Bare-assed Japan (2007) - full transcript

Taro - a high-school graduate rents a plot of land and house in the countryside with the dream of making his living from agriculture. He hires a young woman named Yoko and plies for her affections. With the help of his unambitious father and Grandpa he tries to form a relationship with Yoko.

Your Graduation Ceremony
is today, right?



It's fine weather today.

It's nice out, isn't it?




Give me a high five.

Bare-assed Japan

“The Thirty-Sixth Annual
Graduation Ceremony"

Shall we take a photo?

Yeah, let's do that.

You'll be out of the frame...
Come abit closer.

Am lin now?

I'm not sure.

Can I?

This shit doesn't work at all.

Don't humilliate me with this crap.
I'll kill you man!

Are you listening?

What the hell!


Hey, Takagi and Taro.


It's been a while.

Old lady, two coffee's please.

Coming right up.


I've got this for you.
Your Graduation Certificate.


You know what, Taro?
I would be a drop-out...

if I hadn't met you in class.

Me, too.

- Hey Taro!
- Where are you going?

You've been drinking too much, Koichi.

It's not good for you.

Old hag.

Shut up!


That uniform brings back memories.
I wore it on the battlefield.


Tell me what the war
was like.

You know Taro, you are my
dearest grandchild.

And one more thing I've
got to tell you...

My dick used to get really hard too...
Just like yours.

I need to go and take a piss.

Hey son how about yours?
It's not getting hard anymore, right?

Ah... well I've got to...

hide these in your room.
You understand that right?

What the hell.

All of these are foreign porn.

Well, I always talk big to your mother...

In an intimidating way...

So If she finds these tonight I'll
look like a fool.

This pillow stinks!
It's the smell of the old man, you know that?

I washed it!

That's not all, everything!
I do all the house work.

Here, all yours go ahead.

Oh... Are you going out?

Sorry I slept in the van
last night.

Drive safely.

Alright! Alright, alright...

Stop! That's it, now turn, turn!

Yeah, good!

How about sweet rice cakes, anyone?

We'll do it together, okay?


Ready! Now!


Um, just a moment of
your time please.

Today, we're here to introduce our
new cosmetic product to you.

No thanks.

Well, we followed the manual,
didn't we?

Well, I think so.
Let's check the text...

- Well, actually nevermind...
- But...

- Really?
- Don't worry about it.

Are you sure?

You know, I'm...

cooling myself down after running.

My muscles are still burning.

I really need something sweet.

- So, may I take one?
- Well...

You've come just at the
right time, sir.

You can take an extra one if you beat me
in a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Oh really?
So if I win I get one more right?

Yes, correct.

Are you are sure
it's okay?

- Yes.
- Alright! I'll make a rock.

- You make sci...sci... scissors, ok?
- Yeah.

Thank you very much!

What the hell was that, huh?

Um... what do you mean?

What did you just do
to that girl?

- No, nothing.
- Tell me what you did!

What? I didn't do anything.

I don't believe you, shit!

You touched her tits, didn't you?

What? I didn't.

I saw you touch them!

I swear I didn't.
What's your problem?

Hey, how was it?

Huh, wait!
What're you talking about?

Tell me, how was it?

Hey, what?

- Huh! You touched them, so how was it?
- Hey stop it!

You felt her tits!
How did they feel you shit?

Tell me now!

Please let me go!

Come on, tell me!

You bastard! How dare you...

You must be fucking kidding me!

Mr. Komatsu! Get up.

You stand up too man!

You must be Taro Komatsu, right?

I'm Yoko Nomura.
We went to the same school together.

Um... really you went to
the same high school?

C'mon, we should apologize.

Let's do it together, okay...

Now... Let's...

Well... I've got to go now.

Don't start a fight like that again.
It's no good for business.

Promise me that you
won't do it.

Okay Taro... See you.

Oh, you're home.

I got fired today.




What the hell.

I'm sorry...

"Nojiri Real Estate Agent"

Very well.
So Your'll take this one, right?


What's wrong?
You're not happy with it?

Listen! This is a great deal,
young man.

See this! You told me you want a
field to grow vegetables in didn't you?

Look! You'll have one if you live there.
And also, the rent is really reasonable.

Um... I'm thinking that the direction of my
life to come will be determined by this decision.

I don't know... I'm alittle confused.

Yeah, I know, I understand what you feel.

When I finished college,
I came to Tokyo with a big dream.

I tried so hard to realize it.
I tried many different kinds of jobs.

Yeah, that was very tough. I worked as a
dish washer at restaurants and I also...

Wait, wait, wait, stop that!


Your job is just buttering up customers
with that unpleasant smile.

A low rent!
$350 per month. Now it's $200!

Grandpa, do you have a moment?

Sure, Taro.

I'm thinking of leaving home...

You're kidding?

I'm serious.


Yeah for real.
Here's my new place.

You know...
I'm no good at anything.

I think I'll live the rest of my life
growing vegetables there.

You're sure about that?

- Really?

Yeah, really.

You know what Taro...

You're a good man.

Taro, don't worry about anything.
Just do as you think. You'll do well.

Oh, I tried it a couple of days ago...

I successfully got an erection!
My dick's still working well.


It became quite big!

C'mon grandpa, that's enough...


Let me do that for you.

Ugh... I'm worn out.

Don't do that so seriously.

If you clean up here and take
that dirt to another place...

Then somewhere else will just
get dirtier instead.

Thinking about the earth in
the grand scheme of things.

What we do has no
meaning to it.

Yeah, I guess your right.


I'm moving to a new place... It has a
field big enough to grow vegetables.

If you'd like...

Do you want to
come with me?

Yeah, I'll come.

What...! Really!?

Yes for real.
I'll bring my backpack.


Grandpa, are you okay?

Taro, that was it.
I know now I'm too old.

It doesn't get big anymore.

I'm going now, grandpa. When things
settle down, I'll come and pick you up.

I want you to live together
with me again soon.

You know that, right?

A running race...

We used to race often
when you were a Kid.

I could run faster than you back then...
Now you're grown up.

What... What're you looking at?

How do you do.
I'm Koichi, Taro's father.

What?... Why are you doing this?

Well, I'm going with you.

What? You must be joking!

Come on, please.
I don't like being around your mother.

That's not my problem.

I'm just worried about you.

No need to be.
Get out of my way, please.

But I'm getting in anyway.

Hey, I'm saying you can't come with us.
The car is only for two people anyway.

Don't worry about the police.

If they see me, I'll tell them I'm
here to watch over your stuff.

There's no need to worry about the police
anyway if you stay here.

- Okay... But anyway, I'm getting in.
- What?

Wait for me for a second.
I'll go and kick him out.

Hey Taro... I don't mind.

Excuse me.
I'm going to the toilet.

Go to the right.

No, to the left!

- No, to the right!
- Why!

-Just put it down first.
- No! Follow my directions!

Hey! Why did you drop it?!

Hey! Not that way! C'mon man!

- Trust me, Taro. It's better this way.
- No! Hey, wait!

- Alright, now just put it down, Taro.
- Why!? C'mon man!

What an old house!
Are you sure we can live here.

Wow, a bug!
There's a big bug!

...Are you ok?

Well, it's not surprising
we see a big bug in a place like this.

It's weird notched body
cracks me up!

Well, it was that funny?

Oh, it was so surprising!
I couldn't believe it!

Hey, lunch is ready!

I said lunch is ready!

It's been quite a while since we last took
a bath together, hasn't it?

You've got big muscles now.

You've got quite muscular, haven't you?

Hey, stop that!

It would be great if Yoko joined us in
the bath. All three of us together.

Tities! Nice soft tities!
Here's the Tities!

Bounce, bounce, bounce!

Yoko's Tities! Boing!

Tities... tities... tities.

Hey, Taro come here.
Look! This television is amazing!


What the hell...

That hurt!


Um, today...

I bring you an interview with the
prince of high school football...

...and the hope of the Japanese
football world, Yuki Matsuda.

Here's Yuki Matsuda.

Oops! Are you ok, Yuki?

That was a close one.

Shine the champion.

Shine the champion.

Okay, thank you.

Well everyone, here's today's
guest Yuki Matsuda.

Yuki, in our interview today I'm going
to strip away your inhibitions

and delve into your most private things.
Are you ready for that?

I guess so.

Alright, so Yuki...

I hear that some high school girls
call you by a nickname.

Can you tell me what it is?

Double dragon.

Double dragon!
Well, where does that name come from?

When I kick the ball, my legs appear
to burst into flames.

For some fans that looks just like a dragon.
I mean... A double-headed dragon.

- A double-headed dragon?
- Yeah, that's where the name comes from.

Man, he raised a storm.

Father! Be careful!

Are you ok, father?

I'm a murderer...
I killed people in the war.

Are you alright?

Ever since then, I've never stopped
feeling guilty for what I did.

I'm sorry about everything.

Don't be sorry. It's alright.

But... I can't come back to
live with you anymore.

Excuse me, have you seen Taro?
I can't find him.

Damn it, where did he go?
I'll go back to look for him.

Wait a second.

Playing a game with two men...

You must be enjoying yourself.
Is it fun being a bitch?

No... That's not how it is.

I'm not saying I want them to
come back. It's not that.

I just don't like what your doing...
I have some pride you know.

Something stinks around here.
Don't you smell that?

The time a person passes away...
comes suddenly without warning.

Um, what do you mean by that?

I mean... We all die sooner or later.
Yeah, we're really living towards death.

Well, it's natural because we are human.

Anyway... don't worry about Taro.
He'll be back soon, okay.


Well it's time for work.
I'd better get going now.

I'll start looking for job today!

No need for you to worry about
getting a job, Yoko.

Oh, Taro?

What's up?

Well, just come in anyway.

Who's he?

Hmm... What kind of question is that?

What do you mean?

Well, I don't think I can describe a person in
a single word. It's not that simple.

Hey Taro, tell me how our country,
Japan is how?

Um well, I can't really describe it up with
a single word. It's not that simple

You're right. It's complicated.

Here's your coffee.

Oh! Wait, wait!

Noriko, I need some milk.


Your milk. I'm talking about these.

It won't come out.

What? Are you serious?

- Then, Taro's having his coffee without milk?
- Um, excuse me Michio, excuse me...

What really? I'm disappointed...
I want milk for him!

Excuse me, Michio.

Um, I actually like black better...

Ah, sorry. I just remembered I have
to go somewhere. I'll be right back.

My finger still hurts.

- My finger...
- Why? What happened?

You don't remember?
That's not funny man...

It got squashed between the
wheel and tire. Blam!

You don't remember that?

C'mon man! I said "Hold the tire!"

I didn't want to get hurt.
I told you to be careful.

Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

You released it, then "blam!"
My finger got injured.

It's bent, not straight now.
You see that?

- I'm sorry.
- Alright, alright... Never mind.

Don't worry about it.

I see a depressed looking buddy over there.
He seems quite down.

Give him some of this.

Here, it's only half but...
I hope he likes it.

Hey! Yeah you, man!

What the fuck is that? You won't get
paid if you don't do it properly.

Guys your age sometimes come here
for work. Most of you oldies are useless.

Listen, people's lives are depending on
your signals. Take it seriously!

Am I saying something

No, sir.

I'm damn right.

Alright, just do it properly, okay?

What do you say?

Your response?

- Yes...
- What?

Yes, sir.

Shit, you really get
on my nerve's...

Can you tell me what it is?

Don't worry,
it's just an easy job.

What kind?


What's the time?

- Excuse me?
- The time?

Damn! Hey, hey, wait.
What are you doing?

What do you want?!
Hey, wait. Cut it out!


No, I paid already.
I won't stop.

What!? Hey! Hey wait!
Huh? What?!

Are you alright?

That was the worst thing I've
ever experienced.

Damn, she stinks.

You should know I feel bad.
But she's a regular. What can I say...

Um, yeah.

Taro still hasn't come back yet?

Huh? What?

What did you say?

Um, we wonder if Taro is going
to come back here.

Ugh! It stinks!

Yoko, your hands smell all fishy!

Taro is probably at Michio's place.

Yeah, I think so too.

- What?
- He was Taro's senior in high school.

Oh, That stinks!
Really fishy!

Taro, you can stay here
a while, okay.

Well, but "for a while" has it's
end too. Life is short.

Michio, I don't know what to
do for the rest of my life.

Well, don't worry too much.
We all end up heading to this anyway.


Um, yes...

Even baseball players, and homeless too,
what's waiting for us all is this.

So, the best thing we can do
as a human is to have sex.

Well... but that's being watched
by people at NASA.


Well, people working for NASA
space center.


So, whatever we do is all watched by them
with a super high-efficiency camera.

They are watching us right now.

Um, yes...

Oh shit! There! Look!

NASA, are you watching?
Are you watching, NASA?

Hey, NASA! Noriko hey, you say
hello to them too.

NASA, are you watching?
Are you watching?

NASA, are you watching!

Hey, you too, Taro!

NASA, are you watching?
Excuse me, NASA? Are you watching?

- Say it more seriously!
- NASA, are you watching?

Hey, over here NASA!
American's can you see me?

Hey, NASA!
Are you watching?

NASA! Over here!

NASA! Are you watching?

- I'll take out the garbage for you.
- Thanks, I appreciate it.


- Alright, I'm off to work now.
- Have a good day.



What do you think they're doing?

No idea.

Huh? What's up?

Why are you smiling?

Taro, do you want to go
home with me now?

Huh! What?!

This is unexpected...

Are you sure?


I don't know why I've got
sunglasses on...

They make me look
like an idiot.


I feel like I've really
grown up today.


Okay, shall we go home?

Oh! Ouch!

Will you buy the jacket and
sunglasses for $120?

What? $120?
What brand are they?

Noriko, give me the money.

Thank you.

Well... seems like I just
brought these.

Also, I was in a bad mood the other
day so had my hair permed.

Huh, really?

How much did you
pay for that?


Thank you.

I should help you guys, right?

No, we don't need you.
leave us alone man!

Wake up. Hey... wake up.

C'mon wake up!

Umm... what's happening?


What's up?

Can l..?


It would be okay wouldn't it?

What do you mean?

Well, you know...

Ah, It's fine.
Never mind, no big deal.

I'm actually tired tonight anyway...

- What're you talking about?
- Oh, that's right...

I have to go to town tomorrow
to buy some food...

Shit, we don't have
enough money for that.

What is it?

Can I?

That hurt! What?

C'mon, you know
what I'm trying to do!

What's got into you?

Don't act like you don't know.
Why are you getting so mad?

- Huh, what?
- Come on.

Hey, that hurts!
Tell me what you want?

Taro, don't leave your underwear like that!
You're not a kid anymore.

No, no, no!

Sorry, were you sleeping,


Taro, I think you should
start working.

We don't have much money left,
you know that?

Yeah, I know that!
But the vegetables will be ready soon.

Well, what do we eat until then?

You and I should work, right?

Shut up! I know that.

- Like I was saying...
- Okay, I get it!

- You said that. You'll work, right!?
- I'll work!

Yeah, I will. I'll work.

Yoko, good night.

Good night.

Hello, how can I help you?

Um... I'm kind of in a rush.
So all to take away please.

Let's see...

Give me chicken burger
with Lucky Set.

Actually, two of those.

And... I also need two frozen yogurts.


Excuse me, what did
you do just now?

You just clucked your tongue?

He got fired today.

Oh, I see...

So, what should we do?

Do you want to do it?

Huh! What do you mean by that?
Don't go getting any weird ideas.

Don't worry, nothing like that.
Let's just talk for a while.

Oh, just talking... Well...

Oh, you've got small ears.
Let me see!

Huh, are they really?
I think they're normal.

Let me check them.
They're cute.

Hey, you're getting too close...
Huh, wait.

You smell so good.

Um... What?

- Nothing, don't worry.
- Hey, wait a second.

Wait, I didn't wash down
there today... Don't!

Hey, I really haven't washed
it today. So, not today...

- It's fine. I haven't washed mine either.
- Not so hard.

Just relax.

I can't believe it.


Hey! Yoko!

Wait a second, Yoko!
Did you used to go out with him?

No, it's not like that.

Why did you wave to him then?

Because I know him.

Well... I thought you
were a virgin?

And what if I'm not!

It doesn't matter...

Leave me alone then!

I've worked hard.
Really did my best.



Yoko, what're you listening to?


Come on... Just listen...

Hey Yoko, do you know
what kind of guy he is?

I can't understand you, Yoko...
It doesn't make sense to me at all.

What you say, what you do...

I just don't understand
what you think...

Why? I don't get it.

Why are you like this?... Shit!

Damn it! Shit! Shit!

Why? Damn it!


Damn it! Shit! Shit!

Taro, are you okay?

Okay, ok, ok, ok...

Yoko, don't worry about him.
Have a good night's sleep.

Okay. Good night

Taro, okay, okay...

Yoko, have a nice sleep.


- Go to hell.
- Ugh!


- Wait!
- Hey, hey, hey, what're you doing!?

Taro, stop it!


Stop it!

Hmm... construction work.

Oh shit. Look, a shabby-looking
man is coming up to us.

What a pity... Why is he doing
this for a job at his age?

Oh man...

Something seriously wrong
is going on in Japan.

Taro, why don't you eat something?

One of my co-workers
brought this meat for us.

It's really good, isn't it?

Yes, it's delicious.

Oh, he also gave me a bicycle.

Wow, he must be really nice?

I always flatter him,
he must enjoy it.

Oh, that's how it is.

It was really delicious!

Hey, stop! Hold it right there.

I said stop.

Why do you eat the parsley?

- No special reason.
- Don't!

Don't eat the parsley.

Your getting on my nerves!

Your really pissing me off!

C'mon. Taro...

Are you going to cry?

You're a woman so what you
should do next is cry, right?

Cry if you want. That's how you get
others mercy, right?

I'll kneel to you and say "I'm sorry".
So cry, cry now!


Don't throw meat like that!

Taro! Stop it!


Taro, that was really macho of you...

You know it's no good behaving
like that, right?

So, are you getting used to this?

Hey, your doing it wrong.
Move it back and fourth, like this.

Did you make up with Yoko?

It hurts!

- Hey old
man! H
-Yes? ov

Wait, just stop that!
Why are you clearing these away how?

- Well... I thought that'd be more smooth.
- What?

Um, I thought it'd be more
smooth doing it this way...

What're you talking about?
I said, "Panels first!"

Don't you ever listen!

Hey you! No!
Do it from there! There!

I'll tell the owner about you if you don't
do it right. Do you understand that man!

It's a piece of cake, easy.

What? It's not a piece of cake!
Take the job seriously man!

You're so heavy!

- It's fine, just pedal the bicycle!
- Ouch my back!

You're shaking too much.

Keep it steady!

- Jeez, you're a terrible driver.
- You're so heavy that I can't go straight!

Hey, before you go in...

So you're going to
apologize to Yoko, right?

Yeah of course, I'll apologize to her.
And you know what...


I'm thinking of telling her
that I love her.

- Really, are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious!

Wow! Hey, give this to her.
It's a hot coffee.

Off 1 go...

Here, coffee...

It's a present.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything.

Well, and... I have something else
I want to tell you.


Yoko, do you smoke?

May I have one?

Um... I'm a bad girl.

You guys are late!

Taro, let's work hard together!

Another argument with Yoko?

You should hurry and patch
things up with her.

I know it's not easy but...

Do you know where Taro is?

Nope, no idea...

Well, I don't really want
to hear that...

Um... I know you also want
to know where he is.

You're right, sorry man...


Oh, I saw Taro the other day.
Your good friends with each other, right?

As you go down the prefectural road,
there's a tunnel.

And you'll see a small old
house just after the tunnel...

Oh yeah, we've been
there before, right?

So he's come back then.

You guys know Yoko Nomura, don't you?

I fucked her.
She was really wet.

Look, it splashed on my clothes.
Come on, take a look at this.

Um... I can't really see
anything there...

What? You don't see that?

Here, try smelling it.

- I don't smell anything.
- I don't either.

Taro, where have you been?

Oh, are you working now?

Yeah, he is working,
definately working now.

I only have one bicycle, sorry...

Don't worry, it's fine.

we'll run.

And follow after you.

Okay, let's get going then.

Are you alright?

Hey, are you guys okay?

- Yes, I'm fine.
- I'm okay, too.

Let's all have dinner together.

Hey, drink some more!

- Oh, I'm Kind of drunk already.
- Have some more!

Come on, I know you can drink more.
That's it! Good!

Yeah, and you too.

That's a funny face?

Oh, you like it, don't you!

Oh, look, watch this...

Funny daddy!

You laughed, funny, huh?


Dismissed daddy!

Funny, right?

Of course it was.

Taro, you've got good friends.

They think I'm funny.

I'll do it once more.


Hey you too!
You laughed, didn't you?


Can I just have your attention for a second.
I've got something to reveal.

I, I had sex with Takagi.
Sorry, I'm really sorry.

That's it, thank you.

What! What the fuck was that?
What do you mean?

Well, what can I say? I don't know...
I just did it... It just happened...

You're lying aren't you?

I said I did it!

Why? Why? I don't understand at all!


Yoko, let's go outside.
We need to talk!

Ouch! Shit!

What? What?

I wanted to get intimate with you!
But I waited!

Now I really understand that.
I'm sorry!

Why did you do it with him?

I don't know that!


I said I don't know!

I'm trying to understand you.
But I can't if you say you don't know!

Forgive me!

I forgive you!

- Forgive me!
- I forgive you!

Oh! Ouch! Shit!

What? What is it?

...Oh! What is this?

What do you mean by that!?

I don't get it!
It's not small at all!

You let another guy have it and
your hole gets big. I'm right, ain't I'?

How dare can you say that!
You haven't seen any before

Let me take a good look at it then!

Don't say it like that!

I'm saying. Just let me see it!

Then look at it!
Take a good look at it! Here!

You see it, hum!

Big! Big! It's big I say!

Look more! Here! Go ahead!

- It's just a hole! What else can I say!
- Look more! Here! Go ahead!

I don't know, what else can we say?

That's enough!

Give me the hole!

Hey, hey wait!
What're you doing! Let me go!

Let go...

Why don't you use yours! Face that!
Are you scared! Come on, use it!

I'm not scared! Shit!

Ouch! Ouch! It's hurts! Shit!

What? What's wrong with you?
What happened?

- Shit! Maybe I can't do it! Oh shit!
- What!? What's wrong?

- It hurts! It hurts!
- What's wrong?

- Should I help clean this up?
- Yeah, thanks.

Should I put this back?

Yes, please.

How about these?


- Oh, can you throw this away too?
- Okay.

It hurts!

Oh my god!
I see the bone!

That hurts!

- Don't touch it!
- Hey! It's kind of serious! The bone is showing!

Koichi! Help!
Taro's dying!

Koichi! Koichi!

Taro needs help!

Hurry up!

Oh hell! What am I going to do?
Water! Bring some water!

- Hurry up!
- It hurts!

- Koichi!
- I'm coming.

No! No! It hurts!

Koichi, hurry!

- Ugh!
- Are you okay?

I'll buy us some noodle
soup for dinner.

Noodle soup... is that all?

Hey, you know my salary!

Yeah, we work at the same place.

How about Yoko?

What about her?

Well, I guess she won't
come with us?

Yeah, she will if
I ask her.

Really, she will?

Yeah, I think so.

She will?

I said she will!

- She will!
- I said she will, didn't I!

Oh, she will.

Alright, I'll go and pick her up.

Wow! Look at you!
Is that your riding style? Funny!

Go, go, go!


Directed by Yuya Ishii