Bang Boom Bang - Ein todsicheres Ding (1999) - full transcript

That thing is so hot.

Man, I tell ya.

You just gently touch the gas...
and bang!

You break the sound barrier.

Like with a chick.
You try out one make and then another.

A sports car or an old timer.
Or a rental. What the heck.

Maybe
you might even need a van sometime.

When you go on an outing, or you move.

But everybody's gotta have one car

that really suits him.

One with style and character.



You understand?... A baby.

That you can love.

You gotta look after it and caress it,

fill it up with gas. It costs a lot.
A baby needs loving care.

But in return, it might stay with you
till the end of your days.

Your very own property.

You know how many vehicles
I've driven in my life?

I total led most of 'em. What the hell.

But this one here...

This one...

I fell in love with it right away.

Hey, Kalle. Nobody's gonna be driving
a car that color nowadays.

Hey man, didn't I tell you
to keep your trap shut? Huh?

Ain't that enough?



I just wanted to...
- Stop talking!

Just watch it, buddy!

When we're discussing something,
you just keep your fucking mouth shut!

Jesus!

Forget him. He thinks he's big stuff
for assaulting some chick.

In reality,
that bum can't even get a hard-on.

Listen...

I've spent three and a half years
in this fucking clink.

And I've had the same dream
every night.

I'm bolting along the freeway
at 150 mph in that coupe.

That's what I call freedom.

Listen, I'm ordering that car from you,
two years in advance.

And when I get out, I want...

my woman wearing high heels in this car,
a Mercedes 500 SEC,

with a full tank and polished bright,

waiting for me outside the door.
Is that possible?

I can get ya the car.
- Okay.

So let's talk about the price.
How much would I have to invest?

Well, let's say...

The way this thing looks... 25 grand.

Proper documents, license plates...
another 15 grand.

A full tank goes without saying.

40 grand, since we're pals. Okay?

That's my man!

A buddy of mine on the outside
owes me a bunch.

That guy is a real nut.

Always high... and as lazy as a...
I can't even tell ya how lazy he is.

His name's Dirk, but some retard
from his neighborhood couldn't say it.

So since then,
everybody calls him "Keek."

Keek?
- Yeah!

But you gotta give it to that guy.
He's okay. You can sure trust him.

A Sure Thing

Good morning, Maike.
- Hi, Keek.

Were you at the stadium again this week?

Some bastard swiped my season ticket.
- I don't believe it.

I bet you were pissed.
- You can say that again.

My boyfriend was there and said
it was the best game in ages.

Hey, Maike. What's the deal
on "Didi, the Lookalike?"

Every time I'm here it's gone.

I bet one of your video junkies didn't
return it. Can you check the computer?

Just a sec. I'll find out.

Oh baby, my back's all torn up
from the fun we had on the pool table.

Hi, Keek. Cool to see you.

How's it going, Franky?
- Cool and easy, man.

I got something for you,
but look around first.

Don't they need ya down there, baby?
- There's no way this week.

I'll check downstairs.
But don't run away.

I'll be up again in a sec.
- Sure thing.

Keek, did you rent the film yourself?

What? - You rented the film yourself.
Three months ago.

Shit, it's probably lying around.
I'll bring it by tomorrow.

Got anything new?

"New Release" section.
- Forget it. "Cheech and Chong."

Those guys are cool.
- Gimme your membership card. - Sure.

Here y'are, man. "In the Hole."
- Full of fucking?

The very best. 90 minutes of hardcore.
Real feelings.

Am lon it, too?
- No. Take a guess.

No!
- Yeah.

Only me. Don't say a thing.
Just have a look at it.

I'm the hottest guy around.

Who are you birds?
- We got a deal.

Get lost!

Car radios?

A UFO!

Hey, you crazy ass!
- Fuck off.

Watch out I don't slit the fucking tires

on your shitty car!
- Shitty car!

You speak German?
- Yes, I do.

Yeah, we talked on the phone.

I'm Werner Kampmann. This is my son Mark.
- Hello.

Did you have a nice trip?
- Good trip.

It's easy driving
on the German Autobahn.

German Autobahn good.
- Great!

I suggest that we go into my office
and discuss business.

Okay.
- Yeah...

Schlucke! Schlucke!

Hey, Schlucke!
Have the guys back up to the door,

so they can load the computers.

C'mon, roll up your sleeves.
It's all for you.

Comrades.

Wow, what a classy pad.
So your old man peddles cocaine?

How much is a pot like this?
- Be careful!

Keek.
- I couldn't reach you. Where you been?

I had to take care of some business.

You reach another high score?
Listen, I got hot tip for you.

Don't feed me your hot tips.
Remember what you told me last time?

Honest, man.
Forget what I tell you last time.

This time, odds are forty to one.
We gotta place a bet.

What d'ya mean "we?" It's my money.

Don't give me that shit!
It's Kalle's money.

How much? - Are you sure it isn't some
decrepit old dud like last time?

Fuck off, man.

Horst is in top form. A good buddy
give me his training times.

Is that the jockey?
- Horst is the horse.

What? Horst is the horse?
Then he ain't going nowhere.

Listen, I go bet forty. Okay?
- How much do I have left?

About forty-five.
- Shit, man.

Bet twenty-five.
- Watch it, asshole...

That old nag had better win,
or I'm in trouble.

A wise decision, my friend.

I swear, you won't regret it.
- I hope not. - Okay.

See ya, buddy. Sorry.

Everything on Horst.

The exact amount down to the last cent.

Mark, give our friend
some "titty" calendars. - Okay.

So you got something to take back home.
- Boss. - Yeah, Schlucke? What is it?

The goods are all loaded.
- Great, Schlucke... Mark!

Go out and see our friends off.

Have a good trip. Careful at the border.
- Always careful.

It was a pleasure...
- The pleasure's all mine. Bye.

Schlucke, the same procedure as always.
Luigi arrives at the airport at 3 p.m.

From Zurich. He gets the bag.
- Alright, boss.

Great. I gotta run over to the stadium.
The game's about to start.

You can reach me on my cell phone.
- Got it.

Everything okay, man?
- Can you breathe?

Leave him alone.

Put your arms up.

Get up, pussy.
- Are you nuts? - It's your fault.

Stopping my ball with your cock.

Get him off the field. I wanna play.
- Hey, Medusa!

Watch out, or I'll kick you outta here!

Hey, cunt face!
I'm gonna shove my cleats up your ass

till you shit spaghetti!
- Try it! - Kiss me.

Not here! You understand?

Get rid of the ref!
- Go on!

Potato fucker.

Isn't he cute?

Go on. Talk to him.

I don't know.
I don't think he's interested in me.

Oh, it's you. Come in.
- Our visiting time's in 30 minutes.

Yeah, I'm almost finished.
- Don't forget to pretty yourself up.

What's going on here now?

What does he mean?
- What?

Hey, who are you?

D'you mind if I ask you first?
- Listen, asshole.

Don't bullshit me, 'cause you had your
first one night stand. - Cool it!

What the fuck?

Should I act like a nun
just 'cause that guy's doing time?

You don't have to act like a whore.

Werner, it's me. Schlucke.

I've been waiting 30 minutes.
- I know. Luigi called.

He's coming next week.
A delay in Frankfurt.

Come to the stadium.
- Sure thing.

Schlucke?
- Yeah?

Where's the bag?

Here.
- Okay, find yourself a locker

and lock up the bag. Then come here
with the key. Got it? - Yeah.

Well? What's the score?
- Zero zero.

Andy!... What's wrong with Andy?

You really missed something, Werner.

Action Andy clobbered that cocksucker
wearing number 11.

Great, Andy!

I'll pay for your red card!

You guys take Andy as an example!
None of that pansy stuff like last week!

Hey, sweetie. Finished the letters?
- They'll be sent tomorrow.

Quite a trainee, huh?
Tits that knock your eyes out.

Good fun, huh?

A sausage.

That fat pig is so disgusting.

It took a while.
- What d'you think?

You think I forgot how to fuck?

It's better than the set of dildos
I gave you, isn't it? - You bet.

What am I here for anyway?

My cigarettes.

Alright.
- Here.

Something to look at
when your wife isn't here.

Thanks. They're always popular here.

Listen, I got a job for you.

What?

I ordered myself a car. Understand?

The Mercedes?
- Exactly, honey.

You're gonna pick me up here
with that car in 23 months.

Wearing high heels.

Aren't you being a bit careless?

Yeah, you're right.

Put on flats when you drive.

I ordered the car from a guy
I met in here. His name's "Rat."

Here's his address.
- How much?

Forty.
- No problem.

In cash.
- Yeah. - And don't let 'em screw ya.

I got a friend who's a car mechanic...

I'll take him along.

Hey, Andy. That was the kind
of operation I really go for.

That asshole tackled me
a couple of times before.

I'll clobber him again if I see him.
- Yeah, clobber him

if he acts like an ass.

Listen, we gotta talk about

your insurance...
or we're gonna miss the deadline.

Yeah, I know.
Should I go see another doctor?

Gerd Gebauer is one of the best
orthopedists. I talked to him again.

And he said there's nothing we can do.

Look at it this way.
You're well insured.

You get a good invalidity pension.
The club gets reimbursed.

And Gerd Gebauer said
if you don't overexert your leg,

you won't have any more problems.

I've already filled it out, so you don't
have to bother about this shit.

All you gotta do is sign.
Take it home and read it,

and bring it back to me next week.

Andy, I gotta go-

Should I call off my try-outs
in Dortmund?

Yeah, you can forget pro soccer.
- Oh shit! It's the chance

I've been working for.
- You're no dreamer! Come down to earth!

Your job isn't so bad.

And the next time my trucks are ailing,
I'll call ya.

We'll keep in touch.

You should give me a call.
You've really got something special...

Hey, Franky.
- Hey. Let me introduce ya: Nina...

And this is... Sorry, I forgot.
- Valeria. - Hi.

Did ya see it? - What?
- My video "In the Hole." - Sure.

Was I hot?
- Yeah, cool.

Hey, champ. Have you calmed down?
- What d'ya want?

Jesus, Andy.
You can't clobber everyone in your way.

What good is it? You're suspended.
- So what?

My fucking knee wouldn't last
90 minutes anyway.

It doesn't help to get upset.
Have a smoke.

It'll help you relax.

Can't you do it alone?
- I have no idea about cars.

Okay, but I won't drive it back.
- Why not?

They suspended my license for 5 months.
- When?

Two days ago. 15 clicks over the limit.
- For 5 months?

I had a little fight with the cops.

Those fucking cowards were hiding
behind a recycling container.

All you gotta do is drive my car back.
15 miles at most.

Forget it. if the cops catch me
I'll lose it for a year.

What can I do as a car mechanic
without a license?

Hi, Andy.
- Schlucke, you scarecrow. Pull over.

Got a license?

For trucks, too.

Great. Are you free tomorrow night?

Yeah.

You know, you've been working here
for two months,

but you haven't smiled at me once.

Satisfied?

Is that your game?
You play the prude?

C'mon. Admit it.
You got the hots for me.

Otherwise you wouldn't always wear
such a tight T-shirt.

Don't you wanna spit out the lollipop
and suck on my dick instead?

Jack off in the toilet, okay?
But leave me alone.

I'm not that hard up.

I spent the whole night
screwing like a wild man.

And now your ass hurts.

Hey sweetie. Are you putting the make
on my son again?

I don't think sweetie wants
to work for us anymore.

You said the letters were finished.
- I said they'd be sent tomorrow.

36, 24, 36... Your "grades."

That's why we hired you.

Now go out and leave us alone.
We have to talk business between men.

Right, Schlucke?
- Yeah.

Isn't our sweetie sweet?

I hope she's here long enough
for you to get a piece.

But you gotta hurry.
She's no good for anything else.

It's all taken care of.
- Like I figured, Schlucke.

You're my best man.

Sit down. I gotta talk to you.

Here, take mine.

Thank you.

Listen, Schlucke.

You gotta do me a little favor.
I'm having a party tomorrow for the guys

from the club.
During that time, I want you

to break in here and mess things up.

Break open the gate, pry open the door,

raise the warehouse door, etc.

Yes, but why should I break
into our company?

We want to cheat the insurance company.

So we cash in twice. From the dagos
and the insurance company.

Hey, boss.

You know I did some time.

What could go wrong?
- Not like that, Mark.

If he has doubts, let's talk about it.

How long have you worked for me?

20 years.

20 years.

Have I ever let you down
in all those 20 years?

No, boss.

You see.

I don't know if you remember
how I got my friend Brinkmann

to take your place in court

because of that peeping Tom affair.

Sure, I do.

You see. I was always on your side.

Now you gotta do something for me.

I scratch your back,
and you scratch mine. We call that

the principle of friendship.

You want one, too?

Yes, please... Thanks.

A light.

Okay, Schlucke...

We wanna work together
for 20 more years, right? - Sure.

No, leave it. You can keep it.

Put it in your pocket.

Okay, I'll do it.

Wonderful!
- Great, Schlucke.

I knew you were a man of action.

It isn't that dangerous anyway.

Exactly, Schlucke. It's a sure thing.
- It's cinch.

Okay, it's time for a drink.

This way.

"Franky's Fuck Parade."

"In the Hole."

Can you show me how?

Fast forward.

Nobody wants to see that.

Nobody wants to see your stupid face.
Show me the chick.

Do it.

This is terrible.

C'mon. Do it.

Put it in the hole.

You finally turned off that shit.

That chick was as ugly as sin.

Shut your fucking mouth!

I wanted to call you,
but it was too close.

What d'you mean?

Like I said, it was too close.

You understand?

Horst had a bad day.

A bad day?
You said he was an inside tip.

A super inside tip.

I went in there with this inside tip

and bet on Horst. I was really happy,
'cause you were gonna hit the jackpot.

What should I do?
The fucking horse came in second.

What about the dough?
- All gone.

Hey, Keek. You know how it is.

Some days you lose.

Some days you win.

How could you be so stupid
to bet on Horst?

It isn't all gone.
I didn't bet everything.

Here. We still got twenty.
- But the car costs forty.

You need forty?
No problem. Why you not tell me?

I take care of my friends.

My grandpa's name was Horst.

The more I hear that name,
the more stupid it sounds.

I gotta buy a car for Kalle.

What should I tell him? "Thanks, pal,
for keeping your mouth shut 4 years."

By the way, I lost your money.
Horst had a bad day."

Finished? Here...

It's for you.

Are you trying to fuck me over?
This stuff is forged.

You're telling me.

Shitty Polish printing plates.
Lousy quality.

They cheat me. We cheat the next guys.
It's a cycle.

You understand?
I show you good trick. You mix 'em.

Genuine, forged, genuine, forged...

Understand?

I could've thought of that before.

Hello!
- Excuse me?

Ignition.
- Oh yes.

That's supposed to be a motor?

I can't see it myself, but I know
somebody... He'll take a look.

Andy!
- What is it?

Come here, you wild welder.

My eyes just aren't up to par anymore.
But you'll manage it.

Could the team move up this season?

I've seen almost all the home games.
- Step on the gas.

Well?
- Sounds good for a 20-year-old car.

Maybe I should change the spark plugs.
- Great. I wanted to go on vacation.

What's going on here?

Leave the car here.
And give me your number.

I'll call you when it's finished.
Probably tomorrow afternoon.

Forget it. I always lose messages.
Write it down here.

Thanks.
- Okay, I'll be back tomorrow afternoon.

Take care.
- Ciao.

One of your fans.
- Sure. I have her number.

Let's step on it. We gotta buy a car.
After that, I got practice.

Why don't you have the car delivered?

Don't worry.
We got everything under control.

I see. It's... a used car.

The deal isn't kosher. Understand?
- All you gotta do

is drive this car back.
That's all you need to know.

And shut up about it, okay?

I know all about that stuff.

I'm planning my own little job.

It's a sure thing.

Don't give me that crap
about planning a job.

A little break-in, at a company.

I got everything figured out.

Get in and enjoy a new round
of Bumper Cars 2000.

Have a look. Isn't she a beauty?

All the options. As ordered.
- Well?

Got the forty grand?
- Sure, we wanna take the car with us.

Gimme it!

We counted it.

What year is it?

Has the car had an accident?
- What?

Somebody did some welding on it.

Call the dog!
- The chassis is a bit crooked.

The car is okay. What's wrong?
No bartering. The car is fine.

We don't want to barter.
Hey, the price was agreed on!

Nothing was agreed on.

Does he bite?
- Arne, is the money okay? - Yeah!

Hey, get outta there. We made a deal.
- We're paying, so stay out of it!

This car is a real junk heap.
- We got it from the first owner.

The car is in perfect shape!
- It sucks! Look at this! - What?

It's nothing.

Andy, the car's okay. Let's take it.

Wait. They're trying to cheat us.
- Ole!

Come here.

We got trouble.

I've been doing business with these guys
for years. They play it straight.

What does he want? - Got a problem?
- Forget it, Andy.

Okay?
- I thought you wanted me to help you.

That guy wants to sell you a junk heap.

Good dog.

The suspension arm is bent, too.

It's okay. Give us the money.
We'll think it over and come back again.

Andy, come outta there!

The guys brought the car from Hamburg.
You can't just turn it down

like a pair of shoes. - Hey, asshole!
If we don't want it, we won't take it!

I told ya the car's okay.

It's a nice car.

Stay outta this!
Nobody's gonna cheat me!

Wotan!
- Help!

Andy, I mixed in some forged bills.
Let's go.

We'll take it.

Why get worked up? It went off terrific.
The best way to get rid of those bills.

Those stupid Vikings wouldn't recognize
our money anyway. The car runs fine.

It's just that Schlucke shit his pants.

That guy is so stupid.
"I'm planning a job myself.

I've figured it all out."
- No burglar alarm.

No security men.
The place has lots of valuable stuff.

Laptops, for example. I know
all about 'em. They're portable.

Doesn't sound bad. When are you gonna
pull it off? - Tomorrow night.

Okay, I'll join you.
- What?

I'll join you.

That won't work. You understand...

It's a job for one man alone...

Don't give me that bull. I'll join you.

And if not, the cops are gonna get
an anonymous call tomorrow.

Escaped
from Dortmund's penitentiary last night.

Karl-Heinz Grabowski is dangerous.

Before escaping,
he assaulted a fellow prisoner.

Grabowski was arrested in July 1995

for several robberies,
including Dortmund's Indigo Bank.

He was sentenced to five years.
The police have no trace yet.

We now switch to Chief Inspector
Schréder from Dortmund's Police Dept.

Who heads the search. Mr. Schroder,
what is the momentary situation?

Immediately following Grabowski's escape
from the Dortmund penitentiary,

we began our intensive search for him.

At the moment, we can't say for certain
where Grabowski is hiding...

but we made a first analysis...

You're here?

I just saw you on TV.
- What about that fucking porn?

What's wrong?
- Didn't you look at that fucking porn?

I didn't get around to it.
- You got a gun?

You know I don't.
I don't believe in that stuff.

Guns only cause damage.
- Fuck it. I got something.

What's the knife for?
- To stab that guy to death!

Who?
- The bastard who fucked my old lady!

Who?
- That porn ass fucked my old lady!

What?

Who said that guy
could fuck my old lady?

I'm gonna kill him!

It's a cool car, huh?
- The key!

Give me the key!
- Isn't the car cool?

Yeah, cool. Get in.

Q.“
s.“

Don't you wanna think it over?

Maybe he didn't know...
- Cut the bullshit!

Where's that fucking joint?

You just drove past.

We could've walked.

Wait here. I'll see if he's there.

Hi, is Franky here?
- I haven't seen him yet.

Could he be in his studio downstairs?

Somebody's there,
but I don't know if he's there.

Did you bring the videos with you?
- I forgot. I'll bring 'em tomorrow.

That's what you always say.
And be quiet!

It's good you hired me, boss.
I haven't had a job in ages.

Yes, you have a good job in my company.

Could you stop for a sec?
- We're in the middle of a scene!

I need to talk to Franky!
- I can't work like this.

A total turn-off! Look at me.
I go limp right away.

It's the same every day!

Cool down. I'll be gone in a sec.
- Franky isn't here.

Can I go on working now?

I need a few minutes.
- Can I call him? - Sure.

Then give me your cell phone.
This is important.

Franky, here's some joker
who wants to talk to you.

He didn't say... Here he is.

Go over there, so we can work.
- Thanks.

Franky, good thing I reached you.
This is Keek.

Hi, Keek. You horny bastard.
Want some new videos?

Listen, did you fuck Manuela Grabowski
in your Fuck Parade?

Manuela Grabowski? Nope. - Think!
- Oh, you mean Manu? Sure!

Are you stupid! She's the wife of Kalle
who broke out of prison last night

and wants to rub you out.
- Relax, man.

Who's Kalle?
- Kalle Grabowski.

Are you still there?
- Shit!

Hurry up back there!

Why did he break out?
- Who cares? You gotta get away fast.

Maybe I could talk to him.

Forget it. Kalle isn't a very good
talker. He sees it a bit differently.

What should I do?
- Get outta town.

At once. Until things have cooled down.
- I'll be right there.

No! Don't come here! Frank!

How do I call him?
- What's going on?

Fast!
- Here!

Thanks.

Yeah? - Franky?
Don't come to the studio! Okay?

Get in! C'mon!

Well, that was it. Where's the dough?
- At the bank.

I tuned up the engine, too.
- Great. Thanks. How much do you get?

Give me 35 for the new spark plugs.
- Is that all?

The rest is service.

Then let me treat you to some ice cream.
- Great. I'm off work now anyway.

Willy!
' What's up?

Listen, I'm going out for ice cream.
I'll finish up tomorrow. - What?

Are you off your rocker?
Oh, I got the picture.

Yes...
you don't even have a regular income.

So we can't even offer you
a line of credit.

I'm sorry, Mr...

Keek.

Don't you know anyone
who can vouch for you?

Forget it. Thank you.

Everything's okay.

Where's the dough?

It's not that simple. I invested it.
Now I gotta do all the paperwork.

For example, I bought the car.

That makes forty.
- I told you, Kalle.

I invested it. Real estate, etc.
Don't you think people would wonder

if I was out of work
with 200 grand in my account?

I didn't know you'd show up so soon.

I'm gonna come by tomorrow
to pick up the dough.

Now get out.

I don't want to stay here all my life.

But not everybody can do what he wants.

Some frustrated job advisor
told me that, too.

Then she gave me a computer printout
saying what I should be.

A secretary, an accountant's assistant,
a florist... Thanks!

You work at Kampmann, don't you?

Not anymore.
Not since 9 o'clock this morning.

Did you quit?
- Not quite.

He fired me. But I didn't want to finish
my training there anyway.

Why did he fire you?
- Too many private calls.

That fat ass had them send
a list of individual calls.

How much did your calls cost?

No idea. I was bored

so I called a girlfriend.

That way I balanced out the bad pay.

And now?

I'm going on a trip.
- You gotta do something.

I didn't say I won't do anything.
I want to enjoy life first.

Look around. Most people never even try
to make something of their lives.

They keep dreaming their dream,

and someday they wake up and realize
they can't remember what they dreamed.

Do you have a dream?

I'm not a dreamer.
I see things more realistically.

Realists are boring.

Am I boring?

I wouldn't be here
if that was my first impression.

And your second impression?

What's your impression of me?

What's that nut doing here?

Good thing l found you.
I gotta talk to you.

Sit down.
- Not here.

Does it have to be now?
- Yeah, it's urgent.

How long?
- Come on.

Sorry, Melanie.
You can see this guy's crazy.

That's too bad.
I'd have liked a second impression.

We can meet tonight.
- When?

At the clubhouse at 10?
- I'll be there.

Thanks for the ice cream.
- Ciao.

You know Schlucke better than I do.
- Sure. I know he's an idiot.

He just wants to brag.
Recently he told me

he'd screwed three chicks
in a train compartment

and driven a 9-ton truck to Cologne
and back in 90 minutes.

Maybe he wasn't just jabbering.
Maybe there's something valuable there.

And if not, we'd have fun.
- What's wrong with you?

I thought times had changed.
D'you need dough? - No...

I didn't know they tax what you win
at gambling. Now I gotta pay loads.

They wanna take away my house
and the car.

The Ford?
- Bastards, huh? So, yes or no?

You can really get on my nerves.
- Sorry, I ruined your date,

but we're talking about my car.
- Actually you came just in time.

The chick was getting into psycho stuff.
- Okay, gimme five.

Nope, I'm gonna pull it off alone.

Hey, Schlucke. We're buddies.

No, I'm gonna do it alone.

I've never seen him like this before.
Let's go.

Then, at least,
I'll be on time for my date.

You bum! Where were you?
I've been waiting my ass off.

Isn't that...?

What's he doing here?
- None of your fucking business.

Schlucke, did you tell him
you were planning a job, too?

You didn't seriously tell this bum
about it, did you?

Are you looking for trouble?
- Stay cool, guys.

Are you crazy, Schlucke?
I thought we were buddies!

Yes, but Rat is a buddy, too.

A buddy?
You just met this bum yesterday!

We're gonna pull it off together, okay?

Or do you have a problem?
- No, I don't.

Forget it. We plan a break-in,
and the whole town knows about it.

Just relax a bit, okay?

Are we gonna get going now or not?

Yes... we arranged to meet at 9:30.

It's already past.
So get your gear together and let's go.

Q.“
s.“

Sure, I'll be finished in a moment.

A moment? - Better now than tomorrow
when he's advertised in the paper.

I got a date. - Don't tell me
that the chick is more important

than our job here. - It has nothing
to do with it. I just don't break dates.

Go out with her tomorrow.
That chick's hot for you.

Forget him. All the more for us.

Shut up! Why d'you look so stupid?

It's nothing. Everything's okay.

What's that all about?
- Camouflage.

I didn't know he wanted to break into
Kampmann's. I'm getting out.

Don't leave me alone with that nut.

If you go in there, count me out.
- Then wait here and keep watch.

That's the least you can do.
- I'm leaving in 30 minutes.

Say, was Andy here tonight?
- Nope.

I bet he's living it up
at the club party at Kampmann's.

What should we steal? The fork lifter?

Shit!

So the boss delivered the goods.

Sorry, GUYS-

Let's get outta here fast.
- You don't believe we'd hightail it?

Let's check the office since we're here.

So, can you handle that one?

No way.
- Then let's get outta here.

Wait a sec.

You think Schlucke fucked it up?
The cops should've called by now.

That guy's good for nothing.

I should've thrown him out ages ago.

Where did you learn that?

Haven't you ever seen "Crime Watch?"

That's good.
- You can't do that.

Why?
- What if the cops come?

What about the cops?

Good idea, Schlucke.
Go outside and be the look-out.

Go on out, Schlucke.

The check, please.

Two fifty.

Oh no! Got anything smaller?

Keep it.
I'll put it on Andy's tab.

Thanks.
- Yeah.

Bye.

Hey Schlucke!
What's taking those bums so long?

They're drilling apart the safe.

Man, you're a real champ.

Not even old Lowitzer
could've done such a good job.

Look, Andy. Am I good or what?

Why are you breaking into the safe?

Let's get outta here!
I don't want anything to do with this!

Shut up, asshole!

What was that?

Hey guys, somebody's out there.
- What?

A noise.
- Cool it, Schlucke. C'mon, Andy.

We'll check the warehouse,
and you two check outside.

What're you looking for, huh?

Nothing here. - Maybe it was a pigeon.
Let's get outta here.

Let's clean out the safe first.

Hurry up, you asshole!
- I'm almost finished.

I'll look for the two idiots.

Did you see anybody?

Where's Schlucke?
- He ran away.

He ran away?
- He bullshitted us.

There's nothing worth stealing here.

He got lost,
and that's just what I'm gonna do now.

Then get lost, you bum!
You shouldn't have come at all!

Only files in the safe.
Not even small change.

Let's get outta here. Schlucke and
that psycho have already left. - What?

They hightailed it.
I told you that Schlucke's nuts.

Why the fuck do I let you
talk me into these things?

Instead of sleeping with a nice chick,
I break into this place!

Shit!

You're such an idiot!

Shit!

I'm sorry. I didn't even notice
that your hand was there.

Shit, I can't open it.
The door's jammed.

I'm not in the mood for your jokes.

It's no joke.
This fucking thing is stuck.

Out of the way. Let me do it.

Find something to stop me
from bleeding everywhere.

Got a first-aid kit in the car?
- No.

But there must be something here.

The bolt is bent.

I can't reach the lock.

I got something here. Let me see.

My thumb is gone.

All of it.

The first trucks'll be arriving.
We gotta get outta here.

Are you nuts? My thumb is in there,
and I'd like to have it back!

Maybe they can sew it on.
And the cops have my fingerprints!

I'm a goner if they find my thumb!

I might as well write my address
on the top.

We gotta weld it open! C'mon! Help me!

Willy has a welding torch.

Be careful. I can only use one hand.

Q.“
s.“

Faster! It's getting worse.
- How much longer?

Don't know. Some TV show said
you can sew it on within 90 minutes.

But it was a kid's show. Step on it,
or I'll never hold a joystick again.

My car! - We got photographed.
Or didn't you notice?

Jesus! Look at that, will you?!

You told me to drive faster.
- But not here! There's a camera!

It must be new.

Still got your bat in the car?
- What for?

A photo of a car with a safe
isn't so good.

Wake up, Willy.

Are you nuts
waking me up in the middle of the night?

Other people live here, too.
They'll throw slippers at you.

Sorry, Willy. We got a problem.
You gotta help us.

Honey, baby bear will be right there.
Everything's okay.

That's the problem.
- My buddy's thumb got cut off.

Should I screw it on again?
- Come down here, Willy.

You're getting on my nerves.

What's this fucking thing?
Hey! He needs to go to the hospital!

Willy, his thumb's in there.
You gotta cut it open.

How did it get in there?

It's a long story and we gotta hurry,
so they can sew on the thumb.

I'd be very grateful to you
if you cut the safe open.

Who drilled it open?

I did.

Don't try to fool me!
You guys ripped it off!

I told you, it's an emergency.

Where did you get the safe?

At Kampmann's.

What?... I don't believe ya.

You gotta be kidding!

The drag-marks lead directly
from Kampmann's to here,

directly to my gas station.

I don't believe it!

You don't only look like shit!
You guys are shit!

You lead the cops
directly to the gas pump.

We can drag it somewhere else.
- Where to? Morocco?

Jesus! I can't get over it!

Just count your blessings
that I hate Kampmann.

That fat pig!

Otherwise you could bury that finger
in there! Understand?

Don't give me that stupid look!

Why am I getting so worked up?

C'mon. Bring it in here.

What about the files?
- Fuck 'em! Where's my thumb?

Just relax, pal.

I think I got it. Here.

Oh, it's all dirty.
Are you sure it's yours?

Got any ice to cool it?
- Sure... Just call me Willy.

Hurry up, Wm)'-

Hey man, don't rush me.

Okay, here's your finger on the rocks.
But you'd better hurry.

Now off to the hospital.
And hands off the nurses,

or you might lose more fingers!
I'll take care of the safe.

Look at this, Petra. Here is
the musculus felxor pollicis longus.

Give me the mosquito clamp,
so I can grab the matching piece.

How's it going?
- D'you want to take a look?

No, thanks. It'd make me sick.

Will it grow back on?
- We can't say now,

but it looks good.

Insurance Policy

Did you ever have a knee injury?
- Yeah, from soccer.

Yes, the meniscus on the left is torn.

"Operable" means it can be operated on?
- Sure, but not here.

You need a specialist.
That's no problem nowadays.

What're you gonna do?
- Go see Kampmann.

And then?
- Hey, man. He fucked me over.

That fat ass would've left me limping
like Schlucke to collect the insurance.

Are you gonna clobber him now?
Think it over first.

You want half the world to know
who broke in? Be glad about your knee.

Shit, I can't even make myself
a proper joint with this claw.

Is that your only problem?

At the moment, yes.
- That's good.

Where's my dough?

Fuck off, man.

I spent all your fucking money.
Now get outta here.

I want my money!

Andy, you're nuts.
What the fuck are you doing?

This is between Kampmann and me.
- Wrong.

It's between Kampmann and you and my car

and those cops and my ass!

I didn't ask you. Take your fucking car
and go. - It's my baseball bat, too.

Forget Kampmann. He isn't worth it.

We gotta find Schlucke
before the cops question him.

It's all over now. Thank you. Goodbye.
It'll all look the same tomorrow.

Holgi, you old Wemser.
- Keek. Hi, Andy.

You drove a bit too fast recently.

Did somebody shoot up old Kampmann?
- Romanians.

Romanians? In Unna?
- Sure.

Since the Iron Curtain fell,
those guys are everywhere.

Same violent procedure.
They rip out the safe,

drag it somewhere so it's safe
and break into it.

We found the safe. They threw it
into a pond at a trout farm.

Isn't that stupid?
- You can say that again.

What brings you guys here?
- The weather.

Yeah, it's gonna be a nice day.

Holger, come here!
- Coming! Take care.

I gotta work.
- Go get 'em, Holgi.

Hey, boss.
- What's up?

Where's your idiot, Schlucke?
- He didn't show up.

And the boss is already pissed.

Get that junk heap outta here.
- Look at that, a perfectly good BMW.

No respect, those crooks from the east.
- They hit it dead on, though.

Wish I'd seen it...

Hey, I could call up Pianke
and have him order me a new Z3, right?

Do you think it was the Romanians?

The Romanians didn't even know
what was in the safe.

But that cripple Schlucke did.

He knew that the key was in the safe.

But he could've just taken the money.

Who knows what goes on
in that pea brain of his?

Anyway,
he didn't show up for work today.

He and the money are probably long gone.

Can't we have them break open
the locker at the airport?

D'you know
what the number on the key was?

No.
- You see?

Should I have every locker pried open?

Sometimes I can't believe you're my son!

Who knows what wino your mother screwed
around with!... Now find Schlucke!

Hey Schlucke, open up if you're there.
We just wanna talk to you.

Let me try. Got a credit card?

Do I have a goldmine?
- Give me your knife.

Boy, it stinks here.
Doesn't he ever air the place?

Yummy! Living plates!

He's really hard up. No woman would ever
go for him, and whores cost too much.

At least he had enough
for an answering machine.

Schlucke, this is Mark. If you don't
show up here... - Gimme that.

Listen, Schlucke. You bastard!

You know exactly what it's worth.
If you don't tell me where the safe is,

I'm gonna tear you apart.
Did you get the picture?

You see? That operation last night
must've been good for something.

D'you know Kampmann's number?

Kampmann.
- Missing anything since last night?

Who am I talking to?
- Just call me...

Ned Flanders. - Alright, Mr. Flanders.
What d'you want?

He's taken the bait. What do we want
for the junk? 10 grand? - No!

Make that fat bastard cough up more.
Say 20 grand. - Are you still there?

We'll make you a deal. 20 grand in cash

for the contents of your safe.

How do I know it's all there?

Ever watched "The Simpsons?"
- No, who's that?

If you watched it
you'd know that Ned Flanders

is an honest guy.
So make sure you got the 100 grand.

100 grand? Out of the question!
20 grand.

We reconsidered. We want 100 grand.
Or aren't the files worth that to you?

We can both hang up
and forget our little chat.

And I'll hand over the files
to the next police station

as reading material.
- Alright, 100 grand,

but that's it!

100 grand. You get the money.
How long do you need? - Two hours.

In two hours. I'll call back.

We always had all the girls we needed

without a big bank account.

We scraped together
the rest of our dope

and took off for wherever you want.

I want to get back on the road again.
I don't wanna sing nice,

but wicked and loud!

I'll lure fatso to the stadium.
You know the bushes behind the wall?

The wall with the broken glass on top,
so nobody'll climb over.

Yeah, we're on our way.
We'll see ya.

Don't you wanna tell the cops?
- Forget the cops.

I got so many papers in that safe...
Why's that jack-off turning here?

What if they discover the 100 grand
is missing? - I'm afraid

I don't have 100 grand to give away.

Mix up the combination lock.
We can play for time.

What if it was the Romanians?

That's why I got this with me.

It's the big asshole's car.
- D'you see that jack-off anywhere?

No.

Roundhouse kick!

There's no side mirror left.
- Then do a "shing sung."

Hey, cool it. Help me with this.
It's even better.

Come here...

Hey, you fuckers! Leave that car alone!

Hey, come here, you stupid bum!

Stop!

Hi, Andy.

Why're you running?
Part of your training?

Where are you going?

Nowhere.

Then get in.

Who's he talking to there?

No idea.

Listen, Andy.

I need your help.
- What for?

To put it bluntly,
you know what place our B-team is in?

Not so good. - Right.
That's why, being the club president,

I gotta help out.

We can't let the boys be relegated.

There's some dough in that suitcase.
Do me a favor

and pitch that suitcase
over the wall in the back.

Somebody's waiting there for the dough.

Okay, your junk is in a garbage can
at "Games 2000".

You'd better hurry.
I don't know when they're collecting.

Asshole.

Why didn't you call? - Sure!
"Hey, Kampmann, let me call my buddy...

"It isn't working." It was your plan!

Be glad that Kampmann was too stupid
to get the picture.

You haven't opened it yet?
You broke into the safe,

and now you can't open that suitcase.

I was able to use both hands last night.

I'm gonna stop and get some booze.
Want anything? - Iced tea.

Hey, did you fart in the car?
- No, did you?

Shit!

What? - That bastard screwed us!
Only newspapers and a stupid cell phone!

What's the cell phone for?

He probably wanted to make fun of us,
'cause I called from a pay phone.

Shit!
- Hey, that's my car!

It's not my car's fault!

Shit!

It was that Rat bastard.
We gotta tell the cops.

Hey man, we're up shit creek, too.
And I'm on probation.

I'll end up in prison for ages.
- We can't let that rat get away.

Guys like that are dangerous.
He'd get us all involved. Believe me.

Where should we bury Schlucke?
- In the bomb crater in the forest.

How about helping out?

I am. I'm making sure
that nobody sees us.

I can't hold a spade with my claw
anyway.

Our present offer includes
Sardinia, Jersey and Madeira.

What's farthest away?
- Madeira.

Will you take care of that?
- Yeah, sure.

Do you take credit cards?

You're gonna watch all the lockers?
- Listen, it's our only chance

to ever see the money again.

The money's long gone.
- I don't give a shit.

If I'd given up as easily as you
I'd still be a little shopkeeper.

We're gonna watch these lockers
24 hours. You do 8 hours, I do 8 hours.

They're opened after 48 hours anyway.

Call me if you see somebody with
a sports bag. I'll be here in a flash.

At last, you'll see what real work is.

Hey, my Spiderman comics!

C'mon! They stink to high hell!

Are you nuts? These are first editions.

You know what they're worth?
- Would you shut up for once!

That's life.

Ashes to ashes.

You fucking asshole!
What d'you know about life, huh?

You're stoned crazy all day.
Maybe you didn't realize.

We just buried a human being. And he's
worth more than your fucking comics!

Schlucke was my coach
in the Peewee League.

He didn't drink back then.
And he never got on our backs.

After that,
nobody wanted anything to do with him.

Nobody's gonna miss him. So at least
you and I could show him some respect.

Kalle! Don't!
- Where were you?

I've been waiting for you all day!

Where is my 90 percent?

Hey, fuckface! Did you call the cops?

Get rid of 'em,
or there's gonna be a bloodbath!

My name's Wigand, this is Brunkhorst.
Mind if we come in?

Ever heard of Karl-Heinz Grabowski?

He used to be my buddy.
- When did you see him

the last time?

I visited him in prison a few days ago.
- When exactly?

Two or three days ago.
- Two!

We are thorough, you know.

Yeah... What's up?

And you haven't seen him since then?

No.

Are there any cigarettes in there?
- Huh?

Doesn't always work.

False alarm!

Let's go.
- Yep.

I wanna stop smoking anyway.

You like to smoke, too, don't you?

Now and then.

I told ya it'd take a while
now that the cops are on my tail.

Or d'you think I didn't see 'em?

I've been running all over the place
trying to get your money together

with those assholes right behind me.
Things like that can take time.

How much longer do you need?
- Tomorrow.

Okay, we'll pick up my share tomorrow.
And tonight, I'm gonna sleep here.

Here?

Sure, they already looked for me here.

Anyway...

Where else should I go?

Manuela...

That whore hightailed it.

Vietnam.

Fuck, I think you broke my rib.
Me... your buddy.

Don't act like a pansy.
It'll grow back together.

What did you do?
- I got my thumb caught...

Hey, I drove the Merc down to Frankfurt.

The car fair is on!
I broke out at just the right time!

You can't just drive around.
They're looking for ya.

I had to try out my car, didn't I?

Where's the car now?

At Lohoff's. Where else?
You let 'em fuck you over!

The chassis is crooked...

Okay, pal.
How stupid do you think we are?

What d'you want? What did I do?
- What about the forged money?

What money?
- The forged money, asshole!

Shh, the neighbors.
I don't know anything about it.

You paid with forged money, asshole!

Do you realize what problems we had
when we wanted to exchange your money

for crowns?

Should we tail him?

Nope...
we should continue to watch the house.

Hey man!
What the hell did you do to the Merc?

Hey, I really invested in it.

The chassis alone cost three grand.

It's real cool
you guys gave me the money back.

I'm going home first.

Right on!

Shit!

Those fucking rats!

I need to get to the airport.
Send a taxi to 42 Acker St.

How long is the wait?

Make it quick.

Hi, this is Melanie.
Actually, it's my answering machine.

I'm leaving the country for a while.
I'm not sure when I'll be back.

So if it's important,
leave a message.

Bye.

Hello?

Come on, will you?
We have to check in 2 hours in advance.

They cheated me. We cheat the next guys.
It's a cycle. Understand?

Answer the phone, you idiot.

You bastard! Where the hell are you?

Aren't I talking to my son?

This is Kampmann. Who are you?
- This is Flanders.

Flanders, you filthy rat.
How did you get my son's cell phone?

That idiot put his cell phone
in with the newspapers.

Hey there, asshole. Where's the key?

What key? - Don't play dumb,
you shitface! You know what I mean!

Andy, it's Keek. Are you home?

What d'ya want?
- You still got your car? - Fuck off!

I talked to Kampmann,
and I gotta tell ya about it. Open up!

I'm sorry about what happened.
C'mon, open up.

Are you nuts?
It's the middle of the night!

Did you call for a taxi to the airport?
- What? Just a sec!

I'll be right there.

What if the key is in the safe?
- I searched it myself.

Willy found nothing.
The cops found nothing.

The key wasn't there.

Like I said, it was Rat, the jerk!

Keep cool, Andy. We'll talk first. Okay?
- Okay.

Stop it, Andy!
- Let me go!

Let me handle this!

What did you do to Schlucke?

I didn't do nothing.

Don't you fuck us over!
- I'll beat his brains out!

Pull yourself together, man.

You stole the key, killed Schlucke
and put him in my trunk.

You wanted to pin everything on me.

Just a moment. I didn't kill anybody.
That was an accident.

Stop bullshitting us!

It was really an accident.

He took something outta the safe.
When I went back in,

he was at the safe rummaging around.

What're you looking for?
- Nothing.

You just took something outta there.
- No.

C'mon, let's take a look.
- Hold it.

You took something outta the safe.

Show me what you got in your hands.

Nothing at all! This is all too stupid.
I'm getting outta here.

Okay, buddy!
Show me what you got in your hands.

Sorry about the trunk.
It was stupid, I admit, but...

I couldn't leave him on the street.

If Schlucke doesn't have that key,
I'll be back with the cops,

no matter if I end up in the clink, too.
You got it? - Yeah.

Nothing.
- Did you check his pockets?

His overalls don't have any pockets.
- That can't be. Hold this.

I told ya that the bastard was lying.

Rat said that Schlucke choked.
- He killed him. - Wait a sec.

Rat saw that Schlucke
took something outta the safe.

What're you looking for?
- Nothing.

You just took something outta there.

No... C'mon, let's take a look.
- Hold it.

You took something outta there.
Show me what you got in your hands.

Nothing at all. This is all too stupid.
I'm getting outta here.

Okay, buddy.
Show me what you got in your hands.

Schlucke panicked and tried to swallow
the key, and then he choked to death.

I can feel something hard.

Are you sick? - The key's here.
We gotta cut open his throat.

Forget it! This is getting perverse.

Andy, the key's in here.
It's worth about 100 grand.

Even if fatso offers us a million,
we're gonna bury Schlucke again.

Listen, I'm in trouble.
The money can help me.

A few back taxes...

No, I've never won any money
at any horse races.

What did you live on?
- Kalle and I emptied a bank

in Dortmund-Brakel.
- You emptied it?

We robbed it. Kalle got caught.

A week later that jerk bought himself
a Mercedes coupe.

It was all legit, from a real dealer.
But who cares?

Anyway, they stuck him with five years.
And we made a deal.

For leaving me out of it, he'd get
90 percent of the loot when he got out.

Grabowski? He broke out two days ago.
- That's the shit of it.

I lost the money gambling on horses.

How long have we known each other?

What?

For 20 years. I just can't believe
you never told me about the robbery.

This business requires tight lips.

You see what happens
when you can't shut up.

We're friends.
You think I'd blow the whistle?

I'm not very proud of what I did.

The rest is your job.

What d'you think is in the locker?
- Who knows? I hope it's valuable.

Okay, asshole!

If you shoot him,
you gotta shoot me, too.

If you like.

But then you'll never get your money.

How come he knows about it?

He has nothing to do with it.
- We just wanted to get the money.

Keek has a key.

Be real careful.

To the lockers.
- Go first.

4997... That's it.
- Then open it!

C'mon.

Take it out!

Take it out!

Open it!

What's up?

Gotcha, bastard!

Everything's okay. We're policemen.
Stay down.

Is he a goner?
- Yep.

He's a goner.

The area is off limits.
- What's up? - None of your business.

Out of the way!
Hey, girls. Can I help you?

We have to go to Gate A.
- Go around back there.

We just killed someone.
This area's off limits.

Is there a restroom here?
- To the left, honey.

At least he led us to his money.

That's my money!

They wanted to run off with my money.
Andy, you jack-off!

You were like a son to me.
But I'll see ya in prison now!

Open the bag! It's my money!

Arrest them!

Open the bag.

My buddy and I wanted to take a trip.

Reading material for the trip.

It isn't that dangerous anyway.

Exactly, Schlucke. It's a sure thing.

It's a cinch, Schlucke.

Okay, it's time for a drink.

This way.

Last call for passengers

flying to Palma de Mallorca.
Please head directly

to Gate A.

Don't you want to frisk me?
I might be hiding a Kalashnikov.

We heard it's 85 degrees in Palma.

The irony of fate. The money will end up
rotting in the ground like Schlucke.

It's a shame. - Hey, man.
Forget that dream of fast money.

We can be happy
we got our asses outta that tight spot.

Know what, Keek?

Some people spend their whole life
dreaming their dream.

And someday they wake up and realize
they can't remember what they dreamed.