Baby Geniuses (1999) - full transcript

Dr. Elena Kinder and Dr. Heap work for BABYCO, the world's leading manufacturer in baby products. What the public doesn't know, however, is that Dr. Kinder and Dr. Heap are secretly working on cracking the code to "baby talk" which is actually a highly sophisticated language which allows babies to communicate the knowledge of the secrets of the universe with which they are born. Problems arise when Sly, the smartest of the babies, escapes from the lab and unites the babies of the outside world to help free the babies trapped in the lab. Kinder and Heap must find Sly before it is too late.

He's out.

What do you mean, "He's out"?

Sylvester.
He's escaped.

Impossible.

(SIREN BLARING)
Maximum alert.

(ALARM RINGING)

Damn it!

He's been spotted
on the mezzanine.

Secure perimeters.

Alert topside.
Initiate probers.
Move!

Move! Move!



HELICOPTER PILOT: He's exiting
the building.
Move out.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

HEAD SECURITY: There he is.
Nail him.

He's heading for the maze.
We've got him.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

Cut him off!
Toward the fountain.

There he goes.
He's headed back.

Coming back,
towards the fountain.

HELICOPTER PILOT: He's
approaching the fountain.
Seal him off.

We've got him.

HEAD SECURITY: Be careful.
He's dangerous.

HELICOPTER PILOT: There's
nowhere to go, Sly.

Give it up.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)



HEAD SECURITY: Security.

Go.

The rest of you, come with me.

Check the perimeters.

Nice try, pal.

(SPUTTERING)

(LAUGHING)

Take him.

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Stop him!

(LAUGHING)

That'll be quite enough,
Sylvester.

HEAD SECURITY: There
you are, doc.

He nearly made it this time.

Tomorrow you will explain how
a mere toddler manages
to escape

from a laboratory
25 stories below ground.

HEAD SECURITY: What kind
of kids you breeding
down there?

Nearly blew us away
with karate.

Remarkable.

Once again we demonstrate
the superiority
of the Kinder method.

Take him to the secret lab.

(SHUTTER CLICKING)

(SHUTTER CLICKING)

HEEP: Operation Twincorp,
access requested.

(RHYTHMIC BEEPING)

COMPUTER: Analyzing
voiceprint.

HEEP: Review project
in summary form.

COMPUTER: Twincorp is designed
to prove the superiority

of the Kinder method
of child rearing.

To accomplish this, two years
ago, twin brothers
Sylvester and Whit

were born to a specially
selected surrogate mother.

Director of operations,
Dr. Elena Kinder, arranged for

Whit to be adopted
into the home of her niece

and her niece's husband,
Dr. Dan Bobbins.

Sly was placed in the BABYCO
Hyper-Developmental Habitat

to be raised under
the guidance of the
Kinder method.

HEEP: Summarize
operational protocol.

COMPUTER: It is imperative
for the integrity
of this experiment

that no one ever discover
that Sly and Whit are twins,

especially, the boys
themselves.

A comparative evaluation
of the boys will occur
by age 6

to establish conclusively
the superiority of the
Kinder method.

HEEP: Updating experiment log.

Last night, Baby Sylvester
made his way up
25 stories, undetected

escaping from his habitat
in a secret lab.

Even though it now appears
that Sly cannot be controlled

I'm sure, Dr. Kinder will be
pleased by this display
of skill and intelligence.

I however, remain
apprehensive.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

MAYOR: Under the guidance
of its chairman,
Dr. Elena Kinder

Baby Geniuses Inc.
And its parent company BABYCO

are the world's largest
manufacturer of products
for the baby.

BABYCO is also a vital
charitable organization

which sponsors orphanages
in 10 countries
around the globe.

The latest one dedicated
just a week ago,
right here in Pasadena.

Today we are deeper
in Dr Kinder's debt

for the extraordinary gift
to our community.

Joyworld, the world's largest
indoor amusement park.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the founder
and CEO of BABYCO

my friend, Dr. Elena Kinder.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm gonna break out.

Honey, you can't get hives
just because your aunt
comes into the room.

I can't help it.
She starts lying.
I start breaking out.

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you all
for coming here today.

We at BABYCO believe
that babies have a language
of their own.

We're dedicated to proving it.

Our research in infant
potentiality is the model
of the field.

But in the final analysis

the simple answer as to
why we do what we do is...

We love babies.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

Loves babies.
Huh!

Loves money.

ELENA: All right, ladies
and gentlemen.
Let's have a party.

Welcome to Joyworld.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Look, it's a roller coaster!

ELENA: So the park, of course,
will be free for all children.

But the money collected
from adults

will go to the BABYCO
Worldwide Orphanage
Foundation.

MAYOR: Is this a terrific
lady, or what?

This is kind of great.

She does a lot of good
you've gotta admit that.

She's good at stealing
your ideas that's what
she's good at.

MAN: Attention!

Has anyone lost a baby?

A very big baby?

Ladies and gentlemen
Baby Bunting!

That looks like your
illustration.

That looks like Boo Boo Boy
from Baby's Good Day.

Bunting came into this world
just last week.

Now, everything
is fully controlled

by our computerized
command center.

Hiya, fellas.

And now go to crossover mode.

Okay, Richard.
Give me Baby Bunting vocal.

What's your name, little girl?

Erin.
My name is Erin.

Aww...
What a sweet name.

Give Baby Bunting a big hug.

And cue burp...

Now.

(BURPING)

Well!
Think about changing
his diaper.

Come on, honey, this way.

MAN: Kids, good news!

Robotic Santa
and the robotic elves

are waiting to greet you
at the robotic North Pole.

In fact, we have robotic
entertainers located
throughout the park

all controlled from our
central command center.

Okay, let's cue up
for Robo-Zoo.

And here we have the world's
most unique animal farm.

We call it Robo-Zoo.

Each child gets
a remote control

to control their own
robotic animal.

Doctor, why wouldn't you have
real animals in your zoo?

Good heavens!
Anybody could do that.

Plastic zoo. Huh!
That's definitely
Aunt Elena's idea.

At least she could
have introduced you.

She steals from your books,
from your research.

DAN: I'm flattered.

ROBIN: She knows you're about
to make a breakthrough
in infant language.

She'll probably try
to steal that too.
(DAN CHUCKLES)

DAN: You make her sound
like Attila the Hun.

ROBIN: Honey, we're barely
able to afford your research
facility and the preschool.

She does this all the time.
It's just not right.

I think she's just
goal-oriented.

Her goal is to take
over the world, I know.

I lived with her
for more than half my life.

And look how great
you turned out.

MARGO: Lenny?

Lenny?

Where are you going
with those children?

What children?
These are not children.

These are plumbers.
They're gonna help me
fix the sink.

Good-luck kiss.

With this house, you
need more than luck.
(BOTH LAUGHS)

Okay, let's get to work.

Just as you thought, the
BABYCO line of expandable
infant clothing

has elicited a tremendous
response in our first
research pass.

Huge numbers from the Kmart
and Wal-Mart shoppers

where the penetration
is weakest.

That should increase
our market share.
Put it in production.

Heep, tell me of the new ones.
How many possibles?

-Eight show potential.
-Eight out of 500?

Elena, statistically, genius
occurs once in
10,000 individuals.

We expected only five geniuses
from the Pasadena Orphanage.

We've got eight.

ELENA: Don't tell me
how well we're doing.

Our orphanages and secret labs
are costing us
200 million a year.

The sole purpose of these
orphanages is to allow us
to cull out the geniuses,

-the natural leaders.
-We'll do better.

I'll settle for a few more
like Sylvester.

Look at what
that crackerjack did
last night.

All our emphasis has been on
keeping the world out
of a secret lab.

No one ever considered
the possibility of a baby
escaping.

Just look at this wonderful
world we've created for our
babies to grow up in.

Why would anyone
want to escape from here?

The one who did is in the work
station, no doubt planning
his next escape.

Hello, Sylvester.

Hi.

-What's he constructing?
-We don't know.

He builds all kinds
of extraordinary things.

For all kinds of
extraordinary purposes.

Just look at that intensity.

There's no other baby
like Sylvester.

HEEP: Well, maybe one.

ELENA: His twin, Whit?
(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHING)
Whit!

Uh-oh, oh, mayday!
Mayday!

Whitley, where is helper
number one?

Give me the lug wrench.
Whit, hurry up.

Go!
On the double!

(GRUNTS)
Ah, oh!

Uh-oh!

Oh, mama!

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Oh, mama.

Mama.

Listen, you monkey.

This is a monkey wrench!
(WHIT LAUGHING)

Plumber's helper number one,
you're fired. Get out of town.

(WHIT LAUGHING)

(PLAYING THE KEYBOARD)

ELENA: What is
that terrible noise?

Noise to us.

But the computers analyze
every possible permutation.

What we hear as incoherent
noise may actually be
a musical masterpiece.

Listen to our computer's
interpretation of Basil's
playing.

(PLAYING KEYBOARD)

That's remarkable.

It has all the complexities
of a symphony by Haydn
or Beethoven.

If that's the case

it's possible that what we
hear as baby talk
is actually conversation.

Exactly, and look at this.
A child writing on
a pad, right?

No.

After checking all languages

we found out they're writing
the cuneiform language.

Not only, they speak
their own language

they understand all others.

Now watch this.

(BABY TALKING)

Subject One speaks, and we
immediately see activity here

in the lower limbic region

while Subject Two,
as he listens

is active in the forebrain.

These babies are having
a conversation.
We just don't understand them.

The instant a child begins
to speak in any known language

the limbic activity ceases.

As though they forget.

Exactly.
Bobbins was right.

What if the limbic activity
is not merely speech?

What if it's stored knowledge

from an early-parent
gene pool?

Passed from generation
to generation.

Amazing!

They may know
the secrets of the universe.

The greatest breakthrough
in history of science!

Revolutionize a human map.

If we find the key
to the human mind

every child will be
educated in Kinder method.

Every great mind
will be ours to mold.

(PHONE RINGING)

Let's get them all
into the amphitheatre.

(BABY TALKING)

Hello, my little
baby geniuses.

What are we discussing today?

Could it be postmodern
ethical construction?

How about

the mechanics
of human knowledge?

Ah!

My little Sly one.

Ah...

Sly, tell me

what are you thinking?

Come on.
You can look at me.

What are you thinking?

What are you saying?

Enlighten me,
my little Einstein.

What do you think?
Should I enlighten her?

She won't understand.

She doesn't speak
our language.

But go ahead.
Have fun.

Lead us through
the wilderness,
my little warrior.

All right, all right.
That does it.

Doc, if you're gonna talk
out of your ass all the time

maybe you should wear
a bow tie on your butt.
(CHILD LAUGHING)

Bow tie?
On her butt?

(LAUGHING)

On her butt?

(LAUGHING)

That's disgusting, Sylvester.

Huh...

You know, you think because
I don't understand

you, I don't understand
what's going on.

Don't be too sure
about that, honey.

Yeah, right.
And don't call me honey.

Okay, Sly man, one.

Dr. Kinder, zip.

You're always busting
her chops.

Are you kidding?
Give me a break.
She's Darth Vader in a skirt.

Dr. Kinder's our benefactor.

Because of her,
there will be a new order

and we will be its leaders.

Don't have a cow, Basil.

Why do you talk like that?

Your syntax is atrocious.

It's because he watches
TV all the time.

How does he do that?

He converts the monitors.

You ought to all watch TV.

Check out the real world,
like Jerry Springer.

And have fun.

This is exactly what Dr Kinder

is trying to overcome.

Moral decay.

Now you sound like Heep.

Discipline, discipline,
discipline.

(ALL LAUGHING)
Reward and deprive.

Give the babies a crumb.
Take it away.

Like Pavlov's dogs.
Hold up the bone,
the doggies salivate.

If they behave,
give them a little gristle.

If you don't like it

why don't you just leave?

He'll just take the next bus.

Duh!

You're such a weasel, Basil.

Nice face, weasel.

Ugh!

(ALL LAUGHING)

You fool.
Dr Heep is watching.

Don't mess with the Sly man,
Heepster.

(SNAPS)

We're back!

Dickie?

Dickie?

Where is he?

Carrie? Whit?

The kids aren't here.

Wait a minute.
Hello?

Anybody?
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
Whit?
Is that you?

Oh!

What's this mess?
Look at this water.

Hey, mom, no fraternizing
with the help!

Carrie, look at you.
You are soaking wet.

You are soaking wet.
And look at Whit.

(BABY TALKING)

Yes.

You know what?
You two go for a swim

and Uncle Lenny and I
are gonna have a little
talk, okay?

This water here on the floor.
Is it dangerous?

Uh...
Please.
The power's out, anyway.

-The power's out?
-Yeah.

Great.
Where's Dickie?

I don't know.

Oh, nice do, Dickie.

You look like
Mount Pepto-Bismol
just erupted.

Pink is cosmic, all right?

For the last time,
my name ain't Dickie.

It's Ice Pick.
Would you people
get that straight?

Ice Pick

I love the creativity
and imagination
that you've displayed here

but no matter how outrageous
you act or you dress

I'm not gonna fire you.
So give it a rest.

Love you, pal.
Grab a mop.

He could use that pink one
he's got on his head.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Don't worry.
He's just acting out.
We'll bring him around.

Can you tell me why
we're doing this again?

I promised Dan's brother
we'd get him through one
job without getting canned.

I wish I could afford
a makeover like that.

These are the bills
that have to be paid
this month

but this baby

is actually a check

made out to your business
for 34 big ones.

Dollars, that is.

Why don't you collect
from some of these stiffs?

Their kids spend more time
here than they do at home.

What about Aunt Elena?

One ring off Elena's finger,
you could run this
place forever.

That being said,
I'm resigning.
Effective immediately.

"Ice Pick". I like that,
but it's a little commonplace.

What about
"Ice Pick the Great"
or "Saint Ice Pick"?

Or "The Great and Powerful
Wizard of Ice Pick"?

Very funny.
Seven on a scale
of a thousand.

Nose Pick, let me ask
you a question.

Why cut new holes?
Why not close up some
of the old ones

like your mouth?

What is that, an
old hippie joke?

Ah... Wrong answer.
Don't you kids
try that at home.

Margo, don't pull
on Dickie's earring, okay?
Grow up.

Yeah.

Ice Pick is right.
Auntie Elena should help.

You're not supposed
to call her "auntie".

-Just Elena.
-WHIT: What's it matter?

They can't understand me.

He does so much good.
I wish we could help.

I tried. I gave him
that idea subliminally

about a new wing.

What's that do?

Increase their disposable
income by a factor
of four at least.

Oh!

Oh!

Honey! Honey.

-Did you hear that?
Tell me you heard that.
-What?

Whit.
He just said, clear as a bell

"By a factor of four
at least."

And I understood it.

This is so great.

It was in their language,
but that was the phrase.

Those were the words,
"By a factor of four".

-Beats the hell out of "dada".
-Wait a second, I've got it.

-You got it?
-Right here on tape.

-He's got it.
-Let's see it.

Oh, boy, home movies.

(LAUGHING)

He understood our language.

-Uh-oh.
-Uh-oh?

Is that all you have to say?

Okay. Let me think.

He's going to want us
to explain the secrets
of the universe.

That could be a real problem.

Hmm...

Well, you're in trouble
again, Sylvester.

Now go to sleep,
or it's Valium for you, pal.

There you are.
You got that lock thing?

I've got the security bonder.

Yeah, right.
Okay, Sly man

I've got that surprise
I promised you.

Let's see you get out
of this one, Houdini.

Dumb and Dumber.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

(BEEPING)

Lock and load.

(BEEPING)

(BEEPING)

(REWINDING)

(BEEPING)

Say "Cheese".

Cheese!

We're currently experiencing
technical difficulties.

What the hell?

It's too easy.

What do you got?

A temporary loss
of transmission
in Quadrant 4.

Lexi?

Lexi?

You're out.

Come with me.

I want to, but I'm too scared.

I'll take you to a mall.

A mall?

Really?

I can't.

Wait a minute.

I heard something.
You better go.

Bye.

Take care of yourself.

I'll miss you.

Quadrant 2's down now.

Don't be late, babe.

Five, four, three

two, one.

Diaper Express.
Right on time.

Ugh!

Diaper gravy.

Well, give me liberty
or give me death.

Not exactly aromatherapy.
Ugh!

I should've taken death.

(BABY TALKING)

Yeah, well, there it is
in plain English.

(TALKING GIBBERISH)

It sounds like baby talk,
but he's saying, "By
a factor of four at least".

How can you tell?

It's like this language
that I used to speak,
and I've just forgotten it

except for once in a while.

I believe you, honey.
Really, I do.

Can I go home now?

Yeah, but remember
one thing, Nosebleed.

Dennis Rodman can afford
to look like road kill.

He gets 18 rebounds a game.

(LENNY LAUGHING)
Yeah.

Sweet dreams,
robo-entertainers, I don't
wanna hear any snoring.

How were the crowds?

20,000 maniacs
disguised as kids.
How do you think they were?

We had some glitches
with Bunting.
Bring up his schematic.

Coming up.

-Man, this new sequence...
-Wow...

The world's biggest
video game.

WOMAN: The tracking software
needs to be recompiled.

If you don't have any
dirty diapers for me,

-I'll get back to work.
-Dive, dive!

-Come on. I'm looking bad.
-CARRIE: He tries so hard.

I hope when I go over
and speak their language,
I'll remember to thank him.

How could you thank him?

When you cross over,
you won't remember
anything you know now.

Wait a minute.
I got a great idea.

Have you said
"Dada" or "Mama" yet?

No, that's so stupid.
I've decided

the first time I speak,
I'm gonna quote the Gettysburg
Address flat out.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

No, you gotta say "Dada".
Say it.
He'll go nuts!

He'll call Mom
and they'll both go nuts.

Uh, I don't know.

You gotta say it.
Come on, do it.

Oh, okay.
I'll do it.

(WHIT LAUGHING)

Dada!

Dada!

(WHIT LAUGHING)
Dada! Dada!

Dada!

* Joy to the world,
the Lord has come *

You said "Dada".

DAN: She said "Dada"!
I got it on video.
(BOTH LAUGHING)

I can't believe it!
I missed it!
She said "Dada"!

-Where is she?
-Come on, girl. Where is she?

Oh, my little sweetie.

Oh, my little doll.

-Told you.
-ROBIN: Say "Dada".

-Can you say "Mama"?
-Watch this. Mama!

Ah!

She said it!

-She said it!
-She did, she did.

Phew...
What are you feeding
those kids anyway?

Too much.

-Happy trails.
-Okay, take care.

Diaper gravy.

Whoa!

Oh!

Wow!
This is awesome!

Where are the chicks?

Huh?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

SLY: Hasta la vista, baby.

DRIVER: Hey!

(HORN BLARING)

All right!
Look out, world.

Sly man's here!

The night is young.
And so am I.

Ew!

Diaper gravy.

(HORN BLARING)

-Yeesh.
-Having that strange
feeling again?

Yeah.
Like somebody's calling me.

Uh-oh.

It sure happens a lot.
What are they saying?

I don't know.
But it sure is scary.

(DOG BARKING)

(YELPING)

(DOG BARKING)

(GROANS)

Whose little boy are you?

(SCREAMING)

(WHIT SCREAMING)

(WHIT CRYING)
-Whit, what's wrong?
-What is it, sweetie?

Hey, come here.

DAN: Did something scare you?
ROBIN: Aww!

Come on.

Oh, yes.

-Let's take you upstairs.
-It's almost bedtime.
Let's go.

Down to the last
cleaning person,
you have passed

the most stringent
security check ever devised!

You each receive salaries
10 times

that of similar positions
in other companies.

Why?

You are part of the most
momentous experiment

in the history of corporate
research and development!

You are entrusted

with that knowledge

and the responsibility
that goes with it.

And you have failed
that responsibility.

Now I don't care how,
or what you do.

Get Sylvester back.

Yes, sir, you're someone's
little boy, all right.

And there's going to be
a reward, and I'm going
to be the rewardee.

I'm going to take
real good care of you.

Reward?
Hell, forget reward.

Let's talk ransom.
Yeah, that's what we'll do.

Ransom and easy street.

And if they don't come
through...

Well, let's not think
about that.

(GRUNTS)

Looking good.

Ah!

(SLY LAUGHING)

Ooh!

Oh!

Come back when you're ready
to play in the bigs.

I gotta get a disguise.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening to you.

What?
This is a fashion statement.

-You see that?
-Yes.

-It looked like a kid.
-Uh-oh.

That's a baby.

This disguise sucks.

Yo, taxi!

Hey, babe.
Where are we going?

Since I can't walk, I guess
we're going wherever
my mother's going.

Is that friendly?

What does this look like?
The welcome wagon?

Look, I got a problem.

Take off your clothes.

Okay, but at least you could
take me to dinner first.

Oi, a comedian.
Yikes!

Who designed this dress?
Larry, Moe and Curly?

Call me.

Oh, no. It's Elena's goons.

Sheesh!

Don't forget, I'm listed.

Merry Christmas, Morty.
See you tomorrow.

Good night, boss.

Sure glad she wasn't
wearing heels.

One umbrella, one.
Two umbrella, two.

-Let's go upstairs to the zoo.
-Good night, Amanda.

-There you see a horse
that's blue.
-Good night, Rachel.

-Big old steed with one
white shoe.
-Sweet dreams.

Ooh, that was beautiful.

Sleep tight, you guys.

Yeah, there we go.

We'll watch them
till you come up.

-Why don't we have another?
-What?

Baby.

I tell you what.

You carry it for four
and a half months

and I'll carry it for four
and a half months.
Deal?

Deal. Let's start now.

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey.
(LAUGHS)

Honey, we adopted Whit

because we thought that we
couldn't have children
of our own.

And then we had Carrie.
She was our little
miracle baby.

And miracles can re-occur.

Well, let's not talk
about that right now, okay?

Maybe next year.

Now, sweetheart

love of my life,
father of my children.

Did you tell Mr. Wilson
that we wanted a $50,000 loan

for a new wing?

Oh, yeah, that.

Oh, yeah, that.

I meant to show you
something.

We're three months behind
on the mortgage.

-I know, I know.
-We have to go to the bank
and beg.

I just want you to look
at some numbers.

Right now we get $300
a month for each

-baby in the research program,
right?
-Right.

Right.
If we take in 10 more babies

we qualify as a Chapter 40
research corporation

and then we get $900 a baby.

-900?
-That's right.

So...

The 10 new babies, our six

that's 14,400 a month,
2,000 a month for the loan.

Even with more help,
we'll still operate
above break-even.

We can do more research,
take in more babies,

(CHUCKLES)
lose less money.

This is amazing.
This actually makes sense.

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

You don't have a single cell
in your entire brain
devoted to business.

How did you come up with this?

Actually, I don't think I did.

I think it was Whit.

Whit told you
this business plan?

Well, not tell exactly.
It was just It came to me.

When I was working with him,
it kind of

jumped out of his brain
(CHUCKLES)
and landed in mine.

I went to the pamphlets.
It works.

-Kid knows his business.
-Yeah.

Got some better news.

What?

It was the night
before Christmas,
and all through the house

not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

Or a kid.

Or a toddler.

Okay, Charlie, they're all out
for the night.
Lock it up.

Sly's in the house!

King of the mall!

Macy's.

Damn!
I didn't bring
my credit cards.

Shop till you drop.

(GRUNTS)

Video games.
My kingdom
for some video games.

(EXCLAIMS)

What have I got?

(SLY LAUGHING)

Baby Guess.

I can get out of drag.

(MUSIC PLAYING)
Yes!

Smoking!

He shoots.
He scores!
Yeah!

Yo, yo, yo!

(WHIT HUMMING)

-World Facts for 800, please.
-Answer... Daily Double.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

You're close to the lead.

Donna moved ahead a while ago,
but you're just $100 away.

I'll wager 1,100, please.

All right, for a $1,000 lead,
here's the clue
in World Facts.

"Discovered by David
Livingstone, Botswana's
Lake Ngami

"lies in the northern part
of this desert."

What is the Kalahari?

What is the Gobi?

-No, wrong part of the world.
-Ahhh!

What is the Kalahari?
The Kalahari in Africa.
(SLY LAUGHING)

All right, that takes you
to 4,800.
Pick again.

Do you think
we've lived before?

I don't know, honey.
That's your area.

The Tibetans believe that
when we're born again

we retain universal knowledge
for the first two years.

Then we learn to talk
and we forget it all.

They call it "Crossing over".

I'm doing a crossword here.
Universal knowledge can wait.

No, just think.

What if our babies
have all the answers to life?

I'd settle for 28 across.
What was it that Miss Muffet
sat on again?

Her tuffet.

What the hell
is a tuffet anyway?

You got me.

When you tap into universal
knowledge, you find out
and let me know.

(DAN LAUGHING)

Lexi, you should've
been here, kid.

(SIGHS)

(BABY TALKING)

Oh, what?
You never heard
of Weight Watchers?

Diaper rodeo!
Diaper rodeo!
On your mark.

Get set.
Go!

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

-Here goes Old Faithful.
-Sprang a leak!

Come here, sweetie.

-Ah, a winner.
A winner.
-Time!

Hey!
Rotator cuff,
rotator cuff injury.

Om nama vasudeva.

Om nama vasudeva.

Om nama vasudeva.

May the wrath of Shiva
descend upon you.

Stick to your rapping,
Ice Shtick

and leave the wisecracks
to the people with
IQs over 40.

It's not rap.
It's mantra.

Junior, I was chanting mantras
before you were born.

You were chanting mantras
before Buddha was born.

Pretty.

That's pretty good.

Christmas shopping.
Pray for me.

-Want me to take the kids?
-No, no.

You can leave Carrie.
I'm going to run some stats.

Okay, come here.

-You're going to love it.
-A car.

That's a car.
You can't have a car
for Christmas.

It's a little too expensive.
Well, maybe a little dinky
car would be good.

What the hell was that?
I think I just had a kid.

MALE GOON 1: BABYCO 1,
he's been spotted
at the mall.

He's heading your way.

Uh-oh, busted.

Shh...

Right up to the tunnel.

Go on.

MALE GOON 2: We're on him.

Psst...
Hey, buddy.

(SLY LAUGHING)

Come on, kid.

Give it up.

(SLY LAUGHING)

SLY: I hope you got a kick
out of that.

Whit?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Whittie, you there?

Over here.

-Move.
-No.

ROBIN: Sweetie?

You still in there?
Where'd he go?

Whit?

Whit, what was that scream?
Was that you?

Sweetie, what are you
looking at?

I thought we dressed
you in overalls.
That's strange.

Oh, my little sugar.

Were you scared again?

Come on, I know what's gonna
cheer you up.
Mommy knows.

(SNIFFLING)

Tears?

Could this be guilt
for threatening
our great work?

Put him down.

I want you all to see this boy

who has jeopardized
everything we've worked for.

(CRYING)

Serves him right.

Why don't you go talk
to your computers, Basil?
They understand you.

They don't like him either.

All right, Sylvester,
go to your room.

We'll settle this later.

For heaven's sakes,
someone get him
out of my sight!

(BABY TALKING)

Whoa, I've never seen him
like this before, go run some
of that off, honey.

Watch out for that rope.

You know, I gave him
a couple of slurps of my ice
cream and he just went nuts.

(SLY WHOOPING)

Dan, come out here.

(SLY LAUGHING)

Yeah...

I don't know what
you feed him,
but where can I get some?

What?

How does he do that?

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

Sugar high.
You should've seen him
at Baskin-Robbins.

We've been banned for life.

Well, he seems okay.

I'll have a talk with him.

(CRYING)

What is wrong with you?

I'm the executive director
of a madhouse.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

(WHIT CRYING)

What's wrong?

Nothing ever scares Sly.

I just want him
to stop crying.

She's still upset, honey.

It's all right.
Just go to sleep, Carrie.
(DAN LAUGHING)

You'll be all right.

Okay, you sleep tight.

Okay.

First Whit, and now Carrie.
Must be contagious.

Yeah.

Night, guys.

Had any of those weird
feelings lately?

-What?
-You heard me.

Lighten up, will you?

You're not my brother.

You fooled my mom and dad,
but you don't fool me.

What do you mean?

-You're not my brother.
-Don't be dumb.

Jerk.

She's gonna be trouble.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

Play.
I'll be watching you.

Want to swing? I'll push you.

I don't want to.

Tell us what happened.

I was at the playground
with my mom...

With your what?

He's delusional.

You're such a putz, Basil.

(BASIL SIGHS)
Ignore him.

Go on.

And I climbed up the slide
and I bumped into
this other kid

and when I got up, it was me.

What do you mean, it was you?

The other boy.
He looked just like me.
(SNIFFLES)

What's your name?

Whit.

Oh, boy.

Don't worry, Whit.
It'll be all right.

Dr. Kinder will take you
back to your mother.

She'll do no such thing.

Don't you see?

Dr. Kinder arranged
for the Bobbins to adopt Whit

for just this purpose.

A twin progressive,
comparative experimentation.

What's he talking about?

We don't know,
and we're geniuses.

It means Dr. Kinder
let that quack, Bobbins

raise Whit while
she raised Sylvester

to demonstrate the superiority

of the Kinder method.

And wait till she finds out
the twins have been switched.

She'll realize she has
an opportunity for a living
cross-evaluation.

He's at it again.

Obviously Sly,
swine though he is

is superior to this
Whit individual.

Gee, thanks.

-She wouldn't do that.
-Do what?

Keep a child from its mother
just to prove her theory.

Oh, really?

Get Dr. Kinder down here.

Tell me, who is this?

That's Sylvester.
His brain synapses
fire at a rate

of about 40% above normal.

So that's Sly, right?

Look at this

little person's voiceprint.

So?

Compare it to this voiceprint
taken from Sly last week.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, no.

Oh!

Those imbeciles!

Sly?

Sly?

Whit?

Oh!

You idiots!

You imbeciles!
You morons!

-You cretins! You, you...
-Boring.

-You...
-Traitors.

No, not idiots, no.

Oh!

You wonderful,

brilliant assemblage.

You have given me
the greatest gift
of my entire life

our own living
cross-evaluation!

Told you.

Brown nose.

(CHUCKLES)

Give them all a raise.

Brilliant.

I feel so warm and motherly.

I think I'll go visit
my darling niece.

And the mother
of the year is...

Start the comparative
tests on Whit immediately.

We'll see how Sylvester's
doing among the peasants.

How can she do this?

Don't you understand?

Dr. Kinder is acting
for the greater good.

Maybe it's all right for us,
but Whit has a mom and dad.

What's wrong with you?

She's not going to keep
Whit forever.

Yeah, sure, Basil.

This is Dr. Kinder
we're talking about

not Dr. Frankenstein.

(MOANING)

Teddy, what is it?

I feel funny.

What's wrong?

She's crossing over.

She's going to be one
of the grown-ups now.

Don't worry.
This is the way
it's supposed to be.

You'll all cross over soon.

Bye.

Don't go, Teddy.

My God, look at that.

Two years old
and the limbic activity
is slowing down.

The frontal lobes
are taking over.
We were right.

Will she remember us?

No, she's one of them now.

Dan, we can't be late.

They're late.
They're late
for a very important date.

Your mom and dad are off
trying to save the farm.
Hip, hip, hooray!

Oh, you sweethearts.
Thank you.

-Thanks, all of you.
-Thank you.

Here, you take her.

-(LAUGHING)
-My little angel.
(DOORBELL RINGS)

Who's there?

Let's go see.

Elena?

Ooh, ooh...

Come on, I'll make you
breakfast, pancakes
in the shape of a witch.

Still getting your help
from the work-release
program, I see.

Give Dr. Kinder
a nice big kiss.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Whit...

Very nice.

Mm-hmm.

(SIGHS)
I love coming to this house.

There's just something
about it that's so...

Uh...

Homey.

-We were just going out.
-You were going out?

Tell me, how is Whit?
Is he talking yet?

Actually, two days ago we had
some communication
in pre-language talk.

Really?

We caught it on video.

On video?

DAN: I've translated several
whole sentences.

Whole sentences?

I have a wonderful idea.

Why don't we take
Whit to the lab?
With your gift

for pre-language

and our technology,
I'm sure we can skip
a step or two.

What?

(BABY TALKING)

Slow down, pal.
What?

Don't do it.

Wow!

What?
What'd he say?

"Don't do it."

That's ridiculous.

What are you saying?

They've got Whit.

Woah, woah, wait a minute.

Who's got Whit?
You're Whit.

-Go on.
-Can't.

That's all I'm getting.

Isn't that amazing?

I must be running along.
I have some serious,
important matters

that I have to attend to.
Goodbye, Whit.

Oh, hives.
She's up to something.

-What is going on
with you today?
-We got to go. Margo.

-You okay, sweetie?
You look a little sad.
-Ooh, ooh, we do have to go.

-Margo.
-Carrie, go back
with the babies.

Get me Dr Heep
on the phone immediately.

I don't care what he's doing.
Get him on the phone now!

Jonathan, I want two
of our best men
sent down here now.

No!
You idiot.
No, listen to me.

Dan is beginning to understand
both of them.

And if he does,
then we go to prison.

We have to have them both.
We can't switch them.

Mm-hmm, I want you to rest
here a little minute, okay?

Here we go. There you go.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

Oh, mama.

Margo!

-Margo!
-Margo will be right back.

Dickie!

Keep an eye on that boy now.

You want to tell us about it?

Yeah, I guess so.

What now?

You have to ask?
It's the power.

If this house was a dog,
we'd have it put to sleep.

(MARGO LAUGHING)

Well, would you look at that?
The sun is setting
in that boy's pants.

He wishes.

Nice work there, Dickie.
(LAUGHING)

Real classy.

So I'm fired, right?

Fat chance.
Change your shirt
and check on the babies.

-A lot of Van Gogh
in that kid.
-Yeah.

His ear is still intact.

-You're weird. Okay.
-Check on the power.

You just let them take
your brother?

-It didn't even bother you?
-It bothered me.

There just wasn't anything
I could do to help him.

(BABY TALKING)

We're tracing the power
outage, and this property
may be the source.

-What can we do to help?
-We need access
to your hookup.

Ray, why don't you check
the basement?
I'll look upstairs.

-Dickie, show this man...
-What's going on?
Who is that?

It's Elena's goons.
They're after me.

Into the bedroom. Hurry up.

What's a goon?

-So how long have you been
into self-mutilation?
-Huh?

We all need a hobby.

How many bedrooms
on this floor?

-Four.
-And on the third floor?

-Five.
-Dickie.

I want you to go down,
get my partner
and tell him I need a hand.

Keep an eye on the babies.

My pleasure.

SLY: Brilliant, Dickie.
Why didn't you just stuff
me in a suitcase for him?

CARRIE: Close the door.

You must be Sylvester.

I heard about you
and your karate.

I'm a black belt.

Care to try me, son?

Oh, no.
I'd be too scared.

Now, I guess you expect me
to step over this ski

and you'll jump on the end,
and the end will hit
me in the gonads.

I'll scream and make a funny
face fall down the stairs.
Is that right?

Well, I think you've been
seeing too many bad movies,
pal.

Because I'm just going
to step around the ski.

Just how stupid
do you think I am?

Pretty stupid.

(GRUNTING)

SLY: Gee, I bet
that felt good.

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

What happened?

Sly kicked him right
in the forbidden zone.

ALL: Oh!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

What's going on?

Looks like a work-related
injury.

I better go up and see
what happened.

Tough guy, huh?

Well,

you're about to meet
your worst nightmare.

Goon, that is some
lame dialog.

(LAUGHING)

You really think I'm gonna
walk over that ski,

and you're gonna jump
on the end?

And that ski's gonna come up
and hit me in the gonads,

and I'm gonna scream
and make a funny face
and fall down the stairs?

(CHUCKLES) I don't think so.

Cross your legs and smile.

(GOON GROANS)
(FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

No.

(BOTH GROANING)

(SIGHS)

You don't mess with
the Sly man.

(GRUNTING)

Driver!
BABYCO, right away.

Jonathan, I want the
laboratory stripped.
Disappear, understand?

I want bare walls.

You told me before that Whit
used to get weird feelings.

Yeah,
like someone was calling him.

Yep, I think that was me.

BOTH: Oh.

All right everybody,
sit on the floor in a circle.

CARRIE: Sit on the floor?
In a circle?

What part of that
don't you understand?

Bare walls, I want this place
stripped in three hours, you
got that, bare walls.

Look.
Suppose he does break through?

Nobody will be able
to understand Sylvester.

-Who's gonna
believe Bobbins?
-Oh, don't be an idiot.

All he has to do is take
Sylvester to the Mercy
hospital

where the twins were born.
For God...

Would you be careful?
And ask for a handprint
validation.

After that, they'll know
we haven't got Whit,
they've got Sly.

And my darling niece will have
a search warrant

and half the police force here
in less than an hour!

Bare walls!
Bare walls in three hours!

-Move it!
-What are you doing?
Get a move on!

What's he doing?

Dr. Kinder's not taking him
back to his parents.

I don't believe it.

Not Dr. Frankenstein, huh?

She's gonna move him tonight.
And we've got to help.

All right, they're coming.

Who's coming?

Sly and the kids.
They're coming
to break us out.

-When?
-Tonight.

Listen, we could
cross over at any time,
and then she wins.

Either you're with her,
or with us.

I'm with you.

-We're with you Whit.
-Basil, decide.

Decide now.

Let's kick butt!

Okay.
He's with us.

(CHEERING)

I think we've got company.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Come on, Ice Dork, the mind's
a terrible thing to waste.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Come on, troops. Move it.

What are we gonna do?

-We're gonna train.
-We're going on a train!

ALL: Yay!

Oy, vey.

Up, down, up, down.

This is pathetic.

Hut, two, three, four.
Hut, two, three, four.

You call those jumping jacks?
More like jumping jerks.

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Hold it!

This isn't working.

Well,
what do you expect?

We're geniuses, not ninjas.

Dig deeper, guys.
I need warriors.
Now move out.

Under the net.
Under the net!

What?

-Hiya!
-Wow!

Ow!

Move! Move! Move!

Oops.

Karate.

Hopeless.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Hiya!
Huah!

Now let's concentrate.
Okay, one at a time.

One at a time!
One at a time!

This is harder than I thought.

BABY: It's my turn.

BABY: It's my turn.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

All right, we have to use
our secret weapon.

And what's that?

Duby,
what is it adults fear most
about babies?

Dirty diapers.
(WHIT SIGHS)

You're wrong.

Well, they make
those stupid faces when
they change our diapers.

(BASIL LAUGHING)

Dirty diapers.
That's funny.

Mm-hmm.
It's our intelligence.

We have to use
our intelligence.

That's it.

All right, everybody.
Follow me.

(MARCHING DRUM BEATS)

(SNORING)

All right, everybody.
Take your places.

Move it.

Malcolm, take the flank.

Joey, over here with us.

(SNORING)

BABY: Sly, do I have time
to go potty?

SLY: The potty?
You're wearing the potty.

Put it on hold.
This is much more important.

Easy for you to say.

You are in my power.

You will obey my commands.

What are you trying to do?

I have a theory that grownups
remember our language
in their subconscious.

If I'm right
I can hypnotize him.

You are in my power.

You will obey my commands.

Before I take the babies home

I will drive to BABYCO.

Everything depends
on my driving to BABYCO.

You are in my power.

You will obey my commands.

Let's see if we've
really got him.

Lenny, raise your arm.

Oh.

All right.

Make him stick out his tongue.

Okay.
Stick out your tongue.

(BABIES LAUGHING)

Make him wiggle his tongue.

Ugh.
Okay.

Now, wiggle your tongue.

(BABIES LAUGHING)

Sly, make him pick his nose.
Go on.

Yeah, Come on, Sly.
Make him pick it.

Ugh.
That's gross.

-Do it. Yeah, make him.
-Make him pick his nose.

All right.
Pick your nose now.

Pick it.
Pick it.

Lenny.

Dickie!

When I snap my fingers
you'll wake up.

(GASPS)

Lenny, wake up.
Time to take the kids home.

Get their jackets on them.
We leave here in 30 minutes.

Lenny!

I'm up!

All right, move out.

Dickie...
Where is that boy?

Boy, this is not
your lunch break.

All right, Ice Pick.
Hop to it.

Come on, Carrie.

Aren't you coming?

No, I got a job to do here.

ALL: I don't know but
I've been told,

Eskimo girls are mighty cold.

Dr. Kinder is a son of a gun,

got cooties and they
weigh a ton.

One, two, three, four.
One, two three, four.

-We got it! We got it, Margo!
-We did it!

-Lenny!
-Where is everybody?

Whit!
Whit!

You got what?
An eviction notice?

No, no, we get the whole
ball of wax.

The loan, everything,
we're gonna find out tomorrow.
Where is everybody?

Out delivering the kids.
Carrie is having a snack.

Is everything okay?

I don't know.
Something weird's going on.

I got a bad feeling.

Mrs. Dexter?

He hasn't?

Randy hasn't gotten home yet.

-Okay. I'll get right on it.
-It's late.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello!

Mrs. Walters?
Yeah...

I know.
Well, we're checking into it.

It's probably a flat tire.

Okay, I'll phone you back.

I'll phone the bus.
(PHONE RINGING)

Bobbins' bus.

Lenny...
Where are you?

BOTH: We have a vitally
important errand at BABYCO.

We have a vitally important
errand at BABYCO.

We have a vitally important
errand at BABYCO.

What did he say?

They had a vitally important
errand at BABYCO.

Dickie was kind of
saying it along with him.

Like a song-and-dance team?

I don't know.
They sound like robots.

What kind of errand could they
possibly have at BABYCO?

(BABBLING)

Carrie!

(BABY TALKING)

(PHONE RINGING)

What is it, honey?

-Hello?
-ROBIN: What?

Yes, Mrs. Skyla.

I think she's trying to
tell us something about Whit.

-He's in the bathroom.
-Quack, quack.

What are you trying
to tell us?

He went off with a duck?

What is it, sweetie?

BABYCO.

Hello. Mrs. Hebutis.

Concentrate, Daddy.

You can do it, Daddy.
You can do it.

Try.

Go on. I'm getting it.

Connect with your inner child.

-Try harder. Danger!
-What?

-What?
-Whit has a twin brother
called Sly.

He's been here for
the last two days.

-What?
-What "What"?

Sly and Whit got switched
at the mall.

And Dr. Kinder kept Whit in
her secret lab
to experiment on.

Oh, my God!

-What?
-She says Elena has
a secret lab.

I don't believe this.
Whit and Sly got switched.

What? Who's Sly?

She's getting rid of the lab
and moving the babies to
Liechtenstein.

Liechtenstein?
Oh, my God!

Liechtenstein?
What Liechtenstein?

I'll tell you on the way.

Sweetie, do you know
all the secrets to life?

Sure, piece of cake.
I'll explain when you
get back.

-What's with
the Liechtenstein?
-I'll tell you.

Liechtenstein.
I hate Liechtenstein!

Hello? 911?
This is an emergency.

What is the nature of
this emergency?

There's been a kidnapping.

And who's been kidnapped?

My son.

How old is he?
Who kidnapped him?

He's almost 2, and his
great-aunt did it yesterday
at the mall.

His great-aunt kidnapped him
at the mall yesterday?

-Right.
-And you're just
reporting it?

She switched him for
his twin brother.

She switched him
with his twin?

-How do you know this?
-My daughter told me.

How old is she?

Eighteen months.

-I know this sounds strange.
-No, sir.

I get this kind of call
all the time.

Now, let me get this straight.

Your 18-month-old daughter
told you

that her great-aunt kidnapped
your son

by trading him
for his twin at the mall?

-Is that about it?
-Listen.

This woman is moving all of
the babies to a secret lab
in Liechtenstein!

A secret lab in Liechtenstein?

Well, that is serious.

Give me your name, sir,
and I'll get you all the help
you need.

-She thinks I'm nuts.
-Well, no wonder.

911?

Now listen.
You know that BABYCO building?

There's a bomb in there,
and we're going to blow
those little suckers to Venus!

You wanted cops? You got cops.

The magnificent Sly
and the Bobbins' babies

have a vitally important
errand at BABYCO.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Security personnel,
report to stations.

What are you doing?

The magnificent Sly
and the Bobbins' babies

have a vitally important
errand at BABYCO.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Hey!

What's up, doc?

Well, well,

the resourceful Mr. Sly.

Go! Go! Move!

I don't know who
your friends were, Sly

but I do know one thing.

You are mine.

See you in Joyworld, doc.

(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)

You know the drill.
Take your places.

I'll be in the control center.
Move out.

Yes!

Show me the money.

Fasten your seat belt, doc.

The ca-ca's gonna hit the fan.

Okay, robo-entertainers,
where are you?

(TYPING)

Oh!
Beautiful.

Where are you, big boy?

Okay, baby, nappy's over.

Come on, you can do it.

Give me five.

That's it. Cool.

Let's bring up some
schematics.

Great, now for a little
rewiring, boys.

And then
let the games begin.

Bring my helicopter to
the helipad at the back of
Joyworld.

Hover and descend
on my command.

Sly?

What can you hope to
get from this, huh?

Just a little satisfaction,
doc.

Okay, let's get ready
to move out.

All right, Sly, come off it.

I know it's you.

Okay, brother, make your move.

Yep.

Sly!

All right. The fun is over.

Okay, boys, let's march.

Lights,

camera,

action!

(ROARING)

Baby want a hug.

Baby want a hug.

-Get them, you fool!
-Go!

Baby want a hug.

Baby want a hug.

What? No hug?
Oh!

That make Baby Bunting mad.

Get the baby!

-Right cross.
-Oh!

-Left hook.
-Ah!

-(SCREAMING)
-Whoa!

You the one, baby.

Okay, alien,
a little target practice.

(GASPS)

Blew his brains out!

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!

(GRUNTING)

And a happy New Year.

(GIGGLING)

What's the matter with
you guys?
These are oversized dolls!

Go, clown.

You know the drill.

(BUZZING)

Lexi, kangaroo.
Duby, ostrich.

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

Sylvester!

Oh, behave, baby!

Enjoy the ride, suckers!

(SCREAMING)

Not yet.

Not yet.
Now!

(GRUNTING)

Whoa!

(GIGGLING)

Hiya!

Take him.

You take him.
I saw what happened last time.

(SCREAMING)

All right.
The Whit man's in the house.

(SCREAMING)

(WHOOPING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh!

Oh!
Basil, out of the park.

All right, Lexi.
Give me five, Basil.

Oh!
We're out of here.

(ENGINE NOISE)

You don't mess with the
Sly man, Heep.

No!

No!

(CRYING)

Stop! Stop!

It's you and me, Sly.

Mano a mano.

You know, you're a tremendous
disappointment to me,
Sylvester.

You never understood
the importance of the work.

Why, you could've known
greatness.

Instead, you're just
gonna be another...

Another kid.

Oh!

-You are smart enough to keep
your mouth shut?
-(CRYING)

Need I say more?

Et tu, Basil?

And proud of it.

Ahhh!

Sly, I knew you'd
come back for me.

Every time, kiddo.

Sly, are you okay?

I feel funny.

-Whit.
-No, no. I think that's Sly.
Sly, are you okay?

What way?

Helicopter.

-The helicopter pad?
-Roof.

The roof?
He's on the roof?

Oh, my God. Elena!

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Here, take him.

All right, take him up.

-Elena!
-Elena!

Dan!

Take it up, you fool! Up!

Up! Up!

Oh, my God!

(SCREAMING)

No!

(GASPS)

Dan!

Dan, are you all right?
Are you okay?

Mommy!

Mommy!

Aunt Elena!

(POLICE SIREN BLARING)
No!

Auntie Elena!

POLICE MAN: Lower the chopper.

Lower the helicopter
immediately.

Do it now.

This is your last warning.

Lower the chopper.

Officer, arrest this woman.
She's insane!

She's trying to harm
the babies.

Auntie Elena, you tell them
or I swear to God.

For heaven's sakes,
stop calling me that.

All right, I am not your aunt.

-You're not my aunt?
-Your mother adopted you
when you were 2 years old.

I was adopted?

Do you actually think that
you and I come from the
same gene pool?

Oh, thank you, God.
Thank you. Thank you! Ah!

I felt terrible
hitting my aunt like that.

Officer, that's my son.

-This is your child, ma'am?
-I know my son.

It's here.
Look at your daddy.

Look at you.

-Are you crossing over?
-Yeah.

I think maybe I am.

-Maybe it won't be so bad.
-Yeah.

There's just so much
they don't know.

You're right about that.

But they try so hard.

You gotta love them.

I'll see you on the
other side.

I feel kind of funny myself.

-See you.
-Yeah.

Yes, ah!

Honey!

Honey!

It was a giant baby
and a dinosaur.

-You started to remember...
-Something about Dickie.

Dickie and Lenny.
They were like song
and dance team.

-Come on, something
like that.
-But the twins!

It was a secret lab.

Liechtenstein.
Where are the boys?

-Everything's fine.
-Yep, it's true. It's true.

Babies do talk.
Now the whole world knows.

Only you understood them.

Whit and Sly.
They can tell us everything.

-Guys.
-(SCREAMING)

-Hey, twins! We've got twins.
-Oh, yeah.

Okay, guys,
tell me the secrets of life.

Come on, Sly, what's up?
What's going on out there?

They've crossed over.
Honey!

What? You've crossed over?
Oh, no!

No secrets of life.
No universal knowledge.

Hey wait a minute.
Carrie knows it.
Come here, Carrie.

-Right.
-Come here, honey.

Hey, come here, sweetie.

Come on.
Tell me everything.

Come on. (LAUGHING)

Come on, honey.

Oh, Gee,
another Kodak moment.

Oh, I get it.

You're not gonna
tell me a thing, are you?

Nope.

Honey, I think she's trying
to tell you this is the way
things are supposed to be.

Okay.

No secrets of life.

You want to see the
real secret of life?

Take a look.

(SONG PLAYING)

Okay, that's a wrap!
You're out of here, Sly.

If they think I'm doing the
sequel for less than 20 mil,
they're nuts