Bad Girls: The Musical (2009) - full transcript

♪ If you're gonna be bad
♪ If you're gonna be bad

♪ You gotta be the baddest
and the best

♪ Don't get messed around
and trampled down

♪ Get it off your chest

♪ Oh, you don't get mad
♪ You don't get mad

♪ You just get badder
than all the rest

♪ Who's the baddest girl
in town?

♪ Baddest of the baddest

♪ And the baddest
and the best! ♪

(PRISONERS TALKING
INDISTINCTLY)

Arms out.
(GASPING)



(SOBBING)

Lift your bosoms up
for me.

We'll have to get the doctor
to give you some pills,
stop you leaking.

Right, cover up your
top half and take
your knickers off.

Don't worry, you haven't got
anything I haven't seen
a thousand times before.

Oh, morning, ma'am.
Hicks, Rachel.

18 months for possession,
with intent to supply.

But I never!
No, it's a lie!

Hey! You speak
when you're spoken to.

Right, I think
we're done here.
But, ma'am...

Thank you,
Mrs. Hollamby.

Come on, Rachel.
I'll take you
through for your medical.

You're on G Wing.
(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:
Unlock will now commence.



(PRISONERS SHOUTING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Shell Dockley. Lifer.

Murder. Well, just a bit
of torture, really.

Didn't expect the dozy twat
to go and die on me.

Pathetic.

♪ But no one messes
with my man

♪ And gets away
with their face intact

♪ It's an obvious fact
I was bound to react

♪ That double-D-cup slapper

♪ Was gonna get whacked

♪ I shouldn't be here

Crystal Gordon,
12 months, shopliftin'.

But the Good Book says
the Lord helps them
who help themself.

♪ All them shops go flaunting
their goods in your face

♪ It's asking for grief, man

♪ In the circumstance
of my case

♪ It's my belief

♪ That I was doing it

♪ For Jesus

♪ I was doing it

♪ For Jesus

♪ Like he did
in the temple story

♪ For the Lord God's
greater glory

♪ But instead of chucking
it down off the shelf

♪ I stuffed it in my rucksack

♪ And kept it for myself

♪ I shouldn't be here

Denny Blood,
seven years, arson.

(CHUCKLING)

It was a rubbish
kids' home anyway.

♪ I wanted a life

♪ I wanted a mum

♪ They said,
"If you're good, Den

♪ "Maybe one day
she might come"

♪ So I wait

♪ And I wait

♪ And I start to think they
must think I'm really dumb

♪ 'Cause she were never,
ever gonna come

♪ So I poured petrol
all round their kitchen floor

♪ Threw in a match
and slammed the door

♪ And now I don't wait
for no one anymore

Julie Saunders.
Julie Johnston.

Two years.
Two years.

Soliciting.
And thieving.

BOTH: Together.

♪ The oldest profession
in the book

♪ Combined with a sideline
in the wallets that we took

♪ Don't you find
these days it's all
for the school fees

♪ And not
for the fun

♪ You have to plan ahead now
for every little one

♪ For choices parental

♪ Dosh is fundamental

♪ That's how
my troubles
first begun

♪ We're gonna get
our kids back
one day

♪ But I thought
I owed it to my son

♪ I shouldn't be here

Nikki Wade. Lifer.

Cop killer.

But hey, at least there's
one less rapist in the world.

♪ Nobody's hero

♪ Somebody's fool

♪ Don't go mistaking me for

♪ Somebody who'll ever give
a damn

♪ For what they think I am

♪ I shouldn't be here

♪ I don't want to be here

♪ But here I am

ALL:
♪ Here I am, here I am

♪ Here I am

♪ And one thing is clear

♪ When I take a good look
around me

♪ I shouldn't be here

♪ I shouldn't be here
♪ I shouldn't be here

♪ I shouldn't be here

♪ I don't wanna be here
♪ I don't wanna be here

♪ I don't wanna be here

♪ I shouldn't be here,
this isn't me here

♪ This is not my life

♪ Give me back my life

♪ I had plans, I had dreams

♪ My life is not
the three-car wreck it seems

♪ I know it may not be much
but I was someone

♪ Someone's sister,
daughter, mother

♪ Just a girl like any other

♪ So maybe I'm out of touch
but still I'm someone

♪ And when they slam that door
every night

♪ And I'm alone in my bed

♪ I escape where it's safe
out of sight

♪ To the world
that I keep in my head

♪ That's where I hide myself

♪ Out of reach from the screws

♪ On a beach
♪ With our kids

♪ Kicking sand
from our shoes

♪ There's a bar
♪ There's a pub

♪ Where I'm singing
the blues

♪ Gettin' wasted
on cheap foreign booze

♪ I can go where I choose

♪ I've got nothing to lose

Right, you lot!
Breakfast, move it!

You two,
serve out
the swill!

The rest of you,
line up at your troughs.

♪ I shouldn't be here,
this isn't me here

♪ This is not my life

Move it!

♪ Give me back my life

Shut it!

Oh! Chocks away, Sylv.
Here comes
Little Miss Newbroom.

Flamin' Nora!

Why can't she stay
in her office like any
normal wing governor?

One day they'll pick
the right man for the job.

Morning, ma'am.
MRS. HOLLAMBY:
Morning, ma'am.

We've got a new allocation.
This is Rachel Hicks,
first-time young offender.

Another drug addict
come to join us.

Welcome to G Wing,
Rachel. I'm principal
officer Mr. Fenner.

You've met
senior officer Mrs. Hollamby.

MRS. HOLLAMBY:
You lot call me "miss."
No, we don't.

We call you "Bodybag!"
MRS. HOLLAMBY: Shut it!

And this is
junior officer
Mr. Mattison.

Hi. First day's
the worst. You'll soon
get your bearings.

Here's her file. Make an
appointment with my
secretary for her induction.

Don't have to take up
your valuable time, ma'am.
Leave Rachel with me.

Come on.
(SOBBING)

MRS. HOLLAMBY:
Log book, ma'am.

MR. FENNER: One more
for breakfast, Julies.

BOTH: One coming up,
Mr. Fenner.

Get yourself fed, Rachel,
I'll find you a bed.

That's his specialty.

I'll find you a bed
down the block
if you don't shut it, Wade!

Ooh!

Like he'd be
interested in
that little minger.

Fresh meat,
better than leftovers.

I ain't sittin'
next to this lowlife.

(CLAMORING)

Cha! There's more doin'
dealin's in here
than down King's Cross.

Skip the saint act, Gordon!
I don't remember Jesus saying,
"Blessed are the shoplifters."

MISS STEWART: Mrs. Hollamby!
I'll deal with this.

No, you've got me wrong,
I was only done for two E's!

E's for evil.

(ALL SHOUTING)
MISS STEWART: That is enough!

Nobody is here
to be judged.

We are all of us in this
prison to try and help you
get you out of it.

Yeah, okay.
Me and Den's up
for that, miss.

Just give us the key
and we'll be off.

I am trying
to treat you women
with respect.

Please don't
make me think
you don't deserve any.

Nice idea.
Pity you don't tell it
to the screws.

Miss Stewart.

I was expecting
to find you
in your office.

Well, it's got a great
desk, sir, but a lousy
view of the prison.

Well, I prefer the more
hands-on approach.

Indeed.

Well, I came to inform you
that your probationary period,
though not without incident,

has been deemed
a success.

Congratulations.
Thank you, sir.

Now I can really hope to make
a difference. (CHUCKLING)
Come.

Just remember,
whatever new ideas
you've got in mind,

prison is a place
with two types
of people in it.

Us and them.

♪ Maybe I'm a fool to think
that I could do some good

♪ But if I didn't think
I could

♪ I wouldn't be here

♪ Now I have a chance
to really do this

♪ My own way

♪ I won't let anyone say

♪ I shouldn't be here

Don't worry, Rachel.
We'll help you cope
without your drugs.

Won't we, Den?
Yeah. 'Cause either you
give 'em over to Shell

or I'll slit
your head open!

Oi! Leave the kid
alone, Dockley!

Why? Fancy it
yourself?
(ALL SHOUTING)

♪ Same old shit, 24/7

♪ Welcome to life here inside

♪ This is it
♪ And it sure
isn't heaven

♪ Although it feels
like I've died

ALL:
♪ When you need a helping hand

♪ Don't expect
them to understand

♪ What's another day?
Another week?

♪ Another year?

♪ When we shouldn't be here

♪ We shouldn't be here

♪ We shouldn't be here

♪ We shouldn't be here

Right then, ladies!
Slops and mops!
Get ready for work!

Meaning now,
not next week!

Shift it!

Come on!
All right!

Dear me.

(COUGHING)

And what time
do you call this, Biggs?

(WHEEZING)

I'm on me last legs, miss.
You've got to take me
to the hospital, please.

You've been on
your last flaming legs
since I've been in uniform.

Oh, come on, miss,
it's not been that long.

You just get back
to your cell
and save your lungs.

Yes, miss.
Thank you, miss.

Thank you.

I gotta be excused
an' all, miss. Got the
decorators in, innit?

What, again?
All right, Dockley,
take the morning.

Thank you, sir.

Thank me later.
Go on.

Right. This way, Rachel.
Come on.

Got you a cell
of your own,
nice and private.

In you go.

Get your bed made up,
put your own things out.
Soon feel like home, eh?

(SOBBING) I wish I'd swapped
those two E's for a load
of sleeping pills!

Now, now, come on, love.
It's not the end
of the world, is it?

It is. I've lost
everything now.

Here. Have a good blow.

Now, take a deep breath,
tell Uncle Jim
what's the trouble.

See what he can do.

It's Maddy.
Hmm?

My baby. I'm still meant
to be breastfeeding,
she won't look at her bottle.

I didn't know
you had a little baby.

Yeah, but social got her,
took into care.

Only till you get out
of prison, love,

then they'll give her
back to you, won't they?

What if they don't?

I'll be chucked out
of me home by then,
'cause social stops your rent.

They won't give you
back your baby if you
haven't got a home,

but council won't rehome you
unless you've got a baby!

Rachel,

have you ever heard
of the Brotherhood
of Freemasons?

No.

Well, I'm gonna let you in
to a big secret.

There's men like me
in every walk of life,

got the power to pull
all sorts of strings
for each other.

You mean like
you're all on the fiddle?

Not for ourselves, no.
We use our influence
to protect the weak and needy.

And I can jump you to the top
of any housing list you fancy.

Really?

Place in the country,
cottage by the sea.

Three-bed semi
with a little nursery.

Oh, I just want a flat
in Blackpool.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, better put a smile
on that face for me, then.
(CHUCKLING)

Here you are.

I can tell
you're special, Rachel.

That's why I'll be keeping
a very special eye on you.

That's a promise.

(KISSING)

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:All inmates
are reminded to make beds
before movement.

Watcha!

Thought I'd better come
and see if there's
anything you need.

Being as how
you're not carrying,
you'll be buying, right?

Crack? Smack?

Whatever you fancy.
I'm gonna report you
to Mr. Fenner.

What do you think
he's gonna do for you?

He said he's gonna
keep a special eye on me.

Did he, now?
Tell you what
eye that is,

the one on the end
of his dick.
(DENNY LAUGHING)

Listen, Rachel,
just trying to be a mate.

Tell you how things work
round here, right?

'Cause ain't no bastard
screws ever gonna give
you a helping hand.

♪ Look at me,
look at how
I turned out

♪ Used to be
a scaredy-cat
until I learned how

♪ To stand up
for meself

♪ Ain't nobody else
who's gonna make
your life worthwhile

♪ Look at you
♪ The girl
can't take it

♪ Everything about you
says you'll never make it

♪ And grassing to a screw
ain't a clever thing to do

♪ Unless you'd suit
a Chelsea smile

♪ Such a pretty little thing,
I wouldn't linger

BOTH:
♪ In the showers

♪ Every lezzer
on the wing
will want their go

♪ You'll be stuck
in there for hours

♪ The days are long
and the nights are scary

♪ Them girls are strong
and some quite hairy

♪ Most nights
the screaming
never ends

(SCREAMING)

♪ That's when you need
to know that

♪ You've got friends

♪ And I'll be watching
over you
♪ We'll be watching

♪ Like a guardian angel

♪ Any time
you look behind you
♪ Don't look now

♪ You know I'll always
find you

♪ I'll know everything
you do

♪ Everything you do

♪ I'm your
guardian angel

♪ Nothing happens here
I don't see

♪ Nothing said
that won't get
back to me

♪ Lucky you
that I'm gonna be

♪ Your angel

♪ It's a fact,
prison is depressing

♪ Better just accept it,
there's no point
in stressing

♪ The only way to cope,
instead of losing hope

♪ Is get completely
off your face

♪ Now I'm a mate
who believes in sharing

♪ People don't appreciate
that Shell's so caring

♪ A little Billy Whizz
will really do the biz

♪ And then it's gone
without a trace

♪ When you're crawling up
the wall, you just call

♪ And I'll come flying

♪ Take your pick,
we got it all

♪ Just let me know

♪ We do
regular supplying

♪ Have a wrap
♪ No one's touched it

♪ Except perhaps
the girl who crotched it

Ew!

♪ Just pay your bills
and you'll be fine

♪ Can I have
her necklace, Shell?
♪ Help yourself, Den

(GRUNTS)

♪ And remember now

♪ What's yours is mine

♪ 'Cause I'll be watching
over you

♪ We'll be watching

♪ Like a guardian angel

♪ Any time you look
behind you

♪ Don't look now

♪ You know
I'll always
find you

♪ I'll know everything
you do

♪ Everything you do
♪ I'm your
guardian angel

♪ Nothing happens here
I don't see

♪ Nothing said
that won't get
back to me

♪ Lucky you
that I'm gonna be

♪ Your angel

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Your guardian angel

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Ha!

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:Movement to work
will now commence.

Here you are.
I'll give you
a couple of freebies.

(LAUGHING)
Come on, Den.

(SOBBING)

(FLUSHING)

Black coffee?
Sweet tea?

Oh, I'd prefer a G and T,
the morning I've had.

You never have
a good morning,
do you, Sylvia?

'Scuse me!
Justin! Better hop it down
to reception,

there's a sweat box
due back from court.

Why do they keep
sending us prisoners?
Eh?

Don't they know Sylvia's
on her tea break? (CHUCKLING)

You can see who
that little pup's licking
up to, can't you?

Mr. Fenner!
(GROANING)

What is it now,
Rachel?

Oh, I need to talk
to you, sir.
Private, like.

This isn't
a drop-in center,
you know.

Please, sir!
All right, all right,
all right.

Come on.

(CHUCKLING)
Mr. Popular!

Come on.
(SOBBING)

Now, what's the problem,
Rachel?

That Shell Dockley.
What about her?

Her and her mate's
been trying to get me
on smack!

Don't you worry
about Dockley,
I'll deal with her.

Thanks, sir.
I told her I'd
report her to you.

Well, she better not
find out you have her,
she'll rip her tongue out!

But... You'll stop her,
won't you?

Rachel, look.

I can't give you
special treatment

if you go round telling
everyone about it.

I'm gonna report her
to Miss Stewart.

Miss Stewart?

She's been in prison
for about as long
as you have, love.

But fine.
If you'd rather
trust her than me.

No! Sir, please.
Hmm?

I'm sorry if I said
the wrong thing.

All right,
all right. Look.
I just can't do it.

It's only me can keep
you safe and get you
back your baby,

but you've got
to keep this shut.

Okay? Hey, hey...
Trust me?

Yeah.
Good girl.

Now, go
and report for work.

Go on!

Problem?

If you ask me, that one's
got "victim" written all
over her, poor kid.

No one's a victim
on my wing.

That's why I'm
taking her under
my wing, ma'am.

Book her in
to see me first
thing tomorrow.

Can I fetch you
a foot stool, Sylvia?
Oh. (CLEARING THROAT)

(STUTTERING)
Er, sorry, ma'am,
I was just, um...

Skiving?
Not me, Miss Stewart!

I live and breathe
for this prison.

Well, living and breathing
isn't quite enough,
I'm afraid.

You've got to move
about a bit as well.

So when you've caught up
with your other duties,

I want you to find
Nikki Wade and
upgrade her cell.

What? You're putting
a known troublemaker
like Wade on enhanced?

Giving her privileges?

Her appeal came through today.

It's our job to give her
every encouragement
she needs to win it.

What, so she can
murder another man
in a fit of jealous rage?

She's lucky we're not
allowed to give her
a good hanging.

Oh, really!

Well, you can't believe
she stabbed a broken bottle

in that copper's neck
by accident?

That copper
was trying to rape
her girlfriend.

They've always got an excuse.

Oh, for goodness sake!

Are you sure
you're not getting too
personally involved here?

All I'm just saying is
she's not a homicidal maniac.

No. Just a
homosexual murderess.

Society needs protecting.
We need protecting.

Well, if you'd rather
execute prisoners, Sylvia,

I suggest you apply
for a job in Texas.

Just a minute.

You say you're worried
about Rachel Hicks.

How are we supposed
to keep her safe

with the likes of Wade
let off the leash?

It's like
throwing a chop
to a Rottweiler.

You don't know anything
about the women
in here, do you?

With all due respect, ma'am,
us old lockhands know
a bit about jailcraft.

Bottom line is,
you go soft on
a hard case like Wade...

Well, that's good order
and discipline
dead and done for.

I'll tell you
what's dead and done for.

You treating these women
like children!

Canceling their visits,
losing their letters.

The whole bag of dirty tricks
you've used to make
their lives a misery.

So stop living in the past
and carry out my orders.

Well, that's it, then, Jim.
End of an era.

Time to bring on
the chronic backache
and sign off on the sick.

Maybe not, Sylv.
I think she's just shot
herself in the foot.

How's that?
Well, talk about
high-risk strategy.

If Wade kicks off again,
and let's face it, that won't
be hard to arrange,

then Stewart will be
in a right mess.

Ha! And we'll clean up.

♪ You won't learn this art
in a book

♪ There's no fast track to it

♪ You can't skip the years
that it took

♪ There's a real knack to it

♪ Jailcraft, we've got it

♪ Jailcraft, you've got it

♪ Jailcraft,
that's what it takes

♪ You won't get this
with a degree
in criminal justice

♪ Down the shop
and take it from me

♪ The one thing
you trust is

♪ Jailcraft, we've got it

♪ Hard graft, we've got it

♪ Jailcraft,
that's what it takes

♪ It's basic
common sense

♪ Plus a little self-defense

♪ Mixed with
professional calm

♪ Add a dash
of personal charm

♪ And when that old proverbial
finally hits the fan

♪ We're up front,
bearing the brunt

♪ Just doing the best we can

♪ We don't get the thanks
we deserve

♪ Down at the coalface

♪ While those wimps
are losing their nerve

♪ We run the whole place

♪ Jailcraft
♪ Irrefutable

♪ Jailcraft
♪ God, we're beautiful

♪ Jailcraft,
that's what it takes

Right, you go and get Wade
back on the wing and tell
Dockley to report for work.

Don't worry, I'll wind up
Wade's welcome party.

♪ And if the powers that be

♪ Are just too blind to see

♪ I know a thing or two

♪ I'll pull a string or two

♪ Take a lesson from me

So Jim,
off the record,

how's the new
girl governor
doing on G Wing?

♪ Worried look, furrowed brow

♪ A slight hesitation

If you have concerns...

♪ I wouldn't like
to interfere

Any information is in
the strictest confidence.

♪ It's all in here

♪ Years of experience,
you understand

Leave it with me, Jim,
enough said.

♪ Years of perfecting
a shake of the hand

See you at
the Lodge meeting.

♪ My, but it's good,
taking control

♪ Sliding up
that greasy pole

♪ Won't get that out of 'em

♪ On prison procedure

♪ When those suits
get caught on the hoof

♪ That's when they need you

♪ Jailcraft, we've got it

♪ He's daft, but we've got it

♪ Jailcraft,
that's what it takes

♪ When you're short-staffed,
your back nearly breaks

♪ You get... Ooh!
Well shafted

♪ But we struggle through

♪ Keep your eye on the ball,
your ear to the ground

♪ Back to the wall
when trouble's around

♪ It's jailcraft

♪ Jailcraft

♪ Jailcraft, that's what we do

♪ Me and you, yeah!

What you lookin' at,
ASBO? Do one!

Go on,
back on the wing.

This has got to be a wind-up.
MRS. HOLLAMBY:
Governor's orders.

To put me
on enhanced?
Eh, what's this?

None of your
concern, Dockley.

Yeah, but...
What's she done to get
given special privvies?

Just wait
by the gates
at escort to work.

Wade, go and pack
your bags.

You ain't packing
nothing 'cept my fist,
you shitpiece!

Whoa-ho-ho!
Stay away from me!

What's her problem?

Turned governor's grass,
have you?

What are you on about,
you crackhead?

(BOTH YELLING)
Go on, Nikki,
kick her in the fanny!

(ALL SHOUTING)

NIKKI: I'll kill you,
you bitch!
Slap her tits!

OFFICER: Listen, right!
Break it up!

What the
blue blazes...

You saw that, sir.
She just went for me!

Stupid nonce
is off her face!

MR. FENNER: Problem?
Wade has just
attacked Dockley.

It was self-defense.
MRS. HOLLAMBY: (SCOFFS)
That old line!

You're on rule 43.
Oh, no way!

No, that's not fair!
It's not fair.

It was just
getting good.

And you can stop stirring
and get back to your cell.

Go to work, Dockley!
Come on, show's over.
Move it!

Come on, Dockley!
Haven't got all day,
move yourself!

SHELL: All right,
keep your hair on.

You just can't control
that vicious temper,
can you, Wade?

Shame, because
apparently your appeal
came through today.

What appeal?
(CHUCKLING)

Too late for regrets now.

Take her down
the block, Mr. Mattison.

Get off me,
you bastards!

That's enough!

What's this
about my appeal?

Miss Stewart's got you
a court hearing.

There's new evidence
against that policeman.
Huh?

You just keep looking
for trouble, don't you?
I didn't start it.

Why the hell do you make
it so hard for people
to help you, Nikki?

Don't you wanna get
out of prison?

♪ Don't waste your time on me

♪ There's nothing
anyone can do

♪ To set me free

♪ One life

♪ One fate, nothing I can do

♪ God knows
I've wiped my tears away

♪ Too long

♪ Too late

♪ And everything I ever had

♪ Was broken on that day

♪ One moment
and life is changed forever

♪ Paths are crossed,
dreams are lost

♪ Destinies collide

♪ In one moment,
the world is changed forever

♪ The great and good divide

♪ Truth will decide

♪ One choice

♪ One fight
What else could I do?

♪ How could I live
and let it be?

♪ Two wrongs

♪ One right

♪ And either way
a price to pay

♪ That all comes back to me

♪ One moment
you face the world together

♪ Riding high, days go by

♪ Lost without a care

♪ One last moment

♪ Of holding on together

♪ As all the dreams you share

♪ Melt into air

♪ And life plays on beyond
those gates where freedom
calls and no one waits

♪ There where my life
used to be
there's nothing but a fantasy

♪ All that I have left of me
is gone

♪ All gone

♪ Long gone

♪ I won't forget,
I don't regret

♪ There's nothing more
that I can say

♪ I'll pay my debt
and let them
throw my life away

♪ One moment,
your future's gone forever

♪ Bridges burned,
a corner turned,
walk the line alone

♪ In one moment

♪ What's done is done forever

♪ When all the birds
have flown

♪ You're on your own

♪ You're on your own

♪ I'm on my

♪ Own

Great timing, Nikki.
Just leave me alone,
will you?

Oh, I'm sorry,
but I stuck my neck
out for you.

I need you to win
this appeal.

Look, if you've
got some Good
Samaritan fixation,

why don't you go
and help Rachel Hicks?

Nikki, this is your chance
to get back together
with your girlfriend.

You can't give up
on her now.

Yeah, that's right, I can't.

'Cause she's got together
with somebody else.

Oh.

Look, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, well, don't worry.

If I'd known I'd lose
the girl, I'd still have
stabbed the bloody guy.

Can't control
my vicious temper, can I?

(SCOFFING) So you're
just gonna play
the martyr, are you?

Feel sorry
for yourself.

Yeah, that's right.

Do you mind?

Yes.

I do, actually.

You're going to work,
and then back on the wing.

What?

I'm overruling Fenner
and I'm moving you
back to enhanced.

And I want you to go to
court and bloody well fight
for your freedom, Nikki.

Not just for you,
but for all the other
women in here.

Deal?

You're the boss.

On you go.

(CHUCKLING)

Ah! Any jobs
you want a hand
with, sir?

We don't mind
getting dirty for you.

But we do insist
on using rubbers.

Look, Julies,
do you have
to keep this up?

Keep what up,
loverboy?

That!
Harassing me.

Respect works
both ways,
you know.

Well, sorry darling,
only showing
our appreciation.

We're not used to men
treating us nice.

Well, that's a good reason
to try and change your ways,
isn't it? Start afresh.

Do that every time
I get out, innit?

We're not educated
like you, sir.

The only jobs we can do
are against
the bleedin' law.

Even when half
the punters out there
are the bleedin' law.

Oh, hi. Er, tell Mr. Fenner
I've sent Nikki Wade
back to work

and then she'll be
moving cells.

Julie, can I have a word?

Bleedin' hell!
What have I done
now? (LAUGHING)

Yes, miss?

I've had a call
about your son, David.

Well, what about him?
Oh, no, he's all right,
isn't he, miss? Tell me.

Don't worry, Julie,
there's nothing wrong
with him.

But social services
say there's been a problem

with the care arrangements
you've made for him
over the school holidays.

Eh? What's my arrangements
got to do with
social bleedin' services?

No! My David's staying with
his auntie Sandra. Sorted.
His auntie Sandra.

Unfortunately his
auntie Sandra has also
been taken into custody.

Oh, shit.

Social services
have found
a foster home for him.

What? You mean...

You mean
they're sticking my son

in an 'ouse with
a couple of strangers
to look after him?

He's too young
to look after himself,
Julie.

Oh, look, I'm sure
your son knows
how much you love him.

I'll try and get
a number for you
to call him.

Oh, my God, Ju.

Well, what if
I have to tell him
the truth?

You can't do that, Ju.

He thinks his mum's
a top international
travel agent.

That's why you have
to spend so much
time away, innit?

Why you sent him
to boarding school.

You can't tell him
you're on the game
and in the nick.

Oh, why do they
punish our kids?

I mean, it's not their fault
what their rotten mum's done.

Should have seen
this coming, Ju.

Since when did we
never get shat on?

♪ When you're stuck
in the muck

♪ And nobody gives a

♪ French Connection

♪ When you're down
on your luck

♪ And you're running
in the

♪ Wrong direction

♪ There's no escaping
from the slime

♪ You're living a life
of grime

♪ Bloody rubbish

♪ Hey! A life of grime

(BOTH GROANING)

♪ When you doss
with the dross

♪ And you're banged up
in an institution

♪ No one's giving
a toss

♪ All they're giving you
is retribution

♪ You're just a victim
doing time

♪ For living a life of grime

♪ Bloody rubbish

♪ A life of grime

(GROANING)

♪ When you're flat on
your back while some git
gets his rocks off

♪ That's the time to reflect

♪ You're moaning and groaning
(MOANING)

♪ Your poor
little socks off

♪ That doesn't get you respect

♪ After blowing his hornpipe
and banging his drum

♪ And thanking God
you're not his wife

♪ It takes more
than a Wet Wipe
to clean off the scum

♪ Of your own stinking
miserable life

♪ You're a slut in a rut

♪ Never shifting the dirt

♪ Always looking
for some lubrication

♪ Sick and tired of the smut

♪ Sick of lifting your skirt

♪ You could use
a bit of cultivation

♪ Instead of blooming
in your prime

♪ You're living a life
of grime

♪ Grime, grime

♪ Grime

♪ Grime
♪ Can't shift it

♪ Grime
♪ Can't move it

♪ Grime, grime
♪ Can't get this crap
out of my life

♪ Grime
♪ Can't shift it

♪ Grime
♪ Can't move it

♪ Grime, grime
♪ Can't get this crap
out of my life

♪ Low down dirty
little scumbag scrubbers

♪ Low down dirty little
scumbag scrubbers

♪ Low down dirty little
scumbag scrubbers

♪ Low down dirty little
scumbag scrubbers

♪ All that I wanted
was one lousy break

♪ A chance to make
everything right

♪ But despite all my talents,
the books never balance

♪ I keep ending up
in the shite

♪ When you're stuck
in the muck

♪ And nobody gives a
French Connection

♪ Always passing the buck

♪ But you're never
gonna pass inspection

♪ Now let me tell you
one more time

♪ If cleanliness
means godliness

♪ We're screwed already,
so sod the mess

♪ The slop's in the bucket,
you don't have to suck it

♪ To see that it's a crime

♪ Living a life, living a life

♪ Living a life of

♪ Grime

♪ Hey!

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:
Return from work
will now commence.

Medication!

ALL: Buns and biccies!

SHELL: You tell him, Den.

(COUGHING)

I'll... I'm on
the methadone.

No, you're not!

You're on biccies.
Get back in
the other queue.

Mr. Mattison,
one more to collect
from reception.

Here! What's that
snitch bitch doing
back off the block?

Miss Stewart insists
on moving her
to an enhanced cell.

Enhanced? That sinner?

I don't get it!
Yeah, neither do
bleedin' I.

Oi, after what
that bitch
done to me?

Don't blame us,
Dockley, we're just
following orders.

Stewart must be
shagging her.
Oh, piss off, Dockley!

Wade, shut it!

Dockley, move it.
Go on.

Then the Lord rained upon
Sodom and Gomorrah
with brimstone and fire

from the Lord out of heaven.

Oh, give us a break,
Crystal!

Yeah, we had enough
rained on us from old men
when we was working, innit?

All you heathens
is gonna get stuffed

with red-hot pokers
come Judgment Day,

while I will be chillin'
up in heaven

with angels bringin' me
milk and honey to sip

off the golden spoon.

Only till you nick it
off 'em.

Then you'll get a poker
like the rest of us.
(ALL LAUGHING)

New one on the wing.
Yvonne Atkins.

(EXHALING)

Hi, girls.

Just popped in
for a quick four years.

"But look on the bright side,"
I said to myself,

"at least you'll get a break
from bleedin' men."

On the other hand,
what nice firm buns.
Do you give 'em away later?

(LAUGHING)
(PRISONERS EXCLAIMING)

How'd you like me
to take you
down the block?

Is that like
"up the Arsenal"?

(PRISONERS WHOOPING)

Bloody hell!

Pushy, ain't he?

Wait there,
I'll see what cell
you're in.

I booked an en suite
double with a view
of the bay.

PRISONER: You wish!

Blimey, Noreen!
I thought
you were dead!

(LAUGHING)

SAUNDERS: Well,
what you waiting for, Shell?

You gonna say hello
to the new girl?

Like you do?

What? You think I'm crapping
it for some knackered
old mobster's missus?

Insult, innit?
Yeah, mentalist.

Go on then, Den.
Do the honors.
Me?

Yeah, like you do.

Oi!

Brung any gear in on you?

'Cause either you give it
over to Shell or I'll
smack your head open.

Oh? And who is Shell
when she's not at home?

Shell Dockley. She's
top dog in this nick.

Yeah? Woof-woof.

Well, sorry, Fido,
it's time to move you
out of your kennel.

Listen, grandma.
You ain't gettin' it.

Shell's doing life for
topping the last tart
who got on her tits.

You should be
scared of her.

(GASPING)

I don't do scared.

And I think your balls
are on the floor.

(PRISONERS LAUGHING)

Going down,
Denny Blood!

All sorted, darling.

You can wipe that smile
off your face, Atkins.

You might be famous
on the outside,
but you won't be in here.

Wanna bet?
You're in cell 7.
Move it.

Who's the concierge?
You lot call me "miss"
and you move it,

or you're on report.

Sylvia Hollamby,
oh, that's right.

As in Mr. RJ Hollamby,
funeral directors,

care of number 13,
Cherry Tree Crescent,
London SW9 4PQ.

How does she know that?

She's a witch.

Not from me.

From my husband, Charlie.

He provides a lot of
business for undertakers.

If you want me
to put in a good word
for your old man, miss...

You're on free
association till lockup.

(CHEERING)

And you're on paperwork!

Oh, ladies, I do hope
you know how to party.

Come on, girls,
roll up, roll up.

Hey, Noreen. I know
you like Malibu,
don't you?

Go for that, girl.

Christ, I thought this
place was all bars
and no booze.

Do you know, the screw
that was supposed
to search me

didn't fancy a visit
from my Charlie neither.

Cheers.
Cheers.

I don't need any of that.

Hey! Here's an invite
for you two an' all if you
want to have a good time.

Eh?
I only do nasty
if I can't do nice.

Go on.

Shell?

Yeah, right.

Go with the flow, innit?

Only one who wants us
to have a bad time
is that Bible basher.

Right, Crystal?

Ain't no Commandment
says, "Thou shalt not
shake thy booty."

Get him a rum,
just kiddin'.

(ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY)

Now then, who is this
little Cinderella then, eh?

Are you not coming
to the ball, darling?

I don't know anyone.

Right, well, I think
you and me should
stick together, eh?

Come on. Have
a swig of this.

My special cocktail,
soon get you in the mood.

What's in it?

Well, it's (CLEARING THROAT)
two parts sweet dreams
and one part dynamite.

(COUGHING)

♪ When you're all dolled up
with no place to go

Hey, don't make a fuss.

♪ If we can't get
out to the party

♪ The party can come to

(PRISONERS WHOOPING)
♪ Us!

♪ It's strictly A-list
This'll be the hottest spot
in town

♪ Sun-kissed celebrities
with style

♪ Call OK! and Hello!
Now we're all set to go

♪ We're gonna make
a splash, get ready
to flash that smile

♪ It's strictly A-list

♪ Everyone who's
anyone is here

♪ Hey, sister, your
name is on the door
♪ Your name is on the door

♪ Roll the red carpet out

♪ 'Cause tonight
there's no doubt

♪ We're havin'
a girls' night in like
there's never been before!

♪ I'm gonna be
the party queen

♪ Givin' it up all night

♪ Cruisin' and schmoozing
with the best

♪ Take a look around
this exclusive scene

♪ So much flesh to
be pressed, oh, yes!

♪ It's strictly A-list
♪ It's strictly A-list

♪ Listen to the word
out on the street

♪ Listen to the word
out on the street

♪ Don't miss the
party of the year!

♪ No B's, no C's,
and darling, please, no D's

♪ No has-beens, would-bes,
wannabes, could-bes

♪ I absolutely must insist

♪ Strictly A's on the list

(WHOOPING)

♪ We need juzz
and pizzazz

♪ And some glamour
in our lives

♪ Out on the razz
like we're
footballers' wives

♪ Low-cut, uplift

♪ You are God's gift

♪ Go strut your stuff

♪ On the floor
♪ Go strut your stuff

♪ Big hair, bling-bling

♪ Hot air, mingling

♪ This is the life I adore
♪ Can't get enough!

♪ It's strictly A-list
♪ It's strictly A-list

♪ Listen to the word
out on the street

♪ Listen to the word
out on the street

♪ Don't miss the
party of the year!

♪ Don't miss the
party of the year!

♪ No B's, no C's,
and darlings, maybe
I could squeeze some E's

♪ No has-beens, would-bes,
wannabes, could-bes

♪ Has-beens, would-bes,
wannabes, could-bes

♪ I absolutely must insist!

♪ We're on the A-list

♪ Come out and play list

♪ You're gonna come
out and play tonight!

♪ Won't stop till we drop

♪ 'Cause we're on
the top tonight

♪ Oh, we're on the top tonight

♪ Hey, mister

♪ Hey, mister
Come on, ladies,
bring it home!

♪ Hey, mister,
don't turn out that light

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Yeah!
♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night

♪ Party all night!

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:All inmates
return to cells for lockup.

Oh, cheers, Yvonne.

You know, I haven't had
such a good time since I set
fire to my first foster home.

Bang up! Come on!

Erm, you take Atkins.

Come on, move yourself!

Follow me.
You can take me
anywhere, sweetheart.

Okay, look. If you wanna
screw a screw, you've picked
the wrong one, all right?

It's not what I'm
doing this job for.

Ooh! Didn't mean to poke
you in the principles.

Just let me know
when you need
a career break.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:
Lights out in five minutes.

(CELL DOORS CLOSING)

Hi.
Oh, hi.

Hi. Welcome to
my new apartment.

Mmm. Happy with it?

Oh, yeah, it'll be
really lovely when
I've knocked through.

(LAUGHS) Look, I know
it's still a cell,
but it's the best I can do.

Well, hopefully I won't
be here for too long.

I've decided to really
go for this appeal.

Well, that is
such good news.

It's the least I can do
after you sticking
your neck out for me.

You're taking a hell
of a risk, aren't you?

I don't believe prison
should be about us
and them, Nikki.

I don't believe most
of these women
should even be here.

I never doubted you
were telling the truth
about your case,

so I hope you believe
we're on the same side now.

Yeah, apart from
the odd set of bars
and a 10-foot wall.

Seriously, you've given
me the first hope
I've had in ages.

Even lightened up
enough to let
my hair down tonight.

Would that explain
the whiff of alcohol
I detected on the wing?

Do I have the right
to remain silent?

No!

(LAUGHING)

Do I have the right
to tell you you're gorgeous?

Uh...

I mean, all the women in here
think you're brilliant, taking
on Fenner and everything...

Good night.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:Lights out.

SHELL: Anyone know
a good cure for hiccups?

CRYSTAL: Imagine being
married to Fenner!
Give yourself a fright.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Helen?
(GASPS) Oh, hi.

Fancy a drink?

Uh, well, yeah.
Why not?

Come on.

BOTH: Good night, ma'am.

Soon be in the rough.

Well, that's me
off home, happy.

My Bobby's doing
his braised
meatballs tonight.

Oh, lovely.

Right, I'll hand over
to the night shift.

Night, Jim.

Good night, Sylv.

♪ The key to hidden treasure

♪ The key to
forbidden pleasure

♪ And how do you
measure a man if it's not
by what hangs from his

♪ Fob

♪ Ever since jailers began
It's been one of the perks
of the job

♪ Going to work on the job

♪ When you hold the key

♪ No force, no coercion

♪ Pure satisfaction for all

♪ Of course, some perversion

♪ But nothing that's
painful or too off the wall

♪ A mutual service

♪ And what better
way to unwind as you wend
at the end of the day?

♪ And while you're getting
your end well away

♪ You're the king
of the night

♪ Out of reach, out of sight

♪ Everyone's up for a bite

♪ So, don't call me greedy

♪ 'Cause these girls
are needy ♪

MR. MATTISON: Taxi!
MISS STEWART: Oh, taxi!

Oh!
Ugh!

(LAUGHING) Ooh!
Ta-da!

(LAUGHING)

BOTH: Oh!

The great outdoors.
(SIGHING)

Do you ever dream
about doors?
No.

I can lock 'em
or leave 'em, me.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, why do we do it?

Tonight as I was locking
Nikki Wade in her cell,

I thought, "This must
be the shittiest job
in the world."

I mean, what kind
of profession is it

where the occupational
hazard is lockhand?

It's the kind where
you start the day
with two prostitutes

giving you the come-on,

and you end it with
a mobster's missus
grabbing your bum.

At least that's
one hassle you don't
have to deal with,

getting propositioned
by the prisoners.

Not every Juliet's
looking for a Romeo.

Right.

Right?

Anyway, Nikki Wade's
going for her appeal,
so up yours, Fenner!

Taxi!
Oh, wait, my hair's
gonna get wet.

Ain't you never
heard of "ladies first"?

You play your cards right,

pretty soon you could be
shagging the wing governor.

What, that Scottish tart?
She'd be lucky.

No!

Me. (CHUCKLING)

Good night.

♪ The key to hidden treasure

♪ The key to
forbidden pleasure

♪ To take at your leisure
and bend to whatever
your fancies dictate

♪ Virgins and tarts
end to end, it's the cream
of the female estate

♪ And you get it
all on a plate

♪ When you hold the key

♪ No ties, no connections

♪ Fresh supplies always on tap

♪ Recognize their affections

♪ You'll soon have them
eating right out of your lap

♪ They're desperately
grateful for all you can give

♪ It's quite fair to say
you're their reason to live

♪ Frankly, it's just
irresponsible if

♪ I don't try to provide

♪ What they lack
here inside

♪ Everyone's up
for the ride

♪ So, who could accuse me
if they choose to use me? ♪

Who's got a smile
for me, then?

Oh, sir, I'm so
glad to see you.

Doesn't look
much like it, love.

I'm sorry. The dark's
doing my head in,
I get all scared.

I have to keep the
light on at home.

Nothing to be scared
about now I'm here, eh?

I wrote this
poem for you, sir.

To tell you all
my feelings about you.

I'd better look
after it, hadn't I?

Now, you go and make
yourself look nice

and I'll come back
and tuck you into bed.

(CHUCKLING) Go on.

Oh.

"Dear sir, you are my savior

"Pardon me for my behavior

"If you..."

♪ I watch

♪ And I wait

♪ Mr. Wolf

♪ At the gate

♪ I lead and they follow

♪ I feed and they swallow

♪ I need it, I take it

♪ Who cares if they fake it?

♪ A man's got to make it
and move it and shake it

♪ And this lucky Jim

♪ Gets it all just for him!

♪ Pick any slag,
every shag's in the bag!

♪ With the key

♪ The

♪ Key

♪ Slide inside and

♪ Open wide for me

♪ Behold the key

♪ The biggest you'll see

♪ I hold

♪ The key

What are you doing?

I said I'd keep a special
eye on you, love.

I thought you meant
you'd look after me.
That's right.

Like I will every night.

And this is how you say
"Thank you, sir."

No! No! Please don't!

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

MAN ON PA:Morning unlock
will now commence.

Where's Hicks?
Mr. Mattison?

What's the matter,
darling, can't
you get it in?

Look, I told you.
What?

Mrs. Hollamby.
What is it?

There's something wrong
with this lock. Peephole's
bunged up an' all.

Stand aside.

Well, it's not bunged up,
it's blocked off.

Hicks! Unblock this
door immediately.

She's not answering.
Mr. Fenner!

Get this lot lined up
with the others.

How many screws
does it take to
unlock a door, eh?

What's the problem?

Hicks. Barricaded herself in,
refusing to talk.

All right. Leave it to me.

Rachel? It's Mr. Fenner.

Now, stop being a silly girl
and clear this door.

Then I'll come in
and you can tell me
what's the problem.

Rachel!

Mr. Mattison, give us
a hand here, will you?

On the count of three.
One, two, three!

(BANGING)

Jesus Christ!
MR. FENNER: Oh, shit!

What's going on?

Christ!
(ALL GASPING)

'Kin' hell, Den. Dozy twat
couldn't even last a night.

Stupid, stupid girl!
Let's get her down.

No, better get this lot
back to their cells first.

Radio the medics,
I'll sort this.

Well, maybe she left a note.
Well, if she did, I'll
make sure I find it!

Hello, Hotel?
This is Zulu, over.

(ALL MURMURING)

Hotel, are you
receiving? This is
Zulu calling.

Zulu to Hotel, hello.

Hello!

Is there anyone there?

Oh, hoorah!

We've got a stiff
on G Wing. Need
it bagged up.

♪ Now we know where we stand

♪ There is no no-man's-land

♪ Trust is torn,
a line is drawn

♪ And that's the way it is

♪ Make your move,
take your side

♪ There is no place to hide

♪ You're out on a limb,
now sink or swim

♪ 'Cause that's
the way it is ♪

What the hell's
the commotion? Well?

Got a swinger, ma'am.
Rachel Hicks.

Oh, no!

Mr. Fenner's cutting the
corpse down now, if you
want to take a look.

Right, you lot, back to
your cells now! Move it!

We're not going anywhere!
It ain't our fault poor
Rachel's dead, now, is it?

I know you've all
had a terrible shock,

but you're not gonna solve
anything by kicking off.

What do you expect?
Rachel's dead.

That kid was right
as rain last night.

Why would she suddenly
go and top herself?

I assure you, there'll be a
full investigation into how
and why this happened.

It happened because she
was banged up in prison

with bastards like him
on the loose.

Yeah, his last one ended up
down the Muppet wing.

Yeah, he's the one
who should be swinging!

♪ No matter how you try
to sweep us out of sight

♪ We will not let
this day go by

♪ All of your might

♪ And a fight for his right

♪ And that's the
way it is now
Bring it on down!

I want you all to go
back to your cells,
quietly and calmly.

What is going on here?

A bloody crime
and you're not gonna
get away with it.

Miss Stewart's given you
a governor's order here.

Return to your cells now,
or the riot team's coming in!

(CLAMORING)
Wait!

Nikki, can I talk
to you, please?

Oi, bitch! Whose
side are you on?

I'm asking to talk to Nikki
on behalf of you all.

Then you talk to us all.
Explain to us
why Rachel's dead.

♪ 'Cause if you think
we'll walk away

♪ As if it doesn't
really matter

♪ Then there is
nothing more to say

Ask Wade!
That's who Rachel
was scared of.

(ALL SHOUTING)

♪ So that's the way it is
Come on, come on

♪ That's the way it is
Come on, come on

♪ That's the way it is
Come on, come on

♪ That's the way it is
Bring it on down

♪ That's the way it is
Come on, come on
♪ Bring it on down

♪ That's the way it is
Come on, come on
♪ Bring it on down

♪ That's the way it is
Come on, come on

♪ Bring it on down
♪ That's the way it is,
that's the way it is

♪ Come on, come on!

Return to your
cells now!

♪ Come on, come on!

(ALL SHOUTING)

♪ Come on, come on!
Come on, come on! ♪

Please don't do this!

Better tool up, girls!

Situation out of control!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

ATKINS: How much longer?

How much longer
are you gonna
keep us banged up?

SAUNDERS: It's Fenner
should be locked up 24/7.

BIGGS: Yeah, I bet Rachel
strung herself up
to get away from him!

JOHNSTON: This is bang
out of order.

PRISONER 1: What about our
civil liberties and that?
Yeah!

PRISONER 2: They don't give
a toss about us.

Nor about Rachel either.

You're at peace now, girl.

BIGGS: She's well out of it.

DOCKLEY: Sod Rachel Hicks,
I need some bleeding peace.

I could string
you up, Dockley.
Yeah?

ATKINS: Yeah, you evil cow!
(ALL SHOUTING)

Shut up, I'm trying to sleep!
(ALL SHOUTING)

♪ Freedom

♪ Road

♪ Lead

♪ Me ho...

DOCKLEY: Go on, Crystal,
sing it, girl!

WADE: Yeah, sing it
for Rachel.

(SNIFFLES)

♪ Freedom Road

♪ Lead me home

♪ I have traveled so long

♪ Now my journey is through

♪ I will come home to you

♪ All my troubles are gone

♪ Freedom Road
♪ Freedom Road

♪ Lead me home
♪ Lead me home

♪ I have traveled so long

♪ I have traveled so long
♪ When I lay me to rest

♪ Lay me down
♪ My soul will be blessed

♪ All my troubles are gone

♪ Freedom

♪ Road

♪ Lead me home

♪ Oh

♪ Take me out of this darkness

♪ Let your light shine on me

♪ Free...
♪ Freedom Road

♪ Lead me home
♪ ...dom road

♪ I have traveled so long
♪ I have traveled so long

♪ Now my heart feels no pain
♪ No more

♪ I will see you again
♪ Pain

♪ All my troubles are gone
♪ All my troubles are gone

♪ All my troubles are gone
♪ All my troubles are gone

♪ Freedom Road
♪ Freedom Road

♪ Lead me home
♪ Lead me home

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Flamin' Nora!

How long does it take
for the buck
to stop these days?

Maybe Jim's been told
it stopped with him.

Oh, you'd like that,
would you?

How can they blame Helen?

She didn't drive Rachel Hicks
to kill herself.

Ooh, it's Helen now, is it?

I think
the whole thing stinks!

Jim!

What?

Tell me!

You are looking at a man

who has just been
given the nod.

Oh, Jim!

Do you mean everything
that I hope you mean?

A new day dawns, Sylv.

It's just a shame
you won't be part of it.

Not part of it?

I thought you were putting in
for early retirement,

bad back.
Well...

A girl can change her mind.

A bit of good news and I think

a full recovery
is very much on the cards.

Looks like we'll both be
moving up in the world then,

as soon as
Stewart moves out.

You mean they've sacked her?

Sacked?
A senior civil servant?
Don't be daft.

No, they'll just show her
out the side door.

As long as she
carries the can

with her
when she goes.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, Jim, I hardly
dare believe it!

You in a suit
and me by your side.

Well, it's a dream come true.

No stopping us
now, Sylv.

We are going to
show them
how a prison

really should be run.

♪ 'Cause if the powers that be

♪ In all their wisdom agree

♪ No other candidate
can swing that gate like me

♪ The future is bright again

♪ The world is black
and white again

♪ We're key happy
toe tappy

♪ Never thought that
we'd be so happy

♪ One of our boys has made it

♪ Shining out like a star

♪ Staking his claim
making his name

♪ Jim, you will go far

♪ The future is mine again

♪ I'm swinging
from a vine again

♪ Lord and master of a new day

♪ Hold on fast,
we're on the runway

♪ Here at last,
and I'll be here to stay

♪ Your loyal army
salutes you, sir

(FANFARE)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

I must say that suit
really suits you, sir.

♪ Come in, pull a seat up
put your feet up

♪ This is how it's gonna be

♪ The witch is gone
and from now on

♪ The man of the moment is me

♪ Now it's cream cakes
without warning

♪ Tea breaks
that last all morning

♪ No, it's not a dream

♪ But the start
of a new regime

♪ It's looking good
♪ It's looking good

♪ It's looking great
♪ It's looking great

♪ We're getting rid
♪ We're getting rid

♪ We couldn't wait
♪ We couldn't wait

♪ Let's go
♪ We're on our way now

♪ We know
♪ He's here to stay now

♪ Everything is gonna
be okay now

♪ One of our boys has made it

♪ No one else would compare

♪ Holding our flame

♪ Playing our game

♪ Who said we'd play theirs?

♪ The deed is done
♪ The deed is done

♪ It's in the bag
♪ It's in the bag

♪ The battle's won
♪ The battle's won

♪ Put up the flag
♪ Put up the flag

♪ We're gonna spread
a little happiness

♪ All over the place

♪ Locking up the losers
with a smile on our face

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us,
now we're back on the case

♪ And how

♪ Just look who's
the big cheese now

♪ The future
is bright again

♪ The world is bang
to right again

♪ I'm key happy, toe tappy

♪ Never thought
that I'd be so happy

♪ Here I stand

♪ With all the world
at my feet

♪ Just like I always planned

♪ Victory is sweet

♪ The future is mine again

♪ I'm swinging from
a vine again

♪ Lord and master of a new day

♪ Hold on fast we're
on the runway

♪ Here at last and
I am here to stay

♪ For the glorious
♪ Unmistakable

♪ Victorious
♪ Still unbreakable

♪ P-O-A

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Bye.

Miss Stewart, I know
how you must be feeling,
but let me assure you,

one tragic mistake
need not be the end
of a promising career,

provided you're
prepared to cooperate.

Cooperate?
With this pack of lies?Helen!

Well, obviously
if the government
wanted us

to tell the truth about
what happens in prisons,

why would it insist
we all sign
the Official Secrets Act?

(MOBILE RINGING)
Jesus.

Yes?

Oh, almost.

Certainly, Your Ladyship.
No, no, I will be there.

No, I'm just...

I'll be along shortly.

Very good.

Yes, right, goodbye.

Look, the important thing
is knowing when to move on.

You're talking
about covering up

what caused a
young woman's death.

Had you followed
Mr. Fenner's advice
about Wade,

she might still be alive.

Nikki Wade was
no threat to Rachel.

Well, she was
certainly instrumental
in causing a riot.

Oh! (LAUGHS)

This is all from Fenner,
isn't it?

Helen, you made the mistake
of becoming involved

with a dangerous
and manipulative inmate.

The case is closed,
whether you like it or not.
Well, I don't like it.

I don't like it one bit.
Your only option is
where you go from here,

and face it, Helen,
you are going.

And I'll tell you where.

To a tribunal.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I'm not leaving
these women
with Fenner.

I'm gonna fight this
all the way.

Then you'll lose everything.

Not my principles.

They're worth more to me
than a bloody pension!

I sincerely advise you
to think again,
Miss Stewart,

and swiftly!

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

MAN ON PA SYSTEM:
Unlock will now commence.

Those bastards
should be giving us
silver service!

I thought they was waiting
for us all to top ourselves.
Top ourselves, yeah.

They just better tell us
what's been done about Rachel.

Yeah, because we want
an explanation
for this situation.

Be quiet!

Now, I will tell you
what's what.

You do that and
it better be good!

There's been a tragic set of
circumstances on this wing...
Oh.

...which should never
have been allowed to happen.

And rest assured, Miss Stewart

will be taking
full responsibility,

so no more bending the rules.

From now on,
it's back to basics.

Which means you lot
better start behaving like
good girls. Got that?

Total bollocks!
This is shit and you know it!

Johnston, Saunders,
serve out the slops.

The rest of you
form an orderly queue.
Move it!

BOTH: Shove it!

We're going on strike!

(ALL SHOUTING)

So, if you want
that lot served...

Serve it yourself!

(ALL YELLING)

We ain't doing our job.

Till he's lost his.

You've lost your marbles
if you think

that's going to happen.

Dockley, Blood,
put these pinnies on,
get serving.

HOLLAMBY: Hello,
Zulu receiving, over.

You've lost your jobs
and your visiting rights,
go on.

Now, all of you,
get the message
and get on with it.

Jim, Jim, Jim!

It's the number one,
he wants to
see you urgently.

Blimey, talk about fast track.

Open the gate

for your new
wing governor, Justin...

And look happy about it,

or you might
find yourself,
"Just-out."

Very good, Sylv.

You've had your orders,
now move it!

Grub's up!

Mine's a full English!

What do you think you're
playing at, Nor?

Where's your solidarity, eh?

Come on, don't live
by bread alone, innit!

Yeah.
What do you reckon, Yvonne?

I reckon I'd sooner be dead
than fed by Dockley, Cat.

Yeah? Well, you ain't
gonna get fed
by nobody else.

This ain't Meals
on Wheels, grandma!

Yeah, seeing as how
we've got something,
you lot want,

I think we need treating
with a bit of respect.

Yeah, respect, man.

'Cause if we don't get it,
you lot don't get nothing.
Get it?

Have you lost the plot?
Do you really not care
what happened to Rachel?

Ain't nothing happened to her
ain't happened to me.

Tell her to piss off, Den.
Piss off.

All right, ladies,
let's clear these decks,
shall we,

'cause we're all done here
and you,

tell Fenner we're all
going on strike.

That's hunger strike, ladies!

Hunger strike!
Bring this place down!

BLOOD: Whatever!
Like we give a shit.

Nikki, you've gotta stop this.

Oh, who the hell
do you think I am,
head bloody prefect?

This isn't gonna
help anything.

Look, wait by the gate.

Julie, Miss Stewart
asked me to give you this.

It's the number
of the foster home
where your son is.

She remembers.
She's not giving up on
any of you women.

Oh, what,
like they're really gonna
let me speak to him.

You're still his mum,
aren't you?

Miss Stewart wants to see you.

Good, because I wanna see her.

Oh, shit, Ju,
what am I gonna say?

Tell him you're abroad
and the line's bad.

Tell him you'll
sort out everything

when you're back
in the country.

Honest, Ju, lying's best.

(EXHALES) Come on, Ju.

David, it's your mum.

Yeah.

Wotcha, mate.

Um, listen, I've
gotta be quick,

'cause it's long-distance.

Yeah, I'm abroad.

Where?

Taiwan.

Well, I don't know.
Japan, innit?

Well, they just, they just
fly us in and we go straight

to the hotel and that.
(LAUGHS)

Never know where we are
half the time. (LAUGHS)

Yeah, it is
a good line, innit?

What?

You mean everything?

Oh, David. I've been
such a stupid cow.

♪ I'm sorry

♪ Sorry you found out
this way

No, listen.

♪ Listen

♪ There's some things
I need to say

♪ God knows,
I ain't never been

♪ Proud of what I do

♪ But you should know

♪ I'm always so

♪ So proud of you

♪ And I'm sorry

♪ Sorry I can't hold you,
squeeze you tight

♪ Love you

♪ Miss you

♪ It's only you that gets me
through the night

♪ God knows, things don't
ever turn out

♪ The way I planned

♪ But I hope and pray

♪ That some day

♪ You'll understand

♪ I just wanted to
make things good

♪ To give you
the life you deserve

♪ I'd have told you one day

♪ Yes, I would

♪ But I kept losing my nerve

♪ And it seems so much better

♪ I should be

♪ Traveling the world
in some fantasy

♪ Instead of which
I'm a liar and a con

(SOBBING)

♪ But you're the
only thing that keeps

♪ Me holding on

I'm sorry?

What's that you say?

Well, of course
you can, darling.

♪ You can come visit any day

♪ God knows, there ain't
nobody else I'd rather see

♪ So there you go

♪ Your first VO

Oh, I've gotta
send you this form,

it's called a visiting order.

I'll pop it in the post
and you can come in
just as soon as you like.

Oh, shit, David, I forgot.

That bastard Fenner's
stopped our visits!

♪ But I'm gonna
make things good

♪ No matter how bad it seems

♪ I'll be there like a mother
should be

♪ So you can follow
your dreams

♪ Yes, things will get better

♪ Wait and see

♪ We'll work it out now
just you and me

♪ 'Cause I don't ever
ever wanna be

♪ So sorry

♪ Again

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(CLEARS THROAT) Sir?

We have a problem, Jim.

Helen Stewart is refusing
to fall on her sword,

she wants to go to tribunal.

Tribunal? But you can't
let her do that, sir.

Well, if she insists,
how can I stop her?

That'll drag out
the aggro for months!

Cost the taxpayer a fortune,

not to mention
the damage she could do

to this prison's
good reputation.

I think you should know,
it's your reputation

she's gunning for, Jim.

I've gotta go
to assuage the
board of governors.

It proves what
I told you, sir.

How she's got too
close to the cons,
let herself be influenced.

Well then, other influences

will have to be
brought to bear, hmm?

My responsibility
is simply to ensure
that a head rolls,

and much though I'd prefer it
not to be yours, Jim,

whatever happens, it's not
going to be mine.

Shit!

Shit.

(SIGHS) God!

Jim!
Oh, Sylvia!

Just tell me, how did it go?

In the right direction.

Just a slight
unforeseen hold-up.

What's that?

Stewart still thinks
she's got a leg to stand on.

What? After a suicide
and an all-out riot?

Take one more cock-up
to clinch it.

Any tips such as?

Such as?

Such as?

Such as a load of class-A

turning up on the wing,
for instance,

due to her stopping
our routine searches.

(LAUGHS) Well, a nod's
as good as a wink to me.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

JUSTIN: Nikki Wade for you.

Thanks, Justin,
will you wait outside?

(EXHALES)

So, what did they give you,

a cushy desk job
in area management?

I wish you'd shut up
and stop giving Fenner

another excuse
to send you down.

Oh, I don't need to
give him one, do I?

He's a rapist.
Whatever he wants, he takes.

And all you've
bloody well done is

play into his hands, Nikki!

Me? You're the naive
do-gooder who thinks

she can turn this place
into a girl guide camp.
No, no...

I stupidly thought
if I gave you
another chance,

at least you'd have
the sense to

stay out of trouble. But no,

you go and kick up
a full-scale riot!

I had no choice.

Rachel Hicks died.

Has anyone even asked Fenner
what he was doing that night?

No, everybody's asking me

what I was doing
letting you back
on the wing,

and I can't answer them,
can I?

Well, you can't
let Fenner win.

Nobody'll be safe in here
if he gets your job.

Don't think I don't
blame myself.

I failed.

I should've spoken
to Rachel sooner,

but I just didn't think
for one minute...

I just... Oh!

Hey...

Look, we're on the
same side, remember?

We'll fight together.

Don't beat yourself up.

Helen, please.

Oh, sorry! Just, you
went very quiet and
I wondered if, um...

What, if I've returned
to my murdering ways?

Uh, take Nikki back
to her cell, please,

I'm going home
to work on my case.

Right, I'll be round
straight after my shift, then.

Oh, yeah, that'll be great.

Oh, I'll come too,
shall I? Bring a bottle?

Good night, Nikki.

Right.

I see you didn't waste
much time then.

How cozy!

PRISONER 1: You can't
kill us all, Fenner!

SAUNDERS: We've nothing else
to lose now, have we?

JOHNSTON: Be scared,
you bastard!

PRISONER 2: Save your breath,
he's not listening.

BIGGS: We're all gonna
starve to death

'cause of you two Julies.

Yeah, too right!

At least we got
Fenner, all right!

You can't blame us
how it's went.

WADE: Ain't our fault
Dockley's a scab!

ATKINS: Eat shit, Wade!

And you, Atkins!
(ALL LAUGHING)

♪ How does she do this to me?

♪ How did I let her in?

♪ When I should know
by now to beware

♪ Why does she do this to me?

♪ How can I ever win?

♪ And though I tell myself
I don't care

♪ She's always there

♪ Every night I see her

♪ The moment I close
my eyes to sleep

♪ She's there in the dreams
I keep in my heart

♪ Every night I see her

♪ Somehow she's always
on my mind

♪ And maybe I've just been
blind from the start

♪ All my defenses
lie here broken in two

♪ I tried to wake up
and come to my senses

♪ But there's no way through

♪ What else can I do?

♪ Every day I see her

♪ Daring my heart
to cross that line

♪ Ignore every danger sign
and fall

♪ Hopelessly lost

♪ To risk it all,
whatever the cost

♪ But inside I know

♪ I am only falling apart

♪ Every night I see her
♪ Every night I see her

♪ The moment I close my eyes

♪ To sleep
♪ She's there in my dreams

♪ This secret is burning
deep in my heart

♪ But this is crazy,
what am I thinking?

♪ I'm losing my way
in the dark

♪ It's just too much
♪ It's not enough

♪ To see her face
♪ When there's
so much to say

♪ To feel her so close yet

♪ So far
♪ To feel her
so close yet so far

♪ When nothing can change

♪ Who we are
♪ When nothing can
change who we are

♪ But I can't let her go

♪ But I can't let her know

♪ Every night I see her

♪ The moment I close
my eyes to sleep

♪ This secret is burning
deep in my heart ♪

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Hi!
Oh, hi!

Ready for a drink?
Oh, a large one, yeah.

Thanks.

Oh... You look nice.

Cheers.

How's it reading?
Pfft!

I can fight
till I drop,
Justin, but,

I'm never gonna
win this without
a scrap of evidence.

I can't believe Rachel
didn't leave a note.

Ah, I'm kicking myself
for letting Fenner

go into her cell on his own!

I swear the women
are right about him.

Well, here's to
hopeless causes.

You're not that, Helen.

You're the reason...
Maybe they're right.

I don't deserve this job.

I get too
emotionally involved.

Because you care!

I'm only staying
in the job myself,
because of you.

Oh, God, Justin, don't!
Oh, shit, sorry.

You're well out of my league.

(LAUGHS) It's not that.

It's... You know, I just...

I... Jesus!

I know you're under
a lot of pressure.

No, it's not that.

Well, what?

What is it?

(EXHALES)

It's Nikki Wade.
Oh, don't let Nikki Wade
get under your skin.

She already has.
What do you mean?

I think you know what I mean.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(BUZZER)

MAN ON PA SYSTEM:
Unlock will now commence.

Last orders for breakfast.

Any takers?

The Lord fasted
for 40 days
and 40 nights.

I might not live that long.

Well, it's your funeral!
(LAUGHS)
BIGGS: Oh, miss.

Time and motion, innit,
Den? Let's dish it out.

Let's clear it up.
Exactly, man.

Right, I wanna work
on the weakest link.

Move it, grandma.
What?

Out of the way.
Oh, Gordon Bennett!

All right, Denny.

You know you're making
a big mistake, girl,

runnin' around after
that screw's slag.

Yeah? Well, a tray
of sausages to meself

says you don't know shit,
innit?

All right.

Is that all you want
out of life, is it?
Dockley's leftovers?

It'll be you lot screwed
when Fenner's boss.

Me and Shell's gonna get
special everything then.

Denny. Denny, look,
I know you've had

a tough life, I know you have,

children's homes
and that, no wonder

you wanna be
special to somebody.

But what you're
really looking for

is a mum, yeah?

(LAUGHS) What are you,

some sort of undercover
probation officer?

I'm just trying to
give you a break, Denny.

Why don't you leave me alone?

Because maybe I
could do with a
second chance an' all,

for being a lousy mum
to my own kids!

But I can't make it
up to them
'cause one's dead,

and the other's
doing life for murder.

So...

What do you reckon, eh?

I reckon you're
just trying to mess
with my head.

Do yourself a favor, Denny!

And do Dockley one as well,

'cause if she thinks she's
anything special to Fenner...

Come on,
you know what
that bastard's about.

He'll bin her off like a shot

and where will you
be then, Den?

Up yours, Atkins!

She's her own
worst enemy, that one.

She can't see past Dockley.

We're stuffed, ain't we?
Stuffed.

That is the one thing...

We ain't.

You know, I can
do without food.

I can even do without booze,

but I can't do without...
Don't go there!

I don't.

Nor me.
No way.

Who needs it?

BOTH: Not us!

ATKINS: Oh, yeah?

Well, I can't think of
nothing else most nights.

Well, You should be
ashamed of yourself
at a time like this.

You should be thinking about
what happened to poor Rachel.

Yeah, but let's face it,

there ain't nothing like death

to whet your
appetite for life.

♪ We're all banged up
without the bang

♪ We've got the go,
but there's no fandang

♪ How's any girl meant
to do her thang

♪ When she's all
banged up alone?

♪ We're all banged up
without the bang

♪ This little chassis needs
a full front prang

♪ I'm like a vampire
without a fang

♪ And we're all
banged up alone

♪ And though we try
not to think about

♪ All the pleasures we miss

♪ There's bugger all else
to think about

♪ When you're dumped
in a hellhole like this

♪ Day after day after day

♪ These assets
are wasting away

♪ We're all banged up
without the bang

♪ We get the twinges
but where's our twang?

♪ Whipped to a peak
like a stiff meringue

♪ But we're all
whipped up alone

♪ Bang bang

♪ Bang

♪ Bang

♪ Bang

♪ Bang

♪ Bang!

♪ I want to feel
the weight of
a handsome hunk

♪ Lying on top
of me in my bunk

♪ And when the lights go down

♪ So does he

♪ Everything goes
ting-a-ling inside of me

♪ Don't want to fall in love

♪ I don't expect romance

♪ I just want some action
inside my pants

♪ And of course desire
could be so strong

♪ I never thought I'd ever
have to go so long

♪ It's just
♪ It's just

♪ A little thrust
♪ A little thrust

♪ It must be the
least you can do

♪ You're a screw
♪ You're a screw

♪ We can trust
♪ We can trust

♪ And our welfare is
all down to you

♪ Night after night
after night

♪ Think of our
desperate plight

You really should try
and eat something.

♪ We're all banged up
without the bang

♪ We've got the go
but there's no fandang

♪ How's any girl
meant to do her thang

♪ When she's all
banged up alone?

♪ We're all banged up
without the bang

♪ Nobody wants to be
in our gang

♪ We couldn't care less
if spring just sprang

♪ If the queen just rang

♪ They can all go hang

♪ 'Cause until we get out
and get out with a bang

♪ We're all banged up, oh!

♪ We're all banged up, oh!

♪ We're all banged up

♪ Alone

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh!

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh!

♪ Bang!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Nikki, can I talk to you?

About Helen.
Oh, no, thanks,
spare me the details.

For God's sake, she's risking
everything for you women!

If you want to help her
beat Fenner, you'd better

act before it's too late.

Look, she doesn't
give a toss about

what I could
do for her, darling.

Yeah?
Well, I wish you were
right about that.

But she can't tell you
what she feels
about you, can she?

Eh? What are you
talking about?

The point is,
you'll never find out

if we don't put
a stop to Fenner.

And he's going to use
every dirty trick
in the book now.

HOLLAMBY: Mr. Mattison,

we've had a tip-off,

that there's a large stash
of illegal drugs

here on the wing...
(ALL CHATTING)

Where?

Which I sincerely hope
for Miss Stewart's sake,
we don't find.

(ALL CHATTING)

HOLLAMBY: Dockley, Blood,
stand aside.
Eh?

We're conducting
a drugs search
in this servery.

Ain't no drugs around here.
Then we won't
find any, will we?

But if we do,
then obviously we'll
know whose they are.

Hmm, what I've been
saying, innit?

(ALL CHATTING)

Ah, ha, hmm.
And what's this?

What it says, innit? Sugar.

And since when did sugar

come individually
wrapped by the gram?

Yes, say it there.

Looks like cocaine
to us, Dockley.

You want me to do
a taste test?
Oh, shut it, Biggs!

Well, anyone tells you
it's mine,

they're lying, right?

Ain't hers neither,
is it, Den?

Give mine to Shell to stash
in her cell, innit?

(ALL YELLING)
Mr. Mattison!

Take Dockley down the block.

I shall take this to the lab
and report to Mr. Fenner.

Hallelujah!

And get the rest of them
banged up.

(ALL PROTESTING)

I've been framed, innit?
Someone's friggin' fit me up.

Got it in one, Dockley.
DOCKLEY: Eh?

Who do you think?
It was you, weren't it?

(ALL YELLING)

Nikki's not
your enemy,
Dockley.

And I'm not taking
my orders
from Bodybag.

ALL: Ooh!

Shit me, what's this?

Screw against screw?

He's trying to
help us screw Fenner.
You what?

Who is it wants to shaft
Miss Stewart, so he can
get her job,

and the pick of
any new girl he fancies?

ALL: Fenner.
Who else?

Do you trust me now?
Well, obvious, innit, Shell?

Don't talk drivel.
Ah!

Me and him's got a deal.

Oh, he's just using you,
you soppy cow.

No, I'm his
eyes and ears, right?

Whoa-ho, tits and
arse, more like!

(LAUGHING)
As in yesterday's, right?

(ALL LAUGHING)

♪ You better wise up

♪ To the way this
is going down

♪ For once in your life,
use your brain

(ALL YELLING)

♪ Like a bad dream

♪ That keeps on coming round

♪ He's gonna screw
you over again

You're just gonna get screwed.

♪ And you'll be history
before you know what's hit

♪ Girl, you need
a wake-up call and this is it

♪ So, you better listen up

♪ 'Cause we're all gonna
beat this rap

♪ If he's out to
get you, get him first

♪ We need a queen bee

♪ Sitting in a honey trap

Get out of my face.

♪ Sharpen up your sting
and do your worst

Come on, Shell!

♪ And he'll be history
before the day is through

♪ So make your mind up now,
it's up to you

♪ Do you wanna be bad?
♪ Do you wanna be bad?

♪ Do you wanna be
the baddest and the best?

♪ You've been messed around
and trampled down

♪ Get it off your chest

♪ No, don't get mad

♪ You don't get mad
♪ You just get badder
than all the rest

♪ No one else could
take that crown

♪ You're the baddest
and the best

Yeah, well, it's obvious
I'm the best, innit?
♪ The baddest and the best

So, you are in with us?
Or just out for yourself?

Go on, Shell.
♪ The baddest and the best...

Come on, Shell.

Yeah, all right.
(ALL CHEERING)

You know what, Den,
I could get used to
this solidarity shit.

(LAUGHS)
Right, everyone,
let's get to work.

Come on!
Let's do it!

Hello, Charlie.

Yeah, it's me.

Do us a favor, darlin',

I need a state-of-the-art
wireless minicam
and receiver unit,

some extra long length
line out cable,

a couple of male
to female adaptors

to link it to the
main security system,

and like yesterday, you know?

(WHISTLING)

(LAUGHING)

Thanks, Charlie.

Impressed?

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ If you're gonna be bad
♪ If you're gonna be bad

♪ You gotta get the
baddest and the best

♪ No matter where you go,
it's who you know

♪ Put it to the test

♪ Oh, you don't get mad
♪ You don't get mad

♪ You just get badder
than all the rest

♪ Hit him hard and hit him low

♪ Do your baddest
and your best

♪ And I'm sure the Lord
will understand

♪ If we has to be
a little bit underhand

♪ When you're out to
smite the devil

♪ You gotta sink
down to his level
Yeah!

♪ We'll fix you up
to look so nice

♪ He won't think twice
before he makes his move

♪ It's an easy case to prove

♪ And when it's
up there on that screen

♪ When the truth
is finally seen

♪ You're gonna be
a TV star and

♪ The whole world's gonna
know who you are

♪ You'll be the best
there's ever been

♪ Now that bad, bad man
is gonna

♪ Rot in hell
♪ He's gonna rot in hell

♪ I'll make him wish
we never met

♪ He's gonna wish he
never ever met you

♪ 'Cause I'm in the mood

♪ For a good night

♪ Kiss and tell
♪ For a good night
kiss and tell

♪ This will be a face
he won't forget

♪ He ain't never ever
gonna forget you

♪ And he'll be history
before the day is done

♪ We may be crazy
but revenge is fun

♪ If you're gonna be bad
♪ If you're gonna be bad

♪ You gotta be the baddest
and the best

♪ Don't get messed around
and trampled down

♪ Get it off your chest

♪ Oh, you don't get mad
♪ You don't get mad

♪ You just get badder than
all the rest

♪ Who's the baddest girl
in town?

♪ The baddest, the baddest

♪ The baddest and the best

♪ The baddest, the baddest

♪ The baddest of the baddest

♪ And the baddest
and the best! ♪

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Your camera may be
state-of-the-art

but you can't say the same
about this wiring.

All set?
You bet!

Good luck, Shell.
Luck? I don't need luck.

Just don't screw up.

Okay, Shell, you come with me,

everybody else,
back to your cells, yeah?

(ALL YELLING)

Make sure you get
his face in view.

He'll be ready for his
close-up, don't you worry.

He better be. When I flick
that switch to override,

I don't want the Number One
looking at a blank screen.

Look, you deliver the
audience,

I'll deliver the show, right?

(SNIFFS)

Shell.
Jim!

Yee-haw!

Been doing my nut
waiting for you.

Bodybag's set me up
on this drugs rap.

Just piss in the pot,
will you?

Eh?

Telling me you want me
to test positive?

Look, I'm trying to
get rid of Stewart

for being soft on drugs, yeah,

but if you don't trust me,
that's it.

That's the end of it!
No.

No, Jim, wait!
Too late.

No, Jim, you got me all wrong.

Of course I trust you
to do right by me,
always have done, yeah.

It's just, well,

I thought you
might've gone off me.

Better make me believe
I can still get what
I want from you then.

All yours for the taking,
innit?

♪ I need a man

♪ With his hand on the wheel

♪ Who has the power to go far

Yeah, you bet,
all the way to the top.

♪ You need a woman
to show you the way

♪ To reveal

♪ What kind of man
you truly are

Oh, I'll reveal everything,
darling.

♪ It's just the two of us
with no one else to see

♪ So why not start
revealing yourself to me?

♪ I'll be your first lady
of the night

♪ Won't you come out and play?

♪ I'm taking you all the way

♪ If you can go the distance

♪ I'll offer no resistance

♪ You know we've
always been so right

♪ I'm your first lady
of the night

♪ Let's not forget, love

♪ That a man needs his space

♪ To come and go
as he may please

Don't you worry about that,
Jim.

♪ You can be sure that a
woman like me knows her place

♪ I'll be here waiting
on my knees

♪ And you have no idea
what treats you have in store

♪ I'm gonna have you like
you've never been had before

♪ I'll be your first lady
of the night

♪ Turn all the lights down low

♪ We're in for an
all-night show

♪ Just give in to temptation

♪ 'Cause in this situation

♪ You can't deny it feels
so right

♪ I'm your first lady
of the night

♪ You really rock me
off my feet

♪ Maybe it's meant to be

♪ Together we could have
this whole world in our hands

♪ Baby, we're turning up
the heat

♪ This is your destiny

♪ You and me, we got something
no one understands

♪ First lady of the night

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

♪ Turn all the lights down low

♪ We're in for an
all-night show

♪ Just give in to temptation

♪ 'Cause in this situation

♪ You can't deny it feels
so right

♪ I'm your first lady

♪ My first lady of the night
♪ And only lady of the night

Oh!
Come on, Jim, come on, Jim!

Oh, God, yeah!
Come on, yes!

Yes! Oh!

(BUZZER)
MAN ON PA SYSTEM:
Mr. Fenner!

Smile for the camera, sir.
(LAUGHING)

Security to the seg block now.

Detain Principal Officer
Fenner and call the police.

Oh, oops.

Looks like the electrics
just went on the blink.

Give me the key.
The what?

The bloody key,
you stupid bitch.

I've got to get out of here.

Well, now.

That ain't a very nice way

to speak to your
special little lady.

Oh, please, Shell.
I don't know.

These old electrics,

there was an accident
waiting to happen in here.

What the hell are you doing?

Sparks, they can
catch hold anywhere.

Stop, Shell, please,
I'm begging you.

Since when did them words
ever mean anything you?

Ow!
(LAUGHS)

I'll forget everything,
I swear!

Just unlock these cuffs.

I tried to, didn't I?

I just couldn't find the key!

For God's sake, Shell!

Help, fire!

(YELLING)

♪ If you're gonna be bad

♪ You gotta be the baddest
and the best

♪ When you've been messed
around and trampled down

♪ Get it off your chest
oh, you don't get mad

♪ You just get badder than
all the rest

♪ Who's the baddest girl
in town?

♪ The baddest and the best!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(BELL RINGS)
(FIRE ALARM)

It's amazing, innit?

Big me up, sisters!

Bothered!

Serious, Den, you'd have
loved it.

Fenner was screaming
and crapping himself.

I would've pissed
meself laughing, only I

didn't wanna put the fire out.

You're sick, man.
You shouldn't have done it.
Eh?

It wasn't part of the plan.

(ALL PROTESTING)

Oi, it was payback time,
right?

You're on your own,
Dockley.

(ALL YELLING)

Quiet, you lot!

Thank you, Mrs. Hollamby.

I have here the report

resulting from the official
enquiry,

into events subsequent
to the previous,

and I can only say,

I wish that your concerns
about Mr. Fenner

had been brought to my
attention earlier.

As if you'd have done
anything about it, man.

You were too busy
playing golf.

You should be sacked,
you old bastard.

(LAUGHING)

Silence!

I assure you, as soon as
he's fit to be discharged
from hospital,

Mr. Fenner will be
brought to justice.

Here, here, here...

You saying he didn't snuff it?

Oh!

Oh, well, better luck
next time, eh?

(BIGGS LAUGHING)

Michelle Dockley?

Ah.

The report commends
your bravery under duress,

for which you will be granted

all due consideration
by the parole board.

PRISONER: What?

And now, I entrust you all

to the good governance
of Miss Stewart.

Sir, sir!

I really need to talk to you
about my back.

I don't think I'm up to
these double shifts
anymore, you know.

You know, ladies,
we do have another reason

to celebrate today,
don't we?

Because it's somebody's
21st birthday!

Eh, Denny?
How'd you know that?

I told you, she's a witch.

I ain't never had a
proper birthday.

You ain't never had a
lot of things, love,

but I'm gonna sort that,
if you let me.

And right about...

ALL: Five, four,
three, two, one!

Fireworks!
(ALL CHEERING)

That's for you.

Miss, can we go outside
and see 'em?

Mr. Mattison, would you?
Come on, girls.

Right, you lot...
Oh!

...you got five minutes.
(ALL CHEERING)

Be good!
Yeah, we will, sir.

Oh, we will.

Nikki.

Can I have a word?

So, you could be
out of here next week.

You haven't got Fenner around
to screw up your appeal.

Nothing stopping you,
right?
Oh, I'm not stopping.

I'm gonna set up the mother
of all campaign groups.

Fight the whole
bastard system.

So, we're not gonna get
rid of you that easily then?

I'm hoping you won't want to.

I think I know what I want.

When you're free.

♪ I'm gonna be there

♪ That's a promise
I won't break

♪ I'm gonna be there

♪ Watching over
every move you make

♪ This is my life,
I'm living it

♪ This is your life

♪ Keep giving it
everything you can

♪ And I'm gonna be there

(FIREWORKS)
(CHEERING)

Ah, it's beautiful,
innit?

Oh, come on, Nik.

Look, when one of us
gets out of here...

BOTH: She gets out for
all of us.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Yeah!
Yes!

♪ All our tomorrows
start today

♪ Gotta throw those fears
and doubts away

♪ 'Cause nobody tells you
who you are

♪ The past can't hurt us now

♪ It's gone

♪ This is a time for moving on

♪ So don't hold back
now we've come so far

♪ And we all know
just how hard it can be

♪ When you're facing that
10-foot wall

♪ But if you all stand
together with me

♪ We're gonna see it fall

♪ I'm gonna be there
♪ I'm gonna be there

♪ I will be the first in line

♪ I'm gonna be there
♪ I'm gonna be there

♪ I'm going out
and taking back what's mine

♪ This is my life,
I'm living it

♪ This is my life,
I'm giving it everything I can

♪ To make it good

♪ I have plans and
I have dreams

♪ Though maybe some of them
are just crazy schemes

♪ But still I wanna try
to be someone

♪ Just give me a chance
and I'm gonna take it

♪ To escape from this cycle
and break it

♪ I wanna show them why
I am someone

♪ And when I make it
out of this place

♪ From the moment
I walk through that door

♪ Whatever shit life
throws in my face

♪ I am not gonna take any more

♪ I'm heading on my way
to where I want to be

♪ On a beach
♪ With our kids

♪ Kicking sand from our shoes

♪ There's a bar
♪ There's a bar where I'm
singing the blues

♪ Getting wasted
on cheap foreign booze

♪ But if that is the life
I choose

♪ If that is the life I choose

♪ I'm gonna be there

♪ I've got to be there

♪ I'm gonna be there

♪ I wanna be

♪ There

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Sorry, girls...

But it looks like
my cab's arrived.

(LAUGHING)
(WHISTLING)

Denny...

Fancy a ride?

Wicked, man!

Take this and you get
yourself on board.

Hey, Nikki...

Say sorry to
Miss Stewart for me.

Tell her...

Tell her I'd love to stay
and help,

but I'm just a bit too old
for all of that bollocks...

(LAUGHING)

...and I am doing my time

in Spain!

(CHEERING)

Oi, Den, where the hell
do you think you're going?

She's going home!

(ALL CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

♪ We're on the A-list
Come on!

♪ Come out and play list

♪ We won't stop till we drop

♪ 'Cause we're
on the top tonight

♪ Hey, mister,
don't turn out that light

♪ Whoo!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)