Ayar (2021) - full transcript

Ayar, a first-generation American Latina, returns home to reunite with her daughter. But when her mother, Renata, refuses to let her see her due to Covid, Ayar is confronted by the many roles she’s been forced to play

Hello. My name is...

Hi.

Yeah.

Hi. My name is...

Ayar.

No, no.

No, she's related

to the old cleaning lady.

She's a cousin or niece,

I don't know...

Oh. No, I'm gonna make her

wear a mask and gloves.

And she leaves

her clothes here after...

He's fine. I mean, he actually,

he made a ton of money

on some mask company.

I know, it's so sad, but yeah.

I should go. Yeah, okay,

let's plan a play date

this weekend, okay?

All right.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know where

my days get away from me now.

- No problem.

- Sorry. Thanks for waiting.

What is it?

Sorry. Nothing. You're just...

You're just so much younger

than I was expecting.

How are you related

- to Maria again?

- I'm not.

She's my friend's mother.

She told me

you just moved back from Vegas.

Were you working at a hotel?

I was working as a singer,

but I came back

to be with my daughter.

Your English

is really good.

How long have you been here?

Since I was thirteen.

Well, the house is really big.

Lots of rooms. Four bathrooms,

we only use two of them,

so you have to clean

two every week.

But we used to use

all the natural products,

but they just honestly

don't get the job done,

so now we just

use bleach on everything.

We like the floors done,

the windows done weekly,

laundry... you know?

Sure. No problem.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Well.

I can show you

where the supplies are,

you can get started now.

No, sorry. I can't start today.

Oh, I thought we said today.

No, we discussed Monday.

We said on Monday.

I can start on Monday.

Huh. Okay.

Yeah, I guess that's fine.

- Sure.

- All right.

See you Monday.

Hey. How's L.A.?

What do you want, Robert?

I need to see you.

When are you coming back, Ayar?

I don't know.

You're missing

some big auditions.

I need to go.

Please.

I'm coming to see you.

No.

Her birthday is today. Don't.

Why are you doing this?

I have to go.

I'll be there soon.

Oh, yeah,

you must be so excited

to see her.

How long has it been?

Long.

Too long.

You're back now.

That's what matters.

I just hope it's not too late.

Hey you!

Get away from there!

What did you do with that? Stop!

- Hey!

- You motherfucker.

- You stop!

- Got you, motherfucker.

You motherfucker.

You motherfucker.

Fuck.

Can you believe that my daughter

won't even come here anymore?

She could go to the bar, but she

can't come and see her mom.

Ayar?

Ayar?

Hey.

Who you looking for?

No. No, I think

I'm in the wrong place.

You sure?

All good, thanks.

Have a nice day.

Sit straight.

Sit proud.

Look at you.

So beautiful.

Hello?

I know you're in there.

I just saw you at the window.

I can hear you coughing.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Just leave me alone.

Raj!

Raj!

What? I was telling a story.

What happened?

Did you put a sick person

next to my room?

- What?

- Did you put someone with COVID

- next to me?

- She said they had no symptoms

- when they checked in.

- They said

this wasn't a COVID motel.

- It's not.

- Then why is the lady next door

coughing her lungs out?

She lied to me

when she checked in.

By the time I'm back,

she'd better be

far, far away from my room.

- I will take care of it.

- Thanks. And please wear a mask.

Will do.

- Excuse me.

- Sorry, Ayar.

Foster?

Are you gonna move?

Six feet!

- Seriously?

- Yeah!

That's a fancy top.

- What's the occasion?

- None of your business.

Why do I sense

you need someone to talk to?

Hey, Raj!

- You expecting some white dude?

- Hey!

What was that earlier?

With what?

With the car.

Uh, with that car?

Uh-uh.

I don't know. It's not my car.

You should be wearing a mask!

And you should mind

your fuckin' business.

Shit.

Shit.

Okay.

Julie.

Oh. Finally.

Where have you been?

I'm not late.

What are you wearing?

You hate it.

No. You look pretty.

You look like that girl in...

- Oh!

- Go stand over there.

Ta-daa!

And I hope it's not stale.

It's beautiful.

Thank you. I love it.

- Good.

- Thank you.

It's time for you to finish it.

What do you mean?

Well, what do you

want to say to her?

Please forgive me?

What?

I just think it's a little sad

for a birthday cake, no?

- No, no, no, no!

- Let me cover it up.

You're gonna ruin it.

It looks great. It's perfect.

It's just...

- I'm so fucking nervous.

- Julie!

What if she hates me?

Don't be so hard on yourself,

you know,

- just be honest with her.

- Julie! Now!

Tell them to fucking wait!

But now death

has come to our doorstep.

You never listened before,

so now you must be shown.

Forget "when"

and ask yourself "what."

Leave me alone, please.

Oh this complicated,

distracting world,

this man-made world

has led you astray.

I asked you to leave me alone.

You see, don't you?

These selfish, deceitful dreams,

these distracting storylines

made up by others.

Leave me alone.

♪ We believed for too long ♪

♪ That we could do anything ♪

♪ Could be anyone ♪

♪ ...than anyone

But at what cost? ♪

♪ Is it possible that death ♪

♪ The great equalizer ♪

♪ Might somehow

Improve humanity? ♪

♪ That this is

Our chance to reflect ♪

♪ To right our wrong ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Jasmine ♪

♪ Happy birthday... ♪

Jasmine's hair's

getting so long.

Jasmina?

Come.

Come here, sweetie.

And you will have

the biggest party ever.

What if I don't have

any friends by then?

What the fuck?

Is that Ayar?

Where is she?

Please. Don't do this.

Not today.

What?

I've canceled the party, Ayar.

What are they

doing here, then, huh?

It's not your decision.

Let me in.

- What...

- You're not coming in.

Let me see her.

I just wanna see her.

That's my daughter.

She's still my daughter.

What did you tell her?

Jasmine!

Jasmine!

- Jasmine!

- Stop doing this!

- Stop!

- Jasmine!

You stop it! You stop it!

I've been back for two weeks.

Two weeks,

and I haven't seen her.

- Two weeks?

- Yes.

- Two?

- Yes.

Why are you

doing this to me, mom?

Mom?

You wanted me to.

You said you wanted

to take care of her.

What do you really want, Ayar?

Why now?

I just wanted to see her.

I'm not a bad person.

But you're a stranger to her.

This will take time.

And you must learn.

From who? From you?

From her.

Here.

Just give her this.

Just give her this. Please.

]

Did you have a nice day?

Who was that today?

But your mother,

she remembered everything.

She answered all the questions.

Sit straight, please.

Sit straight.

Why?

Now you look strong.

So beautiful.

Why didn't you let

Mommy come in today?

From where

our ancestors come from.

Where is it?

Now we call it Cuzco.

Now in the highest

mountains of all...

...where the most supreme god

gave birth to four sons.

Why?

You can decide

how much of it's true.

Okay.

Now listen, the gods

bestowed them

with a golden stick...

He was so strong.

...and buried him in stone.

...and they encountered

a stone deity.

...except one brother.

He wanted to show

he was the strongest

by defying it,

and when he touched it,

he turned to stone.

Now there was the third brother.

But when he thought

he'd found the perfect land,

he turned to stone.

Now, there was one brother left.

...continued on their path.

And when they

finally arrived in Cuzco,

he sunk the golden stick

into the ground.

His name was

Ayar Manco.

That's Mommy's name.

Yes.

So with his own hands...

And when he was done,

he turned to stone.

And now rests with nature.

Good night.

They should have worked together

like a family's supposed to.

Perhaps.

Is Mommy gonna turn to stone?

No.

Don't worry.

Is she sick?

No.

What if it doesn't pass?

It will.

How do you know?

Like in the movies.

Dear, you can be

anything you dream of.

You can be anything.

♪ I am here, here I am ♪

♪ I remember my first love ♪

♪ There's a new girl in town

So look out everyone ♪

Cadence isn't

just about your voice.

It's about movement.

Do you feel that pain?

You can use that pain.

You can build on it.

Hey?

Are you okay?

Do you need any help?

Hey!

Raj!

Raj!

Raj!

No, I was joking.

Let me tell you a story,

when I was seventeen,

about my grandma in Jaipur.

Beautiful city in Rajastan,

you must visit.

- I'm almost done.

- Oh, good.

My grandma,

bless her Hindi heart,

she told me this

the day before

I moved to America.

She said one middle of the night

she woke up

and went straight to the kitchen

and grabbed the longest knife

she could find,

and walked back

to my grandfather's bed,

and stood there

with the knife in her hands.

She was sleepwalking?

She stood there for entire hour,

holding the knife

above his chest,

and then

returned back to the kitchen

and went back to sleep.

He abused her.

I'm sure.

To Americans,

most Indian women are abused.

She said every night

she would grab the knife

and hold it above him

when he's asleep,

and wait for gods to show

some sign to plunge

the knife in his chest.

Oh, shit.

She looked at me

straight in the eyes

and said, "Remember, Raj,

one day,

you are going to get married,

and you'll be sleeping

next to your own wife."

You know,

the divorce rate in India

- is less than one percent.

- Raj!

- Much lower than the...-

- Raj!

- Why is she still here?

- Someone always

- interrupts my thoughts.

- She's still in her room!

- Who?

- Who do you think?

- The sick woman.

- No one is there. She's gone.

- No one is there.

- She was just coughing.

- What are you talkin' about?

- I just heard her.

I helped to call an ambulance.

She was very sick.

And I saw them load her up.

She's all alone.

Good that you told them.

I swear, I just heard her.

I wouldn't go in there.

I'm gonna go grab a beer.

You want one?

I'm so glad you came.

London, New York,

our show's everywhere.

So where you from?

From Mexico.

Mexico.

How much longer you stayin'?

Not long.

Me neither.

I thought you live here.

Nah, I met Raj four years ago,

traveling

from Delhi to Varanasi.

I do work here once in a while

to help him out.

Temporarily.

You see, I have this condition.

It's a rare condition.

I can't stay

in one place too long.

I have to keep moving

any way possible.

Okay...

If I stay in one place too long,

then I.

I sink back in, I get stuck.

I used to work as an accountant.

Had this nice

apartment downtown.

I used to think this feeling

was normal at first,

this feeling of

my mind and body

bein' separated,

as though I was...

observing everything

through a plate of glass.

You sound like an alien.

Literally.

Literally.

It was like

I was like a little man

that sat in back of my own head.

I could see the inside

of my skull and everything.

I could see out these

two eye sockets,

with controls,

with controls that didn't work.

Seriously?

The first cases

of feeling unreal

go back to French

otorhinolaryngologist

Maurice Krishaber in 1873.

Feeling unreal.

It's called DPD:

depersonalization disorder.

Depersonalization disorder?

Someone gave it a name.

Now you believe?

Someone who came

before you said,

do this, do that.

Now you're believin'.

I guess so.

I ended up selling my apartment

and all my shit, and I've

been traveling ever since.

So you felt trapped

in a steady, well-paying job,

and you decided to say,

fuck it, and become a gypsy.

Yeah.

- Basically.

- What a luxury.

My dad worked a job he hated

until the day he died.

Now they want us

all to stay in place.

Don't you feel lonely,

traveling all the time?

I miss my son.

He's in college now.

He barely talks to me.

Why?

'Cause that's what happens.

People forget.

I was working in Vegas

when everything shut down.

What'd you do there?

I got my first gig after college

as a back-up singer in a show.

My mom used to say,

now you can be

anything you dream of, Ayar.

You can be anything.

How am I gonna be

anybody I wanna be now, huh?

You can do anything.

♪ Oh, say, can... ♪

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

They never really

felt at home here.

That's why my mom

always points to the past.

Nothing wrong with that.

I wanted to make

a life of my own.

Make her proud.

Did you?

Did you make them proud?

Viva Las Vegas!

Maybe I made a mistake.

Maybe you don't

have what it takes.

I don't know.

This role is made for you.

I believe in you. Okay?

A virus can only grow

if it has life.

They have to infiltrate,

take over and multiply.

And it grows and multiplies

until it consumes all life.

Until it destroys

everything it needs to live.

And then it dies with it.

♪ Speak until the life ♪

Hello?

Ayar.

Ayar.

I didn't even go to his funeral

because I had

a fucking audition.

I made a lot of mistakes.

And I didn't know.

Why am I telling you all this?

You're lucky.

Some people

avoid their feelings.

They hide their feelings.

They avoid their pain.

They're scared to love,

so they hide

in their own little roles,

whether it's TV shows,

books, games, movies.

Maybe even this movie.

Look at 'em.

Sittin' there.

Feeling their emptiness,

in this honest recreation

of someone else's life.

- What?

- 'Cause we hope

that they may sympathize

and understand what it's like.

- What are you talking about?

- They love it.

- I'm in the middle of what?

- Don't hide your pain now, Ayar.

- What?

- Look, you have power.

Learn from the past.

You can say, fuck tomorrow,

you can say, fuck next week.

You can say, fuck Christmas,

Valentine's Day.

Fuck Thanksgiving,

fuck all that!

Choose your own role today.

That's what matters right now,

because this is still America,

and in America,

you don't get what you want

unless you fucking take it.

Mother!

Oh, here you are.

So what's the scoop?

What the fuck have you

done to the place?

You look fucking ridiculous.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah,

this was your chance, Ayar.

I did everything!

[speaking

Did you hear?

All the shows are closing.

All the hotels are shutting.

What's going on?

I'm leaving.

What?

What are you talking about?

I'm going home.

For how long?

I don't know.

Let go.

Why are you doing this?

I have a daughter, Robert.

I have a daughter.

Oh, you're joking?

Very funny.

Funny, funny, funny girl.

She's turning five.

Why didn't you tell me?

Wait.

Ayar!

Sit straight.

Sit proud.

I'm here.

I am here now, aren't I?

Please, try

to understand that.

Let me see her.

I just wanna see her.

What are you doing, Ayar?

Just stop this.

My name is Ariana Ron Pedrique,

I'm an actor.

I was born and raised

in Caracas, Venezuela.

Being beautiful,

it was a big thing.

I remember being,

like, five years old,

walking in my mom's high heels.

You have to do like this,

and you have to walk like this.

I was eleven

the first time

I stood on a stage.

Romeo! Romeo!

And then I started choking,

and then everybody was like,

Stop! Ariana, what's going on?

And I'm, I don't know

what's going on...

They gave me a bunch of pages,

all of a sudden,

I was Julietta,

just because I had long hair.

I don't know, I think

I enjoyed being a character.

Me, Ariana, the tiny...

like, skinny little girl.

If I do all this,

I can look like

a whole different person.

I thought it was magic.

I started being a model.

Venezuela's like, there's

one audition in one month,

and that's

the audition that you have.

Mom, somebody hired me,

like, I'm gonna earn money!

I'm a model.

I always looked at myself

in the mirror, and like,

am I beautiful today?

Or no, I'm not beautiful, yet.

I was 21 years old

when I moved to Mexico City

to pursue acting.

And then I moved to Los Angeles.

I was coming to see

the person who then

became my husband,

and he was living here.

He fueled my dream.

He was, like, why not?

Why are you doing

this to me, Mom?

Mom?

You haven't

called me that in years.

They were, like,

you need to be more Latina.

Just cry. Just cry.

I'm asking to cry.

I'm gonna give you

a little thing in your ear.

You can just repeat

what the person

in the ear is telling you.

You can feel

definitely like a puppet,

this is what you have to wear,

and now this,

and come here...

So I knew that could be

something that

killed my Ariana...

When you just try to fake it,

that's eventually gonna explode.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop!

Just a minute! Stop!

Please, please. Stop it!

Ayar, please open up.

Please open the door.

Ayar.

Why aren't you

returning my calls?

What are you doing here?

Please just stop this

and come back.

You shouldn't have come.

I love you, Ayar.

You don't know

anything about love.

Please.

We can raise her together.

We can be family.

I'm never coming back, Robert.

Goodbye.

You don't mean that.

You don't mean that.

Don't say something

you're gonna regret.

Let go!

Come on! Look,

I know I've made mistakes.

I know that. Please.

- I'm sorry.

- Let go!

Please, Ayar.

You feel that pain?

You can use that.

You can build from that.

You think

you can just go back?

Wake up!

You're ashamed

of who you really are.

You're scared to admit

that you're a nobody! Admit it!

You're gonna

be a nobody forever!

Oh, no.

People wanna see stars.

The same people

over and over again.

People don't care about you.

Nobody's gonna watch this movie!

Just shut up! And go away!

My name is Vilma Vega.

I was born in Lima, Peru.

I have one brother.

My mother never received

a formal education,

and she worked

as a maid for years.

I met my father

for the first time

this year of 2020.

My heritage is

indigenous Peruvian.

Both of my parents

were raised speaking Quechua

and later learned Spanish.

I left for the United States

to Los Angeles

when I was 15 years old,

with my boyfriend.

I loved him.

It was a world of possibilities

filled with hopes and dreams.

I wanted to be an actress.

And I got pregnant.

And at the same time,

my boyfriend

left me for another woman.

My mother-in-law

took custody of my child,

and I was all alone.

But I got an education.

I learned English.

I got a four-year college degree

from U.C. Davis.

And I got my citizenship

when I was 40 years old.

It took just about

over twenty years.

I worked several jobs.

I worked as a bank teller,

babysitter,

fast food worker,

then sales,

then management and leadership.

I missed my son every day.

And I was finally

reunited with him

when he was 15 years old.

And last year, I took him

to a trip to Cuzco

to show him where I was from.

Two years ago,

I decided that pursuing acting

wasn't too late.

Vilma, when you were

apart from your son,

did you ever

think to yourself, I'm not...

maybe I'm just gonna

forget about him. Like...

There was a time where...

So, the... yes.

You're after the success, right?

It is to prove something,

to validate your absence,

to validate you.

The shame gets bigger,

because that's what happens when

you don't put truth to the lie.

You never know

for sure who you are.

When I go into this hole,

or this rabbit hole,

my mom played this character,

my dad played this character,

my brother.

Like, am I part of a movie?

And I'm just a character, then,

so if I am,

then what do I get to create?

You know?

I'm thinking of,

as, like, if I'm Ayar.

But, yeah, she's a role.

She's a movie.

Right. It's probably

the real wake-up moment.

Am I really in this world?

That's like,

because, you know...

Life is...

Ayar.

Ayar!

Hello, my name is

Henry Foster Brown, I'm...-

Caesar Hartman

for the role of...-

Hi, I'm Simon Haycock.

I'm 6' 1".

- It's me.

- And stood there

with a knife in her hands...-

As though I was

observing everything

from a plate of glass.

I am a middle-aged

gay, Jewish New Yorker.

I am born in Tijuana, Mexico...-

We are indigenous to this land

and to Mexico.

My grandfather

grew up on a plantation...-

First came to the United States

as a student.

Through Ellis Island.

To be with the love of my life.

Through an arranged marriage.

I started getting

- a whole bunch of odd jobs.

- I've been married for

- 33 years.

- I was an insurance agent.

- Salesman, working call center.

- And we have two daughters.

To travel with

the United States military.

I was a model in Milan, Italy.

- And then I married.

- I was a lead singer

in a rock band

- alongside my office job.

- I personally

- have worked as a dance teacher.

- I did acting

when I was one year old.

Hello?

Hello?

What are you doing?

Are you there?

So, this is how it ends.

Ayar...

This is not you.

You have no idea

how much you mean to me.

You'll find your way.

And how brave

I feel today, because

I was you, for a moment.

Ayar.

Ayar.

Mom?

Jasmina?

What happened?

Is everything okay?

I...

just had a dream.

Are you sure?

Good night.

Okay.

Good night.

- Ow, ow.

- Jasmine.

- Where are we going?

- Shh.

Whoa. Let's go. Come here.

Come here. Come here.

Hey.

Hey.

You live here?

It's temporary.

Only temporary.

Come. Sit.

Here.

I got this for your birthday.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear Jasmine ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

I'm tired. It's too late

to eat cake.

Okay.

You can sleep.

You are safe here.

Come. You can sleep here.

Come. Come.

There you go.

There you go.

Hey.

I need you to know something.

I need you to know I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

But I'm gonna be

here for you now, okay?

I thought I could become a star.

Someone you would look up to.

But I was so ashamed.

Ashamed of myself.

People talk about love

like it's this...

great, beautiful, warm thing.

But love is hard.

Filled with worry.

And work.

And somehow you end up

hurting those

you love the most, because...

I just want you to know

that I love you

with all my heart.

And I'm so sorry

it took me so long to learn...

to see what that really means.

Hey.

Good morning.

Do you like it?

Come. Come, Jasmina.

I miss you so much.

We lost each other.

I almost lost you, too.

Oh, my darling.

You don't have to cry.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, I won't.

♪ Speak until the dust ♪

♪ Settles in

The same specific place ♪

♪ I refused to go ♪

♪ Drink it

From a cast iron plate ♪

♪ I remember

How the cloth hung ♪

♪ I remember my first love ♪

♪ I remember my first love ♪