Bad Behaviour (1993) - full transcript

[music playing]

He's here now.

It's for you.

Hiya.

Hiya.

When did you get back?

Last night.

Was it brilliant?

Oh, fabulous.

You should have been there.

So what did you do?



Oh, what didn't I do?

What a city-- stunning.

Listen, I've got to go,
because I've got a class.

Have you seen [inaudible] yet?

Fat chance, no.

How about Thursday?

No, Thursday is no good.

Gerry has got a planning
meaning in the evening.

He can cancel a meeting.

He can't really.

What if you were ill?

He'll have to cancel then.

Well, I'm not ill, am I?

When was the last
time you went out?



Last time I saw you, I think.

Give us a ring tomorrow.

Yeah, I'll do my best.
I'll do my best.

LINDA: Ciao.
- Bye.

You look terrific.

Hi, Roy.

That's nice parking, Howard.

It's more like a garden shed
than it is a back extension.

If we don't knock it
down, it will fall down.

Yeah, don't worry
about that, Roy.

Just come up here.

I want to show you something.

How much did you pay for it?

A lot of money--

bathroom-- kitchen--
wall in here.

Pull this wall back--

that's the entrance--
a little doorway here.

How wide is it?

Hey, you're on.

[beeping]

1,046.

What's that in meters?

[beeping]

321.

You flash bastard.

I'm going to need an
estimate for the conversion,

but before you do that, can you
give me a price of rebuilding

that back extension?

ROY: I'll get Ray to
come and have a look,

but it'll work out cheaper if
he prices up the whole lot.

Yeah, no, you get him to, uh,
look at the extension first.

It's your money, Howard.

We'll need some plans.

- Mom?
- Uh-huh?

I'm bored.

MAN: Look out!

[crash]

[yelling]

JOEY: What's that?

I don't know.

Shit.

Bring the thing upstairs.

MICHAEL: Oh, shut up, Jake.

Boys, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Michael--

[buzzer]

Oh, hi.

Hiya, Howard.

I've, uh, come to pick
Jake up, but I'm a bit early.

That's OK.

Come in.

He's upstairs.

I'll go and get him.

Uh, is it OK if I
use your bathroom.

Sure.

Through there.

HOWARD: All right, cheers.

Jake.

Jake.

Jake.
- Yeah?

ELLIE: Jake.

your dad is here.

I'll come in a minute then.

And Mike, I want all that
stuff back in your room.

I'm doing it now.

ELLIE: Yeah, well do it quicker.

JOEY: Ow!

Oh, hi.

Hi.

What are you looking at?

Well, I noticed
there was a couple

of cracks in your bathroom.

So I was just checking
to see if I could

see anything on the outside.

Well, it at least
has a a shift--

a bottom clay, you see?

Yeah.

So are you in
the building trade?

Yeah, indirectly.

Lovely place.

Mhm.

How long have you been here?

About 15 years.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Yeah, yeah, that
would be good.

Do you mind if I ask
you a personal question?

What?

How do you use this?

Potato peeler?

Yeah.

You peel.

Show me.

HOWARD: Oh, yeah, You
do it the wrong way too.

Sorry?

May I?

You see, this implement is
designed to be, uh, used

away from the body.

You were doing it
towards the body.

Probably because I'm Irish.

Yeah.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Howard Spink.

Say it again.

Hold on.

What?

Yeah, where.

Yeah, all right, I'll, uh, yeah,
I'll come over in about, uh,

15 minutes.

[beep]

Look, I'm sorry about this.

I'm afraid I've
got to shoot off.

Something's come up.

Ah, yeah, those are the cracks
I was, uh, talking about.

Yeah, well, there's
movement, you see?

Yeah I could be subsidence.

So you should get it looked at.

Yeah, well, I've been
meaning to do something

about that room for ages.

Uh, actually, I
know some people

who could handle that for you.

ELLIE: Really?

Yeah, a local company--
a number of those.

Do you know them?
- No.

Jake.

They any good?

Yeah, yeah, very good.

I'll get them to
give you a call.

- Well, I can give him a ring.
- No, no.

It's all right.

I'll get them to call you.

Jake!

JAKE: [inaudible]?

No.

[dialing]

Hello, Roy, Howard Spink.

Yeah, listen, I've got a little
job I'd like you to know about.

[buzzer]

How are you, Jess?

Hey, Rosie.

Are you busy?

Um, no, no.
Come in.

Come in.
Come in.

[music playing]

So how is things?

Fine.

You're not fine, are you?

I know, Ellie, I
don't know what to do.

I mean, you know,
I'm just trying

to keep my head above water
and hang onto my self-respect.

What's happened?

I went to the solicitor.

And?

He's not going to get access,
not while that woman's there.

That's final.

Jess, don't you think
that's a bit unrealistic.

I mean, they live together.

Ellie, why am I
out there working,

you know, and she's
living in my house?

JESS: I mean, they
won't be long.

ELLIE: How do you know that?

JESS: Because I know him.

ELLIE: I mean, maybe this
time is going to different.

What are you saying?
She's miss perfect?

ELLIE: Hiya.

Hiya.

Some grapes there.

Oh, thanks.

OK?

Yeah.

ELLIE: Do you want a cup of tea?

GERRY: No.

I'm fine.

Is your woman away?

Yeah.

What's eating you?

Your dinner is
going to be late.

[sigh]

There was half the population
of North London around here

for tea this afternoon.

Howard came around, Jake's dad.

He was having a pee.

Has he got no
toilet of his own?

And when he came out, he
told me that the house was

falling down around our ears.

There were cracks
in the ceiling.

The lying bastard.

This house is in mint condition.

Bloody isn't.

It's on the run,
shifting down the hill.

There was a bit of
movement, but it's settled.

There was a wee bit of a slope.

It starts about just
summer, but ahhhhh ohhh!

Help!

Throw me down a crampon.

I'm trying to get back up there.

ELLIE: Gerry.

Now, we have to do something.

You recommended some builders.

I'm going to get them
around to do an estimate.

Big Gonch.

What does he know
about anything?

So what's for dinner?
Nothing?

When was there ever
nothing for dinner.

It's all right.

We can get a takeaway.

Is there any chance of a
drink around here, is there?

GERRY: Yeah, sure.

What do you want?

What's for dinner, mom?
I'm starving.

GERRY: Nothing.

[music playing]

I think I might ask Rosie
to do some babysitting.

Why?

Are you thinking
of going somewhere?

Are you thinking of taking me?

No, I don't mean the evenings.

I mean the afternoons.

Then I could have a
bit of time to myself.

Joey is old enough to come
home from school himself,

you know?

What?

GERRY: Mmm.

Put a wee key around his neck.

I did it.
ELLIE: At 7:00?

Yeah.
ELLIE: Go away

I did.

Oh, I can just see
Betty letting you run

around the streets of Belfast.
HOWARD: Well, she did it.

With your poor wee chest.

I don't think that's very fair
bringing up my chest like that.

[inaudible].

You were right.

Joe-- Joey.

What?

ELLIE: Go home and put
on your pajamas, please.

But it isn't time yet.

Just put your pajamas on.

[gunshot sound]

Joey, don't put
that in your mouth.

It's bad for you.

Why?

What does it do?

Ah, well, I use it when I--

I want to become
a superhero, OK?

Right?

Here's me at work.

Does that look like me?

JOEY: A bit.

Gee, thanks.

OK, I'm working.

There's my plans, yeah?

Nobody's very
enthusiastic about it.

So it makes me mad.

Oh.

So I have a go on
my bronchodilator.

Gasp.

Weeze.

Ah, the hands are shaking.

See them shaking there?

JOEY: Yeah.

Ah, the heart just
pounding, and I turn it into--

Paddy Plan-It.

Get it?

What's that say?

"Trapped in a
world of his making."

GERRY: "Not of his making."
JOEY: "Not of his making."

GERRY: Yeah.
Very good.

What does this really do?

Well, if-- you
know what it does?

If I have a wheeze, yeah?

I take a wee puff on that.

It makes me feel better.

Why do you get a wheeze?

Well, I don't know.

It's just something
I've always had.

Will I get one?

Nah, you'll be all right.

You would have had it by know
if you were going to get it.

GERRY: [inaudible].

Well-- well, uh, I don't
want to be rude about him,

but um, like he--

he's a bit long-winded, he?

It Rita, I tell you
what here, I'll uh--

I'll call up and see on my
way home this evening, OK?

Yeah?

OK.

And between now and
then just you relax.

Put your feet up.
No.

OK.
No problem.

Right.
Thanks a lot.

Bye.
Bye.

Sorry to interrupt.

Um, I've got to be downstairs.

I should have been on the
inquiry desk about a half

an hour ago.

It doesn't matter.

If they-- if they need you,
they'll phone up for you.

Oh, right, well,
this is a draft

for the planning committee.

Could you just check it over?

I just want to make sure
I've got everything in there.

Yep.

And, um, I have a
problem, because we have

no photographs at the moment.

And I've just been
on to Grendel.

And she says environment
and design can't do anymore.

So I don't when I'm going to
do it, but at some point today,

I'm going to have
to go down there

and take some photographs,
because I can't do it tomorrow.

Well, uh, I have to--

I have to go up there this
evening to see Rita so I can

do some snaps going up there.

Yeah?

Yeah, no problem.

Brilliant.

Um, all right.

OK.

I'll be down at the desk.

All right.

Ron, have you got the camera?

Back in the drawer, I think.

[music playing]

Hello.

- Hello, can I help you?
- It's Joe.

How are you today?

I'm fine, thank you.

OK.

I called up earlier
to ask about planning

applications on a house in
Mills Road, Cavendish Town.

Uh, could I have a look at that?

Yeah, have you got
the application number?

Yeah, it's, uh, 9300354.

ASSISTANT: Oh, just
a second please.

[music playing]

GERRY: Would you mind
just stepping out?

Oh.

Sorry.

GERRY: Unless you'd like
me to take your photograph,

would you?
- Oh, no, no.

Would you?
Go in.

No.

No.

[camera shutter]

I mean, it's not a big
piece of land, is it?

She's uh, she's
calmed down now.

Yeah, she's feeling much better.

I do agree with her
though that, uh,

I think there should be
an independent voice heard

at that meeting, and, uh,
well, I'd be more than

happy to speak on their behalf.

Do you think that would
be a good idea, Gerry?

Not particularly.

PRIEST: But there
is a group of people

who are saying that
the local community are

against this site.

And, well, that's not true.

And I think there
should be somebody

there speaking for them.

There will be somebody
speaking for them.

The planning department
is going to recommend this

as a permanent
site for travelers.

I appreciate that.

But, um, well, I think--

I think if my voice was the one
heard speaking on their behalf,

then, uh, well, I think it
would support your case.

I don't think it's necessary.

But suit yourself.

If you really want to speak,
you should contact John Clark.

He's the chairman of that
particular planning committee.

But I don't think you'd
get very far with him.

Bye, bye.

Say hello to Mrs. McAllister.

GERRY: I usually do.

ROY: We'll have to fit that
cupboard into the old one, see?

ELLIE: Yeah, yeah.

It's a shame
[inaudible], isn't it?

That's why the chair is there.

And it should be round there.

But it won't fit.

Oh, hiya.

Hiya.

This is my husband, Gerry.

Roy Nunn.

How do you do?

[inaudible].

Ah, listen, I'll--

I'll leave you to it, OK?

All right.

I'm just getting an estimate.

Oh, yes.

Now, it has to be done.

Oh, yes.

He's very nice.

Oh, well, that's the most
important thing, isn't it?

ELLIE: Well, you
know what I mean.

How can you be fair?

I thought we'd, um, replace the
sink in the loo when we're out.

What with?

With more modern appliances.

Oh, yes.

Well, it's horrible there.

It's all right for a
flying visit, I suppose--

a bit rough for "War and Peace."

You're desperate.

ROY: All right, Mrs.
McAllister, I'll figure my sums,

and I'll, um, drop that round
to you in a couple of days.

ELLIE: Great.

Cheerio then.

Thanks a lot.

Bye.

Looks all right to me.

Out of the way.

That's a nice wee toilet--

if you cleaned it
a bit more often.

- What did you say?
- It was a joke.

It was a joke.
It

Better have been.

[inaudible].

A joke of very bad
taste, let me tell you.

[cough].

Oh, mom.

Oh, the smoke.

We don't need the candle.

It's not for the light.

This place is a mess.

Have you eaten?

No.

Why not?

Because I'm not hungry.

Go eat, mom.

Should i make you something?
- I don't want anything.

Where have you been?

At homework club.

Homework club
finished at 7 o'clock.

Where have you been?

I just told to.

Rosie, the homework club
finished two hours ago.

Now where have you
been since then?

To get a kebab.

Who with?

Karly.

Are you telling me the truth?

Yeah.

- You're not, are you?
- Yeah.

No you're not, Rosie.

I can see it in your eyes.

It doesn't take two
hours to eat a kebab.

Now where have you been?

I've told you.

You're lying to me, Rosie.

[music playing]

NARRATOR: Paddy Plan-It
and his sidekick son

once again battle
against the evil,

gentrifying forces
within Nellie.

What's that?

Mind your own business.

I'll say it when the time comes.

I know what it is?

Oh, do you, smarty?

[inaudible]

ELLIE: Where's mine?

Still in the bottle.

You a lush or something?

Ha, that's the pot
calling the kettle black

if ever I heard it.

[music playing]

Do you think we'll live here
for the rest of your lives?

How would I know?

Do you though?

How would I know?

I don't think I could bear it.

Good night.

Do you never
think about moving?

GERRY: Where do you want to go?

Milton Keynes?

You know where I want to go.

Do you ever think about it?

GERRY: Of course
I think about it.

What do you think about it?

GERRY: I like the idea
of it, but it's more

complicated than it sounds.

Why?

GERRY: Well, I wouldn't
get a job in Dublin.

They put up
buildings in Dublin.

Yeah, with a
planning permission.

Why do you want to go home?

Because I can't
bear the idea of being

here for another 40 years.

You'd be lucky to
get another 40 years.

Oh, thanks.

Are you all right?

I don't know what's
the matter with me.

I don't seem to be doing
anything that I want.

You know, I'm half
doing the bookshop.

I'm half doing home.

Well, what do you want to do?

I don't know
what I want to do.

Well, there's a start.

Well, what would you
think if I started doing

full days at the bookshop?

OK, for me, fine, no problem.

And your flextime could cope
with picking up Joey, and doing

all the shopping, and all that?

You know it wouldn't.

Yeah, I know it wouldn't.

This is hopeless.

Do you want to go
downstairs for a cup of tea?

No, I don't want to go
down and get a cup of tea.

What brought all
of this on, anyway?

You know when you
get an asthma attack?

GERRY: Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's
how I'm feeling.

I feel I can't breathe and
panicking all the time.

Do you want to
go on the puffer?

It can't be the menopause.

I'm too young.

Mind you, I've heard you can
get the menopause in your 30s.

Oh, well, that
will be it then.

I'm going to sleep.

GERRY: So well for you.

I'm wide awake now.

[clock ticking]

[alarm]

What's this one
named Kaftputtson?

Uh, I don't know
about that one.

Just ring the bell.

Not another soap
dodger I hope, Howard.

What's this 82-A Wilmot Road?

Oh, yeah, what's the name?

Kennedy.

Oh, yeah, Mrs. Kennedy.

She's a single parent, leaking
window frames, I think.

ROY: Nice, is she?

I don't know.

I haven't met her.

I'll do that one.

And Mrs. Greggson.

It's got here "pain."

Oh, yeah, old Mrs. Greggson--
that's because she's a pain.

You just have to, uh, give
everything a close inspection,

but make sure you
don't find anything.

Ray will do that one.

Old ladies love him.

Has he, um, done
that estimate yet?

No, but he was around
here this morning.

HOWARD: What do you think
that's going to come out as?

I don't know.

30,000, 32,000?

Yeah, it'd be
really good for me.

And I could-- be
maybe about 45,000?

Well, I'll have
to see the estimate.

These things can be adjusted.

By the way, Howard.

Ray's been on my back
about monies due.

And he says you're
in [inaudible].

Shit, well, you can
handle Ray, can't you?

He's my partner.

I've got to listen to what
he has to say sometimes.

Well, what's 1,200
pound between friends?

Look, you can have
that money tomorrow,

if you're not desperate.

I don't want to put
any pressure on you.

I know times are hard and
all that-- but if you can.

The sooner we get
the estimate process,

the sooner everybody
gets in on it.

[inaudible].

OK.

Yes, there's, um, quite an
interest in the attendance of,

uh, of interested parties.

I'd like to shift the order of
business about a bit if I may

and take item number 11b, which
you'll find in your papers.

And it's to do with the,
uh-- the Travelers camp

site, which is at the
junction of Randall

Street and Bassett Road.

Thank you, Jeff.

This is a vacant site
on the corner of Randall

Street and Bassett Road.

Um, there's little
recent history.

Uh, it was cleared
for many years

but has been occupied
for the last three years

by a family of Travelers,
who have become

part of the local
community and whose

children attend local schools.

At the moment-- at
the moment, there

are nine vans on the site.

This would be reduced to
four pitches in compliance

with DOE standards of 6
meters between vehicles

if the site was to
become permanent.

"Martha ran, and shut the
door, and turned the key.

But before she did, they both
heard the sound of a door

in some far passage
shutting with a bang.

And then everything was quiet.

For even the wind ceased
weathering for a few moments."

Yeah, I think we could, um,
we could put this vote now.

So, uh, could I first of all
see all those who were in favor

of the planning
department's recommendation

for a 10-year tenure--

and those against it.

Cheers.

Victory is ours.

[chink glasses]

It was a pretty grubby
little victory then, isn't it?

Why?

The subtext thing is
that there is really

a conflict there
between the housing

association and the council.

Oh, so you're saying it
wasn't my brilliant speech

and persuasive arguments that--

Oh, no, no, there is no
doubt that was the centerpiece

of the entire evening, you
know, the admirable delivery

of your deposition--

Good.

The dress, and the
lipstick, and, yeah, I mean,

that will live on
in the annals of--

Of planning history.

Planning-- planning history--

wonderful.

I don't understand about
the housing association

and the councillors then.

Well is that the council don't
like the housing association,

because they want to build
sordid, little functional

buildings for the homeless.

Whereas, you know,
the council wants

to have a nice, little
gentrified conservation

area for themselves.

Oh, you cynical old git.

Nothing cynical.

That's outrageous.

That's not cynical at all.
It's absolutely realistic.

It is.

The fact is at this
stage, local government

as an instrument for social
change is completely fu-ucked.

Yeah, all right.

But the work that we've
done in the last couple

of weeks and tonight has
had a direct impact on--

on people's lives.

Yeah, I know you're right.
You're right.

I take it all back.
You're right.

No, no.
I couldn't agree with you more.

[inaudible] potato?

Hey, yeah, do
you like potatoes?

- Yeah.
- Patatas bravas.

WINIFRED: Who is he
you are looking for?

ELLIE: I can't get
away from something--

the first major love
affair It was a disaster.

I felt claustrophobic
in Dublin after that.

And?

I have never told you this,
but when I left university,

I had this notion that I might
earn my living by writing--

a very naive, romantic notion.

So what happened?

Gerry happened really.

I was hardly off the boat.

I was fully convinced
that by the time I was 30,

I'd been mortgaged off with
a husband and two kids.

So what did you do
right that I did wrong?

Fell in love with a bloke
who fell off his pushbike.

What?

What do you mean?
- He was killed.

He wasn't.

What happened?

Sorry I laughed.

Well, he was at
these traffic lights,

and the lorry behind
him didn't see him,

and the green light went
on go and mowed him down.

God, you must've
been devastated.

Mmm.

It took a minute or
two to get over it.

So here I am--

the embodiment of your dream.

Shit.

I don't want to
go to bed tonight.

They are going to
fucking stay open I

am going to get really fucking
smashed out of my brain.

And I'm not going to bother
going to work in the morning.

Oh, yeah.

No, I'm not.

Who wants to go to work?

Well, maybe you should
think about, um, going back.

Yeah, but I get
the bill though.

So you're going to
get good and drunk?

Yeah, well, I'll get the
bill, and I'll get a drink.

Can we-- can I have the bill?

Did, um, Ronnie tell
you about the salsa night?

Well, I heard some
rumor about it, yeah.

Are you going to go?

We have to, don't we?

I think you do, yeah.

You going?

Yeah, of course I am.

It's great.

We're drinking.

We're dancing.

Yeah, well, I'm into
drinking, but, uh, you know,

Belfast men don't dance.

Oh, no.

No.

That's a known fact.

"California businessman, 43,
handsome, tall, fit, Aquarius,

DWM--

very successful."

Done It with Mother?

Dreads Women Menstruating?

More likely, yeah.

Just here, mate.

OK, thanks, listen, I'll
give you some money for that.

OK?
- No, no.

That's too much.
- No, no.

That's OK.
That'll do.

You're going to need that much.

OK?
- OK, thanks.

- Thanks a lot.
- OK.

- See you.
- Bye.

Bye, bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hiya.

Hiya.

Having a drink?

Certainly are.

Right.

Three to go.

ELLIE: Can you give me a call?

WINIFRED: Yeah, sure.

[inaudible]

ELLIE: [inaudible]

Your woman away?

Yeah.

How was the meeting?

Yeah, it was good.

What happened?

Eh, got it through.

She passed.

Why aren't you more excited?

That's terrific.

Just another day in
the life of a planner.

Did you eat?

Well, I had a couple
of clingfilm sandwiches.

You're breaking my heart.

Yeah, it was
pretty sad all right.

We had your bolognese sauce.

It was delicious.

Well, you're the one that
taught me how to make it.

Well, you managed
to get rid of Winifred

in just under five minutes.

That's amazing.

Why didn't you come
up and join us?

GERRY: I just did.

Yeah, when you
hear the door bang.

I went downstairs
to get myself a drink,

and I came straight back up.

And you arrived like
spectre at the bloody feast,

and you cast a pall over
the entire proceedings.

Now, don't tell me that wasn't
deliberate, because it was.

Don't be dopey.

Have you any idea of the
effect you have on people?

Do you have this effect
on people at work?

Oh, no, of course, they all
love you to distraction at work,

don't they?

Yeah, uh, they all
have folders of me

above their desks.

They think I'm fab.

Did you go drinking with them?

Some drink was taken.

Look, what are you
picking on me for, Nellie?

You know perfectly
well I'm picking on you.

You're making a lot
of fuss about nothing.

Oh, listen, I'm going to bed.

I've had enough of this.

Nay.

[music playing]

Listen, would you just admit
that you did it on purpose?

Just admit it.

Fuck off, Nellie.

God, it's like coming
up against a brick wall.

Either you deny it or
you make a joke about it.

Give him a hair
piece, will you, Nellie?

Why do you call me Nellie?

I've always called you Nellie.

Yeah, but why do
you call me Nellie?

Because I love you.

Yeah, I suppose you do.

[video game sounds]

[buzzer]

- Hello, mate.
- Hi.

Can you get your mom?

Yeah, mom.

It's not today, is it?

Yeah, today is the day.

Right.

We'll get this
stuff through, eh?

Sure.

Yeah, I'd completely
forgotten you're coming today.

I'm sorry.

Um, we're running a bit late.

Come on through.

The bathroom.

OK.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Where is the bathroom?

How do you mean
where is the bathroom?

The one we're working on.

Well, it-- it's there.

Thanks.

Gerry.

Huh?

The builders are here.

Oh, what?

ELLIE: They are here today.

GERRY: Oh, no.

It's 8 o'clock, Gerry.

Will you get up?

It is not 8 o'clock--

10 fucking minutes to 8:00.

You're loud like a cheap watch.

ELLIE: Will you
get out of the bed?

Ah, clo-- will you-- close
the curtains, will you?

Is this where
the cupboard goes?

No, it's going in the garden.

I'll go and get those shelves.

I won't be long.

RAY: Yeah, you do that.

ROY: Mrs. McAllister.

ELLIE: Yes.
ROY: I'm off.

ELLIE: What?

You've just arrived.

I'm off to get some gear.

I've left Ray on the job.

Ray who?

REPORTER (ON TV): Two councils
are joining forces to take

on the council department.

You won't me to get rid
of these towels, right?

But-- you've just gone.

Clever bugger, ain't I?

That's Roy.

I'm Ray.

Twins?

Well, holy divine god--

yes, all those tiles have to go.

Can I have money for school?

What?

My 2 pounds.

I haven't got.

Go and ask your
father for 2 quid.

And tell him to
get out of the bed.

You want to put
this somewhere safe.

You want a cup of tea?

Oh, that would be lovely.

MICHAEL: Dad.

Oh, what do you want?

Got any money?

Oh, god, what do
you want money for?

I need money for school.

GERRY: [inaudible].

[pounding]

What is going on down there?

What is all this noise?

[crash]

MICHAEL: The builders have come.

GERRY: Oh, Jesus Christ.

[pounding]

It's in the hall.

Yes, in the hall.

In the hall.

[hammering]

There you go.

Thank you.

He hasn't got any.

He hasn't got-- well, I
haven't got any, darling.

Listen, you wouldn't have
only 2 quid, would you?

I'll give it to you later.

There you go.

Oh, thanks a million.
There you go, darling.

OK, go, bye.

[hammering]

Have you seen it?

What?

Oh.

Where's my English book?

Red book.

[crash]

GERRY: Jesus Christ!

What the fuck is
going on down there?

In the name of Jes--

oh, [inaudible].

Will you please stop
that-- stop that hammering.

I'm asking you please,
look, give me 10 minutes--

10 minutes.

Just stop it for 10 minutes.

And then you can start.

Oh, Jesus Christ--

[video game sounds]

Oh, god.

Joey, should you not be
getting ready for school?

No.

GERRY: Why not?

It's not time yet.

[inaudible] Christ.

I hope I didn't drink
all that whiskey.

Did you drink
all that wine too?

Oh, no, son.

I'm not a complete pig.

No, your mother drank the wine.

I think she's a bit of a lush.

Do you know what would
be [inaudible] Joey?

What?

Go and get a wee drink
of water, will you?

REPORTER (ON TV): Or is as the
Commission for Racial Equality

says, this whole
thing is distasteful.

I'm really sorry
about all that shouting.

He's feeling a big
frail this morning.

It's all right,
don't worry about it.

Thanks

Um, where's your stopcock.

Oh, god, I don't know
where my stopcock is.

It's all right.

I'll find it.

Thanks a million.

Listen, you haven't seen
my eldest, have you?

Eldest what?

My eldest--

Thanks very much, Joey.

You're a very good boy.

You're the best wee boy
in this whole house.

Are you sick?

No, have you seen
my puffer anywhere?

No.

Joey, would you
please go upstairs,

clean your teeth--
brush your hair.

Go on.
- I don't have to.

- Go on.
- Don't shout at him.

Did you drink that
amount of Irish last night?

Yeah, I think I must have.

Did you look upstairs?

I can't find it.

I found it.

GERRY: What?

Your puffer.

Oh, oh, thanks very much.

Where was it?

It was in your pocket
where it always is.

Oh, geez, I think
I'm going to be sick.

Oh.
Out of my way, mate.

I think I'm going to be sick.
- You're off.

I'm off.

Bye, darling.
I'll see you later.

GERRY: [vomiting]

HOWARD: Hi, Michael.

MICHAEL: Hello.

Hi, Howard.

What are you doing here?

Hi, Ellie. is Roy here?

I'm looking for him.

I don't know
which one is here.

You didn't tell me there was
a double version, did you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

And I can't tell
which one is which.

Well, Ray is the slow one.

Ray is the slow--

Ray or Roy, whoever you
are, Howard is here.

Ah, that's Ray.

Hi, Ray, where's Roy?

Ray, where's Roy?

I don't know.

He's gone out to get some gear.

Is he going to be long?

I don't know.

What are you doing here?

I came to see Roy.

[hammering]

Oh.

[inaudible] would you stop it?

[hammering]

Holy, Jesus, what
is going on here?

Please, stop that banging
till I get out of the house.

Morning Gerry.

Once I have gone, you can
knock the whole bloody place

down as far as I'm concerned.

Well, you said 10 minutes.

ELLIE: Will you please stop
roaring at them, please?

Sorry.
I'm sorry.

I've got a headache.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Yes, please.

Listen, I know I'm
still 3/4 pissed.

But am I seeing double.

I told you, there
are two of them.

They are interchangeable.

Ah, nice homely smell.

Do you want a
cup of tea, Howard?

Yeah, yeah, that
would be great.

How do you take it?

ah, Just a little
milk, no sugar.

Uh, everything OK
up there [inaudible].

Yeah, as long as no more
clones with hammers show up,

I'll be all right, thanks.

Little milk, no sugar.

Listen, I'm going to try
and raise Roy on the mobile.

Oh, that's a
good idea, Howard.

Listen, um, I'm very,
very sorry about last night.

You're a killer, you are.

[phone ringing]

Excuse me.

Roy Nunn?

Oh, hi, Roy,
it's Howard Spink.

Listen, what time are you
coming back to McAllister's?

I'm here.

Looks like I
got a hold of him.

You're Roy.

That's right.

Have I made you a cup of tea?

I don't think so, no.

Do you want a cup of tea?

I'd love a cup of tea.

- Can I have a word, Roy?
- Yeah.

Two sugars.
- Two sugars.

- Yeah, Ellie.
- What?

What is the creeping
Jesus doing here?

Ask him.

Howard, what are
you doing here?

Uh, I'm just leaving.

How many cups
of tea did I pour?

REPORTER (ON TV): He sends off.

A last minute goal
from Mark Hughes

gave Manchester United a
1-0 win over Crystal Palace.

But United lost their--

[phone ringing]

SOPHIE: Hi.

Hiya.

No rest for the wicked.

Oh, god, I can't face this.

How are you this morning?

OK.

A big knackered.

I'm in rag order.

I wasn't going to
come into work at all.

Only it's like Pearl Harbor
up in our house this morning.

Did you get home all
right last night?

Oh, I've got some
change for you.

Oh.

Oh, do you want a
coffee or something?

Oh, yeah, I'd love a coffee.

Do you want aspirin?

No, I've had some already.

OK, I'll get you a
coffee and a bucket.

Should I take that?

No, I'll just tape it there.

I-- I'll pretend.

Good morning, Gerry.

Thanks very much, Ronnie,
you big [inaudible].

Hold on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Put that in there.

[inaudible]

[music playing]

Rosie, is that you?

Hi, darling.

Hi.

How is things?
- All right.

How was school?

- OK.
- Was it?

Yeah.

Anything exciting happen?

No.

No.

You good with Rosie?

Mmm.
ELLIE: Mmm.

A little saint I'd say you are.

Off you go with Rosie.

Rosie.
Rosie.

Is it really all right?
- Yeah.

ELLIE: No problems?
- No.

ELLIE: Great.
I'll be down in a second.

[inaudible]

Boys, look at the flowers.

Yeah, lovely.

[inaudible] aren't you?

I just come out to pick
flowers the whole day, yeah.

[inaudible].

[inaudible] again.

Do you have any
good times together?

No.

Never?

Do you never go shopping or
out for a rave up or something?

No, she can't afford it.

So when's the court case?

She doesn't talk
to me about it.

Did they talk to
you about, you know,

why they are splitting up and--

They just said
they were separating.

She just blamed
dad all the time.

Very tough on you, isn't it?

Still, you can always come round
to our place if things get bad.

I like having a girl around--

several of those men ganging
up on me all the time.

I think you should
try and talk to her

and get her to listen to you.

I can't.

I hate her.

She needs to pull
herself together.

If she don't get help soon,
she's going to go crazy.

[inaudible] tomatoes.

We're going to get [inaudible].

Then we'll go and get a
Coke after that, all right?

Yeah.

Hey, Dennis.

Hi, Gerry.

Give us, uh, you know, four
pounds of the [inaudible].

You want spaghetti?

GERRY: Yeah, afraid do.

It's that time of the month--

and one [inaudible].
HOWARD: Hi, boys.

Hi.

Hi, Michael, how is your dad?

Who is this?

Jason.

Hi, Jason.

What's up then, boys?

Where's the camera?

What camera?

Video camera.

Where it always is.

What do you want it for?

JAKE: For practice.

HOWARD: To practice.

JAKE: To practice for
the film we're making.

- You're making a film?
- Yeah.

What's that then?
Some kind of school project?

The films then.

Creative film studies, yeah.

Oh, yeah, what's it about?

Bank robbery.

HOWARD: Which bank?

TSB.

Oh, right, that's a good one.

Who's the director?

It's me, isn't it, boss?

You?

What do you do, Mike?

I'm a bank robber.

Oh, right.
That's good.

That's good.

So, uh, have you got
some money to do this?

You got a budget and that?

You don't need a budget.

You do need a budget.

You don't.

We've got the camera--
the film.

No, you need some money.

You need a budget, because
you've got to have some money

to hire the camera equipment.

Look, I mean, just give us the
camera and stop messing around.

Thank you, Fabia.

Hiya.

Hiya.
How you doing?

Great.

And Gerry, this is Tricia.
- Hi.

- Hiya, Tricia.
- Hi.

Uh, this is my boy, Joe.

- Hiya.
- Hi, Joe.

We've been doing
a bit of Shopping.

Yeah, just a bit, yeah .

So should we sit
in the sun, Sophie?

Oh, yeah.

OK, right, then.
See you later.

Who are they?

That's Sophie.

She works in my office.

[inaudible].

[inaudible].

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

[inaudible].

[inaudible].

Waterproof.

[inaudible]

I'm jealous.

Hey.

A dummy.

[inaudible].

Is it all there?

[inaudible]

[inaudible]

Imagine that in your window.

How do you like?

Did you put jam in it?

Oh, yeah, I forgot the jam.

Yep, thank you.

[phone ringing]

ELLIE: Hiya.

Is this a bad time?

I was sleeping.

Sorry.

I woke you up, did I?

It's all right.

ELLIE: Listen, I can
see this is a bad time.

I'll go.

Oh, it's all right.

Are you OK?

I'm just tired of everything.

I was just going to suggest
that Rosie came a coup--

god, you look desperate.

Rosie has been
awful to me, Elllie.

She's rude and aggressive.

And now she's gone away now to
stay with Bob for the weekend.

And I just want to go
away somewhere on my own.

You two have been around.

She lies to me constantly
about where she's been,

who she's been with--
what she's been doing.

And now she's gone off to have
this great weekend with Bob,

and all I want to do is go to
the monastery, and I can't.

You want to go to a monastery?

Yes, and I can't
go because of Rosie.

ELLIE: If you wanted
to a monastery,

I mean, why didn't
you go this weekend?

Because it's a Buddhist
monastery in Hemel

Hempstead, and you have to book.

But I don't see the
problem, and if you wanted

to go to a monastery,
I mean, surely Rosie

can go and stay with a pal.

Yeah, well, she can
come and stay with us.

Well, of course she can
come and stay with us.

But I don't think that's
the answer, do you?

Yes, it is the answer.

It's exactly what I need.

Yeah, I wasn't
talking about you.

I was talking about Rosie.

I'm so grateful, Ellie.

Really, I am.

And you can't imagine what
it's been like for me,

you know, living
here in this dump.

It's so depressing.

Right.

Well, look, just let me know
the dates when you have Rosie.

I'm so grateful,
Ellie, I really am.

There's no need
to be grateful.

JESS: No, I am all grateful.

I mean, you don't know what
this is going to mean to me,

you know, it's going to
change my whole life.

ELLIE: Yeah, all right.

I can feel it.

Thanks, Ellie.

Thanks.

Thanks.
- Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

It's not Michael's--
it's not Michael's fault.

That is true.
He's had it three days running.

No, I haven't.
GERRY: Shut up, will you?

ELLIE: Listen, if you boys don't
stop fighting about that game.

I'm going to bury it.

Morning all.

Hi, Ray.

Hiya.

Um, here's your
milk and your letters.

Thanks a million.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Is it the one with
the perfume in it?

No, it's not the
one with the perfume.

Well, I'll have one then.

Oh, by the way, um, Roy
asked me to give this to you.

It's the second
installment of our bill.

OK.

Get yourself a mug,
and I'll pour you one.

Here's the rest of that film.

Any post for me?

Why?

Are you expecting something?

No.

GERRY: Look at all
these [inaudible].

That's why they pull down
rain forests, you know?

Do you want the bingo card?

ELLIE: Are there more
bathroom brushes?

I haven't got any
in the bathroom.

GERRY: Who are Get Holdings?

ELLIE: I don't know who
Get Holdings are, why?

GERRY: "Consultancy fee in
connection with building

work at 24 Layton Grove
per Nunn brothers."

123 quid?

Is that your bill?

No.

GERRY: No, you've got
his bill over there.

Well, so what's that?

"With best regards
from Howard Spink?"

Yeah, "H. Spink,
M. Spink, J. Spink--

getting it together for you."

Did you have a
consultation with Howard

Spink about the bathroom?

No.

I mean, he recommended the
Nunn brothers, that's all.

So what's the deal?
You get the Nunn brothers.

You get Howard Spink as well?

Believe me, Jerry.

It has nothing to do with us.

He said the, um, job
was a favor for friends.

Some favor, 123 quid.

Well, we're not
going to pay it.

Well, what are we going to do?

Just ring him and say
we're not going to pay it.

Oh, yeah, phone him
and tell him we're not--

- OK, I'll ring.
- No, give to me.

I'll do it.

Look.

Look, I'm sorry, Ellie,
but let me assure you

Howard's bill is not connected
with the Nunn brothers

in any way whatsoever.

No, it's not your
fault, uh, Ray.

He isn't there.

No one is there.

He's got one of those
bloody stupid mobile phones.

You haven't got the
number, have you?

I haven't got it on me.

I might have it in the van.

I'll go and have a look.

Thanks, Roy.

Ray.

I'm going kill him.

Don't say that in
front of the kids.

He's not going to
kill him, boys.

GERRY: Yes, I am.

I'm going to kill
him in front of.

Them I'm going to ritually
murder him on the table,

and cut off his cohones, and
sell him to the tapas bars

as a delicacy.

Did you know they
found out that when

the average American
male dies, he's

got five pounds of putrifying
red meat in his bowel?

Uggh.

Still?

Go eat your dinner.

And this guy knows
too many sandwiches

and fried breakfast in cafs.

[phone ringing]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Roy, it's Ray.

ROY (ON PHONE): What's up?

I'm at the McAllister's.

Did you know Howard
stuck in a bill

for 123 quid for a consultancy?

They are going
berserk down here.

Consultancy for what?

On the fucking
bathroom job we're doing.

Do you know anything about it?

I know nothing about it.

Well, let me tell you,
Gerry is doing this now.

They've tried phoning
him at his office,

but they've got no reply.

Now they want me to give
him his mobile number.

No, don't do that.

I said I haven't got it.

I said I'd look for it in van.

Listen, you stay out of it.

Give me five minutes.

I'll ring Howard to find
out what's going on.

You just keep out of the way.

Keep out of the way?

I'm right in the
middle of it down here.

Listen, I'm telling you,
in fucking five minutes,

they are getting that number.

[phone ringing]

HOWARD: Howard Spink.

GERRY (ON PHONE): Yeah, hi,
uh, it's Gerry McAllister here.

Oh, hi, Gerry,
how are you today?

Listen, I got a bill
from you this morning.

I can't hear you, Gerry.

GERRY (ON PHONE): What?

Uh, you're breaking up.

Breaking up?

You're breaking me up.

Ah, yeah, yeah, that's better.

It's not a bona fide bill.

We're not paying it.

And I want you to know
that you're out of order.

Uh, well, hold
on a minute, Gerry.

I mean, I came
over to your place.

I assessed the situation as I
saw it, and I passed on to you

the benefit of my
specialist knowledge.

GERRY (ON PHONE):
No, you didn't.

You only did what anybody
would do socially.

Huh, well, I'm afraid I don't
quite see it like that, Gerry.

Look, I-- I gave you
my professional advice.

You did not give me
any professional advice.

And as far as the bill goes, you
can whistle it for it, buster,

because I am very, very angry.

Gerry, I consider
you a friend.

I really don't want
to have to take

any legal measures on this.

GERRY (ON PHONE):
I beg your pardon.

Listen, I can play that game
too, you know, if I have to.

And believe me, I'll have
you on toast, you big ganch.

You're trying to take 123
good-looking smackers out

of my pocket.

Now, you may live like
that, buster, but I don't.

Oh, why don't we
have a drink and talk

about this in a friendly way?

I don't want to have a drink
with a you, you gobshite.

There's nothing to discuss.

Now, do you mind?

This is a business phone.

Oh, come on, Gerry.

I know exactly how you feel.

My grandmother was Irish.

I'm a Celt.

Ah, just knock off the
references to racial origins,

will you?

You big big, limy bastard.

I've got to go now.

This phone is needed for
urgent council business.

[whistle]

People like the
McAllister's have

got to understand that my
professional expertise has put

them in touch with the best
builders in North London,

and that's you.

And my skill has to be paid for.

I'm afraid Ray
doesn't see it that way.

HOWARD: Yeah, well, I'm very
worried about Ray's attitude

to this, I can tell you.

It seems to me he's taking their
point of view rather than ours.

I think he'd find
it a lot easier.

See?

Our point of view if that money
you owed us was forthcoming.

Oh, hi, Linda.

Oh, hi.

ROY: If you could see your
way to actually giving us it,

it'd get Ray off my back.

And life in the garden
would be rosy again.

Right.

Hey, Linda, you should meet Roy.

He's an identical twin.

Oh, really?

Hello.

I've got a friend who's
doing some really interesting

work on identical twins.

Are you still in contact?

Yeah, he's my brother.

We're partners.

We-- we do a little
bit of work for Howard.

Would you be interested in
helping my friend in his work?

No, no, no.

I don't think so, no.

Had enough of that at school.

We were forever being
dragged out of class

and stuck in the
library with some twerp

of an educational psychologist
and asked silly questions.

I remember once this bloke--

he had a packet of
Roundtree's fruit pastels,

and they were all black
like they are my favorites--

they Ray's.

I wish you wouldn't do that.

HOWARD: What is that?

Tell people I'm a twin.

It's all they ever
want to talk about.

Yeah, well, normally,
I wouldn't do that.

But you know, that's her field.

She's an educational
psychologist.

I'm an individual.

What exactly,
uh, you know, did

they want to talk about when
they gave you the black sweets?

Well, they were mostly
interested in the fact

that Ray is the eldest.

How do you mean the eldest?

He's 57 minutes
older than I am.

He got all the responsibility.

He used to get the
carry-to-dinner money

to school.

He had Thunderbird 1, like
that horrible green thing.

I used to have to get
in his dirty bathwater.

It got on my nerves.

You married?

Yeah, I'm married-- happily.

Got a little three-year-old
daughter called Elaine,

and I've got one on the way.

Oh, great.

When's it due?

Um, two weeks time.

Sure it's not twins?

No, we've had a scan, and
it's a definitely a singleton.

Hi, Ellie.

Oh, hi, Jess.

Hi.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Good.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

How are you?

Very well, thank you.

Nice to see you again.

Do you two know each other?

Yeah, now he's doing
some work down at my fat,

preparing the window frames.

Oh, that would be Roy.

I've got you a present.

Do you?

It's a remedy.

A remedy for what?

Well, it's a
remedy for despair.

I thought you looked really
depressed when you came around.

So I mixed this
up for you myself.

And what you do is you put about
three drops in a glass of water

and take it three
times a day, OK?

It's a gift.

Thank you.

JESS: It's also a
little thank-you present

for having Rosie
for the weekend when

I go away to the monastery.

Cheerio, ladies, I'm off now.

OK.

I'll say hello to Roy for you.

- OK.
- Bye.

Bye.

Have you talked to
Rosie about the weekend?

Well, I haven't actually
talked to her about it yet.

But, uh, it will be
fine, Ellie, I mean,

she adores coming
around here, you know?

She's quite miserable at
the moment, you know, Rosie.

Yes, yes, I
think you're right.

I think she is miserable.

But, uh, she's got an
awful lot on her plate

at the moment, Ellie.

No, I think she's
miserable, because she

feels cut off from you.

But how could she
feel cut off from me?

I mean, we're together
24 hours a day.

We're very close-- me and Rosie.

You know, I mean,
we're like friends.

We're like sisters almost.

Well, that's it's not
the impression I get.

Well, what has
she been saying?

I think that
she feels that you

are very angry at the moment.

Well, I am angry--

yes, but I'm not angry with her.

And you're angry with him.

Well, of course
I'm angry with him.

You'd be angry if you
were in my situation.

Well, maybe all this
anger is driving her away.

Look, Ellie, if
what you're saying

is you don't want Rosie to
come and stay, that's fine.

I understand that.

I know she can be
very difficult.

She's being a bit of a
problem at the moment.

She's not difficult at all.

That's not what I was saying.

Of course she can
come for the weekend.

Well, what are you saying?

Have you ever
thought of talking

to someone about your
feelings-- about Bob,

and Rosie, and all that?

I talk about it all the time.

I talk to my mother about it.

I talk to you about it.

No, I mean, someone
who's qualified to help.

You mean a doctor?

I'm not ill.

Well, maybe not a doctor.

I mean, there are lots of
people who are trained to help

someone in your situation--

counselors, therapists.

Ellie, I am not ill.

Well, you are not
exactly well, Jess.

I mean, the last time I
saw you, you were comatose.

It's fine for you,
isn't it, Ellie?

Sitting here in your fabulous
house with your perfect husband

and your wonderful children.

How would you know about
someone in my situation?

Well, I don't have to sit
here and be patronized by you.

I'll tell you something, Ellie.

In all the time
we've known other,

you've never once
thought about me--

my needs, my wants.

And I'll tell you
something else--

I don't need the help.

You need the help.

You need the help for your--

you selfish bitch.

Everything OK?

No, it's not.

Uh, is Ellie in.

[buzzer]

A friend of yours?

Oh, hello, Howard.

HOWARD: Hi, Ellie.

Uh, is Ray here?

No, he's gone.

Ah, right, OK.

Well, listen, uh, I've
been speaking to Gerry,

and he seems he's overreacted
to me sending in his bill.

I don't think he's
overreacted one bit.

HOWARD: Uh, well,
I think he has.

He was very abusive
to me on the phone.

He actually called me gobshite.

You see, I don't think you
understand quite the way

things are done in this town.

You obviously haven't
had any work done

on your house for some time.

And I think you have to
understand that if you want

access to certain
facilities, then

you have to pay for my services.

Listen, Howard, I don't want
to talk about this anymore.

Yeah, I have to
collect this money.

I owe it to my family.

It is my living.

Oh, don't give me that.

Right, well, I
already spoke to Gerry

and told him that I may have to
have recourse to legal action.

I just wanted to
tell you that if I

say I'm going to do that,
then I will definitely do it.

You haven't got a
legal leg to stand on.

Well, I think I have.

But apart from that,
uh, I think you should

consider your reputation.

I don't think it would be
a good thing for Michael

if you are known as
the type people who

don't pay their bills.

Exactly what are
you threatening?

Oh, I'm not
threatening anything.

But you know how kids talk.

Howard, you are a gobshite.

Hey, Pascal.

PASCAL: Hello, boss.

Give me one of
those Budweisers.

Cheers.

2.

So what have the
McAllisters done to upset you?

Well, we just had
a bit of an argument.

You seemed very hurt.

Yes, I am.

Do you want to
tell me about it?

Well, it's personal really.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I mean, I just don't like
other people telling me

how to run my life, you
know, especially when

I don't know anything about it.

Yeah, right, me neither.

So, um, what was your trouble?

Well, not to put too
fine a point on it.

They owe me some money.

What for?

I organized some work
being done on their house.

In the bathroom?

Yeah, right.

Roy and Ray.

The Nunns.

Have you met them?

Yeah, well, one of them, Roy,
he's done some work on my flat.

Oh, right.

Where is that exactly?

Wilmot Road.

82-A?

Yeah.

Howard Spink?

I'm your landlord.

[inaudible].

Hello.

How are you?

What a small world.

And you are?

I'm Jess.

Jess.

Um--

Jess Kennedy.

Kennedy, right.

Yes, uh, a slightly
strange situation.

Um, I don't get to meet people.

So it's very nice to meet
a tenant in the flesh.

What was Roy doing
around your place?

Oh, he's mending
my window frames,

because they're rotting.
- All right.

Everything OK?

Yeah, he's done a
bit of work on it,

and, um, he says he's going
to come back and finish it.

Yeah.

Says a special priority
on 82-A and Wilmot Road.

That is Mrs. Kennedy.

Miss.

Miss Kennedy per
Roy Nunn, check

the window frames are in order.

We'll take care of that for you.

Thanks.

What are you doing now?

Well, actually, I'm
working in the natural health

center just down the road.

No, I mean, you know, where
are you going this afternoon.

I'm just going home.

Well, I'm going
to go up your way.

So maybe I could give
you a ride and maybe

pop in and have a
look at the flat

and give me an opportunity
to see things first hand.

Is that a good idea?

OK.

All right.

Excuse me.

Do you have a pound coin?

Um, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks.
- All right.

I'll be a second.

You banged them walls, right?

Yeah, right.

I knock nails in
the pieces of wood,

and behold, there's a cupboard.

What does he do?

He gets his work.

That's what he does.

He owes us 1,200 quid.

That's what he does.

He sends nasty little bills
to his so-called friends.

That's what Howard does.

Roy, come on.

I've told you before.

His bill to the McAllisters
has nothing to do with us.

He gives the Nunn
brothers a bad name

being involved with him.

Are you a complete idiot?

Don't get personal--

business is business.

What about that estimate?

He's using our name to nick
untold amounts of money

from the building society.

And he's moving it from one
dodgy account to another.

He has no intention of
doing that extension

or to put in any money our way.

Don't get so wound up.

I can deal with him.

And there's another thing
I don't like about him.

He don't talk to me properly,

Oh, don't be silly.

He talks to me as
if I was an inmate

of Rampton Mental Hospital.

And if I am the
intelligent one, where

does that leave, you, Roy?

I'm going to sort him out.

HOWARD: Shit.

Yeah, OK, OK, I'll be there.

JESS: Did you get some bad news?

HOWARD: No, no.

It's just business [inaudible].

JESS: How about you come later?

HOWARD: Hey, listen,
it was [inaudible].

JESS: Yeah, yeah, it was.

HOWARD: I'll bill you.

JESS: OK.

Excuse me.

[door slam]

RAY: Roy, why don't
you come with us?

I can't.

I've got to go home.

Then I've got to
got to Earl's Court.

I'm going anyway.

You suit yourself.

I'll see you tomorrow.

[scream]

Hey, Roman Polanski,
what are you planning?

[inaudible]

Hello, what are you doing?

What is this bloody noise?

What are you doing?

Look, I've got most of it.

It's not going to come down.
Look at it on the camera.

- Get it out.
- Look, just a minute.

Mrs. Spink?

Yes.

Is Howard in?

No.

Any idea when he'll be back?

About 8:00 or 9:00, I suppose.

No, do you want to
leave a message?

Yeah, you can tell him
that Gerry McAllister called.

I'm Michael's father.

Just tell them I'm going
to knock his block off.

OK?

[music playing]

Hi, Gerry.
- Hello, Roy/Ray.

Right.

I bet I know why you're here.

Are you Mrs. Spink?
- Yeah, hi, Roy.

Ray.
Ray Nunn.

Nunn Brothers builders.

- Oh, the twin.
- That's right.

Is your husband in?

No.

He won't be back
till 9 o' clock.

Do you want to leave a message?

Do you want to
leave it with me?

I'll wait.

HOWARD: Hi, Roy.

Ray.

Gerry, it's a nice surprise.

Howard.

Spink, I want a word with you.

Listen, you stop
annoying my wife

and threatening my kid, or I--

I didn't do that, Gerry.

You go around there
again under any pretext,

and I'll knock your
block off, all right?

Yeah, that's right.

We won that 1,200
pounds that you owe.

Yeah, just hold
on a minute, boys.

In 35 minutes, my house is
going to be repossessed.

MRS. SPINK: What?

Yeah, sorry.

So we've got a few
things to take care of.

Excuse me.
Jake.

JAKE: Yeah?

Get up here.

JAKE: All right.

We got to play that game
again where we change houses.

What game?

Just grab everything.

Hey, don't forget the
kennel this time, Linda.

All right.

Look, if you guys want to help
yourself to a couple of beers,

there's plenty in
the fridge in my den.

Come on, Michael,
we're going home.

Oh, Gerry.

Yeah?

You are coming
tonight, aren't you?

Tonight?

You know, the salsa night.

Oh, shit, yeah.

Uh, I forgot all about it.

Um, I can't.

Um, just because, uh--

I mean it would just
be nice if you did.

I mean, I-- I'd like
you to be there.

Yeah, I'd like to go.

But, uh, it's just I said I'd,
um, mind the boys tonight.

Um, but I'd like to
change it, really.

Oh, well.

Don't worry.

I'm sure you'll all
bond very successfully

without me being there.

[phone ringing]

Oh.

[phone ringing]

Yes, hello?

WINIFRED (ON PHONE): Hi,
Ellie, it's Winifred.

Oh, hi, Winifred.
How are you?

WINIFRED (ON PHONE): I'm fine.

Are you OK?

I'm grand.
Why?

WINIFRED (ON PHONE): No,
I just phoned the shop,

and they said you were at home.

I wondered whether
you were [inaudible].

No, I've changed my hours.

WINIFRED (ON PHONE):
Oh, you've done it!

Mhm.
WINIFRED (ON PHONE): Excellent!

It's good is it.

WINIFRED (ON PHONE):
Yes, well done.

Listen, are you OK for tonight?

Yeah.

WINIFRED (ON PHONE):
Now, do I pencil you in?

I know I put you
down for definitely.

You can put me down
in indelible ink.

I'll be there.
WINIFRED (ON PHONE): Really?

Yeah, really.

OK.

WINIFRED (ON PHONE): All right,
listen, is 8 o' clock OK?

8 o' clock is fine.

I'll see you then.
OK.

Bye.

[music playing]

Uh, hello, I wonder
if you can help me.

You took possession of a house
in Richmond Road Highgate

yesterday.

Yeah, I wonder if you could tell
me when it comes to auction.

All right, fine.

And the auction is, uh--

OK, thank you.

Short Flats Limited.

Yeah, bye.

You OK?

Yeah.

JESS: Howard?

HOWARD (ON PHONE): Yeah.

JESS: Howard, it's Jess.

HOWARD (ON PHONE): Jess who?

Jess Kennedy.

Oh, Jess.

How are you doing?

Howard, look,
you've got to come

down here and help me, please.

They're throwing me out, Howard.

I'm being evicted.
- Oh, right.

I see.

How did you get my number?

But you gave me a card
don't you remember in the pub?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sure.

Yeah.

Howard, look you've got to
come here, please, right now.

There's a locksmith here.

He's changing my locks,
Howard, right this minute.

I mean, what's happening?

I paid my rent.

Yeah, that's right.
What's happening?

What's happening?

I ask myself that
question every day.

I mean, you know,
this thing is global.

Canary Walk is just
the tip of the iceberg.

I thought you
liked me, Howard.

- We've got it.
- No, Rosie, please, please.

Wait.

Howard, please, you've
got to come down

here and save me, all right?

I'll tell you what I'll do.

You put your phone down,
and I'll make a call,

and I'll get right
back to you, OK?

JESS (ON PHONE): No.

All right, bye.

JESS (ON PHONE): Howard.

[beep]

[playing piano]

ELLIE: Gerry, I'm leaving now.

For good?
ELLIE: Yeah.

OK.

ELLIE: Make sure
Joey's [inaudible].

All right.

[music playing]

You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.
Why?

You seemed a bit manic when
I phoned you up this morning.

Oh, it's me on
good form, that is.

So what have you been up to?

Hmm.

Yeah, along those lines.

Oh, no.

28.

Yeah, so that's when
you're going to win.

Yeah.

[music playing]

Oh, listen, this
will make you laugh.

I was told yesterday that
I was a selfish bitch

married to the perfect husband.

Who said that?

A friend.

Well, he must have
something, I suppose.

He makes me laugh.

Yeah.

That's just his way of
keeping you in your place--

keeping a good woman down.

[music playing]

Have to get Gerry down here.

Belfast men don't dance.

Hey, princess,
give me a dance, eh?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Oh, look at my
sleeping beauty.

Hiya.

Hiya.

Oh.

You're very noisy when
you're being quiet.

Why are you still up?

You know I can' t go to
bed till everybody's home.

Oh.

Hi, Winifred.

Hi, Jerry.

I've offered Winifred
the sofa for the night.

OK?
- Sure, you're very welcome.

It's quite
comfortable, actually.

[hiccup].

Good night?

The best.

There was dancing.

I thought you were
going for a meal.

Yeah, we were.

It was a dance floor.

We danced the night away.

What kind of dancing?

It was a limerick?

It was bit more exotic--

salsa dancing.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know what
salsa dancing is?

I've heard of it.

Hot stuff.

It was great, wasn't it?

Well, you certainly
enjoyed yourselves--

a right little
mover there really.

You should have
been there, Gerry.

They were like
flies to a jam pot.

I got called princess.

By a frog.

Big biceps for a frog.

You're pissed as
a fiddlers bitch.

I hope you didn't
drive home like that.

I left the car there.

I thought I was
too drunk to drive.

Where did you leave it?

Camden High Street.

Oh, very nice.

[inaudible].

Oh, it gets better.

It'll be towed away.

Do you know how
much that will cost?

Expensive night out.

No, it won't be towed away.

I'll go and pick it
up in the morning.

You won't be fit to
get in the morning.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah.

I wasn't speaking to you.

You've had quite
enough for one evening.

Winnifred, what can I get you?

I'd love a whiskey, please.

GERRY: OK, would you
like something in it?

Ice would be nice.

OK, in an ideal world, if I
was going to give you a drink,

what would it be?

In an ideal world, it will
be an [inaudible] please.

OK, let's see what we can do.

What?

A teensy weensie
bit jealous maybe.

Not at all.

Do you think so really?

WINIFRED: Hmm.

Great.

I think it was the
biceps that did it.

He didn't have biceps.

He was skinny as a rake.

Who puts ice
containers in the freezer

without putting water in them?

Sorry, no ice.

It's OK.

ELLIE: Don't look at me.

Small one for you.

You're not having one?

GERRY: You know I
never touch the stuff.

Huh, it's going [inaudible].

Slows you up.

Give me the car keys.

Where are you going?

Where do you think I'm going?

To get the car?

Yeah, I'll buzz
down on the bike.

Give me the keys.

You're the best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No big deal.

Thanks.

Don't drink too much.

Oh, listen--

[inaudible]

GERRY: [inaudible].

[laughing]

Stop it.

Shh.

Shh.

She's going to hear.

You love me really, don't you.

Of course I love you.

Look at all the
things I do for you.

You're a saint-like
human being, you are.

I know.

But you needn't worry.

I'll never, ever
remind you that I

went the way to Camden
on my bike to rescue

the car you abandoned.

I would have gone
and got it the morning.

You wouldn't have, granny.

You'd never got up.

I would so.

8 o'clock in the morning
and not a Rice Krispie poured.

So who's the guy
with the biceps?

Hmm?

Someone who recognized
my princess-like qualities.

I have biceps too, you know?

Oh, I know you have, darling.

Well, I have bicycle
clips, as you well know.

You said you weren't
going to remind me.

Didn't know you were
out there writing.

You didn't read it, did you?

Yeah.

But don't be embarrassed.

I thought it was very good.

I thought it was very funny.

Did you really?

Yeah.

That guy in the story--

is that supposed to be me?

No.

He hasn't got your wit, has he?

No, that's true.

That is me though, isn't it.

I know.

It's entirely fictional.

You are.

You are.

Are you asleep?

Mmm.

Night, Nellie.

Night, Gerry.

[music playing]