
We could pick up some cheesecake,

Enjoy it in
your bedroom.

Okay. WeII,
I miss you.

l miss you,
too. Bye.

This is where Liam and l had our very first date.

Do you know what's wrong with dating a British guy?

When you really need
him, he's in England.

Joanne, what
am I gonna do?

I got fired
from my job,

I Iet tom down, and
now my articIe is dead.

No, it's not.

Aren't you forgetting about your best
friend who vouched for you at Cosmo?

You can't just decIare
your articIe dead.

I know that you vouched for me,
and I feeI horribIe.

But my story was supposed to be about
finding Iove in the worId of business,

and the worId of business has kicked me out.
So now what?

Lane, I toId you
not to date Liam.

I toId you not
to write Iies.

I know you did.
I screwed up.

Lane.

Lane.

I think
I just saw Liam.

He's in London.

Yeah, that's
what I thought.

A pleasure to see you as always.
And the lovely lady.

You had time to make
it out whiIe you're here.

Oh, it's so nice
to visit New York.

I've been so cooped
up in the studio.

He's a producer,
you know.

Okay, okay,
so you're a record producer as weII?

It's fascinating.

Yes, it is.

LoveIy to see you, Lane.

HeIIo, Liam.
How was London?

It was rather--
Let's taIk outside.

J ust one second, Iove.
Let me teII you how this works.

This, uh, waiter has
a great British accent,

and he's gonna teII you aII of these fantastic stories

about his exciting
Iife in EngIand.

And he's smooth,
so you're gonna fall for it.

And it's gonna turn out to be one big cheap Iie.

I just wanted
to impress you.

You just wanted
to get Iaid.

ShaII we?

Oh. Yes.

I definiteIy
think we shaII.

That was good.
WeII-pIayed.

Jerk.

l know l deserve this.

l lied to everyone at work and Liam lied to me.

lt's karma, and
it strikes quickly.

And because everything has
to fall apart at once,

l can't get my story
about fake Seth to work.

Tom?

Lane, where are you?

What do you mean?

Did you forget we have
a presentation today?

Did you forget
that you fired me?

I didn't fire you.

That's what it
sounded Iike to me.

I was upset with you. The presentation
is in two hours and I need those visuaIs.

Two hours?
I have to get to the printer's to pick them up.

WeII, then run
to the printer's.

Everyone is mad at me.
I Iied to everyone.

Lane, this isn't
the seventh grade.

It's investment banking.
Now, get me those boards.

What's up?

Tom needs me to come back to work.

Wearing that?

No.

Thank you for coming today, M r. BeImont.

Let's begin with--

Oh.

Sorry.

M r. BeImont, hi.

Lots of traffic.

M r. BeImont, Lane here is going
to provide us with some visuaIs

that I think wiII reaIIy enhance the presentation.

Let's begin.
This year's numbers for corporate strategic pIanning

were depressed by a few factors but,
given the overaII cIimate in emerging markets,

we feeI confident that we wiII
see an increase in profits.

All you have to do is take a look at the
l ndian market. Prepared to skyrocket.

lf we can consolidate these gains,
we'll move forward.

This is gonna be
a great year,

and we hope
you'II agree.

WeII, Tom, you
and your department

certainIy put together
an impressive presentation,

and I must say the visuaIs were quite impressive.

U nfortunately,
the economic realities of this are not pretty.

We have to cut
$34 miIIion this month,

and I'II have to puII key pIayers
from your group into M&A.

What happens
to everybody eIse?

We'II Iet you know who's
making the transition shortIy.

And the rest of you,
wiII work through the beginning of the month.

Yeah. Thank you.
We're finished here.

Tom.

- Wait, M r. Belmont.
- Lane, no.

M r.
BeImont, I think you're missing the point.

And what point is
that, young Iady?

If you couId save even more
money than the $34 miIIion

you're Iooking
to cut from the budget,

and simuItaneousIy improve your image
in the business and consumer markets,

you'd be interested
in that, wouIdn't you?

Is this a riddIe?
I have another meeting in five minutes.

Okay. J ust--

Didn't you say that you couId
do aII of this by going green?

You toId me you couId
save this company money.

I said it was
out of my controI.

This isn't seventh grade, Tom.
Take controI.

Go.

M r. BeImont--

Go.

I wanna propose
a green initiative.

Our bank can reduce
our environmentaI impact,

support eco-friendIy traders
and save miIIions of doIIars.

Tom, I wouIdn't mind saving the pIanet,
but we have some hard decisions to make

and a few
cosmetic changes.

It wouId take more than a few cosmetic changes.
We have to target heating,

cooIing, waste and transportation.
I can show you the math.

What makes you think your
group shouId Iead this initiative?

Corporate strategic pIanning is the
onIy division in the entire company

that deaIs with
every other department,

and we handIe properties
for our cIients and our bank.

AII right. Fine.

l'm listening,
but l wanna see the math

and l wanna see
a ten-year projection.

And if you can back this up,
I'II keep your department together.

You won't be
disappointed, sir.

All right, Thomas.
l mpress me.

That was so great.

You saved
our department.

N ice work, Tom.

Seth, I'm sorry about mixing you up with my articIe.

It was nothing personaI.
You were so nice to me and I shouId have--

Lane, it's aII right.

ReaIIy?

Yeah. Besides, I couId never do
what you described in your articIe.

I'm aIIergic
to chocoIate.

Right.

Oh.

Amazing work today.

You, too.

Good Iuck on the articIe.
I'II be Iooking for it.

Yeah, weII,
don't beIieve everything you read.

What?
So, you're not gonna write the true story?

Cosmo doesn't want
the true story.

They want the story
that I pitched.

And I've been wanting to work there
for as Iong as I can remember.

H m. Yeah.
WeII, I get that,

but I think you owe it to yourseIf
to write what actuaIIy happened.

It couId be
a great story.

Thanks, Tom. I didn't
deserve to work

for a guy Iike you.
And I'm sorry.

It's okay.
Working in investment banking,

I don't meet many
women Iike you.

It was, um,
an adventure.

A great adventure.

Goodbye, Tom.

Good, huh?

What really happened may not have a happy ending,

but love just doesn't
happen to girls like me.

Girls who built their hopes on
an intricate web of daydreams.

The truth is that
everyone has issues,

and maybe building up a fake perfect man in my mind

is my biggest
issue of all.

l've been walking around with
the ghost of my magic man.

He's been haunting me,
keeping me from recognizing a world of opportunities

that were right
in front of me.

My anger at Liam
eventually faded away.

After all, he was just
giving me what l wanted.

Every lovesick
girl's fantasy.

An idealized version of what l
imagined love should look like.

But there's no such
thing as perfection.

Love is for people
who are realistic

and smart enough to open
their hearts and minds,

and who realize that
a real relationship

is the ultimate fantasy.

l haven't found
that relationship, yet,

but l've shaken off the shadow of my
magic man and l'm finding myself.

l think that's
a pretty good start.

I'd say you
toId the truth.

Yup, nothing
but the truth.

I just couIdn't teII a Iie, you know,
after everything I Iearned.

WeII, it's probabIy the Iast articIe
you'II be writing for Cosmo.

And I don't imagine they'II
be caIIing me anytime soon.

I'm sorry, Joanne.
You stuck your neck out for me and I--

Okay, enough. You did the right thing.
I'm proud of you.

It's Kate.

Kate from Cosmo?

HeIIo.

Lane, hi. U h, I need to see you in my
office first thing tomorrow morning.

U m, sure. So, what did you think bout the articIe?
I know that it's--

I'II see you here.

So, what does one
wear to get fired in?

Oh. Hang on.
Here, take mine.

I need it.

Why did l tell the truth?
What was l thinking?

l should've just written the article Kate asked for.
She's gonna be so pissed.

So, this is what
hell looks like.

Oh, l hate this crosswalk.
lt's taking me to my doom,

my destruction,
the crushing of my dream.

Thank you for coming
in today, Lane.

Kate.

I'm sorry
about the articIe.

I don't--I know that it's
terribIe and I'm gonna redo it.

I got sick and I feII
and I hit my head and--

Lane, it's perfect.

I don't know what
got into me and--

What?

It's everything
I ever wanted.

Everyone at
Cosmo Ioves it.

When you came into my office asking
to change what the story was about,

I reaIized this was about something much deeper.

I reaIized this was about you
figuring things out for yourseIf.

I want to
congratuIate you

on your outstanding
cover story for Cosmo.

Thank you.

And of course I'm gonna want
updates on you and Tom.

Tom?

It's so obvious you guys
are into each other.

What? Me and Tom?

Wait a second.
So, you just went in

and kicked ass on the big presentation,
packed up your desk,

said goodbye
and just waIked out?

Yes. That's
what happened.

You never mentioned how
he scored on your checkIist.

Because I didn't do
a checkIist for Tom.

Oh, my God. Okay, hoId on.
What was it?

Okay.
Does he take trips to exotic pIaces on a whim?

Where are you going?

Back to my office.

Does he put passion
above common sense?

ActuaIIy, I bought six.
The same but not the same same.

Not reaIIy and no.

Do you have crazy pubIic
fights and torrid makeup sex?

This is for a
stupid articIe?

We actuaIIy did have
a pubIic fight,

but it wasn't crazy and there
was definiteIy no makeup sex.

Does he share
your taste in food?

Why don't you take
a waIk on the wiId side?

No.

Does he have an accent?
Does he pIay a sexy musicaI instrument?

Yes. No.

Well, he plays
the harmonica.

Are you starting
to see a pattern here?

That Tom is a
zero out of a ten?

And?

And--

I think I have to go.

That's my girI.

All that time my true magic man was was
right in front of me and l didn't even notice.

l have to find Tom.

Lane.

Hey, where's Tom?

U m, sorry I was spinning in your chair,
but it spins good.

John.

U h, I don't know.
Are you okay?

Oh, we'II see. I need to find him.
Do you know where he is?

Maybe he's
down the haII.

It spins better if
you go the other way.

Oh. She's right.

Ooh! Seth.
Hey. How are you?

I'm--I'm good.
I-I started seeing my ex-girIfriend again.

l used to think she was crazy,
but after dating you--

U m, I'm gIad I couId heIp.
Look, I need to find Tom. Do you know where he is?

He's actuaIIy in the conference room,
but he's in a meeting.

N ice seeing you, Lane.

Yeah.

AII right, guys.
The entire department--

Tom.

Ab Fab, what are
you doing here?

I figured it out.

Figured what out?

You have no styIe,
you Iike boring food

and you have way
too much common sense.

U m, okay.

You're not spontaneous,
you don't have a sexy accent

and you are nothing
I want in a guy.

Thanks?

No, it's a good thing and it just
took me a whiIe to reaIize that.

I don't think
I foIIow.

Tom, I--I'm in
Iove with you.

I Iove you, too.

You know how you want your first kiss
to be strikingly passionate and beautiful

with everyone rising
for a standing ovation?

WeII, it turned out to be exactIy what I hoped for.

Ow!

I'm sorry.

Well, almost.

Ah, the articIes.
They're fantastic.

I toId you you shouId've used my Iist.

Tom is cute
and he breathes.

So, now that you're
a big-time writer,

are you gonna pitch
in for groceries?

Oh. WeII, you can caII my peopIe
and see what they can work out.

Okay.
WeII, teII your peopIe that I Ioved your articIe.

Thank you
so much, Joanne.

And the cover photo
is amazing.

You're not so
bad, you know.

So, my article comes
out and people read it

and seemed to like it,
which is great.

l'm onto my next
big piece for Cosmo.

A story about helping your
boyfriend become fashion savvy,

which is no small feat.

Tom's green division
is up and running,

and he convinces me to help out on
his presentations now and again.

Tom is... Tom.

And there's no leading
man quite like him.

The little quirks are precisely the things that l love.

lt's our romance and
it's a real romance.

lt's wonderful because all the pieces
of me fit with the pieces of him.

Lane. Lane, I can't
feeI my arm.

Oh! I'm sorry.