Baby Frankenstein (2016) - full transcript


This is Houston
contact with a test one.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

One, two, three, four, five,
five, four, three, two, one.

End of test.

Okay, we
checked all four systems.

Try to hold onto it.

- One arm, huh.
- Load it.

Whoa, whoa, watch it, careful.

Steps, got it?

- Steps.
- You got it?

- Ready.
- What?

- You got it, you got it?
- He's bugging me, please.

You got it.

We're doing steps now.

- Hey there!
- Whoa, whoa.

- Hey.
- Nice robe.

Oh thank you.

My favorite.

I might have
another one for you.

Really?

Oh boy.

I have a few others, but
this is like my favorite.

- Yeah.
- Hi.

Hi, I guess we're your

- new neighbors, yeah.
- Moving in?

- Hey.
- I'm Kim.

That's my son Lance over there.

- Hey, how you doing?
- Ken Glinevich.

Kim is my girlfriend.

Okay, well, welcome
to the neighborhood.

- A bit of a weirdo?
- Ken.

That's funny.

I wouldn't say
weirdo, maybe weird.

- Okay, well.
- But without the O.

Leave your weird on the side,

'cause we don't do
weird over here.

Okay.

Could you do me a favor?

Could you take those for me?

Okay, thank you.

- Right here, put this inside.
- Alright.

- Alright I will babe.
- Okay.

- Give me a kiss.
- Okay, alrighty.

There we go.

The sun is out,
so my guns are out.

- I'm sorry.
- Come on ladies.

- Back to work.
- Nice to meet you.

- Alright.
- Come on.

Let me know if
you need my help.

- Sorry.
- Open the door.

Sorry about that.

- Oh, oh.
- I got it, come on.

- Don't touch me.
- Oh, careful.

- I got it.
- So you been here a while?

My mom's house.

Your mom lives here too?

No.

She passed about five years ago.

Sorry about that.

She's a nice girl.

She lives here, too?

Her name's Truth.

What kind of name is that?

Well.

I always forget to ask her.

Alright.

Woo, that is it.

- We are done.
- That's it?

We are done, thank you.

- You are the best.
- Come here, come here.

- Thank you, thank you.
- You're the best.

What would I do without you?

You know what
you'd do without me?

- You'd go unsatisfied.
- Stop it.

Stop.

- I gotta go.
- Okay.

What, what do you
mean you gotta go?

I gotta go, yeah.

Aren't you gonna
help and unpack?

No.

Van Steed's mom's dog
is in the hospital.

- His mom's dog's in...
- Yeah.

- You alright with that?
- Okay, that's fine.

- Alright.
- That's fine.

We'll visit, Lance
and I can do it.

Plus, it'll be good for him

to get a little manual
labor in, right?

What's that supposed to mean?

- Ken, no, stop.
- It means you're a twink,

and you need to get a
little muscle on you.

- Okay go take care of the dog.
- Is that what you call that?

Yeah that's what I call that.

- Go ahead, touch it.
- I won't touch that.

Touch it, come on.

- You know you want to touch it.
- Mom.

- Let's go, come on.
- What's the matter?

You gotta learn how
to defend yourself.

Let's go, the dog
needs your help.

Wiseacre.

- Alright babe, I gotta go.
- We'll be fine.

- Thank you, love you.
- Thank you, love you.

I do, I love you.

- Okay.
- Okay, bye.

Alright.

We gotta go.

- Let's get to your mom's dog.
- I'm sorry.

Real gentleman, huh?

- You'll learn to love him.
- Will I?

He grows on you.

- Is that possible?
- Come here.

Give me a hug.

We'll be fine, I promise.

I don't know.

It's all gonna be good.

- Okay?
- I know.

Don't let go.

Okay.

What the...

Is that a...

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,

oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Are you okay?

Me?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

You look like you
just saw a ghost.

Lundquist Industries.

This is Elena, how
may I help you?

Please hold.

Yes?

A moment, sir?

What is it?

May I come in?

Yes.

It's been activated, sir.

What has?

The prototype.

What prototype.

The prototype, sir.

What are we looking for?

Okay.

It was right here.

I swear.

What was?

The little thing, what
I was talking about.

It was right here, it
was under this sheet.

The little green thing.

Okay.

I gotta give it to you, Lance.

This is the most creative
excuse I've ever heard.

If you just wanted to hang out,

I'm right across the street.

I really gotta give it
to you, Lance, props.

Come on.

Come on.

This was fun.

So I guess I'll be
seeing you around.

Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second.

Did you see that?

Come on.

Lance, what are we...

Sh, quiet.

Lance, what is that?

I have no idea.

Truth, what are you doing?

Hey baby, what are you doing?

No no no.

Hey little buddy.

What are you doing?

- Truth, Truth.
- Lance, stop.

He's kind of cute.

He's like a little baby
Frankenstein or something.

Don't call him that.

It's okay, little dude.

We're not gonna hurt you.

What do you think he is?

I have no idea.

- Who's that?
- Shit.

Hey Lancey, what
are you doing?

You having a little
make out party?

Holy...

- Oh my God, what the...
- No.

Whoa.

What is that?

Glinevich.

Careful.

- Don't hurt him.
- Hey!

Please don't hurt him.

Hey little poop poop poop
poop poop. Are you a poop poop?

- Don't say that.
- Oh yeah, no no no.

That thing, stay calm everybody.

- I got this.
- No, no, leave him alone.

- I got this.
- Stop.

Hey!

Stay right there, no no no, hey.

Don't go, come here.

No!

Stop, let him go.

Let him go, stop, stop.

Get back here.

Come on dude, stop.

- Don't do that.
- Oh my God, what's going on?

Glinevich, stop running.

You're too fat.

- Where'd he go?
- What has happened?

Where'd it go?

- No.
- Where'd it go?

It was like a little
green Dale Earnhardt.

Stop, he's gone, he's gone.

- Stop stop.
- No hey, wait.

This way, I could smell him.

Glinevich,
what are you doing?

Lance, do you have any
idea what that thing is?

This is a Chupacabra, my friend.

- Okay?
- What?

And do you have
any idea how much

National Geography will pay
for a carcass like that?

- You can't kill him!
- Oh sweetie, sweetie.

I'm a man.

I'm a hunter.

I do what God put me on
this Earth to do, okay?

Alright?

Plus, I can use the money.

What are you talking about?

Come on.

- We're coming with you than.
- Get in!

Get your little
butts in the car.

- Oh my God.
- Let's do this!

Manhunt.

Glinevich, your shoe's untied.

Where'd you go,
you little monster?

Oh, you didn't
fall for it, did you?

Alright kids.

The woods is no
place for ladies,

so you guys stay right here.

You, stay right there.

Van Steed and I are going in.

You stay here, keep
an eye on things.

Got it, good.

Good luck, you two.

Watch out for the Chupacabra.

Oh wait, there it is!

Easy, guys, easy.

These two idiots.

Those two idiots are
never gonna find him.

Come here, you
little Chupacabra.

Think how much money we're
gonna make off of this thing.

This way?

Yeah.

Hey Chupacabra.

Hey Chupa Chupa.

Are there any
animals out here?

- Like muskrats, or...
- Muskrats?

- Mountain lions.
- Maybe bears.

Take down a
muskrat, don't you?

- I don't know.
- Look pretty fierce.

There he is.

Careful, don't spook him.

What's he doing?

Hey little dude.

What's up, man?

- He's so cool.
- Hey buddy, how are you?

What you doing over there?

It's okay.

Hey, it's okay.

Maybe he'll like you more.

- It's okay.
- Look, he's chewing.

You got something in your mouth?

Or is he...

- Gum, gum?
- He's mimicking the gum.

Yeah, that's what it is.

Give him a piece,
see what he does.

- Minty fresh?
- Here, little buddy.

Unwrap it first, though.

Want to try it?

Come here.

He's into it.

Oh he likes it, look.

Don't swallow it now.

It stays in your stomach
for like six years.

Come here, Chupa Chupa.

Come here, Chupa Chupa.

It's Glinevich.

Go go go go go.

Come here, you little Chupa.

Chupa.

Easy, Chupa Chupa.

He's just passing by.

Okay, look, he's leaving.

Alright, they passed us.

Come on, let's go.

- Come on, it's okay.
- Come on buddy.

- Come on little dude.
- You can trust us, come on.

Come on buddy, don't worry.

- Come on baby.
- You're okay.

You're okay, come on buddy.

You can trust us, come on.

It's alright.

There you go.

There we go, alright.

Let's go this way.

Make sure he doesn't
spit the gum out.

I don't want him to litter.

Hi neighbor.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

The house looks so good.

Oh man, I get so
into this once a year.

Mine looks so boring
now compared to yours.

Well, I got plenty.

I could decorate your side.

I could do your whole house.

- You would do that?
- Your porch, backyard.

Nice.

Come on, come on
buddy, good boy.

There he is.

Come on, bud.

No leaves, come on.

Well that spider's
a little creepy.

Careful, don't get too close.

Oh, I hope it doesn't bite.

- Yeah.
- It's so nice.

Hey!

Ken, what are you doing?

Hey, where's Lance?

I just got
home, I don't know.

Good afternoon.

Hi?

Can I help you?

What the heck is
going on with his shoes?

I was wondering if any of
you had seen this individual?

We have information suggesting
he's in the neighborhood.

Wait wait wait, get back.

Get back here.

Hold on a second.

He's quite dangerous,

- so if you should see him.
- Dangerous?

Please call that
number immediately.

Whoa, there's a 50,000
dollar reward for this thing?

- Yes sir.
- 50,000 dollars.

Regardless of our
suspect's short stature,

- I assure you he's...
- Cash?

Well, yes.

I just moved here.

- I haven't seen anything.
- What does he look like?

I got the picture right here,

- you idiot.
- Come on, let's go.

What are you
doing out in public?

Again, he's quite dangerous.

So should any of
you encounter him,

please let us know immediately.

Thank you.

What the heck are we gonna do?

50,000 dollars.

- We have to hide him.
- But what are we gonna do?

- I have an idea.
- Idea.

Come on, come.

No, I mean, have
you seen anything?

No, that doesn't
happen around here.

This whole
neighborhood's changing.

I need to move, I
really need to move.

I don't know, I'm
gonna go check on Lance

and make sure he's okay.

- Yeah, let me know.
- Okay.

Bye.

- Happy decorating.
- Thank you.

I'll get yours later.

Aw, thanks.

There we go.

Come on little dude.

- No way.
- No way.

Lance.

- Yeah.
- No, Lance.

- Oh yeah.
- Okay, well.

Oh just, no.

Lance, come on. We're
not supposed to be here.

We were just taking him here.

Just one game.

I haven't bowled since I
was a little kid, come on.

We really shouldn't
be doing this.

- Look at these lights.
- Look, we're not supposed

to be here, and I
don't want my bosses...

Come on, what
shoe size are you?

- Live a little.
- I can't have

Mr. Spintho and Mr.
Spintho walk in.

Mr. Spintho, Mr. Spintho.

Come on, what shoe size are you?

Okay, just one game, okay?

I'm telling you, just one.

Yeah yeah, just one
game, come on, what size?

- One.
- One, promise.

- One game.
- Come on.

- What is happening?
- What are you doing?

We're bowling.

Come on man.

We're playing, we're
not eating air.

- I'm actually over it.
- Lucky number 10. Here we go.

Get the ball towards the pins.

Get the ball, swing
your arm to the back.

I look like an idiot.

Not feel pain, I don't know.

- Oh, you better go.
- My turn.

Promise.

Bring it back to
your right shoulder.

I'm left handed.

- Left shoulder.
- Left shoulder.

Let the momentum of the ball.

Good, awesome.

You're not bad either.

Lance, Lance, wake up.

What?

I hear someone.

God, what time is it?

Where is he?

He's gone.

- Whoa, yo!
- Yikes.

Where'd you come from?

Halloween a little early, huh?

Geeze.

I think he wants to...

You want to help?

I think he wants to do it.

You want to try?

Show him.

Wipe.

Very good.

That's it, that's it.

Now put 'em in here.

Man, that's a great costume.

Hey, Mr. Spintho.

Hey Mr. Spintho.

How are you guys doing today?

What's going on there?

I see you got a
new helper here.

I gotta tell you, my
kids love Halloween too.

I dress up still.

I love the costumes,
the parties.

Are you taking your
little brother tomorrow?

You ought to,
he's freaking scary.

That's a great costume.

Sounds like a
lot of fun, yeah.

Let's go.

- Come on baby, let's go.
- Bye bye.

Come on.

Alright thanks guys!

Okay guys, thanks.

Bye Mr. Spintho, thanks.

- Bring me back some candy!
- Okay.

And Truth,
next time you crash here,

please turn out the lights.

Did you really
have to bring him?

What am I gonna do,
leave him in the van?

Yeah, he's like
a lost puppy dog.

Oh!

Yes, this is it.

This is the one.

This is the one.

- Oh God, that one?
- Oh yeah.

- No.
- Yes, yes, yes.

- No, no.
- Hey.

This is it, baby, this is it.

- Hey hi there, welcome.
- Oh.

Hey John, you work here?

Yeah, well, if you
want to call it that.

- Nice.
- Ah.

What are you doing
out in public?

Hi Glinevich.

Hey, weirdo.

Listen.

- I am looking for a couch.
- She found it!

- This is it.
- No I did not.

Not really sure what I want,

but I do know that I don't
want to spend a lot of money.

I understand.

I'm not really sure
what I can afford.

Well, we got a great
financial, you know,

different plans, layaway,

you came to the right place.

What kind of couch?

I don't know, I kind of like...

This kind of couch,
this kind of couch.

No, I kind of like
this kind of couch.

No no no no, this is bad.

This is like sitting
on a prison floor.

Which you're very
familiar with, as I recall.

Some people prefer that.

It's a little
stiff, but you know,

a lot of people
prefer that, you know.

- It's a preference.
- You're a preference.

Listen, stop being rude.

- What, come on.
- You're being a jackass.

- Stop it.
- Alright fine.

I gotta whiz.

Where's the ter-let?

It's down in the basement.

- No.
- Just take the escalator

- down there.
- Come on.

Is there an employee
ter-let I can use?

No, not at the moment?

Really, 'cause you were
bringing boys in there

all the time?

You could use the exercise.

Alright, but this
is the couch, baby.

I'm serious.

I've been sitting on
couches my whole life.

I know what I'm
talking about, alright?

Let's, come on.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm still trying to train
him how to act in public,

- and as you can see...
- It's alright.

It's not really
working out very well.

- That's alright.
- You know you get used to it.

- Anyway, yes.
- Well anyway.

This is, you know, I
know you mentioned couch,

- but this is...
- No, I think I like this.

This is cream of the crop.

It's nice and big, it's roomy.

That is cat nap
re-impulse recliner sofa.

- It sounds fancy.
- Kind of.

It's kind of like the
best of both worlds.

Alright, well this comes in
these colors here, alright?

We got this orange, we
got this colonial blue,

we got this pea green, okay.

I don't know, I kind of like...

No, easy buddy.

Easy buddy.

Loving the fashion, huh?

Oh no no no, not scary enough.

Definitely not scary
enough, come on.

What do we got here?

What do we got?

Definitely not
scary enough either.

That would fit you, though.

Sorry man, sorry.

This way, come on.

- Hey, we got nothing.
- What about this?

Oh no no no.

What do you mean?

- I think it's gonna look cute.
- That's not gonna work right?

- Can you see it?
- No.

- That's not gonna fly, right?
- What do you mean?

That's not gonna fly.

Does he look like a little
fairy princess to you?

No, he looks like a big
mean warrior, doesn't he?

I think it'd look cute!

I wonder if this place
has any costumes at all.

I've been looking,
I can't find any.

Oh look, looks
like he works here.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Come here for one second.

So we're looking for
Halloween costumes.

All we found was this.

Do you have anything else?

Something a bit
more manly, maybe.

Like you know, for
this guy right here.

Hello?

- It's okay.
- Thanks.

- Come on, let's go.
- We're good, thanks.

Have a good day.

Don't worry about us.

It's okay.

It's okay, you're
okay, it's fine.

Getting some flare-ups.

Oh perfect.

He's not scared at all.

It's easy, dude.

I think he mentioned
something about Yoda.

What?

- I don't see it.
- You good, you good?

You good?

One step at a time.

Natural, he's a natural.

Oh, the Chupacabra!

We caught the Chupacabra!

Come on!

Hello, hi.

This is Ken Glinevich.

I'm calling for Agent Lundquist

about the monster,
I mean, the suspect.

For the reward.

Yeah, no.

Don't put me on hold.

Okay, no I'm okay.

No sir, I'm not drunk.

Agent Lundquist, please.

- Daredevil.
- He wants to go higher.

Put your hands back up there.

Oh no.

Easy buddy.

Whoa.

He just never quits, does he?

No, look at him over there.

I'm loving every minute of this.

He's awesome.

We can't just
keep him forever.

I don't want to
think about that.

I guess my mom could
use the reward money.

Who even knows if there's
actually a reward, Lance?

I mean, something was
fishy about that guy,

and I wouldn't trust him.

I don't know,
I'm just worried.

I mean, what if
Glinevich finds out?

You know, we can
either sit here,

and drive ourselves
absolutely crazy,

worrying about questions we
don't have the answer to,

or we could just
hang out, have fun.

I mean, just live life a little.

Yeah I guess so.

I haven't been this
excited about Halloween

since I was a little kid.

Yeah, me too.

- You're right.
- You know what?

We'll figure it out.

Don't worry, okay?

Okay.

Look at him.

He just can't get enough.

You think he's alright?

How's it going,
Agent Lundquist?

I was under the impression
you'd be coming alone.

Yeah, well this is my
partner, Mr. Van Steed.

Very well, then, have a seat.

So about that 50K.

Patience.

Hi there.

Would you gentlemen like a menu?

We're fine, thank you.

- Gentlemen, eat, please.
- Oh wait wait wait.

Can I get some garlic powder?

I don't do garlic salt.

- Sure thing.
- And some Parmesan cheese.

Sure.

And a side of hot sauce.

- What kind?
- Hot.

Yeah, I meant
like mild or hot.

Hot!

Got ya.

It'll be right up.

Happy?

I will be.

So Mr. Glinevich,

you have knowledge of the
suspect, you've seen him?

We both know that
thing is not human.

- Stay calm, mister...
- Oh I am calm.

And I'll tell you what.

You just tell us how
to get our money,

and we will give you that
little Chupacabra monster,

and we will be on our
way to Isla Moreles.

Do you actually have
it in your possession?

No, but I will.

I promise.

I could do it.

Can I
get you anything else?

No Chupacabra, no money.

Oh, can I get a to-go box?

Sure thing.

You got a pen?

Pardon?

Do you have a pen?

Gracias.

Okay, this is what
I want you to do.

I want you to meet
me at this address.

Thank you, thank you very much.

That was a waste.

Be at that address
tomorrow at midnight.

- I will.
- Okay, okay.

And bring the money, because
no money, no Chupacabra.

Later alligator.

Have a good night.

Oh we will, and Lundquist,
thanks for dinner.

I hear somebody.

Who's out there?

- Hey John.
- Hey, how are you?

- Oh.
- Hi.

Don't do that, you scared me.

- Sorry about that.
- How are you doing?

What's going on?

- How are you?
- Nothing, just hanging out

in the neighborhood.

Okay yeah, I'm just
cooking a little dinner.

Hey, I saw your mom
today down at the store.

- What?
- Yeah,

she's gonna buy a couch.

- Awesome.
- Well almost awesome.

She said she'll be back.

- That's cool.
- Good, yeah.

Yeah almost cool.

She didn't buy it.

You know, she's with
that guy, you know.

So maybe she'll be back.

- Something.
- Yeah, alright guys.

- Wait.
- What?

We have a bit
of a favor to ask.

- Small favor.
- Just a little one.

But you gotta promise
me that you're not

gonna freak out, okay?

Why would I?

Promise, please.

Sure, sure I won't freak out.

- Oh, whoa whoa whoa, no no.
- John, you said you

wouldn't freak out.

Calm down, calm down.

- Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
- No no no, no.

- Easy, easy, easy.
- No, okay.

He's actually a
really nice guy, John.

He's really sweet,
watch, watch watch watch.

We call him little dude.

- Okay.
- I don't think he likes...

They're looking for him!

50,000 dollars, they're
looking for him.

- No no no.
- Do the trick, do the trick.

- Do the trick, watch watch.
- You have to get it.

You have to get this
little dude out of here.

He loves gum, watch.

- Here, look at this.
- Good, I like gum too.

Really really cute, come on.

- No, you gotta watch.
- Look look, watch watch.

- Just give us two seconds.
- Hey baby.

- Do you want a piece of gum?
- Oh.

You're watching,
you're watching?

- Isn't that cute?
- He's so cute!

Guys, goodnight guys.

- Goodnight, I gotta go.
- John.

- No, no no no, John John.
- No no no no, listen.

- Seriously.
- We really, really,

- really need your help.
- We need your help.

Yeah, okay, what
am I gonna do?

How am I gonna help you?

Let us come
inside John, please.

Please, just...

Glinevich is looking for him.

He could be anywhere
around here.

You gotta call the cops.

You can't take
him in here like...

I don't know.

John, we're
begging you, please.

We have nowhere else to go.

He is kind of cute.

See?

The gum, everything, the
little dude, come on.

- Little dude.
- He's so cute.

Come on, come on come
on come on come on.

- Come on.
- Uncle Johnny's house.

Whoa, no no no,
no, no no no no.

Okay, okay.

- You said okay, right?
- Yeah I said okay, but...

- Okay there we go.
- It's like...

Come on, he's not
gonna hurt you, look.

- It's gonna be fun.
- Johnny's house.

- It's gonna be so much fun.
- Yeah yeah, whoa.

Pretty cool, right?

Look, a chair.

- He likes it.
- He likes it.

- Oh, what's he doing?
- Isn't that cute?

It's just fine,
don't worry about him.

So, what do you think?

You can babysit tomorrow?

- Babysit?
- Yeah.

I mean, I can't take him home.

- My parents would...
- What's he doing

with the light, what's going on?

He's just having a little fun.

- Come on.
- Yeah, he's right at home.

- You can be mad at that.
- Well, you know.

The house has been
kind of lonely.

- So what do you think?
- Maybe I can use a guest.

- Okay, I'll use it...
- Perfect, yeah.

- That sounds great.
- Oh you're the best.

Wait wait wait, ah, wait.

No no, I can't, I can't.

I'm having a Halloween party.

This place is gonna be packed.

No no no no, no.

No, stay away from
there, stay away.

- Hey, don't.
- It's okay, it's fine.

No but it's fine
'cause we're gonna be,

we're gonna go
trick-or-treating with him.

Yeah, okay, alright.

- Though, what do I do with him?
- Stop.

What?

It's not too hard.

I mean, he doesn't eat, right?

- He doesn't eat, okay.
- He doesn't sleep.

That's really it.

All you have to
do is pretty much

not let him out of the house.

I mean, that's it, right?

And you can't tell anyone.

This has to stay between us.

- And no one can know, John.
- What would they want

with a cute little guy
like this, anyways, huh?

He's so harmless,
I mean, look at him.

Yeah, you know.

Come on, he likes you.

- You can tell.
- Does he have a name?

Not yet, no.

- Not yet.
- How about Gary?

Yeah, you like Gary?

- No.
- No, no no no.

- Thanks so much John.
- We'll figure

- it out later.
- You're a lifesaver.

- You're the man.
- You don't even realize.

You're gonna love
hanging out with this guy.

- Right baby?
- Look.

Be good for Uncle John.

- It's gonna be great.
- See, he's so cute.

You two are gonna bond.

- He's the son you never had.
- Have fun.

Right?

- Enjoy.
- Yeah, yeah.

Thank you, you're a lifesaver.

Remember, don't let him
out of the house, okay?

- See you little dude!
- Alright.

Have a fun time!

Oh my God.

You like that?

Yeah.

That's Buster.

Buster.

And the little pink
one, that's Calamity Jane.

Right, and that's
Kermit back there.

He's not green, though.

But the multicolor one,
that's my favorite.

Pistol Pete.

Oh, Pete.

Yeah, Pistol Pete.

Next time, we'll feed them.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah.

- Hey!
- Oh Jesus Christ Glinevich.

- What the hell?
- Hey princess.

- What are you doing?
- Come on!

What are you doing man?

I wanted to see the princess.

- Give me the towel.
- Whoa, hey, take it easy.

- Take it easy.
- Hand me the towel.

Give me the towel.

Oh, you're a tough
guy all of a sudden.

Give me the towel, Glinevich!

- Let me see your shmig.
- Don't be a dick!

Alright, take
the freaking towel.

- Princess, relax.
- What are you doing?

This is how we do things.
This is how men do things.

This is not how men do things.

And why is he in the corner?

Because we wanted to say hi.

Now while we're here,

why don't you tell us
where the monster is?

What monster?

Huh, tell me where
the monster is.

What are you talking about?

You know exactly
what I'm talking about.

Tell me where the Chupacabra is.

Glinevich, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I saw you in the store
with the Chupacabra.

- I don't know what you're...
- I saw you

and your little girlfriend.

I saw you guys, I saw you.

- No you didn't.
- Oh, just you and her.

You like her?

Don't talk about Truth, man.

Oh, is that her name, Truth?

- That's her name.
- Yeah?

You know what I'd
like to do to her?

Don't start.

I don't know what
you're talking about!

Talk to me! Tell
me tell me tell me.

I saw you, I saw
you, and I saw that

little girlfriend of yours,

and I saw you at
the fucking, oh!

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Look what you're doing to me.

Look what you're doing to me.

- Oh yeah?
- Tell me.

See what my mom has
to say about that.

Hey hey hey hey
hey, hey, come on.

Mom, oh mom!

Come on.

What?

Your boyfriend and his
little weirdo boyfriend

were just in the shower
on me, just came in.

- Ken?
- Yeah, with them.

Hey baby.

Weirdos next door.

Look at 'em, right here.

- What are you doing up here?
- Hey sweetie, hey baby.

- Caught red-handed.
- What are you...

I told him I
wasn't interested,

but he kept on pressing.

Something about KY
jelly and a garden hose.

- What?
- Hey, how are you?

Looking good.

You look good tonight.

- What are you doing here?
- I was just coming,

I was talking to the princess,

and we were just
chiming it up like guys.

Okay, you were
talking to my son

- while he was in the shower?
- Yes, I was talking

to him in the shower.

Why are you bothering my son?

I'm just talking to your son.

- I just wanted to talk...
- In the shower?

Yes, he was in the
shower, so I talked to him.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?

- Absolutely nothing.
- Okay!

He's got something I need!

That's all I'm saying,

I'm just asking
him for something,

- and he won't give it to me.
- I have no idea

- what he's talking about.
- That's all, I'm sorry.

- What's wrong with you?
- I was in the Navy with guys.

- We did that stuff.
- No guys don't do that stuff.

- Yes, well, they do.
- Guess what?

Guys don't do that
stuff to my son.

- Oh really?
- Yes.

But know that
your son is a liar,

so maybe they should
do that stuff to him!

Look at him, he's insane.

- Look, I am not.
- Look at his eyes.

- Let me just explain.
- Calm down.

I'm calm, okay?

Here's the thing.

Your son knows where I
can get 50,000 dollars.

There's a little
Chupacabra monster.

- I have no idea.
- I'm trying to just

get him to tell me where it is,

but he won't tell
me where it is,

and that's all I want to know.

Ask him, you ask
him where it is.

I won't, I just want to know

- where it is.
- You are out of your mind.

Why don't you ask him
what he plans to do with it?

He's gonna give
me 50,000 dollars,

and I just gotta get this thing,

- and he knows where it is.
- No I don't.

And I'm just trying to get him

to tell me where it is, and
he's lying to me about it.

- Why are you lying?
- Why don't you tell her,

why don't you tell her about
your Isla Moreles plans

after you've gained
this 50,000 dollar?

- What, what?
- Right right right!

- Look at him!
- What?

- Just lying through his...
- I'm not lying!

- Don't get near him!
- Come on, watch.

Alright.

- Get out of my house.
- Get out.

- No.
- You,

and your creepy little
friend over there.

Don't even try to touch me.

- Get out, now.
- You go, mom.

- And don't you ever...
- I swear to God.

Don't you go
near my son again.

- Alright.
- Do you understand?

You know what?

I don't hit women. That's
the kind of guy I am.

That's the kind
of guy you moved...

Oh, you're a stand-up guy.

- Good for you.
- Yeah.

Stand
up guy, Glinevich.

Get the hell out.

Come on, baby,
don't be like that.

- Don't baby me.
- Don't baby me.

- You know, come on.
- Get out!

- Hey.
- Get out of my house now!

- Whoa, whoa!
- Now!

Whoa, okay okay
okay, take it easy.

- You go mom.
- What's the matter with you?

- And you, go.
- Come on.

- We're leaving.
- Get your creepy

- little mustache out of here.
- We're leaving.

- Goodbye.
- I might die

- in the street tonight.
- I don't care.

- Come here!
- We'd be so lucky.

- Don't go near him!
- I swear to God!

- I told you!
- Alright alright alright.

Don't go near him.

We're out of here.

You're a bitch, and
your son is an idiot.

Guess what, now
I'm a single bitch.

He's a liar!

Let's go have incest
with each other.

I've been telling you.

Do you finally understand?

I'm sorry.

Unbelievable.

Party's over.

Un-freaking-believable.

Hey, okay, alright, alright.

I'm sorry, are you okay?

I'm okay.

I'm trying.

I am, I'm trying
as hard as I can.

I know you are, mom.

I'm leaving now!

Be right back, little Gary.

- Hi, John, hi.
- Hi.

Look what I got!

Thank you.

But you didn't have to do that.

Did you just hear all that?

I heard something, but,

you don't want to go inside?

It's cold out, let's go inside.

No, the hot chocolate
will keep us warm.

I need to clear my head.

Fresh air will help.

- Smells good.
- Sure.

So what's your deal?

Are you married, have
a girlfriend, any kids?

I was married.

- What happened?
- I knew something was weird

when she was going
to the chiropractor

like every other day. And
then I knew it was over when

he started making house calls.

Yikes, that's not good.

I always wanted kids.

I'd be a good father.

You know, it's not all
it's cracked up to be.

You get this vision in
your head, you know,

of how you think it should be.

And then your husband
leaves with a waitress,

and that vision and all
those ideas that you had,

they just, they go.

I'm sorry about that.

Don't be sorry.

He was a jerk, and so was Ken.

So I'm better off.

I'm sorry.

Hey, why are we
talking about this?

I should be inviting you
to the Halloween party.

I throw a big Halloween party.

Everybody comes,
the whole block.

This house, it gets packed.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna decorate it.

I mean, you want to come?

Oh God, do I have
to wear a costume?

Well, yeah, I mean,
no, you don't have...

But if you don't, you know,

people are gonna look
at you kind of funny.

Ugh.

I could help you with a costume.
I got a lot of costumes.

I don't think I've
worn a Halloween costume

- in like 20 years.
- 20 years?

Yeah, it's been a long time.

Well you don't know
what you've been missing.

Hm.

What do you say?

You know what?

I'll go.

It sounds like fun.

Alright.

Cool.

Okay okay.

Here I come.

Calm down, little guy.

- How was it?
- Hey.

- Hey buddy, hey.
- Hi guys.

Hi baby.

Did you have fun
with Uncle John?

How did everything go,
how did everything go?

Good, more or less.

He wasn't too much
of a hassle, was he?

- No.
- A lot of energy.

- Yeah, yeah he does.
- Great.

This sucks.

I wish I had a real costume.

What do you mean?

I think you look cute.

Exactly.

- Hey buddy.
- Yeah, you like that?

What you doing?

Cool, huh?

Hey, I have a
date coming tonight.

Really, wow.

A date?

Good for you, John.

Yeah, I was talking
to Kim last night.

Kim?

Yeah, Lance's mom.

I think she likes me.

Who knows?

We might be bumping
uglies tonight.

What?

What did you just say?

- Just a few words.
- What does that even mean?

Combination.

Like from the
60s or something?

It's just, you look great.

Alright baby, you ready?

I'm gonna get your
costume on now, okay?

Okay, now just stand still.

Oh wait, what's the matter?

What's the matter?

- It'll just be a second.
- You're good, you're okay.

Come on, just stand still.

It's gonna look so cool.

It's not the same cloth
from the attic, you're okay.

Ah, where are your,
oh, there we go.

- There they are.
- Looks so good.

Cute!

Have fun guys, be safe.

Come on little dude.

All the trick-or-treaters.

Pretty cool, right?

Coming up to the first house.

You having fun, buddy?

What did you forget?

Oh, did I forget what?

Nothing.

Wow.

You like?

It's good.

Good, yeah, it looks good.

Why thank you, Count.

Oh.

- Am I early?
- Just a little.

- I'm sorry.
- Would you like a drink?

Oh, thank you.

That would be great.

There you go.

Little buddy, don't get scared.

What do you have there?

It's a special
Halloween drink.

It's called a morgue-arita.

Ooh, spooky.

You love Halloween, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Mm, that's really good.

Yeah, I got it out
of some magazine.

- Yeah?
- Ooh.

- It's good, right?
- Yeah, yeah.

Very good, thank you.

- I'm sorry I came so early.
- Should be here soon.

Hey little dude,
come on, buddy.

First house.

- Come on, don't be scared.
- It's a big deal.

Alright buddy?

Oh yeah, there he is.

One step at a
time, you got this.

- Come on buddy.
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Hello there.

- Trick or treat.
- Trick or treat.

It's his first time.

- He's a little nervous.
- He's a little nervous.

Trick or treat.

Ready, want it,
we'll do it again.

Ready, one two three.

Trick or treat.

See how it works, look.

- There you go.
- Yeah, there you go.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

We're going to Isla
Moreles, my friend.

You got a nice place.

Yeah.

Got a fish over there.

Just got some new ones.

Oh, and I see you cooked.

You've been slaving all day.

Well, yeah.

Cold cuts, I cook
them all the time.

I could tell, very
nice, very nice.

Hey, want to play a game?

Not really.

Oh, you're gonna
love this game.

You want to play?

Not really.

Okay, we'll eat
more carrots then.

Okay, we'll play a game.

Okay cool.

Do we really need a blindfold?

It's Halloween,
this is a tradition.

- Now if you're scared...
- I'm not scared.

- Oh, you're scared.
- I trust you.

- No we don't have, okay.
- I trust you, let's go.

Alright.

- Someone's scared.
- I'm not scared.

- Your hair is shaking.
- As long as nothing

bites me I'm good.

- How's that?
- You're not gonna

- bite me, are you?
- Good.

And let me see if you can see.

Okay, I'm gonna punch
you in the face.

- Get out.
- And see if like...

You alright?

Here we go.

- Trick or treat.
- Oh, come on in.

Oh, you just stay there.

You're in safe hands.

Maybe.

Into the living room.

- Yes, please.
- Okay come on little dude.

Well aren't you just
the cutest little monster.

Great, isn't he?

So?

Trick or treat!

Grab your hand.

Oh, your hands are extra
soft for Halloween.

What is that?

It's freezing.

What it is, it's
a part of the body.

Part of the body?

Yeah, part.

Is it brains?

Yes it is, okay.

Let's try the next one.

So.

Trick or treat.

No, no no.

This is the part
where you sing a song,

or tell a joke, or
just do something

to make me want
to give you candy.

Old school huh, okay.

What's that one?

What is that?

- I don't know.
- Part of the body.

- Part of the body.
- What is that?

On Halloween night, ooh.

It's, intestines.

Yes!

Trick or
treat, smell my feet.

Give me something good to eat.

He's a little, you know.

We need more.

Which one is that?

This one is a grape.

Yeah, eyeball, grape, yeah.

I'm good.

What do I win?

Well, we've got cold cuts.

I'll take it.

Sorry, I didn't mean to.

- That's okay.
- You know, I just...

It's alright.

Anyway, let me put these away.

- Okay.
- So how was that?

- It was okay.
- You're very good at this,

for the fist time
ever playing that.

It's okay.

Oh, there we go.

You earned it buddy.

- You earned it.
- It wasn't that bad, right?

Apples, really?

I mean, don't you have lollipops
in there, and everything?

No, apples, apples
are wonderful.

- Chocolate...
- Apples are your friend.

- No.
- They have vitamins

and minerals, lots of
fiber to help you poop.

Poop?

Thanks.

- Okay we should probably...
- Happy Halloween.

- Happy Halloween.
- Treat, treat!

We want to go, we want
to go. Come on, no no no.

There they are, oh yeah.

This is it.

Let's do it.

Hey, princess.

Stop right there,
nobody gets hurt.

- Take it easy.
- Run, run!

Come here, come here!

- Hey stop, no no no.
- Princess get out of here.

- I'm gonna get you!
- Run don't look back!

Get back here.

Stop, stop!

Come on!

Run baby, run!

Run, faster!

Hey!

Where'd he go?

Run little dude, run!

Glinevich, Glinevich!

Well thank you for a
lovely Halloween party.

- Well thank you.
- I did not want to come,

and I had a great time.

- I'm having a great time.
- Me too.

I'm glad you came.

These are delicious.

Is it?

I think it's the same, but...

Come back here, come
back here, come back here.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

Oh, we have more party guests.

That's it, that's it,
that's it, that's it!

Oh, oh oh.

Can't get in.

Oh my God, Ken?

- Hey babe.
- What are you doing here?

What's going on?

- Hey, hey hey.
- Come here!

- Hey, no!
- Come here now!

Get out of the way!

Got ya, you little monster.

Come on come on
come on come on.

Oh yeah, come here
you little Chupacabra.

Settle down, boy, settle down.

Settle down, settle down.

- Don't you bite me.
- Little dude, come on!

Dude!

What are you doing here?

Ow!

Freaking kid.

Ken, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What am I doing?

- What am I doing here?
- Yes!

What are you doing here?

- That's it, I'm done.
- What is that?

Come here, come here!

- What are you talking about?
- Come here!

- You see this?
- Are you serious?

Bye to mommy.

Mommy comes with me.

Are you doing this right now?

I'm gonna keep her
until I get my Chupacabra.

- You don't have to do this.
- That's right,

your little boyfriend
creep-azoid.

- Stop, let me go!
- I'll shoot her!

You tell your boyfriend,

you tell your
boyfriend, the princess,

I'm gonna shoot his mommy.

Unless I get my Chupacabra.

- Lance!
- Come on, let's go!

Help me!

Just breathe, just breathe.

Lance!

You don't have to
do this, please.

Yes I do, it's 50,000 dollars.

Come down, don't make this hard.

- No!
- Come on!

Let's keep moving.

- Isla Moreles.
- Help me!

Open the car door Van Steed,

do something for
crying out loud.

No, please, let me go!

50 grand, baby.

Don't try me!

Come on.

What was that?

What do you want?

It's time we talk.

I tell you what.

Why don't we take a break
on this log right here, huh?

Okay, step up.

There you go.

Not bad, huh?

Oh you want some candy, huh?

How about I take this off?

Make it a bit easier for you.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

There you go.

There he is.

Go for it, man.

Here, let me help.

There we go.

There you go.

Enjoy.

We're gonna get you out of this.

Mark my words.

Yeah, more candy, you're right.

Go for it.

Getting the hang of it, huh.

What do you think, more?

Or do you just want to
play with it? There you go.

That's one way to do it, huh?

Truth was right,
you are the man.

I think so, right?

Oh.

This will all be
over soon, buddy.

Lance.

Aw, little dude.

Lance?

Who's that?

- Lance, is that you?
- Who is that?

Who's that?

- Lance, is that you?
- Is that Truth?

It's me!

Wait wait wait,
what's he doing here?

Whoa whoa whoa,
what's he doing here?

No no, it's okay.

- What do you mean?
- It's okay, it's okay.

What's okay?

Lance.

Lance, your mom
has been kidnapped.

What?

By who?

It was Glinevich.

What?

It's okay though.

We have a plan.

A candy colored clown
they call the Sandman,

tiptoes through my
room every night.

Baby, you know I love you.

But I gotta take
care of myself, baby.

I gotta look out
for me, sweetie.

I gotta look out for
me this time, okay?

And I need to get the heck
out of this freaking town.

But I loved ya, I did.

Yeah, for like a second.

Come on, get the door!

There's somebody at the door!

Is it here?

Come on, you know we had
some good times together.

The sex was good, wasn't it?

Yes it was.

Come on.

How come we never did this?

How come we never
tied each other up?

Do you like John?

Do you like John?

Does he doe this to you?

Does he turn you
on the way I do?

He's, oh!

That's what I'm
gonna miss about you!

Your sense of humor, baby.

I'm gonna be in Isla Moreles.

I'll send you a postcard.

Oh, in the basement.

Well, that just
sounds delightful.

Bat a dat!

- Bap bah.
- Take it easy Glinevich.

Take it easy.

I'll take it easy when
I get my 50,000 dollars.

Give me the briefcase.

- Just be calm.
- You smell that?

That's Isla Moreles.

Badoo badoo badoo badoo.

I'm gonna smell
that cash right now.

I don't know if
I saw that right,

'cause I opened it up and
there was nothing in there.

So let me try it again.

Okay, oh, look at that!

There's nothing in there.

There's nothing in there.

- What is going on?
- You didn't really think I'd

give you 50,000 in
cash right away?

- It's close.
- Yes I did.

I thought you'd
bring 50,000 in cash,

'cause that's what you said.

Who is that, who is that?

I told you to come alone.

Get him Steed, get him.

Patience.

Patience?

What do I look like, a doctor?

Who is it, Steed?

Who is it, who is it, who
is it, who is it, who is it?

Who is it?

What's going on here, huh?

What's going on?

I'm the man with the gun, buddy!

Don't you forget it!

Watch him!

You little Chupacabra, come on!

Come on!

Come here, you
Chupacabra, come here!

I'm gonna get you.

Hey mustache.

Wow.

Wasn't that hard.

Good job, Lance.

Come on, he's this way.

Jesus, mom!

- Jesus.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

I think now is a
good time to leave?

Thank you.

Yeah, Lundquist is right.

Let's do this.

Lance, where is he?

He's supposed to be here.

- Oh no.
- Oh my God, Lance don't!

Glinevich, no!

- Stop!
- Hey, stop right there!

- Chupacabra, stop right there.
- No!

Hey, what, what are you doing?

Don't do it, man.

I won't let you shoot him.

I'm gonna, I'm
gonna shoot you too.

- No you won't!
- Yes I will!

Don't shoot him!

- What are you doing?
- I'll do it!

You're supposed
to shoot me first.

- I will.
- You'll have to

- shoot me first!
- Get out of the way!

- Then shoot me!
- I'm gonna!

- Do it!
- Why are you

- protecting that thing?
- Because he's my friend!

John, John, John, John.

No, come on, buddy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on.

I got you.

It's done, it's done, it's done.

John, John, John, easy.

Lundquist.

Man, you
really gave it to him.

He had it coming to him.

Yes he did.

It's all over now, alright?

You really gave it to him.

Shush, it's okay, it's okay.

We're safe now.

It's okay, baby.

What are you
gonna do with him?

Does it really matter?

Not really.

Bye Ken, you weirdo.

I'm not a weirdo!

Hey buddy.

We're sure gonna miss you.

It's been fun, huh?

Go ahead, little buddy.

- Yeah, time to go, I think.
- It's okay, you can go.

Mr. Lundquist isn't
gonna hurt you.

I promise, okay?

Alright guys.

- Go ahead, little buddy.
- Let's go, Jeremy.

Jeremy.

Go ahead, little dude.

- It's okay.
- It's okay buddy.

You'll be safe, go ahead.

- You're in good hands now.
- It's alright.

Mr. Lundquist will take
good care of you, okay?

I sure will.

Trick or treat?

- No more trick or treating.
- Not today.

Maybe next year.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

Aw.

- It's alright, man.
- It's okay baby.

You can trust him.

Don't
worry, I promise.

It's okay man.

Aw.

It's okay.

Don't worry about it.

You're in good hands with him.

You know, my grandfather
invented Jeremy

so many years ago
to serve mankind,

but was afraid people
would abuse him.

Use him for evil
instead of for good.

He's our friend,
Mr. Lundquist.

Friend.

I know that, Lance.

Perhaps it's time we do
what's best for Jeremy.

Allow him to be happy and free.

I think that's a great idea.

I think he's earned that.

We'll take good care
of him, I promise.

Sounds like a plan.

Alright!

Goodbye, everyone

- Bye Mr. Lundquist.
- Bye Mr. Lundquist.

Thank you.

Yeah buddy, staying with us!

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

- Come on, guys, let's go.
- Let's go.

Let's do it.

Hop in, guys.

Everyone in the pull.

One, two, three.

Moving out.

Yeah.