Babysitting (2014) - full transcript

That's me: Franck Amory.
Pretty in pictures, but less for real.

I work at Publisher Schaudel,
who publishes a lot of comics.

As a child I was fond of
drawing and especially manga.

Those two next to me
are my best friends.

We all have changed...
Well, almost all.

The guy with the Ray-Ban is Sam.

He works at human resources.
Since he works there,

the number of female employees
has increased from 32% to 80%.

This is Alex, the nicest guy
I know, but also the weirdest.

He works as a courier,
to the chagrin of his boss.

He loves "Speed" and
"Fast and Furious".



Today is June 25.

A special day for me
because it's my birthday.

Happy birthday, Franck. Kisses.

Hi Sonia. Thank you.
I hope to see you soon...

Happy birthday.

- Thanks, buddy. That's sweet.
- Please.

Just kidding. It's a parcel
for Aurëlie Goudart.

Look what I found in the van.

- Shouldn't you deliver it somewhere?
- As long as he does not claim it...

Fantastic, eh.

And such a great zoom.

I can see you, fatso.

- What a fat guy.
- I have to go.

See you later for groceries. Bye.



Typically me. This guy
takes me to his home.

He starts to fuck me.
But then his girlfriend enters...

while we are busy.
You don't do that, right?

She starts freaking out:
"You fucked my friend."

I said, "Wait a minute, I'm fucking
him so he is MY sweetheart."

And you know what she said?
"What is your problem?"

I say, "Nothing. What is your problem?"
And then she shut up.

I fuck him, that's all.

- Estelle, I...
- I fuck him, he fucks me, that's all.

Wait, Mom. What?

- I have to meet the boss.
- Why?

- Get a better life.
- Hurry.

I won't do everything on my own.

Sorry, what where you saying?

Which floor are you going?

Is that "Scream 4"?

So what? If you don't have
friends, join Facebook.

What are you staring at?
I'm not your sweetie.

Get out of here.

Imbecile.

Sidney's cousin is the killer.

See you, brat.

The rear-view mirror
is gone. Lousy courier.

Not important? On the contrary.
I don't want to arrive in a wreck.

For the one time we take a break I'd like
to take advantage of the convertible.

I have to let you go. Kisses.

What are you doing here?
Are you new?

I've been working at reception for
two years. I am Franck Amory.

What are you doing in my office?

I draw comics. I work here and
hope to show my drawings one day.

And today I thought:
"Let's just ask, and"...

Thank you for calling me back.

As soon as possible.

Why a week?
It's only a mirror.

But it's just a bit loose.

I'm coming to you,
I’ll be there in five minutes.

Mr. Schaudel?

Imitate a squirrel.

- And now a dinosaur.
- No.

Come on. You'll get money for
one million views on YouTube.

Your grandmother is
a prehistoric animal.

- Come on, Sam, please.
- Stop it.

My camera, now look.

Guys, that much alcohol?

You'll be 30. You want
us to buy kiddie-beer?

But so much.

- Laure's coming too. That makes 33.
- 33?

- Who?
- Sandrine, Laure, Lucie, Claire...

- Who? I don't know any.
- Never mind. They're all pretty.

Especially Lucie, a new girl
at work, with huge tits.

She is married,
but we'll forgive her.

- Are there any chicks you don't find handsome?
- Yes, your ex-girlfriends.

That's not kind to your mother.

This is not for my birthday.
You organize this party for yourself.

Well, if your friends don't confirm...

- Who didn't confirm?
- Sébastien, Sylvain, Sonia Lamar...

Sonia Lamar isn't coming.

- Who's she?
- My ex.

She also worked at Schaudel.
Now she sells cupcakes.

I don't know her.
When was that?

Last year, at her farewell drink.

She kissed me during "I Want You Back"
by The Jackson 5.

Were you guys together a long time?

- Yes and no...
- When did you last see her?

At her farewell drink.

- That was quite a relationship.
- Surely you made many plans?

Just stop. I gotta get back to work.

And don't you laugh.
You have to pay for your chicks.

Again that's not kind to his mother.

- All well, honey?
- Yes.

The babysitter was attacked in the subway.

- That's terrible...
- Yes, she can't come for three weeks.

No, for us I mean.
Who will watch the kid?

You just go alone,
I'll look after Rémi.

But it's the Publisher Night.

Everyone is bringing his partner.
What about me?

I'll find a solution. Big kiss.

My dear Francois,
you're a godsend.

- Franck.
- Whatever. Do you have plans for tonight?

- Yes.
- I'm not asking. You'll babysit my son.

- That will be hard. It's my birthday and...
- Francois.

You want to show me
your drawings on Monday?

- Yes, but...
- Perfect.

7 pm, 7 Rue de la ferme in
Saint-Germain-en-Laye.

We have it all arranged,
but what could I say?

I must grab this opportunity.

- By the way, can you take me there?
- Where is it?

7 Rue de la ferme
in Saint-Germain-en-Laye.

- Forget it. I don't have my passport.
- Is it that far?

- Hello, who's there?
- Hello, I'm the sitter.

- Hello Francois.
- Franck.

Sorry, Franck. I'm Claire.

Thanks for babysitting Rémi.

You're welcome.

Hello Francois.
You took your time.

It's a one and a half hour trip.

If you had told me, you
could have come with me.

Good. I will show you the house.

Come in.

- Can you take off your shoes?
- Sure.

Thanks.

- There's something of an artist in your son.
- No, I made it.

I paint, now I stay home for Rémi.

This is the sitting room,
the remote controls...

for the television, the DVD player,

the blinds, the curtains
and the fireplace.

I already fed the fish.

And Phoenix as well.

- A beautiful animal.
- Marc is fascinated by ornithology.

A rare species.
He had him for 20 years.

Already before we knew each other.

There's the kitchen.

In the morning Rémi takes Nesquik
and a sandwich with Nutella.

- Why "in the morning"?
- We come back around 6 pm tomorrow.

- Ah?
- I forget the most important.

Rémi has asthma. This is
his inhaler, just in case.

In the cupboards...

No, don't put anything
on that cabinet.

This plate is all that Marc
has left from his father.

He is very attached to it.

Your room is upstairs next to
Rémi's playroom. I'll call him.

Rémi, can you come down?

This is Franck.

- Say hello, Rémi.
- Hello Rémi.

He's shy, it'll be over in two hours.

You go give Daddy a kiss?
He's packing.

- Why doesn't he come?
- Please, darling. He's busy.

- As usual.
- What are we waiting for?

- What is it?
- You said you'd come watch soccer.

I have to go for my work,
not for playing golf.

- Next time I’ll come, promise.
- But it's the finals, there isn't a next time.

The next time then. I'll buy you
a sweater from PSG. Okay?

Fuck you.

I buy anything he wants
and still he's not satisfied.

This is for you.
We'll call you later.

- Thank you.
- Till tomorrow.

Bye. Have a good trip.

That's cool.

- Excuse me, Mr. Schaudel!
- Yes?

Your hedge is more
than seven feet high.

I'll complain to the municipality
if you do nothing.

Thanks for telling, Mr. Monet.

Stick-in-the-mud.

Rémi?

Rémi?

Ouch, damn it.

Who said you could come in?

We didn't start out very well,
but that's okay.

It's not too late.
You come watch a movie?

You have 3 seconds to leave my room,
or I'll tell them you touched me.

- What?
- One.

Two.

I hope everything goes well.

Don't worry.
He's a serious guy.

I mean Rémi.

Why wouldn't it go well?

He's getting difficult.

That's normal for kids his age.

We were all rebellious
when we were ten years old.

He is disappointed about
the soccer match tomorrow.

We can ask the
sitter to bring him.

With what car?
You brand-new 4x4?

My Range? Yeah right!

It's not just the finals,
you never saw him play once.

My dad never came to watch rugby
and I have quite a successful life.

Don't we still have fun together?

Take your shoes off.

Your shoes.

I knew your old man well.

You know he's deceased?

I didn't know. How did he die?

Everything okay, Rémi?

- Do you need something?
- That was his weakness.

How do you know?

- You want to watch the movie?
- I tell you that he had a weakness.

- Listen...
- He could have been someone.

- You shouldn't... I know you....
- Take me to the fair.

No. I'm responsible and I
don't want you to get hurt.

Watch "The Departed".
A good movie.

No. I already saw it.

DiCaprio dies in the end.

- Hello?
- It's Claire.

- Hello Claire. Did you arrive okay?
- Yes, thank you. Everything alright?

- Yes, very good.
- Can I speak with Rémi?

He's already asleep.

Already?

We did play a lot,
so he'll sleep very well.

- At least he's a good boy.
- Yes, indeed.

- Okay, see you tomorrow, Franck.
- Till tomorrow. Thank you.

Where were you?

- I've been looking for one hour.
- I wanted to know how Rémi is.

Stop mothering him. Here.

- Who is it?
- Just a guy taking a picture of me.

Come on, quickly.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

- Yes?
- Hello, Mr. Schaudel?

- Yes!
- This is the police.

Do you live on 7 Rue de la ferme?

Yes, why?

There has been an incident
last night at your house..

An incident?
What happened?

- Hard to explain on the phone.
- Is that Rémi?

- Is it our son?
- Your son?

Yes, he is at home
with the babysitter.

- I'm sorry, but there's no one here.
- What, nobody?

- Hello?
- Franck, it's Claire Schaudel.

Sorry madam, it's the police.

Apparently the babysitter
left his phone at your house.

What...

What happened?

Commissioner Laville.

- Mr. and Mrs. Schaudel?
- Yes.

- Did you find my son?
- Not yet.

We established a crisis team
and we put out an APB.

It will be broadcast at 3 pm.

- This is a nightmare.
- Who warned you?

Your car was involved in a hit and run.
That's why we're here.

- My Range?
- Yes.

This is officer Caillaud.

He sets up profiles of criminals.

You think the sitter
kidnapped our son?

That's hard to say.

The police doesn't know him
and he has no criminal record.

But the worst psychopaths
often stay unnoticed.

The worst psychopaths?
Do you mean child murderers?

Not necessarily. Also
rapists or organ traders.

Then we'll find them alive.

But don't be too optimistic,
that brings bad luck.

- Did you have a dispute with the sitter?
- No.

This was under the couch.
Perhaps a clue.

- Is this yours?
- No.

Give it to me,
it might be a snuff movie.

- What's a snuff movie?
- A murder filmed with an amateur camera.

We'll examine it immediately.

Connect this.

Take it easy.

- Ready, boss.
- Can we start it?

Go ahead.

Good evening everyone
and welcome to Alex TV.

In "Have a Laugh" aiming for
1 million views on YouTube.

- I know him. What's he doing in front of my house?
- Who is it?

The idiot courier who
ran into me yesterday.

Did you file a report?

No, I didn't and he ran off.

We switch to our reporter, Sam.

This is a big night, because we're here
for the birthday of our pall Franck.

Will he cry? Laugh?
Cry with laughter?

We'll find out, right now!

- Exciting.
- His boss is well off.

He pays no taxes and puts
everything on Swiss accounts.

He pays the maid cash-in-hand.

That's not true.
What nonsense.

Yes, what nonsense.

There he is.
Happy birthday.

- What are you doing here?
- Celebrating your birthday.

You want me to get fired?

- And the kid is asleep.
- I love children.

"I love children."
That doesn't sound good.

- Sonia will come too.
- Sonia? That's a joke?

- No, she confirmed on Facebook.
- No way. Get out.

Then call her to cancel.

- I don't have her number.
- Tell her when she's here.

- Let us in.
- I have to babysit the kid.

We thought of everything.

- What's that?
- A sedative.

Have you gone crazy?
Why not ecstasy?

Ecstasy is too dangerous for a child.

- So is a sedative.
- It's plant-based.

Just give him half a dose.

No way. There's no party and that's it.

Goodbye.

- Are you sure he won't wake up?
- He'll be sleeping until tomorrow.

Stop. It's a risk.
I hope it isn't dangerous.

- At what time will Sonia be here?
- She'll soon be here.

What a broad!

The mother is super handsome.
But he's an ugly dude.

- He looks like Gollum.
- You're a bastard.

- Why?
- You insult Gollum.

They drug my son and
laugh at me. Am I Gollum?

Wait till they encounter Gollum.
On their face!

And I'm Gollum?

Who is Gollum anyway?

No idea.

Damn, it's the mother.

Greet her from me.

- Silence. Get out of the room.
- Madam, I love you.

- Quiet, you.
- I said nothing.

It's Claire.

Hello Claire. Did you arrive okay?

Yes, thank you. Everything alright?

Yes, very good.

- Can I speak with Rémi?
- He's already asleep.

Already?

We did play a lot,
so he'll sleep very well.

- At least he's a good boy.
- Yes, indeed.

- Okay, see you tomorrow, Franck.
- Till tomorrow. Thank you.

Sleep well, little Adolf.

Leave him alone, damn.

But it's okay.

- What's that?
- The door bell.

Sonia?

What's this? You said that
only Sonia would come.

No, that she would come.
Not that she'd be the only one.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Good evening, everyone.
Excuse me.

It is very nice that you all
came for my birthday.

And for the beer...

And for the beer. But there's
a little problem. I'm afraid...

Hello Franck.

- Happy birthday.
- Sonia.

- What is she doing there?
- Who is she?

She worked for me.
Until last year.

Sonia Lamar.
I never forget a face.

- Sweet of you to come.
- I had nothing else to do.

Well... Welcome everyone.

Could you take off your shoes?

I told you he was funny.

No, really. Could you...
I mean it.

- Can I put this somewhere?
- The kitchen is over there.

Did you have problems with her?
Dismissal, sexual harassment?

Not at all.

Rigot, I want Sonia Lamar's number.

This resembles the Pascal René case.

- The Pascal René case?
- Another child gone missing.

- Did you find him?
- Yes, but not in one piece.

Look at those labels.

Just old wine.
All expired. Look.

- Stop it. I don't feel well.
- What is it?

- Have you seen Sonia?
- Yes, so what?

Turn that off.

- What about Sonia?
- What a killer bitch.

- I would leave my family for her.
- You have no family.

So it's less painful for them.

- You can't do that to Frank tonight.
- I know.

- Tomorrow then.
- You're right, I'm booked.

Tonight I see Lucie,
a married woman.

- What are you doing?
- I'll take some Ruinart.

- You're not taking anything. Let's go up.
- One bottle.

- Put that back. Go up.
- Then what do we drink?

Come on, Alex.

Did you offer them a drink?

- It's nice but far.
- Yes.

- Sonia, my friends, Sam and Alex.
- Hello.

Hi.

This is Ernest. My sex buddy.

But no, he's my cousin.
He’s married.

And in love. Hello.

Pleased to meet you.
Sonia talks a lot about you.

Sylvain this, Sylvain that,
Sylvain did this...

- My name is Franck.
- I see.

That's okay.
You look like a nice guy.

Who wants a drink?
Sonia, I got Ruinart.

- No, I don't drink alcohol anymore.
- Why not?

I really freaked out on my
farewell drink at Schaudel.

I was so pissed that I
remember nothing at all.

- Nothing at all?
- A total blackout.

I'll have a glass of Ruinart.

- Or rather a Schweppes?
- No, Ruinart is fine.

- Everything fine?
- Yes.

- Want a drink?
- Yes.

- A chicken.
- A goat.

- A velociraptor.
- Yes.

- Rather Franck's mother.
- I can also imitate a turtle.

This is cool.

Great.

I'm a fan.

- Fantastic what you're doing with your body.
- I can do much more.

- And I can imitate a sea lion.
- Show us.

The sea lion.

- You also work with Manpower?
- Yes.

- My wife as well.
- That's cool.

There's the Ruinart.

That's your mobile, Sonia.

- That's my friend.
- You have a friend?

You wanted to make a pass at me?

- Sonia, I'm sorry.
- Oaf.

Sorry. Where did it land?

My mouth. What a fool.

- I'm sorry.
- Now you've done it.

Are you bleeding?

I'm sorry. It just flew out.
I don't open bottles that often.

- Are you alright?
- I'm fine.

It's all right.

- I'll open the door.
- Can you see anything?

- Surprise. Where's the party?

Damn, guys. Are you serious?

- Isn't it a costume party?
- No, sorry.

- Great.
- We came by metro.

Here, this is better.

I knew nothing.
I didn't organize it.

Here's to Franck
and our student years.

- With Blanchard.
- The economy professor?

- Yes.
- To the sex bomb of the class.

The brunette.
Everyone fucked her.

What a slut.
And no entrance fee.

The slut.

She didn't eat pork,
but she was like an animal.

- What was her name?
- No idea.

- Myriam?
- Yes, Myriam Elalaoui.

- That's my sister.
- Really?

I go see if the kid is still asleep.

Perverts.

- Same name.
- So we fucked his sister.

- We fucked his sister?
- I fucked her as well.

- Bastard.
- Everyone sat on her.

Look, Gérard de Gaulle.

What a ridiculous mustache.

Happy birthday, Francky.

Happy birthday, Franck.

Happy birthday, Franck.

Say happy birthday, Coco.

Happy birthday, Franck.

You want a drink?
Are you thirsty? Wait.

Here, it's Ruinart.

Nice, huh? Okay, enough,
or you'll get addicted to booze.

More? Want some more?

Damn, he isn't moving.
I think he's dead.

Did we kill him?
Damn.

- What now?
- We have to resuscitate him.

Quickly, before Franck sees it.

- Put him in your briefs.
- They smell.

So what? He's dead,
he won't smell nothing.

What are you doing here?
Is he dead?

- No.
- Yes, he looks dead.

No, he's not.

Wait. One, two, three, four...

five and six. One, two, three, four.

It's an animal.
Do mouth-to-beak resuscitation.

One, two, three... one, two, three...

one, two, three... one, two, three...

Wake up, Coco.
Wait, I'll take his pulse.

We need to come up with something.

Wait, don't move.

Fly Coco.

Commissioner,
Sonia Lamar is unreachable.

Leave a message.
Ask her to call back.

The whole house has been searched.
No trace of the child.

Have you looked in the freezer?

- No, it's not true.
- It could be.

Enough is enough.

- Now the fuse blew?
- Happy birthday, buddy.

Blow them out.

Come on.

Yeah!

Take one, I made them.

- Really?
- Yes.

Take one, I made them myself.

- What is it?
- It's vanilla and chicken.

This is chocolate and chili.

And the pink is ratatouille and blueberries.

- Is it good?
- Yes, very tasty.

- Delicious.
- Really?

- Come on, a speech.
- Speech, speech.

I don't like speeches.

- Thanks for coming to my birthday.
- And for the beer.

But I must ask you to leave.

This is the house of my boss
and I'm here to babysit his son.

I hope you understand.
I'm sorry.

- That's a joke.
- Very funny, though.

I'm looking for the owner.

Good evening, police.
I'm looking for the owner.

That's me.
No, but it's complicated. Why?

- Are you or not?
- No, but I'm the babysitter.

There's a complaint from the
neighbors about the noise.

I need to speak to the
owners right away.

Don't bother,
these people are just leaving.

- Have you been drinking?
- A little.

- While you're babysitting?
- Just one glass...

- You come with us.
- That's not necessary.

Everyone is leaving.
What are you doing?

I swear. These people were
just leaving. It's not a joke.

Happy birthday, buddy.

- Happy birthday, buddy.
- I filmed everything.

You did enjoy it, huh?

- I wish I'd been in your place.
- Yeah, sure.

Don't worry,
I found another shirt.

Bunch of assholes.
Doing this in front of Sonia.

It was for fun.
Didn't you enjoy it?

With a stranger's ass in my face,
with Sonia present?

I did not enjoy it.
I can't imagine anything worse.

- Franck?
- What is it?

Behind you.

He's not asleep.

He must be sleepwalking.
That must be it.

Rémi.

Rémi! Wait!

I'll explain.

I'll be 30 and this
was my friends' idea.

I'll try to send them away.

I'd like your father to not know
about this. Can you keep quiet?

Sure. But I want 300 euros.

- What?
- 300 euros. Or I'll call my father.

How do I get 300 euros?

My parents gave you money right?
You have three seconds, one...

Rémi, are you crazy or what?

Or else I call my father.

- Satisfied?
- 100 euro too little. I go call my dad.

Wait, I don't have it.

Wait for me in your room.

Could you lend me some money?

Of course, Sylvain.

- I'll pay you back.
- How much? Do you have a pen?

- What do you want? Money?
- No, no, never mind.

I have only five euros.

Rémi, I have 30 euros.

- Rémi? Where is he?
- No idea.

- Rémi?
- Rémi?

- Your mobile phone is on that chair.
- Damn.

- What is all this?
- What is it?

13 missed calls.

The brat. He sent a text
message to all the women.

What text message?

I want to fuck your ass.

(Mother)
Apparently someone is interested.

I'll kill him. I'll finish him off.

I'll kill him.

"I'll kill him."

Does Amory go to a psychologist?

No idea. I hardly know him.
I only met him twice.

You said you knew him well.
You entrust our child to a stranger?

Is it my fault that your
babysitter lets us down?

Are you crazy? Your evening is
more important than Rémi?

You're the most
self-centered man I know.

I'm not that selfish, am I?

When we make love,
you call your name.

Rémi.

Rémi.

- Is he in the garden?
- No.

Sam. The little one is gone.
Come search.

Don't worry.
I'll go find him.

Rémi.

Where's that little brat?

- This bedroom is far out.
- Where are you? It's not funny.

- Did she see me?
- Yes, I've seen you.

- I'm sorry, Sonia.
- It's okay.

I saw her skirt.

Sam, did you see him?

I searched everywhere,
found nothing.

Hi guys. What's the plan?
Want to play Scrabble?

No time. We're looking for a kid.

- Rémi?
- Yes.

- The kid in a sweater with a red hood?
- Yes, that's him.

No, I haven't seen him.

I was just joking.
He went home by bike.

- This is his home.
- Then I don't know where he’s going.

A runaway.
Just what we needed.

I'll get a car and
we'll go look for him.

Damn.

I found a car.

Great car. I'm going in the front.

- Where are you going?
- The kid ran off.

- You're kidding.
- It's true.

Wait, I'll come along.

Come on. I'll explain.

We're having a problem
and have to leave.

Can you get rid of everybody?

No problem.
Everything is under control

Thanks, guys.
Let's go. Get out.

Where could he have gone?

Let's put ourselves in his place.
Where would he go?

- As a child I ran away once.
- Where to?

After 3 days they still didn't miss me.

So I went back home.

Look over there.

The funfair. Of course.
That's where we go.

And we'll look for the kid later.

Damn, I forgot her.

- Who?
- Lucie, that married woman.

- That's my wife's name as well.
- A married woman?

To help the couple.
She's frustrated.

- You're so sympathetic.
- Exactly. Listen how happy she is.

- Hello?
- Hello.

There's been a change of plans.
The party is over.

I was just about to leave.
Can you come to my house?

I'm far away from
the 15th district.

It's not far. That's where I come from.
25 minutes at the most.

I can be there in 25 minutes.

Perfect. My husband
isn't home yet.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, definitely.

He went to a party with his
niece in Saint-Germain-en-Laye.

Hello?

Ah.

- Okay, that's it.
- Give me that phone.

- Lucie?
- Ernest?

Honey bun, is that you?

Yes, this is honey bun, slut.

I'll kill you!

- How could I have known?
- You fuck my wife.

- Quiet.
- I want to get out.

Stop immediately,
I want to get out.

Sam fucks Ernest's wife.

Stop filming.

- The door.
- The door, damn it.

- Ernest, are you okay?
- You can go to hell.

Beautiful friends you've got.

Wait, Ernest.
It's a misunderstanding.

A misunderstanding. Lucie who
calls her husband honey bun.

I'm honey bun.
And you're fucking my wife.

Ernest, come back.

The cops, that's all we need!
Hold this, Sam.

I had no idea.

Good evening. Can you
shut down the engine...

- and hand me the car papers?
- Of course.

- No problem.
- Stop!

- Alex, what are you doing?
- Everything under control.

- Nothing under control.
- Stop, Alex!

I have no license
and no car papers.

No papers?
Where did you find this car?

In the garage of
the Schaudel family.

Tomorrow I’ll take it to a
friend's garage, trust me.

Guys, there is Rémi.

- Turn around.
- The cops are after us.

- Turn around.
- The cops are after us.

- I can't believe this.
- Stop!

Damn, there they are.

- Good evening.
- Stop immediately.

Yes, we’ll stop.
Stop, you asshole.

I didn't bring my identity
card. Please stop.

Stop the car, now!

I don't see you, I don't see you.

I don't see you, I don't see you.

Stop, Alex. Please.

Alex, if we crash,
I'll kill you!

Don't worry, I'm
going to outrun them.

I fucked them up.

I'll go to the limit.

Sam, look.

Who is Sébastien Loeb
of the woods? It's me.

- Now you should really stop.
- Stop, damn it!

- I've got everything under control.
- The rear view mirror!

Watch me maneuver.
A rally, left, right.

This is fast!

I outran them.
Now you can thank me.

Fortunately it's not broken.

Don't pull such a face.

It looks pretty impressive,
but it's not that bad.

I've outran them, right?

I want to die.

And I want you dead as well.

Now all we need is finding
Rémi dead in the woods.

- And then it's all over.
- Don't worry.

I bet he's eating cotton candy.
Let's go find him.

The cops are coming.
Let's get out of here.

Look, it's down there.
There is the funfair.

- Hurry.
- I can't see a thing.

Hurry up, they'll be here soon.

What have they done with my Range?

I don't care about your Range.
Nor your house.

Aren't there more important things?

- Who is it?
- Your mother.

The APB.
Don't you pick up?

No, it's bad enough already.

I didn't mean it like that.
You know her. It'll take hours.

I should have listened to her.

- Well?
- He's not answering. Would he get home?

Sam, now you can go to his wife.

Shut up, Alex.

What a mess.

- Are you sure this is the way?
- No idea.

And all these men here?
Is there a parking lot?

A parking for dicks.

This is the hooker's wood.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

- I was there for an investigation.
- A big one.

What?

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Hello!

There we are.

Watch it.

Thank you.

- Did you see how she looked at me?
- She was a whore.

So what?
What do you know about women?

- She looked at me.
- It's a whore.

Did she look at you?
No. Well then.

That's fine. She's a whore.

- She would want me.
- For 50 Euro.

She does it for 25 euros.

In that case...

That reminds me of the time
I was carefree and silly.

Last week?

We'll go find Rémi and then
we're out of here. Come on.

Rémi!

Rémi!

It's not him.

I found him, over there.

Rémi...

Excuse me, sir.
There he is.

- Rémi.
- Franck.

I was so worried. Let's go home.

- No way.
- Oh yes. Come on.

I had enough stress for one day.
Get out of here.

Enough fooling around.
We're leaving now.

You can leave. Let me go.

- Help. I'm being kidnapped!
- Stop that. Come on.

- Help, they are pedof...
- It's okay. I'll let you go.

He's joking. Isn't that right?

Let's go eat a waffle.

Eat your waffle because
we don't stay long.

It's nice here. You eat it.
It'll release the stress.

- I don't want your waffle.
- Yes, it's because I'm sorry.

- I don't want it.
- Accept my apology.

Okay, very funny.
What fun we have.

Rather say what
attraction you like.

That one!

You're too small for that.

If someone goes
with him it's fine.

But I tell you that you can't go.

Come on, I want to do this.
Don't be a sissy.

You're not very brave.

Franck isn't brave.
I'll go with him.

No, I'll go. I just don't
want him to get sick.

- Where can I buy tickets?
- Over there.

- You know you can still get out?
- Yes.

- You want out?
- No, I'm fine.

Just say so.

Relax, Franck.

I am relaxed.

What a force.

There are women who
cum in something like that.

- Really?
- Yes. We can go together if you want.

You need a thing like
that to make a girl cum?

But no, it's just...

- Something like that to make a girl cum.
- But no.

What a loser.

Did you pee your pants?

Franck, I'm talking to you.

- Did you pee your pants?
- No.

- Are you okay?
- So cool. Let's watch the video.

Look at that face.

An elastic mouth.

You were more scared than I was.
Look, you're scared.

It shows that you're
more afraid than I am.

Look, yes.

You get sick in there.
We don't do that again.

Where do we go next?

I don't know.

Holy shit.

What was that?
Is that it?

I don't feel so good.

- Is that for me?
- What do I get in return?

A kiss.

- Have you seen a ghost?
- Here.

Can I trade it in?

- No, there are some more attractions.
- Come on.

- What is a dark room?
- A room where it's dark.

What? What is it?

Which way?

- What was that?
- I hit something.

- Careful.
- Alex, where are you?

- Right behind you.
- Who is that?

- Its' me.
- It's Sonia.

- I can't see a thing.
- Neither do I.

You liked the attraction?

I've never had so many jitters.

- Really?
- Yes.

- You liked it?
- I'd go back in right away.

Why are you laughing?

- I filmed everything.
- Great!

Why are you laughing?

We'll show it, but promise
that you won't sulk.

- No problem.
- So what?

- It was for laughs.
- I can't see the humor.

Come on.

I should be angry. You didn't
notice you were kissing a man.

And Rémi, what do
you want to be later?

Your boyfriend.
If you're still pretty.

- It's good to have dreams.
- He's right.

What's your dream, Alex?

Okay, thanks, Alex.

- Forget the last 30 minutes.
- Already forgotten.

- To publish his own comic.
- I better forget that.

Now be serious, Rémi.
A real dream...

That my father comes
watch me play soccer.

I don't like soccer either.

- What's your dream, Sonia?
- There's so much.

To have a penis for an hour,
just to know what it's like.

Open a cupcake chain worldwide.

Experience a beautiful love affair
with a good man. For once.

- And that Franck and Sam stop sulking.
- Yes, I agree.

Okay, how cozy. Amazing.

What's she doing?

- What did you ask?
- Something that makes you smile again.

- What is it?
- Come on.

- No, I'm not.
- Come sing. Come on.

- Go, Francky.
- Just like old times.

- I can't sing.
- Come on.

No, I can't sing.

♪ When I had you to myself
I did not want you around ♪

♪ That pretty face always made
you stand out in a crowd ♪

♪ When someone picked you from the bunch,
one glance was all it took ♪

♪ Now it's much too late for me
to take a second look ♪

♪ Oh baby, give me
one more chance ♪

♪ - Show you That I Love You
- Won't you please let me ♪

♪- Back in your heart
- Oh darlin ', I was blind to let you go ♪

♪ - Let you go, baby
- Won't you please let me go? ♪

♪ Okay ♪

♪ I want you back ♪

♪ I want you back ♪

♪ Tryin 'to live without your love
is one long sleepless night ♪

♪ Let me show you, girl,
That I know wrong from right ♪

♪ Every street you walk on,
I leave tear stains on the ground ♪

♪ Following the girl,
I didn't even want around ♪

♪ Oh baby,
give me one more chance ♪

♪ Won't you please let me ♪

♪ Back in your heart ♪

- That was great.
- Very cool.

Not bad.

- You're jealous.
- Thanks.

But it was funny.
You should let go more often.

- I'm not a stiff-ass.
- Then open this button.

I won't eat you.

You do remember
your farewell drink.

Why did you say the contrary?

Because you never called me back.

But now you have a friend.

If you can call it that.
I know him since yesterday.

- How far is it to your house?
- 30 minutes.

How unfortunate, too bad we
don't have a car anymore.

At the dinner for idiots
you'll be all alone.

- What are you doing?
- Ernest.

Ernest, get off.

- What is it?
- What's the problem?

Are you his buddy?
Do you know him?

- Yes, why?
- Doesn't want to pay for his beer.

Eating fries. Taking
the piss out of me.

- What don't you understand?
- Nothing.

Are you making fun of me?
Is that your friend?

He says he ate and drank
and refuses to pay.

We're not laughing at you.
We didn't understand.

We will pay you.
How much is it?

This is for...

Ernest, you fool.

- My goodness.
- Come Rémi, get out.

That was quite a blow.

- Hide yourself. There.
- Yes, over there.

- Are you crazy?
- He fucked my wife.

The gypsies are after us.
They're pretty bad.

Even Chuck Norris leaves
the gypsies alone.

There they are. Hide yourself.

- They are gone. We can go.
- We can't.

- What's wrong, Rémi?
- Did you bring my inhaler?

You inhaler? I didn't bring it.

- His asthma.
- It'll be okay.

This is serious.
My brother died that way.

I don't want to
hear you anymore.

- He is deceased...
- What did we tell you?

I'll be quiet.

- We should call the fire department.
- Then the gypsies will get here too.

And they'll call his parents.

Just 30 minutes more.
What now?

- 30 minutes, that's fine.
- Shut up.

- There are go-karts.
- Yes, the go-karts.

No way. Forget it.

- You got a better idea?
- Let's go.

I'm a great driver.

Don't touch me.

What an idiot. I don't
know if he can drive.

- Give me the camera.
- Hurry up, hurry up.

Hurry.

Careful Sam, behind you!

Gas, hit the gas.
Get the camera.

What are you doing?
We have to help Sam.

No, he's good in judo.
We can't do nothing.

- You're flipping, right?
- I am.

Film the track, that's great.

Watch out!

Out of the way!

Out of the way.

This is fantastic!

Fast and Furious,
Sonia, Fast and Furious

Vin Diesel can't beat that!

Watch out!

- Where is Sam?
- He had a problem.

What kind of problem?

- The gypsies. Throw the banana.
- What?

Your banana.
Throw your banana at them.

Well done.

Look out up front. Watch out.

Great. Is this your dream, Sonia?

How's Rémi?

We can't linger.

Help me with his helmet.

- Okay?
- Yes, why?

Take his helmet off. Come on.

Come on, kid. We're there.
Come on.

- Hold on, you'll be fine.
- Out of the way.

Sorry, Rémi. That wasn't intentional.

But we're there and
you're a strong boy.

- Very strong.
- Ernest is knocked out.

What's going on?

- What's this?
- We must do something.

Make room and give
me the inhaler.

- Out of the way, damn it.
- Rémi.

Inhale, Rémi. One more time.

- Okay, Rémi?
- Super cool, the go-cart.

I have 14 pizzas for Franck Amory.
Do you know who that is?

- No idea.
- He has to pay me.

Mr. Schaudel! Now!

You're like the old guy
from that cartoon.

- Yes, from Up.
- From Up.

Come on, people.
The party is over.

It is over. It's over.
Stop drinking.

What a mess.
Get out and stop drinking.

Get down. What's that?

And the samurai, get down.

- You can't get in.
- Why not?

- You don't have a wristband.
- No.

- Then you can't get in.
- I know the owner.

Look, the fish are eating ecstasy.

Look, he smokes a
cigar from his ass.

Hi, I'm Mr. Schaudel.

My breath smells
because I'm a shit-head.

- Where did you find this?
- Relax.

- Where did you find it?
- In the cigar box.

I told you to stop.

Turn off the music.

Girls, that's a leather chair.
Get off.

The party of lunatics.

No. Done drinking.

Hey, dude. Want some stuff?

Piss off with that shit.

What are you doing?
No, that's not...

I found a kid.

Paul, I'll break your neck.

Franck, I was just
about to call you.

There's no point,
the people won't leave.

I'll ask them to leave once more.

- No, we go in the jacuzzi.
- Yes.

Hey, leave the kid alone.

I said: leave the kid alone

Can we add this to the sangria?

- No. Where did you find it?
- In the basement.

Don't touch that.

Where is the jacuzzi anyway?

They’ll throw him through the window.

Okay, Rémi?

Stay there, I'll come get you.

Bastard. This is for
the dirty fuck-SMS.

No one touches my ass.
Fuck off, fatso.

And stop filming or I'll have
my dog fuck your mother.

Alex, help me
to get him out.

Come, Rémi.

Is your camera waterproof?

- My camera.
- I don't care about your camera.

Do you think we have
nothing else to do?

Thank you, ma'am.

- We'll dry you in your room.
- Pardon.

What's that smell?

You're an asshole, I know what
you're up to. Wait like everyone else.

- What are you doing?
- There he is.

He gets a sausage
for his birthday.

- Damn, it's burning.
- Piss off.

Get out! Everybody out!

Everybody out. Everybody out.
Fuck off, all of you!

What's got into him?

What a battlefield.

- Come on, go home.
- No Christmas gifts for you.

Yes.

Get out. Go sleep at home.

Look. Look at this.

Look what you've done.

Come on, get up. Go home.

This is your fault. I hate you.

It's just a bit messy.

I'm home now, but tomorrow at
9 am I'll help you clean up.

And what about everything
that's broken? Like the car...

It was stolen while you were
sleeping and you heard nothing.

And about the house you say...

that people from Greenpeace
invaded the place.

That they would smash everything
if Schaudel won't recycle.

You did what you could,
but it was too late for the bird.

- The bird?
- I think they killed it.

- Rémi was saved.
- The pizzas are paid.

- Yes?
- You don't remember.

- Alex, did you kill the parrot?
- No, it was Greenpeace.

- What happened to it?
- It was Greenpeace.

- What's with the parrot?
- It's...

Hello Franck. You'll get to
see this video some day.

I want to thank you.
I never had such a good time.

Even though sometimes
you're annoying.

I wish I had a dad like you.

Someone who does fun things
with me and plays with me,

and thinks of me, not of himself.

So if you are looking for work,
I take you on as a Dad.

Not the easiest job,

but you’ll be well paid.

And you'll get reduced working hours.

- Rémi, where are you?
- I'm coming.

- Where are you?
- On the loo. I'm coming.

That's what I mean by annoying.

I have to go.
Happy birthday.

This was it.

I hope you had a good time with us.

Franck, your thoughts
about your birthday?

Perhaps my last one,
because I'm dead by tomorrow .

I don't know what to expect.

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

Drink this and go to bed,
tomorrow we'll get up early.

- I'm hungry.
- Want a cupcake?

No, I'm not that hungry.

What's that noise?

What is that?

- Are there still people outside?
- No.

My camera. My camera, quick.

Common, common.

How funny.

Look, the gentleman from Up.

- Looks real.
- I want to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Schaudel.

Leave him alone.

I want to speak to Mrs. Schaudel.

Done with all the nonsense.
Stop laughing.

- There's a problem.
- Yes, you!

Just like that guy from Up.

What's happening here?

Stop him.
Deflate the balloons.

Throw rocks!

Shoot, Rémi.

This is the craziest
thing I've ever filmed.

This definitely gets a
million views on YouTube.

Why does it flash?
The battery is flat!

Back to square one.
Now we still know nothing.

On the contrary.
I think we know a lot more.

He misses a father like you.

Could be, but we don’t
know where the boy is.

I got it!

- What?
- Gollum, from before.

We didn't know who it was.

He's the ugly monster from
the movie Lord of the Rings.

- Caillaud.
- Yes?

Go wait in the office.
Right away!

Even the boy's painting is ruined.

That's not the boy's, damn it!

Okay, listen.

They had to get up
early this morning.

Do you know why?
Apparently not to clean up.

Wait...

What are you looking for?

I know where they are.

Franck, it's me.

What an ordeal to get up.
Such a headache.

I have something
to clean the walls.

Mr. and Mrs. Schaudel,
you are back.

What happened here last night...
It's unbelievable.

Armed men from Greenpeace
invaded here.

We have seen the video.

Listen Mr. Schaudel,

it's gotten out of hand,
but we saved a lot.

For example your plate,
to which you are so attached.

I'm sorry.

That's because of Goblem.

Damn.

Let me go. I'm not
going to say a thing.

It's all Franck's fault.

I swear. Let me go.

Come on, Rémi. Come on.

Hi.

Hi.

Back already? You would
only be back at 6 pm.

Did the ceremony go well?

Good.

Did you just arrive or have
you already been home?

Listen, it's not what you think.

Men from Greenpeace...

- It might not...
- Shut up.

I promised my wife to not beat
you up. Don't challenge me.

Now that's a soccer match!

I forgot the hotdog.

- Marc...
- Mr. Schaudel.

I'm not here for you.
They are.

You won't be arrested here.

I don't want to ruin the finals of my son.
They're waiting for you.

A Range Rover: 85,000 euros.

A Steinway piano: 24,000 euros.

22 bottles of grand cru, a shirt...

and moral damages for
the plate and the parrot.

You're in deep shit.
Now listen...

No, you'll listen to me.

Okay, we made a
mess at your home.

But Rémi has really blossomed up.

Without us you wouldn't
even be here today.

I also have no money
to pay you back.

One more thing: no need
to come in on Monday.

What did he say?

I shouldn't come in on Monday.

You got a day off?
Cool. Because I'm broken.

Young man, can I
have an autograph?

Papa.

Did you see me score?

Yes, I've seen it.
And against such opponents.

- Did you see it, Mom?
- Yes, dear.

Shall we go?

Okay, we have to go.

Mr. Amory, we have
something to discuss.

Wait, one minute please.

I won't forget this evening.

Stop!

That's me, Franck Amory.

Handsome in the drawing,
but even better in real life.

I could realize my dream...

thanks to a super motivated publisher.

Hello.

Hello. Lots of people.

Keep signing...

What's your name?

Rémi, we have to leave,
or we'll be too late.

- Bye Franck.
- Good luck for the match.

Yes.

There you are.

You're welcome.
Have a nice day and goodbye.

Translated by Subransu