Bai ma hei qi (1977) - full transcript

Two convicts get freed from prison and become lawmen in a corrupt village.

(MultiCom Jingle)

(hoofbeats pounding)

(horse neighing)

- Captain, someone's coming in a hurry.

- He what?

What's goin' on?

Who's that?

- Captain!
- Huh?

- Captain.
- Yeah?

- The police chief Wu Yu village is dead.

I think he was called Iron Fat,



and the new police chief's
called Iron Head, I think.

Iron Head, Shu Kwai.

(object clattering)
(messenger groans)

(suspenseful music)

Look, it's Shu Kwai!

- Well he's done lost
his head now. (laughing)

Hmm.

Go to the jail and pick out two prisoners.

Send 'em to Wu Yu to be sheriff.

(gentle music)

(dish clattering)

(dish clattering)

(door latch clicks)

(door clangs)



- [Guard] Prisoners, attention!

- The Wu village is wanting help.

They need a new sheriff.

Two prisoners will be chosen for the job,

and it's to be done immediately.

It's up to you, but if
anyone makes a run for it,

we'll imprison the whole family!

- Take one.

(bright guitar music)

- Fatty, let's have a game.

- I told you before not to call me Fatty,

my parents never did.

- All right, but I am your parent now.

(Ma laughs)

All right, big guy, how 'bout a game?

- [Big Guy] Huh.

Oh!

(magical music)

- Huh, the trouble with
you is you're too slow.

Let's play a word game.

- That means big.

- Hey, it doesn't mean big.

It means too much.

Do you know what is the
opposite of being too thin?

- Too fat.

(Ma laughing)

- Hey!
(blows thudding)

- Ah ha!

(blow thudding)
(groaning)

So you've got muscles,
but what use are they?

(Bolo groaning)

(bones crunching)

- [Bolo] How's that?

(Ma grunting)

(Bolo grunting)

(groaning)
- You think you're great,

but you're useless.

(blows thudding)
(exclaiming)

(Bolo yelling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Watch it, will ya?

- Watch it?

There's only two of us here.

(driver yelling)
(light music)

- Whoa, ho.

Oh ho, would you like
me to give you a lift?

All right.

70 cents, please.

Oh, ah, thanks.

Hey, up you get.

Ha!
(ox groaning)

- Mister, who are you?

- Everyone calls me Blind
Mai Lai, I am Lai Lau.

- Oh, I've heard all about you, Lai Lau.

You're meant to be a wealthy man.

- Right, but four of my workers
just resigned. (laughing)

- You've got money there?

- No, well that's right,
but it's my money.

You know that, only
way a man stays wealthy

is keepin' his money
close to him. (chuckling)

Who are you gonna see?
(ox groaning)

- I'm gonna see Mr. Li.

- Huh, if I'd known that

I'd never have given you
oh such a cheap ride.

- Why's that?
- Why's not?

I was gambling with him
and I lost $10 to him.

- Oh wow.
- Yah.

(bright guitar music)

(wagon creaking)

(chicken clucking)

(chicken clucking)
(Lai yelling)

- Hey fella, is it true
that you were convicted

of murdering your wife?

- Her family was very wealthy, so was she,

but I couldn't see her properly
till our wedding night.

- Well, what was she like?

- Like the back end of a
bus, fantastically ugly,

one leg longer than the other,
a hunchback, and no feathers!

(Lai and Ma laughing)

- Is that so?
(Lai laughing)

- Hi, hey.

Whoa, oh!

Ho there.
- Huh?

What's the matter?
- Hey?

Time to get off.

- We're not there.

- I'm havin' a pee.

- Well why us?

- 'Cause you could go
while I'm havin' a piss

and then where would I be, eh?

Come on, let's go.

Come on. (laughing)
- All right.

- Come on, come on, come on.

(chuckling) Go on.

- [Bolo] Huh?

Snake!
(snake hissing)

- Haven't you seen a snake before?

Come on.

- [Bolo] Hmm?

(cane clatters)

(bright guitar music)

(Ma chuckles)

(Ma and Bolo grunting)

(lively guitar music)

(ox lowing)
(Ma and Bolo laughing)

Hyah!

(Bolo and Ma laughing)

(birds twittering)

(fighters exclaiming)

(man in blue groaning)

- Very good, very good, now
our plan has to be perfect.

Everything's got to work.

The main point is that our
coup must come as attack run.

(dreamy music)
(blows thudding)

Wa Fu, now remember, before
he reaches the ground,

you must make your move.

Do you all understand?
- Yes sir.

- They will be here at 5:30.

(ominous music)

(fighters yelling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters groaning)

(upbeat Asian music)

- Let's have some fruit now.

Come on, we'll sit down. (chuckling)

Hurry up, gal.
(clattering)

Oh, watch where you're going.

- Mr. Lau, this is a coincidence.

This is your--
- Oh, I'm so happy today.

My son has just arrived from America.

He's grown up already.

I will dress like him, in
all my favorite clothes.

He'll be just like me.

- (scoffs) I enjoyed life
in the United States.

- Whoa, the young master
now knows how to enjoy life.

- Listen pal, you have a younger son?

- Studying kung fu in Japan.

(people chattering)

- Easy man, just do as I say.

- [Bolo] Oh.

- Hmm, who would you like, anyone special?

- He would like a girl who's real ugly.

He likes the ugly ones.

- Oh really?

You've got to be joking, he
doesn't look like a local to me.

- Hey!

- He just got back from America.

- [Father And Son] Huh?

- Well then gentlemen,
this way. (chuckling)

Come on, come on, this way.

The lady's waiting, she's
a hot little number, gents.

(upbeat Asian music)

- Please come in, come
in, the lady's waiting

inside for you, mister now.

- What's he named?

- I don't have a name.
- Oh, he's just like me.

- Oh, they call me Bolo.
- Where are you from?

- I'm half Cantonese, half Shanghai-nese.

- You look a bit Shanghai-nese
but why are you Cantonese?

- Because I'm smart.

- I reckon you are smart.

(servant giggling)

- I've never seen a man
as big as you before.

- Hmm?
- Ai Chen.

- Huh?
- Bring in some more water.

- Oh, oh!

(bright guitar music)

- Where are you going?

- To the lavatory.

(Bolo groaning)
- Watch it,

are you blind or somethin'?

Why, not so fast, hey, you better pay up.

- Huh, you'll have to wait
till I come back, all right?

- Huh, are you crazy?

You can't just walk out
without payin' a bill.

Now hold it.
- Huh?

- I'm gonna teach you a
lesson, you fat bastard.

(mimicking bird calling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

This little technique is
called the brody fin strike.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(madam chortling)

I like that too.
(blows thudding)

(people yelling and chattering)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Watch it will you?

- Ah, I'll show you a strutting cock.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- I'll watch you.
- Oh!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Don't even think of it,
this chicken ain't no chicken.

I'll show you how great I am.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(clattering)

- Stay away, chicken.
- Hmm!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(woman imitates elephant trumpeting)

- God dammit you bastards!

You're really asking for it this time,

and I'm gonna get you.

(madam mimics chicken clucking)

(blows thudding)

- The Cantonese like eating chicken.

- Shu Fu!

- Quiet boss.

(Shu Fu yelling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Who are ya?

- I'm the local sheriff round here.

Who are you?

- [Bolo] I've just been
appointed as the new sheriff.

- Can you prove that?

- Read this.

Here, oh!

♪ Oh the sky's blue and the
grass is green and I, hello ♪

(woman yelping)
- Hey watch it, friend.

(Shu groaning)
You must be careful,

watch what you're doin'.

(cheerful guitar music)

- Lei Fu.

(Lei Fu groaning)

- Hey!

If you take it, a girl can't get it!

- I didn't expect to meet you here, huh.

Where's Shin Pao?
- He died

after you were put in jail.

And since he put you in
there, I think he deserved it.

- Are you telling the truth?

- Personally I never
liked the guy one bit.

But I had to do what I was told.

- Ah.

Then where's all the gold?

- Mm, the chief of Wu
Yu village has got it.

- And who's the chief of the village?

- Hmm, well everybody knows

that it's Mr. Pao of course.

- I'll overlook the time I spent in jail,

but I wanna recover all that gold.

It will serve as a donation
to build a new hospital here.

- I don't think it's that easy.

He's not going to give it to you.

- Ah my friends, I'm sorry
to have kept you waiting.

(man in yellow laughing)

My son and I were visiting relatives.

- Ah.
- Sit down, sit down.

- Mister.
- Huh?

- We need help and we need a new sheriff.

What do you suggest?

- Oh, I propose Shu Fu.

- But he's a violent man.

- [Shu] You need a violent man

to keep hold of all the thugs in here.

(bright guitar music)

Anyway, this man says
he's the new sheriff.

- Hey, why on earth did they send you?

- Huh?

You call him, bring out the
phone, there, 266-366 and--

- Hey, no one ever gets
through on that number.

Now, now, the best solution is you resign

and let me handle this.

- Why should I?

- Huh, he can explain
that better than I can.

- I have an idea, let Shu Fu
be his deputy, what do you say?

- Hmm?
- I have no objections.

So we have a new sheriff here at last.

- Uh.
- All right. (laughing)

- I now confirm that you are sheriff

of Wu Yu village with
powers to enforce the law.

(bright string music)

- [Several Men] Congratulations.

- Well done.
- Well done, sir.

- And I wish you luck.

Goodbye, sir.
- Goodbye.

- [Man] Goodbye.

(tailor laughing)

- Are you gonna be the
new sheriff around here?

- Huh?

Measure?

- [Tailor] What the hell
do you think I'm doin'?

- For a suit?
(tailor grunts)

- [Tailor] Here take it,
higher, go on, higher.

- Huh?
- Higher, higher, higher!

All right.

You need extra large,
and heavy material too.

- I want it red.
- Oh, I don't use red.

It'll be only gray and yellow.

Oh, all right, all right!

- I want it quickly!

(crowd murmuring)

- Hmm.

Ah!

(Pao laughing)

Hey, how are you? (chuckling)

- Hmm?

Who's your friend?

- Oh, you are, aren't you?

(blow thudding)
- Sit down!

What do you want?
- Humph.

Ah, champagne.

- Only got tea.

- Huh, a big place like
this, and you got no wine?

- Course we have wine,
but it's all Chinese wine.

(bright Asian music)

- Chinese wine?

- It's good for ya.

- Oh.

Hey, I think I'll have two more jars!

- Look, we're in China, not the States.

- If you can't do it, then I'll go.

- So go ahead.

- What's that?
- Go ahead.

- You told me to leave? (grunting)

(man in white yelling)

A tiger blow.

- Huh.

(dramatic music)

- Oh, chicken.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(man in white exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

Oh, a ham sandwich.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- All right, I'll show ya!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- This one's called chicken and corn.

(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

Huh, huh, you still wanna carry on, huh?

- With you, anytime!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- And you said you didn't have
'em, but this is a hot dog!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Pao groaning)
(clattering)

(dramatic music)
(Pao wailing)

- That's the steamed meatball.

Still like European food?

Take that.

(playful music)

- Bacon and eggs!

(clattering)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- You're a sponge cake! (laughing)

- [Pao] Hey you!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Pao's head thumps)
(Pao groans)

(man in white laughing)
(Pao moaning)

- Bean rolls!

In sauce.

- Ah, Shanghai-nese food too?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Pao groaning)

- The deep fried beef
is a special. (yelling)

And quail's eggs!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(playful trombone music)

- And this is black pepper steak.

- Ha!

(clattering)

(playful music)

(Pao groaning)
(man in white laughing)

- And that's almond soup!

- If you don't like European food,

I'll let you have some Chinese dish.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

Rice rolls!
(main in white groaning)

Fried kidneys!
(blow thudding)

(man in white groaning)
(blows thudding)

Ha, soda, fish, and diced meat. (laughing)

(playful music)

Oh?

Ah.

(Pao laughing)

Hey miss.

- Uh mister, excuse me, what do you want?

- What do you think?

I wanna meet her.
- Oh, she's my niece.

- Oh, I'm Pao Jen Kan.
(slap resounds)

(playful music)

- Fried noodles! (groaning)

- Well, your skin's so soft.

What kinda cream are you usin', honey?

- Why don't you go to hell, huh?

- My dear, I think we'd
better get out of here.

- You ain't going anywhere!

Come here. (moaning)

- Where are you from?

- Well I guess I'm from America.

- You've just come from America?

Really?

Allow me to offer you some food.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

Huh, some grape juice, ha!

And for dessert,
(blows thudding)

some cheese!
(blow thudding)

(playful synthesized music)

(Bolo slurping)

(Bolo exhales)

- Had enough?

- I want more.

I'll sleep first, I'll
eat again when I wake up.

(upbeat funky music)

(man singing in foreign language)

- Sheriff, your suit's arrived.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, over there.

(dramatic music)

(birds twittering)

- I don't reckon that fool
will last long as sheriff.

- Hey, he's a natural.

Maybe he'll get himself killed soon.

- Let's bet on it.
- All right, how much for?

(smacks resounding weakly)

- Sheriff, why did you
want me to come here?

- I wanna be Christian.

- Why do you want to be a Christian?

- Well you see, I can't talk too well,

so they said Christians talk real well.

- Talk about what?
- About Jesus.

(Bolo grumbles)
- There.

- Huh?

- We have to say a prayer before we eat.

- A prayer?
- Yes.

Thanks be to God.

- Thanks be to God.

- For the food we have.

- For the food we have.
- And save my soul.

- Save my soul.
- Forgive my sins.

- Forgive my sins.

- And comfort me.
- Comfort me.

(gentle organ music)

- Here, please.
- Oh.

(baby crying)

- [Woman] Come on, don't cry.

Come on now, oh.

Pretty baby, come on.

Oh.

(dramatic music)

Don't cry, who's a good baby?

Come on.

Hey mister, will you look after him?

I'll get some water.
- Oh.

(baby crying)
- And thanks.

- Come on now. (laughing)

(baby crying)

(Bolo mumbling)

(Bolo singing gently to baby)

(baby crying)

- [Mother] Hey!

None of that, stupid!

(dramatic drum music)

(blow thudding)
(Bolo groaning)

(Bolo groaning)

- What's the matter?

- Just check me, you can
kill me later. (groaning)

(woman groaning)

(woman groaning)

(woman groaning)

(woman groaning)
Huh?

What's goin' on?

- [Woman] The guy just hit me hard.

- [Bolo] Was he a sex maniac?

- [Woman] Not only
that, he's evil as well.

What about you?

- [Bolo] I was assaulted
by a woman. (groaning)

- [Woman] Was she holding a baby?

- Huh?

How do you know?

(dramatic music)

- I'm not dumb, you know.

Did she hit you on the head?

Must have affected your brain.

- Of course it didn't.

(dramatic music)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(doctor groaning)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(clattering)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- [Doctor] Ow!

(doctor whimpering)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

Do I have to eat this ginseng?

(blow thudding)

Is it Chinese ginseng?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- (laughing) Taste for
yourself. (laughing)

(doctor yelping)

(doctor laughing)
(blow thudding)

(doctor yelling)
(clattering)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(doctor whimpering)

(blow thudding)
(doctor whimpering)

(blows thudding)

(doctor laughing)
(dramatic music)

(magical music)

(doctor exhaling)

(comical music)

- Does it matter if it's bitter?

(gentle music)

(door latch clicks)

- (gasping) Oh! (yelling)

I'm sorry miss, but that man sent me

to buy some things for him.

- Shut your mouth and go to work.

- Huh?

(woman in pink simpering)

(drum booming)
(woman in pink exclaiming)

- Hey.
- Oh!

- [Woman In Red] You're not paid to think.

(woman in pink groaning)

- [Woman In Pink] First you
tell me to shut my mouth

and get on with my work,
and now I mustn't think.

- What do you think of Mr. Pao?

(knocking)
- Open up.

- Go on, you better let him in.

- Ah, you've come just in time.

- Oh, thanks, any food left?

- Oh no, I'm getting ready to have a bath.

But now you're here

and since you're a
friend, you can take it.

- Oh, I sure appreciate that.

Why is the water so white?

- You're a fool, don't you
know anything about lye?

- No, I don't.

- Can't you see it's a milk bath?

- Oh.

(gentle guitar music)

It tastes salty, kinda like sack.

- Oh, if you don't like
it, I'll take it myself.

- Oh no.

(gentle guitar music)

I was assaulted by a woman.

I went to see a doctor, but
he tried to kill me too.

- If you carry on that way,
you'll end up dead, sure.

- I know, but someone's
gonna have to help me out.

(tub clattering)

(Ma laughing)

Huh, huh?

(Ma and woman laughing)

- Here, cut 'em.
- All right.

- And strangers had better not interfere.

(ominous music)

(woman gasping)

Well, what's wrong?

- Nothing, I'm just looking.

- What do you mean?

I've no choice, it's too bad.

- You've lost this time.

- Hmm, I'll see you.

- I've just gotta learn.
- Huh?

(man in blue grunting)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Huh?
- Huh.

(man in blue panting)
- Don't be afraid,

I'm with you.
- Oh good, thank you.

- Come on.
- All right. (grunting)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Allow me.
- All right.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Hey, watch it will ya?
- It was an accident.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- [Ma] Oh, I'm sorry.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Will you get up now?

(bones crunching)
(man in blue groaning)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(dramatic music)

- Wow, what was that for?

- It was an accident.

- Left hand's poison, right
hand's clean, you got that?

- Yes sir.

- Then you show me.

- Left hand poison, right hand clean.

Left hand poison, right hand clean.

(people chattering)

- Good to see you, welcome.

Hey, take a seat, come on, have a seat.

Nice to see you again,
glad you could make it.

We've got a very good dinner
here this evening for you.

I think you'll enjoy it.

Sit down, come on, sit down enjoy it.

(people chattering)

- [Man] So, we gonna
start off with some wine?

I think we'll have a drop of
wine before we start the meal.

- Who's the lady next to you?

- Ah, she's pretty, huh?

Hey, I'll introduce you to her.

(guests murmuring)

Hey baby, this is the
newly appointed sheriff.

And this is my wife.

(playful music)

(people chattering)
- Glass of wine over here.

(people chattering)

- [Man] Nothin' like fillin' up

before we get into a, how do you like it?

- Oh I do too, yes, very good
indeed, very good indeed.

(people chattering)

(playful music)

(people chattering)

- Well my friends, today

our newly appointed sheriff
has just solved a murder.

As a village representative,
I ask you to drink a toast.

To his further success.

(people chattering and applauding)

(people chuckling)

My friends, now I ask our new
sheriff to say a few words.

(people chattering and applauding)

- [Man] Speech, speech!

Speech, speech.

- Thank you and--

- Yes, sir, thank you.

Thank Jesus, kung fu,

savin' my soul,

forgiving my sins,

covering me.

Now let's dig in.
- Agreed.

Ah, I nearly forgot the oranges.

(people chattering and laughing)

- Forgot the oranges.
(woman laughing)

- Thee oranges, yeah,
bring 'em, no, hold it.

Have a drink gentlemen,
have a drink, drink up.

(people chattering and laughing)

- Oh, that looks tasty.

Hold it, hold it, hold it,
a toast to our sheriff.

(people chattering and laughing)

- Right, sheriff, cheers.

- Hmm.
(cups clattering)

- Sorry.
- Mr. Ma,

let's play the hand game again.

(people chattering and applauding)

- How many's this?
- You've got eight.

- Number four, number five.

- How many do?
- Number five.

- How many?

Tell me again.

- Number four, number six,
number seven, number eight.

- I'll bet you've chosen eight again.

Now how many have I got?

(footsteps clattering)

(Bolo grunting)

(Bolo snoring)

(bones crunching)

(Bolo snoring)

(playful music)

(Bolo grunting)

(Bolo sighs)

- [Man] All right, lady, step up.

(people chattering faintly)

- He's enormous.

- No he's not, it's just he eats so much.

- You wanna bet?
- What for?

- You should know.
- Oh, oh, oh.

(dramatic music)

- You had better cooperate
with us, otherwise--

- Cooperate?

It depends on how much money
you've brought with you.

All right, maybe I'll agree,
but let's see some money first.

- (laughing) Are you aware
of how much danger you're in?

- I'm not afraid of anything.

- Huh, then you're a fool.

(people murmuring)

(people laughing)
(people chattering)

(man with glasses chuckling)

- All right.

(man gasping)

There.

- All right.

(people chattering)

(man with glasses chuckling)

- Take it away.

- Open.
- Ah, all right.

(people chattering)

- Huh, another stroke of bad luck.

It seems we've lost another
round, huh? (chuckling)

Huh?

- What do you mean, bad luck?

Nothing can help you.

Thank you.

(woman chuckling)
(people chattering)

(woman yelping)

- Hey you, don't you
realize she's my woman?

- That's for today.

- Why today?

- Because yesterday she paid me a fee.

- How much?
- Four two six.

- Huh?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma vocalizing tauntingly)

(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma laughing)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Nine, nine, six, nine!

Fives, nine, ah!

Six, ah!

- Well now, six is better than
nine, didn't you know that?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(dice rattling)

Four, one, one, six.

I win.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(cheater laughing)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(trapped man groaning)

You're a brave man.

(groaning)
Take it, it's evidence.

(fighters exclaiming)

You made a mistake.
- Oh.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(man in black groaning)
- You were wrong there,

you should have changed.

(man in black groaning)

(men chattering)
- Now go on, go on!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(clattering)
(groaning)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(clattering)

(Ma yelling)

(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(Ma tutting)

(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- I full hand!

(people chattering)
- Oh, nice.

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(men chattering)
- How 'bout that?

Hey.
(men laughing)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- How lucky.
- Now.

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(ominous music)
- Shu Fu, you stop that.

(Shu Fu harrumphs)
(knife clatters)

- Thank you very much, hmm?

- Mr. Pao.
- Hmm?

- what do you think about Mr. Ma?

- Oh, good fighter and
he's smart, quick witted.

- But we should keep an eye on him.

- (chuckling) He can help
me out here considerably.

- Ah, you sure about that?

He's too thick with Bolo.

- Hey, don't be a fool.

Bolo's no use, the guy's
a complete dumb wit.

But Mr. Ma, now he's got
brain, he could be useful,

and be far better on his own.

- Hey.

You're the host here, I'm
the guest, so I'm first.

- So you're the guest,
doesn't mean you can go first.

- Hey, do you wanna be a success?

You must learn more patience.

(joints cracking)

(Ma and Bolo grunting)

(dramatic music)
(Ma groaning)

God that hurt.

(Ma groaning)

- That hurt?

- Yeah, it's bad.

- Ought to see a doctor.

- I don't have time,
where could I find one?

- What'd he do?

- I've had 'em before.

I usually lie down, then
someone rubs me down,

and I'm better.

(gentle music)

- How's it feel?
- Much better.

- How's it now?
- Very relaxed.

Oh.

(Ma moaning)

- Hey!
- Sh.

(woman gasping)
(man groaning)

- So you're back at last.

(man burping and groaning)

Oh good, come over here.

(playful piano music)

- No.

(man groaning)

(Bolo yelling)

(bricks clattering)

(married couple groaning)

It's an earthquake.

- No it's not.
- Huh?

- Come on, why are you
practicin' so damn late?

- A good fighter always practices.

- Eh, your voice is familiar.

(clattering)
Ah, I remember,

you're the one what ate everythin'.

(men vocalizing)
(woman exclaiming)

(bricks clattering)

(birds twittering)

(ominous piano music)

(men laughing)

- Oh!

I love you with all my heart,
but you treat me like a fool.

I look on you as an angel,
but you think I'm a nut.

(dramatic lute music)

Huh, huh, T-bone steak,
buttered shrimp, get him!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(magical string music)

(Pao groaning and whimpering)

(bones cracking)
(Pao yelling)

(Pao moaning)
- She thinks

you've gone crazy, what do you think?

- Oh, I'm handcuffed!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- What the hell's goin' on?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

These youngsters are all
punks, the lot of 'em.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

Hey, you should honor your family, yeah?

- Money!
- Huh?

(blow thudding)
(groaning)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- You choose money over family?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(man in vest groaning)

- You choose money over family?

(playful music)
(blows thudding)

(bell ringing)
- Mr. Ma,

what are you doing here?

I didn't expect to see you.

- Huh, I've come to sort something out.

- Oh, I wonder whether
I could be of any help.

- Have some tea.
- Thank you.

- This girl is my niece, she's 16.

She's been living with me.

- Since you've lived in
this village so many years,

perhaps you'd be able to help.

Have you ever heard of any gold?

- Yes.

(emotionally stirring orchestral music)

(men humming gently)

(cart rumbling)

- [Bolo] What the hell's that?

- [Man] That's mine.

- Oh?

Hey.

Huh?

A melon.

(women groaning)

- Sheriff, which one would you like?

Just help yourself.

- I'm too young for that kinda game.

- Hey, hey.

If you're too young,

what were you doing going to that brothel?

- Just to have a look at
it, that's all, that's all.

- [Shu] Forgive me, it's a deal.

- You have made a big
mistake, come with me.

(women whimpering)

(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(joints cracking)

(clattering)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)

- Strike!
- Ha!

- One!
- Ha!

(fighters exclaiming)

On three!
(fighters exclaiming)

And with the leg.

(fighters exclaiming)

Oh, what's it called?

- What's this one called?

- It's a pancake, ah, it's a pancake.

- Son of a bitch, now
you'll watch my flying kick.

(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters groaning)

- That's called sitting on the floor.

(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(dramatic music)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(birds twittering)

(playful string music)
Watch this one.

- The mantis.

- Huh, the mantis?

Yeah, all right then, I'll eat ya.

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

Watch it, will ya?

- And now I'll eat you.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

Take that.
(Bolo groaning)

You are crazy.

(Bolo grunting)
(joints cracking)

Ah, you think you're a cowboy.

- What did you say?
- Maniac!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Bolo chuckling)
(Ma groaning)

(Ma yelling)

(blow thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma groaning)

- A cowboy.
(Ma groaning)

Again?

(Ma groaning)

Hey, once more.

(Bolo yelling)

(upbeat romantic music)

That's not like me.

- Of course it is, just like you.

- [Bolo] Doesn't look like me at all.

♪ Na na na na na na ♪

- Well, if you agree to come,

I'll split the reward with you.

But if you don't wanna come,
I'll keep it to myself.

(blow thudding)
- Huh?

(men humming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(weapon swishing)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma chuckling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(stick creaking)

(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(Ma chuckling)

(weapon swishing)
(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- It's not so easy to play that game.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma chuckling)
(weapon swishing)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(weapon swishing)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(Ma chuckling)
(Bolo groaning)

(wordless choral music)

(Bolo coughing)
(Ma chuckling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma exclaiming)
(wordless choral music)

Now don't be stupid, come
with me, do you agree?

(wordless choral music)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters groaning)
(joints cracking)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(wordless choral music)
(people murmuring)

(people exclaiming)

(people chattering)

- That's called flicking tiger's whiskers.

- Ah, you're wrong there, very wrong.

Take off your trousers.

- Bolo works for the people.

And he's not interested in money.

But nobody stands up to defend him.

- Hey, well that's the way
the world is, I'm afraid.

Whenever there's any danger,
everyone takes cover.

- [Man] Oh, well done, well done.

(people chattering)

- Here you are.
- oh, thank you.

- [Man In Vest] Good.

Now, now, here, come here.

(man in vest laughing)
(heroic string music)

Please accept my confidence in you.

- Bolo is innocent.

I don't think he could fool everybody.

Shu Fu is trading in
girls, that's illegal.

- You said Shu Fu is trading
in girls, any witnesses?

- Yes me.

- But the law requires
there be two witnesses.

- I've got lots of 'em.

Everyone knows Shu Fu is in the business

of trading in girls.

They know only too well,
but they're scared of him.

Why don't you come forward as witnesses?

- Hey, stop tryin' to make trouble for us.

- He's crazy, you go back home.

- Now, go to the next village

and borrow their scaffold from them.

(Pao whimpering)

(lively Asian music)

- Hello.
- Hi.

Huh?

- [Woman] Hey, let's go, let's go.

(Pao sighing)

- Hey mister, can you tell me
who's the boss around here?

- He is.

- Oh.

And your name sir?

- I'm Shu.

- Oh, my father asked me to
borrow your scaffold for awhile.

- But did I say you could?

- Uh, not you, my father did.

- You've come to the wrong
place, we've got no scaffolds.

- [Pao] Oh, oh.

- Hey, do they want to execute Bolo?

- Hey, hey, since your father went away,

has he scolded anybody?
- He hasn't.

- But I sent a man to take him some food.

Did your father get it?

He's not come back.

- Not yet, but thanks anyway.

- If he's still to come,
tell him to let me have it.

I wanna eat it!
- But what is it?

- It's a rat.

- A rat?
- A rat?

(men exclaiming)

- Yeah, it's a rat!
- Ah!

(men exclaiming)

- One scaffold will cost $100.

- Huh, have you gone crazy?

(slap resounds)
Ow!

- No, I've not, but maybe you have.

- Huh, why'd you hit me?

- Sh.

(gentle music)
(birds twittering)

Lower your voice.

- Oh, is that low enough?

(smack resounds)
- Huh?

Now I get it, you must be the
smiling killer, aren't you?

- Mm-mm, no I'm not.

I am known as the Grim Reaper.

- Oh!

- Grim Reaper!
(swords clanking)

(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma groaning)
(men exclaiming)

(men chattering)

(lively music)

- [Man] No, no, uh.

(thugs exclaiming)

- Hmm?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma yelling)

Mm.

Mm?

(Ma yelling)

(thugs exclaiming)

(playful music)

(all exclaiming dementedly)

- He wants $100 for one scaffold?

- What's the name of the guy you spoke to?

- He's called Shu.

- So, it's Shu, but he's not boss.

- Why'd he do it?

- He started goin' crazy two years ago,

so they had to retire him.

- Bao, where's Bolo?

- Bolo?

He's gonna stand trial.

(man slurping)
- Hey, Fatty.

You've eaten all the rice,
there's none left for Bolo.

(man gulping)

(wings flapping)

(dramatic music)

- Huh?

Captain, they're coming now.

- Get ready, you know what to do.

I'm countin' on ya.

(suspenseful music)

- [Pao] Hey.

- [Guard] Hey, what do you want?

- The captain.

See, I have a letter for him.

- Let me see.

(Ma chuckling)
Wait here.

- [Ma] Yeah.

- Uh, I'm afraid you've
just come too late.

There's a new law startin' today.

We only deal with strangers here.

You deal with him yourself.

- I see.

Huh, so I've no choice.

Go on, move, move!

- Hold it.
- Huh? (chuckling)

- That'll be $50.

- Huh, what for?

- Regulations, a service charge.

- Rats!

(Ma grunting)

(Bolo grunting)
(china clattering)

(Ma grunting)

- Hold it.
- Huh?

What is it this time?

- You have to pay 50 more.

- Regulations?

- No, charity.

- What charity?

- For the poor.

The police administer a poor fund.

(Ma grumbling)

(coins clanking)

- Hey, well I'm poor now, do I qualify?

- Uh, I'll help ya out.

(both men vocalizing)

(Ma stuttering)

- It's ridiculous, what are you thinking?

- Put 20 more on her.

- But what for?

I've broken no law.

- [Captain] Cruelty to animals.

(workers grunting)

- Hey, could you sign for it?

- Price is right, please sign for it.

That's six bags.

Mm-hmm, right, thank you sir.

- Right, thank you.
- See you.

Captain, how about Bolo?

- Forget about him.
- Wha?

- Hey Fatty, I told you to deliver rice,

but what are they doing here?

- Huh, huh?

(wordless choral music)
(shirtless man groaning)

What do you want?
- See a prisoner.

- [Shirtless Man] A prisoner?

- Who the hell are you?

- I'm Sweetie Pie.

(wordless choral music)

- (chuckling) And your
sister's called Honey Child.

- [Honey Child] Is there a wedding?

- Hey, you're crazy, you just take it.

I'm afraid you mustn't come
here again, ever again.

- All right, one condition.

- What's that?
- Give me a kiss.

- Huh?

(wordless choral music)

(Bolo smooching)

- I think she really fancies you.

(wordless choral music)

(chuckling) Sure she does, a lovely pair.

And when are you gonna have a child?

(Bolo growling)

(Bolo snarling)

(playful music)

(crickets chirping)
(owls hooting)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(bald man whimpering)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- No, please, please,
please, please stop, please!

No, no no, no, don't, oh!

(yelling) Please, don't, help!

(blow thudding)
(Ma yelling)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(laughing) Thank you, Mr. Ma. (laughing)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- On one condition.
- Huh?

- What's that?
(blows thudding)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- You're gonna have to tell
me where the gold is hidden.

(bald man stuttering)

- [Bald Man] But I don't know
what you're talking about.

(bald man groaning)

(blows thudding)

- Do you know now?
- Uh huh.

(blows thudding)
(bald man whimpering)

- Yes, oh yes!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Escape.
- Oh, no, no!

- Will you talk?
- Yes, yes.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(bald man groaning)

I'll talk, I promise.

(blow thudding)
(groaning)

- All right, I won't ask you again.

Where's the gold being hidden?

- But I don't know!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

All right, that's a fact!

(weapon whooshing)
(bald man groaning)

(suspenseful music)

(ominous music)

- Presumably you know
what happened last night.

- Yes.
- Well,

there's no need to be
nervous, now calm down.

Bolo's been sentenced to jail for life.

But I've been checkin' on the bill,

which is gettin' too large.

The prisoner's eaten far too much food.

One bag of rice for three days.

If Bolo carries on livin'
for another 20 years,

he's gonna reduce us all to being paupers.

- I have an idea.

Fatty eats almost as
much food as Bolo does.

If we fire Fatty, we
can pay for Bolo's food.

- If we fire Fatty,
who's gonna watch Bolo?

He might escape.
- That'd be all right.

We wouldn't have any expense then.

Aren't I right?
- Hmm.

- Hey, and this is your share.

(Bolo grunts)
(playful music)

- [Bolo] Isn't it time this
whole crazy show stopped?

- Don't worry, in a minute;
we have to be more patient.

- Huh?

You'd better not double cross me.

- How dare you say a think like that.

Haven't we always been the
best of friends, haven't we?

- What is it?

- Uh, he refuses to leave.
- Hmm?

- He's staying.
- What?

Hey, let's speak frankly together.

Now why don't you want
to leave prison, huh?

- Well it's comfortable here.

And if I do leave, where
else am I gonna get food?

- So you want to stay forever, huh?

- He's even found a wife,
he wants to settle here.

- If you're trickin' me,
I'll blow your cover!

- Come on.
- What's that?

It's nothing, he's just sick.

- Oh, but is it serious?

Huh?

Hey, where's he feeling sick?

- Oh, first you pay me, then
I'll tell you everything.

- Oh, forget it,

we'll leave it be, huh?

Now, you tell me what's wrong with you.

Hmm.

Hmm.
- Don't keep

goin' on like that.

You just pay me and I'll
leave, I'll go somewhere else.

- This is mine.

This is yours.

(gentle music)

This is mine.

This is yours.

This is mine.

And this is yours.

This is mine.

- All right.

One, two, three, four, five.

- One, two, three, four five.

- That's right.

- Bolo, you've been in jail too long.

I'm sorry it had to happen.

Take it, this is yours, take it.

- Oh?

I must say, you're right, all right.

(coin clattering)
And this is for you,

'cause you're such a good friend.

- Oh, I shouldn't take this, thanks a lot.

(gentle music)

All right, now that we've
divided up the money,

we must get out of here
before sunrise tomorrow.

(Bolo grunting)
Bolo, come here.

Do you wanna make a fortune again?

- What, are you kiddin' me?

Where is it?

- The bank, I've checked it already.

- When do we go?

- Tonight.

(playful music)

(Pao and woman gasping)

- [Masked Man] Put your
hands up, do as I tell ya.

- Have a drink.
- Huh?

- [Pao] Here.

Cheers.

(Pao wheedling)
(cups clinking)

(Pao exhaling)

(Pao awkwardly laughing)

- Now open the safe.
- Oh oh, yeah, yeah.

(playful music)

- Now take out all the money.
- Yes.

- It's all your fault,

I said we should close
out, but you didn't listen.

- Take it easy!

He's still got some gold left.

(clattering)
(woman exclaims)

- Hey, I reckon Bolo's the
only man in Wu Yu village

with the strength to break a brick.

- [Robber] Well I'm not Bolo.

- [Pao] You hold it there.

- [Robber] What for?

- You drank from that cup I gave you,

the one that I put into the safe.

You can do what you want now,

but the cops will have your fingerprints,

and that'll prove that you're guilty.

- [Robber] Ah, I see.

(Bolo grunting)
(weapons whooshing)

(woman gasping)
(Pao groaning)

- Hey, uh, you hurry, you're
in deep trouble this time, huh?

- But the fingerprints will
prove he tried to kill me.

Oh, my aching, ouch. (groaning)

- Here, here, you can take it.

You'll have to calculate
your own accounts,

I'm afraid, okay?

(Pao groaning)
(woman exclaiming)

(suspenseful music)
(crickets chirping)

(dramatic music)

- Have you got it?
- Here, it's all there.

- [Ma] Oh.

Hey, you're in deep trouble.

- [Bolo] Why?

- [Ma] Did you kill Fatty or didn't ya?

- I did.
- Well the cops

are looking for you.

- [Bolo] Oh, what shall I do?

(birds twittering)

(dramatic organ music)
(rooster crowing)

- [Ma] Now our task is
completed, I've got the gold,

and with this money we
can build a hospital.

I'll see you later.

- Ha.

Where the hell have you been?

- Having a tinkle.
- Why so long?

- Huh?
- Don't look around,

but someone's coming, let's go.

- Right.

(gentle string music)

(birds twittering)
What are you doin' there?

- Having a rest.
- Why rest up there?

- [Ma] So I can see if anyone is coming

before they can see me.

(branches rustling)
(birds twittering)

(bright synthesized music)

(water splashing)

- Here.
- Thank you.

Heh.

- Huh?

(blow thudding)
- Hey.

There's a shark.
- Huh?

Hey, hey, hey!

- Huh?
- The boat's gone.

- A shark!

- Where is it?

- Use your left hand to hold
onto my right foot, come on.

Hurry up!

(Ma yelling)

(water splashing)

(both vocalizing faintly)
(dramatic music)

- He looks like he's
some kind of big shot.

- Huh, I think he's the brother of Shu Fu.

He runs a kung fu gym.

He's nicknamed the Half Lotus in Canton.

(dramatic music)

- Yes, we are brothers,
and we stick together.

And his enemy is my enemy.

- Hey, is he talkin' to us?

- If you ask me, trouble's brewing.

I'm gonna have to use force.

- Ho.
- Huh?

Don't try to stop me,
I'll do it, I can do it.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- [Brother Of Shu] Strike lower!

Strike lower!
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- You heard him, strike lower.

- [Bolo] Right.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- [Ma] Go for his left.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- The man's a cheat, go on, teach him.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Get him.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- [Brother Of Shu] Get him!

- Get in there!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

Seems like your guy's lost.

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- The snake!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- [Ma] Get him!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- [Brother Of Shu] Harder!

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Finish him off!

(Ma groaning)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(weapon whooshing)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(weapon whooshing)

(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(weapon whooshing)

(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(attacker groaning)
- Ha.

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(weapon clattering)

(Bolo groaning)

- This is called fire in the garden.

- Ah?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Bolo's body whistling like missile)

(something reverberating)

(man in pants groaning)

- Huh, did I do that?

- Yes, of course you did.

(somber music)

(somber string music)

- Now what the hell do
you think you're doing?

How dare you try to cheat
me and rob my bank, huh?

- You're trading in girls
and stealing from the people.

You're the thief, and you
killed the old sheriff.

Everyone thought that there
must be a bandit chief.

But it was you all the time.

- Huh, since you know so much,

I'm gonna have to shut
your mouth for good.

- Well I reckon he's Japanese.

- Huh, well I reckon he's
really the brother of Pao.

- You are right, Pao is my master,

I'm the champion of Japan.

- What, at cooking beef steak?

- No, at judo, swordplay, karate.

(body thudding)

Master, I have learned from
you, please let me get them.

(Pao yelling)

(Pao exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(playful music)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(playful music)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

(playful music)

Where is my son?

(dramatic music)

- What's he wearin' on his head?

- Oh, he should be a cook.

(suspenseful music)

(fighters exclaiming)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(playful music)

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

(flesh sizzling)
(Bolo moaning)

(shield reverberating)

(blows clanging)
(fighters exclaiming)

(shield reverberating)

(blows clanging)
(fighters exclaiming)

(fighters exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

- Oh, what kind of kung fu is that?

- Doing turtle.

- Go to Hell.

(shield reverberating)
(Pao grunting)

- We're gonna have to find our own teacher

to teach us kung fu
before we can beat him.

- I don't think we've got the time.

- I see, then what can we do?

- God is with us.

- So he is!

(blows clanging)
(fighters exclaiming)

(Ma yelling)

(blows clanging)
(fighters exclaiming)

(attacker yelling)

(wrench squeaking)

What are you doin'?
- It's all right.

(blow thudding)
(Bolo groaning)

- (laughing) Huh?

(blows thudding)
(fighters exclaiming)

- Huh?
- The combined forces.

(blows thudding)
(gentle wordless vocal music)

(jaunty whistling)
(gentle wordless vocal music)

(blows thudding)

(joints cracking)

- [Pao] Oh, please don't kill me.

- We're gonna break both your legs.

- I'm gonna smash your belly.
(attacker groaning)

- I'm gonna chop you down.
(attacker groaning)

- I'm gonna cut off your head.

- Please don't do that,

don't hit me where it hurts, please don't.

I prefer you kill me instead.

(blow thudding)
(Pao groaning)

- Finished?

- Yeah, but not quite, let's go.

(gentle guitar music)

Better leave that there, come on.

- [Bolo] Huh, huh, huh?

(lively guitar music)

Hey!

(bald man groaning)

(ox lowing)
(cart clattering)

(chicks twittering)

- [Ma] We're lucky to be
alive, let us thank the Lord.

(gentle music)

- Huh?

Huh, hey!

(ox lowing)

Didn't expect that.

- Here's somebody else you didn't expect.

- You expecting me, huh?

(playful wordless vocal music)

♪ Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na na na ♪

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