Back to School (2019) - full transcript

NETFLIX PRESENTS

DIDEROT MIDDLE SCHOOL

Linda?

Yes?

Nothing. Forget it.

Who the fuck is missing?

Jonathan, Miss. As Usual.

- I'm here.
- Not you.

Not you, Jonathan Lopez.

What are you doing?

- You're late!
- I was taking a shit, Miss.



Pinet, Small Dick.

Do you piss fat, too?

You gonna take this fucking picture?

Leave him alone...

Bozo, you want to get your ass kicked?

So, three...

- two, one...
- Cheese!

The main innovation offered at Cowabunga

is our range of approximation algorithms
NP-hard optimization problems.

With an approximation ratio,

for the run-time complexity,

less than 168

and a...

logarithmic memory space.



That's it.

It's hot in here!

Well...

Do you know the story
of the donkey with one testicle?

The donkey with one testicle?

- What was that?
- Talent, I guess!

Ten years of funding!

We need to hire dozens of new programmers.

- And boost our bandwidth.
- Yeah, but first?

- Right, update our platforms.
- But first?

- New business cards.
- But first?

Shots!

- Come party with us!
- I'm fine with my beer.

Shot, shot, shot!

I'm dead...

What time is it?

I have no clue... I have no clue...

So, Jo...

- Get home safe.
- I will.

- Promise?
- Promise.

- Take care.
- See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow!

Hey! My bike!

Pierre-Yves!

Pierre-Yves Clément. PYC!

Hey kids, say hello to PYC!

Nicolas Baudelot!

Yannick Bichat.

Grade 6 D.

- How are you?
- How are you? You haven't changed!

Do you live in Paris?

- Yes.
- I still live in Brétigny.

We just flew in from India.
Have you been to India?

- No.
- We loved it!

The kids witnessed poverty over there.

- I guess so.
- You witnessed poverty, didn't you?

I know your next question.

- Nothing.
- Exactly.

Nada, zip, zero.

No stomachache...

So, darling... the kids... the gas...

Sorry, darling, but I'm talking
with an old friend.

Kids, say bye to Pierre-Yves!

- I'll see you this weekend.
- There you go.

Namaste!

"This weekend"? What's he talking about?

DIDEROT SCHOOL REUNION

What a bitch! Flageot invited
everyone but us. Aren't you pissed?

Who cares? We changed schools to get away
from Lopez, Hervé and those guys.

Yeah, but I want to see them.

Click on their profiles.
It'll save you time.

Smart move. I have one.

Anthony Loupard...

No way! Looping!

With his bike in a wedding photo!
Is he for real?

"My baby..." The bike or the wife?

Hold on, click on Manu.

Manu.

No.

With his mom in the cover photo!

Look at his style.
He still thinks this is the 2000s!

Search for Jonathan Lopez.

What happened to him?

Jonathan Lopez.

There are plenty of Jonathan Lopezes
on Facebook.

- Ah, no!
- Let's go!

It'll bring up bad memories.

Exactly, it's about time to get over it.

We weren't the coolest then,
but look at us now!

We're successful!

- Let's show off!
- Okay.

- Really?
- No.

Okay.

Brétigny Station.

Man, she was checking you out.
Why not give her your number?

And embarrass myself in front of everyone?

Stop thinking you're still fat!

When was the last time you got laid?

I don't know, but...

I'm not a one-night-stand kind of guy.
I won't fuck a girl, then...

- Fuck another one...
- Hi, my baby.

These Parisians, always grumpy.

Hello, Chantal!

Pierre-Yves, you haven't changed.

A little. How are you?

Hurry up, boys. I'm double-parked.

Are you going to have a snack at home?

It depends, do you have Pop-Tarts?

- I could buy some if you want.
- No...

You're sweet,
but I can't come over because...

I'm 32 years old...

That's it. Okay!

Silly boy!

- Enjoy your snack, Jonathan!
- Yeah, right!

All three sixth grade classes of 2000
will be there.

How nice! A class reunion!

Guy, did you know that Christelle Flageot
is now the new principal?

Oh, yeah?

Right.

Bye, Mom.

Be careful with my car.

Bye, Dad.

No way!

The pop-mobile!

Fuck, yeah!

You gotta do what you gotta do.

That's the spirit!
We're gonna knock them dead.

Let's hit the road!

"Where we're going, we don't need...

roads."

- Here it goes!
- Oh, no. No.

It's good luck, man.

I'll clean it up
or my dad is gonna kill me.

You know the saying:
"Shit on the windshield..."

It's just shit on the windshield.

PYC, you should know...
Tonight I have a secret plan.

Yeah?

- What's that?
- A note for Linda Gauthier.

It was in my pocket
for all of sixth grade.

Linda Gauthier, Lopez's girlfriend?

It's been ten years.
She hasn't been my fantasy in forever.

Are you kidding me? These are my memories.

You want to give it to her tonight?

Yeah, it's cute
and it's a good ice breaker.

- "Ice breaker"...
- It's true...

- Way to go, Jo!
- I know.

It feels weird being back here.

Nothing has changed!

Check that out!

Christelle Flageot, the ball sucker,
sucking balls, she hasn't changed.

Christelle!

- How are you?
- I'm fine.

Pierre-Yves.

Pierre-Yves Clément.

Of course, Pierre-Yves Clément!

Sorry, we hadn't heard from you
since sixth grade, we didn't...

You haven't changed!

Yes, I have. A little.

- So, now you're the boss?
- Exactly.

That's cool.

It makes sense since your dad
was the principal

and now, it's you.

It has nothing to do with my dad.
I was the best candidate.

Yeah, sure.

- Christelle!
- Juliette Simonin! How are you?

- Come on.
- You didn't follow the dress code!

I'm invisible to everyone but you?

To be fair, you lost half a ton.

At least they will leave me alone.

- Hello!
- Hello!

- Be careful, it's cashmere. Thanks.
- Okay.

It looks like an American prom night!

Champagne?

Champagne.

Champagne, it is.

Here, for my bud

and one for lil' old me.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Let's see here.

Hang on... It's Christian Da Silva!

The good-looking guy?

Where? Behind the walrus?

No, it's him, the walrus!

No shit!

That's him!

Check this out!

Who invited that old bag?

Party crasher...

lured by the smell of food.

Check this out!

The Trahn sisters. They're still hot!

You think I can tap that?
At least one of them?

The Trahns always mocked you.
Didn't you come to get revenge?

I can get revenge with my dick.

Classy.

- Hi, everyone!
- Hello!

Thanks for attending our class reunion.

I see plenty of friendly faces.

Although some of you,
most of you, actually,

didn't play by the dress code rules.

You must be wondering...

Wait, Christelle, but a blue BMW
is blocking my car in the lot.

Who's blocking my car?

No one?

- The blue BMW?
- In the lot!

Enjoy the evening, everyone.

So embarrassing...

Don't worry. I'll move your car.

No, my dad will kill me.

Relax, man! I'll do it.

Thank you.

- You know why?
- Why?

Because Linda Gauthier
is right behind you. Later!

You, motherfucker!

Everybody saw he was offside,
fucking spud!

Nice ride.

It sucks when you don't know anyone.

I'm here because my wife

really insisted on coming.

But now, I'm The Invisible Man.

How rude. I'm David.

Jonathan.

- Nice to meet you, Jonathan.
- Hi.

Three kisses!

I'm Delphine Clavel's husband.

All right.

- Your keys, buddy.
- Thank you.

- Hello.
- Hello.

I ran into Manu, from Lopez's gang,

and we were right:

he's still a big-time deadbeat.

If the whole gang is like him,
we're in for some fun!

I'm Hervé Lemaître, remember me?

- No.
- You don't?

I meant to ask you to fill out
my welfare application.

I still can't read.

My wife is busy wanking the dog
for the baby's bottle.

Sorry.

So, you gave Linda your note?

I did not.

It would have been too sudden.

Right, because she was behind you.

It'll be better when she faces you.

It was a long time ago.

- Maybe she's still dating Lopez.
- Dude.

If she was, they'd have come together.

Our time has come, man.

Be a good boy:

Fuck his ex to avenge all the nerds
on the planet.

Do it for me.

It's funny seeing her again.

She's staring. She's coming.
Here is your chance.

- I need to piss.
- Not now!

I really have to go.

- Hey! What's up?
- How's it going? Hey. Fabrice?

Pierre-Yves, we ran into each other
a few years ago.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I live in Paris now.
I started my business...

Cool, cool.
Who was the guy you were just talking to?

It's Jonathan!

So, now you're...

You're walking away as I'm talking.

I'm letting go of my stress.

I'm pissing out my stress.

I'm driving it out of France.

You're going to be stress-free
for a good couple of years.

Sorry, I didn't know...

It's my fault, I shouldn't be here.

- Do you have a marker by any chance?
- No.

- A regular pen, then?
- Nope.

You look like a pen guy.

Why do you need one?

To write: "For a free blowjob,
call my number."

- No.
- No! It was a joke.

I want to trash the place.

It's way too clean.

Kids are well-behaved now.

There's no app for vandalizing
the crappers... It's a lost art.

- I'm gonna look for a marker!
- Yeah, you go.

- Have a nice pee!
- Thanks, you... me, too.

Pierre-Yves Clément?

PYC!

No way, Fab!

- Karl!
- You haven't changed!

I have a little. I'm taller. What's up?

Great.

Our chess club is almost reunited.

- Didn't Greg become a city councilor?
- He's over there.

He's doing well for a guy
who was never elected as class rep!

So, what have you been up to?

You know, life.

I moved to Paris with my bud.

We started
a digital strategy company, and...

it's going pretty well.
Actually, it is great.

I'm glad! What about you?

Well, I work at the local bank...

Yeah... And what about you?

I created a gaming app.

Really? What is it?

Remember The League of Karlaar?

Yeah, the stupid game you created...

You were a... Mage-King.

A Warlock-King.

Today, it's a gaming app
for tablets and phones.

We're number two in Asia,
and number three in Europe.

Fuck. Good for you. Did you know that?

Of course, I've been a Paladin
for two years.

Yeah, one of the greatest!

- Stop it.
- You are.

But not a word to my wife since
it's not her thing. She wouldn't get it.

Unbelievable!
Everybody used to laugh at you.

- Didn't they call you Lord Dolt?
- They did.

But today, I am Lord Karlaar,

heir to the Gurlan Kingdom.

Forty million players.
I am responsible... for all of them.

That guy managed to repel
hordes of Glimm invaders.

I won't tell you who's coming,
but by her smell, you will guess.

Hey!

Jonathan?

Yes?

Oh, my God, you've really changed!

I barely recognize you.

It's because I lost some weight.

However, you...

You didn't gain weight...
You're very pretty.

I thought of you recently.

Really?

It's weird seeing each other
after all these years.

I was hoping to see you tonight,

since we had no more news from you...

I kind of cut off ties,

that's why.

Sorry.

I'm so sorry, I have to answer this,
but I'll be back.

- You'll be around?
- Yes.

- For real? Promise?
- Yes.

Having fun?

I believe you already know my wife.

- Miss Weintraub.
- No!

Mrs. Deschamps now.

Little Pierre-Yves.

You ruined my tatami mat, right?

I'm going outside to smoke.

Congratulations.

But how did you...

After graduation, we waited
until I was 18 for my family.

Don't worry,
we didn't have sex before then.

I'm not worried.

Just some fooling around.

- Mutual masturbation...
- I'm not worried!

Oral sex, too. A lot.

Game on!

I'm throwing another party
in the bar across the street...

with the other spouses.

Chelsea-Arsenal is on. Are you in?

Soccer isn't really my thing...

That's a shame because...

we're not going there empty-handed.

Hi, Hervé.

Hi.

Remember me?

No.

Pierre-Yves Clément.

The class photo.

Fuck, yeah!

- You remember that?
- Yes.

- We were such idiots!
- Yeah.

Is your gang all back together?

Where's your boss? Lopez?

I don't think so.

Not since he burned down the gym.

And what about you?

It must have been tough repeating a year.

I went to trade school.

Ouch... that hurts.

- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes.

- No, no.
- Yes!

By the time I was 18,
I was making twice the minimum wage.

That's right.

And what about you, nerd?

I live in Paris and I started
my own digital strategy company...

There's no mayo!

We just raised five million
with Europe's biggest business angel...

- Is it tuna or salmon?
- Tuna.

I also bought an apartment,
800 square feet.

- Eight hundred square feet?
- You heard me.

- Fuck!
- When you work your ass off...

The size of my patio!

You Parisians actually enjoy
living in shoe boxes!

Four years ago,
we took the kids to see Mickey Mouse

and that city smells like shit,
it's full of assholes.

Not a dream life!

Wait.

I'll take advantage of having you here
to do a little self-promotion.

I work at the car wash on Jaurès Street.

It is called Auto Clean.

If some pigeons shit on you,

not you, your car. Just kidding...

Pass by when you need it.

Let me get this straight...

your job is to clean cars, right?

- I see.
- But not for long.

My boss retires this year.

Then guess who's taking over?

- I don't know.
- Guess.

That's right. I'll be the boss.

Good for you.

My dad, he's the boss!

Life is great! Huh?

- Right.
- Hervé!

Coming.

Okay, well... See you later!

Hey, girlfriend!

- You remember Jonathan?
- Hello.

Jonathan?

My sweetheart from school,

Jonathan Lopez!

Jonathan Lopez? The tough guy!

My wife told me about you.
Can you hit me?

No!

No, no, no.

Sorry, but I'm not...

Seeing you again, after 20 years...

Follow me. I have a surprise for you.

Jonathan Lopez!

It sucks when you don't know anyone.

Yeah.

You're gonna love this!

- I should tell you...
- We'll talk later. Come on!

Wait...

What's going on?

Here you go!

I can explain...

I hope so.

I sure hope so.

Because 20 years without a word,
that's not right!

You've changed, bro.

What the fuck! I don't even recognize you!

Lopez, my man!

It's good to see you!

This is my little boy.

Hey, baby.

When Linda told me, I didn't believe her.

Actually...

I didn't think you'd come.
So good to see you!

Remember where we hid the hash?

- I can't...
- Get over it.

- It's gone.
- I put it in a Flaubert book.

Who's Flaubert?

So, where have you been?

- Twenty fucking years!
- Did you go to Thailand

after the fire to study Thai boxing?

Tell us! Where do you live?

What do you do?

Are you married?

No.

I live in Paris, I work in IT.

In IT?

You became a nerd?

He was always the last in class.

That's why I did an internship

in computer science

to better myself.

I still play rugby.
We ranked number six this year.

And you're looking at the future boss
of Auto Clean on Jaurès street.

So, if a pigeon shits on you,
not you, your car. Just kidding...

I'll give you a good deal.

Looping is the manager
of the hardware store.

- He's a star here!
- Stop it.

He was on the show...

- A Perfect Dinner.
- There you go!

- Show him the video.
- No, no, no.

Come on, this is Lopez!

Okay!

Kader is in for a surprise...

It's pork, son of a bitch!

And wham!

No, but seriously...

Manu signed with Manchester.

You read the sports news?

I'm just fucking with you!
Manu, what's your job these days?

I'm on welfare, but it's temporary.
I'm starting a business.

"Temporary"...

He's been at his parents' for 16 years.

At least I'm free, I don't pay taxes...

For example, yesterday,
I made 200 bucks playing online poker.

I'm ruthless! Ruthless!

Dragons are back together!

It's awesome!

We have to celebrate!

I can't. I'm sick.

Really, from my throat to my stomach.

I'm gonna have to go...

What? No, no, no.

- No.
- You're staying with us! Twenty years!

You're not going anywhere!

He's nuts!

Go play somewhere else!

Fuck off!

Hello?

Jo, I've been looking everywhere for you.

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

- Hash!
- I ran into Hervé.

He thinks his life is great.

This moron.

What was that?

Linda Gauthier?

You're not...

fucking her, are you?

Something crazy is happening.

- Linda thinks I'm Lopez.
- No way!

- Is she high?
- I don't get it.

You just saved yourself a lot of time.

No bullshitting, no games.
You hang up and you tap that.

- Hang up!
- Bye, Dad.

Lucky bastard!

You think I'm more mature, better-looking,
more experienced.

It's true, but not only that.

Everyone was mocking us,
but the truth is...

chess isn't sexy,

but in the political jungle,
it helps you rumble.

Brétigny isn't exactly like D.C.

Washington, D.C...

I was there last year for an exhibition.

Pierre-Yves Clément! How are you?

How is it going, Greg?

Good evening...

Elise Trahn.

How are you?

- Pierre-Yves Clément?
- It's me.

Pierre-Yves Clément...

You don't remember me?

I sat next to you in biology,
math, geography.

I know I've...

I've changed. I've been working out.

There you go.

Bozo! You're Bozo!

You wore colorful clothes!

- I did?
- Yes.

Sandrine, come here!

Look who it is!

Bozo.

Of course! Bozo!

Bozo the Clown!

Or Pierre-Yves Clément.

- The stomach flu!
- That's right.

- The stomach flu?
- Yes!

The tatami mat.

I completely forgot about it!

- You haven't changed.
- I have.

No, you haven't.

About the mat, it was Lopez...

- It's not a big deal.
- Right.

I shouldn't have to explain myself.

But Lopez and Hervé
put dog poop in my pocket.

- Bozo the Clown...
- Yeah.

Okay,

well, I'll just...

Bullshit!

"Bozo, the Clown."

All right.

Let's see how Hervé likes it.

Good evening.

I get detergent at half price...

It's already three ounces...

so I don't buy dish soap anymore.

I haven't for months.

Looping.

I don't smoke anymore.

Guys, come on! It's been so long!

I know, you got kids, but...

tonight is special!

You guys lost your edge, or what?

Smoking once in a while won't kill you.

Just one drag.

There you go!

Dude!

I'm not used to this anymore.
You made it strong.

Come on, I didn't load it up.

Lopez.

Lopez.

Jo isn't knocking it!

He's the man!

- You want a shotgun?
- No, no...

I'm good.

Are you okay?

Pierre-Yves!

- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?

What's up?

My sisters told me you were here.

They did?

It's good to see you.

Yeah, you, too.

- You clean up nice!
- Yeah?

Looking sharp.

Thanks, you, too...

You're very pretty.

What are you hiding?

- Is that a joint?
- No.

I haven't smoked in so long, you know...

- What is it?
- I can't show you.

Stop it!

Dragon!

Are you okay, Manu?

- What's wrong with you?
- You know, rugby.

Let's get out of here!

I forgot someone!

Jo, I don't know where you are,
but I'm sick of this shit.

Sorry, Bozo.

Call me when you get this...

message. Thanks.

This feels good.

Guys, we should do this more often!

- I'm stoned!
- Guys, guys!

Check this out!

Shit, man!

This is our bench, guys!

Yeah.

I'm so moved.

Shit.

Where have you been?

Nowhere. Just hanging out with the guys.

- My little monsters!
- Daddy is here.

Let me introduce you to my wife.

Véro,

this is Lopez. Lopez, Véro.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Cindy, my wife.

The notorious Lopez!

And these are my kids.
My daughter, Rihanna.

- Say, hello!
- Hello.

Hello.

And my little guy... Jonathan.

Yeah, I named him after you.

That's nice...

Let's get a drink!

Free candy for the kids!

Oh, it's a special occasion!

- Wait up, kids!
- Careful with your scooter!

Listen up, everyone!

It's me again!

- You write beautifully.
- May I have your attention?

So...

you must be wondering
why I went to the trouble

of throwing this fun, little reunion.

I just wanted to thank you.

I know you never liked me.

Jealousy is the burden of smart kids.

- You all bullied me a little.
- No.

Yes, you did. Yes, you did.

But that's all right.

All that mockery inspired me,

made me stronger, and gave me the guts...

Christelle, I have something to say.

It's important.

- Can you hear me?
- Yes, we can.

I want to give a...

big shout out to someone
who's in the room.

A good guy, my pal...

Shout out to Lopez.

It's Lopez.

- Is that Lopez?
- Yes, it's Lopez.

Spin it, DJ!

He has some nerve showing up here!

It's getting hot in here! Get a room!

- They're gonna fuck!
- All right!

Lopez, we're glad

you didn't die from an overdose or AIDS

after burning down the gym.

Right!

Jonathan Lopez.

I didn't recognize you.

It's good to see you.

Thanks, it's good to...

see you, too.

Hi, there!

You're okay?

- Having a good time?
- Yes, you?

You're officially Lopez, now.

I know, crazy stuff! It's funny, right?

Very funny.

While you're smoking
with your new friends,

- because I can tell you're high...
- Yes, but...

I'm bored to death.

I hate this party. Let's roll.

No, no... Why don't you have a drink?

What?

Have a drink with your friends
from the chess club.

They're nice. I saw them.

Give me the keys.
You'll catch a ride with your new pals.

Jo, give me the keys!

Don't be like that.

Come on, Jo.

This isn't a key.

MEET ME IN THE BOYS' CHANGING ROOM.

I gotta go.

Where?

Jo! Give me your...

- Where are you going?
- Your attention, please!

Jean-Jacques Flageot,

your principal,

my father,

left this world five years ago.

To honor his memory,

I want to share a poem with you.

"For my Dad"

by Maurice Carême.

"I write the word 'lamb'
And everything turns wooly

The birch leaf

The meadow light

I write the word 'pond'..."

- Christelle, just a second.
- No, not this time.

Thomas Ledoux and Matthieu Lardier

dislodged a ball stuck in a gutter.
If you're game

we're outside playing soccer!

I see some people haven't grown up!

Moving on...

"I write the word 'pond'..."

Hervé? What are you...

Wait...

I knew you'd come.

What?

I've been waiting 20 years for this.
You, too?

You did too many drugs tonight...

I'll never forget that night,

- at my parents' cabin. Remember?
- No, I...

Wait, Hervé... I'm not gay, I'm not gay.

I'm not a fag! I got a wife and kids!

It's just you...

Your smell... Hold me in your arms!

Stop it, Hervé. Stop!

You're done with me?

No, no, no... that's not it. It's just...

No, no, no...

It's over, Hervé.

It's over.

It was beautiful, but it's over.

I've moved on...

You know...

We went our separate ways...

I went my own way.
You went your way.

"Pass the message to your neighbor."

That's it.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

- Are you sure?
- Yes!

All right...

Lopez...

You'll be fine.

"I write the word 'forest'

And the wind in your branch..."

PYC, this is bad.

Too bad for you. Later.

Hervé tried to French-kiss me.

What?

Hervé French-kissed me.

- Hervé...
- Yes.

- And Lopez...
- Yes.

Don't fuck around. This has gone too far.

I'll tell Linda. Then, we'll go.

"...who answered me

No, he didn't answer me..."

Can I talk to her for a minute?

Thanks.

What's wrong? Are you all right?

I don't know how to say it...

but I'll just say it.

- Something went wrong...
- I know.

I haven't been truthful, either.

But I'm fixing it now.

Hello?

Fredo, it's me.
It's over. I'm leaving you.

You can go fuck yourself!

I don't give a fuck! Shut up!

You think I'm scared, asshole?

Guess who I am with now!

Jonathan. Exactly, Lopez.
My ex from middle school.

Sure, come here.
He's gonna kick the shit out of you!

Oh, yeah?

Bring all your pals!

That's right.

Jonathan did 15 years of Thai boxing!

He's gonna fuck you all up!

Shut up, asshole!

What a relief!

Want to get a drink?

Sure, sure...

Cool.

- How do you know?
- I can't say.

But my source is reliable.

- I can't believe it!
- No.

I can believe it.

- There are gay couples in LOTR.
- Not again!

Sam and Frodo. Merry and Pippin.

You got nothing from dinner
on Monday night?

- Read the Elvish version.
- Guys, the debate is over.

Everyone has a right to be gay.
They have the right.

- They do!
- Yes.

So, what's the matter?

Then why did they always say
we were queer?

So, what are you gonna do?

Blow this thing wide open.

Hold on, guys...

We really have to be careful.

It's 2019 and we can't make fun of people
because they're homosexual.

- We're not. We're mocking Hervé.
- I know, but...

it's a touchy topic.

And those people, they vote.

"Hervé sucks cocks."

What?

That's not homophobic.

Girls suck cocks, too.

Fabrice, keep on looking out.

I'm on it.

You can't go in. They're out of order.

- I can't keep it in!
- You can't go... my wife just went.

- Oh, shit!
- Exactly.

- This is explosive...
- That's the whole point.

HERVÉ + LOPEZ = LOVE

What are you doing?

Us?

Nothing.

Oh, fuck!

I didn't see that.

Bastards! Who does that?
This day and age?

Fuck.

But this is 2019...

women suck cocks, too.

Did you finish the graffiti?

I'm gonna report this
to Christelle Flageot right away.

Bozo the Clown, you piece of shit!

You don't know shit and you're going down.

There you are, sweet pea!

Why are you so grumpy?

I'm just fooling around with the guys.

See you later.

Relax, Bozo. I won't fuck you up.

Thanks, Hervé.

Not in front of my wife and kids.

If you have any balls,
meet me at the Fight Tree in ten minutes.

We'll settle it.

He's coming back.

And...

I'm going for a smoke...

out front.

Just in case you want to run
to your mother.

This is Jennifer, last year,
at the beach...

My sloppy little twins...

And that's Kevan,

my youngest.

It's an old picture. He's a toddler now.

Did I scare you?

- Not at all...
- I did.

You think that...

I won't want another child,

that you'll never have a mini you,

but don't worry...

I want a baby Lopez.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

You're gonna fight?

You think I'm gonna chicken out?

Hey.

I'm gonna take a piss
so I can move faster.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Hey, Elise.

I'm warming up so I don't strain a muscle.

Smart.

So, you're gonna fight that asshole?

I didn't think anyone would have the guts.

It's very cool.

Someone has to do it.

- A piece of advice?
- Yeah?

With that kind of build...

let him throw the first punch.

And the second, and third.

You take it

one, two, three, four times.

You wait...

then you knock him out.

I knew that...

You've really changed.

I keep talking...
You wanted to tell me something?

Yes...

You misunderstood before.
I'll get straight to the point.

- I'm not...
- Lopez?

Yes?

Lopez, well...

Your pal Hervé is pissed.

He's gonna beat up Bozo the Clown.

Go cool him off. It can get ugly
when he's drunk.

What is the fight about?

That little shit is spreading rumors.
But don't worry, I'll fuck him up!

I don't get it.

You're damn right!

I'll knock his teeth out!

Nuts! Jérôme still doesn't talk.

I'm gonna take his head...

then punch him in the face...

Hervé, you can't do that!

You have families with wives and kids!

Exactly. No one disrespects me
in front of them.

What happened to you?

- You're fucking weird!
- Yeah. What's wrong with you?

Nothing in particular. It's just...

Let's say...

- You hit him.
- Yeah?

He'll go to the cops.

- They're all crybabies!
- Who gives a fuck?

Wait, wait, wait...

He's fucking right.

- You were always the slyest one.
- Right.

What's your plan?

I have a plan.

- I think that's the one.
- No, that one is mine.

- It's this one.
- No, guys...

This one. The blue BMW.

- Are you sure?
- I saw him park it.

Hold on, hold on, guys...

Okay.

- I've got this.
- Go for it!

Do it, man!

- Go for it!
- Do it!

A cock on the windshield! He's gonna...

I turned on the AC for you!

Check this out!

Lopez, what are you waiting for?

Go for it!

- Go ahead!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Where's the Lopez we know?

What was that?

Harder!

Hold on, hold on!

Excalibur!

It feels so good!

Oh, man!

I spend my days cleaning cars,
it feels good destroying one!

He got what he deserved.

Manu!

- Maybe they chickened out.
- I don't think so.

They did not chicken out.

Relax, Bozo!

I'm not gonna kick your ass.

When you kick a sack of shit,
it splatters.

"Hello, I'm Bozo the Clown,

I love eating my poo.

Each morning, I shit in my hand

and dip it in my coffee for breakfast!"

Let's split.

Out of my way.

At least you didn't get your ass kicked.

- No...
- Hello, I'm Bozo the Clown,

I love eating my poo.

Each morning, I shit in my hand...

No, no, no! No!

The Transformers
aren't what they used to be.

- This is your ride?
- My dad's.

Throw that away.

It covers the smell of piss.

It's just a stupid car!

This entire night smells like piss.

Come with me.

- I know something that'll cheer you up.
- I'm good.

I have enough on my plate.

I can see that.

You know what?

You're right.

The best thing to do

is to stare at your car,
hoping it'll repair itself.

Have a nice life.

They're so fucked.

They don't know it yet,
the Dragon assholes are so fucked!

Guys...

Are you ready to strike back?

Are you ready for it?

Fab, get a grip!

Seriously, what can we do? We can't fight.

Not literally.

Karl, did you become rich
by beating people up?

- No.
- Yet, today, you're a Warlock.

- A Necromancer-Priest.
- That's not my point!

We all worked our way up.

We fought our entire lives

to show the world that we weren't losers.

The entire world...

minus three scumbags who think
they're at the top of the food chain!

Am I right? Fab, please!

Plus, dragons were never
in the food chain. They don't exist.

- I've seen one.
- Don't start again.

I want to get back at those jerks...

but I'm a public figure now.
I can't just lash out!

Don't worry, Greg.

No frontal assault.

We're not brutal.

We're brainy.

We think, we analyze, and we strike...

stealthily.

I don't give a shit, bro!
I have everything I need in here.

Have you seen Manu?

Are you okay? You don't look so good.

Hey, get the fuck out!

Stop it! I'm naked!

I hurt myself because of you!

We should do something...

No, no!

Get lost!

What is this?

Who did this?

Looping?

Are you all right?

- What are you doing in here?
- Fuck!

You scared the shit out of me.

We're in the...

Assistant Principal's office.

- Look familiar?
- Yeah.

Look at these.

Detention slips.

What are you doing?

Giving these poor kids their freedom back.

This might sound stupid, but...
who are you?

Lucille.

And...

did you go to this school?

- I can't seem to place you.
- Yep, sixth grade.

I took German and Latin as electives.

Tough luck.

You don't look familiar, either.

I'm Jonathan. Lopez.

Who are you, really?

I'm not as naive as your new friends.

Check this out!

Ten years of confiscated stuff.

Ali Baba's Cave. Look at this.

- Remember this?
- Of course.

No way!

- He never spoke about me?
- No, it's weird.

Were you two close? Speak of the devil...

My love, you never mentioned Pierre-Yves!

- Never, my love?
- I know, I know.

- Véro, this is Bozo... Pierre-Yves.
- Pierre-Yves.

And this is Véro, my wife.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Can I talk to him?

Wait, we just met. Don't be jealous.

It's my turn now.

- I know what you're up to.
- What I'm up...

Does your wife know
that you falsely accuse people?

How petty!

I'm not a cop. I don't need proof.

My wife is tired, she's going home soon,
but I can go all night.

- All night?
- All night.

- Funny, Lopez said that about you.
- Yeah?

Try jerking off with no hands!

Try buying Auto Clean with no loan!

Meaning what?

Fabrice is the manager of your bank.

- What's going on?
- Yeah.

Some of us studied.

This isn't right.

You're right.

Right, okay.

Okay, you nerds win. I'm out of here.

No, you're staying.

What about your loan? Don't you want it?

Say, "I need my loan."

- I need my loan.
- Then, you're staying.

The night is just getting started.

He has this je-ne-sais-quoi

That sweeps me off my feet

His attitude melts my heart

His indifference breaks my heart

If he could only...

Guys, have you seen Jonathan?

Oh, my God!

- Maybe he just left.
- It's not like him!

Jo would never jump ship.

Bozo the Clown pulled a stunt!

Have you seen Jonathan? Lopez?

Designer stubble, handsome,
nice smile, in love?

- No.
- No?

It should be me on that table.
With my JoJo.

Calm down.

I can't lose him twice, Sarah.

I can't.

It'll be fine.

Hey, I know I feel a void
Whenever he leaves

But I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve

- Nobody puts Bozo in a corner.
- Hi.

I want him to hold me in his arms

I need to feel his warmth

I didn't think tonight would be
so much fun.

I know...

me neither.

Tell me...

do you know the story
of the donkey with one testicle?

- No.
- No?

What he's saying seems to be working.

Fab.

Sorry.

- I bet you tell everyone that story.
- That was the first time.

I swear.

Do you remember that bench?

Of course. The Dragons' Lair.

Tonight...

- It's ours.
- That's right!

The kids we were would be proud of us now.

And now, the final boss: Lopez.

Did you hear that?

No, what?

It's just the wind.

Did you lose your mom and dad, sweetie?

Kiss Mr. Fifou!

No, I will not kiss Mr. Fifou
because he's filthy.

Tell your mom he needs a bath.

I said, "Kiss Mr. Fifou!"

I said, "No."
I win, because I'm a grown-up.

He's not listening!

Are you Bozo the Clown?

That's him.

Hello.

Hi.

You're just kids!

- Where are kids supposed to be?
- Up your ass.

It's beddy-bye time!

My 1,000-buck loafers!

- I'll slap you!
- You touch me...

I'll tell the cops you tried to rape me.

- That's enough!
- Bozo the Clown!

Stay away from me!

What do we do? What do we do?

Kiss Mr. Fifou!

You dirty little brat!

Retreat! Retreat!

If they find out who I really am,
I'm dead.

And now that PYC is safe,
what's the point?

- I'll be in bed in an hour.
- You're not gonna tell them?

Ever? Not even Linda?

Linda... it's nothing.

Linda was a fantasy.

It should have stayed that way.

The timing is bad.

Bad timing is always an excuse, no?

To hide things.

Okay. You're right.

I don't even know why I'm scared.

I won't see her again.

I'll never see anybody from here again.

I mean... except you.

If you want to hang out...

see each other...

something we can do together.

If you want to meet again, I'm in...

if you're in.

You must really hate yourself to be Lopez.

I know what it's like.

If you were the ugliest back then,

you've changed.

Thank you.

To be the real Lopez, you need something:

a dragon tattoo with your initials.

The Dragons all got one.

All right.

Don't get busted over a detail.

May I?

Sure.

You knew Lopez well. He banged ugly girls?

It's a joke.

Bozo is right. Maybe we fucked up.

I sure did.

Here they are.

Are you proud of yourselves?

- Using your kids...
- What?

You know what I mean, moron. Calm down.

Take it easy, Fabrice!

Nobody told you to go into the gym.

Everybody, back to the ballroom,

- quietly and calmly.
- Get out of here!

Mr. Bozo wants us to stay,
Mrs. Bozo wants us to leave. Which one?

Respect her.

Get the fuck out of here!

- What?
- I don't get it.

- Me neither.
- He's saying,

"You don't get to decide who stays.

- You don't even live here."
- True.

"So, shut up, Parisian asshole." Sorry!

Don't talk to me that way!

We just want to enjoy the party!

If you're not happy, piss off...
Trahn-a Banana.

Out! Stupid deadbeats!

Do you know the story
of the donkey with one testicle?

I do! I love it.

That's enough!

Listen to me now!

- You'll all get detention!
- Jo, finally,

I was getting worried. Come here...
for the kiss of death.

Hervé. Come closer.

Jonathan has something to tell you.
Go ahead.

What?

Tell him!

Listen...

Go ahead!

- I'm Jonathan, you know...
- Thanks, we do know.

Jonathan who?

I'll tell you!

Well, he's...

Jonathan Pinet!

Pinet.

The fatso!

I kissed the fatso?

Fuck him up, Hervé.

Yeah. Get the fuck out.

Man!

Did you see the look on his face?

He didn't need this.

It was wrong to do that.

What's gotten into you?

You're the bully now.

This is new!

Now you care?

You should be glad.

And thank me for getting
our revenge. Yeah.

- Thank you?
- Yes.

"Thanks, PYC" would be nice.

For something you decided for me?

Same old story:

it's all about you!

Jonathan needs help, PYC to the rescue!

Maybe because you're worthless without me?

If it wasn't for me, you'd still be fixing
laptops in some shithole?

Let's find out.

I'll sell you my shares on Monday, boss.

I am Pinet. The fatso.

The one nobody missed,

nobody paid attention to,

unless it was to make fun of him,

but now I couldn't care less.

When I look in a mirror,
I don't see a fatso.

My entire childhood,
you convinced me I was a victim.

Just like the teachers convinced you
you were good for nothing.

Fabrice,

they said you wouldn't find a girlfriend.

We believed that bullshit.

Then, we fought

to become who we wanted to be.

I am Jonathan Pinet.

I'm not a fatso anymore,

and you can all fuck off.

Who's the guy?

- Him!
- Go wait by the bike.

You touched my chick. You're dead, Lopez!

It's not Lopez.
There's been a misunderstanding.

Shut up! You're going down.

Hey, Lorenzo Lamas...

leave him alone.

- You hear me?
- Huh?

You don't belong in this school.

Get out.

See, I can hurt you with words.

You know, words...

Easy, bro.

What are you looking for?

Because if you're looking for trouble...

There!

I did it again, are you happy?

The school is on fire because of you!

Line up, two by two! I'll save you all!

No, no, no!

Open the door!

Jonathan is in there!

- Pierre-Yves, too.
- Let's go!

It's stuck!

Looping, come on!

Yeah, sure, easy peasy!

You should be able to clean
everything up by Monday.

I'm so used to the mess
made by the kids!

It'll be clean in a wink.

It was so nice to see you!

I mean it. Let's get together again soon!

It was a long and emotional night.

I would like... Bravo!

Let me clarify something:
the phrase "stupid deadbeats,"

meaning "socially challenged...

deadbeats,"

isn't a derogatory term, whatsoever.

I would like to recognize...

Thank you.

What you did was really cool.

It was hot up there.

Thanks, Looping.

And I also...

wanted to say...

I'm...

- Sorry?
- Yeah.

It's hard to say you're sorry.

To admit you acted like a jerk.

Jo...

Thanks for saving me with your nose.

Thanks, my bud.

No, thank you.

I'm starving.
Let's go eat what's in my mom's fridge.

I would love it...

but I have unfinished business.

I see...

Good for you.

I like your unfinished business!

- Way to go!
- Later.

- I have to go.
- Okay.

- I'll catch up with you later.
- Yes.

Being Pinet isn't so bad.

People like Pinet.

It's weird, but cool...

I know a Thai proverb:

"To judge an elephant,
you have to look..."

How come I never noticed you at school?

Right...

Well, you know. I've...

I've changed a lot, too.

Dad, we need to talk.

It's about the BMW.

It has a little ding...

or two.