Bartleby (2001) - full transcript

[sirens blaring]

City Records Manager

is a post that doesn't get
a lot of attention,

doesn't get the glory,

but certainly is a post
that deserves to be held.

[siren blaring]

What we need first and foremost
is someone who is reasonable.

And second, we need
someone who is accurate.

Now, we have both,
in exactly that order.

The last thing we need
in city government

is accuracy getting
in the way of reasonableness.



Hmm.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Thank you. Thank you, sir.
- Sure.

You'll be around a long time.

- Oh, I hope so.
- Indeed.

[man] I'm in the record business.

Public records.

Legal notices,
property transactions,

mortgages, and the like.

My office was located on the
ground floor of a building

perched high atop a rocky knoll,

completely inaccessible
to pedestrians.

Good morning, Vivian.

Good morning. I've left
your messages on your desk.



- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Good morning, Ernest.

Morning, Rocky.

Hey, Vivian.
How's it going, Ernie?

Meh. Not so good.

My girlfriend's cheating on me,
and my cat shredded

three rolls of toilet paper
all over the house.

Yeah, at least you got
your health, huh?

I have gingivitis.

Look, ah, Ernie. I'm not looking
for your life story here.

Then why did you ask?

It's not a real question.
It's just small talk.

Well, I take these questions
seriously. OK.

[machine rumbling]

Vivian, what is
the repair status
of the vibration?

The landlord
has referred the problem

to the general
building contractor...

...who in turn
has referred the problem

to the air-conditioning
sub-contractor...

...who has since gone
out of business.

Where do we stand now?

I believe the landlord is
attempting to determine...

...exactly whom to sue.

Hey! Hey, yeah.
Ah, no, I meant to call.

- [chuckles]
- [electronic whirring]

It was pretty amazing.

- Thank you very much.
- [beeping]

What the hell are you
complaining about.

I do love you, baby.

Well yeah, I love her, too.

But it's two completely
different types of love.

Equally beautiful.

Yeah, exactly.

Hello? Hello?

Rocky, these just came in,

a half-dozen fictitious
business names,

two abandonment of use statements,

and a non-responsibility notice.

I need you to turn
these around today.

[squeaks]

[squeaks]

[squeaks]

[Boss] Ernie, would you
come in here a moment.

Ernie...

[slowly] this Dissolution of
Partnership is missing a DBA.

The partners are
Lester and Bond.
Do you recognize it?

I once saw three Bond
movies in a row.

[laughs] Connery was it, man.

That series died when he walked.

Seven hours, what a marathon!

And the dog was in the car
the whole time, I forgot.

He crapped in the backseat.

He ruined that date.

The office of City Records Manager

will add a substantial volume of
public records to our usual
business.

Therefore, I am hiring
a new employee

to assist us in our mission.

- Vivian, let's put an ad
in the newspaper.
- [Vivian] All right.

How about this...

"Rapidly expanding vibrant
public records office

seeks dynamic, innovative,
creative

risk-taker to interface with other

hands-on self-starters,

offering room for growth
and promotion,

excellent wages, benefits,
and numerous perks."

OK, and then put
the phone number down.

Did you get all that?

It sounds good, doesn't it?

[Vivian] It does sound good.
Where do I apply?

[Boss] What, too good?

Well, I hate to say it,

but I'm not certain that this is
an accurate characterization of
our office.

Really? Well, we should try
to be accurate.

Well, honestly, sir, is our
company "rapidly expanding"?

Or "vibrant"?

Well, uh...

It does vibrate.

"Creative, innovative,
dynamic risk-taker"?

Well, I think it has
a nice ring to it.

Well, I'm sorry, sir,

but we are bound to be a
disappointment to a candidate

who embodies those qualities.

"Excellent wages, benefits,
numerous perks?"

What might those be?

All right, Vivian,
you write the ad.

Certainly, sir.

I truly believe
we can afford to be accurate.

We have nothing to hide.

[Boss] "Recorder. Low pay.
No benefits. Dull job.

Vibrating workplace."

It's honest...
and economical.

It fits quite snugly
into four lines.

You don't think we're selling
ourselves a little short?

Wouldn't it be better if the
applicant were pleasantly
surprised?

Vivian, who would answer this ad?

[knock on door]

Right in here.

Here, have a seat.

So, I take it you
saw the ad in the newspaper?

What did you think of it?

The ad.
What did you think of the ad?

Now that you've seen the office,

do you feel that we
accurately described it?

I'm talking about the ad.

Do you feel that...

Oh, forget it!

No, no, no sit down.
Sit down.

I meant forget about the ad.

Do you have a resume?

Thank you.

U.S. Postal Service...

Clerk, Dead Letter Office.

Dead letters?

[stammers] Undeliverables.

Oh, of course.

The intended recipient has died,

or is otherwise unlocatable,
I suppose.

What does the Post
Office do with them?

We scan them to see
if they contain money.

And if not?

They're destroyed.

There's a cheerful business.

Dead letters...

...messages of hope for
those who died despairing,

checks sent in charity for
those who no longer eat.

Ah, humanity.

You were eight years on that job?

That is impressive. I appreciate
that kind of loyalty.

This is quite a letter of
recommendation, too.

You know, I always wonder,

when a prospective employee
produces such a complimentary
letter,

how anxious his former boss was
to get rid of him. [Chuckles]

Why did you leave your former
job, if you don't mind my
asking?

The office moved.

[loud bang]

I see...

Bartleby, what are you
looking for in a new position?

This one would be fine.

Vivian, who else do we have
besides this guy?

Nobody else called on the ad?

No, I'm afraid not.

It was too honest.

Bartleby, what is your
expected hourly rate?

I would prefer...
not to say.

[chuckles] OK.

If that is sufficient Bartleby,
you can start immediately.

[Boss] At first, Bartleby did
an extraordinary quantity of
work,

filing a weeks worth of
records in just a few days.

It is a legal requirement
that certain notices be
published.

And our job includes
verifying the accuracy of these
notices.

It is admittedly tedious work.

[phones ring]

[electronic whirring]

[Ernie sings]

[Boss] Certain adventurous
personalities need not
apply.

Excuse me, could I have
a word with you?

Or would that be rather
inconvenient at present?

[Boss] Please, Vivian, sit down.

What have we here?

Well, it's four o'clock and I
thought you might like a nice
cup of tea.

Well, thank you.

I've been meaning to tell you
that's... quite an interesting
painting.

[Boss] Oh, thank you.

It was a gift from an old flame.

I'm not sure why I still
keep it hanging around.

You must have been
in love with her.

No, no, no...

She used to work here.

One day I was supposed to
play in a golf tournament,

but it got rained out.

When I returned to the office
I found her in a compromising
situation.

I fired her...

...and, obviously,
I cancelled the wedding.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...

No, no. So what did you want
to talk about, Vivian?

I just wanted to tell you how
much I enjoy working for you

and that I really enjoy my work.

I'm glad.

And I just thought you should
know about my other talents

that I would gladly
contribute to the business.

Other talents?

Yes, for instance,
I make an excellent souff\.

I'm well-traveled.

I rode in a hot air balloon over
the enchanted Black Forest of
Germany.

I went skinny-dipping
in the Blue Grotto.

I'm an accomplished equestrienne.

- I play the bassoon.
- Really?

Well, I'm not sure how these
other talents

might help us here in the office.

Certainly, you could cook
souff\ for the holiday office
party.

Or play Christmas carols
on the bassoon.

Let me be frank. Is Bartleby
being hired to replace me?

No, Vivian.

Bartleby is being brought on to
help with the extra workload.

I am very satisfied with
your services,

and I'm certain that your myriad
other talents

will find an appreciative
audience at the appropriate
occasion.

Well, I'm so pleased.

[Vivian] I'm afraid
it doesn't open.

I would prefer some air.

They have thought of that.

[whirring]

If you listen very closely,
you can hear the ocean.

[whirring]

Bartleby, come in and verify
this Notice of Petition to
Administer an Estate.

[Bartleby]
I'd prefer not to.

Bartleby, come in and verify
this Notice of Petition to
Administer an Estate.

I would prefer not to.

Prefer not to?

What do you mean, prefer not to?

Here take it and
verify the Notice.

- I'd prefer not to.
- [phone rings]

- [Vivian] Public records.
- But it's part of your job.

Are you refusing to do your job?

[Vivian] Excuse me, sir. Mr.
Waxman is on line one for you.

Will you take it in your office?

Uh, yes, thank you, Vivian.

Rocky, verify this Notice of
Petition to Administer an
Estate.

[Vivian] The Waxman
documents have arrived.

Thank you, Vivian.

All right, everybody.
This is a very large project.

Vivian will handle the filing

and I want the rest of you to
each take a box and do the
verification.

Ernie? Rocky?

Bartleby?
Here you go.

- [Boss] Bartleby?
- What is it?

Take a box of records and
verify the notices immediately.

I... would prefer not to.

Why do you refuse?

I prefer not to.

But, it's part of your job
to verify the records.

This is what you were hired to do!

You will not comply with
my request,

a request made in the
common course of business.

Is that correct?

You will file records but not
verify the published notices
for accuracy?

Is that correct?

Ernie, what do you think of this?

[stammers] Hey, Boss, you sign
the paychecks.

If you say dance, I rhumba.

[Boss] Rocky, what do
you think of it?

I'd kick his ass
out of the office.

Vivian, what do you think of this?

I think he's a little loony.

Well, Bartleby,

you've heard what your
co-workers have to say.

Now, take this box
and do your job.

Everybody get back to work!

[Boss] I would have to handle
this situation carefully.

I was now in the political arena.

My judgment in handling
personnel matters

might very well be exposed
to public scrutiny.

If I could coax him
into an angry response,

I'd feel more
justified in firing him.

[phone rings]

Bartleby, when all of those
records are filed,

I want you to stop by the bank
and replenish our petty cash.

Vivian will call ahead
and make the arrangements.

You just give them the check
and they will ask for your
fingerprint.

I'd prefer not to.

Oh, please! You don't mean
to keep up with this nonsense?

What is your problem, man?

[stammers] What, you think
you're better than us?

You think you're a special elite?

What, have you got
an excuse from work?

Or you got some kind
of a deferment?

- You got a "4-F"?
- Ernie...

[stammers] You got flat feet?

You got a heart murmur?

You got the peanut butter in
the behind thing or something?

Ernie. Ernie...

Or maybe you're a
conscientious objector.

Well, if you are,

then, I would advise
you to flee to Canada,

- while you got a chance!
- All right, Ernie.

Ernie, relax. Relax.
That's appropriate.

Rocky, thank you.
Thank you.

I just think that Bart
needs a little talking-to.
That's all.

I think this situation can
easily be corrected.

Rocky, Rocky, no.
There's no need for that.

I appreciate your concern.
But, please return to work.

All right.
No problem.

[whispers] We'll talk later.

Bartleby.

Go to the deli at the shopping
center and get me a corned beef
sandwich on pumpernickel.

Hold the tomatoes, but have
them put a few pepperoncini on
the side.

And get some chips and a berry
soda, not cranberry, though,
some other kind of berry.

And here, get something
for yourself, too.

I would prefer not to.

- You will not?
- I prefer not.

We have a city vehicle assigned
to us. It's parked in space *18.

Here, you can take the car.

- I... don't drive.
- You don't drive?

Well, then how did you get here?
Did you walk?

There are no sidewalks.

Vivian, can you take a bus here?

[Vivian] Uh, yes.

From my house, I would take
the 36 to the terminal in
town,

then transfer there to the
80, get off at the shopping
center, then catch the 48.

There's only one
at 7:10 am.

The ride is roughly an hour
and a half from the mall,

so to get here by 9, I have
to leave the house by 4:45.

My car was in the shop last
week so I looked into the bus
schedule,

but obviously I took a taxi.

Thank you, Vivian.

Is that what you do?
You take the bus?

Very good, Bartleby.

[Bartleby] I'd prefer not to.
I would prefer not to say.

I... would prefer not to.

I would prefer not to!

I'd prefer not to.

I... would prefer not to.

Just a moment please.

- Good morning, Vivian.
- Good morning.

- Here are your messages.
- Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Good morning, Ernie.
How are you?

I'm a little frustrated.

My insurance company
is raising my rates.

They do this every time I
try to make a claim.

I was sitting at a red light,
and I hear a gunshot.

I think it's a car-jacking,

so, I hit the gas, I ram
the car in front of me.

And they're claiming
it's my fault.

Well, was it a gunshot?

No, it's fireworks.

But it sounded like a gunshot.

No, it sounded like fireworks.

But that's what they always say,

shooting victims they say it
sounds like fireworks.

I was just driving defensively.

Good morning, Rocky.

Geez, is it possible to get
any privacy around here?

[clears throat]

Painful partnership dissolution.

The City Manager will be
here in fifteen minutes.

We're wrapping up.

[Boss] As time went on, I
became reconciled to
Bartleby.

His calm demeanor made him
a valuable acquisition.

He was honest and he
was always there.

I developed a certain
confidence in him.

Bartleby.

[louder] Bartleby.

Bartleby!

Your finger...
Put your finger there.

Put your finger right over there.

Put it, over there.

Just... put...

...your finger.

Put your finger there.

I'd prefer not to.

Bartleby, what...

[Rocky] Ah, baby!

[Rocky chuckles]

Yeah, maybe later.

Oooh, me too, you know.

[Rocky] Yeah...

- Rocky.
- [Rocky] Let me call you back
baby.

Did I tell you your
mother called yesterday?

Yes, Vivian. You left me a voice
message, a note,

and you wrote it in
my day planner.

Oh, I just wanted to double-check.

I couldn't remember
if I wrote it down.

But it must've been about
3:37 in the afternoon.

Eh, Vivian.
What the hell are these?

Chocolate nipples.
They're all the rage in Britain.

I was feeling nostalgic
last night,

so I picked up a copy of Her
Majesty magazine and there
was this recipe.

Luckily Sweet Bodies
was open late,

so I was able to insert the
ornaments before they got hard.

That's good to know.
Thanks.

Ah, what's these?

What do they look like?

Chocolate nipples.

That's right.

[Vivian] Yoo-hoo...

Is it still so hot out?

Quite hot.
Yeah.

Have you heard the forecast?

No, I haven't.

It's supposed to be
wet and sticky,

steamy and sultry,

clammy and close,

dank, damp, and...

...oh yeah, moist.

- All today?
- [Vivian] Mmmm. Hmmm.

Yesterday evening was miserable.

You know, I'm very
sensitive to heat.

I got home, took off all my
clothes and then I...

...vacuumed the apartment.

[water sloshes]

- Frank. Good to see you.
- Hello.

Vivian, have you met Mr. Waxman,
our City Manager?

Ooohh!

[chuckles] Hello.

I have a something...
for you.

I... got a little something
to show you.

I've got something to show you.

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[phone buzzes]

Apple remote access.
You have been disconnected.

Naturally, you can understand
I can't accept a gift.

Absolutely. You'll have to
excuse me, but I'm new to civic
duty.

And the impropriety
never occurred to me.

It's OK.
What is he doing?

Uh... uh... uh...
have you met Ernie?

- No, I don't think I have.
- Ernie...

...this is Mr. Waxman.

- This is Ernie.
- Hello, Ernie.

And of course, you've met
Vivian, our office manager.

Yes, I most certainly have.

Well, we'll be seeing you.

[Boss] One evening, rather late,

I was entertaining a young
lady whom I had recently met

at an industry watering hole,

and who I thought showed
considerable interest

and potential for the
public records business.

Well, here we are...
This is where the magic happens.

Public records?

Music for the people.
Music for everybody.

[chuckling] Wow...

So what bands do you guys record?

Huh? Oh, right...
what bands...

Uh... Well, let's see...
There's... uh...

...the Back Beach Boys...

Green Bay...
Marilyn Hanson...

the red hot pepperoncini's..

And this is my office.

This is the hub...

...where I make all the
deals and everything.

This is the phone.

I've got a line for heavy metal,
this line for the rappers...

Get me the rappers!

[chuckling] That's how it works.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no.
That scotch is twenty years old.

It's older than me.

So, you gonna come see
us play Saturday night?

Ah, actually I have another
engagement, but I could cancel.

Well, it's...

[crunching]

[screams]

[gasps]
Bartleby!

What are you doing here?!

Will you please leave?

- I'd prefer....
- Get Out Of Here!

[Boss] Wait here.
I'll take care of this.

Is he gone?

- Who is he?
- Rock musician.

Good morning, Vivian,
how's that vibration coming?

I have determined whom to sue.

Excellent work.

[mechanical whirring]

Bartleby, about last night...

That young woman that
I was interviewing

will not be offered
a position here,

so there's no need for any
awkwardness about the incident.

Bartleby, I'd like to
speak with you...

Bartleby, tell me...

...where are you from?

I'd prefer not to say.

Do you have any family
in the area?

I'd prefer not to say.

But what reasonable
objection can you have?

I am trying to help you.

But I must ask you,
as your employer,

to comply with the
rules of this office.

First, you cannot live here.
That is unacceptable.

Second, tell me you will help
verify the records tomorrow

or even go down
to the post office.

In other words, just be
a little reasonable.

At present, I prefer not
to be a little reasonable.

I'd prefer to break his neck,
the little bastard.

I'll give him preferences.
What's he prefer not to do now?

Rocky, I'd prefer that you
return to work at the moment.

[Boss] Lately, I had fallen
into the involuntary habit

of using the word "prefer"

on all sorts of not exactly
suitable occasions.

[whispers] Boss, I was thinking
last night about Bart here,

and it occurred to me that
it's possible

that he has Attention
Deficit Syndrome.

So, if he would prefer to get
a good buzz every once in
awhile,

I mean strictly medicinal,
of course...

- You're using the word too?
- What word?

I would prefer to be left alone.

That's the word, Ernie!

Oh, prefer? Strange word...
I don't use it, myself.

Anyhow, as I was saying,
if Bart would prefer to...

Ernie, just please
get back to work.

Oh sure, if you would
prefer that I would.

Excuse me, sir, would you prefer
to take a call from the
landlord?

We're all using it now!

[Vivian on intercom]
I beg your pardon?

That word "prefer".

Bartleby, what are you doing?

You've been standing
there all day.

Why aren't you filing...

I have decided not to do
any more filing.

No more filing? Why?

Can't you see the reason
for yourself?

Bartleby, if you're sick,
lie down.

When you're feeling better,
get back to work.

...given up...

...working.

[Boss] I see...

You realize this will have an
adverse effect on your salary.

[AC whirs]

[whirring]

Bartleby, the time has come.

I have indulged you long enough,

far beyond what any other
employer would tolerate.

Your service here, or rather
your presence here,

is no longer needed.
Friday will be your last day.

I encourage you to make other
arrangements as quickly as
possible.

If you need any assistance,
please let me know.

Fortuitously Friday
has finally come forth.

Any engagements for the
weekend, Rocky?

Oh, I got a hot date tonight.

Really? With whom?

How do I know until I get to the
club and check out who's hot?

It might be a sparkly woman
with body glitter

and baby blue eye shadow.

Or a... I don't know,

a vampress lying motionless on
scarlet velvet...

...surrounded by
flaming torches.

Hmm...

I see.

Gee, I'm just picturing
the fireworks

as Rocky finds his soul mate
for lifelong relationship.

Relationship...
give me a break.

You are an animal, man.

That's right, I'm a male animal.

I am not in denial about my roots.

Yeah, well why don't you join
the human race and evolve.

We're walking on our
hind legs, now.

I'm the Darwinist here, pal.
A sexual Darwinist.

Survival of the fittest.

While you're busy caring and
listening to a bunch of therapy
addicts,

I am out there scoring.

Let me tell you something Ernie,
my friend.

Get out of here, man.

It's the sensitive guy that
gets the needy woman.

Yeah, it's the worm that
gets the hooker.

Bartleby, it's time.

You must leave now.

I am giving you an
extra month's pay.

Here it is.

Here, take the money.

I'd prefer not to.

Very well. I will leave it here.

Now, after you've cleaned
out your desk,

be sure you lock the door behind
you since everyone's left for
the weekend.

And slip the key underneath
the mat,

so that I can find it
on Monday morning.

Well, Bartleby, I shall not see
you again so...

...good-bye.

If I can be of any help to you,

please contact me by e-mail or
by regular mail

if you don't have internet
access at your new location.

Goodbye, Bartleby, and good luck.

She'd like a jelly donut, please.

Oh, the gentleman
got the last one.

[woman] OK, I'll have two of
those..

Do you have any chocolate?

Look, there's one with nuts.

[sloshes]

[woman] ...maple bars.

Oh, honey, no...

Morning, Ernie.
How are ya?

[Ernie] I'm not too good,
actually.

I just spoke to my daughter
on the phone,

she told me that she's quitting
school and she's moving to Vegas

to live with her boyfriend who
plays Ringo

in a casino production
of Beatlemania.

- My cat...
- [clears throat]

Let's try that one again.

Ernie, how ya' doing?

Hey, if you don't care,
why do you ask?

It's not a question!
It's a damn greeting!

Just say "fine" for once!

"Ernie, how's it going?
Fine." That's all you gotta say.

Oh, sure, perpetuate society's
artificial bourgeois mannered
consciousness.

Just sweep all the
non-conforming pain under the
rug.

"How are you today?
Fine, thanks, how are you?

Nice to see you.
Have a nice day."

Yeah, right.

Ernie...

Don't you think we all have
the same damn problems in our
lives, huh?

But, there's a time to talk
about your problems

and there's a time to just say,
"Fine"!

You got a daughter running
off to Vegas,

I'm stuck in a dead-end job
that's boring as hell

and getting paid freakin' peanuts!

Yeah, I got that problem, too.

[Boss] The following
Monday morning,

I made it a point to arrive
early at the office.

[AC whirs]

[Bartleby] Not yet.
I am occupied.

Not gone?

Not gone?

Not gone?

Not gone.

[Bartleby screaming
in foreign language]

[continues screaming
in foreign language]

Good... morning.

Bartleby, you have been dismissed,

discharged, fired, and terminated.

You've been given the axe, laid
off, let go, sacked, canned,

booted, and kicked out.

You've been down-sized,
you've been asked to resign,

you've been retired early!

Now, have I made myself clear?

Is there anything at all
that you don't understand?

Now will you...

...or will you not
leave these premises?

I prefer not...

...to leave
these premises.

But, what right do you
possible have to stay here?

Do you pay taxes?
Do you pay rent?

[stammering] Do you own
the property?

You haven't even touched the
check that I left for you.

[angrily]
Are you ready to work now?

Will you file records?
Will you go to the bank?

Will you do anything at all to
justify your presence in this
office?

Oh, hello, Mr. Waxman.
How nice to see you again.

So nice to see you too, Vivian.

I was just in the neighborhood
and thought I'd drop by these
files.

Just in the neighborhood?

I didn't realize we were
in a neighborhood.

It's really more of a cornice
or craggy perch.

A plateau perhaps, a mesa maybe,

a precipice is plausible,

but a neighborhood?

I think you're being
overly charitable.

In any event, thank you,
Mr. Waxman, for the files.

Vivian, you have such a
refreshing command of the
English language.

Well, how, exceedingly kind of
you to notice, Mr. Waxman.

Please, call me Frank.

Oh, I will.

Your name befits you.

Candid, forthright...

...plainspoken.

Waxman, you old codger. What
brings you to this neck of the
woods?

Public records, of course.

Oh, well, you've come
to the right place.

And rest assured,
they're in good hands.

Well, uh...
say hello to the mayor for me.

Have a nice day,
Mr. Waxman...

I mean... Frank.

Thank you, Vivian.

Hey, Woman, how ya doing.
Good to see you.

Hey. We got our own wax man.

Hey, wax man!

Madame Tussaud's on line
one for you.

Your spot at the museum's ready.

Actually there are two spots
available,

there's one between Julius
Caesar and Don Knotts.

And the other's between Genghis
Khan and Ed McMahon.

I think we should
melt our wax man.

What d'ya say, Bart, huh?

Whad'ya say...
wax man?

You still prefer not to?

That's enough, Rocky.
They'll be none of that.

Sorry, Boss.
Just having some fun.

[sung to the tune of Taxman]
Let me tell you about Bartleby.

He would prefer not to leave.

Cause he's the Wax Man.

He's the Wax Man.

-
Will you make copies?
-
I'd prefer not to.

-
Will you make coffee?
-
I'd prefer not to.

[Ernie] Will you make some calls?

[Vivian and Rocky]
I'd prefer not to.

-
Will you work at all?
-
I'd prefer not to...

[All]
Wax man!

Wax man!

I don't appreciate being
laughed at behind my back.

Hello, Frank.
We weren't laughing at you.

You weren't, were you?

No, your name was the inspiration,

but we were laughing at Bartleby.

You see, he's like a wax man.

[chuckles] Like a wax statue.

It's sort of like
Ripley's Believe It Or Not...

...the wax...
the wax museum.

They were just having a little
office fun... a morale booster.

Why is he standing there
like that?

Why shouldn't he?
He's getting paid by the hour.

Why aren't you working, young man?

[Boss] Um... it's Attention
Deficit Syndrome.

It's very unfortunate...
We're exploring disability
options.

You're telling me this
young man is sick

and you're all singing
songs and teasing him?

Well... uh...

I wish I was that sick.
It's pure genius.

Answer me.
Why aren't you working?

[whispers]
I'd prefer not to.

Yes, get me the mayor...
now.

[Boss] He must go. I must
get rid of him. But how?

Have him arrested? On
what charges? Vagrancy?

He refuses to budge.

He is not a vagrant.

Well, there's a cheerful business.

Dead letters...

I always wonder, when a
prospective employee

produces such a complimentary
letter like this,

how anxious his former boss was
to get rid of him. [Chuckles]

[chuckles echo]

Why did you leave your former job,

if you don't mind my asking?

The office moved.

The office moved.

The office moved!

Huh...

No windows?

Oh, you don't want any windows.
It's a maintenance issue.

They get all dirty and you have
to clean them and...

...you're better off
with a wall.

Uh-huh. Well, makes sense.

Now, you'll touch up this spot,
I assume?

Um... that one?

Yeah, this one.

[stammers] Oh, yes.
We have a team. Actually...

It's a great team. They
didn't have a chance to come in

since the last tenants kind of
scooted out,

but once my team is on that,
the spot will be gone.

Now, you'll change out that bulb?

- [buzzes]
- [Property Manager] Oh, yeah.

- I'm a bulb man.
- [sniffing] What's that smell?

Is that mold?

[sniffs] Uh... no.

[indistinct chatter]

Bartleby, watch this, you might
learn something.

[AC whirs]

- Not so hard!
- Hey!

Don't do that!
Don't ever do that!

- Good morning, everybody.
- [all] Good morning.

I have an announcement to make.

[AC whir stops]

I think I found the problem.

Unbelievable!

I can finally come to work
without getting physically sick
from that damn tremor.

This little guy must've been
stuck up inside there forever.

He has no head.

Oh...

All right. So, what's
the announcement, boss?

Huh... Oh. We're moving.

We're moving to new offices.

That's rather inconvenient.

- Yeah, good timing.
- What's the matter
with this place?

Wait 'til you see the new place.

- [Boss] It's in
a business park.
- Business park.

Those two words should
never be together.

Business park.

They have a word for people
who say things like that.

Oxymoron's.

Bartleby, I have decided to
relocate my business to new
offices.

We will be moving next week.

I'm telling you this now so
that you may seek a new
position.

I've written you a letter of
recommendation to assist you in
that endeavor.

I tried to emphasize
your strengths.

Goodbye, Bartleby.

Frank, how are you?

[no audio]

[panting]

Had to park on the street...
six blocks away.

I'm in a two-hour zone,
so we're gonna have to feed the
meter.

They said it was first come,
first served,

but they didn't say you had to
get here the night before.

So, how is our new office?

- It smells of mold.
- [sniffs]

They said they would
take care of that.

My clothes, my hair...
It's rather inconvenient.

And what's this?

There appears to be
precipitation permeating the
premises.

They said they would
take care of that.

[Ernie] Hey, Boss. Check out
this giant wet spot here on the
wall.

[Rocky chats indistinctly
on phone]

Look, it's damp to the touch.
Come. Feel it. Feel it.

- See.
- Huh...

Vivian, feel it, feel it, feel it.

See?

- Hence the mold.
- Yeah, hence.

They said they would take
care of that.

Vivian, report all
these problems right away.

Hey, come on, guys,
there's work to do.

Take these boxes and get started.

I would prefer not to.

It's just a joke. You can't even
take a joke any more?

Excuse me, I'm looking for the
former tenant of 001 Thorny
Knoll Complex.

Uh... what can I do for you?

Well, you left someone behind
in your old office space.

I don't know what you're
talking about.

A strange man.
He says he works for you.

Well, I used to employ
a strange man,

but I dismissed him
quite some time ago.

- [man] He won't leave.
-
[soul music plays]

[Boss] Wow, I am very
sorry, but really,

but this man that you speak
of is nothing to me.

He is not a relation of mine,
and am I responsible for his
behavior.

Sorry to have bothered you.

[thunderclap]

You. Take him away!

We don't want him!
You take him away!

What's going on here, Mr. Zee?

These are my tenants.
They can't take anymore.

Take what?

Bottlebee! He stays in the
hallway, he stay in the lobby!

He sleeping there!

This is not my problem.

I have no connection to Bartleby.

He worked for me and I fired him.

You brought him there,
you get rid of him.

I'm going to call my
attorney and sue you.

OK... OK, I will go talk to
Bartleby,

but I'm not promising anything.

This is not my problem any more.

[thunderclap]

Bartleby, what are you doing here?

Are you aware that you are
causing a great deal of trouble

for me by persisting
in occupying this lobby?

Now one of two things
must take place, Bartleby.

Either you must do something or
something must be done to you.

What kind of work
would you like to do?

Would you like to find a
position with another public
records company?

No, I'd prefer
not to make any change.

Maybe you'd like to work
for a collection agency?

No, that doesn't suit me,

but I'm not particular.

I know.
How about work on a ship?

Breathe some fresh sea air.

Completely change your outlook.

A ship...

...is too confining.

[Bartleby] I'd not like that.

Too confining? You confined
yourself to my office for
months!

There isn't anything definite
about work on a ship.

I prefer to be stationary.

Fine. How about a job as
a museum guard?

They're quite stationary.

You could stare at paintings
instead of the air-conditioning
vent.

I prefer the vent.

How about a career
in pest control?

I can recall my high school
guidance counselor

recommending that line of work
for many underachievers.

I'd prefer not to work
in pest control.

- [Boss] Telemarketing?
- No.

[Boss] Quality control?

Directory assistant?

- Bee keeper?
- No.

- Circus clown?
- No.

Bartleby, look, I have contacts.

If you had to,
what career would you choose?

I don't have to.

Come on.

Step over there please.

Hotel voucher, good for a night
at the Ritz...

...compliments of the Mayor.

Vivian, may I have my messages?

I don't believe there are any.

What?
No messages?

It's surprising how much the
volume of activity

has diminished since we lost the
city account.

Oh, there was one message...

...from the police department.

- The police?
- Yes.

Apparently, Bartleby was
arrested and removed from our
old offices.

Well, where did they take him?

According to police procedures
he was booked, fingerprinted,
searched,

and after a night in jail he was
released with the other vagrants

to the soup kitchen beside
the railroad tracks.

I'm looking for an odd skinny
guy wearing a suit who may have
been delivered here.

Ahh, wouldn't we all like
to be delivered...

There's a symposium in progress
under the overpass.

You may want to check there.
Just follow the tracks...

Thank you.

Would you by any chance have an
extra dollar and thirteen cents?

I was photocopying
my dissertation...

Much obliged.

[truck horn sounds]

[indistinct arguing]

Bartleby!

Bartleby!
It's me!

I know you...

...and I have nothing
to say to you.

Bartleby, I tried to prevent this.

I'm not responsible for
bringing you here.

Bartleby, you can't stay here.

This is no place to live, out in
the open, under the freeway.

I know where I am.

Oh, Bartleby, listen to me.

Why don't you come with me to my
home where it's warm,

at least until we can make some
other arrangement, please.

At this moment...

...I prefer not
to make any change.

[police sirens wail]

[chattering]

Excuse me. A friend of mine
is standing under the freeway.

He's hungry and needs to eat
but he won't come inside.

Could you bring him something
to eat at meal times?

Why can't he come in and get it?
It's free.

- I think he's a little
deranged.
- We don't deliver.

OK, you know what, let me give
you a little something here, OK?

You can't bribe a charity.
It's redundant.

If you want to make a donation,
go talk to the lady up front.

All right, you know what? Just
give me some food, then, OK?

That I can do,
but you see this long line?

Everyone here has First
Class tickets just like you.

It's simply an alien conspiracy.
If you don't believe me, read
the
National Enquirer,

best investigative journalism
going on today.

Shut up!

[man] Do you know
where Elvis is? He's not dead.

He hasn't left the building.
He's with the Pope.

Will you shut up!

That's where the UFO's land,
you know?

It started in Pangaea, Lemuria
when all the continents were one
continent.

They came down in spaceships.

And if you're a madman you've
got to justify it with some real
loyalty, you know?

Aliens recognize this.

Bartleby?

Bartleby.

Why?

[groans]

Bartleby.

[Boss] A dead letter.

Ah Bartleby. Ah humanity.

[truck horn sounds]

[woman] You've had a
successful business career.

You figure it's time to relax
a little and write your
memoirs.

Well, the world doesn't
need another book.

My feeling is that the
marketing department

is gonna have a great deal of
difficulty with this material,

particularly, the ending.
It's dreary.

No, it isn't.
Don't you see?

Bartleby lives because
I'm telling his story.

The life of Bartleby will not
become just another dead letter.

In any event,
I have another appointment.

I don't understand.
What about Bartleby's story?

I'm going to pass on it.

You can't pass on it.
Bartleby's story must be told!

Well, it won't be told by us.

What do you...

You got a shelf full of books here

that are just put
there to make a buck.

You can't put one story
about humanity on that shelf?

I think we need to work on our
ability to handle rejection.

Don't you get it? This isn't
about rejecting a manuscript.

This is about life and death!

I think you should leave now.

I would prefer not to.

You stay where you are.

I'm going to leave.

I would prefer not to.

[whirring]

[Boss] I would prefer not to.

I would prefer not to.

I would prefer not to!

[echoing]
I would prefer not to!