Ayar (2021) - full transcript
Ayar, a first-generation American Latina, returns home to reunite with her daughter. But when her mother, Renata, refuses to let her see her due to Covid, Ayar is confronted by the many roles she’s been forced to play
Hello. My name is...
Hi.
Yeah.
Hi. My name is...
Ayar.
No, no.
No, she's related
to the old cleaning lady.
She's a cousin or niece,
I don't know...
Oh. No, I'm gonna make her
wear a mask and gloves.
And she leaves
her clothes here after...
He's fine. I mean, he actually,
he made a ton of money
on some mask company.
I know, it's so sad, but yeah.
I should go. Yeah, okay,
let's plan a play date
this weekend, okay?
All right.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know where
my days get away from me now.
- No problem.
- Sorry. Thanks for waiting.
What is it?
Sorry. Nothing. You're just...
You're just so much younger
than I was expecting.
How are you related
- to Maria again?
- I'm not.
She's my friend's mother.
She told me
you just moved back from Vegas.
Were you working at a hotel?
I was working as a singer,
but I came back
to be with my daughter.
Your English
is really good.
How long have you been here?
Since I was thirteen.
Well, the house is really big.
Lots of rooms. Four bathrooms,
we only use two of them,
so you have to clean
two every week.
But we used to use
all the natural products,
but they just honestly
don't get the job done,
so now we just
use bleach on everything.
We like the floors done,
the windows done weekly,
laundry... you know?
Sure. No problem.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Well.
I can show you
where the supplies are,
you can get started now.
No, sorry. I can't start today.
Oh, I thought we said today.
No, we discussed Monday.
We said on Monday.
I can start on Monday.
Huh. Okay.
Yeah, I guess that's fine.
- Sure.
- All right.
See you Monday.
Hey. How's L.A.?
What do you want, Robert?
I need to see you.
When are you coming back, Ayar?
I don't know.
You're missing
some big auditions.
I need to go.
Please.
I'm coming to see you.
No.
Her birthday is today. Don't.
Why are you doing this?
I have to go.
I'll be there soon.
Oh, yeah,
you must be so excited
to see her.
How long has it been?
Long.
Too long.
You're back now.
That's what matters.
I just hope it's not too late.
Hey you!
Get away from there!
What did you do with that? Stop!
- Hey!
- You motherfucker.
- You stop!
- Got you, motherfucker.
You motherfucker.
You motherfucker.
Fuck.
Can you believe that my daughter
won't even come here anymore?
She could go to the bar, but she
can't come and see her mom.
Ayar?
Ayar?
Hey.
Who you looking for?
No. No, I think
I'm in the wrong place.
You sure?
All good, thanks.
Have a nice day.
Sit straight.
Sit proud.
Look at you.
So beautiful.
Hello?
I know you're in there.
I just saw you at the window.
I can hear you coughing.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Just leave me alone.
Raj!
Raj!
What? I was telling a story.
What happened?
Did you put a sick person
next to my room?
- What?
- Did you put someone with COVID
- next to me?
- She said they had no symptoms
- when they checked in.
- They said
this wasn't a COVID motel.
- It's not.
- Then why is the lady next door
coughing her lungs out?
She lied to me
when she checked in.
By the time I'm back,
she'd better be
far, far away from my room.
- I will take care of it.
- Thanks. And please wear a mask.
Will do.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry, Ayar.
Foster?
Are you gonna move?
Six feet!
- Seriously?
- Yeah!
That's a fancy top.
- What's the occasion?
- None of your business.
Why do I sense
you need someone to talk to?
Hey, Raj!
- You expecting some white dude?
- Hey!
What was that earlier?
With what?
With the car.
Uh, with that car?
Uh-uh.
I don't know. It's not my car.
You should be wearing a mask!
And you should mind
your fuckin' business.
Shit.
Shit.
Okay.
Julie.
Oh. Finally.
Where have you been?
I'm not late.
What are you wearing?
You hate it.
No. You look pretty.
You look like that girl in...
- Oh!
- Go stand over there.
Ta-daa!
And I hope it's not stale.
It's beautiful.
Thank you. I love it.
- Good.
- Thank you.
It's time for you to finish it.
What do you mean?
Well, what do you
want to say to her?
Please forgive me?
What?
I just think it's a little sad
for a birthday cake, no?
- No, no, no, no!
- Let me cover it up.
You're gonna ruin it.
It looks great. It's perfect.
It's just...
- I'm so fucking nervous.
- Julie!
What if she hates me?
Don't be so hard on yourself,
you know,
- just be honest with her.
- Julie! Now!
Tell them to fucking wait!
But now death
has come to our doorstep.
You never listened before,
so now you must be shown.
Forget "when"
and ask yourself "what."
Leave me alone, please.
Oh this complicated,
distracting world,
this man-made world
has led you astray.
I asked you to leave me alone.
You see, don't you?
These selfish, deceitful dreams,
these distracting storylines
made up by others.
Leave me alone.
♪ We believed for too long ♪
♪ That we could do anything ♪
♪ Could be anyone ♪
♪ ...than anyone
But at what cost? ♪
♪ Is it possible that death ♪
♪ The great equalizer ♪
♪ Might somehow
Improve humanity? ♪
♪ That this is
Our chance to reflect ♪
♪ To right our wrong ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jasmine ♪
♪ Happy birthday... ♪
Jasmine's hair's
getting so long.
Jasmina?
Come.
Come here, sweetie.
And you will have
the biggest party ever.
What if I don't have
any friends by then?
What the fuck?
Is that Ayar?
Where is she?
Please. Don't do this.
Not today.
What?
I've canceled the party, Ayar.
What are they
doing here, then, huh?
It's not your decision.
Let me in.
- What...
- You're not coming in.
Let me see her.
I just wanna see her.
That's my daughter.
She's still my daughter.
What did you tell her?
Jasmine!
Jasmine!
- Jasmine!
- Stop doing this!
- Stop!
- Jasmine!
You stop it! You stop it!
I've been back for two weeks.
Two weeks,
and I haven't seen her.
- Two weeks?
- Yes.
- Two?
- Yes.
Why are you
doing this to me, mom?
Mom?
You wanted me to.
You said you wanted
to take care of her.
What do you really want, Ayar?
Why now?
I just wanted to see her.
I'm not a bad person.
But you're a stranger to her.
This will take time.
And you must learn.
From who? From you?
From her.
Here.
Just give her this.
Just give her this. Please.
]
Did you have a nice day?
Who was that today?
But your mother,
she remembered everything.
She answered all the questions.
Sit straight, please.
Sit straight.
Why?
Now you look strong.
So beautiful.
Why didn't you let
Mommy come in today?
From where
our ancestors come from.
Where is it?
Now we call it Cuzco.
Now in the highest
mountains of all...
...where the most supreme god
gave birth to four sons.
Why?
You can decide
how much of it's true.
Okay.
Now listen, the gods
bestowed them
with a golden stick...
He was so strong.
...and buried him in stone.
...and they encountered
a stone deity.
...except one brother.
He wanted to show
he was the strongest
by defying it,
and when he touched it,
he turned to stone.
Now there was the third brother.
But when he thought
he'd found the perfect land,
he turned to stone.
Now, there was one brother left.
...continued on their path.
And when they
finally arrived in Cuzco,
he sunk the golden stick
into the ground.
His name was
Ayar Manco.
That's Mommy's name.
Yes.
So with his own hands...
And when he was done,
he turned to stone.
And now rests with nature.
Good night.
They should have worked together
like a family's supposed to.
Perhaps.
Is Mommy gonna turn to stone?
No.
Don't worry.
Is she sick?
No.
What if it doesn't pass?
It will.
How do you know?
Like in the movies.
Dear, you can be
anything you dream of.
You can be anything.
♪ I am here, here I am ♪
♪ I remember my first love ♪
♪ There's a new girl in town
So look out everyone ♪
Cadence isn't
just about your voice.
It's about movement.
Do you feel that pain?
You can use that pain.
You can build on it.
Hey?
Are you okay?
Do you need any help?
Hey!
Raj!
Raj!
Raj!
No, I was joking.
Let me tell you a story,
when I was seventeen,
about my grandma in Jaipur.
Beautiful city in Rajastan,
you must visit.
- I'm almost done.
- Oh, good.
My grandma,
bless her Hindi heart,
she told me this
the day before
I moved to America.
She said one middle of the night
she woke up
and went straight to the kitchen
and grabbed the longest knife
she could find,
and walked back
to my grandfather's bed,
and stood there
with the knife in her hands.
She was sleepwalking?
She stood there for entire hour,
holding the knife
above his chest,
and then
returned back to the kitchen
and went back to sleep.
He abused her.
I'm sure.
To Americans,
most Indian women are abused.
She said every night
she would grab the knife
and hold it above him
when he's asleep,
and wait for gods to show
some sign to plunge
the knife in his chest.
Oh, shit.
She looked at me
straight in the eyes
and said, "Remember, Raj,
one day,
you are going to get married,
and you'll be sleeping
next to your own wife."
You know,
the divorce rate in India
- is less than one percent.
- Raj!
- Much lower than the...-
- Raj!
- Why is she still here?
- Someone always
- interrupts my thoughts.
- She's still in her room!
- Who?
- Who do you think?
- The sick woman.
- No one is there. She's gone.
- No one is there.
- She was just coughing.
- What are you talkin' about?
- I just heard her.
I helped to call an ambulance.
She was very sick.
And I saw them load her up.
She's all alone.
Good that you told them.
I swear, I just heard her.
I wouldn't go in there.
I'm gonna go grab a beer.
You want one?
I'm so glad you came.
London, New York,
our show's everywhere.
So where you from?
From Mexico.
Mexico.
How much longer you stayin'?
Not long.
Me neither.
I thought you live here.
Nah, I met Raj four years ago,
traveling
from Delhi to Varanasi.
I do work here once in a while
to help him out.
Temporarily.
You see, I have this condition.
It's a rare condition.
I can't stay
in one place too long.
I have to keep moving
any way possible.
Okay...
If I stay in one place too long,
then I.
I sink back in, I get stuck.
I used to work as an accountant.
Had this nice
apartment downtown.
I used to think this feeling
was normal at first,
this feeling of
my mind and body
bein' separated,
as though I was...
observing everything
through a plate of glass.
You sound like an alien.
Literally.
Literally.
It was like
I was like a little man
that sat in back of my own head.
I could see the inside
of my skull and everything.
I could see out these
two eye sockets,
with controls,
with controls that didn't work.
Seriously?
The first cases
of feeling unreal
go back to French
otorhinolaryngologist
Maurice Krishaber in 1873.
Feeling unreal.
It's called DPD:
depersonalization disorder.
Depersonalization disorder?
Someone gave it a name.
Now you believe?
Someone who came
before you said,
do this, do that.
Now you're believin'.
I guess so.
I ended up selling my apartment
and all my shit, and I've
been traveling ever since.
So you felt trapped
in a steady, well-paying job,
and you decided to say,
fuck it, and become a gypsy.
Yeah.
- Basically.
- What a luxury.
My dad worked a job he hated
until the day he died.
Now they want us
all to stay in place.
Don't you feel lonely,
traveling all the time?
I miss my son.
He's in college now.
He barely talks to me.
Why?
'Cause that's what happens.
People forget.
I was working in Vegas
when everything shut down.
What'd you do there?
I got my first gig after college
as a back-up singer in a show.
My mom used to say,
now you can be
anything you dream of, Ayar.
You can be anything.
How am I gonna be
anybody I wanna be now, huh?
You can do anything.
♪ Oh, say, can... ♪
♪ By the dawn's early light ♪
They never really
felt at home here.
That's why my mom
always points to the past.
Nothing wrong with that.
I wanted to make
a life of my own.
Make her proud.
Did you?
Did you make them proud?
Viva Las Vegas!
Maybe I made a mistake.
Maybe you don't
have what it takes.
I don't know.
This role is made for you.
I believe in you. Okay?
A virus can only grow
if it has life.
They have to infiltrate,
take over and multiply.
And it grows and multiplies
until it consumes all life.
Until it destroys
everything it needs to live.
And then it dies with it.
♪ Speak until the life ♪
Hello?
Ayar.
Ayar.
I didn't even go to his funeral
because I had
a fucking audition.
I made a lot of mistakes.
And I didn't know.
Why am I telling you all this?
You're lucky.
Some people
avoid their feelings.
They hide their feelings.
They avoid their pain.
They're scared to love,
so they hide
in their own little roles,
whether it's TV shows,
books, games, movies.
Maybe even this movie.
Look at 'em.
Sittin' there.
Feeling their emptiness,
in this honest recreation
of someone else's life.
- What?
- 'Cause we hope
that they may sympathize
and understand what it's like.
- What are you talking about?
- They love it.
- I'm in the middle of what?
- Don't hide your pain now, Ayar.
- What?
- Look, you have power.
Learn from the past.
You can say, fuck tomorrow,
you can say, fuck next week.
You can say, fuck Christmas,
Valentine's Day.
Fuck Thanksgiving,
fuck all that!
Choose your own role today.
That's what matters right now,
because this is still America,
and in America,
you don't get what you want
unless you fucking take it.
Mother!
Oh, here you are.
So what's the scoop?
What the fuck have you
done to the place?
You look fucking ridiculous.
Oh, really?
Yeah. Yeah,
this was your chance, Ayar.
I did everything!
[speaking
Did you hear?
All the shows are closing.
All the hotels are shutting.
What's going on?
I'm leaving.
What?
What are you talking about?
I'm going home.
For how long?
I don't know.
Let go.
Why are you doing this?
I have a daughter, Robert.
I have a daughter.
Oh, you're joking?
Very funny.
Funny, funny, funny girl.
She's turning five.
Why didn't you tell me?
Wait.
Ayar!
Sit straight.
Sit proud.
I'm here.
I am here now, aren't I?
Please, try
to understand that.
Let me see her.
I just wanna see her.
What are you doing, Ayar?
Just stop this.
My name is Ariana Ron Pedrique,
I'm an actor.
I was born and raised
in Caracas, Venezuela.
Being beautiful,
it was a big thing.
I remember being,
like, five years old,
walking in my mom's high heels.
You have to do like this,
and you have to walk like this.
I was eleven
the first time
I stood on a stage.
Romeo! Romeo!
And then I started choking,
and then everybody was like,
Stop! Ariana, what's going on?
And I'm, I don't know
what's going on...
They gave me a bunch of pages,
all of a sudden,
I was Julietta,
just because I had long hair.
I don't know, I think
I enjoyed being a character.
Me, Ariana, the tiny...
like, skinny little girl.
If I do all this,
I can look like
a whole different person.
I thought it was magic.
I started being a model.
Venezuela's like, there's
one audition in one month,
and that's
the audition that you have.
Mom, somebody hired me,
like, I'm gonna earn money!
I'm a model.
I always looked at myself
in the mirror, and like,
am I beautiful today?
Or no, I'm not beautiful, yet.
I was 21 years old
when I moved to Mexico City
to pursue acting.
And then I moved to Los Angeles.
I was coming to see
the person who then
became my husband,
and he was living here.
He fueled my dream.
He was, like, why not?
Why are you doing
this to me, Mom?
Mom?
You haven't
called me that in years.
They were, like,
you need to be more Latina.
Just cry. Just cry.
I'm asking to cry.
I'm gonna give you
a little thing in your ear.
You can just repeat
what the person
in the ear is telling you.
You can feel
definitely like a puppet,
this is what you have to wear,
and now this,
and come here...
So I knew that could be
something that
killed my Ariana...
When you just try to fake it,
that's eventually gonna explode.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
Just a minute! Stop!
Please, please. Stop it!
Ayar, please open up.
Please open the door.
Ayar.
Why aren't you
returning my calls?
What are you doing here?
Please just stop this
and come back.
You shouldn't have come.
I love you, Ayar.
You don't know
anything about love.
Please.
We can raise her together.
We can be family.
I'm never coming back, Robert.
Goodbye.
You don't mean that.
You don't mean that.
Don't say something
you're gonna regret.
Let go!
Come on! Look,
I know I've made mistakes.
I know that. Please.
- I'm sorry.
- Let go!
Please, Ayar.
You feel that pain?
You can use that.
You can build from that.
You think
you can just go back?
Wake up!
You're ashamed
of who you really are.
You're scared to admit
that you're a nobody! Admit it!
You're gonna
be a nobody forever!
Oh, no.
People wanna see stars.
The same people
over and over again.
People don't care about you.
Nobody's gonna watch this movie!
Just shut up! And go away!
My name is Vilma Vega.
I was born in Lima, Peru.
I have one brother.
My mother never received
a formal education,
and she worked
as a maid for years.
I met my father
for the first time
this year of 2020.
My heritage is
indigenous Peruvian.
Both of my parents
were raised speaking Quechua
and later learned Spanish.
I left for the United States
to Los Angeles
when I was 15 years old,
with my boyfriend.
I loved him.
It was a world of possibilities
filled with hopes and dreams.
I wanted to be an actress.
And I got pregnant.
And at the same time,
my boyfriend
left me for another woman.
My mother-in-law
took custody of my child,
and I was all alone.
But I got an education.
I learned English.
I got a four-year college degree
from U.C. Davis.
And I got my citizenship
when I was 40 years old.
It took just about
over twenty years.
I worked several jobs.
I worked as a bank teller,
babysitter,
fast food worker,
then sales,
then management and leadership.
I missed my son every day.
And I was finally
reunited with him
when he was 15 years old.
And last year, I took him
to a trip to Cuzco
to show him where I was from.
Two years ago,
I decided that pursuing acting
wasn't too late.
Vilma, when you were
apart from your son,
did you ever
think to yourself, I'm not...
maybe I'm just gonna
forget about him. Like...
There was a time where...
So, the... yes.
You're after the success, right?
It is to prove something,
to validate your absence,
to validate you.
The shame gets bigger,
because that's what happens when
you don't put truth to the lie.
You never know
for sure who you are.
When I go into this hole,
or this rabbit hole,
my mom played this character,
my dad played this character,
my brother.
Like, am I part of a movie?
And I'm just a character, then,
so if I am,
then what do I get to create?
You know?
I'm thinking of,
as, like, if I'm Ayar.
But, yeah, she's a role.
She's a movie.
Right. It's probably
the real wake-up moment.
Am I really in this world?
That's like,
because, you know...
Life is...
Ayar.
Ayar!
Hello, my name is
Henry Foster Brown, I'm...-
Caesar Hartman
for the role of...-
Hi, I'm Simon Haycock.
I'm 6' 1".
- It's me.
- And stood there
with a knife in her hands...-
As though I was
observing everything
from a plate of glass.
I am a middle-aged
gay, Jewish New Yorker.
I am born in Tijuana, Mexico...-
We are indigenous to this land
and to Mexico.
My grandfather
grew up on a plantation...-
First came to the United States
as a student.
Through Ellis Island.
To be with the love of my life.
Through an arranged marriage.
I started getting
- a whole bunch of odd jobs.
- I've been married for
- 33 years.
- I was an insurance agent.
- Salesman, working call center.
- And we have two daughters.
To travel with
the United States military.
I was a model in Milan, Italy.
- And then I married.
- I was a lead singer
in a rock band
- alongside my office job.
- I personally
- have worked as a dance teacher.
- I did acting
when I was one year old.
Hello?
Hello?
What are you doing?
Are you there?
So, this is how it ends.
Ayar...
This is not you.
You have no idea
how much you mean to me.
You'll find your way.
And how brave
I feel today, because
I was you, for a moment.
Ayar.
Ayar.
Mom?
Jasmina?
What happened?
Is everything okay?
I...
just had a dream.
Are you sure?
Good night.
Okay.
Good night.
- Ow, ow.
- Jasmine.
- Where are we going?
- Shh.
Whoa. Let's go. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
Hey.
Hey.
You live here?
It's temporary.
Only temporary.
Come. Sit.
Here.
I got this for your birthday.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Jasmine ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
I'm tired. It's too late
to eat cake.
Okay.
You can sleep.
You are safe here.
Come. You can sleep here.
Come. Come.
There you go.
There you go.
Hey.
I need you to know something.
I need you to know I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't there.
But I'm gonna be
here for you now, okay?
I thought I could become a star.
Someone you would look up to.
But I was so ashamed.
Ashamed of myself.
People talk about love
like it's this...
great, beautiful, warm thing.
But love is hard.
Filled with worry.
And work.
And somehow you end up
hurting those
you love the most, because...
I just want you to know
that I love you
with all my heart.
And I'm so sorry
it took me so long to learn...
to see what that really means.
Hey.
Good morning.
Do you like it?
Come. Come, Jasmina.
I miss you so much.
We lost each other.
I almost lost you, too.
Oh, my darling.
You don't have to cry.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, I won't.
♪ Speak until the dust ♪
♪ Settles in
The same specific place ♪
♪ I refused to go ♪
♪ Drink it
From a cast iron plate ♪
♪ I remember
How the cloth hung ♪
♪ I remember my first love ♪
♪ I remember my first love ♪