Bad Therapy (2020) - full transcript

A couple seeks out Judy Small, a marriage counselor; but the counselor is more than what meets the eye.

I know. It's really,
really stupid.

The rules say, oh, you can't
have bra straps showing.

I think it's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.


Like, no bra straps?
What's with that?

Yes, thank you! I know.

- You don't look ready to go.
- Stop it!

Two minutes!

Oh, I've got an unbelievably
busy day today.

I'm meeting Roxy for coffee at nine,
and then I've got five houses to show.

Everybody wants to sell,
but who can afford to buy at these prices?


- It's yummy.
- Hmm.

I'm trying to unclog your heart.

My heart is not clogged.

You eat like a teenager.

Let's face facts.

Oh, come here.

It's time for you to face facts.


Face it.


Hmm, you smell great.

It's that perfume you
got me for my birthday.

Oh, yeah? Good for me.


All right. Let's go. Backpack.

Okay, I'm getting it.

- Will you take these, please?
- Yeah.



Hey, Louise, laces.

Goodbye to you.




Rob's Cafe, yes, yes.
You read my mind.

Could you give me
like a half an hour?

Yeah, order me, I don't
know, the No. 2 special,

over-easy bacon on the side,
and you know what?

While you're at it, why don't you throw in
a neat little stack of buttermilk pancakes?

How about that?

Oh, hey.


Oh, hey.

- You look amazing.
- Thanks.

Did you do something
to your hair?

I washed it.

Hmm, looks really good.

- Thank you.
- So,

can you tell?

I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God!

I couldn't say anything until I was at least 12
weeks along but I finally heard the heartbeat.

Oh, my God! That's so exciting.

Actually, I should
say heartbeats.



I know! I know! I know! I
know! Oh, my God! Okay.

I mean, I knew... I knew this was a
possibility because of the fertility drugs,

but Nicky is shitting bricks.

Therapist has to work
to calm him down.

Oh, I didn't know
you saw a therapist.

Ah, triplets,
I can't believe it.

I'm gonna have a
house full of kids.

I only going to have to
wreck my body one time.

I mean, I'm just...
I'm over the moon.

I've already hired
a nursery designer.

Is it helping?

Oh, God, I'm buying
everything in sight.

No, I mean, the therapist.

Why? You guys don't go?

No, but I think maybe we should.


It's mostly just money stuff.

That's why I think I
need to get a new job.

No, no, honey, you are married.

It is the man's job
to make the money.

Yeah, Bob doesn't care.

He's fine with things
the way they are.

He better care if he wants
to stay married to you.

All right. Just play it half
speed from right here.

That's good. All right. So, now,
let's keep... it's after this, time right,

okay, stop, pause,
see? Right there.

Do you see it? Run it back frame by frame,
frame by frame, slowly, a little bit further,

and right there.
Look, they're dancing.

See it? Polar bears dancing.

Yeah. Ha? That's our cover.

That's our cover. Print
that image. That's great.

You must be
so happy. That's great.

But... but back...
back to the house.

So, Larry, I mean, I think it
checks all the boxes, right?

It... it, you know, it's got
the-the pool, the Jacuzzi,

yeah, and it's great
for entertaining.

Oh, can you hold on one second?

Larry, I need one second.
I'll be right back.



No, no, I'm... I'm... I'm waiting
right here for you. Yeah.

Uh, no, I can't come
back at seven tonight.

No, no, no, no, it's fine. These things
happen. We... we'll reschedule it.

You have a great audition, okay?

Good luck! Bye.

Larry, it's me, I'm back.
Thanks for holding. Okay.

I think that if you want the house,
you're gonna have to make an offer.

Hello, Larry?


- I hate real estate.
- Uh-oh.

- What the heck!
- It will get better.

I don't know, maybe
it's just a midlife thing.

Life is just...

Maybe you should get a new job.

I like my job.

Of course you do, and that's what I love
about you. You're so easily pleased.

I want a break
from all the drudgery.

I mean, I want
my life to expand.

Yes, I know... I know
what you mean.

- You do?
- Yeah, I do. I do.

- You do?
- I do. I do. I do.

That's why I think
that if we had a baby...

I told you I don't
want a goddamn baby.

We must have been insane not to
resolve this before we got married.

Huh! Baby? Yeah, a baby! Who's gonna take care
of the baby and all the stuff for the baby

and everything like that?

Guess what? Roxy's
pregnant with triplets.

In your wildest dreams you cannot imagine
the torture the triplets would be,

and our marriage
would snap like a twig.

She and Nick are in some kind of therapy
like marriage counseling or something.

Oh, Jesus.

I think we should try it.

It doesn't mean that there's
something wrong with us.

It just means that we want to
understand each other better.

It... it's totally normal.

It may be totally normal,
but why do we need it?

Because we do,
because it's a good idea.

We're fine the way we are,
and you talk about money issues, right?

We're just... we're gonna pay to... to
invite a complete stranger into our lives?

Well, we could, for example,
get a little help with the baby question.

I mean, couldn't
we at least try it?

It could change
our lives, right?

I'm against it, but... but

if it'll make you happy, I'll
try it once to make you happy.

You are such a wonderful man.



If we hurry, we got some time
before Louise gets home.

I don't need much time.



I need more time than that.


How are you?
Traffic was stupid.

It was.

Yeah, yeah, terrible.


I'm Judy Small.
Please come in.

So the best way to begin is for you to
tell me a little bit about why you're here.


I guess

I just really want
our marriage to be

the real thing.

You think it isn't
the real thing?

No, I... I didn't... no,
I didn't mean that.

I... I just... um...

For whatever reason I think
I just... I don't feel satisfied.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know.

I met my first husband
when I was in college.

We fell in love,
and we got married,

and we had Louise,
and one day I woke up to a ringing phone

and he was dead.

He was out fishing at
night with his friends and

he fell overboard and
was killed by the propeller.

I am sorry.

For five years I took
care of Louise all by myself.

I made all the money.

I paid all the bills, and
I took the garbage out,

and I guess I just-

I kind of want to
be taken care of.

- And you feel that Bob doesn't take care of you?
- No, I... I mean, yes.

I love Bob.

I just-

I think maybe I want
more than he does.

He... he doesn't seem to
care about money at all.

No, I care.

I care. It's just that money has
never been that important to me.

I just want to be happier I
guess, you know, I want... if

true happiness exists, and I think it does,
I mean, I definitely tasted it with Bob.

If happiness is out
there, I just really want it.

I see.

Why are you here today, Bob?


yeah, Susan pretty
much dragged me here.

Tell me, what is it
you do professionally?

Oh, um, I'm the Head of
Programming at The Nature Channel.

I love that channel.

You do?

Yes, I find animals
just so fascinating.

Oh, well, I just uh...
you're going to love this.

I just finished this special
about polar bears.

Just remarkable animals.


Well, that's splendid.

I just want our marriage to be the best
it can be, to be as strong as it can be.

Is there something
wrong with that?

Do you have ideas about how I might
be able to help you in this regard?

Well, yes, I mean there are a few
things, maybe one, or two, or three.

First, there's the issue of, you
know, how we both feel about money,

how much we need
to feel secure.

- I think that's a big one.
- Hmm.

And then there's the issue

of whether or not
we have a baby.


And then there's our family dynamic, you know,
Louise, my daughter, she's 13 years old

and she's lovely.

She's a blossoming
young woman, really, and

lately I wonder

if it's getting
complicated for Bob.


What are you even
talking about right now?

The other morning,
in the kitchen,

I saw you looking at her.
She was in her underwear.



I see Louise.

I'm not looking at her, not in the
way that you're implying at least.

I can't even believe
you're saying this.

You know what? I think... I think I'm a pretty
damn good stepfather, and a good husband...

- Yes.
- too for that matter.

I love Louise.

I love Susan, but

a comment like that,
that is just damn hurtful.

It's damn hurtful.

Perhaps Louise
should join us next week.

If you think that's
helpful, yeah.

I defer.

So are you and Bob
getting a divorce?

Oh, baby, of course not.

- No.
- Well, then why are you seeing a shrink?

- Never mind. Don't tell me.
- She sees lots of couples.

Don't tell me that.
That's really gross.

- Really, gross?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, it's so gross.
- Yeah, it's disgusting.

Listen, you are a very
important part of this family,

and you are my favorite
person in the entire world

so I want you to come
with us next time we see her.

- No way.
- Yes.

- No! No, I... I won't do it.
- You are going to see her.

- No.
- Yes, you are.

- Yes, you are.
- No.


- SeƱor.
- Amigo.

How are those polar
bears coming?

Good, yeah, almost set to go.


Uh, you got a minute to talk?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem.

What's up?

Clarette got pink-slipped at Disney so she's
freaking out about finding a new job, and

I don't exactly blame her
'cause times are tough.

Yeah, I'm sorry
to hear that, man.

Yeah, so our income just got cut in half, and
now she decides she wants to get married,

and buy a place with a
swimming pool up in the hills.

I thought you and
Clarette were married.

No, just... just keeping house.

Anyway, that's...
that's not why I'm here.

Um, you know, Annabelle
Bernard down in accounting?

Dark hair, great
legs, short skirt.

Yeah, yeah, sure, Annabelle.

We... we started this thing,

you know, nothing serious.

Just a couple of days a week at lunch, and
then yesterday she comes into my office,

closed the door behind her, as soon as that
happens, man, my heart went through the floor

'cause she's in love with me,
wants us to quit our jobs, move to Mexico.



And... and I'll tell you what scares the
shit out of me. It's... it's not Clarette.

I... I can handle Clarette.

It's... with the world turned upside down these
days, all she has to do is point the finger

and my ass is grass.

Sexual harassment?
You think she'd do that?

Nowadays? Come on.

These women will do anything.

Wow! Well, have you
tried talking to her?

Have you ever tried talking to a woman
especially one that's pissed off at you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Um, do you want
me to talk to her?

Oh, man, would you?

Yeah, sure.

You're a gentleman
and a scholar.

No, it's my pleasure.

- Thank you.
- For sure.

Hey I'd love to stick around, but I got an
appointment across town I got to get to.

- Job prospect?
- Yeah, no, no, no, no.

Marriage counseling.

- Ooh.
- Yeah.

- Good luck.
- Thank you.

It's okay to laugh.

I just think this whole
thing is weird.

Laughter can be very constructive
sometimes just for the release of it.

I laugh between sessions,
alone, right here in my office.

Oh, bless you.

Thank you.




one sneeze.

If I didn't have my hankie, bacteria,
germs would've spread amongst us all.

Think of your conflicts as germs,
left unchecked, without a hankie,

they spread among you...
the three of you, living unit.

I have never really felt
like a germ before.


other than mortality
itself, it is the

human bond most essential,
a web that ensnares us all.


Yes, I'm referring to the thread of
life that wraps us around and binds us.


Um, do I have to be here?
'Cause I have homework.

Louise, this is your chance, in the safety
of this room to say anything you want.

Well, there is something

since I'm here.

Baby, we wanna hear what
you have to say. Go ahead.

I have no freedom.

My mom is scared to let me do
anything ever since my father died.

That is not true.

I'm 13, and I can't even
go on a sleepover.

You've been on a sleepover.

Once, and then you showed up in the middle of
the night in your pajamas with Comfy Cream.

You'd slammed your finger.

It was 'cause the girl having
a sleepover only had a dad.

Oh, not true.

Yes, it is. It is so true.

- No, it's not true!
- Yes, it is.

It's true, right?

You know what? I think your mother
just wants what's best for you.

Louise, just so I understand,
are you saying that your mom,

what, is

afraid of men?

She definitely
doesn't trust them.

I cannot believe that
you're saying this.

Can I go? Can I,
please, be done, Mom?

Fine by me.

Bye, sweetie.

- Bye-bye.
- Mm-hmm.

You... you do understand that you have to take
everything Louise says with a big grain of salt.

I'm really pleased that I got
the chance to meet her.

You know what? I should say right
now that Susan is a wonderful mother.

Thank you.

I needed that.

Okay. Well,

I've had this chance to see you as a family
unit, and there are some certain tensions.

What would you think about the idea of
me spending time alone with each of you?

I think that sounds
like a great idea.


There's this new couple, the
Howards, typical LA couple.

Their problems are
very ordinary as is she,

but there's something
about the husband,

something elusive.

It's a quality.

It's very difficult to define.

I've just learned that
Judith Smolinsky James is in Los Angeles.

Apparently, she's resumed her practice
there under the name of Judy Small.

What did he say? Judy who?

It was inevitable.

Someone please fill me in.

She was removed from our roster two
years ago for unprofessional conduct.

It was an unfortunate incident of
counter transference enactment.

Why do I not know this?

You must have blocked it?

Whose case?

Yes, she was mine.

A severely narcissistic woman,
unanalyzable, entirely without boundaries,

but with an intact capacity
for reality assessment.

For 15 years she had
a spotless record.

I mean, essentially this woman
was raised by wolves.

It was a classic case
of soul murder.

So what are we supposed to do?
Howl at the moon? Dangle red meat?

I... I think she still has a
contribution to make.

Except for the patient in
Boston who killed himself.

Her method was unorthodox
to say the least.

Look, I'm not saying that
mistakes weren't made.

Mistakes that I
am trying to rectify,

but I will tell you all that unofficially
I have been trying to find her.

She's drawing you into
a boundary violation.

Well, I'm certainly being drawn into a role change,
but I'm the only authority figure she's got.


Dress code.

Stress code.

...appearing in torn-tattered,
dirty clothing, skin-tight short shorts,

beach clothing or other garments
inappropriate for blah, blah, blah.

Try this on.


Aren't these perfect? Noisy.

- Perfect.
- Yeah.

I know. I'm wearing the blue
tights that I cut up the other day.

Mm-hmm. And the shirt that
I cut up with the red top under.

We're leaving.

One second.

- Bye, baby, have a good day.
- Bye.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Hmm.

- Love you.
- I love you, too.

We should do this every day.


You two.

Yes, you two.

Ladies, I know you were at
the assembly last week, right?

Yeah, sure.

And you're aware of
the new dress code?

Sort of.

No torn clothing.

These clothes aren't torn.

We cut them ourselves.

To my office.

Discuss this further.


how's this finger?
Come with me too.

And the rest of you, homeroom.

Come on.

You've got no idea how much
dough this place takes in.

Our work is lining
other guys' pockets.

They're raking in
it upstairs on our backs.

I got all the numbers.

I know how much
you make every year.

125, right?

Well, yeah, you know, I'm
gonna ask Beaver for a raise.

They all gonna be rat shit.

- Beaver pulls in 10 times that much, and that's before bonuses.
- Ten times?

Look, we
start our own outfit.

We don't have to limit
ourselves to that nature crap.

We can do whatever we want.

Well, I like the nature crap.

All the big media companies
need content right now.

It's the same
drumbeat every day.

Content is king.

Parents are looking for a place to park
their kids and we can provide that.

Who's our partner?
Motherfucking nature.

Walter's got all the contacts.

He can sell ice to
fucking Eskimos.

We get to keep doing exactly what
we're doing right now except this time

we're lining
our own pockets.


Okay. So why do
you guys need me?

We're great at making deals.
You're great at making product.

Conservatively, we're gonna quadruple
our take home in the first year,

but remember, Beaver gets one
whiff of this and we're fucked.

Did you have sex
after our last session?

Bob and I?


You mean right after?

Susan, we're trying to understand
how you are, just you and Bob

together, your
sexual dialogue.

So you're here to satisfy Susan,
is that the pattern? Her needs dictate?

I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, probably.

I don't have a single couple in my practice
that doesn't have some conflict in this area.

Um, I'm confused because
that's not really our problem.

She knew what I did when she married
me, and what can I do about that?

- Of course she did.
- Yeah.

And you're a man and you
have needs of your own.

Yeah, well, I'm not sure Susan's
too concerned about that.

Sex is one way that we stave off a fear of loss
which feels particularly resonant for you.

You've already
lost one husband.

You don't want to lose another.

Oh, God.

I don't think that I'm afraid
of losing Bob, do you?

Have you been faithful to him?

To Bob? Yes. Absolutely.

And what do we know
about his sexual history?

I mean, he was 39 when we married so
he must have known a lot of women.

He does seem to
appreciate women.

You could tell that so quickly?

Well, we can run,
but we can't hide.

It's not uncommon for women, especially
women who tend to be controlling, to become

competitive with their
adolescent daughters.

No shit.

Has he been faithful to you?

I'm sorry. What
was the question?

So could the tension be
from something else?

Like what?

Your sexual history.

Why? Why did... did
Susan say something or-

Did Susan say something?

Sheila, right? It happened
before we were married.

That's so unbelievable.


So I had this one-night thing with
an ex-girlfriend named Sheila.

I confessed to Susan because it made
me realize that I was in love with her.

I proposed to her that night.

I can't believe
she's still angry.

I cannot believe it.

Trust is like a muscle.

Once it's torn,
it's difficult to repair.

Better watch out. Mom
is in a pretty shitty mood.

Thank you for the warning.

How's your day?

Fine. Louise!

I just saw her leave.

What? I... I just sent
her to her room.

Honey, maybe just this one
time you should let it go.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

It's gonna be dark really soon,
and she's out there all alone.

I don't think that's
really safe, do you?

- Ha.
- Considering the fact that there's been three robberies

in this neighborhood
in the last six months,

to say nothing of the fact
that I sent her to her room.

Sounds like you guys had
a pretty tough afternoon.


What the fuck?

Hey, you know what?
I think we need a vacation.

Oh, yeah? That sounds
great. With what money?

Don't you worry about money, okay? Our money
situation is about to change for the better.

How? What happened?

Let's rent a convertible, drive up the
coast, stop whenever we feel like it,

rent motels by the
hour, no-tell motels.

- Hmm, that does sound good, doesn't it?
- Mm-hmm.

Did Beaver give you a raise?

And Louise can
stay with friends.

Hell, she's probably old enough
to stay here by herself.

I am, definitely.

The next time I tell you to go to
your room I expect you to stay there.

Will you tell her that I'm getting
too old for the room stuff?

Tell her yourself.

I'm getting too old for the room stuff unless
you need permission from your therapist.


I am trying very hard to deal with a
lot of confusing and difficult things

which is why I
sought out Judy Small

so I would appreciate it if you could
give me a little bit more respect.

Well, Judy Small is a loser.

I didn't ask you
for your opinion,

but because I care about your
thoughts, um, go ahead, tell me.

What do you think?

I don't trust people
who wear scarves.

I wear a scarf.

- No, you don't.
- Hey, hey, come on.

Let's... let's just all cut
each other a little slack, huh?

Thank you. Exactly.

I need to watch somebody
turn... someone has to turn...

I know but it's... it feels
like... it feels like years.

Oh, how are my babies?

I will see you
fine ladies later.

Bye, Nick.

Do you and Nick ever talk about what happens
at Judy Small's, like, outside of the office?

No. Nick and I don't talk at
all. That's why we're going.

She has me and Bob going separately,
and I... we don't even talk about it.

I don't know if I
like it or hate it.

I love being pregnant.

I mean, look at me,
I'm glowing.

There was this guy getting a cappuccino yesterday
who said he had to put on his sunglasses

'cause I was so dazzling.

Hey, you don't get to be
depressed while I'm pregnant.

I'm not depressed.

I'm just a little discouraged.

Susan, you are not pulling
another one of your no-shows.

You are coming to
Nick's launch party.

Stern is gonna be there.
I need you to meet her.

There are gonna be a lot
of big people at this thing.

I thought Nick was a writer.

Writing is not big money. This
thing with Stern is big money.

Now, I have until four o'clock today to
decide on the stencils for the baby's rooms.

I have it narrowed
down to koala bears,

and sailboats, and then these
adorable little Raphael angels.

So do you want to help me?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Hi, Juanita.

Can we have the stencils on the
counter in the kitchen, por favor?

So cute. Oh.

Also, can we have a pitcher of iced tea?
Pretty, pretty, por favor.

Thank you.

Twenty-three more minutes?

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe we
just have to sit here.

Detention so sucks.

I hate this school.

It sucks.

We're such idiots.

We're out of here.

Where are you going?


I'm not allowed to take
public transportation.

Me neither.

Hi, person!

Judith, it's Ed Kingsley.

I've been trying to reach
you for some time.

I understand you're in Los Angeles,
but it's important that we speak.

We have some matters that
I think we need to discuss.

So, please, call me.

It's not too late to reach
a deeper understanding.

Oh, my God.

That's Judy Small. She's
the marriage counselor.

Hey, yo, marriage counselor!

What are you doing?

Oh, crap.

Oh! Oh, my God.

She marked me.

You need to tell your mother.

I'm not allowed to take the bus.

I don't know
what I'm doing wrong.

I was hoping that by embarking on this
journey that my life would get better,

but as weird as it sounds,
I think it's getting worse.

How do you feel
it's getting worse?

Well, I've found myself
daydreaming about my first husband,

wondering what my life would
be like if Dominic hadn't died.

You know, it's crazy, this life that
we have, you know, like you pick

a husband which means you pick a
life, and he dies so it dies.

Has it occurred to you
you're longing for justice?


Payback for Bob's
past sexual infidelity?

He told you about that?
About... about Sheila?

It's important that we get
to the root of these issues.

Oh, God, but I... I didn't
think he still cared about that.

Did you think it was trivial?

Are you not aware that your husband
is an exceedingly attractive man?

I know he's an attractive man.

It may be that you
need to take action.

Take action?

In order to make peace with his sexual history,
you may need to rebalance the sexual scales.

The sexual scales?

The power dynamic.

I'm so confused.

You may need to even the score.



So tell me upfront, is
this work or pleasure?


Hey, can I get a martini
straight up twist? Thank you.

Or does this have something to do with
Reed and Walter's new business venture?

Wait, wait. How did
you hear about that?

Oh, Reed mentioned it to
me a while ago, you know,

pillow talk.

Oh, hmm.

No, no, that has... that
has nothing to do with that,

or your work by the way which is great,
yeah, across the board, excellent.

- Yes.
- Cheers!

Thank you.

No, Reed came into my office the other
day, and he's concerned that-

that there might be some,
I don't know, bad blood or...

What an asshole he is?


You know how, uh,

sometimes you can want something but
then not even realize that you want it?

Yes, yes, I do.

I had wanted to leave my
husband for a very long time,

and then when Reed
stepped in, I just-

I kind of just let myself
get carried away by him.

The shock was how fast and scared he
ran because I never even mentioned

the word sexual harassment, but since he
put it in my head, I don't know, I mean,

I'm tempted, and I would do it, too, if I
had to, you know, just to protect my job.

Well, of course you would,
of course, no question.

You're married, right?

Yes, I am.

- Yes, you are.
- There it is, the evidence.

I was married for 13 years.

Wow! Just three for me.

Ooh, that's long enough.

Well, yeah.

Hmm, you want to get
another one of these?

Yeah, why not?

I mean, I have time
for a quickie.

Thank you.

Thank you.


Oh, thank you.

Yippee! I think I
found you a job.


Pinot furniture, genius designer, you
have to fly to San Francisco to meet him.

- Okay?
- Oh, thank you.


You have to meet Serge.
He's married to Stern.

Now, she's a star,
but he's pretty amazing.

Serge, this is my friend Susan.

Oh, hello.

- We have known each other for...
- Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Serge is the host
of the stellar affair.

Delighted to have you.
Spread your wings, celebrate.

- Thank you.
- This is Stern.

Stern, this is my friend Susan.

Hi, welcome.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

All right. Let's do it.


- Yeah.
- Hmm.

So tell me, I'm curious...

Mm-hmm. did it all work, you know, like,
did your... did your husband move out?

I'm... no, I'm just... I'm just
curious about the logistics.

I'm a logistics guy.

Do you want to know
the secret to a divorce?


It is the best thing
in the world.

It is fantastic.

I mean, I just can't believe how long I
tied myself in knots trying to avoid it.

It's like taking out the trash.

You do it, and bam! It's done.

Wow! So just like
that? 13 years? Out.


So tell me another secret?


- So now you want to know all my secrets, huh?
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Yeah.
- Some I do wanna know, yes.

All right. Well, the truth is,

it's all easy, everything,



Once you realize that everything
is structured to keep us down...

Pressed down.

Yes, frightened of ourselves.

Yeah. But not you?


No, not me.

Not anymore.



- No, no, no, no!
- Yes!

Everybody drives
better on two martinis.

- Everybody knows that.
- Oh.

That, sir, is my carriage.

I can't.

This... this is my chariot.

- Have a good night.
- Good night.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

- Hello.
- Where the hell are you?

Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I... I was held up at work
and I... I'm leaving right now. Bye.

Hurry, please.

I'll see you at work.

To our new venture!

And to those of us lucky enough
to get in on the ground floor...

There's nothing I love
more than making money.

Hey, we saw an
opportunity and we seized it.

- Yeah.
- Perch me that deal!

- Wooh!
- Yeah.

- Cheers, darling, cheers.
- Right. Right.

I'm sorry I'm late.
Crazy traffic.

South Island, they'll see you.

Congratulations, Nick.

- Thank you.
- Well, that's the point of money, darling.

We don't want to be sitting
ducks for the apocalypse.

That's the symptom,
the fear of O.

The fear of O?

Ouroboros, the serpent
that eats its own tail.

Right, right.

None of us is immune.

It happened to me last week.

Why, what happened?

I'm driving home from the gym at 6:00
a.m., Mulholland, I'm at a red light

when three guys cut me off, pulled me
out of the car, stick a gun in my face,

and discuss whether or not
they're gonna blow me away.

They take my wallet, my watch, my rings, my
cell phone, get in the car, and drive off.

It's the end of a
civilized world.

It is inevitable.

I, for one, refuse to surrender.

- Did they find your car?
- Who the fuck is they?

Darling, be nice.

They... there ain't no they.

You can kiss goodbye the idea that there's someone
out there who is gonna make it all better

because the guys on the white
horses have all run scared.

That's true, yeah.

Where on earth did you
find these people?

Oh, I know. Aren't they
great? Stern is fabulous.

Are you okay?
You look dehydrated.

Um, I need to talk to
you about Judy Small.

Ah, I am getting fat.

You are pregnant with triplets.


Judy Small thinks that
I should have an affair.

She said I needed to even the sexual score because,
you know, Bob had that thing with Sheila.

But that doesn't count. That
was before you were married.

Judy Small seems
to think it counts.

Maybe she just thinks you
need to have a little fun, huh?

- Let's see what I have here.
- Oh, so...


Have fun.

Try these.

In fact, take the bottle.

I can't take it anymore
'cause I'm pregnant.

They'll help you unwind.

I need to unwind.

- You really do.
- I'm really stressed.

- You really are.
- Okay.

- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.

- Go on.
- Ahh.

Yeah! You should get out more.

Come on. We're going home.

Right now. Now.

This way.


Wooh! Who's next?

Bob Howard,

you are a tight,

secretive, little man.

Jesus Christ! How much did
you have to drink tonight, huh?

Oh, boo-hoo.

I guess you'll have to tell
your therapist all about it.

Oh, wow!

Maybe I should have an affair.

Yeah, maybe you should.
Why? Are you thinking about it?


You're incredible,
you know that?

Do you mean me, or
do you mean Sheila?


She must be on your mind or else you
wouldn't have told Judy Small about her.

I didn't tell Judy Small
about her. You did.

I didn't tell Judy Small about
your sexual transgressions.

She told me that you told her so
don't pretend that you didn't.

- This is so fucked up.
- Yeah, bingo!

Your fault.

- Bingo.
- Bingo.

You know what, Susan? If you were
smart, you'd know that I'm a man.

Yeah, such an attractive man.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm an attractive man
with needs of his own.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha.

You know, I'm... I'm
having a really hard time

getting comfortable with your
suggestion that I even the score.

Is that what you think I said?

That's what I know you said.

I mean, you can't be implying that I'm
the one who said I should have an affair.

I would entertain that idea.

That's a very real possibility,

and you can certainly grant me that you must
be finding your impulses pretty scary, hmm?

Isn't that what you learned
by your behavior at the party?

Bob said he didn't
tell you about Sheila.

I can't discuss what
Bob said or didn't say.

You know I don't think
you like me very much.


is going to help you


and open.


Why don't you tell me

whatever is going
through your mind?

All right. Uh...


You know what? I had
the craziest dream last night.




Tell me about it.


I was on this rowboat
with Annabelle.

You know that woman
from work I told you about?


Yeah, so we were on this rowboat and...
and, you know, she's there and

I'm watching a fish-

just luminescent fish
like a rainbow trout.

And so, I'm... I turned back to
Annabelle and she's undressing.

Actually, you know what? No.

That's not true.

I was undressing her,
and we are in a hotel room,

and she was naked except
for this black brassiere.

And she took the brassiere off,


when she did,

I don't know, I get tangled up
around my head or something.

I just... I couldn't
see anything.

Even in your dreams your
sexual wish is frustrated.

Yeah, that... that's
exactly what I thought.

I was feeling frustrated
and entangled,

then I was home, and I was
laying on the couch, and

all of a sudden there was a loud
knock, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

It was scary.

I jumped out. My heart
was beating like a rabbit.

I ran over to the door
and I answered it.

Then there was this
woman standing there,

but you couldn't see anything

'cause it was nighttime, and there
was, you know, not a lot of light.

I couldn't tell who it was.

I think it was Annabelle,

but I also think it
might have been you.


Go on.

And I-

and I felt this powerful desire,

and the end.

It was really weird.

It's so painful to feel that I
have to win your approval.

Of course it's sexual.

She's caster eating him, and there's
such just such agony to sit by and watch

which is all you analysts
know how to do anyway.

Oh, how good
it would feel just

to fire you.

You know that?
Such a suck at chat.

It's just so hard 'cause I'm doing
everything that I know how to do.

I just know I'm right this time.

It can't be what you say.

It can't!

It just can't.

I know it.

And I've tried several times to reach
you, Judith, so please call me back.

I'm in Los Angeles, and
you know the number.

I... I look forward
to hearing from you.

- I want to talk to you.
- Okay.

About the therapy.

- Okay.
- I'm having second thoughts.

Second thoughts, huh?



- Thank you.
- Thank you, baby.

What is that?

- I don't know.
- What's the problem?

No return address.


Is there a note?


No signature.

Okay, but what does it say?

It says "What you desire."

Is this a joke?

- Well, I didn't send it.
- Of course you didn't, but who the hell did?

Don't ask me. I don't...
I'll call the company.

Is there something
you wanna tell me?

No, absolutely not.

Okay, fine, whatever,
but I'm telling you this.

I want us out of the therapy.

What? You don't think...

I don't know what to think,
but I want that woman out of our lives.

You're breaking your
commitment to therapy.

It hasn't worked for me.

Well, you refuse to open up,
but your need is bottomless.

You're in flight.

My needs are not bottomless.

You're running away, Susan.

No, I'm not.

You are, but at the same
time you want my love.

This is foul.

You want my love, and you're willing to
undermine Bob in order to win in my eyes.

I don't even know what
you're talking about.

I have to get on a plane to San
Francisco tomorrow so I'm gonna go now.

Oh, to San Francisco?

I am leaving and I
am not coming back.

That is why I came here.

Aren't you concerned about Bob and Louise
being alone together while you run off

to San Francisco because you are
a morass of hungers and impulses,

and you just jump into therapy,
and just as quickly you just jump right out

because you got to go.

You got to go off
to San Francisco.

Oh, not even a care about the
chaos that you leave in your wake.

You think that you
don't need me?

I think you're the
one who needs help.

You need me.

Oh, Susan, you need me.

You need me, Susan!

You need me!


Oh, I hope I lose my mind.

I hope I go crazy
and hallucinate.

- Let me try.
- Wow.

Hold it in, don't breathe.

Your mom smokes pot?

She's scared I'll find out.

Well, you know what? My
mother is scared of doors.

My mother is scared
of buttons. Why?

My mother... my mother is
scared of the word mucus.

My mother is scared
of the word horny.

Oh, that's so gross.

Oh, I'm starving.

Let's order pizza.

It's been a long time, Judith.

Two years, seven
months, nine days.

I assume there's a reason
you hunted me down.

Well, I wanted to talk to you.



I hate talk.


no one even knew that
you resumed your practice.

Why should they?
And why shouldn't I?

Judith, please don't play
childish word games.

You don't like word
games, Dr. Kingsley?

- Judith.
- They stole... no, you stole my livelihood.

I was framed.

I understand how you felt, but
I did everything that I could.

- No.
- Perhaps I could have done more but nonetheless I...

No, no. I... I did.

I did everything
for Benjamin Price.

I did everything.

I did more than any therapist on
earth would have done for him.

No other ethical therapist in the
opinion of the licensing board.

Look, Judith, it's not too late.

You still have a chance to redeem yourself,
to appeal, and I will support you in that.

Oh, God, spare me
the lecture, Dr. Kingsley.

Look, you don't even
have a license to practice.

It's California.

Nobody here cares
about licenses.

Judith, you're making
a mockery of me.


Look, you were always a challenge, but I
had hoped that you'd make more progress,

that you'd dismantled some of
those self-destructive impulses.

I think you need
to return to therapy.

You think I need more treatment?

Well, we weren't
finished when you left.

So you came here to rescue me?

Is that what you did?

Oh, it's so kind.

Oh, Dr. Kingsley,
that is so, so dedicated.

If you return to New York we
can complete your therapy there.

Well, then why wait? Let's
do it right here, right now.

Let's go, Dr. Kingsley.

What did you expect when you violate all
the tenets of neutrality when you follow me

like an animal, when you hunt me
down, when you violate my privacy?

I am such an interesting subject
to you, am I not, Dr. Kingsley?

Flattering yourselves? I
need you? I don't need you.

I don't.

Ask yourself this,
why are you here?

Why are you crossing boundaries
yet again, Dr. Kingsley?

Everything I learned,
I learned from you except

that when I needed you,
you abandoned me!

Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!



I thought you'd never answer.

I'm sorry. I was stumped
on at a crossword clue.

I have to go in like two minutes.
I have dinner with Ronald.

Oh, yeah? Well, uh,

I mean, how'd... how'd it go?
How'd the whole thing go?

The furniture was beautiful,
but I'd have to commute.

Just, um, anyway,
can I say hi to Louise?

Um, no, I told Louise she
could spend the night at Zoe's.


what are you gonna do tonight?


I'm doing the crossword,
gonna eat some pizza,

probably look at pictures of
cars I can't buy on the internet.

I love you.

I love you.

Well, some stupid clue.



Is Susan here?

No, no, actually. No, she's
not. She's in San Francisco.

San Francisco?


Back tomorrow.

I'm sorry. Would
you like to come in?

You know, sometimes I just wanna
light a light bulb, just like that,

I guess, snap and fly a
bike with E.T., you know,

- like a, b, c, d...
- What?

- What did you say?
- E. T., j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, TV.

You wanna watch E.T.?


I wanna fly a bike
with E.T., you know?

You wanna know something sad?


See, if I were to find
an alien, I'd kill him.

Don't even look at me.

- That's...
- I'm looking.


Hey, Mom.

How's Louise?

Louise? She's staying over
at her friend's house tonight.

Oh! Slumber party.

That's right, yeah.

Please, sit down.

You know, as much as I was
hoping to see all three of you,

I'm actually quite
happy that it's just you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

How's that?

Why do you look so scared, Bob?

I'm not scared. I... it's just,

you know, it's unusual when your
therapist drops by your house.

Yes, it is very unorthodox,
I will grant you that.

Do you want me to leave?

No, I'm not...

I don't want to be rude. I... no.

Come sit.

I have to tell you something.

I've received some just
very devastating news.

I have to leave LA.

I have to leave and I don't
expect to come back.

I don't have a lot of time.

And I feel like we have some
unfinished business, you and I.

Do you?

This is... I...

What if you just sit back,


and allow yourself

to use this very last chance

to free yourself?

Have you two been
smoking marijuana?


It looks like you two have
been smoking marijuana.


All right. We are taking
Louise home right now.

Now, just allow yourself

to relax

and drop in to this
present moment.

A moment

where you can remember

who you are.

Do you remember who you are?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Have I told you you're a man?

- Hmm.
- You're a man, right?


A man has needs.

Lots and lots of needs.

When no one hears those needs,

when those needs aren't met,

a man can forget himself.

Did you forget yourself, Bob?

What if I told you
that you could have

anything you



Don't tell your mom that I yelled at you.
I want to remain in her social circle.

I don't wanna be shunned.


- I love you.
- I love you more.

Hey, we'll say goodbye 'cause you're
allowed to see your friend again.

That's how it works.

There's nothing
wrong with that.

You lied to us, such
a party pooper.

Not if you're laughing
when you forgot...

Oh, my God.

Mommy's gonna kill you!

- Louise.
- Go away!

- Please come inside.
- Go away!

- It's cold out here.
- Leave me alone!




I feel so good to be home.

Yeah, we're very happy
to have you home.

That guy was such a jerk.
Oh, my God. It was embarrassing.

Sweetie, are you alright?

Do you want to come out
from underneath that hoodie

and tell me what happened?
'Cause I can tell that something happened.

Uh, is somebody dead?

Jesus Christ!
What the hell happened?

I came home last night and Bob
was on the couch with Judy Small,

and it was really, really gross.

Judy Small? The therapist
was in our house?

Naked, and they were on the couch
doing stuff, and he was wearing a mask.

First of all, let me just say that...
that I'm sorry, and no one was naked.

I let... I let something
terrible happen but...

How can there be a but?
I mean, and in front of Louise?

Louise, sweetheart,
please go to your room.

Susan, as God is my witness, the woman...
the woman came here to seduce me.

I think I'm gonna vomit.

I'm not pleading innocence.


My therapist, our fucking
marriage counselor,

on the first night in our
marriage that I go away?

I didn't... I didn't
invite her here.

The whole thing is
just fucking insane.

You were naked wearing a mask.

I'm trying... I'm trying to tell you
that under the circumstances the mistake-

the very egregious and indefensible mistake
was it was very difficult to resist...

I'm gonna fucking kill you.
I'm gonna fucking kill you!

Susan, you don't...

I swear to God I'll do it
when you're sleeping.

I'm gonna stab you in the
heart with a meat thermometer.

I'm gonna cut off your
balls with a corkscrew.

Susie, you don't have
to be reacting this way.

- Just...
- Just get out of here. I want you out now.

- Please.
- Get out?

Please, just go.
I don't wanna see your face!

Go! Get out!

Let's get a one room,
please, just me.

Stay overnight.


Have a good day.

Bob, what a splendid surprise.

Oh, sorry, I tried to call your cell, and
then your home number wasn't listed though.

- Well...
- I didn't know how else to find you.

I've been very busy packing,
making arrangements.


Have a seat.

It's okay.


I came here today to ask you to talk to Susan
for me and maybe just explain things to her.


you're so scared,

cornered, misunderstood.

No, I love my wife,

and I don't want to lose her.

Of course you don't.

So please, please just talk to her and just
tell her that this whole thing was insane.



I would do almost anything for you
so, yeah, okay, I could talk to Susan.

I could tell her... um,

I could tell her that it wasn't
you who undressed me, but it was I

who undressed you, and you

didn't take me,

but I who hoped in the course
of one reckless erotic journey...

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Oh, just enough with the flagellation over
a lousy blowjob, please, it's insulting.

Seriously, you
need to relax, Bob.

Let's do this.

Let's do a calming exercise.

I'm nervous, and
now I'm exhausted.

Just a nice breathing exercise.
Can you do that for me?

Please, please, Judy,
will you just talk to Susan?

I will talk to Susan if you promise me
that you're gonna do this for me, okay?

You're gonna be a good boy.

Yeah, I will do
anything you want.

Okay. You're gonna count
from 10 down to one.

Okay? 10...



You are not listening to me.

There's no more money.

It's all gone. Everything.

Nicky invested every single penny
of our money with that lying bitch,

and she just cut and ran.

What are you doing here?

I live here, remember?

Oh, God, don't remind me.

I just spent $200, money we don't
have, unblocking my energy.

One word from him,
money down the drain.

I guess Roxy told
you the bad news.


Don't talk.

Okay? Just don't make a sound.

How's Bob?

I don't know.

I don't care.

I heard there's some weird shit going down
at his place, some kind of slash-and-burn.

Why are you here? Why aren't you out
looking for a job? What about our babies?

Yeah, actually, I was thinking
about getting a tattoo.

You cannot afford a tattoo.

You cannot afford to take a shit on
the ground that you're standing on.

I can shit anywhere I like.

I hate him.

I really fucking hate him.

I hate his guts.

Yeah, I hate them. I
hate them. I hate them all.

How many tranquilizers
do you need?

Oh, I'll take as many
as you can spare.

Oh, honey, I got plenty.

Oh, Nick is gonna find
a job, sweetie, he is.

Susan, he's a writer.

What the fuck can a writer do?

Good morning.

Ooh, ouch.

Ooh, that looked painful.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, don't be mad at me.

Hey, I never meant to hurt you.

It's weird he hasn't called.

I bet something bad happened.

Oh, no, Louise. Don't say that.

I mean, he's dumb,
but he's not that dumb.

Like, if he were okay he'd call.

Maybe you should call him.

Why? He's your husband.

It would be such a human
gesture, a forgiving thing,

considering the fact that even as
inadequate as he is, he loves you.

Bet you've got him
to an accident.


It's Louise.

Is Bob there?

Well, do you know where he is?


Okay, bye.

He never showed up at work even though he
had a meeting with the writer from Alaska.

Something's definitely wrong.

So much is wrong,
I don't even know where...

Well, he... he... he could be in
jail, or bleeding to death somewhere.

- Louise.
- Or else he could have a heart attack.

- Don't say that.
- I'm sorry.

I can tell you're
already freaking out.

I'm not freaking out.
I'm just a little tired.

I think we're better
off facing the truth.

I'm having a very
painful realization.


I still love Bob.

Oh, my God. I thought
that's why you married him.

It's crazy how easy it is to forget
how much someone means to you

even if they've been a complete
reptile, all their fuck-ups and flaws.

Oh, baby, if anything ever happened
to him I don't know if I...

Mom, not now.


I bet you it has something
to do with Judy Small.

Judy Small.

Judy Small.



Filed a report.

If we haven't heard from him in 24
hours, we'll just have to come back.

Well, that's dumb.

What if tomorrow is too late?

I can't make you
a little cozier.

- Can you help me out here, babe?
- Judy.


- Judy.
- What? What?

You can't do this.

Judy, you can't do this.

You can't keep me prisoner.

Get it straight.

I'm leaving tonight, and
you're coming with me.

Maybe he's glad that he left me.

He's not.

Oh, God, I really don't want...

When I saw them
naked on that couch...

He... he is.

All naked and crawled
up like two white dogs.


Mom, you're gonna blow it!

I think I'm blowing it.

- What are you doing?
- No, you're not.

I'm sorry!

Susan and I came to you
because we needed your help.

Every child wants a
grownup who will pretend

so I'm gonna tell you
what we're going to do.

We're going to drive, and then we're going to
fly, and then we're gonna head towards water

because I see a white sail against
just the most ethereal blue sky.

Mom, we need to go now
to Judy Small's office.

Not planned.

Hands on the wheel
and eyes on the road.

Thank you.

I know the fires in need.

I know the truth.

I know the truth but
Dr. Kingsley says

human beings suffer from
reminiscences, Judith.

You... you suffer from nothing.

Somewhere there is
a human life for you.

Judy, I love my wife.

And yet

I pretend you love me,

and you must pretend the same.

I'm calling 911.

Come on, baby.


We should break down the door.

Yes. We need something.
We need like, um, like a hammer or-

- Wait, go ask that guy.
- Okay.

Ask him for help.

Mom, money.

You don't need money.

- Okay.
- Bob!



- Help!
- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!

- You need help?
- Yes, he... my husband is in there.

- You sure he's in there?
- Yes, I'm positive. He's in there.

- Please, just break the lock.
- Okay. Okay.

I hear Bob.


- Okay, I got it.
- Okay. You stay.

- Bob!
- Susan!

Where's Bob?

Mom! That's Judy. That's Judy.

Hey, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?
Just relax, lady, okay?

- Ahh.
- Gah, aw. God.

Hey, hey, what's going on here?

Help. Just let me go. Help.

- Let her go, now.
- No, no, but no...

What are you doing?
Don't let her go! Get her!

- She just bit me, man. She's crazy.
- Go!

Oh, my God.

I was so scared.

- I'm sorry.
- Susan, Susan, Susan, my Susan.


No, stay back.

I'm gonna jump.

2546, we need a
jumper squad right away.

- Hey, look.
- Mom.


You okay? Yeah.

Whoa, what are you doing?
You shouldn't be up here.

- Stand down.
- It's okay.

I know her. I know her.
It's okay. It's okay.

She's my therapist.




Hey, Bob.

What are you doing?

Now, come on. Come here.
Come here. Come here.

This isn't you.

No, come on.

Come on, Judy.
You don't do this.

Judy Small doesn't do this.

No, you don't.

Yeah, I've got you.

Let me help you now. Come on.


Okay. Okay. Oh, oh, okay.

I've got you. I've got you.





What are you doing home?

I have bad news.


I got fired.

How can they fire you?
You have a contract.

I know. I know. They're gonna buy
me out for 30 cents on the dollar.

Well, what happened?

There was this thing with...
with Reed and Walter,

and I didn't tell you about it because
I wanted to wait until it was done

so I could come to you and say,
here it is, here's the new deal.

Here's the big money.

Here's the new salary.

And Beaver found out about it,
and told us to pack our bags.

Look, Susan, I know how bad this
looks, but I'm gonna find another job.

You don't have to worry.

You've been fired and we
have no income to speak of,

and almost no savings.


at least we have each other.


Does that hurt?

Not too much.

- Good.
- Not anymore.

Being a tough guy?

If we hurry we still have time
before Louise gets home.




- That's weird.
- Yeah.

You know what that means?

Oh, God.

So gross.

They barely even
talk to each other.


Aren't married people
supposed to do it at night?

- I'm starving.
- Me too.