Bastards y Diablos (2015) - full transcript
Two estranged half-brothers adventure together through Colombia to fulfill their dead father's will and connect with their family, their father's homeland, and - ultimately - each other.
(film projector rattling)
(engine running)
(soft instrumental music)
(in foreign language)
- So you smoke, huh?
- Sometimes.
(traffic passing)
I don't know what's more shocking,
that he's dead or that he finally
got me a ticket to Colombia.
- You've never been?
- When I was a baby, I guess.
How's your Mom, and is it Bill?
- Yeah.
- I never know whether to
call him your dad or Bill.
- Yeah, he's good.
Everyone's good.
How's your aunt?
- Fine, I guess.
So you do know my mom died?
- Yeah.
- I just didn't know if
you got briefed on that.
- Yeah, a long time ago.
- Cool, I just didn't know if you knew.
Usually someone reaches out
with like a card or something
when someone's mom dies.
- Sorry.
Sorry, I was like 13.
- You were 15.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Could I actually bum one?
- It's the last one, I'm sorry.
- It's cool, I don't really smoke just.
You look good.
- Yeah?
- I like the beard.
It's a good beard.
I guess I didn't get the beard gene.
Watch.
I can do rings sometimes.
- Very good, for a non-smoker.
- Well, I am a drinker.
I'm also really good at lying to myself.
- I know what that's like.
(laughing)
- You have the same laugh as
when you were a little kid.
- Yeah?
(soft piano music)
(mournful orchestral music)
- [Lawyer] The letter of your father.
- Hey, hey.
Hey buddy.
Do you want to go get
some flowers for grandma?
- What?
- Do you want to go get
some flowers for grandma?
- Okay.
- Yeah, cool.
- Where?
What time is it?
(banging)
Fuck, shit!
So when did you lose your virginity?
- Well, I was actually in
a program called STARS,
Students Today Aren't Ready for Sex.
So I would go like talk
to middle schoolers,
and so, I felt pretty strongly about that
until I was like 17.
So I guess my junior year.
- Wow.
- What do you mean, wow?
- I expected,
I thought I was gonna hear
like 5th grade or something.
Seems pretty safe.
Don't you feel safe here, I feel safe.
- Yeah, should I not feel safe?
- No.
- You tell me, should I not feel safe?
- I have no idea about
math, I'm not gonna lie.
- Wow.
- Cool.
(car alarm sounding)
What's that thing called?
- Oblea.
- O what?
- Oblea.
- Your oblea is like a little limp.
- It's like limp, I now.
- You do a double Windsor?
- Yeah.
- Can you help me with mine?
I'll help you with yours.
- I like that tie.
Look good.
- Yeah, you too man.
- Here we are.
All growed up.
(group applauding)
- Look at you.
- Oh my God.
- When was the last
time we saw each other,
it must have been, you were like 10.
- You want another beer?
- Sure.
- Is that what you're sneaking?
- Yeah.
- She's like sneaking in the kitchen,
like fingering the cake,
getting a cerveza.
- Yeah.
- To cousins.
- To cousins.
- Primos.
- I'm sorry, you guys.
- Cheers.
(Spanish music)
- What's that?
(Spanish music)
- What's going on tonight?
(in foreign language)
- If there's anything you need,
anything I can do for you,
please let me know man.
Let me know, let me know, I love you.
I love you a lot man.
(muffled speaking)
- Prima.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
God, so,
so we're corrupting.
No we're not, it's good to,
I think it's good to explore the dark
in every situation.
So, like what are the
sleeping arrangements?
(crowd chanting)
(jazz music)
(crowd cheering)
(bottle shattering)
(birds chirping)
- Holy shit.
Wow.
- You ready to go.
- What are you talking about?
- (foreign word)
You remember, Jairo?
(flamenco guitar music)
(dance music)
- He never bullshit.
- No.
- No.
Never bullshit.
We have bipolar.
It's the sickness of the family.
No pills, no pills, no.
- Chemical imbalances.
- No.
No pills.
The world is not easy, man.
Your country, for example.
They fucking partied, man.
They fucking partied.
I am not Colombian.
The world is terrible.
And I feel that.
The world is beautiful.
It's beautiful man.
Alive in that.
No pills man.
No pills, no.
- The gynecologist came, he made a test,
of the placenta.
The placenta was a little bit old,
a little bit, just one week old.
So, bring the baby through the,
going through the normal
delivery will make her suffer.
So he decided that
she will go through the
C section, immediately.
Okay, okay.
Yeah e tu, yeah I can see it in your face.
Your C section face.
I'm just joking.
♪ Was a C section baby ♪
♪ Put your P's up if you
got pulled out the lady ♪
♪ Put your A's up if
your ass was adopted ♪
♪ If you don't know let your
shoulders do the talkin' ♪
(laughing)
- I'm getting my rewards.
I'm getting my rewards.
When the time comes
you're like a baby girl, like a chicken.
Because you feel so,
useless, absolutely useless.
But the world helps you.
The gynecologist, the nurses, the place.
(soft guitar music)
(soft Spanish music)
- Viva Colombia, and it feels so good.
- Yeah, feeling completely lost.
- Selenta, who knew, right?
- Right.
And this is something.
This is something.
I know that someone in our
family knows what that is.
- Hey, Americanos?
What's you got there?
I think I know that picture.
That's just outside of
Cali about 15 clicks.
You ever been to Cali?
- Yeah yeah, I've been
there, I was with dad there,
when were with Costanza,
that one time, yeah yeah.
Oh my God, no no no no no.
We have like a finca.
- Trust me boys, go to Cali.
- Holy shit.
Thank you man.
What are you drinkin'?
(in foreign language)
- You open the drawer,
there's four or five
different sets of keys,
and they're different colors,
and there's different wear and tear,
and there's different usage.
There must be a purpose for them,
there must be a reason they're there.
I mean I kept 'em for some reason.
Tell you what, beats
the popoyana out of me.
(laughing)
I love saying that.
Popo means shit here.
Beats the popoyana--
(laughing)
- And you go, what is it
all tryin' to tell you?
What does it say?
And I don't know.
Eventually, you just go well,
who knows, whatever?
I don't know.
Just a dumb old man.
- Hey, we got ourselves a
double date in Cali tomorrow.
- What?
- Talked to Bruni.
- Yeah?
The sister?
- No, it's the mom.
You know who dad was with.
Then I talked to the hot sister.
Calania, man I almost married a calania.
You boys gotta go salsa dancing.
To the holy ass bastards.
To the calanias who love us.
(Spanish music)
♪ We just like and went fly flows ♪
♪ Boulevard posing ♪
♪ Cali cartel put that
coke up their noses ♪
♪ No that's the facts face the facts ♪
♪ Now it's over ♪
♪ Man I'm in command ♪
♪ Yeah you could call me Moses ♪
♪ Moses yeah ♪
♪ The fly flows is yeah ♪
♪ I gotta bring out the hoses ♪
♪ Bring out the hose
with those hoes, kid ♪
♪ Yeah we're gonna shower flower down ♪
♪ With a little bit of roses ♪
♪ Now so many beautiful
women I can't seem to tally ♪
♪ Everything in my mind
makes me want to be in Cali ♪
- Tatiana was saying you look
more Colombian than I do.
- Well yeah, 'cause you got those,
ojos rojos.
- Ojos de rojos.
Marco Polo.
Everybody don't Flo know.
- Ooo, good.
- I ain't no cholo.
Lookin' like Frodo, with my fro though.
(gentle classical music0
(romantic orchestral music)
(Latin pop music)
- So Bruni's like one of,
one of dad's girls huh?
- Yep.
They were childhood sweethearts, though.
Just like never got over it, you know.
Funny, you can go through
so many relationships
and still go back to the same person.
- She's got two daughters you said?
And they're both hot?
- Yeah man, they're both hot.
Both really hot.
I sort of had a thing with Costanza.
- [Dion] What's the other one's name?
(muffled speaking)
- Chantal.
- You think Chantal would like the blue,
or would she appreciate the green?
- I'm gonna say blue.
- All right.
- Is this too much hair gel?
- No, no you look good.
(Spanish pop music)
- So I look okay?
- Yeah, you look fine.
Put the gel away.
- Remember, we're not gonna talk.
- What?
- We're not gonna hang out or anything.
I don't think she knows that dad died.
- What?
- I don't think she knows that dad died.
So if your awkward, there's
plenty of gel in my hair.
- [Woman] Ola!
How are you?
- Ed.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry we're late.
- Oh, it's okay.
- Hi.
- Good to see you again.
- Como estas.
- Muy bien.
- I need like five minutes, okay?
- The energy here is great.
Colombia,
it's nice here.
- Yeah, yeah the dancing is great.
I'm excited to dance, yeah.
- And you are dancing?
- A little bit, you know.
You know, salsa, whatever.
- No.
- No, no.
- A blood vessel burst in his liver.
I'm sorry.
I didn't really want it
to come out this way.
I'm really sorry.
(sobbing)
- [Dion] I didn't want to say
anything, but our dad died.
I'm sorry.
(Bruni crying)
(crickets chirping)
(sentimental instrumental music)
(laughing)
(soft orchestral music)
- [Ed] Hi.
- Ed!
Come here.
- How are you, Tia?
- But I'm happy to see you.
- He was working in this office in Chicago
doing some, I don't know,
weird programming thing that he does,
and he said he had this coworker
who was this Indian man,
this guy from India.
- Yeah.
- And the guy would say,
Gabriel, the way you talk about women,
is how I feel about food.
(laughing)
- That's funny, I remember that because
because he would say, oh yeah Dion,
women are like curry.
You should try every flavor.
(laughing)
- Oh my God.
You try to stay completely serious,
and we try to make you laugh.
That will be a game, okay.
Let's start.
Okay but you have to look at it.
(humming)
(laughing)
Now, he's the next one.
- Okay.
- He's got to be serious.
I mean your father was never serious,
you have to be serious.
You start.
- Hey booboo.
- Come on Cali boo.
(laughing)
- Merci boucou.
(laughing)
Now you try to make me laugh.
- Oh you're so serious, look at you.
So respective.
(in foreign language)
Oh here I am just for funsies.
You look like a turtle on vacation.
(laughing)
- Do you ever look at your
penis, and be like, weird.
My penis is aging.
- What do you mean?
- I looked down at my penis just now,
and I could tell that it was aging.
Like I just felt like my penis is aging.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- [Ed] So,
do you think this place
is our inheritance?
- God, I hope so.
- I cannot describe it to you where it is,
because it's part of the soul.
Part of your soul, part of your soul.
Part of mine.
- So you've never been there?
- No, I've never been there,
but my goal is to go there.
And I stay there, I
don't want to come back.
I want to stay there.
I want to stay there with the two of you.
(laughing)
Father Gabriel, he's in Medellin.
It's a great place.
- Yeah.
- The boomer (muffled speaking),
please watch out.
Colombian boomers
are very very very cute.
They're really attractive.
And they attract your soul.
Come on, come.
(laughing)
- Is this your house?
- No.
- Is this our father's house?
- No.
Al Camilla belongs to the whole family.
The whole family.
(birds cawing)
(wind blowing)
When I was little, and Gabriel was little,
we saw my father hitting my mother.
And, Gabriel he started to laugh.
It was very painful for us,
because, in a way, he was a father,
and he say he loved us.
It really affected Gabriel.
He couldn't give enough
love to his children,
and he couldn't be completely responsible,
because he was keeping a
lot of anger inside of him.
So, you need to forgive your
father, you need to forget.
We came with a mission to this life.
Our mission is to give love,
to forgive, not to try to find perfection.
There is nobody perfect,
but we need to love.
- He wasn't perfect, but I loved my dad.
- [Tia] Thank you for telling me that.
Thank you for telling me that.
(in foreign language)
♪ Frivolity ♪
♪ Go ahead acknowledge me ♪
♪ Get it my head Socrates ♪
(rock and roll music)
(singing in foreign language)
(kids chattering)
- [Dion] Come on dude.
You got it.
- [Ed] What do you think?
You versus me?
- All right.
(group chattering)
(cheering)
- This is exactly what I
thought was gonna happen today.
(Spanish pop music)
(singing in foreign language)
(yelling)
- Not again!
- What's the matter?
- Oh fuck me.
Fuck me.
Fuck, got a charleyhorse.
Fuck, I got a fuckin' charleyhorse.
Oh shit.
Where's my underwear?
Oh shit.
Sorry guys.
- It's hard to accept something
that's shoved down your
throat, day in and day out.
- I don't know, it just seemed like
it was part of the thing.
I didn't know if we were supposed to.
- It's not part of my thing.
(birds chirping)
(in foreign language)
(wind blowing)
(eerie electronic music)
- He's dead, he's dead.
He's dead.
(muffled speaking)
(Tia muffled speaking)
- Who are you?
(dramatic Spanish music)
- Why do you live your life in fear?
- Why do you always chew
with your mouth open?
- That's not
what I'm talking about.
- It's really grating.
I'm talking about you're always
hesitating.
- It's really grating.
Really, really grating.
- Always hesitating.
Okay, I don't care.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- What are you talking about?
- When you speak Spanish,
it's like you're always
apologizing for yourself.
- Well, my Spanish isn't--
- Dude, you speak Spanish.
- It's not my fault my three-year-old self
stopped speaking Spanish
after moving away from my dad.
- No, it's not your fault.
But you can recognize how
fuckin' out of bounds it was,
for your mother to take you and put you
in that situation where you--
- No warning, no goodbye, no nothin'.
You don't think that hurt dad?
You don't think he talked about that shit
like every day when I loved with him?
Huh?
I mean, I know you love
your mom, I know you do.
But that's never gonna be okay.
- Okay, well I apologize for her.
- We got Bill's,
do you call Bill dad?
- No.
- It's okay if you do, I'm not judging.
- No.
- It's okay if you do.
- I don't.
- More of a father figure
than dad ever was, really.
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I'm not mad,
I just want you to speak Spanish
and wake the fuck up, you know?
I mean dad's dead, we're in Colombia,
this is our blood.
It's never gonna fuckin'
happen again in our lives,
so just appreciate this shit, you know?
I mean where else do
you gotta be right now?
What's your problem?
- My problem is I don't want
to fucking get a Speedo.
- Who not man?
Speedos are great.
- I'm not getting a Speedo.
- You want to see one?
Have ever been in one?
- No.
- Then what do you have to lose?
Just try out a Speedo.
- I'm glad that your agenda.
- My agenda, I have an agenda now?
What are you scared of?
Huh?
- We're fiddle-fucking
around in Cartegena.
- We're not fiddle-fucking around.
(Spanish jazz music)
I'm enjoying myself.
- Well good, that makes one of us.
- What, you don't want to get Speedos?
- No, I don't want
to get Speedos.
- Why not?
- Because we're just
fiddle-fucking around.
- Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
(Spanish jazz music)
- [Dion] Where you going?
Little bitch.
Hey white boy.
Then fuck you.
(singing in foreign language)
- Grrr.
(in foreign language)
♪ Too many places I lost my mind ♪
♪ Turn it up turn it up
you know I'm an Italian ♪
♪ Make me in a come like a heart ♪
♪ You know I do a cart ♪
Ola.
(in foreign language)
- No?
You don't speak even a little bit?
(laughing)
(Spanish pop music)
(Dion yelling)
- Hello?
No!
No!
God damn it.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(squealing)
(trumpet music)
(door banging)
- [Costanza] How long
are you going to stay?
- I don't know.
- What about your job?
- I don't know, I don't know.
- But, what is your job?
- I'm a grandmaster chess player.
(laughing)
- You're not that.
- No?
- No.
- Yeah, I'm currently unemployed.
- And, why is that?
- 'Cause I'm a bastard.
(laughing)
(romantic orchestral music)
(chattering in foreign language)
(Spanish pop music)
(singing in foreign language)
(solemn orchestral music)
(surf pounding)
- Where the fuck were you?
(motor running)
(laughing)
- Feels like frosting, right?
- It's beautiful, really.
- It feels like I'm in the womb.
- So it does.
Feels, yeah, feels like
I'm being held here.
- I always wanted to do one
of those like rebirthings.
And I feel like I am.
- Like, I can't do anything.
I can't even try to like,
go down, or sink.
Should I try?
Did I come up?
(laughing)
I feel like I came up.
But I still feel all warm.
(laughing)
Hey, hey, do it.
This is your dad.
This is your dad.
I'm your dad, I am your dad.
- You're fucking terrifying, pop.
You still have your,
like it's all over you fucking contacts.
You are so scary right now, are you okay?
- I can't hear much.
(sentimental orchestral music)
- You only get one father.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I've had two.
- Yeah, I know.
I've had nobody.
(sentimental orchestral music)
(dramatic instrumental music)
(engine running)
(soft instrumental music)
(in foreign language)
- So you smoke, huh?
- Sometimes.
(traffic passing)
I don't know what's more shocking,
that he's dead or that he finally
got me a ticket to Colombia.
- You've never been?
- When I was a baby, I guess.
How's your Mom, and is it Bill?
- Yeah.
- I never know whether to
call him your dad or Bill.
- Yeah, he's good.
Everyone's good.
How's your aunt?
- Fine, I guess.
So you do know my mom died?
- Yeah.
- I just didn't know if
you got briefed on that.
- Yeah, a long time ago.
- Cool, I just didn't know if you knew.
Usually someone reaches out
with like a card or something
when someone's mom dies.
- Sorry.
Sorry, I was like 13.
- You were 15.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Could I actually bum one?
- It's the last one, I'm sorry.
- It's cool, I don't really smoke just.
You look good.
- Yeah?
- I like the beard.
It's a good beard.
I guess I didn't get the beard gene.
Watch.
I can do rings sometimes.
- Very good, for a non-smoker.
- Well, I am a drinker.
I'm also really good at lying to myself.
- I know what that's like.
(laughing)
- You have the same laugh as
when you were a little kid.
- Yeah?
(soft piano music)
(mournful orchestral music)
- [Lawyer] The letter of your father.
- Hey, hey.
Hey buddy.
Do you want to go get
some flowers for grandma?
- What?
- Do you want to go get
some flowers for grandma?
- Okay.
- Yeah, cool.
- Where?
What time is it?
(banging)
Fuck, shit!
So when did you lose your virginity?
- Well, I was actually in
a program called STARS,
Students Today Aren't Ready for Sex.
So I would go like talk
to middle schoolers,
and so, I felt pretty strongly about that
until I was like 17.
So I guess my junior year.
- Wow.
- What do you mean, wow?
- I expected,
I thought I was gonna hear
like 5th grade or something.
Seems pretty safe.
Don't you feel safe here, I feel safe.
- Yeah, should I not feel safe?
- No.
- You tell me, should I not feel safe?
- I have no idea about
math, I'm not gonna lie.
- Wow.
- Cool.
(car alarm sounding)
What's that thing called?
- Oblea.
- O what?
- Oblea.
- Your oblea is like a little limp.
- It's like limp, I now.
- You do a double Windsor?
- Yeah.
- Can you help me with mine?
I'll help you with yours.
- I like that tie.
Look good.
- Yeah, you too man.
- Here we are.
All growed up.
(group applauding)
- Look at you.
- Oh my God.
- When was the last
time we saw each other,
it must have been, you were like 10.
- You want another beer?
- Sure.
- Is that what you're sneaking?
- Yeah.
- She's like sneaking in the kitchen,
like fingering the cake,
getting a cerveza.
- Yeah.
- To cousins.
- To cousins.
- Primos.
- I'm sorry, you guys.
- Cheers.
(Spanish music)
- What's that?
(Spanish music)
- What's going on tonight?
(in foreign language)
- If there's anything you need,
anything I can do for you,
please let me know man.
Let me know, let me know, I love you.
I love you a lot man.
(muffled speaking)
- Prima.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
God, so,
so we're corrupting.
No we're not, it's good to,
I think it's good to explore the dark
in every situation.
So, like what are the
sleeping arrangements?
(crowd chanting)
(jazz music)
(crowd cheering)
(bottle shattering)
(birds chirping)
- Holy shit.
Wow.
- You ready to go.
- What are you talking about?
- (foreign word)
You remember, Jairo?
(flamenco guitar music)
(dance music)
- He never bullshit.
- No.
- No.
Never bullshit.
We have bipolar.
It's the sickness of the family.
No pills, no pills, no.
- Chemical imbalances.
- No.
No pills.
The world is not easy, man.
Your country, for example.
They fucking partied, man.
They fucking partied.
I am not Colombian.
The world is terrible.
And I feel that.
The world is beautiful.
It's beautiful man.
Alive in that.
No pills man.
No pills, no.
- The gynecologist came, he made a test,
of the placenta.
The placenta was a little bit old,
a little bit, just one week old.
So, bring the baby through the,
going through the normal
delivery will make her suffer.
So he decided that
she will go through the
C section, immediately.
Okay, okay.
Yeah e tu, yeah I can see it in your face.
Your C section face.
I'm just joking.
♪ Was a C section baby ♪
♪ Put your P's up if you
got pulled out the lady ♪
♪ Put your A's up if
your ass was adopted ♪
♪ If you don't know let your
shoulders do the talkin' ♪
(laughing)
- I'm getting my rewards.
I'm getting my rewards.
When the time comes
you're like a baby girl, like a chicken.
Because you feel so,
useless, absolutely useless.
But the world helps you.
The gynecologist, the nurses, the place.
(soft guitar music)
(soft Spanish music)
- Viva Colombia, and it feels so good.
- Yeah, feeling completely lost.
- Selenta, who knew, right?
- Right.
And this is something.
This is something.
I know that someone in our
family knows what that is.
- Hey, Americanos?
What's you got there?
I think I know that picture.
That's just outside of
Cali about 15 clicks.
You ever been to Cali?
- Yeah yeah, I've been
there, I was with dad there,
when were with Costanza,
that one time, yeah yeah.
Oh my God, no no no no no.
We have like a finca.
- Trust me boys, go to Cali.
- Holy shit.
Thank you man.
What are you drinkin'?
(in foreign language)
- You open the drawer,
there's four or five
different sets of keys,
and they're different colors,
and there's different wear and tear,
and there's different usage.
There must be a purpose for them,
there must be a reason they're there.
I mean I kept 'em for some reason.
Tell you what, beats
the popoyana out of me.
(laughing)
I love saying that.
Popo means shit here.
Beats the popoyana--
(laughing)
- And you go, what is it
all tryin' to tell you?
What does it say?
And I don't know.
Eventually, you just go well,
who knows, whatever?
I don't know.
Just a dumb old man.
- Hey, we got ourselves a
double date in Cali tomorrow.
- What?
- Talked to Bruni.
- Yeah?
The sister?
- No, it's the mom.
You know who dad was with.
Then I talked to the hot sister.
Calania, man I almost married a calania.
You boys gotta go salsa dancing.
To the holy ass bastards.
To the calanias who love us.
(Spanish music)
♪ We just like and went fly flows ♪
♪ Boulevard posing ♪
♪ Cali cartel put that
coke up their noses ♪
♪ No that's the facts face the facts ♪
♪ Now it's over ♪
♪ Man I'm in command ♪
♪ Yeah you could call me Moses ♪
♪ Moses yeah ♪
♪ The fly flows is yeah ♪
♪ I gotta bring out the hoses ♪
♪ Bring out the hose
with those hoes, kid ♪
♪ Yeah we're gonna shower flower down ♪
♪ With a little bit of roses ♪
♪ Now so many beautiful
women I can't seem to tally ♪
♪ Everything in my mind
makes me want to be in Cali ♪
- Tatiana was saying you look
more Colombian than I do.
- Well yeah, 'cause you got those,
ojos rojos.
- Ojos de rojos.
Marco Polo.
Everybody don't Flo know.
- Ooo, good.
- I ain't no cholo.
Lookin' like Frodo, with my fro though.
(gentle classical music0
(romantic orchestral music)
(Latin pop music)
- So Bruni's like one of,
one of dad's girls huh?
- Yep.
They were childhood sweethearts, though.
Just like never got over it, you know.
Funny, you can go through
so many relationships
and still go back to the same person.
- She's got two daughters you said?
And they're both hot?
- Yeah man, they're both hot.
Both really hot.
I sort of had a thing with Costanza.
- [Dion] What's the other one's name?
(muffled speaking)
- Chantal.
- You think Chantal would like the blue,
or would she appreciate the green?
- I'm gonna say blue.
- All right.
- Is this too much hair gel?
- No, no you look good.
(Spanish pop music)
- So I look okay?
- Yeah, you look fine.
Put the gel away.
- Remember, we're not gonna talk.
- What?
- We're not gonna hang out or anything.
I don't think she knows that dad died.
- What?
- I don't think she knows that dad died.
So if your awkward, there's
plenty of gel in my hair.
- [Woman] Ola!
How are you?
- Ed.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry we're late.
- Oh, it's okay.
- Hi.
- Good to see you again.
- Como estas.
- Muy bien.
- I need like five minutes, okay?
- The energy here is great.
Colombia,
it's nice here.
- Yeah, yeah the dancing is great.
I'm excited to dance, yeah.
- And you are dancing?
- A little bit, you know.
You know, salsa, whatever.
- No.
- No, no.
- A blood vessel burst in his liver.
I'm sorry.
I didn't really want it
to come out this way.
I'm really sorry.
(sobbing)
- [Dion] I didn't want to say
anything, but our dad died.
I'm sorry.
(Bruni crying)
(crickets chirping)
(sentimental instrumental music)
(laughing)
(soft orchestral music)
- [Ed] Hi.
- Ed!
Come here.
- How are you, Tia?
- But I'm happy to see you.
- He was working in this office in Chicago
doing some, I don't know,
weird programming thing that he does,
and he said he had this coworker
who was this Indian man,
this guy from India.
- Yeah.
- And the guy would say,
Gabriel, the way you talk about women,
is how I feel about food.
(laughing)
- That's funny, I remember that because
because he would say, oh yeah Dion,
women are like curry.
You should try every flavor.
(laughing)
- Oh my God.
You try to stay completely serious,
and we try to make you laugh.
That will be a game, okay.
Let's start.
Okay but you have to look at it.
(humming)
(laughing)
Now, he's the next one.
- Okay.
- He's got to be serious.
I mean your father was never serious,
you have to be serious.
You start.
- Hey booboo.
- Come on Cali boo.
(laughing)
- Merci boucou.
(laughing)
Now you try to make me laugh.
- Oh you're so serious, look at you.
So respective.
(in foreign language)
Oh here I am just for funsies.
You look like a turtle on vacation.
(laughing)
- Do you ever look at your
penis, and be like, weird.
My penis is aging.
- What do you mean?
- I looked down at my penis just now,
and I could tell that it was aging.
Like I just felt like my penis is aging.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- [Ed] So,
do you think this place
is our inheritance?
- God, I hope so.
- I cannot describe it to you where it is,
because it's part of the soul.
Part of your soul, part of your soul.
Part of mine.
- So you've never been there?
- No, I've never been there,
but my goal is to go there.
And I stay there, I
don't want to come back.
I want to stay there.
I want to stay there with the two of you.
(laughing)
Father Gabriel, he's in Medellin.
It's a great place.
- Yeah.
- The boomer (muffled speaking),
please watch out.
Colombian boomers
are very very very cute.
They're really attractive.
And they attract your soul.
Come on, come.
(laughing)
- Is this your house?
- No.
- Is this our father's house?
- No.
Al Camilla belongs to the whole family.
The whole family.
(birds cawing)
(wind blowing)
When I was little, and Gabriel was little,
we saw my father hitting my mother.
And, Gabriel he started to laugh.
It was very painful for us,
because, in a way, he was a father,
and he say he loved us.
It really affected Gabriel.
He couldn't give enough
love to his children,
and he couldn't be completely responsible,
because he was keeping a
lot of anger inside of him.
So, you need to forgive your
father, you need to forget.
We came with a mission to this life.
Our mission is to give love,
to forgive, not to try to find perfection.
There is nobody perfect,
but we need to love.
- He wasn't perfect, but I loved my dad.
- [Tia] Thank you for telling me that.
Thank you for telling me that.
(in foreign language)
♪ Frivolity ♪
♪ Go ahead acknowledge me ♪
♪ Get it my head Socrates ♪
(rock and roll music)
(singing in foreign language)
(kids chattering)
- [Dion] Come on dude.
You got it.
- [Ed] What do you think?
You versus me?
- All right.
(group chattering)
(cheering)
- This is exactly what I
thought was gonna happen today.
(Spanish pop music)
(singing in foreign language)
(yelling)
- Not again!
- What's the matter?
- Oh fuck me.
Fuck me.
Fuck, got a charleyhorse.
Fuck, I got a fuckin' charleyhorse.
Oh shit.
Where's my underwear?
Oh shit.
Sorry guys.
- It's hard to accept something
that's shoved down your
throat, day in and day out.
- I don't know, it just seemed like
it was part of the thing.
I didn't know if we were supposed to.
- It's not part of my thing.
(birds chirping)
(in foreign language)
(wind blowing)
(eerie electronic music)
- He's dead, he's dead.
He's dead.
(muffled speaking)
(Tia muffled speaking)
- Who are you?
(dramatic Spanish music)
- Why do you live your life in fear?
- Why do you always chew
with your mouth open?
- That's not
what I'm talking about.
- It's really grating.
I'm talking about you're always
hesitating.
- It's really grating.
Really, really grating.
- Always hesitating.
Okay, I don't care.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- What are you talking about?
- When you speak Spanish,
it's like you're always
apologizing for yourself.
- Well, my Spanish isn't--
- Dude, you speak Spanish.
- It's not my fault my three-year-old self
stopped speaking Spanish
after moving away from my dad.
- No, it's not your fault.
But you can recognize how
fuckin' out of bounds it was,
for your mother to take you and put you
in that situation where you--
- No warning, no goodbye, no nothin'.
You don't think that hurt dad?
You don't think he talked about that shit
like every day when I loved with him?
Huh?
I mean, I know you love
your mom, I know you do.
But that's never gonna be okay.
- Okay, well I apologize for her.
- We got Bill's,
do you call Bill dad?
- No.
- It's okay if you do, I'm not judging.
- No.
- It's okay if you do.
- I don't.
- More of a father figure
than dad ever was, really.
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I'm not mad,
I just want you to speak Spanish
and wake the fuck up, you know?
I mean dad's dead, we're in Colombia,
this is our blood.
It's never gonna fuckin'
happen again in our lives,
so just appreciate this shit, you know?
I mean where else do
you gotta be right now?
What's your problem?
- My problem is I don't want
to fucking get a Speedo.
- Who not man?
Speedos are great.
- I'm not getting a Speedo.
- You want to see one?
Have ever been in one?
- No.
- Then what do you have to lose?
Just try out a Speedo.
- I'm glad that your agenda.
- My agenda, I have an agenda now?
What are you scared of?
Huh?
- We're fiddle-fucking
around in Cartegena.
- We're not fiddle-fucking around.
(Spanish jazz music)
I'm enjoying myself.
- Well good, that makes one of us.
- What, you don't want to get Speedos?
- No, I don't want
to get Speedos.
- Why not?
- Because we're just
fiddle-fucking around.
- Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
(Spanish jazz music)
- [Dion] Where you going?
Little bitch.
Hey white boy.
Then fuck you.
(singing in foreign language)
- Grrr.
(in foreign language)
♪ Too many places I lost my mind ♪
♪ Turn it up turn it up
you know I'm an Italian ♪
♪ Make me in a come like a heart ♪
♪ You know I do a cart ♪
Ola.
(in foreign language)
- No?
You don't speak even a little bit?
(laughing)
(Spanish pop music)
(Dion yelling)
- Hello?
No!
No!
God damn it.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(squealing)
(trumpet music)
(door banging)
- [Costanza] How long
are you going to stay?
- I don't know.
- What about your job?
- I don't know, I don't know.
- But, what is your job?
- I'm a grandmaster chess player.
(laughing)
- You're not that.
- No?
- No.
- Yeah, I'm currently unemployed.
- And, why is that?
- 'Cause I'm a bastard.
(laughing)
(romantic orchestral music)
(chattering in foreign language)
(Spanish pop music)
(singing in foreign language)
(solemn orchestral music)
(surf pounding)
- Where the fuck were you?
(motor running)
(laughing)
- Feels like frosting, right?
- It's beautiful, really.
- It feels like I'm in the womb.
- So it does.
Feels, yeah, feels like
I'm being held here.
- I always wanted to do one
of those like rebirthings.
And I feel like I am.
- Like, I can't do anything.
I can't even try to like,
go down, or sink.
Should I try?
Did I come up?
(laughing)
I feel like I came up.
But I still feel all warm.
(laughing)
Hey, hey, do it.
This is your dad.
This is your dad.
I'm your dad, I am your dad.
- You're fucking terrifying, pop.
You still have your,
like it's all over you fucking contacts.
You are so scary right now, are you okay?
- I can't hear much.
(sentimental orchestral music)
- You only get one father.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I've had two.
- Yeah, I know.
I've had nobody.
(sentimental orchestral music)
(dramatic instrumental music)