Bad Girls from Mars (1990) - full transcript

Someone is killing off the female leads of the movie production "Bad Girls from Mars." The producers feel they should try to finish the film, even though they're making a lucrative amount from insurance payoffs, so they fly in European sex bomb Emanuelle as the new lead. Emanuelle immediately begins embarrassing the producers by leading a wild party life around town. Meanwhile the killings continue, and detectives try to stop the fiend responsible.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE MOTION PICTURE
YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE

DEALS FRANKLY
WITH THE SUBJECT

OF LOW-BUDGET FILMMAKING.

IT CONTAINS SEXUALLY
EXPLICIT SCENES

THAT MAY SHOCK SOME OF
THE MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE.

THEREFORE, EACH OF THESE SCENES
WILL BE PRECEDED BY THIS SOUND:

[SQUEAKY TOY SQUEAKING]

WE HAVE ONE HELL OF A SOUND,
IF WE CAN--

[BATTLE STATIONS ALARM]



THAT'S IT. REMEMBER
WHEN YOU HEAR THAT SOUND,

THAT'S THE SIGNAL
TO CLOSE YOUR EYES.

ONCE MORE...

[SQUEAKY TOY SQUEAKING]

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE HORN?!

[MACHINES WHIRRING
AND BEEPING]

TINA.

TEELA!

TEELA...
IT WON'T WORK.

I'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO LOVE YOU.

DON'T EVER SAY THAT,
TODD.

OUR LOVE WAS MEANT
TO SPAN THE GALAXIES.

YOU CAN'T FORCE YOURSELF
ON ME SEXUALLY.

THIS ISN'T THE MILKY WAY,
YOU KNOW.



BESIDES,
I'M JUST YOUR GUIDE.

I'LL TELL THE PEOPLE
OF MY PLANET

THAT YOU WANT PEACE
AND HARMONY

FOR EARTH AND YOURS.

I DON'T THINK SO.

[BOING]

TEELA,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HERE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND
TONY.

TONY!

OH, MY GOD!

HE COULD LAST ALL NIGHT,

BUT YOU--
YOU I NEED TO TEST.

THERE'S NO ROOM ON MARS
FOR LIMP DICKS.

HOW'D YOU GET HIM
IN THERE?

I SUCKED HIM
DOWN TO SIZE.

HOW HORRIBLE!

AND IF I DON'T
MEASURE UP...WHAT THEN?

THEN YOU DIE,
EARTH SCUM!

WELL, I'LL SEE
WHAT I CAN DO.

I HOPE SO,
FOR YOUR SAKE.

CUT! CUT, CUT,
CUT, CUT, CUT.

SORRY, T.J.

I GUESS I FORGOT
WHERE I WAS.

ACTUALLY, I THINK I GOT
A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
HOW MANY TIMES

DO I HAVE
TO TELL YOU?

YOU ARE OUT
OF THE FRAME

IN THIS SHOT.

WE CAN'T EVEN SEE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

WE ARE JUST ACTING
HERE.

OUT OF FRAME?
JUST ACTING?

YOU TOLD ME--

WELL, OK, I--

SO I LIED A LITTLE.

UNH!

OK, OK, OK.

EVERYBODY
TAKE 5.

WE HAVE TO RELOAD
THE FILM, ANYWAY. GARY.

YOU MEAN WE SHOT
THE WHOLE LOAD ALREADY?

WELL, SOMEBODY DID.
NICE GOING.

WELL, HEY, BABY.

WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?

SHORTLY BEFORE SHE
SUCKED YOU DOWN TO SIZE.

NOT THE FACE!

UNH! UHH!

AH, LOVE.

MY GIRL USED TO
HIT ME LIKE THAT.

RIGHT BEFORE
GETTING IT UP?

NO. RIGHT BEFORE SHE TRIED
TO BLOW MY DICK OFF

WITH A .38.

I WAS BANGING
HER SISTER.

JACK, YOU'RE
THE ONLY LIQUOR

A GIRL CAN TRUST.

[METAL SCRAPING]

HELLO?

BOY, WHAT A GIRL
GOES THROUGH

TO SEND HER BROTHER
THROUGH PROCTOLOGY SCHOOL!

WELL, THESE GUYS CAN
JUST TAKE THEIR JOB

AND SIT ON IT!

WHAT'S THIS?

"YOU WERE MEAN AND CRUEL
RIGHT FROM THE START,

AND NOW YOU REALLY HAVE
NOWHERE TO HIDE"?

BOY, THAT'S DUMB.

I BET THE SCRIPT WRITER
WROTE THAT.

NOT ONE OF MY BETTER SCENES.

OH...THIS CAMERAMAN
MAKES ME LOOK

LIKE I'M A MILLION
YEARS OLD!

I COULD JUST DIE!

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
ABLE TO GO ON?

I MEAN, I COULD GET
A STUNT DICK IN HERE

IF YOU WANT.

NO, NO. IT'S OK.
I'LL BE FINE.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

WE CAN ALWAYS RE-DUB
YOUR VOICE LATER

WHEN IT COMES DOWN
A LITTLE BIT.

YEAH.
WHAT?

SOMETHING'S HAPPENED
TO TERRY.

YOU BETTER COME
RIGHT AWAY.

THIS IS
ALL YOUR FAULT.

YOU HUMILIATED HER.

NOW SHE'S
KILLED HERSELF.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

HEY, COME ON.

YOU'RE NOT STILL MAD,
NOW, ARE YOU, BABY?

NO. BUT I DID FORGET
TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING.

NO! NO! AAH!
AAH! OH! AHH!

OK, WHO DID THIS?!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DON'T WE SHOOT

OVER HER SHOULDER?

THAT'S WHAT ROGER
WOULD DO.

SHIT. WHAT A DISASTER.

GREAT SET OF TITS,
THOUGH.

WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS ANGLE?

[INDISTINCT VOICE
ON TELEPHONE]

LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
GIVE A DAMN.

I NEED A NEW
LEADING LADY

FOR BAD GIRLS
FROM MARS

OR THIS FILM IS RUINED.

YES, I KNOW WE'VE HAD
A BIT OF TOUGH LUCK,

BUT IT AIN'T MY FAULT.

HELL, I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE SHE WAS
CLEANING THE FILM

AND IT WENT OFF.

HEY, AM I PAYING
TOP DOLLAR, OR WHAT?

WELL, FINE.
FUCK YOU, JERRY!

BAD NEWS?

THAT WAS THE LAST
CASTING AGENT IN TOWN.

NOBODY WANTS
TO TOUCH THIS FILM.

THEY ALL SAY
IT'S JINXED.

I KEEP TELLING YOU
HOW TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.

WHAT, HIRE YOU
IN THE LEAD?

NO WAY. NO.

YOU ARE THE
COSTUME GIRL.

AND BESIDES, I'VE
ALREADY LET YOU PLAY

A SMALL PART
IN THIS FILM

AS THE, UH--

THE HIGH PRIESTESS
OF INSEMINATION.

YOU HAVE TO RE-SHOOT,
ANYWAY.

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF
YOU GET YOUR ASS KILLED?

THEN WHO'LL DO
MY WARDROBE?

I'LL TAKE THAT RISK.

LISTEN, THERE'S
A LOT OF NUDITY.

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS.

WELL, THINK ABOUT IT.

I'LL HANDLE IT.

I...I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL I MEAN.

[SIGHS]

YEAH?

MR. REGAN
TO SEE YOU, SIR.

UH, WE'RE NOT HIRING
ANY OLD ACTORS

ON THIS SHOW.

OK, OK.

YOU NEED A GLASS
OF WATER?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

WELL, I'VE GOT SOME NEWS
THAT MIGHT CHEER YOU UP.

OH, YEAH? WHAT'S THAT?

I'VE HIRED
YOUR NEW STARLET.

ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T NEED SOME WATER?

NO, NO, I'M ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU KIDDING?!

WHO IS IT?

YOU READY FOR THIS?
EMANUELLE FORTES. HUH?

EMAN--WAH--
[SPITS]

THE HOOKER?!

THE WORLD-FAMOUS MADAM!

OH, MAN, THAT OUGHT TO
SUCK THE BUDGET

RIGHT OUT OF THIS SHOW!

LOOK, THE HEAD
OF THIS COMPANY THINKS

SHE'S HOT STUFF
RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, WITH THIS
CHILD EVANGELIST THING

SHE'S INVOLVED WITH.

BESIDES, SHE'S COMING HERE
FROM EUROPE ANYWAY

TO DO AN EXOTIC
CAR SHOW,

AND AS YOUR PRODUCER,
I'M TELLING YOU

IT'S THE RIGHT THING
TO DO.

BESIDES, SHE'S GOT
GREAT TITS.

YEAH, RIGHT.
AND WITH OUR LUCK,

SOMEBODY'LL
LET THE AIR OUT OF 'EM

WITH A SHOTGUN.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T THINK
IT'S A GOOD IDEA

TO BRING HER
INTO THIS PROJECT.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
TO EMANUELLE FORTES,

IT'LL BE
A BIGGER SCANDAL

THAN YOU CAN
POSSIBLY IMAGINE.

LOOK, T.J., WE'VE LOST
4 GIRLS SO FAR,

AND WE'RE STILL
IN BUSINESS.

THIS IS HEADLINE NEWS!

THE PUBLIC EATS IT UP.

SO STOP WORRYING
AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

HER PLANE IS DUE
TO ARRIVE 15 MINUTES AGO.

WELL, THANKS, MAC!

GREAT! JUST GREAT!

WHAT THE HELL'S
GONNA HAPPEN NEXT?

THERE YA GO.

Man: YEAH?

MR. ORTELLI...
YEAH, THIS IS REGAN.

YEAH, T.J's ON HIS WAY
TO PICK HER UP NOW.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE DOESN'T SUSPECT ANYTHING.

I TOLD HIM TO TAKE HER TO THAT
BIG-BRAINED ACTOR'S HOUSE

FOR AN INFORMAL GET-TOGETHER.

I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

ISN'T THAT THE CAMERA GUY
CLEANING THE POOL?

OH, YEAH. I GAVE HIM
A COUPLE OF BUCKS

SO HE COULD MAKE
THIS WEEK'S RENT.

WHERE DOES HE LIVE?

OH, DOWN ON SKID ROW
WITH THE REST OF THE CREW.

YOU KNOW, HONEY,
I'M STILL SORE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU MEANT
TO GET ME IN THE STOMACH?

OF COURSE, DARLING.

IF I WANTED YOUR BALLS,
I'D RIP 'EM OUT.

A LITTLE LOWER
WITH THAT LOTION,

YOU BIG LOVE STUD.

BOY, I TELL YOU,

I SURE WISH
I COULD FIGURE OUT

WHO THAT STARLET IS

THAT MAC'S BRINGING IN
FROM EUROPE.

YOU'RE THE GENIUS
WHO SUGGESTED

BRINGING HER HERE
FOR A LITTLE CHAT.

WELL, I MEAN,
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
WE START SHOOTING AGAIN

TOMORROW,

AND THIS'LL GIVE US
A CHANCE TO JUST

KIND OF, YOU KNOW,
FEEL HER OUT.

I MEAN, GET TO KNOW HER
JUST--JUST A LITTLE BIT.

NOT IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE,
I HOPE, FOR YOUR SAKE.

OH, NO, NOT--

I'M PLAYING ABSOLUTELY
STRAIGHT WITH YOU, BABY.

NO, I JUST FIGURED
THAT MAYBE SHE'D BE

JUST KIND OF AFRAID
TO DO THIS MOVIE.

WELL, CAN YOU BLAME HER?

EVERY KNOWN ACTRESS
THAT'S TRIED TO BE

THE BAD GIRL FROM MARS

HAS DIED A HORRIBLE,
TRAGIC DEATH.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I TOLD THEM
I'D PLAY THAT ROLE.

THAT IDIOT DIRECTOR
WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER ME.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU,
IF THIS ONE DIES,

YOU MIGHT JUST
GET YOUR CHANCE.

OH, WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT.

YEAH.

[CAR STEREO PLAYING]

Deejay: AND NOW FOR
NAMES IN THE NEWS.

INTERNATIONALLY FAMED
AUTHORESS AND MADAM

TO THE RICH AND FAMOUS,
EMANUELLE FORTES,

WILL BE IN TOWN THIS WEEK

TO KICK OFF
A PUBLICITY TOUR

FOR HER NEW BOOK,

MEN I HAVE KNOWN AND LOVED.

WHILE SHE'S HERE IN TOWN,

EMANUELLE WILL ALSO MAKE
PERSONAL APPEARANCES

AT THE EXOTIC CAR SHOW,
THE GAY RODEO,

AND TIME PERMITTING,
THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

Man on radio: DON'T MISS
TODAY'S EDITION

OF A CURRENT EVENT,
WHEN OUR SPECIAL FEATURE

WILL BE A LIVE INTERVIEW
WITH FAMOUS AUTHOR

EMANUELLE FORTES.

SHE'LL TELL ALL WHEN
SHE TELLS YOU ABOUT

THE CHILD EVANGELISM--

Woman on radio: AND MEET
EMANUELLE FORTES

AT THE BOOK NOOK
ON FRIDAY

AND GET A FREE
AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE

AND REGISTER FOR OUR
BIG PRIZE GIVEAWAY.

ONE NIGHT WITH THE WOMAN
OF YOUR DREAMS--

Sexy voice: HI,
I'M EMANUELLE FORTES,

AND I'M GONNA BE
AT THE FIRST ANNUAL

EXOTIC CAR SHOW--

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

OF ALL THE ACTRESSES
IN THIS BUSINESS,

I HAVE TO GET SOME
WORN-OUT OLD HAG WITCH

WITH A TIGHT ASS.

I'LL BET SHE'S 60
IF SHE'S A DAY.

OVER HERE.
EMANUELLE.

HOLY TOLEDO.

HI THERE.

HI, EMANUELLE.

I'M T.J. McMASTERS,

THE DIRECTOR OF
THIS EPIC MOTION PICTURE.

MM, IT'S SO NICE
TO MEET YOU.

Regan: CALM DOWN,
MR. ORTELLI.

EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OK.

SO I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
SUE ME!

HEY, YOU USED
THE "S" WORD.

LISTEN, MAC, SO FAR
WE'VE BEEN LUCKY.

4 YOUNG, SEXY ACTRESSES
HAVE BEEN MURDERED

ON OUR FILM,

AND OUR INSURANCE COMPANY
HAS PAID OFF HANDSOMELY.

HELL, WE'RE ALREADY
INTO PROFITS

JUST FROM THE BENEFITS.

YEAH, BUT IF
THIS EMANUELLE CHICK

BITES THE BIG ONE,

I DON'T KNOW
IF WE'RE COVERED.

LOOK, MR. ORTELLI,

SHE'S THE ONE THAT'S
GONNA BE UNCOVERED.

IF SHE GETS KILLED,

WE SHUT DOWN THE SHOW
FOR GOOD,

COLLECT A BIG INSURANCE
CHECK FOR HER,

AND THE LOST INVESTMENT
ON THE MOVIE ITSELF.

I SURE HOPE
YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT TIME IS THAT
SEX MACHINE DUE HERE?

OH, HI, KIDS.
ANYTIME NOW.

T.J.'s BRINGING HER.

SO WHEN DO WE FIND OUT
WHO THE MYSTERY WOMAN IS?

SOON, MYRA.
VERY SOON.

YOU'RE HERE FOR
THE BIG CAR SHOW, HUH?

I JUST LOVE
EXOTIC AUTOMOBILES.

OH, REALLY?

SO, WHICH ONE'S
YOUR FAVORITE?

THE MERCEDES
STRETCH LIMO.

WHY'S THAT?

BECAUSE THEY'RE
LONG AND HARD

AND YOU CAN FUCK
IN THEM.

UH...YEAH.

I KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM.

WHAT HOTEL
AM I STAYING AT?

WELL, I THINK THEY SAID
THE BEVERLY WILTON,

BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA
GO THERE JUST YET.

THERE'S A SMALL GET-TOGETHER

OVER AT RICHARD TRENT'S
PLACE FIRST.

HE'S GONNA BE
YOUR LEADING MAN.

A GET-TOGETHER?

YEAH.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, THE PRODUCERS,
THEY JUST WANT TO MEET YOU,

GET TO KNOW YOU A LITTLE BIT,
MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME.

BUT I'M NOT DRESSED
FOR A GET-TOGETHER.

I HAVE TO CHANGE.

OH, NO, NO,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU'RE FINE. BESIDES,

THERE'S NO PLACE TO STOP
ON THE WAY.

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

DRIVE A LITTLE SLOWER.

UH...THIS REALLY ISN'T
NECESSARY, YOU KNOW.

[GIGGLES]

UH, LISTEN,
YOU LOOK GREAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

UH...IT'S TOO GAUDY,
MAYBE.

OOH, TOO GAUDY?

HUH. MM, WELL.

OH, DEAR.

OH... [GIGGLES]

WHOO!

HEY, I REALLY HATE
TO BREAK UP THE PARTY

BACK THERE, BUT WE'RE
JUST ABOUT THERE.

SO YOU THINK YOU COULD
STEP ON IT JUST A BIT?

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[GIGGLES]

HOW ABOUT THIS, T.J.?

IT'S A LITTLE
TOO MODEST,

BUT IT'LL HAVE TO DO.

I JUST WANT THEM
TO LIKE ME.

WELL, I THINK
YOU HAVE A CHANCE.

[LAUGHS]

A FRIEND OF YOURS?

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

NO, THAT'S A--
THAT'S A BODY DOUBLE.

[THINKING] JESUS!

OH, NO,
NOT THAT SLUT.

HOLY MOLY,
THAT'S EMANUELLE!

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I HEARD
THAT SHE PINNED

THE ENTIRE NOTRE DAME
WRESTLING TEAM

WITHOUT USING HER HANDS.

OH, YEAH, I BET IT WAS
THE NOTRE DAME SCHOOL

FOR GIRLS.

UM, I GUESS I BETTER
GET THE DOOR, SWEETHEART.

WELCOME TO
BEVERLY HILLS.

HI, T.J.
HEY, RICHARD.

UH, AND YOU--

YOU MUST BE--

I'M EMANUELLE.

WELL, I'M--
I'M RICHARD TRENT.

PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW ME,
WELL, THEY CALL ME DICK.

OH, HOW AMUSING.

WELL, LET'S GO INSIDE,
SHALL WE?

[DOOR OPENS]

[BOING BOING BOING
BOING BOING]

NOW, EMANUELLE FORTES,

THIS IS, UM...

MYRA. MYRA,
OUR COSTUME GIRL.

HAVEN'T WE MET
SOMEPLACE BEFORE?

PARIS, PERHAPS.

NEVER BEEN THERE,
I'M AFRAID.

ALTHOUGH
RICHARD AND I

HAVE ALWAYS TALKED
OF VISITING FRANCE

ON OUR HONEYMOON,

IF WE EVER GET
MARRIED.

OH, LOVERS.
HOW SWEET.

YEAH.

OH, HI. YOU KNOW,
EVERYBODY WHO'S ANYBODY

IS OUT BY THE POOL
WAITING FOR YOU GUYS.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG,
T.J.?

WELL, WE DID A LITTLE
HOLLYWOOD SIGHTSEEING,

DIDN'T WE?

YEAH? DID YOU SEE
ANY BIG STARS?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

2...BIG ONES.

COME ON, LET'S GO
GET A DRINK. COME ON.

YEAH. WELL,
LET'S DO THAT.

DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE WAS
JUST FOLLOWING HER AROUND?

AAH!

OH, MY GOD,
ARE YOU OK?

OH...UH, I'M NO WETTER
THAN USUAL.

HOW ABOUT YOUR DRESS?
IT'S RUINED.

OH, IT'S JUST SOMETHING
I THREW ON

AT THE LAST MINUTE.

IT'LL DRY.
PLEASE, DON'T WORRY.

WALT, I CAN'T FIND
THE DOG.

KEEP LOOKING. SHE'S GOTTA BE
IN THERE SOMEWHERE.

YOU MUST BE EMANUELLE.

I'VE HEARD AND READ
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

Ortelli: IT'S SO EXCITING
TO HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.

WITH YOU ON BOARD, I'M SURE
WE'LL HAVE THIS BABY

WRAPPED UP
IN NO TIME FLAT.

RIGHT, T.J.?

OH, YEAH.
NO TIME FLAT.

YOU MOGULS ARE
SO INSENSITIVE.

THIS GIRL SHOULD GET
INTO SOME DRY CLOTHES.

YOU'RE RIGHT, MYRA.

CAN SHE BORROW
SOMETHING OF YOURS?

I THINK SO, BUT...

IT'LL BE
A TIGHT FIT.

I HAVE A TOP
I'M NOT USING.

OH, JUST A ROBE
WILL DO FINE.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

THERE'S ONE
IN THE BATHROOM.

WHAT'S THIS?

"WHEN SWEETHEARTS
GET STRANGLED,

"THEIR FACES TURN BLUE,

"SO I'D GET OUT OF TOWN

IF I WERE...THINKING
OF BEING IN THIS MOVIE."

HMM.

EMANUELLE.

OH, YOU STARTLED ME!

WHAT'S WRONG? YOU'RE STILL
WEARING THIS WET DRESS?

MM. I WOULD JUST
REALLY RATHER

GO BACK TO THE HOTEL
AND CHANGE.

I JUST DON'T
FEEL COMFORTABLE

WEARING YOUR ROBE.

WELL, OK.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WHY DON'T YOU
COME BACK LATER BY TAXI?

MAYBE 11:30, SAY?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

OH, NOW, NOW, COME ON.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WE--

WE HAVE A LOT OF LINES
TO LEARN TOMORROW,

24 PAGES OF DIALOGUE,

AND WE NEED TO LOOSEN UP
A LITTLE BIT,

DON'T YOU THINK?
OH, COME ON.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OK.

11:30 IT IS,
RICHARD.

NO, YOU JUST THINK OF ME
AS YOUR LITTLE DICK. HMM?

[GIGGLES]

OK.

[HUMMING]

[SIGHS]

2 THINGS NO MAN
SHOULD BE WITHOUT.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

YEAH?

Man on phone: T.J.

WHO'S THIS?

THIS IS ORTELLI.

I THINK I'M COMING DOWN
WITH SOMETHING.

YEAH, YOU SOUND
TERRIBLE.

SO WHAT'S UP?

LOOK, I NEED TO KNOW,

DO YOU HAVE THAT FILM
WE SHOT LAST NIGHT?

YOU GOT IT?

YEAH. IT'S RIGHT HERE.

EITHER THAT OR A STACK
OF GIANT METAL CONDOMS.

GOOD. LISTEN, T.J.,

I NEED YOU TO RUN THAT FILM
OVER TO THE STUDIO TONIGHT

BEFORE YOU GO HOME.

I'VE GOT A MESSENGER
WHO'S GONNA PICK IT UP,

TAKE IT OVER TO THE LAB.

LISTEN, CAN'T IT WAIT
UNTIL THE MORNING?

I MEAN, I'M BEAT.

IF IT COULD WAIT,
I WOULDN'T BE ASKING,

WOULD I?!

IT'S A FAVOR
I WON'T FORGET.

ALL RIGHT. OK.

SHIT!

I THOUGHT I HEARD
SOMEBODY IN HERE.

HEY, BABY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN SO LATE?

I WAS FINISHING UP
SOME OF YOUR

INCREDIBLY SLOPPY
PAPERWORK...

AND SCHEDULING SOME NEW
PERSONAL APPEARANCES

FOR THAT MISS EMANUELLE.

HOW MANY PLACES
CAN THAT GIRL

POSSIBLY BE
AT THE SAME TIME?

I MEAN, SHE'S ON EVERY
RADIO STATION,

TV CHANNEL,
AND NEWSPAPER IN TOWN.

NOT TO MENTION
THE GAY RODEO.

YEAH. RIDE 'EM, COWBOY.

SO, IS THERE ANYTHING

I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER, BOSS?

NOTHING COMES TO MIND.

NOTHING?

NOT EVEN...

MAYBE GETTING A COUPLE
OF IDEAS NOW? HMM?

UH, YEAH, YOU'RE
SUFFOCATING ME WITH 'EM,

BUT, UH, MAKE SURE
YOU KILL ME.

OTHERWISE, I MIGHT START
LIKING IT.

[LAUGHS]

GOD, I DIDN'T MEAN
THAT LITERALLY!

OH!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WITH THAT ALCOHOL?!

I'M SORRY I DIDN'T HAVE
THE RIGHT CHANGE.

LADY, AFTER A TIP
LIKE THAT,

I THINK I OWE YOU MONEY.

DON'T FORGET THESE.

YOU KEEP 'EM.

THEY ONLY
SLOW ME DOWN.

[WOLF WHISTLES]

♪ RICHARD?♪

DICK?

Man on TV: SO THIS
IS WHO THEY SEND

TO RESCUE
CINDERELLA?

"GONE FOR A BOTTLE
OF WINE.

"BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES.

MEET YOU IN THE JACUZZI.
DICK."

WHAT'S WITH
THE FACE?

I NEEDED
A SHAVE.

LOOKS LIKE
YOU DIDN'T

TIP HIM ENOUGH.
[LAUGHS]

BOY, IS HE AWFUL.

OOH, LA LA.

AAH!

COME ON, KIT, I DON'T
WANT TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT.

UNH!

HA HA HA HA HA!

HEY.
SHUT UP!

COME ON.
LET'S PRETEND

LIKE WE'RE BUYING
SOMETHING.

NONCHALANT.

[WHISTLES]

ALL RIGHT, LADY,

PUT YOUR HANDS UP.

SLOW.

AH, NOT THAT SLOW.

ALL RIGHT,
WHERE'S THE MONEY?

IN MY BRA.

GIVE IT TO ME.

WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN'?

YOU TOLD ME TO KEEP
MY HANDS UP.

YOU DID.
YOU TOLD HER.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
ONE OF US

IS GONNA HAVE
TO GET THAT MONEY.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL
GET THE MONEY.

HEY!

OH, I'M SORRY.

I JUST NEED
TO USE THE PHONE.

WELL, NO--NO, YOU CANNOT
USE THE PHONE. GO AWAY.

BUT, UM, I HAVE
TO CALL THE POLICE.

I'M BEING CHASED.

THE COPS? NO. NOBODY'S
CALLING THE GODDAMN COPS.

HEY, DON'T TALK
TO A LADY THAT WAY.

YOU SHUT UP.

I THINK HE'S RIGHT.

LOOK, LADY, I'M JUST
A RUN-OF-THE-MILL THIEF.

I'M NOT ROBIN HOOD.
I DON'T GOTTA BE POLITE.

IT NEVER HURTS.

WILL BOTH OF YA
SHUT UP?

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
AN IDIOT?

I DON'T KNOW. I
CAN'T SEE YOUR FACE.

SAY,
DON'T I KNOW YOU?

IT'S POSSIBLE.

ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE,

INCLUDING US GETTIN'
OUT OF HERE

WHILE IT'S STILL DARK.

EMANUELLE FORTES,
THAT'S WHO IT IS.

THAT'S WHO IT IS!

YOU THINK HE'S RIGHT?

Clerk: I THINK
HE'S RIGHT.

I AM RIGHT, BURT.

GOD! DON'T CALL ME BURT.

OH, I'M SORRY, BURT.
UH, BART.

ALL RIGHT, LADY,
PUT YOUR HANDS UP.

OH, GOD, THAT'S JUST
THE WAY SHE LOOKED

ON THE BACK OF HER BOOK

EXCEPT SHE HAD, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
SHACKLES AROUND HER WRISTS.

I DON'T CARE
HOW SHE LOOKED.

I GOTTA HAVE
HER AUTOGRAPH.

I GOTTA HAVE
HER AUTOGRAPH.

DO YOU HAVE A PENCIL?

COULD YOU HOLD THIS
A MINUTE?

DO YOU HAVE A PENCIL
AND A PAPER OR SOMETHING?

THIS IS GREAT.

HOW WOULD YOU WANT
ME TO SIGN IT?

PUT "TO LES ALBRIGHT."

OH, GAH, GAH!

LES ALBRIGHT,
THE QUARTERBACK?

DON'T TELL 'EM
YOUR NAME!

HI, MRS. JOHNSON.

WHY, THEN, YOU MUST BE
BURT APPLE.

HI, MRS. JOHNSON.

JEEZ, I REMEMBER WHEN
YOU BOYS WERE THIS HIGH.

LADY, THAT'S
LES ALBRIGHT,

THE BEST QUARTERBACK
S.C. EVER HAD.

GEE, YOU'LL HAVE
TO THROW ME

A PASS SOMETIME.

COULD YOU--COULD YOU
WRITE THAT ON THIS?

SURE.

GOD, I REALLY
APPRECIATE THIS.

UM, BURT,
DO YOU THINK

I COULD CALL
THE POLICE NOW?

IT'S KIND OF
AN EMERGENCY.

WELL, THIS IS REAL NICE.

THEY MUST HAVE THIS GUY
LIVIN' HERE.

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS
A HIGH-CLASS OPERATION.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY
THESE HOMELESS PEOPLE

HAVE TO SLEEP ON
THE STREET ALL THE TIME.

HEY, THIS GUY
AIN'T HOMELESS.

HE'S THE DIRECTOR!

JESUS.

HEY, UH, T.J.,

YOU AIN'T DUE IN HERE
UNTIL NOON, MAN.

WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME

AND CATCH UP
ON YOUR NAP THERE?

OHH...

OH, MAN, THIS GUY
AIN'T NOTHIN'

IF HE AIN'T PROMPT.

OH.

OHH...

OH.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[RING]

HELLO?

T.J., WHERE THE HELL
HAVE YOU BEEN?!

I'VE BEEN CALLING
YOUR HOUSE FOR HOURS.

I'VE BEEN SLEEPING
IN THE DOORWAY OF THE STUDIO.

WHAT'D YOU DO,
LOSE YOUR KEY AGAIN?

NO. SOMEBODY CLUBBED ME
OVER THE HEAD.

I THINK THEY
STOLE THE FILM.

WHAT A BREAK.

WE GOT NEGATIVE
INSURANCE.

GREAT, MAC.

UH, DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?

WELL, I WAS A LITTLE
WORRIED ABOUT EMANUELLE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO REACH HER, EITHER.

DID YOU TRY
THE HOUSE OF BONDAGE?

WELL, DON'T SWEAT IT.

I'LL SEND A CAR
TO HER HOTEL.

YOU BETTER GO
SOAK YOUR HEAD

BEFORE YOU COME IN.

YEAH. I WAS JUST GONNA
HIT THE TUB

FOR A LONG, HOT ONE.

I'LL SEE YA ON
THE SET LATER.

SURPRISE!

HOLY MOLEY!
WHAT THE...

I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU, BOSS.

ALL NIGHT IN THE CLOSET?

YOU SILLY. NO.
I HID IN THERE

WHEN I HEARD YOU
OPEN THE FRONT DOOR.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK
THIS IS THE BEST TIME FOR THIS.

OH, YEAH? WHAT'S THAT I HEAR
ABOUT A LONG, HOT ONE?

WELL, MAYBE THERE'S TIME
FOR THAT.

[LAUGHS]

ALL BETTER?

GETTING THERE.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
SOAK IN THE TUB THAT LONG.

IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

DRIES OUT YOUR SKIN.

THAT'S BETTER THAN
HAVING IT BEATEN OFF YA.

I ALWAYS LIKE
TO MOISTURIZE

BEFORE I TAKE A BATH.

ABSOLUTELY.

MYRA,
CAN YOU HELP ME?

WHAT'S WRONG, CRISTY?

IT'S THIS COSTUME.

IT JUST DOESN'T
FEEL QUITE RIGHT.

WELL, IT'S A TIGHT FIT,
BUT I THINK IT'S YOU.

IT'S KIND OF PLAIN,

BUT I'M THINKING,
AFTER ALL,

I AM THE HIGH
PRIESTESS OF LOVE.

WELL, COME ON,
I'LL PUT SOME GLITTER ON,

THEN THAT'LL FIX IT.

[SQUEALS]
OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS!

WAIT IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
I'LL BE ALONG.

MAKIN' A MOVIE HERE?

WHAT DO YA THINK,
SMART GUY?

WELL, YOU BETTER HOPE
THAT THIS EMANUELLE

DOESN'T WALK OUT.

HMM. YOU CAN KISS
THIS MEAL TICKET GOOD-BYE.

ALSO, YOU BETTER HOPE
THAT REGAN DOESN'T FIND OUT

IT WAS YOUR IDEA
TO HIRE HER.

WELL, IT WAS
JUST A SUGGESTION.

NOBODY HAD TO
TAKE ME UP ON IT.

YEAH...

HEY, UH, EXCUSE ME,
FOLKS.

UH, I'M LIEUTENANT ALLEN
FROM HOMICIDE.

UH, I'D LIKE TO
TALK TO YOU ALONE

IF I COULD, MR. TRENT.

OH, YOU--YOU
RECOGNIZE ME?

HEH HEH, I SAW
YOUR LAST MOVIE.

OH, HOW'D YOU LIKE IT?

OH, THAT WAS A REAL
PIECE OF WORK.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, YEAH, LISTEN, I HOPE
THAT I'M NOT GONNA BE ONE

OF YOUR PRIME SUSPECTS,
AL, HUH?

I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
I WASN'T EVEN THERE

WHEN THE WHOLE THING
HAPPENED. YOU KNOW THAT.

IN FACT, I TOLD THAT
TO ONE OF YOUR MEN

JUST LAST NIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WENT OUT TO BUY
A BOTTLE OF WINE.

EXACTLY HOW MANY
BOTTLES DID YA BUY?

UM, JUST ONE.

MM-HMM, THEN HOW COME
THERE ARE 2 BOTTLES

IN THE REFRIGERATOR?

WELL, UH, I, UH, DIDN'T
THINK I HAD ANY WINE.

WELL, I MEAN, I DIDN'T
SEE ANY OTHER WINE AND...

WELL, LOOK, I THOUGHT
I WAS OUT OF WINE,

SO I BOUGHT SOME MORE.

IS THERE A...IS THERE
A CRIME OF THAT?

I DON'T KNOW YET.

WHAT KIND OF WINE
DID YOU BUY?

WHAT KIND OF WINE
WAS SHE KIDNAPPED WITH?

Man: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
15 MINUTES FOR LUNCH!

HURRY UP!

OH, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE!

I FORGOT SOMETHING!

OK, I GOT IT, I GOT IT!
HEY, GUYS, WAIT FOR ME!

MAN, HURRY UP!

LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD
USE A DRINK, BOSS.

T.J.

WELL, EVERYTHING,
AND I MEAN EVERYTHING

IS GOING DOWN.

GOOD MORNING, DICK.

OH, YOU THINK SO,
DO YOU?

SAVE THE MELODRAMA
FOR THE CAMERA.

JUST CUT
TO THE CHASE, OK?

OK, THERE'S
THIS COP, SEE?

THE SON OF A BITCH,

HE IS TRYING TO PIN THIS
WHOLE THING ON ME, T.J.

MR. TRENT EXAGGERATES.
HA HA.

UH, MY FRIENDS
CALL ME DICK.

I'M SURE.

SOMEBODY TELL ME
WHAT THE HELL

IS GOING ON
AROUND HERE.

OH, NOT MUCH.

JUST A LITTLE KIDNAPPING
AND ATTEMPTED MURDER, MAYBE.

HEY, DO YOU MIND
TELLING ME WHERE YOU BEEN?

AND DON'T TRY TO
GIVE ME THAT OLD

"I SLIPPED IN THE GARBAGE"
ROUTINE.

I FOUND MYSELF IN
THE MIDDLE OF A ROBBERY.

2 MASKED MEN, ONE
WITH A GREAT, BIG GUN.

AS HE TURNED
AND LOOKED AT ME,

HE HAD FIRE IN HIS EYES.

OHH...SUDDENLY, I FELT
THIS STRANGE SENSATION

RUSHING THROUGH
MY BODY,

AND I REACHED OUT
FOR HIS...

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

HIS...

DID I INTERRUPT
SOMETHING?

NO. I CAN'T TYPE
WORTH A DAMN,

SO I HAVE SOMEONE COME
IN AND DO IT FOR ME.

HERE.

WHAT'S THIS?

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING.

THANKS.

HOW SWEET.

[TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL]

LOOK, IF I AM CHARGED
WITH SOMETHING,

THEN JUST SAY SO!

HEY, HOW'S MY MAKEUP?

[TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL]

LOOK, I APPRECIATE YOUR
CONCERN, LIEUTENANT,

BUT YOU CAN SEE
I CANNOT AFFORD

TO SHUT DOWN PRODUCTION
RIGHT NOW.

UNLESS IT GETS
SHUT DOWN FOR US,

WHICH IS WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN IF YOUR STAR...

IF YOUR OTHER STAR
DECIDES TO LEAVE.

LISTEN, SHE'S JUST
UPSET ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

OH, YEAH, YEAH,
THAT AND FINDING OUT

ABOUT ALL THE OTHER
LEADING LADIES.

GREAT.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

YOU KNOW THAT STU BUM
THAT YOU HIRED

TO PLAY THE GRAND RULER,
HE CALLED THIS MORNING.

HE CANCELED, TOO.

WELL, IF WORSE COMES
TO WORSE,

I GUESS I COULD PLAY
MULTIPLE ROLES.

WELL, WHERE THE HELL
IS REGAN?

THIS IS HIS PICTURE.
THIS IS HIS PROBLEM.

I'M JUST A DIRECTOR
HERE.

NOBODY KNOWS.

[TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL]

OH, YEAH,
LIEUTENANT? FINE.

PROVE IT.
UNTIL THEN, ADIOS.

DID YOU SAY SHE'S IN
HER DRESSING ROOM?

RIGHT, BUT YOU WON'T
HAVE ANY LUCK.

YOU KNOW, I TOLD HER
THAT I WOULD PERSONALLY

GIVE HER A TUMBLE
IF SHE'D STICK AROUND,

AND YOU WON'T
BELIEVE THIS, T.J.,

SHE TURNED ME DOWN.

WELL, THERE'S ONE
FOR RIPLEY'S.

[TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL]

NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

WAS THAT YOU MAKING
THAT HORRIBLE NOISE?

SOME KIND OF PRACTICAL
JOKE OR SOMETHING?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

HMM, SO WHAT
DO YOU WANT?

I WANT YOU TO BE
IN THIS PICTURE.

AND I WANT TO LIVE
THROUGH THE WEEK.

LISTEN, EMANUELLE,

WE HAVE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL NOW.

THE POLICE
ARE HERE ALREADY.

I PHONED THE POLICE
LAST NIGHT

WHEN SOMEONE TRIED
TO KIDNAP ME.

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
I PROMISE YOU.

YOU CAN'T PROMISE
ANYTHING,

SO GO AWAY.

LISTEN, CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THIS?

WE ALREADY HAVE.

PLEASE, MAY I COME IN?

IT WON'T DO YOU
ANY GOOD.

I'VE MADE UP
MY MIND.

JUST FOR A FEW MINUTES.

YOU'D BE
WASTING YOUR TIME.

EMANUELLE, IF YOU WALK
OFF THIS FILM,

I HAVE NOTHING
BUT TIME.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW.

THAT'S WHY YOU'VE COME
TO ME LIKE THIS.

OH, OH, LIKE THIS.

UM, I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE
ABOUT THAT.

YOU SEE, OUTSIDE,
I SLIPPED AND FELL

ON SOME GARBAGE.

LIKE HELL YOU DID.

YOU KNEW!

KNEW WHAT?

THAT WAS THE ONE THING
I LEFT OUT OF MY BOOK,

AND ONLY A HANDFUL
OF PEOPLE KNEW.

WHICH ONE OF THEM
TOLD YOU?

TOLD ME WHAT?!

THAT THE SMELL
OF GARBAGE...

IT TURNS ME INTO
A WILD WOMAN!

WHOA.

FIRST TIME
I EVER MADE LOVE

WAS INSIDE A GREAT,
BIG DUMPSTER.

I WAS 12 AND THE BOY
WAS 18.

NO ONE'S EVER BEEN
ABLE TO TOP HIM.

DO YOU THINK
YOU'D LIKE TO TRY?

I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE
TO BE ON TOP OF HIM.

ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU
TO BE IN THIS PICTURE.

WELL, DARLING, HOW COULD
I REFUSE YOU...

[INHALES DEEPLY]

SMELLING THE WAY YOU DO?

IF YOU'D BE WILLING TO COVER
YOURSELF WITH GARBAGE,

THE REST OF WHAT
I HAVE IN MIND

WOULD BE A PIECE OF CAKE.

OH, MY GOD.

AAH!

[SPROING]

[SPLASH]

[BATTLE STATIONS ALARM]

I'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO LOVE YOU, TEELA.

OH, HI. YOU KNOW,

I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT YOU TWO.

I THOUGHT
FOR A MINUTE,

WE HAD AN
EARTHQUAKE.

WELL, THAT'S
MY REAL IDEA.

YOU'RE STICKING
AROUND, HUH?

I HOPE NOT,
MISS FORTES.

SOMEBODY
WILL HAVE TO

SIGN
FOR THIS.

UM, LIEUTENANT,
I MEAN, YOU AND YOUR MEN,

YOU'RE GONNA PROTECT ME,
AREN'T YOU?

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY I PAY ALL
THESE TAXES FOR, ISN'T IT?

JUST DON'T EXPECT
A REFUND

IF SOMETHING
GOES WRONG.

YA KNOW,
MR. McMASTERS

HAD NO BUSINESS
TELLING YOU

WE HAD EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL HERE.

HOW DID YOU KNOW
I TOLD HER THAT?

IT'S MY BUSINESS
TO KNOW.

JESUS CHRIST.

OH!

OH. BLECCH.

GOD!

ORTELLI.

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

IT'S THE RING HE
ALWAYS WORE, ISN'T IT?

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

IT'S MY BUSINESS
TO KNOW.

HO, HO, HO, HEY.

"IF I COULD BE THERE,
IT WOULD BE GRAND

TO SEE YOUR REACTION
TO ORTELLI'S BODY PART"?

RICHARD, THERE WAS
A NOTE LIKE THAT

IN THE POCKET
OF YOUR ROBE.

LET ME SEE THIS.

[GASPS]
IS IT...

ORTELLI?
WE THINK SO.

WELL,
IF EVERYBODY'S

JUST GONNA
STAND AROUND,

WHY DON'T WE
SHOOT A QUICK SCENE

OR SOMETHING?

THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE
SETBACK, MAC.

ORTELLI.

SON OF A BITCH

HAS TO HAVE HIS HAND
IN EVERYTHING.

[RIM SHOT]

THIS CAME JUST
A FEW MOMENTS AGO.

WELL, IF IT'S LIKE

ONE OF THOSE
RECORD CLUBS,

WE'LL BE SEEING

A NEW PIECE OF
ORTELLI EVERY MONTH.

NOW WHERE'S
THE GRAND WAAZU

OR WHATEVER HE IS,

AND WHY DON'T
WE GET THAT SCENE

IN THE CAN
AT LEAST?

HE QUIT.

WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED

TO ALL THE TROUPERS

THAT USED TO BE
IN THIS BUSINESS?

YA KNOW, I MADE
A MOVIE ONCE

CALLED SWAMP LIST,

AND THE LEADING LADY
IN THAT PICTURE

HAD TO JUMP INTO
REAL QUICKSAND

AND SHE DID IT
LIKE THAT

WITHOUT BATTING
AN EYELASH.

TODAY, YOU CAN'T
EVEN GET AN ACTOR

TO JUMP IN
A SWIMMING POOL

UNLESS IT'S HEATED.

I REMEMBER THAT GIRL.

THEY NEVER DID
FIND HER BODY.

WHO THE HELL
ARE YOU?

MY NAME IS ALLEN.
I'M WITH THE POLICE.

HEY. EVER DONE
ANY ACTING?

IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I TOOK A DRAMA CLASS.

GREAT!
A VETERAN!

YOU'LL BE
TERRIFIC.

GET HIS COSTUME.

[LAUGHS]
JUST BE YOURSELF,

AND EVERYTHING'LL
WORK OUT JUST FINE.

YEAH, THAT'S NOT WHAT
YOU SAID TO YOUR MOTHER

THE NIGHT OF YOUR
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PLAY.

OH,
JESUS H. CHRIST.

HOW DID YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?

IT'S MY BUSINESS
TO KNOW.

NOW WE ARE ON
SCHEDULE.

I LOVE THIS
BUSINESS!

THE CHALLENGES,
THE PRESSURES...

THE MONEY.

YOU THINK I DID
BAT GIRLS FROM MARS

FOR THE MONEY?

NO. LOBSTERMEN
FROM MARS

I DID FOR THE MONEY.

THIS YOU ARE DOING

BECAUSE YOU LOVE
THE BUSINESS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHERE WERE YOU
LAST NIGHT?

DON'T TELL ME
I'M A SUSPECT.

HEY, EVERYBODY HERE
IS A SUSPECT,

INCLUDING ME.

[PRESSES ONE KEY]

[PRESSES ANOTHER KEY]

[TYPES]

[TYPES]

[TYPES]

SH...

"DEAR MOM."

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

BOX OFFICE SPECTACULARS.

[INDISTINCT BABBLE]

OH, IT'S YOU.

WELL, I TOLD YOU
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

LISTENED TO HIM.

WELL, THEN
IN THE SECOND PLACE,

YOU SHOULD HAVE HUNG UP.

RIGHT, UH-HUH.

HEY, CAN YOU HANG ON
A MINUTE?

NO, I HEAR
MY MOTHER CALLING.

YOU IDIOT.

MOTHER NATURE.

BE RIGHT BACK.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

OUR LOVE WAS MEANT
TO SPAN THE GALAXIES.

NOT EVEN A SUPERNOVA

CAN ERASE WHAT I FEEL
FOR YOU.

GOOD.

WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU WAITING FOR?

OH, WELL, NOW YOU SEE,

HERE'S WHERE
YOU'RE SUPPOSED

TO GRAB MY CROTCH,
YOU SEE.

THIS IS ONLY
A REHEARSAL.

YEAH, BUT IT WOULD
HELP ME, YOU KNOW,

SORT OF GET INSIDE
THE CHARACTER.

YOURS OR MINE?

THAT'S--THAT'S GOOD.

OK, I'M BACK.

YEAH, SOMEBODY JUST LEFT
THIS NOTE ON MY DESK.

"EVERYONE YOU KNOW
WILL DIE

UNLESS WE SEE THINGS
THE SAME"?

ARE YOU SURE YOU
DIDN'T LEAVE THIS NOTE?

THE THING ABOUT
THIS PICTURE

IS IT'S GOTTA MOVE,

YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?

MM-HMM. NOW,
AS I UNDERSTAND IT,

YOU STAND A BETTER CHANCE
OF MAKING MONEY

IF THIS PICTURE
DOESN'T GET MADE, RIGHT?

WELL, I'LL TELL YA
ONE THING:

IF YOU AND ME WAS
TALKING LIKE THIS

IN ONE OF MY MOVIES,

THE SCENE
WOULD NEVER FLY.

TOOK YA LONG ENOUGH.

SEE, PEOPLE JUST
WON'T SIT FOR IT,

2 PEOPLE
YAPPIN' AWAY.

YA GOTTA GIVE
THEM SOMETHING

LIKE AN EXPLOSION
OR A CAR CRASH.

IF YOU
CAN'T AFFORD THAT,

THEN YOU GIVE THEM
A LITTLE T&A.

WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THAT MONEY

WAS A BETTER MOTIVATION
FOR MURDER THAN JEALOUSY.

WHAT ABOUT ORTELLI?

HE HAD MORE REASON
THAN ME.

HE'S THE ONE
THAT SOLD 250%

OF THIS PICTURE,
NOT ME.

YEAH, BUT HE'S DEAD NOW.

SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVE?

[TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL]

Both: YOU'RE KIDDING!

OK, LET'S SHOOT
THIS THING!

I THOUGHT WE WERE
SHOOTING THAT SCENE

WITH TERRY.

WELL, I HAVE NO IDEA
WHY YOU THOUGHT THAT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I TOLD YOU
WE WERE DOING.

WELL, I DON'T THINK
I EVEN KNOW

MY MOTIVATION
FOR THIS SCENE YET.

$30 A DAY AND LUNCH.

OH, HA HA!

OK, PLACES, EVERYBODY!

WELL, NOW--NOW,

BUT WE'RE GONNA
REHEARSE, AREN'T WE?

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
WORRIED ABOUT?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS LIE THERE.

REMEMBER, YOU ARE
UNCONSCIOUS IN THIS SCENE.

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

WELL, I'D LIKE
A REHEARSAL.

HEY, HEY, HONEY, NO PROBLEM,
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

WE'RE GONNA ROLL
ON THIS, GARY.

HOLD ON. WASN'T HE
SUPPOSED TO BE SHOT

WITH AN INTERGALACTIC
RAY GUN?

NO, NO, NO. THAT COMES
IN THE SCENE LATER

WHEN THE...
WAIT A MINUTE.

I THINK HE'S RIGHT,
ISN'T HE, BURT?

YEAH, HE IS. RIGHT.

WELL, YEAH, HIS RIGHT ARM
IS SUPPOSED TO BE BLEEDING.

ABSOLUTELY.

OK, WELL, WE DON'T
HAVE ANY BLOOD,

SO, RICHARD YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO--

WELL, YOU'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO LIE ON THAT SIDE, OK?

BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA
GET A VERY GOOD POSITION

ON MY FACE FROM THERE,
YOU KNOW.

WELL, WE'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BRAVE IT OUT.

OK, IS EVERYBODY READY?!

WELL, THIS IS
A REHEARSAL, ISN'T IT?

THIS WHOLE FILM'S
A REHEARSAL.

YES, BUT PLAY IT
FOR EVERYTHING IT'S WORTH.

PRETEND IT'S A TAKE

AND YOU KNOW,
WE'RE JUST GONNA ROLL

A LITTLE BIT OF FILM
THROUGH THE CAMERA

TO MAKE IT SEEM
MORE AUTHENTIC, OK?

EVERYBODY--RICHARD,

PLEASE MOVE JUST
A LITTLE BIT TO THE RIGHT.

NOW YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO SEE MY FACE AT ALL

IF I DO THAT!

EMANUELLE?

OK, ALLEN, I'M NOT
WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

I KNOW YOU'RE
GONNA BE JUST FINE.

OK, READY AND...

[WHISPERS]
Roll the camera.

OK, TURNOVER.

ACTION!

TODD...

[GRUNTS]

HE'S ALIVE.

NOT FOR LONG.

OH, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA KILL HIM.

TEELA, WHAT DOES
THIS EARTH MAN MEAN TO YOU?

HE'S JUST A SOURCE
OF INFORMATION,

THAT'S ALL.

MONGO MONO HAS SUCKED
HIM DRY.

EVERYTHING HE KNOWS
IS IN OUR BRAIN BANKS.

HE'S ABSOLUTELY USELESS
TO US NOW.

I COULD HAVE
TOLD 'EM THAT.

AS I UNDERSTAND IT,
PLAN 9 WAS A BUST

SO WE'RE GOING
DIRECTLY TO PLAN 18.

BUT IF THIS IS TRUE,

HE'S A VALUABLE SOURCE
OF INFORMATION.

Al: THAT'S NOT
WHAT I'VE DECIDED.

BUT EVEN YOU
CAN MAKE MISTAKES,

AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM.

T.J.: CUT!

[EXHALES] SO HOW'D
IT LOOK FOR YOU?

FOR MY MONEY
IT'S THE BEST THING

I'VE SEEN IN THE SHOW.

YOU DON'T THINK IT PLAYED
A LITTLE TOO SLOW?

NO, JUST
THE RIGHT RHYTHM.

EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.

T.J., ARE YOU SURE
I LOOKED ALL RIGHT?

NEVER BETTER, PAL.

WELL, TERRIFIC. NOW LET'S
MOVE ON TO THE NEXT SET UP.

LET'S GO.

MAKE UP!

OH, THIS IS
UNBELIEVABLE.

OH, JESUS CHRIST.

IT'S GOTTA GET
BETTER THAN THIS.

[RHYTHMIC KNOCK]

IS THIS T.J.'s OFFICE?

YEAH. CAN I HELP YOU?

I'M MARTINE.
WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE.

OH, YES! YOU'RE
THE ONE WHO ARRANGED

MY PERSONAL APPEARANCE
AT THE GAY RODEO.

AWFUL LOT OF BULLDOGGING
GOING ON AROUND THERE.

YOU'RE TELLING ME.

SO IS T.J. AROUND?

RIGHT THROUGH THAT DOOR,
BUT HE'S BUSY.

THIS WILL ONLY TAKE
A MINUTE.

THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.

LONG DAY?

IT'S STILL GOING FOR ME.

YOU WORK WAY TOO HARD
AND TOO LONG.

YEAH, THAT'S
WHAT MARTINE SAYS.

TOO HARD AND TOO LONG.

UH, CAN I DO
SOMETHING FOR YOU?

MAYBE I CAN DO
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE
I'M PRETTY BUSY RIGHT NOW.

WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU DOING?

I'M LOOKING AT
THE SCENES WE SHOT TODAY.

MMM. WELL, DON'T YOU
JUST RUN THEM

THROUGH A MOVIE PROJECTOR.
IT WOULD BE A LOT QUICKER.

EMANUELLE, THIS IS
A REAL LOW-BUDGET FILM.

RIGHT NOW
I WANT TO REHEARSE

TOMORROW'S SEX SCENES
WITH YOU.

[CRACKS]

UH, L-LOOK, THIS ISN'T
REALLY NECESSARY.

I MEAN, I HAVEN'T EVEN READ
THIS PART OF THE SCRIPT YET.

OH, WELL, UM, I'LL SHOW
YOU HOW IT GOES.

WHAT ABOUT THE NOISE?

I MEAN, MY SECRETARY,
SHE'S RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

HMM. WELL, I WON'T
MAKE A SOUND.

ALL RIGHT,
BUT I'M AFRAID I WILL.

[UNZIPS ZIPPER]

OH, YEAH. YEAH,
I REMEMBER THAT SCENE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT I THINK
WE SHOT THIS ONE ALREADY.

AARGH!

PLAYING CUTESY
WITH MY BOSS, HUH?

IT SEEMED LIKE
SOMEBODY HAD TO.

NOBODY BUT NOBODY
DOES A LIP MASSAGE

ON THAT GUY EXCEPT ME!

WELL, IF YOU'RE
SO CRAZY ABOUT HIM

HOW COME
YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T
WANT HIM TO SEE

WHAT WAS GONNA
HAPPEN TO YOU!

COME ON! ARGH!

AAH!

YOU LITTLE TWERP!

AAH!

I'M GONNA FIX YOU,
YOU LITTLE BRAT.

AAH!

KILL YOU!

DON'T YOU
TOUCH HIM! UNH!

YOU LITTLE BRAT,
I'M GONNA FIX YOU!

AAH!

I'M GONNA TIE YOU UP
TO THE BEDPOST!

AAH!

COME ON, YOU BITCH!

AAH!

[CRACKS]

AAH!

OH--

OH!

OHH!

CANNED AGAIN.

"ROSES ARE RED,
MELONS ARE ROUND,

"DON'T TRY LOOKING
FOR EMANUELLE

BECAUSE SHE'LL
NEVER BE...LOCATED."

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

YOU'RE NOT AFRAID?

NO.

I COULD KILL YOU.

IF YOU WANTED TO KILL ME

YOU ALREADY WOULD HAVE.

YOU DIDN'T
KIDNAP THE OTHERS.

OOH! YOU JUST
KILLED THEM.

I COULD NEVER
KILL YOU, EMANUELLE.

OH! I RECOGNIZE
THAT VOICE.

I'VE WAITED
FOR THIS MOMENT.

OH! IT'S CHANGED
SOME, BUT, UH--

WAIT.

HEY, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?

♪ I'VE GOTTA BE ME ♪

T.J., WHERE'VE
YOU BEEN?

HEY, DICK. HAVE YOU
HEARD ANYTHING YET?

NO, NO, I CALLED
LIEUTENANT AL

AND HE'S OUT TO LUNCH.

THAT'S GOOD.

AND REGAN, MAC REGAN, HA!
COULDN'T GET A HOLD OF HIM.

TYPICAL PRODUCER--
NEVER RETURNS ACTORS' CALLS.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE THERE'S
A GOOD REASON FOR THAT.

MAYBE HE'S THE KILLER.

T.J., NOW LISTEN UP.
I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUDDY.

I MEAN I KNOW IT'S
A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THOUGHT,

BUT NOW JUST SUPPOSE THAT
EMANUELLE IS, YOU KNOW--

YOU MEAN SUPPOSE
SHE'S KILLED.

AH! I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT.

BUT ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
SUPPOSE, SUPPOSE...

SUPPOSE SHE'S KILLED.

WOULDN'T THAT
MAKE A DIFFERENCE

AS FAR AS MY BILLING
IS CONCERNED?

OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE
WORRIED ABOUT BILLING

AT A TIME LIKE THIS.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE
YOU'RE THE MURDERER.

HA! ME?!
WELL, WHY NOT?

MAYBE YOU'D KILL TO
GET WHAT YOU WANT.

OH--
HUH?

NO!

I DON'T THINK.

THERE!

GARBAGE?

WHY YOU MUST BE
VICTOR!

VICTOR BUNTZ.

YOU REMEMBERED!

HOW COULD I EVER FORGET
THAT AFTERNOON

WE SPENT IN THE GARBAGE?

BOTH OF HANDS WERE
FREE THEN, OF COURSE.

THINGS WERE A--A LOT LESS
COMPLICATED THEN.

YEAH, AND A LOT
SAFER, TOO.

CAREFUL!

I'M VERY SENSITIVE
ABOUT CERTAIN SUBJECTS.

YEAH, LIKE MURDER?

[RASPY BREATH] PLEASE!

WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER
FOR A DECADE OR MORE.

DON'T RUIN THIS MOMENT.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU'RE JUST GONNA BRING

A COUPLE OF
GARBAGE CANS IN HERE

AND THAT'S GONNA MAKE
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

HUH! SO WHAT DO
YOU WANT?

YOU.

WELL, WHAT ELSE?

EH, IT'LL DO FOR NOW.

YEAH, I'M EXPECTING
A CALL ANY MOMENT

THAT MIGHT BREAK
THIS CASE WIDE OPEN.

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU
2 BOZOS WERE

GETTING YOUR
FINGERPRINTS

ALL OVER THAT NOTE
THIS AFTERNOON

I FIGURED
THAT SCREWED UP

ANY CHANCE WE EVER
HAD OF LIFTING

THE KILLER'S PRINTS
OFF IT, BUT--HA HA!

I SENT IT DOWN TO

THE BOYS
AT THE LAB ANYWAY.

AND?

THEY FOUND A COUPLE
OF PRINTS ON IT

MATCHED UP WITH
A GUY NAMED

VICTOR BUNTZ.

EITHER OF YOU GUYS
EVER HEAR OF THEM?

NO. WHO IS HE?

HE WAS CONNECTED
WITH THE MURDER

OF A DR. EDWARD WOOD
SOME TIME AGO

IN SWEDEN.

HEY, DON'T YOU HAVE
A SPARE HAMBURGER

OR ANYTHING AROUND
HERE OR SOMETHING?

I HAVE TO MAKE IT.

MAKE IT.

YOU GOT IT.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

OH, IT WAS DéJà VU
ALL OVER AGAIN.

I KNOW.
IT WAS...FANTASTIC.

SORRY I HAVE TO
GO SO SOON

BUT I'LL SEE YOU
AGAIN.

WHAT, BETWEEN MURDERS?
AT THE RATE YOU'RE GOING

I WON'T BE SEEING
MUCH OF YOU.

ONE MORE AT THE STUDIO
AND I'LL BE DONE.

KEEP THE FIRES BURNING.

AW. MEN!

SO THIS BUNTZ CHARACTER
COULD BE ANYBODY.

THE SURGEON CHANGED
HIS FACE

AND THEN HE KILLS
THE SURGEON,

THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNEW
WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE.

[RINGS]

HELLO. YEAH.
IT'S FOR YOU.

HELLO.

T.J., DON'T EXPECT
A FIRST-RATE

PERFORMANCE FROM ME
TOMORROW MORNING,

WHAT WITH ALL
THAT'S GOING ON.

I NEVER HAVE, DICK.

RIGHT, RIGHT,
RIGHT, SURE.

JUST WHAT I WAS
EXPECTING.

THAT WAS THE ADDRESS
OF A WAREHOUSE

OWNED BY VICTOR BUNTZ.

LISTEN, I HAVE A HUNCH
IF WE GO THERE

WE'LL FIND
MS. FORTES, HUH?

YOU THINK WE SHOULD
GO GET HER?

EH!
HMM!

UNH!

OH, SHIT.

WHERE THE HELL AM I
GONNA SQUEEZE THIS--

I GOTTA CUT THIS BUDGET.

RICHARD TRENT. I'LL CUT
HIS PAY IN HALF.

EH, HE'S TOO DUMB.
HE'LL NEVER KNOW. HEH!

LET'S SEE, THAT $25
TIMES 5 DAYS.

$125.

THAT'S IT! YEAH.

[METAL WARPS]

I GOT ENOUGH MATERIAL
FOR 3 BOOKS NOW.

HEY, MURPHY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THAT TUNA FISH SANDWICH

THAT WAS IN THAT
GLOVE COMPARTMENT?

I ATE IT.
I WAS HUNGRY.

I HAVEN'T
HAD A BREAK

IN A LONG TIME.

THAT WASN'T
YOURS TO EAT.

IT WAS IN THERE FOR
MORE THAN A WEEK.

I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT
ALL ABOUT IT.

JESUS!

EMANUELLE!

EMANUELLE!

AH, DON'T WASTE YOUR
BREATH. SHE AIN'T HERE.

WELL, I THOUGH YOU
SAID SHE'D BE HERE.

SHE WAS. CAN'T YOU
SMELL THE PERFUME?

I CAN, I...CAN.
SOMETHING VERY...

KINKY HAS BEEN GOING
ON IN THIS ROOM.

WELL, THEN HERE IS
SHE THEN?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I CAN
TAKE A PRETTY GOOD GUESS.

DID YOU EVER STOP TO
WONDER WHY EMANUELLE'S

YOUR ONLY LEADING LADY
THAT WAS KIDNAPPED, HUH?

NO.
NO.

NEVER KEPT ME
AWAKE AT NIGHT.

YEAH, WELL, THE ONLY
THING THAT KEEPS

YOU AWAKE IS ONE OF
YOUR OWN MOVIES.

THAT'S FUNNY. THEY HAVE JUST
THE OPPOSITE EFFECT ON ME.

SO WHAT IS YOUR
POINT, LIEUTENANT?

WELL, LISTEN,
IT'S MY GUESS

THAT THE KILLER IS
IN LOVE WITH HER

AND HE'S GONE
BACK TO THE STUDIO

TO KILL AGAIN,
AND EMANUELLE'S

GONE THERE TO STOP HIM.

NOW HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY KNOW THAT?

YEAH. LET'S GO!

YEAH, THERE'S NOTHING
LEFT TO EAT HERE.

LIEUTENANT?

"WHEN THINGS ARE ROUGH
DON'T LET IT BE SAID

THAT LIKE MARTINE
YOU LOST YOUR...NERVE?"

UGH!

OH, WELL. I NEVER
LIKED HER ANYWAY.

AH!

ARE YOU STILL ANGRY
ABOUT THAT SANDWICH?

JUST DRIVE, WILL YOU?

AND STEP ON IT,
PLEASE.

HAVE I TOLD YOU
THE ONE ABOUT

THE 3 PEOPLE STRANDED
ON THIS ISLAND?

I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT.

I DO.

THERE WERE THESE
2 GUYS AND ONE GAL.

THEY WERE STRANDED
ON THIS DESERT ISLAND.

IN ABOUT 2 WEEKS
SHE GOT SO DISGUSTED

WHAT SHE WAS DOING,
SHE KILLED HERSELF.

ABOUT 3 WEEKS LATER,
THEY GOT SO DISGUSTED

WHAT THEY WERE DOING
WITH HER

THEY BURIED HER.

AND ABOUT 2 WEEKS LATER,
THEY GOT DISGUSTED

WHAT THEY WERE
DOING TO EACH OTHER,

THEY DUG HER UP AGAIN.

HA! THAT'S--
THAT'S SICK.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS KIND
OF CUTE MYSELF. HA HA!

OH! REGAN!

[WHINES]

OH, NOW I'LL
NEVER GET PAID.

"REGAN WAS AN ASSHOLE

"SO I KILLED HIM
WITH APLOMB,

"AND ALL THE REST
WILL DIE

UNLESS THE FIND
MY...EXPLOSIVE."

AAH!

OHH! OHH! OH!

HEY, I'M STARVING.
LET'S STOP AT THIS

AT THIS LITTLE BURGER
JOINT COMING UP.

WHAT, ARE YOU OUT OF
YOUR MIND? WE CAN'T STOP.

THAT'S THE PLACE WITH

THE REALLY GREAT
FRIES, YEAH?

WELL, IT IS.

UNH! OH, LET ME GO!

LET ME GO! LET ME GO
OR I'LL RIP YOUR NUTS OFF!

ARGH!

OOF! AAH! GOD, CREEP!

I'M GONNA--UNH!

THAT'S IT. I'M TRYING
MY KARATE ON YOU.

TAKE THAT MASK
OFF YOU! AAH!

OW! OH, GOD, HELP!

LIEUTENANT, WHERE ARE YOU?!

LIEUTENANT! AAH!

AND SHE SAYS, "NOT
IF THAT'S THE BEST

YOU CAN DO."

I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU GUYS STOPPED.

HEY, WE'LL MAKE IT
IN GOOD TIME.

RIGHT. HER FUCKING
LIFE'S IN DANGER

AND GUYS STOP
FOR SOMETHING TO EAT.

NO! HEY, ISN'T THAT
THE PLACE THAT--

OH, NEVER MIND.

THEY HAVE THE BEST
GODDAMN PIZZA

IN THE WORLD!

NO, THAT'S NOT THE PLACE.

OH, YOU BET ME.

GUYS!

I'LL BET YOU
THAT IF I'M WRONG

THEN I WILL PAY
FOR EVERYTHING,

OTHERWISE WE'LL PITCH
IN, ALL OF US.

ALL RIGHT.

UNH! OH! OH!

OH, LORD, HELP ME.

I'M GONNA GET YOU
FOR THIS.

OH, JEEZ,
WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY?

OH! AH!

DO YOU MIND? YOUR KNEE'S
IN MY GROIN.

OH, I'M SORRY.

MYRA?!

IF I'D HAVE KNOWN
IT WAS YOU

I WOULDN'T
HAVE JUMPED YOU.

NOTHING'S BEEN WORKING
OUT RIGHT FOR ME LATELY.

THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING
OUT VERY WELL LATELY

FOR THE PEOPLE
AROUND YOU EITHER.

CAREFUL,
THAT'S HOT.

I'M SURPRISED
YOU GOT IT TO GO.

DON'T BITCH.
IT'S BAD

FOR YOUR DIGESTION.

LISTEN, TURN ON
THE SIREN.

NOT WHILE
WE'RE EATING.

JUST DO IT!

[SIREN]

NOW THERE,
YOU SATISFIED?

HMM.

THE ONLY MOMENT
OF REAL HAPPINESS

I EVER KNEW
AS VICTOR BUNTZ

WAS THAT AFTERNOON
WITH YOU IN THE GARBAGE.

I JUST WASN'T CUT OUT
TO BE A GUY, YOU KNOW?

I WAS LOUSY AT SPORTS,
BEER MADE ME NAUSEOUS,

I HATED SHAVING
IN THE MORNING.

SO I WENT TO
THIS DOCTOR IN SWEDEN

AND I CHANGED MY SEX.

OK, GUYS,
GIVE ME A SLICE.

YEAH, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M HUNGRY.

OH,
UN-UN-UN-UN-UH!

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DIDN'T
WANT TO STOP, REMEMBER?

COME ON, BUT THE DAMAGE
IS DONE.

YOU DIDN'T WANT
TO CHIP IN.

OK, HOW MUCH
DO I OWE YOU?

AW, GIVE HIM
A SLICE.

OH, NO! HE HAS BEEN
SULKING LIKE A CHILD.

LET HIM GO ON SULKING.

SUIT YOURSELF.

OH, FOR CHRIST SAKES.

I ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE A MOVIE STAR.

YOU KNOW, BRIGHT LIGHTS,
FLASHY CARS, GLAMOUR,

THE ENQUIRER.
NOW LOOK AT ME.

WHY ALL THE MURDERS?

IT STARTED
WITH DR. EDWARD WOOD.

I WAS FANTASIZING ABOUT
MY POOL AND MANSION

IN BEVERLY HILLS
WHEN SUDDENLY I SAW

THE DOCTOR STANDING
THERE WITH SOME

BEFORE-AND-AFTER PHOTOS
OF ME IN HIS HAND

AND I REALIZED
HE COULD DESTROY ME,

SO I SAVED HIM
THE DISGRACE

OF BECOMING
A BLACKMAILER.

BY KILLING HIM?

I COULDN'T THINK
OF ANY OTHER WAY,

FOR ALL THE GOOD
IT'S DONE ME.

I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND
THE RIGHT PERSON TO KILL

TO GET INTO MOVIES.

SOMETIMES I FEEL
LIKE GIVING UP.

ESPECIALLY WHEN I SAW
HOW WELL YOU WERE

DOING FOR YOURSELF,

BUT YOU COULDN'T CRACK
THE MOVIES EITHER,

SO I THOUGHT
I'D GIVE YOU A HAND.

YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO GOT ME THIS PART?

IN A ROUNDABOUT WAY.

I ASSUMED YOU'D BE
SCARED OFF THIS MOVIE,

BUT ONCE YOU WERE
IN HOLLYWOOD

THINGS WOULD START
HAPPENING FOR YOU.

COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST
SCARED THE OTHERS OFF?

DID YOU HAVE TO KILL 'EM?

I COULDN'T STAND TO
WATCH THEM WITH RICHARD.

I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH
FOR THAT.

AND AFTER ALL THIS,

YOU'RE GONNA CHUCK IT ALL
AND BOMB THE PLACE?

HAND GRENADE.

I NEVER LEARNED
HOW TO MAKE A BOMB.

YOU KNOW, I WAS HOPING
YOU'D UNDERSTAND

ABOUT ALL OF THIS,

BUT I CAN SEE
THAT YOU DON'T.

SO NOW YOU HAVE
TO KILL ME, TOO.

PLEASE, LET'S NOT SPOIL

OUR LAST FEW MOMENTS
TOGETHER.

[SIREN]

OK, I'M SORRY.

I ACTED LIKE
A JERK BEFORE.

IT'S OK.

HE ONLY WANTS
A PIZZA.

AH, HERE.

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.

HEY, YOU GUYS
ATE IT ALL!

LISTEN,
HOW SORRY ARE YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

ARE YOU SORRY ENOUGH

TO BUY US ALL A DRINK OR 2
UP HERE AT KELLY'S PUB?

IT'S COMING UP.

HEY, HEY, THEY GOT
A WAITRESS IN THERE

GOT A SET OF TITS
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M GONNA STAND AROUND

WAITING FOR YOU
TO BUMP ME OFF?

OH, GOOD THINKING.

I HAVEN'T LEFT
MUCH TO CHANCE.

[BATTLE STATIONS ALARM]

[SIREN]

EMANUELLE!

EMANUELLE!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

HEY, WE HAULED ASS
GETTING HERE!

LOOK!

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

I'LL GO BACK TO MY PLANET

AND TELL EVERYBODY OF EARTH

THAT YOU WANT OUR PLANETS
TO BE HARMONIOUS.

YOU KNOW?

HE SAID EXHAUST
INSTEAD OF EXALTED,

AND HE DROPPED
A COUPLE OF LINES.

WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

MMM.

TEELA, TEELA,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[SAW BLADE WOBBLING]

T.J.: CUT!

WILL THIS MOVIE
NEVER END?

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