Baby Oopsie: Murder Dolls (2022) - full transcript

[wind whooshing]

[bats flapping]

[slow organ music]

- Tiny hellish demons disguised
as play things for children.

Diminutive beasts who
thrive on fear and pain,

who feast on the souls of those
who dare cross their path.

My goodness.

They will mount in numbers
until their army rises

and opens the gates to...

toy hell...

led by...



the toy master.

The crazy lady wasn't
so crazy after all.

He, after all he who
possesses this wicked tome

controls the toy master's will.

Beware of the toys.

Well, I possess it now, buddy.

We'll see about that.

[mysterious theme music]

[childlike yelling]

- [Toy] You're stepping
on the boat, little miss.

We're only afraid of the dark.

- Shut up, you moron!

Let us out!

Open this fucking
treasure chest.



[indistinct shouting]

- Oh, gonna hit the
fan, hit the fan.

- Face it, loser.

We're running this rodeo.

Yee haw!

Yee haw!

Now let us out before I put
you on a permanent time out.

[indistinct shouting]

- Oh the scratch

shows his grizzled muzzle,

and he threatens to cloak
the world in darkness

and forsake the glory and
life of Lord Jesus Christ.

That is why we must be strong.

That is when me must
stand and shout,

Satan you get--
[loud splashing]

- Turn that shit off!

Bring me a bowl of mayonnaise.

I'm sorry.

- Now Ray Ray.

- I need to be be hurt

before you dine us.

- Ray Ray, you don't mean that.

You're just not yourself.

Get back.

Something evil got ahold of you.

- Evil.

- Ray Ray, you've
gotta fight it.

We're best friends, remember?

- You can never stop
our reign of terror.

But sadly, you'll
suffer the legendary.

- [TV Preacher] Satan, you
are cast out of this home.

Cast out of this life.

- Satan, get ye behind me!

- Fuck you, skank!

Your stepmother was right.

You're nothing but
a piece of garbage

with a shitty ass hair cut.

You'll never amount to anything.

You're just a dried
up old spinster

who smells like rotten leather.

You're a dive.

- Why, you son of a bitch!

[cross sizzling]
[man shouting]

[wind whooshing]
[woman shouting]

[man laughing]

- Father Luke.

- Father McGavin.

I just made a pot.

- Oh, no thank you.

Um, I took your advice.

And I went down to the archives.

- Horribly dreary down there.

- Father, I found this.

Father, it's filled
with pages and pages

that corroborate
the woman's story.

It says that the evil
toys are already here.

I did some research.

I went on the internet and
I found underground videos

of people saying the toys,

they're basically being
distributed to gullible folks

that will nurture the toys.

It says that when
the time is right

the toys will rise in an army

to destroy mankind.

- Sounds like horse shit.

- Maybe.

But father, what if it isn't?

- Father.

- Will you at least grant
me the permission to

look into it further?

- Yes, but please keep in
mind that most of the writings

from that period are simply
metaphors for mental illness

- Father she, she
seems so convinced.

- She's bat shit.

Sister Alicia believes that
she saw the face of Jesus

in her oatmeal.

That doesn't make it true.

We live in very
troubled times, father.

Plain and simple, the only
demons that truly exist

are the ones in our head.

- Right.

- I'll show you a grave

if I bury you alive.

Your evil toys will kill
everyone that you love.

- May the power of
Christ compel you.

- Fuck you!

[pan clanging]

- Teddy!

- Hey, Sybil.

Is Christy around?

- Christy?

- My girlfriend.

I haven't seen her since
we got back from Mexico.

[woman screaming]
[electricity zapping]

Kind of got into it on
the plane ride back.

I figured she was giving
me the cold shoulder,

but it's been two weeks.

I can't get ahold of her.

- I haven't see her.

She ain't been around here.

- At all, I mean...

Her car's still here.

- Like I said, I
have not seen her.

I have a lot to do.

If I see her, I'll
tell her to call you.

- If you see her--

[door slamming]

[suspenseful music]

[phone ringing]

- What?

- Sybil Lindon,
it's Father McGavin.

- I can't talk right now!

My plate is very full.

- I researched
some of the things

that you were trying
to share with me.

Sybil, I think there might
actually be some truth

to the claims that
you were making.

- Well goody for you.

You're too late.

- I need to meet with you
as soon as possible, Sybil,

please.

I really think that the
church needs to just have--

- It's too late.

- But I really believe--

- I have a pissed off demon

tied up in my living
room right now, okay?

I can't talk!

- This is not gonna end well.

[light airy music]

- Ray Ray.

- Hey, honey.

You got any Ibuprofen?

- Ray Ray, is it really you?

- Yes, of course it's me.

Who else would it be?

- You're back to
your normal self?

- Nothing knocks
the devil out of you

like a frying pan to the head.

- You ain't fooling me?

- I'm right as rain.

I'll swear on a stack of Bibles.

Come on, got to end this
craziness once and for all.

- Okay.

Ray.

- I never wanna see another
doll as long as I live.

[gravel crunching]

- You a friend of Miss Pittman?

- No.

My girlfriend's her roommate.

Or was.

- Was?

- She's not returning
my phone calls.

- Private Detective Clink.

Mind if I ask you
a few questions?

- Sure, um,

I mean it's probably nothing.

We went on vacation together,

got into it on the
plane ride back.

I dropped her off here.

I haven't heard from her since.

Sybil says she hasn't been here.

- Sybil said that?

- Yeah.

- Does your girlfriend have
a habit of disappearing?

- No.

- I can help you find her.

- All right.

[bell tolling]

[somber music]

[dramatic music]

[indistinct mumbling]

- [Toy] We can't
breathe in here.

- What are we
gonna do with them?

- Maybe we can put
the box in a fireplace

and burn them.

- They're gonna barbecue us.

- Good idea.

- Or better yet,

we can sink them in the river.

- No, daddy please!

- [Male Toy] But honey likes--

- [Doll] No, I can't swim!

- Maybe we'll just
kill you instead!

[doll laughing]

- What, oh darn!

Yee haw!

- It's time I
deliver the bad toys.

The day of reckoning is upon us.

Toys shall ravish the earth.

Rivers of blood shall
flood the streets.

- Oh no, Sybil.

[toys laughing]

Now let's finish
this loser up, daddy.

Tie the bitch up

so I can to medieval on her.

- We shall feast from the
skullcaps from the dammed.

- Froggy hungry.

- Rats!

- Yee haw!

[evil laughing]

[dramatic music]

[phone ringing]

- Girlfriend Skipper.

- Where are the dolls?

- Way ahead of me, mister Chump.

She is clearly got cold feet,

so I'm taking matters
into my own hands.

- It's you that will be cold
if you continue to fail.

This is your last chance.

- I got you, boo.

Today is the day.

I'm going to her
house and not leaving

until I have all three dolls.

One way or another.

[intensifying music]

[doll laughing]

- Feeling comfy, mommy?

Now it's your turn
for a time out.

Your final time out.

That'll drown off his wife.

You're not evil.

You're just stupid.

Time for night night.

- Drain her life force!

[evil laughing]

[doll laughing]

[Sybil screaming]

[chainsaw humming]
[evil laughing]

[Sybil screaming]

- [Doll] Mommy got an ouchie.

Should I kiss it
and make it better?

[evil laughing]

[dog barking]

[suspenseful music]

- Protect me, Father,

from the unknown evil
I'm about to face.

- Sign this.

I'll submit a missing
person report.

I have a feeling there's
more to this story

than meets the eye.

In the meantime, have you
contacted her parents?

- No, I never met them.

Do you really think
something happened?

- The only thing I know for sure

that Sybil Pitman
is up to no good.

Do you have any
other information

on your girlfriend that
might help me locate her?

- No, I mean,

we could look in her car.

Haven't moved since we got back,

I have a spare key.

- What about the house key?

- Yeah, why?

[upbeat rock music]

- I want peanut butter
banana sandwich.

Hurry up and open the
gates to toy hell.

- [Male Toy] What
is that spelling?

- Toy hell, toy hell.

- [Doll] Let's do this.

Take it in to slow the bowl.

- I'm not gonna break things.

[indistinct chatter]
[dramatic music]

- [Doll] Let's
start the shit up.

- Calling every
priest that is evil.

[speaking in foreign language]

- I need a rush.

- [Toys] Huh?

- Which one of you
ordered the exorcist?

[shouting]

Retreat, demon!

In the name of the
Lord, Jesus Christ

I pine you from excreting
your thorn of evil.

- No daddy.

No, no!

- Stand back, tiny demons.

[doll shouting]

All right, oh lordie now.

- [Doll] Stranger danger.

- Daddy sick.

[loud hissing]

- Lord, our God, make
known the true life.

No way but through us

and repent this innocent face.

- Real amateur

The only reason why
you became a priest

is because you got
to put tie on jeans.

- What'd you say?

[indistinct shouting]

- What kind of death?

- No, no don't listen to him.

Just read!

- Okay, use his
Lord so that he--

[indistinct shouting]

- See all hell, man.

[doll whimpering]

Father, return this
innocent to patience.

Hindrance impure.
[man screaming]

Carry the beast.

[intensifying music]

[growling]

[wind whooshing]

[indistinct shouting]

[toy moaning]

[man shouting]

[man laughing]

I did it!

I did it!

Oh tag my ass!

[laughing]

- Oh hey, honey.

Sybil, come over
here and help me up.

- Oh, oh praise God!

Praise Jesus.

[toys shouting]
[man shouting]

- No, no, no!

[toys laughing]
[man screaming]

- Now, time for night night.

- Adios, mother fucker.

[thudding]

- David.

- Well boys, if you want
something down right,

you gotta do it yourself.

[toys laughing]

Now let's go raise
a little hell.

- No!

[evil laughing]

[suspenseful music]