Bad Girls from Valley High (2005) - full transcript

♪ Oooh-ooh

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Everybody has
their day ♪

♪ Tonight I want
to make it better ♪

♪ Don't you know
there's a price to pay ♪

♪ When you deal
with the devil? ♪

♪ Someday, we're all
gonna die ♪

♪ Some sooner
than later ♪

♪ One thing
that you can't deny ♪

♪ I want
to live forever ♪

♪ Don't get me wrong



♪ I wouldn't say never

♪ I'm living much too fast
to die young ♪

♪ I want to live forever

♪ Nobody lives forever

♪ I want to live forever

♪ Nobody lives forever.

This section of the lot is for Huns only,
enema head!

Hey, Drew.

Charity's old locker?

Mr. Douglas said that
a year was enough.

I guess they're
short on space.

I believe
this is my locker.

Hi, I'm Katarina.

It's ni--
it's nice to meet--



it's very nice
to meet you.

Um...

This is yours,
so I guess--

okay.

I hope I didn't
upset him.

It's because you're in his
late girlfriend's locker.

Late?
When will she be here?

No, she meant late
as in dead.

- Hey, babe.
- We broke up.

- Remember?
- Oh yeah. Well, look,

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to call you a spoiled slant-eyed bitch.

It was in the heat
of the moment.

Come on, T,
you know I still love you anyway, right?

Yo, G Dog,
what's up?

- Get your dick mittens off me, spooge.
- Okay.

- Hi, Danielle.
- Hi, wart.

Don't you love her cool nickname for me, huh?

- Hi, Jonathan.
- Yo, Brooke.

- Wanna have lunch today?
- Yeah, I'd love to!

Is Danielle
gonna be there?

Later.

Hey, you bros ever
need exam notes

or a paper done or you want to scratch some vinyl at my crib,

I'm your homey!

Hi.
How you doing?

Good morning,
Mr. Chauncey.

Hello, Danielle,

Tiffany and Brooke.

Hi, Drew.

Before we get started,
I want to introduce a new exchange student.

Katarina Wolfson.

- Whoo!
- Settle down!

Miss Wolfson,

would you mind telling the class a little about where you're from?

I grew up
in Romania,

in a very small
and poor town

called St. George.

The population
is 375--

just make it 374
because I am here.

Um, well...

my mother told me,
"In America,

if you study hard,
be honest

and always do
the right thing..."

"...everything
will be fine."

That's it.

Thank you, Katarina.

By the way

St. George
is in the province

of Transylvania,

whose main export other
than the Dracula myth

is chocolate.

My personal favorite

is the cherry-filled
chocolate crucifixes

at Eastertime.

Ew.

Our next

assignment

will be "The Merchant
of Venice."

Yes!

Who?

I'm sure all of you--

Good morning, students.

This is Principal Douglas.

As you all know,
it was one year ago today

that one of our students,
Charity Chase, passed away.

For those of you still
struggling with your grief,

Dr.
Turner will be having crisis counseling in room 105 this period.

Any interested student
is hereby excused from class.

Also, don't forget
the big pep rally!

Read the first two acts
for Wednesday.

- We should go.
- Why?

Because it's gonna
look weird if we don't.

Okay.

And will the party responsible for fire-bombing my car

please report to my office
immediately?

You're not-- you're not gonna go with them?

I didn't know
the girl.

Well, neither did
the rest of them.

Not really.

Please,
if I'm not prying,

how did she die?

They say
she committed suicide.

They?

Not you?

Hey, yo, my people,
I'll slip you some guts.

My idea of hell is being in a
room with that dork for five minutes.

How long is the MC Wart persona going to last?

I give it till the end
of the week.

What's with this multiple personalities?

It's because
he doesn't have one.

Oh, Charity!

Remember,
time heals all losses. Next!

Oh, get over it!

So, where's Drew?

Probably in the classroom
with the new girl.

Holy--

Where the hell
are they?

I believe that's
them out there.

I'm just going
to the nurse's office.

Hey!

Hey.

You guys are late.

Oh, like they're not gonna be old anymore?

Brooke had to get
her lip waxed.

It took longer
than we thought.

- So, how are you holding up?
- I'm okay.

It must have been weird,
it being the one-year anniversary and all.

Yeah, I have to admit
it was pretty

- hard, but--
- If you need anything,

I'm here for you.

So, I'd better get to my stroke victim.

Don't want Mrs.
Witt to think I flaked on her.

Can we have an orderly to room 103 for body removal?

Wow!

- Do you have to get special training for that?
- For what?

To run bullshit
so effortlessly.

It's a gift.

So, did he seem
a little down to you?

- Hello! Dead girlfriend!
- Hey, girls!

Hi, Danielle.

- I'm on bathing detail today.
- Ugh!

Yeah!
See you in the break room.

Not!

God, I hate the way this place smells.

Why'd you pick old people for this community service project?

And why are
we here again?

Because you're helping me
get what I want.

And when I get
what I want, I'm happy.

And when I'm happy,
I'm not a bitch.

Surf's up, Winnie.

I'd like to introduce you to Gary Pease

who'll show us the art and science of gourmet gardening.

Let's go find Gary.
He's in the garden right now.

- Hello, Gary. Fabulous zucchini.
- Hi, John.

- How are you?
- Pretty good. Good to see you.

I have to tell you,
this is the most beautiful vegetable garden--

Did I wake you?

What happened to
Mrs. What's-her-name?

Did she get bored with your company and leave?

So, what do you
want to do today?

Take a nap?

Works for me.

Ah... that's better.

Sorry, Charity.

- He's not coming.
- What are you doing here?

You've got to learn
that only Huns

date guys from
Hundred Pines.

Especially Drew.

He's mine.

- Tie her hands.
- You people are not well.

Poor little Charity.

Looking for
something?

Ever see one of those
women-in-prison movies?

Isn't it a little
late for that?

Maybe we're going a little too far with this.

Jesus, where is she going?

Wrong way!

Watch out for the fence!

Just a minute!

What?!

I have to tell you
something.

I was just down
at the front desk

and I overheard Drew
talking to Katarina.

Oh God, I can't
believe this.

Last year,
it was Charity Chase with her sad eyes and her dish-mop hair.

- We took care of that problem and--
- Shh!

What?

If she were any stiffer,
she'd be in the Petrified Forest.

Look.

By the by,

the three of us stole my father's car when we were 14.

At the age of 16,

we gave Brooke's next door neighbor's dog Ecstasy.

And, as you
already know,

at the ripe
old age of 17,

there was that little Charity Chase debacle.

Don't you think if she was going to blow the whistle on us

she would have done it ages ago?
Stop worrying.

By the by, if I ever get
pickle tits like hers,

just shoot me, okay?

My dad has a gun.

She still pissed
about Drew and Katarina?

Aren't you supposed to be
with Mrs. Fabrizio?

You know that stupid machine
she's hooked up to?

- The heart monitor?
- Yeah, well, it started whining.

And it was totally annoying.
So I unplugged it.

The doctors came in and said I should take a little break.

How could Drew resist?

Killer curves, flawless skin,
perfect teeth.

- What more could you ask for?
- Cherry truffle?

- What?
- It's Monday.

Chocolates from
Mrs. Witt's closet.

King me.

- Queen me.
- Eat me!

Five's enough.

Whitney Houston's
husband...

umm...

what's his name?

He is so over.

Totally.
Tattoos?

They're cool
in the right places.

- Cargo pants.
- Oh, stupid.

Unless you're from Wisconsin
and need the extra pockets

for bricks and cheese!

Two-parent households.

Highly overrated, if you're
talking about mine.

- Nipple rings?
- Oh!

- What's with the annoying music?
- It's disco day!

- Don't you love it?
- I'd rather wax my armpits.

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn, baby, burn...

Hey, geek,
hand me two bucks.

You do want to pass trig
this year, right?

Do you want to live
through lunch?

- Hey, babe.
- Hi, babe.

- How's it going, Jonathan?
- Fine, thanks.

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Disco inferno

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn that mother down!

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn that mother down!

- Hey, Drew.
- Hey, Drew.

Okay, this is where you make like sweat and evaporate.

Bye, Drew.

So, to what do I
owe this honor?

I just thought you
might want some company.

Drew, I'm sorry about all that stuff with Charity.

You know, with me being
a bitch and all to her.

You were a bitch
to Charity?

Well, not
really a bitch.

Just some heated
words in gym class.

She seemed sweet,
even if she wasn't a Hun.

What the hell is it with you guys and this Huns crap?

Hundred Pines is a high-end housing project.

There's not even any pines there anymore.

The beavers ate the pines.
It should be called Hundred Stumps.

Hey, Katarina.
What's up?

Hi.

My name
is Gavin Burke.

I'm fullback and captain
of the football team.

Drew used to be the captain,
but then he got all sensitive and shit.

Now he thinks that jocks
are just a bunch

of thick-necked Neanderthals, but...

Anyway, I'm a solid
C+ student, you know?

And I have a serious belt
in Tae Kwon Do.

And I know eight ways
to kill a man,

so you know,
maybe sometime me and you can get together

and I can show you
some of my...

- moves.
- Oh my God.

Are you okay? I took very,
very few lessons in my homeland.

So, Drew

I'm having
my 18th birthday.

It's a costume party.

It's totally
gonna rage.

I'd love
for you to come.

I'm going as a Victoria's Secret model.

I don't know.
Maybe.

- Drew!
- Katarina.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi!

- You don't have to leave.
- Yeah, I do.

I'll just be over
in the Hun section

sucking the nuts
out of my dessert.

- What's with the limp?
- Must have pulled a muscle.

Got to remember to stretch
after my workouts.

What's up with Brooke?

She's been that way
for a good 20 minutes.

What--

Oh God, I am so tired.

I almost fell asleep
in Mrs. Putman's class.

I did.

Yeah!

You know,
maybe it's time we had a little talk with Katarina.

Like the one we had at the gorge with Charity Chase?

Something like that.

Maybe we should try
a different approach.

And that would be?

Well...

my mom says
that bad medicine

goes down easier when
you sugar-coat it.

- Point being?
- Well...

maybe we should take her
shopping with us tomorrow.

Break it to her gently.

Try to talk to her as friends trying to do what's best for her.

You're such a retard.

No...

I like that.

Like we keep
our friends close,

but our enemies closer.

Is that a map of Asia?

Oh, it's some weird
freckle outbreak.

I noticed it
this morning.

Okay, where the hell
is Heidi?

Hi!
Sorry I'm late,

but I'm still getting used to your streets.

Well, I'm excited about
going window-shopping

with my new
American friends.

- Window-shopping?
- What's that?

- You should get it.
- It's too much money

and I'm on a very
small budget.

Budgets are
for poor people.

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Ooh-ohh, yeah

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah

♪ Let's party, let's go,
let's go, let's go ♪

- ♪ Let's party
- ♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah

♪ Oh yeah, yeah!
Everybody gonna shake down ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown ♪

♪ Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown ♪

♪ Yeah!

I wonder
what the hell

the stupid limit on
her credit card is.

Anyway, I think
it's time

we put the poor girl out of her misery.

- And what about ours?
- Yeah, you should talk.

I'm the one doing
all the work.

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah

♪ Give it up,
give it downtown... ♪

Hi, welcome to the store.
I'm Kristin.

If you need anything at all,
don't hesitate to ask.

You could help carry some of these stupid bags.

Welcome to the store.
I'm Kristin.

♪ Everybody uptown,
everybody downtown ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah...

Oh, my dogs
are beat!

I think I've lost all circulation in my hands.

Okay, this isn't
fun anymore.

You're gonna tell her
in a nice way, right?

We spent all
day with her

and she's actually
kind of okay.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

You are a Hun.

She will never be anything more than a sheep farmer from Romania.

She has to understand that we Huns have rules and boundaries

and that certain things are off limits to peasants like her.

Like for instance,
the Huns Coming Out Ball,

the Huns
parking spaces,

the Huns Invitational,
the Huns cafeteria section,

- my birthday party and--
- Drew.

Yes.

Drew.

So, is my lesson over?

Yeah, it's over.

I just realized

you must have mycard.

Thank you for
a lovely day.

How the hell did she pull off that switch?

Maybe she knows
Siegfried & Roy.

They're German,
aren't they?

Do you need socks
or a belt with this?

It's underwear,
bitch.

Okay, how in the hell
do you lose a car?

Maybe Katarina made it disappear like she did your credit card.

Ha ha, you so funny.
You funny girl!

Look, just find
the damn car, okay?

I gotta pee again.

Wait, isn't that it right there?

No, I think--

Wait, wait.
Oh no, this is it!

I'm sure of it.

Where the hell
is my car?

Did I even drive here?

Mine, mine!

Yes!

So much for
your little talk.

It's just a stupid
gym class.

Gavin!

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

What?
I'm over here.

All right, guys,
back to the game.

Sorry, it's all the fiber bars
that I've been eating.

All right, everybody,
practice is over!

Guys, put your balls away!

What a bunch
of boneheads.

What's this say?

Did I make
the team or not?

Maybe you should
have your eyes checked.

Yeah. Is my name
on there or not?

Not.

But Gavin and I have been working on my splits.

Oh my God.

Hey, gorgeous.

- What's with the towel?
- Back off, wart.

Your breath is in
my airspace.

So, what was that
all about?

Apparently, I've
been replaced too.

I was supposed to do a French paper for Drew,

but now he's decided to let Katarina tutor him.

- Where were they going?
- It would have to be her place.

Drew's house is tented.
Silverfish, I think.

The girl just doesn't
listen, does she?

There you go,
dear.

Good as new.

Nurse's office.

Yes.
Shop class?

Oh my goodness.

A metal rod?!

Whatever you do,
don't pull it out.

Hmm... Maple.

725...

727...
729...

On your mark!

What's with you?
You look like you've seen a ghost.

- I may have.
- Come again?

Last night,
I tried to find Katarina's house.

- And?
- You're so funny.

Her address is the cemetery
where Charity is buried.

It must have
been a mistake.

- Are you sure you had the right number?
- It was no mistake.

731 Maple.

Can I ask you
guys something?

Sure.
Shoot.

Has anything strange or weird
happen to either of you

since Katarina's
come to Valley Gorge?

No.
T, you?

Nuh-uh.
Why?

- Nothing.
- Hurdle.

What?

- Where did that come from?
- Keep going.

I'm all right.

I can't compete with that.

She's like Xena.

- I think we need to go to plan B.
- What's that?

I don't know.
Never needed a plan B before.

All I know is she
is ruining everything.

My birthday is in less
than two weeks

and I'm no closer to getting Drew than I was last semester.

We have to somehow
destroy this bitch!

How are we
gonna do that?

I think
I have an idea.

Hey!

Yo, as salaam
alaikum,

my brown brother.

Mr. Chauncey?

Mr. Chauncey?

Anyone here?

Oh God!

Yes, Tiffany.

What can I do for you?

I wanted to check out
one of those

digital whatchamacallits
with the zoom thingy on it.

Yes.

I take it

you want a camera

with a telephoto lens.

Yeah.

What are you
planning to shoot?

Oh, wildlife.

You know, little
squirrels and birds.

Dogs.

This is a new
digital one.

It's a 1.5 megapixel,

5X zoom

with memory stick
and Firewire output.

Perfect for long-range
photography.

I think you'll
appreciate

the size of this.

Fill this out.

Name and date,

when you're planning
to return it.

Tiffany?

May I ask you
something?

If it's not
too personal.

Sure.

Just...

as a concerned
teacher and a friend,

I was just wondering

how you girls
are holding up

in the wake of

Charity's suicide.

W-- uh--

we really miss her.

Oh.

Foolish question.
Of course you miss her.

It must be difficult when you don't see it coming.

I mean...

I certainly didn't.

Oh, me neither...

I guess.

Well...

enjoy wildlife.

...in the wake of

Charity's suicide.

Guilty!

Charity.

Oh Jesus,
he kissed her!

That should be me
he's kissing!

She spends a lot
of time down there,

just like
Charity used to.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just cold

and hungry.

Me too.

Hey, aren't you
on a diet?

Lately I haven't
needed one.

Ow!

Oh my God.
Please tell me that's not a tooth.

Can you believe the stuff
they put in candy?

I'm totally suing
this company.

All right already.
She loves you, you love her.

Just get out
of my shot.

Thank you.

Here's the money shot.

Okay, so what we need
is to download something

that's totally disgusting,
perverted and embarrassing

and put Katarina's
head on it.

Ew! Gross!

Doesn't the fur get in the way?

Okay, let's just rule out animals completely.

Stop.
Back up.

She's a dominatrix?

It's perfect.

Everyone looks
disgusting in latex.

Do you think
it'll be enough?

Would you want
to be with Katarina

knowing she put baby powder
on that guy's ass?

So we'll switch faces

and post it on the school's website tomorrow morning.

Every guy at Valley Gorge High is gonna see it.

I want to be there when
the first guy comes up to her

and asks her for a spanking
and a diaper change.

She'll be so embarrassed,
I'm betting she'll be

- on the next bus back to Romania.
- I don't like this.

It's dirty
and underhanded and...

it's just cruel.

And your point being?

What if we try talking to Katarina again?

Maybe this time
she'd listen.

You are so linear.

Okay, where the hell
is her head?

I don't know.

Well, can't you upload,
upgrade,

surf the wave
or something?

Come on,
you're the computer geek. Fix it!

I can't fix
what isn't there.

I mean, look,
you can see Drew fine.

This is really creepy.
What is this girl?

The undead?

Damn it, T,
you must have had your stupid finger in front of the lens.

Oh, you mean this one?

I gotta pee again.

What is that, like,
five times in an hour?

Hey!
I don't keep track how many times you fart in an hour!

I gotta go.

Hey, Danielle.

Gavin! What are you doing here?

I'm helping out my old man.
He owns the place, remember?

What's with the diapers?

I'm buying them
for my great-grandmother.

She's visiting us
from Montana.

- Really? Where in Montana?
- Des Moines.

Yeah, I've been there.

I need a price check on the econopack of Jumbo Relievers

pine scented.

So, Danielle...

what--

what do you think about maybe me and you going out sometime?

What do you mean,
like on a date?

Sure, why not?
You know?

Anyway, I kinda dig a more mature woman.

What are you trying
to say, I look old?

Aw, no, well, you know,
I mean lately,

looks like maybe you've
clocked on a few more miles.

But don't get me wrong.

- That's a turn on.
- What do you think

Tiffany's reaction
is gonna be to all this?

See T and I,
we have this understanding.

I don't tell her anything and she doesn't know anything.

You understand?

I guess.

Hey, Todd, I really need
a price check

on those adult diapers
ASAP.

- Oh my God.
- Hey, girls. Wassup?

- What the hell?
- Stupid perfume bottle is leaking?

Oh, that's no problem.
I'll clean it up.

- No, no, no, Gavin!
- I got it.

Did I wake you?

No, I had to get out of bed to answer the phone anyway.

Good, because I've
been thinking.

There's something
about Katarina

that's not quite right.

What are you
talking about?

Like when the light
flickered the first time

she came into
Mr. Chauncey's class?

And the way her image
wasn't on the film.

And she has Charity's
old locker.

And she's always at Valley Gorge Park just like Charity.

And her address
is the cemetery.

So, what you're
saying is

she's...

Charity's ghost.

Danielle, do you realize how insane that sounds?

Look, we caused her death

and wrote the suicide note.
Now she's come back to get us,

and we can either do something about it or let her destroy all of us.

You're starting
to creep me out.

Ow, ow, ow.

You girls okay?

Yeah.
Why wouldn't we be?

You look a little pale.
Well, except for Tiffany.

A little mishap
with the self-tanning oil.

You're also early.
That hasn't happened in four years.

People change.

No they don't.

So, what can I do
for you girls?

The real reason we came in
was, uh,

we were, uh,
wondering, um,

what would cause only part

of a picture to photograph?

Yeah, like a body with no head?

Could be a number
of things--

sun flare,
a defective chip,

dropping the camera.

- Ghosting.
- Ghosting?

It's just a photo term.

Oh.

I didn't realize
you had

such a connection

with Charity.

Charity?

How so?

Love of photography.

She was the president
of the A/V club.

We knew that.

Settle down.

Act four, scene one.

"We do pray for mercy.

And that same prayer
doth teach us all

to render the deeds
of mercy."

These are words spoken
by the character, Portia.

She was a bored,
wealthy, young woman who,

to amuse herself,

created devious
and sometimes

sadistic little games.

Until one day

the game backfired
and she found herself

in a rather painful position

- of having to plead for a friend's life.
- Oh.

I think we can all
relate to this character

because we have done
things in our lives

that may have caused
another great pain.

Shit!

What?

Okay, let's go.

Put it in gear.

And close
the sun-roof.

Great.

When the hell
did you get glasses?

There my mom's.
But for some reason they seem to help.

You should have put
them on before you parked!

And by the way,
your blinker's been on for the last three miles.

My hips are killing me.

Oh, I have to rest.
My asthma's acting up.

Since when do you have asthma?

I'm finished.
You go on without me.

Come on, get off your asses, you wimps!

You know I've never actually talked to a real ghost.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about you,

Katarina/Charity Chase.

I'm confused.

We all are.

Look, we won't be
after tonight.

Now to prove my point,

I just need you to walk through that lamppost over there.

- How would I do that?
- I don't know.

You're the ghost.

Look, it's either that or I cut you open to see if you bleed.

- Are you for real?
- You know,

something's been
bugging me.

If you could come back
as anyone you want,

why would you come back
as pathetically poor

and low-class as you were?

The weed is a flower

whose virtue has not
been discovered.

Maybe I'm many things,

but I can assure you

I am not Charity's ghost.

Believe me now?

Wow, that's creepy.

Convinced?
Katarina's not mortal.

It makes sense, doesn't it?
The one-year anniversary

of Charity Chase's death
and a new girl arrives

out of the blue
from a far away country

at the ends of the earth.

- Since when is Romania the ends of the earth?
- You mean it isn't?

It's so obvious.

It's just like "I Know What You Did Last Summer" part two.

And they always come back
to the place where they died.

Why did she come back?

To avenge her death.

What is she
gonna do to us?

- She's already done it to us.
- What?

You're gonna stand there
and continue to tell me

that nothing strange or unusual has happened to either of you?

No aches?
No pains?

No leakage?
No drainage?

I mean,
look at yourselves!

Okay, fine.

I'm getting a six-pack
and heading to the pep rally.

You coming?

Let's give a warm beaver welcome

to the Valley Gorge High
football team

and the Valley Gorge High
pep squad

as they lead us to victory

over Central High!

And then
the optometrist said

that I didn't have
enough eyelid

to cover a contact
lens that thick.

Remember when I farted
in gym class and I said

it was because of all
the fiber bars?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well it was,

but it wasn't anymore.

Oh, my ass has dropped
a full six inches.

Hell, all of me's dropped
a full six inches.

I feel like with every
minute I grow a year older.

I've been wearing adult
diapers for two weeks.

- Oh.
- Ew.

- Ahhhh!
- B-E-A-V-E-R-S!

Beavers! Beavers!

We're the best
damn beavers!

- We're not jammin'...
- Are we gonna die?

I'm too young
to die.

You?
I have to turn 18 in two days.

I look older than Madonna,
so shut up already!

Oh, this is all
your fault!

You got us into this,

- now you get us out!
- It's not that easy, okay?

You can't kill a ghost!
They're already dead!

Now listen,

I have watched these movies
a thousand times.

and there's only one way to get a ghost like Katarina back into the grave.

How?

We lure her back into the hole with the one person

she can't rest without.

So, we have to kill Drew

so he can be
with Charity/Katarina

for eternity.

Wait.

Who are we going to kill?

Central High!

You know what's weird?

I've been having hot flashes and cold spells.

And my period,
it's practically non-existent.

Oh my God, Danny,

that sounds like,
wait, what's the word?

Menopause.

Oh, Jesus.

I'm not even 18 yet.

Katarina screwed
us good.

I almost wish she'd get it over with and put us out of our misery.

Oh, me too.

Quit whining, girls.
It'll all be over after tomorrow night.

The curse will be reversed
and we'll be beautiful again.

Oh, I feel faint.

Oh, I gotta get out.

Pickle tits!

- Good evening, ma'am.
- Hey, Nicole.

Oh my God!

Is that you, Danny?

Oh my God!
Who did your make-up? It's so real!

Oh my God, it's fabulous!

- Yeah, fabulous.
- Happy 18!

Try it. It's nitrous

- Hey! It's not a toy!
- Aw, screw you, granny!

I can't wait for tonight to be over.

- What?
- Never mind.

♪ Got a drill to my head,
got a monkey in my bed ♪

♪ Got some breath mints
in my hand ♪

♪ Gotta go work
on my tan ♪

♪ I got eggs over easy
and bacon in the pan ♪

♪ I got bread in my toaster and more breath mints in my hand.... ♪

I thought Gavin was going to learn more songs.

- Didn't he?
- No, he didn't!

He's been playing the same song for like an hour!

♪ We're all rotting

♪ From the inside out

♪ We're all dying

- ♪ But isn't death what life's about? ♪
- Gavin!

Yeah!

Yeah!

All right...

we're gonna take a little break.

Yeah.
And then we're gonna come back in 20 minutes

and do another
song for you.

Hey, ladies!

- Come on, let's dance.
- I don't know.

- Hey, you wanna groove?
- Get real!

- How about you?
- Finally!

Hey, you all acting like a bunch of old ladies,
for real.

What the hell are you
looking at, Bozo?

Oh!

- Hey!
- Ow!

Looking for--

--someone?

Danielle!

Costumes?
Duh!

I was actually
looking for Drew.

Umm...
he sent me this

and said it was very important that he would see me tonight.

Oh my!

So where is he?

He was here and he
was very upset.

Said something
about

him being so rich
and you being,

well, so poor.

And how it'd probably
never work out.

And he said it was
just like Charity

happening all
over again.

He used a lot of
buzz-words--

"dying,"
"eternity,"

you know, stuff
like that.

Did he say
where he was going?

Well, he said
he was going home

to get a jacket warm enough for the gorge.

After that...

Oh my God.
I must find him!

Have a hit
of chamomile!

Very soothing.

We're on!

I'll drive!

- Do you have the note?
- Yeah, yeah...

It says all
the usual stuff--

disappointment in love,
indifference to life,

his battle with herpes.

I even threw in the guilt
he still feels

over Charity's
tragic suicide

and the part he may or may not have played in it.

Charity killed
herself?

Duh!

I see they finally
fixed the fence.

Let's just
get this over with.

Katarina!

I think our human
sacrifice has arrived.

Katarina!

Danielle?

I thought you were gonna go as a Victoria's Secret model.

- Change in plans.
- Where's Katarina?

Oh, I'd say about now she's probably at your house

discovering
you're not home.

Then she'll most
likely come here

to prevent you from committing suicide.

You're very distraught,
you know?

Well, at least that's
what her note said.

You bitch.

Uh, uh, uh!

Holy shit!

Is that loaded?

Yep, it's loaded.

Now, if you'll just
climb that fence

and jump to your death,
you'll be saving us all a lot of time and energy

which God knows the three of us are very short on.

Really, I don't have the right shoes for climbing.

Over the fence.

Why are you doing this?

You really
want to know?

'Cause you and me were meant to be together

and you were just
too blind to see!

I mean, Jesus,
all you had to do was ask me out again

and none of this would have ever happened.

I'm free next weekend.

Too late.

God! Hello!
Mouthwash!

Now jump.

Now look, if you
really cared about me,

then why would you
want to kill me?

Because I would
sacrifice anything

to be beautiful again.

Even you.

- You're nuts.
- Drew!

Katarina, run!

I mean away.

Run away.

- What is going on here?
- Nothing.

So you mean you weren't just kissing her?

Katarina, it's not
what it looks like.

I suppose she had
a gun to your head.

Come on, let's go.

Fluffy!

Hey you, Casper,

why don't you float over here next to your boyfriend?

What is going on here?

This...

is what's going on.

Jesus.

You're the ghost
of Charity Chase,

come back
to exact revenge.

Oh, not that again!

What about
Charity's quote?

Drew showed me that quote in his yearbook.

It's Emerson.
Everybody knows that.

Okay,

you live
in a cemetery.

What are you
talking about?

I went there--
731 Maple?

North or south?

Screw this!
You,

quit avoiding
the inevitable.

Climb the fence
and join Charity,

- who wasn't even a Hun!
- And who we killed.

You killed Charity?

We sort of all did.

- Could you climb the fence now?
- Danielle, don't!

- This is crazy!
- Move!

I would have given anything
to be a Hun.

Jesus Christ!
You area Hun!

No, I'm not.

In reality,
I'm no different from Katarina or Charity.

My family lived
in a trailer park

and ate mayonnaise sandwiches three times a day.

How did you end up
in Hundred Pines?

Tri-State Lottery.

56 mil after taxes.

That's great.

Now move so
I can kill Drew.

Blood? Ghosts don't bleed,

but apparently dirt-poor exchange students from Romania do.

Was it possible
I had been wrong?

That driven by obsession,
an overactive imagination and blind jealousy,

I had made a mistake
about Katarina?

And if she didn't
do this to us,

then who did?

- How's that again, ma'am?
- It's Romania.

R-O-M-A-N-I-A.

That near Tacoma?

OFFICER

Oh, and the captain wants 50 on Bonespur in the third race.

Surprised?

Mr. Chauncey.

- Why?
- I'd been watching Danielle and the others.

I knew they knew something about Charity's death.

I just didn't know
to what extent.

I did it for Charity,
to clear her good name.

I loved Charity
like a daughter.

Not in a dirty
sort of way.

Did you know she was the best A/V president I ever had?

And she didn't just do it to get out of PE or study hall.

She did it because,
damn it, she loved the job!

I waited.

I kept hoping Danielle and the others would slip up,

and they did.

I'm splashing blood

all over my rented
clown suit.

By the way,
you failed English.

Welcome to "The New Garden."

I'm Liz Druitt

Those of you who think a deck is just a place to sit

and drink beer and swat mosquitoes are in for an eye-opener,

'cause today,
we are going to talk with Dr. Sam Bats,

head of horticulture
at Texas A&M University

about how he combined his gardening with his leisure living

and made himself
a vegetable deck.

Let's go meet Sam.

- Hi, Sam!
- Hi, Liz. How you doing?

- Good, how are you?
- I'm fine.

Sam, you have fabulous zucchini--

My goodness,
how you've changed.

You don't remember me,
do you, Danielle?

I'm Mrs. Witt.

And I certainly
remember you.

Oh, poor thing.

Barely holding on
by a thread, isn't she?

Oh...
happy birthday--

though I am
a couple of days late.

Not much to show for 18 years of life,
is it?

A friend of mine died
just last month.

She was my roommate when you first came to visit.

Of course,
we'd known each other for years.

Our husbands
worked together.

She's the one who taught me how to play chess.

Oh, she suffered agonies
waiting for death.

But then, one day,

her husband gave her a shot of some kind

and it just whisked her straight up to Heaven.

For her, death
was a blessing.

But it isn't
always so, is it?

Take Charity's death,
for instance.

Did you know Charity
was my granddaughter?

I didn't think
you did.

You see...

after my stroke,

I couldn't speak.

But I could see
quite well.

And I could hear
very well.

Which, of course,
is how I discovered

that you and your friends

were responsible
for my Charity's death.

I asked Estelle's husband

to give me an extra large
dose of his potion.

Of course I had
to write it out for him.

The dear man.

He worked for
Denton Chemicals,

specializing
in biological warfare,

aging complexes.

I remember how much

you enjoy chocolates

and these are
to die for!

The poison was
extremely concentrated.

Your little friend--

oh, what was her name?

Brooke, that's it.

She was the only one
with any self-control.

- Oy.
- She only ate a couple of pieces.

Otherwise, she'd be lying here with the two of you.

My symptoms...

completely disappeared.

Which is often the case
with stroke victims.

Youwon't be so lucky.

Isn't it silly?

Sending for an ambulance when someone is already half dead?

I mean, Christ,
what's the hurry?

We are gathered here to bid a fond farewell

to our dear sweet friends,
classmates and daughters...

So here we are,
another rainy day, another funeral.

Mine.

Oh, and Tiffany's.

Must have been a two-for
down at the mortuary.

On the bright side,
I'm rid of that annoyance.

Oh, get over it!

Who are they?

He's still a moron.

What's their problem?

I mean, I'm the one
who's dead.

Oh my,
look at Brooke.

A couple of tucks
and a laser peel later.

You know, in the right light,
she could easily pass for mid-50s.

I guess she won't be
dating any more seniors.

In high school,
that is.

Okay, I'm sorry,
that's just wrong.

Our deepest sympathies go out to Tiffany's boyfriend, Gavin,

whose broken heart, we are sure,
is drowning in endless grief.

Remember, my son,
in this life and the next,

time heals all losses.

As we lift
our eyes to Heaven,

we remand these children
back to their Maker

for all eternity.
Amen.

- Danielle, Danielle...
- Jonathan!

Danielle,
I'll always love you!

Mr. Chauncey?

Mr. Chauncey?

Oh my--

oh my--

oh my God!

Oh my God!

- Danielle?
- T?

- Can you believe this?
- My God!

Wait, wait.
Where the hell are we?

I don't know.

But I've got a room
just like yours.

Who cares
where we are?

We are young again.

It's so totally
beautiful!

But these rugs
have got to go.

- Who do you think cleans it?
- I'll tell you,

from the looks of this place,
we're set for eternity.

- Wait, you mean--
- Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

We're in Heaven!

Okay,
let's celebrate!

You put on some music and I'll go make us some lattes.

Uh-oh, I think we've got a problem.

No CDs.

Don't you dare
answer that.

Relax.
This is Heaven.

It's got to be Brad Pitt or Ben Affleck.

At the very least,
Luke Perry.

Hello.
These are for you.

- What--
- And I brought some tunes.

Let's party, huh?

What the hell
are you doing here?

When I was at the funeral,
I realized

- I couldn't live without you.
- This isn't happening!

Where are the cute guys?

How long exactly were you planning on staying?

Forever.

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ To my surprise

♪ 100 stories high

♪ People gettin'
loose y'all ♪

♪ Gettin' down on the roof

♪ Do you hear?

♪ The folks was flaming

♪ Out of control

♪ It was so entertainin'

♪ When the boogy
started to explode ♪

♪ I heard somebody say
burn, baby, burn ♪

♪ Disco infern--

You're really sexy.

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn that mother down

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Disco inferno

♪ Burn, baby, burn
burn that mother down ♪

♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Disco inferno
burn, baby, burn. ♪

♪ Yeah!

♪ We're all rotting

♪ From the inside out

♪ And we're all dying

♪ Isn't that
what life's about? ♪

♪ Come on, yeah

♪ Yeah, got a drill
to my head ♪

♪ Got a monkey in my bed,
got some breath mints in my hand ♪

♪ Guess I'll go work
on my tan ♪

♪ I got eggs over easy
and bacon in the pan ♪

♪ I got bread
in the toaster ♪

♪ And more breath mints
in my hand ♪

♪ I'm pumped up, I'm put down,
I'm screwed up, I'm tight wound ♪

♪ I'm bushwhacked and tight sacked,
what you think about that? ♪

♪ 'Cause we're all rotting

♪ From the inside out

♪ And we're all dying

♪ Isn't that
what life's about? ♪

♪ 'Cause we're all rotting

♪ From the inside out

♪ I said that
we're all dying ♪

♪ Isn't that
what life's about? ♪

♪ I'm down with that black shit
but living in the 'burbs ♪

♪ Anyone got a thesaurus?
'Cause I'm running out of words ♪

♪ I got a drill to my head,
monkey in my bed ♪

♪ Got some breath mints in my hand,
guess I'll go work on my tan ♪

♪ Eggs over easy
and bacon in the pan ♪

♪ I got bread in the toaster and more breath mints in my hand ♪

♪ I'm pumped up, I'm put down,
I'm screwed up, illiterate ♪

♪ Whatever, I don't give a--
watch your mouth ♪

♪ 'Cause we're all rotting

♪ From the inside out

♪ And we're all dying

♪ Isn't that
what life's about? ♪

♪ We're all rotting

♪ From the inside out

♪ I said we're all dying

♪ Isn't that
what life's about? ♪

♪ Yeah, come on,
bring it ♪

♪ Yeah, come on,
now bring it ♪

♪ Come on, yeah,
now bring it ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, now let me
hear you all say

♪ Hey, huh,
come on and say ♪

♪ Hey, huh,
come on, uh ♪

♪ Hey huh,
I got it, uh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I said my name
is Gavin Burke ♪

♪ I may not know
too many things ♪

♪ But that don't matter
'cause as long as I'm getting ♪

♪ Fatter and fatter
every hour on the hour ♪

♪ I got more girls than--
know what I'm saying? ♪

♪ I'm rough, rugged and raw,
oh yeah ♪

♪ And forget what you saw
or else you'll get yours ♪

♪ And I'm getting mine till my demise,
I be beating up ♪

♪ People in the schoolyard

♪ People look at me weird
but I don't fear ♪

♪ I don't care,
my knife is bare ♪

♪ You're thinking 20,
I think you're no 20 ♪

♪ I'm the bully,
I look in your eyes ♪

♪ Till your demise,
much to your surprise ♪

♪ Till I realize
I can't get everything ♪

♪ I look at your girlfriend's
thighs, oh me, oh my ♪

♪ I knock you on
the dance floor, I say whoa ♪

♪ And so
'cause I don't care ♪

♪ Oh yeah!

♪ Yeah!

Yeah!
Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, all right.

Seriously, we're gonna take
a little break

and then we're gonna
come back in 20 minutes

and do another song for you.