Austenland (2013) - full transcript

What separates the casual Jane

Austen fan from the aficionado?

Is it her admiration for the style

and manners of the Regency era?

The number of times

she has read Austen's novels?

Or her consuming love

for Mr. Darcy?

♪ L-O-V-E-D-A-R-C-Y

Nice cup.

Thanks.

♪ And it begins like any other

♪ Since she was very young

Oh.

Sexy.

Okay.

I'll see you for lunch.

Yeah, okay.

♪ You try to catch her eye

♪ But she doesn't want to see

Miss Bennet...

This is the best part.

♪ She's singing

my boy loves me

Unbelievable.

♪ My boy loves me I know ♪

Hey, Jane.

Ex-boyfriend alert.

Hey, Horseface.

Jimmy, what are you doing here?

Well, I heard you

broke up with Greg.

So that means you're free

to go bowling tonight.

Oops!

Jimmy! You know what?

If "no" was

unclear last time...

I don't wanna see you again.

I picked you on purpose, Jane Hayes.

Thirty plus, clock ticking.

I'm as good as it gets, baby.

A true aficionado

of Austen does so much more

than merely read her novels and

admire her world from afar.

Excuse me.

She finds her way here

to the world's only immersive

Austen experience.

Is that a Chihuahua?

It's a lamb. Shut up.

Just trying to hear it.

This looks really cheap.

I've toured the grounds

and it's not cheap.

This is high class.

This is big time.

Jane, are you really

gonna blow your entire

life savings on

an "Austen experience"?

Now, hold on just a second,

here at Sensuous Travel,

we are not just another

run-of-the-mill vacation place.

This is what we call

an "LC." A Life-Changer.

You get to play the heroine of

your very own Jane Austen story.

Would you like to

see some of the staff?

Yeah.

No.

Now this is Barnaby.

He's a vegan.

He enjoys nightly

dips in the pond,

and he has a pony

named Sparkles Pancake.

That is horrendous.

I also heard that people in those

days didn't wear underwear.

That's a lie.

It's not a lie.

Look, every stay at Austenland

ends with a real live ball,

as in ballroom,

as in happily ever after.

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

Totally.

Jane. So you go on some fancy vacation,

then what do you come home to?

Nothing except for

an empty bank account.

Why don't you save up

for a real life-changer?

Like what?

Well, like...

That's fine. Maybe come back

another time without your friend.

We'll get you squared away.

I think I can figure out some

kind of layaway program for you.

Thank you so much.

You guys take care. Thanks for being you.

Appreciate you.

Listen, this is my one chance to

really live in Austen's world. Okay?

I'm her biggest fan.

Come on.

No. No.

You used to be a fan.

You are an addict.

You don't have to go in there because

I'm packing. It's a mess in there.

You don't wanna go in there.

Oh, Janey.

It's gotten so much worse.

I love you.

It's a collector's item

and that's why I have it.

I have 10,000 a year.

I've changed my mind.

I totally support you

going to this place,

because I'm sure

that the fantasy

will not be as

fulfilling as you imagine.

I don't think you

know where I'm going.

We could make a wager on it.

Fine.

If I win,

you de-Austen your room.

Okay.

Fine.

And if you really must go, I

made you a little farewell gift.

You did?

Aw.

Wow.

Which historical era

is this supposed to be from?

Hey, I spent three

days working on it.

Come here, let's hug it out.

Thank you.

Okay.

When you get back, just clear

this crap out because it's weird.

It's a hobby.

It's really weird.

♪ Ooh, baby, do you know

what that's worth?

♪ Ooh, heaven is

a place on earth

♪ They say in heaven

love comes first

♪ We'll make heaven

a place on earth

♪ Ooh, heaven is

a place on earth

♪ When the night falls down ♪

Oh!

Do you need a hand?

Yay, an American.

I can't understand what the natives say.

I think this is where we're

supposed to wait, right?

You're going to

the Darcy place, too?

Yes.

I memorized

the first three chapters

of Pride and Prejudice

when I was 13.

What's that?

Oh. Um...

So why are you

going to this place?

Because I'm gonna look great

in those wench gowns.

Ooh. Gosh, I hope they

give me a cape, too.

Were we not supposed

to come in costume?

Thank goodness

you're coming and not her.

I'm Jane, by the way.

Oh, goody.

Introductions. Look.

Hi.

I'm Miss Elizabeth Charming.

It's a pretty name, isn't it?

I requested it.

Yes, it's very beautiful.

I can't wait to pick a name.

How about Miss Pepperpot?

Or Miss Wiggly Wiggins?

Those are nice.

I knew this place

would be magical.

They even got us

a car from the 1800s.

Oh, thank you so much.

I'm Miss Charming.

This way.

Bloody Americans!

Mind the gap.

Sorry. I was told I was

supposed to wear a costume.

So was I.

God save the Queen!

Hey, do you think this

is the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car?

It's smaller than I expected.

Welcome to the Regency era.

This is just a stop before

we go to the big house.

I am Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

Okay.

Miss Charming, I hope your

travel was endurable.

Oh, yes!

Jane Hayes.

Yes.

And I've been thinking

about my pseudonym,

and I was thinking

Miss Joyful, maybe?

Oh, yes. You've already

been assigned a name.

Miss Erstwhile.

Miss Erstwhile?

Martin.

Take their luggage in.

And get the carriage ready

to take us up to the manor.

Martin.

Ma'am.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Complete immersion

in the Regency era

is the only way to truly

appreciate Austen's England.

Wouldn't you say so,

Miss Charming?

Righto!

Just to avoid any confusion,

I'd like you to know that we do

offer several distinct experiences.

You have paid for

the Basic Copper package,

while the other

ladies in the party

are part of

the Platinum Elite package.

Oh. Okay.

I'm sure you'll understand there will

be some exclusions to your trip.

I mean, I'm just so

excited to be here,

and I've dreamed

about this for so long.

All of my guests

will experience

romance with one of our actors.

But I must emphasize

there is to be no touching

other than the necessary social graces.

Not a chance.

I also expect

all my guests to maintain

appropriate manners

and conversation

and to eschew

all things modern.

Any flagrant

disobedience will result

in the early

termination of your stay.

You don't have

to worry about me.

I know Austen's

books intimately.

A big fire for

a hot summer's day.

We need to push up

the sisters. There we go.

That's as far as I can go.

It's looking good.

♪ Has it been a day or a week

♪ As my eyes begin to close

So we have this absolutely

delightful chiffon piece.

And I don't know

how you feel about lavender.

I call it lilac.

"Lilac."

This I do think is very

magnificent and elegant.

Salmon!

Salmon. Absolutely.

♪ These dreams under my pillow

Kinda washes you out.

♪ Of these white nights ♪

Look how skinny I look

with my hand behind my back.

Let's go meet the men.

Okay.

I'm so sorry,

my dear, but I'm afraid

this carriage only

takes two passengers.

Okay.

Sorry.

Hey, do you think we'll be

robbed by some highwaymen?

Martin,

hurry up with those bags.

My God, look at those.

Hallelujah. Oh!

Do you think those

are their real faces?

And for you, Miss Charming, we have

our finest Platinum level room.

Oh!

How old-fashioned.

Miss Erstwhile.

If you follow me.

Hey! It's bloody brilliant!

Where are you? We can't dilly-dally.

And you, of course, have one of

our loveliest Copper level rooms.

We meet for dinner at 8:00.

I expect you can find your

own way to the drawing room.

I wouldn't miss

it for the world.

With me? Yes.

Jane!

Jane? Come here.

All the statues look at you!

Look. It's one of

those Mr. Darcy guys.

May I present Miss

Elizabeth Charming.

Heiress to the vast

Charming fortune.

Top of the evening to you.

And Miss Jane Erstwhile.

An orphan of no fortune,

who we've taken in

out of the goodness

of our hearts.

Colonel Andrews, the second

son of the Earl of Denton.

I have never before

beheld such beauty...

And class.

What a very pleasant

pleasure it is indeed.

And my dear nephew,

Henry Nobley.

Goody.

There's one for each of us.

And, of course, our honored

guest, Lady Amelia Heartwright.

What the H?

I've been so lonely here without

other young women to entertain me.

All day, stuck with these men.

And that is my husband.

Do sit down.

I do hope it will not

rain on us tomorrow.

It would be so lovely to take

a turn around the gardens.

I sure would like you

to turn me upside

down in the garden.

Pardon me?

I think Miss Charming just

means she loves the outdoors.

Right.

Bless.

Do you see something in my eye?

I'm afraid I can't

see in this low light.

Oh, Mr. Nobley.

You really are quite a bloke.

It would appear to be my duty

to gaze into your eyes.

I'm a military man,

I'd never shirk my duty.

Allow me, Miss Charming.

Yes. Yes, there is

something there. Fire.

I say, Miss Charming, you certainly

do live up to your name.

Tally-ho!

I do hope

you all enjoy the food.

Have you lost

your appetite, Mr. Nobley?

Somewhat.

Something on your mind?

Absolutely nothing's

on my mind, thank you.

Prudence, a little bit more of the

peacock paté, when you're ready.

I can't believe

I'm really here.

Jane.

Yeah?

Why don't you try out

some of that fancy talk?

Mr. Nobley, I hear there is

a ball on our last night.

Do you enjoy dancing?

Not particularly.

Scandalous.

I am sure you have escorted many a

fine lady on to the dance floor.

I would say

that manners maketh man.

I look forward to having the

pleasure of standing opposite you.

But dancing is the true hallmark...

You do?

...of a gentilhomme d'honneur.

Pass the

sheep's eyeballs, will you?

Traditionally, dancing

is a match-making custom.

Oh, yes.

However, it fails

unless both partners

are equally fond of each other.

You could say the same

about any social intercourse.

Intercourse?

Such as talking to someone

or having dinner with them.

Society demands that we engage in a social

intercourse in order to seem courteous.

Yet, in most cases, such

actions are ultimately vulgar.

I really adore conversating.

Do you really believe,

Mr. Nobley,

that you can know the worth

of a person at a glance?

Can you tell me that

within the first few moments

of meeting each

person in this room,

you didn't form firm opinions

of their character?

Well, it would be a shame if my first

impression of you proved correct.

Well, Miss Erstwhile, I for one

am so pleased you are here.

Another woman who understands,

as I do, the rocky road of love.

Mrs. Wattlesbrook told me

of your tragic story.

What?

I try to learn a great

deal about my clients

so that I can better

prepare for their stay.

You have been unlucky

in love, shall we say?

We most definitely

should say.

At your age,

with no husband, no kinder...

I'm sorry.

The clock is ticking. Tick-took,

tick-took. Oh, bugger.

How unfortunate.

Excuse me.

Good duck.

Jane. Jane! Jane.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You know, I know how it feels to

be treated badly by stupid men.

I really do.

Jane, come on.

Give me a hug.

Come on. At least it's not

gonna happen at this place.

Besides, you'll feel

totally different tomorrow.

Think about all the people in

the world that hang themselves.

And then the next day,

they feel different,

but there's nothing

they can do about it.

Don't hang yourself, Jane.

Mmm-hmm.

Anyway, if you need anything,

just call me. I'm right down the hall.

Well, actually,

I'm not right down the hall

because you're in the servants' wing.

You're in the creepy tower.

God, sometimes I think

about you here at night.

Must be really scary.

It's okay.

Anyway.

And, Jane,

the maid told me that...

FYI, she said don't

use the chamber pots.

Apparently the toilets

really do flush here,

and they don't know what to do

if it's just piled high.

Right.

Of course,

he made all his money

selling quicklime

on the continent.

You can never have enough whitewash,

as my grandfather used to say.

Then he contracted

dysentery and died.

Tap-tap.

Good morrow, sir.

'Tis I.

Shall we promenade?

Oh. Oh, I say.

Miss Erstwhile, do join us.

Yes, make haste.

I think I'll go

find some shade.

Really? How peculiar.

She's been too much in the sun.

Come, sir.

Your hunting excursion is commencing

on the upper

paddock at the stable

where you will be assigned

an appropriate mount.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm not spying on you.

I'm afraid you caught me

at an unladylike moment.

Mrs. Wattlesbrook will probably

rap my knuckles or something.

Tell me about it.

So you hail from

the former colonies?

I'm sorry, that's pretty bad. I'm not

really here to do the "ye olde" stuff.

I'm probably not supposed to be

talking to the servants anyway.

I thought I'd come here and be a total

pro at this, but I don't know...

Yeah. Maybe you need

a coach or something.

Yeah. I'm definitely not

supposed to talk to you.

And yet,

here you are.

That's... I have to...

Where are you?

Miss Erstwhile, there you are.

Yes, hello. I... I was

just saying to Nobley here

our divine Miss Erstwhile

seems to have escaped us.

And let us not see if

we cannot find her out...

I was hot so I stopped in here,

you know, and then I sat...

I say, Miss Erstwhile,

you are tongue-tied today.

What sordid secrets is your

mouth trying to hide from us?

No, no secrets. No.

Do tell me at once.

I simply must know.

Andrews!

Can't you see

that she's unwell?

No, I'm fine.

Thank you...

Unwell? Perhaps you have a

touch of the vapors? Or mange?

Either way,

bell jar on the tummy.

Sucks out all

the vicious vapors.

And leeches on the ankles...

Andrews, shut up.

What?

Hi. Ladies and gents,

please take notice!

I've just got the schedule,

and look, it says we get

to go hunting on horseback.

Can you believe it?

Real horses and real guns!

Release the hounds!

Tally-ho.

A-hunting we will go.

The British are coming.

The British are coming!

Shall we go?

Shall we?

Hey, stable boy.

You're way too slow! Come on!

I've never shot

a hunting rifle before.

Now, the whole thing with the

gun, darling, is that you have to cock it.

Just hold the barrel. There.

And then gently

pull the trigger.

Have you ever

fired a loaded weapon before?

Actually, I think you might

be quite impressed by my...

Big cock.

...skills.

I will be.

Ow!

Just a little closer there.

Yeah,

I think I get the basics.

Ready, ladies?

Face down range.

Load. And make ready.

And, pull!

Fly in my eye.

My... Miss Erstwhile. What a

talented little nut you are.

Yeah.

I guess I get the basics of it.

I didn't think we were really

supposed to kill them.

What are we supposed

to eat for dinner?

Anyone for pheasant? Me.

Of course, all these

horses are thoroughbreds.

They come from the local stud.

Well, I'm too busy, you see.

There's something

wrong with the horse.

Crap Copper package.

Little bit tight. Have

to give you a rub down tonight.

Excuse me?

The horse.

Right, sorry.

There we go.

Oh!

Thank you.

I'll be back in

a crack with a new horse.

Okay.

♪ Somewhere there's

a book of me

♪ Waiting for someone to read it

♪ And I really believe it

♪ Just wish that

I could see it

♪ And I keep losing track

of where I'm meant to be

♪ If you know it you would be there

♪ 'Cause I know

that you're a good man

♪ But you like

to keep that secret ♪

Oh. Hi.

Did that stable

boy abandon you?

No, he's coming right back.

Well, I wasn't raised to leave

a woman alone in the woods.

I'm really... I'm fine.

Well, there's...

All right, come on.

Get up.

Both of us on the one horse?

I don't know if that's gonna

really work for me...

Right, are you ready?

One, two, three.

No, no.

Okay.

We're not gonna be able to outrun the

storm unless you straddle the horse.

Straddle... Not possible

in this rig. Sorry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Get forward. Forward. That's it, more.

Forward? Okay. Well...

Take the reins.

Now, anyone who can shoot a gun

like that can ride a horse.

Come on.

Do you have me?

I've got you fine.

Thank you.

Jane.

Come here.

I know,

but it's a little hard...

No, your leg, your leg. No.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

Jane.

What the hell do you think you were

doing leaving her alone like that?

I'm sorry, I was coming.

No, I was fine,

actually, Mr. Nobley.

There you are, Mr. Nobley. I was about

to arouse a search party.

Miss Erstwhile. What ghastly

thing happened to you?

I think I'm just

gonna go powder my nose.

Everyone, please

assemble in the drawing room

for this evening's whist drive.

Partners will be assigned according

to ability and package status.

I do believe

I start this one, do I not?

I'm just

so happy. I...

See if you can beat that.

Well,

there's a card.

A proper lady does not doodle the

evening away, Miss Erstwhile.

You're looking well,

Mr. Nobley.

The rain refreshed

your spirits, did it?

Hardly.

I say, who needs

the outdoors when

you ladies are such

a breath of fresh air?

Colonel, you really

are a saucy monkey.

Miss Erstwhile, what's that

earthy smell about you?

Is it perfume?

I'm not wearing any perfume.

Must be your essence.

Colonel. Tremendous play.

I didn't see that one.

No, no one ever does.

It's my sneaky maneuver

I picked up in the Punjab.

Oh! Exotic!

My, Miss Charming, what

beauteous skin you possess.

Reawy?

Well, that's because late at

night when I'm all alone,

I put my face in the fire.

Really?

It's like a porcelain plate.

It's like being in a kiln.

♪ Wake up and

suddenly you're in love ♪

Sorry.

I didn't mean to bother you

if you're in the

middle of something or...

You are a little lost?

No.

I was just walking around, and

then I heard music and so...

Quick. Get in before Wattlesbrook

confiscates this thing.

Let's hope you're not her spy.

Mrs. Wattlesbrook?

Yeah.

She made me sign half a dozen

proper behavior agreements...

Right.

Swear to keep any modern contraption

out of sight of the guests.

Right.

Including you, Miss Erstwhile.

I'm not a spy.

I swear.

And you don't have to call me

Miss Erstwhile. It's Jane.

Martin.

I am so sorry

about this afternoon.

No, no. Don't be.

Don't even worry about it.

I would have

been absolutely fine

if it weren't for

Prince Valiant showing up.

The actors are

paid to be valiant.

Right.

They have some "Most Valiant

Player of the Month" award.

Still, it's nice to have

a little break from them.

Do you mind if I

turn back on your music?

No, of course not.

You're a real easy

listening kinda guy, huh?

Yeah. It relaxes me.

Yeah. The easier...

The easier, the better.

Here it comes.

♪ I used to think that

love was just a fairy tale ♪

You're a really great singer.

You've got really

great taste in gowns.

You make it

a little hard for me

to take myself

seriously in this getup.

Where are you in there?

There you are, yeah.

Do you slow dance?

Sure.

♪ Suddenly life has

new meaning to me ♪

I don't remember Wattlesbrook

teaching us that move.

Yeah, neither will those

posh boys up at the house.

Ah. I almost forgot about it.

Do you have another girl

hidden around here somewhere?

Yeah.

What was that?

Shh.

You don't wanna scare her.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Wow. You put

all the girls at ease?

Only the wild ones.

We almost missed it.

Is this horse about to

have a baby right here?

I've never seen

anything being born.

Go get me some straw.

Wait a second.

Are you gonna have to stick your hands

up in and flip it or something?

Jane, just go get her some straw.

Yeah, all right.

Breathe, you can do this.

Straw. Get it.

Yeah.

I found some!

Okay. Thanks, Jane.

My God, what's that?

Jane.

I'm coming right now.

Get the straw, Jane!

Push! Push! Push!

That's it...

Oh, my... Sparkle.

I found it!

Jane, it's beautiful.

Got the straw.

Oh, my gosh!

It's the miracle of birth.

There you go.

Up you get, buddy.

Run free, little Sparkle.

Prince Valiant

couldn't do that.

No.

That was amazing, though.

That was really amazing.

I should probably get going.

You got...

Might not want that.

Can I give you something first?

Just“

Wanted to do that for a while.

Good night, Jane Erstwhile.

Good night.

"She had had many a hint from Mr.

Knightley, and some from her own heart."

I have one, too.

Ooh.

Mr. Darcy said to Jane,

"Jane, listen.

Listen right now.

"If you were to

sleep with me tonight,

"I would actually

speak to you the next day,

"unlike any man that you will

meet 100 years from now."

Please.

Please shut your hole.

Men and women wouldn't even

touch before marriage,

let alone be alone in

the same room together.

I don't think he would ever say

something like that,

and he was a gentleman.

Why are we sewing again?

I guess this is how women must

have spent a lot of their time.

Well, if the men don't

come back from hunting soon,

I'm gonna ask for a refund.

What about you, Miss Erstwhile?

Are you enjoying yourself?

It is a shame we are

so awkwardly grouped.

Two gentlemen and three ladies,

leaving you always to

bring up the rear alone.

If you'll excuse me,

I think I'm gonna

go to the library

for a little while.

Jane.

I'm reading.

You're not really allowed to read

down on the sluice gate. Okay?

You know, this is off-limits,

okay? This is...

This is really very

dangerous down here. Okay?

Anything could happen.

I mean,

I don't have to be reading.

I just...

Martin, come on.

I'll go crazy if I have to sit

up in that house all afternoon.

You love it up there.

All those guys

paid to adore you.

Come on, check out the butler.

He's got a 14-pack.

You're right,

I'm gonna go find him.

Yeah?

You win.

♪ Looking from

the window above

♪ It's like a story of life

♪ Can you hear me?

♪ Came back only yesterday

♪ Who went further away

♪ Want you near me

♪ All I needed was

the love you gave

♪ All I needed for another day

♪ And all I ever knew

♪ Only you

♪ Sometimes when

I think of her name

♪ When it's only a game

♪ And I need you

♪ Listen to the words

that you say

♪ It's getting harder to stay

♪ When I see you ♪

Martin, the birds.

I'll see you later?

Yeah. I just gotta put away a few fake

birds. Maybe see you at the stables?

Okay.

Awful as spread, is this one.

But really. Never before...

I'm gonna need a new

inkwell in my room.

Are you?

Yeah, it's empty.

Really?

And what are you going to pen

while you're there?

Maybe a little journal

of your time and experiences?

Maybe the Declaration of Independence.

Really?

Sumptuous beans.

My favorite.

Yummy.

How does one go about

eating a fish this big?

They're so delicious!

Baked, stewed.

Refried.

Marvelous.

Everyone. I have great news.

Captain George East has just

arrived from the West Indies.

Good morning, ladies.

You're beautiful.

I hear you were

just made captain.

Do tell us the story.

Yes, we like stories. Please do.

Can't wait.

I were raised on the sea. Ferrying

goods between the islands.

But when Napoleon struck, I joined

arms with me British brothers.

Bravi, bravi.

Within months

I were first mate,

and then came my

moment of destiny.

Imagine one lone

British frigate,

surrounded by four

French war crafts,

cap'n dead on the deck.

"Surrender," came the cry.

Anyone buying this?

"Never," said I.

Did you die?

Now I were tempted to surrender,

but I had to hearten me men.

"Death first."

But surely there could be

no dishonor in surrender

with your captain dead

and your men so outnumbered?

When my seaman's heart

tell me what to do,

I do not fear to

follow through.

That rhymes. That rhymes.

But right now,

my seaman's heart

bid me do thusly.

You are a most

sensual creature.

Thank you.

On.

I say.

Steady on, Captain.

This is absurd.

Oh!

Oh!

Watch out, Nobley.

No, don't get up

too quickly, George.

I believe the ladies are needed

in the drawing room

with Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

Lizzie darling.

I'll be along shortly.

I'm your humble servant,

My Lady.

Ladies,

please join me in the parlor

for my lecture series

on bonnets, bosoms and vices.

Hi.

Hey.

What do we have planned today?

What, you couldn't find anyone

else to flirt with today?

I saw you parading

around with those actors.

I thought you

weren't into that stuff.

Maybe I am.

Well, I've never

really been able to

respect the kind of

women that come here.

So I guess I was fooling myself

that you weren't one of them.

What, so are you

breaking up with me?

Breaking up?

I didn't realize

we were going steady.

No, sorry, I didn't mean it.

If I was sane when I shot

you, I would have aimed for your head.

Did you see that?

That was amazing, George.

I mean,

really beautiful acting.

I had to

drink human breast milk

supplements to get arms that big.

Ugh!

Mean...

Must be what makes

your hair so shiny.

Can I use your power socket?

But you'll have to turn off the telly.

George, do you mind?

Well, I...

Well, we'll watch it later.

Okay.

Welcome to the Pleasure Dome.

Thank you.

Hey, George.

Hey, Martin. You good?

Yeah.

Welcome back, eh.

How are the ladies

treating you this year?

Well, I can't complain.

I can't complain.

You really let yourself go.

What? Really? What?

Don't. Leave the boy alone.

How is life in the stables?

My horses are less

trouble than women.

What do you guys

think of that girl, Jane?

What's its name?

You know, Miss...

Erstwhile.

Yeah, I could

slap that between a bun.

Well, she's a bit peculiar.

She's hot.

She's all right.

♪ No flower of her kindred

♪ No rosebud is nigh

♪ To reflect back her blushes

♪ Give sigh for sigh ♪

Perfect,

Lady Heartwright. Perfect.

I have no words to describe it.

I say.

I would die enraptured to hear

you play, Miss Erstwhile.

No, not tonight, not tonight.

Go on, go on.

Please.

Miss Erstwhile, I insist.

Okay.

Allow me.

Thank you.

I only really know one song.

Play that one then.

Not surprising.

So I'll just play that.

♪ It's getting hot in here

♪ So take off all your clothes

♪ I am getting so hot

I'm gonna take my clothes off

I never

I think I will retire early.

That was frigging awesome.

Where are you going?

Whoa!

Sorry. Sorry.

I didn't know

I became a ninja when

startled in a strange place.

My father, if he were alive,

would die of shame.

And here was I thinking

that any father would be

delighted to have

a ninja as a daughter.

Excuse me.

Miss Erstwhile.

Yes.

I don't know if

you realize that

it's not proper in this

particular time, or any time,

for a lady to be

alone after dark...

Okay. Let alone cavorting

with the servants...

Cavort?

When doing so might lead to...

Did you just say "cavort"?

There's just something about

that guy I really don't...

Aren't you all righteous

concern, Mr. Nobley?

Thank goodness you've saved me from

sullying myself with the help.

Don't be so ridiculous.

Insufferable.

Well,

good evening, Miss Erstwhile.

Good evening,

Mr. Wattlesbrook.

Still awake, are you?

Up to some mischief, I hope.

Just needed some fresh air.

If you'll excuse me.

No, no, stay a moment.

We might engage in

a private game of whist.

That's a four-person game.

We could be partners.

Little wink-wink, little

nudge-nudge, under the table.

I think I should go to bed now.

Precisely my point.

No.

This is so not

Regency appropriate!

We can make it part of the game.

Do a little role play.

Get off of me.

Get off of me!

Miss Erstwhile?

Are you all right?

Whatever is the matter? I didn't

have time to locate my breeches.

Why, Mr. Wattlesbrook,

not again.

Little slag attacked me!

Well, obviously.

She is a ninja.

Come here.

I have to tell you,

the lads are not gonna

cover up for you anymore.

I promise you.

Just don't tell the missus!

Well, I won't

tell the missus, but...

I'll escort

you to your room.

I'm okay now.

Thank you. I just...

As long as there aren't any other

Mr. Wattlesbrooks lurking around.

I cannot give Andrews

a glowing reference,

though I do believe

you could take him down.

Miss Erstwhile, are you sure there's

nothing more I can do for you?

I'm fine.

I should just go to bed.

Good night.

Apparently I bought

the cheap package.

The cheap package?

You kidding me?

No.

I don't even think

my character gets

the "happily ever

after" storyline.

I am going to kill

that travel agent.

I'm so mad I wasted

all my money.

Okay, enough is enough.

You just need to come home

and buy your Tercel back.

Molly, I'm kind of

a mess, aren't I?

That's an understatement.

I wanna get over

all of this stuff,

but if I leave now,

I'll always wonder "What if?"

So, what are you gonna do?

I'm going to take

charge of my story.

An Austen heroine gets engaged

by the end of the book,

so that is what

I'm going to do.

Why don't you go

for Captain East?

Look how hot he is.

And he's a soap star.

Captain East?

Okay. East it is.

But can you help me, please?

I mean, this is not gonna work.

I've prepared my entire life

for this very moment.

Someone's coming, hurry up.

Heartwright had

millions of them.

She's as dumb as a light post.

She'll never notice.

Oh, my God.

Look at this one.

I love stealing

things from her.

Watch my mouth.

Blast.

Blast.

Good. Good.

Bloody Americans.

Bloody Americans.

You got it.

You are the queen.

Really?

♪ Her hair is Harlow gold

♪ Her lips sweet surprise

♪ Her hands are never cold

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes

♪ She'll turn the music on you

♪ You won't have

to think twice

♪ She's pure as New York snow

♪ She got Bette Davis eyes

♪ And she'll tease you

She'll unease you

♪ All the better

just to please you

♪ She's precocious

♪ And she knows just

♪ What it takes

to make a pro blush ♪

...the family

name's not Nobley at all,

and that's a French affectation.

In fact, it's Knobble.

Knobble, just Knobble.

You can tell by the way he uses his

chalk that he's a ladies' man.

He doesn't have time for

that kind of conversation.

Don't mind me.

It's unusual

sometimes, but he is rather shy.

Do you think he hears us?

He doesn't look over and yet

his expressions and mannerisms

are a bit too determined,

don't you think?

Right you are, Miss Erstwhile.

'Course I hear you.

Have to be deaf not to the way

you lot are prattling on.

I say, Nobley, you are being

awfully tedious today.

Good one.

You know, alone with the chaps,

he's really quite

a pleasant fellow.

Really?

Yes.

No, baby.

My little kumquat.

You made yourself all wet.

Allow me.

Oh.

Look at you, all moist.

Couldn't you just

use a handkerchief?

Captain.

Perhaps I don't find the

conversation of women to be

stimulating.

I just can't imagine

why you're still single.

Don't see a ring

on your finger.

Nobley.

No, no, no, it's all right.

I asked for it.

I am single

because, apparently,

the only good

men are fictional.

Touché.

And you think that there's

any good women out there?

No, no, no.

They profess

honesty and fidelity,

and while you're away

lecturing in Switzerland,

they run off to

Brazil with your mate!

Get on with

the game, you old windbag!

Someone departing?

That's my trunk.

I have discovered an unmentionable

amongst your things.

Now I believe I

made it perfectly clear

about the rules,

Miss Erstwhile.

We thank you for your stay,

but I regret that

your actions have

forced me to cut it short.

What?

First, that horrid

little song and now this.

You're really

gonna kick me out?

I'm afraid it is

time for you to leave.

Go get 'em, Charming.

I'm so sorry, Jane.

If you would be so kind

as to step on to the cart.

Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

Please, wait.

This is all my fault.

The modern contraption is mine.

I did not realize I had

it until I first arrived.

And I was so distressed,

Miss Erstwhile kindly offered

to keep it for me

where I would not have to

look upon the eyesore...

Oh. Well,

I see.

So, apparently this appears

to be an accident,

and I think the best thing is we

should pretend like it never happened.

Lady Heartwright,

I do so hope that you will

continue to honor us

with your presence.

Yes. Of course.

Thank you.

I forbid you to leave,

ever, Miss Erstwhile.

We were just getting

to know each other.

Miss Erstwhile.

Yeah. Hi.

Thank you for back there

with Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

It was a pleasure to save you.

And, please,

you must call me Amelia.

Really?

Make haste.

Quickly.

Amelia?

Dear Jane, now that

we are bosom sisters,

I can at last

confide in someone.

Oh, Janey,

last year, at the ball,

Georgie...

George East and I

became engaged.

It is true.

But alas, he was a poor sailor,

and my father broke off the

engagement without my assent.

If I try to

explain this to him now,

George will think

I only want him back

because he has

become a wealthy captain.

What am I to do?

I sort of thought you were

into Nobley, or is that not...

No, no, no!

Dear Jane, I know

you will help me

find a way to be

alone with Captain East.

I don't really

know what I could do.

It pained me to be so dishonest

with Mrs. Wattlesbrook

back there.

But so long as you

are my dearest friend,

I'll keep your secret.

Oh.

Or should I say secrets?

Farewell, bosom sister.

You know, I think being creative

is a waste of time and money.

Well, I love ribbons

and feathers and colors.

Another blue tit,

please, Miss Charming.

All right, but don't

copy everything I do.

I'll try.

We're not worthy,

Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

Their hearts will positively

burst from the rapture.

I have something of the

utmost urgency to report.

Who's game for

a bit of amusement?

Me! Me! I'm so bored.

Well, well, my cupcake,

Mrs. Wattlesbrook has only

gone and surpassed herself

and has completed

a brilliant theatrical.

You don't look like

you could read or write.

It's just a trifle.

Now, there are six parts.

Three sets of lovers.

And I thought, give us something

to pass the time until the ball,

we could rehearse

it and perform it

for our illustrious

and distinguished authoress.

Now are there any questions?

No.

No what?

You can't make me do a play.

It's humiliating.

That's not a question. It's out

of the question, I'm afraid.

I've got a question.

Who gets to pick the lovers?

Well, I'm thinking

maybe ladies' choice.

You know, maybe alphabetically.

Goody, goody.

Eeny, meeny, miny... You!

Ma chérie.

And you, Miss Erstwhile?

Pick wisely, Jane.

I guess Mr. Nobley.

Sorry. Sorry.

That's okay.

Sorry.

Okay, since we have to spend so

much time rehearsing this thing,

let's just... Let's try

not to annoy each other.

You don't annoy me.

You make me nervous.

So, are you enjoying your stay?

Really?

We're making small talk now?

Okay.

Well, the house is amazing, but

it's kind of like a corset.

I like the way it looks,

but it's just...

Hard to relax in it.

Yes, exactly.

But there is so

much to love here.

I mean, the civility.

The manners.

The grandeur, you know.

Simplicity.

The men.

The women.

The paintings.

They're really...

Yes, you are an artist.

No, no, no.

The thing is, those aren't real.

They're just stupid sketches.

Who's that?

Exactly.

I'm sorry.

They're not all like that.

No, no. It's a...

It's a fair likeness.

No apologies needed.

It is curious, however,

that there are more

of me than anyone else.

I guess I've been trying to

figure you out without much luck.

Surely you've come

to some conclusions.

You're the resident

Mr. Darcy.

Come on,

you're every girl's fantasy.

So I'm your fantasy?

You play your

character very well.

Right.

Shall we rehearse, then?

Yes.

Roger.

Are they acting?

I don't know what's real

or what's not anymore.

I mean, what if

she actually is...

In love with him?

Well, don't you think it's possible

to confuse truth with fantasy?

I mean, what's gonna happen

when the theatrical is over?

Well, it's a dangerous

kind of game to play.

Don't you think, in their case

anyway, those feelings that,

you know, that they

can run deeper and...

Oh, my.

If you'd have asked me a

week ago, I'd have said no.

Miss Erstwhile.

Yes.

You're shivering.

Thank you.

Ladies, remember

to wear your corsets nice and tight.

Jane, hey.

Martin.

Where are the other guests?

In their private whist lesson.

It's part of

the Platinum package.

I can't say that

I miss that perk.

Stage curtain.

Right. Right.

I'll let you get to it, then.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

lam Aphrodite, the goddess.

Often fickle in my large arse.

Largesse.

Largesse.

I see some mortals there.

Yes, two in love,

yet in despair.

Prithee, fair maid.

Have thou seen my lost lamb?

Nay. Perhaps you

should listen for its bleat.

Bleat. Bleat.

Go not to Athens, I pray thee,

or my heart will truly break.

In faith and troth, I

have no time to love...

Can't hear you.

No, no, no, louder.

What?

Louder.

Speak up!

In faith and troth, I have

no time to love a lady.

War is my mistress.

Line?

I write poems of love.

I write poems of love

that no fair maid hears.

And I am shedding tears

that fall to the ground

but do not maketh

a sound like the land...

You're rubbish. Get off

the stage, you wanker.

Really!

Philistines!

I shall make

everything all righty

because I am

the beautiful Aphrodite.

Can I pray thee, stranger,

make me thy wife.

I seek no marriage

but the cleavage...

Cleaving of my sword

on mine enemy's flesh.

Then I shall die this day.

Thou cur.

You break this lady's heart,

I will break your head.

Get an ice pack.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Get on with it.

Sorry.

What a...

I've fallen upon my sword.

Is that blood upon your breast?

Alas, lam for the grave.

Then let me hold you

as long as your breath lasts.

It's as if I have never known

you before this moment.

And nought else matters

in this world but you

and how my heart beats for you.

I love you.

You need to die, Nobley.

Sorry. Sorry.

No, we are all dead.

No!

And they all died forever.

All dead forever.

Shut up, Fartwright.

Oh!

Bravo. Bravo!

Mrs. Wattlesbrook,

you're a genius.

Such talent.

Lady Heartwright, you make

such a beautiful corpse.

You!

You know,

I was aiming for your cans,

but they're such

a small target.

Oh!

I'll never see again.

It's okay, my baby.

Let's get out of here.

Come on.

♪ You great,

big beautiful door ♪

Come on.

This way.

Why are we running?

Because man and

woman should never

be alone unless

they are in motion.

And what do the rules of

etiquette say about being alone

in your bedroom?

Right.

I should probably let you go before

one of us gets into trouble.

I really had so

much fun tonight.

So did I.

Miss Erstwhile?

Yes, Mr. Nobley?

Tomorrow evening...

Can I reserve the first

two dances with you?

Yes, Mr. Nobley.

Miss Erstwhile, will you

let me back in a moment?

When I look at you, I feel

certain of something.

Guess what?

What?

I'm wearing my favorite pair of

satin pink pantaloons just in case.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

We're gonna be the prettiest

girls at the ball.

Have fun tonight, Amelia.

Oh.

You look so beautiful.

Piratey.

But like a beautiful pirate.

It's infected.

I'm so sorry.

Maybe we should go.

Ship's ahoy.

Baby?

It's okay, you look fine.

It looks terrible.

That does not look good.

I was hoping to dance

with a goddess tonight.

Lordy.

Smother me in butter

and drop me in a saucepan.

There she is.

My Venus de Milo.

Colonel Andrews.

Miss Charming.

Tally-ho.

I can't wait to

see your bedroom.

Hi.

Hey.

Wow, you look...

You look amazing.

Thank you.

You look very nice, too.

Topshop.

Where are all

these people from?

She's got everyone here, it's the

gardener, the maids, the servants.

That guy over there,

that's the taxidermist.

He's particularly creepy.

How is the baby horse?

He's good.

Yeah.

He's talking and all that.

Yeah. He was asking about you.

Really?

Yeah. He said,

"Where's Straw Girl?"

I made an impression, I'm sure.

Jane, I'm really into you.

And if you wanna get

out of here, I mean...

Miss Erstwhile?

Shall we?

Shall we?

Yes.

You're stunning.

Really?

You all right?

I'm fine. And you?

Are you having fun?

I'm taking an inordinate amount

of pleasure from this evening.

You're so light on your

feet, you look like a nutcracker.

But none of it from the ball.

I think you just

complimented me.

Jane, I need to

tell you something.

I'm not meant to say

or do these things,

my aunt would kill me, but...

You are my sun and my moon.

My earth and my stars.

Marry me.

Marry you? Oh, my God,

of course I will.

Oh, God, I love you.

I love you.

You make me the happiest

man alive, dear Amelia,

if you'd be my wife.

Oh, George.

Jane.

Remember our first night?

Something about bad first

impressions comes to mind.

I know your opinion

of me was horrible.

I was horrible.

I was nervous.

I felt out of place

and I certainly

didn't intend on

falling in love, but...

I have.

I can't imagine leaving

this place without you.

Please,

tell me if I have any hope.

I didn't realize...

This is how I'd

feel at this part.

Feel what?

You were right, this is a

dangerous kind of game.

I don't wanna play anymore.

What do you want?

I want something real.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hey.

Do you still

wanna get out of here?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Good night, Your Majesty.

I didn't think I was touching

you inappropriately.

Well, you did.

And if we're to be together,

you must never ever do

anything like that ever again,

if we're to be together.

Even Prudence is getting some.

Are you ready?

Yes.

So Wattlesbrook got Nobley

to propose to me tonight.

Yeah. Classic.

Yup.

Is that when you

walked out? Just...

Man, what a tart.

Ah.

I have to admit his character

was pretty dreamy.

Yeah.

I wouldn't marry him.

Mainly because

he's got bad knees.

Bad knees?

Did he mention his knees?

I'm an even bigger nerd

than I thought, though.

I mean, there were

actual moments

when I really did

believe it was real.

Don't feel bad. I mean, Wattlesbrook

hires the best actors around.

Yeah.

And...

Some of her clients, you know,

aren't half bad either.

I'm so glad you're

outside of the fantasy.

Makes it easier to

walk away from it all.

You know my

flight leaves tomorrow,

but I could see if

I could change it.

Stay a few extra

days in London.

That's an offer I...

I'm not gonna refuse.

I fancy seeing you in...

I don't know,

some trousers or...

Do you wear anything

less 1800s, ever?

Do you?

Yeah, I do the short shorts.

Please bring

soiled petticoats and undergarments...

Jane.

Lizzie.

Are you off?

I'm off.

I'm packing up.

Hey, you know,

I wanted to say just...

Thanks for everything.

And I made this for you.

All the sewing we did.

That's beautiful.

I think she's way prettier

than me, don't you think?

That's really

great needlepoint.

So what are you gonna do now?

I thought I would stay on

and check out all

the new recruits.

You know, make sure that

all of them know that

Colonel Andrews is taken.

And then I thought I would

ask Miss Wattlesbrook

if I can buy the place.

You should.

I know. I think I should.

Lizzie, you know, I think...

I think that Colonel Andrews...

I think he...

That he might be...

Perfect for you.

Jane, thank you.

I was so afraid you were gonna

say you thought he was gay.

Adieu.

Farewell.

God, that was

the best time so far.

Except for the eye gouging.

You're not British?

Yeah, I know, right?

Well, that's what two years of

private drama tutoring will get you.

You ended up

with Nobley, right?

He was such a bore,

but, you know...

He did a good job

of being into you.

He asked me to pretend

your cell phone was mine.

It's so sad when

the trip is over, but,

frankly, lam dying

for a massage.

My husband's old.

Very old.

And I trust you

discovered rewarding

romance with one

of the gentlemen?

Actually, there was someone,

but not Mr. Nobley,

as you may have intended.

My dear, Henry was

never meant for you.

No, his job was to take care

of Lady Heartwright

until George East

finished his little show.

No, Martin was scripted for you

right from the very beginning.

No, but he's...

Martin's a servant.

Well, you've seen my servants.

I had to take him out just for a

little while because things were

steaming up.

But I had every confidence

that he could woo you back.

And your timing

was very fortunate.

Most of the ladies just

get a litter of kittens.

The foal is the showstopper.

The foal?

I trust you would like

to be on your way, Jane?

More than ever.

Are you upset?

No, not at all.

And please don't take it

personally when I shut you down.

Shut me down?

I wasn't the first guest

Mr. Wattlesbrook assaulted, was I?

I should be able to find

other complaints in no time.

But...

♪ Bright eyes

♪ Every now and then

I fall apart ♪

Wow, Nobley, eh?

Tied your cravat just a wee

bit too tight, didn't you?

To be honest, I can't believe

you didn't get Jane.

I mean, she was...

She was anyone's.

Whoa!

Mad dog over there.

Colonel Andrews speaking.

Yes.

Yes, no. I'll tell

him right away. Yes.

Yes. Yes, you have a good day.

Of course. Bye-bye.

Martin, that was the old girl

back at the house.

Appears you're

still on the clock.

You're to go to the airport and

smooth some ruffled feathers pronto.

No rest for the gorgeous.

Hi. No luggage. No.

This is

a passenger announcement.

Can Jane Erstwhile please

report to the information desk?

That's Jane Erstwhile

to the information desk.

Hi, I think they...

Jane. Hey.

I'm really sorry

you didn't know, okay?

I'd still like to spend

the night together. Yeah?

You are an actor!

Hey. Hey, but...

But you're desperately

in love with me anyway?

And these sudden passionate feelings

that sent you running after me

have nothing to do with

Mrs. Wattlesbrook's fear

that I'm gonna report

her delinquent husband?

Of course not. Okay?

Right.

I know it all seems shady,

but romances

have bloomed on stonier ground.

Did Wattlesbrook write that line?

Because we know you didn't.

Okay, she wrote the line. Okay?

Right.

But I'm the one

standing here saying it.

Jane!

Jolly good, the prefect's

here to save the day.

You can't believe

anything he's said.

I've only just realized now that

Martin was assigned to you.

I know. I... Yeah.

She knows, so...

So, what are you doing here?

It's just that

I don't think you understand

that I'm not

what you think I am.

I have fallen for you.

Right.

My aunt was an actor, sure.

She's an odd woman, I know,

but she was desperate.

What I'm saying is

that your first week

at the manor was

my first week, too.

I'm not an actor.

Don't listen to him, Janey.

Don't call me Janey!

You were paid to kiss me.

As far as you are concerned,

lam Miss Erstwhile.

I mean, it's so embarrassing.

What, do you keep

a supply of pregnant horses

just laying

around or something?

What?

You're not a vet!

I did a biology

class at school.

Come on, you were acting, too.

Look, before you go

and make your report,

you should know, gorgeous,

that what we had was real.

No, you didn't. What we

had was real. Didn't we?

Surely you felt it seeping through

all these costumes and pretense?

He's still acting.

It's all part of his act.

See the costume?

He's an actor.

You're just jealous,

aren't you?

Because my aunt

would rather bring in

a complete novice

than move some

Kiwi actor up to the big house.

You're not British either?

It's part of the Commonwealth.

Couldn't you get

a job on The Hobbit?

That's it, Shakespeare.

No!

You guys.

Just... Don't actually,

actually strangle him.

Okay. All right, all right.

Take that, England.

Careful of my shirt!

That's my foot!

Okay, okay.

No, no, no. I'm...

Stop! No.

No! It is over.

I am done with all of this!

That felt good. I should have

done that a long time ago.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Did you hear that, England?

I am officially over it!

Southwest Airlines

flight SA435 now boarding at Gate 20.

That's my cue to exit.

Boys,

it has been a pleasure.

Thank you for

that and I'm sorry.

Look, Jane, Jane, Jane, wait, wait.

Hey, I never lied to you.

It doesn't even matter

that you weren't real.

You were perfect. Thank you.

♪ Somewhere there's a light

♪ That meets a shoreless tide

♪ But I guess I'm resigned

♪ To never seeing mine

♪ I never lied

♪ All these teenage dreams

♪ Put them all aside

♪ They hurt like kryptonite

♪ And you lost a piece of me ♪

You're back?

Hello to you, too.

I'm coming over.

All right,

I'll see you in a minute.

That was quick. Come on in.

Do you want some tea?

Love a cup, thank you.

What are you doing here?

Well...

You left this.

Thanks.

You could've mailed it.

I...

I could have.

You're right.

What was I thinking?

Wait a minute. Hey.

You know, I'm not

gonna report your aunt.

So it was a little overkill

to send you all the way here.

She didn't send me.

Mr. Nobley, or whoever

you actually are.

My name is Henry.

It's Henry Nobley.

I'm a history professor.

Oh.

That's really nice.

I used to think my aunt's

profession was somewhat grotesque,

but the truth is that I enjoyed

stepping into history.

The idea of

a simpler world where

love is straightforward

and lasting.

I believe we have

that in common.

But all of this is

secondary to the fact

that I am completely

mad about you.

All right.

Well you

may have been mad

about Miss Erstwhile, but...

You don't even know me. I...

You are Miss Erstwhile.

I saw you in the theatrical.

You were horrifying.

Wait a minute. You were

horrifying. I was...

I wasn't great.

My point exactly.

Neither one of us are

capable of pretending.

Nobley, I just

don't think this is a...

The night of the ball, you said

you wanted something real.

I'd like to

believe that I am real.

Is it possible that

someone like me

can make you happy?

Will you let me try?

No. See,

people don't do this.

I mean, this is my fantasy.

This isn't...

Have you stopped

to consider that

you might have

this all backward?

Jane...

You are my fantasy.

Tally-ho.

Tally-ho.

Welcome to Austenland.

Hello, everybody.

Enjoy yourselves.

Oh, my goodness. Hello.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

♪ If you lived in

a world of love

♪ Would you forget

who you were?

♪ Before you get taken in

by a sight of hand

♪ You've got to watch

your step In Austenland

Move, move, move!

Movey, move!

Honey, honey.

No touchy, no touchy.

Georgie.

Georgie!

Get off it.

I love you,

Captain! Georgie!

♪ "I know I feel that way too"

That's a very sexy bonnet.

Knob off.

...and we lost the whole thing because...

Just leave me alone!

This is truly my fantasy.

♪ You can bend your soul

bend your back, your heart

♪ So if you're gonna play

then you better play hard

♪ Austenland won't you come

♪ Where the sun shines

on your face?

♪ Austenland take your

dancing partner by the waist

♪ Oh, with your heart

in your hand

♪ Now you try and catch her

gaze and say "Who, me?"

♪ "I know

I feel that way too" ♪

♪ Come on, a little bit

of hot, hot

♪ And a little bit of hot, hot

♪ Just a little bit of

♪ Just a little bit of

♪ Just a little bit of

♪ I was like, good gracious,

ass is bodacious

♪ Flirtatious,

trying to show faces

♪ I'm waiting for the right

time to shoot my steez you know

♪ Waiting for the right

time to flash them ki's,

♪ I'm leaving,

please believing

♪ Me and the rest

of my heathens

♪ Check it, got it locked at

the top of the Four Seasons

♪ Penthouse, roof top,

birds I'm feeding

♪ No deceiving,

nothing up my sleeve and

♪ No teasing I need you to

♪ Get up up on the dance floor

♪ Give that man

what he asking for

♪ 'Cause I feel

like busting loose

♪ And I feel like touching you

♪ And can't nobody

stop the juice

♪ So baby tell me

what's the use?

♪ I said

It's getting hot in here

♪ So hot

♪ So take off all your clothes

♪ I am getting so hot

I wanna take my clothes off

♪ It's getting hot in here

♪ So hot

♪ So take off all your clothes

♪ I am getting so hot

I wanna take my clothes off

♪ I like it when you ♪

Ah, ah

♪ Girl, baby make it

♪ Ah, ah ♪